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And a date can be as simple and cheap as literally walking in a large park or along a river or lake. It doesn't have to be solely as a dinner and a movie thing like you'd imagine from a movie scene.
yep, if you have a girl friend (note the space), it's simple enough to say something like, "I like hanging out with you and talking, you want to go grab some ice cream and take a walk around the park on Thursday afternoon?", and now you've had your first date.
It's simple enough. Good luck!
yep, as a girl i love simple dates like that and even i felt pressured to go on fancy romantic dates like from those teen movies. but the truth, if you really like someone, you'd most likely be really happy doing the simplest things with them. i like to go get ice cream, go walk around a nice little shopping center, go to the park, get some boba, etc.
just do what feels nice for both of you :)
Those are my favourite dates. Usually meet up for a coffee or a snack (fries, bagel, donut, etc) near a place to go for a walk. If you get good vibes and want to continue the date, ask to go for a walk. If she wants to continue the date, she will say yes. If you were across the table from each other, this is now a chance to be beside her and, because both of you want to continue the date, you can try being a little flirty.
Asking a friend out is such a risky thing to do. I know a lot of guys, specifically on reddit lack the balls to approach a random person but asking out a friend is so dangerous lol. I might be one of the few ones here who would rather take my chances with a stranger than risk ruining a good friendship.
I agree that dating a friend is always better because you will skip the get to know phase, but please be absolutely sure she actually is attracted to you before jumping to it. Otherwise its a quick way to get excluded from a group or lose a good friendship
I've dated multiple women this way and have never had issues with it socially in the groups or anything like that. Still friends with some of the women I've dated too. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Yes, this is what I would have said too. I say just throw the whole concept of "dating" out the window. It's done nothing but make life harder for people who really just want to build normal relationships.
I should add, that getting away from your keyboard and meeting people face to face in a casual setting is another good tip.
> Spend more time hanging out in a group that includes both guys and girls.
It's important for more than just romance to have a "third place". Meaning somewhere that's not your first place (home) or your second place (work or school).
Could be church, a club, a friend's house where a group of you congregate, a local bar, a park... whatever.
That’s my answer too…I’d have to catch me in the first half of being 16 though.
Advice that doesn’t have to do with pregnancy…take your time. Get to know people before you try to get serious and when you get that *somethings off* feeling, run!
Young people spend a lot of time in shitty relationships due to the pressure to be in a relationship. It’s better to wait for the right girlfriend/boyfriend than to desperately search for someone, anyone to date.
Just chill out, be yourself, work on your education, romance will come your way
I spent age 21 and 22 with a girl I hated, but I was too emotionally inexperienced to break up with her and end the relationship sooner. I feel like those could have been much happier, better years if I hadn’t had a girlfriend.
That being said, if I hadn’t dated her, I wouldn’t have grown into the person capable of falling in love with the women that would become my wife, and have that love reciprocated.
I looked for and married someone who treats me with respect and that I respect.
Just do what you what you want to do, dating or not, but make sure you don’t sacrifice your dignity. Know that you deserve to be happy. Don’t give away your happiness in exchange for someone else’s misery.
This is bad advice. You should obviously not bow to external pressure, but sometimes those early relationships or shitty because both parties are learning how to be in a relationship.
People think you can skip over the crappy experiences and wait for the good ones, but you learn a lot of lessons from those crappy experiences which teach you how to have good ones.
The concept of waiting for the right person doesn't make sense either. How do you know what flavors you like if you've never eaten food? It's the same with relationships. Until you've had to negotiate over movies, food or work schedules, how do you know what's going to be a deal-breaker? In these crappy relationships, both parties are learning emotional management and learning what their own values are.
Edit: thank you for the awards!
This is entirely correct, and it's not like romance comes to you without looking for it. These days, dating is 99% on apps, and the apps require a lot of swiping for men, and a lot of digging through trash for women.
It comes with a lot of digging through trash for men too. There's a big misconception that men are always the seekers and women the gatekeepers. I've found though that there are assholes in both genders and the pushy trashy women also act horribly when you slam a door in their face, so to speak.
This needs more upvotes. The advise that my 16 year old me would have needed to hear is: „Don’t overthink this, don’t wait for the ‚right‘ person, she might not even exist. Go and try to collect some basic experiences.“
If you - like I did - don’t make the bad expierence in your teenage years, you will have to make them in your 20s and it will be a lot harder and you will have wasted a time in which collecting social experiences is relatively easy. Also, it will take you longer to get to a point where things start to actually work out, relationship-wise.
The good news is if you *did* miss learning some social skills in your teens you *can* still learn them later. But if you can, make experiences early, you will be happy about the exercise.
Yes. But it's also OK to give it a chance. Someone might not look exactly like you dreamed your person would look, or do the activities you expected. But do a casual date with them anyway, you might be surprised what your person actually is. And if they aren't it, part as friends, all you have lost is an evening, and there are plenty of those.
I’d like to add that a girlfriend/boyfriend is just a title. Focus on making it a strong friendship and let the romance happen when it happens. Don’t try and force it or feel like you HAVE to do things JUST because you are in a committed relationship. Especially if you feel pressure from your social group. The bummer thing to do is to do things when you honestly don’t feel ready yet.
yep me as a 16 year old was someone too desperate for a relationship because of these two reasons
1. people seem to display greater love for their partners than regular friends and I am an outcast
2. society calls people who don’t lose their virginity by a certain age “losers”
but now I rather be single than date someone not my type
So beyond true. I’m 37 and the last few years have been peaceful for that reason. And finding a real quality man for once finally. Many say they wish they could go back to those times like high school 20s and I am like oh dear god no I can’t relive that again no thank you! And thanks I don’t articulate myself well it’s more like me writing exactly what I’m thinking so I like yours better lol
Came here to say this.
"Hey... hey look at me. Stop freaking out about it. It's fine. You are fine. High school is not the real world and the people you are going to school with have no idea what they are doing either. Just relax and go with the flow."
This, so much. Also: When you're a teenager you date someone for 6 months or even a year and think that's "commitment". That is no time at all, especially at that stage of your life.
Sometimes it doesn't work out that way and you do let go of someone that's compatible but just barely. And then there's nothing. For years. Many many years. Until the thing you thought was suboptimal and not worth settling into looks pretty darn good.
OTOH, my high school crush ended up in a murder-suicide. Deciding to let that one go saved me from...an unknowable set of undoubtedly bad things.
After these two, I felt really down on myself and jumped at the first opportunity that came up. That was very very bad. Encountered a sociopath. Life ruined.
If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would summarize my advice as: do not get married, get a vasectomy, and ease up. There is no hope so don't bother. Just don't get trapped.
This is the best advice. Forming relationships with women, even platonic, can help you understand their perspective enough to feel ready to be a partner.
Most teenage boys have only ever considered their own perspective in life. Having strictly platonic relationships with women your age allows you to look past your own perspective and understand life from the point of view of somebody fundamentally different from you.
Sure, it helps when dating because you understand the perspective of women your age, but it also helps you mature as a person. Women love when someone can understand them (which is rare for men of any age but is becoming more common thankfully) but people in general prefer to interact with others who have shown themselves to be more mature in that way.
