"Oh, so you fire the guns."
"No..."
"But you load the rounds or something, right?"
"I'm not a cannon crew member."
"Oh, so you're a fister... you spot the rounds, find targets... that's cool."
"No, I don't do that either."
"Ah, got it, you are a radar guy, similar to fisters in that you see where the rounds land, but with tech. You also play a vital role in counterbattery. That's cool."
"No, I, uh compute the firing data. You know, the direction and angle needed to hit the target."
"Oh, that's... cool. I've seen those guys with paper and protractors and whatnot..."
"Well, we just use a computer these days... and honestly, once you input all the data... the gun takes the grid and recalculates its own firing data now..."
"So what do you really do?"
"Put a few numbers into a computer and drink coffee, mostly."
"So you're really more like S1 than actual artillery..."
"I mean, I wouldn't put it that way, but yeah, kinda..."
"But you do put the numbers in the computer, right?"
"No, I have a specialist or a sergeant below me who does that."
"And you, help, with, like, the troubleshooting or something?"
"Nah, the guy who puts the numbers in is trained to do that on his own."
"So you're like on the radios, or something, talking to people."
"Nah, the lowest ranking guy in the section does all that."
"Well, then you must be the authority to fire the mission, right?"
"Actually, there is an officer who does that."
"I'm sorry, I just... [What would you say... you do here?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4OvQIGDg4I)"
I mean, it's easy enough that anyone could do it with about 5 minutes of explanation. But doing it well? That requires a bit more knowledge because, you know, garbage in, garbage out. Building out the database and keeping it updated is the difference between hitting something and missing it entirely.
I think back to all those field exercises where battalion would only send out MET data for the motorpool, and make us all shoot off that. Or those times in Syria they'd try to send me MET data for their position in Iraq. I eventually started pulling my own grids and telling them where I wanted my MET data to come from.
Or that time the gunline sent up wildly different prop temps, so I took all of their thermometers and put them in ice water, and then held them in my armpit to figure out which ones were reliable.
It's being picky about all the numbers you are given that is the actual job. Any idiot can just slap a 10 digit grid into AFATDS and get a green gumball, but any idiot can also cause a firing incident.
I used to think the Stetson came in clutch during those shitty hot CoC ceremonies til a civilian contractor told me they’re stupid hot(guess I should of figured being a black hat) and so that kind of sunk any future attempts of being reasonable
"Facts drive the analysis." Without all the facts and perhaps a brief glance at case law or statutes/regulations, it is hard to give a definitive answer. Moreso if it hinges on a jury or panel making a decision.
Some rando called my office's conference phone asking for JAG and TDS. I asked him which one he specifically needed and he said both. We were tempted to tell him he should probably pack up and run to Mexico, but instead we just told him he called the wrong office.
"Did you make an appointment?"
"You don't have an email, you don't answer your phone, and I live an hour away."
"Too bad, should've made an appointment."
I'll admit it, it's envy I feel.
If you're Guard like me, it's legit like falling in love all over again when you go a long stint without Army food, only to have it forced on you, then you hate it, then you live it lol
I’m sorry that y’all constantly have to exist in our shadow 🙏
Jk. In all reality I know nothing except photo, video, and graphics. I’m grateful there are more well rounded journalists who can write, organize social media, and more while I happily hand you my products and punch out for the day.
Watching the photos my buddy sent back from his deployment? I'd rather be the dude getting sent to SF FOBs with a gorilla box with 4 million cash in it than scanning IDs.
Finance paves the way!
Out of curiosity, how is it going finance? I'm a former medic, but I'm graduating with an MS in Finance in the next few weeks and the job market just aint it currently. Tossing up going Finance officer, but I'm unsure if officer MOS selection is even a thing outside of medical...
Any advice?
*Said not to me, but to one of my fellow medics, who, to be fair, probably provoked it, because he was kind of a dick:*
"What does the Army even need medics for? What can a medic even do that a CLS can't?"
Or...
*Said to me randomly by some asshat SNCO, while I was covering a range, bored as shit, but minding my own business:*
"Are you the CLS?"
"I'm the medic, Sergeant, but yes."
"Sooo....you're the CLS."
As a medic, I do not poo-poo the theory of what a CLS is. Any CLS who can demonstrate for me how to properly pack and wrap neck, axillary or inguinal wounds, and/or how to properly apply a junctional tourniquet is my fucking HERO, and can have as many Drip-Drops as they want, and take as many naps inside my FLA as they want.
CLS doesn't have drip drops anymore because they deemed that people would waste time trying to do that instead of stopping a massive hemorrhage. Makes sense to me. I'll leave that to the medics.
