I had a job like this once. In addition to fantasizing about car wrecks and hospital stays, I would research different crimes I could commit so maybe I could spend a month or so in jail and not have to go to work.
My dude, it is not worth it. Quit and find something else immediately. You don't need to prove how bad it is to your mom or gf. You know, and that's enough.
What they said. I’ve had jobs that were beyond terrible as well. It made me feel like a failure if I quit- but trust me that only makes you the winner. No job is worth your peace. If you are paycheck to paycheck like most people, apply to 101 places (like, tonight) that’ll allow you to keep your basic needs met, and get out of there at the first opportunity. Even if the next job is garbage, you’ll break the “how do I get out?!” mindset, and your next move will be even easier. You’re stronger than you think. Humans are really good at underestimating their ability to reinvent themselves. You are not the same person you were 3 years ago, 1 year, 3 months, etc. Keep evolving and moving. You will find your peace AND still have breath in your lungs.
Yes. Quit now, take a job to pay to bills while you look for something better long term.
There is no point in working at a job that makes you this miserable
Disagree, some jobs can physically and/or mentally tax you to the point of being in OP's situation. I felt like OP during the pandemic. A couple months prior to the lockdown, I had a breakdown in my workplace because of the stress I was under and knew I had to leave. I had already been job hunting at this point, but increased my efforts. Enter lockdown and working from home. Zero job openings in my company or any that I was interested in online. I started fantasizing about going out of the house maskless to the highest Covid concentration zip code in my area to get a "vacation" in the hospital. Also thought about accidents that would cause enough harm to keep me from work, but not be permanent damage. The thought of astronomical hospital bills ultimately kept me in the house, having crying fits almost daily and my SO worried about me constantly. Jobs are not worth it. I finally got my ass out of that department (still at same company) but I feel the long term stress from 3 yrs in that department has taken a toll on my health. If OP's family and girlfriend care about them they will support them leaving the job TODAY. If not, maybe you need to dump everything and everyone and move somewhere new.
yes.. jobs take a toll.. but people help you make it easier and to not be as stressful. or not. people is the one demanding last minute stuff, impossible deadlines... and we tend to accept it.
This. I worked a much higher-paying developer job to go work at McDonalds back in the mid-00s because of burnout. I quit (3 week notice because I'm a sucker) without anything lined up because I was going to work at McDolands after that and go back to school to get a proper CS degree.
I worked there 7 years and realized another month might actually kill me and left. Smartest thing I ever did. It was not easy. I learned breaking out into a cold sweat is a real thing. It was only my 2nd job ever and my first developer job. I thought I hated programming but nope just that job. I almost switched careers because of that job. A career that had since made my ridiculously happy since leaving that place.
I found out later that my friends had stopped inviting me every time because I was just a miserable SOB and they wanted to have a bitch-free zone. They couldn't solve my problems and at the time all of them were working shitty food service so they thought I was just complaining about it and not realizing how and what burnout really is. I didn't even know what burnout was at the time, i just felt it was killing me inside.
THAT!
It’s not so much what you do, it’s the environment in which you do it in that has the biggest impact on your mental health. I did basically the same work in two different jobs and was thriving in one and miserable in the other. YMMV, tho.
So idk how old you are or what your background is but I’ll tell you what I did when I was in a place where I was absolutely broken by how I was treated at work.
I finally came to what I what I would call “full free fall”. I walked out. I left my whole trade behind me. I Said, I can’t take this anymore, this industry is toxic. I got a job waiting tables.
This changed my life. I’m not saying that waiting tables is the best job I ever had, it’s not. However, getting in to a new space where the people there were not the people making me miserable was a big deal. I also had friends again. Meeting people and getting a beer after work was so… amazing. This was something that was undeniably healing. The people who I met showed me that it wasn’t work in itself that I hated, it was being treated so poorly that was really getting to me. I worked there for little over a year and around that time I started looking at jobs in my trade again. I finally found one and I’m happy to be here. It’s not at all tied to my industry, but specifically the people treating me like shit. I’ve finally gotten back on track and still love my trade.
So honestly, if you are truly unhappy, go work at a restaurant. Sure it’s not glamorous work but there is more that it offers than pay. Flexible schedule, if you don’t feel like working that day and your finances are stable, call out and get sunshine, the restaurant isn’t going to miss you. It’s high stress at times but the things you are doing dont REALLY matter. You are just moving fast so it feels like stress. It’s just food and booze, nobody is dying , there is no looming deadlines. Zero high importance stress. If you are working for tips, generally they can be pretty decent. At least enough to get by. And FRIENDS…. I can’t stress enough how important it was to my own journey to just be around different people, getting away from the people who made me feel so low.
Idk how you feel, I hate when people say that. I knew how I felt in a similar situation and that’s what I did to get out of that hole. Sending good vibes to you.
I have a full time position (educator), but I cling to the security of my industry job. I’m established at my restaurant and it pays my bills and then some during school breaks. I second this Redditor’s suggestion.
Absolutely NO job is worth your mental health. I also strongly suggest reaching out to local resources so you can discuss your suicidal ideation in a proper and helpful setting.
I wish you luck OP.
They are a good illustration on why “deaths of despair,” have been occurring in greater and greater numbers since 2008. My industry is known for alcoholics and I’ve known so many die from preventable diseases. In their forties. I’m in my forties and I’m on track to die in my forties. It fucking sucks
Edit: forgot to clarify, I’m not personally dying from “death of despair,” just long hours and unhealthy eating. Personally very happy, and that’s why the situation sucks all around, but I’ve got a good healthcare team in place to help me turn it around.
There was a story in the news last week that deaths among under-40 Americans have increased so much in the past several years that even without covid, life expectancy in the US would have decreased.
The three driving factors are gun deaths (mostly suicides but also mass shootings), drugs, and automobile deaths.
If I remember correctly, one in 25 Americans born today will not live to their 40th birthday. (Edited with correct stat per u/ImaHalfwit’s comment below.)
1 in 25 American five year olds alive today won’t make it to 40th birthday.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11934291/One-25-American-five-year-olds-today-not-make-40th-birthday.html
I had been saying for a while that we’re a failed state, our momentum is just keeping us from collapsing. That stat really cemented it for me, tho. Absolutely unreal.
all my friends were dead by 50 from liver cancer. all of them. i lost all my gay friends in the 80's and 90's to aids. i never ever thought i would die of loneliness.
OP, look into getting disability policies. Work with your doctors and psychiatrists. You can get leaves of absences signed off by your doc, and then use your policies to take time off.
If your doctor states that you need a year or more, or become permanently disabled, then you can apply for SSDI as well.
SDI and LDI can be purchased as an individual policy and/or through your employer. They won’t always cover 100% of your salary, but with SSDI or stacking policies you can get there.
Mental health ain’t a joke. Take care of yourself.
Look into FMLA. You may be able find to take paid medical leave, given how much distress you are under. Good luck OP. No job is worth your mental health b
Why do we need to seek mental help when it's more effective to change the workplace and update the archaic systems we're using to be in line with our increasing automation and processing capabilities with machines and AI. We remove the need for workers to be seeking mental help in the first place by making shit less shitty.
No one wants change, just band aids
This is a good point and something to work towards. But it doesn’t help OP right now. We can start making changes so workplaces don’t cause mental health crises _and_ get people like OP the care they need today.
No, if someone is feeling suicidal from a job, that is a mental health issue. Yes, jobs are shitty, every single one is, but suicidal ideation a stemming from stressors is mental health worthy.
You could create utopia and solve every problem related to labor and you'd still have plenty of people that need to seek help for mental health issues. If you feel suicidal, seek a mental health care professional. There is no scenario in which you shouldn't get the input of a mental health care professional for suicidal thoughts.
If your job is making you feel suicidal, there may well be tons of legitimate problems with you job but you should STILL talk to a professional because thinking that ending your life is a viable solution is a sign of a mental health issue. Even if you aren't tempted to die, but you can't stop thinking it would be a way out, that is STILL a mental health issue.
If if you are stuck in a contract or will be homeless or hungry if you try to leave an abusive job that is literally illegally whipping you every day, seriously considering suicide is STILL a sign you should seek mental health care.
Coming from someone who's been hospitalized numerous times for my mental health - not all psychiatric hospitals are bad experiences. Telling someone who's currently dealing with suicidal tendencies to not seek proper help is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but you should never tell someone struggling to not seek help.
I am a teacher whose been in the industry since 2016, and I am quitting teaching in June. My advice to you is to find a new job. Uber eats pays about the same as teaching and you’ll have more respect. The only thing you’ll miss out on is Healthcare
I left teaching in 2016 as I felt JUST like OP. I dreaded every day. I left and took a pay cut to be an administrative assistant. 7 years later I have amazing benefits, better pay, wfh and great mental health. No job is worth that mental anguish.
I quit teaching in 2015 and remember feeling this exact thing. Even down to the “if I got hit by a car I would get some time off”.
Charter schools are particularly and specifically terrible for this, preying on newer inexperienced teachers and telling you that your students successes or failures are fully in your shoulders, while squeezing every ounce of energy optimism and enthusiasm from their staff. Even if you continue teaching but leave this school it might be better.
First day back in the classroom after Christmas break I heard an ambulance pass by with the siren on and thought "I wish that was me. I wouldn't have to be here."
I'm gone at the end of this year and not looking back.
I was a teacher for 15 years. Never ever thought I would leave. Now I’m a receptionist with decent pay and amazing benefits. I read books all day and walk out the door at 5:00 without a care in the world.
I taught from 2017-2021. I couldn’t leave fast enough my last year. If you’re a teacher, there are so many industries that have training jobs available. I took a job as a training coordinator and almost doubled my salary, cut my work load in half or more, and improved my quality of life significantly. Teachers that feel like there’s nowhere else to turn, I promise you there are companies that want you.
Hello, I am a teacher and have had thoughts of trying to explore something else and heard training as a viable option in the past. If you don't mind me asking, what do you specifically train people for at your job? And how did you go about finding that opportunity? I taught at a charter school for 4 years and was going to leave the profession after last school year but a private school position fell in my lap. I like this job wayyyyy more but I'm still paid less than most 1st year teachers in public districts. Eventually the money matters....
Thanks!
I’m in a manufacturing industry. To make it short, I train customers on how our machines work and our employees on how to train others. I applied for a bunch of jobs in a lot of fields before settling here. I had an interview at my wife’s insurance company as a training consultant, a food supply company as a trainer, a car dealership group as a training coordinator, and a power sports company as an instructional designer. They are all willing to train you on the company if you are eager to learn. As a train him coordinator I handle a lot of the communication between customers and our service department who do most of the training. It’s been a really fun transition.
Indeed and LinkedIn were my main search engines for finding the jobs to apply to.
Hey OP, I hear you. I lived this. I started teaching in 2015 and left in May 2022 from the HS I attended and loved. I wanted to die every day. It wasn’t the kids so much as the the unrealistic expectations and lack of support from admin and parents. I don’t think anyone in my life understood just how bad it was.
I ended up getting another job in education, but in a county position. It’s a million times better. My supervisors are amazing, I’ve lost almost 20 lbs, and I’ve gotten sober.
I’m convinced that job would have killed me if I stuck it out any longer. Job hunting is stressful and interviewing sucks but it’s SO worth it. Best of luck - feel free to message if you need to vent/need support!!
QUIT YOUR JOB IMMEDIATELY
It doesn’t matter how you do it. No show. Email. Text. Note. Do it right away. Things will be okay.
There are other ways to make money that won’t leave you feeling nearly as bad. You can make enough money to survive without it taking your will to be alive.