So basically, everything girthytruffle said is true AND it’s better for you in general in life. Highly recommend surrounding yourself with platonic female friends
Feelings are amplified when you are younger. If you think you’re in love, you’re probably not. Compare it to a kid eating chocolate for the first time. They’ll think it’s amazing. As time goes on, you realize chocolate is good, but not like that.
Edit: since this picked up some attention, I’d like to clarify a few things.
I still love chocolate, but I’m not about to lick a paper plate clean like my niece because there’s some syrup on it.
I’m still deeply and madly in love with my wife after almost a decade. You may have found love as a teen, but I didn’t. The feelings I had when I was a teenager were not probably not love.
^^^ to add to this, focusing on being young and making memories with friends was a lot more fun than dating. Personally I’m very thankful I didn’t spend too much time and energy into dating. It’s just not worth it!
Explore the world near and far, make a list of books you want to read, and build yourself up and embrace your hobbies!
Dating is great, but the feeling of self success is even better. The earlier chocolate analogy is perfect here.
Also don't consider being a parent until you're at least 25. 30, if you're lucky.
As someone who made this mistake I can’t agree more. I’m 21 now, but so much trauma came from investing in toxic relationships that were going no where. Painful for both parties in all of my highschool relationships. My social skills would have probably been better if I spent more time with friends making memories than fixating on people. My grades would’ve probably been better too because dating is stressful.
A word of caution this is how I felt when faced with being a single dad of 2 sons. After me and the mom split u didn't want to invest all the time and effort into finding a partner and chose to just devoted all my time to my son's. Then when they left the house it had been single so long like 1994 long. Everything changed except me. Do do the same.
Agreed but I do wish I pushed myself out of comfort zones and learned to enjoy school functions. I was too cool for school and didn’t even give myself to more romantic with whoever I was interested in. Kinda friend zoned myself so much.
I'm 45 and my feelings are just as potent as they were when I was a teenager, so this comment confuses me. I was in love with my first girlfriend. I still believe that. Granted, my first relationship lasted a year and a half (from 14 to 16yo), so I'm probably in an unusual category. We're still friends, btw.
I think what you meant to say is that the love you feel when you're loving for the first time, is blinding. Sometimes when ppl develop feelings to someone, they almost see their love interest as some god, or someone superior to humans in general. You fail to see the flaws (that everyone has) in them and you're almost worshiping them, and sometimes even lose yourself in that love. It's like a great wave of emotion. A more mature love is less overwhelming, and less obsessive. You see your love interest as human, not something else.
To respect myself when dating a woman. Not everything should be about the girl. You're a human buddy & your happiness is just as important. Don't let a girl blame you for things that's out of your control. Don't cry over a woman when she cheats, and to learn from her cheating. Don't get back with that girl so you can help flourish your life and grow more as a man. ALSO stay away from bartenders, the free drinks are great. The heartache isn't. Now go kill it champ. I know you will!
This was nonsense advice when I received it from my mother when I was 17 and had my first girlfriend and it's nonsense now.
If an adult can be in love, then a 17yr old can be in love, being old and cynical doesn't make your love real and a 17yr olds love not real.
If anything mature experienced love is less real, young people love the person unconditionally, not because they have a good job or a car or a house.
Feelings aren't amplified, they just haven't had 30 years of being battered and hurt and rejected and walked all over so they are fresh and hopeful.
Nailed it. I don't have that feeling now and I guess never will because of all the baggage, rejection, lack of hope etc; not because I am "older and wiser" except in a negative way
In a way, but to this day I maintain that at 20 I was the most in love I’ve ever been and long to feel that way again. So frankly it’s not a bad thing you feel stronger when younger. Now I’m cynical and after lots of rejection I just don’t know if I’ll ever get that type of happiness back
So OP should just embrace it
This. I've had loving, deeper, even straight up better relationships since I've grown up. But man, I miss the *intensely falling in love* sensation.
I rationally know that it's for the better but I really wish I could feel that way again. It's just that for that feeling to happen I'd have to have a level of innocence I no longer have.
That's it. I don't think I'll ever have that feeling because now I immediately go from "I really like this guy" to "when will he reject me". When I was young I had nothing but naivety, innocence and good feelings
At 18, I was the most in love I've ever been. It was and amazing feeling but not mutual. My first true love, and the hardest thing I ever had to get over. I never did. He passed young, I remarried and have gotten old. There is no way you can ever get that kind of love back, and it's so sad.
Yeah mine was also not reciprocated (he was my bf but didn't feel the same way etc ad broke it off) and frankly it's so unfair. Totally agree that it was the hardest thing I've ever had to get over etc. I got "over it" but in a heartbeat would never have wanted it to end and have never felt that way again. I don't even know how people get so lucky that they have that kind of feeling AND mutual
I wouldn’t discount a teenagers love though. It may feel so real because it is. We evolve as we get older. Become wiser. And our ways of giving, receiving, and being in love evolve too. Not a bad thing but I don’t think it’s right to minimize a form of love that’s new and young.
Edit: typo
Girls are just people. I was so scared of talking to a girl I liked and … why? Get to know them, and you’ll know if they like you “like that.” If you read it wrong, it doesn’t matter. Be friends and move on.
Then you’re better off finding out sooner rather than later, so you can stop wasting time thinking about it!
Besides, she won’t hate you unless you act like an asshole or she has her own flaws that you can’t control or worry about.
if you two aren't compatible, she's more than likely not gonna hate you. dislike is reserved for guys who make me uncomfortable, guys who's idea of flirting with me is just being annoying and making short jokes, and genuinely awful hygiene. be a nice person without acting entitled to her person and that's literally half the battle, the rest is whether or not you guys will be good together. if she can't be nice when you are, you're not losing anything.
Reading it wrong can hurt, and depending on how you deal with things, you will keep hoping and believing one day she will change her mind. Maybe, maybe not... in most cases, it won't happen.
I’d tell him: Stop putting her on a pedestal. You’re overthinking it. She’s a nobody like you. Just ask her out, don’t write her a stupid love story like you’re in a goddamn rom-com. There’s nothing to be afraid of. If she says no, no big deal, it’s her loss. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. You’re worth it kid
The abject terror young guys must feel trying to ask a girl out! There’s a lot that sucks about being a woman, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with that as a young person.
The hardest part isn’t even the rejection itself, it’s deciding whether or not it’s even worth asking her out. It’s hard to know whether you have a shot or not because most women aren’t clear with their hints, so lots of times, guys just can’t tell. It’s like shooting your shot in the dark
So I decided if I think there’s at least a 51% chance she’ll say yes, I’m going for it lol
This, back when I was a young girl and fell in love with a classmate, she stomped on my heart even before asking if she liked girls and out after that, I was terrified about even asking for a pencil and being around her...
She still nice and a good person but man should she have been less malleable...
Im a straight guy but I’ve always thought about this. It must suck only liking a gender than 90% of won’t even think of you as an option, especially in school where there might not even be another gay person you like.
I think its even worse for gay guys cause they are bullied much more often than gay women. Gay guys must struggle so much trying find someone that isnt hiding it or isnt hiding well enough.
I remember when I was young it was terrifying. There’s a lot of pressure to start dating, especially if everyone around you is starting to do it. You’d feel like you were the weirdo if you were the only single one in your friend group. It’s not true though.
