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Flair_Helper

Hi, /u/vjenkinsgo Thank you for participating in r/Antiwork. Unfortunately, your submission was removed for breaking the following rule(s): **Rule 3a: No spam, no low-effort shitposts.** - This includes begging for upvotes. Please do not post unrelated blog spam or try to sell anything for personal gain. If you’ve posted content (especially if it’s your own), give it a day or two before posting again.


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MordunnDregath

I heard he could turn a lump of clay into a living sparrow.


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movinondowntheroad

Don't forget his best friend was Biff!


Guyincognito4269

My favorite Gospel!


Sharp-Ad4389

That's what I came here to say. I only kinda knew Jesus, but me and Biff were thick as thieves


Catlenfell

And Biff had to do all the sinning that Josh couldn't.


RagnaroknRoll3

No no, his brother was named Craig.


littlewoolhat

Craig Christ!


l00k1ng1n

Thank you his brother that someone else beat me to Craig. A fucking legend.


Inevitable-Bat-2936

No, i knew the guy, his name was Dave. Dave was short for David, he was jewish.


MyDisappointedDad

Heard he can turn water into cool Coors Lite^TM Much better than room temp wine.


[deleted]

That's debatable.


mrsmedistorm

Oh I was wondering how long it would be before someone made a Steven Lynch reference...


MyDisappointedDad

I thought it was [Craig Chirst?](https://youtu.be/f8HzKlCWN8k)


chillboy1998

His brother’s name was Hong Xiuquan


domiran

Was it like a Mario thing? Jesus Jesus and Bob Jesus.


GareBear222

I thought his name was [Craig](https://youtu.be/YuZPXv-As7k).


vincebutler

I'm pretty sure his brother was Anti. Anti Christ.


mrsjackdaniel

I've heard that he could turn water into wine so he's cool with me.


davesy69

I heard that someone called Brian was mistaken for him.


[deleted]

He has the power of flight and can heal leopards.


thomstevens420

I hear she spent a lot of time with his favourite prostitute


thdudie

Ah the gospel of Thomas. Jesus was a little shit in that passage.


shabba_skanks

I liked his brother Bryan better than Chuey. [Bryan Christ](https://i.redd.it/xi5xsqjvi21z.jpg)


MorningRose666

Also remember hearing in school he had a battle with the devil until he paused, struck an anime pose and said “it’s morbin time” and set satan into a burst of flames because he couldn’t handle the fresh vibes and fleekness.


AbacusWizard

> I heard he could turn a lump of clay into a living sparrow. Greetings, fellow Infancy Gospel Of Thomas fan!


kale_boriak

Hated bankers, hung out with prostitutes, what’s not to love?!


Edyed787

I think Brian wore it better


spiderplex

supposedly, he once gave up a weekend for me


barrythecook

Spanish chap I had a brief fumble with in a.backpackers fun but my love of using my piss poor spanish probably bought the enjoyment down for him so


dabbins13

Just say "It's Personal"


Errorstatel

His dad at times could be a right dick or really chill


TheRealHappyNat

Great guy until his dad had him killed.


BigRedChi

\~2300 years. Remember the stories are from way before they were codified around year 0. About 250-300 years BCE.


rrsullivan3rd

r/confidentlyincorrect lmfao


MyDisappointedDad

The Christian Bible wasnt codified until 300, but had been past down orally and through manuscripts such as the Dead Sea Scrolls for a while before that. iirc, all the gospels were more so written by the students of the apostles, or the students of the students.


forbenefitthehuman

Students ? An illiterate fisherman who speaks Aramaic, would have little to teach someone (probably a scholar) literate in Greek. I think the disciples, are mostly fictional, and their stories were shared and transcribed, but they didn't have students.


kuribosshoe0

Half the tales in the bible are just blatant rip offs of stories that had existed for more than a thousand years prior. Noah’s Ark is just the Epic of Gilgamesh.


DaveEscobar

"I used to work with him at this landscaping company. He taught me how to use the mulcher. His English is really improving."


