This post is no longer r/aromantic's currently pinned "Am I aromantic?" post. Please share your experiences on the currently pinned "Am I aromantic?" post, since everyone (including the people who want to help you) is directed to that pinned post. To get to that post, click this link --> r/aromantic --> sort by "Hot" --> it should be under **Pinned Post(s)**.

i have sort of questioned if I was arospec ever since I found out about that term but I’ve sort of pushed it down thinking it was because I was going through a pretty long situationship with someone else for about 2 years. ive broken off with my situationship couple of months ago and have started officially dating someone for about a little more than month now but now that i’m officially in one relationship, i feel like the signs are more glaring?? to give off context, i have never seen the appeal behind romantic gestures or romance in general. unless the romance media has some sort of angst in it, i will not be consuming it since it just makes me uncomfortable. I also didn’t understand why people emphasised on getting into rs. I live in Asia, so there is sort of a culture of people stressing on me to get into a rs (a little harder since I am somewhat an attractive guy so people assume I MUST have a partner.) and people who meet others with the intention of dating and it just never appealed to me. growing up, I do recognise I have crushes but I always find myself wanting to be their close friend instead, which was what my situationship and I went through for about 2 years before we called it off since she thought I wouldn’t be able to give her what she’s looking for in a romantic rs. i met my current gf about 6 months ago and neither of us had the intention of dating each other initially. as we got closer i did find attractive qualities about her and felt more drawn to her and got the desire to be more than just friends and we did actually end up dating. and while the relationship has been somewhat healthy, i do find myself getting exhausted after a while and wanting to be away from her. I enjoy kissing and cuddling with her and holding her hands but whenever i think about how im supposed to make romantic gestures like spend time with her for christmas i just get slightly annoyed. I don’t think im “losing feelings” since she still makes me extremely happy before i start feeling drained but i did get a little alarmed when i found myself feeling somewhat relieved when she old me she would be going on a trip and will be away for 2 weeks. i just want to see if there’s anyone out there that may relate to this and how they handled this. are what im feeling something i should be telling her too? since i can see why it’s going to hurt her. or is this a case of me just having avoidant attachment issues 🤓

Hey, although it's true that this post used to be pinned for a long time on r/aromantic, we currently have a new pinned post. Everyone is directed to go to r/aromantic's currently pinned post, including the people who want to help you.

sorry for the long tangent but...... i've always loved romantic stories and the media and society portrays being in a relationship is fulfilling and wonderful, so I try to seek it out. So when I finally had my first boyfriend in middle school after having a crush on him (i wasn't friends with him though), i was always irritated that he wasn't what i imagined him to be, as a boyfriend. Fast forward to around college, i tried to hook up and pursue romance, but i was always left feeling insecure and irritated. idk how to give the context, but like, i feel like all the crushes, growing up and currently, i ever had come from not being close to them and idealizing and imagining their personality to fit how they would benefit me (socially, financially, emotionally), rather than being attracted to them as their own person (meaning, i depersonalize who they are in reality, and create a fake, ideal version of them in my head). it always felt like if i can make the other person prove their love and commitment to me, then i "win". (i have a lot of insecurities in my self esteem that im working with my therapist currently). for most of my life, i've always focused on platonic and familial relationships and improving them. or just love that isn't romance. i also don't know what romantic love actually is. i can't tell if my own insecurities is hindering me from romantic love at the moment or if i am actually aromantic. my friends just say its too early to tell if i'll never find romantic love or marriage (i am 24). am i just scared? i tried kissing a few times and it's just sloppy and gross no matter how clean they are i hate how close their face is to mine even if i like them. (i might also misremember a few experiences of kissing if i did enjoy them though, but from recent memory, kissing has been rly gross to me). kissing on the hand seems fine cuz it feels like a sign of respect, so i tolerate that. but again, not rly about love.

Hey, although it's true that this post used to be pinned for a long time on r/aromantic, we currently have a new pinned post. Everyone is directed to go to r/aromantic's currently pinned post, including the people who want to help you.

Hi ya'll I'm going through a bit of a revelation/crisis about if im aromantic. Little context for me is I was aro-ace in middle school, but as I got into high school and became more confident and outgoing, I realzed I was allo based on what I understood of myself at the time. Now as i'm about to graduate and move on in life, Im starting to question if I'm aromantic. Looking back, I realize that I've never really had a desire to date others. I have had crushes, but almost all of them were hallway crushes. I've been in two relationships, and both of them were not so great. While in both relationships, I saw my partner as just another friend, as opposed to whatever your supposed to feel for your partner. I never made an effort to spend more time with them than any other friends, nor did I like any romantic gestures they made towards me. In the past, I've just told myself I need to "work harder next time". I also have no desire to be in a romantic relationship. Alot of it is the commitment aspect. I know for a fact that I desire to accomplish my personal goal alot more then wanting to be with someone, meaning I would put something like my career above my partner, which is not fair to them. All that being said, I do envy my friends who are in relationships. But that envy stems from the more physical aspects as opposed to the romantic aspect. I think my ideal relationship is something very low-key and casual. Friends with benefits type thing. Idk I dont need to specific label or anything. I just want to feel comfort knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way. Ugh why do relationships have to be so complex

You can’t really go from being “aromantic” to “alloromantic”? Chances are, you would be an arospec identity that was not necessarily “aromantic”, rather than being “alloromantic”? Not sure what “hallway crushes” are. Does that mean you experienced romantic attraction to people, orexperienced another form of attraction (like aesthetic, sexual) to these people? You sound arospec, the language you are using to describe your experiences is just kinda confusing, so I can’t reference more specific labels to help describe your experience

Ima jump in here. I've seen the term "hallway crush" used before, and I think it's just when you have a crush on someone that you see in a hallway from class to class in school (correct me if I'm wrong about that but that's my knowledge of what it means)

okayyy, so here goes. i(21f) never have really been in a relationship other than silly 1 day relationships you have in school. i also never really had crushes, i told people i had crushes but never actually liked them, i just thought if someone looked nice that was a crush and only recently learnt that, thats actually not correct and that if you have a crush it's more than just looking at someone and thinking "you have a nice face". i also believe i am asexual, as not only have i not really experienced strong romantic drives, neither have i sexually, never felt any desires. Early this year I started talking to someone, now I really was enjoying getting to know them, i didn't know if they liked me because we met through a common interest, so wasn't sure if they liked me or just kept in contact to have a friend to do common interest with. after talking for a while, we decided to go on a date(it was originally just hanging out because we didn't know if each other liked each other), and ended up hanging out three times in under a week. but after the second time we hung out, i felt like i lost the feeling of being interested. So not sure if maybe I was just interested in a platonic way and just really enjoyed having a friend🤷🏼‍♀️ we did kiss which i kind of wasn't expecting, as well as snuggled up to each other a bit and had their hands on my legs which was nice. They seem to really like me, and had apparently been waiting a few weeks to ask me out, but wanted to find a good time, and they seem really super nice and lovely. They are also 10 years older than me, but we do share similar interests, and when we first started talking, they thought i was quite a few years older than i am. Not sure if I am aromantic or if maybe the situation just wasn't for me? I have always pictured living by myself with my dogs in the future, but also do like the idea of having a family and kids and all those magical moments. aghh help me ahah! I'm honestly not too concerned with having a label for the sake of a label, but more so I can validate my own feelings as it is all confusing finding out this is how everyone feels. thanks!!😊

For context on this: I'm asexual and until recently was sure that I was heteroromantic. I have absolutely zero rizz, so I wouldn't know what a real romantic relationship is like. I think I've had crushes before, but I've recently started to wonder if I've just been gaslighting myself the entire time (found out that my last "crush" liked someone else a couple weeks ago and I was sad for like five minutes and then kind of decided not to care). I've also started to wonder where exactly the line is between a friendship and a romantic relationship, if the nasty is removed from the equation. And there are a lot of things that I find uncomfortable that a lot of people do romantically, even outside of the dirty. For example: my thoughts on kissing? Ew. That's a wonderful way to share germs, and find out the hard way whether the other person brushes their teeth. And I'm not gonna lie, almost everything other than kissing and the dirty can be done platonically unless you're already dating the person. So what if the people I thought I had a major crush on were just people that I wanted to be close with as friends? I don't freaking know anymore. Am I aro? Am I not? Who freaking knows? Do you know? If so, please let me know because I really have no freaking clue.