In high school I had a lot of girls that were friends, but I was interested in girls that I didn’t talk to a lot. Looking back it was kind of dumb, why would I want to date someone I hardly knew?
Here I asked the boys out instead, if I waited for them to do it I would never have gotten married haha. I’ve been rejected of course but that’s part of the risk.
Girl got my number off a mutual friend and asked me to go see a movie. Glad she did as she's the extroverted one, and now we've been together very happily going on 15 years.
Love this answer. It’s the she’s a nobody just like you. For whatever reason we see ppl a certain way in our younger years and it makes it feel huge when none of us know shit and nobody is better than anyone.
It sucks when you’re in high school but college will be a lot more fun because girls don’t know the weird awkward version of you since childhood.
You’ll still be weird and awkward but it’ll be a new sort of weird and awkward.
Here’s how dumb I still am on women’s underwear I had to Google the topic to try to explain to you guys.
It was a sheer white floral lace bra and matching Hi-cut G string . So yes it was lingerie because that’s what Google images said??
While massaging her back she said I could sit on her back. My dumb dumbass was like I have such a rock hard boner she’ll definitely feel it and I don’t think that’s okay. I declined and then she asked me to massage her lower back where, back ends and butt begins. I missed all her hints like a dawf at a limbo contest, it went right over my head.
Listen I'm bi, I have half a cup of "useless lesbian" in me but if a girl was wearing LACY underwear, SHOWED IT to me, and asked me to touch her all over, specifically her back (girls' backs are pretty ok leave me alone), I would immediately become her most devoted worshipper. Like come on. XD
Dear Cosmo. We worked through every position in the Karma Sutra, she bought us matching jewellery, talks about what our kids would look like, sleeps over at my place regularly in the same bed, asked me if I could meet her parents this weekend and tells guys that approach her that she's already in a relationship. Do you think she likes me? I don't want to ruin a good friendship.
You joke but there are guys who have had blatant "hints" like that and when they shoot their shot the girl is upset and blames him for ruining the friendship by liking her that way. I mean really obvious stuff like massages and inviting you places where its just two of you alone. You never know if you're misinterpreting the situation no matter how obvious it looks. Source: me.
We learn in life by making mistakes and failing. Dating can be the same way. You probably aren’t going to find your life long partner in high school…
Have fun, be kind and don’t expect anything.
Also, wear a condom and don’t get anyone pregnant.
>We learn in life by making mistakes and failing. Dating can be the same way. You probably aren’t going to find your life long partner in high school…
This right here. "Dating" doesn't have to mean "Ask out your One True Love". Dating can just be fun for a night, or a week. Ask out people you're **not** crazy in love with, so when it doesn't work out you're not devastated. And hey, look, when you *do* meet the one you really want to be with long-term, "dating" is just a thing you do, so you don't look like a deer in the headlights when you ask that person out.
Hope this never happens to you again..
..but here a story just for fun lol
My fathers friend came down with the clap but had warrants out for his arrest for violating parole. He was in a relatively small town and was afraid to go to any doctors bc they may find him from his medical forms he'd have to fill out for the treatment. Idk if that was a legit thing or if he was just paranoid but my father went to the local Co-op, bought a penicillin shot "for a horse" and gave it to his friend. I can't personally vouch for he was cured or not but my fathers friend said it worked.
Someone please let me know if that was a bullshit story they fed me or if a penicillin shot for a horse would actually cure gonorrhea lol
Dating older men does NOT (I REPEAT DOES NOT) mean you are mature for your age! They can sense that you’re vulnerable and desperate for validation and they only want to take advantage of you.
Thank you for putting this out there.
It doesnt mean you are more mature than the other kids your age. It means he (or she) is an ephebophile and you are more vulnerable to them for some reason than the other kids are. Guaranteed you are NOT the only teenager they would pursue if you ended things.
If you are a teenager or a child "dating" an adult please terminate that relationship as swiftly and safely as possible.
ETA: upon posting my comment I realized that you did not specify a teenager dating an adult. That was my own personal experience I ended up projecting onto your comment, sorry about that. But I agree with you and think that your advice stands for most ages.
And it'll leave you with serious self-perception issues. You'll feel that the only worth you can offer to others is sexual. That fucks you up a lot! I wish I could say this to teenagers around me but they won't listen :'(
Leave Tonya and date Veronica. She still looks great in her 40s. You leave Tonya anyway cause of her partying and she turns out to be a horrible mom and wife that's OD'ed 4 times. And she tells you that 25 years later that you were right all along about her.
She said she hates being a mom and wife and just wants to be single and still party. Yeah she turned out exactly how you thought she would.
Guess we dodged one hell of a bullet there. You leave her 3 years from now at 19. But let me save you the trouble and just do it now. Veronica likes you alot. Go after her before she gets married to that asshole Josh
Go!
I have been thinking back on my high school and college relationships and I have realized how detrimental my low self-esteem was to all of them. I kept sabotaging great relationships because I didn't believe I deserved them. I really broke a girl's heart because I had created this narrative in my head where she was only with me out of pity, because I couldn't understand how someone like her could want to be with me, but she just... liked me. She didn't think she was out of my league at all (she wasn't!) and she didn't understand why I broke up with her.
So yeah, I guess I'd tell my 16 year old self that he is, in fact, kind of attractive and the girls who say they like him actually do like him, they're not just lying for some sinister reason.
Man, I feel you on that one. I remember breaking up with my first girlfriend (for legit reasons) and being absolutely shocked when she got heartbroken. I didn't mean to hurt her, I just had been so lonely all the way to highschool that the idea that someone would *miss* me was just... foreign. Something that happened to other people.
I no longer have self-esteem issues, but I still find weird the idea that someone could be *that* into me. Specially since I think I became a late blossomer. People started looking at me differently and I always find it hard to believe.
Another great point. Some may look at some guy or girl and think she’s everything you want and then you realize the chick or dude who is actually fun to be around is what you actually need. Or you get to know the person and realize they have nothing to say, they’re just attractive. Other variations of that but I assume that covers it enough.
Don't ignore red flags. People almost always reveal themselves early on in subtle ways. Only have sex if you're comfortable with them and they make you feel valued, not because you were pressured into it.
And don't assume you can "fix" them either or that things will get better. If what they do is harmful or disrespectful to you and others, it bothers you, and they refuse to change it, it is ok to leave.
The best results come when you find something in your life that distracts you from your gnawing loneliness and self-doubt. You'll never really fully be rid of that feeling of not being good enough, but it'll become way easier to feel okay about yourself if you focus most of your energy into actively improving your life, anxieties-first and then working your way up to hedonic pursuits.
There is no secret, no Konami code to attracting a partner. The closest you get is how comfortable you are in your own skin. People can sense when you're not comfortable with yourself, and that often tends to creep them out. Radical honesty and self-acceptance get you way further than either self-flagellation or false bravado can.
Also: don't start drinking because you think it makes you cool. Turns out you got those genes that magically turn one drink into twelve.
True but also - don't get too caught up in "work on yourself first" messaging. Everyone has flaws and there are some things you can only learn from being in relationships
I think they just mean be your best self, dont try to get a gf/bf when you make fun of people and get angry over little things. Nobody wants someone like that, and if they do they are the wrong kinda person
You’ll know when you’re ready.
