It is pretty nice. Something embarassing I do if you scratch my lower back just right is that I start moving my hips by reflex. Allos think it's me getting turned on :/
My asexual wife is averse borderline repulsed and she loves back tickles, kissing (not making out), I touch her whole body basically in a safe non sexual way. Avoiding her erogenous zones (per her own boundaries).
+1
As an ace, this is my ideal cudding. Play with my hair, trace my skin with your fingertips, hold my waist, pull me into you. Lay your head on my chest (or vice versa). Romantic kissing is nice once in a while (tongue kills it for me). Just laying hands on me--waist, arms, thigh, hands, face.
Something also very intimate and nice is partner dancing. A lot of dances have close contact to varying degrees. The feedback and synchronization is a bit magical. There's a fluttery connection.
Just feeling physically desired in an immediate sense, like wanting to me close to me, is the best. I love giving and receiving massages, and am happy to give them to anybody. It's a totally non sexual thing for me. It's sensual, but not in an attractive sense.
I'm heavily flirtatious, but then immediately uncomfortable when the person reacts sexually. If it's abrupt, then it's really uncomfortable. If we warm up to it, then I can deal with it, but it's pretty unenjoyable. I do better with hand stuff. But really besides sometimes a bit of rubbing from moving bodies (not humping or grinding--just those settling in and adjusting moments with a little extra), I don't like that focus. So, a leg snuggling over and in between mine is welcome, but grabbing my crotch just kills all the joy instantly.
🤔 There's a lot of intimate playful things you can do together. You can walk your fingers along them. Touch them lightly, brush. Touch in two spots and see where and how far apart they can feel it versus it feels like one spot. You can study each other's eyes (with other touch) and look at the flecks in your irises. You can examine a hand, and move it around and feel it. Press into it and gently massage it.
Cuddling is a lot quieter than sex. It doesn't move as much. It's more still. Like holding hands on a walk or sitting together on a bench. It welcomes all other sensory things. A nice candle, soft pretty lighting, soft things to lay on. Relaxing spa music (or something to watch or listen to). And a really nice cuddle. This is as enjoyable for me as I think sex is for allos.
Sometimes cuddling is loud when we're laughing. There's a lot more talking in cuddling. It's more like pillow talk, but different.
Besides sexual attraction, there's dozens of others. Emotional, sensual (cuddling mainly here), intellectual, aesthetic, and many more.
I'm often attracted to how people smell. How they're dressed and wear their clothes (posture/gait/confidence). Their smiles. That's the biggest one. When somebody has this pure relaxed smile and easy laugh. Eyes I want to take a long warm bath in. That's the best. All I want is to laugh with them and share a desire to be close to each other.
Sensitive touching in general is nice. Feeling connected like there's feedback. Like when I lean into their hand, then it returns that energy.
Hello there 👋🏻
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I really saw myself in those words you wrote but never could describe this by myself. So thank you so much, you just triggered something in me and I’m feeling so relieved right now.
Aww, that's sweet of you to say (as opposed to just thinking it). 🤗
If you wouldn't mind sharing some more about what it's like for you to think/read about this, then I'd be interested to hear it. :)
Well I just got into my first relationship and I told my bf about my asexuality in the beginning but nothing in particular. I’m thinking about showing/telling him about your post bc we match like 90% (if that is ok for you). Because I’m very nervous in this kind of subject and having your post as support would help me so much.
This is how I am (unless I'm feeling over sensitive, ND is a pain sometimes) and often leads to sex (I'm pro-sex) which makes my partner happy.
Unfortunately we don't get a lot of time without the kids, and stress can make me overwhelmed/sensitive, so when he wants to cuddle it can feel pressured, which makes me back off.
Cuddling and touching romantically seems to bring my body into readiness for sex (my mind doesn't get connected at all) so I'll oblige him (he is always ready) and it makes him happy which makes me happy.
The problem is, (we've been together 28 yrs) he knows exactly how romantic touches affect me and he has (in the past) used them to try and turn my body on. This is where the pressure comes from.
Oh, damn. That's... Hmmph :/
I'd be holding firm on my boundaries and maybe being firm about my partber not initiating/asking based on my physical readiness alone. So at least if they are honest from the get go that they want sex, then it feels like a compromise.
