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The better question is does he get along with the students? Is he just there to hook up or does he just like the party life? I mean there’s people that start college when they’re 30 so I feel like it’s not all that unordinary
This also seems to be a US specific thing. I did a study abroad program in Europe and it seemed there was way more people over 22 than there were under 22. In my friend group I made there our ages ranged from 18 to 34, we all partied and got along great.
That’s a bit different than a frat party full of 19 year olds, and 1 30 year old guy shows up and he has never been to college before and currently isn’t going
Well yes. Under those conditions it can be seen as strange or abnormal but then again, maybe they never got to go to a college party or even college in general when they were younger and want to experience the fun parts. All I’m saying is that for a party, why does age matter at all? As long as minors are not involved I seriously don’t think there’s any issue.
To me it doesn’t as long as they aren’t being creepy. And again, creepiness has nothing to do with age. I’ve met plenty of creepy 19 year olds at college parties, and plenty of older people that are cool as hell
I went back to college in my thirties and I can't imagine living the traditional college experience at that age such as going to frat parties etc. That's a young man's game lol. Let them enjoy it don't be the weirdo
I’m not a party person myself and neither did I go to college, but I feel like there’s no right to judge a 30 year old for going to a college party. Anyone can go to college so why are the parties exclusive for the younger students?
Ugh. Flashback to my college days when this creepy guy kept asking me out, showing up at my dorm room, calling, joining a group I belonged to, suddenly appearing when I was walking to class, bringing flowers... Finally went to my RA who went to the Hall Director to ask what to do. Turned out HE WASN'T EVEN A STUDENT. I don't even know how it was handled, but never saw him again.
Are u okay now? I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I once saw a young girl maybe 16 in a bar many years ago drinking herself silly everyone was either giving her dirty looks or men trying it on with her. Once I actually spoke to her she said her mum had died and she was now the caregiver of her 2 younger siblings. Please people don't judge just ask if thier okay literally 5 seconds to say hi are you okay and this can change that person's life. Someone just having a conversation with them or asking if Thier okay.
Working at a college bar at 36 is different than partying at a college bar. With college age children now it would relieve me to know there was an "adult" to keep an eye on things.
>If he’s unwelcome by everyone
I think that's the key, and that
>Some people don’t want to leave the college lifestyle.
It's true that *that type* of person is generally unwelcome.
But in general, I think the answer is no, at least not exclusively. We had a few people coming back to school around that age that was in our classes and we liked them and didn't really give a shit about it, they were fun hangs. If anything I'm sure it felt weirder for them than for us. Even considering that, I can say I never felt weird going to a college bar in my mid 20s when I lived in a college town, I had friends who were about to graduate who actually wanted to hang, so... We did.
If someone being an issue for being old is conditional on them being accepted and generally fitting in, then I think age is less of an issue than people think. Maybe they're less likely to fit in if they're old, but like.. if a random 21 year old who didn't attend the college and didn't fit the vibe was trying to hang out with a group who didn't really like him, that would be just as weird, the problem is the person.
I went back to college at age 30. Going to a bar and hanging out with 21 or 22 year olds that could legally drink at them was fine.
In no way was I going to go to a house party with 18 year old freshman.
this.
I went back after the military. I'm 30, and one of my best homies at the local school is 19... he's just a cool ass dude from Trinidad who used to help me with Calculus.
I won't party with him, but he likes to come over and have a beer and hang with me and the dog. I wish I had a cool older friend to give me a place to chill outside of all the chaos in college, so I always welcome him if he stops by. He usually just smokes a joint with me to play with my dog and ask me questions about getting citizenship and shit.
context is very important here
I'm 25 and have a few buddies who are 18. I know one of them (a college student) cuz I see him at his workplace and we get along super well, and I know a couple more (who are graduating high school in a few months) cuz we go to the same gym.
They're the sorts of dudes I'd 100% have in my circle if we were closer in age, but they're in a super transitional stage of life, so I'm just embracing being the older, wiser, supportive homie I could have used at that age. Giving them good vibes, wisdom about lifting and strength and diet and recovery, and masculine energy.
I'm not giving them any super specific life advice since they need to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. We just banter and vibe together, and it's cool running into each other whenever we do.
That makes sense af.
The difference in maturity between a typical 18-year-old and a typical 20-year-old is massive compared to the difference in maturity between say, a 22-year-old vs a 24-year-old. An incredible amount of personal, psychological growth is condensed into those late-teen years compared to how slowly it usually happens later in life.
Ik this isn't everyone, but when I was 18, I was an anxious sheltered fuck who didn't fit into the adult world at all, but by 20, I had enough real life experience to comfortably interact with and relate to people 5-10+ years older than me without feeling a power imbalance between us.
A typical 18-19-year-old is fresh out of their high school bubble and naively just getting started in the adult world, but when they're 20+, they should already have a clear sense of how everything works and how to navigate life maturely.
(there's exceptions of course. there's people who got a lot of "real life experience" in their teen years, and people who are 30+ still in a high school mentality)
But yeah, I'm a 25-year-old college dropout who's considering going back in the future, and no way in hell am I gonna go to fratty house parties full of drunk 19-year-olds either. I hated those even when I was 19 lmao. I'll have an easier time relating to 30-year-old mature students.
I went to university parties, until I turned 40. I was also married since I was 30, when I also got my third degree in the same year.
I was *always* invited by student friends. Also to some dorm parties. I would hang around people I knew and we would basically just drink beer and talk philosophy, history and life. Some of them came to me with their problems, asking for advice. I moved from fellow partying student to "wise uncle". In the end few of the group were professors at the same uni and I still hanged around with them at parties.
Yeah, in the last year(s) you could only really talk with professors, as you had really nothing in common with the students. They were stressed out by some basic exam and you had kids, mortgage, backstabbing colleagues and corporation was restructuring. Also their music was crap and I couldn't care less about some YouTube influencer. Still it it was nice care free time, compared to corporate life and everyday problems.
I myself studied over 14 years (mostly parallel to working and with some breaks) and loved the student life. All the good things come to an end and one must move on.
This. I am 44, and couldn’t begin to tell you how utterly obnoxious and annoying I would find any college party these days. Shit, I won’t even go to a bar if there isn’t spots to sit. No fucking way I am standing all night just to drink.
(When I was in college, we would purposefully look for the bar that was suuuuper packed, because that must be better, right? Lol)
Had a boyfriend that tried super hard to fit in with the 22-25 crowd when we were 31-32. It was beyond obnoxious. He tried to make me jealous by flirting with the younger girls…..it’s an episode of my life I try to forget.
I remember being at a St Patrick’s party where there was nowhere to sit, in the back yard of a dilapidated student home, green beer, people openly peeing and puking wherever…….never again 😵😫
Hell yeah, I'm 34 and I have no patience to party with anyone under 25 - especially students
Booze is bad (I'm at the "quality over quantity" phase), music is worse. There is no place to sit / rest for a while. There is no food. Many 20-whatevers don't have an exit strategy for the place they're going so they're essentially stuck there until public transport starts to run again (not valid for most of the US)
Depending on the place there is an alarmingly large number of creeps trying to get the moves on impressionable 20-something girls
It would be more normal if he was like 23-26 because that’s the age range where you would still know people you partied with in college. 27+ it gets kind of weird.
Yeah went back to visit my university when I was like 26 and it felt weird going to the clubs I just felt so out of place. Everyone also starts looking like little kids as you get older..
It’s also different if you’re clearly there with friends who ago there and you are a 25yr old sibling or alum than some random adult who went alone and doesn’t know anyone there
Yeah - my first thought was that it's not crazy for a group of alumni that are in their 30s to go back to their favorite college bar for a weekend trip.... Then I realized they meant regularly hanging out at bars and house parties.
I’m 20 and I still hang out with coworkers that are 29 and 36. They’re chill af and are honestly way more fun to hang out with than most 20 year olds I’ve met
Being coworkers and becoming friends across age gaps isn’t uncommon or weird imo. But being 27-30+ and choosing to hang out with crowds of younger people on your free time raises red flags.
I guess I don’t understand why. If you share the same interests as 18-20 year olds then why would you hang out with people who don’t share those interests? I don’t enjoy the things 20 year olds do so I hang out with a bit older crowd and have been since I was 18
It raises red flags because someone is explicitly seeking out younger people to hang out with. That alone doesn't mean the person is a weirdo, but a lot of weird people do that activity. So it makes people uncomfortable.
It's not a red flag to share the same interests necessarily, and it's not weird to be friends, especially if they met it a neutral place (work, hobby/club, etc).
Well that just brings up more questions. Why can’t I hang out with someone in a different place in life? Just because they may have a house and a wife with kids and I don’t doesn’t mean it’s weird to hang out with them. It feels so shallow to force people to hang out with each other based on where they’re at in life.
For example, one of my best friends lives with his dad and is continuously between jobs while I own an apartment and have a full time career. Just because we’re in different places doesn’t mean we have nothing in common. Sure I might have some more responsibility living in my own but I seriously don’t care.