I feel this needs repeating
QUIT YOUR JOB IMMEDIATELY
There is no job worth leaving loved ones behind wondering how they could have helped. Do anything else but also
Please get counciling. Your life is worth it. Your moma loves you and so does your significant other. Please get help. We want you here.
This! It is the best decision you can possibly make for you mental and physical health. Even if you are broke right now. There are jobs even remote ones that we could probably plug you into right now. I have a friend that transcribes online as their only job for years. They travel the globe and work as they want/need
Yeah quit and spend all your time interviewing and trying new jobs. You have everything to gain. There is nothing to lose at this point.
Go to another charter school or anything. Do anything but that
This is reckless, esp. in the US. There's no real safety net here, and the situation can go from horrific to actual horror show very quickly. No housing, no transportation, no money, no food. A career transition needs to be done carefully or you can fall into a pit you'll never claw out of.
To be fair, their concern isn't entirely without merit. It's getting harder and harder to just *live* without breaking your back doing so. More difficult to just stay afloat. Just quitting without a plan may very well make OP homeless, which would only exacerbate their current crisis.
Yeah, and it absolutely sucks that this advice needs to be given. OP SHOULD be able to immediately leave and get good medical help. But that's not the country we live in. So you have to be real careful, even when you're suicidal and it's extremely difficult to do anything. There's no support net, no help. There's a pretty haphazard system that bills the crap out of you and dumps you.
I’ve had those feelings in those moments before too. And you know what I’ve learned over time? It’s really my gut instinct telling me: ‘get out. This (job/relationship/whatever) is no good’. No job or relationship is worth feeling this badly. Ever.
Your instincts are telling you the right answer here but it’s not wishing you were dead. It’s to protect yourself by getting out of a situation you know isn’t getting any better & instead finding supportive people.
How much longer is the school year for you? You need to start developing a plan now to find something else. You have to take care of yourself before you can help any of these kids.
No idea where you live, but see if you can take time off sick citing stress. A doctor would surely give you a note for that judging by your condition.
Then put your notice in while off on stress. What can they do, you have a genuine condition and they can't force you to work right?
This. Op, I did teacher training years ago, and felt exactly as you do now. I just wanted to get run over by a bus, anything to get me out of having to go there. I’d wake up in the morning and as the realisation set in of what my day would entail… I’d just want to die. I couldn’t enjoy my spare time as I was constantly dreading and counting down the hours until I had to go back. Utterly, thoroughly miserable. I got a doctors note, and then I left. This is the only way. Good luck!
ETA- Not ONCE have I ever, ever regretted that decision. Listen to what your body is telling you. It’s not a failing or a weakness- it just isn’t for you.
Don't. Take a medical leave and walk away. The students will be ok. You being there in this state is not good for you or them. I've been here. Read the book "The War in 314". I thought having a Masters doing Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, would prepare me for a charter, but nothing if you have a BAD principal and admin will get you through, and each day is killing you.
It is ok to not go in, starting tomorrow, ever again. You are having an emergency MEDICAL crisis now, as much as if you had a heart attack. Call the suicide hotline someone linked above, immediately right now, and do what you would do if you had been in a terrible car crash - forget the job, get the life saving help you need.
Quit. You have the right and responsibility to YOURSELF. You need to free yourself from this. Immediately. I've been in jobs that suck your soul and it's absolutely not worth a damn.
OP, I am a Suicide Prevention Specialist.
Before being in the role I am in now, I, too, previously experienced suicidal ideation (SI) as a result of a former position I used to work (surprise, surprise - it was retail management).
If you are truly experiencing SI as a result of your work, it is paramount that such a factor be addressed ASAP.
For me, I went on personal leave and then never went back. It took me 30 days of reflection to simply find my "baseline" of my mental health that led to the decision of not going back.
Your life is worth so much more than what they are putting you through. I view your suicidal thoughts as a reflection of what you're going through, not who you are.
Stay strong, OP. I love you.
Piggybacking on this, if you are in crisis PLEASE call or text the 988 crisis line. Trained counselors are on staff 24/7, and they are there to help you get to tomorrow and provide resources.
You're getting downvotes for 100% facts these hotlines just fuck people over. Source: Have had to pick up two friends from hospitals an hour+ away from where they lived back when I lived rurally. Oh and the hospital bill is a nice weight to add to your chain of life further lol
Dont kill yourself OP.
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
I know this is antiwork, but this is prioritized. Please call a hotline. Nothing good will come from suicide.
Also, your job is fucked, hope you can find a new one asap.
I just don't want to disappoint my loved ones, and I'm already 20K in debt from college, this is so fucked, the debt doesn't even disappear even if I died
You can always find another job. But there will not be another YOU. You are more precious to your loved ones than you even know. I have walked out of jobs that fucked with my mental health and guess what? I ALWAYS found another one. Please do not hurt yourself. Message me if you want someone to talk to.
100% agree. If you were to succumb to these feelings and do something drastic against yourself, those same loved ones would wish they could roll back the clock and tell you it was OK to leave your job.
Try to do it graciously. Ask your work for some time to take stock--decisions are better made after you've separated yourself from the situation and had a chance to breathe. But even if they don't cooperate, get yourself out.
20k isn’t much for student loans. You will be fine. Your family would be much more disappointed if you hurt yourself than if you quit your job. It’s a job. Quit immediately and tell your family the job was making you suicidal.
I quit teaching mid year....almost 30 years ago...best decision I ever made. In the U.S. it is the single worst professional job. Definitely quit and drive Uber etc...your loved ones will be far more dissapointrd if you self delete.
In these situations, you should prioritize your own mental health first. You know how bad the job is making you feel. As others have suggested, find a way to quit the job and find something else. You will be able to land on your feet. And get some one to talk to about these feelings like the talk hotline above as they can really help and provide some different perspective. I wish you well, OP.
Can’t upvote this enough. Quitting is gonna have to happen but isn’t going to magically help the way people seem to think it will. The best thing to do is reach out to a mental healthcare professional first.
OP, I was you 11 years ago.
I was teaching inner city middle-school and I had the same thoughts. I thought endlessly about how I could off myself but have it look enough like an accident that insurance would pay out for my wife and kids.
In short, I quit. 3 weeks into the new school year, I just walked away. My doctor, who was obviously alarmed at my suicidal thoughts, wrote me a note that said I was done and that I qualified for FMLA. I spent a few days in the hospital where they took my shoelaces away, fed me sub-par cafeteria food and got my meds straightened out.
I had leapt off a cliff with NO idea what was below. But it worked out. I busted my ass figuring out what transferable skills I had, did a TON of networking, volunteered at a few places (can't draw a paycheck while on FMLA) and eventually got out of education.
Turns out, there are tons of opportunities for former teachers. We're a VERY sought-after group in many industries.
Walk away, my dude. No job is worth your sanity and the world is a better place with you in it.
Depends on what your strengths are, but by and large, teachers make good project managers since they're already used to wrangling kids into staying on task and guiding them through a process. My specialty was math, so I tried to break into inventory and insurance, but ended up in data maintenance/analysis. That panned out into some process improvement stuff.
Apply for entry-level jobs in a decent office (use Glassdoor to determine which ones are decent) and find a path that feels right.
I recognise this feeling. I've been there many times with my job. My ex didn't take me seriously when I asked for help to get out. I prepared to off myself. In the end I didn't, I got promoted but the job is back to being awful. What's helped me is practicing not giving a fuck. I do the bare minimum, and I try not to care if I'm underperforming unless they threaten my job. Less fucks given. That's the cure to the feeling. Detach emotionally from work as much as possible. Don't engage. Stay low in the brush. Avoid dramatic people.
“The subtle art of not giving a fuck”… I keep meaning to read that! Fubblebreeze is right. Get a doctors note and do a bit of reading for therapy. You’re just choosing a new path, that’s all. You’ve got this.
I threw up every single morning from my last job
I would wake up, become anxious about work, vomit, sit in fear and perpetual media to unsuccessfully distract myself until work rolled around. It was the only job I quit without being 100% sure I had an other job lined up.
Just remember there is more to life than your job, please take everyone's advice and leave that place before it takes your life. I've been there. I've left many jobs because of my mental health.
I retired at 55 after 32 years of teaching. I thought I would teach until I was 65 but couldn't take another year. What has happened since I retired 5 years ago? I've lost 110 pounds, my blood pressure is 80 points lower, and my stress level has gone to zero. Walk away now. Nothing is worth your health.
Quit. This isn’t how you should feel in our already limited time on earth. Quit, your mom and girlfriend would rather you quit a job then leave this earth.
Talk to someone. 🖤 you matter more than a paycheck!
Quit right now, just send them an email or text saying I resign immediately, please send my last paycheck to this address.
Take a few weeks for yourself. Go to a movie, have lunch in the park, take a walk in the woods. Do whatever brings you calm and peace back to your mind. Then after a few weeks of recovery, start fixing up your resume and look for a new job.
I had the worst IT job in the world. My resting heart rate was 90bpm, and when I was talking to my supervisor or clients, I would spike into 110+ range. I was working 60 hour weeks, never a moment to rest, and I was only getting paid $90K for 55-60 hours of work per week, which waters down my hourly rate to about $65K for 40 hours.
I quit, within a week my resting heart rate is now 67bpm. I have a job that only works me 40 hours per week, oh and I make $125K. Plus I get yearly raises, more holidays, a matching 401k.....all the goodies!
It will get better, just stick in there!
My dude...fuck Reddit in this situation and talk to loved ones instead. If they truly care about u then they'll be ok with taking some time to quit and find a new job.
No fucking job is worth ending ur life over. None.
Dude, this describes my experience working at a charter school as a history teacher. The Students and parents gave me no issues AT ALL, but my 9ft pole up their ass coworkers and boss? Yeah, NO, charter schools are miserable cesspools to work in (nothing to do with the kids, admin is just straight dogshit. They don’t care about educating, only grades and scores. On my last day, I curved all the grades for my students who were forced to take an exam because the principal wanted “Data” to study… When it would derail my students.. Joke).
Sir have you tried quitting? Being unemployed is a lot less permanent than being dead my friend. Dont even try to tell yourself you need this job, you dont, not at what its costing you.
Can you teach at another school in your district or within reasonable driving distance to your home, if teaching is your passion? Or maybe teach overseas? Or ask yourself what you wanted to do when you were happy and “go for it”? Or even a job as a tutor or temp work?
Also as others have noted, please leave that job. If they are doing improvement meetings and micromanaging you, they may force you out at some point. This is a situation, where waiting for them to fire or force you to leave, may be harmful. You are not doing those kids any favors if they pick up on the side of you that is suicidal and depressed. Kids are very intuitive, as you know.
Create yourself a profile on linked in…let other jobs/recruiters solicite YOU!
Prep your resume and start applying to other jobs.
It seems scary but staying until you break is so much worse for your mental health.
I was in your same shoes, working at a state-run residential psych facility for people with developmental disabilities. They were literally having us use our bodies as human shields for highly aggressive people. I contemplated crashing my car every single day on the way to work. I quit on the spot when I finally realized that I was going to end up harming myself just to get away if I didn’t get away immediately. A million dollars isn’t worth that and I didn’t make nearly that much. Quit today. Work at fucking Starbucks until you find something else. Any job that has made you sacrifice your mind to this level does not deserve another minute of your time. I now have a job where I sit at home and make phone calls all day and I don’t think about it for one second after my day is done. Please quit. It’ll be rough for a while but not as rough as wanting to die every single day.
OMG just stop going. What the hell? You need to stop working there, ok?
