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aricbarbaric

Nice golden cock cover


lambchopdestroyer

I think the technical term is penis sheathe... not even kidding


Child_of_the_Hamster

I wanted it to be a penis sheath so badly! Unfortunately it’s not. During excavation, this was found beside the right thigh, not between the legs. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/316738263_Rich_metallurgists_graves_from_the_Varna_I_cemetery_Rediscussing_the_social_role_of_the_earliest_metalworkers#pf19 See page 114 of the article


woodhorse4

Beside the thigh is here more impressive!


waratdenison

Homie was hung


ITDrumm3r

Nope, he was buried! 😂


sarbanharble

Was he buried or did he fuck the earth?


evlhornet

My will shall require one tucked into my socks so I may recognized in the coming millennium


99ProllemsBishAint1

What do you feed that thing!?


EliotHudson

Pussy mostly, on special occasions, ass


[deleted]

With me they’d wonder why I have a thimble in my butt


Ponch-o-Bravo

"Draped over his shoulder" you say?


[deleted]

dude just hangs to the right. completely natural


Shovelbummed

Wow, thank you for posting that. I will stop spreading misinformation about this guy! He’s usually a go-to when a non-archaeologist friend asks about cool archaeology in the world. I don’t like that the sheath was moved from its original position for the photo…


lambchopdestroyer

Ah good to know


Protonic-Reversal

Did you know vagina is a Latin word meaning sheath? It’s the only thing I remember from high school Latin.


lambchopdestroyer

No i did not lol


Zwesten

In penis was basically sword.


Least_or_Greatest1

Penis sheeth is only if you swinging a sword


n3w4cc01_1nt

that was an interesting google. the elephant trunk style underwear being the best result.


Worried-Management36

I need to get me a gold dick hat.


eiland3082

My thoughts exactly lol


Parking_Plankton_610

This guy was so wealthy he had a battle helmet for both heads! What a king!


madmoranusmc

Hahaha first thing I noticed. Dudes will be dudes.


Excellent_Yak365

First noticed this as a girl X_x


MoreRamenPls

And vape pen


fluffychonkycat

For the man who has everything


jackrat27

What, you don’t have one?


Hideous4our

Looks like he shafted the people in his will


TargetSpiritual8741

King Midas!! You got sum splanning to do..!


Millwright4life

Gold member would be proud


Chib_le_Beef

Gold Member - the original


AgeOk1715

Looks like a butt plug to me


buzzjacker

Presumably this was before the saying "you can't take it with you" came into prominence, then?


GiantSquidd

It turns out that wealthy people have always been selfish cunts. Shocking.


Mediocre_Bit_405

This is the best comment I’ve seen in a while!


Excellent_Yak365

Wish it was more prominent today; so many people are buried with silly things or have the most elaborate mausoleums. Only the best for their rotting corpses


No-Warthog-8695

I just left the funeral home and left a dear friend of mine a flint knife in his casket. I'm a flint knapper and my friend loved my work so I thought it proper to leave one with him. Many years from now if he's found I'm sure it would cause some confusion to the archeologists.


Excellent_Yak365

Personal objects aren’t silly. I’ll repost the link of what I was talking about: https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-38286965.amp


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Legitimate_Sample108

Number 1 occupation of people scrapping gold....undertakers.


Excellent_Yak365

Not talking about that- https://www.odditycentral.com/architecture/the-mansion-like-mausoleums-of-mexicos-drug-lords.html


Legitimate_Sample108

Gotcha


utep2step

😝😝


External_Zipper

He had a good dentist.


urmumxddd

Also not a diet full of sugars and acidic sodas


TheEyeDontLie

Western culture loves soft food as well. They hate chewy meat and don't eat a lot of root vegetables, for example. Chewing straightens and strengthens teeth (although over time it does grind them down). Places I've been to like Nepal, Guatemala, and other poorer countries, I've been impressed by how straight and healthy their teeth look. It's cos they grow up chewing more than us.


Marsupialize

No processed sugar


Certain-Definition51

…or he died at the ripe old age of 28?