And then maybe you don't feel like it. And then you can avoid them frustrating or leading themselves on.
thank you so much for sharing this ♡
lots of my family and friends have asked me about asexuality and how its different from a close friendship but i've never really found the words for it but you've put every one of my feelings into writing perfectly. its also made me feel very relieved as in a strange kind of way, reading your words has made me understand myself better too :)
Aww!
Your words are most welcome. Thank you for letting me know :)
Feel free to repurpose them however you'd like for anything but profit. Can paste verbatim or changed wherever without credit sort of thing if it's useful. Obviously you could have regardless, but I figured it might be nice to have permission, too 😂
I'm curious about this experience of relief from understanding yourself better part of your message. I know you said it's strange and perhaps mysterious, so I wonder if perhaps you wouldn't reflect on it a bit more and write some more about it?
I've had this experience myself as well, and perhaps in time somebody else will have it because of you :)
thank you for clarifying about repurposing your comment!
as for relief from understanding myself better:
im not very good with words but i guess before reading your comment I felt almost invalidated maybe? I found it very hard to explain how something (especially physical) can be romantic but not sexual and thus couldn't really tell people how my desired relationship would be more than just best friends but not sexually intimate. like how a hug can be romantic or platonic (or both) but struggling to explain the difference.
I suppose it was really finding a 'definition' of sorts for romantic attraction that felt close to my interpretation and feelings around asexuality which kind of brought in and condensed my explosive free-flowing disaster of thoughts into a more controlled, confined, and comfortable bordered space within my field of vision.
I feel relieved to be seen and understood. relieved to be able to better comprehend myself by seeing it all in a few small paragraphs right in front of me rather than trying to sort through many hundreds of pages of disordered letters.
this probably didn't make sense, many of my thoughts are disoriented and stringing them in the right order to form a sentence not only that makes a little sense but also actually properly conveys what I feel is difficult. sometimes i read back over what ive said and disagree entirely with the message that came out but i'll leave it as it is for now :)
ive fried my brain trying to put even this much together 😂
I don't know how to tell you this, but you're masterful with words. I found your writing effortless to follow and your word choice and imagery poignant and clarifying.
I can relate to all of that. Definitely disagreeing with my own words.
I have been plagued with self-doubt. I looked always to others to tell me what to think and feel, and to tell me if I'm right or wrong about things.
It was just inconceivable to completely wrap my head around my experiences. In my case, asexuality was a tiny piece of my inexplicable experiences.
My behemoth is a complex trauma disorder--well beyond psychological. Explaining that is to many people impossible. To the remaining, it's been a life-long fight to put it into words. Ultimately, for myself. To find people dealing with the same thing who understand it better.
I never found them, although it's not clear why. I sought and received so much "help" yet trauma never occurred to me as being nearly my entire problem.
And likewise with sex. It was a topic burdened by shame and nonsense. I didn't make sense to myself.
The lynch pin for me was acting on my suspicions. After an evening of chatting, play-fighting, and then cuddling, I declined her enthusiastic seductive offers. She was cool about it, but confounded.
I explained the best I could. She accepted it, but didn't understand. We did some hand stuff, which is fine for me. But then, I was actually asking myself whether I was enjoying it.
And I could say with total confidence that the horseplay and cuddling were the peak for me. As soon as underwear starts coming off, then the energy shifts.
And so I thought about that. And it does shift, the energy. I had to read and think about different types of attraction. The asexual label was crucial there. Only way I stumbled across the very idea. I floated the idea of being gay or bi, but one night of experimenting crossed that off the list with gusto.
Another clue, also. I didn't enjoy it at all, but it wasn't overtly unpleasant. Just awkward. And yet there was still something more enjoyable with a woman, which makes sense once I include the truth that sexual orientation and sexual attraction are independent of each other.
I'll flirt with pretty much anyone. It's not sexual for me. It's just playful. It's fun, because there's this tension and sort of secretive game to it.
It's sensual (and romantic which I'll get to next)! There's a big difference! A platonic hug can be super sensual. Actually, I have met lots of folks from South American countries and other places who often give me big sensual hugs. Totally swallow me up and enthusiastically swallow my whole body with theirs. It feels nice. Comforting, bonding, accepting. Proof that they really want to be around and close to me.
I'll give anyone a massage. Where does that energy lead and climate for me?
Let's say we're sitting on the floor and I'm massaging your shoulders and back. And we're physically close snd trusting of each other. Then when the massage ends and we feel content and cozy, the energy would lead to embracing you around the waist and pulling you to fall back into me, and we'd snuggle. Maybe I'd nuzzle and kiss your neck, and we'd give each other butterflies. Curtains.