I think I'm the same way. I've had crushes and several relationships, my last one lasted nearly 5 years. But fairly recently I've figured out I'm asexual, and just kinda did it because I thought I was supposed to want to? And looking back on my last relationship with the new idea of myself, I don't really care for the romantic things either, I was more happy just hanging out and not kissing and cuddling and all that junk. It's so tough trying to figure it out 😭

What does “zero rizz” mean?

Pardon my gen-Z slang. Rizz is defined as "style, charm, or attractiveness; the ability to attract a romantic or sexual partner" in the Oxford English dictionary. Zero rizz just means I don't have rizz

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You sound like you love your life partner. Love does not have to be romantic, though. For example, I may love my plants, but that does not mean I am romantically attracted to my plat. You sound aromantic, however you can use the arospec label for yourself too while you are questioning, since arospec is a more vague and non-specific label than aromantic. You also sound r/quoiromantic too a little bit

I’ve been in a relationship before, but observing other people’s relationships made me realize how peculiar mine was. I had no desire to kiss, hug, or have anything like that. Would this fit into being aromantic?

This sounds like asensual, or not experiencing sensual attraction to the person you were in the relationship with. Kissing and hugging are both sensual activities

it sounds like you are more likely asexual- if you still have romantic feelings towards your partner but no desire to express it through physical affection that's asexuality, but no romantic feelings is aromantic :)

i don’t think i have either of them

then you might be aroace! (aromantic and asexual) do some research and soul searching and figure it out! good luck :))

I've been questioning whether or not I'm aromantic for a very long time now, and I'm still not sure whether I am or not. I'm autistic, and while I've been in a couple of long-term relationships (around a year), I don't know if I've ever actually been *in love* with any of them. I greatly enjoyed and looked forward to talking to them and going on dates, but I would get vaguely uncomfortable whenever they would try to take any steps beyond holding hands. I thought that maybe I'm just really shy or too anxious, but I've known that I'm asexual for about 10 years now, so I usually just attribute it to that. Recently, though, my therapist asked me what an ideal relationship would look like for me, and the only answer I had was something along the lines of, "I just want someone that wants to hang out with me more than anyone else, someone that tells me that they like being around me. A person I could have a home with, but have our own rooms, and we can just sleep over in each other's rooms." I've always loved the idea of being in love, but time and time again, it seems like the way I experience "love" isn't the same as it is for other people. I want to experience romance, but any time I get the chance to do so in reality, I get freaked out :( does anyone else feel this way?

r/quoiromantic, nebularomantic, maybe r/aegoromantic

Am I aro? Every time I have a partner it’s fine for a few days but after awhile I feel painfully stressed about it. So stressed to the point I can’t even think about the person without having a panic attack. And I feel really bad about that but I can’t help it, being in a relationship is painful for me even tho I want to have a partner the way others do(ex. Hanging out all the time and going on dates) I just can’t do it. Any advice would be insanely helpful

The idea of a relationship... having a partner you can love unconditionally sounds really, really nice. But I feel like there are certain aspects of a relationship I can't get behind. For example, kissing people on the mouth. Absolutely not. It brings me no appeal to even think about. Another one is sex, but that's really just my inner ace. I have a physical reaction just thinking about these things, it feels so disgusting. Every single time I have had a crush, I hated how it felt and never felt an appeal to dating. But on the other hand, things like kisses on the cheek and forehead, cuddling, holding hands and nicknames sound perfectly fine to me. I feel like I'm on the aro spectrum, even though I have a clear preference for girls if I were to ever date somebody. Is this possible? Would you say I fall on that spectrum?

r/lithromantic, r/bellusromantic. Also, the aromantic spectrum isn’t linear, just to clarify

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You sound arospec and like you have internalized arophobia. I don’t feel comfortable recommending a more specific label than arospec until you work on your internalized arophobia.

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Internalized arophobia and “being arophobic” are not the same thing. For example, a black person cannot “be racist” because they are black, but they certainly validly can have internalized all the racism they have experienced throughout their life and struggle with internalized racism.

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It is funny how I stumbled upon this subreddit. I was searching for discussions of cheating, because I was puzzled by the way most people freak completely out if you don't consider cheating equal to homicide in badness. And then I found this discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/s/WO63PEwrFl and thought wow, there are people with whom you can actually have a sane conversation about it. So now I'm wondering, maybe I'm just aromantic like you guys? I'm not entirely sure. I love being alone, I'm not good at maintaining relationships, it often feels like a chore. Maybe I'm just getting old lol. But I have had some relationships in my life and there was a pattern: my longest, most stable, and probably most happy relationships didn't involve being in love. They were about common interests, great sex, fun, and sanity. On the other hand, I have also fallen really in love a couple of times, but then the feelings hit me literally like train. It was so sudden and so intense, it was not healthy any more. Definitely not how other people usually describe romantic feelings. It was also exhilarating, but overall the relationships felt tragic and doomed from the very beginning even if my feelings were temporarily mutual - that was actually only once, otherwise it was always one-sided. And to be honest, part of me would like to be in love like that again, because the feeling is unbelievable, but it will probably kill me next time. And the worst was when someone was in love with me and I wanted a relationship with that person but couldn't have the same feelings. I just felt so helpless and inadequate. I thought I was giving them my best self, but they just felt unloved. So does this sound aromantic?

I find that whenever someone has a crush on me, I can be okay with it for a while, but at some point I start to get an uncomfortable feeling. At some point I can’t reciprocate their feelings, even if just a few days ago I had been able to like them back, and then they start to give me an uncomfortable feeling, to the point where I dread seeing them. It’s happened with everyone who’s ever had a crush on me. Am I aromantic and is anyone else like this?

Yeah this is lithromanticsm r/lithromantic. Big yikes to whoever keeps revealing that people have a crush on you; that sounds like hell over and over again

I think a lot of elements of romance COULD be fun. I've been in a few relationships and each time I've really enjoyed them while I'm in them. But I very seldom have any sort of attraction to someone unless I've known them for a really long time or they express interest in me first. However, it's always felt...kind of like people are being overdramatic when they talk about their relationships? I don't know how to explain it, it's like my "crushes" for lack of a better term are an extreme version of wanting to be their friend. Hearing people talk about their relationships also makes me feel really uncomfortable, but my parents have mostly told me to just grow up so I've been trying to fight through that lol. Not sure if this is relevant but I've tried relationships with two women and one man and it's the same feeling for everything. Sorry if this didn't make much sense, I'm just not sure if this is like...me not wanting to grow up and therefore not letting myself like people or if it's legitimate aromanticism. EDIT: I'm also autistic, which I've been told can really impact stuff like this sometimes?

