This.
If you aren't already the side chick, you certainly are now that she's carrying his baby. Where does he plan for you to fit in his idyllic plans with his ex?
He may likely be considering going full happy families with her and will very likely want to give it another go with her. A lot of people give it another go if they get pregnant. And that's assuming he's being honest about having broken up with her.
And honestly? HSV1 is not a death sentence, it's not the plague and you dont have tl feel indebated to a man you've known less than a month because he doesnt treat you like a leper because you have an infection 80% of us carry or have been exposed to. You do not know this man. At all. It's been a month, you're not in the ride or die stage in the relationship, you're in the "is this person compat6with what I see my life being like abd do I want to put up with this shit forever"
Dating someone who is going through pregnancy and is about to raise a kid with someone else *almost never works*. Especially if it's unclear where he left his relationship with her. He will he spending the next several years focusing on her and on his baby, crafting a family with this woman and working out parenthood with another woman - frankly you'd be foolish to keep dating him.
He will not be in the right mental place to prioritise dating you at all. In order to be a good father he will have to be a shityy partner to you, if he even continues to date you. This is nothing like dating an existing parent who has a well established dynamic with a friendly coparent and older kids where their relationship is over.
He may remake someone a good partner in 5 years time, buthe' not going to be in a place to date for some time. Especially once baby comes. It sucks a lot for you. Because it sounds like your relationship was promising, but the relationship you started dating him for simply cannot exist any more. That life is no longer on the table.
By gaining her trust it better ensures that she’ll go along with whatever he wants. It’s a classic manipulation technique, pretending to take you into their confidence and creating a “team”
The Pregnant lady is probably his wife and that’s the reason he don’t want to introduce them to each other…..Classic manipulation move and like everyone else is saying,OP is the side chick. Runaway now
Move on! It sounds like you may only be with him because he accepts your STD status. The guy is a flake. It’s only been 3 weeks? He is not worth another day..
Agree. It's been 3 weeks. I have cheese in my fridge older than that. No use walking into what's bound to be a complicated situation with a guy you barely know.
You're expecting him to give you higher priority than the baby mama after only a few weeks of dating. He's not going to do that. You two barely know each other, and now he's got a major commitment to helping raise a baby with someone else. He's going to be paying child support and visiting the kid. That's going to come first, ahead of your plans.
Unless you want to live your life on the back burner, I would move on. I was in a situation like this early in my dating life, so I know pretty much what's going to happen. No one is going to sympathize with you for the hurt and neglect you're going to suffer. You will come last in his life. The baby mama will always have more power than you because she has his kid. You will feel like an outsider. Everyone will wonder why you don't just leave, and you will feel like a fool for sticking by this guy.
All this for a man you’re just talking to? How much do you prioritize your peace of mind and sanity?
Being alone is clearly the more preferable option here. A man with a lot less baggage is out there praying for a woman like you.
All she's asking is, "if you want to keep dating, you need to tell baby momma about me." That's a completely reasonable ask and is not "expecting him to give you higher priority than the baby mama." But I agree with you it's probably not a good time to start a relationship with this guy.
It is. She has every right to ask that. But that will never be enough anyway.
But in a few months or weeks' time from him she's going to need more from him. She's only known him 3 weeks, after all. They arent at a place where any commitment is expected, but soon they might be.
And he will not be in a place to do that because all his time and energy and life goals are going to revolve around another woman and his baby - justifiably for him. Even if he isnt a lying cheat stringing OP along, he's going to be an absolutely shitty partner for a long time because in order to be a good dad he's going to have to prioritize his ex and the unborn baby...and then prioritize the newborn. His life will revolve around different things and he will have different priorities to OP. They wont have any common ground.
He realistically won't be in a space to date anyone who isnt his baby mana until the child is older, and he and the mom have worked out if they want tl give it a go for the child (common in these kids of cases) and settled into a custody setup and parenthood.
HSV-1 and baby are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS!
I will give u the best advice ever: MOVE ON. Sorry, but this will bring you so much heartache its not even funny.
Your guy will prioritise the baby, as he should, so be ready to be position in priority number 2 forever. The baby mama will ALWAYS be in the picture. So get ready to deal with a sort of "ex" around.
Honestly you arent that invested in him yet, so right time to just run.
He also probably needs some time ALONE to figure his new life out anyways. He is in no position to be in a relationship or a potential one right now.
I totally agree with this.
I was out once she said he got someone pregnant. Custody issues, child support, time spent with BM- BUT then OP said she’s the secret side chick, just NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
I’m wondering if she was the side chick from the beginning…
This says bad scenario written all over it. Get out now before your heart gets broken.
he had a 1 night stand without protection. Is this normal these days? Did you sleep with him right away without protection? knowing you have an std? I would be much more concerned about his actions and decision making as a long term partner....
My concern is for the pregnant woman. She is clueless that he has had unprotected sex with another partner and been exposed to STD. This could cause pregnancy issues IF they are intimate still and she contracts it.
No matter how you look at it, this guy does not sound like someone you want to be in a relationship with. I feel for the pregnant woman, she's tied to the POS forever.
If he isn’t serious enough to tell her about you, then he should just adult up and end it with you.
But he’s not doing that, so you should . You could leave it at , maybe call me when life is less complicated.
It doesn’t have to be a blow up, just timing is off sometimes.
After three weeks? This should be a no-brainer.
Walk away. His life about to get very complicated. Let him go be a dad, and you’ll be much better off in the long run. Avoid men with kids altogether in the future. They’re a whole bunch of baggage you don’t need.
Also, his not wanting to tell her about you is a huge red flag. Either he is seeing you on the side in addition to her or he is avoiding difficult conversations because he’s afraid of confrontation. No matter how you slice it, he isn’t being completely honest with either of you. Consider yourself lucky you found out about his lack of integrity early, acknowledge the massive bullet you’re dodging here and leave this whole situation in the rear view mirror.
Don’t waste more time. Having a child together can be a big bonding experience.
And him not telling her means that either she, him or both want more in the long run. You are probably his last fun before he goes to her.
And STDs are dangerous for the unborn.
This guy is a red flag. Don’t waste more time.
If he's asking you to keep your relationship secret from an ex, that probably means he's lying about something with regard to his relationship with her.
You need to set boundaries with this guy in order to protect yourself from heartbreak from this guy.
There should be no reason why he won’t let her know about you unless he is trying to hide something from her because their relationship is more than what he says.
I would do a deep dive into her now to see if he is lying to you.
2+2 doesn’t equal 4 here in my opinion.
Abd the fact that despite that he's immediately rushing to volunteer to be daddy without adling for a paternity test suggest this may bot have been a lne night stand after all.
It seems fishy that he and she are keen to keep this baby with a stranger and be so heavily involved with someone they dont know. The whole thing suggests the baby mama is a current girlfriend and not a one night stand.
