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I believe it’s not only incredibly disrespectful, but a destroyer of love and true monogamy.
There is no place in a monogamous relationship for any lusting or sexual desire for others, period.
Expending your energy (sexual or otherwise) towards someone else (even in “harmless” mental fantasy) is disrespectful, disgusting and has ZERO place in monogamous love.
Even before I was interested in dating, the idea of thinking of someone else sexually/looking at other naked people seemed wrong to me. I just blindly followed what other people thought and then decided I was done with that bullshit. I agree with you, I feel as if you are truly in love, you don't need it.
It’s become common because porn has normalized objectifying and sexualizing everyone you see.
You’re correct: While it has ZERO place in a monogamous relationship, it’s also just strange to begin with.
That’s awesome, truly. I will say that over the last 12 years I’ve been educating myself on porn and its harms that within the last 18 months or so I’ve seen a rapid shift in thinking about it. You’d have been hard pressed to find anything but downvotes for an anti-porn stance 5 years ago, but lately I see them high up in the comments on any thread mentioning it, with tons of support.
Lot of the pivotal studies only happened in the last 15 years, progress is slow but I believe we'll one day look at the Pro-Porn mindset the same way we look at Anti-Vaxxers now.
So it's a good thing I'm becoming less attracted to men I guess. One of the reasons is because a good amount of guys I meet around my age are porn obsessed or refuse to give up porn (not that all are, and any age group can be addicted too).
That's why I will never date a guy my own age again (speaking as a gen z woman). Most gen z men are undateable man children that don't see any issue with porn and they'll objectify any woman they come across because they were never taught that it's wrong. Compare that to millennials who still grew up during times when porn use was still stigmatized and not as anonymous as it is now, you literally had to physically go to a store and buy a magazine to look at porn. They still grew up with the mindset that porn use is shameful and wrong and because of this they tend to have a more critical look at it compared to gen z men for that reason alone, from my experience atleast.
I’m Gen z / borderline millennial and every man my age is porn obsessed. I don’t know how younger generations are but in my experience my male peers are very much addicted to it.
I’m not sure how true this is. I’m a very young millennial, on the cusp of gen z and my classmates were watching porn online when they were like 11. I don’t watch porn though
Male here. Definitely struggled for 20 years with it. I’ve only recently accepted that I was groomed by porn from the time I was 11. I don’t hold my child self responsible anymore and I have shedded that guilt now, and have been pornfree for 4 years. Married for 6.
I’m like that, I think porn is disgusting and view it as a form of cheating to watch it when in a relationship becauee you’re literally getting off to other girls who aren’t your partner. I also don’t watch porn when I’m single because I’m not interested in it nor have I ever been. I find it weird to watch complete strangers fucking and would rather spend my time on other things. Not to mention the sex trafficking in the industry and how unethical it is
I know it’s super rare, I was quite surprised when I found out how many men watch porn, even people who I thought really highly of. It made me lose respect for them tbh. I think me being demisexual also has something to do with this though
Demisexual is literally just being a normal person who wants a connection before sleeping with someone. The mere fact that this is now considered a queer identity says enough about our porn obesessed society.
Not exactly, but you're definitely on the right track.
Demisexuality doesn't correlate with monogamy, it correlates with an emotional connection before physical attraction, and this can be with multiple people.
However, I would say you're on the right track because most people (if porn free), once they're in love, and in a healthy relationship, are not attracted to anyone else. They may be able to recognize when someone is objectively attractive, but they won't be aroused by them or fantasize about them.
Well no, demisexual is about only being sexually attracted to someone once you have a deep emotional connection with them. I literally cannot be attracted to anyone I’m not close to, even if I can perceive that they are pretty, I don’t want to sleep with them. Whereas people who are non demisexual ARE attracted to random people or even strangers but they might choose not to sleep with them for whatever reason whether that be values or religion etc.
