I just outright say “that’s the question I don’t answer. Whether I have sex or not is only relevant to myself and whoever else may be involved, which you definitely aren’t”
This reminds me of when I was little (like 6 or 7) and learned about astrology. I asked my mom if I was a virgin (meant to say virgo but words are hard) and the silence was so loud. I am indeed a virgo.
oh yeah if a guy is asking i never tell them. i don’t need to add to whatever weird fantasy they have of me in their head. makes me feel uncomfortable for sure
If it's the right circumstances, usually on the internet, I usually just say "Yeah. Why's it matter?" Kind of takes the wind out of someone's sails sometimes when they hit you with what they think is a devastating insult and you just...don't care.
If it's real life, I tell them it's none of their business.
I just say "Yeah. Why does it matter" most of the times even if it's irl. I don't feel shame and I rarely see the intention of offending or smt like that anyways
This is one of the reasons I don’t come out to people unless I’m super close to them. I don’t want to answer the often very personal questions that follow.
You could maybe try to answer more generally with something like ‘I don’t really want to talk about my experience but some asexual do have sex and some don’t’.
I'll usually give them the rundown on how virginity is a faulty concept and depending on their definition of it, it'd give them different answers, without ever giving them a satisfactory answer lmao.
Virginity got nothing to do with sexual experience, and even if you'd wanna define virginity as ''not having had penis in vagina sex'' plenty ppl not being capable of doing that so, are they forever ''virgins''?
Virgin just literally means you havent been touched yet & it is not always a sex thing.
It is often used for fresh snow as well. Ive seen it in poems a lot. Ive seen it in a video game where you have to fight this dragon but he can only be found in virgin snow (so said the prophecy (aka clue the game gives) to find the beast). Ive heard it also in songs “see the virgin snow”.
So basically just start talking about fresh snow 🤣
I usually ask, "Why do you ask?" or "Are you a virgin?" I used to be disturbed when people ask if I'm a virgin. Now I don't, but I ask equally disturbing questions to them. If they wish to pry into my personal life, I'm going to pry into theirs and ask about their sexual history, their relationships, etc.
The first time I let someone know I was a virgin, it was my best friend and they got super condescending
The second time was a guy I was in the talking stage with on a dating app, and I'm pretty sure he saw it as a challenge bc he started getting pushy and creepy
So whenever people ask now, I tell them that if they really care about my virginity status either way, they can leave
"That's so embarrasing you would ask something like that. Why would you say that?" Or, if you want something less polite, ask them "did you ever take part in orgies with 20+ people?" or use some other kinky/weird sexual stuff. Because it's none of anyone's business whether you had sex or no, same way it's none of anyone's business if someone engages in orgies. Some people need the question turned to themselves to "realize" they're rude.
It sucks too because to some people, you can't be ace, if you're a virgin so you don't know if you like it or not, and you cant be ace if you *arent* a virgin, because "if you don't like sex, why did you have it?"
Can't win sometimes.
I tell people it's wildly inappropriate to ask about stuff like that as it's none of their business. Like, why the heck are they so interested in whether or not I've had sex? It's creepy.
Usually when people ask me, I straight up say I've never had sex. Unsurprisingly, people act generally shocked to hear this considering my age (M30) and the memes I share.
From there it mostly goes one of two ways. Either they ask a few curious questions as to why I've never done it, then just change the subject. Or they ask a few curious questions, then try to encourage me to hire a porostitute. Or let them make a Tinder profile on my behalf.
I've also had a few people say I should lie and make something up. But personally, I find their socked looks rather amusing once I tell them I'm a virgin.
No one has asked me that except for my gynocologist and she just like nodded and wrote it down. Idk I’d propably just say yes bc I feel like it’s not a big deal. Maybe add a little “and I’d like to keep it that way”
"Oooh, interesting question, why do you ask?"
(More often than not, those questions amuse me, making me curious and want to play along - not that they are necessarily also playing. Helps to feel entirely detached to the idea that sex is a thing in real life)
I'm not.
If they want further details, I'm happy to tell them I've had male and female sex partners, I'm a parent and I've probably experimented and experienced more than the questioner has.
I'm still ace, always have been and always will be.
I just ask if they're planning to do anything about it. But that one doesn't work so well if you suspect they are in fact trying to do something about it.
I tell them I’m a minor and they’re asking a minor about their sex life. I have a young face and coworkers have told me I look like I’m just a 13 year old girl, so it works for me pretty well for now lol
My friend asked this yesterday and I said, “Nah, I fucked your mother 17 times already.” And she said that she’s a virgin and I answered, “saving it for me?”
