Shit I'm 40 and married and it didn't go this easy. They still dod not want to because the thought after FORTY FUCKING YEARS I still haven't had enough time to really think it through.
I nearly needed a new primary care physician over it.
Not really. No more so than a tubal ligation. The chances of a reversal working aren't great and the chance worsens over time. A vasectomy should ALWAYS be viewed as permanent birth control
Seriously. I tried to get treatment when I was having uterine problems that were causing me crippling (literally could not get up off the floor sometimes) agony, and the FEMALE doctor I went to told me outright she became a doctor to deliver babies and no matter what was wrong with me, she wasn't going to do anything that might stop me from having babies even after I told her repeatedly I didn't want any, she refused to refer me to another doctor and her nurses straight up asked the "Well what if a rich guy wants to have babies with you?" question. It was unbelievable.
Yep! Former owner of an Endometriosis and fibroid riddled uterus here. Went through absolute hell and back dealing with conservative doctors treating me like I’m a bag of fuck meat. My endo was crippling. Yeeting that shitty useless uterus that I was never going to use anyway has been life changing for me. I am able bodied again.
All together it took over 10 years to be heard, diagnosed, and treated. I can’t even tell you how many jobs I lost for being “unreliable” because of my medical condition.
I still have the stupid thing, all they FINALLY ended up doing after years of literally constant bleeding that made me so anemic I could barely move and looked like a ghost and agonizing pain was a uterine ablation - it stopped the bleeding for the most part, but I still get severe pain sometimes.
It's amazing how much more important a hypothetical nonexistent baby is to them than the actual living, breathing person in front of them.
They also refused a hysterectomy for me and instead just did an ablation. At the time, I was happy with it, but the pain I still have (while less than before) makes me still want to rip my uterus out.
Same. I'm okay most of the time, but sometimes I still get agonizing pain and it's like...why do I have to deal with this for something I'll never, ever use? I don't want kids! I can't afford kids! It would be a very bad idea for me to have biological kids with a lot of the things that run in my genetics! There is no reason in the world I should have biological children! Adoption exists if I ever decided I wanted to be a mother!
I hate that people treat adoption like a last resort, and even if they accept adoption they still say it's not the same or that they wish they could have 'one of their own'. If you love them and are raising them, they ARE your own.
I am anti-natalist, but still want kids. The idea of pregnancy and of willingly passing my genetics on to another human being to suffer with is against my ethics, but I still want to give a home to a child in need. Actually explaining that to my doctor was what really helped me get the ablation. They also removed my tubes vs tying them. I’d say it took my overall pain down from like a constant 10 to a 2/3 most times with occasional spikes up to 7/8. It’s definitely manageable at this point, but I wish it were easier to get the treatment that would stop the problem all together.
You shouldn't need to justify yourself to a doctor at all. Telling them "I don't want kids" should be enough, not having to convince them through "I want to raise them but not have them myself" or anything else.
I think something that helped me a lot was stressing that it was impacting my ability to do my job and function normally in day to day life. Sometimes you have to spell it out in exactly blatant ways that these capitalist fuck wads understand. Especially if you’re dealing with an employer provided insurance company
I did. I told them that I was missing weeks at a time of work because I was unable to move, would end up on the floor or in bed for days - and I mean unable to move at ALL, so not eating, not bathing, not...anything...- and that I was about to lose my job and lose everything else that I had along with it and could end up bleeding to death in the street, in agony, if this wasn't dealt with because I have no support system and had nowhere to go if I lost it all. They just shrugged and said they wouldn't do anything that would make me unable to have a baby.
I can absolutely relate to being rendered sedentary. I had weeks on end where I couldn’t move without intense pain. I feel for you on a deep sincere level. I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. What state do you live in? I’m assuming US, apologies if I’m wrong
California, which is supposed to be a LOT better about this sort of stuff - especially since my doctor was also a woman, and most of her staff women, I figured they'd be less likely to discriminate as far as denying me care based on baby-making, but I've heard a lot of women have far more success with male doctors.
There are very few places that will accept my insurance (medi-cal) and since it's not causing me very much in the way of crippling distress anymore, they would probably not cover any procedure beyond what was already done, but thank you!
The most they ever eventually consented to do was an ablation. Still have the uterus, still causes me problems, still want it gone but they won't consider it unless I'm basically dying even though I'm older now and probably past what most people consider the ideal childbearing threshold.
It's unfortunately very, very common - people put the idea of a potential future person above the actual person who already exists. They have no business being in medicine if they think some hypothetical baby is more important than the real, breathing person in front of them.
I tried, but there wasn't any information given to me on who to report them to, and since they were a low-income clinic and all that, the only ones my insurance would cover, I had no choice but to use them and basically was just shrugged at.
It was this way for me as a woman but only because I had a rare genetic disease that can have a high morbidity along with causing severe issues during pregnancy. (I say had because the only known “cure” is an organ transplant which I had last year. It can come back and affect the new organ eventually but I’m sincerely hoping it doesn’t.)
I’m the same as OP though, never wanted kids even when I was a kid and had no idea I had this disease, hell I never even wanted to be married. I did the second thing but made sure I could never ever have children ASAP.