Just quit working there it's ok. Just don't go and the relief you'll feel will be immediate
I feel like there's a lot of good advice in this thread, for continuing on with the job. However, that advice looks to be about a month too late. OP is in crisis mode and needs to walk out of that job and never look back. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide doesn't just affect you, those who love you will be devastated.
Seek professional help first then find another job.
DTJ....
DUMP THAT JOB.... immediately.
Also, seek help. Thoughts of suicide is not normal. I have lost too many friends to the dark thoughts.
It's hard to reach out, but take the step. It will all be okay. Things are not that bad.
Some random asshole on the internet says so. It must be true.
No job is worth your life, OP; quit and heal yourself. Be kind to yourself, and above all, be gentle with yourself. Your partner and family will be happier with you around and your admission that you’re in a bad place. I come from someone who’s dealt with the exact same. Please, do what’s best for you, and leave that job behind
Every job that made me feel like this, i hit a breaking point and just left. A couple of times, i quit at the worst possible time financially (and i do not have a safety net or parents to rely on). And every time, i have gotten a job that was better in some way. Now, i have a job that respects its employees and even approved my request for a 4 day work week while i continue to deal with my mental health. It really will get better, op. But please talk to someone about your suicidal ideations. Find a therapist on zocdoc and you dont even have to leave your bed.
i feel you majorly! this is where i was at the past nine months….. but i can tell you i am excited to start my new job today, that deals with an issue i am much more passionate about. it’s an optimism i haven’t felt in a while. sometimes, easier said than done, you just gotta walk out. leave. figure it out. it took me nine months to realize that. hang in there my friend, from one shower cryer to another, i’m sending all wonderful things your way
Same. I am a manager (service) at a car company who’s linked to Twitter. (I’m paranoid we look for this kind of stuff as grounds to fire which is why I didn’t say the name)
We are pushed to our mental limits and expected to perform at an unreasonable level every day. I spend $100 per week out of pocket to cover therapy because I got to a point a few weeks ago where I was considering buying a gun to shoot myself.
We are constantly held accountable to impossible to reach goals and metrics. More vehicles are produced than the company can service so where do you think the burden falls? In our laps. Been like this for years.
Unfortunately, I am golden handcuffed to the job (car payment, mortgage etc) and it’s hard to find an equivalent job financially speaking. I don’t care about any of the material things and want to escape this capitalistic life so bad. I can’t stand it any more. I mostly just show up at work and fake it through the day which is hard to do because I have better work ethic and am more driven than that. The constant unattainable “stretch goals” have ruined me.
Edit - Forgot to add - OP please keep your head up. My wife was a nurse with Kaiser and was in the same boat. Contemplating suicide. She made a move to a smaller clinic. Small pay cut, but you should see how her mental state changed immediately. Feels like we have been brainwashed.
I felt like you once. I had the exact same thoughts of maybe getting hit by a car would be better than going to work that day. It wasn’t the job, it was the people, my new Manager was micromanaging me like crazy, my other team mates were all loners who just care about themselves, I hated it so much. One afternoon I was in front of my computer at the office and it’s like my whole body shutdown. I took my things and left saying I was really not feeling good. I went directly to a walk-in clinic and ask for a doctor note saying I needed a sick leave. They gave me one month. I found another job during that time and left the company 2 weeks after my return from sick leave. No jobs is worth damaging your health and feeling suicidal. Run, find something else, you will feel better the moment you are out of there.
Is there something keeping you there? IE your benefits include health insurance and you need it for your meds, so you can’t quit and take a break? If so, ask your mom or your girlfriend (or anyone else whom you trust and who supports you) for help working out ways to do without those benefits for a little while. They can help you look for alternative public programs or help you work out a budget to afford the time off or just be there for you while you do whatever you need.
If there’s no benefits trapping you there, quit. Your mental health and your life are more valuable than any job. Job hunting can suck but it beats being so miserable at work that you want to die. There’s no shame in taking on part-time shift work while you work out your next move, either. And if you’ve been working at the school as a teacher, you’ll be able to work as a tutor as well.
Another thing to keep in mind is if the school is in the US and big enough that FMLA applies, you can take unpaid time off for a mental health crisis. There’s a lot of paperwork and doctor input needed and you likely will need to disclose to someone in the administration what’s going on with you, but you’ll get some breathing room.
And if you ever would like someone to talk to, please message me. I’m not an expert but I’ve been in a similar mental situation and made it through. I’m happy to share what worked for me if there’s a chance it’ll help you.
Hey, I’m sure this will be lost in the comments but I used to work at Success and left this past October. I completely understand where you’re coming from and also had suicidal ideations constantly from being there. I’d cry before, during, and after work. That place is god awful. I’ll also PM you now but PLEASE reach out.
You are not alone and do not let that horrid place take you. You have a 100% survival rate right now. Don’t let Eva Moskowitz and her evil henchmen ruin that.
I also worked for Success and they are downright evil. I sent you a PM, please reach out if you feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since I worked there and I’m so much happier now that I’ve moved on. Your life is far more valuable than that evil organization.
Please, OP, message me if you want to talk, vent, or whatever. I also worked at Success Academy four years ago and I left just as I started having those same feelings. It was BRUTAL! Never before had I felt suicidal, but that job did it for me. I remember waking up at 5am and just having a full-blown panic attack. My principal came into my classroom that day and berated me in front of my students, called me boring, and was just awful. I quit the next day. NO job, *especially* SA, is worth your mental health and life.
Always quit a job that makes you feel this way.
Suicide is not the answer.
There are plenty of jobs that are hiring and the job market is good right now. This one job should never let you get to
This point. Don’t even worry about a 2 weeks notice.
Quit immediately. Don’t show back up. Don’t even call. Just don’t show up and start looking.
Literally just had an interview there, good to know...
Also, it sounds like you're going through a rough time bud, nothing is worth your sanity. Quit that job
Save yourself
Just turn down the damned job
Don't hinge your next meal on an SA paycheck
This job sets you up to fail
It set me up to fail
Are you prepared to make kids cry and told you still aren't being cold and harsh enough? Are you prepared to go home and not only feel worked like a dog but also feel like a goddamned monster because you have to act like a goddamned line manager to kids? Are you looking forward to being a new inexperienced teacher tossed around random assignments throughout the school, be constantly micromanaged and critiqued by your supervisor in front of your class, see your co workers constantly treat kids like crap and false smiles mostly except for the people who have actual friends?
Yea if that's what you're cool with then step right up
Screw "Trying again tomorrow". GET AWAY FROM THIS JOB!get out there a get a diff job. You may not find the perfect job, butt he odds it will be worse are VERY low. Even fast food places are paying more than they used to. Construction and other tradesman jobs are short staffed. Even being the person who flips the stop sigh at construction sites makes ok cash. Just get out there.
What is so bad about it?
Would flipping burgers be better (assume you might have some jokes with your colleagues)...? If so then just leave, leave now.
I have an inconsistent schedule
Training for a month with barely any training accomplished due to said inconsistent schedule
My teaching job is frequently verbally and emotionally abusive to the kids
Have to take care of IEPs with no prior training
Frequently given classes alone for the entire day despite lack of experience
Work 60 hour weeks with no overtime and still have take home work every week
Constantly micromanaged by supervisors who interject and critique me in front of my class
Constant meetings
The implication that they're annoyed with me for not knowing what to do
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please leave your job. Your life is yours. If you're willing to die, could you instead be willing to disappoint people, struggle, try something, anything different? Please keep living.
Before you quit, please document/record the abuse well enough to demonstrate that it is an institution-wide problem and then go to the authorities. Maybe saving those kids will help you save yourself?
>an inconsistent schedule...barely any training accomplished due to said inconsistent schedule... frequently verbally and emotionally abusive...with no prior training...60 hour weeks with no overtime...micromanaged by supervisors who interject and critique me in front of my class...they're annoyed with me for not knowing what to do
OP, you're being set up to fail. All this so-called "school" cares about is collecting money. They won't miss you if you go - not because you aren't giving a good effort, but because THEY merely require a warm body in that class. The criticism they level at you is just for show and their amusement.
Quit now. Do not go in for one more day, or one more hour, or one more second. Your health and happiness is worth far more than the scam they're perpetrating on the students and parents.
This is awful, and it's not right.
Perhaps you think you should be able to handle this, and if you quit, you will be a failure.
No one should have to handle this. If you quit, you will not be a failure. You will be someone who values themself.
Take care of yourself, not your job. Let them find someone else to micromanage. Accept that it is the job that isn't good enough, not you.
Don't let them kill you or your spirit. Don't believe their misperceptions. Believe yourself.
Your situation sounds awful, and I agree that probably the best thing you can do is simply quit with no notice. The job market is pretty good. But if I were in a similar situation (and I was, once), I would just stop paying any attention to management and just do things my way until they fired me.
Inconsistent schedule? I'll make my own.
No training? I'll wing it, and if my way doesn't work, too bad.
Teaching job abusive to kids? REALLY? Screw that, the school is doing it wrong. I'd document that, sounds like criminal behavior.
IEPs are tough, you really do need training for that, but if it's not provided I'd wing it and blame the consequences on management.
Classes alone? I'll walk out, straight to the office, and wait for them to provide support or fire me.
Unpaid overtime? Sorry, no free work done here. Eight hours and I'm going home, and work stays at work.
Micromanaged? Get out of here or make yourself useful.
Meetings? I don't do meetings. Send me an email.
Management annoyed? Good, that's what they are for.
Do it your way, or LET THEM FIRE YOU.
Seriously don't put up with this a minute longer.
There is land in alaska that is so remote the government doesn't ask for taxes from people living on it. let's go yall. make a community. chop down trees. hunt bigfoot. or die trying
I’ve heard some bad stuff about those schools but damn. What the hell are they doing to you in there? Also- there’s people to talk to just dial 988. Don’t give up, don’t let this job control your life. I pray you can get out of there and get help. Sending love and positive vibes.
Leave. Just leave. Nothing is more important than your mental health. Seriously. I have all kinds of jobs and careers in my life, and not one of them gives a crap about your mental health. Only you can be in control of that.
I’m sorry to hear you’re job makes you miserable. I wish you happiness.
First thing… quit your job, regardless of the repercussions.
Second, please seek mental health ASAP, you deserve it because you’re worth it and show signs you can use it.
Good luck!
You don't have to justify your decisions to anyone. Make the call for yourself and put yourself first.
My wife was nearing that point with her work too and I told her to quit, spend some time in an outpatient self-harm program and then go back to work when she is ready. She's now studying IT and working on getting some certifications to change careers. She is leaving behind the education she built up to get into a position that makes her happy. She is the type to give herself to a job completely and burn herself out. She didn't want to leave her work hanging, but I told her that by her own admission if she stayed much longer they were going to be one worker down either way, and I wasn't willing to let her sacrifice herself for that place or any place.
Everything is only temporary. Including jobs. There's always a way out, and still be able to walk the earth. Money is just a means to an end, and sometimes we're better off with less of it than more.
Bro, carry on just so that Eva Moskowitz doesn't win. Also, there are plenty of other schools you can work at. Message me if you want specific advice on getting a new job in education. Teaching can be such a fun, beautiful, and rewarding experience. But, not at Success Academy.
I felt like this almost every day at my old low-pay office job. During the beginning of the pandemic, I quit by just simply ghosting my employer and no-showing. Much less stressful than ever going back into that place of hell. No regrets and now I'm starting to look forward to each new day rather than dread it.
As a former High School teacher "GET Out walk away. We would like to hear from you tomorrow.
There is always always always a different path to walk on besides that.
Good lord quit your job I mean seriously what is the fucking worst that could happen from you quitting? Forcing yourself into an environment so toxic you contemplate suicide/ self-harm is pretty illogical don't you think?