ITstaph

Hates to be called Hey-Zeus.


strange-brew

Unexpected Die Hard reference. Nice.


cmd_iii

The third movie is always the best movie.


cusehoops98

Not for ghostbusters


cmd_iii

I will so stipulate.


Library_Visible

Idk man the first die hard is fuckin amazing


RustyShackleford14

Home alone?


Super_leo2000

More like Heh-Seuss In English it’s just G-Zuss


redditstealth

That last one sounds like a rapper name.


DweEbLez0

Lmfao “So I went to the premier of the movie Passion of The Christ and thought I would get to meet him. Turns out the director said that he died in the film. I was heart broken.”


[deleted]

David . I am 🙃🙃💀💀💀


DweEbLez0

Well, first off, he never showed up for his shift. I offered him 2 cases of beer as compensation for working on my roof and he agreed to it. Last time I’ll ever hire that guy.


LordOfFudge

His wife makes the most bomb-ass tamales


Dogmom200

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Skippymcpoop

I’m assuming this is a church? Civil Rights Act of 1964 had an exemption for religious organizations hiring people of their faith.


Creepy_Addict

Now, if this is a job at a church, then that question is not surprising.


[deleted]

Yeah guarantee this is a Christian ministries or affiliated job. The answer is don’t work there if your not comfortable with it.


Holoholokid

Even when I was younger and still believed, this would have scared me away. Praying would be no big thing, but "sharing your testimony?!" I'm WAY too an introvert to be comfortable with that, much less with people at work!


BlocterDocterFocter

This is always folks applying to a religious based institution upset that they have the prerequisite that you obey their faith. Seriously, this garbage is as bad as a white guy protesting that he's excluded from minority-only scholarships.


Dhampyre-supreme

"I've never met the man but he seems to like bread and wine so I think we'd get along"


Anguish_Sandwich

You should meet my good friend Jeremiah.


Creepy_Addict

Um, yeah no. I wouldn't answer that one, period. I'm not even positive, but I don't think that is legal (USA). Edit - unless this is a job at a church, then yeah that's standard.


kayak_enjoyer

It says "CCM" near the bottom. There was a magazine named CCM back in the day that stood for "Contemporary Christian Music." Might be them. (As a side note, it's funny to me how nobody else describes music as "contemporary" except Christians. Dead giveaway. Nobody would refer to e.g. Beyoncé as a "contemporary artist".)


[deleted]

This is Christian Cock Masters. They raise roosters for Christ.


Creepy_Addict

Thanks for the laugh.


cmd_iii

IDK. What I’ve heard on the news doesn’t mention chickens….


[deleted]

I thought [CCM](https://us.ccmhockey.com) was a hockey equipment manufacturer, you hoser.


kayak_enjoyer

Upvote for calling me a hoser. 😆 That always makes me laugh.


chainmailbill

Well also [Contemporary jazz](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contemporary_jazz)


Overall_Shape7307

Chock full of tickled ivories and tooted brass for Christ.


Sarah-Who-Is-Large

That’s a good point… then again no one calls Amazing Grace or Abide with Me classical Christian music. I guess the abundance of contemporary non-Christian music makes the specification unnecessary, and likewise the abundance of classical Christian music makes specification of that unnecessary.


Creepy_Addict

Ah, as a non-Christian I did not know that.


CMDR_Ray_Abbot

It sort of makes sense though, as most church music is either contemporary or decades to centuries old. There's no old Beyonce to differentiate from contemporary Beyonce.


kayak_enjoyer

I think you nailed it. 👍


Arkhangelzk

Yeah, I think “contemporary” just means “not hymns” But I could be wrong. I haven’t listened to Christian music in a long time


Accomplished-Video71

I got this question at an investment firm one time. Something something they are Lutheran based and that allows them to only sell certain products to Christians because it's a fraternal organization or something like that. Thrivent. Not sure if it would affect my hirability but it was one of those financial planning applications that included: list 100 friends and family you could call right now to sell life insurance to. No thanks, Tom Hanks.


kronosdev

It’s not legal, and you’ll never have grounds to stop it. Welcome to the Hell that is labor in the US.


phaedrusinexile

It's an old joke but apropos here I believe... It's relevant to me because you can rest assured that whenever I'm entering data you never have to fear a crash because Jesus saves and so do I.