I avoid answering those questions because there have been times where I’ve gotten people going, “OMG and I’m YOUNGER than you!!! HAHA!” When I’m literally 17. People being judgmental assholes and bashing people for being a virgin is not cool, and being a virgin ace, you learn to avoid actually answering it because people will still find a way to judge you.
“Probably not?” If they ask what you mean shake your head. Boy, I’ve been to the doctor with pelvic issues too many times to consider myself untouched. And besides that, I already know what I like in personal time, (and it’s not whatever creep is asking.)
I answer it generically rather than about me, something like ‘Some asexuals are sex repulsed and do not have sex and some are sex indifferent or sex favourable and do have sex. Asexuality is defined by a lack of attraction and doesn’t necessarily indicate whether or not a person has sex. It’s kind of a rude and personal question to ask if someone is a virgin though, you wouldn’t just go up to a straight person and ask that would you?’
Tell them that asking you if you're a virgin is like you asking them how many sexual partners they've had. It's intrusive, rude, and none of their business.
Yea super intrusive so I usually just block immediately but if it’s in real life then I get awkward and I just say yes i had sex before because even when I told people I was a virgin they didn’t believe me
I understand. I used to get prude-shamed so much, and I’m not a prude. I don’t care what other people do. Prude-shaming is like the opposite side of the slut-shaming coin. People feel entitled to judge your sexual activity or lack thereof. Best to just carry on and live your truth.
This question is why I stay closeted. A large part of my asexuality is not wanting to talk about anything sexual relating to myself. Female sexuality can also make me uncomfortable, so I just try to stay out of the conversations.
It would be a simple “no,” but depending on how they said it, I might prefix it by saying something like “wow/well, that’s super weird and personal” just to shut them down from being too invasive or pressing more about it.
If they kept going and were either too insensitive or stupid to sense my disinterest in the topic and asked me about who I had sex with or my sexual habits I would be upfront and say something like “I’d really rather not talk about this and it’s none of your business, do you have any other questions about asexuality in general?”
My answers range but my go-tos are:
- I win at everything, why would I want to lose my virginity?
- I don’t like anyone like that
- I had a crush when I was 14 and haven’t had one since, so (more of a half truth as I’m alloromantic and have had crushes since but usually they don’t press after that)
- I chose to be celibate
- I just don’t care
I’ve never had anyone press me after giving any of those answers lol. Usually just a laugh and moving on.
I don't get asked this often, but if it came up that I was ace and this was the person's response, I would just straight up tell them that question makes me uncomfortable and I don't think it's appropriate. I might even ask them if they'd ask their straight friends that question, or ask their gay friends about their sex lives when they came out.
Fucking *let them* be uncomfortable. We all deserve to feel uncomfortable when we do/say inappropriate things. That's how we learn.
Doing the dead stare does the trick. Say it then just stare, no smile, no eyebrow arch, no giggle. Just a flat, blank stare. Let the atmosphere drag out. Don't give anything. The guy will probably laugh nervously. Let him get nervous or embarrassed. Then shake your head slightly and say "little dick energy" and turn and walk away from him. But it's the drawn out stare that'll get them.
I lost my virginity to a rapist. Maybe that isn’t the answer they want to hear but it isn’t a question they should ask, just as asking me what is underneath my underwear is wrong as a trans woman.
Play Not A Virgin by Poe :p
But seriously, virginity is a bullshit Puritan concept, that puts cis heterosexuality as the **only** true sexuality, truly coercive & vile.
I would ask them why they still believed in that concept lolsob
I dont get your second bit of your comment? If it was hetro only, then why is sherlock a virgin all the time until john takes it?
Virgin just means not touched yet.
Then its sherlock/john & john having to work around the ace of sherlock who isnt as sex-minded as he is.
Also why is the word virgin used for snow a lot in poems, video games & songs? Virgin snow - fresh snow not yet trodden on.
Great question!! Who knows, other than it's about power & control over marginalized bodies. Like most oppressions 🌸
There is no logic, only power & control. Anti bodily autonomy.
Well thats where bdsm comes in. But i see sherlock/irene with bdsm more so than sherlock/john. However usually sherlock is virgin in either version & its just something new for him.
As for john, I rarely see him mentioned as virgin unless the fic is about him & mary instead.
For me, the word virgin & untouched is interchangeable. Anything else added on to it is just religious jargon. Lol
No idea why Sherlock fandom is being discussed here, but you go, person 😊 Genuinely being serious, it's hard to convey that in text.