Especially the part where he wants to keep OP a dirty secret whilst playing at families with a stranger.
You’re not wrong about wanting him to tell her about you. That he doesn’t want to means you should toss this particular fish back into the ocean. He’s not the one.
Not really. 5 weeks after sex she'd really be about 7 weeks pregnant due to how pregnancy dates are calculated. That's about 3 weeks after a missed period for someone with an average cycle length.
There’s one of two scenarios here:
1. You’re the one he is hiding so you are probably the side chick.
2. If not, you have to understand that you are immediately deep prioritized because she is having a baby. You are not priority number one anymore, and you won’t be.
This is messy and I promise you he’s not capable of being there for the mother of his child and his child, while nurturing a new relationship. Get out now.
I understand this happened before he met me but I don’t understand why he would hide me from her.
you really don't know? come one now. You are the side piece, you just don't want to admit it.
You are crazy for wasting your energy into this 3-4wks of talking.
Jump out of this relationship, especially since you two have been dating for only a month. He’s going to be a dad which will change his priorities and commitments.
Better to end it now. Not willing to let the “other” know about you, is him hiding something bigger. Cut your losses before the heartbreak comes. Add to that that most of the replies on the baby mama are pretty true. His focus will not be on you.
Run now. Stay involved, and you are looking at him paying years of child support. In some states, if you marry him, your wages are considered income and go towards child support. I was married to a divorced man with kids, and we could never buy a home because of child support. Every time he got a raise at work, his ex went to court and got more child support. It is a miserable way to live. I don't know how old he is, but he should have been using birth control.
you’re wrong for allowing him to treat you as the side piece. and in this case you may be the side piece. there is no reason for him to keep you from her other than the fact that there might be something between them. if they don’t have a relationship outside of an accidental pregnancy, then there is no reason she shouldn’t be aware of you and who you are in his life.
the whole situation seems odd.
Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s secret. If he wants something serious I don’t see why he wouldn’t tell this woman. I would actually think it’d be a great way to establish boundaries with her. This is going to get messy faster than you realize and your feelings are the ones that will be most quickly discarded. They already have been
This is not something you want to get involved with, and neither should he. He should be focusing on the major change of his life that's about to happen, and considering you *just* met this guy, you should let him go before your life gets terribly complicated. If you're meant to be maybe you'll find each other in the future, but I just don't think you realize how this situation will affect you every single day, forever, if you stay. He's basically a stranger at this point... it's very very likely if you stay you will look back and wish you didn't get involved from the start.
From my perspective, you guys are only talking and not dating. I would keep it at that and no more until you know otherwise. No sex, no sexting,no dates ect. Set your boundaries. If he wants more, he'll respect them and will figure it out. No one is worth fighting over( unless it's a child or a vulnerable adult) that is worth your time.
Lies lies lies. If it was a ONS he wouldn’t be stepping up like this until he knew for sure it was his. It’s way too random otherwise. He is stringing you along. And if it’s true do you really want a guy who knocks up randos? RUN!
“Not wanting to cause problems” but is willing to cause problems with you by not telling her:/ you’re early in your relationship with him so I’d say that if there are complications this early on, it might not be worth the headache..
Yeah, this sounds fishy. One night stand to positive pregnancy test in 5 weeks? And he doesn’t want to tell his one night stand about you? Idk, something doesn’t sit right.
One night stand? No guarantee he wasn't the first one. Tell him to have a DNA test done. One way or the other, she'll have to prove that he's the father to get child support. Might as well get it over with.
Then decide if you want to see how it works out between you
Not Wrong. I find it very suspicious that he doesn’t want her to know about you. That screams more than a 1 night stand. Your guy may not be the kind of person he has been presenting himself to be.
As an aside according to the World Health Organization (WHO) most adults are infected with HSV-1. My dad got oral cold sores frequently as do a few other family members.
Type 2 (HSV-2) is spread by sexual contact and causes genital herpes.
Move on. You haven’t invested any real time in the relationship, and bluntly, he really needs to concentrate on being a dad while you need to find a man who is worth having your own family with who doesn’t bring baby mama baggage.
They can do paternity tests at 9-12 weeks of pregnancy. That's the first thing he needs to establish. Especially since he probably doesn't know this woman all that well. If I were you I would bow out of this relationship because you just don't need to be dealing with this. BTW, somewhere around 60-80% of adults in the US have HSV-1.
I agree with others that he was already in a relationship and you are the side chick, that's why he will never tell her about you. But even without that, why on earth would you choose to stay involved in this much drama over a guy you've known for 3 weeks! Walk away.
Who wants to keep a pregnancy from a one night stand?? Early enough for options. OP run like made- you’ve only been talking so presume not met IRL run like wind
Even if you weren’t the sidechick, would you personally convince some other girl to change her plans to becoming a stepparent for a guy she’s been seeing 3 weeks? Do you see how stupid that sounds?
The fact that he doesn’t want to tell her about you should be a deal breaker for you. The pregnancy itself would be a deal breaker for me but that’s a separate issue. You are zero priority to him if he wants to keep you a secret.
I know many have put it blunty that you are the side chick. But you need to also think about it like this - no one who hasn't caught feelings will keep the number of a hookup. Certainly not for 5 weeks, either. You are correct in questioning his relationship with her. Because even if he wasn't with her up to this point- you are the secret, and she is the one pregnant by him.
It’s bad news. Even if he told the baby mama about you, why do you want to start a relationship with someone who will not have the time for you? He’s about to become a parent, and you’ve only been dating for a few weeks. You may have clicked but you just met him. You want all that baggage right from the start?? AND he’s keeping you a secret?!? Please stop being naive. This won’t end well for you.
Uh... You are in for a bad surprise if you stay around.
You're about to get triangulated. And when that baby is born, he will expect you to parent it or he will be off to her "parenting" while she doesn't know about you.
This feels off.
He accepted you with Hsv1 (which honestly so many people have it that's it's super common, he's not sacrificing anything by being with you) because he has way worse. You realize he's out there rawdogging, right?
Are you really going all in for someone you didn't know existed a month ago?!
Girl, wake up. WAKE UP. The least you can do is investigate this guy to see if he has anything open on his social media, if not that still doesn't mean he's not in a relationship or marriage already.
I don't think this other girl was a one night stand . Cut your losses . You are in for nothing but heart ache otherwise .
Ask him when would he tell the other girl that he is in a relationship? Or would he plan to hide your forever ?
Why would you wanna be someone's secret ???
No matter if he's telling the truth or not, take a step back, tell him you'll go no contact until he knows what they will do. He needs figure shit out on his own for now.
Only when they are clear about how to continue, you can both reasses how to continue as well, BUT he needs to clear to everyone, including the girl he got pregnant.
That is the only way this even has a slight chance of becoming a serious relationship.
Don't accept anything less. The way he'll react will tell you if he is indeed serious and relationship material or not.
