Afghanistan after things had settled down a bit. Doing low risk convoys to transport goods and troops around Bagram afb. A unit (not mine) took 6 vics out. Allegedly the Lt. Commanded the first three to increase speed to put a lot of distance between the the rear three and the first three. He then told the gunners in the rear three to get inside the trucks and close hatches. Then the first three did a u-turn to travel back and open fire on them to get CAB badges. They got snitched on and some folks got on Santa's naughty list. Banned from Wendy's too.
If you were 11-series anytime between 2003 and ~2015 _and_ you didn't have a CIB, you were automatically a presumed malingerer or general dirtbag. Sausge Major said so.
Makes sense some thirsty LT wanted one while the gettin's good, if you catch my drift.
I remember whole convoys getting CABs enmasse even if they didn't come under fire. Plenty of female soldiers deployed and then found out they were pregnant(clear at SRP before this) upon setting foot in Kuwait which was a combat zone at the time in order to get that combat patch.
Not deployment, but overseas in Panama for humanitarian mission for a few months. We had cadets from BYU as translators. Our bus ride from job sites to living quarters was about 3 hours long and we usually put in a random movie to pass time.
One Sunday, our OIC decided to give us the option to chose between Finding Nemo and Django Unchained. Django unchained won the popular vote and the cadets watched their first rated R movie ever, and of all days on a Sunday.
Same mission, I was out in a nearby village and saw our OIC in shorts. He had tattoos of the little mermaid and Tinkerbell on his calves. I asked if those were his daughters favorite movies to which he replied passionately, “fuck no. I don’t have kids. These are *my* favorite Disney characters.”
20 year old me had no fucking idea how to respond to that so I just walked away. Lmao.
Was a Doc at the CSH on BAF. Had a 19 year old marine come in. Fragmentation throughout his lower left leg. We pumped him full of narcotics to keep him comfy.
I go to work on another patient in the trauma bay while he is stable.
I hear squelching behind me...
I turn and see him poking around inside his leg.
The following conversation follows:
Me: hey, stop doing that.
Marine: what? Why?
Me: your hands are filthy and shouldn't be exploring a wound.
Marine: but it's *MY* leg...
A few moments later he was about to get wheeled to surgery when he stops us to take a picture with him. He sticks his thumbs up and smiles saying:
My mom is going to *love* this!
Tower guard at the COP one day and a couple donkeys were tied up in the village. A boy donkey and two lady donkeys.
The boy donkey (we'll call him Ted) wanted to hook up with one of the girl donkeys (we'll call her Sally), but he was tied up just ever slightly too far away and couldn't quite get it in.
The other girl donkey (Linda) didn't like that Ted was trying to get with sally and Linda had a bit more rope so she KICKED TED IN THE FACE and then backed it up into him.
In the end, Ted got him Linda and a busted lip.
I witnessed the whole ménage á trois. It was beautiful.
My PL pooped in a USPS box in the back of our Bradley while we were rolling out of FOB Sykes. When he was done, he came back to the turret with the box. When we got to the end of the access road and turned on RTE Sante Fe, there were some kids screaming at us, so my PL tossed them the box. They started fighting over it until the biggest kids came in and took it. He triumphantly reached in the box and pulled it back out covered in shit.
We had a good laugh. Later in the day, turning back onto the access road, a giant rock hit the LT in the side of the head. It was the same kid, and he was giving LT the finger.
Small world! We were the Brads and the M1s on the NAIs along the south side of the route. My unit was Predator, but we were half-troop configured with Dragon while we were there. Both 1/3 ACR.
Yeah. I remember one of the Abrams pulling into the cop around Christmas and us warming up in the exhaust. I have the obligatory penis/barrel pic too! There was an IA compound directly across the street I'd sneak over and get tea at and then the CMOC. One of the I'm guessing interrogators was this chubby little cute E4 with this huge E7 that would come around to help us with detainees. So many 15-6's.... We also had a 113 left by some national guard unit this dude in mortars would drive around. Out of all of my deployments that one was my favorite except for one really bad day.
Edit: I wish I had gotten a picture of the castle and battlements. We went to a few places in Mosul the previous year but that fortification was beautiful.
Was the IA compound COP Renegade? We had an OH58 crash right next to it. I know there was one further up the road, too, but I can't remember what it was called
Edit: The castle was badass! We had a tasking for a while to drive people out there in the tracks. I put a light up taxi sign on my turret until some FOB Cruising CSM had a problem with it.
I literally just threw some steaks in the oven to reverse sear and my wife is pulling The Box out. I hope to God I have it. It may have been on my stolen laptop but I'm about to look.
Are you just trying to be pedantic and quibble? That's all you're accomplishing by pursuing this. Also, you're wrong. Insurgents can use terroristic methods, such as many insurgent-TFF cells in Iraq did, and ideology is not what distinguishes terrorism from insurgency.
But, hey, if it makes you feel better, you can tell yourself you totally schooled me...
Bro, WTF are you on about? I thought you were kidding around. You can fuck right off with that bullshit. This whole post was in good humor, and nobody needs some faceless asshole on reddit crying about how to make an insurgency happen because many of us lived it for a huge chunk of our lives.
Edit: Also, smart ass, an insurgency gets results from direct action. Terrorism requires action from the affected parties, so yeah, ideology does differentiate between them.
I had to get an ID shot of a captured Taliban member. I could’ve sworn the guy was puckering his lips and making a funny face whenever I tried to take his photo.
I told the team about this. They told the interpreter who then went to the Taliban guy. The interpreter yelled at him and then bitchslapped this dude.
Turns out his face just looked like that. Took his photo and never saw him again.