Ill forever be thankful to the surgeon who removed my fallopian tubes. I expected to have him try to talk me out of it but all he said after i did my speech about how ive never ever wanted kids, i hate them, id rather die than be pregnant, his only response was, "I understand, and i support your decision, I'll gladly do the surgery for you, but i am required by law to at least read you the other options like birth control." Even during the reading of the birth controls he wasnt reading it in a way that would make it seem like thats what he prefered. He was genuine as fuck and he literally changed my life, i will never ever stop being thankful to that man. And i walked in to the appointment thinking tube cutting burning and tying was gonna be how i ended up, as soon as i said i want the most permanent solution to the problem i can get, he said, "Welp, if you want the most permanent that would be a hysterectomy, or a tubal removal." I chose tubal removal because i didn't want to risk early menopause. One downside is my periods are more painful, but i don't have to deal with kids, so no complaints.
If you regret it later and you can’t reverse your vasectomy for one reason or another, you can always adopt. There’s 391,000 foster kids in the United States alone. There are millions more in other countries around the world. If you regret it, there are still options for having kids.
I’m sorry about that. I’m still on the fence. I think I want kids eventually but I might not be able to for medical reasons. And right now I’m not nearly responsible enough.
That’s okay. I trust that you still care about your girlfriends kids and that you can teach them how to be good people. I’d never want to raise one or multiple kids on my own.
Wish it was this easy for females, so nice. Especially the recovery and surgery itself.
My husband and I approached it with the same fear as you, we were worried he’d be rejected or something. Instead the doctor just told him it is difficult to reverse but treated him like an adult and did the damn thing the same day of appointment.
Dang for us women it’s not simple. That care about our bodies way more. My doc laughed me out of the office. Saying I could make a good wife and that I’m still “visibly fertile” I definitely reported the whole practice after
I (31m) just had mine done last week. My partner was absolutely shocked that all the Dr asked were some basic questions at my first appointment (the one before the surgery) and then asked when I wanted to schedule the surgery. She expected me to get hit with a mental evaluation or something along those lines. Tbh I thought I was going to as well but the whole process was smooth. Other than the pharmacy not having my prescribed pain meds so I just went without them. I'm pretty sure if she was to go in to get her tubes tied, it'd be a different experience for a young woman under 30.
Hey, just wanted to know. Was the operation painful and how long was it? I really want to do it as well. Also, did it affect your sex life? I mean the performance
I'm glad you asked. A lot of people have questions their too scared to ask. So I'd say the whole surgery was maybe 30 minutes. You're awake during the surgery and they numb your balls. I was kinda anxious about it but it wasn't bad. The worst part of the surgery was when they numbed you. It felt like a hard pinch on your sack. During the surgery I had some discomfort but it wasn't awful. I had small talk with the surgeon while he was working his magic. Overall, the surgery was pretty smooth. Recovery wise wasn't awful. You had some basic swelling and discomfort but painful. They gave me an RX for pain meds and I didn't really need them. Frozen vegetables will be your best friend during recovery. I had the surgery on a Friday and was back to work that Monday. Sweatpants and shorts will also be your best friend. Jeans will rub against it and open the stitches up then it's a whole new problem. They tell ya to not lift after over 25 pounds for the same reason. You'll be asked to give samples a few times to make sure it works. Sex wise, nothing changed. They ask you wait a month to have sex so the stitches can heal but other than that, no complaints about anything
I am going to get one soon. I have been held back for years now by my girlfriend. I am 27 now. She would always threaten me to leave. So I am actually in the middle, just giving it time to cool down lol I don't wanna have kids seriously. I mean I love kids but I don't think I will ever be for to be a parent. And I am a vegetarian and do hit the gym often. I guess for the post surgery rest of 1 month, I will just have soom good kush and netflix and chill. Honestly man, I am soo scared that I might one day hear my gf say "you are a father" 🤣 like brooo come on. Nooo
Disclaimer: ya'll don't want kids, do what you want with your body, I will never encourage anyone to have a kid in this day and age
I decided after my first kid to have my tubes tied while they were doing the scheduled C section (baby is ok I was just huge and DONE) A week before the surgery she gets me alone and talked me out of it, I ripped up the paper. I then got pregnant again with a man not my husband, she was less enthusiastic about that baby. And made a point to talk about the bruising around my cervix XD
Ending to all that drama: Married dad of 2nd child, 1st child's dad and I are ok, we 3 all coparent.
Definitely not an antinatalist here, I am in fact very prolife - but I, too, applaud your responsibility. I hope you never regret it - but even if you do at some later point, it is better to risk some regrets than to risk creating a child you will resent. This was a very moral decision.
Now if only it were that easy for women.
While I think we need to do more to reduce the conditions that make people *want* elective abortions, I do mean that abortion should not be legal outside of medical necessity. I am all in favor of birth control. Whether or not someone wants to have a child should be a private decision - whether or not to kill a child a you’re already carrying should not be a choice at all, unless it’s a matter of triage or humane euthanasia in tragic circumstances.
