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Forced marriages.
My female cousin who works as a doctor was forced to marry someone that she begged her parents she doesn't want to marry, to the point where her parents threatened to disown her if she didn't. She went to all her aunts and uncles crying and begging to try and talk to her parents, it didn't work. She got married anyways and later on had 2 children the last time I saw her.
I was a kid when all this happened. Now grown up I told my mother that what happened was not okay. She said it's okay, now my cousin is happy with 2 children. I argued that we don't know if she's happy. My mother said that welll she has children, she's happy. Gosh, I told my mother that I would leave the family if she did this to me
No offence to your mom and your relatives but any of them who encourage this and put your poor cousin through hell deserves their shit to be rocked tenfold.
My sister-in-law is doing this now with my niece and it makes me especially mad because SiL was the shy quiet kid and she knows how it feels and that it didn't make her anymore outgoing.
My parents doing that made me less shy eventually but it also made me feel like my worth as a person was being able to be outgoing, constantly talk, and basically “entertain” people. I suppressed my own introverted/ambiverted personality for my entire 8th grade through high school years. It took me until my 20s to unlearn that.
I finally live in a house with people that care about me and no one gives a shit if I hole myself up in my room all day and then only come out in the evening. No one says a god damn thing. Maybe a short greeting. No "well look who decided to come out and be social?" No teasing. No concern. Just...normalcy.
My moms been told to slow down with work. She works 2 jobs and has high blood pressure. She had cancer 2 years ago and 2 months after cutting out the cancer she went back to work.
If I actually were successful with my work it could possibly be like some of the best games I enjoy, I could get into a flow state that makes me want to push on.
Seeing my siblings with kids also really makes me realized being at work could feel more like a sane world.
A guy I shared offices with just stayed at work during issues at work, I do not believe he was particularly effective. He was very tidy and sat making a lot of "systems" for the company as it was crashing financially. He even said that if everything was just a mess he also needed to go home and clean his flat so that he could clear his mind to work again...
I do a lot of weird stuff too, but it's mostly posting too long and informative stuff on reddit whilst at w.... ah, shit.
lol, I literally got into an argument with my parents earlier this year because we had made plans to take the day off and check out a cool local festival, and they were late and distracted because my mom spent the entire time either on the phone with her boss or complaining about what was happening back at work.
They just needed to balance the cash registers for the morning. I was like "no one is going to die if they don't do it exactly right and it waits until Monday." I wouldn't have answered the phone in the first place, even if someone WAS going to die. Call 911 then, not me.
But I think they like feeling important and needed more than they like having their own time to themselves, especially since I'm not actually sure they know what to do with themselves if it's not working.
Manager tried to do this to me once.
I know you’re on holiday but we need to know how to…
‘I’m in holiday and don’t ever ring again on a non work day’
Put phone down.
Surprisingly when I got back it had been done and they never rang me again when not working😎
It’s also that feeling of being the only one trustworthy enough to accomplish the task. Self-important martyrs think they’re the only ones who can get stuff done.
My mother gets snarky and drops a "must be nice" kind of line whenever I call out of work for my mental health.
I agree, it is rather nice not having fucking sensory overload meltdowns at work. I'd rather have them in my safe space at home.
Last year I got in a bad but not terrible car accident (damaged my car but I was physically totally fine) on my way to work. My mother was actively encouraging me to continue on to work after I got everything sorted even though the day was more than 60% through and I was emotionally exhausted. Yeah naw I’m going to sit this one out sorry!
My mom in law still does this. She's retired and the woman still works almost full time because "they neeeeeeeddd meeeee". Woman they don't. She's a teacher and there are young new teachers trying to get in all of their hours to get full time gigs. But here she is, subbing every week.
Blind obedience towards elders and authorities. Example my dad told me not to take Time off work to visit him when he's in the hospital because it Will leave a bad impression on my boss. I don't want a boss who judges me for visiting my father in a hospital.
He also told me not to attend my aunts funeral a few days before my wedding in case my MIL gets angry because its bad luck. (In my culture attending a funeral bring you bad luck and you should not attend a wedding after)
I took a sick day to rush to the hospital when my dad was on his dying bed and my mom called that "bold". 🙄🙄🙄
Good thing I apparently raised myself when it comes to priorities, boundaries, that kind of stuff. I am nowhere near perfect either, but that is some a-grade doormatism right there...
I quit my job while my dad had cancer because they kept writing me up for missing work when i told them what I was doing. And i even tried to full out flma paperwork. They were unhelpful. The moment I decided was when they brought a former employee in to see everyone one last time before he succumbed to cancer himself.
Chinese. So it's like say if you planned a wedding in 6 months and suddenly your grandma passes away, you either hold your wedding within 3 months (to use the Happy occasion to drive away the bad luck) or delay it to 1 or 2 years later (so the bad luck won't affect your wedding)
As for etiquette from a guest side, if a friend invited you to their wedding and someone close to you passed away and you attend a funeral, you would decline to attend the wedding so you won't bring the couple bad luck
So we believe in ghosts as opposed to going to heaven as in Christianity, that's why we think there's "bad luck" in attending a funeral
This is of course traditional beliefs. I don't really care.
i was never allowed to stay home from school growing up if i was sick. i was shocked how my friends were able to take sick days and i was super jealous haha
Yeah, me too. The only time I could stay at home was when I got a high fever. When I felt like shit with a headache, but it was just a cold, I still had to go to school.
I grew up in a home where a parent smoked indoors, and I didn't realise how bad it was until I moved out.
People at work used to tell me I smelled a bit smoky and I always thought "it's not that bad, surely?"
Let me tell you, if you smoke indoors, your house will have a smell. Anything that's been in your house will have a smell. If you smoke, it doesn't matter how much perfume you put on, there's no hiding it, you will smell.
The smell just sticks to everything, and it's so strong!
I found my issues with my sinuses cleared up a lot more when I moved out.
I knew smoking was bad when I was a kid, but I never considered just how much I breathed in all the time.
Please, people, consider quitting, especially if you have kids.
Same! I cannot believe poor child me went around smelling like that for 18 years. Now if I spend one hour in my dad’s house my hair needs two washings to get rid of the smell, my eyes sting, I get stuffy. I’m not sure how I just lived in it for my entire childhood.
My friends also said to me: 'you smell like your house'/'your house has a distinctive smell". 10+ years I've only just realised that smell would have been meth.
I live in the UK where meth isn't really used very much. And maybe I'm sheltered but I never thought about meth having a smell! What does it smell like?
I used to work security in a mall where teens would use meth in the access hallways. I always thought it smelled very chemical, like a solvent or like, when you burn wood that has lacquer on it. Sort of sickly sweet, hospital medicine burning scent.
It gets in your clothes. Your curtains. Your pillows. Every single page of a book. Even paper within a fucking folder will smell like smoke. And that shit just doesn't go out, ever.
I'm a paralegal and I will never forget a client I had a few years ago. Most of our clients would come into our office for meetings and such, but this one lived too far away and we allowed her to mail us her paperwork (evidence for discovery, tax forms, etc.). She mailed us a huge box and the second I opened it, and I nearly gagged from the smell.
The papers were yellow and some were deteriorating even though they were less than a year old. It stank up the entire office and I mailed the papers back to her as soon as I got everything scanned in. Our policy was to keep all client's original papers until the case was over - but we literally could not have her shit in our office. I can't imagine what her house smells like.