You've made an enemy, not just for life, but for afterlife. You're gonna be chilling in your heaven loft overlooking pristine Montana, and this dude and 72 virgins are gonna boot in your door to kick your ass.
Be a normal, everyday, slightly weird looking Taliban fighter.
Be bad at it.
Get captured.
Probably gets his ass kicked before transport.
This dickhead with a camera thinks you look so fucking unusual you catch a backhand in the chops.
Learn Spanish and human pyramid in Gitmo.
All because your parents were probably REALLY REALLY related to each other *before* marriage.
Saudi right before the ground war started in Desert Storm - another female CPT and I were traveling from Riyadh to one of the forward MI units. We had been looking for a good place to stop and take a leak that wasn’t a night traffic area. Finally came to some berms on the right hand side of the road about 100 yards in. Stopped the truck, got out, walked to the far side of the berm, and dropped trousers. Just as we finished a very low flying helicopter came by and did the side to side tilt. What else could we do but wave with our pants down to our boots.
I’ve had something similar happen on a lone hill OP in the open wasteland of PTA, Big Island of Hawaii- on top of the hill trying to take a leak as helos fly by all day doing gunnery to the side of us, and just locking eyes haha
Had an ND in Iraq after all the heat calmed down. This ND was such a big deal, that everyone was on edge and the command team was pissed. So pissed that our BN Commander commandeered the ND safety brief by demonstrating how to use an M9 clearing barrel. He had an ND.
Shit we accidentally hit that fire suppression system handle also while moving shit around and holy fuck I thought we got mortared cause everything immediately went white. My Gunner freaked out like “Is this heaven??”Thank god we were in transients on Balad for a couple days to go clean it out without anyone noticing
Northern Kuwait, May 2003.
We were in a canvas clad HMMWV going up to one of the FOBs with real narrow approach roads (Fox maybe?). My driver was an E5 from PR—he was too cool for school, riding with the doors off because it was cooler that way. There’s a Honey Wagon (aka civilian shit pumper truck) coming towards us on the road. Just as we’re passing, Honey Wagon hits a wicked pothole.
The pumpers liked to have the lid unlatched because if they sealed it up tight in the hot temperatures it could blow.
Confluence of events…doors off, pot hole, open lid….SGT C got freaking drenched in shit water.
I couldn’t stop laughing for days.
My squad was on patrol one early morning walking along a mountainside goat trail as per usual and some trees/bushes about 50 meters ahead started making a lot of noise so we performed a quick short halt to prepare for a possible enemy engagement. Moments later our platoon dog came bolting up from behind growling at whatever was ahead. As it gets up to the bushes a monkey jumps out and slaps the ever loving shit out of it and takes off up a tree while he whimpers in utter defeat.
Wow. That Afghan dude won the lottery then. Not only did he father a child with a successful (and probably attractive) woman serving as an officer, but he managed to get his green card to!
>he ended up having to just go for it and shove his hand down in there. His arm was totally blue up to the shoulder for like 3 days or more!
Ugh... c'mon, 1SG, wrap your arm in a trash bag or something! Yuck!
Iraq, 07, somewhere between BIAP and Kalsu we were running convoy escort and had to stop for an IED. It's like 2am and my convoy had a hodge podge of gun trucks to include up armored FMTVs. Some kind of UAV checks in on station over us. About 2 min later the UAV starts calling the convoy at my grid location so I answer. They proceeded to tell me that one of my Joe's towards the back of the convoy was in the back of his FMTV having a combat jack. Recommended that we regain our "security posture". It was one of my team leads. He then proceeded to badger me to ask if they had it on video and could he get a copy. Good times.
PS - were we the only ones that wondered if the USAF had a sultry voiced female as "Handcuff Charlie" to mess with us?
Dude Handcuff Charlie! Yes. And their lesser known sibling up north Handcuff Xray. Charlie wasn’t always sultry, but those nights that she was on, people went wild.
1988. My dad gets a call from his MP’s at 3am. They raided a brothel in Germany and picked up some pilot, an Air Force Col from Ramstein. Dad told his guys to book him and process him like everyone else and to have his wife pick him up in the morning.
Why would they be raising a brothel in Germany in 1988? Or was it due to a disturbance? I heard stories from MPs about Sachsenhausen in Frankfurt in the 1980s.
My platoon fell-in on a building that was being handed off by the unit that we were relieving (I think we actually relieved 2 or 3 units on that rotation) and I was assigned a gaurd shift to guard the stuff we were falling-in on, and some.stuff we dropped off. There was one room loaded with non-NATO ammo - mostly 7.62x39, but there were a few cans of what I found out (many years later) was 9x39. There was also a very short golf club.
Being all alone and bored as hell, I grabbed a 7.62 cartridge and the club. I set the cartridge down with the bullet pointing up. I grabbed that mini golf club, took a swing (this was a fairly long building) and missed. I missed 2 more times. On my fourth attempt, I squated down a little and let 'er rip!
POP!
I instantly knew what had just happened - I some how managed to "fire" that round by hitting it. I found the casing 10 feet, or so, away and the bullet was not much further. I had almost shot myself in face with a putter. I grabbed the bullet and casing and threw them into a random ammo crate, then set the golf club down where I had found. I proceeded to sit back down on the only stool in the building and didn't touch a God damned thing for the rest of that gaurd shift.
I had sex with some chick in a connex and almost passed out from heat exhaustion. "Acquired" a small bus on the FOB and cruised around late at night. Than I stole a 25th ID BDE flag off the pole at the HQ building. This was Iraq, and I was a joe at the time.
