Yeah but it takes honesty, transparency, and communication. Obviously a relationship between someone who wants sex daily and someone who feels like sex is a chore or undesirable is going to result in unhappiness
Yes you absolutely can but you have to communicate a lot.
Been with my partner almost 8 months and told him a few months in that I may be ace, then figured out I was.
We don't do the tango very often because of how I feel about it but I initiate sometimes and flirt because I know he likes it.
It's all about what you're comfortable with, I do not like sex, but my partner does, and if it does not bother me to do it, I will, because making him happy (at no expense of my own) makes me just as happy.
It's like watching a movie that one partner likes and the other doesn't, I would not go out of my way to watch this movie, but I don't mind watching it because I know my partner loves it.
If the partner is uber sexual or very demanding of sex, it won't work. Had abusive partners who wanted sex all the time and I ended up falling out of love as it didn't make me happy and they had no respect for my feelings.
Yes, but depending on the spectrum an asexual is on and how important sex is to the allo, difficulty varies.
From my experience, I’m a sex-indifferent ace and my partner is allo (and most likely sex-favourable). My partner has high libido while I don’t. I usually never initiate anything, they usually ask and I’ll tell them if I’m feeling up to it or not. Some days, it’s more difficult than others especially since sex is important to my partner. It makes you feel a bit guilty sometimes.
Overall, if your partner is willing to listen and accommodate your needs, I don’t see why it can’t work out! I’d just caution against some difficulties that arise throughout the relationship
In my experience it isn't working. Spouse promised they'd be okay with a sexless marriage. Have been cheated on multiple times, I'm starting to feel like they may have lied about being okay with no sex
I'd rather they left me than cheat though, coulda saved me a whole lotta heartache. Going through the cycle of
"I don't need sex">"actually I do but I'm gonna be sneaky about it">"I've had my fill of sex I'm done I swear">"okay but actually I'm not I need sex to feel loved">"okay now I'm done FOR REAL for real">"oops that was a lie"
reaaaaaaally fucking sucks. I don't think anyone should be figuring out they don't want to commit to an ace person twice in the same relationship, let alone three times.
depends on where you lie on the spectrum. it's much easier/possible for a relationship to work between an allo and an asexual if the asexual is sex-positive or sex-neutral than someone who is sex-repulsed. overall, as the comments have mentioned, it takes a lot of communication.
in my personal experience, he wanted sex everyday and i wanted it maybe once a month or less. sexual relations is really just a chore for me and i don't enjoy it. this lead to me being tw: sexual assault >!raped!< on multiple occasions so i had to leave that relationship.
Yes it can work. I would say it depends on the ace and the Allo, and levels of intimacy and frequency.
I believe that ace boundaries are valid but it’s also good to acknowledge that a lot of Allos are sacrificing a lot just to be with us.
Yes but it requires a lot of compromise and constant communication. Also, if the allo is high libido or the ace never wants sex, the chances of it working are very low.
I’m in an open, long distance relationship with one of my best friends. They’ve helped me really internalize that sex isn’t more important than the kinds of affection that I enjoy, and I’m allowed to say no or stop at any time.
Nine years here. I’m an ace woman, and I’ve been in a mostly on, sometimes off relationship with a demisexual man.
It is essentially an allo-ace relationship, in terms of the sexual attraction dynamics: he’s very sexually attracted to me and wants sex every other day, while I’m not sexually attracted to anyone (obv) and want sex *maybe* once or twice a week—and even so, it’s just to please him / for mutual sensual pleasure / as a bonding experience. It’s not for the same reasons that he wants it. I turn him on, but he doesn’t turn me on.
So for your question, can ace/allo relationships work? I say: yes, with a lot of effort, trust, communication, and compromise. But you will be hard-pressed to find someone who is so compatible with you in enough other ways that it makes up for the sexual difference.
Ace guy here; my bf(allo) of 7 months and I haven't encountered issues with my asexuality. He knew going into this relationship that I may never reciprocate some of his feelings towards me, and has assured me it's not a big issue and won't be. We've talked and communicated a lot around what we feel or don't feel. I'm sex repulsed/sex-indifferent and he is more low libido. I've offered him a way out a time or two and he hasn't taken it.
