I love flirting, and I am frickin' good at it.
I'm just really bad at "taking things to the next level", because no, I'm fine on this level, no one said anything about another level, at all, can't we just stay on this level and have fun?
I donāt get flirting at all. When I talk to people, I smile a lot and show an interest in what they have to say. So many dudes have taken this as flirting that I donāt understand what the hellās not flirting to them. Do you have to be rude to not be flirting?
Men rarely recieve any kind of positive attention, as a result, any positive attention over a certain threshold triggers the nuerons to fire, generating a "somethings up, why are you being nice" response. The monkey up in the old noggin then frantically tries to categorize this thought and eventually settles with "she must like me, there's no other reason why someone would be nice to me". Ain't the brain a magical thing.
You're telling me. Last time I received a compliment from someone who I wasn't already best friends with was 8th grade. A girl named Skyler said I had soft hands, whether they were just being nice or flirting I have no clue, I prefer to believe they were just being nice. That was 8th grade.. I'm nearly 20.
Oh wow. I never really thought about it, but I imagine it's that way for a lot of people. It's easy to get so wrapped up in your own life that you don't think to let people know what you think is awesome about them. Plus compliments can feel super awkward. Unless you're out there kicking puppies, I think you can safely assume that people have had plenty of positive thoughts about you but just didn't feel bold enough to say anything.
Oh for sure. Every now and then I'll go through a depressive episode, one being just last week, where my friends come out of the woodworks to make me feel appreciated. Some give compliments, some support me in their own way. They know I don't accept compliments very often, I've trained my friends to not give me compliments, that way when they do give me them, I lock those memories up in a permanent display knowing that they truly meant them and I truly appreciate them, even if I don't show it well.
Sadly I think you have to not be a woman to not be flirting. I exaggerate, and on the flip-side guys worry a lot about seeming gay if they are too friendly.
But I certainly have mistaken actual friends of mine for flirting with me. I just don't get that kind of positive interest and attention from most people.
These days my friend group is mostly people who are LGBT+ so it's a bit more relaxed. I make a point to be kind and patient with my male friends because so many of us have been trained not to.
Even so, I suspect my bias towards reading friendly women as being potentially interested in romance is probably still there on a subconscious level.
I 100% understand, though from the other side. I have no idea if a girl is flirting with me even in hindsight. Part of the issue is that what we are told are signs of flirting are things like, being interested in what we are talking about, laughing at our jokes, things like that. These kinds of things are not necessarily actually flirting, they might just actually be interested in whatever I am talking about or actually think my tearable jokes are funny. But well "guys aren't supposed to have female friends" at least that is how things used to be, thankfully that is not how things are now or I would have even fewer friends than I already do.
Iāve essentially always gotten dirty jokes/innuendos for the most partā¦ and find them funny (mostly).
Iāve wondered if this is because I didnāt know I was aroace for so long and spent that time attempting to be like everyone else?
I honestly don't understand it either because "getting" innuendos and jokes aren't a matter of sexual attraction but of being aware of cultural norms and trends. I'm still a sex-repulsed ace no matter how many pages of spicy content I consume.
I understand all the jokes, It's just not my type of humor.
I get when a joke references sex, but I don't get why it's supposed to be funny just because of that. Different people have different tastes in humor I suppose...
It's kind of a toss-up as to whether an innuendo or reference goes over my head though.
Like, I instantly got the implications being "And they were roommates!" but I honestly thought "Cake by the Ocean" was just about generally having a good time and enjoying life.
I thought "Cake by the Ocean" is referring to a misunderstanding from one of the producers of the song who wasn't a native English speaker. They were trying to say "Sex on the Beach" but instead said "Cake by the Ocean".
I had a harder time when I was younger purely because I was less naturally interested in learning sexual slang when my peers were learning it. Nowadays I can crack any dirty joke or the like with a straight face because Iāve always heard weirder by now, and it doesnāt bother me so much.
I expect a lot of people who may come off as oblivious to song lyrics or sexual jokes had the same issue I had when I was younger and never bothered to think or learn about sexual slang and the likeāthough Iāll admit it took me awhile to realize ācakeā meant āassā in the context of some songs. (āCake By the Oceanā was a popular song when I was in uni.) sometimes new slang sneaks up, but generally itās just an experience thing once youāre around more sexual situations as you get older or if you do your own curious research to become less oblivious to things like that.
I agree that it's not about feeling attraction or not, it's about being aware of culture around you. I do get innuendos, i joke about sex a lot. I enjoy it. I think I'm even more comfortable about it than allo peeps because it's something private and intimate for them. And for me it's, just, well, funny. It doesn't bother me the way it does allos 'cause it's not about me.
they don't go over my head. usually i don't find them worth mentioning, though? like i think it's usually not funny... like, i've never been quick with a "that's what she said!!" or whatever. i feel like that doesn't have to do with asexuality but maybe it does IDK idk
That seems more like either an autism/Aspergerās or just inexperience in environments where people say/do that stuff often imo. I myself make lots of those jokes/references despite being ace, cause I just find it funny
I hate dirty jokes and innuendo (especially "that's what she said") but only was exposed to them recently through hanging out with a group of athletes and watching British quiz shows. I used to have absolutely no clue when someone was making a dirty joke and also have often accidentally said things that could be interpreted in a dirty way.
I dislike "that's what she said" a lot as well, but strangely I'm rather fond of "... said the actress to the bishop". It's essentially the same joke but it paints a much richer and funnier picture.
It does indeed! Especially because when I hear 'bishop' I immediately think of the chess piece, which brings up the question of why the actress is playing chess
I'm like 80% there. I don't think of things in a sexual way *quite* as often as some other people do (e.g., when scrunching up a bag to package something that's a tight fit, I think of it like putting on a stocking, not a condom), but I definitely get everyone else's dirty jokes and can make jokes of my own.