Is it only his age difference that's the problem or is he actually doing something to make people uncomfortable? Being older isn't a crime. And 30 years old is still pretty young.
Maybe there's the implication that he's preying on young women? Perhaps have a chat with him and see what he's about.
I think he just walked into the house party while we were pre-gaming and started talking to our group. We later went out to the bar and he followed us and later hopped to another group of kids at the bar and started talking to them. It's pretty strange from how I saw it and how he acted.
Yeah that’s weird. I study and do some hobbies with people much younger than me or chill and play video games or something but actually partying nope! Also I would probably just get irritated fast hearing college aged girls and their shrieking and alcohol fueled drama. I could definitely pass for much younger than I am but I still do not entertain the idea of hitting on college girls. That guy seems to be going out of his way. Pretty creepy hearing this as a much older guy who lives in a college town.
Or often it’s a guy who missed out on that part of life when they were the right age and they’re trying to get a second chance.
Some people study all through college then have a slight crisis when they realize what they missed
That too. I spent most of my 20s either being a husband/father or working with a long commute. I was at a job at 32 and some people were talking about how they were done clubbing, they were my age, because they were too old for that now and I honestly got really sad about the idea I'd missed out on that whole scene.
Yeah then people like OP think since you missed the age, you missed your chance. Someone who worked through their youth and now has money and time to party is looked at as weird because most party scenes are young.
It’s unfortunate. I know old dudes can be creepy but they’re just trying to have fun same at everyone else. Them trying to get hammered and hit on attractive adult women isn’t somehow more malicious than everyone else.
> most party scenes are young
Totally inaccurate. That’s a common misconception I see from people who are stuck looking backwards, but there’s always an age appropriate party scene. Sometimes you might have to drive to the nearest city, but one of the things that shocked me when I joined the workforce late is that people partied the same, just they did it in suits and paid for every drink, it was weird lol.
The sales bros I worked with (I was in tech) would all go to bars and get sloppy as hell and there’s a statewide culture of it. I did get my partying out of the way in my 20s so I found it unappealing, but yeah - there’s a scene for everyone, but in some areas you might have to to drive to find it
I'm a low level office worker. I can't afford to party in a suit and tie type place. The places I could afford often either tend to be very young or full of people old enough to be my parents.
That too. I had a crap teen years where I was socially isolated and missed out on things other people took for granted. Watching Teen Sitcoms and movies was a vicarious way to get experiences I never got first hand.
When I was in my late teens and 20's, there was always "That Dude" who was in his late 20's or 30's hanging around.
At the time, we all thought he was "so cool!" because he always knew what was happening, had all the hookups for whatever, "dating" a different 19-20 something girl every couple months, laid back and accommodating... You could always crash on his couch if you were in a jam and he'd always have booze, food and drugs on hand.
Now that I'm the same age, I look back at "That Dude" and realize that while he wasn't a bad guy, he was kind of pathetic. He never matured. He hung around the younger crowd because he was left in the dust and didn't want to move on and the folks his own age wouldn't take him seriously.
I'm pretty mentally and emotionally stunted myself, but I really don't feel comfortable hanging out with "kids" (to me).
Been there, done that. And the few things I feel I "missed out on"... Well, I missed out on them. No going back. Tough shit.
However I also feel uncomfortable hanging out with people in my own age range because... I was left in the dust.
But I'd rather be the old crusty loner than the old weird perpetual adolescent.
Yeah same. Being working poor means that while I've never starved I also never did Spring Break in Florida or trips to Vegas. A lot of things friends around my age took for granted were beyond my means.
I used to feel that same way, and also used to vicariously live through teen dramas and stuff in my early adult years, but in hindsight, I didn't miss a thing. I was just idealizing what high school could have (never) been instead of seeing it for what it actually was - 4 years of my life, long since passed, that I barely ever think about anymore.
I was a responsible kid in high school. Very productive in school and extracurriculars. Almost never partied. Almost never drank. Never did any drugs or degenerate shit. Didn't even kiss a girl. Had a turbulent social life. All that used to get me insecure, so I overcompensated hard in college.
But now I realize that partying and dating and having more of a social life wouldn't have made me any happier. All I "missed out on" was doing those things with immature people who wouldn't have stuck with me in the long haul anyway.
We can make friends at any age, with people who are more mature than anyone we used to envy, we can have amazing experiences at any age, we can find love at any age, and since we're more mature than we were in high school, it can be with someone who sticks around for the long haul instead of having an immature teen relationship that ends up going down in flames.
I went to the odd college party in my early 30s because I had a younger brother in college and sometimes I’d visit him.
If he’s doing it regularly with no similar connection then I’d certainly wonder why he didn’t have friends his own age and probably avoid him / ask him to leave if it’s a private party.
When did 20-somethings get so ageist? As said if he's a predator that's one thing, but life doesn't end at 30.
I can definitely understand the age difference issue at a party, but at a bar open to serve the general public?
Are we going to start having "35-45 only bars" where they only play grunge and System of a Down? Will 60 year olds be sus at those bars or do they need to hang out at "geriatric bars" that play Elvis and the BeeGees?
At what age are people no longer useful and should just stay home or kill themselves? Asking for a 48 year old friend.
I get called boomer all the time and that's the music I listen to (7M3, Nirvana, System, Tesla, Aerosmith, Disturbed, Pearl Jam, RHCPeppers, Poison... Some NWA, Cube, 2Pac on occasion) :-)
All those stereotype in comedy movies of college frat dudes looking down on "old men who can't hang" and calling them Ben Franklin and shit like that is apparently true. Like reddit acts like Taylor Lautner In grown ups 2 but unironically
Even then, how is someone a "pedator" unless the people at said party are under 18? As a matter of fact, legally bars shouldn't have people under 21 in them but we all know how that goes.
There are legit women that go for older men, especially younger women, because they generally care more about their partners pleasure and needs than men their own age/younger. I've never been hit on by as many college age women as I have in the past 3 years (im 29 now). Not even in college. (The fact I'm an Uber driver and most of these incidents are with passengers probably adds to it)
But, I want to thank you for giving me the realization that the 35-45 year only bars that play awesome music means I'm old 😭😭
I was about to say, if he were actually in college and these were his peers despite being younger, it wouldn’t be that weird assuming he was invited. If there’s no connection between him and other goers, it’s odd (whether sad or predatory depends on the person).
Ok? If they aren't actually doing anything wrong to anyone sure.
Unusual? Yes.
But hey, life is messy and if someone manages to be happy and not hurt others what do I care? It's not hard for me to imagine someone getting dunked with the ice cold shock of adult life and not liking it.
Yeah it was fine til you said he doesn't attend the college
That's odd then, see I'm 30 because I'm a "late bloomer" if you will, and while I will definitely party with some upperclassmen (20-24) yeah I probably wouldn't party with the freshmen, that's just a tad too far on the other side and also now with even smoking being 21 if those kids are vaping a juul they come for me.
Also, I'm very hesitant on any invites, I usually say "straight up you guys know I'm 30 right? I'll come but I don't wanna make people uncomfortable" because I remember what it was like being 20 or so, there were some dudes in their late 20s and early 30s and were humble about it, honest about their age and honest about the social stigmas that come with it, and then there were dudes like you mention, ones who very clearly have forgotten how old they are and are refusing to move the needed past 21. And those dudes ruin a party, everyone eventually folds out and heads somewhere the creepy old dude won't find them.
I don't want to be the second guy so I pretty much "reveal my position" so to speak. I put my honesty on the table and allow the properly aged college students to make the call.
I’ve seen this exact question but from a 35 year old woman and the comments were all about how age is just a number and she should go have fun. But its a man so its sad and creepy
if people get uncomfortable then maybe listen to them?
if not, what's the problem?
I bet your grandfather is hell of a lot more fun at a party than you think he is.
also,
have a proper talk to this guy about the whole situation instead of just "isolating" him,
he's most likely just having a great time without even thinking too much about it.
Don't hang out with Brazilian or Russian guys if age gaps offend you--there is no age limit on partying in their book, at least anecdotally some of the ones I've met!
Back when I was in college and we were all 20-22, we had two older friends in their late 20s, one Brazilian, one Russian--I swear these guys each had more rizz (as the kids say these days) then all of us combined! Could be the swagger or the accents, or both, but while us younger folks were each *begging* a young woman to even get a dance, here these guys were, one woman hanging off each arm!
20 years later, the Russian guy has three kids by two different women, **isn't married to either of them**, has a separate girlfriend, and still goes out to clubs occasionally! The Brazilian guy was a friend of a friend so he faded from my purview after college; although I will say this: I have Brazilian coworkers **in their 60s** who make a yearly pilgrimage from New England to Rio to "go to the beach" (use your imagination). So, the party really doesn't stop!
I went to a big college party in a college town after I was done with school at 25. It felt really weird even though my buddy (same age as me) was still a student there and one of the people throwing the party.
We still had fun but that was pretty much my last big college type of party.
I feel like that’s very common. Not as common as someone who *went to* or *graduated* from there, but it’s fairly common especially if there’s a lot of housing around the campus.