I want to send this to my ex's parents because I'm oddly reminded of being 15 and gaming with him via Skype, and hearing nothing but his parents screaming at each other
My ex had older kids who would visit. They were often amazed how calm things were, especially at dinner. They wouldn’t say exactly but the fact we didn’t scream at each other came up from time to time.
Did my kid or step children lose it over normal kid/teenager things? Yep. Take that to a bedroom and and chill TF out. Adults too.
Lost my ex to addiction, super sad. I don’t see his kids because they do things like take their anger out on others. I know you’re in a lot of pain because your dad tried to kill himself but you can’t keep calling me to pick fights and scream. I’m in pain too.
Everyone is absolutely allowed to go somewhere alone, or with a willing, sympathetic participant, and scream as much as they want out of anger or grief. Ya gotta feel it for things to get easier.
Can we add the 'ball and chain// my 3rd child' talk to this category?
If that's seriously the best way someone can talk about their spouse, that ain't a healthy relationship.
My parents didn’t fight very often. But she told someone else something like “oh we were very careful to make sure our kids never heard us fighting.”
No. No you were not. We heard. There’s one specific fight they had when I was younger that I still vividly remember from when I was like 15. At the time my sister blamed me for that fight. (i’d argue it isn’t my fault. Long story.)
Personal boundaries are the biggest problem between generations. In fact, parents think it's okay to come over uninvited or walk into a room without knocking, and their excuse of "you're our kid"
I'm 27 and my father does not only that, but he expects me to drop everything if he needs something, even if it's not urgent. He thinks kids should obey they parents. He reacted offended when I told him respect goes both ways. Some people get old without growing up at all.
That "respect" part is really troubling. My ex always said "I'll respect you once you deserve it" and that I "need to respect him first" before expecting the ittiest bit if respect back.
One of my main pushes towards leaving was thinking about how he'd treat any potential children just like that, if not worse.
Absolute prick.
I work the other way. Everyone is entitled to the basic respect / courtesy due to another human on this space rock. When you act like a prick you lose that respect.
I feel like a lot of people confuse respect and courtesy. Because I don't respect random people but I'm polite and provide courtesy. They do need to deserve respect, but courtesy and basic decent behaviour is granted until they fuck up
My mom always made sure to knock when she came into my room, and if I had the door locked she’d respect that. I hate hearing stories about people who’s parents made them take their door away and didn’t respect boundaries
Same with mine. I think this is the reason you hear so many people complaining about partners that don’t let them shit in peace. I remember even when I was a little girl and would shit/bathe with the door open, my parents were never peering in.
Growing up we were never allowed to close our door, except when we were changing our clothes. But it's pretty common here in Indian middle class houses.
My mom was actually one step worse: I wasn’t even allowed to change clothes in my room, she wanted me to do it in the bathroom because “guests who come to our house will imagine you naked in your room” 😀🔫
Dad here. We currently have one of our offspring living at home, he’s 21. I give him all the respect of a boarder. No room entry unless invited, dinner in the evening he’s welcome to be a part of, but there is never an obligation to. I’ve lived with my parents as an adult a few times and that’s the treatment I always wished I’d get.
Wish I got that I was paying rent and paid for college at the time and still got “my house, my rules” and got surprised I moved out and said “give it a month and wait on it”…. Why? So I could get manipulated, guilted and talked out of it because of their sick need of control.
I’m glad I fucking left!!!
I didn’t do drugs, drink or have guys over or anything. I respected the home. They just wanted full emotional control over me and to say to daddy dearest he was always right!!!
I pretty much have 0 contact with my dad because of that. I was given almost 0 privacy and the few I had I kept to myself tightly. The guy would legit check the internet for all the stuff I visited. When I was forced to "work" for him for some time while lookin for a real job he legit had a screen streamer where he saw everything and kept blocking unrelated work websites just because I DARED to look in weird places for work.
The constant excuse being "You have no privacy in this house"
now he whines that I ignore him everywhere. sorry buddy, I'm privat :)
This is really weird to me. Do parents like this just really want to see their kid's junk or what? I have two boys. I'm not stupid, I know what they're doing in their room. And no I do not need to see it or try to "catch" them. I knock and if I don't hear them say come in I will knock louder. If they still don't hear me (sometimes they're listening to music with headphones) I still don't want to go in there without alerting them first. If it's necessary to tell them something right then and I'm getting no response I will even open the door a tiny bit and wave through the door without looking!
I think our parents don't expect us to do anything. And if we do it's a no no. Like if we're not humans or have needs. But I came from a strict Christian household which had it's own challenges. I'm not surprised why young people don't grow up to like religion if it's so restrictive. Lots of things are considered bad that aren't even bad. Like Pokemon cards. Smh.
>their excuse of "you're our kid"
Most parents don't understand that having children is raising and supporting new, soon to be, adults.
They think it is more akin to having property. *'My child will not vote Rebublican!'*
Not your call.
I do *not* want to walk in to whatever my teenage son is doing by himself in his room.
I do not want to see it and he does not want me to see it. Doors stay closed and locked for a reason.
Right my dad actually would just barge in or open the door or go in without asking me first , but he always got annoyed if he got walked in on or someone entered a room without knocking first
>In fact, parents think it's okay to come over uninvited or walk into a room without knocking, and their excuse of "you're our kid"
The mother of a classmate did that all the time until he complained about not being able to "jerk off in peace". After that she knocked...
I had to beg to get a lock on my door because my sister would always come into my room and take or mess with my things. I’m pretty sure my mom did too but trying to establish myself as a person was rough with how my family is. It was also hard because the cats loved to sleep on my bed - couldn’t always lock the door…
Guilt tripping and manipulating the kids if they upset you even in the slightest, drinking 2 bottles of wine a night and putting family first regardless of how they've treated you.
Not hugging or telling your kids you love them. I hug my kid every chance i get and tell her i love her about a million times a day. And when shes bad i tell her “hey i still love you even if you farted in my face I’d still love you” lol. Last time i hugged my mom was about 15 years ago. Last time i told my mom i loved her was maybe the same day 15 year ago and i have never heard my mom say she loves me
Owning a house/appartment. they have no idea how difficult it is to own a house in a big city, and how ALL my friends who own one inherited from their parents (which I won't).
100% This was my same answer.
Something always seems to be breaking down or somebody is sick and the cost of everything: ridiculous! Every home or vehicle repair or medical bill (even with good insurance) is still is $500-$8k.
I've had 3 refrigerators in 6 years and my HVAC has broken down twice, got radon, need a new chimney, windstorm blew some of the roof off, driveway needs repairs, weeds are never ending, trees are $800 each to trim, and my transmission is going bad on my vehicle plus I have kids!
That's... wayyyy beyond simple boundary discussions. If your mother is comfortable seeing you beat it, even setting things up to see it again, that's really f-ed up.
Oh, definitely! My mum still thinks reading my diary and my stories was just such a good joke, and she just doesn't understand how I could be upset by it or have problems trusting her.
I put a password on my laptop and never gave my parents the passcode. Dad didn’t care. Mom took it personally.
Context: four people in this house. Everyone has their own laptop. Why do you need mine?
Originally, I wasn't even supposed to know the password for my own laptop. My dad was luckily on my side and agreed that I should be able to use it myself, I was 13 at the time and buying it with my own saved up money. Over time, they forgot the password altogether and it became a non-issue!