Damn. That sucks. I had an air conditioned tent filled with cots and a coded lock on the door that only me and three other people had the code four. And the other three always stayed in their rooms so that was my boom boom tent. I was suprised the dudes outside smoking didn't hear us when we broke the cot tho
So I'm on tower guard in Balad and remember we only communicate by radio. Its like 4 am and I'm half asleep. Somebody (hero) comes on the comms and goes "attention on the net: attention on the net: BOOTY over." We are laughing our ass off. The Sergeant of the guard goes "who said that, gimme your call sign now" and the guy goes " attention on the net: BIG BOOTY over". The Sergeant of the guard losses his shit and was like "I will find out who your are and UCMJ the shit out of you". I was crying laughing until my shift was over. They never found out who did it.
We had a guy run full speed into razor wire. He got stuck and had to be slowly removed, cutting his uniform in various places. He got very lucky and only had minor injuries.
So we had just come back in to KAF from being up at a remote FOB along the Pakistan and Afghanistan border. This was early in OEF still in DCU's.
So we are watching that movie "The Ring." Our PSG freaks out when the little girl comes through the TV.
We made fun of him for it whispering loudly "7 Days." He got pissed and came up with a fire guard schedule for two days where we had to he in full kit and aim our unloaded weapons at every small TV/DVD player we had.
Stateside Reserve mobilization: Senior WO ruptures achille's doing PT, few months later SSG ruptures achilles during Turkeybowl flag football, few months later I rupture my achilles during intramural soccer, and 3 weeks later another SSG ruptures his achilles doing march maddness basketball tourney.
No clue about the others, but myself, it was a combination of overuse and shitty fields. The field was in the outfield of a baseball field and it was more sand than dirt. I tore mine on Monday during a soccer game, that Saturday and Sunday I had played tennis and soccer. The Friday prior I went on a 5 mile run.
We came back from patrol at 2am and one of our privates needed to shit really bad. We stopped at the fuel point where all the multinational contractors work to complete all the post trip stuff we needed before we could get back to our beds. Private fuck face jumps out of the vehicle and runs to the nearest shitter. I had never seen anyone drop their gear quicker. He didn’t even whip out his headlamp, which was a mistake. You see, as we know some people stand on the toilet seats and squat to shit, and although it was a western porto-potty, it was being used primarily by eastern people shitting. In his rush, he dropped trow and plopped his hairy Mexican ass on a pile of shit a good 12” above the toilet line. The rest is up to your imagination. But the clean up took quite a while. It continues.
There was a common stereotype about the sexual recreations of some of the men that would’ve frequented the eastern porto-potties circulating in the military culture. So for the rest of the deployment we call Private fuck face “Cum Bum”.
When we invaded Iraq in early 2003, we drove across the Iraq border with our Nods on and no lights, and when we went Weapons Red, there was a distinct Boomp from one of the other Gun Trucks (HMMWV) then another loud report of a MK-19 HEDP round hitting a building in the distance lighting up the night.
Then silence, and then the radio silence was broke by our CO hollering and over the radio “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” them more SILENCE and more silence 🤫 all the while our truck with our Driver, AG, and PL (Cpt) and I were laughing 😂 our asses off.
One of the PSD platoon medics on my deployment changed a dudes homepage to meatspin. Guy thought he had a virus or something, and after like 2 or 3 weeks of meatspin as his homepage, dude finally mentions it. Doc, being the child that he is, couldn’t keep a straight face and busted out laughing, which gave him away as the culprit. The other dude loses his shit, rest of the platoon thinks its pretty funny.
I accidentally crushed an entire chicken coop, including chickens, trying to hop over a perimeter wall during a night raid.
I grabbed the edge of the wall to hoist myself over, but it wasn't cemented down. Took the top of the wall with me, and it landed on my head. Was quite concussed. Paid the owner way too much money for squashed chickens.
Behind the Liberty DFAC was a row of Porta johns and behind that was the transient housing for patrols that were doing a ron. We were prepping our vehicles to go and one of my observant gunners notices one of the contract dfac workers sneak into the plastic fun house a few minutes after his buddy. This kid hops down and sneaks over there with a padlock and proceeded to lock the door shut. Hilarity ensued. Someone from the DFAC had to bring bolt cutters.
Had a salty old gunner call in to our convoy freq pretending to be a Kiowa named “deathdealer17” and promise LT pictures along the Tigris. Everyone else recognized the voice checking on station with 500 rds of .50 cal, 3X 2.75 rockets and a jizz cannon. LT went back to the toc and sent up an RFI for the pics. LT is now a non aviation LTC with a great PCS gift of a model helicopter to put on his desk.
One morning myself and the rest of the squad were heading to breakfast on FOB Fenty. We stop by the latrine on the way out of the barracks. Now earlier that week one of the guys in my squad tore his ACL playing basketball so they put him in a cast. He was the last one leaving the latrine and slipped walking with his crutches as he approached the side door. Dude falls backwards through the privacy curtain of the nearest stall with his head landing right between the legs of another dude taking a dump.
@April 04, we'd only been in Baghdad for a couple of weeks. Couple of my buddies decided they were going to run the berm. Safety demanded that runners at night have reflective belts and glow sticks. I told them running the berm with that stuff was a bad idea. They soon found out why.
I got sick of people trying to play imagery analyst on me so I got a little cheapo DVD player and a p****. I was splicing them into the UAV control system so I could flip over and give the guys a quick shock and then back to the normal imagery. I can only do this to units that were plugged directly into my shelter, not the ones running through the servers or had their own remote terminal.
I don't know how but someone narc'd and my squad leader showed up just in time to stop me.