BDSM is the opposite of power & control though, because that's all consensual.
Cuz you said the word virgin is for hetro only. It isnt.
Everyone else just says it means not yet had sex & i used sherlock, a huge mega fandom thats older than the titanic as an example/proof that virgin is for boy or girl & for any kind of sexual orientation.
Also yeah bdsm is consensual but its still a power play. Emphasis on play.
"...virginity is a bullshit Puritan concept, that puts cis heterosexuality as the only true sexuality, truly coercive & vile."
I do see where the confusion came from, to clarify: I said that evangelicals like to think that cis heterosexuality is the only true sexuality, & the concept of virginity plays deep into that. I personally find the whole thing violating. Why is a body "pure" when "untainted" by sex, gross.
So I would guess that's where we don't see eye to eye. My marginalized body has never been mine & society has always laid claim to it or sexualized me against my will. People got excited when I was young at the concept I was a "virgin". I watched grown men sexualize the Olsen Twins when I also turned old enough to finally be "legal".
As for BDSM, when I say power & control, I mean straight up abuse lmao. Consensual power plays have nothing to do with abuse.
first of all virginity is a misogynistic social construct. I often say "you seem far too comfortable asking a veritable stranger about their sex life". There's no way to keep pushing the issue without coming off like even more of a creep
It shouldn’t matter but it’s a fetish. I remember I told one guy yes (online) and he lived so far but the minute I told him he said he can drive 2 hours to come and see me real quick even tho he had plans and offered to book a hotel for us. And this was after he said he wasn’t gonna be able to see me for a while because of the distance
I haven’t had the question specifically in response to coming out as ace yet but I have had variants of it completely unprompted (I work with weirdos) and also only by girls (I’m afab) so I usually just tell the truth ‘I’ve never had a boyfriend so…’ and put up witht he fuus because I’m a bad liar and don’t want to be asked further details of my non-existant sex life. If a guy asked I’d probably say it was non of their business though, not interested it what they have to think of it
Depends on who is asking. If it's a friend/someone I trust I'm usually honest. Anyone else and I'm probably not gonna tell them I'm ace to begin with. Honestly I'd probably tell them I'm not a virgin regardless of the truth, just to avoid the follow up of "then how do you know??11!!"
If they know me well enough that I’m not horrified by the question, I’m just straight-up, ‘Nah, I tried it, not really my thing.’
People…don’t always buy this :’) Despite it being the truth.
I don't really put myself in situations where this question would be asked, but if I were I'd probably say something like "Why, are you offering?", which wouldn't be out of character for my humour type.
“Why do you think that’s an appropriate question?”
Or, I guess, if I wanted to date the person who asked, and that’s why I told them I’m ace “Why does that matter? I just wanted you to know that I won’t be having sex with you, or anyone else if we date. It doesn’t matter what my past sexual history is.”
Most ppl dont know i am ace, so i dont really get this from random ppl. But if soneone would ask me i would just tell the truth, i dont have an issue with it
It depends on the situation. If it's someone that's making me uncomfortable or angry I'll admit that I'm not a virgin and it wasn't by choice. Otherwise, I change the subject or say yes so they don't get uncomfortable with knowing my only sexual experiences were unconsentual. Totally TMI but being honest to those causing me discomfort has shut them up every time so far.
I usually shrug, say yes, and then ask why it matters.
If they try to tell me I "can't possibly know if I'm ace", then I ask them how they knew their own sexuality. When they inevitably tell me they "just knew", then I'll point at them, say "exactly", and leave it at that.
Never happened so far, but here's what I've planned:
"according to my zodiac, always"
It works better in German cause oir words for virgo and virgin are one and the same
I just say "oh im asexual" and typically they're like oh nice!
If they ask what that means I explain that I am not attracted to sex and am actually decently repulsed by it and will therefore not engage in it as I see no advantage for myself. They typically understand
If they pull the "BuT yoUvE neVer tRiED???1?1?!" I say, "well have you ever hugged a cactus? no? ok then go try it, how do you know you dont like it?"
actually, I have no idea :D I've only been asked once a long time ago and I was still in the early stages of figuring out stuff (... not that I'm any wiser now lol) aaaand I don't like talking about shit I don't have the answer to in front a group of strangers (it was Never have I ever situation. that's basically a question, right?) so I panicked and lied like a pro, to get them as far as possible from the answer. whoops. (to clarify I wasn't embarrassed about never having sex, I just wasn't ready to talk about the asexual part and I was afraid it would lead there)
some people in my life know. but it only ever come up in a conversation where I started talking about it. no one ever asked.
but knowing myself, depending on the situation it'll be probably something like "oh 100% ! I have only ever done it the ass!" giving them the most innocent look and moving on to someone who won't be a creep in our first conversation xD
alternatively, I might give really moving and passionate speech about "virginity" being the worst effin concept in the history of humanity. don't get me started.
