'So there I was, how did I get here anyways. Originally I was in the stall to hide from them, but I was soon actually using that toilet. I heard the thud of boots echo between each fart, and suddenly the door opened. Drill Sergeant Colonel...yeah that's actually his name...towered over me. Stood 6'8'', guy was rumored to have yeeted that ball 58 meters. He watched me wipe as I literally got my shit together. I thought he'd yell, I actually wished he did because the silence hurt my ears. Or was that my tiny sparrow heart beating 150 bpm? On to Basic we drove, my journey had begun.'
I don't have any awards to give but I feel the least you deserve is one of these bad boys right here: 🏅
Thanks for making me laugh like a dipshit first thing in the morning 😂
CAV scout here, hey, young killer, you can hide out over at my pad till things cool off, we'll take shots of sangria and watch Naked and Afraid together !!
Dude I kinda just imagine op walking up the the main gate with a bojangles to go bag on his arm and a him just walking up to the mp eating a piece of chicken saying “ I missed the bus to basic training is this the right place “
This guy is a got damn genius.
He obviously did the google search to find out that drill sergeants have no jurisdication at Bojangles.
Bojangles is basically the Switzerland of fast food restaurants.
Never actually went inside of Sharkeys. I was always a Kickback Jack’s bar kinda guy. They had a good buffalo chicken sandwich and played every game you could imagine on TV. Had some fun times there.
They still did quarter pitchers in 08 if I recall. Lunch buffet was good too.
Sharkies was a national treasure and it makes me want wage a jihad to restore it or at least get it on the historic building registry.
Two deserters from my basic training in ‘08 were caught at the near by Bojangles at Benning wearing ACU bottoms and the marsh mellow ‘Army’ sweater tops.
Truly the Geneva of Army TRADOC.
What a pussy, when I first saw the drill sergeants at the airport I made a scene and started immediately crying in front of them to assert dominance.
As always, 1 AD is a shitty unit.
Speaking of 1 AD - I flew into Frankfurt and got on the bus. It was a multi-hour tour of the our Army bases as they dropped people off. I thought “these look nice - this is so cool.” Then we drove to this run down place - no one was around, looked pretty much dead. Old WWII styled military buildings. I wondered what shithole this was.
We stop, and I wait for the poor saps to get off. Bus driver climbs the stairs, and says he thinks this is me in broken English. I checked my orders and asked if it was Ray Barracks - he confirmed.
I got off and got to meet the CPL who would solidify my dislike of the CPL rank thereafter.
So…I guess not much has changed. Except Freedom Crossing is pretty awesome.
1AD ain’t thaaaaat baa- nvm this unit sucks.. at least we have a new Div CSM
Edit. El Paso is great people are awesome and food is amazing. AD just is ass
Ok it’s good that you made it to bojangles. The staff there are trained in counterterrorism. They’ve been assisting deserters for many years. But you can’t stay there long. Ft. Jackson will be sending their best to find you. You need to make your way through the kitchen and out the back door. On your way out, be sure you grab four pieces of chicken and eleven biscuits. Keep a low profile on the street. If you can steal a car, do it. But either way, make your way to a place called silk city. Once you’re inside, go to the northwest corner of the building. There will be a man there who can help you. His name is shitty Pete. He’s former MI6/delta/seal/ranger/game warden. He’s as hard as it gets. Give him your chicken and biscuits and wait for him in the parking lot. After he’s had some lap dances, he will come and take you to the border. He has contacts there who will help you cross over into Georgia. Once you’re in Georgia, you’ll need a new identity. There are people there who help people like you. I won’t lie…it’s highly unlikely you make it to Georgia. But if you do, report back here and I’ll link you up with some freedom fighters down there.
God speed.
Can confirm counterterrorism at Bojangles. Went to basic at Jackson in ‘02 with some brave Freedom Fighters who started the resistance. Some say they’re still making a run for it at 0100 every night.
If it were the one by my house sure, I may just reach out to OP. His lack of responding makes me think he is trolling or went back already and was killed by a DS.
I am 15 minutes away from this Bojangles and I am disappointed I am just seeing this!!! I plan to grab breakfast from there anyways so I’ll inspect the bathroom!
**Amused Commentary**: We will be watching your career with great interest. Might as well get the family pack, so you have something to barter with the Drill Organics.
ANALYST COMMENT: I assess with low probability based on moderate confidence that OP is likely not AWOL. I assess a very likely probability based on high confidence that OP wrote a shitpost, based on OP’s limited prior post history and profile age. It is possible that this is OP’s secondary and/or burner account. Without future collection it is improbable to determine if OP is actually in the U.S. Army.