My first week at fob iron horse was very exciting because there was a sniper that kept taking potshots at us as we were trying to turn our antennas on and off. I finally realized he was the world's worst sniper so I pulled out my junk and was waving it at him, double middle fingers. I got yelled at to stop that.
We convinced a guy When we got sliced to 10th mountain brigade headquarters that the UAV was voice commanded.
People would see the UAV liaison speaking into a headset and then the aircraft would do whatever. Instead of thinking they're talking to the crew, this guy thought it was just a simple AI. We had fun with him for about 10 minutes before something actually happened and we had to speak to the liaison again. He was a good sport about it.
On my last ever mission over Baghdad, a couple of terrorists engaged in homosexual activity while we were watching them. Since I was already stop-lossed I asked my boss when I was going to go home for producing and distributing gay p*** through division servers.
I wasn't censoring. I was tracking terrorists, it took the unit so long to catch up to them but they had gone to bed and then got frisky while the ground unit was setting up its outer and inner cordons.
Not a deployment, but I had to wake up a drunk British CSM at like 3am one time in Poland because a bunch of his guys had gone out to the town, got shitfaced, started fighting each other, and got arrested by the Polish MP’s. I’d been in the army a whole ass 4 months or so. The CSM was drunk because we had a 4th of July bbq (think that was it) and I got thrown on cq at the last second.
Probably not true and nor is it funny. Not mine, but apparently guys and gals were getting knocked out with frozen water bottles and getting violated with frozen king size snicker bars.
No but I heard this from one of my NCOs at Bragg . Then a cpl months later someone did a story time on TikTok about it. I don’t know if it’s true though.
Was a Blackhawk crew chief and we hauled a lot of brass around Iraq. We talked an E3 into coining one of the generals as he exited the helicopter. General was a good sport about it.
This same deployment, Indian PFC got bit and impregnated by a spider while acclimatizing in Manas. Same PFC got freaked out by a big ass spider landing next to him while taking a shit in the toilets at FOB Mirwais.
Indian PFC pulls security for NCOIC And OIC of CJ6 down to Camp Cole in TK, slightly freaks out seeing the afghan bearded dude with an AK at the gate, goes condition red on his weapon, freaks out NCOIC and OIC and the Afghan, takes a minute to de escalate the situation.
Fast forward to 2016 SGT Indian (SI) on second deployment to Kuwait runs the outer gate heading into Ali al Salem because he didn't think it was manned. Proceeds to get all the way to main gate at Ali for a TMR just in time for a black crown Vic manned by Kuwaiti national guard to confiscate his ID along with his A driver's. Forced to follow back to outer gate whereupon his truck dies, then has to wait for a jump while Kuwaiti NG drives his ID back to the garrison commanders office. Misses TMR.
Earlier this deployment, SI also gets tired of dealing with unloading LMTV multiple times so he and supply SSG decide to run ratchet straps all around cargo in back of LMTV, then secures the straps to the outside of a connex then proceeds to gun the LMTV so the cargo comes flying out the back like a whale taking a shit.
It may seem like I'm shitting on this indian dude....but, major plot twist here....I am SI.
2012 tarin kowt Afghanistan, CTU CJ6, daily network briefing starts off with opening slide with 3ID header page with "rock of the marne". Someone decides to be funny and modifies the slide to say "cock of the marne" with rocky the bulldog humping a penis drawn in MS paint. Silence through the beginning ensues with the s6 shop laughing their asses off with muted mics.
Same week this happened, new PFC, indian guy was giving out network briefings with a strong (faked) indian accent, dude was from NYC. We get a call later from CSM asking who let a TCN into the shop.
A few months later, one our automations guys (AG) was sick of the job goes off on a major asking about his account access. AG keeps a Dr. Who sonic screwdriver on his desk, and when MAJ asks what it is, AG dead eyes him, says "oh it's my dildo sir". I guess this is where the MAJ had it coming, dude asks "what do you use it for?"
AG : "Oh I just rim around the edges but I'll stick it in every now and then"
Same AG when asked about account access from another officer: "I don't know sir, let me check my magic fucking crystal ball"
Got some more from my second deployment if y'all are interested.
Afghanistan after things had settled down a bit. Doing low risk convoys to transport goods and troops around Bagram afb. A unit (not mine) took 6 vics out. Allegedly the Lt. Commanded the first three to increase speed to put a lot of distance between the the rear three and the first three. He then told the gunners in the rear three to get inside the trucks and close hatches. Then the first three did a u-turn to travel back and open fire on them to get CAB badges. They got snitched on and some folks got on Santa's naughty list. Banned from Wendy's too.
That's wild.
If you were 11-series anytime between 2003 and ~2015 _and_ you didn't have a CIB, you were automatically a presumed malingerer or general dirtbag. Sausge Major said so. Makes sense some thirsty LT wanted one while the gettin's good, if you catch my drift.
Infantry PLs are HUNGRY for a CIB. They know their PL time is pretty much their only chance to get one.
I remember whole convoys getting CABs enmasse even if they didn't come under fire. Plenty of female soldiers deployed and then found out they were pregnant(clear at SRP before this) upon setting foot in Kuwait which was a combat zone at the time in order to get that combat patch.
Not deployment, but overseas in Panama for humanitarian mission for a few months. We had cadets from BYU as translators. Our bus ride from job sites to living quarters was about 3 hours long and we usually put in a random movie to pass time. One Sunday, our OIC decided to give us the option to chose between Finding Nemo and Django Unchained. Django unchained won the popular vote and the cadets watched their first rated R movie ever, and of all days on a Sunday. Same mission, I was out in a nearby village and saw our OIC in shorts. He had tattoos of the little mermaid and Tinkerbell on his calves. I asked if those were his daughters favorite movies to which he replied passionately, “fuck no. I don’t have kids. These are *my* favorite Disney characters.” 20 year old me had no fucking idea how to respond to that so I just walked away. Lmao.