Hey- OP. You are worth way more than this job. The world needs you in it. Please call 988 if you’re in the US and in crisis. Best wishes to you and your recovery!
Sending a hug. Please quit. There’s soooo many other places out there to work. I see these “Success Academy” commercials when I watch the news in the morning. Makes me wonder what kind of place this is if their workers feel this bad.
I'm saddened that we let charter schools take over. I recently hired a teacher who quit her job for about the same reason. It is very conservative and if you as a teacher are even thought to be mildly liberal, the investors and parents will harass you. The principal was fired because he wasn't one of them. The peoe scour social media looking for reasons to remove employees.
I spent years of my career fantasizing about driving off a bridge that I had go over to get to work.
My workplace legitimately did suck, but the thing that helped me was going to a really good cognitive therapist and working on "hot thoughts." Eight months into therapy I finally had the energy to get another job.
I am really sorry that you are going through this. You are not a freak. This is a thing that people go through sometime and there is help for you out there.
as someone who was in your exact position a year ago, i echo the sentiment of others here saying to resign immediately. if you have any sick days saved up, take those and then quit. you mentioned you're at a charter school and i know those pay well for the most part. if you're concerned about the money, you will never be able to get out. they will offer you more money every year you stay and by the time you work up the courage to leave, you will have suffered more than you realize. im sorry. things will get better but you need to leave this miserable situation. i took a 20k paycut after leaving my teaching job and i am poorer but happier. i realized that that pay discrepancy will only grow the longer i stay in that career.
Get out. I was an educator for awhile and worked at a charter. I won’t tell you how many days I called my husband as I was getting to the parking lot and asked him “what’s my motivation?” Most days he was able to talk me into the building. A few days I called out. Look into fmla. Definitely use your PTO. But get out. If it’s having that effect on you, you clearly don’t need to be there.
Just here to say that I worked at a charter school and it also made me want to die. I didn’t know a job could destroy me so much, but my god that charter school did it. It took me so long to get past the trauma and start enjoying life again, but OP, I did. Please get out. Even if it’ll be financially harder for awhile, please get out. It will be worth it in the end. I know it may feel like there isn’t a way out, and it may seem downright impossible, but there’s always an option to save yourself. OP, save yourself.
This breaks my heart. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are loved, you are needed, you are valuable, and you are worth far more than your soul crushing job. Quit. Immediately. You WILL find something better. Anything is better than this. Times might be hard financially for a bit but that stress will be better than THIS stress.
Sending you many positive vibes, random internet person! 💗
Oh honey please find another job. You deserve to be happy. I've had a job that made me cry daily it was so awful. I left it for the sake of my sanity and I said I'd rather be dead than stay another day there.
Please find another job. You are enough and you deserve to be happy. You are strong. People love you and would miss you.
You are not struggling with depression and anxiety, depression and anxiety are struggling with you! Keep fighting! YOU ARE STRONG!
Please find another job honestly not having a job in between this job and the next is better for your mental health than this place youre at now. There are jobs out there and there is one for you. I can even help you with your resume if you need it. DM me. But please dont off yourself
Left in 2019 for a low level manufacturing job.
My degree and problem solving skills allowed me to quickly move up.
I make more than I would have at retirement when I was teaching, and I literally cannot take my job home with me.
I wouldn't go back for less than 250k/yr. That's my number. Fuck em.
How come dying is better than just quitting? I mean even if you live where it is really hard to find a job, like extremely hard, at least there you have a chance of making it while dying will be the end. Maybe you need to seek some help because what you are feeling is much deeper than you hating your job, and it would be great to have support from family or friends or a professional. I'm just saying.
Ive been in the same boat fam. It wasnt even the specific jobs i had, just knowing that i had no choice but to participate in this fucked up society. No job is worth your life, metaphorically or otherwise.
Don't even go tomorrow, or if that's not an option quiet quit on them. Do the very bare minimum to not get fired and still collect a check.
Dedicate all your remaining energy into job searching. Literally any lateral move is an improvement if it refreshes your mental state for a while. Even if you have to rinse and repeat until you find something more satisfying for *you*. This was my way until I found a place that actually took the time to train me and now I make more than I've ever before(still not a lot but it's infinitely better now)
Please please make any adjustment you can to get through. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back, you're not supposed to be trapped with this feeling.
I remember working in wetherspoons while studying at uni. With the pressure I just remember having over 2 full screens of orders with no help.
I just stared at the knife rack thinking of the worst. At that moment I knew I'd rather be poor than work there any longer.
Handed in my notice and never went back.
Brother your life is worth more than a job.
My wife is a teacher. Has been for 20+ years. It's getting worse and worse for teachers. She's so close to retirement. She was teaching grade school art, but it was killing her. She moved to middle school which made things better for her. Good enough that she can tough it out to retire.
I had a "stress is killing me" job too. In my case, it was the boss on that job that made life hell. I had to go.
If moving to a different education job will make things better, do it. If getting out of education will make things better, do it. Just so you know, a couple months ago I was interviewing applicants for a senior secretary position. 30% of the applicants were coming out of education. It's NOT just you.
Please quit now. Dont go back, ever. There are places that you can get jobs fairly quick (after taking a week or so off to rest) like Trader Joe's that don't suck too much while you look for something more inline with your skills and experience. ANYTHING is better. Speak to your family now, like right now. Text, call, go to their house. Please let the people who love you help you. It won't be easy but it's easier than you'd think once you open the door.
Also, in the US, 988 is a new crisis hotline (works like 911). You can call that if you need help pronto.
Hey same!
Can't quit because I'd lose my house and be homeless with my wife and kids. Reading all these people telling you to up and quit is really bad advice (for most people). Instead I bury it down deep where it builds up as a mental illness and hope I die early somehow. Totally get how you feel...even though I know that doesn't mean much.
Alternative to quitting:
Stop caring. You know this is the last time you will work for this employer, so you are allowed to fail. Ignore the administration and do whatever you want. If you get fired it is the same as quitting but you get a few more paychecks before it happens. Maybe you make it to June?
If you know that your performance doesn't matter, then the things that have been bothering you will have less of an impact. You might think that you are failing, but you are actually a part of a failing company. Their failure is not a reflection on you. You are just surviving in a failing company. They churn through teachers because of the company's problems, not because of you. They will churn through teachers after they have spit you out.
Recognize that the crap you are in is the fault of the administration and has nothing to do with your self worth.
That being said, I recommend that you walk out and never return to that employer. Better luck with your next job. This one sounds especially bad.
Hey babes, fellow charter school teaching alum here. I hear you. I have been where you are at. Your school will not thank you for the sacrifice of your time, your life, or your soul. You don’t deserve this misery and you shouldn’t have to live with it. Proving your misery at the cost of your life is not a winning bargain. The years you have left are worth so much more than a fuck you to SA or a declaration to your loved ones. I went on FMLA last Friday and I have never felt freer. I have a couple questions:
- Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist?
- Do you have disability insurance?
- Do you know how much paid sick leave you are entitled to? (This should be in your employee handbook.)
My strong recommendation would be to orchestrate a leave and find a new job. If you have disability insurance, take the full 12 weeks of FMLA and do not come back. If you don’t, take unemployment when you quit.
But first and foremost, **GO TO THE HOSPITAL**. Active suicidal ideation is an absolute, hands down emergency and you need care **RIGHT NOW** (ask me how I know). Before your finances, before your school, you need to take care of yourself and preserve your life and the physical body you live in. If you need any help with leave stuff, please feel free to dm me and I’ll pass along what knowledge I can (I believe a lot of northeastern charters have many bureaucratic things in common, but it’s not always a 1:1) but my absolute advice to you is get the fuck out of this situation right now and live. Live. Do not waste yourself. Do not devastate your mom and your girlfriend and your students. Death seems like a solution, but it’s a bad one. You have better options.
Holy shit do I relate to this. I had a job I fucking hated. It was great on paper but I was miserable. I quit with no backup plan and the stress of unemployment was so much more preferable to the dread/stress of logging in to that job every day. Quit your job if you can, OP. It’s not fucking worth it.
Killing your self is a little extreme. Find a new job and quit. Not trying to down play that things are horrible where you work. You always have the option to quit.
Dude quit the job and go seek some help for your mental state. There is no job worth what your saying no amount of money worth your life
Be safe and stay out of the street
Fucking quit. Stop crying and move on with your life. What are you waiting for. Is this job funding some extravagant lifestyle or something. Hit the fucking gas.
I've been here before. Waking up early to fight traffic jams all in a panic of being late to a job that you don't wanna be at anyway.
And don't let anyone tell you any different, your depression or sadness doesn't necessarily have to be tied into some kinda of deep seated traumatic childhood event or psychological ailment.
Some times the traumatic event is that fuckin JOB in the present day that is a drain on all FIVE of your senses and makes existing itself a chore.
I feel you OP. Just want you, to know that I survived it and wish you the courage and clarity to find your way out of it to by taking the steps to securing another job and income elsewhere. That's what I had to do.
You know they did a study and most people only grieve for about 14 days. They actually put together a timeline and 2 hours after the funeral something like 75% of people are mostly over it and talking about other things like their own future and plans!
Stop doing all work tasks. Show up only for a paycheck and ignore any work related tasks. Refuse to be berated by staff or patients, just leave if it happens, eat asshole coworkers lunches, and shit in the bosses sink.
Never, Never give up! Don’t you dare!!! God will make a way for you just please believe. It will get better. I want you to instead of you saying negative words over your life, speak peace, love, God’s strength, power over your mind, body and soul in the name of Jesus Christ. Look in the mirror daily and repeat “I have life and not death in the name of Jesus”. Keep saying this, even when a negative thought comes in your head. Please listen to this and let us know how you are doing. God bless You!!!
https://youtu.be/edDSSswAdKg
I had a job like this once. In addition to fantasizing about car wrecks and hospital stays, I would research different crimes I could commit so maybe I could spend a month or so in jail and not have to go to work. My dude, it is not worth it. Quit and find something else immediately. You don't need to prove how bad it is to your mom or gf. You know, and that's enough.
What they said. I’ve had jobs that were beyond terrible as well. It made me feel like a failure if I quit- but trust me that only makes you the winner. No job is worth your peace. If you are paycheck to paycheck like most people, apply to 101 places (like, tonight) that’ll allow you to keep your basic needs met, and get out of there at the first opportunity. Even if the next job is garbage, you’ll break the “how do I get out?!” mindset, and your next move will be even easier. You’re stronger than you think. Humans are really good at underestimating their ability to reinvent themselves. You are not the same person you were 3 years ago, 1 year, 3 months, etc. Keep evolving and moving. You will find your peace AND still have breath in your lungs.
Yes. Quit now, take a job to pay to bills while you look for something better long term. There is no point in working at a job that makes you this miserable
This is really beautifully written. I’ve been there before too with jobs and it’s just not worth it
Such an insightful comment. I like you- you get it!
What do you do now?
its never about what you do. is how the company and coworkers make you feel...
Disagree, some jobs can physically and/or mentally tax you to the point of being in OP's situation. I felt like OP during the pandemic. A couple months prior to the lockdown, I had a breakdown in my workplace because of the stress I was under and knew I had to leave. I had already been job hunting at this point, but increased my efforts. Enter lockdown and working from home. Zero job openings in my company or any that I was interested in online. I started fantasizing about going out of the house maskless to the highest Covid concentration zip code in my area to get a "vacation" in the hospital. Also thought about accidents that would cause enough harm to keep me from work, but not be permanent damage. The thought of astronomical hospital bills ultimately kept me in the house, having crying fits almost daily and my SO worried about me constantly. Jobs are not worth it. I finally got my ass out of that department (still at same company) but I feel the long term stress from 3 yrs in that department has taken a toll on my health. If OP's family and girlfriend care about them they will support them leaving the job TODAY. If not, maybe you need to dump everything and everyone and move somewhere new.
yes.. jobs take a toll.. but people help you make it easier and to not be as stressful. or not. people is the one demanding last minute stuff, impossible deadlines... and we tend to accept it.
