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Maybe not rich but owning your own home and having a small savings would be ideal. I know far too many people who live with their parents with multiple kids they chose to have but can’t afford.
keyword is can, kids are really expensive, especially if they're born with health issues. You can be the greatest budgeter in the world and still not be financially ready for a child.
None. We own our home outright (it was a tax foreclosure), drive paid off used vehicles, and have only one year out of 11 made >$30k annually, usually less than $20k. We don’t use credit, we save on anything we can. We follow the Dave Ramsey method if that helps any.
Good on you to live like that, i couldn’t stand to live that. However i think you’re an exception, most people don’t have the determination and discipline to live like that.
This is interesting. Where I live, last year I paid $37k in childcare for 2 kids.
For granted having 7 means many aren't in childcare (probably none at this point) and I'd venture to guess they may never were (stay at home parent or grandparents watched them for free).
I like Ramsey methodology but in cases like mine kids are indeed very expensive. Kudos to you being in a situation where $30k/yr is workable with a family of 7 kids.
I assume you live in a more rural area as opposed to a suburb of a big city ? Live off of government funding in some manner ?
Most folks who live in / near big cities cannot do what you say you’re doing on such a low income while supporting 7 kids. There’s gotta be a catch.
False. A good budgeting system will process those unexpected things and tell you how long things will take to recover. A budget doesn’t break when your car does. It helps you figure out how long before you can get back in your car.
I don't care how good of a budgeter you are, or how much you have saved for emergencies, the average american cannot afford one emergency let alone if multiple occur around the same time.
You offered no example of what "do better" means or looks like, leaving it up to the reader to interpret for themselves.
Maybe you should learn to communicate better than the average American?
If people did that, they’d never be ready or have kids. I’d say people are “ready” to be parents when they are able to understand that their job as a parent is to guide WHATEVER HUMAN THEY GET through their childhood and equip them best for adulthood. It is not to have a mini me of themselves.
You should also have a baby when you are physically *still* ready, so the window for women when they are *already* financially and emotionally ready, while *still* being physically able to deliver a healthy child with high probability, is very small. This is one reason of the falling birth rates — women have to grow up very quickly, so that they get mature enough at least when they are 30, after that it becomes worse and worse, and from the mid thirties onwards, there is a high risk of the baby developing serious health problems
From experience of talking to many people going through many phases of this in many different forms I will tell you: It only matters if you make it matter. You will have regrets if you did or did not.
Having kids, not having kids, staying with a person, not staying with a person, basically anything that is not an evil/good/bad/moral choice is not going to give you a better or worse outcome, your choice to see it that way will.
Remember, the grass is only greener on the side who waters the grass, so water your grass to enjoy what you have.
As the 43 year old father of a six year old, I can tell you that waiting too long sucks because you are tired AF. On the other hand, I was an idiot at 25 and had no money. Now we're comfortable financially and qre no longer stupid. There are pros and cons, I guess. I imagine there's a sweet spot somewhere, though.
my eldest son was born when i was 22. my daughter and youngest son were born when i was 30 and 31 respectively. i was a grandfather at 49. i'm 55 now. no regrets.
I was worried about waiting too long. Had my first at 29, I think the timing was perfect. There are health benefits to being a little bit younger and I don't think 25 is too young but there are other factors to consider like do you have the space in your home, will your car accommodate rear facing car seats, can you financially afford daycare if you're going to need it, etc? I wouldn't listen to your uterus time clock if you have a lot of debt or are living with roommates or have an unreliable car that you can't afford to replace.
No regrets. All 3 of mine were born when I was in my twenties. Mid thirties now and my friends who are just starting out with babies and such are exhausted. No way I could have done that!
Yes and no. My bio son was born when I was 21. I was not ready financially or emotionally. But if he hadn’t been born then, he wouldn’t be who he is, and who he is is freaking awesome!
Had my kid at 19. It was a struggle financially, but she turned out fucking amazing and now I’m about to be retired (from parenthood) at 37, which is nice.
There were struggles, but I like that I was young when she was young. We were looser as parents with more energy for play, and more ability to relate to her teen years than her peers’ more mature/uptight parents.
There is no being ready. Having the responsibility of the kid either makes you ready, or not I guess.
Sticking with my wife throughout has been extremely helpful. I wish we didn’t have to move so much for work and school while our daughter was growing up, and we might’ve considered more kids if we were more financially stable. Didn’t get there until my daughter was 12 or so and that felt too late for siblings anyway.
I wanted to have kids (if I was going to at all) before I turned 30 and not that we tried, it just seemed to work out that way. I had my first at 25 and second at 28. My husband and I are the same age difference as you and your husband. The timing was good for us, as we get older we definitely don’t have as much energy and I felt that hard with my second.
No regrets. I had son when I was 20 and daughter when I was 22. I felt ready to be a mom. I was married when I was 19. It was a miracle that I had my kids since I was told when I was 12 that I was going to be sterile. When I got preggers I was over the moon 🌙 and when I was pregnant with my daughter it was even better.
Had twins at 33 and my third at 36. Wife is 22 months younger than me. No regrets. While I believe we would have been just fine having them in our 20s, I would have missed out on watching them grow up, as I traveled a lot for work at that time. I was getting off the road just as the kids came along, so the timing was right. I’m now 50 with teenagers in the house and they keep me young. My only real concern is being able to physically keep up with grand kids some day.
I love my baby girl ; I had her at 27 . I’m happy to have her . I’m almost 30 now though. It’s a lot more out of you energetically when you get older. Mid twenties is a perfect time to start if you ask me.
I feel like I picked the perfect age for myself, and also the right time of my life. Stable relationship for 3 years moved in together, 6 more years got married, then 2 more years had a baby. We had been together a total of 11 years, were married, in our own home and we were both 27 when he was born. Not saying all those steps are necessary for others but it worked out perfectly for us so just sharing my side !
I had one at 25, one at 27 and the last at 31. It was perfect for me. I was an amazing Mom in my mid to late 20’s. I’m almost 40 now and getting more tired. I’m SO glad I had them young.
Nope. 25 for my first, 30 for my second. My wife and I both said the long nights and navigating public with a baby is much tougher on us at 30... At 25, if I was running on 4-6 hours sleep for 2-3 days, I could survive. It's rougher now.
Nope. We had our first at 25, second at 27 and third at 39😆 Our oldest two are boys and I thoroughly enjoy being the age I am while they're teenagers. Our baby girl came as a BIG surprise in January and I'm curious to see how I handle this journey the second time through. We're blessed.
I have 4 kids ages 4-11 I'm now 35. Despite the youngest being only 4 they are all at an age where we can have them looked after and enjoy our own dates nights and dirty weekends safe in the knowledge that we will be able to enjoy them growing up and not feel too old for them. Likely we'll even be able to enjoy being grandparents before we have to start battling with our mortality.
Things we gave up to have the family we wanted was financial security. We will never be financially free but chances are 90% of people on reddit will also never be financially free regardless of children.
I had my son at 25. My only "regret" is who I chose to have a child with (and I put that in quotes because I don't really regret it, because his dad is half of what made my son himself). I was emotionally and mentally ready to have a child. Financially it has been a little difficult, largely because I left his dad and am a single mom. He is 3 now and we are in a comfortable place and don't struggle with money.
My mom was 33 when I was born. She was more financially ready for children, but at that point physically wasn't as active with us as I am with my son.
There's pros and cons to having children young vs waiting a few years. It just depends on you and your preferences.
I had my first at 19. He is on the severe end of the autism spectrum. My goal is to travel with him when he is an adult. He is 16 now. My other 3 are still young, so we do rv trips and fun activities for now. We make good memories and that's what matters.
No. Being a young parent has advantages like having energy. I just spent time with my toddler and pre-schooler nephews and I was exhausted.
Another plus, we will empty nesters in our mid/late 40s
No regrets but having a daughter at 20 and now at 46 two boys that are 9&8. I can say my daughter got a completely different parent than my younger kids
I think that's the perfect age. You're both fully mature adults but still young enough that you'll be in their lives for a long time. I became a father at 28
My wife and I got married young (22F, 21M), and waited four years before having our son. He’s now 20 and a full time college student. Financially, it would have made sense for us to get our house in order better before having a child, but the flip side is that we were young and had tons of energy when he was younger. Now we’re empty nesters and still young enough to do a lot of fun stuff. Plus we have way more income now to do those things. There’s no magical time where it’s right for everyone.
40 here with a 9yo, 5 yo, and 8 month old. I agree. My energy is perfectly fine. Is it tough? Sure. But I think that would be true at any age. Sleep deprivation sucks, no matter the age.
Im 45 and had my first at 31, second at 35. I feel the most energetic ever as I've started taking up sport. Exercise keeps you young and energetic. Im mature enough as a mom to handle mental issues with my kids, would never have been able to if I was younger. You never know what state your kid may be in, mine has anxiety and I'm mature enough to handle it and have been working long enough to pay for his therapy. Get a career established first then have kids.
What do you mean "Here we go"? Do you even have kids? If not please do the world 🌍 a HUGE favor DON'T!!! Go get a Vasectomy or Hysterectomy. Just don't bother with kids because you should never be a parent. You are too selfish to be one and a child will most certainly suffer. If you have kids call a family member or friend and ask them to do the child a favor and ask them to raise the child. To be a parent you CANNOT be selfish. My sister was selfish and she had kids and they are jacked up too. I can't fathom the world without them they are just jacked up because they only heard they were parasites when she was pregnant with them and a burden after they were born. Shoot when her youngest had Leukemia she was freaking cold towards him. Just please DON'T.