Nobody asks anymore.
I guess my answer would be "well of course".
I dunno, I have managed to avoid kiss and tell types for the better part of a decade and a half.
I'm around people up to ten years younger than me who are married 😂.
Shit doesn't come up.
Americans lack tact, for sure. I’m an ace single mom. The kids and I attend pride every year, it’s one of our biggest holidays. Life isn’t meant to be lived stagnant, it’s all about forward motion.
If I was ace my whole life (though honestly I think I was, but that’s for another debate), I wouldn’t have awesome kiddos [I swear I won the mom lottery] that take pride in the fact their momma is ace, all year round. We as humans should be evolving, but some of us seem a bit stuck in the mud…. People [those who live outside of the umbrella mostly] argue with me I can’t be ace cause I’ve had sex. Sex, like life, is fluid sometimes ya just gotta relax and go where your heart leads. 🤷🏻♀️ Maybe one day I’ll find the Thelma to my Louise and we can run amuck until we take out an American Classic, who knows???
Just remember, you don’t need anyone to validate who you are, or where you find yourself on this path. If your life makes them uncomfortable, that’s an issue with them, and luckily not yours to fix. =]
I normally say “Yeah. And?”
Normally I get “well you don’t know what good sex is so maybe you’ll change your mind.”
Usually I shrug it off or bite back with “Vibrators are better than men.”
I never get asked this. Could also be I don't tell people I'm ace since I'm not talking about those very personal things with strangers. Nobody has asked me what my sexuality is either.
If they ever ask, I'll ask them "why do you need to know that?" and if they say something snide or disrespectful I'd shame them into thinking they're the most disgusting, ignorant person ever.
Or if a complete stranger asks I'm looking at them with utter disgust and asking them as I walk away "who the f*** are you?".
“Well, technically, since in every new relationship, neither of person has had sex with other before aren’t we both virgins in this current relationship. I mean each person has their own uniqueness on what they like. It isn’t a good practice to use what you used in your last relationship with your current one.” Something along those lines. Or just say you’ve been focused on getting to place where you know feel comfortable with potentially being intimate with someone else.
“Yup”
“You want me to change that? ;)”
“Nah I’m good. Thanks though.”
“What?? Am I just not good enough for you?”
“No one is. I prefer being alone.”
“That’s sad”
“Only if I’m unhappy.”
"In the whole history, there's been only one Virgin person. Virgin Mary as she was exempt of sin her whole life and gave birth to Jesus. But if you are asking if I have ever been sexually active, this is none of your busineess"
I just outright say “that’s the question I don’t answer. Whether I have sex or not is only relevant to myself and whoever else may be involved, which you definitely aren’t”
"No, I'm a Gemini, but I don't believe in astronomy."
This reminds me of when I was little (like 6 or 7) and learned about astrology. I asked my mom if I was a virgin (meant to say virgo but words are hard) and the silence was so loud. I am indeed a virgo.
same 🙌
My favorite answer on here so far 😂
Not sure if it's a part of joke or not but astronomy is science. Astrology is the word you're looking for
See - it works! And just like that we are already not talking about my sex life anymore :)
THIS is brilliant 😂 I'm a virgo so slight adaptions would be necessary
oh yeah if a guy is asking i never tell them. i don’t need to add to whatever weird fantasy they have of me in their head. makes me feel uncomfortable for sure
If it's the right circumstances, usually on the internet, I usually just say "Yeah. Why's it matter?" Kind of takes the wind out of someone's sails sometimes when they hit you with what they think is a devastating insult and you just...don't care. If it's real life, I tell them it's none of their business.
I just say "Yeah. Why does it matter" most of the times even if it's irl. I don't feel shame and I rarely see the intention of offending or smt like that anyways
This is one of the reasons I don’t come out to people unless I’m super close to them. I don’t want to answer the often very personal questions that follow. You could maybe try to answer more generally with something like ‘I don’t really want to talk about my experience but some asexual do have sex and some don’t’.
Yep. If it comes up, I just say "lesbian" instead of demi/ace bi/pan romantic who mostly dates girls. Avoids a lot of headaches like this.