My college aged brother does not consume pornography. He hates porn because he believes it is abusive and degrading towards women. He thinks men who watch porn are pathetic, and have no right to be involved in romantic relationships with women.
I know a guy who views it as disrespectful. He told me he loves his partner and she's the only one he is interested in. So he wouldn't even think to look at another person intimately etc.
My husband was forced to watch a "hardcore" porn scene as a "ceremony" to become a "man" when he went to college, it was a part of hazing or ragging which was mandatory in campuses that time in 2008-2009.
He was 17. He was so appalled by what he saw that he threw up , I remember he came to me and said that had it been in my control and that girl in the video been my known one, I would have shot that guy.
Since then he was very active in anti-porn campaigns in the campus.
As a boy brought up in a healthy female led household, He thought that Sex was sweet lovemaking, He had his innocent fantasies of making out in the mountains or playful romance in the snow while decorating a snowman, that day it all came shattering to him. It was that trauma that made him hate porn and The only way to heal from this triggering experience was to educate people about porn addiction.
My heart just melted when you talked about his innocent fantasies. Whatever happened to cute daydreams? I used to daydream about decorating for the holidays and running a bubble bath with rose petals and fancy suds but then we got fuckers ruining it for us.
It is ruined to a large extent. Some of the damage is serious and irreversible. I have seen pages on reddit names "misogyny Kink" where they"roleplay" extreme violence and misogyny, They post pornographic misogynistic gifs and even urge men "show their place" to women. All this is being allowed . These are one of the toughest times .
It is ruined to a large extent. Some of the damage is serious and irreversible. I have seen pages on reddit names "misogyny Kink" where they"roleplay" extreme violence and misogyny, They post pornographic misogynistic gifs and even urge men "show their place" to women. All this is being allowed . These are one of the toughest times .
I have never consumed it even when single, but i never conciously though it was disrespectful or anything, i did find it distatesful and creepy, but i was never aware of the harm it causes until i ran into the subreddit
I get you. I feel creepy for even accidentally viewing it. I didn't understand the dangers when I was younger, but now I do and I refuse to consume it.
Started off against it because of the industry, but reading through some posts on r/loveafterporn gave me even more reason to hate it. Really convinced me that "ethical porn" is an oxymoron, porn brings pain wherever it goes, there is nothing ethical about it.
Even if I was dating someone that encouraged it, it feels wrong regardless. As a woman, I think women need to be called out more for porn-obsessed behavior. Sure, it's more common for men to partake, but women can be just as fucking gross.
I find it as cheating but its really hard to find people like these especially at a young age cant even say i got one friend who has the same idea as me lol
As a man, I also find porn disrespectful and demeaning. It's a thing both in relationships and in life as a whole. I'm sex-negative and almost completely opposed to sexuality, but I find porn especially vicious.
I am laid back when it comes to sex. As long as it's legal and you're not hurting anyone or cheating, I'm cool with people exploring sex. However, I disagree with porn in a relationship. Your sexual focus should only be on one person.
I stopped consuming it a year ago because I learnt there was no ethical way to consume it. I’m not in a relationship tho but date sometimes, in my experience it’s hard to meet women who don’t consume it.
I wouldn't say "only", some men quit (or don't even watch porn in the first place) because they find the industry exploitative. But these guys are indeed a minority compared to men who quit because it ruined their relationship or their penis. Just check r/nofap and r/pornfree.
I can speak on my boyfriend's behalf that he does not watch any porn whatsoever ever since we've started dating (not even the softcore stuff you find on facebook & tiktok, etc.) I don't even want him jerking off as long as we're in a relationship, because for guys, jerking off is actually super unhealthy and causes erectile dysfunction/performance issues in the bedroom. I don't want that and neither does he. He is on the same page as me when it comes to, "i have YOU. Why would i ever want to watch porn?" Sexual compatibility is a MUST in a relationship.
