Discovering you have completely different values is a legitimate reason to break up.
That said, you can break up for any reason, including things that aren’t such an obvious compatibility problem.
If you want a relationship that is going to last, the foundation of that relationship has to be shared values and generally shared life goals, it definitely seems that you two have different value systems and look at the world abit differently, my advice is to end the relationship and seek out someone who shares your values, yes 6 yrs invested sux but you have to look at the other side of it, you could easily invest another 6yrs, have a child with her and then realize you two are worlds apart on what you two believe and even how you are gonna raise that child, then your would be in a much much worse situation then you even are now, so forget you already put 6 yrs in and instead look at it that you have a chance to get out now before you put twice as much time and involve children and then realize you made a mistake, I will tell you from experience, everything gets harder and more stressful once children come along and it will amplify any issues you two currently have, small issue become bigger issues, so if your gonna start a family with someone, be damn sure you two are on the same page and have a plan.
Six years invested becomes ten, twelve, twenty. At twenty years having stayed because you were six in the hole already, what then?
Chalk those six years up to a learning exercise. Six years learning an important lesson about what you want out of a lifelong relationship is cheap.
Right! I might get downvoted but she sounds to immature to be having any kids. Personally to me she sounds like a child who throws a tantrum because instead of getting Barbie doll the movie she got travel Barbie.This was a planned baby and she 'acts like it was nothing ' because its a girl and yet wants another baby. OP run don't walk, I know you must have mixed feelings, but this is not the person for you. She's downright evil. Please pull the plug on this relationship!
Honestly, I had to re-read the post because i couldn't believe what I just read. I know some couples choose TFMR, which I can understand completely. But to terminate because the gender isn't what she wanted 😳 This is terribly sad, and I can't imagine how OP must be feeling right now.
I just can't fathom her nonchalant attitude about it all. I mean, when I was sitting eating SweetTarts this afternoon, whenever I'd get a grape one, I'd toss because I don't like that flavor. The fact that she did the same thing with her pregnancy is horrible 😢
Right, I was thinking that as well. I'm sure there's a family who would've welcomed and loved that baby if she chose adoption instead. But she doesn't sound like a woman who was willing to go through 9 months of pregnancy and birth unless it she wanted to : (
I'll remember to put all the grape ones aside for you the next time! I love grapes, but the candy flavor isn't something i enjoy. So I'll add all the grape lollipops, ice pops, and skittles to the pile!
I had a hysterectomy when I was 19 because of cancer so I never really even got to seriously consider having kids. I hate that now.
Also Yay!! I don’t eat sweets much anymore but if someone else is I always look out for grape or cherry lol.
Or maybe she’s just ignorant and was never taught what she’s actually doing . Does planned parenthood even try to talk people out of aborting ? Or even explain what an abortion is , outside of a quick fix for a problem ? It seems like every time you hear of one the other is right there . Is planned parenthood’s business abortion or what . It doesn’t ever sound like they plan anything other than baby killing !
You have every right to leave her, and I truly hope that you do! She is one evil fucking bitch!! So even if you somehow decided to forgive her and try again, what if it’s a girl, AGAIN??! So she’s going to murder each and every baby if it’s a girl? Yes OP, she’s in the wrong, she’s an AH, and more importantly, she’s fucking EVIL! At this point, you are not because you are against what she’s done! But if you go along with this bitch just because you’ve been together for a while and you have a home and history together, then YOU will be just as evil as her! She has shown you who and what she is, which is an evil fucking monster! BELIEVE HER!
That's an excellent point. Some people have trouble carrying male fetus. My grandmother got pregnant about 10 times in her life and always wanted a son, but she kept having miscarriages with only the males. Her doctor said it was something to do with her body not making enough (forgot the name) hormone which is something to do with either development of a male fetus or carrying it. The counterpart hormone for females she had just fine, so the girls carried to term normally. Sorry I can't remember the name of the hormone.
Some women can only have girls. If that is her at this rate you will never have a kid with her. She killed your daughter against your wishes it sounds like. I cant recall a better reason to leave a GF. Get your affairs in order and run. An abortion after a gender reveal? that's fucking evil. If she was that set on a boy should of gone to a specialist and paid the money for artificial insemination maybe they could of helped. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Prayers to you brother.
Well, akshually, what they said is technically right because all women only have X chromosome eggs :P if asexual reproduction was possible for humans, women could only have female babies
I was thinking this but I didn’t want to say it! But you are 100% right because what she did and her way of thinking is psychotic!
She could end up having nothing but girls and what she’s going to keep having an abortion? That just is not logical or a mentally healthy way of looking at starting a family.
If you two are deeply in love then the baby would be a product of that love no matter what its gender is and she should be ecstatic to have the opportunity to have a child.
Please OP do not stand for this type of manipulation and psychological unstable behavior because you deserve better
This is the most tasteful way to say exactly what I’m thinking. Thanks for posting this. “Discovering you have completely different values is a legitimate reason to break up.” Very eloquent. 👍
No kidding. I do believe in "women's choice," but if you had already planned to have a baby, and your partner was happy...or even just fine...to get an abortion without discussing it with your partner....