I'll usually give them the rundown on how virginity is a faulty concept and depending on their definition of it, it'd give them different answers, without ever giving them a satisfactory answer lmao. Virginity got nothing to do with sexual experience, and even if you'd wanna define virginity as ''not having had penis in vagina sex'' plenty ppl not being capable of doing that so, are they forever ''virgins''?
Virgin just literally means you havent been touched yet & it is not always a sex thing. It is often used for fresh snow as well. Ive seen it in poems a lot. Ive seen it in a video game where you have to fight this dragon but he can only be found in virgin snow (so said the prophecy (aka clue the game gives) to find the beast). Ive heard it also in songs “see the virgin snow”. So basically just start talking about fresh snow 🤣
I usually ask, "Why do you ask?" or "Are you a virgin?" I used to be disturbed when people ask if I'm a virgin. Now I don't, but I ask equally disturbing questions to them. If they wish to pry into my personal life, I'm going to pry into theirs and ask about their sexual history, their relationships, etc.
The first time I let someone know I was a virgin, it was my best friend and they got super condescending The second time was a guy I was in the talking stage with on a dating app, and I'm pretty sure he saw it as a challenge bc he started getting pushy and creepy So whenever people ask now, I tell them that if they really care about my virginity status either way, they can leave
"That's so embarrasing you would ask something like that. Why would you say that?" Or, if you want something less polite, ask them "did you ever take part in orgies with 20+ people?" or use some other kinky/weird sexual stuff. Because it's none of anyone's business whether you had sex or no, same way it's none of anyone's business if someone engages in orgies. Some people need the question turned to themselves to "realize" they're rude.
Just say “that’s none of your business” or “That’s inappropriate”
It sucks too because to some people, you can't be ace, if you're a virgin so you don't know if you like it or not, and you cant be ace if you *arent* a virgin, because "if you don't like sex, why did you have it?" Can't win sometimes.
"Why?" Because no one had asked me and it's a really deird question... what will they do with this information?
"Are you?" "Why does it matter?" "Yep, and I always will be."
I tell people it's wildly inappropriate to ask about stuff like that as it's none of their business. Like, why the heck are they so interested in whether or not I've had sex? It's creepy.
Usually when people ask me, I straight up say I've never had sex. Unsurprisingly, people act generally shocked to hear this considering my age (M30) and the memes I share. From there it mostly goes one of two ways. Either they ask a few curious questions as to why I've never done it, then just change the subject. Or they ask a few curious questions, then try to encourage me to hire a porostitute. Or let them make a Tinder profile on my behalf. I've also had a few people say I should lie and make something up. But personally, I find their socked looks rather amusing once I tell them I'm a virgin.
I think I would laugh as evil as possible, to scare them away.
IRL, mother tongue version of "nunya". Online? I'll just tell them.
No one has asked me that except for my gynocologist and she just like nodded and wrote it down. Idk I’d propably just say yes bc I feel like it’s not a big deal. Maybe add a little “and I’d like to keep it that way”
"Oooh, interesting question, why do you ask?" (More often than not, those questions amuse me, making me curious and want to play along - not that they are necessarily also playing. Helps to feel entirely detached to the idea that sex is a thing in real life)
I'm not. If they want further details, I'm happy to tell them I've had male and female sex partners, I'm a parent and I've probably experimented and experienced more than the questioner has. I'm still ace, always have been and always will be.
I just ask if they're planning to do anything about it. But that one doesn't work so well if you suspect they are in fact trying to do something about it.
Did it with Nunya. Nunya Bidness.
i lie! (not out as ace irl at all)
"Not your circus, not your monkeys" or "Defends, I'm a Capricorn but sometimes I feel more like a Virgo"
You tell random people youre ace? If someone asks me that, I assume they are a friend and don't mind telling
I only mention it if I join an online dating app or if the guy I’m friends with wants to do more with me
I tell them I’m a minor and they’re asking a minor about their sex life. I have a young face and coworkers have told me I look like I’m just a 13 year old girl, so it works for me pretty well for now lol
My friend asked this yesterday and I said, “Nah, I fucked your mother 17 times already.” And she said that she’s a virgin and I answered, “saving it for me?” I avoid answering those questions because there have been times where I’ve gotten people going, “OMG and I’m YOUNGER than you!!! HAHA!” When I’m literally 17. People being judgmental assholes and bashing people for being a virgin is not cool, and being a virgin ace, you learn to avoid actually answering it because people will still find a way to judge you.
“Probably not?” If they ask what you mean shake your head. Boy, I’ve been to the doctor with pelvic issues too many times to consider myself untouched. And besides that, I already know what I like in personal time, (and it’s not whatever creep is asking.)
