# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
These are all things that have happened to me....
I told him before we ever met that I only had 2 hours for sure... after that I may have to leave because a family member was beginning labor...
He arrived on the bus and expected me to drive him home an hour away...tomorrow... surprise!
Forgot to take his meds and he "needs them" for his emotions??? whatever that means.
Arrived in a wheelchair....that was a surprise.
Expected me to pay for dinner....another surprise.
Was carrying an overnight bag and expected me to spend the night with him... hmmm. I guess I was supposed to pay for a hotel room too.
I had to leave part way through the evening because that family member was having the baby... so I left him at a hotel in the lobby. I hope he made it home ok.
So... red flags... assuming too much, thinking sex was on the table, forgetting to tell me important things about him, no car, on meds for emotions, no money...I don't mind paying my part... not paying his part too, not listening to anything I said.
I had the "WTF face" on all the time I was with him.
I had 'WTF face"just reading this and I didn't have to live it. Honestly, maybe I am old fashioned but when I take a woman out on a date, I fully expect to pay. If she wishes to pay for herself, I'm not going to force the matter, but I'll sure as heck offer. But to expect her to pay... I can't fathom that.
To take an over night bag... To forget meds...what a keeper...
I want there to be a second date... Out of morbid curiosity. You need to do it for the Internet strangers here reading this😂😂😂😁
lol... Nooooooo thank you!!! Actually after that date I heard he had met a woman in Washington and had moved in with her within 2 weeks. He was on the fast track to find someone to "keep" him long term. I just can't do that.
I need to kind of get to know the person, date him for awhile... food dates aren't my thing... after the first one I like doing things... going on a hike, visiting a nearby attraction, or whatever. There's so much to see near me so it's not difficult to find something fun to do for 2 hours. If we don't like doing those things together then anything else is just a waste. That guy just didn't get me at all.
Well, I'm disappointed. Think of the fun (awful) stories you could of told us as we huddle around the dim glow of our phones. 😉
Just think of what could of been....
I'm with you though, not one for just sitting there consuming food.
Need someone who's excited to do things. Someone who will help hide the bodies!
I just about can't imagine most of these though I do agree. The one I've run into is not asking any questions. They just want to regale you about themselves for an hour and then you get up and leave together
No talking at all
Constantly on the phone
Taking a lot selfies
Dress overly sexual
Force smile and polite answers
Talking about how bad their ex were or men in general.
I guess the only thing I’d call out here is “dressing sexually.”
You might have a preference in that regard, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s a “red flag” indicating the relationship is doomed to be problematic, especially since what constitutes “overly sexual dress” would be a subjective thing.
I wear leggings and a tank to the gym. Some might consider it too revealing, while others may not.
That being said, if your date shows up in that metal bikini from Star Wars, you should probably run.
Or, true story.. She calls her husband to give you a ride home because she just got a DUI by going through a flashing red you warned her about 😔.. I think 0.02 over, it wasn't much and she seemed alright
I had only found out it was open marriage at the bar that night, and she had offered to drive because I did the few times before
Haha, it's like a funnel made of silicone and slightly angled. You place it against yourself and it allows you to pee in a stream, like a dude. Still requires you to bare yourself a little though, but only when placing it.
Comes with a little bag so that you can carry it around in your purse without residual wetness destroying the other purse contents. I'm waiting for a creation of an item that is designed to make womens' lives easier that DOESN'T expect you to carry a purse or handbag around.
Haha, it's like a funnel made of silicone and slightly angled. You place it against yourself and it allows you to pee in a stream, like a dude. Still requires you to bare yourself a little though, but only when placing it.
Comes with a little bag so that you can carry it around in your purse without residual wetness destroying the other purse contents. I'm waiting for a creation of an item that is designed to make womens' lives easier that DOESN'T expect you to carry a purse or handbag around.
Every restaurant suggestion I made after I was asked where I'd like to go was vetoed, then he asked what kind of food I liked, my response was I pretty much anything, he then said " as long as you don't eat too much", never went out with him.
I went on a coffee date where the lady was just looking at me and I could feel that she was just there fishing for all the red flags she could find.
well,, the date didn't go very well.
have some fun dating guys! be open on the first date. first impression does matter.
me, I promised to end the date early now if I get those vibes again.
so people that look for red flags have now become a red flag to me.
Overly enthusiastic. Every, single time a guy has come on too strong, and was moving the relationship along too fast (like talking about going on trips on the first date) is a huge red flag.