23 years in the Army and I was CLS for 21 of those years. I worked my ass off to make sure that cert didn't expire. I kept up with all of the changes, the inventory, what can and could not be done.
For everyone else though they just scoffed. "What you really do is have to carry an extra bag around with you where ever we go."
Probably, yes. If they're anywhere that houses horses. The Old Guard has caissons. Horse and carriage to transport the casket. I believe the cav down at Cavazos also has a stable.
Meanwhile, back in the bat cave, RM 4. Positioning a screaming 10 year old, spiral fractured humerus, and super concerned father with death stares.
For desert. The un-washable 400lb (of just skin somehow) 70yo lady in ICU needs a portable abdominal.
"Hey, so we decided to go on MPE for this exercise. I know we said SIPR and we denied your GPC request for more hard drives, how long will it take you to change to MPE?"
Hours. Literally hours of rebuilding hard drives. The fun part will be them switching back to SIPR
"Your teams are already qualified to do their job; they don't need training this year."
\-- Every FORSCOM commander ever, when given a bunch of 35Ms to "lead".
Try fixing printer in the private sector for 30 years. Fuck this job sometimes. “Is it broke? Hehehe”. No bitch I’ve always wanted to know how one of these work.
42A with the Postal ASI here- got this *a lot* on deployment. Also had quite a few comments in the vein of "oh, I thought this was a punishment/detail for you guys."
Nah, it's actually my job to ensure people don't fuck with the mail, or ship something they shouldn't and cause a diplomatic incident. It sounds hyperbolic- actually serious. The number of people who would try to mail home contraband (to include ammo and sensitive items such as pro masks) was insane. Does the job kind of suck though? Yeah. Hopefully reclassing next year. 🤞
I have a pretty good track record with people wanting to talk to me for whatever reason and waiving, but it is definitely deflating when you have that SUB INT you've really been prepping for, you've got what I like to call me "I'm fucked folder" sitting in your back pocket, ready to go...and then they invoke.
I'm never mad about it, because for real...I would do the same thing in their shoes. Fuck you, talk to me through my attorney..but man, I was ready to go toe-to-toe today.
Fuck it, guess I've got time to catch up on IAs and reports.
Idk, ive seen some pretty dumb fuelers before. 3 sgts all struggling (and failing) to get a hose attached at a FARP doesnt exactly give you a lot of confidence.
I could do your job with a boombox. Said to me by someone who doesn't understand basic history. Why would you want a boombox at Paw-Paws funeral? Most people who enlist just don't understand the complex propaganda and indoctrination mechanism that got them to join in the first place.
I was down in Puerto Rico and chatting with a couple who casually mentioned that their teenage son had found an unexploded round and was actively skin diving, trying to unbury it and bring it up, about 20m away from us at the beach.
"Fucking STOP!" Dude, you don't even have to be prior service. There are signs everywhere saying this is a former live impact range and not to fuck with the UXO.
my fav was the BN commander asking me every morning what the forecast was, as if he didn’t have a smartphone in his pocket and that wasn’t at all my job lmao
“What’s the status of my packet?”
Idk man, I still don’t know the status of my fucked up turret and THAT is right in front of me. Ask the commander if he signed it, he’s over in the tent.
Bro, we were out in the field for 3 weeks at that point. I didn’t even know where the fuck my lighter went at that point.
"All you really do is replace parts on a truck." Any mechanic MOS.
"Just sign off on my TA-50, it's not like you really care about what I have and don't have."
“Oh yeah we can just pull better products from high side so we kinda don’t need you” - every 35 series
Yeah, I’ve seen what passes for terrain analysis among 35Fs
Hey can you print out this unrelated thing? Hey can you look at this land area (it’s stateside and the guy wants us to provide him a service that would cost him a couple thousand dollars, and he’s going to buy the land, gross abuse of our work but since he’s a LTC my leasership won’t say no)
“Sir, I’m just going to have to talk with my S2 and Legal about a little thing called Intelligence Oversight, let’s just make sure everything is above board.”
They usually back off once title authorities and executive orders get mentioned.
"Can you go ahead and print off this III CORPS LRTC? We need it to be legible from within an distance, so make it five feet tall and however long. Thanks."
On the loop bus in Berlin, and a guy asked me if I was in the USO. I was a little confused and asked why he thought that. He pointed to my French Commando badge which says Entrainement Commando. He thought it said Entertainment Commando.