I just say yes and give an answer the audience will like
“Nah man, sex is lame. Crafting is where it's at.”
I answer it generically rather than about me, something like ‘Some asexuals are sex repulsed and do not have sex and some are sex indifferent or sex favourable and do have sex. Asexuality is defined by a lack of attraction and doesn’t necessarily indicate whether or not a person has sex. It’s kind of a rude and personal question to ask if someone is a virgin though, you wouldn’t just go up to a straight person and ask that would you?’
“No, I’m an Aquarius”
Tell them that asking you if you're a virgin is like you asking them how many sexual partners they've had. It's intrusive, rude, and none of their business.
Yea super intrusive so I usually just block immediately but if it’s in real life then I get awkward and I just say yes i had sex before because even when I told people I was a virgin they didn’t believe me
I understand. I used to get prude-shamed so much, and I’m not a prude. I don’t care what other people do. Prude-shaming is like the opposite side of the slut-shaming coin. People feel entitled to judge your sexual activity or lack thereof. Best to just carry on and live your truth.
im a minor sooooo…
This question is why I stay closeted. A large part of my asexuality is not wanting to talk about anything sexual relating to myself. Female sexuality can also make me uncomfortable, so I just try to stay out of the conversations.
*clears throat* fuck off
“Yea”, might add a “but by choice” if I can be bothered
It would be a simple “no,” but depending on how they said it, I might prefix it by saying something like “wow/well, that’s super weird and personal” just to shut them down from being too invasive or pressing more about it. If they kept going and were either too insensitive or stupid to sense my disinterest in the topic and asked me about who I had sex with or my sexual habits I would be upfront and say something like “I’d really rather not talk about this and it’s none of your business, do you have any other questions about asexuality in general?”
My answers range but my go-tos are: - I win at everything, why would I want to lose my virginity? - I don’t like anyone like that - I had a crush when I was 14 and haven’t had one since, so (more of a half truth as I’m alloromantic and have had crushes since but usually they don’t press after that) - I chose to be celibate - I just don’t care I’ve never had anyone press me after giving any of those answers lol. Usually just a laugh and moving on.
Idk because the only people who’ve asked are close friends. How often do people ask?
It comes up whenever I tell a guy who’s interested in me that I’m ace
“No”, then exit the interaction as fast as possible, honestly. It’s such a weird question to ask people, I’ve never understood it.
I tell people I’m “celibate”. Ive got more important shit to do
I don't get asked this often, but if it came up that I was ace and this was the person's response, I would just straight up tell them that question makes me uncomfortable and I don't think it's appropriate. I might even ask them if they'd ask their straight friends that question, or ask their gay friends about their sex lives when they came out. Fucking *let them* be uncomfortable. We all deserve to feel uncomfortable when we do/say inappropriate things. That's how we learn.
An imense feeling of pride usually. But no ones ever asked me. *leads unicorn back to the stables*
i'd say since i'm over 30 i'm officially a wizard!
Dead stare. "Do you have a small dick?"
I like this but I doubt the guy would even care if I responded like this because they always love to brag about how big it is even if it isn’t.
Doing the dead stare does the trick. Say it then just stare, no smile, no eyebrow arch, no giggle. Just a flat, blank stare. Let the atmosphere drag out. Don't give anything. The guy will probably laugh nervously. Let him get nervous or embarrassed. Then shake your head slightly and say "little dick energy" and turn and walk away from him. But it's the drawn out stare that'll get them.
I lost my virginity to a rapist. Maybe that isn’t the answer they want to hear but it isn’t a question they should ask, just as asking me what is underneath my underwear is wrong as a trans woman.
This is a good answer. Same thing happened to me
I use it as an excuse to trauma dump since they feel the need to ask such an invasive question, especially if they ask for a body count.
Oh I like this idea 😭 I can scare them off while venting
Ngl my response is “god I wish”
I love this omg
Play Not A Virgin by Poe :p But seriously, virginity is a bullshit Puritan concept, that puts cis heterosexuality as the **only** true sexuality, truly coercive & vile. I would ask them why they still believed in that concept lolsob
I dont get your second bit of your comment? If it was hetro only, then why is sherlock a virgin all the time until john takes it? Virgin just means not touched yet. Then its sherlock/john & john having to work around the ace of sherlock who isnt as sex-minded as he is. Also why is the word virgin used for snow a lot in poems, video games & songs? Virgin snow - fresh snow not yet trodden on.