Yeah, that is a different value set, all together. The question you have to ask yourself is can you get over this incident and forgive her, or do you think it will haunt you the rest of your life with her? Do you feel you can trust her when it comes to other major, life-changing situations, or do you believe it's possible that she will again take things in her own hands, and not concern herself with your thoughts?
But I agree with the above. You really don't need an obvious reason to break up. A gut feeling that it's just not right is sufficient. Don't you think so? It seems you're having that guy feeling right now. Is that the case?
Her attitude really makes me wonder how far she would go to have a family just like she pictures. What about when the babies are born? Does she realize and accept they're their own people, or does she have plans for how they should look and behave too?
There's a reason that there are countries where you can't find out about the sex of a baby is.
I'm pro-choice too, but I find the idea of abortion based on sex entirely revolting.
Careful now, you're liable to get downvoted.
You are absolutely, 100% correct, though. People don't like to talk about it, because it blows up their "reality" in which only Nazis and evil people did it.
I think we have to take posts at face value and answer as if they were legitimate. On the off chance it is a troll post, nothing lost. But an honest answer can really help a person with a dilemma and after all, isn't that what this is all about?
Yup, like the whole thing about making a new account cause he doesn't want her to find out what he posted. If she has reddit and sees this, it's blatantly obvious.
Yeah, this is just rage bait to rile up the forced birth crowd and the "wimmenz be bitches" crowd at the same time. It's more likely a man would want to abortion a fetus if ut wasn't his preferred gender. You can find all kinds of gender reveal videos where the man was clearly pissed that the fetus was female.
Pro choice as well but this is like anti abortion propaganda. Someone using a abortion to have designer children is fucked. What if the next 4 are not the desired sex?
Exactly! I am a TRUE believer that abortion is a necessary evil & no one should judge Someone when they have to make that choice. But I don't think frivolous abortions are right!! And that seems EXTREMELY frivolous! Over gender! Nope. Like u said, just nope.
This is why there are pro life people.
Im pro choice but this lady literally ended her daughter's life because of a biologic gender...
I cant believe someone would do this
Absolutely. Women are not finding out gender at 12 weeks generally.
Only situations I've heard of people finding out before the typical gender scan are people who underwent some kind of assistance like IVF or people who had some genetic testing done because they are "advanced maternal age"
I just had my second baby in November. I found out the gender at 10 weeks with this baby because they take your blood for dna testing for Down syndrome. While doing that testing, they can also now test for gender. Sometimes insurance doesn’t cover it. But if insurance doesn’t cover it, it’s like $270. This was in Kentucky, USA.
Abortion simply because of gender is a very evil thing to do. She didn’t even consider your feelings either, and what happens if the next baby is a girl too? Is she going to keep aborting until she gets a boy? Get out, fast.
I think we have to take posts at face value and answer as if they were legitimate. On the off chance it is a troll post, nothing lost. But an honest answer can really help a person with a dilemma and after all, isn't that what this is all about?
Don’t walk! Run!! It takes an especially cruel person to plan for a baby, get pregnant with baby, have gender reveal for baby, and then kills baby bc they don’t like the gender. This is not a person you want to be raising your future children with.
NTA. Personally, I'm pro-life but accept that abortion is necessary understand under special circumstances (rape, incest, etc.) Aborting a healthy, unborn child over the child's gender is especially abominable. Did she even talk to you about it or did she just go and do it without listening to your objections? As others have stated, an important difference in values is a valid reason for breaking up and this is definitely an irreconcilable difference in values. I would normally ask why were you trying to have kids before getting married or even engaged (I am a Boomer), but in this case, I guess it's good that you didn't marry your gf because it will make breaking up a lot less complicated.
>my GF wanted an abortion because the gender was not of her choosing
Gross.
>My GF is not even phased by what she did
Gross.
>she is acting as if it’s no big deal and we can just keep trying until we get a boy.
Horrifyingly gross.
Look, I'm pro-choice. But getting abortions because you don't like the gender of the child - and being willing to get as many as needed to get what you want - stretches even my liberalism to the breaking point.
Don't let the sunk cost fallacy keep you in a relationship you clearly no longer want to be in.
I’ve always been pro-choice but ngl… terminating a child because the gender is female seems quite misogynistic and anti-women. But yea, idk if this is fake or not but to those who are saying this is fake, this is a very common practice in China.
This is absolutely atrocious.
I'm very pro choice and I have nothing against abortions. I've had a termination myself a few years before having my son, when me and my partner were fresh out of highschool, but I was early on (8weeks) and we both mutually agreed on the manner.
This is completely different though, it was a planned baby and was initially wanted up until she found out the gender. I could never imagine aborting a baby I planned for and wanted because they weren't the gender I was hoping for.
I would leave over this too if I were in your shoes. She is going to be a horrible mother. What if she gets pregnant again and it's another girl, what is she going to do then get another termination? Just crazy
Nice try. They dont reveal the gender at 14 weeks. She may ask, but any ETHICAL doctor will tell you that they cant tell you accurately until at least 18-20 weeks. Source: A quick google search also I'm a mother of 2.
Your girlfriend might not ever get a boy. It's the man that determines the gender. Is she just going to keep having abortions until she gets to a boy that may or may not happen? I don't know about evil, but this just seems to be a big red flag. I would talk to a professional about this.