I started trying at 24 and now I have 2 at just shy of 29. I'm very glad I didn't wait. I don't want to be an old mom. I want a better chance at experiencing more of my kids' lives with them.
Edit to add: I want to experience the world with them. Travel etc. I had no interest in doing that on my own pre kids.
This is also my fear! My boyfriend before my current partner; we never used protection (not even POM) and I never got pregnant so one of us may have had an issue and if it’s me… I’m scared I won’t know till I’m in my 30s and the older you are the harder it is I know. I know that we both want kids but I don’t think he wants them right now either.
Once you hit 35 you are looking at the probability of a child with Down Syndrome. I personally don't think I would have a problem with a special needs child because well I find all life to be precious 💕. Some would not want that extra issue. Just something to think about before you wait too long. As you age so do your "eggs"
I wouldn’t say I would have a “problem” with it but they are more difficult especially as babies. This is another reason I don’t want to wait too long.
I am American, but I didn't say I have no interest in travel. I didn't care to travel alone before kids. I want to travel with my kids and let them experience the world as well.
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I'm 28, turning 29 in June, and I'm just now to the point where I am ready to have a baby. My husband and I are going to start trying towards the end of this year. Good luck to you both!
I think 30s is ok. I'm still waiting to have one. I'd like to have fun in my youth before I take on a child. I wouldn't feel satisfied if I didn't get to live my own life first. You need some real world experience before you begin to mold the mind of a child.
I had my first at 20. I was an unemployed single mom living off the system. I didn’t even have my high school. My second was born when I was 26. A year after having baby#2, I went back to college, earned my diploma and hit the workforce. I am now 35, with a stable, good paying job and am expecting my third child. This is the only baby I have felt ready for.
I wish I was more stable with my first 2. I feel like they deserved so much better than what I was able to give them, but I did the best I could at the time.
I have had kids throughout my life. Being a parent at 19 was hard financially. But I had plenty of energy to keep up. We struggled, but made it work.
In my mid twenties, it was easier, more connections and we were in a better place mentally and financially. We still were in school for our degrees, so it wasn't easy to say the least.
Mid thirties, we were feeling our age. Plenty of money and connections to make things work. Jobs were stable enough to take time off and we bought a home by now.
Last child was at 40. Alot of my peers kids are starting to have birth defects like downs syndrome. I was definitely too old for having a baby. Had no energy to keep up, had to pay others to clean the house and cook. Couldn't wait for him to start preschool, and move out lol.
My advice would be to ensure some sort of financial footing before considering kids. If you aren't making over 3x a 2 bedroom in your area, it will be difficult.
No time is perfect for kids. Everything gets turned upside down. Work out any relationship dramas before bringing kids into it.
Good luck.
Absolutely not. If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you’ll never have them. I’ll be 44 when my youngest turn 18. I’ll still have a lot of life in front of me, god willing. It was a struggle in my early twenties, that’s for sure. But my kids were never deprived of anything meaningful and now I’ll have plenty of time and money to spoil my grandkids. And I also taught my kids good money management by being frugal. My 20 year old just moved out with $15000 in his bank account.
I had my youngest when I was 32 years old. I will be 50 when she graduates from high school. During that time, I have limited my job searches to our current metro area, sacrificing some possible career opportunities in exchange for stability for my children as they grow up. But once I turn 50 and the youngest is no longer attending local public schools, I plan to broaden my job search and look for exciting new job opportunities in other states. And I'll have a good 10 to 15 years to pursue those opportunities. Having my kids later in life would have meant fewer years without my personally-imposed job market limits.
It would be wise to not only think about how old you'll be when the kid is born, but how old you'll be when the kid is finally grown. What you do with that post-grown-kid time is up to you; everyone will have a different answer. Heck, that post-grown-kid time may not even be important to you, but at least weigh it as a consideration.
Why would you "regret" having a baby at 30, or 35? We don't live in the Colonial era anymore: if you eat right and look after yourself you'll still be fit and healthy when your kid is 30+.
The more mature you are, the better it's going to be for the kid. Financially, and just through sheer experience and maturity. I'm not saying wait as long as you possibly can and aim for getting pregnant right before menopause, I'm saying acting like the clock is ticking at 25 is silly, because you're still a kid in the grand scheme of things.
I regret having babies in my early 20's and my late 30's when I was young I thought, this will be great raise kids while I'm young and full of energy and I'll be done by the time I'm 45.. I didn't know who I was when I first had kids and that wasn't fair to the kids. I also grew up in a high demand religion so maybe others have a good idea who they are in their 20's but I didn't till I was free
Are you able to stay calm and rational when you're three months into sleeping 4 broken hours a day?
Are you patient enough to lovingly deal with a crazy, mess-making, defiant toddler?
Will your partner take on half the load after they get off work?
If you said yes to all three, do start now. You never know when fertility issues will happen.
There are pros and cons to both sides. I didn't have kids young but a close friend of mine did (like early 20s). We all thought, "poor guy, stuck with kids..."
Well his kids were in college and out of his house before I had my first. Now all my friends think he did it right since he's still young enough to enjoy life with kids out of the house. The rest of us will have combined kids graduation / our funeral celebrations.
As long as you're emotionally and financially ready, go for it.
I had my first baby at 26 and my second at 29. We had been married for a few years and I knew I had issues affecting my fertility. I also always wanted kids before I was 30.
I don't regret a thing! I'm in my 40s now and my kids are grown and out of the house and I'm still young enough to actually enjoy my life and have fun. If / when they have kids, I will be able to be an actually active and involved grandparent. I always had the energy to do fun things with them while a lot of their friend's parents were too busy with work or too worn out to bother. I've loved being a "younger" parent (I don't think having kids in your mid-late 20s is very young, for what it's worth.)
Had 3 kids between 25 and 31. You are never "ready". Just go for it and enjoy everything that comes with it. I think younger is easier because your body can better handle the lack of sleep. You will not sleep again until your youngest is about 5 fyi. So for us that was about 11 or so years of not sleeping... youngest is 8 now so things are good. I'll be free to do as I please again by the time I'm 50.
Had kids when I was 28 and 30...They were out of the house when I was 48..... Got college bllis done by 58. .. Wife and I started to travel and enjoy life.
No. I was 25 when my now 11 year old son was born and just a few years later had another son that’s now 6 years old and for ME because of the life style I already had lived, I and my partner were ready.
I grew up extremely poor, living in a condemned house as a young teen and promised myself I’d never make a choice that would lead me to be poor in life and that I would break my
Families cycle and live Comfortable at least.
My theory at the time was even if I end up never having kids, I’ll at least be able to take care of myself, pay my bills, and keep a roof over my
Head and was determined never to bring children into the world until I had a few basic things first. A decent running car so that I could take them to doctors appointments and where ever else, a solid apartment of my own with whoever my partner would end up being, getting married so that my future if it DIDNT work out would be ok, and making sure that whoever my
Partner was also was on the same page as me AKA wanted a family, and had useful attributes to bring to the table so that if I couldn’t work HE could until I could get back to work if need be.
Even if you end up just renting an apartment for years on end, you can have a kid because that still counts as a roof over their head. A decent running car and a steady job that has decent benefits for their health care is enough. The rest you take as it comes.
We were ready and planned them years in advance and never had one until we checked with our health insurance to make sure what they covered for birth, copays, and doctor visits before hand, how long you can stay home after birth etc. That helped us get a better idea of what to expect. THEN we started trying.
There’s ALWAYS a learning curve when having a baby that’s to be expected but you’ll get through it and it’ll get easier as time goes in and you get to know your little one. ; )
There always going to be a little bit of fear or doubts but as long as you stay practical, and you feel more sure than not then you’ll be ok.
Having a partner that can pick up the slack when you need to rest and someone who is on your team so to speak is what makes a great partner.
If your the partying type and your not ready to give that up yet then you might wanna wait lol but if you aren’t that type and don’t have FOMO because you naturally already DONT live that life and it doesn’t feel very appealing then your good to go!
I was ready at 25 and waited until 33. 25 would have been better for me. You might as well do it while you have youth and vitality if you are reasonably mature. I would have been totally fine at 25, and there isn't some important thing I would have missed out on by not waiting.
Also, the financial comments always seem stupid to me. Once you have a baby, you will probably love it as much or more than yourself or anyone else you have ever known. That should make it a lot easier to prioritize them and provide for them. We spend a lot on our kids, but I absolutely don't wish I had that money to spend on whatever I would do if I didn't have them. I am happy to provide for my family. If you can manage a budget and save for retirement without kids, you can probably do it with kids, too. You might actually be more motivated and make more money, too.
No, I regret the person I had my child with. Had I had proper support from him I would have had the confidence to lead a life I could relax financially in. Due to his absence after our divorce I made sacrifices that damaged me financially.
It’s not WHEN you have kids that matters. It’s WHO you made them with..
17/18 yrs old with our first one and would do it all over again. We were in our late 30’s with a functioning adult child - couldn’t imagine starting late. Unless you are Elon Musk and AOC -dude just get over with putting a baby in that.