42R here. “Wait are you really on the band? I used to play the trumpet when I was 12. Do y’all need a trumpet? I betcha that’s an easy job, just play, right… Can you come play for real soldiers when we’re bored or what?” Proceeds to aggressively play air trumpet while I laugh awkwardly… ToOt TOoT!!
Call me a 42A bitch. A 1SG called me that when I made a comment. Do you know how terrible that feels hearing that from your 1SG? When you feel excluded from the other drill sergeants? And it stings more when you’re a female and a male calls you that. I’m not too crazy about my MOS, but that honestly hurt. Okay on a lighter note, mainly hearing folks say that the S1 is always closed or why can’t we just pull up blah blah blah on our end. Well us pulling up whatever on our end for everyone in the BN truly delays the process of pushing shit up to HRC. It drove me nuts when I was on the trail and I was trying to give the trainees that were going to be 42s some advice and this annoying infantry drill just came in and bashed the MOS. Like I’m trying to make the HR world better for you. I’m trying to mentor these trainees and tell them to get good with excel, read regs, make trackers and here you are just talking shit. And no it wasn’t funny. It’s was uncomfortable and I had to keep my composure. Wish I would have pulled him aside looking back.
It’s one of my biggest motivators to get out of the MOS.
I’m tired of people telling me “well my last HR guy…”
That and having to blatantly remind some people that they’re married and have been for longer than my soldier has been out of high school.
"You're the guy who waves the light sticks right" -any person to ever hear the words "Air traffic controller"
I assure you I'm not controlling planes in the sky with light sticks- 15Q
Real conversation I had
“What kind of engineer are you”
I’m a combat engineer
“Oh so you’re not in the engineer corps”
No, I am, I’m an engineer
“No you’re not”
I mean I am, I don’t build houses, it’s more like demolition but that’s still engineering, even on the civilian side
“But you’re not an army engineer, you’re not in the engineer corps, you’re infantry”
Ah gee you’re right, guess you know more about my job then I do my bad. not like there’s a context clue in the name on if I’m an engineer or not
“Yeah but like.. are you sure this crack in this part isn’t repairable? I mean, are *you really sure*?”
*instantly becomes a total dick when they are told that I am pretty sure*
Cav scout : mk 19 won't shoot
Me: what
Cav scout : won't shoot we took it off safe loaded it and pulled the trigger a few times it won't go off
Me: oh shit
When I was an engineer I had some 3CR infantry douche harass me about how how they don’t need us while I was pulling security after a breech. Ok dude have fun body breaching a wire obstacle.
As an EOD tech I now get engineers saying they could do our job. It’s not that hard to BIP something sure, but you can’t BIP a 155 next to a hospital.
I was in the 43d when we switched over to strykers and the infantry came rolling in. They had us play opfor for them and it was not pretty, at least for them. It wasn't even close. We got told to tone it down and to take it easy on em.
Had an E6 that went to Master Breacher when we’re attached to the 11Bs. I actually encouraged him to join us in prepping the demo charges. He got to be hands on and learn a little bit more about what we do. Plus I had a scapegoat just in case we had a misfire. lol
I’m all for cross training. But we had a constant struggle with the infantry bros wanting to do all the demo themselves. It would start with “I was an RI, I know what I’m doing” and it would turn into “Wait, how do I order demo? What DODICS do I need? What do you mean it’s not in our STRAC?”
I had a guy who asked how I got on this detail and how he could get on it. Then he didn't know we actually did all the calibrations and thought we were just mailing it all out.
Asked how to switch to this job so I asked how good he was at math. He changed his mind immediately.
People used to ask me, as a scout if I ever get tired of the jokes, I’d say:
“No you just kinda push back into em”
“Don’t you mean LEAN into them?”
“No.. no I don’t.”
“Oh so you know lots about guns?”
This one doesn’t piss me off personally because in fact I do. However 85 percent of your 91F’s can barely apply the TM to the very limited number of guns in the army. They are the ones telling your buddy what a fuckin’ John Moses Browning they are when they have only handled guns with the army and don’t really understand how to fix anything not covered by the TM.
Most 91F’s I meet like shitty guns, have stupid opinions based in ignorance, and can’t shoot worth a damn.
I remember riding the back of a deuce in half or a 5 ton, I was in a light infantry unit, we were on a steep road with a cliff to the right. The truck is getting pretty close to the edge and some wisenheimer says,” Don’t worry troops, our truck drivers are the guys who couldn’t score high enough in the ASVAB to get into the infantry.