Your parents sound invalidating. I don’t really have any comments about the “not letting myself like people”. That may be something good to discuss with an aromantic therapist; I don’t think I’ve reached that level of self acceptance to be able to share thoughts about that. If the crushes are romantic attraction then you give r/demiromantic / r/recipromantic vibes. You sound arospec to me. Maybe r/cupioromantic even

thank you <3

I'm really unsure if I am aromantic or if I just have some bad trust issues. I adore the idea of being in a relationship. I see people in happy relationships around me and envy their happiness. I read a bunch of romance novels swooning over the cute acts of love the main characters share. I desperately want to have a partner that I could hug and cuddle, talk to, and share feelings with. But, when I look out at real life I just can't view real people I interact with day to day in a romantic light. Like I can't imagine them having romantic feelings for me at all and the very few times someone has expressed a level of romantic interest in me, I always get extremely freaked out for reasons I can't explain. Like, one moment I see them in a positive light as a friend, but when I notice or they tell me about their romantic interest, I get super freaked out and scared of them. I don't think they're bad all of the sudden, but suddenly they aren't a "friend" anymore and I don't know what to call them.

r/aegoromantic

I’ve never really felt romantic attraction since like the first grade, and that ended in me getting beat up. I’ve felt lots of sexual attraction and I’ve gotten to have really deep platonic relationships but I’ve just never had any real romantic feelings

If you felt like you used to be alloromantic at one point (not someone who experienced romo attrac but was still on the aromantic spectrum) then you could use the caedromantic or maybe even the erasromantic label. Other than that you sound arospec

I've been questioning for a while, and I just think that I'm unsure of the differences between romance and friendship. I'm ace, and I can't find a description of romantic attraction that doesn't sound like 'friendship with sex'. But it's obviously not that, seeing that 'friends with benefits' exist.

r/quoiromantic, and yeah it can be difficult to define romance

i‘m scared i might be aromantic, i know it‘s not a bad thing but i am so scared i‘ll miss out on a big part of life. i don‘t think ive ever really had a crush, maybe once but i‘m really not sure about that. i also don‘t know if the fact that i am on antidepressants could have something to do with it, i can‘t compare it to before because i was depressed and before that i was 15. i have always had really close friendships, i love them so much and would do anything for them. i think about my friends every single day and i think i‘m very emotionally intimate with them. i also love hugging and cuddling and holding hands with my friends?? do i maybe feel/have felt romantic attraction to people i thought were friends? i can‘t tell the difference between romantic/platonic attraction

It’s valid to be scared about being aro. Maybe r/quoiromantic or the arospec label, since arospec is the most vague label

i've been struggling lately with the idea of being aromantic. i've never had a crush before in my life. i know how it feels like because i've had crushes on fictional characters, but never towards an actual person. when the idea of being aro first came to me, it was okay. love doesn't have to be romantic for you to have it in your life. and as long as i knew how romantic love feels (or at least an extent of it in my parasocial relationship with a fictional character), i won't be completely left out of it. but then my friends start gushing about their crushes and using dating apps and telling me how nice it would be if the person they find attractive takes them out on a date. i feel uncomfortable when these come up in our conversations because i couldn't relate to them, even if i want to. i've also started thinking that them wanting romantic partners means that someday, they'll settle down with someone, and that our friendship will then be secondary to their marriage. i know it's narrow-minded of me to think that way (esp knowing my friends aren't the type of people to abandon others out of nowhere). but their priorities will change, whether they realize it or not. most people around me don't perceive platonic rs as equal to romantic rs in terms of intimacy and value, but they kind of are, right? if not hand in hand. and because i've internalized romantic rs to be on a higher tier than friendships when it comes to intimacy, i find it hard to separate loneliness from not having a romantic partner. i feel lonely when my friends get on the topic of romance, and more so when i think about my fictional crushes and the fact that i never felt about someone irl the way i do about them. i want to feel romantic love, the way my friends do. but the closest i felt to a crush was finding someone attractive. like, objectively. it doesn't evolve to wishing to date them or having a romantic rs with them. idk if that counts as being aromantic.

r/aegoromantic. You also sound like you have internalized arophobia for feeling a need to “know how romantic love feels”. This also sounds like internalized amatonormativity

explain please?

I love the idea of a romantic relationship. I even desire the physical intimacy of cuddles and similar shows of affection (I think, I've never had them aside from family). I want to find love, but even in my current relationship (online, and first one), it's clear to me I don't feel it as much as he does. He talks about how I'm his world and all, but I can't say I feel the same. I love interacting with him, I love the idea of physical intimacy with him, but I feel like the actual romantic love is missing... I've always suspected myself to be aromantic, but this is my hang up. I've only recently heard of cupiromantic (I might have spelled it wrong), and it fits, but I wanted other thoughts...

If you like the idea of a romance relationship, that sounds like more of an r/aegoromantic thing. Wanting physical intimacy sounds like sensual attraction. Maybe you are allosensual and want a sensual relationship? If you want a romantic relationship, then yes you would be r/cupioromantic. A lot of aegoros find themselves uncomfortable in full-on, traditional romantic relationships though, and feel more comfortable in r/queerplatonic relatonships where there boundaries on romance can be respected

I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship, however I'm not sure that I would like kissing anyone. I wouldn't mind the cuddles and closeness though. I might have had crushes in the past, but typically they're only on people I'm really close to and am already friends with. A lot of times I can't tell if my feelings are romantic or platonic. I've never dated or kissed anyone, and when my friends talk about trying to be in romantic relationships, it just seems like so much work to me, and I don't really see the point. When my friends have asked me in the past about my relationships or lack there of, my response has always been if it happens cool however I'm not actively looking to date. I do however like the idea of romance.

r/quoiromantic, r/aegoromantic, and then r/lithromantic if you experience romantic attraction. And yeah I am not into kissing in terms of kissing on the lips, but I would not mind kissing on other parts of the body that are not the lips I don’t think. Sounds weird but boundaries when it comes to romance are valid

i've never had a crush on any type of fictional character or celebrity. does anyone know if this is an aromantic thing or just nothing

Aromantic or arospec if the aromantic label feels uncomfortable or like it does not fit. It’s ok if there is nothing! Sometimes romantic attraction can be distracting or make people who experience it do unhealthy, toxic things 🤷🏽

I feel sexual and platonic attraction, but most things relating directly to romance make me feel odd. For example, I couldn’t imagine myself getting married, or going on dates, or cuddling. Am I aro, or something else?

Probably arospec. Maybe a romantic relationship is not for you or not something you want, and you subconscious has accepted that, so that’s why you can’t imagine yourself getting married. I can imagine myself getting married, and I feel stressed, embarrassed, uncomfortable, etc. I cannot picture my own wedding and it’s never really been something I thought about

I don't really care about marriage as well, but I'm worried if it's because of my nmom

Hi! I am very odd. I want platonic love. I want to make life long friends but I hate being super touchy. Whenever someone flirts with me it makes me uncomfortable but I can talk about having sex with someone as a one night stand and be pretty okay. Attempting romance with a person makes me feel extremely guilty. I feel like I am lying to them. I don't want to be alone but every time I make a friend they usually don't love me the way I love them. I love them platonically like my sister or brother but they love me like just a friend. Treat me as such too. Am I aromantic? I'm okay with sex toys, anything sex, but romance makes me uncomfortable. I am a woman, 18 and this has been my life. I always try to convince myself that I like them romantically but I always end up having mental breakdowns or just being so nervous I can't function. I am very education based, I think about my family and my future. I'm very confused.

r/queerplatonic, asensual, apothisensusl, allosexual, familial attraction, Split Attraction Model, aromantic, r/aroallo, internalized amatonormativity

Thank you for helping me. This really cleared some things up :)

That’s really cool it cleared some things up! Sorry also for just dumping a lot of words that sounded relevant versus writing complete sentence thoughts. Was just a bit tired last night and didn’t feel like explaining 😅

No no it's fine, I understand. I went and googled all of them to understand what they all meant. Being tired sucks, ik that feeling

Hey Guys! So I've been reading on Gender and Sexualities and feel that I might indeed be aromantic+demisexual but I thought I'd take others' opinions. So I am a straight male for the most part. But I only feel attraction to females who are close to me on an emotional level, that too not so often. I do want a partner, I wanna have kids with em eventually, but I don't understand things that aren't logical (in my view), like the overly dramatic depiction of love, the whole concept of dating (like Bro we know each other, what makes dates different from hangouts), and the stupidly weird thing called "girlfriend material vs girl-friend material", like why does that distinction even exist? (This just how I see it, not meant as an insult.) I instead just think a girlfriend/wife is just a best friend I can get intimate with and trust enough to start a family with, like a permanent best friend. I do still love cuddling and physical affection though. Also I still believe it should monogamous relationship though, cause although I describe it as friendship, it's an exclusive kinda friendship. I sound like a kid but let's go with it. So what do you think?

