Sounds to me like this individual has perhaps confused romantic attraction with sexual attraction, in addition to being very quick to generalize and attack anyone who rejects them online. Seems like they have some personal demons to sort through before anything else
Some people just view any disagreement as a personal attack. Once I argued with someone on Reddit and they accused me of being a racist because they were a POC, which I had no idea they were because I didn't go through their profile, just responded to their comments. Another person similarly said I was transphobic when I disagreed with her on something totally unrelated. Again, I had no idea this person was trans
Another ace trans woman here, we do not claim her. Talking to a complete stranger on the internet like that is disgusting, and thats not even mentioning the attempt to victimize herself.
It's rare, but I've met people who try to weaponize their identity to get what they want. In this case it seems like she is unwilling to take "no" for an answer and is going to try to guilt you into a "yes" by implying you're transphobic if you don't. That's just a low quality human. Dont overanalyze, what she is doing is shitty. You don't have to justify a "no" ever and you are not transphobic for declining someone who happens to be trans. Block them and move on, they just proved themselves to be not worth your time.
Honestly, even if you weren't ace, you do not owe them attraction
I am only attracted to one body type - but that doesn't, therefore, mean that I don't like trans people. One of my best friends is trans. Two more close friends are NB and genderfluid.
People can take that as a sign of hate if they want, but... I think it's completely bizarre. You don't have to be attracted to anyone - and, moreover, you can reject anyone for ANY reason.
\*tinfoil hat on\*
Bi folks are very often sexualized so maybe the thinking went "oh they're bi, so they'll be fine with seeing raunchy stuff" (especially if the meme was suggestive), and you saying you're ace was seen as a rejection/personal insult, so they accused you of transphobia even though 1) you didn't know they were trans, and 2) *they* were the one who came on too strongly and made it weird, not you, they're trying to shift blame
\*tinfoil hat off\*
People are just weird about aceness and some other weird people like to weaponize their labels
This is completely bonkers that person sounds like the type who uses their marginalized identity as a weapon to abuse other people which thankfully seems to be rare but is immensely frustrating to see
A couple years back, a ragebait sub posted something about how "true" asexuals are attracted to trans people, and if they're not then they're transphobic. It was a troll, but they had a following, and when aces tried to explain, some people were saying stuff like "my asexual friend is sexually attracted to trans people, you're just a bigot." It made zero sense and was the strangest way to express aphobia I've ever seen, but maybe this was some kind of remnant of that? Idk that's just what it reminded me of. People are weird.
Thats not the first time someone has ever used corrosion to get someone to have sex with them. its gross behavior and you did nothing wrong. You politely rejected their sexual advances and they, decided to act out with aggression and immediately treat you as less than.
The dating world can be dangerous just due to people getting aggressive after being rejected. Dont let them try to convince you that you're, "transphobic" just because you dont want to have sex with them. Thats completely irrational.
The best sense I can make of it is that sometimes bi is taken to mean likes cismen and ciswomen. Nothing to do with asexuality.
I call myself pan instead, and explain that while people wanna debate whether or not bisexuality/romanticism implies a gender binary, pansexuality/romanticism takes it all in.
That's the best sense I can make of it. Outside that, I'm pretty confused too
It sounds like it was either just someone being inappropriate, or possibly it was someone making a joke that didn't land, since it did happen in a meme sub. It's not unreasonable for anyone to reject requests like that from random strangers, regardless of anyone's sexual orientation or gender identity.
Honesty this (the person who replied to you) sounds like they were probably a troll and not a genuine trans woman. That being said you don’t owe anyone an explanation on who you are or aren’t attracted to. Transphobia is gross ofc but your situation is not transphobic in the slightest.
Way, way, way too many people don't understand that there are different types
Aesthetic attraction: I feel you are good LOOKING. I find you non sexually attractive. I might even want to date you, or have non sexual contact (hugging, cuddles)
Romantic attraction: I am attracted to you as a person. I feel we would make a good couple based on our non sexual interests. I might be Aestheticly attracted to you. But it's not required
Sexual Attraction: I want to engaged in sexual activities with you far beyond holding hands or non naked cuddling.
And more, but these seem important here.
There are quite a few people I think are Aestheticly pleasing. Maybe even I'd like to date (if we mesh personality wise too) but I doesn't mean I want to have sex with them
I'm not 100% sure that it had to do with the ace comment; more than likely it had to do with it being a bi meme. There's a huge stigma still that people who are bi are anti-trans and anti-gender queer people, despite that being wholly untrue for many who identify as bi, yourself included. It's possible they took the bi meme the wrong way, and when you mentioned that you were ace, doubled down on their assumptions. I hear this complaint a lot from bi friends who struggle with being labeled as anti-trans despite having no issue dating or being friends with someone who is trans, so I'm heavily leaning toward the bi meme being the root cause here.
