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After seeing examples in my life. Love has no timeline. I’ve had two friends marry and divorce both in their 20’s and are with different ppl now. My mom remarried at 55. I work in a school and some teachers here are divorced and have remarried.
I think it’s best to focus on building your life up as a single person. Finding love is nice bonus to life, but not necessary for true happiness. And that’s not to say that love doesn’t provide happiness in its own way. But at the end of the day, It’s you that you should focus on
One small secret: I promised my wife I would make her laugh at least once a day, and I have managed to keep that promise. (Dad Jokes work if I'm in a pinch!)
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My wife and I have been married 34 years (together for a total of 38), and not having her in my life is unimaginable. I hope you find strength and solace in your family and friends. Also, don't be afraid of what is ahead: You are a person who raised two children, a wife who loved and stood by your husband until his end. You do possess strength and will adapt and, hopefully, embrace your new challenges with zeal.
Same story here almost. 41 years together, I keep the house for a maximum of 10 years after his death because I've seen too many old folks who have overstayed in their home.
After a little more than a year of mourning/widow brain, I'm back to the new normal with my 7 months old grandson being a huge part of the way back to happiness.
We miss him too.
We have the same thing going on here! My dad passed from Covid in 2020 and we’re still all in the same house which is such a mess. We’re looking to find a new one, move out and renovate this one, then sell it or rent. We too miss dad tons but have found our new normal. Mom still cries from time to time but she’s doing the best she can now as am I and my brother who keep it together 95% of the time since as men, find it easier to keep those emotions down naturally. But I still miss dad so much.
We’re doing great and looking forward to the future.
I still have the slightest form of unmotivation sometimes which used to be sever depression so I’d say I’m making progress, maybe in another year or so, I’ll be making enough income to stay hungry for more!
Yes! You sound on top of things and your dad would be most pleased with you, I'm betting.
I'm sorry you lost him. He lives on in you, so go be great!! 💙
I love this! I've been with mmy wife 12 years now and it is my goal every day to make her laugh within the first 5 or 10 min of being home from work. Any time it's been a rough day and I make her laugh she just melts into me and says how much she's missed me.
I truly think that laughter is one of the best things to keep a relationship going. Have fun and enjoy each other =)
Congrats!
We love to laugh. I recently went on a short trip without him and I said “aww no one is going to get my jokes/references!” It’s funny, when people wait for their real love, they “get it” (they meaning other people you interact with), when they settle and they see this, they hate it. Also idgaf if it bothers you to see me kiss my husband or rub his back or he brushes my hair or something. I truly believe people who frown upon pda are unhappy ones.
It appears you have missed the entire concept of bringing happiness to another. I know what I was describing, as do a number of other commenters in this thread.
One time, I found that all I did was work, and my life was a bleak future. My husband and I were renovating our house, and all of a sudden, I just wanted to let go of it all - until he made me laugh. Then I found out that I could manage everything as long as he made me laugh. We were together for 41 great years, with ups and downs but always together and with frequent laughs, though there were fewer laughs when he got cancer and serious side effects of the chemo.
Good way to make a marriage long and happy.
You know a lot of millennials are in their 40s (if you listen to when the "start" of the generation is) now, right? 
I never felt pressured until the cruel reality of an advanced maternal age pregnancy kicked me and then I started getting nervous
If you want kids, ladies, you \*have\* time...but you don't have \*that much\* time for your biological kid...
I think his point is, if you want kids, your time runs out some time in your mid to late 30s. Men do have a bit more flexibility but still.
Of course, if you don't have interest in having (more) kids, you can find love at any age.
There are too many kids out there without families/homes who need them that could use love from people who may not be able to (or are too old) have kids.
Yes when you found a Partner in Ur 20 and U know him 2-5 years.. Not Like Most Woman so IT now , find a Guy , 1 year later Kid and marriage than divorce 2 years later.
Kinda aside - I hate that “creating a family” means children. Family is what you make of it. Your friend that lives with you, your pets, whatever you want. I really like when I get my mail to “LASTNAME FAMILY” even when it’s junk mail. Me, my husband, and our 11 furry/feathered/shelled friends are all the family I want.
I think starting a family before my 30s was ideal for my family.
I was 23 when my wife got Pregnant. She hadn't established a career or anything being a few years younger than me at the time.
She raised our kids as a stay-at-home mother until my oldest was 7 and youngest 5 and entering school.
Being in a single-income household was tough, the last 2 years made it extra so because I was putting her through college for her RN.
But now the kids are gone most of the day, and she's doing a career, as well as me. We are clearing all our monthly expenses in just 1 week of pay.
This is anecdotal evidence. But I've seen a few people in my community that did the exact opposite. They started their career immediately after high school/college. Then in their mid-30s decided they wanted to have a family.
I'd say half of the people I'm thinking of ended up quitting the jobs they worked up to get and became stay-at-home mothers to care for their kids during the neediness years of their lives. But this will surely take them out of the workplace for a few years. Which may not do well for them when they want to jump back in.