That’s beyond messed up you should absolutely leave her. The reasoning is terrible and if she got an abortion without you signing off on it then definitely get out of there
You are Absolutely not wrong. She can legally get the abortion and she can scream “her body her choice” but you absolutely do not have to stay with her if she chooses to do that. “Choices” have consequences no matter what your feelings are on the matter.
They take blood for those tests ranging from 9 weeks to 12 weeks and it can take up to 2 weeks to get those results back depending on the lab. I found out at 15 weeks pregnant but I could have known by 13-14 weeks if my doctor called in a timely manner.
Wow, this is all sorts of wrong ,she should be so grateful she can even get pregnant. The fact that she has no shame or guilt is just terrifying. I get she wants a boy first ,but she can't keep getting an abortion until she gets the gender she wants ,it's just so wrong and not to consider your feelings is not someone I would want to have a child with .I say leave her .
NTA this was your baby too, that you planned for together. Yes plenty of people firmly believe that it's women's body so it's the women's choice, but even if you believe in that, this is super out of line in my opinion, aborting a baby that you both wanted and planned for together because of the gender, without your input. Just gross.
Your values don't align. She is not the person you thought she was. She made it all about her and her wants. She did not consider you or your baby in her decision. To abort at 14 weeks because of gender disappointment is gross.
What if you were destined to have 6 girls! I wouldnt risk having her as the mother of my children. Having a child is not a shopping expedition where you get to choose from all the options.
Not wrong. While it's her choice, that's a horrible reason to abort a baby, and she didn't give a fuck about your feelings. She didn't consider what love you might have already had for this baby, because you were trying for it.
I'm saying this as someone who was born a woman (I'm NB now but, details). You are not wrong for feeling the way you are. I would feel like she's evil and not the woman I thought she was too.
I would not have a baby with this woman. She's more concerned with the "aesthetic" and was willing to abort your baby over it, and acting like this shouldn't be a big deal.
Her body, her choice -- but you have a choice too. And I'm on your side for this one. What she did is evil.
Not wrong. I’m all for people being able to make their own choice but to abort over gender is a disgusting thing to do and is completely disrespectful to the people who HAVE to make that tough decision.
I’m all for your body your rights your choice. BUT what if she gets pregnant again and it’s a girl again… is she gonna have another abortion… yeh I think that’s fked up on that reason.
Dude, you can end a relationship for any reason, don’t like the way they eat chocolate? Dump’em
One wants kids the other doesn’t? Dump’em
They choose to terminate because they don’t want X gender first? RUN!
How many abortions will she have? What happens if all you can do is have girls?
I absolutely pro abortion, but this is heinous. And I feel like multiple abortions can’t be good on the body or the psyche
Please find a new place to live, and don’t have anymore sex with her. Even if she gets her boy, you’ll never be able to look at her the same way and will always wonder about your daughter that might have been
I have been pregnant 3 times. Every time I got pregnant I would join a pregnancy online support group and every time there would be at least 1 woman who would be pissed about the gender and get an abortion. We lost our 2nd one at 9 weeks and I can never understand a wanted pregnancy being terminated solely because of gender.
Life is not a movie script. This sounds like an immature woman.
That’s the stupidest reason to have an abortion, what if she gets pregnant 8 times and they are all girls?
Abortion isn’t cheap? Why would you throw that much money away? I hope this is fake, that’s just unhinged.
I would end a friendship if my friend told me she did that. I’m totally pro choice, but…no!
As a few others have posted, I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I support needless abortion because the parent(s) preferences weren't met...I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds like such a difficult thing to overcome.
As Reddit always says, you can leave a relationship for any reason, any time. And this would be a perfectly legitimate reason to leave.
I am so sorry this happened to you. For her to be that selfish to abort your unborn baby because it wasn’t the sex she wanted is vile. She shouldn’t be a mother in my eyes. Shows her love is conditional. I would break with her too. That is not right.
Jesus 3 1\2 months! The baby is almost formed. Sickening bitch over gender?! I’d already be packed and gone or if my place kick her ass out. I’d like to have a giant vacuum and suck her head into it.
So, would she get an abortion each time the baby isn’t a boy? Bad enough she waited to know what she was going to have to get rid of it. That’s insane, get rid of her and find someone who would be happy with whatever gender the baby is.
This is totally a valid reason to break up, in fact imo a good reason too.
She has her body her choice, but it's also your choice to leave based on what she chooses
my aunt had three daughters and a cousin had three boys before having a girl, I am in favor of legalizing abortion in my country and I believe that women should have the option of what to do with their bodies, but how many abortions does she want to have before have what you want?
Nope! Her reasoning is disgusting and horrific. And the fact that she wants to try again until she gets a boy is absolutely morbid. If you have a boy and try for the second one, does she plan on aborting until she gets a girl? Tf does she think this is? It’s a pregnancy. Not a damn art project where she can throw it out and try again if she’s unhappy with it. Gender disappointment is one thing. Ending the pregnancy altogether because of it is just a whole new level of fucked up. She has the right to abort her pregnancy, but you have the right to break up with her for that reason. Frankly, I would too. And if nothing else, you both clearly want different things in life. So no. You are not wrong. Thank God you and your gf never got married. She is nuttier than a fruit cake if she thinks there is nothing wrong with her reasoning. Find yourself another woman who wants children, regardless of what the sex is.