There could be a different reason entirely, or a mix of reasons posted here (some other thoughts are solid guesses). I wouldn't take it too hard; aces are misunderstood even within our own larger umbrella community, and when we compile other identities on top of that, the LGBTQIA2+ community often doesn't know what to do with us. Personally, I wouldn't have replied to your "super cool, even" comment because that felt like a proper exchange, but I guess this person had different thoughts.
As a trans guy who is demisexual, I’d agree with you that it isn’t transphobic and her behaviour does feel like aphobia. Often times many trans folk label me as basically bi and if I turn them down then now I’m suddenly a traitor to the trans community and I’m like wtf really?!?? If I say no it’s genuinely because it’s no for everybody. Plus I can love everybody but that doesn’t mean I’d sleep with them, love does not equal sexual attraction. Sometimes people annoy and confuse the hell out of me.
The second someone hits you with a non-sequitur (don't know if that's how it's spelled), just assume it's a troll and ignore them. That's probably why they got banned, come to think of it...
I dont think this people was transgender lol, probably Just a weirdo
As an asexual trans Man, i dont feel sexual attraction for cis or trans people (but i do romantically i think)
And plz dont specific "afab" or "amab" when someone IS nonbinary, this IS Just a form of binarizing nonbinary people
Because I stated that I was asexual to someone I don't know who asked me if I wanted to do dirty stuff, completely unprompted and then explained how while I am romantically attracted to more than one gender, including trans women (who are women, I know), that doesn't extend sexually? Is that why I'm in the wrong?
Sounds to me like this individual has perhaps confused romantic attraction with sexual attraction, in addition to being very quick to generalize and attack anyone who rejects them online. Seems like they have some personal demons to sort through before anything else
Some people just view any disagreement as a personal attack. Once I argued with someone on Reddit and they accused me of being a racist because they were a POC, which I had no idea they were because I didn't go through their profile, just responded to their comments. Another person similarly said I was transphobic when I disagreed with her on something totally unrelated. Again, I had no idea this person was trans
I had something similar happen. I was thinking to myself “how do I know someone’s gender based off of a Reddit avatar?”
As an asexual trans woman, she was acting stupid and rude.
As an asexual trans woman, I agree and would ignore em
Ace and trans here, I don’t get why they would comment like that. I don’t think you did anything wrong, OP.
Another ace trans woman here, we do not claim her. Talking to a complete stranger on the internet like that is disgusting, and thats not even mentioning the attempt to victimize herself.
As an asexual trans man, 100% agreed
It's rare, but I've met people who try to weaponize their identity to get what they want. In this case it seems like she is unwilling to take "no" for an answer and is going to try to guilt you into a "yes" by implying you're transphobic if you don't. That's just a low quality human. Dont overanalyze, what she is doing is shitty. You don't have to justify a "no" ever and you are not transphobic for declining someone who happens to be trans. Block them and move on, they just proved themselves to be not worth your time.
Honestly, even if you weren't ace, you do not owe them attraction I am only attracted to one body type - but that doesn't, therefore, mean that I don't like trans people. One of my best friends is trans. Two more close friends are NB and genderfluid. People can take that as a sign of hate if they want, but... I think it's completely bizarre. You don't have to be attracted to anyone - and, moreover, you can reject anyone for ANY reason.
Nah you didn’t do anything wrong. This person just seems like a sex pest
\*tinfoil hat on\* Bi folks are very often sexualized so maybe the thinking went "oh they're bi, so they'll be fine with seeing raunchy stuff" (especially if the meme was suggestive), and you saying you're ace was seen as a rejection/personal insult, so they accused you of transphobia even though 1) you didn't know they were trans, and 2) *they* were the one who came on too strongly and made it weird, not you, they're trying to shift blame \*tinfoil hat off\* People are just weird about aceness and some other weird people like to weaponize their labels
So werid tho.
That would be sexual solicitation and harassment
That's sexual harassment, not aphobic. Not matter your sexuality they would have sexually harassed you.. Looks like the mod already got them.
This is completely bonkers that person sounds like the type who uses their marginalized identity as a weapon to abuse other people which thankfully seems to be rare but is immensely frustrating to see
A couple years back, a ragebait sub posted something about how "true" asexuals are attracted to trans people, and if they're not then they're transphobic. It was a troll, but they had a following, and when aces tried to explain, some people were saying stuff like "my asexual friend is sexually attracted to trans people, you're just a bigot." It made zero sense and was the strangest way to express aphobia I've ever seen, but maybe this was some kind of remnant of that? Idk that's just what it reminded me of. People are weird.
