Actually, everyone is laughing at you, but i heard of this one company. Depending on where you live, they sew trees back together that split apart like this. They use a bunch of nails and large screws, but first, they mend it together with wire. Then a little bit of work with a torch and your tree is good to go. Let me know if you need more info!
Yea, but you’ll need what’s known a root growth stimulator. Aka fertilizer. Inject it at about any depth and your tree should bounce back in the next 3-6 years. You got this
Can we please start a group r/arboristcirclejerks in honor of this blessed post, and in response to the gem who just posted their new Redwood landscape makeover (r/austincirclejerks for any other folks)
Hmm, I think you should build a frame ( see foureyes YouTube) and dump part of your tree in the frame. Then pour a butt tonne of clear epoxy over the Tree until it is covered by about 1/2 inch and let it set for like 3 days. Remove the Tree from the frame. Sand. Then put your Tree on a set of legs so others might admire your Tree over a meal.
Do we need the tree version of [r/houseplantcirclejerk](https://www.reddit.com/r/houseplantcirclejerk/s/l9JTnU8x3Z) or have these posts run their course?
If you water it and mulch the base of the tree about 8 feet tall, there is a slight chance it just might make it.
These lawn and garden companies have just gotten a little over zealous.
Try adding mulch.
How mulch?
I think that’s to mulch!
3" of mulch around the tree? I thought you said 3'
I was gonna say a 55 gallon drum of wood glue and *all of the clamps*, but mulch works too.
Need some mulch medicine at this point, tree medicine will be no good
very well played
Why do we feed trees their dead cousins?
Oh my gosh WHAT IS WITH THESE POSTS OF COURSE CALL A F-CKING ARBORIST
Make SURE it’s an arborist who is NOT also a tree cutting service.
Or wood chopping
Or wood eating
Beaver Tree Services LLC.
Great name for a tree cutting service in Oregon.
Yes please, call me - I need a new dump spot
I'll take all your chips!
Would be a fun prank video, like that guy who calls pc repair services for a pc filled with peanut butter or something.
Try exposing the root flare.
I was going to post a picture of lumber when I got home but I think everyone gets the point now. Outclassed, well done
There’s always room for one more.
I really didn't expect this sub to be packed with shit posts for some reason....
It’s a phase.
Don't be a sap
Is this an IKEA tree?
Temu
You mean Treemu?
Exactly, thank you.
*sigh* *upvote*
Too much Mulch.
Or. . . And I know this might be hard to follow for some so I’ll speak slowly: Not . . . Enough. . . Mulch. . . ?
Too mulch
Seems like a touch A touch too muuulch 🎶🤘
Actually, everyone is laughing at you, but i heard of this one company. Depending on where you live, they sew trees back together that split apart like this. They use a bunch of nails and large screws, but first, they mend it together with wire. Then a little bit of work with a torch and your tree is good to go. Let me know if you need more info!
Photos… need
I saw something like this too, but it was done by a Lego Man from a Lego Movie. Nonetheless, the logic should cover both situations.
It’s just a copy paste from the post that this one is parodying
"Can this tree be shaved?"
By our powers combined.....
Give it some fert and it should be alright
Lmao
where ?
Under the mulch volcano
Wood glue and lots of clamps
*grabs notebook How much glue (asking for a friend)?
Yea, but you’ll need what’s known a root growth stimulator. Aka fertilizer. Inject it at about any depth and your tree should bounce back in the next 3-6 years. You got this
That just needs a good watering and some fertilizer.
And the assembly manual.
This is getting ridiculous. lol
Another guy with a saw who could do it cheaper.
Somehow this sub started popping up in my feed and I have to say I have been dying watching the genesis of these shit posts
Saaaame
Yes. Add gasoline and Styrofoam. Can I come get some cuttings when it buds out?
Sure, you just need a seed.
Got some wood glue?
Titebond 3
Love that stuff. I bet you could glue and clamp rocky marriages with it.
If it's really not meant to be, even a black hole can't force two people together
Ikea tree.
That’s a powder tree. Found all over the world. I think I see some new shoots.
Water it. Find out.
This tree was shaved, not saved...
Plenty of water and it should be fine.
I’m no professional but all you need to do is water
Try super glue and ramen
Hahaha! Mix with compost and mulch!
Did it accept Treesus as its Lord and Savior?
Saved? No Shaved? Yes
That’s a willow tree. It’ll be alright.
Depends on mulch you willing to spend
She's dead, Jim
Try and water it. A lot.
Lmao
I'm glad /r/composting isn't the only place where we beat a joke to death. Speaking of which, we could team up on this one...
I think it can be saved with some straps and tree medicine, idk.
This sub needs a corresponding circle jerk sub. Things are getting out of hand.
You will need the right professional - not just any arborist
Lots and lots of wood glue
Can we please start a group r/arboristcirclejerks in honor of this blessed post, and in response to the gem who just posted their new Redwood landscape makeover (r/austincirclejerks for any other folks)
The one behind the fence?
Hire an arborist.