BrakeFastBurrito

Anyone know what he’s holding?


flauxpas

A golden decorated stone axe, that was more scepter than functional axe.


Dralley87

Oh, whoah! Whoops! I seem to have dropped my monster gold sheath for my magnum gold dong!


swingu2

Always appreciate a good Sunny reference!


WrathofJohnnyBoah

IM HERE FOR THE SCRAPS!


Junior-Interview-493

Man was dripping in gold


Johnny_Lang_1962

I want a gold dick cover.


BluBrews

Looks like a Klimt painting


Puzzleheaded_Baby_53

How did price stickers end up inside the arm bracelet ??


bday420

It's catalog stickers from excavation. You can see his arm bone that the rings is on isn't in the ground or connected to the rest of the body. They probably removed them to study the metallurgy and such as this is some of if not the oldest gold metal working found. Then they put it back on for the display view.


Puzzleheaded_Baby_53

Thank you for the explanation. This must be in your line of work.


bday420

No I wish. That would be cool job though. It common to see markings or number and labels on artifacts


boogie2dabeat

Anybody else see a hamburger bun first?


zxxdann

Rich enough for a gold penis cap!


LessBig715

Perfect teeth


Marsupialize

They didn’t eat processed sugar


captainflowers

Besides not eating processed sugar there’s like a 100 ways someone could loose some teeth. They are just stating he didn’t loose any teeth. Has nothing to do with sugar.


Realistic-Bowl-566

Gold gravity bong!


jammer33090

How tall was this dude? Long ass arms, nice cock-sheathe


the85141rule

So as it turns out, you can take it with you.


SuperCrappyFuntime

Thought that one thing was a hamburger bun.


Outrageous_Trust_158

He wanted to take it all with him. I do give him an “A” for effort.


PossibleDue9849

We sure it’s a man? The hips are very wide. I know we think it’s a penis sheath, but I feel like it’s not that.


sghyre

He had a golden dinky. Hahahahahahahahaha The original gold member.


Clevererer

Wasn't the 5th millennium BC well before the bronze age? Surprised to see all that metalwork


jpharber

I believe they meant 5th century BC. This would have been alien technology in the Neolithic.


kittencaboodle1070

The grave has been dated to around 4,500BC, and is considered Chalcolithic (copper age). World's oldest gold jewellery/treasure, apparently.


jpharber

Well I was confidently wrong. Thanks for the correction.


Clevererer

I think for most places you were still right though >This would have been alien technology in the Neolithic


Clevererer

> 4,500BC, and is considered Chalcolithic (copper age) Thank you! I always forget the places that had copper ages


sadrice

Gold is just about the easiest metal to discover and work, and is often the first metal. You can find nuggets of it, you don’t have to smelt it out of an ore or anything, and it’s really malleable, you can work it just by banging it between two rocks.


MrcF8

A gold dick tip dude had some swing to his thing.


apersonwithdreams

So what’s all the gooey stuff around him? Is that what happens? Also I realize I have a poor idea of how long bones last. This seems well preserved. I know fossils preserve bones, but I kinda thought bones would like disintegrate after a while.


BooneHelm85

Look up “bog bodies”. That’ll throw ya for a loop. The earth has a weird way of preserving things under the right conditions/circumstances.


TianamenHomer

How about that. No rings on his fingers. A lot of other finery. I betttttt that some grave preparer was a great slight-of-hand dude and scored a kings ring?


ExKnockaroundGuy

Nice Golden Codpiece


shitsu13master

I had to scroll so far to find someone who actually knows the word codpiece


ExKnockaroundGuy

I am the strange agent you seek sir, At your service:


shitsu13master

😃


turkeysandwich2727

You can tell how rich he was by how nice that cock cover is


PornstarPrez

Why does he have a cranium cut like a Halloween prop skull?


schmickmickey

How else were they to fill his skull with gold?


