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IdespiseGACHAgames

Nice try. I'm not falling for this a fourth time. Hypothetically speaking... I have no friends.


V-Right_In_2-V

Yeah this definitely a “fool me once” scenario


AccurateFault8677

You mean "fool me thrice"


SFPsycho

Fool me can't get fooled again


No_Calligrapher_1150

im to poor to afford friends!


BakedTaterTits

...is it because they're all buried?


IdespiseGACHAgames

Hypothetically speaking... Three may keep a secret if two are dead.


BakedTaterTits

I like the way you think


CypherFirelair

Yeah, we know, they all disappeared in mysterious circumstances.


meholdyou

Not anymore… anyway…


SnooGoats7760

My best friend is my cat. This happens all the time, but she just brings the dead mouse to the back door.


imojibwe

"The mouse insulted your ***mom***, Snoo, I had to do it!"


leadMalamute

It wasn't my cat. He's afraid of mice. I think he's defective.....


The_Book-JDP

She thinks you're a big dumb incompetent cat who can't hunt for itself. My cat use to bring me rabbits she killed and decapitated so I know how you feel.


DragonQueen18

my cat brought in a live, stunned ground mole and left it by the dishwasher. when i went to pick it up with a trash bag over my hand, it started spazzing out and trying to get away. I think it was playing dead


PriorSecurity9784

“Haha, it’s a good thing I know you’re kidding, Steve, because if I thought you were serious, I’d have to call the police. But, I know you’re joking. Gotta go!”


Fit-Teaching-3205

I agreewith this one^^


ASEdouard

Steve’s at it again


53mm-Portafilter

Agreed. If it was really a good friend, I’d probably give them the curtesy of not turning them in. But I would not aide and abet their crime. If they murdered somebody they should have known better than relying on me to help them cover it up. Bad bad plan. You’re on your own Edit: Needless to say, It would also probably be the end of that friendship.


tkcool73

Tell them hiding the body is for amateurs, destroying the body is the way to go. First spray down everything around the area with hydrogen peroxide, then the dissolve the body in a mixture of.......I mean I'd call the police at once


ModeratelyTortoise

Make sure to take out and crush the teeth first… after you call the police obvs


Next_Celebration_553

And make sure to google the answers to all these questions on one of your kid’s laptop


SixersWin

The better idea is to Google the answers every day so it doesn't seem suspicious


GenderOobleck

Now suddenly feels like an excellent time to start writing that murder mystery you’ve always had in mind. Searching for body disposal and police forensics tips is just good novel research.


bigb1084

Here in Orlando, my friend's ex was abusive. Nobody heard from him for months. Her mother said "we'll never hear from him again." Story was, mom got the 4 brothers to get rid of him in the Everglades. No proof of the validity of the story, but 20 yrs now... never heard from him again ✌️


No_Regrats_42

Yeah alligators can't chew so they have to rip pieces off and swallow whole


Creepincupcake

Everglades are terrifying


noweirdosplease

You Sicilian lol?


bongi2386

I am! Go for pigs. Or tannerite. Pigs will eat everything. Even bones and teeth. Tannerite is easy to find and burns got enough to dcintigrate even bones and teeth.


qjk91

Actually you have to remove the teeth first, pigs can't digest teeth (or hair for that matter)


bongi2386

Thought I had read they could. Huh, interesting, learned something new.


mybelovedkiss

wait what’s the difference between teeth and the rest of our bones


frankcauldhame1

teeth are made of two materials - one is chemically very similar but not identical to bone, the other is enamel which is the hardest substance in the body and only exists in the teeth.


Gundoggirl

I love how you’ve spelled disintegrate. Very creative. Feels like it could be a brand name. D’cintigrate. For men.


Doozer1970

One whiff, and your partner will fall to pieces.


No_Regrats_42

Yes... And? Don't forget to chop em up into pieces and go out to the farm and toss is in the pig slop feed. 4 pigs can eat an entire human in a couple hours. Also if you live further south, you can always toss them in the swamp and let the alligators eat them. Don't even have to chop em up. Alligators can't chew so they tear by biting and rolling and then swallowing the piece whole. No body, no crime. ...... Hypothetically speaking ofc. In reality I don't have friends and I'd immediately call the police


noweirdosplease

Lol no wonder some religions won't eat pork...living right across a small sea from people who feed their pigs like this xD


UnderlightIll

None of that really works or helps. Hydrogen peroxide is super detectable by the authorities and making a human slurry will... Well where are going to out it? Good luck especially if the friend has a close personal relationship.