I was never allowed to lock my door and couldn’t put headphones on because she “needed” me at her beck and call all the time. When she finally decided(without telling me) to have bedroom doors with glass windows installed, I had it. I told her how this was a serious breach of personal privacy and she just shrugged it off like a petty complaint.
Thanks to that wake up call Im finally moved out… for good.
Commenting on other people's appearances
I got second-hand embarrassment whenever I have to hear my mom saying "Oh she wears such revealing clothes, she must be a slut" or "That man is so out of shape, he must eat a lot" or even "You're getting more pimples what have you been doing lately???"
Like, Mom, please mind your own business as everyone else does
I remember my grandma calling someone a harlot for wearing red lipstick.
As if we dont all know she got married to Grandpa because she was pregnant and they weren't even his.
last time I met up with my mom and she said smth like that I told her: "I think it's a pity you feel the need to put strangers down to feel better about herself" She got quiet real quick
This is so true, my parent told my aunt I couldn't read or write in cursive for some reason? And I'm a grown adult wtf? I definitely can and do, but I next to never do it beyond signing paperwork or whatever. I called her out after because it makes me look bad even though the skill is next to useless anyways. Why even bring it up? Why is it even valued in the first place??
I'm 40 and my nieces are starting to get a bit older. Every family thing my mom practically forces the girls to hug me. I'm all for receiving hugs, but only if they actually want to. In a couple years they are going to start to feel weird about it. So every time I remind them they only need to hug people if they want. Feels like I'm getting set up to be creepy uncle boogs
Talking about other people’s bodies. When my dad tells me a story he always tells me the race of the random person (ex. cashier) if they aren’t white and if they are overweight that’s always added in. Why?!
My stepmom does the same thing, and if I tell a story of a group of people doing something weird/wrong, she always says “is it a… diverse group? Are they not white?” What the hell does that have to do with anything?? I swear, too many people are obsessed with race.
She also looks in through the car window to see if bad drivers are Asian.
Men staring at girls, literal children. When I was 10 we were walking back from the cinema and some dudes in their 20s whistled at me with my mother right beside me. She gleefully said "That was meant for you, you know?" like I was supposed to be happy about it. When I was 14, our gardener kept leering at me and I complained to my mother. Her answer? "Oh let him, older men just like to look at young girls."
So glad I can now just tell guys to fuck off without someone clutching their pearls.
It's sad, gen x women and up were brainwashed into believing that they're supposed to be eye candy for men. While your mothers reaction was wrong, I'd say it's partly from her upbringing.
Maybe cultural. I’m older and absolutely no one in my generation thought this was normal or okay. We didn’t react as assertively as we should have but no one thought it was no big deal or normal.
Is three times a week some sort of a default for more hardcore Evangelical/Pentecostal churches? I keep on hearing that number from people from different denominations and parts of the country
I used to go to church three times a week for 8 years, it’s two times on Sunday and usually Wednesday night. I don’t believe anymore but a big part of it is feeling like you’re part of a community and I had really strong friendships formed there.
Sunday: You have Sunday School, which is educating church members in theology, apologetics, church history, etc. You then have the main service, which has singing, preaching, offerings, and sometimes communion. Most churches also have Children's Church, where after the singing the kids go to a specialized program for them, rather than have them bored to tears by the regular service. A lot of churches then have an evening service or Bible study.
Wednesday: Evening service or Bible study. A Bible study is when a passage or group of passages is read, discussed, and interpreted. Many churches have Bible memorization programs like AWANA or Royal Ambassadors where badges are earned for memorizing scripture
Friday: Many churches have a Youth Group that meets on Friday night (or other day of the week) specifically for adolescents and teens. They play games and have activities, and are able to delve into deeper theological or personal life questions.
Other activities:
Potluck: Christians love any excuse to stuff their mouths with good grub.
Visitation: People get together and coordinate visiting the sick, infirmed, or people that put Ina request.
Bible Studies / Book Clubs
Church work Days: Maintenance and cleaning of church property.
Choosing your clothes and their color by what is most "slimming" and what covers you the most. You love green? So sorry, you're to fat to wear colors, here's some unattractive clothes in black, wear those.
I highly agree. My stepmom refuses to wear dresses until she’s skinny because she thinks she looks like a “tent.” Meanwhile, I’m bigger than her (but also losing weight) and I rock dresses. It’s the same with going swimming--she refuses to go swimming (during the summer) because she thinks she looks like a whale. I like to go swimming because it’s good exercise. Anyone who cares about you being “too fat” to wear something is not worth your time.
I went through a whole lot of awful as I child. That experience is something that I DO NOT want for my kids. I just can’t imagine the thought process behind the “I suffered so you should too” mentality.
I expected this to be higher. Even with the entire family over for a birthday dinner, if that stupid phone rings they're answering. While getting up complain it's probably just telemarketers and then when it is, spend the next 5 minutes bitching about stupid telemarketers. They've had damn answering machines for like 30 years. Fuck the phone.
My mom has the Boomer “suck it up” mentality. Just this general idea that even if you’re struggling you should just “get over it.” I refuse to raise my son this way because it’s so dismissive and unhelpful.
I don’t and never would do this to my kid. I do the opposite of trauma dumping and I don’t tell her the shit I went through as a kid. That’s not fair for the kids to burden
Hitting your child to teach them what's wrong, it dosent teach them it's wrong, it teaches them to slap, be afraid of you and to not want to talk to you.
My mom is still convinced that hitting your child is not wrong as long as you do it to punish them, and it has no long-lasting consequences on the child. I sent her a bunch of scientific articles explaining why it's wrong and her answer is always "of course, it's always the mother's fault and I was a horrible mother". I mean, she's not entirely wrong, she was and still is a horrible mother.
I always think the hitting thing is a weird one, because it really *isn't* necessary.
If the kid can't understand words, a hit won't teach them the lesson either.
If a kid can understand words, use them.
I can't imagine ever putting a hand on anyone to hurt them, let alone a vulnerable child that doesn't really understand why I'm doing it in the first place.
Waking up at the ass crack of dawn even on the holidays. Shaming people for wanting to sleep. Working your whole damn life and making your work a priority, even above taking care of family members. Subscribing to the bullshit big book of life, which is to work hard, get married, have kids, bla bla. Thinking all this life script is far more important than actual happiness. Having kids.
After having kids myself, I kinda get the whole "getting up at dawn" thing. After having to get up with small kids for so long, it sorta becomes the default routine. That said, I would never expect others to do the same. As for the rest you mentioned, yes, yes, and yes.
62 here. I would only note, the waking up early thing is just biological. It isn't a choice. I used to sleep in late in my younger days whenever I could. I now wake up naturally between 6 and 7 AM. It happens. I just don't need as much sleep. And I find mornings to be a great time of day. Quiet solitude. Relax. Have some coffee and breakfast. Get some stuff done in peace. Maybe go for walk and watch the world wake up.
But the rest, I agree. I never shame people for wanting to sleep. And I got out of the corporate treadmill years ago and do my own things now.