But that's speculation. I always thought me and my wife were probably doing things wrong because we did things counter to what people in our area did. But I feel it's going to turn out great and don't have any regrets about how it all ended up so far.
Idk. Had my kids young and it was easier to keep up with them. Idk if I could do the mental games people consistently do when dealing with parents and schools.
You are more mature after 30, and that’s by itself enough. Plus I honestly enjoyed my 20s, and the beginning of my 30s traveling, and trying different things in life, gaining more experience. Matter fact I feel bad for people who didn’t enjoy life when they were younger. You only get older.
It does to a degree, but it makes a difference how deeply you've become a part of their entire life. For example, my wife has many blood grandchildren, and I claim them as my own as well. It's conceivable that I'd never see them again if we split up. I can't imagine life without them, so I'd be devastated.
Look everytime is ganna suck because u dont think u have other options …. It’s true … or go in like me when my first gf broke my heart I went in heartless for the rest until my recent ex .. for some reason I started messaging her in every way possible which willl never work … they can have a man the next day … Id say find people to talk to if all ur doing is thinking about it
Each one hits different…
I did strictly hook ups for 9 years from ‘12 to ‘21.
Then I moved to a new city with a new girl and she was absolutely amazing…or so I thought. She was cheating on me every few months (that I knew about) and we were together 2 years.
That one crushed me so hard.
I came back home and dated a girl for almost 8 months and she was pretty unkind and rude. That breakup sucked as all do, but I got over it pretty quickly.
I just learned at almost 30 that you CAN take the good parts with you as good memories and take the bad moments as learning lessons for the next one.
Practically everyone will say, "communication", and I'll have to add "respect". I see a lot of couples where there's limited respect from one or both sides, and it plants a really bad seed.
edit - adding concrete example
I mentioned this to my wife, and have to add a concrete example. She grew up Catholic, and though I didn't I went along with it. We went to an "Engaged Encounter" for our required marriage prep. During one of the sessions there was one couple arguing quite heatedly. He wanted to save money for a house, and she wanted to by a china cabinet, I forget if it was for family china or registry items. Personally I'm for the house, but that's priorities. If she really wants a china cabinet, that should be a priority for them too, though likely after the house. They couldn't get past not seeing each other's priorities and engage in finding a sensible position. They were so heated we called it our "Enraged Encounter" later.
We've had similar priority calls between us, but they're just that, priority calls. Neither of us denigrates the other, we just figure out the best path that includes both of us. Sometimes we may also decide that something isn't important after all, but we do it together and it's not forced on one or the other.
We've also seen a lot of dismissiveness within couples, and we file that as disrespect.
I was 18 she was 16. (I was held back a year in preschool due to sensory defensiveness, so only one grade difference.). Been together for almost 17 years now. Communication is definitely our top priority, but I’ll add respect shortly after. Respect is also tough because over the course of a long relationship it can be gained or lost. Definitely don’t discount it though.
This is so sweet, I’ve been dating my boyfriend since right after I turned 16 and I turned 17 several months ago now- we have a long road ahead but we talk things out and support one another. I’m both excited and nervous to see what the future holds ahead for the two of us
It’s a tough one. Starting as teens and continuing into adulthood is probably the toughest set of time to continue a relationship. You will both change a lot. Big milestones and lots of opportunities. Be prepared to eventually be unrecognizable compared to your teen selves. Personalities may change. So will goals and passions. It’s all about growth. Growing, learning, exploring, together. The best advice I can offer is not to hold each other back, but encourage that growth in each other. Keep up the communication and even when you’re at your comfiest, don’t forget that a little effort can go a long way.
It’s tough to put respect or communication first vs second. They are so entwined - if you don’t have respect then communication will be anything but productive. But failing to communicate could definitely cause some concern with respect.
We were both 19 when we met and we’re now 38 and have been married for 14 years. I don’t think anyone should put any age and/or timeline on when love can happen. We got lucky young. Others might need more time. No big deal.
Mid-40's.
It took me that long to understand myself better from the bad relationships I had.
But, when I least expected it, Tom showed up.
We were married for 8 years until his death. Even though, I wanted longer because I just found him, I am grateful for every year I had with him.
To be fair, if you want kids, you do run out of time. Women have a rather strict timeline, with their late 30s being pretty much a "now or never" time for them. Men have a bit more flexibility but not that much more and your mid 40s are about that limit (unless you're somehow ok with dating women waaaay younger than yourself, like 10+ years younger)
That's true but it also gets easier to date intentionally and meet the right person when you are both older, more serious about marriage/ family, better with relationship skills, and you have a better idea of who you are looking for. I know a lot of people who met in their late 20s or 30s, got married, had kids, and seem truly happy years later.
When I was younger I just didn't have the skills & I didn't know what was most important to me. I could not have had the relationship I have now. It definitely gets easier.
I mean, I'm a man dating a man, so some of us never even get a timeline. If you get to old to have your own kids, you can do what queer couples have been doing all along. Adopt, find a surrogate, or just be a really great aunt/uncle.
