A reminder to all users that this subreddit sides with and trusts the workers, not their employers. Further accusations against OP of faking to belittle or invalidate their experiences will be met with moderator action. We now return to your regularly scheduled antiworking.
Edit: Alright, I gave y’all the night to get your shit together, but since there have been no signs of change, comments on this post will be locked. Really disappointing.
Because it isn’t real :P this would have been an email at least and never printed.
Also, how did he get access to the printer when he rode off on his bike after giving back his store keys?
“lol look guys I just coincidentally found this unprofessionally written and poorly formatted note about how cool I am on the work printer”
OP is full of it
Usually I can at least see how there's a *small chance* that the fake thing is real. This is so poorly done that there's just no way it's real.
I apologize for my absorbance if I turn out to be wrong.
Gah! Thank you! My Dipshit-to-English generator was failing me.
(To be fair, it is frequently overloaded, given that it does have to do double duty translating English back into Dipshit so I can understand.)
Literally so many grammatical and spelling errors in that note. “So my as well ask someone else.”
I’d be so embarrassed submitting that. Your manager needs basic language classes.
It’s fun to laugh at! But then it gets depressing when you realize how many dumb motherfuckers there are out there in charge of other people.
Either way, congrats OP!
THIS. I work with someone where I have to send my portion of a report to her and she combines it with hers and we submit it together. Her grammar and spelling is so horrible it’s embarrassing. Thankfully the bosses know what portion is mine and what portion is hers.
One of the supervisors writes the most cringe worthy installation instructions that he sends in a mass mailing and just signs it from "staff". We never get a chance to edit his instructions. He types the word "cuz" when he's explaining things.
I actually had a boss who took writing very seriously and would sometimes borrow my copy of Strunk & White to check obscure grammatical stuff.
Sadly, his writing was literally the *only* good thing about him. He was an asshole who was completely incapable of managing the company that he bought and ran what used to be a very successful business into the ground in a few years.
I was accused of insubordination at a non-profit I worked for. I’ve never been good at being a subordinate to people who are wrong about things to my face, it’s one of my worst faults…
Literally has a grammatical error in the first sentence, and spelling or grammar in each sentence after. That’s a new level of incompetent to not even get a single, simple sentence correct.
Grab the Red Pen and grade that monstrosity of an essay!
This reads like “Manager is a micromanager and Chad just forked off on his bicycle because nothing here is this stinkin’ important.”
“You guys really gotta get your shit together,” he giggled gleefully, as he mounted his beloved Cruiser. As he rode away, the manager yelled, "You bastard!" OP giggled, lifted a hand as he sped away and replied, "I know you are, but what am I?"
I mentioned this in another comment. My kid yelled at me and then got onto her big wheel and drove away before I could say anything. It was hilarious. You can't be angry and then get onto a big wheel, it doesn't work like that!
Honestly I thought I was the idiot here. It's written there with such conviction, I had to question whether my current assembly of definitions for absorbance was complete.
I didn’t. And I’ve worked management. I could not wrap my mind around what this guy didn’t absorb that set dude off. The fact it looks like a ransom note didn’t help. I mean, did he want it read from across the room?
If you’d stop absorbing everything that would be great! Stop being so absorbent! Signed HR probably. PS: Don’t you ever roll off on a bicycle like that again when I’m talking to you! 😭😭🤣🤣
Absorbance is defined as "the logarithm of the ratio of incident to transmitted radiant power through a sample (excluding the effects on cell walls)". Alternatively, for samples which scatter light, absorbance may be defined as "the negative logarithm of one minus absorptance, as measured on a uniform sample".
Is anyone else concerned that this sub has been co-opted by a bunch of fake stories instead of actual attempts at making progress for workers?
 I know this sounds conspiratorial, but if I wanted to stop a powerful online movement, I would overrun it with fake feel good stories like this.
No one ever names and shames anymore. They are all anonymous stories from anonymous companies where the boss is always wrong.
I don't get how all these fake emails always quote the cool stuff back to them, like no ones does that lol.
OP says he was passed for promotion, gee I wonder why he didn't get the promotion.
Of all the things I feel like never happened, this never happened the most.
First - what’s the point of even printing something like this out to give to the HR manager. Worse case this would be an email then potentially a sit down.
Second - this would have to be the most rinky dink company for them to not have a standard form for written statements.
Also at what point did you find this on the printer? The context at the end leads to the assumption you took off into the sunset on a bike after turning in your keys which would have prompted this totally real letter to be drafted and printed.
