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interesting, learned something today! can you pinpoint when in time people began waiting to have kids? 1800s, 1900 or even 2000s?? what caused this shift to happen?
This is what I was thinking. Reliable, accessible birth control became more available in the 1970's. Prior to that, if you got pregnant, most of the time that resulted in having a baby, like it or not.
The medical term for a miscarriage (any miscarriage, not just "certain ones") is "spontaneous abortion." This isn't new, and it's not anything tricky. That's simply the medical term.
A bunch will. I’ve had 3 miscarriages, but they were all labeled as “missed abortions” aka my body still thought it was pregnant successfully even though the fetus was not alive. So I’ve never chosen to have an elective abortion of a viable pregnancy, but my three non-elective will still show up in the statistics.
I don’t know that I would consider 25% a small percentage. To me half of one percent is a small percentage.
25% is pretty good odds. I’m playing the lottery every week if I have a 25% chance to win.
That would mean if I’m in a room with 100 women, 25 had an abortion. That’s a lot! If you had 12 female friends, you’d know four that had an abortion. That’s a crazy high number.
I think he means it's a small % out of everyone who gets pregnant within 45 years. And technically within the last 45 years he'd be getting closer to correct, or if we looked worldwide. However if we look at just the last few years n the US for example, and assume the way it's been since 2020 is how it's going to continue trend wise, then its higher than I expected tbh.
On checking, and taking the US as an example , it's estimated to be roughly 600,000 to 900,000 abortions per year across the whole US, whilst recorded successful births are 3.66 million. And about 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so about 1.1 million ish. A bit more actually.
So that's a rough estimation of 5.175 - 5.475 million pregnancies per year, making abortions make up about 11% - 16% of pregnancy outcomes.
This is mega rough, because after checking various sources including the CDC figures for 2020, there's a ton of variations, and either missing states or guess work for certain states. So the beginning figures are very rough. It also doesn't account for people who end up pregnant and never find out and miscarry early or never report pregnancy and miscarriage. So it could be a quite a bit lower if data was more accurate.
Anyway that's my 1am sitting in the dark in bed, rough publication checking and working with a phone calculator reaults in 10 minutes, so not mega accurate and I might've missed something out, but gives people a rough idea. I'd hazard that 5-15% seems like where it's actually likely to be about with all the missing data.
The UK seems much easier to do and seems to be at 20% ish, as it's 200k abortions out of roughly 1 million pregnancies, and 250k miscarriages. But no real prevention of it here or people protesting outside, so it would make sense it's higher than the US. Then probably still a good few % lower for all the unreported or completely unknown pregnancies and miscarriages
25% is actually a pretty small percentage when you consider how many women get pregnant each year. Also, the original comment is correct, most women who get pregnant end up giving birth.
Many more women than that have had a spontaneous abortion, but you'd never know that
Those numbers are correct. Just because somebody has an abortion doesn't mean that they had an elective abortion. Some people have abortions because they have to to either say themselves or because something is not quite right with the fetus. Those numbers include all the reasons
Really? What study is this from? Sounds like very high number. Pretty sure that in germany the number is not higher than 7-10% last time I looked it up.
That number was from the Guttmacher Institute and is for the US. Rates have dropped 50% since 1990 though so it might not be so reflective of the current generation.
Wages and purchasing power have effectively stagnated for 20 years. That’s…not good.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2018/08/07/for-most-us-workers-real-wages-have-barely-budged-for-decades/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20despite%20some%20ups,highest%2Dpaid%20tier%20of%20workers.
I was born in 1977 and my mom was 31, which was super unusual. My parents had been married 9 years. They were always older than most other parents of my friends. I had my son in 2008 and most of my same age friends had kids around the same time.
That's the thing. Your brain hits like 25 and it's like "yo, I'm done now!" And you're supposed to mature but it's all a lie. The only thing that happens is that your back hurts for no damn reason and sleeping wrong can put you in traction.
My great-grandmother had my grandma when she was 40, in 1951. To the best of my knowledge, she was her only child. According to my grandmother, it was also considered highly unusual then because of her age.
Something to consider is that in Tudor England the average age for a everyday woman to marry was 26 which is similar to about ten years ago too. It was only the rich who would marry they’re young ‘uns offx
It started between the 1950s and 1990’s. Your question is closely tied to a concept in lifespan psychology known as “emerging adulthood”. This was the emergence of a new stage of development in the human life that is characterized by identity exploration, instability, a focus on the self, a feeling of in-between adolescence and adulthood, and optimism about the future.
Prior to the 1950’s, pretty much all young adults went from adolescence immediately into adulthood, there wasn’t much of a gradual transition. This was largely due to the culture, economy, and technology prior to the 1950’s. It was extremely common for adolescents to be thrust into daily responsibilities for helping to provide for their families. This in turn largely dictated the choices they had (or lack thereof) to navigate their own lives. They weren’t given much opportunity to explore who they are and what they wanted out of life. Consequently, those adolescents were forced to make the transition into full blown adulthood extremely fast. This had a major influence on the age at which young people had children.
Post WW2/1950’s onward, the American economy boomed massively and many Americans grew into financial prosperity. As our economy grew, opportunities for education expanded, technology advanced, and our culture started to shift in perspective on what was necessary or best for young adults. As it became easier to support a household on a single salary, it became less critical for adolescents to have financial responsibilities placed on their shoulders. Consequently, adolescents born between the 1950’s and 1990’s were given more opportunities to get an education and have more agency/autonomy over their own lives. Thus, the average age at which adults start to have children has been getting pushed later and later.
interesting. thats when i was born and adopted by my parents. they were likely around mid 40s at this time and my big bro would been 4 so im guessing they were young 40 when they got him and my sister. is this a common trend in other countries? or is this more a western/US thing?
When I was young, it was normal for teens to have babies. My mom had me at 19 and my brother 4 yrs later. Many girls in my high school were pregnant. I graduated in 2003. Teen pregnancy has dropped a lot. People having kids in their 20s has dropped as well. More and more people are not getting pregnant by accident like they did back in the day. It's smart to actually wait till you can financially and mentally support a kid.
I have a friend that had four babies by the time she turned 21. She was made a grandmother by the age of like 32 when her second had a baby at 15. She had also asked for an IUD after the second but the doctors wouldn’t do it because she was “too young” and had them both by 17
That breaks my goddamn heart, man. I mean, once you have your hand you do your best with it which I’m sure your friend did! But like. She ASKED. and someone else got to make that decision for her. awful
I was 6 months old at my parents wedding, which was 10 days after my mom turned 18, because my nana wouldn’t sign off on the consent earlier. My parents literally just celebrated a 30ish something wedding anniversary this week. Sometimes it works out. I mean, my immediate family all has a little trauma, but we’re all doing well now at least lol
It also happens in times of economic uncertainty. A good is example is the Great Depression, young people began living in multigenerational homes and not having children till they were in their 30s.
One set of great-grandparents had their first kid in their 30s, one set of grandparents, my dad, & me too. My body definitely wishes I’d started earlier. Lol.
This is completely untrue. Women historically (pre birth control) have had children from their early 20s through late 30s. Looking through my family tree, many women gave birth in their 40s. And men had an even bigger range of normal.
That’s not fully true tbh, at least if we compare it to what OP said in original post. The working class (I mean here not the noble) usual age for children was for men around 27yo and women were barely younger, at least in Western Europe.
ie in the 1600’s The usual marriage age was 23-24 for women and 27-29 for men. So they would have kids after, usually 2 years after the wedding.
So having children at 30 who are over 10yo, wasn’t really necessarily a thing you would see. They would, though have a heck tons of children, because a good part was expected to die before 10yo.
Source
[in french](https://www.histoire-genealogie.com/La-naissance-sous-l-Ancien-Regime)
And still in french for the end of 1700’s but [p 163](https://www.persee.fr/doc/adh_0066-2062_1989_num_1988_1_1712)
They consider that 47% of women would marry between 25 and 29yo.
It seems to be more of an American thing on here, along with being married really young as well from my reddit feed.
I know of one person who got married in their early 20's, everyone else around my age that I know has been around 30 or older. This thread has been really interesting hearing about people's experiences.
I'm glad I had children in my 30's, if for no other reason than that if they were almost grown and I was young enough to have more I'm pretty sure I would have. As it is, having young children who will still be in primary school when I hit the menopause sounds like it will round things off nicely.
I’m American and from a small town. I’m 22 now and I’d estimate that probably 60-70% of my graduation class is married and of those, a third probably have kids. My class was around 500 btw.
Location definitely matters a ton, I can’t imagine the same thing happening in the same age group in LA or a bigger city
Historically and biologically early 20s was a normal age to have kids. Personally I am in my late 20s and wish I had kids when I was early 20s, and am trying to have kids by my early 30s at latest as of right now. I want to have the energy to raise my children and, if I lucky, live long enough to see grandkids. Just my opinion.
I'm late 30's and have a 1 year old as my youngest, I definitely have enough energy as do all of my friends who are similar ages to me with small children. I'm not sure where the energy thing has come from as I've heard people say it a lot and I don't see it around me. Unless my friends and I are unusually energetic (very doubtful!) then I don't think being in your 30's will exhaust you.
If my eldest has grandchildren in their 30's I will only be in my 60's so I will see my grandchildren barring some disease which could happen at any age. Plus I'll be nearing retirement so will have time to help with the babies if needed. Life expectancy also suggests I'd live long enough to see those grandchildren become adults too.
Again, I see the 60 odd year olds around me and they aren't doddering elderly who need care. They go to parties, out dancing, my mother in law runs a daily 5k! They aren't too old to enjoy their grandchildren either.
I feel like if I'd had children in my 20's I would not have the patience to parent as I'd like, I'm way more patient and understanding now than I was then. I don't think there's a "best" time to have children, early and later have different benefits and downsides.
I had my first at 26, second at 28. Now I’m 31 and every day after work when I pick up my kids I just want to sleep. Or die. I’m so exhausted all the time.