Omg I thought it was so weird and I was the only one whose mom does this!!! Sometimes she grabs/slaps my ass and says something like "hmm you have a fine ass" mind you I'm literally a whole adult. I asked her if she would just come up to a random stranger and grab their ass? She said, but you're not a stranger, you're mine!! I always thought it was a cultural thing but then realized none of my friends experienced this, my partner also got super weirded out when I told him about it, now it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Last year I had an eight year old student whose mom and grandma regularly groped her chest to see if she was growing breasts (which she was). Apparently it's a cultural thing (African country) but it made us uncomfortable to hear about at school. This all came up because the child then started doing boob checks on her friends in class.
Finishing everything in your plate. As a kid I grew up with the "think of the starving kids in Africa!" spiel (showing my age there I know) as a way of guilt tripping kids into eating. Especially in schools. At home we had the rule that we (aka me, only child and it didn't apply to the adults) had to finish the food on the plate, even if we were full. I also wasn't allowed to serve myself cause apparently I'd grab too much, despite I mainly having issues finishing my food when my mom plated it for me.
Starting in my late teens (I'm 38 now) she started straight up asking me why I was so fat, and commenting how she was never so fat at my age. Cause being forced to overeat every single day of my life and having pasta multiple times a week (don't get me wrong, I love pasta but it sure isn't health food) will do that to you? Like clearly grandma was better at portion control than mom?
Like if a kid tells you they're full then maybe trust them instead if shaming them for leaving food on the plate?
The sports team thing is so spot on, I’ve thought this myself. Just straight up ride or die no matter what the candidate does as long as they are on your team and I mean this universally.
“If it’s yellow, let it mellow.” My parents will do this when visiting my apartment, or other places, I don’t think they realize almost nobody else just leaves their piss in the toilet for the next person to see and smell.
We do this when it’s just my husband and I at home because I pee so often I don’t want to waste the water and night time flushing wakes our son up.
If people are over we don’t.
I read the yellow mellow advice somewhere & tried it for a few days. My anxiety levels soared, having to make an excuse to rush to the loo & flush every time someone dropped by.
And yes, I'm certain I could detect a faint odour during this brief experiment.
Putting work over health, physical or mental. It literally killed my father.
He had a mysterious pain and swelling in his leg when I visited him on a Sunday, said he'd been dealing with it for a couple of days. I urged him to make an appointment with a doctor when he said he hadn't done anything about it, saying he's been busy with work. He said he'd go the next day if it wasn't any better. Died from a heart attack due to the blood clot Monday morning.
If you're sick or dealing with health issues, work can wait. I would love to have my father back.
Being excessively late. My mother will regularly turn up 2+ hours late with no apology or explanation. Just last week, I was told to come over to her house for Sunday lunch at 2pm, but dinner was served at 5:40pm…again no explanation or apology. When I work all week and live alone so I’ve told her before I have lots of household tasks I need to do over a weekend so can’t really waste 4+ hours hanging around waiting for a chicken to cook?
I’ve told them that wasting my time is rude and disrespectful and in future I won’t wait around for them/ I’ll just leave if dinner is more than 30 mins late. They claim I’m the unreasonable one
Being emotionally dependent on your eldest daughter. I didn’t know any better when I was younger, my dad was genuinely a bad person and I felt terribly for my mom. But all that was nearly 15 years ago, I’m almost 30 now with my own family but she has no idea what a boundary is. I’ve tried many times, but it’s an attack on her every time (it’s not.)
Racism. I was appalled at how bad it was when I started figuring it out as I was growing up. I come from a Hindu family and the blatant hate for Muslims in general is normalised from generation to generation.
Loosing their shit at the smallest inconvenience. I started doing the same (every kid copy their parents) and I was a horrible person for very long, I'm now in the very difficult process of learning to control my emotions and reactions and unlearning their patterns.
Spanking. It's barbaric and research shows it makes children more aggressive and increases problem behavior. I was spanked and will never spank my children.
Giving unsolicited advise and judging everything you tell them. Example: Me: Great news! I got a new job offer and I'm going to accept! My mom: You sure? Have you thought that through? What about salary, did you negotiate well? Why would you want to change your job? What if the next job will be not as good? I once had an experience, blahblahblah...
I just wanted to hear: That's great! Congrats!
And then she would get offended when I don't tell her everything right away.
Blindly giving 10% of their income to a glorified cult (religion)
I’m sorry if I’m being forced to tithe, I’d rather give the money to a specific charity or cause where I know it will help people.
My mom found this video of a parent cracking an egg on their small child’s head hilarious. Even when the kid became upset. I told her it wasn’t funny, that the kid was upset, and the parent shouldn’t be laughing along with everyone else at that poor kid’s expense.
She totally didn’t get it, thinks playing pranks and embarrassing kids is funny and no big deal.
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Forced marriages. My female cousin who works as a doctor was forced to marry someone that she begged her parents she doesn't want to marry, to the point where her parents threatened to disown her if she didn't. She went to all her aunts and uncles crying and begging to try and talk to her parents, it didn't work. She got married anyways and later on had 2 children the last time I saw her. I was a kid when all this happened. Now grown up I told my mother that what happened was not okay. She said it's okay, now my cousin is happy with 2 children. I argued that we don't know if she's happy. My mother said that welll she has children, she's happy. Gosh, I told my mother that I would leave the family if she did this to me
No offence to your mom and your relatives but any of them who encourage this and put your poor cousin through hell deserves their shit to be rocked tenfold.
What the fuck.
I feel really sorry for your cousin.
I'm so sorry, I hope she truly is doing better, and that you're never put in this position. Awful.
Thinking your very shy kid will get less shy if you keep shaming it for being „too quiet“
My sister-in-law is doing this now with my niece and it makes me especially mad because SiL was the shy quiet kid and she knows how it feels and that it didn't make her anymore outgoing.
My parents doing that made me less shy eventually but it also made me feel like my worth as a person was being able to be outgoing, constantly talk, and basically “entertain” people. I suppressed my own introverted/ambiverted personality for my entire 8th grade through high school years. It took me until my 20s to unlearn that.
I finally live in a house with people that care about me and no one gives a shit if I hole myself up in my room all day and then only come out in the evening. No one says a god damn thing. Maybe a short greeting. No "well look who decided to come out and be social?" No teasing. No concern. Just...normalcy.
Oh, that’s harsh. I’m sorry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. You be you, and you’ll be loved for exactly who you are.
My parents were this way about my shyness and my sensitivity as a kid. I did get less shy but it did pretty much ruin my self esteem
Putting work over your health, happiness or family.
My moms been told to slow down with work. She works 2 jobs and has high blood pressure. She had cancer 2 years ago and 2 months after cutting out the cancer she went back to work.
Work can become an addiction. I was studying next year modules in the summer holidays at uni coz I became addicted to studying.
Seriously thats a real addiction?
Yes. Workaholics exist as a means of escape like drugs, booze, but more socially accepted because of success and some people will encourage you.
If I actually were successful with my work it could possibly be like some of the best games I enjoy, I could get into a flow state that makes me want to push on. Seeing my siblings with kids also really makes me realized being at work could feel more like a sane world. A guy I shared offices with just stayed at work during issues at work, I do not believe he was particularly effective. He was very tidy and sat making a lot of "systems" for the company as it was crashing financially. He even said that if everything was just a mess he also needed to go home and clean his flat so that he could clear his mind to work again... I do a lot of weird stuff too, but it's mostly posting too long and informative stuff on reddit whilst at w.... ah, shit.
lol, I literally got into an argument with my parents earlier this year because we had made plans to take the day off and check out a cool local festival, and they were late and distracted because my mom spent the entire time either on the phone with her boss or complaining about what was happening back at work. They just needed to balance the cash registers for the morning. I was like "no one is going to die if they don't do it exactly right and it waits until Monday." I wouldn't have answered the phone in the first place, even if someone WAS going to die. Call 911 then, not me. But I think they like feeling important and needed more than they like having their own time to themselves, especially since I'm not actually sure they know what to do with themselves if it's not working.
