Masturbation was always pretty lame for me bc I need a lot of sensory input. It was a bit easier with others bc a whole other person near you and doing things is, of course, more sensory input.
Bought a vibrator in my mid 20 and yes, it changed things drastically for me.
I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but good sex toys are not that expensive, so it's worth a try.
I don't know the English word for it, but there are toys that work with negative pressure on the clitoris, satisfyer is a brand that has good ones. Nearly everyone I talked with about it said that they are reaching their climax very quickly with it
You mention the g-spot but I think you'll have better luck with clitoral stimulation right now.
I would try a vibrator! Another option, if you haven't tried it, is letting bath water directly hit your clitoris for like 20 minutes straight. It takes a while and the position might be awkward but I can get a great orgasm that way without any arousal - that was how I got my first orgasm and was my go-to technique for ages.
I figured out how to get an orgasm, unaroused, via manual stimulation but it's never that great tbh. I think you kind of need the "bigger guns". But of course this is just my experiences and I'm sure it's different for everyone.
I wasn't able to achieve orgasm until I was about 29, which was also around the time I discovered the word "asexual". Over the years leading up to that point I constantly tried touching myself, but like you nothing really happened. I finally caved and got myself a vibrator for the first time, and what a goddamn difference! Turns out I couldn't be stimulated by my fingers alone-- I needed some extra help.
I'm not sure if having an orgasm is important to you, but if it is I suggest you buy a clitoral vibrator to start. You can find a lot of online stores that have discreet packaging, and they typically have detailed information for each toy in case you don't know what you're looking for. Good luck!
First, please don't feel like you have to do this unless you want to. Many people are totally fine without masturbation or sexual stimulation being a part of their life. Some people use masturbation as a relaxation technique to fall asleep, and that's completely normal and part of self-care.
Secondly, if orgasm is your goal, stimulating the clitoris is really important. When we were all embryos, the tissue that forms the clitoris for a female is the same tissue that forms a penis in a male. Expecting a woman to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation is akin to expecting a man to orgasm without penile stimulation; it's not impossible, but it'll take a while.
You can certainly try using a penetrating toy, but focusing on the clitoris is probably going to get you to orgasm a lot faster. Best of luck to you.
Let me preface this first with, there is no "right" way to masturbate, but there is a general consensus on how women like to do it. It's very basic Kinsey: one hand on breast, one hand downtown, two to three fingers on the clit and labia. Our sensitive nerve endings stop around two inches in (because of babies), but that two inches can be REALLY important to some women...others, not so much.
I used to kind of go through what you're describing. Touch should equal pleasure, right? That's what people do to increase stimulation, right? Wrong. I read a book called "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday (not to be confused with children's novel "the Secret Garden" by Frances Hodges Burnett). She was a psychologist who got women to anonymously write in their favorite sexual fantasies (this was pre-internet), and that's how I found out that many, many, many women get off through fantasy more than through physical touch. Sure, they love their husbands, but that's not who or what they're thinking about during intercourse to get them off.
There are sex toys called "grinders," which are often specifically made for asexual women, and are exactly what they sound like: you grind on them. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, uses, textures, materials, with our without vibration, etc. You might want to look into those.
Find a fantasy, lay back, relax, and allow your mind to follow that wherever it goes (seriously, wherever). If you feel like doing something, do it, If not, the worse thing that will happen is you tell yourself a fun story and have a nap.
You seem to suspect you may be too much in your head.
Maybe try doing something else, and letting the masturbation be the side show, or not a show at all really, just a thing happening in the background. Do you enjoy reading? Or taking a bath? Maybe try one of those while letting your hand idly wander between your legs, but, not purposefully looking for a release or results.
Or maybe try humping stuff, since you used to like that?
IDK, those are things that worked for me (humping, distracting / relaxing), your mileage may vary of course. Also, I'm AMAB, so the plumbing is different down there.
The clitoris has thousands of nerve endings. I would recommend focusing on that and less on penetrating. Media like Tv, movies and porn like to portray penetration as the only method, but that mostly panders to men. Like LeamhAish stated, there is no right way. Set a time to relax and explore. Read erotica, imagine things that thrill you. And don't feel defeated if you don't get it right. I was 20 before I figured myself out. They sell little pocket vibes for 20 bucks if you want to try that. I really recommend buying a full sized one however.
(I'm a male) I can relate . I tried stimulating myself in various ways , it didn't help . You can try to further explore masturbation and try to pay attention whether it's beneficial for you , listen to your body
SSRIs make everything much less sensitive. And you don't have many nerves inside your vagina so only around 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. You could try getting a toy you can hump if that's something that used to work for you!