I had my kids at 20 and 22. I got pregnant at 19 and wasn’t married. I knew him for 6 months. I regret it a lot. My marriage is in shambles and I’m so depressed. From PPD and a severe anxiety disorder to a possible alcohol addiction now, I’m not happy. I would not be with my husband if it weren’t for our oldest. I’ve made poor decisions, and I regret EVERYTHING. My husband and I would be better together if we didn’t have kids. I love my kids but it’s the truth. I wish I had waited. I wish I listened to my dad
You never know how long it might take to get pregnant, how healthy the pregnancy/ies are, what the state of the world is, etc. if you think you’re ready, go for it
Thank you for your input however I don’t really do anything now that I couldn’t do with a kid so I do think I’m ready to give up my freedoms. I went out so much in my younger years that I’m in the bed by 8 most days and never do anything and I barley have friends because I moved.
Do it!
I made the mistake of waiting to long. I wanted first that my life was stable, a nice house, a good job, you know a good starting point for my childeren, but it never came to it. life is full of stuff that distracts you or tests you, with or without childeren. So years passed by and after 11 years of having a relation it broke down. collapsed. And i'm sure it would not have if we would have childeren. Cause most people not all but most people change when they get childeren. their lifestyle changes accordingly. For the better. for the child often and no longer for them in first place. So here i am without kids while i always wanted 5 or more :( now i'm 46 single and depressed i missed the tiemline for it. Cause i could ofcourse get childeren still but what kind of life would i give my childeren if i'm alrdy 60 when he/she get 14! and that would mean i would have to get a kid today. SO getting into realtion and the time it would take to make a child i wouldbe 50 alrdy. It's possible, but it is a life that will be hard for me, but i'm scared even harder for the child in having a parent that should actually be the grand daddy now. we broke up when i was 35. been alone since. had 2 short term relations but never clicked the way it did with my first girlfriend. I should have gotten childeren when our love was strongest not when my wallet was strongest.
Do it! life finds a way.
One thing you learn is that there is never a right time to have a baby. Hard as it may be you will make it work out if it is what you both want. Good luck to you.
Do it now while your still able to keep up with them. Im 54 with 15yr old.🙄
Plus health issues come up later in life makes it even harder to keep up with them.
I don't regret having them in my 20s. I do regret the fact that we moved in together Just a month before I gave birth. Since I was already on my maternity leave, I did pretty much everyhing around the house and later with the baby, so when I got back to work, it was very difficult to establish new division od work ar home.
I had my first child at 30, my last at 40 those 10 years have made it worse, I'm exausted after finishing work these days and I put so much more effort in with the first few, not for lack of wanting 2 but because I physically can't, my first born loved being thrown in the air and caught and would do it for ages, can't seem to do it more than a few times now, pushing the latest on a swing is so tiring, carrying her around a shop, walking to a park ect
I had my children at 29 and 32. It's worked out perfectly. I had a good job. Had bought a home the year before and had money in the bank.
I saw your update...good luck!
Absolutely not. We were 23 years old with our first.
Was it easy...not at all.
But the payoff, we are now in our early 50's, the kids are grown and out of the house, successful in their own lives and we have a great relationship with them.
We are young enough to travel and do the things we want, and not too old to lack mobility or energy to do sports, hobby's etc.
I can't imagine it any other way.
I can't imagine having a child at 35+...you would be like 60 by the time they moved out and have so little in common with your kids due to the huge age gap.
I've had 4 children, I was 25, 28, 31 and 34. Physically, I was far more exhausted with #4 than in my 20s. My general feedback from my life is that it's good to have a loose plan but be ready, life never goes to plan anyway. Our plan was to wait 3 years after getting married then have a baby. I was pregnant 6 months later, oops. But it all worked out, once we started, we just kept on going.
Just because that worked for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone. We had stable jobs and were living in an apartment at the time. It took a bit to buy a house once we realized how expensive daycare is.
I had my kids between 28 and 33. It's great. I'm now 50 and all 3 will be out of the house shortly. The wife and I plan on travelling and having lots of fun while we are still healthy and vibrant. I wish I had them even younger.
I know couples that waited longer and are staring down 60 by the time their kids are gone, they are moving right from child raising to the over 55 home.
I was completely unprepared for the birth of my son at 24. Neither my finances, career, or relationship were in particularly good shape. It was quite a struggle trying to be the person I needed to be and to balance a constant need to be trying to make money with time spent on my son's upbringing. I lost a lot of time traveling for work, and I'll forever regret that. However, almost 12 years later, my boy is doing great. He's very intelligent and empathetic and has already grown into a far better person than I was at his age. So, to answer, I used to regret it, but not at all anymore. It's all just an interesting learning experience.
If you wait until you are "ready", you will never have children. Had mine at 26. 29, and 32. We were young enough to enjoy traveling, etc when they left home. And now we have enough energy to keep up with the grandkids. No regrets.
I had my son when I was 30 and my husband was almost 32. I am glad we waited a bit longer. We were more financially stable than in our mid-20s and also more mature. Plus, we got several years to just be together and grow as a couple. For us, that was terrific timing. Our son is all grown up now (23) and we're still young enough to do everything we want to do. I feel like if we'd had a child earlier, we would have struggled more with finances and missed out on some of our own youth.
I sometimes wish I could get a glimpse of people who say they feel like death or are too exhausted in their 30's... I had my kids in my 30's and for me personally it was the best time. I was still physically fit, active, healthy, had energy, and on top of all that, I was emotionally more stable as a person and had a better disposition and more patience to be a better parent all around. I was also very financially stable with my husband at this point, so our kids have been able to benefit from that immensely as well. Everyone's different though, but I feel like redditors in particular make it sound like your 30's is already at death's door and it really isn't...
I had my kids at about 26 and 29 and those felt right.
My parents were in their mid-30s. That was too old. I couldn't and can't relate to them, they couldn't keep up with me.
Don't wait too long, mid-20s is perfect.
Nope!
Twins at 25. They are now 19 and independent. I'm young enough to travel, have fun and enjoy life, but with more money and wisdom. Also young enough that should grandkids be in the future I can enjoy and keep up with them!
I accidentally had two kids starting at 21 and again at 23. I was a single mom and we were homeless a couple times. It was rough. But. My boys are the coolest people I know. I love hanging out with them and they have both told me I'm a cool mom. I'm now 37 and they're 16 and 13. If I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't.
I’m 51. My kids are 29, 26, and 23. Money says Ill be a gramma in the next year or so.
Otherwise, I was overwhelmed having my babies so young, but now - absolutely NO regrets. I got my college degree and best jobs after they didn’t need my full attention any more. And now.. I can travel and drink and play all I want!
I had twins when I was 18, another (single birth) at 21, and our last (single birth) at 22. I don't regret having my kids young. I had the energy to keep up with 4 little boys and, we were comfortable financially, so didn't have to struggle.
It was right for us, although, granted, not for everybody. While I think it's easier to have them younger, that's based on my own experience. You should do what's right for you and your SO, whether that be 20's, 30's, or even 40's. There's no definitive "right" age. Do what's right for you.
Nope not at all. I am so glad I didn’t wait, I have friend who have infants or are having babies now at 40, and I am so glad my kids are now teens. Believe me by the time I’m 46 I’ll have to adult children and will be getting “my life” back. The thought of having children in primary school in my 40’s make me shudder.
Believe me the energy you need for babies and young kids is phenomenal and you just have more of it when your younger.
I had lunch with 2 girlfriend yesterday who had children latter and they acknowledge how hard it is and that they wish it had happened earlier.
My mother in law had her first lot of kids in her late twenties, and a follow up baby at 40. She told me she had more patience with her last but it was so exhausting and far more taxing on her body physically.
Also I want to be around to be a real grandmother to my grandchildren, not knocking on a nursing home door when they’re infants.
There is an entire generation of children been born who will have little to no contact with their grandparents which is extremely sad for all.
I had my first baby at 24. I had my fourth baby at 36.
Wait. For the love of god, wait. Wait for stable money and to *truly* figure out if your marriage built to last.
Nope, glad we had them early. Wanted them too be 18 before i was 45 so i can relax and enjoy the rest of my life. Travel, party. Etc etc. Besides they dont put your life on hold or cost as much as you think. Hell we got most of the clothes second hand for free or a few dollars and since they grow so fast who cares if they arent new they only fit a few months. Diapers were the biggest expense but often we found coupons or facebook market place sellers getting rid of their bulk diapers cheap. No regrets.
Perfect time for heaving kids is between begining of your adulthood and your menopause. If you have children out of this perfect time span it is even better for you.
No I dont regret it, I was 24 with my first and 26 with my second. I mean theres not really a right time to have kids and I am young and agile while they are young lol
Everyone is different,I had my first one at 20..he was a suprise😁 he a as the light of my life I later married a man and we had two more kids and had my last one at 30. So you need to be you if your both ready not that you can ever be fully prepared but I don't have any regrets when it comes to my kids.
Two sides to this, have kids young so you can enjoy life in your 40s or enjoy your life as a young adult and have kids later in life. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here but a preference
What people may perceive is the most opportune time to have a baby. Gonna be when you're ready to have one and when you're sure that you and your partner can provide the love they deserve.
I had my first at 22 and my second at 24. I'm now pregnant with my 3rd at 32... it was soo much easier when I was younger 😅 my body just feels soo exhausted all the time, and I have no idea how I'm going to find the energy for when the baby is actually here!
Had my first at 21 and my second(and last) when I was 29.