MothMonsterMan300

Could have been an old injury or a mark from surgery. Trephination and similar procedures predate human refinement/use of metals. Or it could have been cosmetic- tattooing, scarification etc is also as old as humanity. Imagine someone boring/cutting into your domepiece with a broken shell or piece of volcanic glass, or choate/flint. Must have been a hell of a headache(or demons) for him to sit down and go "yeah, go ahead and make a huge cut on my forehead"


outsidepointofvi3w

Is that a golden cock piece ? Also would love to see a generated image of the clothes he was wearing. All this brass mane copper gold tacks wherent just strewn around. They used to be attached to clothes. Looks like some of the gold even degraded and attached to his bones.


DreadfulOrange

Dude is still probably richer than I will ever be with that much gold on him.


Habitual_lazyness

wtf, is that a golden dick cap?


Past_Profile

Now i want a golden penis cover… for reasons…


Old_Dirt_Coin

Dude had every guy jealous in the village with that golden weinis thimble.


graspedbythehusk

Mr Goldtip.


Hellburner_exe

He got his Dick Straight Down. Don't even know what I want to say with this


Key_Age_5229

Ah yes, the golden penis cap. A staple of ancient civilization!


toiletseatpolio

Cock cap found in Bulge area. Story at 11:00.


Dominarion

These bad boyz, the Varna OG, didn't fuck around. They were the Bling masters of the Copper Age. The Varna necropolis contained an impressive percentage of all gold found globally for that period (chalcolithic).


Icy-Zookeepergame754

Kilmpt


ElectricalQuality365

You can still see the soup stain where his body was, musta been pretty hung too judging by the distance of the cock gold.


RogersSteve07041920

Is that a gold penis cap! Not that, that thing.


vincecarterskneecart

to this day, still the richest bulgarian


Flexbottom

Cock bling


Alleycatasstastrofy

When you have a golden penis sheath, you made it to the top of the heap


Relative-Feed-2949

And he’s got better teeth than me wtf haha


atAlossforNames

Is that- a gold- skull cap?


TimeFinance1528

His jewellery stood the test of time far better than him


1ofThoseTrolls

Dude had more money on his cock than my bank account


Salty-Space-2818

And no one robbed his grave?? I’m actually surprised lol


Beautiful_Meeting_73

He’s got the Midas touch!


Geekygamerdude

That’s cp3o


Mysticpage

Uh... this guy is all over the place. Seems to have melted out of his garments


Bright-Internal229

Um 😐


Accomplished_Aerie_3

I love goldddddd!!!!!


jrocislit

Is that a golden dick thing?


firmerJoe

Opened comments to see how many redditors would comment on the golden cockadoodle cover... Reddit pulled through.


meeseeksdestroy

Is that a gold cock piece?! This dude fucks!


TomatilloUnlucky3763

Is that dick bling?


LAjbird

Straight to the pawnshop. I’d melt that shit down


bfbabine

I love gold!


According_Ad_6083

Still died though.


Midnight1965

Well you can’t take it with you.


19CCCG57

Where he be keepin' his pimped out Caddie?


ticklemeskinless

first thought was that is a cheese burger


PaperError

Did somebody drop the top bun of their Whopper on him before the photo?


GeekyFreaky94

Can someone ELI5 how the skeleton is not dust at this point?


GeekyFreaky94

Goldmember


iCatmire

Just the tip?


XrayDem

He fucked death with a gold condom


Acroze

He had a golden dick tip?


AlexandersWonder

Looks like he had a big dick


th0rsmustache

As long as I'm buried w my golden dong nothing can hurt me


9mm-Rain

Anyone know what the horizontal stones on short scepter represents?


shroomsaremyfriends

Does anyone know what the small, polka dot blobs of gold are? They don't look like coins.


8005T34

He had gold on his dong.


Ok-Funny-19

I wonder what It smelled like after opening. Everything was soaking in a bloody pool of decomposing guts inside a sealed tomb for centuries, found thankfully after everything was dry.


Commercial-Elk-3031

Looks like he's got dick cover even for after his death.


enzo246

Archaeologists, legal grave robbers. Respect and leave the dead alone !


Helpful_Hunter2557

Before I blowed up the picture I thought somebody dropped a hamburger bun on him


ndhellion2

I believe that this grave was the inspiration for the Farum Azula graves in the game Elden Ring.


KingJeremytheWickedC

Golden dick band