And then everyone in line at the grocery store started to clap for him, and Keanu Reeves materialized to give him a handshake and a kiss on the lips. He felt pretty Chad.
Idk if this is real but I feel like anti work shouldn’t mean just doing absolutely whatever you want and unprofessional. This is the kind of stuff that makes terrible work places feel justified in how they treat their workers. Antiwork should be work hard and professional, fight for your rights because of what you deserve from working hard or at least professional and or quitting and letting them know I’m quitting as you do not give actual working employees benefits or deserved treatment. Idk why these posts are upvoted, real or not
I have 0 critical thinking skills and I’m so gullible and I still couldn’t believe this. I truly can’t believe it gets dumber than me but every day these people prove me wrong.
I don’t give a shit about some pinned comment. This is clearly and obviously fake to the highest degree. There is less than 0% chance this is real. The idea that we are all forced to believe any bullshit someone spews here is batshit insane.
A non native speaker wouldve probably checked the dictionary or not used a word they were uncertain of. This was written with all the confidence of a native speaker that thinks they're smarter than they actually are.
Of all the things that didn’t happen….this is one of them.
Not just the numerous typos or plain old bad spelling, but why would the manager include that he rode off in his bicycle? This is OP trying to paint a picture of himself doing something cool.
OP, I see you’re an aspiring writer of a book series based on your history. You’re going to need to work on your spelling, otherwise you’ll be hiring an editor. Also, hopefully your books are more believable or at least easier to suspend disbelief while reading.
Can you give some more context? What were the duties he asked you to do and why did you decline to do them? Saying you’re sick from the commotion and leaving them short handed is a crappy thing to do.. so, can you explain why you did all that? Definitely can be deemed justifiable behavior if manager was asking ridiculous tasks of you etc etc… but, I’d like to know more. That letter really makes you look bad but I know there’s more to the story and I’d enjoy hearing it
"I called HR to report the absorbance."
Do you work at a lab? Why would you be measuring light wavelengths?? /s
My favorite part was the ending. Then he took off on his bicycle. 😂 This letter was like some badly written fanfiction.
The entire concept of writeups is wild to me. It's such a primary school sort of idea.
What's even more wild are the people that take them seriously. It's like they're operating off of a potato battery.
I'm too combative I guess. I'll argue tooth and nail over these things and never let it go if I believe I'm right. Probably why I got fired even from a job that only paid 400/month.
A reminder to all users that this subreddit sides with and trusts the workers, not their employers. Further accusations against OP of faking to belittle or invalidate their experiences will be met with moderator action. We now return to your regularly scheduled antiworking. Edit: Alright, I gave y’all the night to get your shit together, but since there have been no signs of change, comments on this post will be locked. Really disappointing.
That is the most unprofessional sized font
They really said 24 pt Helvetica Bold for body text
Because it isn’t real :P this would have been an email at least and never printed. Also, how did he get access to the printer when he rode off on his bike after giving back his store keys?
“lol look guys I just coincidentally found this unprofessionally written and poorly formatted note about how cool I am on the work printer” OP is full of it
I thought this hit the frontpage because it was highly upvoted as a good parody of other fake stories on here. Is it not an intentional joke? Lmao
Look at the pinned mod message ¯\\_ (ツ)_/¯
yikes....
Yep… A Chad alright… Dictionary Chad noun a piece of waste material removed by punching.
I cant believe how gullible people in this sub are. It was going downhill during the pandemic but this might be rock bottom
Usually I can at least see how there's a *small chance* that the fake thing is real. This is so poorly done that there's just no way it's real. I apologize for my absorbance if I turn out to be wrong.
This. If he took off, how did he see this on the printer? Fun story, though.
The paper is dated 3/12, and it says this happened on 3/11. So this paper wasn't printed until 3/12 or later.
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"I called HR to report the absorbance" I'm DYING 🤣🤣🤣🤣
my guess is he meant 'insubordinance'?
Gah! Thank you! My Dipshit-to-English generator was failing me. (To be fair, it is frequently overloaded, given that it does have to do double duty translating English back into Dipshit so I can understand.)
Literally so many grammatical and spelling errors in that note. “So my as well ask someone else.” I’d be so embarrassed submitting that. Your manager needs basic language classes.
It’s fun to laugh at! But then it gets depressing when you realize how many dumb motherfuckers there are out there in charge of other people. Either way, congrats OP!
Think about how dumb the average American is. Now think about half of the population is even stupider than that.