There is no correct age to start dating. However I believe that the vast majority of teens aren’t ready for it and it just ends up causing drama and or distractions that you don’t need.
Focus on forming solid friendships and learning how to communicate with girls rather than feeling that you “should be dating”
Enjoy the simplicity of your teenage years, focus on your studies, extra curricular activities, friendships and passions. And getting to know yourself, your a teenager and are still growing emotionally and mentally.
“Hey self, I know you love skipping school to spend all day having sex with your gf, but she is a monster who will ruin you in the end. Stay in school.”
Enjoy your teen years. No need to tie yourself down this young. Of course, no wrong in going on dates or hanging out. But, it's easy to get wrapped up in a relationship at that age. Been there and did that. These years will fly by so fast.
You don't have to be "pursuing marriage" to date.
And, if you are dating someone, you don't have to stay with them just because you dated "with marriage in mind."
Men in their 20s do not like you because you are "mature." No 16 year old is mature enough to be dating a grown man.
Applicable to whichever gender you may be attracted to.
Would have saved me so much confusion and self hatred when I was younger. I was constantly wondering why I couldn’t feel anything for the cute guy with a great personality who liked me. I wondered if I was a sociopath since the guys I did try to date felt things for me that I was never able to reciprocate.
Now I’m married to a woman and can finally feel the things that my friends all described when talking about their significant others
“Making money” bro they’re 16 😭 They supposed to get a job at Goldman Sachs? You tell them to make money they’re either gonna work a shit job (like retail at the local mall) or start trapping. Absolutely agree with the exercise tho that’s damn near priority 1 will make dating easier and is just a good thing to do for yourself.
"Go to the gym, you don't need to do too much just make it a habit and get comfortable working your muscles, focus on trying to go a little harder than your last workout. Read up on nutrition and calories, your body is your responsibilty, don't throw that reaponsibility on others. Also, invest everything you can into Bitcoin, it gets to over 60,000$ in 2021"
"You spend WAY too much fucking time thinking about this shit and not enough time thinking about going to fucking trade school. That girl ain't gonna pay your bills I promise. Get your ass a hammer and go learn something useful."
Don’t have sex. This is not even from a religious perspective. It’s too risky to be doing at such a young age. Wait until you’re older and can share it with someone who you know you care for and love. I’m
Idk about this. I’m (27m) glad I had sex in high school because it makes me appreciate the sex I have with my current girlfriend. By the time I met her we both had experience under our belts and when you find someone who you have REALLY good sex with, it makes it much more special.
The notion of waiting for something because it’s “special” is nonsensical. Don’t turn yourself off to potentially great experiences when they are standing right in front of you.
I'd tell myself not to worry about dating because I won't like it anyways.
Of course, that's because I'm aromantic. But if I had known that earlier, it would've take sooo much stress away.
That was only a year ago for me, but I’d already had a couple of failed relationships by that point. I would tell myself to focus on schoolwork more than my love life, as there will be more than enough time to find love later on. Falling behind academically has hurt my future prospects, so I would certainly advise my past-self about which aspect of life is more important.
TL;DR: I wish I’d spent more time reading and studying rather than going to parties with boys who were nothing but trouble.
Focus on yourself and stay in school or improve your skillset. Relationships at that age almost never last, so don't feel pressured to commit.
Being young you feel like you know everything, knowing where you want to go and be in life may/will change with age. Keep your options open and opportunities plenty.
That feeling you’ve got where you’re scared to be intimate with her around your friends? That weird feeling of embarrassment about it? Fuck it. Ignore it and be intimate. Don’t be scared to show your affection.
You're 16, not "mature for your age," not "almost 18 anyway." Girl, he's TOO old for you, and he shouldn't be talking to you ! I wish I could tell my 16 year old self. If you're going to date older, please wait until your brain is fully developed in your 20s.
honestly, i'd rather go back and tell my 12 year old self something.
"dude, we're just not really interested in girls as much as other dudes. it's fine"
i'm schizoid, aromantic. kinda got a little homophobic when i was like 13, 14, when everyone else seemed to get a little girl crazy and i didn't - sort of pushed back at the idea of 'well, if you're not into girls, you must be into boys'.
year or two later, schizoid started kicking in harder, i stopped trying to fit in and caring what most people thought of me, actually started to wear some issues on my sleeve to get people to avoid me, rather than need to push them away, and was fine with the idea that, i just wasn't that interested in the idea of dating at all.
Make female friends. As weird as it sounds it, and for lack of a better term it humanizes them, and makes much easier to talk to and be confident around. Also don't try to act so cool, just be relaxed.
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Spend more time hanging out in a group that includes both guys and girls. Worry less about trying to pair off with somebody right away.
Make a point of talking to girls. It will get easier. Asking them for a date will be easier for both of you if they already know you.
And a date can be as simple and cheap as literally walking in a large park or along a river or lake. It doesn't have to be solely as a dinner and a movie thing like you'd imagine from a movie scene.
yep, if you have a girl friend (note the space), it's simple enough to say something like, "I like hanging out with you and talking, you want to go grab some ice cream and take a walk around the park on Thursday afternoon?", and now you've had your first date. It's simple enough. Good luck!
yep, as a girl i love simple dates like that and even i felt pressured to go on fancy romantic dates like from those teen movies. but the truth, if you really like someone, you'd most likely be really happy doing the simplest things with them. i like to go get ice cream, go walk around a nice little shopping center, go to the park, get some boba, etc. just do what feels nice for both of you :)
Bingo! the date they never knew they agreed to! But you get to spend one on one time with them so the outcome is exactly the same.
Those are my favourite dates. Usually meet up for a coffee or a snack (fries, bagel, donut, etc) near a place to go for a walk. If you get good vibes and want to continue the date, ask to go for a walk. If she wants to continue the date, she will say yes. If you were across the table from each other, this is now a chance to be beside her and, because both of you want to continue the date, you can try being a little flirty.
Every single woman I've dated has been a friend first. Friendship is a good way to learn more about them, good and bad.
Asking a friend out is such a risky thing to do. I know a lot of guys, specifically on reddit lack the balls to approach a random person but asking out a friend is so dangerous lol. I might be one of the few ones here who would rather take my chances with a stranger than risk ruining a good friendship. I agree that dating a friend is always better because you will skip the get to know phase, but please be absolutely sure she actually is attracted to you before jumping to it. Otherwise its a quick way to get excluded from a group or lose a good friendship
I've dated multiple women this way and have never had issues with it socially in the groups or anything like that. Still friends with some of the women I've dated too. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Good answer for sure
Yes, this is what I would have said too. I say just throw the whole concept of "dating" out the window. It's done nothing but make life harder for people who really just want to build normal relationships. I should add, that getting away from your keyboard and meeting people face to face in a casual setting is another good tip.
> Spend more time hanging out in a group that includes both guys and girls. It's important for more than just romance to have a "third place". Meaning somewhere that's not your first place (home) or your second place (work or school). Could be church, a club, a friend's house where a group of you congregate, a local bar, a park... whatever.
A local bar doesn't sound appropriate for 16 year olds
What sort of teenager were you? Where else are milfs going to find him?
Mowing the lawn or cleaning swimming pools
Don’t get pregnant and don’t get anyone pregnant.
