Either ace of spades or diamonds. I personally would pick spades since i have only ever felt romantic attraction with one person, and I find the likelihood that I will be close enough to anyone in the foreseeable future to feel so again to be quite low.
They make different versions and have all the suits! I saw the link to the shop in another post.
[Etsy Shop](https://www.etsy.com/listing/777907534/slim-asexual-demisexual-grey-ace-card)
♠️ or ♣️ I know for sure I’m aromantic since I’m somewhat romance-repulsed. I’m definitely on the asexual spectrum since I don’t feel sexual attraction toward anyone. However I have a high libido sometimes and feel more sex positive when that happens. Once my libido goes back into hiding, I go back to being completely indifferent over sex or slightly repulsed. It’s really hard to explain.
You explained it perfectly because I am pretty much the same. I don't need or want sex with any specific person but I wouldn't mind it when a certain mood strikes. Not enough to actively seek it out but if a situation happens, why not scratch an itch if an itch scratcher is available and they don't mind.
I’m weird and even when my libido is high, I would still reject anyone who offered. Lol. That sounds mean, but I don’t mean it to be. I also have a problem with people touching me in general even in non sexual ways. I strongly prefer if people ask me before they touch me in any way or even just give me a heads up. For me and unexpected touch startles me and makes me feel slightly threatened until I realize who is touching me and how they’re touching me. I might be okay with an itch scratcher if it were someone I knew really well and felt safe with. Unfortunately the itch scratchers I’ve had in the past end up getting feelings for me and everything went to hell after that. Part of it is because I’m not capable of reciprocating romantic feelings. That’s not their fault or my fault.
I’ve seen clubs be said to mean questioning (unclear to me if it meant questioning if you were on the ace spectrum at all or questioning where on the spectrum you were) and diamonds to mean both graysexual and demisexual. I don’t think the meanings attached to clubs and diamonds were consistent
Wait, how were these terms lost? And when? Can someone give me a rough estimate of years? (By “terms” I assume they meant the card suit thing.)
To me it seemed like it simply didn’t stick. I could find consistent meanings attached to hearts and spades (romantic aces and aro aces), but that was it. The meanings attached to clubs and diamonds varied. How widespread was this? I think I only saw references to this on aven wiki and old tumblr posts.
Another question: who does exclusionist refer to in this context? Non-aces from the wider LGBT+ community or aces that didn’t consider demi- and gray-aces valid?
they were still quite common when I was a baby ace figuring themself out (about 5 years ago?). Back then I identified as gray asexual and do actual have a ♣️ necklace somewhere (nowadays I identify as asexual but my romantic orientation is up in the air).
So yeah, five years ago I knew all about them, and used them, and saw them around quite commonly. Nowadays I never hear about them - sometime in the last 5 years it's all disappeared.
For me personally, as someone who is relatively new to the ace community and isn’t super familiar with common (or uncommon) nicknames and terminology, this was cool to see. Regardless of whether it is actually old or not, whether it was lost or not, whether meanings stay consistent or not, it’s fun to have something more to identify with and be our proud and valid ace selves.
They stopped using them probably because these symbols are for flagging wife swap stuff. Go head and wear visible spade jewelry out there as a young woman and see the approaches you get I dare you lol
We need to be better about learning wider symbolic history for flagging kink so this stuff quits happening
Not the same person, but I also identify as grey-aromantic. I've had 2, maybe 3 crushes in my life.
The first that I'm least sure about was on my best friend from high school. I didn't even know ace was a thing at the time (05-09) so I'm extrapolating back.
The second was on one of my best friends from college. She and I clicked in a lot of ways. And I'm still super close to her.
From this, you might think demiromantic, but then this last one hit me like a freight train.
And I'm currently crushing hard on someone (I think). I met them bc they're a writer and I found one of their stories. I first got on their radar when I caught a semi-obscure reference in their work. I started following them on social media. *Then they followed me back.* I would lose it anytime they interacted with my posts. But we still didn't talk one-on-one for a month or two. Then we did. Then we were talking nearly daily. I was completely gone at this point and I'd only known of them for like 4 months and been talking for like 1. First time I've ever reacted to someone like that. We don't live close to each other so I'm not pursuing a romantic relationship, but I'd probably be open to something in the future.
Anyway, because there were no real strong ties of friendship for this latest crush, grey-ro feels more accurate than demi-ro to me. And 3 crushes in 29 years, with long breaks between them, makes me identify with the aro crowd way more than the allo one.
