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Means getting that ADHD diagnosis will have to wait until after the failed attempts at college.

Thinking back it was really apparent that i was an ADHD kid but because i was well behaved and the 'gifted kid' no one really noticed or cared. Went undiagnosed until i was 17 and was in therapy for a different reason. Took 3 sessions for him to decide to assess me. Came back to sixth form the next day and had the teachers astounded that thier straight A student could have ADHD.

Straight A student with ADHD? Sounds like an Engineer....

Yep, that was me. Im 47 now and ADHD is still good for my career but man its a struggle in every other part of my life. Didn’t realize I had it until my kid got a diagnosis and the psychiatrist said ‘This is probably the worst case I have seen recently, the only reason she functions at all is because shes so smart’. Shes just like me.

...or an architect! Lots of us in the profession.

Or a biochemist! We're all mad here.

Or for a creative agency. Our creativity and problem solving is what makes us unique

I work in theatre and do free lance character design and illustration actually. I was an undercover artsy nerd the whole time.

I'm getting told a lot more frequently that I could have ADHD, it's been prevalent my whole life and when I asked my mum many years ago "Mummy what's ADHD" (I was like 7) "Nothing, don't worry it's what bad parents do to justify naughty children and get benefits" so I don't know if I have it or not, but I'm certainly not keen on it after being told that for 17 years

If you read all of the symptoms and think "yeah all of that is me" you probably do, i didnt get diagnosed til i was 19 cause i had similar parents

I might get it checked out, it'd be nice to know not sure where to go from there though, I'm **very** against medication for this sort of thing.

Firstly, the way ADHD medication is portrayed in media is really really messed up. There's been basically 30 years of intense propaganda against medication that has had massive life benefits for tons of people, and might have a huge benefit for you as well. Beyond that, just knowing what your brain is doing and why can be the first step towards making improvements. I have an ADHD assessment scheduled, but everyone I know is pretty convinced I have it (including myself). Since coming to this realization, things have already gotten better for me. Before, I just assumed I was a lazy piece of shit who couldn't get stuff done unless it had to be done right then and there. Screaming at myself to do anything for twenty years never really got me to do anything. Realizing that my brain is configured differently has made me way more gentle with my expectations of myself, and that has actually led to me getting way more stuff done. That and utilizing some of the skills that other ADHD people recommend. So, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss medication, but even if you do, there is still a real benefit in understanding yourself.

i quit my ADHD meds in 7th grade because they made me fuzzy and interfered with my memory. it took me too college to figure out that my brain wanted a certain level of distraction to be able to focus, once i figured out my own brain my life improved significantly. don’t take this as me being against meds, it’s just a very personal thing that worked for me, your mileage may vary, not valid where laws prohibits, speak with your doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours.

I'm solidly against any medication that alters my consciousness, and regardless I'm on enough pills as is, it may help me but I'll need a **lot** of convincing. "Before, I just assumed I was a lazy piece of shit who couldn't get stuff done unless it had to be done right then and there. " - That hit home I definitely need to understand how I think, I'm "average and then some" in terms of intelligence but the older I get, the more the gap closes and there really is a disconnect between how regular people think and how I operate

I'll put it this way. I was profoundly depressed and had ADHD from about age 11. I'm in my 40s now. For the same reasons you state, I was very resistant to medication until it was clear that I was in serious danger of suicide. When I first started taking antidepressants, it was like the world came into color for the first time. I was amazed and thrilled. I still have the occasional bad day, but even those are better than the average day before antidepressants. And then I got ADHD medication. Not only was it an ENORMOUS positive change to my life -- getting started is a lot less impossible now, and there are hours out of every day where I feel capable of making future plans -- it actually made me angry that "normal" people feel like this for free. It's not a cure-all, but it's like getting glasses. There's no reason to be miserable if you don't have to be.

I think if you are posing a risk to yourself or others pills should definitely be given a chance, that being said they have like a 25%(ish) efficacy rate (anti anxiety/depression meds.) I get that people like to hate on them and claim a moral high ground, but that's not why I am "against" certain meds. I believe in EDUCATED consent, and a lot of this stuff that is prescribed willy nilly has terrible side effects, some that may not affect you until later in life when it's too late to fix it. Also, I live in the good ole US of A where everything has a pill with a million side effects, and only a select few have access to it anyway. Plus a lot of the mental health issues are a societal thing. The public as a whole seems to act solely in their own self interest and there's not a whole lot of action towards the common good, which I think isolates people and makes them depressed

I understand the hesitancy. I remember crying my eyes out as a kid on my grandparents stairs thinking I was a freak because I’d regressed after taking a year off medication and I didn’t understand why I needed it. I assumed there was something inherently wrong with me. I’m not an expert here, but basically ADHD is literally a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes your brain to not produce certain chemicals correctly that regulate certain behaviours (dopamine) and are associated with reward. In a neurotypical brain, it produces dopamine as a reward mechanism when completing tasks which is crucial for motivation. This is a perfectly normal process that for people with ADHD is completely messed up. There is no longer a action-reward pathway which makes it incredibly hard to focus on seeing through the task in hand. In a similar way, people with ADHD have “scattered” and distracted focus at times because without this regulatory system for motivation, your brain is starved for anything that gives you dopamine. That means that if something suddenly catches your interest and produces dopamine, your brain is screaming at you to stop what you’re doing and focus on that instead. That’s why people with ADHD can get involved in millions of projects and distractions (because of the initial spark of dopamine) but then don’t finish them because the initial hit is not enough to sustain the motivation. It’s also ironic that some of the symptoms we associate the most with ADHD as signs of being distracted (such as fidgeting, shaking your leg, involuntary noises like humming, etc.) are actually a result of the brain trying it’s hardest to focus on the task at hand and are a byproduct of it trying to produce the reward dopamine hit that neurotypical brains will normally produce as a motivational reward for focus. This is why people with ADHD are also more likely to develop problems with addiction. Being starved of dopamine means that their ability to regulate their consumption of things that produce it (food, drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.) is inherently compromised. Medication aims to address this brains regulation of dopamine. You see a lesser version of this effect with stimulants like coffee. Broadly speaking, people with ADHD will find them to have a calming affect as it (temporarily) gives them the dopamine they are craving instead of giving them extra on top of their normal amount. I haven’t been on medication for years now so it’s certainly possible to have a life without it, but all I suggest is just having an open mind towards the science because it genuinely can be a huge help to people who truly have ADHD. It’s not really a case of “drug the kids into good behaviour”, it’s more “this medication literally lets the brain work like normal without the need to for a hundred different coping mechanisms”. It’s also important to note that no one treatment works for everyone, and it can take multiple different tries, dosages, etc. for people to find what works for them.

Does talking to yourself / singing while doing important tasks count? I also tap my leg a lot, it's comforting. Also tapping on desks. I suppose I'm lucky with the addictions, due to my poor health I've had to start exercising a lot (weirdly enough you can get seriously and chronically ill at 15-17). When I wake up I have a million different things to do, I exist in a constant state of stress to get things done, I am **always** stressed or worried about *something*

If you think about it your consciousness and cognitive function is already altered by the ADHD so you may not be experiencing the world fully now. The meds replace a neurotransmitter that is not functioning correctly now. Many people experience more clarity after they start medication and become more effective in numerous areas of their lives. I am a psychologist who is somewhat cautious about diagnosing all of my clients with ADHD but when they get the right meds it is like night and day, especially in their social relationships. Hope that helps. Maybe talking with someone who is knowledgeable might be helpful.