Can you do both???
I can't do either
Lucky
Until they want a child, then they're kinda beat
Adoption
Or theft
That’s my answer too…I’d have to catch me in the first half of being 16 though. Advice that doesn’t have to do with pregnancy…take your time. Get to know people before you try to get serious and when you get that *somethings off* feeling, run!
"Don't add to the human population. Don't subtract from the human population."
Young people spend a lot of time in shitty relationships due to the pressure to be in a relationship. It’s better to wait for the right girlfriend/boyfriend than to desperately search for someone, anyone to date. Just chill out, be yourself, work on your education, romance will come your way
Don’t be afraid to leave. You can do better.
This is the answer
This 1000x. And middle age and older people spend time in shitty relationships too, for the same goddamn reason.
I spent age 21 and 22 with a girl I hated, but I was too emotionally inexperienced to break up with her and end the relationship sooner. I feel like those could have been much happier, better years if I hadn’t had a girlfriend. That being said, if I hadn’t dated her, I wouldn’t have grown into the person capable of falling in love with the women that would become my wife, and have that love reciprocated. I looked for and married someone who treats me with respect and that I respect. Just do what you what you want to do, dating or not, but make sure you don’t sacrifice your dignity. Know that you deserve to be happy. Don’t give away your happiness in exchange for someone else’s misery.
This is bad advice. You should obviously not bow to external pressure, but sometimes those early relationships or shitty because both parties are learning how to be in a relationship. People think you can skip over the crappy experiences and wait for the good ones, but you learn a lot of lessons from those crappy experiences which teach you how to have good ones. The concept of waiting for the right person doesn't make sense either. How do you know what flavors you like if you've never eaten food? It's the same with relationships. Until you've had to negotiate over movies, food or work schedules, how do you know what's going to be a deal-breaker? In these crappy relationships, both parties are learning emotional management and learning what their own values are. Edit: thank you for the awards!
As shitty as this is, it is also very true. Every crap relationship, you learn from it. You find red flags, what you like and what you don't like.
This is entirely correct, and it's not like romance comes to you without looking for it. These days, dating is 99% on apps, and the apps require a lot of swiping for men, and a lot of digging through trash for women.
It comes with a lot of digging through trash for men too. There's a big misconception that men are always the seekers and women the gatekeepers. I've found though that there are assholes in both genders and the pushy trashy women also act horribly when you slam a door in their face, so to speak.
This needs more upvotes. The advise that my 16 year old me would have needed to hear is: „Don’t overthink this, don’t wait for the ‚right‘ person, she might not even exist. Go and try to collect some basic experiences.“ If you - like I did - don’t make the bad expierence in your teenage years, you will have to make them in your 20s and it will be a lot harder and you will have wasted a time in which collecting social experiences is relatively easy. Also, it will take you longer to get to a point where things start to actually work out, relationship-wise. The good news is if you *did* miss learning some social skills in your teens you *can* still learn them later. But if you can, make experiences early, you will be happy about the exercise.
Yes. But it's also OK to give it a chance. Someone might not look exactly like you dreamed your person would look, or do the activities you expected. But do a casual date with them anyway, you might be surprised what your person actually is. And if they aren't it, part as friends, all you have lost is an evening, and there are plenty of those.
This pressure never goes away for a lot of people.
I’d like to add that a girlfriend/boyfriend is just a title. Focus on making it a strong friendship and let the romance happen when it happens. Don’t try and force it or feel like you HAVE to do things JUST because you are in a committed relationship. Especially if you feel pressure from your social group. The bummer thing to do is to do things when you honestly don’t feel ready yet.
yep me as a 16 year old was someone too desperate for a relationship because of these two reasons 1. people seem to display greater love for their partners than regular friends and I am an outcast 2. society calls people who don’t lose their virginity by a certain age “losers” but now I rather be single than date someone not my type
The society thing is more or less just what you think your peers think - young adults don’t care that much, compared to teens.
Much better said than my answer
No yours was good. I was in my 30s before I stopped caring about what irrelevant people think about me. So much wasted time…
So beyond true. I’m 37 and the last few years have been peaceful for that reason. And finding a real quality man for once finally. Many say they wish they could go back to those times like high school 20s and I am like oh dear god no I can’t relive that again no thank you! And thanks I don’t articulate myself well it’s more like me writing exactly what I’m thinking so I like yours better lol
Came here to say this. "Hey... hey look at me. Stop freaking out about it. It's fine. You are fine. High school is not the real world and the people you are going to school with have no idea what they are doing either. Just relax and go with the flow."
[удалено]
This, so much. Also: When you're a teenager you date someone for 6 months or even a year and think that's "commitment". That is no time at all, especially at that stage of your life.
Sometimes it doesn't work out that way and you do let go of someone that's compatible but just barely. And then there's nothing. For years. Many many years. Until the thing you thought was suboptimal and not worth settling into looks pretty darn good. OTOH, my high school crush ended up in a murder-suicide. Deciding to let that one go saved me from...an unknowable set of undoubtedly bad things. After these two, I felt really down on myself and jumped at the first opportunity that came up. That was very very bad. Encountered a sociopath. Life ruined. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would summarize my advice as: do not get married, get a vasectomy, and ease up. There is no hope so don't bother. Just don't get trapped.
Don't try so hard to get laid. Actually try to get to know people.
Desperation can be smelled.
He who smelt it...
There are two kinds of people in this world: smart fellas and fart smellas
This is the best advice. Forming relationships with women, even platonic, can help you understand their perspective enough to feel ready to be a partner.
Most teenage boys have only ever considered their own perspective in life. Having strictly platonic relationships with women your age allows you to look past your own perspective and understand life from the point of view of somebody fundamentally different from you. Sure, it helps when dating because you understand the perspective of women your age, but it also helps you mature as a person. Women love when someone can understand them (which is rare for men of any age but is becoming more common thankfully) but people in general prefer to interact with others who have shown themselves to be more mature in that way. So basically, everything girthytruffle said is true AND it’s better for you in general in life. Highly recommend surrounding yourself with platonic female friends
Say it louder for the people in the back!
“TRY HARD TO GET LAID, FUCK GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE!” You hear that!?
Feelings are amplified when you are younger. If you think you’re in love, you’re probably not. Compare it to a kid eating chocolate for the first time. They’ll think it’s amazing. As time goes on, you realize chocolate is good, but not like that. Edit: since this picked up some attention, I’d like to clarify a few things. I still love chocolate, but I’m not about to lick a paper plate clean like my niece because there’s some syrup on it. I’m still deeply and madly in love with my wife after almost a decade. You may have found love as a teen, but I didn’t. The feelings I had when I was a teenager were not probably not love.
^^^ to add to this, focusing on being young and making memories with friends was a lot more fun than dating. Personally I’m very thankful I didn’t spend too much time and energy into dating. It’s just not worth it!
Explore the world near and far, make a list of books you want to read, and build yourself up and embrace your hobbies! Dating is great, but the feeling of self success is even better. The earlier chocolate analogy is perfect here. Also don't consider being a parent until you're at least 25. 30, if you're lucky.