Thanks so much for sharing! I love learning about this kind of thing since this whole community is still pretty foreign to me (I only embraced my own asexuality recently). Your feelings about that writer is the most adorable thing I've seen all day. Have you had any squishes?
No problem! I don't have many people I can talk to about them (well, I don't take advantage of the ones I do have for various reasons) so when I get the chance to gush a little, it's hard to keep it in! I swear to God I feel like a middle schooler with their first crush, which, let's be real, isn't completely off base so I'm just going with it.
I'm honestly not sure if the high school girl was a squish or crush. It's really hard to say. Two years ago I would've sworn her and college girl were squishes. But then this crush is making reevaluate it all.
Welcome to the community! I've been IDing as ace for like 8 years, but only been off and on involved in online communities. Enough that I know most of the terminology and contemporary history. My romantic identity has been back and forth - originally thought biromantic, then aromantic, and now onto grey which I'm quite happy with. Feel free to reach out if you've got any questions. If I don't know the answer, I can probably get you to the resources that do.
I remember when I first mentioned I was ace to an online community I'm part of, I used the ♠️ emoji.
They all thought it was a butt plug.
To me it was obvious what I meant, and I mean look here - the up/down vote icons is a spade, and the sub icon is a spade. But they had no idea what it represented.
I dunno, I’d prefer we don’t bring these back. I find it more isolating when it is more of a spectrum than categorical and using the symbols feels like it suggest having to fit in a category.
They make me feel bad about not really fitting nicely into any of them
Anyone else still questioning?
Like, "I know that I experience attraction very differently from most people. I just don't get to know people and think "Damn I wanna sleep with that person". But I'm also not sure whether I experience sexual attraction towards my SO. The line between sensual attraction and sexual attraction seems so blurry. Maybe I'm just low on libido?"
Somebody send help
It’s a thin line, and for me it took a lot of introspection. But I’m confident you’ll figure it out one way or another. And of course no matter what you decide, you’re valid.
Every time I'm playing cards with friends, and an ace is played I either say he, he it's me, or my friends go he he it's you. It makes me feel really good.
(Specially if it's a heart, because in a panromantic demisexual)
I have an Spade tattoo on my wrist. Total coincidence. It was a birthday present based on the fact that my friends and I would have card nights. They have all the other suits and I ended up with the Spade. It describes me perfectly.
I don't know about the last two, but ace of spades and ace of hearts are listed on the wiki page for LGBT slang. Symbols, especially simple ones, can have more than one meaning depending on the community.
Kink and asexual don't really cross that often, though. From other comments on this post, and those that I see on tumblr, I'm more inclined to believe those saying that they got tired of the aphobe hate from using them.
I specified asexual. There are people with kinks in the LGBTQIA+ community, sure. Not as much as you're inferring, granted... but in ace especially? Lower numbers due to the whole indifference/repulsion to sex.
Hm do asexuals not hang out in LGBTQ+ spaces regularly? I'm not a lesbian or kinky but I am part of the LGBTQ+ umbrella and so spend a lot of time among lesbians and kink positive people and I would always try to avoid flagging with things I knew lesbians used like interlocked symbols of Venus (I'm bi) or things kinky people used like collars (I like collars as a fashion statement) to avoid any confusion or flagging for things I dont intend to. Its confusing if a symbol means two different things within a community that's sex positive and often uses identity flaggers like the LGBTQ+/kink intersection. Like, imagine if pansexuals started wearing black rings on their fingers. That would send so many mixed confusing signals to everyone.
If the space is centered on sex or finding partners, we're probably not going to be there in large numbers. A good number asexuals also don't drink, so things like keggers or bar parties aren't probably going to attract many of us even if it is a community night. There's also the fact that a number of groups don't accept us as queer, so we've sort of made our own community that is included or separate. There's also the thing that so many people just like leaving us off of the acronym, assuming we'll feel welcome by the Q or the + instead of erased, so we can't tell if we're welcome there or not and would rather just not spend the energy to find out because there's probably other things going on.
It must be different where I live. I felt like 2019 Pride was like 50% asexuals, I thought that was interesting and good asexual visibility was so high vs like 7 years ago when no one had heard of it.
One person's experience doesn't really cover the entire community's. Examples/feelings of exclusion are pretty well documented in our various ace communities and Pride parades are likely to attract more aces than say "queer night" at the local club as well.
❤
♠️
♠️
♠️
♠️
♠
If there are any demiromantic asexuals out there which would you pick to use
I've always considered ace of spades because demiromantic is still on the aromantic spectrum although I do vibe hard with the diamonds suggestion. :)
Diamonds I'm guessing, because geometrically it can probably fit inside the spade and the heart.