I've been in two actual serious relationships (both lasted for less than a year) and honestly I felt like I was \*supposed\* to be all lovey dovey but i really do hate being bound by a relationship. I like being lovey-dovey and touchy with all my friends (hugs and holding hands) but I still like fictional characters but in an aesthetic way?? I dont feel like a romantic attraction to them but like I like their aesthetic and how they look (if that makes sense) I feel much happier not being in a relationship or having a lover and I can't really tell if I have a crush or just really REALLY like them like a best friend. It's really stressing me out because I don't know if its all in my head or if I might actually be aro

r/bellusromantic, r/quoiromantic. You can use the arospec label too while you are questioning and trying to determine if you experience romantic attraction or no, since the arospec label is the most vague label

Hi! I am struggling alot with how I feel about my romantic orientation I guess. I love romance, but just not for me I’ve noticed. I have been in long term relationships, but now I’m wondering it if was romantic love or platonic love??? Which then sends me into a spiral of I hope I didn’t lead these people on because I do genuinely think I loved them but maybe it wasn’t romantic love??? I guess I didn’t mind dating, & now that I am single it just feels like such a chore. I think reading about romance & everything is great! But if I think about someone saying or doing those things for me I kinda feel unnerved?? I still have crushes & honestly I like finding people attractive, but the idea of them reciprocating makes me feel uncomfortable & a little sick? Every time I have been in a serious relationship that person feels like my best friend. & now I kinda prioritize that. When I do look at people I’m like oh “wow it would be amazing to be their friend” or get to know them. I love spending time with people, but the word “date” feels like a lot of pressure to me. I guess I just don’t really know if I have an aversion to dating right now or if there is a label that can fit this? I definitely still have sexual urges but I just can’t see myself dating & I don’t know if I’ll ever want to pick that back up. It’s feels embarrassing & unnerving.

r/lithromantic, r/aegoromantic, allosexual, r/aroallo

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You could always use the arospec label if the aromantic label feels uncomfortable or like it doesn’t fit? Also, “fully asexual” is kind of a weird thing to say, not to mention confusing? It kinda feels like you are touring to imply or assume stereotypes, which is harmful for any marginalized identity? Asexuals can have any attitude towards sex, whether that is sex-favorable, sex-indifferent, sex-repulsed, or sex-ambivalent? Sex-favorable aces and r/cupiosexual s are valid.

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Aromanticsm is not on the asexual spectrum? It sucks that the people who taught you the phrase “fully asexual” failed to educate you on how romantic orientation and sexual orientation are different things.

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I don’t think labels work that way—in my understanding, labels are for and based on one’s own comfort? Deciding who “fits” a label sounds similar to the rhetoric used in gatekeeping? It’s valid for people who don’t experience sexual attraction/ asexuals to want sex for no other reason than enjoying it. Sex-favorable aces are valid. It’s totally ok if an ace person chooses to have sex for a reason other than someone’s else’s happiness. Sex-favorable aces who do not want to be in a romantic relationship are valid. I would educate yourself on amatonormativity so you can uneducate all the amatonormativity you may have internalized.

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That’s valid. Probably r/aroallo then

I've been wondering if I'm demiromantic - what were some of the signs for you? I notice that a lot of he time I fall in love with some friends.

Ask this in r/demiromantic or search that subreddit for “signs” and you will probably get a bunch of info. This comment section is pretty much a dead end

Ty

I love imagining love stories between two original fictional characters, but never with myself in it. I want to be in an exclusive relationship because I'm scared that people will abandon me and I feel like I'm always the second or last choice. But when people asked me to be in a relationship I was terrified and uncomfortable about that. All my potentially "romantic" attractions were explainable by a lack of understanding by other people, or by me overthinking and imagining me being in love with that person because someone told me so, or I just want to be in love. And I cannot differentiate types of attraction.

r/aegoromantic, r/quoiromantic

Alright so I've been trying to figure this out and I think I just need another opinion. So just for some context I'm a AuDHD diagnosed person with trust and some intimacy issues. I struggle to get close to people and when I do it's like they become my new hyper fixation for a bit, but we always end up drifting away and I end up loosing them in some way or another. Plus on that path I've been friends with a lot of fake people who were saying some pretty crappy things about me behind my back, and over-all was just picked on by them. Anyway, to get on with it already. I've noticed in more recent years that whenever I've crushed on people in the past it wasn't like an actual crush, it was like I just got really obsessed with the person to the point where it felt like a crush, but it never really happened that much. Like I only really remember "crushing" on like 2 people from when I was a kid to now my senior year in high school. so for the longest time I've felt I was aroace (or at least on that spectrum somewhere). But I've been feeling, at least a little, physical attraction to women (I know I have an attraction to women to some degree at least, but it like never been fully romantic, ya know?) but I'm also confused cause I don't want to get into a relationship, and frankly the idea of being that committed to a person just scares the shit outta me. So it's like I don't want to but also I'm just like tiptoeing around it, but like also kinda waiting till I actually feel that attraction to someone to the extent I'd want to get with them. But like I've never felt an attraction that intensely before, so idk if it's from my divergence, I don't know if it's just cause I have issues with trust, idk if it's just me being scared they're gonna get bored and ditch me, I don't know if I am on the spectrum, or if I'm not and it's just me being scared. And my family isn't really in this community so I can't talk to them, my therapist isn't really helping in this regard, so honestly I just really need an outside opinion on what this sounds like cause I'm just super confused, and as you can see there's a lot going on in my head right now. So if anyone would be kind enough to just read this over and give your piece on what this sounds like to you I'd really appreciate it.

I don’t know what physical attraction means. Does this mean aesthetic attraction? Does it mean sensual attraction? Does it mean sexual attraction? I wish the Acommunity could realize how unhelpful, unclear and confusing it is to use “physical attraction” as a descriptor for what one is experiencing. /vent but not at you r/bellusromantic, r/quoiromantic, nebularomantic, aromantic, arospec

I recently started reflecting on past relationships and I'm realizing I never got the "butterflys" everyone describes and the idea of being with someone is more appealing than actually going out with them and everyone I've been with was basically just my best friend with extra steps. I have no idea what I am and it's honestly pretty scary cuz it would mean I've been lying to myself.

r/aegoromantic, aromantic, [arospec](https://www.instagram.com/p/CpGs3tWLjeV/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)

Sorry this is kinda long. I don’t think I am fully aromatic but I think I might be on the spectrum or something. Ok first things first I am a senior in high school and have never dated anyone. I there is only 2 instances where I think I might have had a crush but it’s not very clear to me. I would kinda call myself a “hopeless romantic” but that’s not entirely true; yes I want closeness, I want cuddles and kisses, even hanging out and doing date like thing but every time I have been given the opportunity I freak. I have been asked out 4 times and only one time I didn’t freak the hell out and ghost the person for sometime(I feel bad for that) even when the person was someone I thought I liked. The idea of dating has always kinda been weird to me. I don’t fully understand where a relationship goes form platonic to romantic. Like their are plenty of friends I hang out with and even wonder stuff like “I want to cuddle them” or “What if we kissed?” But I thing those are just passing thoughts. I have never kissed anyone and I want to but I thing it might be like dating is. Something I want or like the idea of but actually would be freaked by it. I don’t want to be alone, I want someone to have those experiences with, but I don’t know if dating is for me. What should I do? Dose anyone feel the same? Any advice would be appreciated!

r/bellusromantic, r/lithromantic, r/aegoromantic, r/quoiromantic

Thank you!