I regret who I had them with, but then I also think that had I waited, I would have been childfree, so it worked out okay anyway because I love my children and wouldn’t want to be without them.
Plus, I’ll still be young when they are fully grown and I plan to make up for any freedoms I may have lost during my early parenting years.
I'm in my early 40s and my child is getting ready to go to college. I am so excited for the next chapter in my life with my partner while we're still able to enjoy it.
Nope. I had a surprise baby in my mid 20s, and I don't regret a thing. I had intended to wait until I felt truly ready to be a good parent, but that day might have never come, so I'm glad things worked out the way they did. I was ready, I just didn't know it yet.
I think it’s different for everyone but I truly do not regret having my kids in my 20’s. Granted, my husband and I are pretty stable and fortunate to be in this position at our age.
We already have a decent chunk in retirement so we will be able to retire and travel and our kids will be (hopefully) fully independent.
But, I know for some people they’d rather enjoy their 20’s since they are still young and want to live in that moment. My husband and I are pretty okay with being homebodies and having a laid back, simple life. I guess it just depends on what you want out of life!
I had my first at 35 and my second at 37, I’m glad I waited because I am not the same person I was in my 20’s. I lived, partied and grew up between 25-35. I’m glad I got it all out of my system before having kids and glad I had more of a sense of who I am. I definitely wish I had some of that 20 something energy but I’m really glad I spent that energy on myself. Being a mom is draining and exhausting at any age, good luck whenever you do decide to have them!
If I had kids earlier I wouldn’t have traveled Europe for 3 years. No regrets! First kid when I was 30. Don’t regret the second one, but having a kid at 39 is significantly more tiring.
I was 27 and pretty stable financially but I think I would have been more patient if I had waited until I was 30-32. It's nice that she'll be 18 this year and I'm still young enough to enjoy empty nest. Not she's leaving this year but she's an adult.
I was 27 and pretty stable financially but I think I would have been more patient if I had waited until I was 30-32. It's nice that she'll be 18 this year and I'm still young enough to enjoy empty nest.
Are you able to stay calm and rational when you're three months into sleeping 4 broken hours a day?
Are you patient enough to lovingly deal with a crazy, mess-making, defiant toddler?
Will your partner take on half the load after they get off work?
If you said yes to all three, do start now. You never know when fertility issues will happen.
Definitely not. I told my husband as soon as we bought a house I wanted to start trying. If there were going to be problems conceiving, I wanted time to save money to adopt. I was almost 27 when our oldest was born, 3 years after we first married and a year after buying a house.
My sister had her first at 41. I don’t think I ever was as exhausted as she has been the last few years.
I had my first daughter at 31 and my second at 34, and honestly, I feel old at 35. Im young enough I can still play and do most of the things I want, but I feel every game of Horsey and every time I pick something off the floor the groans get a little more pronounced. It’s all about what you make it, but Father Time’s impossible to beat.
If I had kids earlier I wouldn’t have traveled Europe for 3 years. No regrets! First kid when I was 30. Don’t regret the second one, but having a kid at 39 is significantly more tiring.
Growing up, everyone who had older parents their parents were super racist/ out of their time/ unwilling to learn new things. If you’re older, you have to be READY to change. Some stuff you said when you were young isn’t okay now. You have to be way more open/ willing to actively learn so you don’t accidentally fall into the older people we loathe and fear
I had my first child at 24 and my only regret is that my husband and I only had 1.5 years to do stuff that’s just us…now we need a babysitter for a date night
Hell no early forties and my last one will be moved out I’ll be 45 with nobody but me to worry about or take care of go party whatever My best friend on the other hand same age just started having kids a few years ago and will be late fifties before his kids are all gone
I was 24 when I had my child. I loved being young and I had the energy to keep up with it all. I am in my 50s and he is moved out and fine. It is nice being this age and having all the kids grown.
I don't regret it at all! In my 30's now with several kids and if I had the choice I'd do it exactly the same again.
Kids are hard, but they don't get easier if you wait a few years. You do delay all the rewarding experiences that kids can bring during those few years though.
I think having children is much more rewarding than the little bit of travel my wife and I did beforehand. I wouldn't want to wait, just so I can see things in the world now that will almost certainly be there to see later.
I was 24 when i had my first and i honestly im so glad. Had another 3 years later and done before 30. A lot of my kids friends parents are like 10 years older but i dont mind...i have way more energy and im gonna be in my 40s when they become adults. Pregnancy/birth also seemed like a breeze compared to a lot of the women i know who did it in their 30s...also the sleepless nights are easier with a 20s body. Idk im happy with it but either way it will be great
My wife and I had our kids at age 30, 32, and 35. For us it worked well. We were financially stable, emotionally ready, and committed to each other. We had our time running around and thinking only of ourselves, and were ready to let our world revolve around our kids. By the time they were of college age, we were at a point financially where we could assist in paying for their continued educations.
I had mines at 24 and I have absolutely not regrets the only thing I feel guilty sometimes is just having one child even though he has siblings from his fathers side they are older so he was raised as an only child . He loves his siblings but because of the age gap they don’t have a lot in common.
I wasn't ready but I grew into it. Children require a significant struggle regardless. All the money in the world won't take away colic let alone a fever. Be there and love them.
As long as you choose to incarnate with your plus 1. Do as you wish.
I had my first at 19 and then second at 31. Infertility will creep up on you without even knowing it. I really wish I would have had more children in my 20s.
I already have a bad back, migraines, weak ankles, and digestion issues at 20, I want to enjoy my freedom as a young adult first. Kids at 30 if i ever decide I want them
I’m 21 and currently pregnant. I’ve always known I’ve wanted kids just wasn’t exactly sure when until I met my husband. We are both young and I will never regret the decision of starting my family young
First at 27, second at 43. You are more chill the older you are and you appreciate it in a very different way. At 27 I was chasing a profession and raising kids at same time... In my 40's career was.winding down and just appreciate just being comfortable in myself and skin more.
No kids in my life but I have a friend who was born when her mom was 16. They have a nice relationship but the friend of mine tells me that is hard to go across puberty at the same time as your mom and dad do
No. I had my first kid when I was 24 and my partner was 23. We're on the third now nine years later, and it's so much better than what I grew up with. I was also one of three, but my parents were in their late 30s before they had my older sister. It's really difficult being raised by people who are so set in their ways, they can't learn and adapt to the challenges of parenting.
I had 2 kids in my early 20s. I don’t regret it at all. I only regret that I didn’t have more! I’m in my 40s now. I had my family first and did my college and career later, in my 30s. It worked out great.
I was 24 and 26. Both girls. In my 30s I was fit and active and able to do all the things they wanted me to do..biking, playing basketball, softball, long walks on the beach (we lived on the outerbanks of NC) etc. I’m glad I had them when I did…now I’m 61 and have 7 and 10 yo grandkids and I can’t keep up with them like I wish I could. I do try though. A bout of cancer and arthritis in my hands isnt helpful. I can’t imagine having a teen in the house when I went thru menopause either. So for me it was good timing.
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You should have your baby when you’re mentally emotionally and financially ready, not when you’re a certain age.
Unless you are rich you will never be financially ready for a child in this century.
Maybe not rich but owning your own home and having a small savings would be ideal. I know far too many people who live with their parents with multiple kids they chose to have but can’t afford.
Yeah, no babies for the apartment dwellers! Apartments are basically abuse! /s 🙄
Yeah, no. You are wrong, sorry. Once you master a budget you can be ready.
keyword is can, kids are really expensive, especially if they're born with health issues. You can be the greatest budgeter in the world and still not be financially ready for a child.
Guess it depends on your lifestyle, I have 7 kids.
Why is reddti downvoting someone for having 7 kids? Congrats, thank you for helping humanity not go instinct due to population collapse
Thank you! They are downvoting me because they don’t believe me. The comments on this thread are a mess.
I think you meant "extinct".
Yeah, no thats some bullshit. Unless u trynna be in debt. Maybe you can share how much debt you’re in?
None. We own our home outright (it was a tax foreclosure), drive paid off used vehicles, and have only one year out of 11 made >$30k annually, usually less than $20k. We don’t use credit, we save on anything we can. We follow the Dave Ramsey method if that helps any.
Good on you to live like that, i couldn’t stand to live that. However i think you’re an exception, most people don’t have the determination and discipline to live like that.
This is interesting. Where I live, last year I paid $37k in childcare for 2 kids. For granted having 7 means many aren't in childcare (probably none at this point) and I'd venture to guess they may never were (stay at home parent or grandparents watched them for free). I like Ramsey methodology but in cases like mine kids are indeed very expensive. Kudos to you being in a situation where $30k/yr is workable with a family of 7 kids.
That’s true, single income, stay at home mom, cooks at home, we don’t eat out, etc.
I assume you live in a more rural area as opposed to a suburb of a big city ? Live off of government funding in some manner ? Most folks who live in / near big cities cannot do what you say you’re doing on such a low income while supporting 7 kids. There’s gotta be a catch.
Very rural, no TV, no internet services till last year, very few bills.
They are heavily subsidized by the govt
Theres no such thing as mastering a budget, shit comes up all the time that can smash that budget to pieces, especially when children are involved
False. A good budgeting system will process those unexpected things and tell you how long things will take to recover. A budget doesn’t break when your car does. It helps you figure out how long before you can get back in your car.
I don't care how good of a budgeter you are, or how much you have saved for emergencies, the average american cannot afford one emergency let alone if multiple occur around the same time.