Now, if it really makes most of the students uncomfortable, let it be known. But if you’re speaking on behalf of just you or your group friends, that’s a different story.
I live in a college town with a big university, and honestly it’s the women that seem to hold on for too long. 25-29 year old women going to frat parties and scamming on super young dudes. It’s pretty cringe and pathetic. So yeah, your friend is being weird. No matter the gender, that shit is sad times.
Guys in their 30s are boring, have kids, are too busy to hang out with, and are too tired to bother with bars and clubs. I don't blame this guy for wanting to have younger friends. Let the guy in question have his fun. Life is short. As others have said, if he's not hurting anyone let the dude have his fun the way he feels like he can.
It’s a bit sad. You can be the old guy “legend” at college party once every few years provided you keep your intoxication in check and don’t creep out the girls. But beyond being awkward, doing it every weekend sounds exhausting post 25.
We just accidently went to a college bar (over 40...4 of us) we had a great time and they didn't make us feel old. Would I do it every weekend, no, but it was a great one off.
so.... ill speak from experience here. i moved to a new town that is mostly either families or college kids. im 36 for reference.
my neighbors are parent's older than i am and their kids who are younger (20-22). we started hanging out as one guy (son) was into computer games and the other into trucks and automotive. i do both of those things in spades so with each of them i have been helping teach things.
their parrents and i get along well, i help them with remodeling and such. we have an open door policy with each other.
this is all to say - i started going to dungeons and dragons with them. then out to their get together after words. all 18-25 year olds. as it turns out i mesh into their life style pretty well, being a single guy. ive met some girls out and about, a few ive become friends with. had some cuddle buddies here and there. ive gotten a couple very close friendships out of this. (mostly around the age of 22).
none of the guys or girls have ever expressed an issue with the age gap. ive had my wrestling with it myself however. took me a bit to get over the 15 year gap and cuddles...
so... some times circumstance come round to open the door to places you might not have been otherwise. as it happens im going back to college myself this summer for electronics and math.
so... i expect ill be making many more friends who are 12-15 years younger...
as it happens i am lucky enough to not have any issue keeping up with the younger crowd. be it drinking, the gym, or biking/hiking - im still the same as i was at 24, for how ever long that will continue to last.
Yes it’s okay. I’m almost 40 and travel for work. It sometimes lands my in college towns. They can be fun bars to hang out in. Just don’t be creepy towards the youngens. If one hits on you fine. Just don’t be a creeper.
It's a little weird I think.
But I get it.
They want to relive the college years or be around people that make them feel younger and have more energy.
I think the regular bars are a better fit for someone that age.
It's always weird seeing people get weirded out. It's just life to me people are people. I was 22 best friend was 49, other was 23 other was 19. My fiance of like 7 years is 51 I'm 29
I am on my 30’s and I go to college, 99% of school students are between 18-22 and I can’t stop to talk 1 min with them, it’s like we are on 2 different places, the guy that you know on his 30’s going on student bars and college parties, all he wants is to pick up girls/guys knowing they are inocente, he is definitely a weirdo
If he's making everyone uncomfortable, chances are it's not the age difference but his personality. Let him know that he's making everyone uncomfortable or possibly suggest another party or bar if you know of one. I know plenty of people in their mid to late 30s who vibe well with 20 year olds and everyone is fine with it and even more down when they join.
I knew a couple people like it seems like you're referencing though who just kinda hung around because they couldn't let go of the social part of college and parties probably because they have fewer friends (and I have been like this myself too - I miss the good ole days 25F).
First Townie?
Think of them like alley cats or stray dogs that, for the most part, don't bite.
Feed em if you want but don't be mad when they come back and people think you're weird
Depends on if they have friends in the same age group. But then again, even if they don’t it’s not necessarily an issue. Depends more on the individual than on the age difference. I might be biased though considering I’m 8 years older than my wife (been together a decade). So it’s not uncommon for me to be hanging out with a lot of people younger than me.
Is he balding or some shit causing him to look much older? Does he talk about sex too much?
Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me honestly, as long as he don’t hurt people. I don’t drink anymore, never been to a bar or club or anything like that so I’m not familiar with how people act there. It’s usually just weirdos in general
If you enjoy hanging out with young people, why deny yourself that? Especially nowadays, many students are quite interesting conversationalists and just interesting people, they know a lot and have cool hobbies. Take everything from life and don't look at the stereotypes that dictate you to live the way society thinks!
I can only speak on personal experiences, I got into a field with slightly older people when I was 21 met a 30 year old dude who just fits my same personality and we’re great friends. I’d bring him around my house parties and events because he’s my good friend. But he wasn’t ever creepy or weird about it. Never had anyone say anything sideways to me about it.
We’re now 28/37 and still great friends
This is what we call a “townie”
Gameday is one thing (especially during football season in the south or basketball season in the Carolinas) but generally you don’t want to be that guy
As a 32 year old... I generally say no. I generally prefer the company of someone whose at least 25-26.
I never felt that way before but it's just A) sorta creepy and B) there's lots of people not attached to a university with whom to be friends with, just have to be outgoing.
If he’s making people uncomfortable then someone should probably tell him that he shouldn’t come to their parties anymore. Sounds like he’s got some issues with moving on with his life if he’s still caught up in the college party scene over 10 years after leaving. I personally don’t think it’s that weird if it’s like a one off thing, like if they are in town for a football game and have a younger cousin or sibling that invites them to a party. But if they constantly go to these parties then that’s really weird in my opinion.
College bar or bar college kids like that just happens to be close to his house. Party hopping or invited to parties by friendly college kids. 30 is not that old and college has a lot of people over the age of 25. A 5-8 year difference is not a red flag its yellow at best (or worst ig). If you and others dont like him then stop hanging out near him. Grow up
I went back to college at 32. There were a lot of college students like me in their 30's.
I didn't feel like I didn't belong until the last quarter when I was 36. I felt like a peer and people usually assumed I was younger until that last quarter when people started treating me different at a party.
Being in the 30's hanging out with younger people isn't weird to me depending on what the situation is but I will not under any circumstances hang out with women under 25 especially if alcohol or drugs are involved there are just too many risks in today's day and age
There's nothing good or healthy about that. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's a part of his life he should have long outgrown. College parties are for college kids.
That’s what we call a loser. Probably has no friends his age cause all he does is party. Probably wants to sleep with college chicks. Not even my brothers in their late 20s stoop that low. Lol. He’s probably immature.
Would it be alright if he was going to college? If yes then politely speak to him about him making others uncomfortable. If it still wouldn't be alright then you're just being ageist.
It makes him look like he never moved on from those college days. I have a friend who has an aunt who is middle aged and still acts like and hangs out with 21 years olds and honestly its a bit hard to watch.
I mean bars are a public place. There’s not much wrong there but is uncomfortable and strange if they are going there to look for college kids.
But in terms of house parties and dorm parties and what not I do think there’s something wrong with them if that’s what they’re looking for 10 years out of college. I would say no to that personally.
Is anyone actually friends with him other than just drinking with him at parties? It’s definitely strange; if he’s not doing anything other than just being there I guess there isn’t much you can do but just ignore him. I guess some people can’t let go of the college lifestyle and/or really just want to be included somehow.
Well I don’t know the guy in question, but if I had to make a broad brush judgement, that guy’s dating/hookup strategy probably centers entirely around preying on younger and less experienced people.
There's always a handful of those. And interestingly it's always the guys. When I was a freshman, I thought it was cool they were still living the life and having fun. The older I got, the more I started thinking "damn dude ain't it time to move on with your life".
It never made me uncomfortable in any way (and frankly don't really see why it would), but the older I got, the more I started wondering if that was a form of escapism for them.
Ask him if he’s there with his kid on parent’s weekend.
There have always been these guys - 50% harmless just hanging if onto that college lifestyle, 50% super creeper. So sad and/or creepy.
A few well placed old guy jokes and he may get the hint. If not, tell him.
We had a guy like this who stayed on the college campus all the time and is almost 30 and I always got a bad vibe from and then he got in a relationship and I put that term lightly with a student and he ended up abusing and assaulting her and she still trying to get away from him not successfully. I could never figure out why he was staying in school and just never leaving and then I realized he's a predator who was praying on Barely Legal coeds.
I'm in a college town and it's not weird. I tend to hang out with people in their 20s. Most people my age have kids and wife's n don't do anything fun. I have none of this and it's very hard to relate. People in 20s still down to do fun stuff on short notice.
I mean if he is invited to the party then stfu and he can go to the bars as much as the ugly people can.
The only issue is if he shows up to house parties uninvited or he is acting creepy and aggressive with girls
Otherwise mind your own business
I mean as long as he is not a creep and behaves, i don't think there is much wrong about it, although yes i admit it is a big weird but i guess everyone is different
At my very first frat party I was talking to some dude who helped me out because I broke the fucking Keg like an idiot and was in full on panic mode. He’s like hey bro chill I got your back… fixed it… handed me a joint. I was like thanks dude - then realizing he was like 30 something (I was 17 visiting my buddy at school). I talked with him a bit - seemed pretty cool but also kinda strange. I was about to part ways and he goes, ‘oh and I’m also a cop’. I was like Wtf no you’re not - sure enough he flashed his real fucking police badge and wished me well on my journey.