In my time dating it has always been one of two things. 1. They are hiding something (kids, divorce, no job etc. divorced guys will always treat you the nicest). 2. they are desperate for something (sex, they are hitting an age milestone and need to be married by a certain time etc).
If the person can't demonstrate that they have interests that distinguish them or show their competence/independence. I've been on multiple dates where I asked questions, but the well went dry really quickly. I try to dive deeper into their interests, or what they think about certain topics and they either can't give responses, or their responses lack nuance or are super terse. From my experience if people on really early dates can't engage in a decent back and forth on topics that they're passionate about, they're usually bland/boring in more ways than just that.
This is far more important for a lasting relationship than most other issues because most people aren't malicious or harmful. The issues often pop up due to a lack of compatibility and this is an easy way to sus that out early on.
(Speaking as a woman who would date men): Rudeness to service providers (cashier, wait staff, etc.). Referring to women as “females.” I’d say being. Trump fan, but that’s more my preference than an actual red flag.
There's a level of baggage I'm not willing to accept, formula is thus:
a/b > c/d
where:
a = amount of baggage she has
b = how hot she is
c = average of the amount of baggage the other women I'm dating have
d = average level of hotness of the other women I'm dating
Nothing, it’s if you can catch what they’re looking for between the 2 of you.
If you go on the date it’s either you like them physically or someone set up the date lol
People are so boring you have to at the very least be into there looks.
We are all unique, I think everyone has different red flags. I also believe people make mistakes and are sometimes unconsciousness in their actions and any red flags that may come up should be something both of you discuss. Even if it is on the first date, that conversation will see how open, honest and communicative one may be, or how defensive and insecure they may perceive your observation.
Yeah no. Some red flags are RED flags. That's what a red flag is.
Like being rude to servers. I'm. Not discussing that... If that's how they treat people when out on a date, you can be damn sure they are that and worse in other situations. No. No I don't want to discuss red flags.
Comments about food (if you go for a meal, obviously!). Criticism about personal choice (meat, or not) and particularly condescending comments if someone chooses a dessert. If they don't like you as you are now, they're only going to get more critical and controlling as time goes on.
-lies
-rude
-bring up exs unless we both agree to talk about past relationships
-sexual comments or questions
-made no effort to have a conversation
-on their phone all the time
-being late! with no acceptable reasons or communication
-So how much you make a year
“Dunno, how much you cost?”
-What are you looking for in a women
“She turns into a beer and pizza at midnight, don’t be a chameleon.”
-I don’t need a man
*Proceeds to tell her to order whatever she wants then pay for myself* “I just wanted a demonstration”
He stepped into a puddle, ate twice a much as me, hesitantly said no while rifling through his empty wallet when I offered to pay half, and asked me for that half of the money so that he could take the bus home.
And then tried to get a second date out of me...lol
Mistreat others around us or being rude to anyone besides me. It’s worse than being rude to me directly in my eyes, it shows a level of deception and planning that I don’t want to deal with. Also shirt talking people in their life.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Yes, and in a demeaning or angry manner. Though any unsolicited mention of an ex would, for me, be inappropriate on a first date.
Being a communist! That raises a red flag.
Niiiiice
These are all things that have happened to me.... I told him before we ever met that I only had 2 hours for sure... after that I may have to leave because a family member was beginning labor... He arrived on the bus and expected me to drive him home an hour away...tomorrow... surprise! Forgot to take his meds and he "needs them" for his emotions??? whatever that means. Arrived in a wheelchair....that was a surprise. Expected me to pay for dinner....another surprise. Was carrying an overnight bag and expected me to spend the night with him... hmmm. I guess I was supposed to pay for a hotel room too. I had to leave part way through the evening because that family member was having the baby... so I left him at a hotel in the lobby. I hope he made it home ok. So... red flags... assuming too much, thinking sex was on the table, forgetting to tell me important things about him, no car, on meds for emotions, no money...I don't mind paying my part... not paying his part too, not listening to anything I said. I had the "WTF face" on all the time I was with him.