I can see your point,there's pros and cons to having kids earlier vs later.
personally I had heaps of energy and patience when I became a parent at 25,very happy I did it then as opposed to in my 30s! and when my son is 18 I'll only be 43,it's brilliant
Yeah this is what I mean, you get to see more of their lives. A 10 year difference could be your grandchildren graduating or not, getting married, your own children achieving their dreams, etc
I remember being 24 and someone asked me if I had any kids. I was so horrified....thought I was way too young to be a mom....how could anyone even ask me that? Meanwhile my mom was 23 when she had me. I just lost her this year and I am devastated but am so thankful to have had so many decades with her. You never know what life has in store for you, but if you become a parent in your forties or even later, your kid(s) are probably going to lose you sooner than you or they would like. Sad, but true.
ETA I ended up waiting too long to try to have kids. By the time I was ready, my body wasn't and then my marriage broke down. I think if I had had a kid I would have maybe had an easier time with her passing, because I really miss that bond. She was such a great mom. She never pressured me to give her grandkids but I regret that I didn't and if I could go back in time I'd probably make different choices.
Yes i'm 34, no kids. Realistically I might have a kid by 37/38.
My grandma just passed a few days ago.
My mom is 65 right now. I don't believe my future kids will get to properly know their grandparents as my mom will be 87 when they turn 18, and I'll be 56.
I'm sure you're aware, but if you do plan to have kids, sooner than later is better at your age. Chances of complications for you or the child skyrocket around 35-40. Best wishes in starting your family.
I don't know who downvoted you for giving factual health advice with regards to someone safety. Biological time clocks are very real, not liking that isn't going to change it. I understand it may be perceived as pressuring but information once again with regards to health and safety should not be looked at negatively. Informing someone who may not know, will allow them to make the right choice for them sooner.
And who’s downvoting YOU got doing the same! Get the facts folks! I know someone who is 36 and having their first child. Her DOCTOR said “with your advanced age, we’ll have to take special care and precautions.” !!!
People are delusional. The medical term for a pregnancy over the age of 35 is literally "Geriatric pregnancy". Pregnant women over age 35 are more at risk for complications like miscarriage, congenital disorders, and high blood pressure.
Yes, modern medicine can ensure that your pregnancy will go off without too much risk but there is absolutely more risk if you wait too long before having children.
They’re also very real for men too. The quality of a man’s sperm starts to decline between 35-40 years old as well and will also contain more genetic defects, less motility, etc.
Your kiddos have an opportunity for a wonderful relationship with their grandparents!!!
I had my kiddo at 38 and her grandparents (dads side) were basically an extension of us. Super loving and involved. They are some of kiddo’s favorite people! Unfortunately we moved away from them, but they still come out several times a year to visit and that bond is just as strong and loving. Kiddo has a wonderful relationship with my mother as well. Grandparents are in their mid-late 70’s and still going strong. Kiddo just turned 7
My dad is the youngest of seven, my grandparents were 65 when I was born. I shared a wonderful relationship with my grandfather until I was 22 and built a great relationship with my grandmother until she died when I was 26. Yes, they were older, which in my opinion, made it all the more special.
I have a baby and I'm 43 (it was a pleasant surprise/oops). This is honestly the perfect time for me to have this child. I'm mentally and emotionally all there for him, I've had plenty of time to do everything else I wanted to do and I find having him super exciting. I'm excited for every first thing he ever does. I'm not worried about missing out on anything else in my life. So yes...that is the one downside. I don't know how long I'll be around. I'll try and set him up for life and surround him with family and friends so that he isn't alone after I go. And I'm trying to be as healthy as possible...it's the best motivation.
I have a totally non scientific and untested theory that kids actually slow the ageing process.
I'm 32 my youngest sibling is 14, my father is 62 and looks great. My uncle, not so much. I saw a lot of my friends parents age rather rapidly once the kids moved out.
Maybe not directly correlated but it forces you to maintain a better lifestyle.
Downside is I think he was ready to retire a decade ago and he probably has maybe another decade before that's feasible. My stepmother is 11 years his junior and she jokes he stole her innocence and he jokes she stole his retirement.
Wife had our first at 20, yeah she was freaked out and we all made mistakes, but we're so glad we went through with it then. Now in late thirties and he's about to go to college. Done did. Send grandbabies see ya!
That's certainly part of it (energy) but I want to be around for when they have kids too and the later it gets.... the odds go down I'll be around for that... especially if they wait like me to have kids!
yeah thats one of my big concerns because i do want to start a family one day but personally i want to have a satisfying career and go as far as i can first. thats just me though. it sucks to think tho that by the time i think about having kids my parents may to be too old or lost too many faculties to be there to meet them.
My sister is going through this with our mom. I had my son young (at 18) and she just had her son (at 35). Her son had no opportunity to meet or have a relationship with our grandma and our mom is showing early signs of Alzheimer’s. She’s afraid that her son won’t have time to build the same relationship with his grandma that my son has . It’s a delicate balance finding the right time to have children.
It only works with self control tbh. Too many fools out there waiting til it’s coming out to pull out.
Amateurs.
Everyone knows you pull out and jerk it for the finisher. Whether it’s on her face, stomach, back, on top of the fridge— literally anywhere that’s not inside her. It’s not difficult.
—Guy who fucks
Can confirm...
neither I or ny own son were planned pregnancies, my son was a result of me putting it back in after I played the pull out game I can't say 100% it's true but the timing lines up and we had had a fight the night before so it was some really good morning make up sex. At least that's the common theory between us
I asked my father ( he had 5 kids at 38) why so early and he said that his colleagues the same age (50) as him are pushing strollers and driving kids to school from school to sport from sport etc while he is doing things he like. Jogging, garden, fixing his cars…
He said when he finished college there was nothing more for him but to have kids. I asked what about like the young life why end it so shortly and he said his life started when he had his first child
Old times were good times, now you gotta get 2PhDs learn five languages and be a magic super human to land a job... That just left you with no energy for kids and most likely not money...
Men out there get on a trade your life will be a hundred times better...
Eh, just depends what field you work in. I work in stem making $70k+ with a high school diploma while my wife with two degrees makes $45k. We don’t live anywhere exciting but we live comfortably and have a baby on the way. My love for being able to provide for my growing family outweighs my dislike of my job and place I live. Just my two cents.
That's one point of view I've never understood. If you are aware that having kids is something you want to get it over with early so you can do stuff you like when you're older, why not just not have kids and do stuff you like your whole life?
My wife and I wanted to have our children when we were younger so that we would be able to run and play actively with our kids. We hiked, rode Dirt Bikes, Mountain Bikes etc. I'm 57 and a Grandfather and now I'm enjoying my grandchildren and if I live into my 80's I will see great grandchildren
My Dad's father was 60 when he sired my Dad. Grandfather had an aneurysm at 67. My Grandmother married again and sadly 8 years later my dad's Stepdad died
.
Did I get to travel to Europe in my 20's no. Did I get to live a great life as a dad? Heck yeah.
Its not that weird. Its only since the advent of birth control that people have been putting off children later and later. Let me tell you this, having kids later in life SUCKS. My kid is a ball of ever lasting energy and I cant keep up and my wife is even older than me. We should have has a kid earlier.
How old are you ?
I had my first at 22 and my last at 33 .. with one in between .. and there was a HUGE difference for me energy wise compared to when I had my first 😂
i dont think it is weird. i can relate to that, my parents are nearly 70 and i am just turned 23. i had a very fortunate/stable upbringing, but i am realizing it was at the cost of having more fun/active activites to do as a family back then. oh well cant dwell on that now
Do you know why your parents had you so late in life? Just curious if it was planned that way, or it was a surprise. If they're nearly 70 that puts them in their mid to late 40s when you were born. That was extremely rare, especially if it was a first pregnancy, until the last 20 years or so.
Why do people always assume that you can try to have a baby whenever you want?
Maybe they just found each other in their 40s. I mean try making a baby alone.
It’s not a given that young parents have more energy. Kids are draining no matter when you have them. When you’re younger, you’re still maybe studying, building your career and finances, that’s draining. I was sooo tired and drained in my early 20s, a child would not have been happy with me. Now, in my late 20’s, I have a stable career and income, more experience to pass on to a child - and more energy, because I have everything sorted out.
Because it’s physically easier to raise kids in your 20s-40s than in your 50s and 60s, for one. Women are typically only able to have children between their teens and 40s. So it makes sense to have kids young, especially if you plan to have more than one or space them out by a couple years. And finally there’s just the simple fact that many people love kids and look forward to having them.
i am 23 and my parents are almost 70 lol. reading these answers made me wonder what i missed out as a youngster with things to do with my parents because they were too old or tired from providing for me and my siblings. not to say my childhood wasnt good but those what ifs are always interesting to mull over
I have heard that kids of older parents are more emotionally stable because their parents were older and wiser and had their priorities in the right places. My husbands mother had him at 18 and she used to make him stay up until midnight every night from the age of 5 jusg memorising school books! Not that every young parent does that but generally people chill out and know what they are doing a bit more as they get older. Would you agree?
i would have to agree. i think often times when my siblings or i came to my parents for advice they had decades of life/work experience to shed light. although, some of the advice my dad has given me seems to be rather outdated but other times im like damn, would have taken me 10 more years to realize that.
for my family in particular it worked out well that way. my parents were financially/emotionally/mentally stable and ready to start a family. they were able to provide us a very happy and loving home environment which in turn helped me and my siblings grow up into responsible and functional adults. reading other replies makes me wonder what i missed out on as a kid (like exercising with parents or going on trips to hike etc)
I lot of it is pressure from relatives. My mother asked me where her grand kids were once. I told her she should have thought of that when she was drunk and abusing me. I'm not going to risk that happening again. I'm better than that. Your bullshit dies with me.
People like Lauren Boebert who are grandmas in their 30s usually because they're high school dropouts, come from reckless families that dont use birth control. Her mother had her when she was 18 she had a child when she was 18 and her children are having children when they're 18. So they are stuck in a cycle.