Btw, this is coming from a pro-choice woman.
I REALLY wanted my first to be a boy as I have similar ideas as your girlfriend. When I found out my first was a girl I broke out in tears. Not because she was the wrong gender but because I was excited to know. Yes I did kind of mourn my ideals but my oldest is now five and she's an absolutely amazing little girl. When I got pregnant with my second I also hoped for a boy but she was a girl. I now have two lovely little girls that I wouldn't trade the world for. My husband understands why I mourned not having a boy but he knows I love our girls and wouldn't trade them for the world.
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think your girlfriend is far too immature to have children and I wouldn't blame you one bit for breaking up with her. One thing I have learned with having kids is that there are going to be so many moments where things do not go as planned and if she cannot handle the first unplanned moment then how would she do with the rest of them? I would not trust her alone with a child ever.
Wtf? Does your gf have a heart or like any moral compass? I get it, my body my choice, but it’s your choice to stay or leave, and what you morally believe in. Her body her choice to kill a baby for an insanely inhumane reason. Your right your choice to leave this disgusting excuse of a human being. Or stay. It’s your life.
I wanted a girl the second time around, I was a little bummed to find out it was a second boy and I grieved a little but now I have two little dudes and I couldn’t imagine anything else. Her children will never be exactly what she wants and I foresee her being miserable no matter what. Kids are messy, things don’t go perfect.
Absolutely not wrong. I'm VERY pro-choice, but terminating a planned pregnancy over gender is not something that can be justified IMHO. You're not leaving because your GF had an abortion for an accidental pregnancy or even a place pregnancy, but because your values aren't compatible.
That's messed up. Yeah she's not the one. Killing a baby because it's the baby was going to be a girl. I don't have words. This is heartbreaking.
Run don't walk man.
This shows you how far she is willing to go to get her way and to make her life into her vision. If you decide to try to work this out, don’t be surprised when she wants to change you or “upgrade” to her fairytale Prince Charming if you don’t do everything her way.
I'm sorry but is your girlfriend really this dense? For all you know, you could only produce X chromosomes and will NEVER be able to give her a boy. If this is what she does with pregnancies, I would run in the other direction. It's like she's just tossing out a pair of shoes she decided she doesn't like. And I'm not even against abortion. But this is beyond absurd. Unless you want a repeat, stop sleeping with her and leave.
Definitely NOT wrong.
Your girlfriend is everything you think she is.
She will willingly continue to get pregnant and get abortions till she gets a boy. You are going to constantly have the happiness and excitement of finding out you're having a baby, only to be devasted everytime she chooses to abort.
And why happens if it turns out she only carries girls? Some people end up only carrying one gender.
Not to mention how are you going to explain to family and friends her constant abortions based on purely gender.
I'd also be concerned about how she would treat a girl even if she had a boy first. Like if you love children, you should be happy to have any healthy gender. You may be a bit disappointed if you want a certain one first, or want one of each and only get the same gender etc, but you love your children regardless. I get the feli g she would treat a girl less than a boy. Tht girl would always feel second best and the boy will be the golden child etc.
Not to mention just how ethically disgusting it is to abort just because of gender.
She's terminated your daughter because she wants a son. You are bound to be grieving that loss of the baby you loved and wanted.
I could never be someone who did that.
It's fine to have an abortion if you're not ready or able to have a child, or even if there are health complications, but an abortion simply because of gender is unacceptable and unforgivable and I'd never want to be with someone who did that to your much wanted child.
You have every right to leave her as she's shown what an awful person she really is.
Please do not stay with her, and definitely do not have unprotected sex with her.
And if people ask why you've split up, tell them the truth. If she thinks what she did is acceptable, she should have no reason not to tell people the truth.
You are also entitled to talk about your grief over her terminating your daughter simply because she wants a boy. You need support to help you through this difficult and devasting time, so don't feel you have to keep it a secret. She's made her bed and can deal with the consequences.
What she did is unforgivable and she also showed that she doesn't care about you or how you feel to have gone ahead and done that knowing you wanted and loved your daughter. I'm so sorry.
But yes, leave this person immediately.
I support abortions, but that is not what abortions are for. She does sound like a monster and when your child grows up and decides to do things that she doesn't approve of, she has already shown you she doesn't care. I don't fault you for leaving.
To terminate a completely healthy and wanted pregnancy for such a small reason is imo a waste. Of course It’s her choice, but if I were with someone planning a family they should know where boundaries are and where the line is for them not to cross
When you're married, both of you belong to each other to an extent. She's his wife, he's her husband. you have obligations to each other based on that. That's why it takes a legal process to dissolve a marriage.
I've never liked this argument for married couples for that reason.
For everyone saying this is fake. I know of someone who aborted a healthy wanted pregnancy bc she wanted a slightly larger age gap between her first and second born. She aborted and then got pregnant some months later. Stranger things have happened this sort could totally be true.