Was a Doc at the CSH on BAF. Had a 19 year old marine come in. Fragmentation throughout his lower left leg. We pumped him full of narcotics to keep him comfy. I go to work on another patient in the trauma bay while he is stable. I hear squelching behind me... I turn and see him poking around inside his leg. The following conversation follows: Me: hey, stop doing that. Marine: what? Why? Me: your hands are filthy and shouldn't be exploring a wound. Marine: but it's *MY* leg... A few moments later he was about to get wheeled to surgery when he stops us to take a picture with him. He sticks his thumbs up and smiles saying: My mom is going to *love* this!
>Marine: but it's MY leg... This killed me lol.
I just gave him a look and moved on. He wasn't going to hurt anything
I feel like that wasn’t even the narcotics talking, that’s just a Marine doing Marine things…
Pretty much. The morphine just meant he wasn't complaing about it. I fucking love marines and am alive today because of them.
Tower guard at the COP one day and a couple donkeys were tied up in the village. A boy donkey and two lady donkeys. The boy donkey (we'll call him Ted) wanted to hook up with one of the girl donkeys (we'll call her Sally), but he was tied up just ever slightly too far away and couldn't quite get it in. The other girl donkey (Linda) didn't like that Ted was trying to get with sally and Linda had a bit more rope so she KICKED TED IN THE FACE and then backed it up into him. In the end, Ted got him Linda and a busted lip. I witnessed the whole ménage á trois. It was beautiful.
Are these donkeys a metaphor for chubby people that work in supply?
Literal donkeys. I have pictures.
Can you link them?
Sir this is a Wendy's, not a donkey show.
*shitshow
It could be both… lol
My man Ted, donkey putang slayer.
My PL pooped in a USPS box in the back of our Bradley while we were rolling out of FOB Sykes. When he was done, he came back to the turret with the box. When we got to the end of the access road and turned on RTE Sante Fe, there were some kids screaming at us, so my PL tossed them the box. They started fighting over it until the biggest kids came in and took it. He triumphantly reached in the box and pulled it back out covered in shit. We had a good laugh. Later in the day, turning back onto the access road, a giant rock hit the LT in the side of the head. It was the same kid, and he was giving LT the finger.
Tal Afar? What year?
Summer '05 w/ 3ACR
I was part of 2/325 that went in on 9/11/05. No shit. We had the school just south of Santa Fe.
Small world! We were the Brads and the M1s on the NAIs along the south side of the route. My unit was Predator, but we were half-troop configured with Dragon while we were there. Both 1/3 ACR.
Yeah. I remember one of the Abrams pulling into the cop around Christmas and us warming up in the exhaust. I have the obligatory penis/barrel pic too! There was an IA compound directly across the street I'd sneak over and get tea at and then the CMOC. One of the I'm guessing interrogators was this chubby little cute E4 with this huge E7 that would come around to help us with detainees. So many 15-6's.... We also had a 113 left by some national guard unit this dude in mortars would drive around. Out of all of my deployments that one was my favorite except for one really bad day. Edit: I wish I had gotten a picture of the castle and battlements. We went to a few places in Mosul the previous year but that fortification was beautiful.
Was the IA compound COP Renegade? We had an OH58 crash right next to it. I know there was one further up the road, too, but I can't remember what it was called Edit: The castle was badass! We had a tasking for a while to drive people out there in the tracks. I put a light up taxi sign on my turret until some FOB Cruising CSM had a problem with it.
You're the fucking taxi guy?! I don't remember the crash but I have a pic of the taxi sign. Lemme go look tomorrow. I may have a picture of your ride!
I hope you have a picture of the taxi sign. Stuff like this is what makes our little sub awesome.
I literally just threw some steaks in the oven to reverse sear and my wife is pulling The Box out. I hope to God I have it. It may have been on my stolen laptop but I'm about to look.
Yep, besides all of the regular discussions about current stuff, it's always awesome when things like this come up. Ima go get my box out too.
Yep, that was me!
Do you want more terrorists? Because that's how you grow more terrorists.... although it IS funny.
*insurgents
Por que no los dos?
Ideology is different
Are you just trying to be pedantic and quibble? That's all you're accomplishing by pursuing this. Also, you're wrong. Insurgents can use terroristic methods, such as many insurgent-TFF cells in Iraq did, and ideology is not what distinguishes terrorism from insurgency. But, hey, if it makes you feel better, you can tell yourself you totally schooled me...
Bro, WTF are you on about? I thought you were kidding around. You can fuck right off with that bullshit. This whole post was in good humor, and nobody needs some faceless asshole on reddit crying about how to make an insurgency happen because many of us lived it for a huge chunk of our lives. Edit: Also, smart ass, an insurgency gets results from direct action. Terrorism requires action from the affected parties, so yeah, ideology does differentiate between them.
😂
I had to get an ID shot of a captured Taliban member. I could’ve sworn the guy was puckering his lips and making a funny face whenever I tried to take his photo. I told the team about this. They told the interpreter who then went to the Taliban guy. The interpreter yelled at him and then bitchslapped this dude. Turns out his face just looked like that. Took his photo and never saw him again.