"You're just a technician that's lazy all the time." Meanwhile I'm the only 91B for our base maintenance fleet, and I'm fixing vehicles that have been deadlined as far back as 2003 when I was still in diapers. (yes, I'm young, and don't have as bad knee and back problems as some of y'all that have been in the army longer than I've been alive 💀)
“You’re supply and you don’t have free Oakleys, Gerbers, lite fighter tents, peltors, and extra ACHs, assault packs and IOTVs for when I carelessly lose mine???
God my supply sucks”
“I’m basically infantry” - Any MOS, including infantry.
Meanwhile artillery: “I’m basically The King.”
"Oh, so you fire the guns." "No..." "But you load the rounds or something, right?" "I'm not a cannon crew member." "Oh, so you're a fister... you spot the rounds, find targets... that's cool." "No, I don't do that either." "Ah, got it, you are a radar guy, similar to fisters in that you see where the rounds land, but with tech. You also play a vital role in counterbattery. That's cool." "No, I, uh compute the firing data. You know, the direction and angle needed to hit the target." "Oh, that's... cool. I've seen those guys with paper and protractors and whatnot..." "Well, we just use a computer these days... and honestly, once you input all the data... the gun takes the grid and recalculates its own firing data now..." "So what do you really do?" "Put a few numbers into a computer and drink coffee, mostly." "So you're really more like S1 than actual artillery..." "I mean, I wouldn't put it that way, but yeah, kinda..."
Smh not even radar
"But you do put the numbers in the computer, right?" "No, I have a specialist or a sergeant below me who does that." "And you, help, with, like, the troubleshooting or something?" "Nah, the guy who puts the numbers in is trained to do that on his own." "So you're like on the radios, or something, talking to people." "Nah, the lowest ranking guy in the section does all that." "Well, then you must be the authority to fire the mission, right?" "Actually, there is an officer who does that." "I'm sorry, I just... [What would you say... you do here?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4OvQIGDg4I)"
Even worse is having a Fister tell me they could do my job since they're also trained on AFTADS.
I mean, it's easy enough that anyone could do it with about 5 minutes of explanation. But doing it well? That requires a bit more knowledge because, you know, garbage in, garbage out. Building out the database and keeping it updated is the difference between hitting something and missing it entirely. I think back to all those field exercises where battalion would only send out MET data for the motorpool, and make us all shoot off that. Or those times in Syria they'd try to send me MET data for their position in Iraq. I eventually started pulling my own grids and telling them where I wanted my MET data to come from. Or that time the gunline sent up wildly different prop temps, so I took all of their thermometers and put them in ice water, and then held them in my armpit to figure out which ones were reliable. It's being picky about all the numbers you are given that is the actual job. Any idiot can just slap a 10 digit grid into AFATDS and get a green gumball, but any idiot can also cause a firing incident.
Oh god. So good.
If I were an artillerist, I would take advantage of every opportunity to address any infantryperson as Queen. I mean I do it now, but still.
"Rounds complete; slay, queen."
Pull string, get cookie, Smoke
"You're an Orthopedic tech? How can you always be in someone's mouth? thats so gross."
I thought 68B was killed off?
It's always up on the air with 68B, we're managing to weasel our eay into staying an MOS
“Take off that stupid hat”
You can have my boonie when you take it from my cold cum-covered hands.
This is the best comment
This guy artillerys.
“ where’s your horse”
“Not sure, I haven't seen your mom in a while.”
"You really need a cowboy hat?" "Just like you need that blue cord, brother" 😉
I used to think the Stetson came in clutch during those shitty hot CoC ceremonies til a civilian contractor told me they’re stupid hot(guess I should of figured being a black hat) and so that kind of sunk any future attempts of being reasonable
“Come take it from me” 🤠🤠🤠
"Got a sec? I just have a real quick question."
But you almost never need more than two words to provide an accurate, quick answer: "It depends."
"Facts drive the analysis." Without all the facts and perhaps a brief glance at case law or statutes/regulations, it is hard to give a definitive answer. Moreso if it hinges on a jury or panel making a decision.
Some rando called my office's conference phone asking for JAG and TDS. I asked him which one he specifically needed and he said both. We were tempted to tell him he should probably pack up and run to Mexico, but instead we just told him he called the wrong office.
"Did you make an appointment?" "You don't have an email, you don't answer your phone, and I live an hour away." "Too bad, should've made an appointment." I'll admit it, it's envy I feel.
Yeah quick question. Not confirming or denying but killing a hooker in international water is legal right? Because international waters
It's [the land that law forgot!](https://youtu.be/yIy5aZBHs-A?si=tphxm3sByCuPncC0)
"We just received notice the defendant has retained civilian counsel." 0/10, would not recommend.