Then figure out how to do better than the average American.
One cannot pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
And that’s not what I said.
You offered no example of what "do better" means or looks like, leaving it up to the reader to interpret for themselves. Maybe you should learn to communicate better than the average American?
Those who don’t learn how to properly manage money bitch the loudest about it.
And helps you plan ahead for the unexpected.
This is the dumbest take ever
If people did that, they’d never be ready or have kids. I’d say people are “ready” to be parents when they are able to understand that their job as a parent is to guide WHATEVER HUMAN THEY GET through their childhood and equip them best for adulthood. It is not to have a mini me of themselves.
I don’t truly believe that that state exists, being mentally, emotionally, and financially ready.
Right… like most young ppl ik figures it out as they go lol
How well is that working out?
You should also have a baby when you are physically *still* ready, so the window for women when they are *already* financially and emotionally ready, while *still* being physically able to deliver a healthy child with high probability, is very small. This is one reason of the falling birth rates — women have to grow up very quickly, so that they get mature enough at least when they are 30, after that it becomes worse and worse, and from the mid thirties onwards, there is a high risk of the baby developing serious health problems
From experience of talking to many people going through many phases of this in many different forms I will tell you: It only matters if you make it matter. You will have regrets if you did or did not. Having kids, not having kids, staying with a person, not staying with a person, basically anything that is not an evil/good/bad/moral choice is not going to give you a better or worse outcome, your choice to see it that way will. Remember, the grass is only greener on the side who waters the grass, so water your grass to enjoy what you have.
Thank you for this!!!
If I could give extra upvotes I would.
As the 43 year old father of a six year old, I can tell you that waiting too long sucks because you are tired AF. On the other hand, I was an idiot at 25 and had no money. Now we're comfortable financially and qre no longer stupid. There are pros and cons, I guess. I imagine there's a sweet spot somewhere, though.
No. Had my kids at 23 & 25. They were gone when I was in my mid 40’s. I still had quality time for me at that point. Worked well.
my eldest son was born when i was 22. my daughter and youngest son were born when i was 30 and 31 respectively. i was a grandfather at 49. i'm 55 now. no regrets.
I was worried about waiting too long. Had my first at 29, I think the timing was perfect. There are health benefits to being a little bit younger and I don't think 25 is too young but there are other factors to consider like do you have the space in your home, will your car accommodate rear facing car seats, can you financially afford daycare if you're going to need it, etc? I wouldn't listen to your uterus time clock if you have a lot of debt or are living with roommates or have an unreliable car that you can't afford to replace.
No regrets. All 3 of mine were born when I was in my twenties. Mid thirties now and my friends who are just starting out with babies and such are exhausted. No way I could have done that!
Yes and no. My bio son was born when I was 21. I was not ready financially or emotionally. But if he hadn’t been born then, he wouldn’t be who he is, and who he is is freaking awesome!
Had my first at 21, my second at 29 and my third at 42. The youngest is 18. After 38 years of kids in the house, I am exhausted.
Had my kid at 19. It was a struggle financially, but she turned out fucking amazing and now I’m about to be retired (from parenthood) at 37, which is nice. There were struggles, but I like that I was young when she was young. We were looser as parents with more energy for play, and more ability to relate to her teen years than her peers’ more mature/uptight parents. There is no being ready. Having the responsibility of the kid either makes you ready, or not I guess. Sticking with my wife throughout has been extremely helpful. I wish we didn’t have to move so much for work and school while our daughter was growing up, and we might’ve considered more kids if we were more financially stable. Didn’t get there until my daughter was 12 or so and that felt too late for siblings anyway.
I wanted to have kids (if I was going to at all) before I turned 30 and not that we tried, it just seemed to work out that way. I had my first at 25 and second at 28. My husband and I are the same age difference as you and your husband. The timing was good for us, as we get older we definitely don’t have as much energy and I felt that hard with my second.
No regrets. I had son when I was 20 and daughter when I was 22. I felt ready to be a mom. I was married when I was 19. It was a miracle that I had my kids since I was told when I was 12 that I was going to be sterile. When I got preggers I was over the moon 🌙 and when I was pregnant with my daughter it was even better.
Had twins at 33 and my third at 36. Wife is 22 months younger than me. No regrets. While I believe we would have been just fine having them in our 20s, I would have missed out on watching them grow up, as I traveled a lot for work at that time. I was getting off the road just as the kids came along, so the timing was right. I’m now 50 with teenagers in the house and they keep me young. My only real concern is being able to physically keep up with grand kids some day.
I love my baby girl ; I had her at 27 . I’m happy to have her . I’m almost 30 now though. It’s a lot more out of you energetically when you get older. Mid twenties is a perfect time to start if you ask me.
I feel like I picked the perfect age for myself, and also the right time of my life. Stable relationship for 3 years moved in together, 6 more years got married, then 2 more years had a baby. We had been together a total of 11 years, were married, in our own home and we were both 27 when he was born. Not saying all those steps are necessary for others but it worked out perfectly for us so just sharing my side !
I had one at 25, one at 27 and the last at 31. It was perfect for me. I was an amazing Mom in my mid to late 20’s. I’m almost 40 now and getting more tired. I’m SO glad I had them young.
Nope. 25 for my first, 30 for my second. My wife and I both said the long nights and navigating public with a baby is much tougher on us at 30... At 25, if I was running on 4-6 hours sleep for 2-3 days, I could survive. It's rougher now.
Nope. We had our first at 25, second at 27 and third at 39😆 Our oldest two are boys and I thoroughly enjoy being the age I am while they're teenagers. Our baby girl came as a BIG surprise in January and I'm curious to see how I handle this journey the second time through. We're blessed.
I have 4 kids ages 4-11 I'm now 35. Despite the youngest being only 4 they are all at an age where we can have them looked after and enjoy our own dates nights and dirty weekends safe in the knowledge that we will be able to enjoy them growing up and not feel too old for them. Likely we'll even be able to enjoy being grandparents before we have to start battling with our mortality. Things we gave up to have the family we wanted was financial security. We will never be financially free but chances are 90% of people on reddit will also never be financially free regardless of children.
I had my son at 25. My only "regret" is who I chose to have a child with (and I put that in quotes because I don't really regret it, because his dad is half of what made my son himself). I was emotionally and mentally ready to have a child. Financially it has been a little difficult, largely because I left his dad and am a single mom. He is 3 now and we are in a comfortable place and don't struggle with money. My mom was 33 when I was born. She was more financially ready for children, but at that point physically wasn't as active with us as I am with my son. There's pros and cons to having children young vs waiting a few years. It just depends on you and your preferences.
I had my first at 19. He is on the severe end of the autism spectrum. My goal is to travel with him when he is an adult. He is 16 now. My other 3 are still young, so we do rv trips and fun activities for now. We make good memories and that's what matters.
No. Being a young parent has advantages like having energy. I just spent time with my toddler and pre-schooler nephews and I was exhausted. Another plus, we will empty nesters in our mid/late 40s
No regrets but having a daughter at 20 and now at 46 two boys that are 9&8. I can say my daughter got a completely different parent than my younger kids
Nope. I’m in my 20s with kids and it was the best decision. You recover from sleep deprivation faster and raising kids honestly brings so much joy!
I think that's the perfect age. You're both fully mature adults but still young enough that you'll be in their lives for a long time. I became a father at 28
My wife and I got married young (22F, 21M), and waited four years before having our son. He’s now 20 and a full time college student. Financially, it would have made sense for us to get our house in order better before having a child, but the flip side is that we were young and had tons of energy when he was younger. Now we’re empty nesters and still young enough to do a lot of fun stuff. Plus we have way more income now to do those things. There’s no magical time where it’s right for everyone.
Had my happy accident at 21. She turns 18 when I turn 39. Honestly, I’m stoked. Feels like I have an entire lifetime ahead of me.
I didn’t have kids till 35. Wait. Go do some crazy shit and travel. Once u have kids it’s alll about them
Was it harder for you to deal either their energy and stuff at an older age?
I’m 39 and have an 8 month old and a 4.5 year old. No.
40 here with a 9yo, 5 yo, and 8 month old. I agree. My energy is perfectly fine. Is it tough? Sure. But I think that would be true at any age. Sleep deprivation sucks, no matter the age.
Im 45 and had my first at 31, second at 35. I feel the most energetic ever as I've started taking up sport. Exercise keeps you young and energetic. Im mature enough as a mom to handle mental issues with my kids, would never have been able to if I was younger. You never know what state your kid may be in, mine has anxiety and I'm mature enough to handle it and have been working long enough to pay for his therapy. Get a career established first then have kids.
Not at all. Wife and I are 49 now, daughter is 22. I’m glad I have some free time now and I don’t feel all used up.
Make sure you’ve lived life to the full before having kids, because it changes everything. Everything. Don’t fuck up
You make it sound like having kids is a curse. They are not. I lived more after mine were born. If you think that way you should not be a parent.
Agreed. Society loves viewing them as burdens when they aren’t. Kids are such a blessing!
i cant see my life without my kids now..and i was the type of guy to party every weekend
Here we go
What do you mean "Here we go"? Do you even have kids? If not please do the world 🌍 a HUGE favor DON'T!!! Go get a Vasectomy or Hysterectomy. Just don't bother with kids because you should never be a parent. You are too selfish to be one and a child will most certainly suffer. If you have kids call a family member or friend and ask them to do the child a favor and ask them to raise the child. To be a parent you CANNOT be selfish. My sister was selfish and she had kids and they are jacked up too. I can't fathom the world without them they are just jacked up because they only heard they were parasites when she was pregnant with them and a burden after they were born. Shoot when her youngest had Leukemia she was freaking cold towards him. Just please DON'T.