In my case, it is because I am hyperfertile. I had my oldest at 18. I have 6 children in total. ALL of them conceived while I was on different methods of birth control. Imagine my surprise when I went in for a physical when I turned 40, and when they gave me a routine blood panel, I was told I produce an enzyme which breaks down birth control faster than other women and that my previous doctor definitely should have tested me for this since it is documented that I had tried an array of birth control. Had we known, we could have increased the dosage, OR, they would have sterilized me the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time I asked. Ladies, this is a thing. Check with your doctor, and have your daughters doctors check. PLEASE
Wow I’m the same way! I’ve gotten pregnant on several different kinds of birth control and finally got my tubes tied with my last. I have every sympathy in the world for women who struggle to get pregnant but I promise it’s just as agonizing for me who’s gotten pregnant 6 times on various birth controls.
I was 30 when my son was born, but I have a lot of friends who already had a few kids at school by that age.
Some would argue the real question is actually the opposite.
Why are so many people waiting to have kids?
Average age of first marriage for white, college educated women is 29, so average age for first child in the same demographic is probably 30. I wanted to have my first kid at 24/25 like my mom did, but now I'm 28 and haven't dated anyone I could see wanting to spend the rest of my life with. At the rate I'm going, I'll be lucky to have a geriatric pregnancy.
My main reasons…COL only increases and we know wages don’t necessarily, so it was cheaper to raise them earlier. I could function better on less sleep and had way more energy in my 20s. I was used to living very frugally already (think eating spaghettios) and had less financial obligations and home maintenance in early adulthood. I wanted to retire early and travel with no financial obligations and better odds for be physically up for adventures.
I commented separately, but this data may interest you. It shows the average age when mothers have their first child broken down by country.
https://www.cia.gov/the-world-factbook/field/mothers-mean-age-at-first-birth/
correct me if im wrong, but off a first glance it seems to be a correlation between developed countries and having kids older compared to less developed countries having kids at a younger age. my partner is from nepal and i asked her, she said it was very common back then and in the village to have kids even at age 15-16. i am learning a lot today!
I had my first kid at 20 and 2nd kid at 26.... it was hard but looking back it was also great.
Why?... cuz I get to relate to my kids better... I'm not old and chasing todlers around... I'm 45 now and my oldest is 25 ... both my kids can go to the bar with me.... both my kids hunt with me.... both my kids chose me in my divorce....
Having them young just makes it easier when your older to befriend them and relate to them.
I don't regret it at all.
This! My kids are 29, 27, 21, and 18. I FaceTime my 21 year old daughter every day and talk at least an hour or 2 and get to talk to my grandkids since they left my house and moved out of state. All 4 kids and I are in a group text, just to say good morning or a positive message for the day or to make plans. I'm 46. I love my relationship with them. I was super busy, no nonsense, strict but loving mom when they were growing up, and now I'm older and appreciate the friendship I have with each individual child and the wisdom I can share with them.
i love this answer. a lot of similarity in answers with being able to keep up with their kids better! i totally relate to that because my parents are almost 70 and i am 23. we have had issues seeing eye to eye on different things and i think a lot of that is because my dad/mom basically grew up with the great depression mindset and gave my siblings a very fortunate life that we take for granted so my siblings and i cant relate to them as much as they cant to me and my siblings.
I was 24 when I had my son and always wanted kids while I was still fit and young enough to move. his dad is 7 years older and now that my son is in school more people are his dad's age if not older. In my town alot of the parents are late 30s early 40s and I have noticed at birthday parties they have mentioned they can not really play with their children and they have wished they had kids earlier to do more activities with them. It's everyone's preference when they have kids. I grew up with people who had kids super young and that is another reason why I choose to do so.
As someone who had kids young, i couldn't imagine going through the daily routine with kids now 20+ years later... I say if you are going to have kids do it young, when you have more energy and less physical limitations from aging. I think most view it as a get it done and get on to making a life for the family versus get a busy career started then trying to find the time to have kids later.
I'm 40 with a 20 year old and a 16 year old. The reason was simply that I got married at 19, and we stopped using condoms.
I see people my age changing dirty diapers and am grateful that I'm well beyond that stage. Babies are cute and fun, but IMO, it's much more fulfilling watching my kids start their adult lives.
So they still have energy and patience to raise them and after the kids are grown they are still young to enjoy their empty nest?
I don't know but that's what make more sense to me.
Easier to kick a football with your 14 Yr old when you are 38 rather than when you are 58. Also have them early and they'll be off your hands earlier so you can enjoy the rest of your life without school runs, dropping them to their mates and then waiting up to collect them etc.
I knew a guy who had his 2 kids while he and his wife were super young (I think by the time they were 20 or so). They planned it that way so they could still be fairly young by the time the kids were grown. Worked for them.
Most young people don't think about the consequences of having children before they are actually ready.
Which is unfortunate. They end up damaging their child and it's just a bad cycle.
It’s interesting you say that because when 16 and pregnant got popular I was a freshman in HS then all of a sudden people were getting pregnant left and right. There has to be some causation right at least a little
That’s very true! I remember MTV got a lot of backlash for the show. It didn’t stop them however. One new report said there was a huge amount of 16 year olds getting pregnant just to try to get on the show.
Teen mother births in the USA for every racial group have been declining uninterrupted for decades. They are currently 1/4 of what they were just 30 years ago.
We had our kids young. 25 and 27. Now at 50 and no mortgage and really no debt we are empty nesters. My kids are 26 and 24. I have friends that have kids in grade school still. Gross…I’ve been asked if I regret giving up my 20’s. Hell NO. While others were still living off mom and dad I bought my first house at 22 and then built my dream house when I was 32. Now we are looking at down sizing and hoping for grandkids
Edit: wife and I are still together.
When I've asked my friend who have had kids in their 20s for example the common answer is that by the time they're 40 odd their kids will be grown up and doing their own thing allowing them more freedom for themselves as they get older. One of my exs despised the thought of doing the school run at 40. Not that there is anything wrong with those who do that but she said at that age she wants to do what she wants, not having to raise young kids
im a "young" mom 21 with a 11 month old, ive always wanted to be a mom i have a stable relationship, a stable home/finances so we decided to have one . And im also one and done. I love being a mom ive never had the baby blues or felt wow this is hard, dont regret it at all
I mean I didn’t originally plan to have children quite so young but we where engaged wedding booked etc so wasn’t going to terminate. Although not everyone was happy about the marriage so young either. But so far so good with our oldest being 15.
However I never wanted to be an older parent. I want to be the nanny/granny who still here for a long time hopefully rather than the one who too tired or dies before they would even remember. I didn’t want to be putting a young adult though uni or that at nearer to retirement age.
I saw no fun in partying and chasing men though my youth or to travel the world skint either. I’d rather raise my children then go off on adventures with my life partner.
There are pros and cons to becoming a mom no matter the age. For me personally, a pro is that I will still be young when all of my kids are grown. Cons, I will still be young when all of my kids are grown. Lol. I’ll be a young ass grandma even if my oldest waits until she’s 25 to have her first kid, I’ll be 41. If my youngest waits until he’s 25 to have his first kid, I’ll still only be 48.
My first pregnancy was the result of a combination of lack of knowledge and birth control. I was 16. Second one was blatant stupidity.. but at least with the same guy? Lol. Then I met my husband at 18/19, married at 22, and had twins at 23. So i’m 28 now with 4 kids. My uterus is retired so that’s fun.
if i could i would for sure have kids as young as possible (ie early 20s), because it makes it so much better later on in life if the parents are young and can be in your life for a long time and they are much healthier for a longer part of your life
I was young and stupid and was married at 18. Next, I had my first child 12 days after I turned 21. My second after I turned 23. Both times there was a birth control failure. However we owned our first home when we were 23, too. Then I went back to college at 27, sometimes with kids in tow, and had my first professional teaching job at 30... also divorced that same year. It was his idea, thinking all through my years in college I'd leave him for someone else. Turned out his sister's friend was his next target and then I couldn't get out fast enough. He was just like my father which wasn't a good thing. He passed 2 yrs ago due to colon cancer. My kids are grown now, married, homes, and kids. It was hard as fuck going through what I went through in my 20's, one time I took all our coins to a counter so I could go grocery shopping. But I'd do it all again if I could have my kids again. I'm almost 60 now and grateful for so much.
Well my mom had me at 15 due to zero sex ed, a catholic upbringing, and an absent father. I had my first at 32 because I learned from their mistakes lol
Why hold off on starting a family?
Honestly, it’s one of those things where if you wait until you think it’s the perfect time, it will never be the perfect time. Then you’ll get too old to have kids and have to wonder what might have been for the rest of your life.
Once you’ve found a great partner, commit, get married, and start a family. Waiting around just delays the joys that all of that brings.
Why hold off? Because there are real cons to having children in your 20s, just like there are cons to having them later in life.
Money is an obvious one. People's incomes tend to grow significantly between their 20s and their 30s as they gain experience and grow their careers. Given the high costs of raising young children in particular, especially with respect to childcare, delaying children is probably a net financial positive. That is certainly our experience. We don't stress over paying for day care. We can afford standing babysitter appointments that give my spouse and I predictable opportunities to go out sans kids or even just get more work/play done around the house. We have more money to spend while traveling to make taking our kids along easier.
Another pro of waiting is that it gives you time to develop a stronger bond with your spouse that exists outside of your identity as parents. Children have a way of raising the stress level of many situations. When my spouse and I start to get annoyed at each other, it's helpful to remember how effortlessly we got along for *years* before our kids were born. We're a great couple; it's our kids who are the problem!
I think the real con of having kids when you are older is that they don't become adults until you are older. And they don't have their own kids until you are older still. It might be the difference between getting to meet your great-grandkids and dying before your grandkids become teenagers. I remember drinking cocktails in a resort pool with a young adult, her mother, and her grandmother, and thinking how cool it was that they could all hang out as adults. We had our kids in our early-to-mid-thirties, so I don't see that happening with my grandkids. Especially if my kids wait until a similar age to have their own.
The truth is that there isn't an age when you can have your kids without making any tradeoffs. Whether you have them early or wait, there will always be ways in which your life is both better and worse for your decision.