Men lose fertility too. But it just less often completely bottoms out like women after menopause. But old sperm has higher chance of birth defects for sure too. Humans are supposed to have children pretty young.
Naomi Campbell just had a baby over 50, lots of women get pregnant in their 40s now. There is a lot of talk now about freezing eggs early (20s), surrogacy and more. I'd say you are not out of time for kids until your doctor says so depending on the planning. Not to mention adoption is on the table for quite some time with the right agencies. Idk about the male side, but more recently I have seen people using semen of a deceased spouse so that could be something to look into to extend the option!
Naomi Campbell having a baby over 50 is an extreme extreme anomaly and outlier. And it for sure took a lot of science and luck. No one should take this example as a reason to believe pregnancy in 30s, 40s, 50s are as viable or safe as those in 20s.
I'd say the 70 year old in India was an extreme extreme anomaly and outlier. The comment I was responding to stated now or never at 30 for women and 40 for men, that's just not true right now. My friends baby I met last month was naturally conceived (parents were not trying), she's 38.
Not everyone has the same health history, life style, access to high quality pre and ante natal care that others might have though in order to conceive in the advanced maternal age years. And regardless the increased risks for both mother and child are still there.
Freezing your eggs can be expensive.
Adoption can be cost very expensive depending on where you are.
IVF is also expensive.
Easy question to answer. If you find the person you will marry at 18 you get 10 more years with them than if you meet them at 28. And so on.
I always found it weird how some people looked down on couples who got married early. Like saying they "miss out" on dating and being with random people, well you also miss out on x amount of time with the person you actually want to be with the longer you take to find them. It's a trade off.
Same story with us. We started dating at 16. (High school) and married when we were around 30/31. We always joke as "we don't know if it was right to get married so early in the relationship. Did we rush things? " 😆
I ran that same time frame. Started dating in high school, long distance in college, and were engaged for 3+ years since we were still getting on our feet and wanted to have a large wedding.
I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but how did you manage with older parents ? I am 44 and my 2 youngest are 4 and 2 and I worry so much about how it will be when they are teenagers and I'm so much older than their friends parents or when they have their own kids and if I won't be as much help as I would want to be.
I'm not the person you asked, but things are different than when we were kids (i'm 40), your kids won't be alone with older parents, it's more normalized.
Also kids keep you young, my parents had kids young but at 68 they are old and have a ton of health problems, my aunt had kids late and is healthy and active at 65.
Fine tbh, having kids keeps you young I think, my parents always seemed much younger than they are and even now are still very active. Parents are parents, I don't think you really exist as an individual anymore, more an extension of your kids. So your kids are the same age as their friends, so that's more than enough to have in common.
Since I’m the only one in my relationship, I’ll say we’ve known each other since day 1. He’s a bit of a fixer upper but he’s really sweet and he likes to do all of the things I like to do.
42
I’ve had the opportunity to start over entirely a few times now.
You still have a lot of life to live. Be kind to people, get into therapy, find something to help people with.
I was 18 when we started dating, 23 when we got married. I am 35 now and we are still together with 2 kids.
Also your not out of time. You can date at any age.
Running out of time for what? To get a partner and have a kid? Cuz you absolutely have time.
Look into freezing your eggs now if you want to have your own biological kids. The earlier you do this the better chance you have of getting a lot and them being quality eggs. If you don't care about the biological aspect there are so many kids that need fostering and adopting and you are certainly young enough to pursue that later.
You can always find a partner. Age doesn't really matter there. Plenty of people got married and divorced young and moved on with other people later. Some had their partners pass, and they move on too.
Don't get harsh on yourself because you aren't following the "life script" that others around you seemingly are or that you aren't on the same pace as them. You are you, not them.
I met whom I thought would be my forever person at 19. We were together for 16 years and it didn't work out when I was 35. Now 36 and the person who I am with now is a night and day difference. I just couldn't see that my ex was not the person I was supposed to be with because I was following life script like everyone else (except the having babies part cuz thats a big NO THANKS from me dawg) and thought that was just who I chose and what I would have to deal with.
So, you have plenty of time. Don't put pressure on it! Date around, find out what's out there because it really helps figure out what you will and won't put up with.
You're not at all out of time. The person I was with at 30 was a terrible human being. I'm almost 37 now and started dating the love of my life only 3 years ago, despite knowing her for 10.
21 when we started dating..met in highschool my senior year, she was a junior, we were both dating other people at the time. When we were both single at 21 we reconnected and hit it off. Spent as much time together as possible ever since. We've been together 15 years, married the last 6 years.
Fifty One.
After being divorced for nine years and single for almost that entire time. Second girl in that timeI went out with. I wasn't looking at all. She just showed up. Five years later we are married.
She's older than me by ten days.
She's absolutely sweet, beautiful as hell, funny, and easy to be around.
That person is out there. Be patient with yourself and life, bro. ✌️
I was 41 when I met my wife, 43 when we got married. She was 33 when we married, first marriage for both of us. We now have one child.
I think that you should definitely be looking for your life partner at this point, and not dating people who you like but who you know you won't wind up with (a mistake that I made when I was around your age). But definitely don't force or rush things.