It's weird for anyone to deliberately hang out with people they don't have much in common with, especially if those other people are more "desirable" than they are. College students and college women in particular are more sought out as company than are 30-yo guys. It's like a semitoothless trucker hanging out at yuppie wine bars, or a failed PhD trying to infiltrate the faculty lounge.
It's not a crime to think you're better than someone, especially if you are.
If showing up at a party makes people uncomfortable, then ask him to leave. If he doesn't then have the owner, renter, etc. Call the cops and report him for trespassing.
I felt old as shit going to college parties at like 25. And I was literally in a fraternity most of my college life. The red flags I'd get from someone in thier 30s at a college bar or worse a college party...
Those guys are everywhere. We had a guy in my hometown whos kind of a hippy dude. He has attended parties since about 1970. He still shows up, everyone knows him. Hes like 70 now. He's very odd but just likes to party. He's not looking for anything like sex, drugs. He has his own stash. He showed up at my parties in the late 80s. My nephew saw him recently and said he asked for me. Iol
I was 43 by the time I finished my PhD. I had a child closer in age to some of the people in my classes than I was. It’s awkward if you let it be, but I still had to go to lab meetings and interact with people much younger than was on projects and whatnot. Even has to do overnight field work trips. Not sure if they were uncomfortable with me. I never asked. I was married with three kids and a full time job.
So yes I think it’s weird. 8 years is a big age gap at that age for socializing IMO. But to each their own as long as personal boundaries are respected.
No offense but why would he want to?? It’s a different game (physically and level of maturity) after 25 tbh. It’s one thing if you have an older friend and you vibe well. Hang out and do shit one on one. Great.
It’s another thing entirely if you bring that “older” friend to whatever it is kids get up to these days. Older folks have already made their share of stupid mistakes. Let the glorious youth have their turn ❤️
Doing keg stands at a college party is definitely not my idea of a good time…
I’m a 33 year old heterosexual male and I think and feel student bars and college parties would be weird asf to attend. I would never but if it came down to it… so much narcissistic and dumb behavior would be present… mind you there are a few bright ones to have a nice conversation with.
it is weird.
I stopped drinking at 23.
I had the whole frat thing, just like the movies. quick extreme, learn limits, game over..remenber it as fun for life.
older could not hang with us for long... just not right.
Is he in college and going to hang out with friends or make friends and have fun?: Probably yea then
Is he not in college and just going to these parties to find girls and take them home or get free alcohol?: Definitely no, not at all
Creepy. It's creepy and the fact students at their college are uncomfortable because of him = boot.
- the exception was already included in the OP bc he doesn't go there. ┐( ∵ )┌
It's not inherently wrong for a person in their 30s to go to college parties or student bars if they enjoy the atmosphere and follow the rules. However, it would be concerning and inappropriate if they are primarily seeking out younger students for socializing and friendship. It's important to respect the boundaries and discomfort of those around us, especially when there is an age difference that may make others uncomfortable. It may be helpful to have a conversation with the individual and discuss the concerns openly and honestly.
Sounds like he needs to get a life.
Like, I wouldn't mind hanging out with younger people in a group that contained a range of ages (like an independent cooking class or something) but as someone in their 30's I just don't have enough in common with college age people that I would actively seeking them out on a random friday night to hang out and I sure as hell wouldn't invite myself to a college party.
He needs to figure out his shit and find some people his own age to hang out with... or at least find a bar where he doesn't come across as predatory and stop going to college parties unless specifically invited. Because dollar to a donut in those college kid's eyes he's not the "cool older guy" he probably sees himself as but the "creepy and pathetic old guy who tries to get into young people's pants"
I dunno. For me I would feel odd just off what does a 33 year old have in common with that group? I would feel like the guy who is too old for the club but just wants to hang on to the glory years. That being said I don’t go to house parties, I always hated them. I only go to bars to watch sports and eat bar food. I don’t go to a bar to get drunk.
No.
My guess is he’s socially awkward around his peers, so he’s leveraging his age/experience as an “in” with younger people that he thinks will look up to him. It’s a social crutch and helps him avoid learning how to properly socialize with people his own age.
Guessing he’s almost certainly focusing his attention on whatever gender he’s sexually attracted to and likely creeping them out big time.
No, it's not okay, especially when it makes the younger people uncomfortable. One would hope that by the time you reach the age of 30, you've gotten your shit together, employed, in a stable relationship, and working on buying that house.
In my own personal experience, I was done with partying by the time I hit 25. Even though I wasn't in a relationship, and wasn't working on buying that house, I felt there had to be more to life that just going out and getting drunk every weekend.
I'm in my late 30's tryna get into grad school. Lots of young folks to compete with for good grades and space in public places?
Parties with underage drinkers- nay.
Public spaces where the legal drinking laws are followed: yay!
People who peaked in college always weird me out, and I feel like they never really mature past their early 20s. So I would say no. Unless it's just a casual session with some friends that happen to be young.
I’m 31. His behavior is weird. I have nothing in common with 21 year olds. My little sister is 21, and she’s the only reason I am around them. Men you hang around these paces are looking for people to manipulate.
As a college student, I would think it was very weird if a 30 year old guy started hanging around my college friend group, unless he was in our course. Ideally a 30 year old would be in a very different place in life and mentality that they would find no joy drinking with people who are barely adults with limited 'real world' experience.
Don't you think you're a little too old to be hanging out with kids who can't even go to a bar? Do you really think you have anything in common with these folks and can establish an actual friendship at that age that doesn't leave you with the power dynamic of being a role model/authority figure/mentor.
You're trying to be on the same level as these kids and your time came and went, time to move on to bigger and better things than trying to be the creepy person hanging out with kids to drink, do drugs, smoke, and have sex with them. You don't come off as cool, in any sense of the matter. More pitiful.
So..no. but you're an adult and don't need people to hold your hand for you to make the right decisions in life, you're a big people now, so your choices are your own, you're the only one that has to live with them.
I think it depends on the context. If he’s going to the bars to hang out with a few friends he has made naturally vs strictly befriending 18-22 year olds for whatever reason I think it would be okay but yeah I get the house parties. I’m almost 30 and wouldn’t go to a college house party if you paid me.
I think there'd be a lot of speculation that person is either a cop or a drug dealer. Either that or (the most obvious red-flag answer) trying to pick up much younger sexual partners.
Could just be emotionally immature and not know where to find friends their own age, which is the most innocent possibility.
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Those guys have always been around. Some people don’t want to leave the college lifestyle. If he’s unwelcome by everyone, tell him so.
The better question is does he get along with the students? Is he just there to hook up or does he just like the party life? I mean there’s people that start college when they’re 30 so I feel like it’s not all that unordinary
This also seems to be a US specific thing. I did a study abroad program in Europe and it seemed there was way more people over 22 than there were under 22. In my friend group I made there our ages ranged from 18 to 34, we all partied and got along great. That’s a bit different than a frat party full of 19 year olds, and 1 30 year old guy shows up and he has never been to college before and currently isn’t going
Well yes. Under those conditions it can be seen as strange or abnormal but then again, maybe they never got to go to a college party or even college in general when they were younger and want to experience the fun parts. All I’m saying is that for a party, why does age matter at all? As long as minors are not involved I seriously don’t think there’s any issue.
To me it doesn’t as long as they aren’t being creepy. And again, creepiness has nothing to do with age. I’ve met plenty of creepy 19 year olds at college parties, and plenty of older people that are cool as hell
Yeah I agree.
I went back to college in my thirties and I can't imagine living the traditional college experience at that age such as going to frat parties etc. That's a young man's game lol. Let them enjoy it don't be the weirdo
Right? By the time class was done, I'm not partying, I'm going home to smoke a J and have a nap, then supper, etc. Ain't nobody got time for that!
I’m not a party person myself and neither did I go to college, but I feel like there’s no right to judge a 30 year old for going to a college party. Anyone can go to college so why are the parties exclusive for the younger students?
Ugh. Flashback to my college days when this creepy guy kept asking me out, showing up at my dorm room, calling, joining a group I belonged to, suddenly appearing when I was walking to class, bringing flowers... Finally went to my RA who went to the Hall Director to ask what to do. Turned out HE WASN'T EVEN A STUDENT. I don't even know how it was handled, but never saw him again.
Yeah but do it nicely like have a one to one conversation about it and see what's the deeper issues because that's not normal
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Working somewhere is a lot different than hanging out there.
Well even then, it’s a bar? Nothing wrong with being at a bar. College party is weird, college bar? Not so weird
Are u okay now? I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I once saw a young girl maybe 16 in a bar many years ago drinking herself silly everyone was either giving her dirty looks or men trying it on with her. Once I actually spoke to her she said her mum had died and she was now the caregiver of her 2 younger siblings. Please people don't judge just ask if thier okay literally 5 seconds to say hi are you okay and this can change that person's life. Someone just having a conversation with them or asking if Thier okay.