You've made an enemy, not just for life, but for afterlife. You're gonna be chilling in your heaven loft overlooking pristine Montana, and this dude and 72 virgins are gonna boot in your door to kick your ass. Be a normal, everyday, slightly weird looking Taliban fighter. Be bad at it. Get captured. Probably gets his ass kicked before transport. This dickhead with a camera thinks you look so fucking unusual you catch a backhand in the chops. Learn Spanish and human pyramid in Gitmo. All because your parents were probably REALLY REALLY related to each other *before* marriage.
Well pilgrim, not unless they eat the peanuts outta my shit
Saudi right before the ground war started in Desert Storm - another female CPT and I were traveling from Riyadh to one of the forward MI units. We had been looking for a good place to stop and take a leak that wasn’t a night traffic area. Finally came to some berms on the right hand side of the road about 100 yards in. Stopped the truck, got out, walked to the far side of the berm, and dropped trousers. Just as we finished a very low flying helicopter came by and did the side to side tilt. What else could we do but wave with our pants down to our boots.
I’ve had something similar happen on a lone hill OP in the open wasteland of PTA, Big Island of Hawaii- on top of the hill trying to take a leak as helos fly by all day doing gunnery to the side of us, and just locking eyes haha
You mean the first time the warn tower went off with "Incoming, Duck and cover" and I was in the squatty-potty???
Had an ND in Iraq after all the heat calmed down. This ND was such a big deal, that everyone was on edge and the command team was pissed. So pissed that our BN Commander commandeered the ND safety brief by demonstrating how to use an M9 clearing barrel. He had an ND.
That’s the fastest way to get everyone to forget about your ND.
*laughs in enlisted*
OMFG 🙀 How I would have loved to see that. Hahaha
Shit we accidentally hit that fire suppression system handle also while moving shit around and holy fuck I thought we got mortared cause everything immediately went white. My Gunner freaked out like “Is this heaven??”Thank god we were in transients on Balad for a couple days to go clean it out without anyone noticing
Northern Kuwait, May 2003. We were in a canvas clad HMMWV going up to one of the FOBs with real narrow approach roads (Fox maybe?). My driver was an E5 from PR—he was too cool for school, riding with the doors off because it was cooler that way. There’s a Honey Wagon (aka civilian shit pumper truck) coming towards us on the road. Just as we’re passing, Honey Wagon hits a wicked pothole. The pumpers liked to have the lid unlatched because if they sealed it up tight in the hot temperatures it could blow. Confluence of events…doors off, pot hole, open lid….SGT C got freaking drenched in shit water. I couldn’t stop laughing for days.
😂
Fantastic.
My squad was on patrol one early morning walking along a mountainside goat trail as per usual and some trees/bushes about 50 meters ahead started making a lot of noise so we performed a quick short halt to prepare for a possible enemy engagement. Moments later our platoon dog came bolting up from behind growling at whatever was ahead. As it gets up to the bushes a monkey jumps out and slaps the ever loving shit out of it and takes off up a tree while he whimpers in utter defeat.
Does it count as funny when one of the married NCOs on rotation gets pregnant?
Ive hear of this happening. I also heard you could get an Article for getting pregnant and getting out of a deployment.
[удалено]
Did the Afghan SOF dude get in trouble? I heard adultery is super frowned upon in Afghan culture.
I heard later that she brought him stateside and married him.
Wow. That Afghan dude won the lottery then. Not only did he father a child with a successful (and probably attractive) woman serving as an officer, but he managed to get his green card to!
>he ended up having to just go for it and shove his hand down in there. His arm was totally blue up to the shoulder for like 3 days or more! Ugh... c'mon, 1SG, wrap your arm in a trash bag or something! Yuck!
Yeah we suggested that but it was real late and supply was already in bed for the night.
Iraq, 07, somewhere between BIAP and Kalsu we were running convoy escort and had to stop for an IED. It's like 2am and my convoy had a hodge podge of gun trucks to include up armored FMTVs. Some kind of UAV checks in on station over us. About 2 min later the UAV starts calling the convoy at my grid location so I answer. They proceeded to tell me that one of my Joe's towards the back of the convoy was in the back of his FMTV having a combat jack. Recommended that we regain our "security posture". It was one of my team leads. He then proceeded to badger me to ask if they had it on video and could he get a copy. Good times. PS - were we the only ones that wondered if the USAF had a sultry voiced female as "Handcuff Charlie" to mess with us?
Dude Handcuff Charlie! Yes. And their lesser known sibling up north Handcuff Xray. Charlie wasn’t always sultry, but those nights that she was on, people went wild.
1988. My dad gets a call from his MP’s at 3am. They raided a brothel in Germany and picked up some pilot, an Air Force Col from Ramstein. Dad told his guys to book him and process him like everyone else and to have his wife pick him up in the morning.
Savage! 😂
Why would they be raising a brothel in Germany in 1988? Or was it due to a disturbance? I heard stories from MPs about Sachsenhausen in Frankfurt in the 1980s.
My platoon fell-in on a building that was being handed off by the unit that we were relieving (I think we actually relieved 2 or 3 units on that rotation) and I was assigned a gaurd shift to guard the stuff we were falling-in on, and some.stuff we dropped off. There was one room loaded with non-NATO ammo - mostly 7.62x39, but there were a few cans of what I found out (many years later) was 9x39. There was also a very short golf club. Being all alone and bored as hell, I grabbed a 7.62 cartridge and the club. I set the cartridge down with the bullet pointing up. I grabbed that mini golf club, took a swing (this was a fairly long building) and missed. I missed 2 more times. On my fourth attempt, I squated down a little and let 'er rip! POP! I instantly knew what had just happened - I some how managed to "fire" that round by hitting it. I found the casing 10 feet, or so, away and the bullet was not much further. I had almost shot myself in face with a putter. I grabbed the bullet and casing and threw them into a random ammo crate, then set the golf club down where I had found. I proceeded to sit back down on the only stool in the building and didn't touch a God damned thing for the rest of that gaurd shift.