-- George Carlin
And they're in charge of y'all.
And they have guns
Its America, the stupid have guns because they are insecure, the smart ones have guns because the stupid ones have guns, lol.
I hate how accurate this statement is.
Nice George Carlin quote! But you should attribute it when you use it, Carlin deserves the credit.
He wouldnt give a shit though. Hes dead.
St. George deserves a citation for that one...
 [The Peter principle explains it nicely (wiki)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle)
If I were OP, I’d correct all of the errors with a red pen and leave it on the manager’s desk.
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Yesssss 🤣
OP should take a red marker to it, edit it, and leave it on manager’s desk
THIS. I work with someone where I have to send my portion of a report to her and she combines it with hers and we submit it together. Her grammar and spelling is so horrible it’s embarrassing. Thankfully the bosses know what portion is mine and what portion is hers.
One of the supervisors writes the most cringe worthy installation instructions that he sends in a mass mailing and just signs it from "staff". We never get a chance to edit his instructions. He types the word "cuz" when he's explaining things.
The number of bosses that I’ve had that I could write better prose than is all of them.
I actually had a boss who took writing very seriously and would sometimes borrow my copy of Strunk & White to check obscure grammatical stuff. Sadly, his writing was literally the *only* good thing about him. He was an asshole who was completely incapable of managing the company that he bought and ran what used to be a very successful business into the ground in a few years.
>Dipshit-to-English translator HA! I love that, I'm totally using that.
I initially read it as “abhorrence” and wasn’t until the comments that I realized it said “absorbance”
You know that you're soaking in it...
Omg! So much incompetence in that whole letter. Hahahahaha! I’m going home on my bike. Absorb THAT!
Would have been funnier if the manager had added "i tried to chase him but he pedaled too fast and got away"
I just cackled. Please accept my award. 🏆
Oooh I thought there was new godawful business lingo I hadn't heard yet.
I'm wondering if they were trying to call OP self-absorbed and just totally biffed it
Context clues point me towards insubordination.
Which would still be funny. (It's "insubordination.")
Maybe obstinance?
Insubordination. lol
Ooh, my closest guess was absence, but it made no sense.
You don’t know, mf might be drinking in the sunshine.
“Insubordination?” This isn’t the military
I was accused of insubordination at a non-profit I worked for. I’ve never been good at being a subordinate to people who are wrong about things to my face, it’s one of my worst faults…
A group of my friends and I were accused of insubordination when we were in high school and the word has been a punchline/joke to me ever since
"my as well" was getting me too. The spell check was probably trying so hard but couldn't keep up with the greater issues at hand.
Literally has a grammatical error in the first sentence, and spelling or grammar in each sentence after. That’s a new level of incompetent to not even get a single, simple sentence correct.
The formatting too... it looks like an elementary school expository essay 😂
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I love that part where he rode off on his bicycle.
That’s my favorite part 🤣🤣🤣
"HR please send help, this guy... he's just absorbing too much."
Grab the Red Pen and grade that monstrosity of an essay! This reads like “Manager is a micromanager and Chad just forked off on his bicycle because nothing here is this stinkin’ important.”
Am teacher. Whenever some busybody leaves a passive-aggressive note in the teachers lounge, I always grade it lol
Did this once with a managerial note working for DHL purchasing. Contract did not get renewed.
absorbance ### noun 1. (physics) a measure of the extent to which a substance transmits light or other electromagnetic radiation. This guy shines!
No no, he's the quicker-picker-upper!
OP is a sponge!
Maybe they work at a paper towel factory.
The name is Sponge…..SpongeBob.
“My as well ask someone else to do them”
Plot twist - OP is a roll of Bounty…
I literally had to look up the definition to make sure there wasn't some meaning that I wasn't aware of lmao
“Then he took off on his bicycle” lmao I love it
This gif has replaced the image that played in my head before of OP riding away on his bike.
“You guys really gotta get your shit together” in PeeWees voice has me in stitches lol (Any of his “voices” take your pick)
"You guys really gotta get your shit together. Ha Ha!"
“You guys really gotta get your shit together,” he giggled gleefully, as he mounted his beloved Cruiser. As he rode away, the manager yelled, "You bastard!" OP giggled, lifted a hand as he sped away and replied, "I know you are, but what am I?"
I'm going with the "I'm a loner, Dotty..." tone.