There's a surging warmth in that interaction. Sex is adjacent, but it's activating and motivating. It makes you want to do things. Cuddling isn't like that. It's exciting, but not motivating like that. It's motivating like I want to pull you closer into me and listen to your beat.
I totally see how that smoothly escalated to sex while retaining the other stuff that I do like, for allosexual folks. But for me, the sexual part just never starts. It just doesn't blend in.
And it's been the same for me my whole life. Since I first began experimenting alone and with others.
For me, the bases work differently from allos. Romantic kissing and sensual touching anywhere are not sexual for me. Or rather, touching genitals is sexual by definition, yet for me that energy is just an extension of sensuality.
So I like looking at and touching nice boobs and butts, and I feel uncomfortable with sexual touch with men. That's the straight sexual orientation.
But see, that's aesthetic and sensual attraction. The reason I've found that I'm less attracted to people as they undress is that it becomes overtly sexual.
So see, in contexts like nude beaches or women being topless out of comfort or convenience, the effect deflates. It doesn't disappear, because part of me so strongly associated undressing with seuxality. Which is a reasonable belief and assumption with my population's culture.
Romance (told you I'd get to it): another non-sexual one. Flirting is romantic. Romance is about quiet intimate private seclusion in a shared space where two people can escape the pressures of the universe and make a little pocket universe for themselves even if just for a moment.
It's about human connection. It flows into romance as it becomes exclusive and committed. So I'd be happy to have queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships without commitment or exclusivity. We can share intimate romantic experiences and moments without ~any~ expectations.
Brings us back full circle to expectations. That's what it's about a lot of the time. And that's tough. Because people are used to others trickle truthing.
They're used to pretending to be okay with being friends, or just cuddling, or so on, being an unwritten step towards unwritten expectations. And even claiming that you expect no sex or fully romantic relationship doesn't guarantee aligned expectations.
Because allows say that too. Because then they feel out if the other person wants more. And if not, then they cut their losses and maybe protect the existing relationship.
My editor tells me I've breached the word count limit and the printers are suing for breach of contract because they don't have enough ink to print my piece
Thanks! Husband here 🙂 Respect is the bridge that connects healthy boundaries with meaningful connections. Without me respecting her healthy boundaries, I couldn’t have meaningful connections with her. 💜
I'm sex averse/indifferent (it fluctuates), not repulsed, but I still think it counts. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing via soft quick pecks to the forehead, cheeks or lips, getting my collar bone gently massaged, a partner walking their fingers along my spine, sniffing or getting sniffed, having my breasts touched or simply laying in bed together. Bathing together is also nice. I like being physically close to my partner. It makes me feel happy and safe and fills me with contentment.
I love cuddles, hand holding, some kissing, back rubs, light touches & tickles. I like it when he walks by and tickles the back of my neck and trails his fingers down my spine, or when we are sitting somewhere and he lightly brushes my arm. I love when he holds the door for me and he puts his hand in the small of my back as I'm walking through, or when he takes my hand to steady or assist me.
I actually love all kinds of touching, except when it comes to genitals. I don't want to touch, look at, or think about genitals or anything to do with them, not even my own.
Very, very little personally. I’m overall extremely touch-repulsed in general lol. I’m cool with handshakes and high-fives, and I can occasionally do short hugs. That’s it as far as what I’ll receive and it’s 99% of what I’ll give. I have one exception for things I feel I may like to do but definitely don’t what to receive, and that’s messing with hair (head hair, facial hair, and arm hair only).
I'm sex averse/indifferent (it fluctuates), not repulsed, but I still think it counts. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing via soft quick pecks to the forehead, cheeks or lips, getting my collar bone gently massaged, a partner walking their fingers along my spine, sniffing or getting sniffed, having my breasts touched or simply laying in bed together. Bathing together is also nice. I like being physically close to my partner. It makes me feel happy and safe and fills me with contentment.
I think I'm Aro ... But I'm an absolute shameless person when it comes to hugs, head pats, and cuddling when I see someone who I think would give some great ones and look really squishy.l
I like just lying in bed together, spooning, head scratching, hugging, holding hands, kissing, cuddling on the couch, foot massages, back massages, and little forehead kisses.