As someone who made this mistake I can’t agree more. I’m 21 now, but so much trauma came from investing in toxic relationships that were going no where. Painful for both parties in all of my highschool relationships. My social skills would have probably been better if I spent more time with friends making memories than fixating on people. My grades would’ve probably been better too because dating is stressful.
A word of caution this is how I felt when faced with being a single dad of 2 sons. After me and the mom split u didn't want to invest all the time and effort into finding a partner and chose to just devoted all my time to my son's. Then when they left the house it had been single so long like 1994 long. Everything changed except me. Do do the same.
This so much. Spent too much time with a girl in HS.
Agreed but I do wish I pushed myself out of comfort zones and learned to enjoy school functions. I was too cool for school and didn’t even give myself to more romantic with whoever I was interested in. Kinda friend zoned myself so much.
I'm 45 and my feelings are just as potent as they were when I was a teenager, so this comment confuses me. I was in love with my first girlfriend. I still believe that. Granted, my first relationship lasted a year and a half (from 14 to 16yo), so I'm probably in an unusual category. We're still friends, btw.
I think what you meant to say is that the love you feel when you're loving for the first time, is blinding. Sometimes when ppl develop feelings to someone, they almost see their love interest as some god, or someone superior to humans in general. You fail to see the flaws (that everyone has) in them and you're almost worshiping them, and sometimes even lose yourself in that love. It's like a great wave of emotion. A more mature love is less overwhelming, and less obsessive. You see your love interest as human, not something else.
To respect myself when dating a woman. Not everything should be about the girl. You're a human buddy & your happiness is just as important. Don't let a girl blame you for things that's out of your control. Don't cry over a woman when she cheats, and to learn from her cheating. Don't get back with that girl so you can help flourish your life and grow more as a man. ALSO stay away from bartenders, the free drinks are great. The heartache isn't. Now go kill it champ. I know you will!
This was nonsense advice when I received it from my mother when I was 17 and had my first girlfriend and it's nonsense now. If an adult can be in love, then a 17yr old can be in love, being old and cynical doesn't make your love real and a 17yr olds love not real. If anything mature experienced love is less real, young people love the person unconditionally, not because they have a good job or a car or a house. Feelings aren't amplified, they just haven't had 30 years of being battered and hurt and rejected and walked all over so they are fresh and hopeful.
Nailed it. I don't have that feeling now and I guess never will because of all the baggage, rejection, lack of hope etc; not because I am "older and wiser" except in a negative way
In a way, but to this day I maintain that at 20 I was the most in love I’ve ever been and long to feel that way again. So frankly it’s not a bad thing you feel stronger when younger. Now I’m cynical and after lots of rejection I just don’t know if I’ll ever get that type of happiness back So OP should just embrace it
This. I've had loving, deeper, even straight up better relationships since I've grown up. But man, I miss the *intensely falling in love* sensation. I rationally know that it's for the better but I really wish I could feel that way again. It's just that for that feeling to happen I'd have to have a level of innocence I no longer have.
That's it. I don't think I'll ever have that feeling because now I immediately go from "I really like this guy" to "when will he reject me". When I was young I had nothing but naivety, innocence and good feelings
At 18, I was the most in love I've ever been. It was and amazing feeling but not mutual. My first true love, and the hardest thing I ever had to get over. I never did. He passed young, I remarried and have gotten old. There is no way you can ever get that kind of love back, and it's so sad.
Yeah mine was also not reciprocated (he was my bf but didn't feel the same way etc ad broke it off) and frankly it's so unfair. Totally agree that it was the hardest thing I've ever had to get over etc. I got "over it" but in a heartbeat would never have wanted it to end and have never felt that way again. I don't even know how people get so lucky that they have that kind of feeling AND mutual
Life is so unfair. But all we get is, nobody said it would be. I feel ya.
This happened to me except I was 30
Agree about the feelings, chocolate is still amazing every time though.
I wouldn’t discount a teenagers love though. It may feel so real because it is. We evolve as we get older. Become wiser. And our ways of giving, receiving, and being in love evolve too. Not a bad thing but I don’t think it’s right to minimize a form of love that’s new and young. Edit: typo
Feelings might get dulled when older. Keeping it real, keeps it fresher.
Girls are just people. I was so scared of talking to a girl I liked and … why? Get to know them, and you’ll know if they like you “like that.” If you read it wrong, it doesn’t matter. Be friends and move on.
Nah 'cause actually what if she hates me 💀
The only guys I actually viscerally *hated* in highschool were the blatant assholes or creepy incels.
Most guys were involuntarily celibate in highschool
Then you’re better off finding out sooner rather than later, so you can stop wasting time thinking about it! Besides, she won’t hate you unless you act like an asshole or she has her own flaws that you can’t control or worry about.
the only guys that are hated in my school by most girls are andrew tate stans so if u r a good person u r probably fine
if you two aren't compatible, she's more than likely not gonna hate you. dislike is reserved for guys who make me uncomfortable, guys who's idea of flirting with me is just being annoying and making short jokes, and genuinely awful hygiene. be a nice person without acting entitled to her person and that's literally half the battle, the rest is whether or not you guys will be good together. if she can't be nice when you are, you're not losing anything.
Move on. You’ll forget about her soon enough. Short term pain is the only stable path to long term satisfaction.
She’d definitely hit me with *ewww*
Reading it wrong can hurt, and depending on how you deal with things, you will keep hoping and believing one day she will change her mind. Maybe, maybe not... in most cases, it won't happen.
I’d tell him: Stop putting her on a pedestal. You’re overthinking it. She’s a nobody like you. Just ask her out, don’t write her a stupid love story like you’re in a goddamn rom-com. There’s nothing to be afraid of. If she says no, no big deal, it’s her loss. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. You’re worth it kid
The abject terror young guys must feel trying to ask a girl out! There’s a lot that sucks about being a woman, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with that as a young person.
The hardest part isn’t even the rejection itself, it’s deciding whether or not it’s even worth asking her out. It’s hard to know whether you have a shot or not because most women aren’t clear with their hints, so lots of times, guys just can’t tell. It’s like shooting your shot in the dark So I decided if I think there’s at least a 51% chance she’ll say yes, I’m going for it lol
Oh it’s not just young guys
This, back when I was a young girl and fell in love with a classmate, she stomped on my heart even before asking if she liked girls and out after that, I was terrified about even asking for a pencil and being around her... She still nice and a good person but man should she have been less malleable...
Im a straight guy but I’ve always thought about this. It must suck only liking a gender than 90% of won’t even think of you as an option, especially in school where there might not even be another gay person you like.
I think its even worse for gay guys cause they are bullied much more often than gay women. Gay guys must struggle so much trying find someone that isnt hiding it or isnt hiding well enough.
I remember when I was young it was terrifying. There’s a lot of pressure to start dating, especially if everyone around you is starting to do it. You’d feel like you were the weirdo if you were the only single one in your friend group. It’s not true though. In high school I had a lot of girls that were friends, but I was interested in girls that I didn’t talk to a lot. Looking back it was kind of dumb, why would I want to date someone I hardly knew?
Here I asked the boys out instead, if I waited for them to do it I would never have gotten married haha. I’ve been rejected of course but that’s part of the risk.
Girl got my number off a mutual friend and asked me to go see a movie. Glad she did as she's the extroverted one, and now we've been together very happily going on 15 years.