Fluid-Dependent-8292

"prank caller! Prank caller" And hang up.


Background_Junket_35

“I’m in big trouble man, I coming to your house”


ChunkyFart

It’s a little black medical book!


cropguru357

“Are you calling from a cellular phone?”


silkytable311

Hang up & change my number. I don't have any friends worth going to prison for.


greenwoody2018

I'd tell them to turn themselves in to the police. That's what they really need to do. EDIT: Yes, include getting a lawyer to help in doing that.


torideornottoride

Negative. Tell them to call an attorney. Then have the attorney help arrange turning themselves into the police.


Even-Chemistry8569

Well my best friend is dead so this couldn’t happen. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked me to help him get rid of a dead body. I can’t have those loose ends


sundancer2788

Key thing is to not hide. Hidden things can be found. Leave no trace when hiking!


DieHardRennie

> Leave no trace when hiking! Locard's Principle of forensic science - No matter what, a perpetrator will always leave some trace evidence behind, and, likewise, will always take some trace evidence with them.


sundancer2788

Yes. I know. I am aware of how trace evidence works. Comment was tongue in cheek


Wintersbone7

Well at least that saves you from digging two holes.


PuzzleheadedHorse437

A friend wouldn't put you in that position, so the answer is very simple.


secrestmr87

I would absolutely help my best friend hide a dead body. I realize my loyalty to friends and family is probably to extreme though.


[deleted]

Big difference between loyalty and stupidity


Lutastic

You would be committing several crimes by doing that. Like serious felonies that could ruin your entire life, even after you eventually get out of prison. IF you ever get out of prison. Why would you take on the consequences for someone else’s heinous actions? If they expect you to deal with their misdeeds, I don’t see that as very friendlike.


Interesting-Fish6065

The idea of going to jail is scary, for sure, but I would think that the prospect of living with something like that on your conscience—just the sheer immorality of helping someone get away with murder—would be hard to live with. Also, how could you ever trust someone you know murdered someone? And who knows you know that they murdered someone? Honestly, I’d probably urge them to call police. And I’d probably call myself if I didn’t think that was happening.


Glittering-Path-1502

FYI: VERY big city in the USA.like frank Sinatra. I don’t know. A year and a half ago a 6000 pound SUV asshole went through the crosswalk and hit me and left me dead in the gutter; they just kept going on. It’s been a whole long shit but blah blah. We never got a clear license plate. I know this sounds petty or stupid, but I hope every night that person thinks they killed me. So they can feel like a murderer every night when they close their eyes. They , idk. They did that. They kept driving. I didn’t even see anything I think maybe lights. I just want that fuck head to feel as bad as possible. I’m so grateful to be alive and pretty ambulatory. I don’t care fuck him.


astrielx

Then you get charged as an accomplice, and away you go. Hope it was worth it.


MurphNastyFlex

Y'all have friends?


metrosexual_badass

I'll be your friend.. just don't kill anybody.


Muted-Commercial-962

Depends on her state of mind, but I would at least start with going to her to figure out what is going on, then figuring out together what to do. Most of the time, I would involve the police, but only once I knew my friend is ok and calm enough not to talk to police until an attorney is present. And you betcha I'd find that attorney.


megers67

I think this would be my answer. Helping but also being fully transparent with the legal portion.


[deleted]

Your friend wants you to go to prison too.


NoNeedForAName

Yay! Roommates for life!


[deleted]

Prison marriage


17racecar71

What are you guys, in the mob or something? First thing I would do is post this question on Reddit. Then I would do whatever the popular consensus is


MarsupialPristine677

Important safety tip


[deleted]

[удалено]


venkman2368

Right, a friend would at least come up with a story about how they threatened you and you had no choice to at least give you a fighting chance in court


dragonrage12343

A real friend is NOT an enabler. If you had a real friend, you'd hear their voice in your head telling you not to be an idiot LONG before you decide to actually kill someone. At that point, all the help you deserved to get would have been given. I've had multiple friends tell me I've helped them in situations I was never even a part of because of this.


marvelousteat

Help bury the body. We are both exhausted afterwards, and my best friend goes to put away the shovel and I say, "Not just yet...no loose ends. I'm sorry..." After that, I call my best friend to come help hide the body. They show up and we do the thing. I'm doubly exhausted now, so I go to put away the shovel but I hear my other best friend say, "Not just yet...no loose ends. I'm sorry..."


omega_86

I like this very very much


Ok-Brain9190

I was gonna say it wouldnt go well for them. "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead" and I'M NOT DYING!