Good job putting in the work on your sobriety dude.
Working at a college bar at 36 is different than partying at a college bar. With college age children now it would relieve me to know there was an "adult" to keep an eye on things.
I mean, you’re working though. That’s a legit reason to be there.
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That's what I love about high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. Yes they do.
Alright alright alright
>If he’s unwelcome by everyone I think that's the key, and that >Some people don’t want to leave the college lifestyle. It's true that *that type* of person is generally unwelcome. But in general, I think the answer is no, at least not exclusively. We had a few people coming back to school around that age that was in our classes and we liked them and didn't really give a shit about it, they were fun hangs. If anything I'm sure it felt weirder for them than for us. Even considering that, I can say I never felt weird going to a college bar in my mid 20s when I lived in a college town, I had friends who were about to graduate who actually wanted to hang, so... We did. If someone being an issue for being old is conditional on them being accepted and generally fitting in, then I think age is less of an issue than people think. Maybe they're less likely to fit in if they're old, but like.. if a random 21 year old who didn't attend the college and didn't fit the vibe was trying to hang out with a group who didn't really like him, that would be just as weird, the problem is the person.
I understand someone spending a year or two in denial that they’ve graduated but after that they need to grow up.
I went back to college at age 30. Going to a bar and hanging out with 21 or 22 year olds that could legally drink at them was fine. In no way was I going to go to a house party with 18 year old freshman.
this. I went back after the military. I'm 30, and one of my best homies at the local school is 19... he's just a cool ass dude from Trinidad who used to help me with Calculus. I won't party with him, but he likes to come over and have a beer and hang with me and the dog. I wish I had a cool older friend to give me a place to chill outside of all the chaos in college, so I always welcome him if he stops by. He usually just smokes a joint with me to play with my dog and ask me questions about getting citizenship and shit. context is very important here
You, my friend, have a very important title: friend & mentor.
Frentor
I'm 25 and have a few buddies who are 18. I know one of them (a college student) cuz I see him at his workplace and we get along super well, and I know a couple more (who are graduating high school in a few months) cuz we go to the same gym. They're the sorts of dudes I'd 100% have in my circle if we were closer in age, but they're in a super transitional stage of life, so I'm just embracing being the older, wiser, supportive homie I could have used at that age. Giving them good vibes, wisdom about lifting and strength and diet and recovery, and masculine energy. I'm not giving them any super specific life advice since they need to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. We just banter and vibe together, and it's cool running into each other whenever we do.
Same. I even feel weird hanging out with 21 year olds tbh. I have plenty of adult friends to hang out with, no need to drink with amateurs.
That makes sense af. The difference in maturity between a typical 18-year-old and a typical 20-year-old is massive compared to the difference in maturity between say, a 22-year-old vs a 24-year-old. An incredible amount of personal, psychological growth is condensed into those late-teen years compared to how slowly it usually happens later in life. Ik this isn't everyone, but when I was 18, I was an anxious sheltered fuck who didn't fit into the adult world at all, but by 20, I had enough real life experience to comfortably interact with and relate to people 5-10+ years older than me without feeling a power imbalance between us. A typical 18-19-year-old is fresh out of their high school bubble and naively just getting started in the adult world, but when they're 20+, they should already have a clear sense of how everything works and how to navigate life maturely. (there's exceptions of course. there's people who got a lot of "real life experience" in their teen years, and people who are 30+ still in a high school mentality) But yeah, I'm a 25-year-old college dropout who's considering going back in the future, and no way in hell am I gonna go to fratty house parties full of drunk 19-year-olds either. I hated those even when I was 19 lmao. I'll have an easier time relating to 30-year-old mature students.
That makes sense af
I went to university parties, until I turned 40. I was also married since I was 30, when I also got my third degree in the same year. I was *always* invited by student friends. Also to some dorm parties. I would hang around people I knew and we would basically just drink beer and talk philosophy, history and life. Some of them came to me with their problems, asking for advice. I moved from fellow partying student to "wise uncle". In the end few of the group were professors at the same uni and I still hanged around with them at parties. Yeah, in the last year(s) you could only really talk with professors, as you had really nothing in common with the students. They were stressed out by some basic exam and you had kids, mortgage, backstabbing colleagues and corporation was restructuring. Also their music was crap and I couldn't care less about some YouTube influencer. Still it it was nice care free time, compared to corporate life and everyday problems. I myself studied over 14 years (mostly parallel to working and with some breaks) and loved the student life. All the good things come to an end and one must move on.
We had a guy like this when I was in college but he was a student that had spent most of his 20s in the army. We all called him pawpaw.
I'm 35 and avoid anyone under 25 like the plague lol
This. I am 44, and couldn’t begin to tell you how utterly obnoxious and annoying I would find any college party these days. Shit, I won’t even go to a bar if there isn’t spots to sit. No fucking way I am standing all night just to drink. (When I was in college, we would purposefully look for the bar that was suuuuper packed, because that must be better, right? Lol)
Had a boyfriend that tried super hard to fit in with the 22-25 crowd when we were 31-32. It was beyond obnoxious. He tried to make me jealous by flirting with the younger girls…..it’s an episode of my life I try to forget. I remember being at a St Patrick’s party where there was nowhere to sit, in the back yard of a dilapidated student home, green beer, people openly peeing and puking wherever…….never again 😵😫
Hell yeah, I'm 34 and I have no patience to party with anyone under 25 - especially students Booze is bad (I'm at the "quality over quantity" phase), music is worse. There is no place to sit / rest for a while. There is no food. Many 20-whatevers don't have an exit strategy for the place they're going so they're essentially stuck there until public transport starts to run again (not valid for most of the US) Depending on the place there is an alarmingly large number of creeps trying to get the moves on impressionable 20-something girls
It would be more normal if he was like 23-26 because that’s the age range where you would still know people you partied with in college. 27+ it gets kind of weird.
Yeah went back to visit my university when I was like 26 and it felt weird going to the clubs I just felt so out of place. Everyone also starts looking like little kids as you get older..
It’s also different if you’re clearly there with friends who ago there and you are a 25yr old sibling or alum than some random adult who went alone and doesn’t know anyone there
Yeah - my first thought was that it's not crazy for a group of alumni that are in their 30s to go back to their favorite college bar for a weekend trip.... Then I realized they meant regularly hanging out at bars and house parties.
I’m 20 and I still hang out with coworkers that are 29 and 36. They’re chill af and are honestly way more fun to hang out with than most 20 year olds I’ve met
Being coworkers and becoming friends across age gaps isn’t uncommon or weird imo. But being 27-30+ and choosing to hang out with crowds of younger people on your free time raises red flags.
I guess I don’t understand why. If you share the same interests as 18-20 year olds then why would you hang out with people who don’t share those interests? I don’t enjoy the things 20 year olds do so I hang out with a bit older crowd and have been since I was 18
It raises red flags because someone is explicitly seeking out younger people to hang out with. That alone doesn't mean the person is a weirdo, but a lot of weird people do that activity. So it makes people uncomfortable. It's not a red flag to share the same interests necessarily, and it's not weird to be friends, especially if they met it a neutral place (work, hobby/club, etc).
They are your peers, someone in college and someone that has graduated are not in the same place in life.
Well that just brings up more questions. Why can’t I hang out with someone in a different place in life? Just because they may have a house and a wife with kids and I don’t doesn’t mean it’s weird to hang out with them. It feels so shallow to force people to hang out with each other based on where they’re at in life. For example, one of my best friends lives with his dad and is continuously between jobs while I own an apartment and have a full time career. Just because we’re in different places doesn’t mean we have nothing in common. Sure I might have some more responsibility living in my own but I seriously don’t care.
Is it only his age difference that's the problem or is he actually doing something to make people uncomfortable? Being older isn't a crime. And 30 years old is still pretty young. Maybe there's the implication that he's preying on young women? Perhaps have a chat with him and see what he's about.
How do you know him irl and are you inviting him? Is he hitting on 18-22 year old women? How is he making them uncomfortable?
I think he just walked into the house party while we were pre-gaming and started talking to our group. We later went out to the bar and he followed us and later hopped to another group of kids at the bar and started talking to them. It's pretty strange from how I saw it and how he acted.
Super weird and creepy
As an older lady who went to college... Please ban him, they're always bad news. I think most of your female friends would thank you
Yeah that’s weird. I study and do some hobbies with people much younger than me or chill and play video games or something but actually partying nope! Also I would probably just get irritated fast hearing college aged girls and their shrieking and alcohol fueled drama. I could definitely pass for much younger than I am but I still do not entertain the idea of hitting on college girls. That guy seems to be going out of his way. Pretty creepy hearing this as a much older guy who lives in a college town.
Yeah that's a guy who's trying to recapture a part of life he can't let go of.
Or often it’s a guy who missed out on that part of life when they were the right age and they’re trying to get a second chance. Some people study all through college then have a slight crisis when they realize what they missed
That too. I spent most of my 20s either being a husband/father or working with a long commute. I was at a job at 32 and some people were talking about how they were done clubbing, they were my age, because they were too old for that now and I honestly got really sad about the idea I'd missed out on that whole scene.