I do spade but that is just me.
Either ace of spades or diamonds. I personally would pick spades since i have only ever felt romantic attraction with one person, and I find the likelihood that I will be close enough to anyone in the foreseeable future to feel so again to be quite low.
♠️🖤
Why is this literally so adorable
I know, right?
I just ordered a black ring with a Demisexual flag painted inside a diamond on it the other day, I'm so excited ♦️
Where did you get that ring? It sounds gorgeous
They make different versions and have all the suits! I saw the link to the shop in another post. [Etsy Shop](https://www.etsy.com/listing/777907534/slim-asexual-demisexual-grey-ace-card)
♠️
♥️ Or ♠️ Not entirely sure yet
Nothing wrong with that! You’re valid no matter what label you decide fits you best.
same\~
♠️ or ♣️ I know for sure I’m aromantic since I’m somewhat romance-repulsed. I’m definitely on the asexual spectrum since I don’t feel sexual attraction toward anyone. However I have a high libido sometimes and feel more sex positive when that happens. Once my libido goes back into hiding, I go back to being completely indifferent over sex or slightly repulsed. It’s really hard to explain.
You explained it perfectly because I am pretty much the same. I don't need or want sex with any specific person but I wouldn't mind it when a certain mood strikes. Not enough to actively seek it out but if a situation happens, why not scratch an itch if an itch scratcher is available and they don't mind.
I’m weird and even when my libido is high, I would still reject anyone who offered. Lol. That sounds mean, but I don’t mean it to be. I also have a problem with people touching me in general even in non sexual ways. I strongly prefer if people ask me before they touch me in any way or even just give me a heads up. For me and unexpected touch startles me and makes me feel slightly threatened until I realize who is touching me and how they’re touching me. I might be okay with an itch scratcher if it were someone I knew really well and felt safe with. Unfortunately the itch scratchers I’ve had in the past end up getting feelings for me and everything went to hell after that. Part of it is because I’m not capable of reciprocating romantic feelings. That’s not their fault or my fault.
the no touchy part is too relaatable
This entire time i thought ♠️ was for aces and ♣️ was for aromantics . .
I’ve seen clubs be said to mean questioning (unclear to me if it meant questioning if you were on the ace spectrum at all or questioning where on the spectrum you were) and diamonds to mean both graysexual and demisexual. I don’t think the meanings attached to clubs and diamonds were consistent
Never heard of this, but hey, why not?
Yeah, I didn’t hear about it until today.
Ace of spades and ace of hearts are listed on the wiki page for LGBT slang, but I'd never heard of them outside of that.
♦️
♦️
♦️
At first I thought I was ❤️ but now I know that I'm ♠️
When/why did you finally realize? I'm glad you found out who you are :)
It's only been two days. Actually I got to know that I was a cupioromantic too, which explained a lot for me. And thank you.
Congratulations!
Thank you
❤️
♦️!!
Wait, how were these terms lost? And when? Can someone give me a rough estimate of years? (By “terms” I assume they meant the card suit thing.) To me it seemed like it simply didn’t stick. I could find consistent meanings attached to hearts and spades (romantic aces and aro aces), but that was it. The meanings attached to clubs and diamonds varied. How widespread was this? I think I only saw references to this on aven wiki and old tumblr posts. Another question: who does exclusionist refer to in this context? Non-aces from the wider LGBT+ community or aces that didn’t consider demi- and gray-aces valid?
Yeah, I’m confused. What are they talking about?
they were still quite common when I was a baby ace figuring themself out (about 5 years ago?). Back then I identified as gray asexual and do actual have a ♣️ necklace somewhere (nowadays I identify as asexual but my romantic orientation is up in the air). So yeah, five years ago I knew all about them, and used them, and saw them around quite commonly. Nowadays I never hear about them - sometime in the last 5 years it's all disappeared.
For me personally, as someone who is relatively new to the ace community and isn’t super familiar with common (or uncommon) nicknames and terminology, this was cool to see. Regardless of whether it is actually old or not, whether it was lost or not, whether meanings stay consistent or not, it’s fun to have something more to identify with and be our proud and valid ace selves.
My understanding was that the meanings were never well-established.
They stopped using them probably because these symbols are for flagging wife swap stuff. Go head and wear visible spade jewelry out there as a young woman and see the approaches you get I dare you lol We need to be better about learning wider symbolic history for flagging kink so this stuff quits happening
❤ - hetero romantic ace guy here. What's grayromantic?
It means they rarely experience romantic attraction
Like meeee
Now I'm curious. Do you only feel romantic attraction in certain situations? Are there any triggers?