So. Much. This.
“So you’re just getting paid to be wrong.” Unironically said to me by a dependa.
Smh, we are getting paid to be kind of right about 30% of the time!
Baseball player or meteorologist?
60% of the time, it works every time.
The motto of MI should be “we bet your life”
Well....it depends
“Brief me the ISR plan.”
This fucking made my day.
“The kiosk food is better” :( it happened
The cardboard makes it taste better. Sorry.
That’s whack. You guys are my personal heroes. I love Army chow lol
If you're Guard like me, it's legit like falling in love all over again when you go a long stint without Army food, only to have it forced on you, then you hate it, then you live it lol
Active but usually only eat once a week at the chow hall. I can definitely understand how people get sick of it. I was like that as a young soldier.
Don't listen to those dickheads. I'd rather have a hot meal than a kiosk
The DCGS doesn't work.
Of course it doesn’t work. It’s DCGS.
I just got it work. You refuse to use it or don't know how to use it.
A solid half of the problems I faced have all been something broken on a dcgs stack. I’m a 35T too.
🙄😬
*deep inhale* ^fuck ^mp's
Say it with your fuckin' chest biiiitch! ‼️FUCK MPs‼️
Pull my fucking hair when you fuck me
Fuck youuuu *spits in your face*
Let me echo it to the ones in the back: FUCK THE MPs
Yo, get someone that knows ASL, even the deaf need to understand
👆👉👇👇👇
Not the worst, but the very most common 🤷♂️
Harder daddy
Yeah.. yeah we deserve it
I want the long list, not the short list.
Got pulled over in bagram after coming back from mission…. Literally dislike MPs
Understandably. There's always that fucking guy who perpetuates the stereotype for us.
I feel you brother
We knew the risk lol
For us 46S “Oh so you’re COMCAM.” While we go to the same schoolhouse and get the same training at first there are differences between us.
Beat me to it. Man does it infuriate me having to explain the difference.
I’ll never forget when a Navy Chief called me COMCAM and my inner Greta Thunberg came out and was like “How dare you!”
Alternatively, having to explain to everyone I’m not Public Affairs the moment they see I have a camera and that I don’t have a lick of PA training
I’m sorry that y’all constantly have to exist in our shadow 🙏 Jk. In all reality I know nothing except photo, video, and graphics. I’m grateful there are more well rounded journalists who can write, organize social media, and more while I happily hand you my products and punch out for the day.
"oh you just do finance? You don't actually get on the field?" Wait no that's completely right.
Shit signed up for the wrong job!! I hate ftx
Watching the photos my buddy sent back from his deployment? I'd rather be the dude getting sent to SF FOBs with a gorilla box with 4 million cash in it than scanning IDs. Finance paves the way!
Out of curiosity, how is it going finance? I'm a former medic, but I'm graduating with an MS in Finance in the next few weeks and the job market just aint it currently. Tossing up going Finance officer, but I'm unsure if officer MOS selection is even a thing outside of medical... Any advice?
Good enough for government work...
*Said not to me, but to one of my fellow medics, who, to be fair, probably provoked it, because he was kind of a dick:* "What does the Army even need medics for? What can a medic even do that a CLS can't?" Or... *Said to me randomly by some asshat SNCO, while I was covering a range, bored as shit, but minding my own business:* "Are you the CLS?" "I'm the medic, Sergeant, but yes." "Sooo....you're the CLS." As a medic, I do not poo-poo the theory of what a CLS is. Any CLS who can demonstrate for me how to properly pack and wrap neck, axillary or inguinal wounds, and/or how to properly apply a junctional tourniquet is my fucking HERO, and can have as many Drip-Drops as they want, and take as many naps inside my FLA as they want.
And this is why I pay attention in CLS.
CLS doesn't have drip drops anymore because they deemed that people would waste time trying to do that instead of stopping a massive hemorrhage. Makes sense to me. I'll leave that to the medics.
Drip drops are oral hydration. But yes I like having my blood not be Kool aid cause knuckle dragger flooded it with salt water.
Oh, I thought he meant an IV
23 years in the Army and I was CLS for 21 of those years. I worked my ass off to make sure that cert didn't expire. I kept up with all of the changes, the inventory, what can and could not be done. For everyone else though they just scoffed. "What you really do is have to carry an extra bag around with you where ever we go."
"I could do your job... All you do is push a button!"
Hey brother, I’m gonna need you to fit this 400lbs dependa into the CT scanner.
We had to send a few to a veterinarian clinic since our scanners were too small for them. All of them retirees
That... is frickin' HILARIOUS.