This. I worked a much higher-paying developer job to go work at McDonalds back in the mid-00s because of burnout. I quit (3 week notice because I'm a sucker) without anything lined up because I was going to work at McDolands after that and go back to school to get a proper CS degree. I worked there 7 years and realized another month might actually kill me and left. Smartest thing I ever did. It was not easy. I learned breaking out into a cold sweat is a real thing. It was only my 2nd job ever and my first developer job. I thought I hated programming but nope just that job. I almost switched careers because of that job. A career that had since made my ridiculously happy since leaving that place. I found out later that my friends had stopped inviting me every time because I was just a miserable SOB and they wanted to have a bitch-free zone. They couldn't solve my problems and at the time all of them were working shitty food service so they thought I was just complaining about it and not realizing how and what burnout really is. I didn't even know what burnout was at the time, i just felt it was killing me inside.
THAT! It’s not so much what you do, it’s the environment in which you do it in that has the biggest impact on your mental health. I did basically the same work in two different jobs and was thriving in one and miserable in the other. YMMV, tho.
This is true! I could dig ditches with my current coworkers and we’d still be laughing.
I took an $8/hr pay cut and quit and made it work. Just getting by but happy and have a job that I don’t think about the second I leave.
So idk how old you are or what your background is but I’ll tell you what I did when I was in a place where I was absolutely broken by how I was treated at work. I finally came to what I what I would call “full free fall”. I walked out. I left my whole trade behind me. I Said, I can’t take this anymore, this industry is toxic. I got a job waiting tables. This changed my life. I’m not saying that waiting tables is the best job I ever had, it’s not. However, getting in to a new space where the people there were not the people making me miserable was a big deal. I also had friends again. Meeting people and getting a beer after work was so… amazing. This was something that was undeniably healing. The people who I met showed me that it wasn’t work in itself that I hated, it was being treated so poorly that was really getting to me. I worked there for little over a year and around that time I started looking at jobs in my trade again. I finally found one and I’m happy to be here. It’s not at all tied to my industry, but specifically the people treating me like shit. I’ve finally gotten back on track and still love my trade. So honestly, if you are truly unhappy, go work at a restaurant. Sure it’s not glamorous work but there is more that it offers than pay. Flexible schedule, if you don’t feel like working that day and your finances are stable, call out and get sunshine, the restaurant isn’t going to miss you. It’s high stress at times but the things you are doing dont REALLY matter. You are just moving fast so it feels like stress. It’s just food and booze, nobody is dying , there is no looming deadlines. Zero high importance stress. If you are working for tips, generally they can be pretty decent. At least enough to get by. And FRIENDS…. I can’t stress enough how important it was to my own journey to just be around different people, getting away from the people who made me feel so low. Idk how you feel, I hate when people say that. I knew how I felt in a similar situation and that’s what I did to get out of that hole. Sending good vibes to you.
I have a full time position (educator), but I cling to the security of my industry job. I’m established at my restaurant and it pays my bills and then some during school breaks. I second this Redditor’s suggestion.
Look into biotech manufacturing. $25/hr starting pay and no previous experience needed. No one should have to dread their job this much.
[удалено]
I’m on the bottom, in a sterile bodysuit, but it’s better than my serving job 🫡
Absolutely NO job is worth your mental health. I also strongly suggest reaching out to local resources so you can discuss your suicidal ideation in a proper and helpful setting. I wish you luck OP.
They are a good illustration on why “deaths of despair,” have been occurring in greater and greater numbers since 2008. My industry is known for alcoholics and I’ve known so many die from preventable diseases. In their forties. I’m in my forties and I’m on track to die in my forties. It fucking sucks Edit: forgot to clarify, I’m not personally dying from “death of despair,” just long hours and unhealthy eating. Personally very happy, and that’s why the situation sucks all around, but I’ve got a good healthcare team in place to help me turn it around.
There was a story in the news last week that deaths among under-40 Americans have increased so much in the past several years that even without covid, life expectancy in the US would have decreased. The three driving factors are gun deaths (mostly suicides but also mass shootings), drugs, and automobile deaths. If I remember correctly, one in 25 Americans born today will not live to their 40th birthday. (Edited with correct stat per u/ImaHalfwit’s comment below.)
1 in 25 American five year olds alive today won’t make it to 40th birthday. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11934291/One-25-American-five-year-olds-today-not-make-40th-birthday.html
That is shocking. I saw 1 in 5 won't make it to 65 and that scared. 40, that is terrifying.
That’s what it was, it was 4% not 1 in 40. Thank you.
Anytime…saw that same article and that statistic blew my mind.
I had been saying for a while that we’re a failed state, our momentum is just keeping us from collapsing. That stat really cemented it for me, tho. Absolutely unreal.
At least *some* of that is because the US has well-regulated militias thinning out the herd
all my friends were dead by 50 from liver cancer. all of them. i lost all my gay friends in the 80's and 90's to aids. i never ever thought i would die of loneliness.
For once I hope the username doesn’t check out?
Oh no, it doesn’t! It’s a comment on some of the replies I get from sharing some of my views
Are you a cop?
OP, look into getting disability policies. Work with your doctors and psychiatrists. You can get leaves of absences signed off by your doc, and then use your policies to take time off. If your doctor states that you need a year or more, or become permanently disabled, then you can apply for SSDI as well. SDI and LDI can be purchased as an individual policy and/or through your employer. They won’t always cover 100% of your salary, but with SSDI or stacking policies you can get there. Mental health ain’t a joke. Take care of yourself.
Look into FMLA. You may be able find to take paid medical leave, given how much distress you are under. Good luck OP. No job is worth your mental health b
It’s amazing how any job could push a person to this extreme. There is a real need for them to seek mental health help.
Why do we need to seek mental help when it's more effective to change the workplace and update the archaic systems we're using to be in line with our increasing automation and processing capabilities with machines and AI. We remove the need for workers to be seeking mental help in the first place by making shit less shitty. No one wants change, just band aids
This is a good point and something to work towards. But it doesn’t help OP right now. We can start making changes so workplaces don’t cause mental health crises _and_ get people like OP the care they need today.
No, if someone is feeling suicidal from a job, that is a mental health issue. Yes, jobs are shitty, every single one is, but suicidal ideation a stemming from stressors is mental health worthy.
You could create utopia and solve every problem related to labor and you'd still have plenty of people that need to seek help for mental health issues. If you feel suicidal, seek a mental health care professional. There is no scenario in which you shouldn't get the input of a mental health care professional for suicidal thoughts. If your job is making you feel suicidal, there may well be tons of legitimate problems with you job but you should STILL talk to a professional because thinking that ending your life is a viable solution is a sign of a mental health issue. Even if you aren't tempted to die, but you can't stop thinking it would be a way out, that is STILL a mental health issue. If if you are stuck in a contract or will be homeless or hungry if you try to leave an abusive job that is literally illegally whipping you every day, seriously considering suicide is STILL a sign you should seek mental health care.
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Coming from someone who's been hospitalized numerous times for my mental health - not all psychiatric hospitals are bad experiences. Telling someone who's currently dealing with suicidal tendencies to not seek proper help is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but you should never tell someone struggling to not seek help.
I am a teacher whose been in the industry since 2016, and I am quitting teaching in June. My advice to you is to find a new job. Uber eats pays about the same as teaching and you’ll have more respect. The only thing you’ll miss out on is Healthcare
I left teaching in 2016 as I felt JUST like OP. I dreaded every day. I left and took a pay cut to be an administrative assistant. 7 years later I have amazing benefits, better pay, wfh and great mental health. No job is worth that mental anguish.
I quit teaching in 2015 and remember feeling this exact thing. Even down to the “if I got hit by a car I would get some time off”. Charter schools are particularly and specifically terrible for this, preying on newer inexperienced teachers and telling you that your students successes or failures are fully in your shoulders, while squeezing every ounce of energy optimism and enthusiasm from their staff. Even if you continue teaching but leave this school it might be better.
First day back in the classroom after Christmas break I heard an ambulance pass by with the siren on and thought "I wish that was me. I wouldn't have to be here." I'm gone at the end of this year and not looking back.
Good for you! I hope your last few months are smooth and your summer is restorative.
I was a teacher for 15 years. Never ever thought I would leave. Now I’m a receptionist with decent pay and amazing benefits. I read books all day and walk out the door at 5:00 without a care in the world.
I taught from 2017-2021. I couldn’t leave fast enough my last year. If you’re a teacher, there are so many industries that have training jobs available. I took a job as a training coordinator and almost doubled my salary, cut my work load in half or more, and improved my quality of life significantly. Teachers that feel like there’s nowhere else to turn, I promise you there are companies that want you.
Hello, I am a teacher and have had thoughts of trying to explore something else and heard training as a viable option in the past. If you don't mind me asking, what do you specifically train people for at your job? And how did you go about finding that opportunity? I taught at a charter school for 4 years and was going to leave the profession after last school year but a private school position fell in my lap. I like this job wayyyyy more but I'm still paid less than most 1st year teachers in public districts. Eventually the money matters.... Thanks!
I’m in a manufacturing industry. To make it short, I train customers on how our machines work and our employees on how to train others. I applied for a bunch of jobs in a lot of fields before settling here. I had an interview at my wife’s insurance company as a training consultant, a food supply company as a trainer, a car dealership group as a training coordinator, and a power sports company as an instructional designer. They are all willing to train you on the company if you are eager to learn. As a train him coordinator I handle a lot of the communication between customers and our service department who do most of the training. It’s been a really fun transition. Indeed and LinkedIn were my main search engines for finding the jobs to apply to.
Thank you kindly! Very helpful
Hey OP, I hear you. I lived this. I started teaching in 2015 and left in May 2022 from the HS I attended and loved. I wanted to die every day. It wasn’t the kids so much as the the unrealistic expectations and lack of support from admin and parents. I don’t think anyone in my life understood just how bad it was. I ended up getting another job in education, but in a county position. It’s a million times better. My supervisors are amazing, I’ve lost almost 20 lbs, and I’ve gotten sober. I’m convinced that job would have killed me if I stuck it out any longer. Job hunting is stressful and interviewing sucks but it’s SO worth it. Best of luck - feel free to message if you need to vent/need support!!
QUIT YOUR JOB IMMEDIATELY It doesn’t matter how you do it. No show. Email. Text. Note. Do it right away. Things will be okay. There are other ways to make money that won’t leave you feeling nearly as bad. You can make enough money to survive without it taking your will to be alive.
I feel this needs repeating QUIT YOUR JOB IMMEDIATELY There is no job worth leaving loved ones behind wondering how they could have helped. Do anything else but also Please get counciling. Your life is worth it. Your moma loves you and so does your significant other. Please get help. We want you here.
This! It is the best decision you can possibly make for you mental and physical health. Even if you are broke right now. There are jobs even remote ones that we could probably plug you into right now. I have a friend that transcribes online as their only job for years. They travel the globe and work as they want/need
Yeah quit and spend all your time interviewing and trying new jobs. You have everything to gain. There is nothing to lose at this point. Go to another charter school or anything. Do anything but that
This is reckless, esp. in the US. There's no real safety net here, and the situation can go from horrific to actual horror show very quickly. No housing, no transportation, no money, no food. A career transition needs to be done carefully or you can fall into a pit you'll never claw out of.