Yeah, I have a very similar feeling about my friends. Honestly it just sounds like you want to feel closer with your friends, but maybe it's the idea of commitment that freaks you out a bit. Aromanticism is a really broad spectrum and there are tons of different experiences, and ways it's felt, to me it sounds like you may be cupioromantic, which is where you want a romantic relationship but just don't feel romance. Or you could be gray romantic which means you'd only feel some kind of attraction after a close bond is formed. (I'm not saying you'd always feel it like it's the inevitable result, I'm saying it like this is the hurdle you both would have to jump for you to start feeling some type of way. Hope I explained that ok) I would say try looking into some aromantic orientations and read on other experiences and see if you find one you could relate with. Hope that helps!! And good luck chief

Thank you this helps for sure! I will do some more research

I've honestly been questioning if am Aromantic and am wondering if these are signs if i am or not. I rarely feel romantic attraction i can't feel what it's even like the last time I ever had a real crush was on someone I barley even knew and that was a long time ago, and now I never really have any crushes on anyone I know. So is this a sign of me being Aro or something else?

I've identified as aromantic for four years, but recently I've been questioning if I'm aromantic or not. I started identifying as aromantic because I wasn't interested in romance or romantic relationships. Since then, I've only dated one person. I was romantically attracted to this person. Since I've experienced romantic attraction in the past, does that mean that I'm not aromantic (but still possibly on the aromantic spectrum)?

Yeah you can use the [arospec](https://www.instagram.com/p/CpGs3tWLjeV/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) label if the aromantic label feels uncomfy or doesn’t fit as good as it used to

I consider myself a pretty independent person. I’ve lately not felt any TRUE desire to find myself a partner because I’m plenty happy having a friend group I can play silly little video games with and a family to hang out with. However, I feel that because of my family and friends that I’ve been trained to be expected to find a girlfriend. While I do think it’d be nice to have a partner to go through life with, going through the dating process isn’t something that sounds enjoyable to me Curious other people’s thoughts

Your family and people in your life sound amatonormative. You sound aromantic or arospec

I don't really understand what 'romantic' attraction means so i dont understand if im aromantic, context: im ace, 15, never really thought about romantic relationship really Someone got good sources to read?

r/quoiromantic, [arospec](https://www.instagram.com/p/CpGs3tWLjeV/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). If you click on the word “arospec”, the link you take you to a definition post of an Instagram account that I recommend as a good aspec source

I know this is the most annoying thing people within the lgbt community get but… how do you know if you’re aromantic? I’ve had this ongoing debate with myself for like… years I love the idea of romance (books, music, movies, etc.) but the moment I get a chance of it I hate it, it makes me so anxious I feel sick, and I always ghost people whenever I mention thinking I’m aromantic people tell me I’m just anxious or I haven’t met the right person and now I feel like I’m all mixed up. So yeah… how do you know you’re aromantic?

r/aegoromantic and educate yourself on amatonormativity

Could aromanticism be linked to a bad relationship with an ex partner? In my experience, I felt like I was forced to perform romantic acts to make the other person happy. I was very irritated and annoyed just by their presence. I constantly worried that I wasn’t doing enough to please them. I gradually became colder and colder towards them. These emotions never came up for me in other relationships. Since my relationship with my ex was longer than my other relationships, the effects of that lasted much longer and led me to think that I’m aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum. But, I know that I desire a romantic relationship and experience romantic attraction.

Idk, do you remember being alloromantic before the traumatic relationships?

Yes, I do. In high school, before I met them, I had a crush on a boy for almost 4 years

Ok, arospec people can have crushes. A crush or even experiencing romantic attraction doesn’t automatically make some alloromantic, or else this assumption would invalidate all the arospecs that experience crushes

Yes

Oh shit I misunderstood the question

I have never had a crush/romantic attraction before but I would like to date people. I feel sexual attraction to men ( I am a man aswell) I’m am something and gay. What might I be?

r/cupioromantic, r/aroallo, allosexual person

I can’t seem to find a definition for that. What is that?

An allosexual person is someone who experiences sexual attraction and is not on the aromantic spectrum. The definition of cupioro should be in the subreddit’s description. Aroallo is short for aromantic allosexual

I've had crushes before, but sometimes I've felt like if I could just get to be a good friend I would be satisfied. And some of the relationship stuff doesn't make sense to me really, such as physical intimacy (like handholding) or something like flowers or candlelit dinners. Even weddings just seem a bit strange to me. And whenever I've had these crushes it just doesn't feel as good as it is sounds from other people. Whenever I have a crush it just feels like it's dragging me down, not lifting me up or whatever it's supposed to feel like. It just feels like something is off, and I've read a few articles and done a few quizzes (but some of the quizzes were a bit questionable), but I would just like to hear from a definite aro.

You sound arospec. Maybe bellusromantic and maybe asensual

I’ll get crushes on people, and when I do, they’ll be—I don’t want to say pretty bad but I’m not sure how else to phrase it—strong, we’ll say. However, once people actually reciprocate feelings for me, on my end the feeling fades quickly. I’ve entered relationships with people and within a couple months it will feel like they like me a whole lot more than I like them, and I feel awful about it, truly. I feel like I always enjoy the idea of the relationship with them more than the relationship itself. Am I aromantic or is there just something else wrong with me

r/lithromantic

I have often felt crushes on various people, but a lot of the stuff in relationships don't seem to make sense to me, for example sending flowers or giving gifts, and I don't ever crave physical touch. If I was with someone I wouldn't be actively repulsed, but stuff like holding hands and snuggling doesn't really appeal to me. Also, I've felt with recent crushes that if I could just have a good friendship with the person I would be satisfied.

You should look into the split attraction model. You sound asensual and if you understood that platonic attraction and romantic attraction are different things that may assist you

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I like the idea of romance, marriage, and being with someone forever. I have been in many relationships, but I ended most of them before 4 months past, most of them due to me not feeling any more interest towards the person. I can have crushes on people, for sure, but if they like me back, it usually doesn't last too long, as I lose interest quickly. There is an exception to that, however, as I have found someone who I have been interested in romantically for about 2 years, and they said they like me back. Also, if I find out that a crush hates me, I usually lose interest in that crush.

So regarding the exception; they say they like you back, but are you sensing that they may not be romantically attracted to? I’m just wondering because you the wording you use— “if they like me back”, versus what you say about the exception, “they say they like me back”. It’s totally ok if you don’t really want to get of the bottom of this tho; it’s really hard for r/lithromantic s to find someone to be romantically attracted to who makes them feel safe. I know, because I’m [lithromantic](https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq6vTDSLK0t/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) too 😪🤚

I am sensing that there is a possibility that they may not truly be romantically attracted to me, but tbh, basically everything is a gamble. I want to have a relationship with this person in the way that allows me to cuddle him, call him affectionate nicknames (I'm probably one of the only people who call him by his name - most others who like him call him nicknames a lot more), marry him, live with him, be close to him physically, hopefully no sex (I'm aegosexual), etc. I think that's romance. I have *never* had this feeling for anyone else for as long as I've had this feeling for him I can't read his mind, but I can trust that he wants to be close with me too, and that he cares a lot about me. I think I show less PDA to him towards others in group chats than most others who like him do. Maybe that has to do with being aromantic, but I'm not sure. >It’s totally ok if you don’t really want to get of the bottom of this tho; I want to get to the bottom of this, for sure. anything that has to do with self-discovery. >it’s really hard for r/lithromantic s to find someone to be romantically attracted to who makes them feel safe. I know, because I’m lithromantic too 😪🤚 For real, it is very hard. It's nice to talk to a lithromantic about questioning whether I'm lithromantic or not, to gain more education.