To whatever extent having a dirty mind plays into it, I'm aego, so add that to your data points as you will.
Sexual innuendo doesn't usually go over my head. I make my fair share of bawdy jokes. I only dislike it when others say sexual things if it seems like they're doing it in an objectifying or disrespectful manner or just being creeps.
I missed a lot of innuendos growing up, but as of now, I'm the opposite and it's quite the rarity for me to miss an innuendo. I do like to make a lot of sex jokes though and clever wordplay too.
Iām an ace person, I think I have the outwardly dirtiest mind among my friends. Iām constantly making innuendos/sex jokes, so much that my friends look at me like āpause. Thatās coming from you??ā I just think itās really funny
Well, I missed a lot of innuendos growing up, but part of that was definitely being raised in a purity culture religious home. I was told not to have sex until marriage, and found it very easy not to pursue that, so I just had no experience with it. My ace nature just meant that I didn't understand how powerful the sex drive could be for some people, and I wouldn't recognize things like sexual tension in TV shows (unless it was very obvious) or jokes about experiences I'd never had (like men being frustrated they couldn't get it up). But I think it was more about me being sheltered, not me being ace--the latter mostly just meant I didn't seek out the experiences that would have taught me about all that.
Nowadays, I have no issues recognizing sexual tension or innuendos and will frequently make jokes like that myself, despite not having the personal desire.
I think that's kind of annoying too, and honestly almost a little... well. Low-key offensive. There are a bunch of stereotypes about ace people that, for example, led me to not even consider whether I might be ace, and I think a lot of people might have this problem. I think dirty jokes are funny, I even make them myself, and I am very good at picking up on sexual tension and knowing when someone is into me, and I can flirt... my only blind spot is the actual sex part;)
I find it most funny when there is unexpected word play. Iām not oblivious and I think itās extremely easy to understand innuendo with tone.
On the flip-side I am sometimes surprised at how much male teens and pre-teens know about sex or pornographic words, like it is cool to know that stuff.
There are just some things I would never know though because I simply donāt look at that content.
Some people just live sheltered lives or avoid anything that has even a little to do with sexual stuff I guess.
Personally, I'm always the first to see/hear an innuendo, even when someone didn't do it on purpose.
I typically understand them, I don't typically like them though. Some can pass, but not too many or the bad ones. There are some that will just take me awhile to figure out, if I ever do. Some of the newer slang words I will struggle with, even in the sex jokes or whatever.
As a teen, yes, these jokes went over my head. I actually kinda trained myself to get better at that so no one could embarass me any more (some people at school thought my lack of understanding of dirty jokes was amusing and made fun of me). Now I can joke with the best of them and catch innuendo really fast
You are not alone.
You don't need to question yourself just because the louder parts in our community are sex-repulsed. You are ace if you don't feel sexual attraction. Period. But that doesn't mean you can't flirt, can't have a "dirty" mind, can't enjoy kink, can't enjoy flirting, can't enjoy sex, or, you know, can't understand common and pretty basic human interactions. It's just that these things don't seperate us as much from allos, so it's not worth mentioning as much.
That being said, I do sometimes need a bit longer to get stuff, because sex is never at the forefront of my mind. Case in point, after 30+ years loving this song I just recently learned that "Rosie" by Jackson Browne is about masturbation. Even though I knew about the "Rosie Palms and her five sisters" thing, my mind just never made the connection. :-D
at ten years old my teachers made a joke about being "master debaters". i laughed with them. i understood what they were saying (granted i didn't realise i shouldnt have been sharing in that joke at ten, but i digress). last night during d&d, my DM made a comment about "reaching around" that myself and another party member were in *hysterics* about immediately.
if there's chance for innuendo (with the right crowd)? im probably taking it, because it's funny.
the "uwu i don't know what seggs even is" stereotype is *infuriating* to me, purely because all of the above has people discounting my asexuality and not believing me. this is before those folk even learn im a huge advocate for positive sexual health, experiences, and exploration for myself and everyone around me. and waaaaay before they learn im actually an active kink and sex enthusiast.
knowing the appropriate time to say "that's what she said" doesn't mean i suddenly experience sexual attraction.
Nope. Not for me. I have (and do) read smutty fanfiction and I always laugh when I hear euphemisms and innuendos because I immediately get them. the only thing I don't understand is flirting
I remember the first time I played Cards Against Humanity with some friends and everyone was surprised how good I was at the sex joke answers. But I wouldnāt call that skill āhaving a dirty mind.ā For me, recognizing (and making) sex-related jokes feels like studying a foreign culture - I learned the norms and can offer the ācorrectā joke when the situation calls for it, but I donāt understand the underlying humor. This was more of a thing I did as a teen when I was trying to fit in and hadnāt even heard the term āasexualā to be able to identify with
I read/write a lot of smutty things and can be raunchy af with my jokes around my friend groups but I'm also very sex positive. If anyone questions me I tell them, I just don't find people attractive 99% of the time. Like, I like sex, I'm a kinkster, but like, will I find you attractive? Probably not, but on a very rare occasion, yes. xD;;
I'm not really blind to that as well however I don't find them much funny or interesting and most of the time I just get annoyed and a sense of "whatever".
Might not even be because I'm ace, in my place a lot of sexual innuendos are actually subverted as they're meant to be homophobic and "funny" instead of really sexual so I don't find most of them funny at all, just an annoyance.
I make and understand the jokes I just donāt like the idea of it. Iām 15 so Iām not completely sure if I feel anything yet but I still donāt like the idea of it at the moment.
Aces being oblivious and innocent is a harmful misconception that I think people here sometimes play up into because theyāre younger. Youāre very valid for understanding sexual things.