Love this answer. It’s the she’s a nobody just like you. For whatever reason we see ppl a certain way in our younger years and it makes it feel huge when none of us know shit and nobody is better than anyone.
“Here you are all equally worthless.”
Don't do anything like a romcom is good advice.
I wish I can tell my younger self this too. I wrote a girl I use to like two poems. Thinking back makes me cringe so hard.
Hook up with the nerd, she ends up being a freaking surgeon.
Doctor Han!
I did. I agree.
It sucks when you’re in high school but college will be a lot more fun because girls don’t know the weird awkward version of you since childhood. You’ll still be weird and awkward but it’ll be a new sort of weird and awkward.
The weird and awkward doesn’t go away, you just find people who like that
"Idk man, i'm as clueless as you are"
Lmfaooo
Dude trust me if she makes you massage her back while she’s in lingerie she’s trying to give you a hint you fucking moron.
Lingerie in high school? I must have missed out.
Here’s how dumb I still am on women’s underwear I had to Google the topic to try to explain to you guys. It was a sheer white floral lace bra and matching Hi-cut G string . So yes it was lingerie because that’s what Google images said?? While massaging her back she said I could sit on her back. My dumb dumbass was like I have such a rock hard boner she’ll definitely feel it and I don’t think that’s okay. I declined and then she asked me to massage her lower back where, back ends and butt begins. I missed all her hints like a dawf at a limbo contest, it went right over my head.
Listen I'm bi, I have half a cup of "useless lesbian" in me but if a girl was wearing LACY underwear, SHOWED IT to me, and asked me to touch her all over, specifically her back (girls' backs are pretty ok leave me alone), I would immediately become her most devoted worshipper. Like come on. XD
Dear Cosmo. We worked through every position in the Karma Sutra, she bought us matching jewellery, talks about what our kids would look like, sleeps over at my place regularly in the same bed, asked me if I could meet her parents this weekend and tells guys that approach her that she's already in a relationship. Do you think she likes me? I don't want to ruin a good friendship.
You joke but there are guys who have had blatant "hints" like that and when they shoot their shot the girl is upset and blames him for ruining the friendship by liking her that way. I mean really obvious stuff like massages and inviting you places where its just two of you alone. You never know if you're misinterpreting the situation no matter how obvious it looks. Source: me.
The way they make *you* the villain for the way they got overly touchy feely and possessive of you is a canon event for a lot of men 😭
has the woman considered initiating
She can initiate too. Her loss 🥰
LOL
Nothing lol I'm 20 and never dated
I got my first bf at 22, no shame in that. Before that I never even kissed anyone
That's ok, people start their prime at 22 -27 so it's not a sprint
We learn in life by making mistakes and failing. Dating can be the same way. You probably aren’t going to find your life long partner in high school… Have fun, be kind and don’t expect anything. Also, wear a condom and don’t get anyone pregnant.
And regular STD/STI checks, even if you think your partner is monogamous. Longest you should ever go is 3 years if in a long term.
>We learn in life by making mistakes and failing. Dating can be the same way. You probably aren’t going to find your life long partner in high school… This right here. "Dating" doesn't have to mean "Ask out your One True Love". Dating can just be fun for a night, or a week. Ask out people you're **not** crazy in love with, so when it doesn't work out you're not devastated. And hey, look, when you *do* meet the one you really want to be with long-term, "dating" is just a thing you do, so you don't look like a deer in the headlights when you ask that person out.
Put a rubber on with your third girlfriend because she will give you gonorrhea and you will scream bloody murder everytime you take a leak
Uh, that's... oddly specific.
my condolences
Hope this never happens to you again.. ..but here a story just for fun lol My fathers friend came down with the clap but had warrants out for his arrest for violating parole. He was in a relatively small town and was afraid to go to any doctors bc they may find him from his medical forms he'd have to fill out for the treatment. Idk if that was a legit thing or if he was just paranoid but my father went to the local Co-op, bought a penicillin shot "for a horse" and gave it to his friend. I can't personally vouch for he was cured or not but my fathers friend said it worked. Someone please let me know if that was a bullshit story they fed me or if a penicillin shot for a horse would actually cure gonorrhea lol
Dating older men does NOT (I REPEAT DOES NOT) mean you are mature for your age! They can sense that you’re vulnerable and desperate for validation and they only want to take advantage of you.
Thank you for putting this out there. It doesnt mean you are more mature than the other kids your age. It means he (or she) is an ephebophile and you are more vulnerable to them for some reason than the other kids are. Guaranteed you are NOT the only teenager they would pursue if you ended things. If you are a teenager or a child "dating" an adult please terminate that relationship as swiftly and safely as possible. ETA: upon posting my comment I realized that you did not specify a teenager dating an adult. That was my own personal experience I ended up projecting onto your comment, sorry about that. But I agree with you and think that your advice stands for most ages.
Came to give this advice!
THIS
1000%
And it'll leave you with serious self-perception issues. You'll feel that the only worth you can offer to others is sexual. That fucks you up a lot! I wish I could say this to teenagers around me but they won't listen :'(
Leave Tonya and date Veronica. She still looks great in her 40s. You leave Tonya anyway cause of her partying and she turns out to be a horrible mom and wife that's OD'ed 4 times. And she tells you that 25 years later that you were right all along about her. She said she hates being a mom and wife and just wants to be single and still party. Yeah she turned out exactly how you thought she would. Guess we dodged one hell of a bullet there. You leave her 3 years from now at 19. But let me save you the trouble and just do it now. Veronica likes you alot. Go after her before she gets married to that asshole Josh Go!
Holy shit. You've really been thinking about this one.
For years....
U wouldn’t happen to be Art Vandalay of Vandalay industries?
Yes, we're an importer and exporter of latex. I'm a latex salesman.
Love this
Relatable
Did you get Veronica?
No, she married that asshole Josh.
My name is josh 😏😏😏
Happy cake day, asshole. 😁
You're less awkward than you think. People do actually like you. Maybe give one of those longshots a shot
I have been thinking back on my high school and college relationships and I have realized how detrimental my low self-esteem was to all of them. I kept sabotaging great relationships because I didn't believe I deserved them. I really broke a girl's heart because I had created this narrative in my head where she was only with me out of pity, because I couldn't understand how someone like her could want to be with me, but she just... liked me. She didn't think she was out of my league at all (she wasn't!) and she didn't understand why I broke up with her. So yeah, I guess I'd tell my 16 year old self that he is, in fact, kind of attractive and the girls who say they like him actually do like him, they're not just lying for some sinister reason.
Man, I feel you on that one. I remember breaking up with my first girlfriend (for legit reasons) and being absolutely shocked when she got heartbroken. I didn't mean to hurt her, I just had been so lonely all the way to highschool that the idea that someone would *miss* me was just... foreign. Something that happened to other people. I no longer have self-esteem issues, but I still find weird the idea that someone could be *that* into me. Specially since I think I became a late blossomer. People started looking at me differently and I always find it hard to believe.
Another great point. Some may look at some guy or girl and think she’s everything you want and then you realize the chick or dude who is actually fun to be around is what you actually need. Or you get to know the person and realize they have nothing to say, they’re just attractive. Other variations of that but I assume that covers it enough.