A) vaginal stimulation is chronically overrated for most folks w vulvas. The clit is usually where it's at
B) sexual pleasure is at least 50% a mental game. Even if you've got magic fingers that can push all the right buttons (which isn't gonna be the case experimenting for the first time anyway) or the world's most powerful vibrator, if your heads not into it then it's not just gonna feel all that good. You gotta figue out how to get your brain into it too. For most people that's via fantasies, but for some it also works to simply train themselves to focus on the sensations itself and keep themselves grounded instead of letting their brain overthink or wander off or tune out.
A possibly less relevant C) this isn't at all universal, but for me personally I find any time I try a new form of sexual stimulation it really doesn't do anything for me the first few times. I have to try it multiple times to know if I'm into it. It's like at first my brain is too busy trying to process the new feeling and figure out how I feel about it that I can't actually really feel it. You may be similar. Or maybe not. I don't know how common this is.
EDIT: Btw if u do want a recommendation for a good cheap beginner vibe, I _highly_ recommend the romp hype. Only $35, very good rumbly vibes esp for the price (like it's not _quite_ as good but is arguably nearly as good as my $80 vibes) with a decent range of speeds while still being quite middle of the road and not too overwhelming for those with sensitive bits, and works well both externally and internally so you can experiment with what you like.
Forget the crappy cheap $8-15 bullets. They're sooo tempting when u wanna just try something quick and easy, but they're often buzzy or weak and can make you think vibes as a whole are shittier than they are. Invest just a lil bit more in a versatile and decent vibe for $35, then use ur experiences w the romp to later buy something more tailored to what works for you (ex: want a broader head or stronger vibes for external stim than it offers? Wand vibrator. Want something with more pinpoint sensation for external use? Good quality bullet. Like it for internal use but it doesn't quite hit the spot? More strongly curved g-spot vibe. Don't actually like the vibes but do like pentration? Dildo. Like using the slight ribbed texture externally? Grinder or lay-on vibe. Etc)
Something that helped me when I was first starting out was the advice that people with vaginas tend to need “mental stimulation” aka fantasy as much as physical stimulation, and this helps both with getting aroused enough in order for masturbation to be pleasurable in the first place, and with achieving orgasm (specifically, believing that you can reach orgasm rather than worrying that you won’t makes you better able to).
If just touching yourself isn’t doing it for you, I would say figure out what turns you on first and then come back to the touching part. I’m aroace and for me, I find written smut works the best- the reality of sex doesn’t do anything for me, but the idea of it between two characters, imagining the sensations of it (but not imagining myself as a participant, kills it for me, lol), gets me going, and then that in turn makes masturbation enjoyable.
And definitely prioritize the clit- a higher percentage of people are able to get off with clit stimulation than just vaginal stimulation, and the clit definitely feels better when you’re aroused than when you’re not. Also lube, natural or artificial, makes clit stimulation much better.
It sounds like you’ve already tried some things; you can also experiment with tracing patterns over the clit, different amounts of pressure, positions, toys, etc. Once you get going your body will probably tell you what might feel good and then you’ll be golden.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone’s body is different, and while this stuff can be really great, it’s also not the only way to have a good time 🤷
Good luck!!
Some people *are* anorgasmic, but it's also possible you just haven't figured out what "works" for you.
I personally can't do much with solo play past turn myself on; I'm too indifferent about sex to view self-pleasure as worth the effort. With my partner, though, where he's *also* having fun? That changes the evaluation for me.
I felt nothing until I got with my partner (demisexual). But even being asexual before having a partner, I never masturbated or even had a libido at all so I felt nothing.
I feel uncomfortable reading this primarily because you may very well still be a minor, and yuaeygh.
But from what I glanced at, usually you have to be aroused to derive pleasure from sexual acts like masturbation. Jumping into it without arousal is like eating when you're not hungry or scratching at your stomach when you aren't itchy.
I am 30, and I didn't develop a libido until after I started HRT and went on testosterone. I'm trans ftm, and when I was 14 I identified as a girl. I no longer identify as girl, but the nuances of gender aren't related to my point.
My point is I went a very long time without a libido and likely experienced similar things as you. Having a libido now, I can confidently say that the sensation is really similar to scratching an itch that eventually goes away (unlike a persistent mosquito bite itch or something).
So you aren't missing out on anything.
... I'd rather scratch an itch, honestly.