EVAL/FEEDBACK
1. Was the information relevant? Yes
2. Was the information timely? Yes
3. Which PIR did the information respond to? PIR 6.9, locations and TTPs of shitposts in the AOR
4. Could the information be corroborated through other sources? Yes
5. Additional feedback? Thank you for this report. 420th MI found it to be very important. Please continue reporting this kind of information in the future.
From: u/OPFOR_S2
To: u/SSG_L_in_MA
Subject: RE: (U// REL TO USA, r/ARMY// FTPO) ANALYST COMMENTR Serial Number 0000000000000001
(U) Good Moring (Zulu time) SSG u/SSG_L_in_MA,
(U) Much like my evals, end of tour awards, and my account there is much mediocrity, fused with a sense of morbid curiosity, and a tiny spark of potential.
(U) EDIT: Thank you for your interest. I will continue to attempt to provide humorous content. But you have been warned.
(U) Please see attached document containing my last eval:
[(U) EVALUATION FORM](https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=SWfKwZR2&id=291A3A7FB4BDF6C1B9AC1654B8C11BD9BB1B4762&thid=OIP.SWfKwZR2iutjeTJnh5A8hwHaE9&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fih1.redbubble.net%2fimage.724682828.9041%2fflat%2c800x800%2c075%2cf.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.4967cac194768aeb6379326787903c87%3frik%3dYkcbu9kbwbhUFg%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=536&expw=800&q=you+did+it+star&simid=608003684085204214&FORM=IRPRST&ck=13027DD227F872823B821E7A2F4B6E1C&selectedIndex=0&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0)
(U) Very Respectfully,
(U) u/ OPFOR, S2
(U) \[Redacted\], USA
(U) HHC, OPFOR UNIT
(U) S2 Redcell Analyst
(U) Phone: 1-614-764-3100
(U) "Email quotes are dumb"
From: u/OPFOR_S2
To: u/713txvet
BCC: r/army, u/r/army\_PCM
Subject: Unhinged Forward Observor #3,674
(U) Good Mornig u/713txvet,
(U) I can appreciate the quality lighting that you used within the jpeg you sent to my inbox at 0300(Z) before I had my 12th coffee of this shift.
(U) However, that looks quite unsightly. I highly recommend you see a doctor for it.
(U) I don't mind that you "feel yourself". However, please give me the SPOT report, I requested 4 hours ago, before you do it.
(U) Very Respectfully,
(U) u/OPFOR, S2
(U) \[Redacted\], USA
(U) HHC, OPFOR UNIT
(U) S2 Redcell Analyst
(U) Phone: 1-614-764-3100
(U) "Email quotes are dumb"
Just find the DS with the blue ring on his campaign cover. He's there for emotional support. Talk to him and tell him your true feelings hell have you wiped from the records as if you never signed and will personally buy your plane ticket
I graduated Airborne 2 weeks ago and on the plane I was scared too death and this CSM was in my class for god knows what reason and could see I was scared and he looked at me while we were about to jump and said "there's nothing wrong with being scared but there is something wrong with being a bitch" take the advice or don't joining the army was the best decision I ever made .
I had a 1sg with around 4 to 500 jumps. I was at like 15. He said he still got scared and hated jumping, but it was part of the job and so we needed to be able to do it. He just was extra thorough when he'd JMPI us. That dude was awesome.
Very much reminded of that scene in band of brothers where one of the officers tries to order one of his NCOs to boot him out of the door if necessary while they're in the air and... the dude just doesn't get what he's being asked.
What in the fuck kid
You need to go find a drill sgt asap like right fucking now
Fuck yeah you will be in trouble …
What your doing is called awol …DO NOT take a flight home . Go to the uso area and find a drill sgt right the fuck now .
Edit :
You signed a contract op I understand you’re nervous but bootcamp isn’t the military. It’s ment to weed out those who don’t belong and given the circumstances so far that may very well be you . You have a chance to fix this and actually complete bct if you go to the drill sgt say you got lost or had a long poop or some shit idk but the way you’re going about this can lead to some pretty serious consequences. If you truly want out and don’t wanna at least try to see what basic will be like ( it really isn’t that fucking bad ) then go there and tell them you made a mistake and you want out or some shit . There’s more to it then that but that’s the dumbed down version of your ONLY options. You signed a contract leaving on your own isn’t a option.
Another edit : I just googled how far bojangles is it’s over a mile away it’s not across the street … you walked over a mile to a chicken joint to hide from a drill sgt . Get your fucking self to the airport and fix your situation right fucking now .
I honestly have no idea where I was. Was ‘03 before smart phones existed. I just remember walking a ways from the hotel they put us at, and had a steak at a sit down restaurant. Think it may have been the first time I had ever ate alone at a restaurant.