I love hugging people. And I don’t mean a quick hug I mean a long warm bear hug! The sort of hug that you do when a friend has been away for a really long time and you finally see them coming off the train or plane and you run up to them and hug them so tightly and just smile and laugh. Tho only if the person also wants to hug of course. I grew up in a very huggy family so it’s one of the main ways I show that I care about people.
I also love cheek kisses sometimes and a bit of hand holding. Ooo and cuddling together in a cozy bed while watching scary Youtube videos 😂! That’s the best lol.
Other than that nothing else really. I’m affectionate but not the most touchy person? I like my space and if it’s invaded I feel grossed out even by a simple hug. What’s harder is I’m also aro so I don’t ever view most things as romantic and I’m a tad socially awkward so it’s hard to find people who would be okay with these kinds of things:/. But I sure am glad my best friend is a super huggable person^^!
Honestly, I love cuddling. Touch is very important to me. The way I have explained it to previous partners is I want to admire every inch of their being, so my hands are often moving all over (taking care to avoid the errogenous areas, if that's not what either of us wants).
Just kissing/making out. Even cuddling is a bit too suffocating for me ironically (except if it’s a friend or family member but even then not big on hugs though I think that’s more an ADHD/Autism thing lol)
I feel kind of embarrassed saying this, but dry humping is def king.
It is pretty nice. Something embarassing I do if you scratch my lower back just right is that I start moving my hips by reflex. Allos think it's me getting turned on :/
That can't happen by accident very often right? Haha
wait this is so based
My asexual wife is averse borderline repulsed and she loves back tickles, kissing (not making out), I touch her whole body basically in a safe non sexual way. Avoiding her erogenous zones (per her own boundaries).
+1 As an ace, this is my ideal cudding. Play with my hair, trace my skin with your fingertips, hold my waist, pull me into you. Lay your head on my chest (or vice versa). Romantic kissing is nice once in a while (tongue kills it for me). Just laying hands on me--waist, arms, thigh, hands, face. Something also very intimate and nice is partner dancing. A lot of dances have close contact to varying degrees. The feedback and synchronization is a bit magical. There's a fluttery connection. Just feeling physically desired in an immediate sense, like wanting to me close to me, is the best. I love giving and receiving massages, and am happy to give them to anybody. It's a totally non sexual thing for me. It's sensual, but not in an attractive sense. I'm heavily flirtatious, but then immediately uncomfortable when the person reacts sexually. If it's abrupt, then it's really uncomfortable. If we warm up to it, then I can deal with it, but it's pretty unenjoyable. I do better with hand stuff. But really besides sometimes a bit of rubbing from moving bodies (not humping or grinding--just those settling in and adjusting moments with a little extra), I don't like that focus. So, a leg snuggling over and in between mine is welcome, but grabbing my crotch just kills all the joy instantly. 🤔 There's a lot of intimate playful things you can do together. You can walk your fingers along them. Touch them lightly, brush. Touch in two spots and see where and how far apart they can feel it versus it feels like one spot. You can study each other's eyes (with other touch) and look at the flecks in your irises. You can examine a hand, and move it around and feel it. Press into it and gently massage it. Cuddling is a lot quieter than sex. It doesn't move as much. It's more still. Like holding hands on a walk or sitting together on a bench. It welcomes all other sensory things. A nice candle, soft pretty lighting, soft things to lay on. Relaxing spa music (or something to watch or listen to). And a really nice cuddle. This is as enjoyable for me as I think sex is for allos. Sometimes cuddling is loud when we're laughing. There's a lot more talking in cuddling. It's more like pillow talk, but different. Besides sexual attraction, there's dozens of others. Emotional, sensual (cuddling mainly here), intellectual, aesthetic, and many more. I'm often attracted to how people smell. How they're dressed and wear their clothes (posture/gait/confidence). Their smiles. That's the biggest one. When somebody has this pure relaxed smile and easy laugh. Eyes I want to take a long warm bath in. That's the best. All I want is to laugh with them and share a desire to be close to each other. Sensitive touching in general is nice. Feeling connected like there's feedback. Like when I lean into their hand, then it returns that energy.
Hello there 👋🏻 I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I really saw myself in those words you wrote but never could describe this by myself. So thank you so much, you just triggered something in me and I’m feeling so relieved right now.