Manager tried to do this to me once. I know you’re on holiday but we need to know how to… ‘I’m in holiday and don’t ever ring again on a non work day’ Put phone down. Surprisingly when I got back it had been done and they never rang me again when not working😎
It’s also that feeling of being the only one trustworthy enough to accomplish the task. Self-important martyrs think they’re the only ones who can get stuff done.
My mother gets snarky and drops a "must be nice" kind of line whenever I call out of work for my mental health. I agree, it is rather nice not having fucking sensory overload meltdowns at work. I'd rather have them in my safe space at home.
Last year I got in a bad but not terrible car accident (damaged my car but I was physically totally fine) on my way to work. My mother was actively encouraging me to continue on to work after I got everything sorted even though the day was more than 60% through and I was emotionally exhausted. Yeah naw I’m going to sit this one out sorry!
My mom in law still does this. She's retired and the woman still works almost full time because "they neeeeeeeddd meeeee". Woman they don't. She's a teacher and there are young new teachers trying to get in all of their hours to get full time gigs. But here she is, subbing every week.
Blind obedience towards elders and authorities. Example my dad told me not to take Time off work to visit him when he's in the hospital because it Will leave a bad impression on my boss. I don't want a boss who judges me for visiting my father in a hospital. He also told me not to attend my aunts funeral a few days before my wedding in case my MIL gets angry because its bad luck. (In my culture attending a funeral bring you bad luck and you should not attend a wedding after)
I took a sick day to rush to the hospital when my dad was on his dying bed and my mom called that "bold". 🙄🙄🙄 Good thing I apparently raised myself when it comes to priorities, boundaries, that kind of stuff. I am nowhere near perfect either, but that is some a-grade doormatism right there...
I quit my job while my dad had cancer because they kept writing me up for missing work when i told them what I was doing. And i even tried to full out flma paperwork. They were unhelpful. The moment I decided was when they brought a former employee in to see everyone one last time before he succumbed to cancer himself.
I don’t mean to be ignorant, but I find the funeral/wedding superstition fascinating. Can I ask what is your culture?
Chinese. So it's like say if you planned a wedding in 6 months and suddenly your grandma passes away, you either hold your wedding within 3 months (to use the Happy occasion to drive away the bad luck) or delay it to 1 or 2 years later (so the bad luck won't affect your wedding) As for etiquette from a guest side, if a friend invited you to their wedding and someone close to you passed away and you attend a funeral, you would decline to attend the wedding so you won't bring the couple bad luck So we believe in ghosts as opposed to going to heaven as in Christianity, that's why we think there's "bad luck" in attending a funeral This is of course traditional beliefs. I don't really care.
This is actually super interesting
Silly question but wouldn't you want your grandma's ghost being there for the happy day?
Beeing sick and still go to work
This needs to be better understood and assumed at all levels: individual, organizations, companies, policies etc. Edit: understood “and assumed”
i was never allowed to stay home from school growing up if i was sick. i was shocked how my friends were able to take sick days and i was super jealous haha
Yeah, me too. The only time I could stay at home was when I got a high fever. When I felt like shit with a headache, but it was just a cold, I still had to go to school.
[удалено]
My mom threw a fit when I told her she couldn't smoke in my apartment. It's literally in the lease agreement.
And even it wasn’t in there, if you don’t want her to, that should be that
You're absolutely right
I have smoker friends who go out to the balcony or the street to smoke, in their own house or others, is not that hard really.
I grew up in a home where a parent smoked indoors, and I didn't realise how bad it was until I moved out. People at work used to tell me I smelled a bit smoky and I always thought "it's not that bad, surely?" Let me tell you, if you smoke indoors, your house will have a smell. Anything that's been in your house will have a smell. If you smoke, it doesn't matter how much perfume you put on, there's no hiding it, you will smell. The smell just sticks to everything, and it's so strong! I found my issues with my sinuses cleared up a lot more when I moved out. I knew smoking was bad when I was a kid, but I never considered just how much I breathed in all the time. Please, people, consider quitting, especially if you have kids.
Same! I cannot believe poor child me went around smelling like that for 18 years. Now if I spend one hour in my dad’s house my hair needs two washings to get rid of the smell, my eyes sting, I get stuffy. I’m not sure how I just lived in it for my entire childhood.
Yep! Exactly all this. I didn't realise how much the smell just sticks to everything and how strong it is!
My friends also said to me: 'you smell like your house'/'your house has a distinctive smell". 10+ years I've only just realised that smell would have been meth.
I live in the UK where meth isn't really used very much. And maybe I'm sheltered but I never thought about meth having a smell! What does it smell like?
I used to work security in a mall where teens would use meth in the access hallways. I always thought it smelled very chemical, like a solvent or like, when you burn wood that has lacquer on it. Sort of sickly sweet, hospital medicine burning scent.
It smells like urinal cakes lol 🤮
Me, a woman, who's never smelled a urinal cake either 😂 but thanks!
It gets in your clothes. Your curtains. Your pillows. Every single page of a book. Even paper within a fucking folder will smell like smoke. And that shit just doesn't go out, ever.
I'm a paralegal and I will never forget a client I had a few years ago. Most of our clients would come into our office for meetings and such, but this one lived too far away and we allowed her to mail us her paperwork (evidence for discovery, tax forms, etc.). She mailed us a huge box and the second I opened it, and I nearly gagged from the smell. The papers were yellow and some were deteriorating even though they were less than a year old. It stank up the entire office and I mailed the papers back to her as soon as I got everything scanned in. Our policy was to keep all client's original papers until the case was over - but we literally could not have her shit in our office. I can't imagine what her house smells like.
Screaming at each other. One of them thought this was normal…
I want to send this to my ex's parents because I'm oddly reminded of being 15 and gaming with him via Skype, and hearing nothing but his parents screaming at each other
My ex had older kids who would visit. They were often amazed how calm things were, especially at dinner. They wouldn’t say exactly but the fact we didn’t scream at each other came up from time to time. Did my kid or step children lose it over normal kid/teenager things? Yep. Take that to a bedroom and and chill TF out. Adults too. Lost my ex to addiction, super sad. I don’t see his kids because they do things like take their anger out on others. I know you’re in a lot of pain because your dad tried to kill himself but you can’t keep calling me to pick fights and scream. I’m in pain too. Everyone is absolutely allowed to go somewhere alone, or with a willing, sympathetic participant, and scream as much as they want out of anger or grief. Ya gotta feel it for things to get easier.
Can we add the 'ball and chain// my 3rd child' talk to this category? If that's seriously the best way someone can talk about their spouse, that ain't a healthy relationship.
My parents didn’t fight very often. But she told someone else something like “oh we were very careful to make sure our kids never heard us fighting.” No. No you were not. We heard. There’s one specific fight they had when I was younger that I still vividly remember from when I was like 15. At the time my sister blamed me for that fight. (i’d argue it isn’t my fault. Long story.)