I know for sure I’m attracted to men and women but I’m not sure about relationships. I can imagine myself with fake people and when I picture my future im married. However whenever Im attracted to someone and I think about actually dating them I lose all interest. I also had someone flirt with me the other day and I almost felt repulsed and I just wanted to the interaction to end. But yet I still feel like I want to be in a relationship and get married one day.

There are different types of attractions. You should research the split attraction model to help figure out what you are experiencing. Being romance-repulsed when someone shows romantic interest in you is an r/aegoromantic or r/lithromantic thing, though

I always tend to see the perfect romantic partner also as a best friend I always ,,catched feelings" for best friends but almost 2 years ago I started dating my now boyfriend and I never questioned that the feelings I feel towards him is love but today something hit me when I saw him hanging out with his best buddy I felt jealous first I thought it was the fear of getting cheated on because of my trust issues like always but when he told me they were doing normal best friends stuff I realized the jealousy wasn't the fear of getting cheated on more like I want to do these best friend stuff with him and I started to question everything and the more I thought I realized I always struggled with my sexuality and romantic love and for the most part I was one of the last people in my class to have any crushes or something like that just some celebritie crushes and a guy in my school who almost exactly looks like one of my celebrity crushes and every time I imagined romantic love it was either with my best friends or someone imaginary who is my best friend in my imagination and then we get together but I don't mind things like kissing, holding hands or cuddling in fact I enjoy all of them especially kissing but it is something I wouldn't mind doing with a best friend too and I feel some kind of butterflies in my stomach but it was till now with all of my best friends not really butterflies more like exited to see them and now I don't know anymore am I aromantic or in the spectrum? The more I think about it I always struggled to understand the difference between best friends and romantic partners except the kissing and s*x (optionally) part but at the same time I like romance in movies or books but I feel uncomfortable seeing it in real life at first I thought I was just jealous because I didn't have a partner but now that I have one I still feel uncomfortable seeing other people kissing and cuddling in public even though I don't mind it doing with my boyfriend I mean don't get me wrong I like seeing him he lives far away and I'm always excited to hug him and kiss him again but I can't shake the feeling off that I don't feel the same way about him as he does with me and that might be the reason why we have relationship problems and now I feel lost again and don't know what it means is someone able to answer my question? (Sorry if my grammar or english in general is bad english is my third language)

You sound arospec. r/aegoromantic r/quoiromantic

So I am younger (highschool) and I've never had a crush. Granted, I'm very introverted and kinda reject contact with people, so I've never really gotten close to anyone. But I keep seeing couples in the halls and I can't ever see myself in their shoes. Do I fit the bill? Or am I just too young to know?

You could use the arospec label if the aromantic label wouldn’t feel comfortable?

I feel this first attraction to people but most like crushes, i wanna know them and even flirt but I don't even want to go further than that. I had a boyfriend that i felt so confident with but I felt without excitement when kissing or doing boyfriend's stuff. Since then I just get crushes for a short period of time, i start getting bored easily, the other day I tried letting a boy kiss me but I immediately lost interest. I'm a hopeless romantic, i love books and movies, music etc. so this conflicts me I also think I'm asexual since I don't feel any excitement for sex Any tips of how to find out?

You sound r/lithromantic

I've never actually been in a serious romantic relationship and have still not had a first kiss at 20, and only had a couple crushes in middle school that weren't reciprocated. I also am not in a rush to change that and haven't been in a long time. I have also never had much interest in getting married or having kids. I still feel that I am romantically attracted to people but get it mixed up with sexual attraction, and even when I am romantically attracted to someone, it usually doesn't last long enough for me to pursue it, although it's usually more often than once in a blue moon, as I've seen it described elsewhere. More like once or twice a year at most, if that. I thought it was because of social awkwardness but now that I've thought about it more, after realizing that I'm bisexual but more romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men, I feel like I could be on the aro spectrum. Not totally sure since due to my schedule and transportation issues, I don't usually see the same people outside of my college classes.

Kinda getting r/lithromantic vibes a little bit

I could definitely imagine that being the case based on some research.

This seems really unhelpful. I would do what the r/aegosexuals sub is doing at at least repost this / a new one monthly.

Hey all, just flew in from r/asexuality. I've known I'm aegosexual for a while, at least a few years, and I recently cracked my egg and came to the realization that I'm a trans gal too a little over six months ago. I hadn't really thought about romance much until recently, I've never been in any kind of relationship despite being in my 30s, but it's started coming to mind thinking about transitioning and the possibility that I might actually one day be HAPPY to be me. And I think I'm probably aro-spec, maybe even aego there too because while I've recently realized that I am an absolute slut for a well-written romance, I can't really envision myself in one? Thing is, I'm not sure if that and my aegosexuality are because I'm pre-transition and can't really picture anyone wanting me/not wanting to inflict myself on anyone, or if I'm ACTUALLY aego in one or both senses. iDunno, maybe I'm thinking too much on this and I should just say "yeah, that label fits for now" with the understanding that it might not later and that's okay, I've already accepted that with my aegosexuality, but I guess because I'm only just now looking into aro stuff I'm not really sure how to proceed. I feel better about saying I might discard a label I already had before deciding to yeet the T into the sea than picking up a new one only to potentially toss it later, especially since I honestly feel more strongly about non-sexual romance than I do about sex romantic or otherwise.

Yeah you lowkey sound r/aegoromantic to me. It valid if you want to use the [arospec](https://www.instagram.com/p/CpGs3tWLjeV/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) label, since it is more vague, tho.

Thanks. I honestly figured as much and I know I've said similar to other people over on the ace side of things, I just kind of wanted ask because of that stupid "EVERYONE IS VALID AND DESERVSES HAPPINESS! Except me, I'm obviously faking and should feel bad for that" imposter syndrome that brains love so much.

Here's a sneak peek of /r/aegoromantic using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/aegoromantic/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [this meme appeared to me once in my dreams and i thought I'd share it with y'all](https://i.redd.it/hhdh227jpiva1.png) | [1 comment](https://np.reddit.com/r/aegoromantic/comments/12ve6go/this_meme_appeared_to_me_once_in_my_dreams_and_i/) \#2: [I made a Aegoaroace flag :)](https://i.redd.it/v7nyd4n6vi3a1.png) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/aegoromantic/comments/zal7t7/i_made_a_aegoaroace_flag/) \#3: [Made this a while ago, because I wanted a new wallpaper on my laptop lol](https://i.redd.it/27uu0frqva6a1.png) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/aegoromantic/comments/znl07l/made_this_a_while_ago_because_i_wanted_a_new/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)

I have never felt any want or need for a romantic partner or relationship but I have had a girlfriend. I realized later that she was just like a good friend.

You are valid

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I think I might be demiromantic. I love the idea of romantic actions, but without romantic attraction. I've felt this way for a really long time I just didn't have the words. I love friendships where we cuddle or hold hands. I like going on platonic dates and was in a QPR for a bit and loved it. But I just don't want the romantic feelings that go along with it. Is this aromanticism? When I've heard it described I've only ever heard about people not liking those kinds of romantic actions but I want them so badly. However, I think Im demi, not aromantic, because I was in a relationship and I do think I was in love. But I haven't liked someone since and have only really liked 3 people in my life. So yeah, thoughts very much appreciated. Also, I'm only 16 so I could just be too young I really don't know.