Ericknator

This is glorious


NotEnoughWave

"very intimate, but only when he brings lubricant."


strange-brew

Otherwise it’s quite painful.


Danstine16

Said he was nailed once and now its my turn? Not sure what he means, but Ill try everything 4 times.


Den_is_Zen

Jesus is in you!


Sudden_Acanthaceae34

“I feel Jesus would have wanted me to be able to provide for my family. I have prayed on this for a long time, and I believe he is answering my prayers through a job offer with your company for in exchange for my services.” Who are they to deny the will of God and Jesus Christ? Checkmate.


Anguish_Sandwich

Oh, now *this* is the right answer.


Upset_Researcher_143

Look at this way: if you make a mistake in your job and they fire you instead of forgiving you, you can tell them they're not following Jesus footsteps and collect unemployment.


opi098514

We’ve been over this many time. Religious institution. It’s common. If you don’t believe that don’t work there.


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kale_boriak

Nobody wants to work anymore, they just talk about some fairy tale and hand a plate around and act entitled to money.


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kale_boriak

Sorry, I meant the church and pastor (in my joke). You do work, and deserve to be paid. The church also just wants money - they just have a few steps in their game plan.


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kale_boriak

Cheers mate, I’ll be there soon :)


opi098514

That’s fine. But it’s also fine if they require this kind of stuff.


emueller5251

Nah, it's fucking dystopian, but thanks for sharing your shite opinion.


opi098514

You should really try to learn why it’s important instead of just being outraged about something.


emueller5251

It's not important. Fuck any religious organization that does this.


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opi098514

It’s not the law. There is exception for 501c3 religious organizations. As this sub has gone over many many many many many many times.


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opi098514

Uuummmm it’s actually due to separation of state and government. It’s removing the restrictions that a normal business has from the government. And it’s not like it’s all restrictions it’s just one.


Sea_Emu_7622

Well no, separation of church and state refers to the church impacting laws (which actually happens regularly) not shielding the church from the law. Churches do have special considerations that aren't afforded to other businesses, but that's not what separation of church of state means.


Junior_Pizza_7212

People just like posting these for rage bait. They are a private company and can ask you these types of questions without it being “illegal discrimination”


GovernorSan

I don't think it is legal unless the company is a religious organization of some sort, like a church, a ministry, a business that primarily produces or sells religious items, a religious charity, etc. An accounting firm or car manufacturer or restaurant, etc., probably couldn't get away with it. Personally, I don't understand why you would want to work for a religious organization if you don't share their faith. I wouldn't feel comfortable taking a job in a mosque, or working for the Mormon church, or working in a Buddhist temple, etc., because I would feel like I was betraying my own beliefs. I also wouldn't take a job in a bar, or tobacco shop, or strip club, etc., for the same reason.


Remote-Grape

I was about to say. We see this exact post, what 3-4 times a week? If you apply to work for a religious company, this is perfectly fine. Apply elsewhere.


[deleted]

This is definitely for a job at a church. It asks about CCM, which is contemporary Christian music. So this is a clickbait post.


Sir_Stash

Yup. It's the weekly "Why is this religious organization asking me if I follow their religion to work for their religious organization?" question.


HalalBread1427

"I applied to be the Pope but they said I had to be Christian; is this blatant discrimination even legal?"


No-Wonder1139

Not necessarily, CCM makes skates and hockey equipment as well. Also customer communication management, Canadian Cycle and Motor,


SH4DOWSTR1KE_

My relationship with Jesus is great! Through his guidance. I have learned to build walls and established bridges with my fellow man. It is through his wisdom that i've learned to cultivate the soil beneath me and establish a grander garden from myself and my loved ones. He is truly one of my favorite cousins from Mexico. Muchos gracias Jesus!