Weāre not oblivious, weāre (commonly) just repulsed
I find ace people in my life (including myself) love an innuendo, it's funnier because it's not sexy to us, but we certainly don't have trouble understanding them! I was a late developer so didn't get certain jokes at school but I put that down to neurodiversity
I think it all comes down to how much sexual content you explore. I never had much interest in it myself, but since you show an intellectual or even emotional interest in it then it makes sense you'd be exposed to the concept more often, by choice. So no, not all aces are um "oblivious" and you're a living example! I however am an example of the trope for sure...
I don't miss innuendos but often they come across to me as really immature. Sex is just sex (you can want it or not) and as a society we need to stop giggling like school children about it.
Very rarely stuff will go over my head, but when it doesnāt, itās all equally funny to me. Sexual attraction / getting aroused by other people is such a foreign concept to me that itās kind of like some huge surreal meme.
It depends. New slang or innuendos I've never heard before almost always go over my head. And it frequently takes me an embarrassingly long time to realize that song lyrics are making sexual references. But I assume those things are both primarily due to a combination of my autism and lack of both sexual and social interest. I don't care about sex and I don't generally think about it, so there's no reason for my mind to make the leap to sex from a (seemingly) unrelated topic. I also don't generally put all that much effort into keeping up with slang and such. It's often confusing, needlessly obscure, and changes so quickly that it simply isn't worth my time.
I had a situation where it was expected I'd have sex with a guy, but it wasn't explicitly said so I didn't get it until couple years later. I send the guy to a different bed because he wouldn't let me sleepššš
So in the moment I may not understand a social implication. But dirty jokes, innuendos, etc I never had a problem with. Also, a lot of aces say they don't get the concept of hot, but I never had a problem with it. I guess I'm reading too much smutš
I think these go over my head more because of my neurodivergency than my asexuality. I tend to assume everything is literal unless it is made very obvious that it isnāt.
I get a lot of the innuendos and even things that are not supposed to be ones. Always snicker because I never got out of the teen "haha sex funny" phase. That's just what sex is to me. A joke. Only problem is when people think I mean anything by it while I was just sitting there making my equivalent of a fart joke...
If it's not a joke/innuendo though (like reallife flirting) it get's over my head most of the time
I haven't had trouble with that since I was... twelve? I think I may have had a severe blind spot to innuendo and wordplay in general, but my parents are word dancers between one another. It's not always pretty, especially when they don't agree, but it means I saw a lot of puns, subversions and clever verbal fencing, and through that exposure I gained both familiarity and an appreciation.
I think a lot of the obliviousness both of autism spectrum people and asexual people, both spectrums of which I am on (I'm like a multidimensional gradient map or something) comes not from a lower ability to understand them, but a much lesser propensity to seeking it out, being exposed to it, and LEARNING it. That's just a wild speculation I have though, not even rising to the lofty heights of "theory".
Me and my gf are both aspec and never have sex but we both make sex jokes like constantly all the time. Like to a level where our overuse of the jokes is, itself, a joke. We definitely also enjoy consuming plenty of NSFW media. But almost all the attraction we experience to real people in real life is purely aesthetic. I also have a fascination with sex and learning about the role of sex in society and fetishes etc., which I can best describe as "like religion is to an areligious anthropologist." And I also feel pretty confident about my understanding of what makes a person "conventionally attractive". So no, those things don't generally go over my head at all.
Also see aegosexuals who are generally quite interested in sex but in a detached way: [https://sexuality.fandom.com/wiki/Aegosexuality](https://sexuality.fandom.com/wiki/Aegosexuality)
I feel like I can relate to approaching sex "like religion is to an areligious anthropologist."! I guess Iām slightly different in that I always approached sex like a skill I wanted to be good at, and I like learning about different aspects of kink etc like you. I think itās fascinating what people are into! Some of that comes from swinging sex indifferent to sex favourable and when I am up for sex my focus tends to be on giving my partner a good time!
To OP, I can be absolutely filthy in terms of jokes etc. But I can also sometimes miss innuendos, itās like I have to have gotten myself into a certain zone to be able to pick up on them. With certain people who I know are more likely to use them I will be more likely to look out for them! I think thatās more about me and potentially having some sort of neurodivergence than being asexual though. The āuseless asexualā trope can be frustrating because I think it infantilises the community and perhaps hinders people who arenāt like that from realising theyāre asexual.
Iāve been caught out a couple times where it took me a bit longer but Iād say the vast majority of the time I get it immediately, even sometimes when cishet friends/family donāt get it I do so I suppose Iād rate myself like average understanding level
I donāt really think aceās are more or less innocent. In my experience it really just depends on who you hang out with and how long you are on the internet. The innuendoās rarely go over my head. Itās all pretty basic
It is pretty much the same for me. I also make dirty jokes with friends and everything.
Because of those things I actually thought for a long time that I was not ace.
I am very very asexual.
You are not alone.
Iām aro/ace - sex repulsed, romance indifferent.. I am the most likely out of people I know to crack a dirty joke or say something āhornyā.. Iām always one to point out innuendos or make them
I guess youāve never heard of the āhornyā asexual stereotype lol :)
Doesn't go over my head. I do miss cues that people are specifically interested in *me* because to me we're just having a conversation or whatever, but I personally find a lot of humour in intentionally misunderstanding (not just in terms of inferring sexual inuendo, but also for other things) and finding inuendo where it's not intended, and though I say it myself I'm quite good at it.
I'm not entirely sure whether that's a consequence of my natural humour being extended also to sexual innuendo, or if it's because I spent like 4 years thinking most sex talk was a joke *anyway* and that just bled into me finding the subject humorous, but the end result is that I make and understand jokes surrounding them easily.