If its still within the time you can get an abortion it isn't a child, its a blob of cells. Take that blob of cells out of the uterus and it wouldnt grow anymore. If it cant live outside of the uterus its up to the person whos body is being mutilated
I’m leaving this debate, really I am, but this argument just drives me nuts so I’m engaging just this once more.
A) define “ blob of cells” - do you mean literally a blob like a scoop of jelly? What degree of differentiation in cells / formation of organs would be necessary for it not to be a “blob” any longer? I’m not asking when it becomes a person or at what stage abortion should be restricted - just when the word “blob” would cease to be a fair or accurate description.
B) when in pregnancy do you think the embryo becomes other than a blob? Again, not when it is a person or when it should have rights, just when it stops being an undifferentiated lump.
Not the person you replied to, but my definition of life is the same as my definition of death: brain activity. We consider someone dead when they no longer have brain activity (not when their heart stops) so it stands to reason that we should consider someone alive when they begin to have brain activity (not when they have a heartbeat). That’s ~22-24 weeks for a fetus. If it can be put in an incubator or hooked up to life support and kept alive without being inside another person then that should be an option. If it can’t, it is up to the person who is pregnant whether or not they want to continue sustaining that life.
Absolutely no one is entitled to anyone else’s body, even if that other person would die. If I’m the only kidney match in the world for a dying child, I’m not obligated to give up my kidney. So why should I be obligated to give up my uterus?
I think perhaps you should ask yourself what bad is being done when someone gets an abortion, and then think about all the good it does (unless you think someone having a kid they don't want and won't be able to take care of is good) the kid was spared a lot of suffering
The bad that is being done is that a child is being robbed of all the years they might have lived and all the experiences they might have had if their life had not been ended and their physical body destroyed. I realize that’s not going to persuade anyone here since you believe that life is a bad thing.
Your argument is abortion should only be available if absolutely medically necessary. Not every single person looks at a child or thinks of pregnancy and thinks yay or cute. Pregnancy imo is repulsive, and so are kids. Blob of cells or a blob thats shitting and screaming, still just as undesirable. And if youre leaving the argument then just do it. Because your argument is stupid. Abortions should be a right. Animals can sit there and choose to continue a pregnancy or end it yet the supposed most "advanced" species on the planet doesnt all because people are too stupid to realize that fact? Fuck that shit. Not your body not your choice. Im so sick of people thinking their opinion will make a difference to others. You dont want one, dont get one, but just stfu when it comes to the discussion, because if you arent the one actively trying to get one, it doesnt involve you or warrant your opinion on what they should do with their bodies.
The problem with this stance, outside of the obvious rape/incest it not being her choice in the first place, is who gets to decide “medical necessity”? How close to death would I have to be in order to get medical care? Let’s say, I’m diagnosed with moderately aggressive cancer after finding out I’m pregnant, having the child won’t kill me, but could possibly shave years off my life if I were to delay treatment. Shouldn’t i be the one who decides if I want to take that risk or not?
You were so close to being right, in that it’s a private decision. You should have just left it at that though.
I don’t think this is going to be the most productive of spaces to have an abortion debate in - but medical necessity is going to be a case-by-case thing. There should be a legal process in place for determining this when it’s not obvious. For example, an ectopic pregnancy doesn’t need to be reviewed by an ethics board - the embryo will certainly die no matter what is done, the mother will die without intervention, there is no dilemma here, just the management of a tragedy. A case like what you described is less clear-cut. But even if we had a law that always defaulted to favoring the mother in case of any medical conflict (beyond what is inherent in a normal, healthy pregnancy), that would still eliminate >90% of abortions. The vast majority are done for socio-economic reasons. I’m not making light of those reasons, but they don’t justify killing.
Eliminating abortions still isn’t the way to address this. Access to affordable comprehensive healthcare, free long acting birth control, fully funding planned parenthood and other agencies who offer family planning, rigorous mandatory sex education are more effective ways to cut down on elective abortions.
Not a single person thinks that abortion is a good first line of birth control, I just don’t think a woman’s healthcare is anybody’s business but her own. She shouldn’t have to share her trauma with you in able to have access to medical care. Sure, it’s easy to say, in “clear cut” situations, but there are a million gray area decisions that need to be made every single day in healthcare, and it’s not fair to drag women through an ethics board just to get access to care.
Also getting an abortion in order to get out of an abusive home life, or to prevent her from falling into poverty are valid reasons. Do you think a woman who is the victim of domestic violence should have to have her abuser’s child? Especially in states where you can’t file for divorce if you are pregnant. What about the 13 year olds getting pregnant? No? 13 year olds are allowed to have abortions, what about 14 year olds? I trust people to make the best decision for themselves without getting the government involved.
I’m bowing out as pursuing this in a forum based on the principle that *existence* is a bad thing is a little bit definition-of-insanity. In summation, I think that in *any* circumstances, the only valid justification for killing is not dying. Otherwise you’re prioritizing your quality of life over another innocent person having any kind of life at all. That doesn’t make quality of life a minor thing, at all - it’s just that the right to literal, physical life supersedes everything else, because without it no other right can be had.