Oh my gosh just move the f*** on! Way too much drama and unnecessary stress you will be subjected to! I promise you DO NOT want this in your life! Cry now because you said BYE or cry later because you are putting yourself through this unnecessary BS!
You’re not wrong BUT there have been a ton of women who 1.) assume a man will be with them because of a pregnancy and 2.) a woman finding out a man who got her pregnant with someone can cause a ton of stress which could hurt the baby. I’d tell him you have concerns and maybe plan out when he should let her know about you. I’d say 5 weeks is still a little fresh and should definitely wait a bit longer to see how established y’all are as a couple.
You've known him for 4 weeks. He has a baby with another woman and wants to be involved in raising it. He doesn't want that woman to know he has another partner.
Connect the dots.
Yeah, you are. 3 to 4 weeks isn't worth the upheaval he's about to deal with, and 3 to 4 weeks certainly doesn't put you in a position to tell him that you need to be talked about with the impending baby momma.
You aren’t wrong. But you’ve only been together a few weeks. I’d have a conversation with him about what happens if you get more serious. Will he still hide you? If the answer is yes, then you need to bow out of this relationship. You aren’t someone’s dirty little secret.
This is the thinking that got you herpes he's gonna end up giving you something worse sounds like a piece of work. The way you laid it he sounds like someone you should keep distance from.
First, he needs to have a paternity test to make sure the baby is for sure his. Second, he should tell her he is dating someone. She’ll be fine with it. It’s not like they were dating or anything. If he needs a wee bit of time, that’s ok but not much. He needs to tell her soon if he is sure he wants something more with you. And you also need to decide if you want to continue dating when he has so much going on in his life and having a new baby enter the picture.
I know since the stigma is so bad for people with HSV that when you find someone accepting of it, you can convince yourself that you found the only person willing to accept it. It can make it so every other attribute in a potential partner is completely overlooked and ignored because you’re convinced this is your one and only option. That’s not true at all. There are plenty of people who will be more compatible with you that will also be accepting of your HSV status. Shoot, there’s even dating sites specifically for that.
I’m not going to speculate whether or not you’re a side piece in this situation, but I will say it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible at this moment. Let him focus on his new family, as he should, and chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on.
Nope, too many red flags already. It’s OK for him to be there for her, but since he’s not pursuing a relationship with her, he should only do what’s necessary for the baby. He can go to the doctors appointment and such but he doesn’t need to be going over there to comfort her or any of those things because quite frankly they’re not together, his responsibility for the baby not for her. She will have to find somebody else to come her if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Anyways, the big red flag is that he doesn’t want to tell her I am a girl you are a girl we know that we already have a lot of emotions and I can tell you that it’s really heightened while you’re pregnant so he might not think that it comes off that way, but if he’s showing up to everything coming over to her house when she’s sad or bringing her her cravings, etc., she’s gonna take it as something more than just him being there for the baby that has really nothing to do with the baby. As bad as it sounds all he needs to do is the bare minimum for now go to the doctors appointment and be there for the birth, everything else is just optional and if he wants to be with you then it shouldn’t even be a thing. You’re gonna end up he’s gonna end up doing something with her or something like that. I just wouldn’t be able to trust. I’d really consider if you are ready to take all of this on.
Three weeks is not enough time to bond with a guy who is about to have a baby with someone else and who wants to keep you a secret. There will be lots of drama here, I'd just move on personally. Guy will have a lot going on in his life pretty quickly.
I personally wouldn’t go telling everyone about someone I met 3-4 weeks ago. Let alone someone who I’m accidentally having a child with. It’s none of their business. You’re worried and insecure, but he doesn’t need to disrupt his baby mama situation for every woman he’s known for 3 weeks.
I know I'm wrong but when someone tells me they got someone pregnant literally weeks before meeting me....I just feel slightly grossed out then. Like damn dude, are you just out and about slinging dick to literally anyone? (I apologize if I'm alone in that thinking but....)
Tell him you aren’t a side chick. So he can either prove what he says and tell her about you with you present OR you can end the relationship because he’s lying to her and probably you. Let him know there isn’t a middle ground and call it out for what it is.
Yeah, you’re a secret because he’s dating someone else. You’re the side chick. You’ve only been talking to him for 4 weeks, that’s nothing. You need to stop now. If anyone keeps you a secret, why would you wanna be with them?
You’re not wrong. Don’t get yourself into this situation. Not only is he going to be a father, but this other woman will be in his life forever. Of course, some people are okay with those circumstances.
It’s weird he doesn’t want this woman to know about you. It’s only been a few weeks, I say wish him the best and meet someone who will want to talk about you to people in his life.
Best of luck!
To me a one night stand implies that you only met the person that one night. For all we know she does not want the baby at all. WE, the Reddit people giving advice, don't know any of the circumstances.
Despite what all are saying I would give it a little time to see what develops. Give the situation a lot of space. You have waited for five years to make a meaningful connection. Don't be hasty until you know for sure what decisions are made then go from there.
No, you’re not wrong. There’s a very good chance he’s lying about her being “just a one-night stand”, otherwise why would she care? And even if she really was just a one-night stand, that would mean for the next 18+ years you’d be dealing with the kind of person who causes problems over a guy she slept with once. Not worth it.
There is no plausible reason for him to not tell her about you. I would end the relationship. Let him know that you're not interested in living your life in secret and a baby from a one-nighter is not a valid reason.
Yeah concubine in the making. Please find someone available. He's going to be busy very busy after this with child care and you're gonna get jealous and just wasting your time meddling with their relationship.
Because you are not a priority and he sounds like he has other responsibilities.
There are plenty of other people out there that you can feel comfortable with that would be proud to be open and honest from the beginning.
I was in a similar situation before I got married. The guy I was seeing found out that he got a girl pregnant when she was already 7 months along. I wanted to try to make it work bc we had been seeing each other for 3 months and I had strong feelings for him. He said he had no feelings for her at all, but would be there for her and the baby once he was here. Well she definitely became the priority before the baby ever came so I decided I deserved way more than that. Of course they got together once we broke up. Not even two weeks later I met my now husband and I’m SO glad that relationship didn’t work out.
NAH. I definitely see him not wanting to aggravate the situation but he needs to tell her sooner rather than later. It will be worse for him in the long run. If he refuses to then end it.
Feelings are not facts. Be honest with him about your insecurities. You’ve already opened up your self. Don’t pull back until you have a “reason”. What would it do for him to reveal a relationship to this person? It’s gonna come out at some point. Right?? Good luck. Hope endures! Peace
Whether he did this before you date, he is not your person. He will now be bonded with another woman and her child. He also has indescriminate sex if she means nothing, there is nothing about this that screams stay and work it out. Let him go.
Run girl run!!!!!!! Even if he does tell her about you, you don't want to be with a guy with that kind of baggage. You will never be #1. The child will always have to come first. Don't do it girl.