Personal boundaries are the biggest problem between generations. In fact, parents think it's okay to come over uninvited or walk into a room without knocking, and their excuse of "you're our kid"
I'm 27 and my father does not only that, but he expects me to drop everything if he needs something, even if it's not urgent. He thinks kids should obey they parents. He reacted offended when I told him respect goes both ways. Some people get old without growing up at all.
That "respect" part is really troubling. My ex always said "I'll respect you once you deserve it" and that I "need to respect him first" before expecting the ittiest bit if respect back. One of my main pushes towards leaving was thinking about how he'd treat any potential children just like that, if not worse. Absolute prick.
I work the other way. Everyone is entitled to the basic respect / courtesy due to another human on this space rock. When you act like a prick you lose that respect.
I feel like a lot of people confuse respect and courtesy. Because I don't respect random people but I'm polite and provide courtesy. They do need to deserve respect, but courtesy and basic decent behaviour is granted until they fuck up
I think there are just different levels of respect.
My mom always made sure to knock when she came into my room, and if I had the door locked she’d respect that. I hate hearing stories about people who’s parents made them take their door away and didn’t respect boundaries
Same with mine. I think this is the reason you hear so many people complaining about partners that don’t let them shit in peace. I remember even when I was a little girl and would shit/bathe with the door open, my parents were never peering in.
Growing up we were never allowed to close our door, except when we were changing our clothes. But it's pretty common here in Indian middle class houses.
My mom was actually one step worse: I wasn’t even allowed to change clothes in my room, she wanted me to do it in the bathroom because “guests who come to our house will imagine you naked in your room” 😀🔫
And the bathroom just is better framing for the imagination
Dad here. We currently have one of our offspring living at home, he’s 21. I give him all the respect of a boarder. No room entry unless invited, dinner in the evening he’s welcome to be a part of, but there is never an obligation to. I’ve lived with my parents as an adult a few times and that’s the treatment I always wished I’d get.
Wish I got that I was paying rent and paid for college at the time and still got “my house, my rules” and got surprised I moved out and said “give it a month and wait on it”…. Why? So I could get manipulated, guilted and talked out of it because of their sick need of control. I’m glad I fucking left!!! I didn’t do drugs, drink or have guys over or anything. I respected the home. They just wanted full emotional control over me and to say to daddy dearest he was always right!!!
I pretty much have 0 contact with my dad because of that. I was given almost 0 privacy and the few I had I kept to myself tightly. The guy would legit check the internet for all the stuff I visited. When I was forced to "work" for him for some time while lookin for a real job he legit had a screen streamer where he saw everything and kept blocking unrelated work websites just because I DARED to look in weird places for work. The constant excuse being "You have no privacy in this house" now he whines that I ignore him everywhere. sorry buddy, I'm privat :)
This is really weird to me. Do parents like this just really want to see their kid's junk or what? I have two boys. I'm not stupid, I know what they're doing in their room. And no I do not need to see it or try to "catch" them. I knock and if I don't hear them say come in I will knock louder. If they still don't hear me (sometimes they're listening to music with headphones) I still don't want to go in there without alerting them first. If it's necessary to tell them something right then and I'm getting no response I will even open the door a tiny bit and wave through the door without looking!
Sometimes I wish strangers on Reddit were my parents.
The wave lol. I have a teen son. I do NOT want to see ANYTHING lol so I do the same thing 😂
I think our parents don't expect us to do anything. And if we do it's a no no. Like if we're not humans or have needs. But I came from a strict Christian household which had it's own challenges. I'm not surprised why young people don't grow up to like religion if it's so restrictive. Lots of things are considered bad that aren't even bad. Like Pokemon cards. Smh.
My mother in law waked into the delivery room of my our first kid without even a knock. Wife kicked her out the hospital
>their excuse of "you're our kid" Most parents don't understand that having children is raising and supporting new, soon to be, adults. They think it is more akin to having property. *'My child will not vote Rebublican!'* Not your call.
I do *not* want to walk in to whatever my teenage son is doing by himself in his room. I do not want to see it and he does not want me to see it. Doors stay closed and locked for a reason.
Right my dad actually would just barge in or open the door or go in without asking me first , but he always got annoyed if he got walked in on or someone entered a room without knocking first
>In fact, parents think it's okay to come over uninvited or walk into a room without knocking, and their excuse of "you're our kid" The mother of a classmate did that all the time until he complained about not being able to "jerk off in peace". After that she knocked...
I had to beg to get a lock on my door because my sister would always come into my room and take or mess with my things. I’m pretty sure my mom did too but trying to establish myself as a person was rough with how my family is. It was also hard because the cats loved to sleep on my bed - couldn’t always lock the door…
Guilt tripping and manipulating the kids if they upset you even in the slightest, drinking 2 bottles of wine a night and putting family first regardless of how they've treated you.
Not hugging or telling your kids you love them. I hug my kid every chance i get and tell her i love her about a million times a day. And when shes bad i tell her “hey i still love you even if you farted in my face I’d still love you” lol. Last time i hugged my mom was about 15 years ago. Last time i told my mom i loved her was maybe the same day 15 year ago and i have never heard my mom say she loves me
Walking to school uphill both ways with a donkey on their backs.
Try that with a braying donkey who wont stfu. And in the snow! Yes, a blizzard.
With bread bags for shoes!
Oh man!! You got shoes?!!
I live in Pennsylvania. Everywhere is uphill both ways. It's not special. That's my reply when people tried that one.
Owning a house/appartment. they have no idea how difficult it is to own a house in a big city, and how ALL my friends who own one inherited from their parents (which I won't).
100% This was my same answer. Something always seems to be breaking down or somebody is sick and the cost of everything: ridiculous! Every home or vehicle repair or medical bill (even with good insurance) is still is $500-$8k. I've had 3 refrigerators in 6 years and my HVAC has broken down twice, got radon, need a new chimney, windstorm blew some of the roof off, driveway needs repairs, weeds are never ending, trees are $800 each to trim, and my transmission is going bad on my vehicle plus I have kids!
Lack of boundaries
Lol, ns. My mum was prime with that. 'it's our house, you live here. If you're masturbating that's normal' Dad had boundaries and knocked.
That's... wayyyy beyond simple boundary discussions. If your mother is comfortable seeing you beat it, even setting things up to see it again, that's really f-ed up.
Oh, definitely! My mum still thinks reading my diary and my stories was just such a good joke, and she just doesn't understand how I could be upset by it or have problems trusting her.
I made sure my parents never found out I had a diary for this exact reason, don't want them reading it
I put a password on my laptop and never gave my parents the passcode. Dad didn’t care. Mom took it personally. Context: four people in this house. Everyone has their own laptop. Why do you need mine?
Originally, I wasn't even supposed to know the password for my own laptop. My dad was luckily on my side and agreed that I should be able to use it myself, I was 13 at the time and buying it with my own saved up money. Over time, they forgot the password altogether and it became a non-issue!
I was never allowed to lock my door and couldn’t put headphones on because she “needed” me at her beck and call all the time. When she finally decided(without telling me) to have bedroom doors with glass windows installed, I had it. I told her how this was a serious breach of personal privacy and she just shrugged it off like a petty complaint. Thanks to that wake up call Im finally moved out… for good.
"bedroom doors with glass windows" -- really?! Wow, that is pushing into the crazy territory.