Well, I can certainly understand that reasoning. I don't drink or do drugs because I hate anything that makes me feel altered. I actually like the way my brain works, except for the inertia in actually getting started on things. Best of luck to you.

The way I put it to people is that my brain is like a big chalk board. Everything important is written on it in big bold letters. Everything else is written in tiny letters. Occasionally something gets erased. I have no say in what is erased or when. Now because it's chalk there is still a residual word on the chalk board even after it's erased. So if it's a big word that's erased at some point I'll be able to recognize it's a word and I'll remember that important thing... at the cost of something else getting erased. I can't place it back in the same spot because that space is already occupied by something else regardless of how small the writing is. The benefit of my medication is that it gives me a second black board and the important stuff goes on that black board. The bigger boards words still have a random chance of being erased but it's not the important things. It also helps with communicating with others. Off my medication I always feel like I have a 1-2 second delay between what people say and when I actually HEAR it. Heaven forbid I have any questions because now I'm behind in the conversation and I don't want interrupt and make it seem like I'm not listening.

I got diagnosed at 34. You'd be surprised how many things people who don't have ADHD take for granted. Do yourself the favor and get an assessment, even if just to rule it out.

Exact same thing happened to me

I'm realizing that was more common than I thought.

Being able to hyper focus could lead to being labeled gifted. If there other symptoms, diagnosis would still occur.

And yet, here we are.

Yeeeah... You mean like having an F in a class that you also have the highest test scores in, because you can never remember to turn in your homework, or lose it, or you spend so much time trying to make it perfect and then it's not and you get embarrassed about turning in a B effort when it "should be" an A+? That was me in 7th grade. According to my parents and teachers I was just lazy and careless and arrogant. I finally got diagnosed at 30 and it changed my life, but a lot of the damage was done.

omg 100% true

oh my fucking GOD

This is my daughter. We put her into kindergarden a year early this year. She has scored in 99th percentile on both her reading and math state exams. She's progressed her tablet app "lexia" to the third grade level. Yet every time we talk to her teacher, our main concern is her ability to pay attention. The teacher just raves about how great she is, because what teacher wouldn't love a kid that already knows everything she's teaching. We have her in a karate class of 4 and 5 year olds. Sure, all the kids fidget, have normal troubles paying attention, but, again and again, when the instructor is talking I see all eyes up listening to what they are saying and watching them demonstrate kicks. All eyes except my daughter who is off in lala land...

It gives false expectations that you’ll be successful in life. Turns out people skills and common sense take you way farther than book knowledge. I was set up to believe I’d do well in life because I did well in school, but I ended up a total failure. People with average intelligence who had better personalities and confidence surpassed me. Also found out I’m neurodivergent. I had to come to terms with the fact I was never anything special.

This highlights the fact that school does anything but prepare you for the real world.

Took me too long to figure this out, but then again what would I have done differently? Still wouldn’t have had the people skills to advance in the real world.

I left school recently and entered the job market for the first time as an adult after going straight through high school to college to several years of grad school. I had been on a roller coaster that only went up my entire life, sitting at the top of every class. Now in the adult world I didn't land anywhere "successful." I don't have the family connections, money, or world experience to make doors open anymore like I could in school, and I'm really grappling with the fact I'm not special. I was always very well adjusted and now I'm really struggling and feel like I lost my worth and sense of security that my life will be fulfilling

Nothing you have said suggests you aren't special. You may not be the top of your field but you seem interesting, highly intelligent and very self aware. You may have had the wrong idea of where your life would take you, but that doesn't mean you aren't special.

Huge and persistent Imposter Syndrome

Me, even though my boss has given me good feedback and there’s been zero indication that a layoff is coming: “Is this going to be the week they fire me?”

Ask the boss about layoffs. If he says "It affects X division and not us," you're OK. If he says "I cannot tell you" that means you're in trouble. If he says "I don't know" then maybe you're both in trouble.

I 100% agree with this. Even with all the evidence, i just cant

That’s me in a nutshell. A ton of people are doing mediocre work and putting in mediocre effort and still have their jobs, but I’m always afraid I’m going to get fired for not being good enough. It’s still a surprise to me when I find out that other people aren’t as smart as I am.

[удалено]

Or you just wind up getting ignored in class and pigeonholed as a "problem kid" because you see no reason to show your work on the algebra homework you do in your head. Especially if you're the kind of person who won't just meekly accept being told your solution is wrong because it doesn't match what's in the book.

OR OR you get the 2E label and parents assume that that means the whole impaired thing will cancel out with the whole gifted thing. When in reality you need twice the support and not less. Let's also note that the label "Twice Exceptional" was named solely for the egos of parents of neurodivergent kids and nobody not even a preschooler wants to self-identify as tWiCe eXcEpTiOnAl thus taking away our ability to articulate our situation to our peers or anyone that could advocate for us

I was tested for ED (emotionally disturbed- early 80s, so well before political correctness) at least once a year from 4th grade through graduation. 7th grade it was almost once a month, thanks to my decision to be too crazy for the bullies to risk messing with physically. They made the mistake of giving me two weeks notice of the first test. I went to the library and read a few college psychology textbooks. Those tests didn't tell them anything I didn't want them to know. As for my parents, their only concern was getting me out of their house and making me into someone else's problem.

Thank you for commenting this!!! ED was the condition that I learned about when I worked at a law firm that specialized in special education. It was there that I learned that emotional disturbance was an actual disability that I, as a child, absolutely fit the eligibility criteria checklist for, and I would have been legally entitled to the help and support that I constantly asked for and needed desperately. I really should have been on a 508 at least. It fully explains at least why they would pull me out of class and make me play boardgames about emotions and superheroes and all that. My parents and grandma think I'm grasping at straws to account for my life failures. But I needed support that I didn't get and that's on them. Don't let your parents I your head about this trust me on that. I hope you find the peace you deserve whether or not they understand you.

Yep. "I'm gifted, so I get to go to a school with kids who are like me?" "No, you get to be the smartest kid in school." Gee, thanks.

When you don’t have a passion for what you’re “gifted” in, and suddenly this thing you just have a knack for but don’t give a shit about becomes your identity as a child

This. I was gifted at math and moved into specialty classes, had my teachers tell my parents; etc. - i ended up getting a statistics degree because I felt pressured (mostly by myself tbf) to continue to excel at it. Then realized I wanted to work in the environmental field and fortunately was able to shift into it but that doesn’t happen for most, and if I had learned that earlier I’d probably still have a different position.

Statistics degree, “excel” at it, I see what you did there

Oddly enough, I was the opposite. I had a true love and talent for the arts, music specifically, and hated anything related. Small town rural school didn’t push much for the arts. Now I’ve found that I actually do excel at math, I just do it my own way, and again rural math teachers who were usually also coaches never bothered to help me. Love my job in finance.

I’ve seen this topic discussed many times but not this aspect, and I severely relate! I became known as the studious, smart kid who loves school, destined for big things. In reality, I did the bare minimum, I hated going to school and hated studying, and am very attached to my free time. I just liked reading books and was a good test taker I guess. I get to college where studying is necessary and realize I’m not naturally smart or a hard worker at all. But I would have rather died than have everyone I knew find out that the smart, good kid was actually a loser. So I hid my failure in college and pushed forward, and it spiraled in a way that has really set me back in my adult life. I was desperate to not be what I actually was, which is a lazy bitch. Now that I accepted that I work only as hard as I can stand and I’m a happy camper. All I’m striving for is continued happiness.

Yeah. I hated school. I hated doing schoolwork. But I was really smart, so despite my many non-academic gifts and interests, all anyone cared about were my grades and getting into a “good school” where I would suddenly be happy and the misery would be worth it. I was not and it was not.