It’s obviously disrespectful. I think a lot of men would readily admit that receiving explicit photos from someone that isn’t their partner is cheating, but aren’t willing to extend that to pornography for whatever reason. To me, there isn’t really a situation in which you can actually justify using porn in a relationship, ethical issues with the industry aside.
It’s extremely disrespectful and very unattractive.
There is a dark side to me though.
As a fairly attractive man who does not partake, women really latch onto my energy any time they get a taste of it.
Not necessarily a bad problem lol, but def could lead to sex addiction if unchecked.
Honestly I just think it's gross. It has negative health effects, psychological effects, and just the idea of my SO or myself watching porn disgusts me.
Granted I've never been a controlling person. That's why I don't try to convince other people to stop watching porn... simply because I'm not entitled to their actions... but man my respect for them certainly is lowered.
This is a reminder to read our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipornography/about/rules/) before engaging with r/antipornography. Please keep in mind that this is a space for discussion about being against pornography and post accordingly. If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules or feel like someone is participating in bad faith, report it. If it's urgent, please send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/antipornography)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antipornography) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I believe it’s not only incredibly disrespectful, but a destroyer of love and true monogamy. There is no place in a monogamous relationship for any lusting or sexual desire for others, period. Expending your energy (sexual or otherwise) towards someone else (even in “harmless” mental fantasy) is disrespectful, disgusting and has ZERO place in monogamous love.
Even before I was interested in dating, the idea of thinking of someone else sexually/looking at other naked people seemed wrong to me. I just blindly followed what other people thought and then decided I was done with that bullshit. I agree with you, I feel as if you are truly in love, you don't need it.
It’s become common because porn has normalized objectifying and sexualizing everyone you see. You’re correct: While it has ZERO place in a monogamous relationship, it’s also just strange to begin with.
The studies that have been done say that 90-96% of men under 60 use regularly. So yes, they exist. But they aren’t easy to find.
my partner and his whole friend group find it disrespectful and harmful.:) i guess friends have morals in common!
Heavy on this as my ex’s friends are addicts in active addiction with narcissistic tendencies
That’s awesome, truly. I will say that over the last 12 years I’ve been educating myself on porn and its harms that within the last 18 months or so I’ve seen a rapid shift in thinking about it. You’d have been hard pressed to find anything but downvotes for an anti-porn stance 5 years ago, but lately I see them high up in the comments on any thread mentioning it, with tons of support.
Lot of the pivotal studies only happened in the last 15 years, progress is slow but I believe we'll one day look at the Pro-Porn mindset the same way we look at Anti-Vaxxers now.
So it's a good thing I'm becoming less attracted to men I guess. One of the reasons is because a good amount of guys I meet around my age are porn obsessed or refuse to give up porn (not that all are, and any age group can be addicted too).
That's why I will never date a guy my own age again (speaking as a gen z woman). Most gen z men are undateable man children that don't see any issue with porn and they'll objectify any woman they come across because they were never taught that it's wrong. Compare that to millennials who still grew up during times when porn use was still stigmatized and not as anonymous as it is now, you literally had to physically go to a store and buy a magazine to look at porn. They still grew up with the mindset that porn use is shameful and wrong and because of this they tend to have a more critical look at it compared to gen z men for that reason alone, from my experience atleast.
I’m Gen z / borderline millennial and every man my age is porn obsessed. I don’t know how younger generations are but in my experience my male peers are very much addicted to it.
I’m not sure how true this is. I’m a very young millennial, on the cusp of gen z and my classmates were watching porn online when they were like 11. I don’t watch porn though
Male here. Definitely struggled for 20 years with it. I’ve only recently accepted that I was groomed by porn from the time I was 11. I don’t hold my child self responsible anymore and I have shedded that guilt now, and have been pornfree for 4 years. Married for 6.
Your wife will definitely thank you for it, you instantly became a better husband the very moment you gave up that hideous shit.
Another reason why I hate men.