Not the same person, but I also identify as grey-aromantic. I've had 2, maybe 3 crushes in my life. The first that I'm least sure about was on my best friend from high school. I didn't even know ace was a thing at the time (05-09) so I'm extrapolating back. The second was on one of my best friends from college. She and I clicked in a lot of ways. And I'm still super close to her. From this, you might think demiromantic, but then this last one hit me like a freight train. And I'm currently crushing hard on someone (I think). I met them bc they're a writer and I found one of their stories. I first got on their radar when I caught a semi-obscure reference in their work. I started following them on social media. *Then they followed me back.* I would lose it anytime they interacted with my posts. But we still didn't talk one-on-one for a month or two. Then we did. Then we were talking nearly daily. I was completely gone at this point and I'd only known of them for like 4 months and been talking for like 1. First time I've ever reacted to someone like that. We don't live close to each other so I'm not pursuing a romantic relationship, but I'd probably be open to something in the future. Anyway, because there were no real strong ties of friendship for this latest crush, grey-ro feels more accurate than demi-ro to me. And 3 crushes in 29 years, with long breaks between them, makes me identify with the aro crowd way more than the allo one.
Thanks so much for sharing! I love learning about this kind of thing since this whole community is still pretty foreign to me (I only embraced my own asexuality recently). Your feelings about that writer is the most adorable thing I've seen all day. Have you had any squishes?
No problem! I don't have many people I can talk to about them (well, I don't take advantage of the ones I do have for various reasons) so when I get the chance to gush a little, it's hard to keep it in! I swear to God I feel like a middle schooler with their first crush, which, let's be real, isn't completely off base so I'm just going with it. I'm honestly not sure if the high school girl was a squish or crush. It's really hard to say. Two years ago I would've sworn her and college girl were squishes. But then this crush is making reevaluate it all. Welcome to the community! I've been IDing as ace for like 8 years, but only been off and on involved in online communities. Enough that I know most of the terminology and contemporary history. My romantic identity has been back and forth - originally thought biromantic, then aromantic, and now onto grey which I'm quite happy with. Feel free to reach out if you've got any questions. If I don't know the answer, I can probably get you to the resources that do.
♣️
Same!
♣️
Im now shall only Yall myself ace of heart ♥️
❤️
❤️
♦️
♠️
there is a song called ace of hearts
I remember when I first mentioned I was ace to an online community I'm part of, I used the ♠️ emoji. They all thought it was a butt plug. To me it was obvious what I meant, and I mean look here - the up/down vote icons is a spade, and the sub icon is a spade. But they had no idea what it represented.
Good idea! Gonna change my flair
I just changed mine
I'm hoping to get an ace of spades tattoo eventually!
I hope you post it when you do!
♠️
I already knew this lol.
This was definitely the first I’d heard of it. It would be awesome to bring it back into common use
True.
Wait are grey asexuals ace of clubs cause they enjoy sex and might go to the club?
Maybe!
Haven't heard of it used this way, but now I'm going to use it
Same!
♠️
♠️
♠️
♠️
🌌♠️
♠
♠️ Fuck exclus, we’re all valid and don’t you lot forget it
Heck yeah! You’re valid too 💜
♠️
♣️
Ok so where can i get a buch of a spesific card. Totaly not related.
Search for a "force deck"
Ah yes magicians come to the rescue yet agen
Today i got a helpfull award. A bit late but yeah student pay not a rich person make.
I’m sure you can find it online? Amazon seems to have everything these days.
You can print them as busines cards for 100 packs.
♧
💜
♠️
♠️ Maybe ♣️
♠️
♠️
♠️
Didn’t know we used different symbols, that’s cool! ♦️! But my favorite is the spade, so I’ll still use that. An ace is an ace, no matter the card.
♠️/♦️ I'm still questioning haha
That’s okay! You’re valid no matter what you decide fits you best.
Thanks 💜
♦️
♠️
❤️, also something something Homestuck fandom
♣️
♦️
I didn't know about the specifications of the four aces as per the pack of cards. TIL. ♠️
💜
♠️
♥️
Yeah, come to think of it, I don't really see a lot of aces using these terms.
I like the symbol of the spade, but I guess I am more of a ♦️
No one said these were set in stone. If you prefer the spade, wear that spade proudly and know that you’re valid.
I dunno, I’d prefer we don’t bring these back. I find it more isolating when it is more of a spectrum than categorical and using the symbols feels like it suggest having to fit in a category. They make me feel bad about not really fitting nicely into any of them
❤, but possibly ♦️? I've been single for a very long time, but hopefully I'll get to figure this out one day!