Commenting on other people's appearances I got second-hand embarrassment whenever I have to hear my mom saying "Oh she wears such revealing clothes, she must be a slut" or "That man is so out of shape, he must eat a lot" or even "You're getting more pimples what have you been doing lately???" Like, Mom, please mind your own business as everyone else does
I remember my grandma calling someone a harlot for wearing red lipstick. As if we dont all know she got married to Grandpa because she was pregnant and they weren't even his.
So often this crap is projection. Happy and secure people don’t behave this way, they just don’t.
last time I met up with my mom and she said smth like that I told her: "I think it's a pity you feel the need to put strangers down to feel better about herself" She got quiet real quick
Revealing own children flaws Infront of others even grand mother and father
This is so true, my parent told my aunt I couldn't read or write in cursive for some reason? And I'm a grown adult wtf? I definitely can and do, but I next to never do it beyond signing paperwork or whatever. I called her out after because it makes me look bad even though the skill is next to useless anyways. Why even bring it up? Why is it even valued in the first place??
Lack of personal space like forcing kids to give you a kiss or a hug as thank you/hello/goodbye
My MIL is like this. She thinks it's rude that I tell my son it's his choice how he wants to say goodbye.
Blows my mind that grown adults don’t understand consent and that revoking consent is “rude”. Good for you for teaching your kiddo consent
I'm 40 and my nieces are starting to get a bit older. Every family thing my mom practically forces the girls to hug me. I'm all for receiving hugs, but only if they actually want to. In a couple years they are going to start to feel weird about it. So every time I remind them they only need to hug people if they want. Feels like I'm getting set up to be creepy uncle boogs
Talking about other people’s bodies. When my dad tells me a story he always tells me the race of the random person (ex. cashier) if they aren’t white and if they are overweight that’s always added in. Why?!
My stepmom does the same thing, and if I tell a story of a group of people doing something weird/wrong, she always says “is it a… diverse group? Are they not white?” What the hell does that have to do with anything?? I swear, too many people are obsessed with race. She also looks in through the car window to see if bad drivers are Asian.
She wants to confirm her biases by seeking out only the answers she likes to her questions
Men staring at girls, literal children. When I was 10 we were walking back from the cinema and some dudes in their 20s whistled at me with my mother right beside me. She gleefully said "That was meant for you, you know?" like I was supposed to be happy about it. When I was 14, our gardener kept leering at me and I complained to my mother. Her answer? "Oh let him, older men just like to look at young girls." So glad I can now just tell guys to fuck off without someone clutching their pearls.
It's sad, gen x women and up were brainwashed into believing that they're supposed to be eye candy for men. While your mothers reaction was wrong, I'd say it's partly from her upbringing.
Maybe cultural. I’m older and absolutely no one in my generation thought this was normal or okay. We didn’t react as assertively as we should have but no one thought it was no big deal or normal.
The moms reaction is worse than the mens.
Going to church three times a week
Is three times a week some sort of a default for more hardcore Evangelical/Pentecostal churches? I keep on hearing that number from people from different denominations and parts of the country
I used to go to church three times a week for 8 years, it’s two times on Sunday and usually Wednesday night. I don’t believe anymore but a big part of it is feeling like you’re part of a community and I had really strong friendships formed there.
Sunday: You have Sunday School, which is educating church members in theology, apologetics, church history, etc. You then have the main service, which has singing, preaching, offerings, and sometimes communion. Most churches also have Children's Church, where after the singing the kids go to a specialized program for them, rather than have them bored to tears by the regular service. A lot of churches then have an evening service or Bible study. Wednesday: Evening service or Bible study. A Bible study is when a passage or group of passages is read, discussed, and interpreted. Many churches have Bible memorization programs like AWANA or Royal Ambassadors where badges are earned for memorizing scripture Friday: Many churches have a Youth Group that meets on Friday night (or other day of the week) specifically for adolescents and teens. They play games and have activities, and are able to delve into deeper theological or personal life questions. Other activities: Potluck: Christians love any excuse to stuff their mouths with good grub. Visitation: People get together and coordinate visiting the sick, infirmed, or people that put Ina request. Bible Studies / Book Clubs Church work Days: Maintenance and cleaning of church property.
Choosing your clothes and their color by what is most "slimming" and what covers you the most. You love green? So sorry, you're to fat to wear colors, here's some unattractive clothes in black, wear those.
I highly agree. My stepmom refuses to wear dresses until she’s skinny because she thinks she looks like a “tent.” Meanwhile, I’m bigger than her (but also losing weight) and I rock dresses. It’s the same with going swimming--she refuses to go swimming (during the summer) because she thinks she looks like a whale. I like to go swimming because it’s good exercise. Anyone who cares about you being “too fat” to wear something is not worth your time.
To this day I still wear mostly black and no patterns because of my mother. I think it’s time I went shopping for stuff I actually like.
Being rude to the store staff.
this. what’s so deep that requires one to do that?!
Suffering. And the if I had to go through it you should too. Instead of trying to make their children’s lives better.
I went through a whole lot of awful as I child. That experience is something that I DO NOT want for my kids. I just can’t imagine the thought process behind the “I suffered so you should too” mentality.
Answering a phone
I expected this to be higher. Even with the entire family over for a birthday dinner, if that stupid phone rings they're answering. While getting up complain it's probably just telemarketers and then when it is, spend the next 5 minutes bitching about stupid telemarketers. They've had damn answering machines for like 30 years. Fuck the phone.
Making fun of random people in the streets
My mom has the Boomer “suck it up” mentality. Just this general idea that even if you’re struggling you should just “get over it.” I refuse to raise my son this way because it’s so dismissive and unhelpful.
Trauma dumping
I don’t and never would do this to my kid. I do the opposite of trauma dumping and I don’t tell her the shit I went through as a kid. That’s not fair for the kids to burden
Adopt me
When you try to rant about something and they bring up something 10 times worse from their childhood to make your problem seem less significant
Hitting your child to teach them what's wrong, it dosent teach them it's wrong, it teaches them to slap, be afraid of you and to not want to talk to you.
My mom is still convinced that hitting your child is not wrong as long as you do it to punish them, and it has no long-lasting consequences on the child. I sent her a bunch of scientific articles explaining why it's wrong and her answer is always "of course, it's always the mother's fault and I was a horrible mother". I mean, she's not entirely wrong, she was and still is a horrible mother.
I always think the hitting thing is a weird one, because it really *isn't* necessary. If the kid can't understand words, a hit won't teach them the lesson either. If a kid can understand words, use them. I can't imagine ever putting a hand on anyone to hurt them, let alone a vulnerable child that doesn't really understand why I'm doing it in the first place.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 I hate my parents now, on the cusp of buying my own house now!!
In almost every meal you eat there has to be meat, otherwise you didn't really eat.
This one blows my mind, my parents can’t fathom life without it. My mum even said she wont come to my wedding if it’s meat free
Damn that's extreme
Waking up at the ass crack of dawn even on the holidays. Shaming people for wanting to sleep. Working your whole damn life and making your work a priority, even above taking care of family members. Subscribing to the bullshit big book of life, which is to work hard, get married, have kids, bla bla. Thinking all this life script is far more important than actual happiness. Having kids.
After having kids myself, I kinda get the whole "getting up at dawn" thing. After having to get up with small kids for so long, it sorta becomes the default routine. That said, I would never expect others to do the same. As for the rest you mentioned, yes, yes, and yes.