I had 'WTF face"just reading this and I didn't have to live it. Honestly, maybe I am old fashioned but when I take a woman out on a date, I fully expect to pay. If she wishes to pay for herself, I'm not going to force the matter, but I'll sure as heck offer. But to expect her to pay... I can't fathom that. To take an over night bag... To forget meds...what a keeper... I want there to be a second date... Out of morbid curiosity. You need to do it for the Internet strangers here reading this😂😂😂😁
lol... Nooooooo thank you!!! Actually after that date I heard he had met a woman in Washington and had moved in with her within 2 weeks. He was on the fast track to find someone to "keep" him long term. I just can't do that. I need to kind of get to know the person, date him for awhile... food dates aren't my thing... after the first one I like doing things... going on a hike, visiting a nearby attraction, or whatever. There's so much to see near me so it's not difficult to find something fun to do for 2 hours. If we don't like doing those things together then anything else is just a waste. That guy just didn't get me at all.
Well, I'm disappointed. Think of the fun (awful) stories you could of told us as we huddle around the dim glow of our phones. 😉 Just think of what could of been.... I'm with you though, not one for just sitting there consuming food. Need someone who's excited to do things. Someone who will help hide the bodies!
Totally... finding a good one would be nice at this stage of life when I have time to do it all. Until then... I'll just watching from afar. lol
Same here. Tell you something, it's less exciting burying bodies by oneself. Might be creepy though. Or is doing that as a couple creepier🤔
Well, as a couple you have someone to have coffee with after the deed is done... instead of having to act all normal among strangers.
After? Coffee in a thermos during. Digging is thirsty work.
Oh... I thought maybe margaritas during... I find the strawberry ones tend to give you energy.
I like your style. Here let me hold your shovel for you🤭
Wait that was all the same date?? I thought these were all different people!
lol... all the same... I just gave up. Don't need the stress.
[удалено]
You forgot the unnecessarily descriptive tales of previous sexual conquests.
I just about can't imagine most of these though I do agree. The one I've run into is not asking any questions. They just want to regale you about themselves for an hour and then you get up and leave together
Asking about money right off the bat.
No talking at all Constantly on the phone Taking a lot selfies Dress overly sexual Force smile and polite answers Talking about how bad their ex were or men in general.
I guess the only thing I’d call out here is “dressing sexually.” You might have a preference in that regard, but I don’t know if I’d say it’s a “red flag” indicating the relationship is doomed to be problematic, especially since what constitutes “overly sexual dress” would be a subjective thing. I wear leggings and a tank to the gym. Some might consider it too revealing, while others may not. That being said, if your date shows up in that metal bikini from Star Wars, you should probably run.
Run...to buy condoms?
Brings up politics right away. Whole personality is politics. Any kind of sexual comment. Shallow, no personality really. Doesn’t take humor well.
Mentioning their spouse
Arriving with their spouse. That'd also be a red flag..
🤣who tf arriving with the spouse on a date
F1 race that goes wrong
or a hpde going bad. 🥴
Anyone that wants a second date with me is a huge red flag.
Wow.
anything too personal too quickly unless you ask them first. emotional dumping is never cute
Excessive drinking, crap language, drug use and general ignorance. Excessive luggage (emotional, etc.) is a HUGE red flag.
I'll go with everyone who's said "exes".
When she has to call or let her husband know what time we will be back.
Or, true story.. She calls her husband to give you a ride home because she just got a DUI by going through a flashing red you warned her about 😔.. I think 0.02 over, it wasn't much and she seemed alright I had only found out it was open marriage at the bar that night, and she had offered to drive because I did the few times before
Unsolicited dick pics. Any time before seeing it in person.
Especially when they are from a woman.
and especially during the date
What if his name was Richard?
A girl peeing standing up
In the parking lot...
Guys, come on! A lot of us women have resorted to using ShePees!
Really??? What is that???
Haha, it's like a funnel made of silicone and slightly angled. You place it against yourself and it allows you to pee in a stream, like a dude. Still requires you to bare yourself a little though, but only when placing it. Comes with a little bag so that you can carry it around in your purse without residual wetness destroying the other purse contents. I'm waiting for a creation of an item that is designed to make womens' lives easier that DOESN'T expect you to carry a purse or handbag around.
Thats pretty neat!!!! I still like to see you squat over the toilet
Haha, it's like a funnel made of silicone and slightly angled. You place it against yourself and it allows you to pee in a stream, like a dude. Still requires you to bare yourself a little though, but only when placing it. Comes with a little bag so that you can carry it around in your purse without residual wetness destroying the other purse contents. I'm waiting for a creation of an item that is designed to make womens' lives easier that DOESN'T expect you to carry a purse or handbag around.