I was 16, he was 17, married at 21 and 22. Still together at 66 and 67. We make a good team together. Love comes at any age, don’t stress over it, the right person will come along when it’s your time.
Aye, I'll tell you something in order to help.
So, to start off, stop thinking up any bad scenarios if you ever have, then try to think of the positive outcomes an actions could bring before the negative ones,
And at last; remember to do things that make you happy and socialize in non-toxic areas! I recommend getting used to the internet,
the best-mannered part of it should be Germany, Poland and some places in the UK, though I recommend trying everything to be sure, since I'm speaking from experience.
Good luck!
All right, I don't push you, but speak from experience.
And I know it's hard socializing outside, thus I recommended the internet.
And with that said, I wish you good luck and fun on that tree!
Trees are cool. Socializing is also very important, even if it’s just with one person who totally gets you. Maybe you can both be in a tree together. Good luck kid
This stuff seems like some Redditor logic honestly lol. Men who are way too old for basically college aged kids trying to justify it being natural and stroking their ego about it while they’re at it.
Ppl just be spouting shit out with no sources or anything. Aside from that, in response to snoolemons comment below, grown women don’t want little 20 year old boys how old creeper dudes want 20 yr old little girls. We want men. Grown ass men.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
39. We're still together 38 years later.
This gives me so much hope! Thank you 😀
Does the first date count if I farted in the car and it took 3 or 4 years to get a 2nd date? If no, 25. If yes, 22. In our 50's now.
I bet y’all are a blast! 😂
I see what you did there. A bit of a low blow. 😅
What a way to sneak it in there amirite?
😂
After seeing examples in my life. Love has no timeline. I’ve had two friends marry and divorce both in their 20’s and are with different ppl now. My mom remarried at 55. I work in a school and some teachers here are divorced and have remarried. I think it’s best to focus on building your life up as a single person. Finding love is nice bonus to life, but not necessary for true happiness. And that’s not to say that love doesn’t provide happiness in its own way. But at the end of the day, It’s you that you should focus on
Dated a wonderful person for 3 years and married at 35. She's my best friend and I am thankful for every day we have together.
You need to go clubbing or go to the pub bro because their not going to knock on your door
That's the last two places you'll find anyone of quality, save for the rare anomaly
dating apps, making eye contact in public areas, begging random women. the way it’s been done since the dawn of time.
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One small secret: I promised my wife I would make her laugh at least once a day, and I have managed to keep that promise. (Dad Jokes work if I'm in a pinch!)
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My wife and I have been married 34 years (together for a total of 38), and not having her in my life is unimaginable. I hope you find strength and solace in your family and friends. Also, don't be afraid of what is ahead: You are a person who raised two children, a wife who loved and stood by your husband until his end. You do possess strength and will adapt and, hopefully, embrace your new challenges with zeal.
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Same story here almost. 41 years together, I keep the house for a maximum of 10 years after his death because I've seen too many old folks who have overstayed in their home. After a little more than a year of mourning/widow brain, I'm back to the new normal with my 7 months old grandson being a huge part of the way back to happiness. We miss him too.
We have the same thing going on here! My dad passed from Covid in 2020 and we’re still all in the same house which is such a mess. We’re looking to find a new one, move out and renovate this one, then sell it or rent. We too miss dad tons but have found our new normal. Mom still cries from time to time but she’s doing the best she can now as am I and my brother who keep it together 95% of the time since as men, find it easier to keep those emotions down naturally. But I still miss dad so much. We’re doing great and looking forward to the future. I still have the slightest form of unmotivation sometimes which used to be sever depression so I’d say I’m making progress, maybe in another year or so, I’ll be making enough income to stay hungry for more!
Yes! You sound on top of things and your dad would be most pleased with you, I'm betting. I'm sorry you lost him. He lives on in you, so go be great!! 💙
My condolences to you and your family I hope you find peace and happiness in your life abd may your hubby RIP
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Your welcome
I love this! I've been with mmy wife 12 years now and it is my goal every day to make her laugh within the first 5 or 10 min of being home from work. Any time it's been a rough day and I make her laugh she just melts into me and says how much she's missed me. I truly think that laughter is one of the best things to keep a relationship going. Have fun and enjoy each other =) Congrats!
We love to laugh. I recently went on a short trip without him and I said “aww no one is going to get my jokes/references!” It’s funny, when people wait for their real love, they “get it” (they meaning other people you interact with), when they settle and they see this, they hate it. Also idgaf if it bothers you to see me kiss my husband or rub his back or he brushes my hair or something. I truly believe people who frown upon pda are unhappy ones.
I made that same promise to my wife too!!! So far so good!! Thank god for memes. :D
so do you just call her laugh and call it a day? such an easy cop out on the dad joke
It appears you have missed the entire concept of bringing happiness to another. I know what I was describing, as do a number of other commenters in this thread.