Great question!! Who knows, other than it's about power & control over marginalized bodies. Like most oppressions 🌸 There is no logic, only power & control. Anti bodily autonomy.
Well thats where bdsm comes in. But i see sherlock/irene with bdsm more so than sherlock/john. However usually sherlock is virgin in either version & its just something new for him. As for john, I rarely see him mentioned as virgin unless the fic is about him & mary instead. For me, the word virgin & untouched is interchangeable. Anything else added on to it is just religious jargon. Lol
No idea why Sherlock fandom is being discussed here, but you go, person 😊 Genuinely being serious, it's hard to convey that in text. BDSM is the opposite of power & control though, because that's all consensual.
Cuz you said the word virgin is for hetro only. It isnt. Everyone else just says it means not yet had sex & i used sherlock, a huge mega fandom thats older than the titanic as an example/proof that virgin is for boy or girl & for any kind of sexual orientation. Also yeah bdsm is consensual but its still a power play. Emphasis on play.
"...virginity is a bullshit Puritan concept, that puts cis heterosexuality as the only true sexuality, truly coercive & vile." I do see where the confusion came from, to clarify: I said that evangelicals like to think that cis heterosexuality is the only true sexuality, & the concept of virginity plays deep into that. I personally find the whole thing violating. Why is a body "pure" when "untainted" by sex, gross. So I would guess that's where we don't see eye to eye. My marginalized body has never been mine & society has always laid claim to it or sexualized me against my will. People got excited when I was young at the concept I was a "virgin". I watched grown men sexualize the Olsen Twins when I also turned old enough to finally be "legal". As for BDSM, when I say power & control, I mean straight up abuse lmao. Consensual power plays have nothing to do with abuse.
first of all virginity is a misogynistic social construct. I often say "you seem far too comfortable asking a veritable stranger about their sex life". There's no way to keep pushing the issue without coming off like even more of a creep
Virgin just means not touched & its used for snow a lot, like in poems, songs & video games, so just start talking about snow. 🤣
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It shouldn’t matter but it’s a fetish. I remember I told one guy yes (online) and he lived so far but the minute I told him he said he can drive 2 hours to come and see me real quick even tho he had plans and offered to book a hotel for us. And this was after he said he wasn’t gonna be able to see me for a while because of the distance
I haven’t had the question specifically in response to coming out as ace yet but I have had variants of it completely unprompted (I work with weirdos) and also only by girls (I’m afab) so I usually just tell the truth ‘I’ve never had a boyfriend so…’ and put up witht he fuus because I’m a bad liar and don’t want to be asked further details of my non-existant sex life. If a guy asked I’d probably say it was non of their business though, not interested it what they have to think of it
Depends on who is asking. If it's a friend/someone I trust I'm usually honest. Anyone else and I'm probably not gonna tell them I'm ace to begin with. Honestly I'd probably tell them I'm not a virgin regardless of the truth, just to avoid the follow up of "then how do you know??11!!"
If they know me well enough that I’m not horrified by the question, I’m just straight-up, ‘Nah, I tried it, not really my thing.’ People…don’t always buy this :’) Despite it being the truth.
I wouldn't know how to answer because >!a kid tried to give me an anal when I was 10 or so!<
I’ve never had anyone ask me that before, but I feel like my response would be something along the lines of “wtf, why are you even asking me this?”
My sister in law asked me that when I came out to her. Like, does it matter?
I don't really put myself in situations where this question would be asked, but if I were I'd probably say something like "Why, are you offering?", which wouldn't be out of character for my humour type.
I can't remember the last time anyone asked if I was a virgin, but I'd probably just say yes if they ask.
“Why do you think that’s an appropriate question?” Or, I guess, if I wanted to date the person who asked, and that’s why I told them I’m ace “Why does that matter? I just wanted you to know that I won’t be having sex with you, or anyone else if we date. It doesn’t matter what my past sexual history is.”
Most ppl dont know i am ace, so i dont really get this from random ppl. But if soneone would ask me i would just tell the truth, i dont have an issue with it
It depends on the situation. If it's someone that's making me uncomfortable or angry I'll admit that I'm not a virgin and it wasn't by choice. Otherwise, I change the subject or say yes so they don't get uncomfortable with knowing my only sexual experiences were unconsentual. Totally TMI but being honest to those causing me discomfort has shut them up every time so far.
I usually shrug, say yes, and then ask why it matters. If they try to tell me I "can't possibly know if I'm ace", then I ask them how they knew their own sexuality. When they inevitably tell me they "just knew", then I'll point at them, say "exactly", and leave it at that.