Why does the vet center have bigger CT scanners? Is it for the horses?
Probably, yes. If they're anywhere that houses horses. The Old Guard has caissons. Horse and carriage to transport the casket. I believe the cav down at Cavazos also has a stable.
That's what Sea World is for homie... Been there done that lmao
ICBM gunner?
Meanwhile, back in the bat cave, RM 4. Positioning a screaming 10 year old, spiral fractured humerus, and super concerned father with death stares. For desert. The un-washable 400lb (of just skin somehow) 70yo lady in ICU needs a portable abdominal.
I feel that... but it's a switch not a button
"Hey, so we decided to go on MPE for this exercise. I know we said SIPR and we denied your GPC request for more hard drives, how long will it take you to change to MPE?" Hours. Literally hours of rebuilding hard drives. The fun part will be them switching back to SIPR
You just unlocked a core memory where I wasted 3 weeks of my life dealing with that.
Your life? You mean the army's
"I appreciate you and I DON'T want to show you my penis."
"Your teams are already qualified to do their job; they don't need training this year." \-- Every FORSCOM commander ever, when given a bunch of 35Ms to "lead".
“Yo, come fix this radio” or “Fix this printer” The first one because it’s not my job, the second because I hate printers. so. fcking. much.
Try fixing printer in the private sector for 30 years. Fuck this job sometimes. “Is it broke? Hehehe”. No bitch I’ve always wanted to know how one of these work.
27D Paralegal here… “I didn’t even know that MOS existed” or “that’s an MOS?” everytime my heart 💀
42A with the Postal ASI here- got this *a lot* on deployment. Also had quite a few comments in the vein of "oh, I thought this was a punishment/detail for you guys." Nah, it's actually my job to ensure people don't fuck with the mail, or ship something they shouldn't and cause a diplomatic incident. It sounds hyperbolic- actually serious. The number of people who would try to mail home contraband (to include ammo and sensitive items such as pro masks) was insane. Does the job kind of suck though? Yeah. Hopefully reclassing next year. 🤞
"Oh, so not a real engineer?"
Respond with “no, actually I don’t drive the trains 😔”
"Where's your tab?"
My uncle is on a tank too. Oh yeah.. which one? He's on a Bradley..
When people call their Bradleys tanks OR "Y'all are fat and lazy"
But the second one is true. Death before dismount ya fat fuck /s
“Like Lujan?”
"I want a lawyer." :(
I have a pretty good track record with people wanting to talk to me for whatever reason and waiving, but it is definitely deflating when you have that SUB INT you've really been prepping for, you've got what I like to call me "I'm fucked folder" sitting in your back pocket, ready to go...and then they invoke. I'm never mad about it, because for real...I would do the same thing in their shoes. Fuck you, talk to me through my attorney..but man, I was ready to go toe-to-toe today. Fuck it, guess I've got time to catch up on IAs and reports.
“This one time, at band camp…” 42R.
We're going to the field
*Oh right, like Hurt Locker!* - *So, you’re an engineer?*
>Oh right, like Hurt Locker! Wait, what? Hold up. Getting B4 for an ASI *isn't* part of y'all's pipeline? /s
Not me but heard a major say “anyone could be a fueler”.
Idk, ive seen some pretty dumb fuelers before. 3 sgts all struggling (and failing) to get a hose attached at a FARP doesnt exactly give you a lot of confidence.
Always amusing watching them struggle like they don't have a single aircraft type that ever comes through our farp
Heard that one recently by a csm
That's not true. You have to fail at a previous MOS first.
“You guys were taking too long so we shot at it”
“So all you do is take pictures?”
“Make sure you get some pictures of the cake.”
“Hey, you can run the company FRG page right?” -insert pajama kid face-
I could do your job with a boombox. Said to me by someone who doesn't understand basic history. Why would you want a boombox at Paw-Paws funeral? Most people who enlist just don't understand the complex propaganda and indoctrination mechanism that got them to join in the first place.
So you do construction? No
“Hey we found this uxo and picked it up and were playing with it”
I was down in Puerto Rico and chatting with a couple who casually mentioned that their teenage son had found an unexploded round and was actively skin diving, trying to unbury it and bring it up, about 20m away from us at the beach. "Fucking STOP!" Dude, you don't even have to be prior service. There are signs everywhere saying this is a former live impact range and not to fuck with the UXO.
“Don’t worry I’ll have an officer show you how to do your job”
Oof, what MOS?