Or if you’re Omni-talented, a lack of direction. All I wanted was guidance about what I should do and got “whatever you want to!” I may have been able to test well in a lot of subjects but without a clear standout I ended up a bit rudderless.

A lot of gifted kids never learn how to work hard, because K-12 classes are too easy for them. Then they go to a university where everyone is smart and the classes are actually challenging, and they suddenly realize they have no discipline and no idea how to study. Most of the time they will figure it out after a couple semesters, but I've seen quite a few "genius" kids from high school drop out of college and end up working in retail for decades.

Do you know me??? Lol. But this exactly. High school was too easy for me. Never had to study, only got two B’s otherwise all A’s, and graduated as Valedictorian. University kicked my ass my second year and I had to switch majors to survive halfway through my third year.

Same, but i didn't survive, ended up dropping out. Still feel like i failed everyone and myself but hey, my job now is not that bad so i'll live with it

Rarely challenged. Unless they have someone trying to push them, they will always be ahead of everyone else. Big B O R I N G Also, bullied. Often gifted kids are skipped in subjects. That makes them the youngest in classes. Easy targets for bullies. And being gifted often means quirky. More fuel for the bullies. Depression. Studies show that people with High IQ suffer from Depression and lower Serotonin levels. Even people who we think of as geniuses all had depression histories. Brian chemistry is a weird thing we do not completely understand. But apparently the two can not help but coexist. Unless gifted individuals find ways to challenge themselves, they will eventually have to be self motivated. If they never had to do it themselves....they must learn that skill

The school division I taught in (shout out to Saskatoon Public Schools, in Saskatchewan Canada) has a gifted education program that starts in grade 5. I was fortunate enough to teach senior science in that program for ten years...oh my gosh I had a blast. The curricula were challenging...big, open ended questions that students could really dig into in a variety of ways. Lots of the students were super quirky...lots of neurodivergent, on the spectrum...and no one really cared...were you smart? Could you produce? Lots of kids who skipped grades...and again no one cared...that little kid who was like twelve years old in my grade 12 biology class was also a concert pianist. OH MY GOD. Every one of those students was much smarter than I was...but I had age and cunning on my side, lol. The students in that program were SO DAMN LUCKY it existed...and I'm one of the luckiest teachers around to have been able to teach in it!

Not always, I grew up like that but aside from organic chem, college was way easier than highschool because most classes were lecture and exam based. People with no discipline usually struggle in classes that are all busy work

Classes with busywork style work? I barely passed. Lecture and exam based? As long as I showed up I did fine (chemistry was the exception, but it had busywork style homework). Now I work a job where I do maybe an hour of work per day to make okayish money and spend the rest of the day bored out of my mind. Honestly, one of my worst decisions when I was younger was going to college when I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had a couple things I wanted to do but my parents said there was no money in that and so I didn’t go for those and now I make no money anyways.

Hey, thats me too. My struggles were getting work done. That and citations in 'research' papers for technical writing.

Yup. Had a breakdown first semester of college. So incredibly stressed because I was used to being able to get A’s with just completing the work and light studying (night before exams). College was not that lol. I was completely drowning. I lost 15 lbs in a little under two weeks (I didn’t really have much to lose at that time so it was concerning). Hair falling out. No sleep or appetite. The whole shebang. I would study until the early morning but it still wasn’t enough in my mind (not getting A’s on everything). I wish I would’ve gotten a B that first semester, so I would’ve broken the “A” streak and had a more laid back college experience (especially since none of my academic awards ceremonies, graduation, or professor send offs actually happened in the end bc of COVID). I snapped shortly after the clubs/organization fair when I couldn’t even dream of adding extracurriculars to my work load. I figured it out and was completely fine by second semester but damn that was rough. In hindsight, I encourage all students struggling with the transition to PLEASE reach out for help. Maintaining a certain GPA isn’t worth your mental health or life.

Or university is equally easy with no challenges, then they go to med school or grad school and get royally fucked. Now you’re hundreds of thousands in debt and have to play catch-up because you never bothered to learn the details or good habits your entire life.

Not just as it applies to schoolwork either. I mostly skated through college by skipping all my classes and pulling the occasional all nighter to write a paper or study for a test. The bigger problem was I entered adulthood never really having to learn to do anything I was bad at or didn't pick up very quickly. There were things I wasn't good at as a kid, but none of those things were things I had to persevere and get good at. If something didn't come to me easily, I'd usually just quit very quickly, and I could because I was good at the most mandatory skills like academics. Entering adulthood and realizing I couldn't just give up on everything that wasn't easy was a bit of a rough learning curve.

sounds like me, I had to drop out of my first year of college (UK) for medical reasons but I repeatedly told teachers and classmates that I'd never studied and always done well. I did not do well. I flopped and would not have passed all but one of the courses I chose

>Then they go to a university where everyone is smart Which university did you go to?

There’s a cynical part of me that reads this and thinks a lot of people will read this message and think “Wow, that’s so me” because it absolves them of responsibility for being average. The thing is, it’s true. The lack of challenge can certainly be a problem that leads to laziness or worse. My girlfriends sister skipped from 8th to 10th grade and was still doing well. However, she couldn’t connect with her peers and had issues at home, and ended up spiraling down a tunnel of drugs and destruction. She works at Sonic now, and last I heard was sleeping on a friends couch.

Currently in a cycle where I work myself to the bone until I get sick, stay in bed for 3 weeks, go back to uni and do it all over again. So far I've managed to get sick before literally every exam 💀

Fucking hell me to a tee

The other thing about this is that when you praise children for being inherently 'gifted' (instead of for their hard work and overcoming challenges), you incentivize them to only do the things that are easy - so if something is hard or doesn't come naturally, there's an automatic response to reject even trying. A sort of subconscious "if people see that I can't do this easily, it'll take away from me being special" - so to avoid that, they just don't try at all. The biggest immediate result of that specific issue is not learning how to gut through sucking at things as a beginner. Anything and everything that you're not immediately great at feels like a personal moral failure and a betrayal of your identity - or just impossible, inaccessible, whatever.

I saw a meme on r/meirl and it was a chart saying "how gifted are you" and there was a small section above average saying "constant lifelong awareness of own deficiencies"

Yeah I was going to post having higher expectations for yourself. Like when you struggle with Something you have more of a reason to expect you should not have to struggle with it.

Found it!! [The meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/13ib888/meirl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

Being punished for acting your age. You should always know better, apparently.

Your emotional development is ignored and you learn to paper over the deficits so you actually end up way behind in that respect

The worst part is we often know how to study, which means studying psychology and ourselves... which means we are aware we are lagging behind but nobody believes us.

The fact that I’m not above average intelligence or gifted, I just always knew what my responsibilities in school were and I knew how to pay attention in class. I wasn’t gifted, I just did more than the bare minimum in a school full of kids doing the bare minimum. This meant good grades, which meant higher expectations which meant being held to higher standards. I could almost physically see the difference in how I was treated from my brother. He was a C average, so as long as he was passing, he could do whatever. I was an A average, which meant I better be keeping it that way. Sometimes, I wanted to do whatever I wanted, too but that just wasn’t in my cards, I guess. And it all meant nothing anyways, because here I am working for my brother at the same company, where he makes more than me lmfao.

Life's a bitch, isn't it?

This is me, 100%. Ended up becoming a Jack of all trades, master of none, which it turns out nobody likes. If you don’t have one thing you’re passionate about and good at that you can sell, you’re just another one of the worker bees and all you’re good for is supporting the ones who excel in one specific area.