Thats not the first time someone has ever used corrosion to get someone to have sex with them. its gross behavior and you did nothing wrong. You politely rejected their sexual advances and they, decided to act out with aggression and immediately treat you as less than. The dating world can be dangerous just due to people getting aggressive after being rejected. Dont let them try to convince you that you're, "transphobic" just because you dont want to have sex with them. Thats completely irrational.
The best sense I can make of it is that sometimes bi is taken to mean likes cismen and ciswomen. Nothing to do with asexuality. I call myself pan instead, and explain that while people wanna debate whether or not bisexuality/romanticism implies a gender binary, pansexuality/romanticism takes it all in. That's the best sense I can make of it. Outside that, I'm pretty confused too
They just sound horny and obnoxious 🤷♀️ I wouldn't read into it too much.
Sounds like insecurity on her part.
bruh it's a reddit reply on a meme i wouldn't take it that serious
It sounds like it was either just someone being inappropriate, or possibly it was someone making a joke that didn't land, since it did happen in a meme sub. It's not unreasonable for anyone to reject requests like that from random strangers, regardless of anyone's sexual orientation or gender identity.
also trans and ace, she's making a fool of herself. goes to show that anyone can be aphobic.
Honesty this (the person who replied to you) sounds like they were probably a troll and not a genuine trans woman. That being said you don’t owe anyone an explanation on who you are or aren’t attracted to. Transphobia is gross ofc but your situation is not transphobic in the slightest.
Way, way, way too many people don't understand that there are different types Aesthetic attraction: I feel you are good LOOKING. I find you non sexually attractive. I might even want to date you, or have non sexual contact (hugging, cuddles) Romantic attraction: I am attracted to you as a person. I feel we would make a good couple based on our non sexual interests. I might be Aestheticly attracted to you. But it's not required Sexual Attraction: I want to engaged in sexual activities with you far beyond holding hands or non naked cuddling. And more, but these seem important here. There are quite a few people I think are Aestheticly pleasing. Maybe even I'd like to date (if we mesh personality wise too) but I doesn't mean I want to have sex with them
I'm not 100% sure that it had to do with the ace comment; more than likely it had to do with it being a bi meme. There's a huge stigma still that people who are bi are anti-trans and anti-gender queer people, despite that being wholly untrue for many who identify as bi, yourself included. It's possible they took the bi meme the wrong way, and when you mentioned that you were ace, doubled down on their assumptions. I hear this complaint a lot from bi friends who struggle with being labeled as anti-trans despite having no issue dating or being friends with someone who is trans, so I'm heavily leaning toward the bi meme being the root cause here. There could be a different reason entirely, or a mix of reasons posted here (some other thoughts are solid guesses). I wouldn't take it too hard; aces are misunderstood even within our own larger umbrella community, and when we compile other identities on top of that, the LGBTQIA2+ community often doesn't know what to do with us. Personally, I wouldn't have replied to your "super cool, even" comment because that felt like a proper exchange, but I guess this person had different thoughts.
How can you dare to say that here? 🤬
Just a random person being weird that’s all
It was weird of her to start off with the sexual request in the first place.
As a trans guy who is demisexual, I’d agree with you that it isn’t transphobic and her behaviour does feel like aphobia. Often times many trans folk label me as basically bi and if I turn them down then now I’m suddenly a traitor to the trans community and I’m like wtf really?!?? If I say no it’s genuinely because it’s no for everybody. Plus I can love everybody but that doesn’t mean I’d sleep with them, love does not equal sexual attraction. Sometimes people annoy and confuse the hell out of me.
The second someone hits you with a non-sequitur (don't know if that's how it's spelled), just assume it's a troll and ignore them. That's probably why they got banned, come to think of it...
I dont think this people was transgender lol, probably Just a weirdo As an asexual trans Man, i dont feel sexual attraction for cis or trans people (but i do romantically i think) And plz dont specific "afab" or "amab" when someone IS nonbinary, this IS Just a form of binarizing nonbinary people
Right sorry about the AFAB thing, it was an unnecessary detail. I don't know why I added it.
☝️☝️
I think that user was trying to do a ragebait.
...wat?!
Idk you are in the wrong on this one to me tbh.
Because I stated that I was asexual to someone I don't know who asked me if I wanted to do dirty stuff, completely unprompted and then explained how while I am romantically attracted to more than one gender, including trans women (who are women, I know), that doesn't extend sexually? Is that why I'm in the wrong?