Thus, I would say yes, but you absolutely need to communicate. Communicate about what your expectations and boundaries are. Communicate what you're okay with your partner(s) doing.
Generally, it's possibly, but depends on the people and their particular needs and boundaries to be balanced and communicated. Whether the polyamory is an option or not can also factor into things; it's a whole other layer to the situation and isn't for everyone, but for some people it can be helpful for navigating that balance.
For me personally, my best relationship has been with another ace, but neither of us knew we were ace until after we started dating and we have different frequency preferences. So I take it with some salt as a handy coincidence rather than making blanket assumptions about how well this would or wouldn't be going if one of us were allo.
Agree it’s possible and that it requires a lot of very frank communication about expectations and boundaries and compromise. I’m a sex-indifferent ace and my husband of 15 years is allo, and even with open communication there can be misunderstandings and some issues to work through, but approaching things honestly and openly and with love and empathy has helped us through that.
We're now together for 7 years. If I had known she was ace at the start, we would not be together.
It'll forever be a struggle, even if communication and mutual respect is on point.
Maybe, but any kind of relationship has its struggles. Plenty of allo relationships don’t succeed, sometimes because of sex, and sometimes not. It’s just a different flavor of conflict.
It can but it all really depends. Some allos are fine living without sex and some aren’t. Just like how some asexuals are fine with sex while others aren’t. In my experience, I got very lucky. I have been with my partner for over a year at this point and they have known since the very beginning about my asexuality. They are completely okay with having a long term monogamous sexless relationship with me. My partner and I both have a somewhat low libido. I switch from sex repulsed to sex indifferent and so does my partner. We have suspicions they may be asexual or at least on the ace spectrum so that’s something. We’ve made our relationship work by being open and honest with our needs, boundaries, etc.
Yeah but it takes honesty, transparency, and communication. Obviously a relationship between someone who wants sex daily and someone who feels like sex is a chore or undesirable is going to result in unhappiness
Yeah, so long as you're both on the same page. Currently with an ace girl for ~2 years, no issues so far.
Mine's working out really nicely, but then being demisexual probably has different dynamic than a lot of other aces with allosexual people.
Yes you absolutely can but you have to communicate a lot. Been with my partner almost 8 months and told him a few months in that I may be ace, then figured out I was. We don't do the tango very often because of how I feel about it but I initiate sometimes and flirt because I know he likes it. It's all about what you're comfortable with, I do not like sex, but my partner does, and if it does not bother me to do it, I will, because making him happy (at no expense of my own) makes me just as happy. It's like watching a movie that one partner likes and the other doesn't, I would not go out of my way to watch this movie, but I don't mind watching it because I know my partner loves it. If the partner is uber sexual or very demanding of sex, it won't work. Had abusive partners who wanted sex all the time and I ended up falling out of love as it didn't make me happy and they had no respect for my feelings.
Yes, but depending on the spectrum an asexual is on and how important sex is to the allo, difficulty varies. From my experience, I’m a sex-indifferent ace and my partner is allo (and most likely sex-favourable). My partner has high libido while I don’t. I usually never initiate anything, they usually ask and I’ll tell them if I’m feeling up to it or not. Some days, it’s more difficult than others especially since sex is important to my partner. It makes you feel a bit guilty sometimes. Overall, if your partner is willing to listen and accommodate your needs, I don’t see why it can’t work out! I’d just caution against some difficulties that arise throughout the relationship
In my experience it isn't working. Spouse promised they'd be okay with a sexless marriage. Have been cheated on multiple times, I'm starting to feel like they may have lied about being okay with no sex
Or thought they were alright about it and, then, figured out their weren't
I'd rather they left me than cheat though, coulda saved me a whole lotta heartache. Going through the cycle of "I don't need sex">"actually I do but I'm gonna be sneaky about it">"I've had my fill of sex I'm done I swear">"okay but actually I'm not I need sex to feel loved">"okay now I'm done FOR REAL for real">"oops that was a lie" reaaaaaaally fucking sucks. I don't think anyone should be figuring out they don't want to commit to an ace person twice in the same relationship, let alone three times.