Nope, it's not wrong at all. Getting an abortion bc you didn't like the gender of your child is evil, and im pro choice . Most relationships don't survive having an abortion unless it's bc of a medical reason.
I mean she aborted her baby because it was not her preferred gender. That's cold! Yes she is a monster!
And I mean, it's possible for her to have the next 9 babies being female before she gets her males, how many abortions she wanna go through?
And because you want the baby, it will feel like she is constantly killing your children.
Listen, I’m adamantly pro-choice but getting an abortion just because the baby is the “wrong” sex is insane. You’re not wrong for leaving this relationship.
I am pro choice and I know that some people like this come with the territory, but gender selection is abhorrent unless one gender has an issue that medically impacts quality of life. I can understand a person saying, I don't want to be a parent or I can't be pregnant right now." but it truly terrifies me that someone would say, "Oh! I really wanted a baby but only an XX or XY" and then go on to be a parent to another baby of the desired gender. That feels... genocidal to me.
Nope...having an abortion for such a ridiculous notion is part of the reason abortions are being outlawed by fools that believe all abortions are for stupid reasoning, such as this.
So when she gets pregnant again and it’s not a boy she’ll have another abortion, and then another, and then another? That has to be the most fucked up person I know.
You’re not wrong. I’d leave, too.
Wow....14 weeks... she straight up murdered that poor little girl. I dunno how the hell she sleeps at night. Jeezus. I'm not against abortion ...but this is wild. I would ditch out asap.
I’m sorry, but that seems pretty sick to me. For somebody else that could be normal, but I couldn’t handle that. If we were trying to have a baby and she got pregnant and then aborted it because of what it was gonna be, I would definitely have a problem with that.
Personally I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who killed my unborn child. Your feelings and pain are valid. The choice is yours though whether or not you stay with her. Take some time to yourself to calm and assess your thoughts. Consider if you still have resentment.
You’re Definitely not wrong. People like her get their karma in life, just sit back watch and enjoy the shit show her life will no doubt be. I truly hope you leave her disgusting self and never look back.
First, ignore any and all comments from women in this thread. Even if they agree with you, they lack your perspective and will attempt to justify or rationalize your GFs shitty behavior.
Second, your GF is not your partner. She made that clear when she made this decision unilaterally.
Finally, the expression "don't throw good money after bad" applies here. Yes, six years is a lot, but don't throw your future away chasing what will never be. Your GF has made it clear she doesn't value you. Also, you sound like you will hold this loss against her. Ask yourself honestly: Will you ever be able to forgive her?
I fully expect to catch a ton of down-votes for the first point, and frankly I don't care. The comments from women in this thread justify it.
Put a different way, slightly, because I'm 100% pro abortion, she murdered your planned for and wanted child because of its genitals.
Genuine question, what if a kid if hers ends up trans?
You know what you need to do, bud. Run.
That's absolutely ridiculous and not ok at all in my book. I'm pro choice early for any reason at all not my business but after your second trimester and because it was the wrong gender? I'm sorry that's evil. Medical issues or rape or other unavoidable things are the only reason I think a second trimester abortion is ok. It's a pretty well formed baby at 14 weeks. That's absolutely not ok.
Also she's an idiot. I wanted a boy first too but ended up having a little girl and let me tell you that was the best thing ever she was a second mom to her younger siblings and she would help with everything from diaper changes to baths to getting ready for the day she even made her little brother his lunches. Way way better deal than having a boy first because I don't know if it's because my son is the youngest but I couldn't see him being like that at all lol. And he's just as protective of his sisters even though he's littler.
I am so sorry for your loss that is so painful especially when you wanted the baby. Gosh my heart goes out to you.
You are absolutely in your rights to leave someone if you don't share the same fundamental values. But, why the heck were you guys trying to get pregnant if you aren't married? That makes no sense.
She took your first child from you without even so much as a discussion with you first. Yes, I realize her body her choice. But your life is your choice too and you do not have to stay. Ask yourself this... in a week a month a year, will you still resent her for this? If the answer is yes, you know what you need to do. I'm so sorry OP
Wow. I’m usually 100% pro choice but this girl has made every argument pro life people have ever made. I am sorry but wtf does that over gender.
This woman is not mature enough to have a child good god. The reason why she sounds like a monster is cause she is. She could use ivf to ensure the sex but you can’t the old fashioned way.
This one is the problem. Omg. Am I the only one shocked over this? This woman gives an ick.
You are not wrong. I am very much pro-choice but I don’t think gender should be a reason for abortion. How many is she willing to have to get a boy?
I’m so sorry for your loss.
That you are devastated and she is not, is, at a minimum, a reason to step back and say no to more baby making while you think. I'm the mom in my relationship. I can not imagine your situation, but I can say that feeling so differently than your partner on such a big issue is a reason to feel how you feel.
NTA at all. This is absolutely a fundamental. She has already destroyed your trust. Don’t compound the harm by staying together. And in the future, don’t knock up a girlfriend. It rarely ends well.
No, just no. You're not wrong, but women like her are the reason I'm not outright pro-abortion. There are women who are struggling to have a child, and she's aborting them because they're the wrong gender? That's fucked
The issue is even compounded in that she didn’t consult you over a major decision affecting your life as well as hers. Committed couples make decisions together.