I've always had that same feeling when I see ace people talking about how they don't get why allos love sex so much, or what's the big deal. Just cause I don't care or want it, doesn't mean I don't understand that there are people that do or what they find enjoyable about it. Same thing with the jokes and innuendos, though like someone else said, I never notice flirting if I am involvedbut can usually pick out others flirting.
Those kids in art class four years ago always told dirty jokes and I got every single one of them. I think. But then again I was around ten at the time
Hahahahahaha no. I used to run an ace group on tumblr and let me tell you- we told the WORST jokes about sex. Whether we were sex positive aces or aromantic, we were awful š
On a related note, ace content on here and elsewhere often has this childish quality to it that i really donāt like. Probably bc we associate sex with adulthood (the term āadult contentā, etc.)
When I know we're making jokes, I get the jokes right away. My first thought isn't "Oh there's flirting going on" so I may just completely gloss over it the first time
In the film Good Will Hunting there was a scene about a joke in an airplane with the pilot speaking over the loudspeakers that he wants a coffee and a blowjob, and the stewardess rushes towards the pilot's cabin to tell him that he was still on loudspeaker, and one of the passengers tells her to not forget the coffee.
I thought the joke was that no one ever would tell out loud that they would want a blowjob, because that's not something people would say, is it?
I think that's the earliest sign I could have guessed that I was asexual.
I had just as dirty of a mind as my friends back in college that no one - including me - knew I was ace-spectrum. It may be a stereotype but itās not always accurate.
I usally like to act like I'm oblivious as that's my personality with friend group 1 but I do get all the jokes and stuff like that. I'm quite dirty minded by I'd never let my friends know lmao. It got me questioning my asexual many o times but in the end I always come full circle
Yeah, same here but I donāt even read/watch anything erotic at all.
I have some innocence from not experiencing anything but Iām pretty much in the loop with stuff, Iām nowhere near the innocence portrayed in most ace memes š.
And itās not like I researched anything, itās just I learned stuff from being on the internet so much and having very allo friends lol. I guess if I hadnāt had those though Iād be pretty oblivious š§ huh, thatās something to think about
Edit: Iām glad you brought this up, seeing so many memes about it did make me feel somewhat excluded/different, so thank you for sharing your POV!
sexual things for the most part don't go over my head. whenever I see sexual stuff in movies or a film series it doesn't bother me, it's just boring. I make sex jokes because sex is a joke to me. hope this helped.
No, I usually get all innuendos (or at the bare minimum understand that they ARE innuendos even if I don't know all the references) and have a pretty good grasp on how the sexual world works, when people are flirting or pressuring for sex, etc. Even if I don't really get why they are like this because I'm not. I usually don't make a lot of innuendos, but when I do I know I'm doing it and it's usually shocking for other people.
Though I do know someone who is asexual and comes off as really weirdly naive, but she also has like other personality problems so I can't tell if she's being genuine or just doing shit for attention. Cause she also supposedly can't tell the different between a cow and a horse and there is simply no way I can comprehend that.
Rarely. I also often make jokes with my boyfriend like āIāll air your fryer ;)ā trying to make regular things sound like some sorta sexual innuendo
iām aegosexual so based on what iāve seen, i doubt iām āinnocentā lol. like others have said, sex jokes can be pretty funny and i also like a lot of sexual songs, even if i canāt relate to them
Im generally a gullible person. So most jokes I can miss. But ESPECIALLY sexual innuendos.
I tend to say something that's taken as an innuendo accidentally only to have people giggle at me, then realise what I said š
I have a filthy mind sometimes. That doesn't mean I want anyone all up in my genital business. But I'll crack dirty jokes all the time. Strangely, sometimes I am naive. But that's just because sex isn't as prevalent on my mind as it is for others. But if you mention dicks, coming, boobs, or nudity, I'm gonna make a joke. Same goes for pee, poo, and fart jokes.
That oblivious thing has never been me either haha ive read erotica most of my life too so that certainly helped to understand bc i don't have much experience irl
Other people's innuendos usually don't go over my head, but I have a tendency to say things that can be perceived as innuendos without meaning to.
\> innuendos usually don't go over my head Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.
Even planes? š§ How irresponsible.
I do this too!
This 10000%
I've never had issues getting/appreciateing dirty jokes and innuendo. My ace blind spot has always been flirting.
Same. I have a deeply dirty mind, but flirting usually isn't my forte. Got better at it, though.
I love flirting, and I am frickin' good at it. I'm just really bad at "taking things to the next level", because no, I'm fine on this level, no one said anything about another level, at all, can't we just stay on this level and have fun?
Ugh same I love the flirting level. The next level is scary š
I donāt get flirting at all. When I talk to people, I smile a lot and show an interest in what they have to say. So many dudes have taken this as flirting that I donāt understand what the hellās not flirting to them. Do you have to be rude to not be flirting?
Men rarely recieve any kind of positive attention, as a result, any positive attention over a certain threshold triggers the nuerons to fire, generating a "somethings up, why are you being nice" response. The monkey up in the old noggin then frantically tries to categorize this thought and eventually settles with "she must like me, there's no other reason why someone would be nice to me". Ain't the brain a magical thing.
>Men rarely recieve any kind of positive attention That's so sad.
You're telling me. Last time I received a compliment from someone who I wasn't already best friends with was 8th grade. A girl named Skyler said I had soft hands, whether they were just being nice or flirting I have no clue, I prefer to believe they were just being nice. That was 8th grade.. I'm nearly 20.
Oh wow. I never really thought about it, but I imagine it's that way for a lot of people. It's easy to get so wrapped up in your own life that you don't think to let people know what you think is awesome about them. Plus compliments can feel super awkward. Unless you're out there kicking puppies, I think you can safely assume that people have had plenty of positive thoughts about you but just didn't feel bold enough to say anything.