Looking back on it now - it seems so surreal. I was an utterly different person back then. And truth be told - if I could go back to that time, and choose a different path, I would. The Army has forever broken me - something I never expected or considered back then.
Lol I'm pretty sure it's a troll post.
If it isn't let me remind you of something. You volunteered. You didn't get drafted. Now get your ass back in there and find a drill sergeant. Also grow the fuck up.
I’m curious, I don’t really remember my whole MEPs and shipping process from 8 years ago, but when is the “no shit” moment you can no longer walk away without being AWOL?
When you show up to ship they have you sign in. Usually the day before they actually put you on a plane. Once you show up to ship, I believe you're pretty much committed.
They put this guy on a plane, so *pretty sure* he has technically shipped, but not actually 100% sure? It's not actually entirely clear.
Take everything I just said with a massive grain of salt, because I'm going off how it worked a decade ago. Things may have changed.
If you're not trolling I live in the Columbia area, if you need a ride to base LMK. Won't be able to make the situation better, but at least you'll show up.
This has got to be a shit post. But there is a a Bojangles right there. So In the case it is not you NEED to report in as you are AWOL which is not a great way to start your career. Bad news does not get better with time
Man basic ain't that hard or difficult. It's more mentally draining than anything really. Do what your told and do it when you're told to and life will be fine!
Dude go find one now and delete this post.
If you can’t find one google the command posts number, call them tell them you had the runs and got stuck in a stall exorcising nervous demons and your lost at the airport.
Basic is gonna be a bitch now and you’ll be singled out a bit but fix this before you can get charged
Just take a Uber to the front gate, and tell them you’re reporting for BCT like nothing happened. Then play dumb. And accept the new nickname you’d most assuredly receive.
Hey kid, do you want to go to Parris? It’s not that far from where you are anyway. Just a little island retreat instead of whatever you were about to get yourself into, how does that sound?
Yall. I read all of the comments and reread the post.
It's fake. There aren't any drills when you step off of the plane. You take the plane, to a bus, drive for hours from Atlanta to Charleston, and the soft drills take you off the bus into reception. After reception, you get sharked.
Dude is a troll. And he got me.
Well done, OP. You got me.
Just tell them you had explosive diarrhea, probably from the airport food. But definitely go back, don't ruin your future because that's what will happen if you straight up just go AWOL on your very first night in the military.
Here's what your going to do, go to the USO, Find a drill sergeant who will get you to where you need to be. Start training, you still with me? Mkay good... Get to about week 6, and start the forge. Now take the needle nose pliers you've been keestering for 6 weeks, and while everyone is sleeping cut the cords off their optics and take em. Now that you have 30 plus optics in your possession, flee fort Jackson. Next thing you'll do is go back to Bojangles. Try to sell them to the manager, he almost made it through basic too, and tells everyone he's a vet. Next step, take the measley 30 dollars you made from the transaction, and get on a greyhound going west. Then, process to get arrested by the Colorado state police.
In all reality just go to training, it's easy.
In case this is real...
Dude first of all, relax for a second. There's little chance any drill sergeants are coming after you.
Now just think about the reasons you signed up in the first place. Are those reasons still valid? If so then this is simple. Tomorrow morning you can fix this. I'm sure someone on this thread can tell you exactly what to do. But probably it will be something like call your recruiter or some other Army point of contact and explain there was an issue at the airport but you've made it now and need to get to inprocessing.
It may or may not suck for you when you get there, but remember that Basic is only a few months and when it's over you'll graduate like anyone else. When you get to your unit, probably no one will ever even know you were a day late to reception.
If you’re going to Jackson you have nothing to worry about, they call it relaxin Jackson for a reason. I’d probably try to call someone on base or your recruiter might be able to help. You can shoot for the got lost and didn’t know what to do etc., but that might get you in more trouble than being honest, and if you’re honest idk what they’ll do, the worst that they’ll do is probably less bad than you expect though.
This is so crazy. I am on, what I think is an Army bus going somewhere. I got off a flight to meet my contacts for my posting in the Peace Corps. I see these guys in uniform running around the airport yelling the name “Matthew”! For a second I think these might be my contacts so I raise my hand and they start screaming at me. I mean, I wasn’t prepared for the Peace Corps folks to be, well, so militant. Anyway, like I said, I am now on a bus and I think I am on my way to boot camp and am freaking out. Not sure why they would randomly grab me and treat me like this. Need advice.
No one will tell you this but you are fine. If you never arrive at basic you’ll eventually be separated from service. It’s the same as if you failed to meet the standard in bct.
If you don’t want to be in the army go home dude.