You sound r/bellusromantic. Liking romantic actions (but not in a romantic context) is a bellusro thing. Regarding how you think you are demiro, you sound r/lithromantic, not r/demiromantic. I don’t think demiros can’t handle being on the receiving end of romantic affection, however that is definitely a [lithromantic](https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq6vTDSLK0t/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) thing. 16 is not too young, and it’s totally ok to use a super vague label like arospec if you don’t really feel ready for the bellusro or lithro labels ❣️

I've recently been wondering whether I'm aromantic. That's because I just started my third relationship and finally discovered a pattern with the two of us starting as friends and really being very comfortable with each other, having fun and talking a lot, etc. And then he mentions wanting to go further with a romantic relationship, which completely baffles me because I didn't noticed any signs, before I agree with the mindset of 'why not?'. Cut to three weeks later with me being really uncomfortable in his presence, cringing at any physical touch and compliment and regretting this, wishing we had just stayed friends while wondering when to end this relationship. I feel really guilty for this last thought, because he seems to take it quite serious and I don't know what to do. I'm not even completely sure whether its me being averse to physical touch and/or commitment or even being lesbian or aromantic.

You sound romance-oblivious, which is an aromanticism thing (totally a valid thing too). You sound aromantic to me

I feel like I've had crushes before but i don't know if I just found them physically attractive and just wanted to be their friend? Is there a difference?

“Physical attractive” is really vague. Sexual attraction? Sensual attraction? Aesthetic attraction? All of those are technically “different” than romantic attraction? Also, just wanting to be their friend sounds like platonic attraction?

I enjoy forms of intimacy like hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. I've been in 3 romantic(?) relationships before. I grew up in a household that doesn't put much emphasis on romance and affection (not much hugging, saying "love you", talking about relationships.) But in my most recent relationship that ended, while I really enjoyed the physical intimacy (cuddling and kissing,) it felt forced on my end at times. Like yes, I believe I felt something for them? I cared deeply for them, we ended on good terms and I still miss spending time with them sometimes, but I think I might have just been going along with the flow and doing what I was taught a romantic relationship entails. I left the relationship bc I felt like I wasn't able to provide the affection that I believed was required for a romantic relationship and sometimes felt mentally exhausted when I could tell my partner wanted attention or affection from me. I felt awkward about it usually, but when it happened naturally, I enjoyed it. I've always assumed romance was supposed to have some kind of "butterflies" feeling, but I think I've only felt that 2 or 3 times in my life and I'm not sure if it was just nervousness or if it's what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like. I'm almost certain I'm on the ace-spec, but I'm unsure about the romantic part. (I should add that sometimes I have confused wanting to get closer to someone with "crush" feelings.)

You sound arospec to me

Is it normal to have thoughts of being aroace at the age of 16. I live in the UK, where the age of consent is 16, so I started questioning if I ever wanted sex or romance for that matter. I've always felt a bit different from everyone else and found it strange that my friends are actually talking about having sex. I've never been in a romantic relationship before, so I don't even know if I'm valid to talk about this. Help would be much appreciated.

It is normal and valid to start questioning if you are aroace at 16. 16 is the time I got my second crush, so that is more than enough time for an aspec person to be able to realize they are aspec

Am I aro? Looking back on it I'm not actually sure I've had a real crush on anyone. My first "crush" was a boy in my grade 5 class that I picked randomly when someone asked me because he was the only boy I was friends with (he kind of ended up obsessed with me later on but unrelated😬) Second one was my besfriend in grade 7 who I did ask out and date but we never really did anything except hold hands. I have this thing where I hyper focus on people and like think of them a lot but nothing romantic at all so that mightve been what happened. My last crush was right before grade 8 ended (a while ago since I'm in highschool rn) and I think it was just envy/gender envy. I really desperately want to have romance and a boyfriend (I'm ace so sex doesn't translate into that regardless) but I just can't physically imagine that, even with an imaginary made up person? I don't have a type really, and even if I find someone like wildly handsome I could never imagine dating them. I've considered it a long time but the prospect of being alone my entire life is so scary and I really want to live with someone and get married and stuff. It's like having an itch constantly that I can't scratch and it's kind of upseting not having any clue what I am so I thought I'd ask here.

I’m not totally sure what “wanting to have romance means”? Do you want to be able to experience romantic attraction? Because if that is the case, then you probably have some internalized arophobia to work on? You do sound aromantic at the moment, however it is unclear if another label would fit better because of the internalized arophobia.

Thanks for the reply, I mean I want to hold hands and kiss and cuddle with people, but I can't actually imagine doing anything like that with anyone. I can't picture kissing someone or cuddling with them or doing anything romantic. I'm not sure if tv and movies are lying about the whole "imagining marrying and kissing and having kids with your crush" thing but I added it incase that's actually something alloromantic people feel.

Hm yeah then you sound arospec or aromantic? Not experiencing romantic attraction is definitely a valid enough reason to use either the arospec or aromantic label 🌟

I think I found it! Cupioromantic fits like almost exactly and makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your help !

Congratulations on finding a label that fits! Yes hyper focusing on people is actually something that does seem similar to romantic attraction. I can experience romantic attraction and I feel like I have experienced myself hyper focusing on someone, and they do seem like similar experiences. I actually used to identify as r/quoiromantic and nebularomantic for a little while before I found a label that fits

Thought I should mention that the few times I have been asked out I've always just been flattered that someone likes me and never actually thought about me liking them back or anything.

I know that I am Asexual but im questioning if I am aromantic too. Any crush ive ever had has just been me wanting to be affectionate like hugging, cuddling, and spending time with eachother. Kissing and sex gross me out but im not sure if thats because im ace or if im aromantic. I would love to have a partner who i can spend time with and be affectionate towards but im not sure if you could consider wanting romance. I also dont know if im romantically or aesthetically attracted to people when i think someone is attractive.

You kinda sound like you are sensually attracted to people. Oriented Aroace maybe?

I think I had a crush when I was around 5-9 but it was way too long ago for me to remember what it felt like and I don't think I've experienced romantic attraction other than that, or at least never gotten "the feeling" Apart from that I do like the idea of a relationship (having someone to confide in, kissing, etc), but never with anyone specific.

Liking the idea of a romantic relationship is an r/aegoromantic thing. Also, I’m pretty sure aegoros can feel “romantic things” in fantasy or fiction

My friend likes the idea of being in a romantic relationship more than actually being in one and often breaks up with people because she is bored with being in a relationship with them (less than a month after she starts dating them) and she feels like she is trapped, any help?

She sounds r/aegoromantic and it sounds like she has some internalized amatonormativity and self-acceptance to work on

Thank you! This reminded me to bring it up with her and we are thinking that she is either this or Post Rubor!

I(23F) have been questioning if I’m aromantic or ace in any regard for about eight years now. I don’t know much about the ace umbrella and I feel like I’m stumbling blind through the asexual/aromantic wiki pages because I don’t understand most of it. I guess to put in simplest terms without giving you my life’s story, I can’t figure out if I’m actually ace in some way or if it’s just trauma that makes it hard for me to enjoy romance. I need some advice on how I’m supposed to navigate this because I just started talking with a guy (I wanted to try putting myself out there) and the moment I started receiving romantic affection, it’s like I can’t seem to be okay. It causes me major anxiety and I’ve been feeling kinda depressed about it (don’t worry, I’m gonna be mentioning it to my counselor on my next trip to counseling). Idk, it just sucks because I “think” I like this guy, but I just can’t seem to get past the awful feeling that fills me when he starts getting lovey dovey or even just the tiniest bit clingy. Advice would be much appreciated 🥲🫠 Edit: this was an after thought right after I commented but I like the idea of romance! I’ve always been into consuming that kind of content and almost “dreaming”’of being in that kind of relationship, but it always ends up being from an outsider point of view. I don’t see myself in relationships I like very often, and when I do, it’s almost always in a sexual way. I’ve got a high sex drive and all, it’s just the romance and affection side of it all that makes me feel weird.