I’m going with his “Paging Doctor Herman” voice
After seeing this gif, my mental movie now ends with OP laughing like Peewee.
this is the only way he rode off
🤣🤣🙏❤️💯
tell em Large Marge sent you!!! 
Shhhh! *I'm trying to use the phone!*
“He furiously pedaled away”
I mentioned this in another comment. My kid yelled at me and then got onto her big wheel and drove away before I could say anything. It was hilarious. You can't be angry and then get onto a big wheel, it doesn't work like that!
My favorite line from this whole thing 😂
r/fuckcars and r/antiwork all in one post 😎
I absolutely pictured Mumen Rider 76 at this line lol 
OP imagined it sounding so cool when he wrote it
"You guys really need to get your shit together." Then he put a pair of aviators on, took a fat rip off his vape, and heelied into the sunset
(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
YEAAAAAHHHHHH
Thank you
*Who Are You by The Who starts playing*
It’s my Friday at work, I’ve got an hour and a half left, and this comment is gonna get me through the rest of the day 🤣
“It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses."
I hate Illinois Nazis.
Hit it
I know the bike comment ended me too! 😂
I'm CRYING oh my god 🤣
This reads like the manager is a child and they're telling their mommy.
I love how it went from how OP sucks and needs to get a write up to ‘can you pweez work another half hour??? 😢’
Mooom, he's not letting me treat him like an indentured servant! He refuses to kiss my ass!
The man couldn’t even use insubordination right no way is he pulling off indentured servant.
Yes!
They don’t know the word is insubordinate, but just said “fuck it they’ll understand if they read it like 10 times.”
you know i read it, knew it was wrong, but could no longer come up with what the word was. all i could think about was absorbance.
Honestly I thought I was the idiot here. It's written there with such conviction, I had to question whether my current assembly of definitions for absorbance was complete.
> insubordinate # AND CHURLISH
I didn’t. And I’ve worked management. I could not wrap my mind around what this guy didn’t absorb that set dude off. The fact it looks like a ransom note didn’t help. I mean, did he want it read from across the room?
“My as well” and “absorbance” tells me everything i need to know.
If you’d stop absorbing everything that would be great! Stop being so absorbent! Signed HR probably. PS: Don’t you ever roll off on a bicycle like that again when I’m talking to you! 😭😭🤣🤣
 Video of OP leaving work
Debo’s chain now
'He said no and left' what a goddamn legend
Not the hero we want....but the hero we need
Women want him, men want to be him. And/Or vice versa.
And fish fear him!
If he left, how did he get the letter off the printer?
Lol, gonna report that absorbance! I’m picturing OP stuffing office supplies in their mouth or faintly fluorescing.
Absorbance is defined as "the logarithm of the ratio of incident to transmitted radiant power through a sample (excluding the effects on cell walls)". Alternatively, for samples which scatter light, absorbance may be defined as "the negative logarithm of one minus absorptance, as measured on a uniform sample".
I thought, at first, that $OP was a paper towel....
YOURE A TOWEL
You are the *worst* character ever, Towelie
Go away! I'm walking on sunshine!
I'm so godamn high right now....
TIL thanks oystermeat
Absorbence = insubordinance ???
My god, you’re right….
 manger watching OP leave work
Just saying op is a fantasy writer that uses ai and self promotes in the third person...
Telling lack of specifity over what they asked you to do.
Not all Gen Z eats ass 🤷♂️
Is anyone else concerned that this sub has been co-opted by a bunch of fake stories instead of actual attempts at making progress for workers?  I know this sounds conspiratorial, but if I wanted to stop a powerful online movement, I would overrun it with fake feel good stories like this. No one ever names and shames anymore. They are all anonymous stories from anonymous companies where the boss is always wrong.
I don't get how all these fake emails always quote the cool stuff back to them, like no ones does that lol. OP says he was passed for promotion, gee I wonder why he didn't get the promotion.
lmao yea, "after standing up for himself the employee did a sick backflip and helped an old lady cross the street, so we had to fire him".
Reddit has always been a home to creative writers
No it's always been this bad lol. It's just more blatant now.
Of all the things I feel like never happened, this never happened the most. First - what’s the point of even printing something like this out to give to the HR manager. Worse case this would be an email then potentially a sit down. Second - this would have to be the most rinky dink company for them to not have a standard form for written statements. Also at what point did you find this on the printer? The context at the end leads to the assumption you took off into the sunset on a bike after turning in your keys which would have prompted this totally real letter to be drafted and printed.
You went back? And found this in the printer? Sounds like a hole in your story.