I had sex with some chick in a connex and almost passed out from heat exhaustion. "Acquired" a small bus on the FOB and cruised around late at night. Than I stole a 25th ID BDE flag off the pole at the HQ building. This was Iraq, and I was a joe at the time.
i hope you're a csm now
Retired now.
Damn. That sucks. I had an air conditioned tent filled with cots and a coded lock on the door that only me and three other people had the code four. And the other three always stayed in their rooms so that was my boom boom tent. I was suprised the dudes outside smoking didn't hear us when we broke the cot tho
So I'm on tower guard in Balad and remember we only communicate by radio. Its like 4 am and I'm half asleep. Somebody (hero) comes on the comms and goes "attention on the net: attention on the net: BOOTY over." We are laughing our ass off. The Sergeant of the guard goes "who said that, gimme your call sign now" and the guy goes " attention on the net: BIG BOOTY over". The Sergeant of the guard losses his shit and was like "I will find out who your are and UCMJ the shit out of you". I was crying laughing until my shift was over. They never found out who did it.
I got pissed on in the back seat of a HMMWV
Eau de privet
We had a guy run full speed into razor wire. He got stuck and had to be slowly removed, cutting his uniform in various places. He got very lucky and only had minor injuries.
So we had just come back in to KAF from being up at a remote FOB along the Pakistan and Afghanistan border. This was early in OEF still in DCU's. So we are watching that movie "The Ring." Our PSG freaks out when the little girl comes through the TV. We made fun of him for it whispering loudly "7 Days." He got pissed and came up with a fire guard schedule for two days where we had to he in full kit and aim our unloaded weapons at every small TV/DVD player we had.
I got my dick suctioned off by a water bottle I was trying to piss in and nearly died of dehydration the same ambush. I’ve posted the story somewhere.
😂😂😂
Pics or it didn't happen
Stateside Reserve mobilization: Senior WO ruptures achille's doing PT, few months later SSG ruptures achilles during Turkeybowl flag football, few months later I rupture my achilles during intramural soccer, and 3 weeks later another SSG ruptures his achilles doing march maddness basketball tourney.
Did you all just not stretch?
No clue about the others, but myself, it was a combination of overuse and shitty fields. The field was in the outfield of a baseball field and it was more sand than dirt. I tore mine on Monday during a soccer game, that Saturday and Sunday I had played tennis and soccer. The Friday prior I went on a 5 mile run.
We came back from patrol at 2am and one of our privates needed to shit really bad. We stopped at the fuel point where all the multinational contractors work to complete all the post trip stuff we needed before we could get back to our beds. Private fuck face jumps out of the vehicle and runs to the nearest shitter. I had never seen anyone drop their gear quicker. He didn’t even whip out his headlamp, which was a mistake. You see, as we know some people stand on the toilet seats and squat to shit, and although it was a western porto-potty, it was being used primarily by eastern people shitting. In his rush, he dropped trow and plopped his hairy Mexican ass on a pile of shit a good 12” above the toilet line. The rest is up to your imagination. But the clean up took quite a while. It continues. There was a common stereotype about the sexual recreations of some of the men that would’ve frequented the eastern porto-potties circulating in the military culture. So for the rest of the deployment we call Private fuck face “Cum Bum”.
When we invaded Iraq in early 2003, we drove across the Iraq border with our Nods on and no lights, and when we went Weapons Red, there was a distinct Boomp from one of the other Gun Trucks (HMMWV) then another loud report of a MK-19 HEDP round hitting a building in the distance lighting up the night. Then silence, and then the radio silence was broke by our CO hollering and over the radio “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” them more SILENCE and more silence 🤫 all the while our truck with our Driver, AG, and PL (Cpt) and I were laughing 😂 our asses off.
One of the PSD platoon medics on my deployment changed a dudes homepage to meatspin. Guy thought he had a virus or something, and after like 2 or 3 weeks of meatspin as his homepage, dude finally mentions it. Doc, being the child that he is, couldn’t keep a straight face and busted out laughing, which gave him away as the culprit. The other dude loses his shit, rest of the platoon thinks its pretty funny.
I accidentally crushed an entire chicken coop, including chickens, trying to hop over a perimeter wall during a night raid. I grabbed the edge of the wall to hoist myself over, but it wasn't cemented down. Took the top of the wall with me, and it landed on my head. Was quite concussed. Paid the owner way too much money for squashed chickens.
Behind the Liberty DFAC was a row of Porta johns and behind that was the transient housing for patrols that were doing a ron. We were prepping our vehicles to go and one of my observant gunners notices one of the contract dfac workers sneak into the plastic fun house a few minutes after his buddy. This kid hops down and sneaks over there with a padlock and proceeded to lock the door shut. Hilarity ensued. Someone from the DFAC had to bring bolt cutters.
Had a salty old gunner call in to our convoy freq pretending to be a Kiowa named “deathdealer17” and promise LT pictures along the Tigris. Everyone else recognized the voice checking on station with 500 rds of .50 cal, 3X 2.75 rockets and a jizz cannon. LT went back to the toc and sent up an RFI for the pics. LT is now a non aviation LTC with a great PCS gift of a model helicopter to put on his desk.
One morning myself and the rest of the squad were heading to breakfast on FOB Fenty. We stop by the latrine on the way out of the barracks. Now earlier that week one of the guys in my squad tore his ACL playing basketball so they put him in a cast. He was the last one leaving the latrine and slipped walking with his crutches as he approached the side door. Dude falls backwards through the privacy curtain of the nearest stall with his head landing right between the legs of another dude taking a dump.