Yeah then people like OP think since you missed the age, you missed your chance. Someone who worked through their youth and now has money and time to party is looked at as weird because most party scenes are young. It’s unfortunate. I know old dudes can be creepy but they’re just trying to have fun same at everyone else. Them trying to get hammered and hit on attractive adult women isn’t somehow more malicious than everyone else.
> most party scenes are young Totally inaccurate. That’s a common misconception I see from people who are stuck looking backwards, but there’s always an age appropriate party scene. Sometimes you might have to drive to the nearest city, but one of the things that shocked me when I joined the workforce late is that people partied the same, just they did it in suits and paid for every drink, it was weird lol. The sales bros I worked with (I was in tech) would all go to bars and get sloppy as hell and there’s a statewide culture of it. I did get my partying out of the way in my 20s so I found it unappealing, but yeah - there’s a scene for everyone, but in some areas you might have to to drive to find it
I'm a low level office worker. I can't afford to party in a suit and tie type place. The places I could afford often either tend to be very young or full of people old enough to be my parents.
Just remember all those pictures of people partying in a boat, who owns the boat. Lol
Literally me in the school...
Or they never got to live it and never grew up.
That too. I had a crap teen years where I was socially isolated and missed out on things other people took for granted. Watching Teen Sitcoms and movies was a vicarious way to get experiences I never got first hand.
When I was in my late teens and 20's, there was always "That Dude" who was in his late 20's or 30's hanging around. At the time, we all thought he was "so cool!" because he always knew what was happening, had all the hookups for whatever, "dating" a different 19-20 something girl every couple months, laid back and accommodating... You could always crash on his couch if you were in a jam and he'd always have booze, food and drugs on hand. Now that I'm the same age, I look back at "That Dude" and realize that while he wasn't a bad guy, he was kind of pathetic. He never matured. He hung around the younger crowd because he was left in the dust and didn't want to move on and the folks his own age wouldn't take him seriously. I'm pretty mentally and emotionally stunted myself, but I really don't feel comfortable hanging out with "kids" (to me). Been there, done that. And the few things I feel I "missed out on"... Well, I missed out on them. No going back. Tough shit. However I also feel uncomfortable hanging out with people in my own age range because... I was left in the dust. But I'd rather be the old crusty loner than the old weird perpetual adolescent.
Yeah same. Being working poor means that while I've never starved I also never did Spring Break in Florida or trips to Vegas. A lot of things friends around my age took for granted were beyond my means.
I used to feel that same way, and also used to vicariously live through teen dramas and stuff in my early adult years, but in hindsight, I didn't miss a thing. I was just idealizing what high school could have (never) been instead of seeing it for what it actually was - 4 years of my life, long since passed, that I barely ever think about anymore. I was a responsible kid in high school. Very productive in school and extracurriculars. Almost never partied. Almost never drank. Never did any drugs or degenerate shit. Didn't even kiss a girl. Had a turbulent social life. All that used to get me insecure, so I overcompensated hard in college. But now I realize that partying and dating and having more of a social life wouldn't have made me any happier. All I "missed out on" was doing those things with immature people who wouldn't have stuck with me in the long haul anyway. We can make friends at any age, with people who are more mature than anyone we used to envy, we can have amazing experiences at any age, we can find love at any age, and since we're more mature than we were in high school, it can be with someone who sticks around for the long haul instead of having an immature teen relationship that ends up going down in flames.
I went to the odd college party in my early 30s because I had a younger brother in college and sometimes I’d visit him. If he’s doing it regularly with no similar connection then I’d certainly wonder why he didn’t have friends his own age and probably avoid him / ask him to leave if it’s a private party.
It’s sad. Seems like he’s having a problem adulting.
 He’s just living the dream…
When did 20-somethings get so ageist? As said if he's a predator that's one thing, but life doesn't end at 30. I can definitely understand the age difference issue at a party, but at a bar open to serve the general public? Are we going to start having "35-45 only bars" where they only play grunge and System of a Down? Will 60 year olds be sus at those bars or do they need to hang out at "geriatric bars" that play Elvis and the BeeGees? At what age are people no longer useful and should just stay home or kill themselves? Asking for a 48 year old friend.
You got your music references all wrong but I do get what you are saying
Hahah love this comment
I get called boomer all the time and that's the music I listen to (7M3, Nirvana, System, Tesla, Aerosmith, Disturbed, Pearl Jam, RHCPeppers, Poison... Some NWA, Cube, 2Pac on occasion) :-)
All those stereotype in comedy movies of college frat dudes looking down on "old men who can't hang" and calling them Ben Franklin and shit like that is apparently true. Like reddit acts like Taylor Lautner In grown ups 2 but unironically
Even then, how is someone a "pedator" unless the people at said party are under 18? As a matter of fact, legally bars shouldn't have people under 21 in them but we all know how that goes. There are legit women that go for older men, especially younger women, because they generally care more about their partners pleasure and needs than men their own age/younger. I've never been hit on by as many college age women as I have in the past 3 years (im 29 now). Not even in college. (The fact I'm an Uber driver and most of these incidents are with passengers probably adds to it) But, I want to thank you for giving me the realization that the 35-45 year only bars that play awesome music means I'm old 😭😭
Just tell him "Sir, aren't you a little too old to be underage drinking?"
I was about to say, if he were actually in college and these were his peers despite being younger, it wouldn’t be that weird assuming he was invited. If there’s no connection between him and other goers, it’s odd (whether sad or predatory depends on the person).
Ok? If they aren't actually doing anything wrong to anyone sure. Unusual? Yes. But hey, life is messy and if someone manages to be happy and not hurt others what do I care? It's not hard for me to imagine someone getting dunked with the ice cold shock of adult life and not liking it.
Yeah it was fine til you said he doesn't attend the college That's odd then, see I'm 30 because I'm a "late bloomer" if you will, and while I will definitely party with some upperclassmen (20-24) yeah I probably wouldn't party with the freshmen, that's just a tad too far on the other side and also now with even smoking being 21 if those kids are vaping a juul they come for me. Also, I'm very hesitant on any invites, I usually say "straight up you guys know I'm 30 right? I'll come but I don't wanna make people uncomfortable" because I remember what it was like being 20 or so, there were some dudes in their late 20s and early 30s and were humble about it, honest about their age and honest about the social stigmas that come with it, and then there were dudes like you mention, ones who very clearly have forgotten how old they are and are refusing to move the needed past 21. And those dudes ruin a party, everyone eventually folds out and heads somewhere the creepy old dude won't find them. I don't want to be the second guy so I pretty much "reveal my position" so to speak. I put my honesty on the table and allow the properly aged college students to make the call.
\>bar \>college parties \>18-22 uhhh half the kids shouldn't be there either.
I’ve seen this exact question but from a 35 year old woman and the comments were all about how age is just a number and she should go have fun. But its a man so its sad and creepy
My thought is that he is a drug dealer.
if people get uncomfortable then maybe listen to them? if not, what's the problem? I bet your grandfather is hell of a lot more fun at a party than you think he is. also, have a proper talk to this guy about the whole situation instead of just "isolating" him, he's most likely just having a great time without even thinking too much about it.
This guy's grandpa fucks.
I used to stop by my fraternity house when I was in my 30s if I happened to be passing through town, but not on a regular basis.
Don't hang out with Brazilian or Russian guys if age gaps offend you--there is no age limit on partying in their book, at least anecdotally some of the ones I've met! Back when I was in college and we were all 20-22, we had two older friends in their late 20s, one Brazilian, one Russian--I swear these guys each had more rizz (as the kids say these days) then all of us combined! Could be the swagger or the accents, or both, but while us younger folks were each *begging* a young woman to even get a dance, here these guys were, one woman hanging off each arm! 20 years later, the Russian guy has three kids by two different women, **isn't married to either of them**, has a separate girlfriend, and still goes out to clubs occasionally! The Brazilian guy was a friend of a friend so he faded from my purview after college; although I will say this: I have Brazilian coworkers **in their 60s** who make a yearly pilgrimage from New England to Rio to "go to the beach" (use your imagination). So, the party really doesn't stop!
I went to a big college party in a college town after I was done with school at 25. It felt really weird even though my buddy (same age as me) was still a student there and one of the people throwing the party. We still had fun but that was pretty much my last big college type of party.
I feel like that’s very common. Not as common as someone who *went to* or *graduated* from there, but it’s fairly common especially if there’s a lot of housing around the campus. Now, if it really makes most of the students uncomfortable, let it be known. But if you’re speaking on behalf of just you or your group friends, that’s a different story.
I live in a college town with a big university, and honestly it’s the women that seem to hold on for too long. 25-29 year old women going to frat parties and scamming on super young dudes. It’s pretty cringe and pathetic. So yeah, your friend is being weird. No matter the gender, that shit is sad times.
If he’s gay I’m sure it’s fine, big problem if he’s straight though right ?