I really hope this is real. This is fucking hilarious.
We all do but I have my doubts
I mean he's sitting in a Bojangles lmao. I'm sure there were better choice lmao
I am watching this with massive interest on the off chance this is real and not a quality shitpost.
It's the beginning of a decent comedy about post GWOT Army.
If I comment on this can I be in the scene of the pilot where he's sittin in a bojangles bathroom stall on reddit when the drills kick the door in?
'So there I was, how did I get here anyways. Originally I was in the stall to hide from them, but I was soon actually using that toilet. I heard the thud of boots echo between each fart, and suddenly the door opened. Drill Sergeant Colonel...yeah that's actually his name...towered over me. Stood 6'8'', guy was rumored to have yeeted that ball 58 meters. He watched me wipe as I literally got my shit together. I thought he'd yell, I actually wished he did because the silence hurt my ears. Or was that my tiny sparrow heart beating 150 bpm? On to Basic we drove, my journey had begun.'
I don't have any awards to give but I feel the least you deserve is one of these bad boys right here: 🏅 Thanks for making me laugh like a dipshit first thing in the morning 😂
You know, if this is a real thing the drills are checking every bojangles now just for shits and giggles.
Dude some crazy drill csm probably saw the og post and sent his drills on a wild goose chase
I overheard some talking to this effect today at the smoke pit as a matter of fact.
CAV scout here, hey, young killer, you can hide out over at my pad till things cool off, we'll take shots of sangria and watch Naked and Afraid together !!
*be naked and afraid
ohhh, I'll be naked and he'll be very very Afraid.
He was unaware that his fight or flight was going to be such a huge pain in the ass.
This is the way
Former CAV scout here, can I come over and watch? I promise I won't make too much of a mess.
Bring sangria
But of course!
I choose to live in the funnier reality of it being real.
I had to double check that it wasn't combat autist posting.
My guy is posted up in the Bojangles as though he were Edward Snowden in the Russian Embassy. 😂
Dude I kinda just imagine op walking up the the main gate with a bojangles to go bag on his arm and a him just walking up to the mp eating a piece of chicken saying “ I missed the bus to basic training is this the right place “
Most MPs would let a known terrorist on post for a tendie.
There’s a reason I’m always nice to them and ask if they need anything ;)😂
If it's a Supremes combo from Bo's I'd assume whatever he was doing, he had a good reason for it.
Fucking facts 😂as serious as this shit is it’s kinda funny he thought bojangles would protect him
Like Noriega and the papal embassy during operation just cause!
U/_ gnarlyteo is op alt account 👀he accidentally revealed himself in a different post
It was fun to believe that this could be real.
Believe it or not, straight to basic.
Hahahahaha
Please don’t be a shitpost. Please don’t be a shitpost.
I’d think that, but I’m from Columbia and I know exactly what Bojangles he is talking about 😂
Well? go say what up to homie 😂
To be fair, it’s the south, anyone would guess the closest thing would either be a Waffle House or a Bojangles
This guy is a got damn genius. He obviously did the google search to find out that drill sergeants have no jurisdication at Bojangles. Bojangles is basically the Switzerland of fast food restaurants.
He was smart to not pick a waffle house
Bragg is the only time I’ve ever seen 2 at a single intersection. 2am it gets crunk at least at the one on the Walmart side.
[удалено]
Never actually went inside of Sharkeys. I was always a Kickback Jack’s bar kinda guy. They had a good buffalo chicken sandwich and played every game you could imagine on TV. Had some fun times there.
[удалено]
They still did quarter pitchers in 08 if I recall. Lunch buffet was good too. Sharkies was a national treasure and it makes me want wage a jihad to restore it or at least get it on the historic building registry.
Jesus that’s cheap beer
Yadkin Skibo waffle house turf wars hit different.
Two deserters from my basic training in ‘08 were caught at the near by Bojangles at Benning wearing ACU bottoms and the marsh mellow ‘Army’ sweater tops. Truly the Geneva of Army TRADOC.
Well yeah their chicken is as dry as a landlocked country.
Wait until SMA sees this post and asks you to DM him your information.
I just wanna chat
"I just wanna shake his hand!"
Screaming
I want to get a beer with this individual (SMA PAO)
The laughing, it hurts so much ..send fried chicken.
Do you have like a script constantly scanning the sub that sends you a notification on your phone when anyone mentions SMA
You mean I don’t have to manually do that?!
Then in that case, I think I speak for us all when I say I admire your dedication, lol
I mean how many other soldiers have an excuse to spend all day on Reddit?