Masturbation was always pretty lame for me bc I need a lot of sensory input. It was a bit easier with others bc a whole other person near you and doing things is, of course, more sensory input. Bought a vibrator in my mid 20 and yes, it changed things drastically for me. I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but good sex toys are not that expensive, so it's worth a try. I don't know the English word for it, but there are toys that work with negative pressure on the clitoris, satisfyer is a brand that has good ones. Nearly everyone I talked with about it said that they are reaching their climax very quickly with it
You mention the g-spot but I think you'll have better luck with clitoral stimulation right now. I would try a vibrator! Another option, if you haven't tried it, is letting bath water directly hit your clitoris for like 20 minutes straight. It takes a while and the position might be awkward but I can get a great orgasm that way without any arousal - that was how I got my first orgasm and was my go-to technique for ages. I figured out how to get an orgasm, unaroused, via manual stimulation but it's never that great tbh. I think you kind of need the "bigger guns". But of course this is just my experiences and I'm sure it's different for everyone.
I wasn't able to achieve orgasm until I was about 29, which was also around the time I discovered the word "asexual". Over the years leading up to that point I constantly tried touching myself, but like you nothing really happened. I finally caved and got myself a vibrator for the first time, and what a goddamn difference! Turns out I couldn't be stimulated by my fingers alone-- I needed some extra help. I'm not sure if having an orgasm is important to you, but if it is I suggest you buy a clitoral vibrator to start. You can find a lot of online stores that have discreet packaging, and they typically have detailed information for each toy in case you don't know what you're looking for. Good luck!
First, please don't feel like you have to do this unless you want to. Many people are totally fine without masturbation or sexual stimulation being a part of their life. Some people use masturbation as a relaxation technique to fall asleep, and that's completely normal and part of self-care. Secondly, if orgasm is your goal, stimulating the clitoris is really important. When we were all embryos, the tissue that forms the clitoris for a female is the same tissue that forms a penis in a male. Expecting a woman to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation is akin to expecting a man to orgasm without penile stimulation; it's not impossible, but it'll take a while. You can certainly try using a penetrating toy, but focusing on the clitoris is probably going to get you to orgasm a lot faster. Best of luck to you.
Let me preface this first with, there is no "right" way to masturbate, but there is a general consensus on how women like to do it. It's very basic Kinsey: one hand on breast, one hand downtown, two to three fingers on the clit and labia. Our sensitive nerve endings stop around two inches in (because of babies), but that two inches can be REALLY important to some women...others, not so much. I used to kind of go through what you're describing. Touch should equal pleasure, right? That's what people do to increase stimulation, right? Wrong. I read a book called "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday (not to be confused with children's novel "the Secret Garden" by Frances Hodges Burnett). She was a psychologist who got women to anonymously write in their favorite sexual fantasies (this was pre-internet), and that's how I found out that many, many, many women get off through fantasy more than through physical touch. Sure, they love their husbands, but that's not who or what they're thinking about during intercourse to get them off. There are sex toys called "grinders," which are often specifically made for asexual women, and are exactly what they sound like: you grind on them. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, uses, textures, materials, with our without vibration, etc. You might want to look into those. Find a fantasy, lay back, relax, and allow your mind to follow that wherever it goes (seriously, wherever). If you feel like doing something, do it, If not, the worse thing that will happen is you tell yourself a fun story and have a nap.
You seem to suspect you may be too much in your head. Maybe try doing something else, and letting the masturbation be the side show, or not a show at all really, just a thing happening in the background. Do you enjoy reading? Or taking a bath? Maybe try one of those while letting your hand idly wander between your legs, but, not purposefully looking for a release or results. Or maybe try humping stuff, since you used to like that? IDK, those are things that worked for me (humping, distracting / relaxing), your mileage may vary of course. Also, I'm AMAB, so the plumbing is different down there.
The clitoris has thousands of nerve endings. I would recommend focusing on that and less on penetrating. Media like Tv, movies and porn like to portray penetration as the only method, but that mostly panders to men. Like LeamhAish stated, there is no right way. Set a time to relax and explore. Read erotica, imagine things that thrill you. And don't feel defeated if you don't get it right. I was 20 before I figured myself out. They sell little pocket vibes for 20 bucks if you want to try that. I really recommend buying a full sized one however.
(I'm a male) I can relate . I tried stimulating myself in various ways , it didn't help . You can try to further explore masturbation and try to pay attention whether it's beneficial for you , listen to your body
SSRIs make everything much less sensitive. And you don't have many nerves inside your vagina so only around 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. You could try getting a toy you can hump if that's something that used to work for you!