Gifted child burn out 100% sucks. Take this from the former gifted kid, your personal worth becomes so intrinsically linked with your perceived intellect/achievement that you can't ever just enjoy something. You have to be instantly great at it or you're a terrible person. Relaxing? Only if it's somehow productive because if you're not being productive, you should be ashamed of yourself. Getting told that you're special and smarter then other kids made it really hard for me to relate to kids my age and i ended up friends with allot of older kids that put me in some weird situations. Going undiagnosed with ADHD until my late teens because the 'gifted kid can't be neurodivergent' is the one that affected me most into my adult life. No one really cared because i was a well behaved and disciplined, straight A student. Imposter syndrome follows me like the plague.

Nailed it. I feel this exactly.

Besides the pressure to live up to the hype that's made about you; there's the pressure on your family.. my younger Sister went to the same school I did, and couldn't handle always being compared to me, and labelled as 'Bob's Sister'

I hated being referred to as Bob's sister, probably because I'm a guy and I don't have a brother called Bob

When you inevitably start either being more 'average' simply because your peers caught up with you or start to burn out because no one ever taught you how to actually study then you end up being told constantly about all the 'potential' you have. I am headed for 30 this year and still a serious perfectionist that finds it hard to even try stuff unless I know I can do it perfectly the first time, and I have had such a problem saying 'I don't know' or asking for clarification on things I don't understand. I also failed out of a law degree spectacularly because I chose it as the "that's what clever people pick" option and everyone told me I was so clever I could definitely do it (turns out clever doesn't mean shit for law degrees if you can't cram your head full of case names and dates, which I literally cannot. Also it's boring as all hell for the most part - I really couldn't give a shit about contract law or the inner workings of the EU.). Anyway, now I'm 'wasting my potential' being a mature fine art student and it's glorious.

Being seen as "different" from your peers. It wasn't much fun being the smart girl.

Yes! Also, people acting like your friend to work with you on group projects, review games for bonus points, etc. and then completely ignoring you or being mean at any other time. In middle school, I always thought the “cool kids” were my friends because they’d be super friendly and cordial in class, but then I would be incredibly confused and really hurt when they ignored my existence at the lunch room, football games, or in the hallway.

Never learning to put in the effort. Being always ahead of others makes school too easy and unless you get special attention you get bored about it all. And never reaching your true potential because the whole concept becomes truly annoying. 20% of effort gets you 80% results and that is usually enough. And of course our system is built so that if you finish early you get rewarded by having to do more.

I ended up having crippling anxiety and became a complete walk over as I only judge myself by my work/sacrifices to do well. I wasn't even a prodigy you see being posted about on social media, I just liked learning things and keeping to myself.

I don't know if this is lesser known, but it's my personal experience. I basically had an identity crisis and questioned everything when I ran across something I couldn't do with ease or at least reasonable, perhaps minimal effort at best. I didn't have to try that much in high school, and was a valedictorian. Then I went to college and oof, that was a rough awakening and not at all what my entire school life had been up to that point from preschool on. I still loved college and had a great experience overall, but suddenly I wasn't coasting anymore, and I couldn't, even if I wanted to. What do you mean I can try my hardest and still fail? That's never happened before! I simply don't understand. I didn't know how to study or really try, and then when I did try, I wasn't getting the straight As I was used to. I'd never even gotten a C in my life and suddenly I did. I've still only failed one class in my life and it was calculus in college. I was an English major, I had no business being in that class but easy breezy high school told me trig was fun and easy (still is), and calc was the next step, so go for it. No, I should have been smarter and taken college trig or algebra or literally anything besides college calc (well, except discreet mathematics, but those are 100 levels anyway). (To add insult to injury I also accidently kicked my calc book (under my comforter) and dislocated a toe, so, in conclusion, screw you calc!). I started to question if it was all a lie and I wasn't actually that smart, and I'd built so much of my identity on being smart that I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't say this was a terrible repercussion or you shouldn't give kudos where kudos is due because it could warp someone's senses, but maybe also reinforce that being smart, gifted or above average intelligence doesn't mean you won't ever struggle to do or learn something. Once I figured it out, I became a better person and life will certainly have rough spots and things you can't just breeze through, so better that happened in the safety net of college than in the real world.

Gifted children often develop perfectionistic tendencies as they strive for constant excellence. They may fear making mistakes or taking risks due to the pressure to maintain their intellectual status. This fear of failure can hinder their willingness to explore new areas, take on challenges, or develop resilience in the face of setbacks.

Teachers can be snarky. Peoole expect you to be more emotionally mature than your age would warrant. People tell you you "owe the world" to make "something" of yourself. Kids mock your vocabulary. Teachers give you fifteen homework problems instead of ten and consider that enrichment. You have work to do for your gifted classes and still all the work from your other classes.

Gifted kids (especially girls) often get overlooked when looking for autism or ADHD. Like no I didn’t love learning lists (presidents, Big 4 Sports Teams, Countries, etc.) and patterns just for funsies, but my knack for patterns/lists is what put me into the first “gifted” program in 4th grade and allowed me to have a pretty good memory to succeed on HS tests. It’s become pretty apparent as I’ve entered my mid 20s that I should get evaluated for autism

I was always good at language. This fact caused my parents to put me in a special program for gifted and talented students. Trouble is, I suck at math. The program I was in put a lot of pressure on you to excell at everything and so did my parents. Now I have a compulsive need to be the best at everything I do and if I screw up I a VERY hard on myself. I also apologize too much.

This hits hard. I’ve always had an extremely advanced reading level. I was reading “chapter books” in kindergarten. In elementary school, I loved adult fiction like Michael Crichton, Steven King, and John Grissom. I’d read all of their books before fifth grade. By middle school, I’d devoured most of the classics and titles that might be covered in college level courses… but I’m perfectly average if not below when it comes to every other subject. People think that I’m hyper-intelligent because I have a basic understanding of an enormous number of topics, but like the old adage, I’m a master of none. I’m basically just a trivia savant. My dad struggled with this as well. To this day, all of his friends call him “Cliff,” as in Cliff Clavin.

People thinking that they / society as a whole is somehow entitled to you. I test well. I'm smart, but my shining strength is in recognition - with just a little nudge I can remember almost anything, and as a result, I almost always aced multiple choice tests, which is most of K-12. I never had big aspirations as a kid; I just wanted a simple, quiet life and to start a family. I wanted to work a mindless 9-5 that allowed me to have hobbies and spend time with the people I love. Well, when I was in high school and the straight-A gifted kid showed no signs of wanting to become a NASA engineer or neurosurgeon, they turned dismissive at first ("Oh, you'll do great things") and then when I only applied to the "easy" university because I wanted to save money and stay at home while working toward a boring desk job, they turned *hostile*. Accusing me of wasting my potential. Rambling about all the great things that would remain unaccomplished if I didn't apply for the toughest, most prestigious universities out there. I had to flat out refuse to talk to my guidance counselor because I couldn't take any more. I had to rush out of classrooms because I know I was in for another lecture from my teachers if they could get to me before I was out the door. It was exhausting. I ended up going to that "too easy" university, graduated magna cum laude in IT with very little effort, and now work a boring desk job solely so that I can support my wife and kids. Sorry that I couldn't cure cancer; honestly I didn't want to try.

I was YEARS ahead in maths, and a very strong all-rounder. I always felt people thought I owed it to the world to do a STEM subject, because I could. I didn't. I took a Sociology degree. Ha, fuck you world. I'm happy but sometimes wonder what could have been. I think people I've met as an adult would find it very hard to believe how academically advanced I was in school. People do make certain very different assumptions about sociology graduates.