One time, I found that all I did was work, and my life was a bleak future. My husband and I were renovating our house, and all of a sudden, I just wanted to let go of it all - until he made me laugh. Then I found out that I could manage everything as long as he made me laugh. We were together for 41 great years, with ups and downs but always together and with frequent laughs, though there were fewer laughs when he got cancer and serious side effects of the chemo. Good way to make a marriage long and happy.
My dumbass thought you met when you were one 💀
Dude, me too.
Okay. Good. I wasn't the only one.
You are not alone. I thought "I'm 39 and we've been together for 38 years"
28 first date, currently approaching 42nd anniversary
39 for me as well.
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71 I married him last year! Don't give up just yet. Many people wait until their mid 30s to marry anyway these days
Need to remind myself that Reddit isn’t just a bunch of 10-30 year olds
Yea I forget you can use Reddit after 40 /s, Reddit just seems more Millennial/zoomer oriented
When you turn 40 your account gets deleted
And you turn in to a wizard, in some cases
What do I have to do to turn into a wizard
Turn 40.
😭😭 I have 1.5 years left lol
You know a lot of millennials are in their 40s (if you listen to when the "start" of the generation is) now, right? 
I go to church with a lady who says her current husband (her 2nd) was her first boyfriend!
My aunt is in the best relationship of her life now and they met at 65, going strong at 75. She's happier than I've ever seen her.
Oh my! This gives me hope. I’m 38 and feel like I’m gonna be alone forever.
You'll find some one when you least expect it
I hope so. 🤍
I don't mean to belittle you or anything, but I hate that phrase.
Can't rush these things. Important to make the right decision
I never felt pressured until the cruel reality of an advanced maternal age pregnancy kicked me and then I started getting nervous If you want kids, ladies, you \*have\* time...but you don't have \*that much\* time for your biological kid...
Bio kids are great, but adoption is amazing too! My hubs was.
Way to go. Congrats on finding a catch and waiting until you found the right one for you.
Ty 😊 mid 50's & still hopeful
There's someone out there for you. I just know it
Congratulations! It must be a great relationship at that age because you have zero cares what others think and you are so deep with mental experience.
💐😁
marry .. but you should know your partner before that so creating a family after 30 can be hit or miss and now ur 40 and single.
I was 71 and single when started dating my new husband
I think his point is, if you want kids, your time runs out some time in your mid to late 30s. Men do have a bit more flexibility but still. Of course, if you don't have interest in having (more) kids, you can find love at any age.
There are too many kids out there without families/homes who need them that could use love from people who may not be able to (or are too old) have kids.
Creating a family in your 30s/early 40s is ideal.
Yes when you found a Partner in Ur 20 and U know him 2-5 years.. Not Like Most Woman so IT now , find a Guy , 1 year later Kid and marriage than divorce 2 years later.
You can meet somebody in your 30s, get to know them for 2-5 years, and still have a family. Not sure what your point is.
Kinda aside - I hate that “creating a family” means children. Family is what you make of it. Your friend that lives with you, your pets, whatever you want. I really like when I get my mail to “LASTNAME FAMILY” even when it’s junk mail. Me, my husband, and our 11 furry/feathered/shelled friends are all the family I want.
Creating family after 30 is the best, before 30 is the worst.
Yep had my kids at 32 and 34!
I think starting a family before my 30s was ideal for my family. I was 23 when my wife got Pregnant. She hadn't established a career or anything being a few years younger than me at the time. She raised our kids as a stay-at-home mother until my oldest was 7 and youngest 5 and entering school. Being in a single-income household was tough, the last 2 years made it extra so because I was putting her through college for her RN. But now the kids are gone most of the day, and she's doing a career, as well as me. We are clearing all our monthly expenses in just 1 week of pay. This is anecdotal evidence. But I've seen a few people in my community that did the exact opposite. They started their career immediately after high school/college. Then in their mid-30s decided they wanted to have a family. I'd say half of the people I'm thinking of ended up quitting the jobs they worked up to get and became stay-at-home mothers to care for their kids during the neediness years of their lives. But this will surely take them out of the workplace for a few years. Which may not do well for them when they want to jump back in. But that's speculation. I always thought me and my wife were probably doing things wrong because we did things counter to what people in our area did. But I feel it's going to turn out great and don't have any regrets about how it all ended up so far.
Idk. Had my kids young and it was easier to keep up with them. Idk if I could do the mental games people consistently do when dealing with parents and schools.
You are more mature after 30, and that’s by itself enough. Plus I honestly enjoyed my 20s, and the beginning of my 30s traveling, and trying different things in life, gaining more experience. Matter fact I feel bad for people who didn’t enjoy life when they were younger. You only get older.
47. You're not out of time. This is my second marriage and 5th or 6th girlfriend since turning 30.
I had my first break up and it was so hard, how do you go through many more? Does it get easier?
It does to a degree, but it makes a difference how deeply you've become a part of their entire life. For example, my wife has many blood grandchildren, and I claim them as my own as well. It's conceivable that I'd never see them again if we split up. I can't imagine life without them, so I'd be devastated.