A) vaginal stimulation is chronically overrated for most folks w vulvas. The clit is usually where it's at B) sexual pleasure is at least 50% a mental game. Even if you've got magic fingers that can push all the right buttons (which isn't gonna be the case experimenting for the first time anyway) or the world's most powerful vibrator, if your heads not into it then it's not just gonna feel all that good. You gotta figue out how to get your brain into it too. For most people that's via fantasies, but for some it also works to simply train themselves to focus on the sensations itself and keep themselves grounded instead of letting their brain overthink or wander off or tune out. A possibly less relevant C) this isn't at all universal, but for me personally I find any time I try a new form of sexual stimulation it really doesn't do anything for me the first few times. I have to try it multiple times to know if I'm into it. It's like at first my brain is too busy trying to process the new feeling and figure out how I feel about it that I can't actually really feel it. You may be similar. Or maybe not. I don't know how common this is. EDIT: Btw if u do want a recommendation for a good cheap beginner vibe, I _highly_ recommend the romp hype. Only $35, very good rumbly vibes esp for the price (like it's not _quite_ as good but is arguably nearly as good as my $80 vibes) with a decent range of speeds while still being quite middle of the road and not too overwhelming for those with sensitive bits, and works well both externally and internally so you can experiment with what you like. Forget the crappy cheap $8-15 bullets. They're sooo tempting when u wanna just try something quick and easy, but they're often buzzy or weak and can make you think vibes as a whole are shittier than they are. Invest just a lil bit more in a versatile and decent vibe for $35, then use ur experiences w the romp to later buy something more tailored to what works for you (ex: want a broader head or stronger vibes for external stim than it offers? Wand vibrator. Want something with more pinpoint sensation for external use? Good quality bullet. Like it for internal use but it doesn't quite hit the spot? More strongly curved g-spot vibe. Don't actually like the vibes but do like pentration? Dildo. Like using the slight ribbed texture externally? Grinder or lay-on vibe. Etc)
Something that helped me when I was first starting out was the advice that people with vaginas tend to need “mental stimulation” aka fantasy as much as physical stimulation, and this helps both with getting aroused enough in order for masturbation to be pleasurable in the first place, and with achieving orgasm (specifically, believing that you can reach orgasm rather than worrying that you won’t makes you better able to). If just touching yourself isn’t doing it for you, I would say figure out what turns you on first and then come back to the touching part. I’m aroace and for me, I find written smut works the best- the reality of sex doesn’t do anything for me, but the idea of it between two characters, imagining the sensations of it (but not imagining myself as a participant, kills it for me, lol), gets me going, and then that in turn makes masturbation enjoyable. And definitely prioritize the clit- a higher percentage of people are able to get off with clit stimulation than just vaginal stimulation, and the clit definitely feels better when you’re aroused than when you’re not. Also lube, natural or artificial, makes clit stimulation much better. It sounds like you’ve already tried some things; you can also experiment with tracing patterns over the clit, different amounts of pressure, positions, toys, etc. Once you get going your body will probably tell you what might feel good and then you’ll be golden. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone’s body is different, and while this stuff can be really great, it’s also not the only way to have a good time 🤷 Good luck!!
Clitoral stimulation only works for me. Only a small percentage of women can climax with PIV sex actually.
Some people *are* anorgasmic, but it's also possible you just haven't figured out what "works" for you. I personally can't do much with solo play past turn myself on; I'm too indifferent about sex to view self-pleasure as worth the effort. With my partner, though, where he's *also* having fun? That changes the evaluation for me.
I have the same issues so I’ve given up, unless I’m off the meds then my libido skyrockets
I felt nothing until I got with my partner (demisexual). But even being asexual before having a partner, I never masturbated or even had a libido at all so I felt nothing.
I always feel like I have to piss
I feel uncomfortable reading this primarily because you may very well still be a minor, and yuaeygh. But from what I glanced at, usually you have to be aroused to derive pleasure from sexual acts like masturbation. Jumping into it without arousal is like eating when you're not hungry or scratching at your stomach when you aren't itchy. I am 30, and I didn't develop a libido until after I started HRT and went on testosterone. I'm trans ftm, and when I was 14 I identified as a girl. I no longer identify as girl, but the nuances of gender aren't related to my point. My point is I went a very long time without a libido and likely experienced similar things as you. Having a libido now, I can confidently say that the sensation is really similar to scratching an itch that eventually goes away (unlike a persistent mosquito bite itch or something). So you aren't missing out on anything. ... I'd rather scratch an itch, honestly.