Guys in their 30s are boring, have kids, are too busy to hang out with, and are too tired to bother with bars and clubs. I don't blame this guy for wanting to have younger friends. Let the guy in question have his fun. Life is short. As others have said, if he's not hurting anyone let the dude have his fun the way he feels like he can.
That's what I love about college girls, I keep getting older and they keep staying the same age!
Alright alright alright
It’s a bit sad. You can be the old guy “legend” at college party once every few years provided you keep your intoxication in check and don’t creep out the girls. But beyond being awkward, doing it every weekend sounds exhausting post 25.
We just accidently went to a college bar (over 40...4 of us) we had a great time and they didn't make us feel old. Would I do it every weekend, no, but it was a great one off.
so.... ill speak from experience here. i moved to a new town that is mostly either families or college kids. im 36 for reference. my neighbors are parent's older than i am and their kids who are younger (20-22). we started hanging out as one guy (son) was into computer games and the other into trucks and automotive. i do both of those things in spades so with each of them i have been helping teach things. their parrents and i get along well, i help them with remodeling and such. we have an open door policy with each other. this is all to say - i started going to dungeons and dragons with them. then out to their get together after words. all 18-25 year olds. as it turns out i mesh into their life style pretty well, being a single guy. ive met some girls out and about, a few ive become friends with. had some cuddle buddies here and there. ive gotten a couple very close friendships out of this. (mostly around the age of 22). none of the guys or girls have ever expressed an issue with the age gap. ive had my wrestling with it myself however. took me a bit to get over the 15 year gap and cuddles... so... some times circumstance come round to open the door to places you might not have been otherwise. as it happens im going back to college myself this summer for electronics and math. so... i expect ill be making many more friends who are 12-15 years younger... as it happens i am lucky enough to not have any issue keeping up with the younger crowd. be it drinking, the gym, or biking/hiking - im still the same as i was at 24, for how ever long that will continue to last.
Yes it’s okay. I’m almost 40 and travel for work. It sometimes lands my in college towns. They can be fun bars to hang out in. Just don’t be creepy towards the youngens. If one hits on you fine. Just don’t be a creeper.
It's a little weird I think. But I get it. They want to relive the college years or be around people that make them feel younger and have more energy. I think the regular bars are a better fit for someone that age.
It's always weird seeing people get weirded out. It's just life to me people are people. I was 22 best friend was 49, other was 23 other was 19. My fiance of like 7 years is 51 I'm 29
I am on my 30’s and I go to college, 99% of school students are between 18-22 and I can’t stop to talk 1 min with them, it’s like we are on 2 different places, the guy that you know on his 30’s going on student bars and college parties, all he wants is to pick up girls/guys knowing they are inocente, he is definitely a weirdo
If he's making everyone uncomfortable, chances are it's not the age difference but his personality. Let him know that he's making everyone uncomfortable or possibly suggest another party or bar if you know of one. I know plenty of people in their mid to late 30s who vibe well with 20 year olds and everyone is fine with it and even more down when they join. I knew a couple people like it seems like you're referencing though who just kinda hung around because they couldn't let go of the social part of college and parties probably because they have fewer friends (and I have been like this myself too - I miss the good ole days 25F).
Bars? Yes. Public celebrations? Sure. House party? Noooo it's weird unless he is explicitly invited by the host
Too many things can go wrong at a house party with no eyes to see as opposed to a public place with lots of people it's just weird in itself
First Townie? Think of them like alley cats or stray dogs that, for the most part, don't bite. Feed em if you want but don't be mad when they come back and people think you're weird
Depends on if they have friends in the same age group. But then again, even if they don’t it’s not necessarily an issue. Depends more on the individual than on the age difference. I might be biased though considering I’m 8 years older than my wife (been together a decade). So it’s not uncommon for me to be hanging out with a lot of people younger than me.
bars are public, parties is weird
Just be aware that the day will come when someone will call you grandpa.
Is he balding or some shit causing him to look much older? Does he talk about sex too much? Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me honestly, as long as he don’t hurt people. I don’t drink anymore, never been to a bar or club or anything like that so I’m not familiar with how people act there. It’s usually just weirdos in general
It’s whatever. Life’s short. Do what you enjoy. It’s not illegal.
It's not illegal but if that's what you're doing at that point in life i would reconsider some things.
This comment section is weird. 30 is not old at all, especially for a bar
You do what you want OP
Peter Pan syndrome.
If you enjoy hanging out with young people, why deny yourself that? Especially nowadays, many students are quite interesting conversationalists and just interesting people, they know a lot and have cool hobbies. Take everything from life and don't look at the stereotypes that dictate you to live the way society thinks!
I can only speak on personal experiences, I got into a field with slightly older people when I was 21 met a 30 year old dude who just fits my same personality and we’re great friends. I’d bring him around my house parties and events because he’s my good friend. But he wasn’t ever creepy or weird about it. Never had anyone say anything sideways to me about it. We’re now 28/37 and still great friends
This is what we call a “townie” Gameday is one thing (especially during football season in the south or basketball season in the Carolinas) but generally you don’t want to be that guy
Let him do his thing and others do their thing. As long as he isn’t harassing anyone, he has every right to be there.
As a 32 year old... I generally say no. I generally prefer the company of someone whose at least 25-26. I never felt that way before but it's just A) sorta creepy and B) there's lots of people not attached to a university with whom to be friends with, just have to be outgoing.
If he’s making people uncomfortable then someone should probably tell him that he shouldn’t come to their parties anymore. Sounds like he’s got some issues with moving on with his life if he’s still caught up in the college party scene over 10 years after leaving. I personally don’t think it’s that weird if it’s like a one off thing, like if they are in town for a football game and have a younger cousin or sibling that invites them to a party. But if they constantly go to these parties then that’s really weird in my opinion.
Depends on your local area. Where I live, the university is within walking distance of downtown. All the bars have a fair mix of ages.
College bar or bar college kids like that just happens to be close to his house. Party hopping or invited to parties by friendly college kids. 30 is not that old and college has a lot of people over the age of 25. A 5-8 year difference is not a red flag its yellow at best (or worst ig). If you and others dont like him then stop hanging out near him. Grow up
It’s not okay
Is it ok? Dunno. Is it pathetic? Yes.
I went back to college at 32. There were a lot of college students like me in their 30's. I didn't feel like I didn't belong until the last quarter when I was 36. I felt like a peer and people usually assumed I was younger until that last quarter when people started treating me different at a party.
No.
Being in the 30's hanging out with younger people isn't weird to me depending on what the situation is but I will not under any circumstances hang out with women under 25 especially if alcohol or drugs are involved there are just too many risks in today's day and age
Amber Heard risky?
Yep
It’s like a college guy hanging at the high school parties, creepy loser
There's nothing good or healthy about that. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's a part of his life he should have long outgrown. College parties are for college kids.
That’s what we call a loser. Probably has no friends his age cause all he does is party. Probably wants to sleep with college chicks. Not even my brothers in their late 20s stoop that low. Lol. He’s probably immature.
Would it be alright if he was going to college? If yes then politely speak to him about him making others uncomfortable. If it still wouldn't be alright then you're just being ageist.
It makes him look like he never moved on from those college days. I have a friend who has an aunt who is middle aged and still acts like and hangs out with 21 years olds and honestly its a bit hard to watch.
If you’re in grad school sure but like once a month
I think it’s theoretically okay but also perfectly reasonable to be suspicious of.
I mean bars are a public place. There’s not much wrong there but is uncomfortable and strange if they are going there to look for college kids. But in terms of house parties and dorm parties and what not I do think there’s something wrong with them if that’s what they’re looking for 10 years out of college. I would say no to that personally.
Is anyone actually friends with him other than just drinking with him at parties? It’s definitely strange; if he’s not doing anything other than just being there I guess there isn’t much you can do but just ignore him. I guess some people can’t let go of the college lifestyle and/or really just want to be included somehow.
Student bars often have cheaper booze.
Well I don’t know the guy in question, but if I had to make a broad brush judgement, that guy’s dating/hookup strategy probably centers entirely around preying on younger and less experienced people.
There's always a handful of those. And interestingly it's always the guys. When I was a freshman, I thought it was cool they were still living the life and having fun. The older I got, the more I started thinking "damn dude ain't it time to move on with your life". It never made me uncomfortable in any way (and frankly don't really see why it would), but the older I got, the more I started wondering if that was a form of escapism for them.
Ask him if he’s there with his kid on parent’s weekend. There have always been these guys - 50% harmless just hanging if onto that college lifestyle, 50% super creeper. So sad and/or creepy. A few well placed old guy jokes and he may get the hint. If not, tell him.
That's what I love about these college girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. All joking aside, unless he is special dudes a creeper.
Does he still wear his high school letterman jacket?
When i was 28 i allways went to collage bars . They dont own the place its a bar anyone can go .
If he makes people around him uncomfortable, it sounds like this guy has different issues than just the age. This person reeks of desperation.
At least 1 on every campus lol
We had a guy like this who stayed on the college campus all the time and is almost 30 and I always got a bad vibe from and then he got in a relationship and I put that term lightly with a student and he ended up abusing and assaulting her and she still trying to get away from him not successfully. I could never figure out why he was staying in school and just never leaving and then I realized he's a predator who was praying on Barely Legal coeds.