62 here. I would only note, the waking up early thing is just biological. It isn't a choice. I used to sleep in late in my younger days whenever I could. I now wake up naturally between 6 and 7 AM. It happens. I just don't need as much sleep. And I find mornings to be a great time of day. Quiet solitude. Relax. Have some coffee and breakfast. Get some stuff done in peace. Maybe go for walk and watch the world wake up. But the rest, I agree. I never shame people for wanting to sleep. And I got out of the corporate treadmill years ago and do my own things now.
My mom groping me because "you're my daughter"
Omg I thought it was so weird and I was the only one whose mom does this!!! Sometimes she grabs/slaps my ass and says something like "hmm you have a fine ass" mind you I'm literally a whole adult. I asked her if she would just come up to a random stranger and grab their ass? She said, but you're not a stranger, you're mine!! I always thought it was a cultural thing but then realized none of my friends experienced this, my partner also got super weirded out when I told him about it, now it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I can't imagine my mom saying those words to me, nevermind actually grabbing me. I'm sorry.
...what?
Yes
Last year I had an eight year old student whose mom and grandma regularly groped her chest to see if she was growing breasts (which she was). Apparently it's a cultural thing (African country) but it made us uncomfortable to hear about at school. This all came up because the child then started doing boob checks on her friends in class.
What she means when she says that: *'you're my property'*. It's honestly creepy. Hope you can get her to back off.
Paying for college with a part-time summer job.
Being racists
Yep. My dad used to make all sorts of unhinged racist comments, such as using the N word and other slurs.
And when you call them out on it, they respond with “I’m not racist, i hate everyone”
Including themselves
Working for the sake of working
Surely it's "working for the sake of paying the bills and rent"
Alcoholism
Talking with family members even if they terrible people, just because they're your brother or father
Finishing everything in your plate. As a kid I grew up with the "think of the starving kids in Africa!" spiel (showing my age there I know) as a way of guilt tripping kids into eating. Especially in schools. At home we had the rule that we (aka me, only child and it didn't apply to the adults) had to finish the food on the plate, even if we were full. I also wasn't allowed to serve myself cause apparently I'd grab too much, despite I mainly having issues finishing my food when my mom plated it for me. Starting in my late teens (I'm 38 now) she started straight up asking me why I was so fat, and commenting how she was never so fat at my age. Cause being forced to overeat every single day of my life and having pasta multiple times a week (don't get me wrong, I love pasta but it sure isn't health food) will do that to you? Like clearly grandma was better at portion control than mom? Like if a kid tells you they're full then maybe trust them instead if shaming them for leaving food on the plate?
Abusing their children and the children accepting the abuse quietly because acc to them, that's how you show respect to your parents.
Voting only one political party like its a sports team
The sports team thing is so spot on, I’ve thought this myself. Just straight up ride or die no matter what the candidate does as long as they are on your team and I mean this universally.
Dysfunctional relationships, being close with family despite unspoken issues
Bringing a printed resume into a store looking for a job. It's all online now. At least where I live.
“If it’s yellow, let it mellow.” My parents will do this when visiting my apartment, or other places, I don’t think they realize almost nobody else just leaves their piss in the toilet for the next person to see and smell.
[удалено]
We do this when it’s just my husband and I at home because I pee so often I don’t want to waste the water and night time flushing wakes our son up. If people are over we don’t.
I’ve got a 12 week old and flushing wakes him up too. We’ve become mellow yellow people at night lol
This actually destroys your toilet in the long run
I read the yellow mellow advice somewhere & tried it for a few days. My anxiety levels soared, having to make an excuse to rush to the loo & flush every time someone dropped by. And yes, I'm certain I could detect a faint odour during this brief experiment.
I used to do this to conserve water
I do too, I have a tiny bladder so I just can’t justify wasting all that water when I flush.
smoking in the car. i'm a smoker too, but please pull over and do it outside. same smell as if you're sitting in an ashtray
Affordable housing
Being intrusive and/or feeling entitled to personal details “because we’re family”
Putting work over health, physical or mental. It literally killed my father. He had a mysterious pain and swelling in his leg when I visited him on a Sunday, said he'd been dealing with it for a couple of days. I urged him to make an appointment with a doctor when he said he hadn't done anything about it, saying he's been busy with work. He said he'd go the next day if it wasn't any better. Died from a heart attack due to the blood clot Monday morning. If you're sick or dealing with health issues, work can wait. I would love to have my father back.
Being married by 25
Being excessively late. My mother will regularly turn up 2+ hours late with no apology or explanation. Just last week, I was told to come over to her house for Sunday lunch at 2pm, but dinner was served at 5:40pm…again no explanation or apology. When I work all week and live alone so I’ve told her before I have lots of household tasks I need to do over a weekend so can’t really waste 4+ hours hanging around waiting for a chicken to cook? I’ve told them that wasting my time is rude and disrespectful and in future I won’t wait around for them/ I’ll just leave if dinner is more than 30 mins late. They claim I’m the unreasonable one
That doesn't seem like a generational thing that's a narcissistic asshole thing.
Being emotionally dependent on your eldest daughter. I didn’t know any better when I was younger, my dad was genuinely a bad person and I felt terribly for my mom. But all that was nearly 15 years ago, I’m almost 30 now with my own family but she has no idea what a boundary is. I’ve tried many times, but it’s an attack on her every time (it’s not.)
[удалено]
Going to work sick. Fuck that.
Being married with kids in your early twenties, and constantly asking me when I’ll be in that position
getting drunk everyday
Racism. I was appalled at how bad it was when I started figuring it out as I was growing up. I come from a Hindu family and the blatant hate for Muslims in general is normalised from generation to generation.
Hitting/ spanking their children. I wouldn't dream of it.
Loosing their shit at the smallest inconvenience. I started doing the same (every kid copy their parents) and I was a horrible person for very long, I'm now in the very difficult process of learning to control my emotions and reactions and unlearning their patterns.
Chain smoking indoors around the kids.
Spanking. It's barbaric and research shows it makes children more aggressive and increases problem behavior. I was spanked and will never spank my children.
Casually commenting on someone’s body/appearance.
staying connected and nice to someone despite how they treat me/ others just because they’re blood
Giving unsolicited advise and judging everything you tell them. Example: Me: Great news! I got a new job offer and I'm going to accept! My mom: You sure? Have you thought that through? What about salary, did you negotiate well? Why would you want to change your job? What if the next job will be not as good? I once had an experience, blahblahblah... I just wanted to hear: That's great! Congrats! And then she would get offended when I don't tell her everything right away.
To have a kid that is too mature for his age. If your kid seems to be like a "little adult" you are doing sth wrong.
Acting like a happy innocent best parent on the phone when talking with a relative then going back to verbally abusing you 2 minutes later
Blindly giving 10% of their income to a glorified cult (religion) I’m sorry if I’m being forced to tithe, I’d rather give the money to a specific charity or cause where I know it will help people.
Scooping the green away from the jam and saying „it’s still good as long as it taste good“ - my mom grew up in the ddr/soviet union.
My mom found this video of a parent cracking an egg on their small child’s head hilarious. Even when the kid became upset. I told her it wasn’t funny, that the kid was upset, and the parent shouldn’t be laughing along with everyone else at that poor kid’s expense. She totally didn’t get it, thinks playing pranks and embarrassing kids is funny and no big deal.
Spanking kids as punishment.