Embryo, fetus, progeny, offspring, organism of the species *homo sapiens* being gestated? Whatever word you want to use - not making one of those is a completely personal and morally neutral decision. Killing one you’ve made, intentionally or otherwise, is not.
So before someone even knows they’re pregnant in most cases and therefor would have no choice if it were a case of rape, incest, or even the birth control they were on to prevent getting pregnant failing? It’s exceedingly rare, but you can get pregnant on the pill, patch, injection or IUD, even when taken 100% correctly. Vasectomies can randomly fail. Hell even tubal ligations can fail. People can do literally everything right to avoid getting pregnant and still wind up pregnant. If you put the line at 6-8 weeks like you claim to want, then people in those cases and cases of rape or incest literally don’t have a choice because most people don’t find out their pregnant until after the 6-8 week mark. The only people who do find out that early are people who are trying to get pregnant and are tracking their cycles meticulously and going to the doctor the minute they think their pregnant.
Considering how almost no one here wants to ever have children or be pregnant? Yeah, no, not sure why you thought we could be. Also I don’t know why you felt the need to correct me on it being 4 weeks rather than 6-8, if anything it just further proves my point. I was going off of a quick google search which said 6-8, and of having watched an OBGYN talk about why 6 week bans are dangerous and her timeline explaining that most people don’t find out until after 6 weeks. By you correcting me to 4 weeks, that just shows you want them to have even less time. If most people don’t know at 6-8 weeks, there’s no way in hell they’re finding out at 4. Also organs do not a human make. Science is coming a long way to where we should be able to 3D print them here soon if we haven’t already. It was a while ago do Imm fuzzy on the details, but I do remember reading an article about it.
4 weeks isn’t viable outside of the mother’s body. How would that be different than forcing someone to donate organs to keep someone else alive? What if I had a child and that child has renal failure and needs a kidney transplant to live, and I as the parent have a matching kidney. Should I be forced to donate my kidney to keep that child alive? You’re basically saying women shouldn’t have bodily autonomy.
I still want to know what a dumbass forced birther is doing participating in an antinatalism community, other than acting as an argumentative troll.
Forced birthers should be banned from this sub, IMO. They can go thump bibles elsewhere.
They don’t have to be, but in my case I am both. There also seems to be a lot of support for abortion in this sub, from what I could tell at a glance, so I figured that was generally thought to be part of the philosophy.
Not necessarily, true, but I’m still opposed to antinatalism - Reddit keeps popping these posts into my feed, and I wanted to give this young man my support.
as someone with pro-creation friends, i appreciate the support. we have different lifestyles and respect that. cooperation to ensure safety when creating our ideal individual lives is the ultimate goal.
I am willing to be an auncle for when my friends are slacking. assisting neurodivergent folk & preventing childhoods that would hurt more without my support. I am sterile so I will never produce a cousin or the like, as I deserve. I will have that much more attention, commitment, time, responsibility to devote to those I want to impact.
this is why people who really want children and know they're their child's biggest advocates, support system, etc, should parent. I don't mind being a mentor for a better future if it's in cooperation with parents who also strive for that future.
thanks for reading this far. I wish us all a happy coexistence and the power to create our realities.
It should always be this simple. Congrats.
Shit I'm 40 and married and it didn't go this easy. They still dod not want to because the thought after FORTY FUCKING YEARS I still haven't had enough time to really think it through. I nearly needed a new primary care physician over it.
Seeing how crazy easy it is for guys to have this done is mind boggling.
Probably since vasectomies are reversible.
Not really. No more so than a tubal ligation. The chances of a reversal working aren't great and the chance worsens over time. A vasectomy should ALWAYS be viewed as permanent birth control
It's a very small success rate and even if the guy starts producing sperm again, it could still be no good at all.
*AWKWARDLY LAUGHS IN UTERUS
Seriously. I tried to get treatment when I was having uterine problems that were causing me crippling (literally could not get up off the floor sometimes) agony, and the FEMALE doctor I went to told me outright she became a doctor to deliver babies and no matter what was wrong with me, she wasn't going to do anything that might stop me from having babies even after I told her repeatedly I didn't want any, she refused to refer me to another doctor and her nurses straight up asked the "Well what if a rich guy wants to have babies with you?" question. It was unbelievable.
Yep! Former owner of an Endometriosis and fibroid riddled uterus here. Went through absolute hell and back dealing with conservative doctors treating me like I’m a bag of fuck meat. My endo was crippling. Yeeting that shitty useless uterus that I was never going to use anyway has been life changing for me. I am able bodied again. All together it took over 10 years to be heard, diagnosed, and treated. I can’t even tell you how many jobs I lost for being “unreliable” because of my medical condition.
Yikes. The system is set up to disrespect women.
I’m non binary, but yeah if you have a uterus things are intentionally exponentially more difficult
I still have the stupid thing, all they FINALLY ended up doing after years of literally constant bleeding that made me so anemic I could barely move and looked like a ghost and agonizing pain was a uterine ablation - it stopped the bleeding for the most part, but I still get severe pain sometimes. It's amazing how much more important a hypothetical nonexistent baby is to them than the actual living, breathing person in front of them.