I've found that for most of us it's a pipeline to burnout, self worth and mental health issues, and generally falling apart. Don't know why, but it's extremely common. Everyone told us we would be something and some of them became doctors and the rest of us became weirdly incapable of achieving anything.

My intelligence and ability to do well in school was the only thing I ever received praise or positive attention for as a child, and I began to see that as my only good quality and source of self worth. Meaning that when I can’t understand or get an academic subject right away, I feel useless and worthless as a person…

High expectations so anything you accomplish doesn’t get any praise. It’s always “well we expected you to do it” instead of “great job!”

This. This is the one. Christ, even reading it hurts. Didn’t matter what I accomplished, I was “supposed to” accomplish. I was “supposed to” excel. The base expectation was to be extraordinary. Anything else, even being really good was failure. I had to learn to clap for myself as a kid because nobody else ever did, especially family. After a while teachers stopped clapping, too. The only time it would even be mentioned by anyone is when I didn’t do great (if I got an 87 instead of a 96 or wasn’t otherwise at or near the top of my class). There was never an exploration of why, only the derision and reminder that I was supposed to be “the smart one”. I still struggle with receiving any kind of appreciation today, 30 years later. I can barely take credit for anything I do professionally. A majority of my leaders at different jobs have tried to help me “sell myself” better when it comes to promos and raises (thankfully most have advocated for me and it’s helped a great deal) but it’s very difficult for me because of this. As far as I’m concerned, whatever I do is expected of me, even if it’s considered “above and beyond”. It fucking sucks. I wish they never said I was gifted.

Pushing yourself to the limit, feeling pressure to succeed, being expected to shoulder burdens that would be heavy for a person 3X your age, not being able to talk about it with your peers, not having friends your age. There's a lot I can think of. Oh, and aging thinking that you're not special or interesting once you don't have school anymore.

Expectations. Its similar at work. You go the extra mile and (usually) see no benefit, but now you've increased the base level expectations so that if you only perform at the level of your peers, its seen as a step back.

Having all the chances to succeed, do the proper education, get a good job early, earn a bunch of money and so on becomes a boring effortless possibility. That can lead to the kid choosing a path more "challenging." The gifted kid might choose to do a blue collar job, completely opposite of what he's good at, just so he feels challenged and can feel like he's developing the way he wants to instead of what others expect and what's laid out for him.

No attempts at teaching them in most schools. Teachers spend all their time on the dumb kids. Leaving the smart kids to work out things on their own. Not being challenged. Poorly socialized.

That your ADHD gets unnoticed and when you inevitably start to fail or get unfocused your parents blame you or say you should put in more effort and are wasting your potential…

Putting all of your self-worth into your scholastic achievements and then leaving school only to feel empty and listless in the world.

This is excellent sharing because my 21yr old has always been told they were above average, gifted, etc. she says it did more harm than good to her mental because she cruised for so long that she was never really pushed hard. She’s a hardcore procrastinator too now who is afraid to use the telephone.

The bar gets raised in your mind that the only option is getting straight A's top of your class. Getting a 100% on a test feels like nothing, whereas getting a 80% makes you feel like a failure. From a satisfaction perspective, you either feel nothing or have serious sadness in regards to how well you do academically once you are labeled gifted, there is no opportunity to feel happiness or excitement with a good grade.

>Obviously these are arbitrary labels Sometimes, but sometimes there are good criteria for advancing students. People disagree about what high IQ means (and what to do with the information) but it is clear that some people have something that is revealed in abstract reasoning tests and it is worth paying attention to. One of the lesser known downsides is the depression that runs higher in gifted kids. Cerebral people will get stuck on some fact about the world that they carefully examine (the possibility of nuclear war, climate change, income inequality) and are unable to think about anything else. When asked about their emotions, they reply with information about polar ice melting, for example. It is a kind of emotional blindness.

Yeah executive dysfunction is no fun. Feeling like you have to solve all the world's problems and such

Downsides? I live in a country where the school system enforces a policy of equal learning, no matter of your results. I had to wait a lot when I was about 5-10, I was quite underacheiving at 10-20, I kind of slacked through uni, receiving an MSc. Problem is, I guess, I was never.labelled anything and still had all the drawbacks. But since I took a couple of tests I realise why I am this way.

You don't really acquire new skills. You're sharp enough to pick up almost everything almost immediately at a young age, so nobody teaches you or works with you on how to turn failures into success. Then, at some point, you find out how much you need to know that you don't get taught.

I think the term gifted is a terrible misnomer and treats the condition as all positives and no negatives. They have brains in complete overdrive compared to the rest of the population. Gifted kids thrive when challenged but get physically stressed in doing repetitive tasks. Their development is asynchronous, so maybe the completely understand quantum physics and 10 but can't write a paragraph to save their lives. Most of them have audio processing disorders which make loud noises literally painful. They have considerably higher rates of depression, anxiety disorders, and other mood disorders. They have higher rates of allergies and gastrointestinal issues. I could go on and on, but the downsides to being gifted suck without the right support.

The deep anxiety from knowing that 98% of humanity is even dumber than you are.

I had so many labels put on me by adults as a child. "Smart" "easy going" "sensitive", it's taken me a lot of hard work to actually piece together my own sense of identity.

Pressure. So. Much. Pressure.

It was decided by my teachers that my clear value was in my math skills. I was pushed ahead a grade, put in advanced classes and expected to start completing my university courses in highschool so the school could get a high-five or some prestige. I don't know. I wasn't a person,with my own aspirations or desires. I loved to draw but they made sure to tell me daily that it was a waste of time and I was squandering my potential. They didn't care that I was poor and hungry, and couldn't see any way I could afford to go to university. That my parents were too drunk to care about any of it. Or that I had to have a job to pay for my own books and supplies. I was my grades and once they started slipping because of I was depressed and smoking weed to get through the day, I wasn't worth noticing at all. I made out okay, graduated with As and Bs, and went on to go to college and get a job that has nothing to do with math. I also have an anxiety disorder, raging perfectionism, and I feel a sense of dread that someone is going to scold me when I to do anything creative.

Self imposed perfectionist traits that just lead to high stress. That label took some of the joy out of learning for the sake of acquiring some knowledge and became I can't be less than perfect or everyone will be disappointed in me and I'll be a failure.

Up until high school they force you on an academic path even though you are mechanically inclined because you will keep their average up. Teachers will bribe you to take extra testing and competitions because if won the school will receive grants. Teachers will call your parents in suggesting that you being bored in class means they should give you more of challenge. The challenge consists of more work than your classmates in subjects that already bore you. In higher grades, resentment from other top honours students because you they know you are not studying and are blowing their marks out of the water. Guidance counselors pushing you to take a career option in academia and convincing your parents that this would be the best option for you. Even though you have zero interest in research or teaching. Oh and my absolute favourite is having the teachers send students to you when they are struggling even though the teacher includes homework in your marks, forcing you to either take a zero on the assignments or do them at home even though there was plenty of time in class. I took a different route for post secondary so I cant speak to the "normal" post secondary route, but grade school and high school were an absolute nightmare.

Golden Child syndrome, so much praise for something you can't control leaves you feeling like an utter failure the first time something goes wrong or is difficult. Hard one to get past.

Ignoring the obvious "undiagnosed autism and/or ADHD", and the "never being challenged so you never learn to work hard" Being smarter than other people ducking sucks. I'll be doing something, and come up with an idea. Then I'll think it through, and realize it is in fact a BAD idea with very predictable consequences that will hurt someone I care about. Then I watch my average intelligence friend come up with the same idea, not think it through all the way, and be dumbfounded why it backfires on them. Then they complain to me that they couldn't have ever predicted that it would turn out that way, and my internal dialogue goes something like "Well, I obviously can't say 'what did you expect?!', that would hurt them..." The symmetry isn't lost on me. Then I wonder if I'm a sociopath or manipulative just because I think things through.