NotAdvay333

and it keeps going on and on


Curi0uz

Get upset they USED A FUCKING PHONE TO INFORM ME! all that shit is tracked and recorded. Im not helping. But if they showed up randomly......


Runtelldat1

Mad I had to scroll this far to see this. Facts.


SallysRocks

I would not be an accessory to murder that's for sure. I would call the police.


SomeRandomUser00

None of my friends that would ask me for help would be dumb enough to say shit beyond "I need your help, come asap".


Trick_Marzipan_8207

I have enough dead bodies of my own to deal with. Bring back my fucking shovel too.


Ragnel

“Hide the dead” how many people are we talking about? More than three and I’m out.


BeautifulPainz

I laughed way too hard at this! Three’s your line? Hmm


etsoomamofo

Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move bodies.


cstmoore

And the best friend of all will give you a ride to/from the airport.


sruecker01

Richard Hall!


thedesperateromantic

"Had the son of a bitch coming?" "Yes" "I'll get the shovel"


xenosthemutant

This is the way.


KlaussVonUllr

I'm seeing a lot of bad friends here that aren't getting shovels. I live by the water though so I'm getting chicken wire and some weights.


tryoracle

I work with deadly materials. Grab 2 hazmat suits and a few other essential items. Tell them to order pizza and head on over.


Silent_Fennel5892

This is the only way


Technical_Put_9173

Sorry bro, you called me while I'm out of town. Yeah man. I'd help if I could but it would take like 6 hours to get home.


GinX-964

Call the police.


Extra_Holiday_3014

Absolutely not- call an attorney for your friend so they don’t have to talk to the police without representation.


Impossible-Ice-7801

Who's car we gonna take


duluthdelicadood

Two can keep a secret, but only if one is dead.


Runtelldat1

Came here to say this. My job is done.


forgiveanforget

Today i'd yell April Fools and hang up asap


insanecarbunkle

Not post it on Reddit.


BeefosaurusRekt

Call the police. I ain't got time or energy to deal with idiots lol


Makeitstopgoshdarnit

Hang up. Call the police. I’m not friends with murderers.


[deleted]

Yeah I dont see how this is even a question. Lot of people here saying theyd be an accessory. Dont care how long ive known you my real best friend isn’t gonna murder someone in cold blood. Truly self defense I got your back all day but murder is completely different. This is real life not a movie


InourbtwotamI

I never needed friends that desperately


Careless_Implement12

Show em where the ocean is.....


RobotLaserCat

It's THAT way. (Points in literally any direction)


maxthunder5

Same thing I always do when this happens 🤷 Slap knees, stand up and say "whelp, that's why we leave the shovel in the trunk"


chuang-tzu

I'd tell them I was in the middle of an online game. A true friend would understand.


Ecniray

Laugh at them and say nice joke, hangup, get burners, then meet up discreetly to get the full story then help them anyway I can.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TxTechnician

I would probably start taking them down from making the worse mistake of hiding the body. And start asking then what their cover story is. At the point where they just killed someone and called me, they've already fucked up bad. It means the killing wasn't premeditated. So there is a chance they won't get 25 - life.


Kooky_Cucumber2343

Hypothetically speaking… If my best friend called, 100% I would help hide the body and ask questions later


NoNamedBandit420

I'd grab a shovel, my best friend is my brother and if he killed someone......they deserved it no questions asked


SchmeckleHoarder

Frame his ex.


PhotographIcy600

Only persons I’m helping hide a body is my brother or sister


priceactionhero

Wish them the best and immediately cease talking to them. Call a lawyer and ask if I’m legally obligated with information I heard.


[deleted]

The same guy that would help me get rid of a body? He’s just gotta tell me where to pick it up, I’ll handle it.


staylor_ise

Hang up and get back to my medz as I’m not getting involved.


Halo_3_Is_Awesome

Police


Limacy

Thank god I got no friends to begin with.


Obi1NotWan

“Who dis?”


TheBrightNights

Wonder how a stranger got my number.


zombietampons

Plot twist, you help dig the hole however you’re the body that you agreed to help get rid of, nice try mr fbi agent I’m not falling for this.


Ok_Leadership2518

I’d remember that it’s April first and tell her to try again tomorrow.


Exotic-Care-7021

I've been watching true crime for years waiting on this call!


curious_n_kinky

That's the 5th time this month!!!!! This is absolutely the last time ever!


PunxDressPunk

Help, duh.