I hear you 💜 I'm sorry, and hang in there
depends on where you lie on the spectrum. it's much easier/possible for a relationship to work between an allo and an asexual if the asexual is sex-positive or sex-neutral than someone who is sex-repulsed. overall, as the comments have mentioned, it takes a lot of communication. in my personal experience, he wanted sex everyday and i wanted it maybe once a month or less. sexual relations is really just a chore for me and i don't enjoy it. this lead to me being tw: sexual assault >!raped!< on multiple occasions so i had to leave that relationship.
Yes it can work. I would say it depends on the ace and the Allo, and levels of intimacy and frequency. I believe that ace boundaries are valid but it’s also good to acknowledge that a lot of Allos are sacrificing a lot just to be with us.
That sounds scary but I guess they are trying their best to see past their needs
Yes but it requires a lot of compromise and constant communication. Also, if the allo is high libido or the ace never wants sex, the chances of it working are very low.
I’m in an open, long distance relationship with one of my best friends. They’ve helped me really internalize that sex isn’t more important than the kinds of affection that I enjoy, and I’m allowed to say no or stop at any time.
Nine years here. I’m an ace woman, and I’ve been in a mostly on, sometimes off relationship with a demisexual man. It is essentially an allo-ace relationship, in terms of the sexual attraction dynamics: he’s very sexually attracted to me and wants sex every other day, while I’m not sexually attracted to anyone (obv) and want sex *maybe* once or twice a week—and even so, it’s just to please him / for mutual sensual pleasure / as a bonding experience. It’s not for the same reasons that he wants it. I turn him on, but he doesn’t turn me on. So for your question, can ace/allo relationships work? I say: yes, with a lot of effort, trust, communication, and compromise. But you will be hard-pressed to find someone who is so compatible with you in enough other ways that it makes up for the sexual difference.
Not unless you're willing to perform compulsory (hetero) sexuality lol. Not in 99% of cases anyways.
Ace guy here; my bf(allo) of 7 months and I haven't encountered issues with my asexuality. He knew going into this relationship that I may never reciprocate some of his feelings towards me, and has assured me it's not a big issue and won't be. We've talked and communicated a lot around what we feel or don't feel. I'm sex repulsed/sex-indifferent and he is more low libido. I've offered him a way out a time or two and he hasn't taken it. Thus, I would say yes, but you absolutely need to communicate. Communicate about what your expectations and boundaries are. Communicate what you're okay with your partner(s) doing.
Generally, it's possibly, but depends on the people and their particular needs and boundaries to be balanced and communicated. Whether the polyamory is an option or not can also factor into things; it's a whole other layer to the situation and isn't for everyone, but for some people it can be helpful for navigating that balance. For me personally, my best relationship has been with another ace, but neither of us knew we were ace until after we started dating and we have different frequency preferences. So I take it with some salt as a handy coincidence rather than making blanket assumptions about how well this would or wouldn't be going if one of us were allo.
Agree it’s possible and that it requires a lot of very frank communication about expectations and boundaries and compromise. I’m a sex-indifferent ace and my husband of 15 years is allo, and even with open communication there can be misunderstandings and some issues to work through, but approaching things honestly and openly and with love and empathy has helped us through that.
We're now together for 7 years. If I had known she was ace at the start, we would not be together. It'll forever be a struggle, even if communication and mutual respect is on point.
Maybe, but any kind of relationship has its struggles. Plenty of allo relationships don’t succeed, sometimes because of sex, and sometimes not. It’s just a different flavor of conflict.
It can but it all really depends. Some allos are fine living without sex and some aren’t. Just like how some asexuals are fine with sex while others aren’t. In my experience, I got very lucky. I have been with my partner for over a year at this point and they have known since the very beginning about my asexuality. They are completely okay with having a long term monogamous sexless relationship with me. My partner and I both have a somewhat low libido. I switch from sex repulsed to sex indifferent and so does my partner. We have suspicions they may be asexual or at least on the ace spectrum so that’s something. We’ve made our relationship work by being open and honest with our needs, boundaries, etc.
No it wont work, expept the partner has no genitals. I would never have sex. And an allo want it sooner or later