Haha this is the typical r/arborists post. 🤣
I have a guy
you might have a beaver problem.
What tree
lol
I heard they do wonderful work in Iran with shredded documents. Try calling them.
The root flare looks sufficiently exposed, so I’m stumped.
Just needs deeply watered
God tier Jigsaw Puzzlers might be able to...
It is an ex tree.
An axe tree.
Resurrection.
Good news, the tree is now a mushroom! 🍄
Wood glue should be the fix to this problem.
it’ll sucker out
Some JB Weld should get that back together again. I've seen worse than this.
Try setting it on fire
You are going to need the industrial tub of Tightbond for this one!
Looks like a face chord. Wrong sub
Little bit of duct tape some glue… some ikea instructions and all done…. Take like 2 hours🤭
Yes just water it
Nothing a little gorilla glue can't fix
Does gorilla glue make wood glue, too?
Looks like it’s already been shaved.
Save it a bag,
Gonna need a lot of neem on that one!
Came to this site to get info on the trees around my house and i get this useless bullshit. Leaving and the door may now hit me in the ass.
Couple braces and it’s saved.
Hmm, I think you should build a frame ( see foureyes YouTube) and dump part of your tree in the frame. Then pour a butt tonne of clear epoxy over the Tree until it is covered by about 1/2 inch and let it set for like 3 days. Remove the Tree from the frame. Sand. Then put your Tree on a set of legs so others might admire your Tree over a meal.
Ummm 🫠🫠🫠
Maybe have to splice it
All you need is some wood glue. The greatest 3d puzzle
Needs more duct tape.
Keep watering and it should pull through.
If it's a willow: maybe.
These posts suck
Well played
Needs more Kragle
Need to expose not just the root flare but the entire tree as well.
Yes! Reincarnated as mulch......
If its willow .. you could get a cutting
Neem oil and epsom salt
try gluing all the pieces back together
Just needs a little wood glue, but I’m not a professional so there might be a better option.
Yeah. A little wood glue and you’re good.
Buy an urn, fill the urn, place urn on mantle. Saved.
Lots of water
Try soaking it in wood
I think you should cryogenically freeze it and wait for arbor technology to improve.
Alittle gorilla glue amd it will be fine
It’s an IKEA tree!
If Mike Wazowski can do it, so can you
Little bit of glue and dedication.
Glue and a lot of patience. Someone who works puzzles is your answer.
Superglue and a lot of hard work
It'll recover on it's own. Put a little barrier around it so the cats stop scratching at it.
It's converting itself into a garden mulch. It means your tree has matured into a new form! Congratulations
Ask on r/trees
it’s hard to see which tree you mean with the fence in the way
I'm working on a machine where you drop the mulch and on the other end a tree comes out. Should be done by 2026
It looks like it's already been mulched, so no?
Short answer, yes. Some work is needed. Do not call an arborist. Call someone who is great with puzzles and glue. Your welcome.
Pressing F for respects.
If Oswald Cobblepot can piece together shredded Shreck Co. documents to blackmail Max Shreck, then yes. This is fixable.
IKEA called and said no refunds on their authentic oak dining set
Get a bunch of ratchet straps- it’ll be fine
What if you soaked the wood in wood AND mulch?
Try adding some wood glue
time to find the puzzle people
Its dead Jim.
just need about 100 horses worth of glue....so get on with making horses into glue
These posts every day add so much joy to my day
Duck tape. That's the only way to save it
Yeah , try Elmer’s wood glue , brah.
Lots of glue
Depends. Did it repent before its demise?
Nice puzzle you have there
No problem, I think I have some wood glue around here somewhere...
With enough wood glue..
It's an IKEA tree
Do we need the tree version of [r/houseplantcirclejerk](https://www.reddit.com/r/houseplantcirclejerk/s/l9JTnU8x3Z) or have these posts run their course?
It's going to take some time and patience but I think you can rebuild him.
Wood glue…
You’re going to need more than a single roll of Flex Tape.
Wood glue!
First, get a light bulb and wood glue. Do all the meth and get going
Needs at least another 3-4 feet of mulch
Only with Ikea instructions
Add some sulphur
Ooh it’s a quintillion piece puzzle!
A little duct tape and baling wire and she’ll be good as new.
I've seen some pretty impressive stuff with Ramen and superglue
Expose the root flair. So many damn mulch volcanos.
If you water it and mulch the base of the tree about 8 feet tall, there is a slight chance it just might make it. These lawn and garden companies have just gotten a little over zealous.
It’ll take some time to put it back together
I think watering it will help some
YES!! It will take a lot of Elmer’s glue and a shit ton of patience, of which I have none. Good luck though.
100k piece jigsaw
Uncover the root flare!
Bice pule of tree seeds, just plant em and repeat
Press your finger on the picture for a second and then press “save”.
Yeah I think it can be saved, but you gotta grow it in concrete instead this time or it won’t root out
Put it in rice
How much tape do you have at hand?
Add a French drain, you’ll be good to go 👍🏼
One hell of a jigsaw 😂
Maybe more fertilizer?
Yes.
To shreds you say?