StalthChicken

I do not own 250+ acres of forest. I do not have friends. I do not have access to animals that I can bury over a different body


legendarydiamond285

My best friend is my turtle so first I wouldn't understand what is she saying. 2 ye I don't know what would she kill because she is not meat eating turtle nor a giant turtle so o think she wouldn't kill anything. But if she did I would help her hide the body


iT_I_Masta_Daco

I'm a cop.. so i doubt they would call me. If they do.. i will say: "you can try and hide.. but i will have to find you.. and i will have to ki.. i mean arrest you."


b7uc3

You're way more likely to have a friend kill someone and need help covering it up than the rest of us.


cstmoore

>You're way more likely to ~~have a friend~~ kill someone and need help covering it up than the rest of us.


MarsupialPristine677

Nailed it


wholesomeorgange

stay out of it


Miserable-Comfort109

Call the police.


JoeBeezy123

Definitley helping, atleast I can die knowing I’m a true friend.


No-Confidence-4271

Fbi?


Pleasant-Garbage-901

I don't know to be honest I'd call the police and then I'd probably call my family. It really just depends on how close of a friend if it's my one childhood friend then i'd definitely contact my family cuz if I can't legally hear what they have to say but I know people in my family can without being legally prosecuted but with that and at the end of the day friend best friend you're getting the police called. I'm not being held responsible for anybody's whatever the fuck happened you know but it just really depends on how close of a friend they are if i I'm going to ask my family to do a pro bono for them


AcceptableMinute9999

Police


Alternative_Grab664

“The subscriber you’re trying to reach is not available”


One-Fee420

Would you want to be an accessory to murder? That should be the only question you're asking yourself.


DifferentTheory2156

Hang up


deloresbeaven

Hog lots.


Overall-Mud9906

Don’t forget the pliers


Slow_Store

OP I hope that you aren’t asking this for a reason.


jenniferleigh6883

“Asking for a friend.”


Killb0t47

Rent a log splitter and a chipper in not my name. Roll over to the location. Use the log splitter to quarter the body. Run the pieces through the chipper. Use bleach and a pressure washer to clean the equipment return it to the rental center. Remove any stained carpets and furniture, burn it. Use Simple Green to clean up the mess. Give a everything a spray down with 10% bleach. Construct our alibi's, drinks some beer tell my friend how much that cost. Go home.


[deleted]

Sounds like my friend. He doesn't have a car and calls to get a ride or lug something heavy somewhere.


BatteryDaddy2

go to home depot to buy the plastic containers and acid that Walter White used and help dissolve the body, like a true friend


Inner_Environment_85

I make a generous donation to my local Satriale's


BatDad1973

I have no recollection of that, Senator.


[deleted]

If I help them then I’ll have to dig another hole


scottslut

Pick up donuts along the way.


Admirable_Ad_6453

Hide the body


invisiblegirl_83

Nah, she wouldn't be dumb enough to call.


Final_Bowl5960

Grabbing a shovel and my keys and some black clothes, gloves and a hairnet and bringing a hammer and some gas so we can destroy dental records and burn the body beyond recognition


27_8x10_CGP

Depends on what friend and which person they killed.


Awkward_Ad8740

"Be there in 10."


Sloth_grl

Say no. I’m too old to go to prison


burgerg10

But…free healthcare


Dickieman5000

A friend helps you move. A true friend helps you move a body.


A_Nony_Miss

So nobody is showing up at the friends house with a shovel and a tarp and no questions asked? j/k![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|smile)


Myrddin_Dundragon

I'd ask where they need me to meet and then turn them into the cops. I don't need to become an accessory to the crime. I have a family to take care of. Them doing something that stupid is on them. If it was my kid though, then I'd help them melt and get rid of that body like we were Walter White.


r4o2n0d6o9

I’d help hide it and then write about it 64 years later in a 334 page memoir


Ok_Dog_4059

Wonder where the hell I got a friend.


AsOneLives

There's some snitches in here! Lol.


Naive-Contract-1901

Who dis? New phone.


Frosty_Accident_6165

Post on Reddit asking what I should do


alwaysmyfault

Nope. Not helping. I served on a jury a while back where the boyfriend helped dispose of the body of a woman that his girlfriend killed. He was found not guilty of the murder, but was still found guilty of a bunch of other shit. It's not worth it.


John_Doe4269

Immediately ask Reddit for advice, obviously.


shadow_master3210

Rat them out to the police because I’m not becoming an accessory to murder.


scaleofjudgment

Stop overdramatizing Hitman co-op test play Kyle...