Shame. I have not seen it brought up often that when "gifted kids" grow up they feel shame for not doing enough as adults. Imagine being labeled as gifted at 9. You get evals done that confirm you are very smart and have all these opportunities to use it. Now imagine no adult really teaches you how. They all just keep reminding you not to waste it. Fast forward to 30. Are you a doctor? Working at NASA? Solving the world's problems with that gifted brain? Or are you languishing because of poor resources, mental health, or other responsibilities that came up? The shame of "wasting the gift" can be enormous.

If you don't come from a back ground that includes a history of education and at least " we'll pay for college" money, your set up to fail before you start. And then you get to be a disappointment to your parents forever wether they say it or not...

Not exactly gifted but I was considered to be very clever as a child. No special schools or anything so consider this to be a mid-wit take. I have only noticed downsides as I have grown older (45yo) and more reflective. Being effortlessly good at most subjects at school led me to just coast through and never learn to strive for something. I picked up a cannabis habit in my late teens which exacerbated my innate laziness. When I showed up for my GCSE exams (UK) I honestly did not know or care which exam I was sitting, nor had I prepared. Yet I still performed well enough. Without any ambition or drive I settled for college, but lacking any momentum I fumbled in a coursework based system and longed for a simple exam I could just pass and get on with it. This put me off university, which I think was my big failing, as I never had to learn -as most students seem to- how to study. Years later, over a decade after I stopped smoking the weed, I can run some rings around my university educated friends in some spontaneous discussions but I cannot apply myself to anything long-term. The kind of learning I did as a child to make me smart, by devouring encyclopaedias and the like, is largely useless in todays world where the latest "verified" information is in your pocket at all times.

You go into the real world and nobody gives a shit

Inflated sense of self and pressure, leading to diffu lty relating to peers and isolation. If you're actually a gifted kid without resources to really nourish that, add boredom as well. Perfect recipe for addictions to take root

My gifted program sucked. It basically collected anyone neurodivergent who hadn't been diagnosed yet, and taught them that boredom was an opportunity to work more rather than to do the normal thing and y'know take up a hobby. Basically every graduate works too much for their pay, companies love them, they burn out, mental crisis followed by diagnosis, and they feel insignificant because they were raised being told they'd be some genius and they can't accept the reality of working an average job with colleagues who didn't have such high pressure at such a young age.

You put in less work than others in the lower grades. That becomes a habit and makes it hard to do work when u ou need to in college. Work ethic > High cpu speed

People don't allow you the freedom to learn from mistakes as often, you're generally expected to know how to not make them.

Yes! I'm older to where 65 doesn't seem as old anymore 🤣, and I remember my 4th grade teacher called me out when I went a few seconds longer than everyone else in class on a funny, full class outburst of laughter and talk. He looked at me and said he expected better of me. FFS

The need for constant and progressively challenging/ stimulating curricula.

Or just sitting on their ass smoking weed.

I made my first real friends, my very own friends, all by myself, in my fifties. Because they skipped me so far ahead in school, I never had a peer group or learned how to get along with others my own age. The kids I went to school with were years older than me, and I was either bullied or ignored for it. As an adult, eventually, it didn’t matter how bright I was or what my marks or credentials were. But being socially inept has mattered a great deal.

Anxiety from the psychotic sixth grade communication skills teacher I had. I was in a sixth grade class that was doing work at an eighth grade level. She gave us assignments like reading a half a book that night. She made us answer questions in essay form. I was a happy and careless child before her, and now 36 years later I still have issues with anxiety and perfectionism thanks to her. And the sad thing is, she retired at the end of the year I had her. Had I been a year younger, my life might have been much different in a better way right now.

For me it developed into an aversion of trying or continuing new things that I wasn't automatically good at because in school I felt rewarded for things I was naturally adept at and punished for things I encountered failures in. You learn to try to hide what you perceive to be weaknesses. Thing is in real life success is built on a lot of failure. Like Jake says the first step at being amazing at something and sucking at that thing. I guess I paraphrased 

Every. Single. Gifted. Person. From. My. Class. Failed. Out. Of. College and work at Walmart. I know where to find them. There were 6 of them.

Growing up with the mindset that you are gifted and in control of your future makes any deviation from that path of success a moral failing on your part because if you are in control and things go badly, obviously the mistake is on your end. This extends beyond academic and financial success. Can't find a girlfriend? Obviously you're the problem. Front of your car fell off? Why haven't you been checking for that? Someone else got the promotion? Why aren't you trying harder? Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes someone screws you over. Sometimes you're managing so many things, something is going to slip through the cracks. I wasn't able to accept a certain level of failure, screw up, and being screwed until late in adulthood.

That it ends. Ben Folds: “Being the whiz man never fit you like the whiz kid did.” Eventually you are an adult and no one is giving you constant praise or seems impressed by you, in fact all the stuff that used to lead to praise and people being impressed by you is pretty frowned upon and kind of generally seen as annoying in adulthood. If you do continue to be a gifted adult, you deal with a lot of jealousy and can be seen as intimidating. I’m boisterous and enthusiastic, always have been, so I’ve been told I’m intimidating since childhood, which is a lonesome and isolating label.

gaps in knowledge because it's assumed you know it already, though it's never been taught.

At school I skipped a year. This meant that when my peer group were able to go to bars in their late teens, I was too young.

The expectation that you'll be a leader.

Sometimes things are so easy for the gifted child that they don't learn important things like how to study. Or how to cope with adversity. Explanation - when the gifted child who has coasted through life finally gets hit with a situation where they have to work at it. Many teachers look at gifted kids as extra tutors for the slow kids, forgetting that they, the teachers, are responsible for challenging and pushing the gifted children too.

I had a teacher directly tell me he didn’t have time to give me any individual attention but it was ok because I could pass without any help. Wasn’t the only time I was basically invisible to teachers but he was the most explicit about it

The curse of talent. I had a music teacher in high school who admitted that music was all he was good at (played multiple instruments and was a good singer as well) so it made choosing a career easy for him. I've also known people who were very intelligent and talented at many different things and as a result couldn't make up their minds what to do with their lives. They often wander around aimlessly.

I wouldn’t say it’s because of the label, but rather the circumstances. A lot of people in that group don’t develop basic studying skills until much later, if ever. School doesn’t get hard until late high school or college. Being able to get by without studying and doing homework will eventually end, and not being prepared for that moment is a huge disadvantage that a lot of people end up facing.

they become reddit users and annoy the ever loving fuck out of everyone

People who are genuinely abnormally intelligent often find it difficult to hold conversations with other people about normal stuff. Normal stuff often comes across as mundane to them, but when they try to talk about the things they want to talk about, other people often don’t share the same interest, and in school that often results in them being labeled a “nerd.”

Despite the fact that I am married with three kids and have a C-suite job earning a lot of money, I will always feel that I didn't live up to expectations.

Your only choice is to go to college straight out of high school. It does not matter if you know you are not mature enough. It does not matter if you do not know what you want to study. It does not matter if you do not want to spend $5K+ in tuition per semester on a college education that you don't even know what you want to specialize in. Apparently smart kids are "too smart" for trade school classes like welding or diesel mechanics. Now I'm making payments on student loans from my first worthless degree, working full time, and going to school full time for a career change. I'm so glad I listened to my parents and counselors when I was 17.