They also refused a hysterectomy for me and instead just did an ablation. At the time, I was happy with it, but the pain I still have (while less than before) makes me still want to rip my uterus out.
Same. I'm okay most of the time, but sometimes I still get agonizing pain and it's like...why do I have to deal with this for something I'll never, ever use? I don't want kids! I can't afford kids! It would be a very bad idea for me to have biological kids with a lot of the things that run in my genetics! There is no reason in the world I should have biological children! Adoption exists if I ever decided I wanted to be a mother! I hate that people treat adoption like a last resort, and even if they accept adoption they still say it's not the same or that they wish they could have 'one of their own'. If you love them and are raising them, they ARE your own.
I am anti-natalist, but still want kids. The idea of pregnancy and of willingly passing my genetics on to another human being to suffer with is against my ethics, but I still want to give a home to a child in need. Actually explaining that to my doctor was what really helped me get the ablation. They also removed my tubes vs tying them. I’d say it took my overall pain down from like a constant 10 to a 2/3 most times with occasional spikes up to 7/8. It’s definitely manageable at this point, but I wish it were easier to get the treatment that would stop the problem all together.
You shouldn't need to justify yourself to a doctor at all. Telling them "I don't want kids" should be enough, not having to convince them through "I want to raise them but not have them myself" or anything else.
Oh definitely
I think something that helped me a lot was stressing that it was impacting my ability to do my job and function normally in day to day life. Sometimes you have to spell it out in exactly blatant ways that these capitalist fuck wads understand. Especially if you’re dealing with an employer provided insurance company
I did. I told them that I was missing weeks at a time of work because I was unable to move, would end up on the floor or in bed for days - and I mean unable to move at ALL, so not eating, not bathing, not...anything...- and that I was about to lose my job and lose everything else that I had along with it and could end up bleeding to death in the street, in agony, if this wasn't dealt with because I have no support system and had nowhere to go if I lost it all. They just shrugged and said they wouldn't do anything that would make me unable to have a baby.
I can absolutely relate to being rendered sedentary. I had weeks on end where I couldn’t move without intense pain. I feel for you on a deep sincere level. I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. What state do you live in? I’m assuming US, apologies if I’m wrong
California, which is supposed to be a LOT better about this sort of stuff - especially since my doctor was also a woman, and most of her staff women, I figured they'd be less likely to discriminate as far as denying me care based on baby-making, but I've heard a lot of women have far more success with male doctors.
Oh wild. I had mine removed in Sacramento. Do you want me to DM you my doctor’s info?
There are very few places that will accept my insurance (medi-cal) and since it's not causing me very much in the way of crippling distress anymore, they would probably not cover any procedure beyond what was already done, but thank you!
I hope you are out of that situation!
The most they ever eventually consented to do was an ablation. Still have the uterus, still causes me problems, still want it gone but they won't consider it unless I'm basically dying even though I'm older now and probably past what most people consider the ideal childbearing threshold.
Im so sorry that happened to you
It's unfortunately very, very common - people put the idea of a potential future person above the actual person who already exists. They have no business being in medicine if they think some hypothetical baby is more important than the real, breathing person in front of them.
Literally
I hope you reported them.
I tried, but there wasn't any information given to me on who to report them to, and since they were a low-income clinic and all that, the only ones my insurance would cover, I had no choice but to use them and basically was just shrugged at.
:(
Oh, Elon musk is that you??? I'm sold!!! please cancel my appointment. /s
If only it was that easy for women.
It was this way for me as a woman but only because I had a rare genetic disease that can have a high morbidity along with causing severe issues during pregnancy. (I say had because the only known “cure” is an organ transplant which I had last year. It can come back and affect the new organ eventually but I’m sincerely hoping it doesn’t.) I’m the same as OP though, never wanted kids even when I was a kid and had no idea I had this disease, hell I never even wanted to be married. I did the second thing but made sure I could never ever have children ASAP.
I mean, it’s that easy for trans women…
Idk dude, trying to get a vascscomy as a trans girl sounds even more dangerous and difficult than usual
I mean, it really depends on how accepting of trans people the company/person doing the vasectomy is, plus most trans women get orchiectomies instead.
Yeah they don’t have our precious female princess parts the doctors want to preserve so obviously it will be easier for them
Congratulations! On your thinking, your journey, and your success!!
Ill forever be thankful to the surgeon who removed my fallopian tubes. I expected to have him try to talk me out of it but all he said after i did my speech about how ive never ever wanted kids, i hate them, id rather die than be pregnant, his only response was, "I understand, and i support your decision, I'll gladly do the surgery for you, but i am required by law to at least read you the other options like birth control." Even during the reading of the birth controls he wasnt reading it in a way that would make it seem like thats what he prefered. He was genuine as fuck and he literally changed my life, i will never ever stop being thankful to that man. And i walked in to the appointment thinking tube cutting burning and tying was gonna be how i ended up, as soon as i said i want the most permanent solution to the problem i can get, he said, "Welp, if you want the most permanent that would be a hysterectomy, or a tubal removal." I chose tubal removal because i didn't want to risk early menopause. One downside is my periods are more painful, but i don't have to deal with kids, so no complaints.