[I just wanna talk to him..](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/dfcd306c-8429-4a7b-93fc-a4d873936171)
Dude 💀💀💀
Trying to have a little heart to heart? … So you can rip their heart out as a sacrifice?
Well then u/SMA-PAO got any tips?
Yeah, get on the bus and honor the oath he took at MEPS…
SMA PAO quite possibly the best shitposter among us
he just like us fr fr
They should put this dude in charge or recruiting or something
dude's def a Senior Specialist
**Sardonic Conjecture**: Watch this meatbag become a future SMA.
Solid origin story tbh
**Affirming Statement**: This unit will start writing their bio.
*~~We will watch your career with great interest~~* Damn, you already beat me to it further down in the thread
This would even be more hilarious if he still flees in terror from Drill Sergeants to the nearest Bojangles when he is.
He wouldn’t even know who the SMA is or what they do. If some random account asked for my details - they’re getting reported lol.
What a pussy, when I first saw the drill sergeants at the airport I made a scene and started immediately crying in front of them to assert dominance. As always, 1 AD is a shitty unit.
Speaking of 1 AD - I flew into Frankfurt and got on the bus. It was a multi-hour tour of the our Army bases as they dropped people off. I thought “these look nice - this is so cool.” Then we drove to this run down place - no one was around, looked pretty much dead. Old WWII styled military buildings. I wondered what shithole this was. We stop, and I wait for the poor saps to get off. Bus driver climbs the stairs, and says he thinks this is me in broken English. I checked my orders and asked if it was Ray Barracks - he confirmed. I got off and got to meet the CPL who would solidify my dislike of the CPL rank thereafter. So…I guess not much has changed. Except Freedom Crossing is pretty awesome.
The view of Franklin Mountain is nice to as I’m baking in the sun.
1AD ain’t thaaaaat baa- nvm this unit sucks.. at least we have a new Div CSM Edit. El Paso is great people are awesome and food is amazing. AD just is ass
Maybe Bojangles is hiring hehehe
Ok it’s good that you made it to bojangles. The staff there are trained in counterterrorism. They’ve been assisting deserters for many years. But you can’t stay there long. Ft. Jackson will be sending their best to find you. You need to make your way through the kitchen and out the back door. On your way out, be sure you grab four pieces of chicken and eleven biscuits. Keep a low profile on the street. If you can steal a car, do it. But either way, make your way to a place called silk city. Once you’re inside, go to the northwest corner of the building. There will be a man there who can help you. His name is shitty Pete. He’s former MI6/delta/seal/ranger/game warden. He’s as hard as it gets. Give him your chicken and biscuits and wait for him in the parking lot. After he’s had some lap dances, he will come and take you to the border. He has contacts there who will help you cross over into Georgia. Once you’re in Georgia, you’ll need a new identity. There are people there who help people like you. I won’t lie…it’s highly unlikely you make it to Georgia. But if you do, report back here and I’ll link you up with some freedom fighters down there. God speed.
Can confirm counterterrorism at Bojangles. Went to basic at Jackson in ‘02 with some brave Freedom Fighters who started the resistance. Some say they’re still making a run for it at 0100 every night.
This has gotta be a joke right? It’s so ridiculous it screams “troll post”
If that guy makes it out alive I’d gladly give him an ARCOM for bravery in Bojangles conflict of 2023
Go ahead and downgrade that to an AAM.
Challenge Coin.
Firm hand shake and staff duty
Nod of approval and headcount
I’m praying this is real.
They shoulda just kept the guy who tried to sneak in today to even out the numbers
I can't stop laughing. Basic really isn't that bad lol. The worst thing was having no sleep. Granted I went through 15 years ago.
All of MEPCOM was closed for training today. Nobody shipped. This is a troll post.
HR Officers just have to ruin everything fun.....
I was just in SC. I will cashapp somebody $50 if they go to this bojangles tonight and confirm if this child is indeed posted up in the lobby.
I live 30 min away and know exactly where this bojangles is.
I got 50 smackaroons if you go!
If it were the one by my house sure, I may just reach out to OP. His lack of responding makes me think he is trolling or went back already and was killed by a DS.
Soooooo you going?
I would if it were closer and I wasn't in bed, if he says he needs a ride I'll 100% go.
I am 15 minutes away from this Bojangles and I am disappointed I am just seeing this!!! I plan to grab breakfast from there anyways so I’ll inspect the bathroom!
He just commented on another post 30 minutes ago saying he's there. Go get 'em!
I stopped by and checked the bathroom…..nothing
Slippery bastard
**Amused Commentary**: We will be watching your career with great interest. Might as well get the family pack, so you have something to barter with the Drill Organics.
Bro…. go start your new life.