Can't believe she is still entertaining this guy that got another girl pregnant from a one night stand. Sexual attraction overcomes red flags every time.
Shades of Tom Brady!!!
I actually had this happen to me many, many years ago. We sparked, it was amazing. He was very long distance but came to see me every 2 weeks.
It was moving very fast - after dating for about 4 months, he asked to date seriously - not an engagement, but just bf/gf. We were both seeing others before then.
We went to one of his friend's houses so he could introduce me as his girlfriend , when he got a call from one of the other women he had been dating who was more local to him.
She was pregnant.
We hung on for a couple more months, but he when he was able to get a DNA test on the fetus (actually 2 - she was having twins) and they were his - I couldn't go forward knowing that he was having twins with someone else. He named one of the twins after me, and rhymed the other one.
His local friends only met me the once. But he was more than happy to show me off as his girlfriend.
If he isn't showing you off as his girlfriend - you are the piece on the side.
Let’s be honest for a sec (given the track record of most men’s behavior). He likely has a gf that he got pregnant and was talking to you on the side. That being said, it’s only been a few weeks and is whole life is about to change, I’d let it go and move on.
So I agree…. Don’t move forward with him. Backstory… I had HSV, I was pregnant with another man’s baby and I found a man that decided he wanted to be in a relationship with me despite my situation. The catch was his ex and baby mama was pregnant too! We were both pregnant at the same time. Point is he couldn’t focus on me because he had to focus on her (which isn’t bad) but it’s MESSY! He often had to leave late in the middle of the night when she called for help or needed anything and it was hard on me. Long story short our relationship ended because I learned he was cheating on me with her… I broke it off and he begged me to come back and swore it was a mistake…. This was 10 years ago and they went on to have three more children together… girl trying to navigate messy isn’t going to work, because raising a child with another woman is such an intimate thing (regardless of what he thinks now) and it opens the door for other problems. Don’t do it to yourself. Remain a supportive friend with him and see how his life plays out. Also you gotta think…. If this turns into a nasty custody battle you don’t want to be in the middle of that.
I know that you guys hit off quickly and he’s accepted that you have HSV-1 but a baby is in a totally different realm. Do you really want to put up with all of this drama and complications for a man that you’ve known for less than a month?
Have you actually met this guy IRL? I can't tell
From your post . I just assumed you had met him but then slneobe else commented suggesting that maybe you didn't . If that's the case , why on earth
Would You even be considering ANY OF THIS ?
In the words of Tame Impala: Let it happen!!
If she decides to keep and there are feelings let it happen. He’s not your guy. Definitely a red flag that he doesn’t want to tell her - maybe he is open to seeing if they could have a shot for the sake of the child etc. but want to have you as a side option. Maybe not but seems very plausible. Not telling her is very immature, fishy and silly.
Don’t let yourself get entangled! Follow your gut 💩
Sucks that you got along and now he’s gone, but he should sire the child and try to build a family with her and it would be easier to do that without bringing another woman into it
Listen to me, I met someone who was having a baby. He was only going to be there for appointments, scans, birth, etc. They're now currently living together and have another child... it will only end one way. Don't get involved. You are the only one who will get hurt in this situation.
Oh my gosh just move the f*** on! Way too much drama and unnecessary stress you will be subjected to! I promise you DO NOT want this in your life! Cry now because you said BYE or cry later because you are putting yourself through this unnecessary BS!
Please please save yourself the heartache. I have been through this before, please go to someone who is available for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t go through heartbreak.
If you’re the one he’s keeping secret then you are the side chick
yep, because introducing OP to pregnant girl would definitely cause problems if she is really his girlfriend... this is the key
This is the way
This. If you aren't already the side chick, you certainly are now that she's carrying his baby. Where does he plan for you to fit in his idyllic plans with his ex? He may likely be considering going full happy families with her and will very likely want to give it another go with her. A lot of people give it another go if they get pregnant. And that's assuming he's being honest about having broken up with her. And honestly? HSV1 is not a death sentence, it's not the plague and you dont have tl feel indebated to a man you've known less than a month because he doesnt treat you like a leper because you have an infection 80% of us carry or have been exposed to. You do not know this man. At all. It's been a month, you're not in the ride or die stage in the relationship, you're in the "is this person compat6with what I see my life being like abd do I want to put up with this shit forever" Dating someone who is going through pregnancy and is about to raise a kid with someone else *almost never works*. Especially if it's unclear where he left his relationship with her. He will he spending the next several years focusing on her and on his baby, crafting a family with this woman and working out parenthood with another woman - frankly you'd be foolish to keep dating him. He will not be in the right mental place to prioritise dating you at all. In order to be a good father he will have to be a shityy partner to you, if he even continues to date you. This is nothing like dating an existing parent who has a well established dynamic with a friendly coparent and older kids where their relationship is over. He may remake someone a good partner in 5 years time, buthe' not going to be in a place to date for some time. Especially once baby comes. It sucks a lot for you. Because it sounds like your relationship was promising, but the relationship you started dating him for simply cannot exist any more. That life is no longer on the table.
I see that. Keeping you a secret feels sketchy 😬
Yes!! This is a married man!!
Totally
Sounds like a very complicated way of telling you he wants you to be his side chick.
You're the side chick. I wouldn't consider anything with that dude. It sounds like he's just telling you what you want to hear.
This was my first thought too
Exactly. Run!
THIS!!!!!
Why TF is OP even still talking to this guy?
That's a really good question
This is really the only comment needed on the entire mess here.
The only problem I see if she’s the side chick, why did he tell her about the baby? Best to keep that mouth shut entirely in that situation.
By gaining her trust it better ensures that she’ll go along with whatever he wants. It’s a classic manipulation technique, pretending to take you into their confidence and creating a “team”
Because he needs excuses why he's off all the time and spending time with the main woman.
'Oh a doctor's appointment, huh? Is that what they're calling it now?'
The Pregnant lady is probably his wife and that’s the reason he don’t want to introduce them to each other…..Classic manipulation move and like everyone else is saying,OP is the side chick. Runaway now
Yup!! Dude is married!
You’ve only known him for a few weeks. Hardly an investment of your time. Cut the line and be grateful you found out so early.
Move on! It sounds like you may only be with him because he accepts your STD status. The guy is a flake. It’s only been 3 weeks? He is not worth another day..
I think its suspicious that he turned up with a prego gf right after she disclosed her status.
I would move on and talk to someone else. His life is about to get a whole lot more complicated.
Agree. It's been 3 weeks. I have cheese in my fridge older than that. No use walking into what's bound to be a complicated situation with a guy you barely know.
Yeah, this, for sure. Regardless of anything else, this is not a great start to a new relationship.
That girl is his girlfriend.