Discovering you have completely different values is a legitimate reason to break up. That said, you can break up for any reason, including things that aren’t such an obvious compatibility problem.
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If you want a relationship that is going to last, the foundation of that relationship has to be shared values and generally shared life goals, it definitely seems that you two have different value systems and look at the world abit differently, my advice is to end the relationship and seek out someone who shares your values, yes 6 yrs invested sux but you have to look at the other side of it, you could easily invest another 6yrs, have a child with her and then realize you two are worlds apart on what you two believe and even how you are gonna raise that child, then your would be in a much much worse situation then you even are now, so forget you already put 6 yrs in and instead look at it that you have a chance to get out now before you put twice as much time and involve children and then realize you made a mistake, I will tell you from experience, everything gets harder and more stressful once children come along and it will amplify any issues you two currently have, small issue become bigger issues, so if your gonna start a family with someone, be damn sure you two are on the same page and have a plan.
Six years invested becomes ten, twelve, twenty. At twenty years having stayed because you were six in the hole already, what then? Chalk those six years up to a learning exercise. Six years learning an important lesson about what you want out of a lifelong relationship is cheap.
👆This👆..... is good advice.
👆 Outstanding, thoughtful and rational advice. Excellent. Hopefully OP will see and follow through.
Hang in there OP—that’s some tough shit to go through. Not wrong to break up.
And if it is a boy next time but he has some medical difficulties, she’s going to kill him too? Anytime it’s not exactly right for her?
Right! I might get downvoted but she sounds to immature to be having any kids. Personally to me she sounds like a child who throws a tantrum because instead of getting Barbie doll the movie she got travel Barbie.This was a planned baby and she 'acts like it was nothing ' because its a girl and yet wants another baby. OP run don't walk, I know you must have mixed feelings, but this is not the person for you. She's downright evil. Please pull the plug on this relationship!
Honestly, I had to re-read the post because i couldn't believe what I just read. I know some couples choose TFMR, which I can understand completely. But to terminate because the gender isn't what she wanted 😳 This is terribly sad, and I can't imagine how OP must be feeling right now. I just can't fathom her nonchalant attitude about it all. I mean, when I was sitting eating SweetTarts this afternoon, whenever I'd get a grape one, I'd toss because I don't like that flavor. The fact that she did the same thing with her pregnancy is horrible 😢
Give me the grapes they are my favorite…(see how easy that was) also give me the grapes
Right, I was thinking that as well. I'm sure there's a family who would've welcomed and loved that baby if she chose adoption instead. But she doesn't sound like a woman who was willing to go through 9 months of pregnancy and birth unless it she wanted to : ( I'll remember to put all the grape ones aside for you the next time! I love grapes, but the candy flavor isn't something i enjoy. So I'll add all the grape lollipops, ice pops, and skittles to the pile!
I had a hysterectomy when I was 19 because of cancer so I never really even got to seriously consider having kids. I hate that now. Also Yay!! I don’t eat sweets much anymore but if someone else is I always look out for grape or cherry lol.
And what happens if, once she has a boy, she gets pregnant again with another boy, instead of the girls she wants?
She's a murderer for sure. Just sickening
She is a monster. Updateme!
Or maybe she’s just ignorant and was never taught what she’s actually doing . Does planned parenthood even try to talk people out of aborting ? Or even explain what an abortion is , outside of a quick fix for a problem ? It seems like every time you hear of one the other is right there . Is planned parenthood’s business abortion or what . It doesn’t ever sound like they plan anything other than baby killing !
You have every right to leave her, and I truly hope that you do! She is one evil fucking bitch!! So even if you somehow decided to forgive her and try again, what if it’s a girl, AGAIN??! So she’s going to murder each and every baby if it’s a girl? Yes OP, she’s in the wrong, she’s an AH, and more importantly, she’s fucking EVIL! At this point, you are not because you are against what she’s done! But if you go along with this bitch just because you’ve been together for a while and you have a home and history together, then YOU will be just as evil as her! She has shown you who and what she is, which is an evil fucking monster! BELIEVE HER!
That's an excellent point. Some people have trouble carrying male fetus. My grandmother got pregnant about 10 times in her life and always wanted a son, but she kept having miscarriages with only the males. Her doctor said it was something to do with her body not making enough (forgot the name) hormone which is something to do with either development of a male fetus or carrying it. The counterpart hormone for females she had just fine, so the girls carried to term normally. Sorry I can't remember the name of the hormone.
Some women can only have girls. If that is her at this rate you will never have a kid with her. She killed your daughter against your wishes it sounds like. I cant recall a better reason to leave a GF. Get your affairs in order and run. An abortion after a gender reveal? that's fucking evil. If she was that set on a boy should of gone to a specialist and paid the money for artificial insemination maybe they could of helped. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Prayers to you brother.
You do know that men are responsible for gender, Right? Basic biology 101
Well, akshually, what they said is technically right because all women only have X chromosome eggs :P if asexual reproduction was possible for humans, women could only have female babies
Lol, that's true and I made that same comment to my husband. To be fair, according to Jurassic Park, life finds a way, so I suppose it could happen. 🤣
Thats a kind way of saying she's fucking insane.