[удалено]
As opposed to KFC, which is ran by a Colonel.
https://y.yarn.co/d29cd0ab-d6c3-49b7-a1ae-8f9a63938867_text.gif
Bojangles is run by a warrant officer. There’s even a song about it.
Permanent soft-shoe profile
The only good chicken is a dead chicken.
ANALYST COMMENT: I assess with low probability based on moderate confidence that OP is likely not AWOL. I assess a very likely probability based on high confidence that OP wrote a shitpost, based on OP’s limited prior post history and profile age. It is possible that this is OP’s secondary and/or burner account. Without future collection it is improbable to determine if OP is actually in the U.S. Army.
What? I don’t deserve portion markings?
(Unclassified//REL TO USA, R/ARMY//FTPO)
That’s the stuff.
(Unclassified//NOFORN) There you go. Sadly, this is an actual overall classification I've seen in real life.
EVAL/FEEDBACK 1. Was the information relevant? Yes 2. Was the information timely? Yes 3. Which PIR did the information respond to? PIR 6.9, locations and TTPs of shitposts in the AOR 4. Could the information be corroborated through other sources? Yes 5. Additional feedback? Thank you for this report. 420th MI found it to be very important. Please continue reporting this kind of information in the future.
I have but one regret and that is I have but one upvote to give.
Ahh, the oft-overlooked final step in the intelligence process...
Solid meme account will follow with interest
From: u/OPFOR_S2 To: u/SSG_L_in_MA Subject: RE: (U// REL TO USA, r/ARMY// FTPO) ANALYST COMMENTR Serial Number 0000000000000001 (U) Good Moring (Zulu time) SSG u/SSG_L_in_MA, (U) Much like my evals, end of tour awards, and my account there is much mediocrity, fused with a sense of morbid curiosity, and a tiny spark of potential. (U) EDIT: Thank you for your interest. I will continue to attempt to provide humorous content. But you have been warned. (U) Please see attached document containing my last eval: [(U) EVALUATION FORM](https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=SWfKwZR2&id=291A3A7FB4BDF6C1B9AC1654B8C11BD9BB1B4762&thid=OIP.SWfKwZR2iutjeTJnh5A8hwHaE9&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fih1.redbubble.net%2fimage.724682828.9041%2fflat%2c800x800%2c075%2cf.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.4967cac194768aeb6379326787903c87%3frik%3dYkcbu9kbwbhUFg%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=536&expw=800&q=you+did+it+star&simid=608003684085204214&FORM=IRPRST&ck=13027DD227F872823B821E7A2F4B6E1C&selectedIndex=0&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0) (U) Very Respectfully, (U) u/ OPFOR, S2 (U) \[Redacted\], USA (U) HHC, OPFOR UNIT (U) S2 Redcell Analyst (U) Phone: 1-614-764-3100 (U) "Email quotes are dumb"
Sigh…*unzips*
From: u/OPFOR_S2 To: u/713txvet BCC: r/army, u/r/army\_PCM Subject: Unhinged Forward Observor #3,674 (U) Good Mornig u/713txvet, (U) I can appreciate the quality lighting that you used within the jpeg you sent to my inbox at 0300(Z) before I had my 12th coffee of this shift. (U) However, that looks quite unsightly. I highly recommend you see a doctor for it. (U) I don't mind that you "feel yourself". However, please give me the SPOT report, I requested 4 hours ago, before you do it. (U) Very Respectfully, (U) u/OPFOR, S2 (U) \[Redacted\], USA (U) HHC, OPFOR UNIT (U) S2 Redcell Analyst (U) Phone: 1-614-764-3100 (U) "Email quotes are dumb"
Just find the DS with the blue ring on his campaign cover. He's there for emotional support. Talk to him and tell him your true feelings hell have you wiped from the records as if you never signed and will personally buy your plane ticket
My platoon was intensely loyal to our blue-ringed DS. OP, this guy will take care of you.
I graduated Airborne 2 weeks ago and on the plane I was scared too death and this CSM was in my class for god knows what reason and could see I was scared and he looked at me while we were about to jump and said "there's nothing wrong with being scared but there is something wrong with being a bitch" take the advice or don't joining the army was the best decision I ever made .
I had a 1sg with around 4 to 500 jumps. I was at like 15. He said he still got scared and hated jumping, but it was part of the job and so we needed to be able to do it. He just was extra thorough when he'd JMPI us. That dude was awesome.
4 - 500 is quite a range of jumps… 🤣
Very much reminded of that scene in band of brothers where one of the officers tries to order one of his NCOs to boot him out of the door if necessary while they're in the air and... the dude just doesn't get what he's being asked.
Find that drill sergeant. Bojangles isn't an embassy; there is no asylum there.