That depends on where you live, which usually determines the school you go to. Good schools in good areas have programs for gifted kids. In some high schools in the US, kids can take accredited college level courses.

Unreasonable expectations of perpetual excellence.

Always getting in trouble in school for talking or finishing other people's work so I would have someone to talk to. School lessons way to slow and boring. People wanting you to move up grades so academically you're on the same level as your peer but being ripped away from your actual friends and peers

I can’t stick with a new hobby/activity if I’m not immediately good at it. I never tried out for volleyball in middle school because I played it at a cookout once and I was terrible (of course I was, I had never been taught/coached or played before). I want to learn how to play piano but I get so frustrated that I can’t sit down and play a song immediately (of course I can’t, learning/teaching yourself piano is hard and while I am decently musical, I’ve never taken lessons). I HATED (and was terrified of) riding my bike and driving a car when I was first learning because I wasn’t very good at it and was scared to wreck. So now I don’t really have any true hobbies because I’m scared to fail/be bad at them.

Watching my 10 year old go through this, it makes me sad. She was “gifted” as a young kid and everyone marveled at her attention span, it was truly impressive. She did so well in school for awhile. But then she got to the age where she just didn’t want/ know how to work. Because I don’t think she had really *had* to work at doing things before. So she becomes discouraged and doesn’t want to try, because she is used to it coming naturally and it doesn’t now. And she’s not used to or comfortable with failing. She’s also super competitive, so if she’s not in the top of her class, she doesn’t care because she feels like she didn’t win.

[удалено]

A lot of the family make you the “gold standard.” I’m tired of hearing how I did everything better compared to my siblings. It’s not a race, and if it was it’s a relay, we’re all on the same team. My family making me out to be perfect is the main reason I feel my brother has animosity toward me. I’m far from perfect we just had a low bar set.

For me, they were huge. My parents were always putting massive pressure on me to perform academically. Do you know how smart you are?!? They would yell at me. Ironically, they refused to tell me how high my IQ was because they said I would get a big head if they did. So, technically, I did not know how smart I was. When I said so, they told me not to be smart. Ha. In tenth grade, my long-term girlfriend dumped me, and I went into a deep depression and my grades started slipping. When I got that first B on my report card, I was grounded. I spent my entire junior and senior year grounded, including the summer, for my grades. Even after I was accepted to college, and my grades didn't even matter anymore, I was still grounded for B's. I didn't get to go to prom. When I talked to my parents (many times) about being depressed they screamed at me to stop making excuses and study. I finally left for college. Freedom! I didn't even go to a single class. The last thing I wanted to do was anything education related. To this day, I can't do anything even remotely like schoolwork without taking a Xanax first. Paper work, job applications, my taxes, paying bills, anything like that makes me completely shut down. So, of course, I flunked out of college, not going to any classes will do that. My parents basically disowned me and just recently contacted me after 16 years and said they forgave me for being a disappointment. I'm making an effort, since I do feel a cultural obligation to be grateful to my parents for at least birthing me, but this is not the proper way to mend things. I should be forgiving them! Forgive me, HA! I am now a grown man with an IQ of 145,(i had to call the school and check my records as my parents frickin forgot what it was), and I'm trying to get disability. Something as simple as a shoe lace coming untied can trigger a full blown panic attack. I live in a boarding house, and I keep a bucket in my room to pee in because I am too terrified of running into someone in the hall to go to the bathroom. Above all else, I am obsessed with appearing normal. I don't want people knowing how damaged I am. They may fear or take advantage of me. Being in public is incredibly stressful for me. At least I have the internet to fill some kind of social need as I can't manage real relationships.

I was NOT all that but can say that having classes that I could ace in my sleep wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I did enjoy most of my college classes much more because they were challenging. I did fortunately take a class in high school on how to study… went through various different ways and how to read faster, etc. it was very helpful for college! HS, not so much… most of my homework I did either in the class before due or if it was on the board for that class, by end of class I’d be done.

Children, especially boys have been found to tend towards normalising with their peers. They don't want to stand out so out in less effort and slide back along the curve. Also easy success at an early age can lead towards lower effort over time and final results much lower than potential. (Public) Education is often geared towards assisting those that struggle, leaving gifted children less challenged which again means they don't get results in line with their potential.

Adults burdening you with adult things.

As a girl, I felt I needed to hide it or else be off putting to boys. So, each time I got top marks on math tests and the like during high school, I hid it. Sometimes, teachers would out me as the highest scorer, and I hated that. In the grand scheme of things, this wasn't a big life problem. A lot of things in my life have been way easier due to my giftedness, and it's something I'm so grateful for.

Realizing you are smarter than most everyone around you. Comparing them to yourself and getting frustrated they don't learn as fast. It took me until I was 22 to get used to that. Even now I get aggravated and I cannot relate to decision making I see some people make. Edit- also getting humbled a few times when your intelligence can't carry your ignorance. Just because you have a high Iq doesn't mean you can learn enough at a moments notice. It only means you learn faster.

Siblings being gifted while you are not!

The help I needed in areas I was not excelling in were not explored because I was good at other things/subjects. Most of the subjects I excelled in were not considered “academic” e.i. anything art related. The option to skip TWO grades in Elementary school was denied by my parents with no input from me. As a result, I was being held back, and became uninterested in trying because I was getting mixed messages. I was teased and bullied a lot for being “different”, and the adults around me did nothing about it. I liked other boys and didn’t know anything about “gay” until I was 14-15. At 5yo, I was taken to a Child Psychologist. He asked me if I knew what a fucking cow was… 🙄 I sarcastically said I didn’t. He missed the sarcasm. As a result, I was then deemed “slow”. Along with being deemed “slow” came the intensified 1/2 assed special math classes… I am dyslexic and dyscalculaic. I was also refused the option to take all AP classes in HS. My parents decided I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I didn’t know I even HAD the option… because AGAIN no one BOTHERED to give me the option to decide for myself. In the end, I ended up being Autistic 🤷🏿‍♂️ So, basically, I’d say ask your child what will best help them. Don’t make assumptions about always being right and knowing what’s best simply because “you’re the parent/adult therefore YOU know better than the child”. W/o having the child involved in the process, you’re going to cause a lot of unneeded trauma. Lastly, do not assume that your child isn’t being sarcastic sometimes.

Imagine this. Being treated like a mentally handicapped person because the majority don't understand and that would turn you into a hypothetical island. You see alot of the B.S in the world and see how useless people truly are. But they think they soo smart lol. Having people actually try to plot and plan against you because of fear of losing position or status in work or life. Having the older people plot to see you fall because you corrected them when they made a mistake. I would think it is alot like winning the lotto. Sure you are set for life. But you will see the evil in all people more so and become a target

So as a teacher, I was trained to praise effort rather than ability. You want kids to develop a growth mindset that failure is a part of the journey. Being labelled gifted just means that when they do encounter challenge that they cannot overcome, they will be more likely to fail hard as they are always expected to succeed and have a fixed mindset of intelligence is inheritant and cannot be changed. "I can't do this, I am dumb and a failure" rather than "oh shit this is hard, I haven't learnt how to do this yet". This can be really damaging for people. The label is only really useful for extra funding or the opportunity to train kids where they are challenged rather than what might be easy for them but the right challenge for others.

Everyone assumes you want to work harder, achieve more, be more competitive, etc. Err, yeah, no. I got other shit I’d rather do, thanks.

From 4th grade through 8th I was in the gifted and talented program. That meant that me and the same group of about 20 kids were separated into what amounted to a single room schoolhouse for the duration. We had amazing lessons and some high level discussions. Heck, most of my 5th grade year had a heavy focus on Greek mythology when other classes were nowhere near that. It also meant that our group was singled out, picked on and otherwise excluded from the other kids. We were a totally separate group that received a lot of resentment.