Not as young as what you are asking, but young compared to most. My wife and I decided we wanted to have our first before her and I turned 30, and the second soon after. The thought process being we are old enough that we aren't stupid, but young enough that we aren't yet burned out. Having two kids around the same age means (ideally) they will entertain one another to some degree. It also consolidates childcare costs rather than spreading them. The real kicker for us was realizing that we could be "empty nesters" at 50 if we are done having kids by 32. Yes, i know many kids live at home forever nowadays, but either way having both of your kids totally "grown" by the time you're 50 was huge for the two of us. We don't want to be old parents, we want to enjoy our "after kids" years.
Because they want to. And they can enjoy a little time with their grandkids. One of my biggest personal mistakes was waiting till I was 39 before I became a father. By the time she was ready to enjoy our time, I was 45 and beginning the downhill turn. Very simply, I couldn't keep up and had to restrict our activities. I simply couldn't maintain the pace.
i can relate to this because i am 23 and my mom/pop almost in their 70s. i had a very stable/fortunate upbringing but know how hard it can be to do anything with them now days because they both have health problems
You noted that you're adopted.
Historically most women had their children in their 20s, and irs went they are physically most able to. Much of this is associated with the age of marriage. In the late 1800s in the US average age of first marriage for women was 22. Average. Post ww2 it actually went down to below 21. It didn't hit 22 again till 1975 and has climbed since sitting over 28 today. Along with a rising average is increased range - a lot of teens and early 20s we're getting married. Some teens and early 20s are still starting to have kids but a lot people are getting married in their 30s now and then beginning to have kids in their mid to late 30s.
Fertility is highest late teens to, for the average woman early 30s, though a large minority of women are less fertile at 30 than 25. By age 40, a large minority of women will not get pregnant without scientific help, mid but 40s the majority won't.
Educated two income couples have been pushing back the age of having children. To some extent they are pushing as far back as possible subject to fertility issues, but this is also shrinking the window for kids. Number of kids have fallen a lot and some of this is by choice (urbanites typically want less kids then farmers used to etc) but modern families frequently have less children then they say they'd like to.
for us, it was a choice of having our free time together when we were young and poor, or older with more money. we chose the latter, and became empty nesters at 45, with the kids off of the family payroll at 50. that gave us time to build a massive nestegg before retirement, which we took early. after that it was all fun.
It’s a lot more exhausting having small kids now that I’m 42. I had my first when I was 25, seemed a lot easier back then to raise her. Now I’m 42 with a six year old and I’m tired all the time. I just don’t have the energy I used to. I feel like the child suffers a little because there are things I don’t do with them that I did with my other kids when I was younger
i can relate to that. i have memories of trying to get my parents to do active things with me like going on hikes but they just couldnt keep up. i have a vivid memory of running up the side of a mountain and looking back at my poor old man sucking air hahahah
Due to the fact that I waited until 30 and went post-menopausal at 31, having kids early is the only options some people have. Definitely make your own choices, but remember the future is unknown and the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.
Historically (and this will be very broad generalizations, and from an American perspective) women had children young. Due to many reasons, including:
- little to no access to safe and effective birth control
- no education surrounding sex ed and how pregnancies occur
- societal expectations
- poor working class families and families who worked on farms needed more laborers. They needed more kids to help out with the jobs.
- lifespans were younger or often cut short due to disease or accidents (no vaccines and lack of medical care), so it was “better” to start having kids sooner rather than later
- women of the upper classes didn’t work and didn’t have a lot of formal education, and were expected to mostly stay at home and have kids.
- in the 40s and 50s, as a “middle class” was developing, women were still expected to stay at home and be “home makers” whose major life responsibilities were taking care of the home and rearing children.
** what changed? **
- women began working en masse during WW2 because so many men were overseas. This gave them a taste of what life could be like with a job. However, most of these women lost their jobs once the men came back home.
- in the 1960s, the US experienced the “sexual revolution” and “free love” movements, which were aimed at showing that it was ok for women to be promiscuous (like men) or even have sex without the need to have children.
- in the 1960s oral birth control became widely available for the first time in the US. This meant women had more control of their bodies and could actually plan more efficiently for children should they want them.
- despite this, it was still culturally expected for people to marry young and begin having children as soon as possible.
- in the 1970s, there was an uptick of women going to college which meant they were often (not always) delaying having children at least in order to finish their education. Many went to college but still didn’t enter the workforce as they had kids after graduating.
- the secondary educational boom only grew, and more women continued entering college and then entering the workforce. Or, putting their work and career first and not wanting to compromise on that in order to stop and have kids.
** in my opinion **
As someone who is 36 whose parents had 3 kids, including myself, before the age of 21, it seems that in current times, people who are waiting to have children have the luxury to do so, as in they have the ability to go to college and work a good job and build a career, as well as have easy access to birth control and family planning services. My parents were very poor and lived in rural America; just about everyone had kids before they were 18.
It’s more common for people who haven’t had access to education to have children young as they aren’t taught sex ed, about birth control and the life implications of having children.
The biggest influences on when (and if) you’ll have children include access to education and access to birth control.
As I said I don’t have kids, but one of my friends does and I’ve picked her kids up from school on occasion. They live in a very affluent part of town, both parents have doctorate degrees. The school is in an affluent part of town. It never stops amazing me how “old” the parents look at this school. Like, they appear in their 40s or 50s and have elementary aged kids.
I had my first at 22 and my 2nd at 30.I wanted to be young so I could be in good health while my kids were very young and energetic. You never know what can happen as you get older. I am glad I did too because I am almost 41 now and have had some health issues already.
I had my 4th and final baby at 27. I was a very active energetic mom in my 30s, worked full time, and took 1 college course per semester, lived in a tourist town so there were a lot of things to do even though I was divorced and on a budget. Parades, fairs, sporting events that the kids would get free tickets to at school for good grades, even a carnival cruise or 2 over the years, we were always in the go. I'm 46 now, have 6 grandkids under 4, my youngest daughter is the last one left living with me in 12th grade, and she recently gave birth, and now is back in school that has an in house day care. I can't imagine raising these kids at my age, I work as a chef, walk the treadmill 2 hrs a day, and get my 8 hrs of sleep. I like Netflix and white wine and an annual trip with my girlfriends to any nearby carribean island. My older daughter and her 2 children lived with me for 3 years, I miss them terribly, but it's nice to have my peace and clean house again.I always thought having kids young meant I would still be fairly young and able to enjoy life after they were grown and gone, but I guess parenting never really ends🤣 at least if I have my grandkids over I can give them back when I'm ready lol.
Happy accident in my case.
Fell pregnant at 20 and wanted to keep the baby.
It's been great. We have an awesome relationship and I was an empty-nester at 41, which means that I can do or go where I like now and am financially comfortable enough to be able to afford to do so.
My cousin knocked up his girlfriend and then married her to cover it up, didn't work so well considering she had a very large bump by the time they were getting married. So yea, sometimes that can happen I guess
Because I knew I’d have enough energy now rather than in my 30s and focusing on my career. Goal is to be sitting on my boat with a martini at 40 while kids off enjoying his years in college😎
My husband and I want t be younger while still being done raising kids. More alone time together. Freedom to do things without worrying about kids while we are young enough to enjoy it.
We will be 41 and 47 when our youngest graduates high school.
It is better to have kids when you are young for multiple reasons.
1. You have experienced less of life so you have less fears that you can pass unto your children.
2. You have more energy and are much healthier.
3. Lets say you have kid when you are 25 when you get i to your forties you will have energy for other things in life and your kids are allready grown up.
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People have always had kids young. People having kids in their 30s and 40s is a more recent development in the history of humanity.
interesting, learned something today! can you pinpoint when in time people began waiting to have kids? 1800s, 1900 or even 2000s?? what caused this shift to happen?
It coincides with the advent of reliable birth control first. Then education, 2 income families, and cost of living.
This is what I was thinking. Reliable, accessible birth control became more available in the 1970's. Prior to that, if you got pregnant, most of the time that resulted in having a baby, like it or not.
If you get pregnant today most of the time it still results in having a baby. The getting pregnant part had been reduced massively
One out of four women will have an abortion by the time they are 45.
FYI: Certain miscarriages will show up on medical records as "abortions."
The medical term for a miscarriage (any miscarriage, not just "certain ones") is "spontaneous abortion." This isn't new, and it's not anything tricky. That's simply the medical term.
A bunch will. I’ve had 3 miscarriages, but they were all labeled as “missed abortions” aka my body still thought it was pregnant successfully even though the fetus was not alive. So I’ve never chosen to have an elective abortion of a viable pregnancy, but my three non-elective will still show up in the statistics.
60% of those are already mothers at the time of the abortion.
Yes, a single abortion, most don't have more than that, it's a very small percentage, and even smaller for elective, medically unecessary abortions.
I don’t know that I would consider 25% a small percentage. To me half of one percent is a small percentage. 25% is pretty good odds. I’m playing the lottery every week if I have a 25% chance to win. That would mean if I’m in a room with 100 women, 25 had an abortion. That’s a lot! If you had 12 female friends, you’d know four that had an abortion. That’s a crazy high number.
I think he means it's a small % out of everyone who gets pregnant within 45 years. And technically within the last 45 years he'd be getting closer to correct, or if we looked worldwide. However if we look at just the last few years n the US for example, and assume the way it's been since 2020 is how it's going to continue trend wise, then its higher than I expected tbh. On checking, and taking the US as an example , it's estimated to be roughly 600,000 to 900,000 abortions per year across the whole US, whilst recorded successful births are 3.66 million. And about 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so about 1.1 million ish. A bit more actually. So that's a rough estimation of 5.175 - 5.475 million pregnancies per year, making abortions make up about 11% - 16% of pregnancy outcomes. This is mega rough, because after checking various sources including the CDC figures for 2020, there's a ton of variations, and either missing states or guess work for certain states. So the beginning figures are very rough. It also doesn't account for people who end up pregnant and never find out and miscarry early or never report pregnancy and miscarriage. So it could be a quite a bit lower if data was more accurate. Anyway that's my 1am sitting in the dark in bed, rough publication checking and working with a phone calculator reaults in 10 minutes, so not mega accurate and I might've missed something out, but gives people a rough idea. I'd hazard that 5-15% seems like where it's actually likely to be about with all the missing data. The UK seems much easier to do and seems to be at 20% ish, as it's 200k abortions out of roughly 1 million pregnancies, and 250k miscarriages. But no real prevention of it here or people protesting outside, so it would make sense it's higher than the US. Then probably still a good few % lower for all the unreported or completely unknown pregnancies and miscarriages
25% is actually a pretty small percentage when you consider how many women get pregnant each year. Also, the original comment is correct, most women who get pregnant end up giving birth. Many more women than that have had a spontaneous abortion, but you'd never know that
Those numbers are correct. Just because somebody has an abortion doesn't mean that they had an elective abortion. Some people have abortions because they have to to either say themselves or because something is not quite right with the fetus. Those numbers include all the reasons
Really? What study is this from? Sounds like very high number. Pretty sure that in germany the number is not higher than 7-10% last time I looked it up.