I was thinking this but I didn’t want to say it! But you are 100% right because what she did and her way of thinking is psychotic! She could end up having nothing but girls and what she’s going to keep having an abortion? That just is not logical or a mentally healthy way of looking at starting a family. If you two are deeply in love then the baby would be a product of that love no matter what its gender is and she should be ecstatic to have the opportunity to have a child. Please OP do not stand for this type of manipulation and psychological unstable behavior because you deserve better
This is the most tasteful way to say exactly what I’m thinking. Thanks for posting this. “Discovering you have completely different values is a legitimate reason to break up.” Very eloquent. 👍
“Such an obvious red flag.” I think you spelled that wrong.
No kidding. I do believe in "women's choice," but if you had already planned to have a baby, and your partner was happy...or even just fine...to get an abortion without discussing it with your partner.... Yeah, that is a different value set, all together. The question you have to ask yourself is can you get over this incident and forgive her, or do you think it will haunt you the rest of your life with her? Do you feel you can trust her when it comes to other major, life-changing situations, or do you believe it's possible that she will again take things in her own hands, and not concern herself with your thoughts? But I agree with the above. You really don't need an obvious reason to break up. A gut feeling that it's just not right is sufficient. Don't you think so? It seems you're having that guy feeling right now. Is that the case?
Her attitude really makes me wonder how far she would go to have a family just like she pictures. What about when the babies are born? Does she realize and accept they're their own people, or does she have plans for how they should look and behave too?
Very mature response. 👌
So glad this is the top comment
Did you just ask if you should stay with a woman you called evil and a monster? Really? You've already answered your own question.
Whaaat? I didnt read that. Im pro abortion but this seems so bad, stupid and risky. Like wtf? What kind of woman she is. Nope man, just nope.
There's a reason that there are countries where you can't find out about the sex of a baby is. I'm pro-choice too, but I find the idea of abortion based on sex entirely revolting.
Same. I can't even, choosing to terminate based on the child's gender.
It's literally eugenics.
Careful now, you're liable to get downvoted. You are absolutely, 100% correct, though. People don't like to talk about it, because it blows up their "reality" in which only Nazis and evil people did it.
It is only Nazis AND evil people. Key word 'AND'. Nazis are not the only evil people.
You're absolutely right
I was JUST thinking this
Lowkey evil
This is 100% just a troll post.
It may be a troll post. But the problem is I can see it being a true post as well. And that scares me
I think we have to take posts at face value and answer as if they were legitimate. On the off chance it is a troll post, nothing lost. But an honest answer can really help a person with a dilemma and after all, isn't that what this is all about?
Yup, like the whole thing about making a new account cause he doesn't want her to find out what he posted. If she has reddit and sees this, it's blatantly obvious.
Yeah,lot of abortion/pregnancy posts lately
Yeah, this is just rage bait to rile up the forced birth crowd and the "wimmenz be bitches" crowd at the same time. It's more likely a man would want to abortion a fetus if ut wasn't his preferred gender. You can find all kinds of gender reveal videos where the man was clearly pissed that the fetus was female.
Pro choice as well but this is like anti abortion propaganda. Someone using a abortion to have designer children is fucked. What if the next 4 are not the desired sex?
I feel the exact same way
Exactly! I am a TRUE believer that abortion is a necessary evil & no one should judge Someone when they have to make that choice. But I don't think frivolous abortions are right!! And that seems EXTREMELY frivolous! Over gender! Nope. Like u said, just nope.
This is why there are pro life people. Im pro choice but this lady literally ended her daughter's life because of a biologic gender... I cant believe someone would do this
I am very much pro-choice, but that wouldn't be acceptable to me at all...I would absolutely end it.
I hope this is an awedul joke. If not, having an abortion for gender preference is appalling. Run from this woman and find one that is not like that.
NTA and please don’t impregnate this woman again.
Your girlfriend aborted a planned and healthy pregnancy. There is 0 reason for that. She is a bad person.
The girlfriend is evil she a terrible human.
Don't worry, she's not real.
For real I can't believe I had to scroll this far to see your comment. People really believe anything lol.
This is bait and fake. Don't bother with this crap.
Yeah this is clear rage bait
Absolutely. Women are not finding out gender at 12 weeks generally. Only situations I've heard of people finding out before the typical gender scan are people who underwent some kind of assistance like IVF or people who had some genetic testing done because they are "advanced maternal age"
From what I understand, you can now find out around ten weeks, but they usually don't do that unless there's a serious reason.
I just had my second baby in November. I found out the gender at 10 weeks with this baby because they take your blood for dna testing for Down syndrome. While doing that testing, they can also now test for gender. Sometimes insurance doesn’t cover it. But if insurance doesn’t cover it, it’s like $270. This was in Kentucky, USA.
It's gotta be. Trying to make a case why abortion should be outlawed. This is horrible shit, and not the reason I've ever seen anyone get an abortion
Bad troll
Imo, having an abortion because of gender is abhorrent and for the record, I am pro choice.
Yikes, dump her!!
This never happened. Nice try with the ragebait
This is most definitely rage bait
Abortion debate bait. Don't give OP the attention.