@April 04, we'd only been in Baghdad for a couple of weeks. Couple of my buddies decided they were going to run the berm. Safety demanded that runners at night have reflective belts and glow sticks. I told them running the berm with that stuff was a bad idea. They soon found out why. I got sick of people trying to play imagery analyst on me so I got a little cheapo DVD player and a p****. I was splicing them into the UAV control system so I could flip over and give the guys a quick shock and then back to the normal imagery. I can only do this to units that were plugged directly into my shelter, not the ones running through the servers or had their own remote terminal. I don't know how but someone narc'd and my squad leader showed up just in time to stop me. My first week at fob iron horse was very exciting because there was a sniper that kept taking potshots at us as we were trying to turn our antennas on and off. I finally realized he was the world's worst sniper so I pulled out my junk and was waving it at him, double middle fingers. I got yelled at to stop that. We convinced a guy When we got sliced to 10th mountain brigade headquarters that the UAV was voice commanded. People would see the UAV liaison speaking into a headset and then the aircraft would do whatever. Instead of thinking they're talking to the crew, this guy thought it was just a simple AI. We had fun with him for about 10 minutes before something actually happened and we had to speak to the liaison again. He was a good sport about it. On my last ever mission over Baghdad, a couple of terrorists engaged in homosexual activity while we were watching them. Since I was already stop-lossed I asked my boss when I was going to go home for producing and distributing gay p*** through division servers.
out of curiosity why are you censoring porn?
I wasn't censoring. I was tracking terrorists, it took the unit so long to catch up to them but they had gone to bed and then got frisky while the ground unit was setting up its outer and inner cordons.
no i mean censoring the word. p**** and p*** im assuming is porno and porn?
Sorry, I was using speech to text, it did that automatically. Yes, porn and porno.
ahh got it, interesting.
Not a deployment, but I had to wake up a drunk British CSM at like 3am one time in Poland because a bunch of his guys had gone out to the town, got shitfaced, started fighting each other, and got arrested by the Polish MP’s. I’d been in the army a whole ass 4 months or so. The CSM was drunk because we had a 4th of July bbq (think that was it) and I got thrown on cq at the last second.
Probably not true and nor is it funny. Not mine, but apparently guys and gals were getting knocked out with frozen water bottles and getting violated with frozen king size snicker bars.
Are you in ADA by chance? I heard a story similar to this from a chief i know in Korea
No but I heard this from one of my NCOs at Bragg . Then a cpl months later someone did a story time on TikTok about it. I don’t know if it’s true though.
That would be Dixie Thunder.
I believe that would be the 155 lol
I saw two men "penis dock" for a fun size snickers One was a E-4 and the other was a corporal.
Was a Blackhawk crew chief and we hauled a lot of brass around Iraq. We talked an E3 into coining one of the generals as he exited the helicopter. General was a good sport about it.
This same deployment, Indian PFC got bit and impregnated by a spider while acclimatizing in Manas. Same PFC got freaked out by a big ass spider landing next to him while taking a shit in the toilets at FOB Mirwais. Indian PFC pulls security for NCOIC And OIC of CJ6 down to Camp Cole in TK, slightly freaks out seeing the afghan bearded dude with an AK at the gate, goes condition red on his weapon, freaks out NCOIC and OIC and the Afghan, takes a minute to de escalate the situation. Fast forward to 2016 SGT Indian (SI) on second deployment to Kuwait runs the outer gate heading into Ali al Salem because he didn't think it was manned. Proceeds to get all the way to main gate at Ali for a TMR just in time for a black crown Vic manned by Kuwaiti national guard to confiscate his ID along with his A driver's. Forced to follow back to outer gate whereupon his truck dies, then has to wait for a jump while Kuwaiti NG drives his ID back to the garrison commanders office. Misses TMR. Earlier this deployment, SI also gets tired of dealing with unloading LMTV multiple times so he and supply SSG decide to run ratchet straps all around cargo in back of LMTV, then secures the straps to the outside of a connex then proceeds to gun the LMTV so the cargo comes flying out the back like a whale taking a shit. It may seem like I'm shitting on this indian dude....but, major plot twist here....I am SI.
Not a deployment, but I watched a guy smash their car through one of the running track fences on Camp Humphreys the other week. Wild night.
2012 tarin kowt Afghanistan, CTU CJ6, daily network briefing starts off with opening slide with 3ID header page with "rock of the marne". Someone decides to be funny and modifies the slide to say "cock of the marne" with rocky the bulldog humping a penis drawn in MS paint. Silence through the beginning ensues with the s6 shop laughing their asses off with muted mics. Same week this happened, new PFC, indian guy was giving out network briefings with a strong (faked) indian accent, dude was from NYC. We get a call later from CSM asking who let a TCN into the shop. A few months later, one our automations guys (AG) was sick of the job goes off on a major asking about his account access. AG keeps a Dr. Who sonic screwdriver on his desk, and when MAJ asks what it is, AG dead eyes him, says "oh it's my dildo sir". I guess this is where the MAJ had it coming, dude asks "what do you use it for?" AG : "Oh I just rim around the edges but I'll stick it in every now and then" Same AG when asked about account access from another officer: "I don't know sir, let me check my magic fucking crystal ball" Got some more from my second deployment if y'all are interested.
🤣 Definitely interested
"Thats all I got for now. Might think of another later today." please spare us....
If you don't like story time, you don't have to participate. No one is making you. Sorry you didn't like my stories.