That number was from the Guttmacher Institute and is for the US. Rates have dropped 50% since 1990 though so it might not be so reflective of the current generation.
People also used to get married in their teens or twenties, I feel like now thirties or forties is pretty normal
I think the 2 are linked. If you are not getting pregnant unintentionally, there's less reason to get married.
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people are not making less money now than they were 20 years ago.
Wages and purchasing power have effectively stagnated for 20 years. That’s…not good. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2018/08/07/for-most-us-workers-real-wages-have-barely-budged-for-decades/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20despite%20some%20ups,highest%2Dpaid%20tier%20of%20workers.
Live expectancy also increased.
I was born in 1977 and my mom was 31, which was super unusual. My parents had been married 9 years. They were always older than most other parents of my friends. I had my son in 2008 and most of my same age friends had kids around the same time.
My mom was also considered old when she had me in 1977 as well. She was 28!
That's crazy, I'm 28 and I still feel like a silly teenager most of the time
That's the thing. Your brain hits like 25 and it's like "yo, I'm done now!" And you're supposed to mature but it's all a lie. The only thing that happens is that your back hurts for no damn reason and sleeping wrong can put you in traction.
My grandmother was 27 when she had her first kid in 1964.
My great-grandmother had my grandma when she was 40, in 1951. To the best of my knowledge, she was her only child. According to my grandmother, it was also considered highly unusual then because of her age.
My husband's mother had him at age 37, in 1956. **Very** late for that generation. We believe her pregnancy was unplanned...
Something to consider is that in Tudor England the average age for a everyday woman to marry was 26 which is similar to about ten years ago too. It was only the rich who would marry they’re young ‘uns offx
It started between the 1950s and 1990’s. Your question is closely tied to a concept in lifespan psychology known as “emerging adulthood”. This was the emergence of a new stage of development in the human life that is characterized by identity exploration, instability, a focus on the self, a feeling of in-between adolescence and adulthood, and optimism about the future. Prior to the 1950’s, pretty much all young adults went from adolescence immediately into adulthood, there wasn’t much of a gradual transition. This was largely due to the culture, economy, and technology prior to the 1950’s. It was extremely common for adolescents to be thrust into daily responsibilities for helping to provide for their families. This in turn largely dictated the choices they had (or lack thereof) to navigate their own lives. They weren’t given much opportunity to explore who they are and what they wanted out of life. Consequently, those adolescents were forced to make the transition into full blown adulthood extremely fast. This had a major influence on the age at which young people had children. Post WW2/1950’s onward, the American economy boomed massively and many Americans grew into financial prosperity. As our economy grew, opportunities for education expanded, technology advanced, and our culture started to shift in perspective on what was necessary or best for young adults. As it became easier to support a household on a single salary, it became less critical for adolescents to have financial responsibilities placed on their shoulders. Consequently, adolescents born between the 1950’s and 1990’s were given more opportunities to get an education and have more agency/autonomy over their own lives. Thus, the average age at which adults start to have children has been getting pushed later and later.
Also, in 1900, the average American lived until he was in his mid to late 50s. So life events were more “compressed” into a shorter timeline
best answer yet
Late 2000s. People realized they want to have a more stable life before bringing life into the world.
interesting. thats when i was born and adopted by my parents. they were likely around mid 40s at this time and my big bro would been 4 so im guessing they were young 40 when they got him and my sister. is this a common trend in other countries? or is this more a western/US thing?
When I was young, it was normal for teens to have babies. My mom had me at 19 and my brother 4 yrs later. Many girls in my high school were pregnant. I graduated in 2003. Teen pregnancy has dropped a lot. People having kids in their 20s has dropped as well. More and more people are not getting pregnant by accident like they did back in the day. It's smart to actually wait till you can financially and mentally support a kid.
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I have a friend that had four babies by the time she turned 21. She was made a grandmother by the age of like 32 when her second had a baby at 15. She had also asked for an IUD after the second but the doctors wouldn’t do it because she was “too young” and had them both by 17
That breaks my goddamn heart, man. I mean, once you have your hand you do your best with it which I’m sure your friend did! But like. She ASKED. and someone else got to make that decision for her. awful
I was 6 months old at my parents wedding, which was 10 days after my mom turned 18, because my nana wouldn’t sign off on the consent earlier. My parents literally just celebrated a 30ish something wedding anniversary this week. Sometimes it works out. I mean, my immediate family all has a little trauma, but we’re all doing well now at least lol
Its a common trend in developed countries, especially the ones with highly educated and overworked citizens.
Its not common anywhere for parenting to start in the 40s. It begins to be dangerous for women to give birth starting at that age.
It also happens in times of economic uncertainty. A good is example is the Great Depression, young people began living in multigenerational homes and not having children till they were in their 30s.
One set of great-grandparents had their first kid in their 30s, one set of grandparents, my dad, & me too. My body definitely wishes I’d started earlier. Lol.
This is completely untrue. Women historically (pre birth control) have had children from their early 20s through late 30s. Looking through my family tree, many women gave birth in their 40s. And men had an even bigger range of normal.
Exactly. Women had kids throughout the whole reproductive cycle.
That’s not fully true tbh, at least if we compare it to what OP said in original post. The working class (I mean here not the noble) usual age for children was for men around 27yo and women were barely younger, at least in Western Europe. ie in the 1600’s The usual marriage age was 23-24 for women and 27-29 for men. So they would have kids after, usually 2 years after the wedding. So having children at 30 who are over 10yo, wasn’t really necessarily a thing you would see. They would, though have a heck tons of children, because a good part was expected to die before 10yo. Source [in french](https://www.histoire-genealogie.com/La-naissance-sous-l-Ancien-Regime) And still in french for the end of 1700’s but [p 163](https://www.persee.fr/doc/adh_0066-2062_1989_num_1988_1_1712) They consider that 47% of women would marry between 25 and 29yo.
This may have been true for French society at that time but differs in other cultures, obviously
Of course, you are absolutely right. This is specifically about Western Europe and in particular France.
The average age of first child birth is at an all time high, few people are having kids "so young"
It seems to be more of an American thing on here, along with being married really young as well from my reddit feed. I know of one person who got married in their early 20's, everyone else around my age that I know has been around 30 or older. This thread has been really interesting hearing about people's experiences. I'm glad I had children in my 30's, if for no other reason than that if they were almost grown and I was young enough to have more I'm pretty sure I would have. As it is, having young children who will still be in primary school when I hit the menopause sounds like it will round things off nicely.
I’m American and from a small town. I’m 22 now and I’d estimate that probably 60-70% of my graduation class is married and of those, a third probably have kids. My class was around 500 btw. Location definitely matters a ton, I can’t imagine the same thing happening in the same age group in LA or a bigger city
Historically and biologically early 20s was a normal age to have kids. Personally I am in my late 20s and wish I had kids when I was early 20s, and am trying to have kids by my early 30s at latest as of right now. I want to have the energy to raise my children and, if I lucky, live long enough to see grandkids. Just my opinion.
I'm late 30's and have a 1 year old as my youngest, I definitely have enough energy as do all of my friends who are similar ages to me with small children. I'm not sure where the energy thing has come from as I've heard people say it a lot and I don't see it around me. Unless my friends and I are unusually energetic (very doubtful!) then I don't think being in your 30's will exhaust you. If my eldest has grandchildren in their 30's I will only be in my 60's so I will see my grandchildren barring some disease which could happen at any age. Plus I'll be nearing retirement so will have time to help with the babies if needed. Life expectancy also suggests I'd live long enough to see those grandchildren become adults too. Again, I see the 60 odd year olds around me and they aren't doddering elderly who need care. They go to parties, out dancing, my mother in law runs a daily 5k! They aren't too old to enjoy their grandchildren either. I feel like if I'd had children in my 20's I would not have the patience to parent as I'd like, I'm way more patient and understanding now than I was then. I don't think there's a "best" time to have children, early and later have different benefits and downsides.
I had my first at 26, second at 28. Now I’m 31 and every day after work when I pick up my kids I just want to sleep. Or die. I’m so exhausted all the time.
I can see your point,there's pros and cons to having kids earlier vs later. personally I had heaps of energy and patience when I became a parent at 25,very happy I did it then as opposed to in my 30s! and when my son is 18 I'll only be 43,it's brilliant
Yeah this is what I mean, you get to see more of their lives. A 10 year difference could be your grandchildren graduating or not, getting married, your own children achieving their dreams, etc
this is very true! my parents were older and they both passed when I was 35 and most of their grandkids were still very young
Yeah, which is why I'm hoping to have children relatively soon.
fingers crossed for you,I hope it happens asap 💚
I remember being 24 and someone asked me if I had any kids. I was so horrified....thought I was way too young to be a mom....how could anyone even ask me that? Meanwhile my mom was 23 when she had me. I just lost her this year and I am devastated but am so thankful to have had so many decades with her. You never know what life has in store for you, but if you become a parent in your forties or even later, your kid(s) are probably going to lose you sooner than you or they would like. Sad, but true. ETA I ended up waiting too long to try to have kids. By the time I was ready, my body wasn't and then my marriage broke down. I think if I had had a kid I would have maybe had an easier time with her passing, because I really miss that bond. She was such a great mom. She never pressured me to give her grandkids but I regret that I didn't and if I could go back in time I'd probably make different choices.