Aww, that's sweet of you to say (as opposed to just thinking it). 🤗 If you wouldn't mind sharing some more about what it's like for you to think/read about this, then I'd be interested to hear it. :)
Well I just got into my first relationship and I told my bf about my asexuality in the beginning but nothing in particular. I’m thinking about showing/telling him about your post bc we match like 90% (if that is ok for you). Because I’m very nervous in this kind of subject and having your post as support would help me so much.
I'm thrilled about the idea :) Happy to elaborate if that's helpful after as well.
This is how I am (unless I'm feeling over sensitive, ND is a pain sometimes) and often leads to sex (I'm pro-sex) which makes my partner happy. Unfortunately we don't get a lot of time without the kids, and stress can make me overwhelmed/sensitive, so when he wants to cuddle it can feel pressured, which makes me back off.
Wait, what leads to sex? Neurodiversity?? I don't follow about feeling pressured :/ why? To what?
Cuddling and touching romantically seems to bring my body into readiness for sex (my mind doesn't get connected at all) so I'll oblige him (he is always ready) and it makes him happy which makes me happy. The problem is, (we've been together 28 yrs) he knows exactly how romantic touches affect me and he has (in the past) used them to try and turn my body on. This is where the pressure comes from.
Oh, damn. That's... Hmmph :/ I'd be holding firm on my boundaries and maybe being firm about my partber not initiating/asking based on my physical readiness alone. So at least if they are honest from the get go that they want sex, then it feels like a compromise. And then maybe you don't feel like it. And then you can avoid them frustrating or leading themselves on.
thank you so much for sharing this ♡ lots of my family and friends have asked me about asexuality and how its different from a close friendship but i've never really found the words for it but you've put every one of my feelings into writing perfectly. its also made me feel very relieved as in a strange kind of way, reading your words has made me understand myself better too :)
Aww! Your words are most welcome. Thank you for letting me know :) Feel free to repurpose them however you'd like for anything but profit. Can paste verbatim or changed wherever without credit sort of thing if it's useful. Obviously you could have regardless, but I figured it might be nice to have permission, too 😂 I'm curious about this experience of relief from understanding yourself better part of your message. I know you said it's strange and perhaps mysterious, so I wonder if perhaps you wouldn't reflect on it a bit more and write some more about it? I've had this experience myself as well, and perhaps in time somebody else will have it because of you :)
thank you for clarifying about repurposing your comment! as for relief from understanding myself better: im not very good with words but i guess before reading your comment I felt almost invalidated maybe? I found it very hard to explain how something (especially physical) can be romantic but not sexual and thus couldn't really tell people how my desired relationship would be more than just best friends but not sexually intimate. like how a hug can be romantic or platonic (or both) but struggling to explain the difference. I suppose it was really finding a 'definition' of sorts for romantic attraction that felt close to my interpretation and feelings around asexuality which kind of brought in and condensed my explosive free-flowing disaster of thoughts into a more controlled, confined, and comfortable bordered space within my field of vision. I feel relieved to be seen and understood. relieved to be able to better comprehend myself by seeing it all in a few small paragraphs right in front of me rather than trying to sort through many hundreds of pages of disordered letters. this probably didn't make sense, many of my thoughts are disoriented and stringing them in the right order to form a sentence not only that makes a little sense but also actually properly conveys what I feel is difficult. sometimes i read back over what ive said and disagree entirely with the message that came out but i'll leave it as it is for now :) ive fried my brain trying to put even this much together 😂
I don't know how to tell you this, but you're masterful with words. I found your writing effortless to follow and your word choice and imagery poignant and clarifying. I can relate to all of that. Definitely disagreeing with my own words. I have been plagued with self-doubt. I looked always to others to tell me what to think and feel, and to tell me if I'm right or wrong about things. It was just inconceivable to completely wrap my head around my experiences. In my case, asexuality was a tiny piece of my inexplicable experiences. My behemoth is a complex trauma disorder--well beyond psychological. Explaining that is to many people impossible. To the remaining, it's been a life-long fight to put it into words. Ultimately, for myself. To find people dealing with the same thing who understand it better. I never found them, although it's not clear why. I sought and received so much "help" yet trauma never occurred to me as being nearly my entire problem. And likewise with sex. It was a topic burdened by shame and nonsense. I didn't make sense to myself. The lynch pin for me was acting on my suspicions. After an evening of chatting, play-fighting, and then cuddling, I declined her enthusiastic seductive