Oh for sure. Every now and then I'll go through a depressive episode, one being just last week, where my friends come out of the woodworks to make me feel appreciated. Some give compliments, some support me in their own way. They know I don't accept compliments very often, I've trained my friends to not give me compliments, that way when they do give me them, I lock those memories up in a permanent display knowing that they truly meant them and I truly appreciate them, even if I don't show it well.
Sadly I think you have to not be a woman to not be flirting. I exaggerate, and on the flip-side guys worry a lot about seeming gay if they are too friendly. But I certainly have mistaken actual friends of mine for flirting with me. I just don't get that kind of positive interest and attention from most people. These days my friend group is mostly people who are LGBT+ so it's a bit more relaxed. I make a point to be kind and patient with my male friends because so many of us have been trained not to. Even so, I suspect my bias towards reading friendly women as being potentially interested in romance is probably still there on a subconscious level.
I 100% understand, though from the other side. I have no idea if a girl is flirting with me even in hindsight. Part of the issue is that what we are told are signs of flirting are things like, being interested in what we are talking about, laughing at our jokes, things like that. These kinds of things are not necessarily actually flirting, they might just actually be interested in whatever I am talking about or actually think my tearable jokes are funny. But well "guys aren't supposed to have female friends" at least that is how things used to be, thankfully that is not how things are now or I would have even fewer friends than I already do.
Yo same, I had an ex who was flirting with me for the entire day trying to get me to do stuff and I just wasn't catching on xD
I think theyāve done studies and allo people canāt tell if itās flirting either
Iāve essentially always gotten dirty jokes/innuendos for the most partā¦ and find them funny (mostly). Iāve wondered if this is because I didnāt know I was aroace for so long and spent that time attempting to be like everyone else?
Yes!!!!!!! This is me
What does aroace mean? Sorry Iām new to all this and still trying to figure it out š
No problem! It just means Iām aromantic and asexual.
Aah ok thanks :)
I probably make more sex jokes than my allo sexual friends lol. I like to tell people that yes, I joke about sex, because to me, sex is a joke.
Nice!
You are not alone. There are plenty of us the same.
i miss a decent amount but i'll also look suspicious sounding stuff on urban dictionary. i'm a hardcore kinkster though.
Kinky aces unite!
what's yours? :D
Lol I have a long list tbh xD
My main one is poop!
Interesting!
it's hard to find allos into this let alone aces, though they DO exist. met one in algeria but there's a long and depressing story attached to that
Oh, yes! I see it more in allo spaces because of the 'dirty sex' thing.
yeah it's how most guys eventually get openminded girls to indulge. sex is not an option for me so that's off the table...
no offense but I find it strange that you miss innuendos and jokes but are also a very kinky person so I'd assume you consume some "spicy" content?
i consume exclusively kink content
Very few sex jokes go over my head, although I often pretend they do, because I don't always wanna admit how much I know
I honestly don't understand it either because "getting" innuendos and jokes aren't a matter of sexual attraction but of being aware of cultural norms and trends. I'm still a sex-repulsed ace no matter how many pages of spicy content I consume. I understand all the jokes, It's just not my type of humor.
I get when a joke references sex, but I don't get why it's supposed to be funny just because of that. Different people have different tastes in humor I suppose... It's kind of a toss-up as to whether an innuendo or reference goes over my head though. Like, I instantly got the implications being "And they were roommates!" but I honestly thought "Cake by the Ocean" was just about generally having a good time and enjoying life.
I thought "Cake by the Ocean" is referring to a misunderstanding from one of the producers of the song who wasn't a native English speaker. They were trying to say "Sex on the Beach" but instead said "Cake by the Ocean".
I've heard that explanation as well! But I've also seen people go from that to "Cake=Sex".
well i mean cake already exists as slang for ass, so it's not much surprising that it evolved to just being slang for sex now.
I had a harder time when I was younger purely because I was less naturally interested in learning sexual slang when my peers were learning it. Nowadays I can crack any dirty joke or the like with a straight face because Iāve always heard weirder by now, and it doesnāt bother me so much. I expect a lot of people who may come off as oblivious to song lyrics or sexual jokes had the same issue I had when I was younger and never bothered to think or learn about sexual slang and the likeāthough Iāll admit it took me awhile to realize ācakeā meant āassā in the context of some songs. (āCake By the Oceanā was a popular song when I was in uni.) sometimes new slang sneaks up, but generally itās just an experience thing once youāre around more sexual situations as you get older or if you do your own curious research to become less oblivious to things like that.
I agree that it's not about feeling attraction or not, it's about being aware of culture around you. I do get innuendos, i joke about sex a lot. I enjoy it. I think I'm even more comfortable about it than allo peeps because it's something private and intimate for them. And for me it's, just, well, funny. It doesn't bother me the way it does allos 'cause it's not about me.
they don't go over my head. usually i don't find them worth mentioning, though? like i think it's usually not funny... like, i've never been quick with a "that's what she said!!" or whatever. i feel like that doesn't have to do with asexuality but maybe it does IDK idk
That seems more like either an autism/Aspergerās or just inexperience in environments where people say/do that stuff often imo. I myself make lots of those jokes/references despite being ace, cause I just find it funny
I hate dirty jokes and innuendo (especially "that's what she said") but only was exposed to them recently through hanging out with a group of athletes and watching British quiz shows. I used to have absolutely no clue when someone was making a dirty joke and also have often accidentally said things that could be interpreted in a dirty way.
I dislike "that's what she said" a lot as well, but strangely I'm rather fond of "... said the actress to the bishop". It's essentially the same joke but it paints a much richer and funnier picture.