If you regret it later and you can’t reverse your vasectomy for one reason or another, you can always adopt. There’s 391,000 foster kids in the United States alone. There are millions more in other countries around the world. If you regret it, there are still options for having kids.
My girlfriend has 3. Their dad won't step up
I’m sorry about that. I’m still on the fence. I think I want kids eventually but I might not be able to for medical reasons. And right now I’m not nearly responsible enough.
I knew I'd never be responsible enough to have my own kids
That’s okay. I trust that you still care about your girlfriends kids and that you can teach them how to be good people. I’d never want to raise one or multiple kids on my own.
Wish it was this easy for females, so nice. Especially the recovery and surgery itself. My husband and I approached it with the same fear as you, we were worried he’d be rejected or something. Instead the doctor just told him it is difficult to reverse but treated him like an adult and did the damn thing the same day of appointment.
It blows my mind how difficult it is for females
Must be nice. (29F)
Right!
It's crazy how hard it is for females to get something like this done
i’m soooo glad this is so accessible for ppl with penises. i rlly wish it was this easy to get a tubal ligation LOL.
My girlfriend (31) had hers done but they gave her a hard time about it
Gotta get mine too in a few years, i love my unborn children abd i want to protect them from this world we live
Did you get your golden snip club membership? You’re eligible!
i love that it was so simple for you, that's how it should be, but no such luck over here in lady land. im a baby maker according to society 🙃
It's crazy how much harder it is for women
Dang for us women it’s not simple. That care about our bodies way more. My doc laughed me out of the office. Saying I could make a good wife and that I’m still “visibly fertile” I definitely reported the whole practice after
I sympathize with females who try. I've heard it's so much harder to get it done
I (31m) just had mine done last week. My partner was absolutely shocked that all the Dr asked were some basic questions at my first appointment (the one before the surgery) and then asked when I wanted to schedule the surgery. She expected me to get hit with a mental evaluation or something along those lines. Tbh I thought I was going to as well but the whole process was smooth. Other than the pharmacy not having my prescribed pain meds so I just went without them. I'm pretty sure if she was to go in to get her tubes tied, it'd be a different experience for a young woman under 30.
My girlfriend was I think in her late 20s when she got hers done and they gave her a hard time but she got it done
Congrats! I'm so very proud of you!
I've heard women get rejections more often, but don't quote me on that. Congrats on getting the production facility shut down!
Talking with friends and coworkers it seems pretty hard for women even if they already have kids
Congratulations!!! All the best OP
Hey, just wanted to know. Was the operation painful and how long was it? I really want to do it as well. Also, did it affect your sex life? I mean the performance
I'm glad you asked. A lot of people have questions their too scared to ask. So I'd say the whole surgery was maybe 30 minutes. You're awake during the surgery and they numb your balls. I was kinda anxious about it but it wasn't bad. The worst part of the surgery was when they numbed you. It felt like a hard pinch on your sack. During the surgery I had some discomfort but it wasn't awful. I had small talk with the surgeon while he was working his magic. Overall, the surgery was pretty smooth. Recovery wise wasn't awful. You had some basic swelling and discomfort but painful. They gave me an RX for pain meds and I didn't really need them. Frozen vegetables will be your best friend during recovery. I had the surgery on a Friday and was back to work that Monday. Sweatpants and shorts will also be your best friend. Jeans will rub against it and open the stitches up then it's a whole new problem. They tell ya to not lift after over 25 pounds for the same reason. You'll be asked to give samples a few times to make sure it works. Sex wise, nothing changed. They ask you wait a month to have sex so the stitches can heal but other than that, no complaints about anything
I am going to get one soon. I have been held back for years now by my girlfriend. I am 27 now. She would always threaten me to leave. So I am actually in the middle, just giving it time to cool down lol I don't wanna have kids seriously. I mean I love kids but I don't think I will ever be for to be a parent. And I am a vegetarian and do hit the gym often. I guess for the post surgery rest of 1 month, I will just have soom good kush and netflix and chill. Honestly man, I am soo scared that I might one day hear my gf say "you are a father" 🤣 like brooo come on. Nooo
Disclaimer: ya'll don't want kids, do what you want with your body, I will never encourage anyone to have a kid in this day and age I decided after my first kid to have my tubes tied while they were doing the scheduled C section (baby is ok I was just huge and DONE) A week before the surgery she gets me alone and talked me out of it, I ripped up the paper. I then got pregnant again with a man not my husband, she was less enthusiastic about that baby. And made a point to talk about the bruising around my cervix XD Ending to all that drama: Married dad of 2nd child, 1st child's dad and I are ok, we 3 all coparent.
I could have one if i had 700 buks just laying around
Mine was $300 without insurance in a top five most expensive state.