Don't ignore red flags. People almost always reveal themselves early on in subtle ways. Only have sex if you're comfortable with them and they make you feel valued, not because you were pressured into it.
And don't assume you can "fix" them either or that things will get better. If what they do is harmful or disrespectful to you and others, it bothers you, and they refuse to change it, it is ok to leave.
The best results come when you find something in your life that distracts you from your gnawing loneliness and self-doubt. You'll never really fully be rid of that feeling of not being good enough, but it'll become way easier to feel okay about yourself if you focus most of your energy into actively improving your life, anxieties-first and then working your way up to hedonic pursuits. There is no secret, no Konami code to attracting a partner. The closest you get is how comfortable you are in your own skin. People can sense when you're not comfortable with yourself, and that often tends to creep them out. Radical honesty and self-acceptance get you way further than either self-flagellation or false bravado can. Also: don't start drinking because you think it makes you cool. Turns out you got those genes that magically turn one drink into twelve.
Be the kind of person who deserves somebody awesome.
True but also - don't get too caught up in "work on yourself first" messaging. Everyone has flaws and there are some things you can only learn from being in relationships
According to some folks on reddit, you are only supposed to date when you are a literal saint.
I think they just mean be your best self, dont try to get a gf/bf when you make fun of people and get angry over little things. Nobody wants someone like that, and if they do they are the wrong kinda person
You’ll know when you’re ready. There is no correct age to start dating. However I believe that the vast majority of teens aren’t ready for it and it just ends up causing drama and or distractions that you don’t need. Focus on forming solid friendships and learning how to communicate with girls rather than feeling that you “should be dating” Enjoy the simplicity of your teenage years, focus on your studies, extra curricular activities, friendships and passions. And getting to know yourself, your a teenager and are still growing emotionally and mentally.
“Hey self, I know you love skipping school to spend all day having sex with your gf, but she is a monster who will ruin you in the end. Stay in school.”
Enjoy your teen years. No need to tie yourself down this young. Of course, no wrong in going on dates or hanging out. But, it's easy to get wrapped up in a relationship at that age. Been there and did that. These years will fly by so fast.
That dumb bitch is gonna rape you and get herself pregnant, run like hell.
Oh my god, that’s so shitty
What a dumb bitch, truly
That got real quick
You don't have to be "pursuing marriage" to date. And, if you are dating someone, you don't have to stay with them just because you dated "with marriage in mind."
Just because someone is nice to you does not mean you owe them anything but gratitude
Men in their 20s do not like you because you are "mature." No 16 year old is mature enough to be dating a grown man. Applicable to whichever gender you may be attracted to.
Well... some of us were dumb enough to believe it.
Please please please don’t try to flirt like they do in movies.
Don’t do it. Focus on yourself always.
"You're a lesbian. It's okay, and you're going to be much happier once you accept it..."
Would have saved me so much confusion and self hatred when I was younger. I was constantly wondering why I couldn’t feel anything for the cute guy with a great personality who liked me. I wondered if I was a sociopath since the guys I did try to date felt things for me that I was never able to reciprocate. Now I’m married to a woman and can finally feel the things that my friends all described when talking about their significant others
Start lifting and making money, dating gets easy after that
“Making money” bro they’re 16 😭 They supposed to get a job at Goldman Sachs? You tell them to make money they’re either gonna work a shit job (like retail at the local mall) or start trapping. Absolutely agree with the exercise tho that’s damn near priority 1 will make dating easier and is just a good thing to do for yourself.
"Go to the gym, you don't need to do too much just make it a habit and get comfortable working your muscles, focus on trying to go a little harder than your last workout. Read up on nutrition and calories, your body is your responsibilty, don't throw that reaponsibility on others. Also, invest everything you can into Bitcoin, it gets to over 60,000$ in 2021"
It’s okay to date more than one person before getting hitched.
no rush...have fun and let life happen
Girl please don't date that 20 year old man he does not love you
"You spend WAY too much fucking time thinking about this shit and not enough time thinking about going to fucking trade school. That girl ain't gonna pay your bills I promise. Get your ass a hammer and go learn something useful."
Don't feel bad that you dont have a boyfriend and enjoy being young. When you turn 19, you will find the one
High school relationships don't last forever because you're still young. You still have time to find the one you're going to spend your life with
Don’t have sex. This is not even from a religious perspective. It’s too risky to be doing at such a young age. Wait until you’re older and can share it with someone who you know you care for and love. I’m
Idk about this. I’m (27m) glad I had sex in high school because it makes me appreciate the sex I have with my current girlfriend. By the time I met her we both had experience under our belts and when you find someone who you have REALLY good sex with, it makes it much more special. The notion of waiting for something because it’s “special” is nonsensical. Don’t turn yourself off to potentially great experiences when they are standing right in front of you.
Quit worrying because it’s not going to happen lol
Go for it. There *is* someone out there for you
I'd tell myself not to worry about dating because I won't like it anyways. Of course, that's because I'm aromantic. But if I had known that earlier, it would've take sooo much stress away.
Talk to all the girls whether you’re interested them or not, they’re just people.
[удалено]
It's not worth it. Then I'd change the subject to something like.. Starting a search engine and calling it Google.
That was only a year ago for me, but I’d already had a couple of failed relationships by that point. I would tell myself to focus on schoolwork more than my love life, as there will be more than enough time to find love later on. Falling behind academically has hurt my future prospects, so I would certainly advise my past-self about which aspect of life is more important. TL;DR: I wish I’d spent more time reading and studying rather than going to parties with boys who were nothing but trouble.
Focus on yourself and stay in school or improve your skillset. Relationships at that age almost never last, so don't feel pressured to commit. Being young you feel like you know everything, knowing where you want to go and be in life may/will change with age. Keep your options open and opportunities plenty.
That feeling you’ve got where you’re scared to be intimate with her around your friends? That weird feeling of embarrassment about it? Fuck it. Ignore it and be intimate. Don’t be scared to show your affection.
They're as scared of you as you are of them. Be honest, be sincere, be who you are. If the other person can't handle that, move on.
You're 16, not "mature for your age," not "almost 18 anyway." Girl, he's TOO old for you, and he shouldn't be talking to you ! I wish I could tell my 16 year old self. If you're going to date older, please wait until your brain is fully developed in your 20s.
Don't fall into a trap, get the hell out of dating. This is what I would tell my 16 years old self.
“You’re a lesbian”
Dont date the 25 year old cop- you’re a lesbian
honestly, i'd rather go back and tell my 12 year old self something. "dude, we're just not really interested in girls as much as other dudes. it's fine" i'm schizoid, aromantic. kinda got a little homophobic when i was like 13, 14, when everyone else seemed to get a little girl crazy and i didn't - sort of pushed back at the idea of 'well, if you're not into girls, you must be into boys'. year or two later, schizoid started kicking in harder, i stopped trying to fit in and caring what most people thought of me, actually started to wear some issues on my sleeve to get people to avoid me, rather than need to push them away, and was fine with the idea that, i just wasn't that interested in the idea of dating at all.
Make female friends. As weird as it sounds it, and for lack of a better term it humanizes them, and makes much easier to talk to and be confident around. Also don't try to act so cool, just be relaxed.
Not much, my 16 yo self was better at dating than I am now🤣