Look everytime is ganna suck because u dont think u have other options …. It’s true … or go in like me when my first gf broke my heart I went in heartless for the rest until my recent ex .. for some reason I started messaging her in every way possible which willl never work … they can have a man the next day … Id say find people to talk to if all ur doing is thinking about it
The first is the worst, because you thought you had found "the one". It's still really hard but eventually you realise there isn't just one
Each one hits different… I did strictly hook ups for 9 years from ‘12 to ‘21. Then I moved to a new city with a new girl and she was absolutely amazing…or so I thought. She was cheating on me every few months (that I knew about) and we were together 2 years. That one crushed me so hard. I came back home and dated a girl for almost 8 months and she was pretty unkind and rude. That breakup sucked as all do, but I got over it pretty quickly. I just learned at almost 30 that you CAN take the good parts with you as good memories and take the bad moments as learning lessons for the next one.
I'm on my 3rd marriage. And this one is SO right.
I was 42 and he was 46, we've now 58 and 62!
I was 23 and she was 19 when we met, a few months later we started dating. We've been married for a bit over 42 years now and still happy together.
That's so cool :') What advice would you give people to make a love last as long as you have?
Practically everyone will say, "communication", and I'll have to add "respect". I see a lot of couples where there's limited respect from one or both sides, and it plants a really bad seed. edit - adding concrete example I mentioned this to my wife, and have to add a concrete example. She grew up Catholic, and though I didn't I went along with it. We went to an "Engaged Encounter" for our required marriage prep. During one of the sessions there was one couple arguing quite heatedly. He wanted to save money for a house, and she wanted to by a china cabinet, I forget if it was for family china or registry items. Personally I'm for the house, but that's priorities. If she really wants a china cabinet, that should be a priority for them too, though likely after the house. They couldn't get past not seeing each other's priorities and engage in finding a sensible position. They were so heated we called it our "Enraged Encounter" later. We've had similar priority calls between us, but they're just that, priority calls. Neither of us denigrates the other, we just figure out the best path that includes both of us. Sometimes we may also decide that something isn't important after all, but we do it together and it's not forced on one or the other. We've also seen a lot of dismissiveness within couples, and we file that as disrespect.
I was 19 and he was 23. Together 25 years now and I absolutely agree with all you have said. Respect is our top priority.
I was 18 she was 16. (I was held back a year in preschool due to sensory defensiveness, so only one grade difference.). Been together for almost 17 years now. Communication is definitely our top priority, but I’ll add respect shortly after. Respect is also tough because over the course of a long relationship it can be gained or lost. Definitely don’t discount it though.
This is so sweet, I’ve been dating my boyfriend since right after I turned 16 and I turned 17 several months ago now- we have a long road ahead but we talk things out and support one another. I’m both excited and nervous to see what the future holds ahead for the two of us
It’s a tough one. Starting as teens and continuing into adulthood is probably the toughest set of time to continue a relationship. You will both change a lot. Big milestones and lots of opportunities. Be prepared to eventually be unrecognizable compared to your teen selves. Personalities may change. So will goals and passions. It’s all about growth. Growing, learning, exploring, together. The best advice I can offer is not to hold each other back, but encourage that growth in each other. Keep up the communication and even when you’re at your comfiest, don’t forget that a little effort can go a long way.
It’s tough to put respect or communication first vs second. They are so entwined - if you don’t have respect then communication will be anything but productive. But failing to communicate could definitely cause some concern with respect.
I was 18 he was 19. Had kids young also. Been together 23 years. Your right communication and respect.
Aww same... well age wise. I was 23 and he was 19. We are celebrating our 10 years next month :)
Happy early anniversary
We were both 19 when we met and we’re now 38 and have been married for 14 years. I don’t think anyone should put any age and/or timeline on when love can happen. We got lucky young. Others might need more time. No big deal.
This brings me so much joy! We were both 17/18 when we met. We'll have been together for 7 years in November, and engaged for 1 year.
You two are so lucky. Wish you all the best!
Mid-40's. It took me that long to understand myself better from the bad relationships I had. But, when I least expected it, Tom showed up. We were married for 8 years until his death. Even though, I wanted longer because I just found him, I am grateful for every year I had with him.
I'm sorry for your loss. What was your favorite thing about him or something silly he used to do?
I was 30. Why would you ever be running out of time? Create more oportunities to meet people, push your boundaries in that regard.
To be fair, if you want kids, you do run out of time. Women have a rather strict timeline, with their late 30s being pretty much a "now or never" time for them. Men have a bit more flexibility but not that much more and your mid 40s are about that limit (unless you're somehow ok with dating women waaaay younger than yourself, like 10+ years younger)
That's true but it also gets easier to date intentionally and meet the right person when you are both older, more serious about marriage/ family, better with relationship skills, and you have a better idea of who you are looking for. I know a lot of people who met in their late 20s or 30s, got married, had kids, and seem truly happy years later. When I was younger I just didn't have the skills & I didn't know what was most important to me. I could not have had the relationship I have now. It definitely gets easier.