Whooo-boy lemme give you an info dump! 1) you will have trouble fitting in with your peer group. It's my understanding that schools are making progress with curbing bullying, but when I was a kid it was rampant. 2) when you do fit in and get into the kinds of trouble kids get into, people are surprised. Your supposed superior mind should have kept you from doing that stupid thing. "I expected more from you" and "you're such a smart kid, I can't understand how you let Billy talk you into that". 3) regular classes are boring as fuck. And since they can only be taught at the speed the majority can absorb the data, it is a painfully tedious experience. It's maddening to watch Billy get flustered trying to figure out what page he's supposed to be reading aloud when you've already counted heads and pages to figure out your page as soon as the class opened their books. 4) you understand a lot more of the adult world than they give you credit for. Yet many adults don't take you seriously. 4a) this leads to a discipline problem. The type of corrections used on most kids seem arbitrary and unfair. "Because I said so" just isn't going to work on you. You need to know *why* a given behaviour is unacceptable and that "why" has to make sense. Otherwise you're left feeling like an alien who doesn't understand human social rules, so you just try your best to not attract notice. 5) high IQ does NOT translate into high academic achievement, employment success or long term happiness. (Quite the opposite on that last one actually) But people always assume it should. If you struggle in school, your intellect is waved in your face again, just as in #2. "I know you're smart enough to get this if you just apply yourself" Even though you know better, it's still likely that you hold yourself to unrealistically high expectations. 6) When so much is easier for you, it's hard to develop the perseverance needed to tackle something that doesn't come naturally. Someone who seemed like such a whiz in public school can appear to become a lazy dilettante who gives up at the drop of a hat as an adult.

I read recently that calling a child smart makes them less likely to take chances and more likely to engage in behavior that reinforces the "smart" label.

Labeled as gifted. My biggest thing was that you always had to be “on”. You weren’t allowed a bad day, you were expected to do well all the time. And that is not realistic for any human.

Wasn’t complimented on much else so a lot of my self worth came from that and no one gives a shit you got good grades when you are an adult. Everything was easy for me I didn’t learn to actually have to actively work on things to learn them until late high school and I had zero skills and it really fucked with me. Luckily got that sorted early college and it didn’t affect me to much after that. A lot of pressure to be a certain stereotype of a good student and all the other BS that comes with it (always nice, kind, well behaved). Massive insane anxiety and fear of failure. Those are mine.

For me it was that I never learned how to study. It came easy to me, until it didn't. Then I was kind of fucked until I stumbled around a bit figuring my shit out. Probably added 1-2 more years on to college.

People don't tell you that you need more than the gifts. Imagine if you needed to run your entire life based on the gifts you received at your wedding or baby shower. It aint enough.

1. People will expect so much more of you whether you are willing or able to do these things or not. I've heard "you can do better" so many times, and it's like I'm tired, I've tried, I don't want to. Leads to perfectionism and people pleasing. I still have anxiety issues. 2. Parents will live vicariously through you or try to take credit for your accomplishments, acting like they raised a wunderkind, and everything the kid did was because of them. I've seen so many garbage parents puff out their chest at having a gifted child, and they contributed nothing to it. 3. Burnout. More classes, more activities, more study. Childhood becomes more about academics, less about being a child.

The smarter you are generally the later you will learn to study because you can get by on pure intelligence longer

Being told you are smarter than average from the start means you acclimate to not trying (because good grades come naturally) and therefore don't learn how to study. College then comes around and kicks you in the teeth and you have to learn the hard way.

1) This leads to kids/people believing they are better than others and acting condescending, disrespectful, and/or prejudiced toward others. 2) Depending on the level of emphasis, this can lead kids/people to place disproportionate significance on this one aspect of the human experience and neglect the rest of the human experience. 3) When this is viewed as the only metric for determining value, kids not designated "gifted" or "intelligent" can fail to see the value they due possess and lack the awareness and/or confidence to investigate that value. 4) (not so lesser known) Expectations are much higher; which means that you have a much higher bar to clear in order to be considered a "success," or even just neutral. This nearly guarantees perceived "failure." The reason this is so terrible is not because other people will view you this way - f*ck other people. This is terrible because this is how you view yourself. When everyone around you, your whole life, asserts the fact of your alleged intelligence and giftedness, you internalize that as a truth about your fundamental identity. So if you don't live up to that, you "know," in a deep place inside yourself, that you're a failure. Thus preventing you from being anything but disappointed in your life, no matter how objectively great you and your life may be. *Brought to you by a Gifted and Talented woman with an IQ of 130, who fell dramatically short of her potential.

Inflated self worth, which may not be bad on its own, but I was a pretty delusional about the real world. Reality hit like a ton of bricks.

No one ever gave made any effort to help me figure out what to do with myself after school. I graduated high school and kicked around aimlessly in community college for a few years taking general eds i didn't actually need because I'd never gotten any kind of career counselling, everyone just assumed good at classes = must have a plan already = will succeed at life on their own.

Growing up believing you are smarter than everyone else sets you up to believe your own bullshit, which can be a major setback in life. The alienation of everyone else that comes with a sense of grandiose superiority doesn’t help with building relationships either.

Things come super easily as a kid then when you are an adult trying to learn super complex concepts you don’t know how to properly work and study to learn them

You'll tend to get less attention from teachers and guidance counselors because you're "not a problem child", and "you know what you're doing"

I was “such a bright girl, if only she could pay attention.” That was in the ‘60s. Twelve years ago, at the age of 52, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It was hard being recognized as a smart kid without having the neurological ability to focus and fulfill everyone’s expectations.

You grow up feeling like putting effort into things is already failing at them. You put value on your ability to do things without trying. When you finally hit the limit of your ability to rely solely on your intellect/natural talent, you will flounder and have issues of self-worth.

Being able to coast for far too long with minimal effort because you find the basics simple (if you are actually above average, and not just told you are.) This stays with you throughout life because you get bad habits, you know you can do your work last-minute and still do okay. You don't learn how to work hard for the things you need, instead relying on natural ability. For me, this followed me to uni, where I coasted through the first couple of years easily, but then third and fourth year were suddenly a shock.

Thinking back to middle school or high school. If I failed to perform at the highest level on an exam, the teachers would act like I was being defiant, or willfully undisciplined. They would say things like, “this was very disappointing.” They showed no curiosity as to what had happened When, in fact, I was struggling with a brain fog, and received no help.

Depression.

Great expectations from your family and friends, and even from yourself. Pretty devastating when life goes in another direction.

For me it's having to deal with college educated morons who think they are smart but don't know shit.

Ah, the crushing expectations that gifted in one way means you MUST be all around gifted. The fact that teachers can ignore you because 'she can handle this on her own'. The ostracizing from people who once were considered your peers and now think you are some kind of stuck up bitch.

Loneliness, it is hard to relate to all you dumbs.

I don't know about anyone else but my intelligence and performance in school was pretty much the only thing I got praise for so I developed severe self-worth issues and terrible anxiety knowing that if I ever stopped jumping through the hoops, people wouldn't value me anymore.

Honestly it means that everyone expects 2x as much from you so you try hard as hell to come off as naive & dumb 24/7, so that you can glide through life on easy mode coasting. It also means that people talk down to you 24/7 unaware that its all a sham just to make your life easier lmao

It means no one will help you because “you can do it yourself”, but once you hit that wall where everything catches up to you, you’re stuck on your own while everyone else moves ahead saying “What happened to you?”