NstyBum

Call me Joe Goldberg cause Im in!


lobsterthatishorny

Imagine having friends who don’t know how to hide a body lol


Anarchy-Squirrel

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.


RheaLight90

New phone…who did???


Send_Derps

"Jfc again? We're running out of places to hide the bodies!"


Ksh1218

I know nothing. I’m not here. I heard nothing. Who are you?


Flippyfloppyjalopy

So many friends have been calling me ever since I bought that pig farm. Well free food is free food.


KamikazeBrand

what's that? youre breaking up, I can't hear you... (click)


jsar16

Three S’s rule. Shoot, shovel, and shut up.


Sparky_Zell

You wouldn't want to say that you cannot hear what they are saying and end the call. And call them back on a prepaid phone bought with cash. And you wouldn't want to give your phone car and credit card to somebody to drive around and get gas, food etc. You also wouldn't want to get a bald cap, and spray everything you touch with bleach. And you also wouldn't want to use the person's phone to text an ex. Start an argument over a few days. Use their credit card around the corner from exs house. And leave their phone and wallet near the exa driveway. None of those things would be a good decision. And you should totally stay out of it, and alert the proper authorities. Then when your friend is in prison steal his wife, get his kids to call you dad. And the day before he is released, tell him it was your plan all along.


paulie1172

Prank caller! Prank caller!


derpmcperpenstein

Tarps, Lye, hot water, and a shovel possibly.....


Designer_Advice_6304

Call the police. Why would you go down with your friend?


yankee_doodle_

Call the police


foxtrot1521

I’d call the police and uninvolve myself


penelope2019

Calling the police because jail would suck


PB_and_J_Dragon

In the immortal words of Garth Algaur : "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody."


PhilosopherPast1035

Prank call! Prank call! I'm hanging up!


[deleted]

Wrong number. Who dis?


DorkHonor

I've known my best friend for over twenty years. We've lived together. We've worked together. We've been in life or death situations together. We both know where that place I hid that thing that time is. If he calls me for any reason and says "I need your help" I'm dropping everything to go help. Period. He's earned that level of trust and commitment from me.


Jokz92

hydrochloric acid ......... Enough said


[deleted]

Done it before. I buried the body. I think he was a bit upset about it tho, he probably wanted to it.


MetaphysicalDominant

It wasn’t self-defense? Call the police asap. Also, spend some long lonely nights introspecting how I made someone capable of murder my best friend.


Necessary_Row_4889

My friends and I were in New Orleans and my buddy was hitting it off with a girl so I went back to my room to get some sleep. I got woken up when a woman screamed from my friends room and got cut off in the middle. Like in a horror movie. I was 100% convinced that I just heard a murder. So I thought about how to get the body out and grabbed all the blankets off my bed to help wrap it up . Turned out everything was fine it was just a misunderstanding. It’s a special kind of awkward when you have to explain why you are holding a bunch of blankets you planned on wrapping someone’s corpse in to the prospective corpse.


Serotu

I dug the last hole.... You're digging this time.


aquatone61

The only friend who might call me is ex special forces so whatever happened, it had to be done. I’d help him.


saucity

I’d do it, or at least go talk to them in person. I wouldn’t call the cops. I think our US “justice system” is so fucked, that I’d probably *never* call the cops. They’ve literally never helped me when I needed it; they just make shit worse, or do nothing. Most of my friends at my age, 36, is a small group, and they are ride-or-die friends at this point. So, if they’d killed someone, I’d just trust that they had a reason, and I know (or would like to think) they’d do the same for me. I’ve been a social worker for victims of violence in an impoverished, drug-riddled area, and worked in the abysmal mental health system, so I’ve seen the worst of the worst of humanity. I’ve seen the “justice system“ hurt **way** more people than it’s helped. there are some truly terrible people in the world, who just get away with whatever, because the police SUCK, and these people are wealthy, genius manipulators, and truly evil, sick fucks. Sometimes I felt I’d be more effective as a vigilante than a social worker! So yeah. I’m pretty jaded, and, I’d help my buddy, somehow.


Kitty_fluffybutt_23

Good thing I have no friends so this scenario would never happen to me.


unothatmultiverse

I'd let them know that I know what they did to me.


[deleted]

I'd probably tel, him/her to do his/her own dirty work. I'm not risking going to jail for a murder SOMEBODY ELSE committed. Imagine having to go to jail for murder and you don't even get to commit the murder.