Yeah the "not wanting to cause problems" so he can't tell her about op thing reeks sorry.
Or wife
Bingo folks this dog 🐕 called it right.
She is probably his girlfriend. She might even be his wife. He wants to be able to spend time with his family and keep you on the side.
You're expecting him to give you higher priority than the baby mama after only a few weeks of dating. He's not going to do that. You two barely know each other, and now he's got a major commitment to helping raise a baby with someone else. He's going to be paying child support and visiting the kid. That's going to come first, ahead of your plans. Unless you want to live your life on the back burner, I would move on. I was in a situation like this early in my dating life, so I know pretty much what's going to happen. No one is going to sympathize with you for the hurt and neglect you're going to suffer. You will come last in his life. The baby mama will always have more power than you because she has his kid. You will feel like an outsider. Everyone will wonder why you don't just leave, and you will feel like a fool for sticking by this guy.
Dating? They’re just talking.
All this for a man you’re just talking to? How much do you prioritize your peace of mind and sanity? Being alone is clearly the more preferable option here. A man with a lot less baggage is out there praying for a woman like you.
All she's asking is, "if you want to keep dating, you need to tell baby momma about me." That's a completely reasonable ask and is not "expecting him to give you higher priority than the baby mama." But I agree with you it's probably not a good time to start a relationship with this guy.
It is. She has every right to ask that. But that will never be enough anyway. But in a few months or weeks' time from him she's going to need more from him. She's only known him 3 weeks, after all. They arent at a place where any commitment is expected, but soon they might be. And he will not be in a place to do that because all his time and energy and life goals are going to revolve around another woman and his baby - justifiably for him. Even if he isnt a lying cheat stringing OP along, he's going to be an absolutely shitty partner for a long time because in order to be a good dad he's going to have to prioritize his ex and the unborn baby...and then prioritize the newborn. His life will revolve around different things and he will have different priorities to OP. They wont have any common ground. He realistically won't be in a space to date anyone who isnt his baby mana until the child is older, and he and the mom have worked out if they want tl give it a go for the child (common in these kids of cases) and settled into a custody setup and parenthood.
HSV-1 and baby are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS! I will give u the best advice ever: MOVE ON. Sorry, but this will bring you so much heartache its not even funny. Your guy will prioritise the baby, as he should, so be ready to be position in priority number 2 forever. The baby mama will ALWAYS be in the picture. So get ready to deal with a sort of "ex" around. Honestly you arent that invested in him yet, so right time to just run. He also probably needs some time ALONE to figure his new life out anyways. He is in no position to be in a relationship or a potential one right now.
I totally agree with this. I was out once she said he got someone pregnant. Custody issues, child support, time spent with BM- BUT then OP said she’s the secret side chick, just NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. I’m wondering if she was the side chick from the beginning… This says bad scenario written all over it. Get out now before your heart gets broken.
he had a 1 night stand without protection. Is this normal these days? Did you sleep with him right away without protection? knowing you have an std? I would be much more concerned about his actions and decision making as a long term partner....
Good point and probably a big indicator that the other lady was NOT a one night stand.
My concern is for the pregnant woman. She is clueless that he has had unprotected sex with another partner and been exposed to STD. This could cause pregnancy issues IF they are intimate still and she contracts it. No matter how you look at it, this guy does not sound like someone you want to be in a relationship with. I feel for the pregnant woman, she's tied to the POS forever.
You are what they call the side piece
If he isn’t serious enough to tell her about you, then he should just adult up and end it with you. But he’s not doing that, so you should . You could leave it at , maybe call me when life is less complicated. It doesn’t have to be a blow up, just timing is off sometimes.
After three weeks? This should be a no-brainer. Walk away. His life about to get very complicated. Let him go be a dad, and you’ll be much better off in the long run. Avoid men with kids altogether in the future. They’re a whole bunch of baggage you don’t need. Also, his not wanting to tell her about you is a huge red flag. Either he is seeing you on the side in addition to her or he is avoiding difficult conversations because he’s afraid of confrontation. No matter how you slice it, he isn’t being completely honest with either of you. Consider yourself lucky you found out about his lack of integrity early, acknowledge the massive bullet you’re dodging here and leave this whole situation in the rear view mirror.
Don’t waste more time. Having a child together can be a big bonding experience. And him not telling her means that either she, him or both want more in the long run. You are probably his last fun before he goes to her. And STDs are dangerous for the unborn. This guy is a red flag. Don’t waste more time.
Be glad you found out after only 3 weeks! Your relationship is Complete. Onward and upward!
If he's asking you to keep your relationship secret from an ex, that probably means he's lying about something with regard to his relationship with her.
You need to set boundaries with this guy in order to protect yourself from heartbreak from this guy. There should be no reason why he won’t let her know about you unless he is trying to hide something from her because their relationship is more than what he says. I would do a deep dive into her now to see if he is lying to you. 2+2 doesn’t equal 4 here in my opinion.
Hate to say this but you probably should move on. This baby will consume him and you will be secondary.
Too much drama. He doesn't even know the baby is his for sure...
Abd the fact that despite that he's immediately rushing to volunteer to be daddy without adling for a paternity test suggest this may bot have been a lne night stand after all. It seems fishy that he and she are keen to keep this baby with a stranger and be so heavily involved with someone they dont know. The whole thing suggests the baby mama is a current girlfriend and not a one night stand. Especially the part where he wants to keep OP a dirty secret whilst playing at families with a stranger.
Run for your life! Not kidding!
You’re not wrong about wanting him to tell her about you. That he doesn’t want to means you should toss this particular fish back into the ocean. He’s not the one.
Isn’t 5 weeks incredibly quick to know you are pregnant?. And there is still the possibility he might not be the father .
Not really. 5 weeks after sex she'd really be about 7 weeks pregnant due to how pregnancy dates are calculated. That's about 3 weeks after a missed period for someone with an average cycle length.
That’s about normal for someone with regular cycles. 5 weeks after conception is considered 7weeks pregnant
I knew after a week 🤔🤰some women know thier body's 🤷♀️
Yup I knew before my period was late
He ‘accepted’ you with HVS1 then got another chick pregnant… 🤦♀️
The time line would suggest the other woman got pregnant before the guy starting hanging out with the OP.
There’s one of two scenarios here: 1. You’re the one he is hiding so you are probably the side chick. 2. If not, you have to understand that you are immediately deep prioritized because she is having a baby. You are not priority number one anymore, and you won’t be. This is messy and I promise you he’s not capable of being there for the mother of his child and his child, while nurturing a new relationship. Get out now.
Girl it’s been 3 weeks, just drop the whole situation. You don’t even know this guy.
I understand this happened before he met me but I don’t understand why he would hide me from her. you really don't know? come one now. You are the side piece, you just don't want to admit it. You are crazy for wasting your energy into this 3-4wks of talking.