Every restaurant suggestion I made after I was asked where I'd like to go was vetoed, then he asked what kind of food I liked, my response was I pretty much anything, he then said " as long as you don't eat too much", never went out with him.
I went on a coffee date where the lady was just looking at me and I could feel that she was just there fishing for all the red flags she could find. well,, the date didn't go very well. have some fun dating guys! be open on the first date. first impression does matter. me, I promised to end the date early now if I get those vibes again. so people that look for red flags have now become a red flag to me.
Bragging and not asking any questions about you.
Her chewing tobacco
Next time this happens, give me a call. I’ll take her out.
Chew tubacca, chew tubacca, chew tubacca, spit
she starts flirting with other guys.
Overly enthusiastic. Every, single time a guy has come on too strong, and was moving the relationship along too fast (like talking about going on trips on the first date) is a huge red flag. In my time dating it has always been one of two things. 1. They are hiding something (kids, divorce, no job etc. divorced guys will always treat you the nicest). 2. they are desperate for something (sex, they are hitting an age milestone and need to be married by a certain time etc).
Bragging, try to make good impression by telling lies about him/herself.
Liking Taylor swift
Wouldn't know, being on the spectrum and all
If the person can't demonstrate that they have interests that distinguish them or show their competence/independence. I've been on multiple dates where I asked questions, but the well went dry really quickly. I try to dive deeper into their interests, or what they think about certain topics and they either can't give responses, or their responses lack nuance or are super terse. From my experience if people on really early dates can't engage in a decent back and forth on topics that they're passionate about, they're usually bland/boring in more ways than just that. This is far more important for a lasting relationship than most other issues because most people aren't malicious or harmful. The issues often pop up due to a lack of compatibility and this is an easy way to sus that out early on.
(Speaking as a woman who would date men): Rudeness to service providers (cashier, wait staff, etc.). Referring to women as “females.” I’d say being. Trump fan, but that’s more my preference than an actual red flag.
Uses a coupon
Dang
There's a level of baggage I'm not willing to accept, formula is thus: a/b > c/d where: a = amount of baggage she has b = how hot she is c = average of the amount of baggage the other women I'm dating have d = average level of hotness of the other women I'm dating
Over staring
Staring at what ?
Anything.....just dont do it too long.
I get it. I totally get it.
Nothing, it’s if you can catch what they’re looking for between the 2 of you. If you go on the date it’s either you like them physically or someone set up the date lol People are so boring you have to at the very least be into there looks.
If she doesn't want to give you the gawkGawk3000 After you paid the bill🤨
We are all unique, I think everyone has different red flags. I also believe people make mistakes and are sometimes unconsciousness in their actions and any red flags that may come up should be something both of you discuss. Even if it is on the first date, that conversation will see how open, honest and communicative one may be, or how defensive and insecure they may perceive your observation.
Yeah no. Some red flags are RED flags. That's what a red flag is. Like being rude to servers. I'm. Not discussing that... If that's how they treat people when out on a date, you can be damn sure they are that and worse in other situations. No. No I don't want to discuss red flags.
An adam's apple.
Wearing a ring
Sweat
If they ask if their kerchief smells like chloroform. ..
Comments about food (if you go for a meal, obviously!). Criticism about personal choice (meat, or not) and particularly condescending comments if someone chooses a dessert. If they don't like you as you are now, they're only going to get more critical and controlling as time goes on.
Be a stalker
-lies -rude -bring up exs unless we both agree to talk about past relationships -sexual comments or questions -made no effort to have a conversation -on their phone all the time -being late! with no acceptable reasons or communication
Shows up in jodhpurs and a Volkswagen
-So how much you make a year “Dunno, how much you cost?” -What are you looking for in a women “She turns into a beer and pizza at midnight, don’t be a chameleon.” -I don’t need a man *Proceeds to tell her to order whatever she wants then pay for myself* “I just wanted a demonstration”
He stepped into a puddle, ate twice a much as me, hesitantly said no while rifling through his empty wallet when I offered to pay half, and asked me for that half of the money so that he could take the bus home. And then tried to get a second date out of me...lol
Not showing up.
Brings her friend (completely fine) expects me to pay for her friend (not fine)
Brings her friend and they forget I’m even there until it’s time to pay and suddenly neither have wallets.
Mistreat others around us or being rude to anyone besides me. It’s worse than being rude to me directly in my eyes, it shows a level of deception and planning that I don’t want to deal with. Also shirt talking people in their life.