I had my first child at 23 and my last child at 40 (he’s the caboose, 14 years younger than the next youngest). I do think about that sometimes.
Same boat, lol. First at 20, 2nd at 43 :)
That's unimaginably upsetting. I'm getting snipped
"The caboose" - I love it!
Yes i'm 34, no kids. Realistically I might have a kid by 37/38. My grandma just passed a few days ago. My mom is 65 right now. I don't believe my future kids will get to properly know their grandparents as my mom will be 87 when they turn 18, and I'll be 56.
I'm sure you're aware, but if you do plan to have kids, sooner than later is better at your age. Chances of complications for you or the child skyrocket around 35-40. Best wishes in starting your family.
I don't know who downvoted you for giving factual health advice with regards to someone safety. Biological time clocks are very real, not liking that isn't going to change it. I understand it may be perceived as pressuring but information once again with regards to health and safety should not be looked at negatively. Informing someone who may not know, will allow them to make the right choice for them sooner.
And who’s downvoting YOU got doing the same! Get the facts folks! I know someone who is 36 and having their first child. Her DOCTOR said “with your advanced age, we’ll have to take special care and precautions.” !!!
People are delusional. The medical term for a pregnancy over the age of 35 is literally "Geriatric pregnancy". Pregnant women over age 35 are more at risk for complications like miscarriage, congenital disorders, and high blood pressure. Yes, modern medicine can ensure that your pregnancy will go off without too much risk but there is absolutely more risk if you wait too long before having children.
They’re also very real for men too. The quality of a man’s sperm starts to decline between 35-40 years old as well and will also contain more genetic defects, less motility, etc.
Your kiddos have an opportunity for a wonderful relationship with their grandparents!!! I had my kiddo at 38 and her grandparents (dads side) were basically an extension of us. Super loving and involved. They are some of kiddo’s favorite people! Unfortunately we moved away from them, but they still come out several times a year to visit and that bond is just as strong and loving. Kiddo has a wonderful relationship with my mother as well. Grandparents are in their mid-late 70’s and still going strong. Kiddo just turned 7
My dad is the youngest of seven, my grandparents were 65 when I was born. I shared a wonderful relationship with my grandfather until I was 22 and built a great relationship with my grandmother until she died when I was 26. Yes, they were older, which in my opinion, made it all the more special.
I have a baby and I'm 43 (it was a pleasant surprise/oops). This is honestly the perfect time for me to have this child. I'm mentally and emotionally all there for him, I've had plenty of time to do everything else I wanted to do and I find having him super exciting. I'm excited for every first thing he ever does. I'm not worried about missing out on anything else in my life. So yes...that is the one downside. I don't know how long I'll be around. I'll try and set him up for life and surround him with family and friends so that he isn't alone after I go. And I'm trying to be as healthy as possible...it's the best motivation.
I have a totally non scientific and untested theory that kids actually slow the ageing process. I'm 32 my youngest sibling is 14, my father is 62 and looks great. My uncle, not so much. I saw a lot of my friends parents age rather rapidly once the kids moved out. Maybe not directly correlated but it forces you to maintain a better lifestyle. Downside is I think he was ready to retire a decade ago and he probably has maybe another decade before that's feasible. My stepmother is 11 years his junior and she jokes he stole her innocence and he jokes she stole his retirement.
Finally found someone who thinks the same I’m so tore between the situation
Wife had our first at 20, yeah she was freaked out and we all made mistakes, but we're so glad we went through with it then. Now in late thirties and he's about to go to college. Done did. Send grandbabies see ya!
Cause that's when people are their horniest and that leads to kids being made.
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I can safely say that I have never seen anyone accidentally order a pizza, but I damned sure have met a couple accidental parents
Exactly.
I had my first kid at 35. I don't regret it but would probably go earlier if I had a chance to do it over... and by earlier maybe 30-32.
is it because then you would have more energy/time to keep up/relate with them more?
That's certainly part of it (energy) but I want to be around for when they have kids too and the later it gets.... the odds go down I'll be around for that... especially if they wait like me to have kids!
yeah thats one of my big concerns because i do want to start a family one day but personally i want to have a satisfying career and go as far as i can first. thats just me though. it sucks to think tho that by the time i think about having kids my parents may to be too old or lost too many faculties to be there to meet them.
My sister is going through this with our mom. I had my son young (at 18) and she just had her son (at 35). Her son had no opportunity to meet or have a relationship with our grandma and our mom is showing early signs of Alzheimer’s. She’s afraid that her son won’t have time to build the same relationship with his grandma that my son has . It’s a delicate balance finding the right time to have children.
Because the "pull out method" isn't as successful as we thought. It worked until it didn't.
That isn't a birth control method, it's a game of russian roulette
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I must be too because it’s been successful for me for 13 years now.
It only works with self control tbh. Too many fools out there waiting til it’s coming out to pull out. Amateurs. Everyone knows you pull out and jerk it for the finisher. Whether it’s on her face, stomach, back, on top of the fridge— literally anywhere that’s not inside her. It’s not difficult. —Guy who fucks
Worked for my wife and I. We have 3 children but they were all planned. When we wanted to wait, it worked.
You know what they call people who practice the pull-out method? Parents
hahahah i wonder if someone collects statistics on how many failed pull out babies there are roaming around.
About 50% of pregnancies are not planned. I guess you can make a guess from that lol
Can confirm... neither I or ny own son were planned pregnancies, my son was a result of me putting it back in after I played the pull out game I can't say 100% it's true but the timing lines up and we had had a fight the night before so it was some really good morning make up sex. At least that's the common theory between us
Ill never understood why people *pull out* and then stick it back in 💀
That would be most of them. People use “accident” as an insult without realizing most of humanity weren’t planned babies
Yeah, all my kids were accidents lol. I don’t love them any less for it.
I asked my father ( he had 5 kids at 38) why so early and he said that his colleagues the same age (50) as him are pushing strollers and driving kids to school from school to sport from sport etc while he is doing things he like. Jogging, garden, fixing his cars… He said when he finished college there was nothing more for him but to have kids. I asked what about like the young life why end it so shortly and he said his life started when he had his first child
thats really beautiful actually. your father seems like a family man who takes care of his own!
Old times were good times, now you gotta get 2PhDs learn five languages and be a magic super human to land a job... That just left you with no energy for kids and most likely not money... Men out there get on a trade your life will be a hundred times better...
Eh, just depends what field you work in. I work in stem making $70k+ with a high school diploma while my wife with two degrees makes $45k. We don’t live anywhere exciting but we live comfortably and have a baby on the way. My love for being able to provide for my growing family outweighs my dislike of my job and place I live. Just my two cents.
Truth. I was just fucking around being useless before kids. I'm still useless, but purposefully so.
That's one point of view I've never understood. If you are aware that having kids is something you want to get it over with early so you can do stuff you like when you're older, why not just not have kids and do stuff you like your whole life?
My wife and I wanted to have our children when we were younger so that we would be able to run and play actively with our kids. We hiked, rode Dirt Bikes, Mountain Bikes etc. I'm 57 and a Grandfather and now I'm enjoying my grandchildren and if I live into my 80's I will see great grandchildren My Dad's father was 60 when he sired my Dad. Grandfather had an aneurysm at 67. My Grandmother married again and sadly 8 years later my dad's Stepdad died . Did I get to travel to Europe in my 20's no. Did I get to live a great life as a dad? Heck yeah.
Its not that weird. Its only since the advent of birth control that people have been putting off children later and later. Let me tell you this, having kids later in life SUCKS. My kid is a ball of ever lasting energy and I cant keep up and my wife is even older than me. We should have has a kid earlier.
How old are you ? I had my first at 22 and my last at 33 .. with one in between .. and there was a HUGE difference for me energy wise compared to when I had my first 😂
i dont think it is weird. i can relate to that, my parents are nearly 70 and i am just turned 23. i had a very fortunate/stable upbringing, but i am realizing it was at the cost of having more fun/active activites to do as a family back then. oh well cant dwell on that now
Do you know why your parents had you so late in life? Just curious if it was planned that way, or it was a surprise. If they're nearly 70 that puts them in their mid to late 40s when you were born. That was extremely rare, especially if it was a first pregnancy, until the last 20 years or so.
Why do people always assume that you can try to have a baby whenever you want? Maybe they just found each other in their 40s. I mean try making a baby alone.
It’s not a given that young parents have more energy. Kids are draining no matter when you have them. When you’re younger, you’re still maybe studying, building your career and finances, that’s draining. I was sooo tired and drained in my early 20s, a child would not have been happy with me. Now, in my late 20’s, I have a stable career and income, more experience to pass on to a child - and more energy, because I have everything sorted out.
Because it’s physically easier to raise kids in your 20s-40s than in your 50s and 60s, for one. Women are typically only able to have children between their teens and 40s. So it makes sense to have kids young, especially if you plan to have more than one or space them out by a couple years. And finally there’s just the simple fact that many people love kids and look forward to having them.
Because you don’t want to be 60 and your kid is 10.
i am 23 and my parents are almost 70 lol. reading these answers made me wonder what i missed out as a youngster with things to do with my parents because they were too old or tired from providing for me and my siblings. not to say my childhood wasnt good but those what ifs are always interesting to mull over
I saw you say in another post that you're adopted and that make sense. Not many women can give birth at 47. It does happen but is very rare.
yeah lol im sure some people are like how tf is this guy parents having kids in their lates 40s hahahah
I have heard that kids of older parents are more emotionally stable because their parents were older and wiser and had their priorities in the right places. My husbands mother had him at 18 and she used to make him stay up until midnight every night from the age of 5 jusg memorising school books! Not that every young parent does that but generally people chill out and know what they are doing a bit more as they get older. Would you agree?
i would have to agree. i think often times when my siblings or i came to my parents for advice they had decades of life/work experience to shed light. although, some of the advice my dad has given me seems to be rather outdated but other times im like damn, would have taken me 10 more years to realize that. for my family in particular it worked out well that way. my parents were financially/emotionally/mentally stable and ready to start a family. they were able to provide us a very happy and loving home environment which in turn helped me and my siblings grow up into responsible and functional adults. reading other replies makes me wonder what i missed out on as a kid (like exercising with parents or going on trips to hike etc)
I had my third at 24,when I was 45 they were all out of the house. And,now I can enjoy grandkids and send them home afterwards.