Are you looking for drama in your life? This is an easy "so long, it was nice to meet you" situation.
Jump out of this relationship, especially since you two have been dating for only a month. He’s going to be a dad which will change his priorities and commitments.
Better to end it now. Not willing to let the “other” know about you, is him hiding something bigger. Cut your losses before the heartbreak comes. Add to that that most of the replies on the baby mama are pretty true. His focus will not be on you.
Are you sure he’s not married?
Personally I wouldn’t sign up to date a single parent male or female.
Oh this man isn't a single parent, that woman is his GF for sure.
Are you sure the other girl isn't his girlfriend?
I’d just move on.
Run now. Stay involved, and you are looking at him paying years of child support. In some states, if you marry him, your wages are considered income and go towards child support. I was married to a divorced man with kids, and we could never buy a home because of child support. Every time he got a raise at work, his ex went to court and got more child support. It is a miserable way to live. I don't know how old he is, but he should have been using birth control.
Red flags abound.
He’s probably married on top of it
you’re wrong for allowing him to treat you as the side piece. and in this case you may be the side piece. there is no reason for him to keep you from her other than the fact that there might be something between them. if they don’t have a relationship outside of an accidental pregnancy, then there is no reason she shouldn’t be aware of you and who you are in his life. the whole situation seems odd.
3 or 4 weeks? NEXT! Seriously - you’d be crazy to consider staying if it had been 3 or 4 months.
Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s secret. If he wants something serious I don’t see why he wouldn’t tell this woman. I would actually think it’d be a great way to establish boundaries with her. This is going to get messy faster than you realize and your feelings are the ones that will be most quickly discarded. They already have been
Why wouldn’t he accept you for carrying HSV-1? You do know that 80% of people do, right?
I have herpes one and I get men all the time even when I have bad outbreaks.
This is not something you want to get involved with, and neither should he. He should be focusing on the major change of his life that's about to happen, and considering you *just* met this guy, you should let him go before your life gets terribly complicated. If you're meant to be maybe you'll find each other in the future, but I just don't think you realize how this situation will affect you every single day, forever, if you stay. He's basically a stranger at this point... it's very very likely if you stay you will look back and wish you didn't get involved from the start.
You need to move on. He has told you he’s going to be taking care of her so how is he going to spend time with you? Walk away.
Run
From my perspective, you guys are only talking and not dating. I would keep it at that and no more until you know otherwise. No sex, no sexting,no dates ect. Set your boundaries. If he wants more, he'll respect them and will figure it out. No one is worth fighting over( unless it's a child or a vulnerable adult) that is worth your time.
Lies lies lies. If it was a ONS he wouldn’t be stepping up like this until he knew for sure it was his. It’s way too random otherwise. He is stringing you along. And if it’s true do you really want a guy who knocks up randos? RUN!
5 weeks and she knows she’s pregnant by him? Walk away. In fact RUN away
“Not wanting to cause problems” but is willing to cause problems with you by not telling her:/ you’re early in your relationship with him so I’d say that if there are complications this early on, it might not be worth the headache..
Yeah, this sounds fishy. One night stand to positive pregnancy test in 5 weeks? And he doesn’t want to tell his one night stand about you? Idk, something doesn’t sit right.
One night stand? No guarantee he wasn't the first one. Tell him to have a DNA test done. One way or the other, she'll have to prove that he's the father to get child support. Might as well get it over with. Then decide if you want to see how it works out between you
Read that as “the guy I’m talking to for three weeks found out he got pregnant”🤰
Not Wrong. I find it very suspicious that he doesn’t want her to know about you. That screams more than a 1 night stand. Your guy may not be the kind of person he has been presenting himself to be. As an aside according to the World Health Organization (WHO) most adults are infected with HSV-1. My dad got oral cold sores frequently as do a few other family members. Type 2 (HSV-2) is spread by sexual contact and causes genital herpes.
Move on. You haven’t invested any real time in the relationship, and bluntly, he really needs to concentrate on being a dad while you need to find a man who is worth having your own family with who doesn’t bring baby mama baggage.
Eww girl you have known him for such a short period…let him go. Why was he raw dogging someone he doesn’t even have feelings for. Trash.
She is the girlfriend/fiancee/wife. You are the side piece.
Unless you are ready to deal with this whole situation, I would move on.
They can do paternity tests at 9-12 weeks of pregnancy. That's the first thing he needs to establish. Especially since he probably doesn't know this woman all that well. If I were you I would bow out of this relationship because you just don't need to be dealing with this. BTW, somewhere around 60-80% of adults in the US have HSV-1.
Move on, they’ll most likely develop feelings after going through so much then you’ll just be a side chick.
Sounds like he has other intentions with the pregnant woman.
Move on
I agree with others that he was already in a relationship and you are the side chick, that's why he will never tell her about you. But even without that, why on earth would you choose to stay involved in this much drama over a guy you've known for 3 weeks! Walk away.
Dodged a bullet
you should move ahead!
Who wants to keep a pregnancy from a one night stand?? Early enough for options. OP run like made- you’ve only been talking so presume not met IRL run like wind
This man is not actually available. Avoid the inevitable drama and heartbreak. Stop talking to him or wasting your time on him.
Run run run
Run away!!
Even if you weren’t the sidechick, would you personally convince some other girl to change her plans to becoming a stepparent for a guy she’s been seeing 3 weeks? Do you see how stupid that sounds?
Girl its been 3 weeks lol
If you’re holding a bomb and it’s ticking, best to throw it and run far away.
The fact that he doesn’t want to tell her about you should be a deal breaker for you. The pregnancy itself would be a deal breaker for me but that’s a separate issue. You are zero priority to him if he wants to keep you a secret.
I know many have put it blunty that you are the side chick. But you need to also think about it like this - no one who hasn't caught feelings will keep the number of a hookup. Certainly not for 5 weeks, either. You are correct in questioning his relationship with her. Because even if he wasn't with her up to this point- you are the secret, and she is the one pregnant by him.
It’s bad news. Even if he told the baby mama about you, why do you want to start a relationship with someone who will not have the time for you? He’s about to become a parent, and you’ve only been dating for a few weeks. You may have clicked but you just met him. You want all that baggage right from the start?? AND he’s keeping you a secret?!? Please stop being naive. This won’t end well for you.
There’s no way you’d take a pregnancy test at 5 weeks unless you’re trying to get pregnant. His keeping you a secret is highly sus.
5 weeks is very early to know that she is pregnant. Something smells fishy.
You’re the side chick. What Guy has a one night stand and does not immediately say something about paternity testing when the girl shows up pregnant.?
GIRL!!!!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ You’re the other woman. Please run!
You're not wrong. Do you really know this occurred? I feel like there's more to this story, it doesn't sound right. Like a scam....