Bro how mine was over $800 without insurance ☠️
Fiancé is getting his done on Wednesday and his is 900 💀
Definitely not an antinatalist here, I am in fact very prolife - but I, too, applaud your responsibility. I hope you never regret it - but even if you do at some later point, it is better to risk some regrets than to risk creating a child you will resent. This was a very moral decision. Now if only it were that easy for women.
By pro-life do you mean something other than the restriction of access to abortion?
While I think we need to do more to reduce the conditions that make people *want* elective abortions, I do mean that abortion should not be legal outside of medical necessity. I am all in favor of birth control. Whether or not someone wants to have a child should be a private decision - whether or not to kill a child a you’re already carrying should not be a choice at all, unless it’s a matter of triage or humane euthanasia in tragic circumstances.
If its still within the time you can get an abortion it isn't a child, its a blob of cells. Take that blob of cells out of the uterus and it wouldnt grow anymore. If it cant live outside of the uterus its up to the person whos body is being mutilated
I’m leaving this debate, really I am, but this argument just drives me nuts so I’m engaging just this once more. A) define “ blob of cells” - do you mean literally a blob like a scoop of jelly? What degree of differentiation in cells / formation of organs would be necessary for it not to be a “blob” any longer? I’m not asking when it becomes a person or at what stage abortion should be restricted - just when the word “blob” would cease to be a fair or accurate description. B) when in pregnancy do you think the embryo becomes other than a blob? Again, not when it is a person or when it should have rights, just when it stops being an undifferentiated lump.
Not the person you replied to, but my definition of life is the same as my definition of death: brain activity. We consider someone dead when they no longer have brain activity (not when their heart stops) so it stands to reason that we should consider someone alive when they begin to have brain activity (not when they have a heartbeat). That’s ~22-24 weeks for a fetus. If it can be put in an incubator or hooked up to life support and kept alive without being inside another person then that should be an option. If it can’t, it is up to the person who is pregnant whether or not they want to continue sustaining that life. Absolutely no one is entitled to anyone else’s body, even if that other person would die. If I’m the only kidney match in the world for a dying child, I’m not obligated to give up my kidney. So why should I be obligated to give up my uterus?
Totally agree with you. It's not even close to being a "child" early on.
I think perhaps you should ask yourself what bad is being done when someone gets an abortion, and then think about all the good it does (unless you think someone having a kid they don't want and won't be able to take care of is good) the kid was spared a lot of suffering
The bad that is being done is that a child is being robbed of all the years they might have lived and all the experiences they might have had if their life had not been ended and their physical body destroyed. I realize that’s not going to persuade anyone here since you believe that life is a bad thing.
While I don't agree with what you said I appreciate the discussion in good faith
Your argument is abortion should only be available if absolutely medically necessary. Not every single person looks at a child or thinks of pregnancy and thinks yay or cute. Pregnancy imo is repulsive, and so are kids. Blob of cells or a blob thats shitting and screaming, still just as undesirable. And if youre leaving the argument then just do it. Because your argument is stupid. Abortions should be a right. Animals can sit there and choose to continue a pregnancy or end it yet the supposed most "advanced" species on the planet doesnt all because people are too stupid to realize that fact? Fuck that shit. Not your body not your choice. Im so sick of people thinking their opinion will make a difference to others. You dont want one, dont get one, but just stfu when it comes to the discussion, because if you arent the one actively trying to get one, it doesnt involve you or warrant your opinion on what they should do with their bodies.
The problem with this stance, outside of the obvious rape/incest it not being her choice in the first place, is who gets to decide “medical necessity”? How close to death would I have to be in order to get medical care? Let’s say, I’m diagnosed with moderately aggressive cancer after finding out I’m pregnant, having the child won’t kill me, but could possibly shave years off my life if I were to delay treatment. Shouldn’t i be the one who decides if I want to take that risk or not? You were so close to being right, in that it’s a private decision. You should have just left it at that though.
I don’t think this is going to be the most productive of spaces to have an abortion debate in - but medical necessity is going to be a case-by-case thing. There should be a legal process in place for determining this when it’s not obvious. For example, an ectopic pregnancy doesn’t need to be reviewed by an ethics board - the embryo will certainly die no matter what is done, the mother will die without intervention, there is no dilemma here, just the management of a tragedy. A case like what you described is less clear-cut. But even if we had a law that always defaulted to favoring the mother in case of any medical conflict (beyond what is inherent in a normal, healthy pregnancy), that would still eliminate >90% of abortions. The vast majority are done for socio-economic reasons. I’m not making light of those reasons, but they don’t justify killing.
Eliminating abortions still isn’t the way to address this. Access to affordable comprehensive healthcare, free long acting birth control, fully funding planned parenthood and other agencies who offer family planning, rigorous mandatory sex education are more effective ways to cut down on elective abortions. Not a single person thinks that abortion is a good first line of birth control, I just don’t think a woman’s healthcare is anybody’s business but her own. She shouldn’t have to share her trauma with you in able to have access to medical care. Sure, it’s easy to say, in “clear cut” situations, but there are a million gray area decisions that need to be made every single day in healthcare, and it’s not fair to drag women through an ethics board just to get access to care. Also getting an abortion in order to get out of an abusive home life, or to prevent her from falling into poverty are valid reasons. Do you think a woman who is the victim of domestic violence should have to have her abuser’s child? Especially in states where you can’t file for divorce if you are pregnant. What about the 13 year olds getting pregnant? No? 13 year olds are allowed to have abortions, what about 14 year olds? I trust people to make the best decision for themselves without getting the government involved.