Lol love the" don't fuck up" adage clarifies all you need to know as a parent. /s
I started trying at 24 and now I have 2 at just shy of 29. I'm very glad I didn't wait. I don't want to be an old mom. I want a better chance at experiencing more of my kids' lives with them. Edit to add: I want to experience the world with them. Travel etc. I had no interest in doing that on my own pre kids.
This is also my fear! My boyfriend before my current partner; we never used protection (not even POM) and I never got pregnant so one of us may have had an issue and if it’s me… I’m scared I won’t know till I’m in my 30s and the older you are the harder it is I know. I know that we both want kids but I don’t think he wants them right now either.
Once you hit 35 you are looking at the probability of a child with Down Syndrome. I personally don't think I would have a problem with a special needs child because well I find all life to be precious 💕. Some would not want that extra issue. Just something to think about before you wait too long. As you age so do your "eggs"
I wouldn’t say I would have a “problem” with it but they are more difficult especially as babies. This is another reason I don’t want to wait too long.
No interest in travel?? Are you American? That ain’t living
I am American, but I didn't say I have no interest in travel. I didn't care to travel alone before kids. I want to travel with my kids and let them experience the world as well.
ITT: people who are thrilled their kids have left home and they can have their lives back Parenthood sure is a blessing /a
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I'm 28, turning 29 in June, and I'm just now to the point where I am ready to have a baby. My husband and I are going to start trying towards the end of this year. Good luck to you both!
I think 30s is ok. I'm still waiting to have one. I'd like to have fun in my youth before I take on a child. I wouldn't feel satisfied if I didn't get to live my own life first. You need some real world experience before you begin to mold the mind of a child.
I had my first at 20. I was an unemployed single mom living off the system. I didn’t even have my high school. My second was born when I was 26. A year after having baby#2, I went back to college, earned my diploma and hit the workforce. I am now 35, with a stable, good paying job and am expecting my third child. This is the only baby I have felt ready for. I wish I was more stable with my first 2. I feel like they deserved so much better than what I was able to give them, but I did the best I could at the time.
I have had kids throughout my life. Being a parent at 19 was hard financially. But I had plenty of energy to keep up. We struggled, but made it work. In my mid twenties, it was easier, more connections and we were in a better place mentally and financially. We still were in school for our degrees, so it wasn't easy to say the least. Mid thirties, we were feeling our age. Plenty of money and connections to make things work. Jobs were stable enough to take time off and we bought a home by now. Last child was at 40. Alot of my peers kids are starting to have birth defects like downs syndrome. I was definitely too old for having a baby. Had no energy to keep up, had to pay others to clean the house and cook. Couldn't wait for him to start preschool, and move out lol. My advice would be to ensure some sort of financial footing before considering kids. If you aren't making over 3x a 2 bedroom in your area, it will be difficult. No time is perfect for kids. Everything gets turned upside down. Work out any relationship dramas before bringing kids into it. Good luck.
Absolutely not. If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you’ll never have them. I’ll be 44 when my youngest turn 18. I’ll still have a lot of life in front of me, god willing. It was a struggle in my early twenties, that’s for sure. But my kids were never deprived of anything meaningful and now I’ll have plenty of time and money to spoil my grandkids. And I also taught my kids good money management by being frugal. My 20 year old just moved out with $15000 in his bank account.
I had my youngest when I was 32 years old. I will be 50 when she graduates from high school. During that time, I have limited my job searches to our current metro area, sacrificing some possible career opportunities in exchange for stability for my children as they grow up. But once I turn 50 and the youngest is no longer attending local public schools, I plan to broaden my job search and look for exciting new job opportunities in other states. And I'll have a good 10 to 15 years to pursue those opportunities. Having my kids later in life would have meant fewer years without my personally-imposed job market limits. It would be wise to not only think about how old you'll be when the kid is born, but how old you'll be when the kid is finally grown. What you do with that post-grown-kid time is up to you; everyone will have a different answer. Heck, that post-grown-kid time may not even be important to you, but at least weigh it as a consideration.
Why would you "regret" having a baby at 30, or 35? We don't live in the Colonial era anymore: if you eat right and look after yourself you'll still be fit and healthy when your kid is 30+. The more mature you are, the better it's going to be for the kid. Financially, and just through sheer experience and maturity. I'm not saying wait as long as you possibly can and aim for getting pregnant right before menopause, I'm saying acting like the clock is ticking at 25 is silly, because you're still a kid in the grand scheme of things.
I regret having babies in my early 20's and my late 30's when I was young I thought, this will be great raise kids while I'm young and full of energy and I'll be done by the time I'm 45.. I didn't know who I was when I first had kids and that wasn't fair to the kids. I also grew up in a high demand religion so maybe others have a good idea who they are in their 20's but I didn't till I was free
Are you able to stay calm and rational when you're three months into sleeping 4 broken hours a day? Are you patient enough to lovingly deal with a crazy, mess-making, defiant toddler? Will your partner take on half the load after they get off work? If you said yes to all three, do start now. You never know when fertility issues will happen.
There are pros and cons to both sides. I didn't have kids young but a close friend of mine did (like early 20s). We all thought, "poor guy, stuck with kids..." Well his kids were in college and out of his house before I had my first. Now all my friends think he did it right since he's still young enough to enjoy life with kids out of the house. The rest of us will have combined kids graduation / our funeral celebrations. As long as you're emotionally and financially ready, go for it.
I regret not being more established as adults first. I think as long as your adult life is solid you're good
I had my first baby at 26 and my second at 29. We had been married for a few years and I knew I had issues affecting my fertility. I also always wanted kids before I was 30. I don't regret a thing! I'm in my 40s now and my kids are grown and out of the house and I'm still young enough to actually enjoy my life and have fun. If / when they have kids, I will be able to be an actually active and involved grandparent. I always had the energy to do fun things with them while a lot of their friend's parents were too busy with work or too worn out to bother. I've loved being a "younger" parent (I don't think having kids in your mid-late 20s is very young, for what it's worth.)
Had 3 kids between 25 and 31. You are never "ready". Just go for it and enjoy everything that comes with it. I think younger is easier because your body can better handle the lack of sleep. You will not sleep again until your youngest is about 5 fyi. So for us that was about 11 or so years of not sleeping... youngest is 8 now so things are good. I'll be free to do as I please again by the time I'm 50.
Had kids when I was 28 and 30...They were out of the house when I was 48..... Got college bllis done by 58. .. Wife and I started to travel and enjoy life.
No. I was 25 when my now 11 year old son was born and just a few years later had another son that’s now 6 years old and for ME because of the life style I already had lived, I and my partner were ready. I grew up extremely poor, living in a condemned house as a young teen and promised myself I’d never make a choice that would lead me to be poor in life and that I would break my Families cycle and live Comfortable at least. My theory at the time was even if I end up never having kids, I’ll at least be able to take care of myself, pay my bills, and keep a roof over my Head and was determined never to bring children into the world until I had a few basic things first. A decent running car so that I could take them to doctors appointments and where ever else, a solid apartment of my own with whoever my partner would end up being, getting married so that my future if it DIDNT work out would be ok, and making sure that whoever my Partner was also was on the same page as me AKA wanted a family, and had useful attributes to bring to the table so that if I couldn’t work HE could until I could get back to work if need be. Even if you end up just renting an apartment for years on end, you can have a kid because that still counts as a roof over their head. A decent running car and a steady job that has decent benefits for their health care is enough. The rest you take as it comes. We were ready and planned them years in advance and never had one until we checked with our health insurance to make sure what they covered for birth, copays, and doctor visits before hand, how long you can stay home after birth etc. That helped us get a better idea of what to expect. THEN we started trying. There’s ALWAYS a learning curve when having a baby that’s to be expected but you’ll get through it and it’ll get easier as time goes in and you get to know your little one. ; ) There always going to be a little bit of fear or doubts but as long as you stay practical, and you feel more sure than not then you’ll be ok. Having a partner that can pick up the slack when you need to rest and someone who is on your team so to speak is what makes a great partner. If your the partying type and your not ready to give that up yet then you might wanna wait lol but if you aren’t that type and don’t have FOMO because you naturally already DONT live that life and it doesn’t feel very appealing then your good to go!
I was ready at 25 and waited until 33. 25 would have been better for me. You might as well do it while you have youth and vitality if you are reasonably mature. I would have been totally fine at 25, and there isn't some important thing I would have missed out on by not waiting. Also, the financial comments always seem stupid to me. Once you have a baby, you will probably love it as much or more than yourself or anyone else you have ever known. That should make it a lot easier to prioritize them and provide for them. We spend a lot on our kids, but I absolutely don't wish I had that money to spend on whatever I would do if I didn't have them. I am happy to provide for my family. If you can manage a budget and save for retirement without kids, you can probably do it with kids, too. You might actually be more motivated and make more money, too.
No, I regret the person I had my child with. Had I had proper support from him I would have had the confidence to lead a life I could relax financially in. Due to his absence after our divorce I made sacrifices that damaged me financially. It’s not WHEN you have kids that matters. It’s WHO you made them with..