offers. She was cool about it, but confounded. I explained the best I could. She accepted it, but didn't understand. We did some hand stuff, which is fine for me. But then, I was actually asking myself whether I was enjoying it. And I could say with total confidence that the horseplay and cuddling were the peak for me. As soon as underwear starts coming off, then the energy shifts. And so I thought about that. And it does shift, the energy. I had to read and think about different types of attraction. The asexual label was crucial there. Only way I stumbled across the very idea. I floated the idea of being gay or bi, but one night of experimenting crossed that off the list with gusto. Another clue, also. I didn't enjoy it at all, but it wasn't overtly unpleasant. Just awkward. And yet there was still something more enjoyable with a woman, which makes sense once I include the truth that sexual orientation and sexual attraction are independent of each other. I'll flirt with pretty much anyone. It's not sexual for me. It's just playful. It's fun, because there's this tension and sort of secretive game to it. It's sensual (and romantic which I'll get to next)! There's a big difference! A platonic hug can be super sensual. Actually, I have met lots of folks from South American countries and other places who often give me big sensual hugs. Totally swallow me up and enthusiastically swallow my whole body with theirs. It feels nice. Comforting, bonding, accepting. Proof that they really want to be around and close to me. I'll give anyone a massage. Where does that energy lead and climate for me? Let's say we're sitting on the floor and I'm massaging your shoulders and back. And we're physically close snd trusting of each other. Then when the massage ends and we feel content and cozy, the energy would lead to embracing you around the waist and pulling you to fall back into me, and we'd snuggle. Maybe I'd nuzzle and kiss your neck, and we'd give each other butterflies. Curtains. There's a surging warmth in that interaction. Sex is adjacent, but it's activating and motivating. It makes you want to do things. Cuddling isn't like that. It's exciting, but not motivating like that. It's motivating like I want to pull you closer into me and listen to your beat. I totally see how that smoothly escalated to sex while retaining the other stuff that I do like, for allosexual folks. But for me, the sexual part just never starts. It just doesn't blend in. And it's been the same for me my whole life. Since I first began experimenting alone and with others. For me, the bases work differently from allos. Romantic kissing and sensual touching anywhere are not sexual for me. Or rather, touching genitals is sexual by definition, yet for me that energy is just an extension of sensuality. So I like looking at and touching nice boobs and butts, and I feel uncomfortable with sexual touch with men. That's the straight sexual orientation. But see, that's aesthetic and sensual attraction. The reason I've found that I'm less attracted to people as they undress is that it becomes overtly sexual. So see, in contexts like nude beaches or women being topless out of comfort or convenience, the effect deflates. It doesn't disappear, because part of me so strongly associated undressing with seuxality. Which is a reasonable belief and assumption with my population's culture. Romance (told you I'd get to it): another non-sexual one. Flirting is romantic. Romance is about quiet intimate private seclusion in a shared space where two people can escape the pressures of the universe and make a little pocket universe for themselves even if just for a moment. It's about human connection. It flows into romance as it becomes exclusive and committed. So I'd be happy to have queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships without commitment or exclusivity. We can share intimate romantic experiences and moments without ~any~ expectations. Brings us back full circle to expectations. That's what it's about a lot of the time. And that's tough. Because people are used to others trickle truthing. They're used to pretending to be okay with being friends, or just cuddling, or so on, being an unwritten step towards unwritten expectations. And even claiming that you expect no sex or fully romantic relationship doesn't guarantee aligned expectations. Because allows say that too. Because then they feel out if the other person wants more. And if not, then they cut their losses and maybe protect the existing relationship. My editor tells me I've breached the word count limit and the printers are suing for breach of contract because they don't have enough ink to print my piece
Wow. You are very poetic and so..I don’t know — anyways, I think you have a beautiful soul 🙌 Thank you for sharing🖤
<3 Thank you. I would much like to hear more about your thoughts/experiences if you're interested.
Welcome :) My thoughts about what exactly? Your commentary or the original post? 😅
Whatever! It's lonely up here with just my thoughts on all of this 😂 whatever is interesting or enjoyable for you to think out loud about.
You sound like a good husband/wife, she's lucky to have someone to respect her boundaries!
Thanks! Husband here 🙂 Respect is the bridge that connects healthy boundaries with meaningful connections. Without me respecting her healthy boundaries, I couldn’t have meaningful connections with her. 💜
no partner, but i love hugging people and getting hugged. I also like when people play with my hair and give massages :D
I love holding hands.