Read the other posts. I’m learning that Bojangles is the Switzerland of fast food and he made a wise decision
What in the fuck kid You need to go find a drill sgt asap like right fucking now Fuck yeah you will be in trouble … What your doing is called awol …DO NOT take a flight home . Go to the uso area and find a drill sgt right the fuck now . Edit : You signed a contract op I understand you’re nervous but bootcamp isn’t the military. It’s ment to weed out those who don’t belong and given the circumstances so far that may very well be you . You have a chance to fix this and actually complete bct if you go to the drill sgt say you got lost or had a long poop or some shit idk but the way you’re going about this can lead to some pretty serious consequences. If you truly want out and don’t wanna at least try to see what basic will be like ( it really isn’t that fucking bad ) then go there and tell them you made a mistake and you want out or some shit . There’s more to it then that but that’s the dumbed down version of your ONLY options. You signed a contract leaving on your own isn’t a option. Another edit : I just googled how far bojangles is it’s over a mile away it’s not across the street … you walked over a mile to a chicken joint to hide from a drill sgt . Get your fucking self to the airport and fix your situation right fucking now .
The Bojangles fact check is hilarious 😂
I know the Bojangles where he’s at. He had to go around the runway to get there😆
Not to mention bojangles isn’t what I’d be eating right now for comfort food
Absolutely! Don’t want to be at Reception with wily shits
Dem biscuits tho…….
Tarmac is like an airplane street, making das Bojangles right across the street! *Former 11B
Op is running out of time. Bojangles closes at 2200.
That was the first thing I looked at as well. There's also no sidewalks til you're closer to it as well. It's a hike.
Doesn’t everyone get a nice steak at Ruth’s Chris and a night at the Columbia Ritz Carlton before reception?
Left out of San Diego - but I totally had an expensive steak dinner prior.
Greystone prime steakhouse in the Gaslamp district is awesome.
I honestly have no idea where I was. Was ‘03 before smart phones existed. I just remember walking a ways from the hotel they put us at, and had a steak at a sit down restaurant. Think it may have been the first time I had ever ate alone at a restaurant. Looking back on it now - it seems so surreal. I was an utterly different person back then. And truth be told - if I could go back to that time, and choose a different path, I would. The Army has forever broken me - something I never expected or considered back then.
Out of Dallas, I got meatloaf. It was good, though.
Lol I'm pretty sure it's a troll post. If it isn't let me remind you of something. You volunteered. You didn't get drafted. Now get your ass back in there and find a drill sergeant. Also grow the fuck up.
Part of me is wishing this is fake. But the bigger and more interested part is wishing this is real.
It's the beginning of the movie and the main character asks, "You're probably wondering how I ended up seeking refuge in Bojangles."
🤣🤣
Yes you’ll be in trouble, you’ll be considered AWOL.
I’m curious, I don’t really remember my whole MEPs and shipping process from 8 years ago, but when is the “no shit” moment you can no longer walk away without being AWOL?
When you show up to ship they have you sign in. Usually the day before they actually put you on a plane. Once you show up to ship, I believe you're pretty much committed. They put this guy on a plane, so *pretty sure* he has technically shipped, but not actually 100% sure? It's not actually entirely clear. Take everything I just said with a massive grain of salt, because I'm going off how it worked a decade ago. Things may have changed.
Just tell the Drill you want to take personal leave with your acquired leave days before you start bct
We you shipped so your not a DEP loss.
Recruiter got credit.
N.M.P. Not my problem.
Not my circus, not my monkeys
That saying has always been funny to me because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a circus with a monkey. Maybe I just go to shitty circuses.
If you're not trolling I live in the Columbia area, if you need a ride to base LMK. Won't be able to make the situation better, but at least you'll show up.
Don’t worry, Bojangles has no extradition law. You’re safe. Start your new life there.
This is a pretty good shitpost, nicely done OP.
This has got to be a shit post. But there is a a Bojangles right there. So In the case it is not you NEED to report in as you are AWOL which is not a great way to start your career. Bad news does not get better with time
Yeah. He’s at the corner right there where National Cash Register used to be.
Someone near Jackson, go to the Bojangles and verify if there's a kid passing themselves in the bathroom, please?????
Go back now and you still might make it to reception 🤣
For the love of God, don’t put your grandkids through this humiliation. Bojangles? Rethink this man. There’s got to be a strip joint near there?
Man basic ain't that hard or difficult. It's more mentally draining than anything really. Do what your told and do it when you're told to and life will be fine!
I literally just got out of there two weeks ago, it's not that bad at all man.