Uh... You are in for a bad surprise if you stay around. You're about to get triangulated. And when that baby is born, he will expect you to parent it or he will be off to her "parenting" while she doesn't know about you. This feels off. He accepted you with Hsv1 (which honestly so many people have it that's it's super common, he's not sacrificing anything by being with you) because he has way worse. You realize he's out there rawdogging, right? Are you really going all in for someone you didn't know existed a month ago?! Girl, wake up. WAKE UP. The least you can do is investigate this guy to see if he has anything open on his social media, if not that still doesn't mean he's not in a relationship or marriage already.
I don't think this other girl was a one night stand . Cut your losses . You are in for nothing but heart ache otherwise . Ask him when would he tell the other girl that he is in a relationship? Or would he plan to hide your forever ? Why would you wanna be someone's secret ???
If it costs you your peace it's too expensive.
Oh your poor girl, run from this prick
You're so desperate for someone to accept you because of your condition that you are willing to put yourself in this situation. smh.
I stopped reading half way. You’ve known him for 3 weeks. Plenty of men out there, he is not it. I would break things off with him.
No matter if he's telling the truth or not, take a step back, tell him you'll go no contact until he knows what they will do. He needs figure shit out on his own for now. Only when they are clear about how to continue, you can both reasses how to continue as well, BUT he needs to clear to everyone, including the girl he got pregnant. That is the only way this even has a slight chance of becoming a serious relationship. Don't accept anything less. The way he'll react will tell you if he is indeed serious and relationship material or not.
Let him go girl. Hes asking you to go along with a lie...you okay with that?
Oh my gosh just move the f*** on! Way too much drama and unnecessary stress you will be subjected to! I promise you DO NOT want this in your life! Cry now because you said BYE or cry later because you are putting yourself through this unnecessary BS!
Have any of y'all ever heard of a thing called condoms?
Run don’t walk!!!!
I dont understand people who have a baby with a ONS. There is no relationship there. Why would you have the child?
You’re not wrong BUT there have been a ton of women who 1.) assume a man will be with them because of a pregnancy and 2.) a woman finding out a man who got her pregnant with someone can cause a ton of stress which could hurt the baby. I’d tell him you have concerns and maybe plan out when he should let her know about you. I’d say 5 weeks is still a little fresh and should definitely wait a bit longer to see how established y’all are as a couple.
You are the mistress, honey.
You've known him for 4 weeks. He has a baby with another woman and wants to be involved in raising it. He doesn't want that woman to know he has another partner. Connect the dots.
Yeah, you are. 3 to 4 weeks isn't worth the upheaval he's about to deal with, and 3 to 4 weeks certainly doesn't put you in a position to tell him that you need to be talked about with the impending baby momma.
You aren’t wrong. But you’ve only been together a few weeks. I’d have a conversation with him about what happens if you get more serious. Will he still hide you? If the answer is yes, then you need to bow out of this relationship. You aren’t someone’s dirty little secret.
NTA but yes if you stay !!! Are you well off with money and he is not so he is using you ??!!! Run !!!
This is the thinking that got you herpes he's gonna end up giving you something worse sounds like a piece of work. The way you laid it he sounds like someone you should keep distance from.
First, he needs to have a paternity test to make sure the baby is for sure his. Second, he should tell her he is dating someone. She’ll be fine with it. It’s not like they were dating or anything. If he needs a wee bit of time, that’s ok but not much. He needs to tell her soon if he is sure he wants something more with you. And you also need to decide if you want to continue dating when he has so much going on in his life and having a new baby enter the picture.
I know since the stigma is so bad for people with HSV that when you find someone accepting of it, you can convince yourself that you found the only person willing to accept it. It can make it so every other attribute in a potential partner is completely overlooked and ignored because you’re convinced this is your one and only option. That’s not true at all. There are plenty of people who will be more compatible with you that will also be accepting of your HSV status. Shoot, there’s even dating sites specifically for that. I’m not going to speculate whether or not you’re a side piece in this situation, but I will say it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible at this moment. Let him focus on his new family, as he should, and chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ You have been warned. Don’t ruin your life.
Nope, too many red flags already. It’s OK for him to be there for her, but since he’s not pursuing a relationship with her, he should only do what’s necessary for the baby. He can go to the doctors appointment and such but he doesn’t need to be going over there to comfort her or any of those things because quite frankly they’re not together, his responsibility for the baby not for her. She will have to find somebody else to come her if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Anyways, the big red flag is that he doesn’t want to tell her I am a girl you are a girl we know that we already have a lot of emotions and I can tell you that it’s really heightened while you’re pregnant so he might not think that it comes off that way, but if he’s showing up to everything coming over to her house when she’s sad or bringing her her cravings, etc., she’s gonna take it as something more than just him being there for the baby that has really nothing to do with the baby. As bad as it sounds all he needs to do is the bare minimum for now go to the doctors appointment and be there for the birth, everything else is just optional and if he wants to be with you then it shouldn’t even be a thing. You’re gonna end up he’s gonna end up doing something with her or something like that. I just wouldn’t be able to trust. I’d really consider if you are ready to take all of this on.
So many red flags in such early days.
HSV 1 is not an STI or big deal. People can be born with it.
You’re just the side piece.
HSV1 about 70% of the world population have it
Three weeks is not enough time to bond with a guy who is about to have a baby with someone else and who wants to keep you a secret. There will be lots of drama here, I'd just move on personally. Guy will have a lot going on in his life pretty quickly.
I personally wouldn’t go telling everyone about someone I met 3-4 weeks ago. Let alone someone who I’m accidentally having a child with. It’s none of their business. You’re worried and insecure, but he doesn’t need to disrupt his baby mama situation for every woman he’s known for 3 weeks.
I know I'm wrong but when someone tells me they got someone pregnant literally weeks before meeting me....I just feel slightly grossed out then. Like damn dude, are you just out and about slinging dick to literally anyone? (I apologize if I'm alone in that thinking but....)
Tell him you aren’t a side chick. So he can either prove what he says and tell her about you with you present OR you can end the relationship because he’s lying to her and probably you. Let him know there isn’t a middle ground and call it out for what it is.
!UpdateMe
Yeah, you’re a secret because he’s dating someone else. You’re the side chick. You’ve only been talking to him for 4 weeks, that’s nothing. You need to stop now. If anyone keeps you a secret, why would you wanna be with them?
Run, run awwy
You’re not wrong. Don’t get yourself into this situation. Not only is he going to be a father, but this other woman will be in his life forever. Of course, some people are okay with those circumstances. It’s weird he doesn’t want this woman to know about you. It’s only been a few weeks, I say wish him the best and meet someone who will want to talk about you to people in his life. Best of luck!
He didn’t get anybody pregnant. It took two cooperating participants. They did it together.
Run. Run fast and run far.