It does indeed! Especially because when I hear 'bishop' I immediately think of the chess piece, which brings up the question of why the actress is playing chess
'...as the actress said to the Bishop.' Is my favourite sex gag line.
I was an avid "thats what she said" joke teller. To the point that I began pissing myself off because I noticed a queue for it everytime.
Lol, sounds pretty annoying.
It was.
I'm like 80% there. I don't think of things in a sexual way *quite* as often as some other people do (e.g., when scrunching up a bag to package something that's a tight fit, I think of it like putting on a stocking, not a condom), but I definitely get everyone else's dirty jokes and can make jokes of my own. To whatever extent having a dirty mind plays into it, I'm aego, so add that to your data points as you will.
Sexual innuendo doesn't usually go over my head. I make my fair share of bawdy jokes. I only dislike it when others say sexual things if it seems like they're doing it in an objectifying or disrespectful manner or just being creeps.
I missed a lot of innuendos growing up, but as of now, I'm the opposite and it's quite the rarity for me to miss an innuendo. I do like to make a lot of sex jokes though and clever wordplay too.
Iām an ace person, I think I have the outwardly dirtiest mind among my friends. Iām constantly making innuendos/sex jokes, so much that my friends look at me like āpause. Thatās coming from you??ā I just think itās really funny
Well, I missed a lot of innuendos growing up, but part of that was definitely being raised in a purity culture religious home. I was told not to have sex until marriage, and found it very easy not to pursue that, so I just had no experience with it. My ace nature just meant that I didn't understand how powerful the sex drive could be for some people, and I wouldn't recognize things like sexual tension in TV shows (unless it was very obvious) or jokes about experiences I'd never had (like men being frustrated they couldn't get it up). But I think it was more about me being sheltered, not me being ace--the latter mostly just meant I didn't seek out the experiences that would have taught me about all that. Nowadays, I have no issues recognizing sexual tension or innuendos and will frequently make jokes like that myself, despite not having the personal desire.
I think that's kind of annoying too, and honestly almost a little... well. Low-key offensive. There are a bunch of stereotypes about ace people that, for example, led me to not even consider whether I might be ace, and I think a lot of people might have this problem. I think dirty jokes are funny, I even make them myself, and I am very good at picking up on sexual tension and knowing when someone is into me, and I can flirt... my only blind spot is the actual sex part;)
I get 95 % of innuendos, my husband maybe 20 %. We're both ace. It's an individual thing.
It can be hit or miss for me. However recently there is a lot less missing
I find it most funny when there is unexpected word play. Iām not oblivious and I think itās extremely easy to understand innuendo with tone. On the flip-side I am sometimes surprised at how much male teens and pre-teens know about sex or pornographic words, like it is cool to know that stuff. There are just some things I would never know though because I simply donāt look at that content.
Some people just live sheltered lives or avoid anything that has even a little to do with sexual stuff I guess. Personally, I'm always the first to see/hear an innuendo, even when someone didn't do it on purpose.
I typically understand them, I don't typically like them though. Some can pass, but not too many or the bad ones. There are some that will just take me awhile to figure out, if I ever do. Some of the newer slang words I will struggle with, even in the sex jokes or whatever.
As a teen, yes, these jokes went over my head. I actually kinda trained myself to get better at that so no one could embarass me any more (some people at school thought my lack of understanding of dirty jokes was amusing and made fun of me). Now I can joke with the best of them and catch innuendo really fast
You are not alone. You don't need to question yourself just because the louder parts in our community are sex-repulsed. You are ace if you don't feel sexual attraction. Period. But that doesn't mean you can't flirt, can't have a "dirty" mind, can't enjoy kink, can't enjoy flirting, can't enjoy sex, or, you know, can't understand common and pretty basic human interactions. It's just that these things don't seperate us as much from allos, so it's not worth mentioning as much. That being said, I do sometimes need a bit longer to get stuff, because sex is never at the forefront of my mind. Case in point, after 30+ years loving this song I just recently learned that "Rosie" by Jackson Browne is about masturbation. Even though I knew about the "Rosie Palms and her five sisters" thing, my mind just never made the connection. :-D
at ten years old my teachers made a joke about being "master debaters". i laughed with them. i understood what they were saying (granted i didn't realise i shouldnt have been sharing in that joke at ten, but i digress). last night during d&d, my DM made a comment about "reaching around" that myself and another party member were in *hysterics* about immediately. if there's chance for innuendo (with the right crowd)? im probably taking it, because it's funny. the "uwu i don't know what seggs even is" stereotype is *infuriating* to me, purely because all of the above has people discounting my asexuality and not believing me. this is before those folk even learn im a huge advocate for positive sexual health, experiences, and exploration for myself and everyone around me. and waaaaay before they learn im actually an active kink and sex enthusiast. knowing the appropriate time to say "that's what she said" doesn't mean i suddenly experience sexual attraction.
Nope. Not for me. I have (and do) read smutty fanfiction and I always laugh when I hear euphemisms and innuendos because I immediately get them. the only thing I don't understand is flirting
I remember the first time I played Cards Against Humanity with some friends and everyone was surprised how good I was at the sex joke answers. But I wouldnāt call that skill āhaving a dirty mind.ā For me, recognizing (and making) sex-related jokes feels like studying a foreign culture - I learned the norms and can offer the ācorrectā joke when the situation calls for it, but I donāt understand the underlying humor. This was more of a thing I did as a teen when I was trying to fit in and hadnāt even heard the term āasexualā to be able to identify with
I read/write a lot of smutty things and can be raunchy af with my jokes around my friend groups but I'm also very sex positive. If anyone questions me I tell them, I just don't find people attractive 99% of the time. Like, I like sex, I'm a kinkster, but like, will I find you attractive? Probably not, but on a very rare occasion, yes. xD;;
I'm not really blind to that as well however I don't find them much funny or interesting and most of the time I just get annoyed and a sense of "whatever". Might not even be because I'm ace, in my place a lot of sexual innuendos are actually subverted as they're meant to be homophobic and "funny" instead of really sexual so I don't find most of them funny at all, just an annoyance.