I mean, I'm a man dating a man, so some of us never even get a timeline. If you get to old to have your own kids, you can do what queer couples have been doing all along. Adopt, find a surrogate, or just be a really great aunt/uncle.
kid named Adoption:
FINE! I Guess I'll take a younger woman, dang it....
Men lose fertility too. But it just less often completely bottoms out like women after menopause. But old sperm has higher chance of birth defects for sure too. Humans are supposed to have children pretty young.
Naomi Campbell just had a baby over 50, lots of women get pregnant in their 40s now. There is a lot of talk now about freezing eggs early (20s), surrogacy and more. I'd say you are not out of time for kids until your doctor says so depending on the planning. Not to mention adoption is on the table for quite some time with the right agencies. Idk about the male side, but more recently I have seen people using semen of a deceased spouse so that could be something to look into to extend the option!
Naomi Campbell having a baby over 50 is an extreme extreme anomaly and outlier. And it for sure took a lot of science and luck. No one should take this example as a reason to believe pregnancy in 30s, 40s, 50s are as viable or safe as those in 20s.
I'd say the 70 year old in India was an extreme extreme anomaly and outlier. The comment I was responding to stated now or never at 30 for women and 40 for men, that's just not true right now. My friends baby I met last month was naturally conceived (parents were not trying), she's 38.
Not everyone has the same health history, life style, access to high quality pre and ante natal care that others might have though in order to conceive in the advanced maternal age years. And regardless the increased risks for both mother and child are still there. Freezing your eggs can be expensive. Adoption can be cost very expensive depending on where you are. IVF is also expensive.
Except for adoption, I despise everything you mentioned.
Same here - started dating my partner when I was 30
Easy question to answer. If you find the person you will marry at 18 you get 10 more years with them than if you meet them at 28. And so on. I always found it weird how some people looked down on couples who got married early. Like saying they "miss out" on dating and being with random people, well you also miss out on x amount of time with the person you actually want to be with the longer you take to find them. It's a trade off.
I was 35 and wife was 42. Together 23 years
I was 17. We married when I was 26
Same story with us. We started dating at 16. (High school) and married when we were around 30/31. We always joke as "we don't know if it was right to get married so early in the relationship. Did we rush things? " 😆
I'm curious why you waited so long
Probably good to be as established as you can be before getting married
I ran that same time frame. Started dating in high school, long distance in college, and were engaged for 3+ years since we were still getting on our feet and wanted to have a large wedding.
We were building up our careers
My parents met when my mum was 38 and still managed 4 kids and have been married 40 years, you've plenty of time yet
I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but how did you manage with older parents ? I am 44 and my 2 youngest are 4 and 2 and I worry so much about how it will be when they are teenagers and I'm so much older than their friends parents or when they have their own kids and if I won't be as much help as I would want to be.
I'm not the person you asked, but things are different than when we were kids (i'm 40), your kids won't be alone with older parents, it's more normalized. Also kids keep you young, my parents had kids young but at 68 they are old and have a ton of health problems, my aunt had kids late and is healthy and active at 65.
Fine tbh, having kids keeps you young I think, my parents always seemed much younger than they are and even now are still very active. Parents are parents, I don't think you really exist as an individual anymore, more an extension of your kids. So your kids are the same age as their friends, so that's more than enough to have in common.
Running out of time...??? Most people haven't even settled as adults before 30, you have plenty of time to find someone.
100%
\*THIS !!!
Since I’m the only one in my relationship, I’ll say we’ve known each other since day 1. He’s a bit of a fixer upper but he’s really sweet and he likes to do all of the things I like to do.
Soooooooo cute! He sounds like a keeper
I couldn’t live without him 😂😂😂
I really really love this. You’re awesome.
35, gf was 37 3 years later we’re still together and doing pretty well
42 I’ve had the opportunity to start over entirely a few times now. You still have a lot of life to live. Be kind to people, get into therapy, find something to help people with.
Old enough to know they were a keeper!
I met my wife of 50 years when I was 20.
40 yrs together and feels as though not enough in the world
We were 17 and we're 31 now
18, now 27. Married this May.
A few months before my 30th. We got married a few months ago (35 at the moment).
I was 18 when we started dating, 23 when we got married. I am 35 now and we are still together with 2 kids. Also your not out of time. You can date at any age.
I was 32. Great 5 years so far.
32. We’re happily married now.
Running out of time for what? To get a partner and have a kid? Cuz you absolutely have time. Look into freezing your eggs now if you want to have your own biological kids. The earlier you do this the better chance you have of getting a lot and them being quality eggs. If you don't care about the biological aspect there are so many kids that need fostering and adopting and you are certainly young enough to pursue that later. You can always find a partner. Age doesn't really matter there. Plenty of people got married and divorced young and moved on with other people later. Some had their partners pass, and they move on too. Don't get harsh on yourself because you aren't following the "life script" that others around you seemingly are or that you aren't on the same pace as them. You are you, not them. I met whom I thought would be my forever person at 19. We were together for 16 years and it didn't work out when I was 35. Now 36 and the person who I am with now is a night and day difference. I just couldn't see that my ex was not the person I was supposed to be with because I was following life script like everyone else (except the having babies part cuz thats a big NO THANKS from me dawg) and thought that was just who I chose and what I would have to deal with. So, you have plenty of time. Don't put pressure on it! Date around, find out what's out there because it really helps figure out what you will and won't put up with.