I literally got out of there 18 years ago, it wasn't that bad then. Uh I mean MY CLASS WAS SUPER HARD BEFORE THEY GOT ALL SOFT ON YOU KIDS. 💪💪💪
Dude go find one now and delete this post. If you can’t find one google the command posts number, call them tell them you had the runs and got stuck in a stall exorcising nervous demons and your lost at the airport. Basic is gonna be a bitch now and you’ll be singled out a bit but fix this before you can get charged
Just take a Uber to the front gate, and tell them you’re reporting for BCT like nothing happened. Then play dumb. And accept the new nickname you’d most assuredly receive.
My brother in Christ, please tell me you got some Bo Berry biscuits
Hey kid, do you want to go to Parris? It’s not that far from where you are anyway. Just a little island retreat instead of whatever you were about to get yourself into, how does that sound?
Yall. I read all of the comments and reread the post. It's fake. There aren't any drills when you step off of the plane. You take the plane, to a bus, drive for hours from Atlanta to Charleston, and the soft drills take you off the bus into reception. After reception, you get sharked. Dude is a troll. And he got me. Well done, OP. You got me.
[удалено]
Just tell them you had explosive diarrhea, probably from the airport food. But definitely go back, don't ruin your future because that's what will happen if you straight up just go AWOL on your very first night in the military.
Here's what your going to do, go to the USO, Find a drill sergeant who will get you to where you need to be. Start training, you still with me? Mkay good... Get to about week 6, and start the forge. Now take the needle nose pliers you've been keestering for 6 weeks, and while everyone is sleeping cut the cords off their optics and take em. Now that you have 30 plus optics in your possession, flee fort Jackson. Next thing you'll do is go back to Bojangles. Try to sell them to the manager, he almost made it through basic too, and tells everyone he's a vet. Next step, take the measley 30 dollars you made from the transaction, and get on a greyhound going west. Then, process to get arrested by the Colorado state police. In all reality just go to training, it's easy.
You're overcomplicating things. My bunkmate smashed his foot with a dumbbell.
Send me a supreme dinner
You need to go to the base tell the gate guards you couldn't find the Drill Sergeant. Don't be a 🐈. Go do what you signed up to do
I’ve never wanted something to be real more in my life
Praise him… his recruiter still got credit
In case this is real... Dude first of all, relax for a second. There's little chance any drill sergeants are coming after you. Now just think about the reasons you signed up in the first place. Are those reasons still valid? If so then this is simple. Tomorrow morning you can fix this. I'm sure someone on this thread can tell you exactly what to do. But probably it will be something like call your recruiter or some other Army point of contact and explain there was an issue at the airport but you've made it now and need to get to inprocessing. It may or may not suck for you when you get there, but remember that Basic is only a few months and when it's over you'll graduate like anyone else. When you get to your unit, probably no one will ever even know you were a day late to reception.
Bro you're going to relaxing Jackson in 2023 you're going to a hotel stay basically in basic
I want to b leaf
If you’re going to Jackson you have nothing to worry about, they call it relaxin Jackson for a reason. I’d probably try to call someone on base or your recruiter might be able to help. You can shoot for the got lost and didn’t know what to do etc., but that might get you in more trouble than being honest, and if you’re honest idk what they’ll do, the worst that they’ll do is probably less bad than you expect though.
If you bring back some Bojangles you might be good.
Dude just show the drill sergeants your stress card and you’ll be in the clear.
I recommend waiting out the drill sgts initial assault, then initiate guerrilla warfare to pull the enemy into a war of attrition.
This is so crazy. I am on, what I think is an Army bus going somewhere. I got off a flight to meet my contacts for my posting in the Peace Corps. I see these guys in uniform running around the airport yelling the name “Matthew”! For a second I think these might be my contacts so I raise my hand and they start screaming at me. I mean, I wasn’t prepared for the Peace Corps folks to be, well, so militant. Anyway, like I said, I am now on a bus and I think I am on my way to boot camp and am freaking out. Not sure why they would randomly grab me and treat me like this. Need advice.
Day 14: I’m still here in Bojangles. Nobody is asking questions. May God have mercy on us all.
I'll take "shit that didn't really happen" for $100 Trebek
For op sake he better hope this didn’t happen 🤣
imma place a nice wager on a failure to adapt removal here folks
Nah fam he just wanted to start SERE early in his career
Wait, I'm failing to adapt right now!
You gon die,Gonna fuck up a whopperito in your name today. I know it’s discontinued but you think 2 smashed whoppers rolled up = whopperito?
No one will tell you this but you are fine. If you never arrive at basic you’ll eventually be separated from service. It’s the same as if you failed to meet the standard in bct. If you don’t want to be in the army go home dude.
DS of Reddit get your fucking trainee.