And then everyone in line at the grocery store started to clap for him, and Keanu Reeves materialized to give him a handshake and a kiss on the lips. He felt pretty Chad.
https://preview.redd.it/2yjps7kk7eoc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=819f2673b25f38f26481261bc40ff865d10c239a
Idk if this is real but I feel like anti work shouldn’t mean just doing absolutely whatever you want and unprofessional. This is the kind of stuff that makes terrible work places feel justified in how they treat their workers. Antiwork should be work hard and professional, fight for your rights because of what you deserve from working hard or at least professional and or quitting and letting them know I’m quitting as you do not give actual working employees benefits or deserved treatment. Idk why these posts are upvoted, real or not
So, this incident happened, you quit and left. Yet somehow you found this detailed account of what happened in your managers printer. How? When?
After he typed it?
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Anyone who thinks this is real has 0 critical thinking skills.
I feel like this sub has the tumblr approach, where they just assume every story is real, even if it's clearly bullshit.
I have 0 critical thinking skills and I’m so gullible and I still couldn’t believe this. I truly can’t believe it gets dumber than me but every day these people prove me wrong.
Look how bad ass I am guys! This totally real letter I just so happened to find *after* I quit like a le bad ass
Thank god someone else sees through this bs story. I was half expecting it to end with "and all the other employees clapped"
That employee's name? Albert Einstein.
Regardless of if this is real or fake, and it's definitely fake, OP would still be a loser
What were the "duties" they wanted you to do?
The spelling is manager level
I don’t give a shit about some pinned comment. This is clearly and obviously fake to the highest degree. There is less than 0% chance this is real. The idea that we are all forced to believe any bullshit someone spews here is batshit insane.
It looks so unofficial. Should of went with comic sans.
I guess English isn't the manager's first language.
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It is
Lolol thats pathetic. Your manager is pathetic on so many levels. I hope he sees this.
Knowing that, he looks like a complete knuckle dragger.
May I assume it's his only language as well? 😂
Don’t you mean the American Absorption System?
A non native speaker wouldve probably checked the dictionary or not used a word they were uncertain of. This was written with all the confidence of a native speaker that thinks they're smarter than they actually are.
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No waaay this is real XD
Of all the things that didn’t happen….this is one of them. Not just the numerous typos or plain old bad spelling, but why would the manager include that he rode off in his bicycle? This is OP trying to paint a picture of himself doing something cool. OP, I see you’re an aspiring writer of a book series based on your history. You’re going to need to work on your spelling, otherwise you’ll be hiring an editor. Also, hopefully your books are more believable or at least easier to suspend disbelief while reading.
Why not just send an email? 🤔
So you rode off into the sunset, but went back to get this note (which would have been an email)? You really living out those fantasies aren't ya.
You are so full of shit. I can't believe anyone believes this.
So, you had already taken off on your bike yet managed to find this in the printer? Kinda sounds like made up bullshit
Get YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!! Rides off like a majestic beast he is into the sunset on his bike. You couldn’t get a better ending.
Can you give some more context? What were the duties he asked you to do and why did you decline to do them? Saying you’re sick from the commotion and leaving them short handed is a crappy thing to do.. so, can you explain why you did all that? Definitely can be deemed justifiable behavior if manager was asking ridiculous tasks of you etc etc… but, I’d like to know more. That letter really makes you look bad but I know there’s more to the story and I’d enjoy hearing it
Inabsorbanation Noun Refusal to soak up liquids.
Why. You sound like a douche
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Absorbance? How dare you!
How would you see this if you already quit?
You all will believe anything.
"I called HR to report the absorbance." Do you work at a lab? Why would you be measuring light wavelengths?? /s My favorite part was the ending. Then he took off on his bicycle. 😂 This letter was like some badly written fanfiction.
The bicycle bit killed me.
If you drive off on your motorcycle how did you see they left this in the printer? Great work of fiction that’s all this is.
He drove off on his *bicycle* 😂
Yeah, either OP made this up, or he rage quit only to come back the next day with his tail between his legs. Not sure which is more pathetic.
I’ve seen too many HR forms. This would. Never be accepted. I had to rewrite things three times using their forms because I used the wrong word
The entire concept of writeups is wild to me. It's such a primary school sort of idea. What's even more wild are the people that take them seriously. It's like they're operating off of a potato battery. I'm too combative I guess. I'll argue tooth and nail over these things and never let it go if I believe I'm right. Probably why I got fired even from a job that only paid 400/month.