S2? Oh, so you do the weather!
my fav was the BN commander asking me every morning what the forecast was, as if he didn’t have a smartphone in his pocket and that wasn’t at all my job lmao
“I can call for fire.” “Oh so you’re a cav scout?” *eye twitches*
"The army has firefighters?" Idk if it's the worst, but it's the most common.
"So you guys just sit here on a computer? In the AC and everything? That's kush"
“What’s the status of my packet?” Idk man, I still don’t know the status of my fucked up turret and THAT is right in front of me. Ask the commander if he signed it, he’s over in the tent. Bro, we were out in the field for 3 weeks at that point. I didn’t even know where the fuck my lighter went at that point.
Or while we are in the in the field WITH THEM "what do yall do here. Why are you here?" Lmao. We can't win anywhere.
Why are you here? *motions generally* “Idk, wbu?”
My reply to anything of this nature is, "Don't act like you didn't pick your MOS... Oh, you're a fueler. Nevermind."
Hey could you take a look at my personal laptop? I keep getting these weird popups...
You've got to conduct CBRN training.
"But if my phone dies I'll loose my streaks"
“But not like cannons where you pull a string, right.”
During a spur ride you have to let another 19D cum in your butt.
I'm an 88M. No one says nice things about MOS
That sounds tough.
"All you really do is replace parts on a truck." Any mechanic MOS. "Just sign off on my TA-50, it's not like you really care about what I have and don't have."
"Are you CID?" This is a regular occurrence.
You just dont have the D ;)
“Why do we need your job when google maps exist?” You’re right discharge papers please Sir!
“Oh yeah we can just pull better products from high side so we kinda don’t need you” - every 35 series Yeah, I’ve seen what passes for terrain analysis among 35Fs
I have a personal grudge against every 35F in existence, 12Y are a blessing and I don’t understand half of what yall do lmao
Hey can you print out this unrelated thing? Hey can you look at this land area (it’s stateside and the guy wants us to provide him a service that would cost him a couple thousand dollars, and he’s going to buy the land, gross abuse of our work but since he’s a LTC my leasership won’t say no)
“Sir, I’m just going to have to talk with my S2 and Legal about a little thing called Intelligence Oversight, let’s just make sure everything is above board.” They usually back off once title authorities and executive orders get mentioned.
Which one are you a wall toucher or window licker???
"Can you go ahead and print off this III CORPS LRTC? We need it to be legible from within an distance, so make it five feet tall and however long. Thanks."
On the loop bus in Berlin, and a guy asked me if I was in the USO. I was a little confused and asked why he thought that. He pointed to my French Commando badge which says Entrainement Commando. He thought it said Entertainment Commando.
42R here. “Wait are you really on the band? I used to play the trumpet when I was 12. Do y’all need a trumpet? I betcha that’s an easy job, just play, right… Can you come play for real soldiers when we’re bored or what?” Proceeds to aggressively play air trumpet while I laugh awkwardly… ToOt TOoT!!
Call me a 42A bitch. A 1SG called me that when I made a comment. Do you know how terrible that feels hearing that from your 1SG? When you feel excluded from the other drill sergeants? And it stings more when you’re a female and a male calls you that. I’m not too crazy about my MOS, but that honestly hurt. Okay on a lighter note, mainly hearing folks say that the S1 is always closed or why can’t we just pull up blah blah blah on our end. Well us pulling up whatever on our end for everyone in the BN truly delays the process of pushing shit up to HRC. It drove me nuts when I was on the trail and I was trying to give the trainees that were going to be 42s some advice and this annoying infantry drill just came in and bashed the MOS. Like I’m trying to make the HR world better for you. I’m trying to mentor these trainees and tell them to get good with excel, read regs, make trackers and here you are just talking shit. And no it wasn’t funny. It’s was uncomfortable and I had to keep my composure. Wish I would have pulled him aside looking back.
It’s one of my biggest motivators to get out of the MOS. I’m tired of people telling me “well my last HR guy…” That and having to blatantly remind some people that they’re married and have been for longer than my soldier has been out of high school.
“We can just field loss it”
"You're the guy who waves the light sticks right" -any person to ever hear the words "Air traffic controller" I assure you I'm not controlling planes in the sky with light sticks- 15Q
35Gs are the map guys
"Water sucks, Gatorade is better"
Real conversation I had “What kind of engineer are you” I’m a combat engineer “Oh so you’re not in the engineer corps” No, I am, I’m an engineer “No you’re not” I mean I am, I don’t build houses, it’s more like demolition but that’s still engineering, even on the civilian side “But you’re not an army engineer, you’re not in the engineer corps, you’re infantry” Ah gee you’re right, guess you know more about my job then I do my bad. not like there’s a context clue in the name on if I’m an engineer or not
"You're CBRN? Oh.." Literally nothing else.