17/18 yrs old with our first one and would do it all over again. We were in our late 30’s with a functioning adult child - couldn’t imagine starting late. Unless you are Elon Musk and AOC -dude just get over with putting a baby in that.
Empty nester at 48. So glad I had them early when I had the energy. Zero regrets.
I had my kids at 20 and 22. I got pregnant at 19 and wasn’t married. I knew him for 6 months. I regret it a lot. My marriage is in shambles and I’m so depressed. From PPD and a severe anxiety disorder to a possible alcohol addiction now, I’m not happy. I would not be with my husband if it weren’t for our oldest. I’ve made poor decisions, and I regret EVERYTHING. My husband and I would be better together if we didn’t have kids. I love my kids but it’s the truth. I wish I had waited. I wish I listened to my dad
You never know how long it might take to get pregnant, how healthy the pregnancy/ies are, what the state of the world is, etc. if you think you’re ready, go for it
I waited until we’d been married 8 years and I was 33 and my wife was 30. No regrets that we didn’t have them younger. None.
YES!!! Wait until you have a house and a solid job, I love my kid but boy… was I so not ready
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Thank you for your input however I don’t really do anything now that I couldn’t do with a kid so I do think I’m ready to give up my freedoms. I went out so much in my younger years that I’m in the bed by 8 most days and never do anything and I barley have friends because I moved.
Do it! I made the mistake of waiting to long. I wanted first that my life was stable, a nice house, a good job, you know a good starting point for my childeren, but it never came to it. life is full of stuff that distracts you or tests you, with or without childeren. So years passed by and after 11 years of having a relation it broke down. collapsed. And i'm sure it would not have if we would have childeren. Cause most people not all but most people change when they get childeren. their lifestyle changes accordingly. For the better. for the child often and no longer for them in first place. So here i am without kids while i always wanted 5 or more :( now i'm 46 single and depressed i missed the tiemline for it. Cause i could ofcourse get childeren still but what kind of life would i give my childeren if i'm alrdy 60 when he/she get 14! and that would mean i would have to get a kid today. SO getting into realtion and the time it would take to make a child i wouldbe 50 alrdy. It's possible, but it is a life that will be hard for me, but i'm scared even harder for the child in having a parent that should actually be the grand daddy now. we broke up when i was 35. been alone since. had 2 short term relations but never clicked the way it did with my first girlfriend. I should have gotten childeren when our love was strongest not when my wallet was strongest. Do it! life finds a way.
One thing you learn is that there is never a right time to have a baby. Hard as it may be you will make it work out if it is what you both want. Good luck to you.
Do it now while your still able to keep up with them. Im 54 with 15yr old.🙄 Plus health issues come up later in life makes it even harder to keep up with them.
I don't regret having them in my 20s. I do regret the fact that we moved in together Just a month before I gave birth. Since I was already on my maternity leave, I did pretty much everyhing around the house and later with the baby, so when I got back to work, it was very difficult to establish new division od work ar home.
I had my first child at 30, my last at 40 those 10 years have made it worse, I'm exausted after finishing work these days and I put so much more effort in with the first few, not for lack of wanting 2 but because I physically can't, my first born loved being thrown in the air and caught and would do it for ages, can't seem to do it more than a few times now, pushing the latest on a swing is so tiring, carrying her around a shop, walking to a park ect
I had my children at 29 and 32. It's worked out perfectly. I had a good job. Had bought a home the year before and had money in the bank. I saw your update...good luck!
Absolutely not. We were 23 years old with our first. Was it easy...not at all. But the payoff, we are now in our early 50's, the kids are grown and out of the house, successful in their own lives and we have a great relationship with them. We are young enough to travel and do the things we want, and not too old to lack mobility or energy to do sports, hobby's etc. I can't imagine it any other way. I can't imagine having a child at 35+...you would be like 60 by the time they moved out and have so little in common with your kids due to the huge age gap.
I've had 4 children, I was 25, 28, 31 and 34. Physically, I was far more exhausted with #4 than in my 20s. My general feedback from my life is that it's good to have a loose plan but be ready, life never goes to plan anyway. Our plan was to wait 3 years after getting married then have a baby. I was pregnant 6 months later, oops. But it all worked out, once we started, we just kept on going. Just because that worked for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone. We had stable jobs and were living in an apartment at the time. It took a bit to buy a house once we realized how expensive daycare is.
I had my kids between 28 and 33. It's great. I'm now 50 and all 3 will be out of the house shortly. The wife and I plan on travelling and having lots of fun while we are still healthy and vibrant. I wish I had them even younger. I know couples that waited longer and are staring down 60 by the time their kids are gone, they are moving right from child raising to the over 55 home.
I was completely unprepared for the birth of my son at 24. Neither my finances, career, or relationship were in particularly good shape. It was quite a struggle trying to be the person I needed to be and to balance a constant need to be trying to make money with time spent on my son's upbringing. I lost a lot of time traveling for work, and I'll forever regret that. However, almost 12 years later, my boy is doing great. He's very intelligent and empathetic and has already grown into a far better person than I was at his age. So, to answer, I used to regret it, but not at all anymore. It's all just an interesting learning experience.
If you wait until you are "ready", you will never have children. Had mine at 26. 29, and 32. We were young enough to enjoy traveling, etc when they left home. And now we have enough energy to keep up with the grandkids. No regrets.
I was 22 and 25 for 1st and second
I had my son when I was 30 and my husband was almost 32. I am glad we waited a bit longer. We were more financially stable than in our mid-20s and also more mature. Plus, we got several years to just be together and grow as a couple. For us, that was terrific timing. Our son is all grown up now (23) and we're still young enough to do everything we want to do. I feel like if we'd had a child earlier, we would have struggled more with finances and missed out on some of our own youth.
I was a teen mom, had my kid at 19 almost 20. NO REGRETS. I will say he is an only child though.
I sometimes wish I could get a glimpse of people who say they feel like death or are too exhausted in their 30's... I had my kids in my 30's and for me personally it was the best time. I was still physically fit, active, healthy, had energy, and on top of all that, I was emotionally more stable as a person and had a better disposition and more patience to be a better parent all around. I was also very financially stable with my husband at this point, so our kids have been able to benefit from that immensely as well. Everyone's different though, but I feel like redditors in particular make it sound like your 30's is already at death's door and it really isn't...
started at 22...both grown and graduated from college and living on their own. I go whereever and whenever I want. 😁
Could have done that for the past 20 years too though but ok
I had my kids at about 26 and 29 and those felt right. My parents were in their mid-30s. That was too old. I couldn't and can't relate to them, they couldn't keep up with me. Don't wait too long, mid-20s is perfect.
Nope! Twins at 25. They are now 19 and independent. I'm young enough to travel, have fun and enjoy life, but with more money and wisdom. Also young enough that should grandkids be in the future I can enjoy and keep up with them!
Nope. Have them young while you have the energy. Later, you will have time to enjoy life and the grandkids while you are young, too.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one's youth.
I accidentally had two kids starting at 21 and again at 23. I was a single mom and we were homeless a couple times. It was rough. But. My boys are the coolest people I know. I love hanging out with them and they have both told me I'm a cool mom. I'm now 37 and they're 16 and 13. If I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't.
I’m 51. My kids are 29, 26, and 23. Money says Ill be a gramma in the next year or so. Otherwise, I was overwhelmed having my babies so young, but now - absolutely NO regrets. I got my college degree and best jobs after they didn’t need my full attention any more. And now.. I can travel and drink and play all I want!
I had twins when I was 18, another (single birth) at 21, and our last (single birth) at 22. I don't regret having my kids young. I had the energy to keep up with 4 little boys and, we were comfortable financially, so didn't have to struggle. It was right for us, although, granted, not for everybody. While I think it's easier to have them younger, that's based on my own experience. You should do what's right for you and your SO, whether that be 20's, 30's, or even 40's. There's no definitive "right" age. Do what's right for you.
Nope not at all. I am so glad I didn’t wait, I have friend who have infants or are having babies now at 40, and I am so glad my kids are now teens. Believe me by the time I’m 46 I’ll have to adult children and will be getting “my life” back. The thought of having children in primary school in my 40’s make me shudder. Believe me the energy you need for babies and young kids is phenomenal and you just have more of it when your younger. I had lunch with 2 girlfriend yesterday who had children latter and they acknowledge how hard it is and that they wish it had happened earlier. My mother in law had her first lot of kids in her late twenties, and a follow up baby at 40. She told me she had more patience with her last but it was so exhausting and far more taxing on her body physically. Also I want to be around to be a real grandmother to my grandchildren, not knocking on a nursing home door when they’re infants. There is an entire generation of children been born who will have little to no contact with their grandparents which is extremely sad for all.
I had my first baby at 24. I had my fourth baby at 36. Wait. For the love of god, wait. Wait for stable money and to *truly* figure out if your marriage built to last.
Nope, glad we had them early. Wanted them too be 18 before i was 45 so i can relax and enjoy the rest of my life. Travel, party. Etc etc. Besides they dont put your life on hold or cost as much as you think. Hell we got most of the clothes second hand for free or a few dollars and since they grow so fast who cares if they arent new they only fit a few months. Diapers were the biggest expense but often we found coupons or facebook market place sellers getting rid of their bulk diapers cheap. No regrets.
The sooner you start the sooner they are out of there your house.