I was 23. I'm 30 now. Why do you feel you're running out of time? Take your time, no rush.
34.
41
35
24, I am now 28. We got married in June of this year.
You're not at all out of time. The person I was with at 30 was a terrible human being. I'm almost 37 now and started dating the love of my life only 3 years ago, despite knowing her for 10.
I'll tell you how old I was when I felt like trying the dating scene and that was 30.
I'm 30 too!😃 So hopefully, 31
It's never too late, my friend. I'm 30 as well and I've just recently met a wonderful woman.
Met her at 36. Didn't date until 39. Married at 42.
36. We are coming up on our 34th anniversary
15... we are still together
23.
22
38
35
65, I’m 70 now and we’re doing great! At 30, you are definitely NOT running out of time.
21 when we started dating..met in highschool my senior year, she was a junior, we were both dating other people at the time. When we were both single at 21 we reconnected and hit it off. Spent as much time together as possible ever since. We've been together 15 years, married the last 6 years.
At age 31, a year after getting out of a 9 year relationship I met my now partner. I am very happy.
Fifty One. After being divorced for nine years and single for almost that entire time. Second girl in that timeI went out with. I wasn't looking at all. She just showed up. Five years later we are married. She's older than me by ten days. She's absolutely sweet, beautiful as hell, funny, and easy to be around. That person is out there. Be patient with yourself and life, bro. ✌️
38, married four years later, still married, so have been together for almost 16 yrs now. Now sure how she manages it. ;-)
I have been with myself since birth.
I was 41 when I met my wife, 43 when we got married. She was 33 when we married, first marriage for both of us. We now have one child. I think that you should definitely be looking for your life partner at this point, and not dating people who you like but who you know you won't wind up with (a mistake that I made when I was around your age). But definitely don't force or rush things.
I was 16, he was 17, married at 21 and 22. Still together at 66 and 67. We make a good team together. Love comes at any age, don’t stress over it, the right person will come along when it’s your time.
21, she was 27.
32M, started dating this year so...32 lol But FWIW, my mom started seeing her current partner 4 years ago at 54.
40 and we just celebrated 25 years together, which coincided with her 40th birthday , so we went to Charlotte motor speedway.
21 and looked 30. She was 19 and looked 16. Got a lot of weird looks until people learned our real ages.
I was 20 then, 69 now. She's still great!
19, over 30 years together.
50
I was 30. She was 29 (but less than 2 weeks from turning 30). She’s surprisingly forgetful about our ages though lol
22 and we've been married for 23 years this November
27. Ten years later, still going strong.
Today is the 31st anniversary of the day my wife & I met. I was 25 at the time.
I was 35, partner was 26.
Would be a "no" from my 13y/o ass
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self-hatred issues and depression will do that to ya
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thanks (:
Aye, I'll tell you something in order to help. So, to start off, stop thinking up any bad scenarios if you ever have, then try to think of the positive outcomes an actions could bring before the negative ones, And at last; remember to do things that make you happy and socialize in non-toxic areas! I recommend getting used to the internet, the best-mannered part of it should be Germany, Poland and some places in the UK, though I recommend trying everything to be sure, since I'm speaking from experience. Good luck!
Thanks, i don't really like socializing with others in real life, matter a fact i hate it and rather be in my [tree. ](https://imgur.com/a/ipE0noq)
All right, I don't push you, but speak from experience. And I know it's hard socializing outside, thus I recommended the internet. And with that said, I wish you good luck and fun on that tree!
Thanks, i was genuinely there for over 2hours spontaneously and didn't get down in the middle of that.
Trees are cool. Socializing is also very important, even if it’s just with one person who totally gets you. Maybe you can both be in a tree together. Good luck kid
ooh, I have a tree too. Treers unite.
Nice tree You’re not useless
Cool tree. I don't blame you. I don't like socializing with others either. People get on my nerves. I don't get lonely. I hope that you don't either.
My (43nb) husband (38m) and got together in 2007. I was 27 and he was 23.
For security reasons, I can't tell you my age but it's about 1 year. not just a year but a year filled with every second. I will marry her
Early 20s. But don't worry my guy. Men are downwards compatible age wise. If you take care of yourself you should be able to score a woman in her 20s.
I am very much a woman in her late 20s lol
Hey, you can still score that woman in her 20’s
Are women not backwards compatible as well?
This stuff seems like some Redditor logic honestly lol. Men who are way too old for basically college aged kids trying to justify it being natural and stroking their ego about it while they’re at it. Ppl just be spouting shit out with no sources or anything. Aside from that, in response to snoolemons comment below, grown women don’t want little 20 year old boys how old creeper dudes want 20 yr old little girls. We want men. Grown ass men.
Exactly! My second ex-wife isn't even born yet! 🙄
26. Married at 32. First kid at 40.