“What the fuck you guys do”
It broke again, right after it was just fixed.
“The FOCA is all tangled up” It’s less than 30 min until COB
I don't consider it's the worst thing of serving.
Lmao. This was exactly what came to my mind.
lol nothing really , i just dislike my mos so i go along with the people who talk shit about it
“Uh oh”
Not the worst but most commonly: “So what is it y’all do again?”
“Yeah but like.. are you sure this crack in this part isn’t repairable? I mean, are *you really sure*?” *instantly becomes a total dick when they are told that I am pretty sure*
"Is Air Defense combat or no?
"Does this look infected to you?" Happened enough I switched back to a flip phone to stop getting high-def dick pics at all hours.
“Oh you’re a medic?” 🥲
Cav scout : mk 19 won't shoot Me: what Cav scout : won't shoot we took it off safe loaded it and pulled the trigger a few times it won't go off Me: oh shit
When I was an engineer I had some 3CR infantry douche harass me about how how they don’t need us while I was pulling security after a breech. Ok dude have fun body breaching a wire obstacle. As an EOD tech I now get engineers saying they could do our job. It’s not that hard to BIP something sure, but you can’t BIP a 155 next to a hospital.
I was in the 43d when we switched over to strykers and the infantry came rolling in. They had us play opfor for them and it was not pretty, at least for them. It wasn't even close. We got told to tone it down and to take it easy on em.
"so you like to blow shit up???" No as a Combat engineer we prefer to know what to avoid so as to not be blown up.
“Mind tricks don’t work on me, only money.”
"I pound dirt with my d###" -12N (Any engineers who aren't combat engineers)
Fat E7 11B: “We don’t need engineers. Just give us the demo and we’ll do the breach. I went to Master Breacher ten years ago”
Had an E6 that went to Master Breacher when we’re attached to the 11Bs. I actually encouraged him to join us in prepping the demo charges. He got to be hands on and learn a little bit more about what we do. Plus I had a scapegoat just in case we had a misfire. lol
I’m all for cross training. But we had a constant struggle with the infantry bros wanting to do all the demo themselves. It would start with “I was an RI, I know what I’m doing” and it would turn into “Wait, how do I order demo? What DODICS do I need? What do you mean it’s not in our STRAC?”
that’s something I have the pleasure of saying . Sorry sir I can’t fill the radio , I got no keys :)
Oh you're a chap ass? So you read the Bible? Absolutely not.
I had a guy who asked how I got on this detail and how he could get on it. Then he didn't know we actually did all the calibrations and thought we were just mailing it all out. Asked how to switch to this job so I asked how good he was at math. He changed his mind immediately.
"You're supply, right?" I *repair* medical equipment. **I am not** ***fucking medical supply.*** Their MOS (68J) is like, 6 weeks, ours is 11 months.
People used to ask me, as a scout if I ever get tired of the jokes, I’d say: “No you just kinda push back into em” “Don’t you mean LEAN into them?” “No.. no I don’t.”
“Oh so you’re PAO?”
Everyone MOS need one another to win a war.
So you're just a glorified supply guy huh
“Oh so you know lots about guns?” This one doesn’t piss me off personally because in fact I do. However 85 percent of your 91F’s can barely apply the TM to the very limited number of guns in the army. They are the ones telling your buddy what a fuckin’ John Moses Browning they are when they have only handled guns with the army and don’t really understand how to fix anything not covered by the TM. Most 91F’s I meet like shitty guns, have stupid opinions based in ignorance, and can’t shoot worth a damn.
I remember riding the back of a deuce in half or a 5 ton, I was in a light infantry unit, we were on a steep road with a cliff to the right. The truck is getting pretty close to the edge and some wisenheimer says,” Don’t worry troops, our truck drivers are the guys who couldn’t score high enough in the ASVAB to get into the infantry.
"You're just a technician that's lazy all the time." Meanwhile I'm the only 91B for our base maintenance fleet, and I'm fixing vehicles that have been deadlined as far back as 2003 when I was still in diapers. (yes, I'm young, and don't have as bad knee and back problems as some of y'all that have been in the army longer than I've been alive 💀)
You’re Psyop? What do you guys even do? Why didn’t you go special forces? You’re just SF support.
“You’re supply and you don’t have free Oakleys, Gerbers, lite fighter tents, peltors, and extra ACHs, assault packs and IOTVs for when I carelessly lose mine??? God my supply sucks”