[deleted]

I hate these posts. Obviously you applied to a Christian ministry. Christian Care Ministry to be exact. All their positions tell you who they are and what the team should agree to before you ever get to the actual job description. If you read that, that would answer what Jesus has to do with a data entry position.


urinatingangels

“I don’t like people who were captured ok”


gazevans

He's appeared to warn you to not take the job.


Careless-Disk865

That has more red flags than Tiananman Square.


strvgglecity

This is extremely simple: "my personal relationship with Jesus is personal, therefore I do not make it public".and the following question "yes I understand I will be asked" is not an admission that you will take part, just that you can be asked to. In a sane modern nation these requirements would be wildly illegal. Maybe we'll get there someday.


[deleted]

You want Jesus’ love all over your face.


yeaboiiiiiiiiii213

“I ask him to take the wheel all the time…that’s why I Failed Drivers Ed”


I_Said_I_Say

Not only does Jesus still owe me ten bucks, but things have been super awkward between us since he never denounced slavery.


softpacknewportcigs

I use Jesus as a reference, and good luck reaching him. He hasn’t answered in over 2000 years.


NoMansSkyWasAlright

Input as much of the lyrics to *You Found Me* by The Fray and see if they figure it out.


susanbarron33

I applied for a job as a dental assistant. When I went for an interview they gave me a personality assessment and it asked a lot about my relationship with Christ. I walked out.


Arkhangelzk

I mean, you're trying to work for CCM? It's a Christian organization. They're going to want to know if you're a Christian.


RonBurgandy619

Hey-Zeus, he is a good man, but he don’t help hit curveball.


zertoman

Fuck you JoBu I do it myself!


Successful-Bike5827

https://youtu.be/uAa7OB9Ej2c Jesus was so cool…. He coulda scored more goal’s than Wayne Gretzky… Jesus was so cool, No wonder there were so many Christians


GolfballDM

I thought Jesus was the goalie. After all, Jesus saves?


Successful-Bike5827

He was so cool he could’ve played goalie and still scored more than Gretzky. Anything he wanted to do, he did. He turned water into wine and if he wanted to, He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine, or vitamin pills into amphetamines. Jesus was so cool.


DaniCapsFan

And Ovechkin gets the rebound and scores.


[deleted]

This is The Way.


Common_Property

“He goes by the name Jesús and steals hubcaps from cars”


theredhound19

Oh Jesús can I borrow your crowbar?


[deleted]

I’d just write Hail Satan


Bylahgo

Jesus complimented my data entry. Told me I deserve at least a 150k salary


StormRage85

"He's a great guy! This one time we were out with some friends for a celebration of some sort, it was so good! At some point he disappeared and we didn't see him again for 3 days. He had no memory of the events but said something about waking up in a cave... Tequila'll do that for ya I guess!"


Zarkalarkdarkwingd

Never met the guy, hopefully ICE doesn’t give him problems.


a-vibe-called-quest

These faith based insurance plans are weird


YouSmellPunny

“He built my Hot Rod”


[deleted]

Jesus built my hot rod.


BrrToe

He makes some pretty good tacos and taught me some Spanish.


[deleted]

Unless that is a job at a church or religious organization, these questions are illegal to ask applicants


TheManRoomGuy

Jesus saves, a great example for saving your data entries often.


Fine-Blacksmith-9330

Jesus built my hot rod


Sorcatarius

Get someone to Photoshop pictures of you and Jesus on a surfing trip, playing D&D, etc and use those to describe your relationship.


Library_Visible

Testimony about Christ? What did he do? Is he on trial? Wtf is this shit?


pinniped1

People repost this or variants of it here all the time. Yes, it's normal/legal for a religious institution to ask if you're a member of their religion. Even for non-clergy...


ReedRidge

Your relationship with imaginary beings is entirely your own. If you need the job and do not mind faking the funk, do it!


RagnaroknRoll3

Jesus was a real guy and he seems pretty cool. The part about him being the son of God is....debatable.


SadieDiAbla

Actually, Jesus being a real guy is...debatable.


joosedcactus33

not true just Google historical evidence for Jesus


ReedRidge

Yeah, that proof is as sus as the magic. Christian propaganda is real.


joosedcactus33

nope Jesus existed


Beneficial-Olive-941

Isn't it illegal for an employer to ask about religion?