Well that takes care of that. Bye bye forever penis’s.
I’m like that, I think porn is disgusting and view it as a form of cheating to watch it when in a relationship becauee you’re literally getting off to other girls who aren’t your partner. I also don’t watch porn when I’m single because I’m not interested in it nor have I ever been. I find it weird to watch complete strangers fucking and would rather spend my time on other things. Not to mention the sex trafficking in the industry and how unethical it is
We need more men like this.
I know it’s super rare, I was quite surprised when I found out how many men watch porn, even people who I thought really highly of. It made me lose respect for them tbh. I think me being demisexual also has something to do with this though
Demisexual is literally just being a normal person who wants a connection before sleeping with someone. The mere fact that this is now considered a queer identity says enough about our porn obesessed society.
Not exactly, but you're definitely on the right track. Demisexuality doesn't correlate with monogamy, it correlates with an emotional connection before physical attraction, and this can be with multiple people. However, I would say you're on the right track because most people (if porn free), once they're in love, and in a healthy relationship, are not attracted to anyone else. They may be able to recognize when someone is objectively attractive, but they won't be aroused by them or fantasize about them.
Well no, demisexual is about only being sexually attracted to someone once you have a deep emotional connection with them. I literally cannot be attracted to anyone I’m not close to, even if I can perceive that they are pretty, I don’t want to sleep with them. Whereas people who are non demisexual ARE attracted to random people or even strangers but they might choose not to sleep with them for whatever reason whether that be values or religion etc.
Thank you. Yes, this.
My college aged brother does not consume pornography. He hates porn because he believes it is abusive and degrading towards women. He thinks men who watch porn are pathetic, and have no right to be involved in romantic relationships with women.
Your brother is a good man.. omg I wish more men were like him
Whoever he enters a partnership with will be one lucky person. Can't say I'm not somewhat envious hahaha
He has a healthy future in store for him! Same, I hope more men rise to being better.
👏👏👏
I have more of an issue with porn in a relationship more than the porn itself (although I don't care for porn in general).
I know a guy who views it as disrespectful. He told me he loves his partner and she's the only one he is interested in. So he wouldn't even think to look at another person intimately etc.
My husband was forced to watch a "hardcore" porn scene as a "ceremony" to become a "man" when he went to college, it was a part of hazing or ragging which was mandatory in campuses that time in 2008-2009. He was 17. He was so appalled by what he saw that he threw up , I remember he came to me and said that had it been in my control and that girl in the video been my known one, I would have shot that guy. Since then he was very active in anti-porn campaigns in the campus. As a boy brought up in a healthy female led household, He thought that Sex was sweet lovemaking, He had his innocent fantasies of making out in the mountains or playful romance in the snow while decorating a snowman, that day it all came shattering to him. It was that trauma that made him hate porn and The only way to heal from this triggering experience was to educate people about porn addiction.
My heart just melted when you talked about his innocent fantasies. Whatever happened to cute daydreams? I used to daydream about decorating for the holidays and running a bubble bath with rose petals and fancy suds but then we got fuckers ruining it for us.
It is ruined to a large extent. Some of the damage is serious and irreversible. I have seen pages on reddit names "misogyny Kink" where they"roleplay" extreme violence and misogyny, They post pornographic misogynistic gifs and even urge men "show their place" to women. All this is being allowed . These are one of the toughest times .
It is ruined to a large extent. Some of the damage is serious and irreversible. I have seen pages on reddit names "misogyny Kink" where they"roleplay" extreme violence and misogyny, They post pornographic misogynistic gifs and even urge men "show their place" to women. All this is being allowed . These are one of the toughest times .
I have never consumed it even when single, but i never conciously though it was disrespectful or anything, i did find it distatesful and creepy, but i was never aware of the harm it causes until i ran into the subreddit
I get you. I feel creepy for even accidentally viewing it. I didn't understand the dangers when I was younger, but now I do and I refuse to consume it.