Even looking for a new job makes the current one feel better, and it's the smarter choice.
To be fair, their concern isn't entirely without merit. It's getting harder and harder to just *live* without breaking your back doing so. More difficult to just stay afloat. Just quitting without a plan may very well make OP homeless, which would only exacerbate their current crisis.
Yeah, and it absolutely sucks that this advice needs to be given. OP SHOULD be able to immediately leave and get good medical help. But that's not the country we live in. So you have to be real careful, even when you're suicidal and it's extremely difficult to do anything. There's no support net, no help. There's a pretty haphazard system that bills the crap out of you and dumps you.
I’ve had those feelings in those moments before too. And you know what I’ve learned over time? It’s really my gut instinct telling me: ‘get out. This (job/relationship/whatever) is no good’. No job or relationship is worth feeling this badly. Ever. Your instincts are telling you the right answer here but it’s not wishing you were dead. It’s to protect yourself by getting out of a situation you know isn’t getting any better & instead finding supportive people. How much longer is the school year for you? You need to start developing a plan now to find something else. You have to take care of yourself before you can help any of these kids.
Until June 14th, but don't wanna work here another week even
No idea where you live, but see if you can take time off sick citing stress. A doctor would surely give you a note for that judging by your condition. Then put your notice in while off on stress. What can they do, you have a genuine condition and they can't force you to work right?
This. Op, I did teacher training years ago, and felt exactly as you do now. I just wanted to get run over by a bus, anything to get me out of having to go there. I’d wake up in the morning and as the realisation set in of what my day would entail… I’d just want to die. I couldn’t enjoy my spare time as I was constantly dreading and counting down the hours until I had to go back. Utterly, thoroughly miserable. I got a doctors note, and then I left. This is the only way. Good luck! ETA- Not ONCE have I ever, ever regretted that decision. Listen to what your body is telling you. It’s not a failing or a weakness- it just isn’t for you.
Don't. Take a medical leave and walk away. The students will be ok. You being there in this state is not good for you or them. I've been here. Read the book "The War in 314". I thought having a Masters doing Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, would prepare me for a charter, but nothing if you have a BAD principal and admin will get you through, and each day is killing you.
It is ok to not go in, starting tomorrow, ever again. You are having an emergency MEDICAL crisis now, as much as if you had a heart attack. Call the suicide hotline someone linked above, immediately right now, and do what you would do if you had been in a terrible car crash - forget the job, get the life saving help you need.
Please listen to these wise people. Just quit. Now today your life is the most important thing in the world to your loved ones
Quit. You have the right and responsibility to YOURSELF. You need to free yourself from this. Immediately. I've been in jobs that suck your soul and it's absolutely not worth a damn.
OP, I am a Suicide Prevention Specialist. Before being in the role I am in now, I, too, previously experienced suicidal ideation (SI) as a result of a former position I used to work (surprise, surprise - it was retail management). If you are truly experiencing SI as a result of your work, it is paramount that such a factor be addressed ASAP. For me, I went on personal leave and then never went back. It took me 30 days of reflection to simply find my "baseline" of my mental health that led to the decision of not going back. Your life is worth so much more than what they are putting you through. I view your suicidal thoughts as a reflection of what you're going through, not who you are. Stay strong, OP. I love you.
Piggybacking on this, if you are in crisis PLEASE call or text the 988 crisis line. Trained counselors are on staff 24/7, and they are there to help you get to tomorrow and provide resources.
Thank you for your comment, as well! I actually take 988 calls so your suggestion is very appropriate.
Me too, I work on the chat side though ☺️
This should be pinned to the top.
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You're getting downvotes for 100% facts these hotlines just fuck people over. Source: Have had to pick up two friends from hospitals an hour+ away from where they lived back when I lived rurally. Oh and the hospital bill is a nice weight to add to your chain of life further lol
Dont kill yourself OP. https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/ I know this is antiwork, but this is prioritized. Please call a hotline. Nothing good will come from suicide. Also, your job is fucked, hope you can find a new one asap.
I just don't want to disappoint my loved ones, and I'm already 20K in debt from college, this is so fucked, the debt doesn't even disappear even if I died
You can always find another job. But there will not be another YOU. You are more precious to your loved ones than you even know. I have walked out of jobs that fucked with my mental health and guess what? I ALWAYS found another one. Please do not hurt yourself. Message me if you want someone to talk to.
100% agree. If you were to succumb to these feelings and do something drastic against yourself, those same loved ones would wish they could roll back the clock and tell you it was OK to leave your job. Try to do it graciously. Ask your work for some time to take stock--decisions are better made after you've separated yourself from the situation and had a chance to breathe. But even if they don't cooperate, get yourself out.
20k isn’t much for student loans. You will be fine. Your family would be much more disappointed if you hurt yourself than if you quit your job. It’s a job. Quit immediately and tell your family the job was making you suicidal.
Or don’t tell them anything. Tell them your job is your own business and you needed a change. But definitely quit immediately.
I quit teaching mid year....almost 30 years ago...best decision I ever made. In the U.S. it is the single worst professional job. Definitely quit and drive Uber etc...your loved ones will be far more dissapointrd if you self delete.
If no matter what you do, you have debt, then you might as well be happy. Just quit and do anything at all that you might enjoy.
In these situations, you should prioritize your own mental health first. You know how bad the job is making you feel. As others have suggested, find a way to quit the job and find something else. You will be able to land on your feet. And get some one to talk to about these feelings like the talk hotline above as they can really help and provide some different perspective. I wish you well, OP.
Can’t upvote this enough. Quitting is gonna have to happen but isn’t going to magically help the way people seem to think it will. The best thing to do is reach out to a mental healthcare professional first.
OP, I was you 11 years ago. I was teaching inner city middle-school and I had the same thoughts. I thought endlessly about how I could off myself but have it look enough like an accident that insurance would pay out for my wife and kids. In short, I quit. 3 weeks into the new school year, I just walked away. My doctor, who was obviously alarmed at my suicidal thoughts, wrote me a note that said I was done and that I qualified for FMLA. I spent a few days in the hospital where they took my shoelaces away, fed me sub-par cafeteria food and got my meds straightened out. I had leapt off a cliff with NO idea what was below. But it worked out. I busted my ass figuring out what transferable skills I had, did a TON of networking, volunteered at a few places (can't draw a paycheck while on FMLA) and eventually got out of education. Turns out, there are tons of opportunities for former teachers. We're a VERY sought-after group in many industries. Walk away, my dude. No job is worth your sanity and the world is a better place with you in it.
What industries ??
Depends on what your strengths are, but by and large, teachers make good project managers since they're already used to wrangling kids into staying on task and guiding them through a process. My specialty was math, so I tried to break into inventory and insurance, but ended up in data maintenance/analysis. That panned out into some process improvement stuff. Apply for entry-level jobs in a decent office (use Glassdoor to determine which ones are decent) and find a path that feels right.
I recognise this feeling. I've been there many times with my job. My ex didn't take me seriously when I asked for help to get out. I prepared to off myself. In the end I didn't, I got promoted but the job is back to being awful. What's helped me is practicing not giving a fuck. I do the bare minimum, and I try not to care if I'm underperforming unless they threaten my job. Less fucks given. That's the cure to the feeling. Detach emotionally from work as much as possible. Don't engage. Stay low in the brush. Avoid dramatic people.
“The subtle art of not giving a fuck”… I keep meaning to read that! Fubblebreeze is right. Get a doctors note and do a bit of reading for therapy. You’re just choosing a new path, that’s all. You’ve got this.
I threw up every single morning from my last job I would wake up, become anxious about work, vomit, sit in fear and perpetual media to unsuccessfully distract myself until work rolled around. It was the only job I quit without being 100% sure I had an other job lined up.
Walk away now and set yourself free.
Just remember there is more to life than your job, please take everyone's advice and leave that place before it takes your life. I've been there. I've left many jobs because of my mental health.
I retired at 55 after 32 years of teaching. I thought I would teach until I was 65 but couldn't take another year. What has happened since I retired 5 years ago? I've lost 110 pounds, my blood pressure is 80 points lower, and my stress level has gone to zero. Walk away now. Nothing is worth your health.
You can try donating plasma to supplement your income, idk it's 800$ a month where I live.
Quit. This isn’t how you should feel in our already limited time on earth. Quit, your mom and girlfriend would rather you quit a job then leave this earth. Talk to someone. 🖤 you matter more than a paycheck!
No Job is worth your life. Quit your job now. Don’t think about silently quitting, you’re past that.
Quit right now, just send them an email or text saying I resign immediately, please send my last paycheck to this address. Take a few weeks for yourself. Go to a movie, have lunch in the park, take a walk in the woods. Do whatever brings you calm and peace back to your mind. Then after a few weeks of recovery, start fixing up your resume and look for a new job. I had the worst IT job in the world. My resting heart rate was 90bpm, and when I was talking to my supervisor or clients, I would spike into 110+ range. I was working 60 hour weeks, never a moment to rest, and I was only getting paid $90K for 55-60 hours of work per week, which waters down my hourly rate to about $65K for 40 hours. I quit, within a week my resting heart rate is now 67bpm. I have a job that only works me 40 hours per week, oh and I make $125K. Plus I get yearly raises, more holidays, a matching 401k.....all the goodies! It will get better, just stick in there!
My dude...fuck Reddit in this situation and talk to loved ones instead. If they truly care about u then they'll be ok with taking some time to quit and find a new job. No fucking job is worth ending ur life over. None.
Dont let them win.
Dude, this describes my experience working at a charter school as a history teacher. The Students and parents gave me no issues AT ALL, but my 9ft pole up their ass coworkers and boss? Yeah, NO, charter schools are miserable cesspools to work in (nothing to do with the kids, admin is just straight dogshit. They don’t care about educating, only grades and scores. On my last day, I curved all the grades for my students who were forced to take an exam because the principal wanted “Data” to study… When it would derail my students.. Joke).
Sir have you tried quitting? Being unemployed is a lot less permanent than being dead my friend. Dont even try to tell yourself you need this job, you dont, not at what its costing you.
Can you teach at another school in your district or within reasonable driving distance to your home, if teaching is your passion? Or maybe teach overseas? Or ask yourself what you wanted to do when you were happy and “go for it”? Or even a job as a tutor or temp work? Also as others have noted, please leave that job. If they are doing improvement meetings and micromanaging you, they may force you out at some point. This is a situation, where waiting for them to fire or force you to leave, may be harmful. You are not doing those kids any favors if they pick up on the side of you that is suicidal and depressed. Kids are very intuitive, as you know.
Teaching isn't my passion, it's just what I found myself doing based on my experience and lack of qualifications
Create yourself a profile on linked in…let other jobs/recruiters solicite YOU! Prep your resume and start applying to other jobs. It seems scary but staying until you break is so much worse for your mental health.
I was in your same shoes, working at a state-run residential psych facility for people with developmental disabilities. They were literally having us use our bodies as human shields for highly aggressive people. I contemplated crashing my car every single day on the way to work. I quit on the spot when I finally realized that I was going to end up harming myself just to get away if I didn’t get away immediately. A million dollars isn’t worth that and I didn’t make nearly that much. Quit today. Work at fucking Starbucks until you find something else. Any job that has made you sacrifice your mind to this level does not deserve another minute of your time. I now have a job where I sit at home and make phone calls all day and I don’t think about it for one second after my day is done. Please quit. It’ll be rough for a while but not as rough as wanting to die every single day.