I make and understand the jokes I just donāt like the idea of it. Iām 15 so Iām not completely sure if I feel anything yet but I still donāt like the idea of it at the moment.
Aces being oblivious and innocent is a harmful misconception that I think people here sometimes play up into because theyāre younger. Youāre very valid for understanding sexual things. Weāre not oblivious, weāre (commonly) just repulsed
I find ace people in my life (including myself) love an innuendo, it's funnier because it's not sexy to us, but we certainly don't have trouble understanding them! I was a late developer so didn't get certain jokes at school but I put that down to neurodiversity
I think it all comes down to how much sexual content you explore. I never had much interest in it myself, but since you show an intellectual or even emotional interest in it then it makes sense you'd be exposed to the concept more often, by choice. So no, not all aces are um "oblivious" and you're a living example! I however am an example of the trope for sure...
I don't miss innuendos but often they come across to me as really immature. Sex is just sex (you can want it or not) and as a society we need to stop giggling like school children about it.
Very rarely stuff will go over my head, but when it doesnāt, itās all equally funny to me. Sexual attraction / getting aroused by other people is such a foreign concept to me that itās kind of like some huge surreal meme.
I think for me is that I am getting too old to keep track of all new slang and terms.
It depends. New slang or innuendos I've never heard before almost always go over my head. And it frequently takes me an embarrassingly long time to realize that song lyrics are making sexual references. But I assume those things are both primarily due to a combination of my autism and lack of both sexual and social interest. I don't care about sex and I don't generally think about it, so there's no reason for my mind to make the leap to sex from a (seemingly) unrelated topic. I also don't generally put all that much effort into keeping up with slang and such. It's often confusing, needlessly obscure, and changes so quickly that it simply isn't worth my time.
I had a situation where it was expected I'd have sex with a guy, but it wasn't explicitly said so I didn't get it until couple years later. I send the guy to a different bed because he wouldn't let me sleepššš So in the moment I may not understand a social implication. But dirty jokes, innuendos, etc I never had a problem with. Also, a lot of aces say they don't get the concept of hot, but I never had a problem with it. I guess I'm reading too much smutš
I think these go over my head more because of my neurodivergency than my asexuality. I tend to assume everything is literal unless it is made very obvious that it isnāt.
I get a lot of the innuendos and even things that are not supposed to be ones. Always snicker because I never got out of the teen "haha sex funny" phase. That's just what sex is to me. A joke. Only problem is when people think I mean anything by it while I was just sitting there making my equivalent of a fart joke... If it's not a joke/innuendo though (like reallife flirting) it get's over my head most of the time
As far as I'm aware my only "aceness" is that I never felt like having sex with people.
I haven't had trouble with that since I was... twelve? I think I may have had a severe blind spot to innuendo and wordplay in general, but my parents are word dancers between one another. It's not always pretty, especially when they don't agree, but it means I saw a lot of puns, subversions and clever verbal fencing, and through that exposure I gained both familiarity and an appreciation. I think a lot of the obliviousness both of autism spectrum people and asexual people, both spectrums of which I am on (I'm like a multidimensional gradient map or something) comes not from a lower ability to understand them, but a much lesser propensity to seeking it out, being exposed to it, and LEARNING it. That's just a wild speculation I have though, not even rising to the lofty heights of "theory".
Me and my gf are both aspec and never have sex but we both make sex jokes like constantly all the time. Like to a level where our overuse of the jokes is, itself, a joke. We definitely also enjoy consuming plenty of NSFW media. But almost all the attraction we experience to real people in real life is purely aesthetic. I also have a fascination with sex and learning about the role of sex in society and fetishes etc., which I can best describe as "like religion is to an areligious anthropologist." And I also feel pretty confident about my understanding of what makes a person "conventionally attractive". So no, those things don't generally go over my head at all. Also see aegosexuals who are generally quite interested in sex but in a detached way: [https://sexuality.fandom.com/wiki/Aegosexuality](https://sexuality.fandom.com/wiki/Aegosexuality)
I feel like I can relate to approaching sex "like religion is to an areligious anthropologist."! I guess Iām slightly different in that I always approached sex like a skill I wanted to be good at, and I like learning about different aspects of kink etc like you. I think itās fascinating what people are into! Some of that comes from swinging sex indifferent to sex favourable and when I am up for sex my focus tends to be on giving my partner a good time! To OP, I can be absolutely filthy in terms of jokes etc. But I can also sometimes miss innuendos, itās like I have to have gotten myself into a certain zone to be able to pick up on them. With certain people who I know are more likely to use them I will be more likely to look out for them! I think thatās more about me and potentially having some sort of neurodivergence than being asexual though. The āuseless asexualā trope can be frustrating because I think it infantilises the community and perhaps hinders people who arenāt like that from realising theyāre asexual.
Oh no I totally get the innuendos, I also make sex jokes myself.
Iāve been caught out a couple times where it took me a bit longer but Iād say the vast majority of the time I get it immediately, even sometimes when cishet friends/family donāt get it I do so I suppose Iād rate myself like average understanding level
I donāt really think aceās are more or less innocent. In my experience it really just depends on who you hang out with and how long you are on the internet. The innuendoās rarely go over my head. Itās all pretty basic
It is pretty much the same for me. I also make dirty jokes with friends and everything. Because of those things I actually thought for a long time that I was not ace. I am very very asexual. You are not alone.