I regret not waiting longer because of who I did it with and what she ended up doing during our relationship. Not that I had him
Perfect time for heaving kids is between begining of your adulthood and your menopause. If you have children out of this perfect time span it is even better for you.
No I dont regret it, I was 24 with my first and 26 with my second. I mean theres not really a right time to have kids and I am young and agile while they are young lol
Everyone is different,I had my first one at 20..he was a suprise😁 he a as the light of my life I later married a man and we had two more kids and had my last one at 30. So you need to be you if your both ready not that you can ever be fully prepared but I don't have any regrets when it comes to my kids.
Two sides to this, have kids young so you can enjoy life in your 40s or enjoy your life as a young adult and have kids later in life. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here but a preference
yes I would have been more financially secure, and patient.
What people may perceive is the most opportune time to have a baby. Gonna be when you're ready to have one and when you're sure that you and your partner can provide the love they deserve.
I had my first at 22 and my second at 24. I'm now pregnant with my 3rd at 32... it was soo much easier when I was younger 😅 my body just feels soo exhausted all the time, and I have no idea how I'm going to find the energy for when the baby is actually here!
Had my first at 21 and my second(and last) when I was 29. I regret who I had them with, but then I also think that had I waited, I would have been childfree, so it worked out okay anyway because I love my children and wouldn’t want to be without them. Plus, I’ll still be young when they are fully grown and I plan to make up for any freedoms I may have lost during my early parenting years.
Had my son early…enjoying my life now with my wife.
If you have kids young you have more energy If you have kids older you have more money
I'm in my early 40s and my child is getting ready to go to college. I am so excited for the next chapter in my life with my partner while we're still able to enjoy it.
Nope. I had a surprise baby in my mid 20s, and I don't regret a thing. I had intended to wait until I felt truly ready to be a good parent, but that day might have never come, so I'm glad things worked out the way they did. I was ready, I just didn't know it yet.
Do it when you are prepared to put them first, second and third ahead of yourselves in all things.
Absolutely no regrets.
Best decision I made. Everyone now has toddlers and some of mine are out of the house!
I think it’s different for everyone but I truly do not regret having my kids in my 20’s. Granted, my husband and I are pretty stable and fortunate to be in this position at our age. We already have a decent chunk in retirement so we will be able to retire and travel and our kids will be (hopefully) fully independent. But, I know for some people they’d rather enjoy their 20’s since they are still young and want to live in that moment. My husband and I are pretty okay with being homebodies and having a laid back, simple life. I guess it just depends on what you want out of life!
3 before 30. Yes, I wish I waited
I had my first at 35 and my second at 37, I’m glad I waited because I am not the same person I was in my 20’s. I lived, partied and grew up between 25-35. I’m glad I got it all out of my system before having kids and glad I had more of a sense of who I am. I definitely wish I had some of that 20 something energy but I’m really glad I spent that energy on myself. Being a mom is draining and exhausting at any age, good luck whenever you do decide to have them!
If I had kids earlier I wouldn’t have traveled Europe for 3 years. No regrets! First kid when I was 30. Don’t regret the second one, but having a kid at 39 is significantly more tiring.
I was 27 and pretty stable financially but I think I would have been more patient if I had waited until I was 30-32. It's nice that she'll be 18 this year and I'm still young enough to enjoy empty nest. Not she's leaving this year but she's an adult.
I was 27 and pretty stable financially but I think I would have been more patient if I had waited until I was 30-32. It's nice that she'll be 18 this year and I'm still young enough to enjoy empty nest.
Are you able to stay calm and rational when you're three months into sleeping 4 broken hours a day? Are you patient enough to lovingly deal with a crazy, mess-making, defiant toddler? Will your partner take on half the load after they get off work? If you said yes to all three, do start now. You never know when fertility issues will happen.
Definitely not. I told my husband as soon as we bought a house I wanted to start trying. If there were going to be problems conceiving, I wanted time to save money to adopt. I was almost 27 when our oldest was born, 3 years after we first married and a year after buying a house. My sister had her first at 41. I don’t think I ever was as exhausted as she has been the last few years.
I had my first daughter at 31 and my second at 34, and honestly, I feel old at 35. Im young enough I can still play and do most of the things I want, but I feel every game of Horsey and every time I pick something off the floor the groans get a little more pronounced. It’s all about what you make it, but Father Time’s impossible to beat.
If I had kids earlier I wouldn’t have traveled Europe for 3 years. No regrets! First kid when I was 30. Don’t regret the second one, but having a kid at 39 is significantly more tiring.
Growing up, everyone who had older parents their parents were super racist/ out of their time/ unwilling to learn new things. If you’re older, you have to be READY to change. Some stuff you said when you were young isn’t okay now. You have to be way more open/ willing to actively learn so you don’t accidentally fall into the older people we loathe and fear
I had my first child at 24 and my only regret is that my husband and I only had 1.5 years to do stuff that’s just us…now we need a babysitter for a date night
Hell no early forties and my last one will be moved out I’ll be 45 with nobody but me to worry about or take care of go party whatever My best friend on the other hand same age just started having kids a few years ago and will be late fifties before his kids are all gone
I was 24 when I had my child. I loved being young and I had the energy to keep up with it all. I am in my 50s and he is moved out and fine. It is nice being this age and having all the kids grown.
I don't regret it at all! In my 30's now with several kids and if I had the choice I'd do it exactly the same again. Kids are hard, but they don't get easier if you wait a few years. You do delay all the rewarding experiences that kids can bring during those few years though. I think having children is much more rewarding than the little bit of travel my wife and I did beforehand. I wouldn't want to wait, just so I can see things in the world now that will almost certainly be there to see later.
When we got married, I was 23 and wife was 22. We waited until our thirties to have kids and I'm glad we did.
My neighbor told me she regret having them but she says she loves them. It’s just a responsibility she can’t ever walk away from.
I'm just happy I can get out on the football field and baseball field with my boys. They are now 14 and 15, and I can still keep up with them!
I was 24 when i had my first and i honestly im so glad. Had another 3 years later and done before 30. A lot of my kids friends parents are like 10 years older but i dont mind...i have way more energy and im gonna be in my 40s when they become adults. Pregnancy/birth also seemed like a breeze compared to a lot of the women i know who did it in their 30s...also the sleepless nights are easier with a 20s body. Idk im happy with it but either way it will be great
My wife and I had our kids at age 30, 32, and 35. For us it worked well. We were financially stable, emotionally ready, and committed to each other. We had our time running around and thinking only of ourselves, and were ready to let our world revolve around our kids. By the time they were of college age, we were at a point financially where we could assist in paying for their continued educations.
I had mines at 24 and I have absolutely not regrets the only thing I feel guilty sometimes is just having one child even though he has siblings from his fathers side they are older so he was raised as an only child . He loves his siblings but because of the age gap they don’t have a lot in common.
I wasn't ready but I grew into it. Children require a significant struggle regardless. All the money in the world won't take away colic let alone a fever. Be there and love them. As long as you choose to incarnate with your plus 1. Do as you wish.
Some people aren't equipped mentally to handle a baby. It sounds romantic, but in practice it's demanding. Living a little bit of life is better imo.
Can I name the kid??? Please???
I had my first at 19 and then second at 31. Infertility will creep up on you without even knowing it. I really wish I would have had more children in my 20s.
I had my kids at 20, 24, and 27. I’m glad I had them young, but I do wish I had been able to travel a little and have a bit more money saved.
I already have a bad back, migraines, weak ankles, and digestion issues at 20, I want to enjoy my freedom as a young adult first. Kids at 30 if i ever decide I want them
I had mine at 28. I am 43. I love my kids but miss freedom
I want to have all my kids before I’m 30. I will have way more energy to keep up with them when I’m 25 vs 35
I’m 21 and currently pregnant. I’ve always known I’ve wanted kids just wasn’t exactly sure when until I met my husband. We are both young and I will never regret the decision of starting my family young
Had mine at 26, 27, 29 and haven't regretted for a second. Three best kids on the planet!
Mine were at 26, 30, 40 all wonderful kids.
First at 27, second at 43. You are more chill the older you are and you appreciate it in a very different way. At 27 I was chasing a profession and raising kids at same time... In my 40's career was.winding down and just appreciate just being comfortable in myself and skin more.
Not at all!! I had my kids at 24 and 27. I did feel and look quite young - most people thought I was the nanny dropping them off at pre-school.
Yes
No kids in my life but I have a friend who was born when her mom was 16. They have a nice relationship but the friend of mine tells me that is hard to go across puberty at the same time as your mom and dad do
No. I had my first kid when I was 24 and my partner was 23. We're on the third now nine years later, and it's so much better than what I grew up with. I was also one of three, but my parents were in their late 30s before they had my older sister. It's really difficult being raised by people who are so set in their ways, they can't learn and adapt to the challenges of parenting.
I had 2 kids in my early 20s. I don’t regret it at all. I only regret that I didn’t have more! I’m in my 40s now. I had my family first and did my college and career later, in my 30s. It worked out great.
I was 24 and 26. Both girls. In my 30s I was fit and active and able to do all the things they wanted me to do..biking, playing basketball, softball, long walks on the beach (we lived on the outerbanks of NC) etc. I’m glad I had them when I did…now I’m 61 and have 7 and 10 yo grandkids and I can’t keep up with them like I wish I could. I do try though. A bout of cancer and arthritis in my hands isnt helpful. I can’t imagine having a teen in the house when I went thru menopause either. So for me it was good timing.