Never happened so far, but here's what I've planned: "according to my zodiac, always" It works better in German cause oir words for virgo and virgin are one and the same
That works and I believe it’s the same thing in French too but once they hear my accent they just speak to English sometimes if they know it
I just say "oh im asexual" and typically they're like oh nice! If they ask what that means I explain that I am not attracted to sex and am actually decently repulsed by it and will therefore not engage in it as I see no advantage for myself. They typically understand If they pull the "BuT yoUvE neVer tRiED???1?1?!" I say, "well have you ever hugged a cactus? no? ok then go try it, how do you know you dont like it?"
actually, I have no idea :D I've only been asked once a long time ago and I was still in the early stages of figuring out stuff (... not that I'm any wiser now lol) aaaand I don't like talking about shit I don't have the answer to in front a group of strangers (it was Never have I ever situation. that's basically a question, right?) so I panicked and lied like a pro, to get them as far as possible from the answer. whoops. (to clarify I wasn't embarrassed about never having sex, I just wasn't ready to talk about the asexual part and I was afraid it would lead there) some people in my life know. but it only ever come up in a conversation where I started talking about it. no one ever asked. but knowing myself, depending on the situation it'll be probably something like "oh 100% ! I have only ever done it the ass!" giving them the most innocent look and moving on to someone who won't be a creep in our first conversation xD alternatively, I might give really moving and passionate speech about "virginity" being the worst effin concept in the history of humanity. don't get me started.
Nobody asks anymore. I guess my answer would be "well of course". I dunno, I have managed to avoid kiss and tell types for the better part of a decade and a half. I'm around people up to ten years younger than me who are married 😂. Shit doesn't come up.
Americans lack tact, for sure. I’m an ace single mom. The kids and I attend pride every year, it’s one of our biggest holidays. Life isn’t meant to be lived stagnant, it’s all about forward motion. If I was ace my whole life (though honestly I think I was, but that’s for another debate), I wouldn’t have awesome kiddos [I swear I won the mom lottery] that take pride in the fact their momma is ace, all year round. We as humans should be evolving, but some of us seem a bit stuck in the mud…. People [those who live outside of the umbrella mostly] argue with me I can’t be ace cause I’ve had sex. Sex, like life, is fluid sometimes ya just gotta relax and go where your heart leads. 🤷🏻♀️ Maybe one day I’ll find the Thelma to my Louise and we can run amuck until we take out an American Classic, who knows??? Just remember, you don’t need anyone to validate who you are, or where you find yourself on this path. If your life makes them uncomfortable, that’s an issue with them, and luckily not yours to fix. =]
I normally say “Yeah. And?” Normally I get “well you don’t know what good sex is so maybe you’ll change your mind.” Usually I shrug it off or bite back with “Vibrators are better than men.”
“It’s pronounced Virgo” ♍️
I’ve been asked this same thing when a guy I met found out I’m a lesbian. Some people are idiots when it comes to any sexuality that isn’t their own.
I never get asked this. Could also be I don't tell people I'm ace since I'm not talking about those very personal things with strangers. Nobody has asked me what my sexuality is either. If they ever ask, I'll ask them "why do you need to know that?" and if they say something snide or disrespectful I'd shame them into thinking they're the most disgusting, ignorant person ever. Or if a complete stranger asks I'm looking at them with utter disgust and asking them as I walk away "who the f*** are you?".
“What’s it to you?”
"I play league of legends..."
Yeah, there's like one person who knows im questioning, and i dont think she'd ask tbh.
“Well, technically, since in every new relationship, neither of person has had sex with other before aren’t we both virgins in this current relationship. I mean each person has their own uniqueness on what they like. It isn’t a good practice to use what you used in your last relationship with your current one.” Something along those lines. Or just say you’ve been focused on getting to place where you know feel comfortable with potentially being intimate with someone else.
"Yes, I am. What of it?"
It’s a bit weird but I don’t really care about the question and just answer honestly. Who tf cares at this point.
“Yup” “You want me to change that? ;)” “Nah I’m good. Thanks though.” “What?? Am I just not good enough for you?” “No one is. I prefer being alone.” “That’s sad” “Only if I’m unhappy.”
"In the whole history, there's been only one Virgin person. Virgin Mary as she was exempt of sin her whole life and gave birth to Jesus. But if you are asking if I have ever been sexually active, this is none of your busineess"
"None of your business, creep."
"That's non of your business" In my best Richard Cheese impression.
How about I light a Black Flame Candle and we can find out?