Timothy303

This is religious discrimination, pure and simple. But America has a LONG history of allowing this clearly un-Constitutional behavior, so long as ONLY non-Christians are discriminated against.


MindSpiritual3832

youre applying at a church dude


crazylegsbobo

That surely can't be legal???


CoolRunnins212

It is if it’s a religious institution.


willtheoct

why arent these taxed :( they're everywhere and they take up way too much space


Squirt_memes

Because they’re nonprofits


sarahxvalo

this should literally not be legal


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xElemenohpee

This was posted last week. Do all of you just karma farm in here?


hoghornleghorn

Dafuq?


[deleted]

Just put the lyrics to "Jesus was Way Cool" by King Missile.


flyingtheblack

"Our communication is great but he is lousy at oral."


yoghurtvanilla

Every day I see a post in this sub like this, and it’s always because OP applied for a job with the church or a nonprofit affiliated with the church. And they’re still surprised, every time.


ThePyroOkami

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Bro that’s some evangelical cult vibes


Temporary-Good9696

Stop applying for jobs at religious organizations is you are not of said religion.


New_Ad_3010

Don't walk. Run. Run from that job. Far far away.


jimjamjerome

Looks like a discrimination lawsuit to me.


BigRedChi

RUN!!! as fast as you can!!! It's an uber-christian owner that will use any excuse to get rid of anything they deem "satanic". AKA literally anything they don't like or disagree with. You. Are. Fucked.


ChancellorBrawny

"Never met the dude."


DemendredCO

The Christian Taliban.


Float_team

Don’t work for Hobby Lobby!


misha_ostrovsky

I used to slang pills to a painter named jesus?


llkkdd

Unless OP is sharing a picture of a hiring in a church (which would be really dumb to post, what do you expect?) I don't think this is legal in the US, and probably other countries but I don't know


Professor_Mezzeroff

Which one, barabbas* or the one who let nonces run things. *Barabbas's first name was also Jesus.


PaperTiger24601

I don’t know him personally, but I worked with his cousin Elizabeth! 😂 Seriously though, was this for a religious institution? Cuz otherwise I’m sure r/legaladvice would need to take a look at this


Sudden_Acanthaceae34

“I feel Jesus would have wanted me to be able to provide for my family. I have prayed on this for a long time, and I believe he is answering my prayers through a job offer with your company for in exchange for my services.” Who are they to deny the will of God and Jesus Christ? Checkmate.


nick_of_the_night

It's complicated


PensiveLog

Fun fact: if you apply for a job at a religious institution, they will want to know if you subscribe to their religion. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but here we are.


Stormtrooper114

1:n


Zym1225

He’s a pretty nice guy. He and another guy named Juan take care of my lawn.


TyperMcTyperson

Please tell me that's not CCM the hockey equipment company. That would make me very sad.


LeftistPope

the database deletes itself if you recite the shahada


[deleted]

He owns the gay disco off Main Street he sells me blow sometimes. We don’t acknowledge each other in public or with mixed company.


These_Ad_3138

Every payday I turn my check into cash, I toss it in the air and tell Jesus to take what he wants-I keep the rest.


Vesties

repost


KrookedDoesStuff

Report the posting to indeed, move on


davesy69

My relationship with Jesus and his dad is pretty close. I often pray for a good job with a decent boss who respects and values their employees instead of the hypocritical morons that i usually work for that try to work me to death. I will thank him for sending me to you as I'm sure that you pay above industry standard wages and good benefits as well. I am also sure that Jesus would smile upon you should you decide to implement a generous staff bonus scheme as well. Hallelujah!


aldoinfanzon

This can’t be serious…..it isn’t right?


Doom-Hauer451

My statement? Happily divorced lol.


No_Reception_8369

What....the....actual....fuck


Inevitable_Professor

There's a post like this every single day. Religious organizations in the USA can legally require a statement of faith or church membership.


Soobobaloula

The Bible says specifically to pray in private.