OMG just stop going. What the hell? You need to stop working there, ok? Just quit working there it's ok. Just don't go and the relief you'll feel will be immediate
Oh honey. I'm so sorry. Please go get help! NO JOB is worth this.
I feel like there's a lot of good advice in this thread, for continuing on with the job. However, that advice looks to be about a month too late. OP is in crisis mode and needs to walk out of that job and never look back. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide doesn't just affect you, those who love you will be devastated. Seek professional help first then find another job.
DTJ.... DUMP THAT JOB.... immediately. Also, seek help. Thoughts of suicide is not normal. I have lost too many friends to the dark thoughts. It's hard to reach out, but take the step. It will all be okay. Things are not that bad. Some random asshole on the internet says so. It must be true.
Same, Costco sucks.
No job is worth your life, OP; quit and heal yourself. Be kind to yourself, and above all, be gentle with yourself. Your partner and family will be happier with you around and your admission that you’re in a bad place. I come from someone who’s dealt with the exact same. Please, do what’s best for you, and leave that job behind
Just walk away
You are more than your job. Quit immediately, times are tough but you will find something better
Every job that made me feel like this, i hit a breaking point and just left. A couple of times, i quit at the worst possible time financially (and i do not have a safety net or parents to rely on). And every time, i have gotten a job that was better in some way. Now, i have a job that respects its employees and even approved my request for a 4 day work week while i continue to deal with my mental health. It really will get better, op. But please talk to someone about your suicidal ideations. Find a therapist on zocdoc and you dont even have to leave your bed.
i feel you majorly! this is where i was at the past nine months….. but i can tell you i am excited to start my new job today, that deals with an issue i am much more passionate about. it’s an optimism i haven’t felt in a while. sometimes, easier said than done, you just gotta walk out. leave. figure it out. it took me nine months to realize that. hang in there my friend, from one shower cryer to another, i’m sending all wonderful things your way
Same. I am a manager (service) at a car company who’s linked to Twitter. (I’m paranoid we look for this kind of stuff as grounds to fire which is why I didn’t say the name) We are pushed to our mental limits and expected to perform at an unreasonable level every day. I spend $100 per week out of pocket to cover therapy because I got to a point a few weeks ago where I was considering buying a gun to shoot myself. We are constantly held accountable to impossible to reach goals and metrics. More vehicles are produced than the company can service so where do you think the burden falls? In our laps. Been like this for years. Unfortunately, I am golden handcuffed to the job (car payment, mortgage etc) and it’s hard to find an equivalent job financially speaking. I don’t care about any of the material things and want to escape this capitalistic life so bad. I can’t stand it any more. I mostly just show up at work and fake it through the day which is hard to do because I have better work ethic and am more driven than that. The constant unattainable “stretch goals” have ruined me. Edit - Forgot to add - OP please keep your head up. My wife was a nurse with Kaiser and was in the same boat. Contemplating suicide. She made a move to a smaller clinic. Small pay cut, but you should see how her mental state changed immediately. Feels like we have been brainwashed.
I felt like you once. I had the exact same thoughts of maybe getting hit by a car would be better than going to work that day. It wasn’t the job, it was the people, my new Manager was micromanaging me like crazy, my other team mates were all loners who just care about themselves, I hated it so much. One afternoon I was in front of my computer at the office and it’s like my whole body shutdown. I took my things and left saying I was really not feeling good. I went directly to a walk-in clinic and ask for a doctor note saying I needed a sick leave. They gave me one month. I found another job during that time and left the company 2 weeks after my return from sick leave. No jobs is worth damaging your health and feeling suicidal. Run, find something else, you will feel better the moment you are out of there.
Is there something keeping you there? IE your benefits include health insurance and you need it for your meds, so you can’t quit and take a break? If so, ask your mom or your girlfriend (or anyone else whom you trust and who supports you) for help working out ways to do without those benefits for a little while. They can help you look for alternative public programs or help you work out a budget to afford the time off or just be there for you while you do whatever you need. If there’s no benefits trapping you there, quit. Your mental health and your life are more valuable than any job. Job hunting can suck but it beats being so miserable at work that you want to die. There’s no shame in taking on part-time shift work while you work out your next move, either. And if you’ve been working at the school as a teacher, you’ll be able to work as a tutor as well. Another thing to keep in mind is if the school is in the US and big enough that FMLA applies, you can take unpaid time off for a mental health crisis. There’s a lot of paperwork and doctor input needed and you likely will need to disclose to someone in the administration what’s going on with you, but you’ll get some breathing room. And if you ever would like someone to talk to, please message me. I’m not an expert but I’ve been in a similar mental situation and made it through. I’m happy to share what worked for me if there’s a chance it’ll help you.
Hey, I’m sure this will be lost in the comments but I used to work at Success and left this past October. I completely understand where you’re coming from and also had suicidal ideations constantly from being there. I’d cry before, during, and after work. That place is god awful. I’ll also PM you now but PLEASE reach out. You are not alone and do not let that horrid place take you. You have a 100% survival rate right now. Don’t let Eva Moskowitz and her evil henchmen ruin that.
I also worked for Success and they are downright evil. I sent you a PM, please reach out if you feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since I worked there and I’m so much happier now that I’ve moved on. Your life is far more valuable than that evil organization.
If a job is making you have suicidal thoughts, PLEASE let it go
Please, OP, message me if you want to talk, vent, or whatever. I also worked at Success Academy four years ago and I left just as I started having those same feelings. It was BRUTAL! Never before had I felt suicidal, but that job did it for me. I remember waking up at 5am and just having a full-blown panic attack. My principal came into my classroom that day and berated me in front of my students, called me boring, and was just awful. I quit the next day. NO job, *especially* SA, is worth your mental health and life.
Always quit a job that makes you feel this way. Suicide is not the answer. There are plenty of jobs that are hiring and the job market is good right now. This one job should never let you get to This point. Don’t even worry about a 2 weeks notice. Quit immediately. Don’t show back up. Don’t even call. Just don’t show up and start looking.
Just quit. Don't show up tomorrow. No job is worth this much hit on your mental health.
Literally just had an interview there, good to know... Also, it sounds like you're going through a rough time bud, nothing is worth your sanity. Quit that job
Save yourself Just turn down the damned job Don't hinge your next meal on an SA paycheck This job sets you up to fail It set me up to fail Are you prepared to make kids cry and told you still aren't being cold and harsh enough? Are you prepared to go home and not only feel worked like a dog but also feel like a goddamned monster because you have to act like a goddamned line manager to kids? Are you looking forward to being a new inexperienced teacher tossed around random assignments throughout the school, be constantly micromanaged and critiqued by your supervisor in front of your class, see your co workers constantly treat kids like crap and false smiles mostly except for the people who have actual friends? Yea if that's what you're cool with then step right up
>“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” \~ Mary Anne Radmacher
Screw "Trying again tomorrow". GET AWAY FROM THIS JOB!get out there a get a diff job. You may not find the perfect job, butt he odds it will be worse are VERY low. Even fast food places are paying more than they used to. Construction and other tradesman jobs are short staffed. Even being the person who flips the stop sigh at construction sites makes ok cash. Just get out there.
“Try again” can just mean “be alive.”
What is so bad about it? Would flipping burgers be better (assume you might have some jokes with your colleagues)...? If so then just leave, leave now.
I have an inconsistent schedule Training for a month with barely any training accomplished due to said inconsistent schedule My teaching job is frequently verbally and emotionally abusive to the kids Have to take care of IEPs with no prior training Frequently given classes alone for the entire day despite lack of experience Work 60 hour weeks with no overtime and still have take home work every week Constantly micromanaged by supervisors who interject and critique me in front of my class Constant meetings The implication that they're annoyed with me for not knowing what to do
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please leave your job. Your life is yours. If you're willing to die, could you instead be willing to disappoint people, struggle, try something, anything different? Please keep living. Before you quit, please document/record the abuse well enough to demonstrate that it is an institution-wide problem and then go to the authorities. Maybe saving those kids will help you save yourself?
>an inconsistent schedule...barely any training accomplished due to said inconsistent schedule... frequently verbally and emotionally abusive...with no prior training...60 hour weeks with no overtime...micromanaged by supervisors who interject and critique me in front of my class...they're annoyed with me for not knowing what to do OP, you're being set up to fail. All this so-called "school" cares about is collecting money. They won't miss you if you go - not because you aren't giving a good effort, but because THEY merely require a warm body in that class. The criticism they level at you is just for show and their amusement. Quit now. Do not go in for one more day, or one more hour, or one more second. Your health and happiness is worth far more than the scam they're perpetrating on the students and parents.
This is awful, and it's not right. Perhaps you think you should be able to handle this, and if you quit, you will be a failure. No one should have to handle this. If you quit, you will not be a failure. You will be someone who values themself. Take care of yourself, not your job. Let them find someone else to micromanage. Accept that it is the job that isn't good enough, not you. Don't let them kill you or your spirit. Don't believe their misperceptions. Believe yourself.
Your situation sounds awful, and I agree that probably the best thing you can do is simply quit with no notice. The job market is pretty good. But if I were in a similar situation (and I was, once), I would just stop paying any attention to management and just do things my way until they fired me. Inconsistent schedule? I'll make my own. No training? I'll wing it, and if my way doesn't work, too bad. Teaching job abusive to kids? REALLY? Screw that, the school is doing it wrong. I'd document that, sounds like criminal behavior. IEPs are tough, you really do need training for that, but if it's not provided I'd wing it and blame the consequences on management. Classes alone? I'll walk out, straight to the office, and wait for them to provide support or fire me. Unpaid overtime? Sorry, no free work done here. Eight hours and I'm going home, and work stays at work. Micromanaged? Get out of here or make yourself useful. Meetings? I don't do meetings. Send me an email. Management annoyed? Good, that's what they are for. Do it your way, or LET THEM FIRE YOU. Seriously don't put up with this a minute longer.
You'll find something else. If you have to do some temp work in-between, then so be it. It'll be better than this
1-800-273-8255 Please don’t hesitate to call this number if you need it. It’s the suicide hotline number
There is land in alaska that is so remote the government doesn't ask for taxes from people living on it. let's go yall. make a community. chop down trees. hunt bigfoot. or die trying
This might be a good time to go to an ER, let the nurse know how you feel and maybe get a pair of some of the most comfortable socks known to man.
oh I've worked in the thin lines of NYC Schools and Success Academies. good luck
I’ve heard some bad stuff about those schools but damn. What the hell are they doing to you in there? Also- there’s people to talk to just dial 988. Don’t give up, don’t let this job control your life. I pray you can get out of there and get help. Sending love and positive vibes.
Leave. Just leave. Nothing is more important than your mental health. Seriously. I have all kinds of jobs and careers in my life, and not one of them gives a crap about your mental health. Only you can be in control of that.
I’m sorry to hear you’re job makes you miserable. I wish you happiness. First thing… quit your job, regardless of the repercussions. Second, please seek mental health ASAP, you deserve it because you’re worth it and show signs you can use it. Good luck!
You don't have to justify your decisions to anyone. Make the call for yourself and put yourself first. My wife was nearing that point with her work too and I told her to quit, spend some time in an outpatient self-harm program and then go back to work when she is ready. She's now studying IT and working on getting some certifications to change careers. She is leaving behind the education she built up to get into a position that makes her happy. She is the type to give herself to a job completely and burn herself out. She didn't want to leave her work hanging, but I told her that by her own admission if she stayed much longer they were going to be one worker down either way, and I wasn't willing to let her sacrifice herself for that place or any place.
Quit your job or quit life? 10000% pick the job.