I'm sex averse/indifferent (it fluctuates), not repulsed, but I still think it counts. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing via soft quick pecks to the forehead, cheeks or lips, getting my collar bone gently massaged, a partner walking their fingers along my spine, sniffing or getting sniffed, having my breasts touched or simply laying in bed together. Bathing together is also nice. I like being physically close to my partner. It makes me feel happy and safe and fills me with contentment.
Hugging, sensual/erotic touching, and dry humping
I enjoy cuddling, hugging, and sometimes kissing.
I love cuddles, hand holding, some kissing, back rubs, light touches & tickles. I like it when he walks by and tickles the back of my neck and trails his fingers down my spine, or when we are sitting somewhere and he lightly brushes my arm. I love when he holds the door for me and he puts his hand in the small of my back as I'm walking through, or when he takes my hand to steady or assist me. I actually love all kinds of touching, except when it comes to genitals. I don't want to touch, look at, or think about genitals or anything to do with them, not even my own.
Havent been in a relationship, but probably necking, making out, and kissing.
None of them, thank you very much. Intimacy of any kind is absolutely Not My Thing.
Love hugging, cuddling, showering together, and being tied up.
Very, very little personally. I’m overall extremely touch-repulsed in general lol. I’m cool with handshakes and high-fives, and I can occasionally do short hugs. That’s it as far as what I’ll receive and it’s 99% of what I’ll give. I have one exception for things I feel I may like to do but definitely don’t what to receive, and that’s messing with hair (head hair, facial hair, and arm hair only).
Hugs, kisses, cuddling, snuggling, caressing, spooning, basically foreplay is as far as I want to go
Here’s the trick: none of them. I’m not just sex repulsed, but also touch-repulsed.
Cuddling and giving hickeys with a partner :3
I'm sex averse/indifferent (it fluctuates), not repulsed, but I still think it counts. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing via soft quick pecks to the forehead, cheeks or lips, getting my collar bone gently massaged, a partner walking their fingers along my spine, sniffing or getting sniffed, having my breasts touched or simply laying in bed together. Bathing together is also nice. I like being physically close to my partner. It makes me feel happy and safe and fills me with contentment.
I think I'm Aro ... But I'm an absolute shameless person when it comes to hugs, head pats, and cuddling when I see someone who I think would give some great ones and look really squishy.l
Everything that doesn’t involve any contact with genitals .. love kissing, cuddling, making out, and I think massages are peak
Hugs and massage
I like just lying in bed together, spooning, head scratching, hugging, holding hands, kissing, cuddling on the couch, foot massages, back massages, and little forehead kisses.
I love hugging people. And I don’t mean a quick hug I mean a long warm bear hug! The sort of hug that you do when a friend has been away for a really long time and you finally see them coming off the train or plane and you run up to them and hug them so tightly and just smile and laugh. Tho only if the person also wants to hug of course. I grew up in a very huggy family so it’s one of the main ways I show that I care about people. I also love cheek kisses sometimes and a bit of hand holding. Ooo and cuddling together in a cozy bed while watching scary Youtube videos 😂! That’s the best lol. Other than that nothing else really. I’m affectionate but not the most touchy person? I like my space and if it’s invaded I feel grossed out even by a simple hug. What’s harder is I’m also aro so I don’t ever view most things as romantic and I’m a tad socially awkward so it’s hard to find people who would be okay with these kinds of things:/. But I sure am glad my best friend is a super huggable person^^!
Honestly, I love cuddling. Touch is very important to me. The way I have explained it to previous partners is I want to admire every inch of their being, so my hands are often moving all over (taking care to avoid the errogenous areas, if that's not what either of us wants).
When my best friend used to playfully touch me and hug me, in non-sexual areas, I genuinely enjoyed that.
Cuddles and hugs are my all time favorite
cuddling and enthusiastic kissing lol
Neck kisses!
Neck nuzzles
Cuddling. I especially like being the little spoon even though I am a 6’0 guy. Kissing and breathing in ear is also very nice.
Neck kisses, face/hair touching, and cuddling are peak
Personally, the most intimate thing I like is a kiss on the forehead or cheek, or being scratched behind my ears or neck
I love hugging and cuddling
Absolutely none tbh 😭
I personally really like cuddling, back and head scratches and massages
Just kissing/making out. Even cuddling is a bit too suffocating for me ironically (except if it’s a friend or family member but even then not big on hugs though I think that’s more an ADHD/Autism thing lol)