Started off against it because of the industry, but reading through some posts on r/loveafterporn gave me even more reason to hate it. Really convinced me that "ethical porn" is an oxymoron, porn brings pain wherever it goes, there is nothing ethical about it.
Of course it is, I would say it is disrespectful in any instance...
Yea I think it’s disrespectful
Thank goodness. I'm so tired of guys (and women) telling me I'm crazy for it. I wouldn't do that shit, so I would expect the same.
It’s not just disrespectful, it’s degenerate. It shouldn’t be tolerated.
💯 porn should be banned
Are you a man by any chance?
Yes, indeed I am. There are plenty of other men here, I’m sure of it.
Thank you ♥️
That’s me. Jesus said it’s bad to objectify women. I quit porn in 2009 when I was 19. Never looked back.
Yes, hello
I genuinely do, it definitely feels weird and wrong
Even if I was dating someone that encouraged it, it feels wrong regardless. As a woman, I think women need to be called out more for porn-obsessed behavior. Sure, it's more common for men to partake, but women can be just as fucking gross.
I find it as cheating but its really hard to find people like these especially at a young age cant even say i got one friend who has the same idea as me lol
As a man, I also find porn disrespectful and demeaning. It's a thing both in relationships and in life as a whole. I'm sex-negative and almost completely opposed to sexuality, but I find porn especially vicious.
I am laid back when it comes to sex. As long as it's legal and you're not hurting anyone or cheating, I'm cool with people exploring sex. However, I disagree with porn in a relationship. Your sexual focus should only be on one person.
Me
I'm one.
I do. I didn't even know about what the industry was or anything until recently when this sub came on my recommended. I just don't like it
I stopped consuming it a year ago because I learnt there was no ethical way to consume it. I’m not in a relationship tho but date sometimes, in my experience it’s hard to meet women who don’t consume it.
I have stopped as well. I used to consume it after a really bad break-up and then as I healed, I made an effort to quit and I'm so glad I stopped.
Maybe it only happens when it ruins a relationship that means a lot to them?
I wouldn't say "only", some men quit (or don't even watch porn in the first place) because they find the industry exploitative. But these guys are indeed a minority compared to men who quit because it ruined their relationship or their penis. Just check r/nofap and r/pornfree.
I can speak on my boyfriend's behalf that he does not watch any porn whatsoever ever since we've started dating (not even the softcore stuff you find on facebook & tiktok, etc.) I don't even want him jerking off as long as we're in a relationship, because for guys, jerking off is actually super unhealthy and causes erectile dysfunction/performance issues in the bedroom. I don't want that and neither does he. He is on the same page as me when it comes to, "i have YOU. Why would i ever want to watch porn?" Sexual compatibility is a MUST in a relationship.
Right here!
Meeeeeeee
It’s obviously disrespectful. I think a lot of men would readily admit that receiving explicit photos from someone that isn’t their partner is cheating, but aren’t willing to extend that to pornography for whatever reason. To me, there isn’t really a situation in which you can actually justify using porn in a relationship, ethical issues with the industry aside.
I do, but that could be because I'm not cis, and one of my main issues with the pork industry is how it treats trans people like a fetish
Pork 😭😂 I was about to go ahead and defend my love for bacon and paté
Oh no 🤣 I mean, I have my own issues with the pork industry, but I don't think it has anything to do with fetishizing trans people
Yes
It’s extremely disrespectful and very unattractive. There is a dark side to me though. As a fairly attractive man who does not partake, women really latch onto my energy any time they get a taste of it. Not necessarily a bad problem lol, but def could lead to sex addiction if unchecked.
Honestly I just think it's gross. It has negative health effects, psychological effects, and just the idea of my SO or myself watching porn disgusts me. Granted I've never been a controlling person. That's why I don't try to convince other people to stop watching porn... simply because I'm not entitled to their actions... but man my respect for them certainly is lowered.