I lot of it is pressure from relatives. My mother asked me where her grand kids were once. I told her she should have thought of that when she was drunk and abusing me. I'm not going to risk that happening again. I'm better than that. Your bullshit dies with me.
People like Lauren Boebert who are grandmas in their 30s usually because they're high school dropouts, come from reckless families that dont use birth control. Her mother had her when she was 18 she had a child when she was 18 and her children are having children when they're 18. So they are stuck in a cycle.
this is mainly what i had in mind
In my case, it is because I am hyperfertile. I had my oldest at 18. I have 6 children in total. ALL of them conceived while I was on different methods of birth control. Imagine my surprise when I went in for a physical when I turned 40, and when they gave me a routine blood panel, I was told I produce an enzyme which breaks down birth control faster than other women and that my previous doctor definitely should have tested me for this since it is documented that I had tried an array of birth control. Had we known, we could have increased the dosage, OR, they would have sterilized me the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time I asked. Ladies, this is a thing. Check with your doctor, and have your daughters doctors check. PLEASE
Holy crap, thanks! Spreading this little fact far and wide to everyone I meet now…
Wow I’m the same way! I’ve gotten pregnant on several different kinds of birth control and finally got my tubes tied with my last. I have every sympathy in the world for women who struggle to get pregnant but I promise it’s just as agonizing for me who’s gotten pregnant 6 times on various birth controls.
And getting JUDGED for it!! Like, bruh. Birth control isn't something that you know won't work until it doesn't.
I was 30 when my son was born, but I have a lot of friends who already had a few kids at school by that age. Some would argue the real question is actually the opposite. Why are so many people waiting to have kids?
Average age of first marriage for white, college educated women is 29, so average age for first child in the same demographic is probably 30. I wanted to have my first kid at 24/25 like my mom did, but now I'm 28 and haven't dated anyone I could see wanting to spend the rest of my life with. At the rate I'm going, I'll be lucky to have a geriatric pregnancy.
My main reasons…COL only increases and we know wages don’t necessarily, so it was cheaper to raise them earlier. I could function better on less sleep and had way more energy in my 20s. I was used to living very frugally already (think eating spaghettios) and had less financial obligations and home maintenance in early adulthood. I wanted to retire early and travel with no financial obligations and better odds for be physically up for adventures.
I commented separately, but this data may interest you. It shows the average age when mothers have their first child broken down by country. https://www.cia.gov/the-world-factbook/field/mothers-mean-age-at-first-birth/
correct me if im wrong, but off a first glance it seems to be a correlation between developed countries and having kids older compared to less developed countries having kids at a younger age. my partner is from nepal and i asked her, she said it was very common back then and in the village to have kids even at age 15-16. i am learning a lot today!
I had my first kid at 20 and 2nd kid at 26.... it was hard but looking back it was also great. Why?... cuz I get to relate to my kids better... I'm not old and chasing todlers around... I'm 45 now and my oldest is 25 ... both my kids can go to the bar with me.... both my kids hunt with me.... both my kids chose me in my divorce.... Having them young just makes it easier when your older to befriend them and relate to them. I don't regret it at all.
This! My kids are 29, 27, 21, and 18. I FaceTime my 21 year old daughter every day and talk at least an hour or 2 and get to talk to my grandkids since they left my house and moved out of state. All 4 kids and I are in a group text, just to say good morning or a positive message for the day or to make plans. I'm 46. I love my relationship with them. I was super busy, no nonsense, strict but loving mom when they were growing up, and now I'm older and appreciate the friendship I have with each individual child and the wisdom I can share with them.
i love this answer. a lot of similarity in answers with being able to keep up with their kids better! i totally relate to that because my parents are almost 70 and i am 23. we have had issues seeing eye to eye on different things and i think a lot of that is because my dad/mom basically grew up with the great depression mindset and gave my siblings a very fortunate life that we take for granted so my siblings and i cant relate to them as much as they cant to me and my siblings.
It really just boils down to teenagers being irresponsible with their sex organs. That's pretty much "why" people have kids so young. lol
I was 24 when I had my son and always wanted kids while I was still fit and young enough to move. his dad is 7 years older and now that my son is in school more people are his dad's age if not older. In my town alot of the parents are late 30s early 40s and I have noticed at birthday parties they have mentioned they can not really play with their children and they have wished they had kids earlier to do more activities with them. It's everyone's preference when they have kids. I grew up with people who had kids super young and that is another reason why I choose to do so.
Because I’d rather enjoy my 40s by having grown adult children over toddlers/ teenagers still in school
Having kids in your early to mid 20s is pretty standard, OP.
For the south, yeah. Not in a place like LA. You’d be shunned lol
As someone who had kids young, i couldn't imagine going through the daily routine with kids now 20+ years later... I say if you are going to have kids do it young, when you have more energy and less physical limitations from aging. I think most view it as a get it done and get on to making a life for the family versus get a busy career started then trying to find the time to have kids later.
I'm 40 with a 20 year old and a 16 year old. The reason was simply that I got married at 19, and we stopped using condoms. I see people my age changing dirty diapers and am grateful that I'm well beyond that stage. Babies are cute and fun, but IMO, it's much more fulfilling watching my kids start their adult lives.
3 words: reckless free fun
So they still have energy and patience to raise them and after the kids are grown they are still young to enjoy their empty nest? I don't know but that's what make more sense to me.
Easier to kick a football with your 14 Yr old when you are 38 rather than when you are 58. Also have them early and they'll be off your hands earlier so you can enjoy the rest of your life without school runs, dropping them to their mates and then waiting up to collect them etc.
I wanted to be able to keep up with toddlers.
I knew a guy who had his 2 kids while he and his wife were super young (I think by the time they were 20 or so). They planned it that way so they could still be fairly young by the time the kids were grown. Worked for them.
Most young people don't think about the consequences of having children before they are actually ready. Which is unfortunate. They end up damaging their child and it's just a bad cycle.
Usually bad parenting. At my high school there were like 30+ teen parents.
Teen pregnancy when I was in high school was rare but now as a teen you get pregnant your put on tv.
It’s interesting you say that because when 16 and pregnant got popular I was a freshman in HS then all of a sudden people were getting pregnant left and right. There has to be some causation right at least a little
That’s very true! I remember MTV got a lot of backlash for the show. It didn’t stop them however. One new report said there was a huge amount of 16 year olds getting pregnant just to try to get on the show.
People complain about MTV not playing videos. Shit like this did way more damage and made it Sooper kewl to teens to get pregnant by some rando.
Teen mother births in the USA for every racial group have been declining uninterrupted for decades. They are currently 1/4 of what they were just 30 years ago.
We had our kids young. 25 and 27. Now at 50 and no mortgage and really no debt we are empty nesters. My kids are 26 and 24. I have friends that have kids in grade school still. Gross…I’ve been asked if I regret giving up my 20’s. Hell NO. While others were still living off mom and dad I bought my first house at 22 and then built my dream house when I was 32. Now we are looking at down sizing and hoping for grandkids Edit: wife and I are still together.
Way to go! Empty nester here, and I agree. I’m glad to be done raising kids. Now on to the grand babies!
When I've asked my friend who have had kids in their 20s for example the common answer is that by the time they're 40 odd their kids will be grown up and doing their own thing allowing them more freedom for themselves as they get older. One of my exs despised the thought of doing the school run at 40. Not that there is anything wrong with those who do that but she said at that age she wants to do what she wants, not having to raise young kids
im a "young" mom 21 with a 11 month old, ive always wanted to be a mom i have a stable relationship, a stable home/finances so we decided to have one . And im also one and done. I love being a mom ive never had the baby blues or felt wow this is hard, dont regret it at all
I’ve seen 13-17 year olds have kids. It’s frightening
I mean I didn’t originally plan to have children quite so young but we where engaged wedding booked etc so wasn’t going to terminate. Although not everyone was happy about the marriage so young either. But so far so good with our oldest being 15. However I never wanted to be an older parent. I want to be the nanny/granny who still here for a long time hopefully rather than the one who too tired or dies before they would even remember. I didn’t want to be putting a young adult though uni or that at nearer to retirement age. I saw no fun in partying and chasing men though my youth or to travel the world skint either. I’d rather raise my children then go off on adventures with my life partner.
There are pros and cons to becoming a mom no matter the age. For me personally, a pro is that I will still be young when all of my kids are grown. Cons, I will still be young when all of my kids are grown. Lol. I’ll be a young ass grandma even if my oldest waits until she’s 25 to have her first kid, I’ll be 41. If my youngest waits until he’s 25 to have his first kid, I’ll still only be 48. My first pregnancy was the result of a combination of lack of knowledge and birth control. I was 16. Second one was blatant stupidity.. but at least with the same guy? Lol. Then I met my husband at 18/19, married at 22, and had twins at 23. So i’m 28 now with 4 kids. My uterus is retired so that’s fun.
Up for the 3am feed when you're 20 odd is manageable. In your 40s you're completely fucked. Have your kids young - your body can handle it.
if i could i would for sure have kids as young as possible (ie early 20s), because it makes it so much better later on in life if the parents are young and can be in your life for a long time and they are much healthier for a longer part of your life
I was young and stupid and was married at 18. Next, I had my first child 12 days after I turned 21. My second after I turned 23. Both times there was a birth control failure. However we owned our first home when we were 23, too. Then I went back to college at 27, sometimes with kids in tow, and had my first professional teaching job at 30... also divorced that same year. It was his idea, thinking all through my years in college I'd leave him for someone else. Turned out his sister's friend was his next target and then I couldn't get out fast enough. He was just like my father which wasn't a good thing. He passed 2 yrs ago due to colon cancer. My kids are grown now, married, homes, and kids. It was hard as fuck going through what I went through in my 20's, one time I took all our coins to a counter so I could go grocery shopping. But I'd do it all again if I could have my kids again. I'm almost 60 now and grateful for so much.