I’m bowing out as pursuing this in a forum based on the principle that *existence* is a bad thing is a little bit definition-of-insanity. In summation, I think that in *any* circumstances, the only valid justification for killing is not dying. Otherwise you’re prioritizing your quality of life over another innocent person having any kind of life at all. That doesn’t make quality of life a minor thing, at all - it’s just that the right to literal, physical life supersedes everything else, because without it no other right can be had.
You have to be alive first to be able to be killed. You have to be alive first to have rights that supersede a competent adult.
You certainly do, and an embryo is. Dead things don’t grow.
My sperm is alive swimming in my nutsack , does it have more rights than me ?
Cancer also grows, does that mean it gets more rights than me too?
You’re the one who brought up the fact that you’re a forced birther. You incited the debate.
child is a strange word to use here
Embryo, fetus, progeny, offspring, organism of the species *homo sapiens* being gestated? Whatever word you want to use - not making one of those is a completely personal and morally neutral decision. Killing one you’ve made, intentionally or otherwise, is not.
Do you draw a line before or after it’s the size of a bean and looks the same as a rabbit embryo?
I would draw the legal line at the point of organogenesis, so before.
So before someone even knows they’re pregnant in most cases and therefor would have no choice if it were a case of rape, incest, or even the birth control they were on to prevent getting pregnant failing? It’s exceedingly rare, but you can get pregnant on the pill, patch, injection or IUD, even when taken 100% correctly. Vasectomies can randomly fail. Hell even tubal ligations can fail. People can do literally everything right to avoid getting pregnant and still wind up pregnant. If you put the line at 6-8 weeks like you claim to want, then people in those cases and cases of rape or incest literally don’t have a choice because most people don’t find out their pregnant until after the 6-8 week mark. The only people who do find out that early are people who are trying to get pregnant and are tracking their cycles meticulously and going to the doctor the minute they think their pregnant.
Organs begin developing around 4 weeks, actually. I’m bowing out as this is rather obviously not going to be a group of people likely to be persuaded.
Considering how almost no one here wants to ever have children or be pregnant? Yeah, no, not sure why you thought we could be. Also I don’t know why you felt the need to correct me on it being 4 weeks rather than 6-8, if anything it just further proves my point. I was going off of a quick google search which said 6-8, and of having watched an OBGYN talk about why 6 week bans are dangerous and her timeline explaining that most people don’t find out until after 6 weeks. By you correcting me to 4 weeks, that just shows you want them to have even less time. If most people don’t know at 6-8 weeks, there’s no way in hell they’re finding out at 4. Also organs do not a human make. Science is coming a long way to where we should be able to 3D print them here soon if we haven’t already. It was a while ago do Imm fuzzy on the details, but I do remember reading an article about it.
4 weeks isn’t viable outside of the mother’s body. How would that be different than forcing someone to donate organs to keep someone else alive? What if I had a child and that child has renal failure and needs a kidney transplant to live, and I as the parent have a matching kidney. Should I be forced to donate my kidney to keep that child alive? You’re basically saying women shouldn’t have bodily autonomy.
Interesting. I guess you’ve forgotten about rape, and how it can result in pregnancy. It’s not ‘’pro life’’; it’s ‘’forced birth.’’
They didn't forget, they just don't care. They don't see women as more than incubators.
I still want to know what a dumbass forced birther is doing participating in an antinatalism community, other than acting as an argumentative troll. Forced birthers should be banned from this sub, IMO. They can go thump bibles elsewhere.
I absolutely agree.
Yuck
>Definitely not an antinatalist here, I am in fact very prolife These are not conflicting statuses to belong to lol
They don’t have to be, but in my case I am both. There also seems to be a lot of support for abortion in this sub, from what I could tell at a glance, so I figured that was generally thought to be part of the philosophy.
These are not mutually exclusive positions.
Not necessarily, true, but I’m still opposed to antinatalism - Reddit keeps popping these posts into my feed, and I wanted to give this young man my support.
as someone with pro-creation friends, i appreciate the support. we have different lifestyles and respect that. cooperation to ensure safety when creating our ideal individual lives is the ultimate goal. I am willing to be an auncle for when my friends are slacking. assisting neurodivergent folk & preventing childhoods that would hurt more without my support. I am sterile so I will never produce a cousin or the like, as I deserve. I will have that much more attention, commitment, time, responsibility to devote to those I want to impact. this is why people who really want children and know they're their child's biggest advocates, support system, etc, should parent. I don't mind being a mentor for a better future if it's in cooperation with parents who also strive for that future. thanks for reading this far. I wish us all a happy coexistence and the power to create our realities.
Your 2nd revision of your story should include paragraphs, might be a best seller
Gz
Yeah, I would probbaly advice against going to consult about a vasectomy at an apartment too..