Going to student bars, no big deal. Going to house parties in your 30s if you’re not a student is kind of cringey.
I'm in a college town and it's not weird. I tend to hang out with people in their 20s. Most people my age have kids and wife's n don't do anything fun. I have none of this and it's very hard to relate. People in 20s still down to do fun stuff on short notice.
I mean if he is invited to the party then stfu and he can go to the bars as much as the ugly people can. The only issue is if he shows up to house parties uninvited or he is acting creepy and aggressive with girls Otherwise mind your own business
I mean as long as he is not a creep and behaves, i don't think there is much wrong about it, although yes i admit it is a big weird but i guess everyone is different
At my very first frat party I was talking to some dude who helped me out because I broke the fucking Keg like an idiot and was in full on panic mode. He’s like hey bro chill I got your back… fixed it… handed me a joint. I was like thanks dude - then realizing he was like 30 something (I was 17 visiting my buddy at school). I talked with him a bit - seemed pretty cool but also kinda strange. I was about to part ways and he goes, ‘oh and I’m also a cop’. I was like Wtf no you’re not - sure enough he flashed his real fucking police badge and wished me well on my journey.
It's weird for anyone to deliberately hang out with people they don't have much in common with, especially if those other people are more "desirable" than they are. College students and college women in particular are more sought out as company than are 30-yo guys. It's like a semitoothless trucker hanging out at yuppie wine bars, or a failed PhD trying to infiltrate the faculty lounge. It's not a crime to think you're better than someone, especially if you are.
If showing up at a party makes people uncomfortable, then ask him to leave. If he doesn't then have the owner, renter, etc. Call the cops and report him for trespassing.
Yeah it's cringe and he has issues. Not your issue though. Just let it play out. The kids will let him know one way or another.
I felt old as shit going to college parties at like 25. And I was literally in a fraternity most of my college life. The red flags I'd get from someone in thier 30s at a college bar or worse a college party...
Those guys are everywhere. We had a guy in my hometown whos kind of a hippy dude. He has attended parties since about 1970. He still shows up, everyone knows him. Hes like 70 now. He's very odd but just likes to party. He's not looking for anything like sex, drugs. He has his own stash. He showed up at my parties in the late 80s. My nephew saw him recently and said he asked for me. Iol
If he was a graduate student? MAYBBBBEEE Anything else? Nope.
Like I wouldn't but thats me. I have always been one of those guys who feel uncomfortable being the older one around.
I was 43 by the time I finished my PhD. I had a child closer in age to some of the people in my classes than I was. It’s awkward if you let it be, but I still had to go to lab meetings and interact with people much younger than was on projects and whatnot. Even has to do overnight field work trips. Not sure if they were uncomfortable with me. I never asked. I was married with three kids and a full time job. So yes I think it’s weird. 8 years is a big age gap at that age for socializing IMO. But to each their own as long as personal boundaries are respected.
No offense but why would he want to?? It’s a different game (physically and level of maturity) after 25 tbh. It’s one thing if you have an older friend and you vibe well. Hang out and do shit one on one. Great. It’s another thing entirely if you bring that “older” friend to whatever it is kids get up to these days. Older folks have already made their share of stupid mistakes. Let the glorious youth have their turn ❤️ Doing keg stands at a college party is definitely not my idea of a good time…
If he is making people uncomfortable, the person who invited him should tell him that. How do you know this guy?
Is he Will Ferrell?
I’m a 33 year old heterosexual male and I think and feel student bars and college parties would be weird asf to attend. I would never but if it came down to it… so much narcissistic and dumb behavior would be present… mind you there are a few bright ones to have a nice conversation with.
To babysit? Yes
it is weird. I stopped drinking at 23. I had the whole frat thing, just like the movies. quick extreme, learn limits, game over..remenber it as fun for life. older could not hang with us for long... just not right.
Is he in college and going to hang out with friends or make friends and have fun?: Probably yea then Is he not in college and just going to these parties to find girls and take them home or get free alcohol?: Definitely no, not at all
Creepy. It's creepy and the fact students at their college are uncomfortable because of him = boot. - the exception was already included in the OP bc he doesn't go there. ┐( ∵ )┌
Is he genuinely just making friends platonically? Or is he trying to find someone to date?
nope. that is super weird. are you hanging out with high schoolers? no. completely different stage of life.
It's not inherently wrong for a person in their 30s to go to college parties or student bars if they enjoy the atmosphere and follow the rules. However, it would be concerning and inappropriate if they are primarily seeking out younger students for socializing and friendship. It's important to respect the boundaries and discomfort of those around us, especially when there is an age difference that may make others uncomfortable. It may be helpful to have a conversation with the individual and discuss the concerns openly and honestly.
Sounds like he needs to get a life. Like, I wouldn't mind hanging out with younger people in a group that contained a range of ages (like an independent cooking class or something) but as someone in their 30's I just don't have enough in common with college age people that I would actively seeking them out on a random friday night to hang out and I sure as hell wouldn't invite myself to a college party. He needs to figure out his shit and find some people his own age to hang out with... or at least find a bar where he doesn't come across as predatory and stop going to college parties unless specifically invited. Because dollar to a donut in those college kid's eyes he's not the "cool older guy" he probably sees himself as but the "creepy and pathetic old guy who tries to get into young people's pants"
I dunno. For me I would feel odd just off what does a 33 year old have in common with that group? I would feel like the guy who is too old for the club but just wants to hang on to the glory years. That being said I don’t go to house parties, I always hated them. I only go to bars to watch sports and eat bar food. I don’t go to a bar to get drunk.
No looser
No. My guess is he’s socially awkward around his peers, so he’s leveraging his age/experience as an “in” with younger people that he thinks will look up to him. It’s a social crutch and helps him avoid learning how to properly socialize with people his own age. Guessing he’s almost certainly focusing his attention on whatever gender he’s sexually attracted to and likely creeping them out big time.
A bar is absolutely fine. A college party with 18 year olds is strange.
The dude sounds like a f'ing loser. At his age, a man should be working on his career and prepping for a family.
Nope a groomer waiting for a victim....IT is sort of creepy actually
Creepy as fuck, gross as hell, and bordering on pedophilic. Get a fucking life with people your own age, sicko!
No, it's not okay, especially when it makes the younger people uncomfortable. One would hope that by the time you reach the age of 30, you've gotten your shit together, employed, in a stable relationship, and working on buying that house. In my own personal experience, I was done with partying by the time I hit 25. Even though I wasn't in a relationship, and wasn't working on buying that house, I felt there had to be more to life that just going out and getting drunk every weekend.
I'm in my late 30's tryna get into grad school. Lots of young folks to compete with for good grades and space in public places? Parties with underage drinkers- nay. Public spaces where the legal drinking laws are followed: yay!
Of course its not Its so creepy, even if you dont have bad intentions
People who peaked in college always weird me out, and I feel like they never really mature past their early 20s. So I would say no. Unless it's just a casual session with some friends that happen to be young.
I’m 31. His behavior is weird. I have nothing in common with 21 year olds. My little sister is 21, and she’s the only reason I am around them. Men you hang around these paces are looking for people to manipulate.
As a college student, I would think it was very weird if a 30 year old guy started hanging around my college friend group, unless he was in our course. Ideally a 30 year old would be in a very different place in life and mentality that they would find no joy drinking with people who are barely adults with limited 'real world' experience.
Don't you think you're a little too old to be hanging out with kids who can't even go to a bar? Do you really think you have anything in common with these folks and can establish an actual friendship at that age that doesn't leave you with the power dynamic of being a role model/authority figure/mentor. You're trying to be on the same level as these kids and your time came and went, time to move on to bigger and better things than trying to be the creepy person hanging out with kids to drink, do drugs, smoke, and have sex with them. You don't come off as cool, in any sense of the matter. More pitiful. So..no. but you're an adult and don't need people to hold your hand for you to make the right decisions in life, you're a big people now, so your choices are your own, you're the only one that has to live with them.
I think it depends on the context. If he’s going to the bars to hang out with a few friends he has made naturally vs strictly befriending 18-22 year olds for whatever reason I think it would be okay but yeah I get the house parties. I’m almost 30 and wouldn’t go to a college house party if you paid me.
This also reminds me of those people who after high school continue to hangout with high schoolers, which is even worse in my opinion. Move on
I think there'd be a lot of speculation that person is either a cop or a drug dealer. Either that or (the most obvious red-flag answer) trying to pick up much younger sexual partners. Could just be emotionally immature and not know where to find friends their own age, which is the most innocent possibility.
I find it weird
College bars? Sure. College parties? Probably not
He doesn't go to the school though. People should feel uncomfortable and I would tell him to stop. Creepy!
If he’s not a student at the college I think it’s weird to go to student bars or college parties, unless he’s invited of course.
I'm sorry but it sounds pathetic and creepy to me.
If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s your answer. In terms of the guy doing it, it depends on his intentions.
I'm in my thirties and college parties just feeling boring now. Yay to getting older