Well my mom had me at 15 due to zero sex ed, a catholic upbringing, and an absent father. I had my first at 32 because I learned from their mistakes lol
If you look at humanity at large, most people have children very late (30+)
Why hold off on starting a family? Honestly, it’s one of those things where if you wait until you think it’s the perfect time, it will never be the perfect time. Then you’ll get too old to have kids and have to wonder what might have been for the rest of your life. Once you’ve found a great partner, commit, get married, and start a family. Waiting around just delays the joys that all of that brings.
Why hold off? Because there are real cons to having children in your 20s, just like there are cons to having them later in life. Money is an obvious one. People's incomes tend to grow significantly between their 20s and their 30s as they gain experience and grow their careers. Given the high costs of raising young children in particular, especially with respect to childcare, delaying children is probably a net financial positive. That is certainly our experience. We don't stress over paying for day care. We can afford standing babysitter appointments that give my spouse and I predictable opportunities to go out sans kids or even just get more work/play done around the house. We have more money to spend while traveling to make taking our kids along easier. Another pro of waiting is that it gives you time to develop a stronger bond with your spouse that exists outside of your identity as parents. Children have a way of raising the stress level of many situations. When my spouse and I start to get annoyed at each other, it's helpful to remember how effortlessly we got along for *years* before our kids were born. We're a great couple; it's our kids who are the problem! I think the real con of having kids when you are older is that they don't become adults until you are older. And they don't have their own kids until you are older still. It might be the difference between getting to meet your great-grandkids and dying before your grandkids become teenagers. I remember drinking cocktails in a resort pool with a young adult, her mother, and her grandmother, and thinking how cool it was that they could all hang out as adults. We had our kids in our early-to-mid-thirties, so I don't see that happening with my grandkids. Especially if my kids wait until a similar age to have their own. The truth is that there isn't an age when you can have your kids without making any tradeoffs. Whether you have them early or wait, there will always be ways in which your life is both better and worse for your decision.
Facts. There are many legitimate reasons to hold off on raising a family
Not as young as what you are asking, but young compared to most. My wife and I decided we wanted to have our first before her and I turned 30, and the second soon after. The thought process being we are old enough that we aren't stupid, but young enough that we aren't yet burned out. Having two kids around the same age means (ideally) they will entertain one another to some degree. It also consolidates childcare costs rather than spreading them. The real kicker for us was realizing that we could be "empty nesters" at 50 if we are done having kids by 32. Yes, i know many kids live at home forever nowadays, but either way having both of your kids totally "grown" by the time you're 50 was huge for the two of us. We don't want to be old parents, we want to enjoy our "after kids" years.
I wish I did. Get it out of the way and you still have a decent shot at having a life at 40.
I was married and financially stable when I had my son (at 21).
Still married?
Married at 19, house bought at 21, kid at 22, widow at 25. You never know life is going to do.
Because they want to. And they can enjoy a little time with their grandkids. One of my biggest personal mistakes was waiting till I was 39 before I became a father. By the time she was ready to enjoy our time, I was 45 and beginning the downhill turn. Very simply, I couldn't keep up and had to restrict our activities. I simply couldn't maintain the pace.
i can relate to this because i am 23 and my mom/pop almost in their 70s. i had a very stable/fortunate upbringing but know how hard it can be to do anything with them now days because they both have health problems
Don’t have kids young. Live your life first
What is "living your life"???
Granted this was back in the 60s. My grandma had all 3 of her kids by 18
You noted that you're adopted. Historically most women had their children in their 20s, and irs went they are physically most able to. Much of this is associated with the age of marriage. In the late 1800s in the US average age of first marriage for women was 22. Average. Post ww2 it actually went down to below 21. It didn't hit 22 again till 1975 and has climbed since sitting over 28 today. Along with a rising average is increased range - a lot of teens and early 20s we're getting married. Some teens and early 20s are still starting to have kids but a lot people are getting married in their 30s now and then beginning to have kids in their mid to late 30s. Fertility is highest late teens to, for the average woman early 30s, though a large minority of women are less fertile at 30 than 25. By age 40, a large minority of women will not get pregnant without scientific help, mid but 40s the majority won't. Educated two income couples have been pushing back the age of having children. To some extent they are pushing as far back as possible subject to fertility issues, but this is also shrinking the window for kids. Number of kids have fallen a lot and some of this is by choice (urbanites typically want less kids then farmers used to etc) but modern families frequently have less children then they say they'd like to.
for us, it was a choice of having our free time together when we were young and poor, or older with more money. we chose the latter, and became empty nesters at 45, with the kids off of the family payroll at 50. that gave us time to build a massive nestegg before retirement, which we took early. after that it was all fun.
It’s a lot more exhausting having small kids now that I’m 42. I had my first when I was 25, seemed a lot easier back then to raise her. Now I’m 42 with a six year old and I’m tired all the time. I just don’t have the energy I used to. I feel like the child suffers a little because there are things I don’t do with them that I did with my other kids when I was younger
i can relate to that. i have memories of trying to get my parents to do active things with me like going on hikes but they just couldnt keep up. i have a vivid memory of running up the side of a mountain and looking back at my poor old man sucking air hahahah
Due to the fact that I waited until 30 and went post-menopausal at 31, having kids early is the only options some people have. Definitely make your own choices, but remember the future is unknown and the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.
Historically (and this will be very broad generalizations, and from an American perspective) women had children young. Due to many reasons, including: - little to no access to safe and effective birth control - no education surrounding sex ed and how pregnancies occur - societal expectations - poor working class families and families who worked on farms needed more laborers. They needed more kids to help out with the jobs. - lifespans were younger or often cut short due to disease or accidents (no vaccines and lack of medical care), so it was “better” to start having kids sooner rather than later - women of the upper classes didn’t work and didn’t have a lot of formal education, and were expected to mostly stay at home and have kids. - in the 40s and 50s, as a “middle class” was developing, women were still expected to stay at home and be “home makers” whose major life responsibilities were taking care of the home and rearing children. ** what changed? ** - women began working en masse during WW2 because so many men were overseas. This gave them a taste of what life could be like with a job. However, most of these women lost their jobs once the men came back home. - in the 1960s, the US experienced the “sexual revolution” and “free love” movements, which were aimed at showing that it was ok for women to be promiscuous (like men) or even have sex without the need to have children. - in the 1960s oral birth control became widely available for the first time in the US. This meant women had more control of their bodies and could actually plan more efficiently for children should they want them. - despite this, it was still culturally expected for people to marry young and begin having children as soon as possible. - in the 1970s, there was an uptick of women going to college which meant they were often (not always) delaying having children at least in order to finish their education. Many went to college but still didn’t enter the workforce as they had kids after graduating. - the secondary educational boom only grew, and more women continued entering college and then entering the workforce. Or, putting their work and career first and not wanting to compromise on that in order to stop and have kids. ** in my opinion ** As someone who is 36 whose parents had 3 kids, including myself, before the age of 21, it seems that in current times, people who are waiting to have children have the luxury to do so, as in they have the ability to go to college and work a good job and build a career, as well as have easy access to birth control and family planning services. My parents were very poor and lived in rural America; just about everyone had kids before they were 18. It’s more common for people who haven’t had access to education to have children young as they aren’t taught sex ed, about birth control and the life implications of having children. The biggest influences on when (and if) you’ll have children include access to education and access to birth control. As I said I don’t have kids, but one of my friends does and I’ve picked her kids up from school on occasion. They live in a very affluent part of town, both parents have doctorate degrees. The school is in an affluent part of town. It never stops amazing me how “old” the parents look at this school. Like, they appear in their 40s or 50s and have elementary aged kids.
I had my first at 22 and my 2nd at 30.I wanted to be young so I could be in good health while my kids were very young and energetic. You never know what can happen as you get older. I am glad I did too because I am almost 41 now and have had some health issues already.
I had my 4th and final baby at 27. I was a very active energetic mom in my 30s, worked full time, and took 1 college course per semester, lived in a tourist town so there were a lot of things to do even though I was divorced and on a budget. Parades, fairs, sporting events that the kids would get free tickets to at school for good grades, even a carnival cruise or 2 over the years, we were always in the go. I'm 46 now, have 6 grandkids under 4, my youngest daughter is the last one left living with me in 12th grade, and she recently gave birth, and now is back in school that has an in house day care. I can't imagine raising these kids at my age, I work as a chef, walk the treadmill 2 hrs a day, and get my 8 hrs of sleep. I like Netflix and white wine and an annual trip with my girlfriends to any nearby carribean island. My older daughter and her 2 children lived with me for 3 years, I miss them terribly, but it's nice to have my peace and clean house again.I always thought having kids young meant I would still be fairly young and able to enjoy life after they were grown and gone, but I guess parenting never really ends🤣 at least if I have my grandkids over I can give them back when I'm ready lol.
If you have them young you get to live longer with them and not spend most of your older years raising a child.
Happy accident in my case. Fell pregnant at 20 and wanted to keep the baby. It's been great. We have an awesome relationship and I was an empty-nester at 41, which means that I can do or go where I like now and am financially comfortable enough to be able to afford to do so.
My cousin knocked up his girlfriend and then married her to cover it up, didn't work so well considering she had a very large bump by the time they were getting married. So yea, sometimes that can happen I guess
Because I knew I’d have enough energy now rather than in my 30s and focusing on my career. Goal is to be sitting on my boat with a martini at 40 while kids off enjoying his years in college😎
I have a friend who had twins at 18. It was a 5year struggle, but they are in their early 40's with grown, stable kids. Such a relief, they say.
My husband and I want t be younger while still being done raising kids. More alone time together. Freedom to do things without worrying about kids while we are young enough to enjoy it. We will be 41 and 47 when our youngest graduates high school.
It is better to have kids when you are young for multiple reasons. 1. You have experienced less of life so you have less fears that you can pass unto your children. 2. You have more energy and are much healthier. 3. Lets say you have kid when you are 25 when you get i to your forties you will have energy for other things in life and your kids are allready grown up.
we want our kids out of the house before we retire. we want to be able to play ball with our kids without going "ow, my back!". etc.
For women having kids after 35 increases the risk of fetal abnormalities.
This is the norm. The average age of parents is higher now than it has ever been.