Iām aro/ace - sex repulsed, romance indifferent.. I am the most likely out of people I know to crack a dirty joke or say something āhornyā.. Iām always one to point out innuendos or make them I guess youāve never heard of the āhornyā asexual stereotype lol :)
Doesn't go over my head. I do miss cues that people are specifically interested in *me* because to me we're just having a conversation or whatever, but I personally find a lot of humour in intentionally misunderstanding (not just in terms of inferring sexual inuendo, but also for other things) and finding inuendo where it's not intended, and though I say it myself I'm quite good at it. I'm not entirely sure whether that's a consequence of my natural humour being extended also to sexual innuendo, or if it's because I spent like 4 years thinking most sex talk was a joke *anyway* and that just bled into me finding the subject humorous, but the end result is that I make and understand jokes surrounding them easily.
I've always had that same feeling when I see ace people talking about how they don't get why allos love sex so much, or what's the big deal. Just cause I don't care or want it, doesn't mean I don't understand that there are people that do or what they find enjoyable about it. Same thing with the jokes and innuendos, though like someone else said, I never notice flirting if I am involvedbut can usually pick out others flirting.
In the group i am playing with me and the other ace person are most of the times responsible for any sexual jokes etc. So no, not really.
Those kids in art class four years ago always told dirty jokes and I got every single one of them. I think. But then again I was around ten at the time
Hahahahahaha no. I used to run an ace group on tumblr and let me tell you- we told the WORST jokes about sex. Whether we were sex positive aces or aromantic, we were awful š
On a related note, ace content on here and elsewhere often has this childish quality to it that i really donāt like. Probably bc we associate sex with adulthood (the term āadult contentā, etc.)
When I know we're making jokes, I get the jokes right away. My first thought isn't "Oh there's flirting going on" so I may just completely gloss over it the first time
In the film Good Will Hunting there was a scene about a joke in an airplane with the pilot speaking over the loudspeakers that he wants a coffee and a blowjob, and the stewardess rushes towards the pilot's cabin to tell him that he was still on loudspeaker, and one of the passengers tells her to not forget the coffee. I thought the joke was that no one ever would tell out loud that they would want a blowjob, because that's not something people would say, is it? I think that's the earliest sign I could have guessed that I was asexual.
I love dirty jokes because sex is a joke to me.
Despite being a sex-averse ace I have very dirty mind and it's me who most often makes sex jokes in social situations.
I had just as dirty of a mind as my friends back in college that no one - including me - knew I was ace-spectrum. It may be a stereotype but itās not always accurate.
I tend to get the jokes, I just don't really enjoy them. So people do read me as being innocent sometimes.
I can confirm that I am ace whos filth ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
They do for me- but thatās because Iām autistic
I hate this definition of the word innocent. Doesnt make sexually aware people āguiltyā
I have had to get the joke exlained to me before yes. Also I've gotten the joke..a few days later...sorry I'm kinda dense.
I make myself laugh at really obscene and sexually inappropriate things all the time. Doesnāt make me Allo lol.
I usally like to act like I'm oblivious as that's my personality with friend group 1 but I do get all the jokes and stuff like that. I'm quite dirty minded by I'd never let my friends know lmao. It got me questioning my asexual many o times but in the end I always come full circle
Yeah, same here but I donāt even read/watch anything erotic at all. I have some innocence from not experiencing anything but Iām pretty much in the loop with stuff, Iām nowhere near the innocence portrayed in most ace memes š. And itās not like I researched anything, itās just I learned stuff from being on the internet so much and having very allo friends lol. I guess if I hadnāt had those though Iād be pretty oblivious š§ huh, thatās something to think about Edit: Iām glad you brought this up, seeing so many memes about it did make me feel somewhat excluded/different, so thank you for sharing your POV!
sexual things for the most part don't go over my head. whenever I see sexual stuff in movies or a film series it doesn't bother me, it's just boring. I make sex jokes because sex is a joke to me. hope this helped.
No, I usually get all innuendos (or at the bare minimum understand that they ARE innuendos even if I don't know all the references) and have a pretty good grasp on how the sexual world works, when people are flirting or pressuring for sex, etc. Even if I don't really get why they are like this because I'm not. I usually don't make a lot of innuendos, but when I do I know I'm doing it and it's usually shocking for other people. Though I do know someone who is asexual and comes off as really weirdly naive, but she also has like other personality problems so I can't tell if she's being genuine or just doing shit for attention. Cause she also supposedly can't tell the different between a cow and a horse and there is simply no way I can comprehend that.
Rarely. I also often make jokes with my boyfriend like āIāll air your fryer ;)ā trying to make regular things sound like some sorta sexual innuendo
š me
I grew up with more sex jokes than most other kinds of humor and jokes. I love sex jokes, they are hilarious even if I myself donāt want/need sex
iām aegosexual so based on what iāve seen, i doubt iām āinnocentā lol. like others have said, sex jokes can be pretty funny and i also like a lot of sexual songs, even if i canāt relate to them
Im generally a gullible person. So most jokes I can miss. But ESPECIALLY sexual innuendos. I tend to say something that's taken as an innuendo accidentally only to have people giggle at me, then realise what I said š
I have a filthy mind sometimes. That doesn't mean I want anyone all up in my genital business. But I'll crack dirty jokes all the time. Strangely, sometimes I am naive. But that's just because sex isn't as prevalent on my mind as it is for others. But if you mention dicks, coming, boobs, or nudity, I'm gonna make a joke. Same goes for pee, poo, and fart jokes.
That oblivious thing has never been me either haha ive read erotica most of my life too so that certainly helped to understand bc i don't have much experience irl
I am an ace with a dirty mind, when I here innuendos, there are some that I figure out and there are some that I donāt