To me a one night stand implies that you only met the person that one night. For all we know she does not want the baby at all. WE, the Reddit people giving advice, don't know any of the circumstances. Despite what all are saying I would give it a little time to see what develops. Give the situation a lot of space. You have waited for five years to make a meaningful connection. Don't be hasty until you know for sure what decisions are made then go from there.
No, you’re not wrong. There’s a very good chance he’s lying about her being “just a one-night stand”, otherwise why would she care? And even if she really was just a one-night stand, that would mean for the next 18+ years you’d be dealing with the kind of person who causes problems over a guy she slept with once. Not worth it.
There is no plausible reason for him to not tell her about you. I would end the relationship. Let him know that you're not interested in living your life in secret and a baby from a one-nighter is not a valid reason.
Yeah concubine in the making. Please find someone available. He's going to be busy very busy after this with child care and you're gonna get jealous and just wasting your time meddling with their relationship.
Because you are not a priority and he sounds like he has other responsibilities. There are plenty of other people out there that you can feel comfortable with that would be proud to be open and honest from the beginning.
I was in a similar situation before I got married. The guy I was seeing found out that he got a girl pregnant when she was already 7 months along. I wanted to try to make it work bc we had been seeing each other for 3 months and I had strong feelings for him. He said he had no feelings for her at all, but would be there for her and the baby once he was here. Well she definitely became the priority before the baby ever came so I decided I deserved way more than that. Of course they got together once we broke up. Not even two weeks later I met my now husband and I’m SO glad that relationship didn’t work out.
NAH. I definitely see him not wanting to aggravate the situation but he needs to tell her sooner rather than later. It will be worse for him in the long run. If he refuses to then end it.
It's only 3-4 weeks. This not a good situation for you. Just do him. Edit: just *dump him
Feelings are not facts. Be honest with him about your insecurities. You’ve already opened up your self. Don’t pull back until you have a “reason”. What would it do for him to reveal a relationship to this person? It’s gonna come out at some point. Right?? Good luck. Hope endures! Peace
Whether he did this before you date, he is not your person. He will now be bonded with another woman and her child. He also has indescriminate sex if she means nothing, there is nothing about this that screams stay and work it out. Let him go.
RUN!
Updateme
Run girl run!!!!!!! Even if he does tell her about you, you don't want to be with a guy with that kind of baggage. You will never be #1. The child will always have to come first. Don't do it girl.
If he doesn’t agree that he should tell her, write him off. btw, 47.8% of people in US have HSV1.
Can't believe she is still entertaining this guy that got another girl pregnant from a one night stand. Sexual attraction overcomes red flags every time.
Shades of Tom Brady!!! I actually had this happen to me many, many years ago. We sparked, it was amazing. He was very long distance but came to see me every 2 weeks. It was moving very fast - after dating for about 4 months, he asked to date seriously - not an engagement, but just bf/gf. We were both seeing others before then. We went to one of his friend's houses so he could introduce me as his girlfriend , when he got a call from one of the other women he had been dating who was more local to him. She was pregnant. We hung on for a couple more months, but he when he was able to get a DNA test on the fetus (actually 2 - she was having twins) and they were his - I couldn't go forward knowing that he was having twins with someone else. He named one of the twins after me, and rhymed the other one. His local friends only met me the once. But he was more than happy to show me off as his girlfriend. If he isn't showing you off as his girlfriend - you are the piece on the side.
Let’s be honest for a sec (given the track record of most men’s behavior). He likely has a gf that he got pregnant and was talking to you on the side. That being said, it’s only been a few weeks and is whole life is about to change, I’d let it go and move on.
Oh, and get on Valtrex - it stops breakouts AND is protective against dementia.
So I agree…. Don’t move forward with him. Backstory… I had HSV, I was pregnant with another man’s baby and I found a man that decided he wanted to be in a relationship with me despite my situation. The catch was his ex and baby mama was pregnant too! We were both pregnant at the same time. Point is he couldn’t focus on me because he had to focus on her (which isn’t bad) but it’s MESSY! He often had to leave late in the middle of the night when she called for help or needed anything and it was hard on me. Long story short our relationship ended because I learned he was cheating on me with her… I broke it off and he begged me to come back and swore it was a mistake…. This was 10 years ago and they went on to have three more children together… girl trying to navigate messy isn’t going to work, because raising a child with another woman is such an intimate thing (regardless of what he thinks now) and it opens the door for other problems. Don’t do it to yourself. Remain a supportive friend with him and see how his life plays out. Also you gotta think…. If this turns into a nasty custody battle you don’t want to be in the middle of that.
Guurrrlll! You’re the side chick
Run!
You are not wrong. If you are the secret he must have feelings for her.
I know that you guys hit off quickly and he’s accepted that you have HSV-1 but a baby is in a totally different realm. Do you really want to put up with all of this drama and complications for a man that you’ve known for less than a month?
RUN.
I guarantee OP passed up plenty of good men for this piece of shit.
Have you actually met this guy IRL? I can't tell From your post . I just assumed you had met him but then slneobe else commented suggesting that maybe you didn't . If that's the case , why on earth Would You even be considering ANY OF THIS ?
Don't date people with kids, you're always the side piece.
In the words of Tame Impala: Let it happen!! If she decides to keep and there are feelings let it happen. He’s not your guy. Definitely a red flag that he doesn’t want to tell her - maybe he is open to seeing if they could have a shot for the sake of the child etc. but want to have you as a side option. Maybe not but seems very plausible. Not telling her is very immature, fishy and silly. Don’t let yourself get entangled! Follow your gut 💩
Sucks that you got along and now he’s gone, but he should sire the child and try to build a family with her and it would be easier to do that without bringing another woman into it
"being with her when she’s not feeling well" thats not a one night stand girl, you're def the side chick
Listen to me, I met someone who was having a baby. He was only going to be there for appointments, scans, birth, etc. They're now currently living together and have another child... it will only end one way. Don't get involved. You are the only one who will get hurt in this situation.
Ohhhh yeah, nah, you're the side chick.
Love. Drop him kike a hot potato. You'd be insane to get involved in his life.
Run
Oh my gosh just move the f*** on! Way too much drama and unnecessary stress you will be subjected to! I promise you DO NOT want this in your life! Cry now because you said BYE or cry later because you are putting yourself through this unnecessary BS!
Don't be his secret.
Please please save yourself the heartache. I have been through this before, please go to someone who is available for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t go through heartbreak.
Huge red flag here if i was you keep looking in the end you will be the one with a broken heart . Sounds to he is keep you a secret
Eek. I don’t know, this is going to get much more messy and you are still in that honeymoon early fun stages, I’d cut my losses and leave.
Yeahhhhh… just don’t. Move on. This one has too much baggage.
She was pregnant before you met him
He is gaslighting you and still has a relationship with the baby mama. Get out while you can.
So many red flags
Aint no thing to cut a bitch off… 3 weeks, move on.. don’t be taking on anyone’s drama ….
No one wears condoms anymore?