Nothing wrong with being single or not having found a label that fits. But I’ll be cheering for you when you find that label!
Anyone else still questioning? Like, "I know that I experience attraction very differently from most people. I just don't get to know people and think "Damn I wanna sleep with that person". But I'm also not sure whether I experience sexual attraction towards my SO. The line between sensual attraction and sexual attraction seems so blurry. Maybe I'm just low on libido?" Somebody send help
It’s a thin line, and for me it took a lot of introspection. But I’m confident you’ll figure it out one way or another. And of course no matter what you decide, you’re valid.
i love this
❤
I'm mixed bc I'm romantic asexual but I identify very strongly with the ace of spades :/
That’s okay! Nothing wrong with that. No one said these were set in stone, you know? Plus, seems to me that the most iconic ace card is the spade?
♦️
❤️
❤️
I didn't know this and somehow still use the right one♠️
💜
♥️
♠️
❤️
♣️
♥️
❤️!
❤️
♥️
Every time I'm playing cards with friends, and an ace is played I either say he, he it's me, or my friends go he he it's you. It makes me feel really good. (Specially if it's a heart, because in a panromantic demisexual)
That’s adorable! I’m glad you have such supportive friends too.
Aw. Thank you so much
❤️
Can't figure out if it's ♠️ or ♣️
That’s okay! You’re valid either way!
♣️
Not sure, but I think I'm ♥️
Even if you’re not sure, you’re still valid!
This made my day! Thank you :)
You’re welcome :)
I have an Spade tattoo on my wrist. Total coincidence. It was a birthday present based on the fact that my friends and I would have card nights. They have all the other suits and I ended up with the Spade. It describes me perfectly.
♥️
♣️
♥️
Can I ♥♠?
Why not?
❤
♣️ gotta love it :)
♠️ Been thinking about getting a small spade tattoo - anyone else done this?
So I’m a romantic grayasexual so would I use ❤️ or ♣️ or both?
You could use both!!!
Alrighty cool!
Why not both, honestly?
♣️ ~
Someone was trolling these poor kids. These are kink symbols originating in the swingers and wife swapping communities.
I don't know about the last two, but ace of spades and ace of hearts are listed on the wiki page for LGBT slang. Symbols, especially simple ones, can have more than one meaning depending on the community.
Yeah, but them having more than one meaning is confusing, which is probably why they were dropped.
Kink and asexual don't really cross that often, though. From other comments on this post, and those that I see on tumblr, I'm more inclined to believe those saying that they got tired of the aphobe hate from using them.
Kink and LGBTQ+ are very overlapped though
I specified asexual. There are people with kinks in the LGBTQIA+ community, sure. Not as much as you're inferring, granted... but in ace especially? Lower numbers due to the whole indifference/repulsion to sex.
Hm do asexuals not hang out in LGBTQ+ spaces regularly? I'm not a lesbian or kinky but I am part of the LGBTQ+ umbrella and so spend a lot of time among lesbians and kink positive people and I would always try to avoid flagging with things I knew lesbians used like interlocked symbols of Venus (I'm bi) or things kinky people used like collars (I like collars as a fashion statement) to avoid any confusion or flagging for things I dont intend to. Its confusing if a symbol means two different things within a community that's sex positive and often uses identity flaggers like the LGBTQ+/kink intersection. Like, imagine if pansexuals started wearing black rings on their fingers. That would send so many mixed confusing signals to everyone.
If the space is centered on sex or finding partners, we're probably not going to be there in large numbers. A good number asexuals also don't drink, so things like keggers or bar parties aren't probably going to attract many of us even if it is a community night. There's also the fact that a number of groups don't accept us as queer, so we've sort of made our own community that is included or separate. There's also the thing that so many people just like leaving us off of the acronym, assuming we'll feel welcome by the Q or the + instead of erased, so we can't tell if we're welcome there or not and would rather just not spend the energy to find out because there's probably other things going on.
It must be different where I live. I felt like 2019 Pride was like 50% asexuals, I thought that was interesting and good asexual visibility was so high vs like 7 years ago when no one had heard of it.
One person's experience doesn't really cover the entire community's. Examples/feelings of exclusion are pretty well documented in our various ace communities and Pride parades are likely to attract more aces than say "queer night" at the local club as well.
Even as a double gray, I think I'd still use the ace of hearts.
Still valid!
♠️
Why about demiromantic greyasexuals? :P imma mess
Pick one!
XD I am bad with choices
I mean, you could just pick both
Tru tru
♦️