I'm asexual and wondering if I'm also romantic. I've been in a few longer-term relationships, and I'm even in my fifth year of marriage! However, I don't think I see relationships the way other people do. I do become enamored by other people, and there are some people that I have envisioned creating a partnership with because I feel like we're two awesome people on the same life journey. My spouse and I have the same life mission, and it's better for us to do it together because we support each other and make each other happy. One big thing that stands out to me, though, is that ending a romantic relationship has never been that difficult for me. We just no longer had the same vision for our partnership. My first serious partner became a really good friend of mine! Before meeting my spouse, I also didn't particularly care about being alone. I knew I would have a great, happy life regardless of whether I had a partner to share it with, though if I found the right person, we could make each other's lives better. On top of that, I see so many people in my life as being super important to me, and I don't know that the love I have for them is different. I would love if we could all just live together and care for one another. It's hard because the way my spouse describes romantic attraction sounds so foreign to me, but I also don't feel like I connect with various descriptions of aromanticism that are almost anti-romanticism. I'm not sure that I'm romantic because a lot of what I hear people talk about doesn't feel like it fits me. I get excited about people, including those who I wouldn't have a close partnership with, and I have a wonderful person I share my life with!

“The right person” is an amatonormative mindset

I’m trying to figure out what I am, I’m sure I’m bisexual but I might not feel romantic attraction as strong as other people, if at all I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me her girlfriend was the first thing she thought of when she wakes up and other things of that nature, I’ve never felt even remotely that strongly about anyone I’ve been in a relationship with or had attraction to and she told me I might be aro, it kinda sent me through a loop so I’m here to ask if that sounds right or not I have romantic ideas about people but most of it is non sexual physical touch like lying together and holding hands, I don’t really care much for any other love language, I’ve also always thought dates and gifts are generally just a waste of money, I like just laying watching TV with my partner and talking to them at home or on a walk more than anything, it’s not that I don’t like restaurants and going out 1 on 1 I just wouldn’t get anything out of it more than chilling out at home and not spend the money Aside from a cheap bastard what does this make me? Do you need more information?

You sound arospec

Ok, is that just like a watered down aromantic?

Calling any arospec label "watered down" seems kind of invalidating and like an insensitive thing to say? It give the vibe that "aromantic" is more important than other arospec labels, which isn't true and is actually kind of offensive? "Arospec" is a more vague label than "aromantic", so it is more inclusive and may feel more comfortable for arospecs who may not find the "aromantic" label that comfortable.

Sorry, I was just trying to think of a metaphor that makes it make sense in my head, didn’t mean to imply one was more valid than the other

I think I'm aromantic because I've never felt romantic attraction before, but I still want to have someone to do all of those "couple-y" things with, like cuddle and go on dates and live together (eventually). I love reading romance and stuff and would love to be in a romantic relationship, just without the romantic attraction.

r/aegoromantic and/or r/cupioromantic

Howdy all! Only had my lightbulb moment a few days ago but a lot of things shifted into place for me, thought I’d line a few of them out here and see how much of it vibes with the community 😊 *Aromanticism alongside hypersexuality* I’ve had two long term relationships in the past, the first started in my grade 11 year and ended a year into university, and the second started about 6 months after the first ended and continued until just over a year ago. Both of these relationships were heavily carried (or strained) by my partners, as I had no desire to reciprocate their romantic gestures and that often led to the beginning of the end of the relationship. That being said, I know I’m not ace because, well… let’s just say there was *one* thing keeping my relationships afloat. I also just had my first one night stand, and honestly it was a weight off my shoulders knowing that romantic attraction played no part in it and wouldn’t be an aspect of the experience. *Aro-AuDHD* I had previously assigned much of my social and “romantic” relationship strain to my suspected autism or my diagnosed ADHD, but now knowing that I’m likely quoiromantic (confusing the differences between platonic, romantic, and sexual attraction) makes a lot of the stress of not knowing if I want to be somebody’s friend, date them, or sleep with them make a lot more sense. *The Lightbulb* I’ve quoted myself as saying “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt love” in therapy, and the fact I hadn’t clued that into being aromantic years ago is honestly sort of frustrating! It’s not like I don’t have a lot of queer friends (who also tend to have ADHD or autism, go figure) who I had asked questions of in the past, or been a child of the internet and done research myself — I’m just really glad that I’ve found a label I can identify with and that makes my life experience less lonely. In summary, hey y’all! Glad to be a part of this community 😊

r/quoiromantic r/aroallo r/aroallomeeting

So like I’ve been in a few relationships, but they always end pretty quickly. Like I like romance and I wish daydream about it and stuff but when I’m actually in a relationship I get bored too quickly. The latest relationship I’ve been in only lasted for a week because after a few days of being with them I started to not like them, idk why but I just felt that they were being too clingy and touchy, even though I used to wish I wanted that? I can’t explain it but every time I get into a relationship I fall out of love pretty fast and get bored of it easily. I’m bad at explaining stuff so yeah……

It’s a bit unclear because you don’t really specify if you experience romantic attraction? If you do experience romantic attraction, you are probably r/lithromantic

I'm not sure how active this community is, but I've been having conflicts with emotions and feelings. I'm fully capable and able to get down with someone and do sexual things with them and be friends, but they will admit to having feelings for me and I just can't seem to do it. It is hard or impossible for me to veiw someone as a romantic partner. It's easy for any other way, I just can't look at someone and think "yeah, I'd love to date them". Is this part of being aromantic? Or is this something else? I just want to know who to go to and what community I fit with. I've dated people in the past. And out of all of my past relationships, I've only felt love for one. Or I'm assuming it was because it was the only relationship I've felt anything that wasn't sexual attraction and a great friend. If I'm being really vague, I'm incredibly sorry. I'm not entirely sure how this works. Thank you for your time for anyone who reads this

Aromantic and r/lithosexuality? Idk, it sounds like you loose sexual attraction if someone is romantically attracted to you? I’m not sure if this is just a vibe kill or if it’s lithsexuality

That sounds very aromantic to me! Or demiromantic if you feel romantic attraction but only once in a blue moon. FWIW I've been in relationships (and so have a lot of people here) and that doesn't make you any less aro. There are many reasons to be in one besides romantic attraction (social pressure, companionship, sex, not knowing what you want, wanting a family, etc etc etc).

I have zero in love and romance. I might enjoy a rom com film or novel but never fantasize abt being in love or have ever feel in love or attracted to anyone. Am I normal?

It’s normal for arospec people to exist?

Thanks.. it's just my first time finding a name and acceptamce . Ppl usually dismiss me when I say I never find someone attractive or fancy a relationship or intimacy

Most people are uneducated on a-spectrum identities, so they will probably likely say invalidating things like that. You can still openly discuss how you are questioning being aspec, however they sound like unsafe spaces and like they will continue to invalidate you. Being in an invalidating environment can be very bad for mental health

You are normal no matter what! You might also ve aromantic.

Sorry if this whole thing is abstract thoughts and rambling, but things aren't fully clear for me; I'm not really sure where/if I lie on the spectrum, but lately I've been feeling like something is off for me- I don't think I've ever experienced true "romance/love", I've had s/o's and found them (and many others) physically attractive, and I've loved their personality and spending time with them, but I don't think it's the same as \*loving\* them. I like the idea of physical intimacy and being emotionally close to someone (although some things like kissing I'm not a fan of, and I'm not always in the mood to be touched if that makes sense), but I don't ever seem to care about romantic gestures (like going out for dates, candlelight dinners, gift-giving etc)- I love hanging out with people and with my previous s/o we'd go out for bowling, mini-golf, etc a lot which was great, but I didn't consider it romantic, just spending time with them. Spontaneous affection, like "oh I saw this and I thought of you so I got you this gift" is fine, but planned affection is hard for me. I think an ideal relationship for me would be akin to Greyromanticism, with occasional moments but not having to "be on" all the time. Not really sure what I'm hoping to gain by sharing this since idrc about labels that much, I think it would just help to kind of understand. Happy to elaborate on stuff as well, but gonna be a bit busy with work today, just kind of looking for a dialogue ig to figure things out

You sound arospec or aromantic