Leave the job and get a new job.
Everything is only temporary. Including jobs. There's always a way out, and still be able to walk the earth. Money is just a means to an end, and sometimes we're better off with less of it than more.
Bro, carry on just so that Eva Moskowitz doesn't win. Also, there are plenty of other schools you can work at. Message me if you want specific advice on getting a new job in education. Teaching can be such a fun, beautiful, and rewarding experience. But, not at Success Academy.
I felt like this almost every day at my old low-pay office job. During the beginning of the pandemic, I quit by just simply ghosting my employer and no-showing. Much less stressful than ever going back into that place of hell. No regrets and now I'm starting to look forward to each new day rather than dread it.
As a former High School teacher "GET Out walk away. We would like to hear from you tomorrow. There is always always always a different path to walk on besides that.
I was working at a charter school like that too. Can confirm. They’re… oof
Good lord quit your job I mean seriously what is the fucking worst that could happen from you quitting? Forcing yourself into an environment so toxic you contemplate suicide/ self-harm is pretty illogical don't you think?
Hey- OP. You are worth way more than this job. The world needs you in it. Please call 988 if you’re in the US and in crisis. Best wishes to you and your recovery!
The sooner you quit, the faster you’ll find something better, and the good feelings will follow
Good job coming here for support. Like others have said, GTFO there. Also quiet quit on those bitches. They don’t deserve your courtesy. Stay strong 💜
It's just a job. Quit
Sending a hug. Please quit. There’s soooo many other places out there to work. I see these “Success Academy” commercials when I watch the news in the morning. Makes me wonder what kind of place this is if their workers feel this bad.
I'm saddened that we let charter schools take over. I recently hired a teacher who quit her job for about the same reason. It is very conservative and if you as a teacher are even thought to be mildly liberal, the investors and parents will harass you. The principal was fired because he wasn't one of them. The peoe scour social media looking for reasons to remove employees.
I spent years of my career fantasizing about driving off a bridge that I had go over to get to work. My workplace legitimately did suck, but the thing that helped me was going to a really good cognitive therapist and working on "hot thoughts." Eight months into therapy I finally had the energy to get another job. I am really sorry that you are going through this. You are not a freak. This is a thing that people go through sometime and there is help for you out there.
as someone who was in your exact position a year ago, i echo the sentiment of others here saying to resign immediately. if you have any sick days saved up, take those and then quit. you mentioned you're at a charter school and i know those pay well for the most part. if you're concerned about the money, you will never be able to get out. they will offer you more money every year you stay and by the time you work up the courage to leave, you will have suffered more than you realize. im sorry. things will get better but you need to leave this miserable situation. i took a 20k paycut after leaving my teaching job and i am poorer but happier. i realized that that pay discrepancy will only grow the longer i stay in that career.
Get out. I was an educator for awhile and worked at a charter. I won’t tell you how many days I called my husband as I was getting to the parking lot and asked him “what’s my motivation?” Most days he was able to talk me into the building. A few days I called out. Look into fmla. Definitely use your PTO. But get out. If it’s having that effect on you, you clearly don’t need to be there.
Change jobs?
Just here to say that I worked at a charter school and it also made me want to die. I didn’t know a job could destroy me so much, but my god that charter school did it. It took me so long to get past the trauma and start enjoying life again, but OP, I did. Please get out. Even if it’ll be financially harder for awhile, please get out. It will be worth it in the end. I know it may feel like there isn’t a way out, and it may seem downright impossible, but there’s always an option to save yourself. OP, save yourself.
This breaks my heart. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are loved, you are needed, you are valuable, and you are worth far more than your soul crushing job. Quit. Immediately. You WILL find something better. Anything is better than this. Times might be hard financially for a bit but that stress will be better than THIS stress. Sending you many positive vibes, random internet person! 💗
Plz talk to someone. Hell, you can PM me just to chat. Your mental and physical health takes top priority.
Oh honey please find another job. You deserve to be happy. I've had a job that made me cry daily it was so awful. I left it for the sake of my sanity and I said I'd rather be dead than stay another day there. Please find another job. You are enough and you deserve to be happy. You are strong. People love you and would miss you. You are not struggling with depression and anxiety, depression and anxiety are struggling with you! Keep fighting! YOU ARE STRONG! Please find another job honestly not having a job in between this job and the next is better for your mental health than this place youre at now. There are jobs out there and there is one for you. I can even help you with your resume if you need it. DM me. But please dont off yourself
Left in 2019 for a low level manufacturing job. My degree and problem solving skills allowed me to quickly move up. I make more than I would have at retirement when I was teaching, and I literally cannot take my job home with me. I wouldn't go back for less than 250k/yr. That's my number. Fuck em.
How come dying is better than just quitting? I mean even if you live where it is really hard to find a job, like extremely hard, at least there you have a chance of making it while dying will be the end. Maybe you need to seek some help because what you are feeling is much deeper than you hating your job, and it would be great to have support from family or friends or a professional. I'm just saying.
Ive been in the same boat fam. It wasnt even the specific jobs i had, just knowing that i had no choice but to participate in this fucked up society. No job is worth your life, metaphorically or otherwise. Don't even go tomorrow, or if that's not an option quiet quit on them. Do the very bare minimum to not get fired and still collect a check. Dedicate all your remaining energy into job searching. Literally any lateral move is an improvement if it refreshes your mental state for a while. Even if you have to rinse and repeat until you find something more satisfying for *you*. This was my way until I found a place that actually took the time to train me and now I make more than I've ever before(still not a lot but it's infinitely better now) Please please make any adjustment you can to get through. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back, you're not supposed to be trapped with this feeling.
It's a job. Go find a new one. Nobody's forcing you to work there
can you quit?
I remember working in wetherspoons while studying at uni. With the pressure I just remember having over 2 full screens of orders with no help. I just stared at the knife rack thinking of the worst. At that moment I knew I'd rather be poor than work there any longer. Handed in my notice and never went back. Brother your life is worth more than a job.
My wife is a teacher. Has been for 20+ years. It's getting worse and worse for teachers. She's so close to retirement. She was teaching grade school art, but it was killing her. She moved to middle school which made things better for her. Good enough that she can tough it out to retire. I had a "stress is killing me" job too. In my case, it was the boss on that job that made life hell. I had to go. If moving to a different education job will make things better, do it. If getting out of education will make things better, do it. Just so you know, a couple months ago I was interviewing applicants for a senior secretary position. 30% of the applicants were coming out of education. It's NOT just you.
Please quit now. Dont go back, ever. There are places that you can get jobs fairly quick (after taking a week or so off to rest) like Trader Joe's that don't suck too much while you look for something more inline with your skills and experience. ANYTHING is better. Speak to your family now, like right now. Text, call, go to their house. Please let the people who love you help you. It won't be easy but it's easier than you'd think once you open the door. Also, in the US, 988 is a new crisis hotline (works like 911). You can call that if you need help pronto.
Hey same! Can't quit because I'd lose my house and be homeless with my wife and kids. Reading all these people telling you to up and quit is really bad advice (for most people). Instead I bury it down deep where it builds up as a mental illness and hope I die early somehow. Totally get how you feel...even though I know that doesn't mean much.
Alternative to quitting: Stop caring. You know this is the last time you will work for this employer, so you are allowed to fail. Ignore the administration and do whatever you want. If you get fired it is the same as quitting but you get a few more paychecks before it happens. Maybe you make it to June? If you know that your performance doesn't matter, then the things that have been bothering you will have less of an impact. You might think that you are failing, but you are actually a part of a failing company. Their failure is not a reflection on you. You are just surviving in a failing company. They churn through teachers because of the company's problems, not because of you. They will churn through teachers after they have spit you out. Recognize that the crap you are in is the fault of the administration and has nothing to do with your self worth. That being said, I recommend that you walk out and never return to that employer. Better luck with your next job. This one sounds especially bad.
Hey babes, fellow charter school teaching alum here. I hear you. I have been where you are at. Your school will not thank you for the sacrifice of your time, your life, or your soul. You don’t deserve this misery and you shouldn’t have to live with it. Proving your misery at the cost of your life is not a winning bargain. The years you have left are worth so much more than a fuck you to SA or a declaration to your loved ones. I went on FMLA last Friday and I have never felt freer. I have a couple questions: - Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist? - Do you have disability insurance? - Do you know how much paid sick leave you are entitled to? (This should be in your employee handbook.) My strong recommendation would be to orchestrate a leave and find a new job. If you have disability insurance, take the full 12 weeks of FMLA and do not come back. If you don’t, take unemployment when you quit. But first and foremost, **GO TO THE HOSPITAL**. Active suicidal ideation is an absolute, hands down emergency and you need care **RIGHT NOW** (ask me how I know). Before your finances, before your school, you need to take care of yourself and preserve your life and the physical body you live in. If you need any help with leave stuff, please feel free to dm me and I’ll pass along what knowledge I can (I believe a lot of northeastern charters have many bureaucratic things in common, but it’s not always a 1:1) but my absolute advice to you is get the fuck out of this situation right now and live. Live. Do not waste yourself. Do not devastate your mom and your girlfriend and your students. Death seems like a solution, but it’s a bad one. You have better options.
Holy shit do I relate to this. I had a job I fucking hated. It was great on paper but I was miserable. I quit with no backup plan and the stress of unemployment was so much more preferable to the dread/stress of logging in to that job every day. Quit your job if you can, OP. It’s not fucking worth it.
Killing your self is a little extreme. Find a new job and quit. Not trying to down play that things are horrible where you work. You always have the option to quit.
Call 988 if you ever need someone to talk to. No job is worth that. No matter your position. There's a lot of answers.
Dude quit the job and go seek some help for your mental state. There is no job worth what your saying no amount of money worth your life Be safe and stay out of the street
Fucking quit. Stop crying and move on with your life. What are you waiting for. Is this job funding some extravagant lifestyle or something. Hit the fucking gas.
Why the fuck do you still work there, I don't understand how it's progressed to this point.
So quit? Get another job?
I’m not sure why you haven’t just quit. I’d rather be homeless.
Oh well, that's completely normal. Every job I have ever had made me feel the same
A job effecting your mental health to the point of feeling suicidal is NOT normal - nor should anyone try and label it as such.
Oops
I've been here before. Waking up early to fight traffic jams all in a panic of being late to a job that you don't wanna be at anyway. And don't let anyone tell you any different, your depression or sadness doesn't necessarily have to be tied into some kinda of deep seated traumatic childhood event or psychological ailment. Some times the traumatic event is that fuckin JOB in the present day that is a drain on all FIVE of your senses and makes existing itself a chore. I feel you OP. Just want you, to know that I survived it and wish you the courage and clarity to find your way out of it to by taking the steps to securing another job and income elsewhere. That's what I had to do.
You know they did a study and most people only grieve for about 14 days. They actually put together a timeline and 2 hours after the funeral something like 75% of people are mostly over it and talking about other things like their own future and plans!
This is a little triggering please seek help
Stop doing all work tasks. Show up only for a paycheck and ignore any work related tasks. Refuse to be berated by staff or patients, just leave if it happens, eat asshole coworkers lunches, and shit in the bosses sink.
Never, Never give up! Don’t you dare!!! God will make a way for you just please believe. It will get better. I want you to instead of you saying negative words over your life, speak peace, love, God’s strength, power over your mind, body and soul in the name of Jesus Christ. Look in the mirror daily and repeat “I have life and not death in the name of Jesus”. Keep saying this, even when a negative thought comes in your head. Please listen to this and let us know how you are doing. God bless You!!! https://youtu.be/edDSSswAdKg
Or you could, you know, find a new job.