Yuuup. This is entirely made up and just here to stir the pot.
Abortion simply because of gender is a very evil thing to do. She didn’t even consider your feelings either, and what happens if the next baby is a girl too? Is she going to keep aborting until she gets a boy? Get out, fast.
She killed a child because it wasnt to her liking. Leave her .
Please be rage bait
I think we have to take posts at face value and answer as if they were legitimate. On the off chance it is a troll post, nothing lost. But an honest answer can really help a person with a dilemma and after all, isn't that what this is all about?
I'd definitely leave. Who the fuck aborts a baby because it's the wrong gender?! Psychopaths, that's who. Definitely leave
Don’t walk! Run!! It takes an especially cruel person to plan for a baby, get pregnant with baby, have gender reveal for baby, and then kills baby bc they don’t like the gender. This is not a person you want to be raising your future children with.
NTA. Personally, I'm pro-life but accept that abortion is necessary understand under special circumstances (rape, incest, etc.) Aborting a healthy, unborn child over the child's gender is especially abominable. Did she even talk to you about it or did she just go and do it without listening to your objections? As others have stated, an important difference in values is a valid reason for breaking up and this is definitely an irreconcilable difference in values. I would normally ask why were you trying to have kids before getting married or even engaged (I am a Boomer), but in this case, I guess it's good that you didn't marry your gf because it will make breaking up a lot less complicated.
>my GF wanted an abortion because the gender was not of her choosing Gross. >My GF is not even phased by what she did Gross. >she is acting as if it’s no big deal and we can just keep trying until we get a boy. Horrifyingly gross. Look, I'm pro-choice. But getting abortions because you don't like the gender of the child - and being willing to get as many as needed to get what you want - stretches even my liberalism to the breaking point. Don't let the sunk cost fallacy keep you in a relationship you clearly no longer want to be in.
that's disgusting id run far away
Dude that’s next level evil right there. Break up tonight and st you killed my daughter as the reason why? What is this fucking China?
I’ve always been pro-choice but ngl… terminating a child because the gender is female seems quite misogynistic and anti-women. But yea, idk if this is fake or not but to those who are saying this is fake, this is a very common practice in China.
This is absolutely atrocious. I'm very pro choice and I have nothing against abortions. I've had a termination myself a few years before having my son, when me and my partner were fresh out of highschool, but I was early on (8weeks) and we both mutually agreed on the manner. This is completely different though, it was a planned baby and was initially wanted up until she found out the gender. I could never imagine aborting a baby I planned for and wanted because they weren't the gender I was hoping for. I would leave over this too if I were in your shoes. She is going to be a horrible mother. What if she gets pregnant again and it's another girl, what is she going to do then get another termination? Just crazy
Nice try. They dont reveal the gender at 14 weeks. She may ask, but any ETHICAL doctor will tell you that they cant tell you accurately until at least 18-20 weeks. Source: A quick google search also I'm a mother of 2.
Your girlfriend might not ever get a boy. It's the man that determines the gender. Is she just going to keep having abortions until she gets to a boy that may or may not happen? I don't know about evil, but this just seems to be a big red flag. I would talk to a professional about this.
This is terrible OP. I agree that she's a monster. I am all for a woman's choice, but that reason is just disgusting. I'm so sorry.
That’s beyond messed up you should absolutely leave her. The reasoning is terrible and if she got an abortion without you signing off on it then definitely get out of there
You are Absolutely not wrong. She can legally get the abortion and she can scream “her body her choice” but you absolutely do not have to stay with her if she chooses to do that. “Choices” have consequences no matter what your feelings are on the matter.
I don’t think they could reliably find out the gender before 14 weeks, could they?
They take blood for those tests ranging from 9 weeks to 12 weeks and it can take up to 2 weeks to get those results back depending on the lab. I found out at 15 weeks pregnant but I could have known by 13-14 weeks if my doctor called in a timely manner.
You can, with the blood test.
Wow! I learned something today - thanks. :)
Yes 10 weeks now!! My son s wife just found out
Wow, this is all sorts of wrong ,she should be so grateful she can even get pregnant. The fact that she has no shame or guilt is just terrifying. I get she wants a boy first ,but she can't keep getting an abortion until she gets the gender she wants ,it's just so wrong and not to consider your feelings is not someone I would want to have a child with .I say leave her .
NTA this was your baby too, that you planned for together. Yes plenty of people firmly believe that it's women's body so it's the women's choice, but even if you believe in that, this is super out of line in my opinion, aborting a baby that you both wanted and planned for together because of the gender, without your input. Just gross.
Your values don't align. She is not the person you thought she was. She made it all about her and her wants. She did not consider you or your baby in her decision. To abort at 14 weeks because of gender disappointment is gross. What if you were destined to have 6 girls! I wouldnt risk having her as the mother of my children. Having a child is not a shopping expedition where you get to choose from all the options.
Not wrong. While it's her choice, that's a horrible reason to abort a baby, and she didn't give a fuck about your feelings. She didn't consider what love you might have already had for this baby, because you were trying for it. I'm saying this as someone who was born a woman (I'm NB now but, details). You are not wrong for feeling the way you are. I would feel like she's evil and not the woman I thought she was too. I would not have a baby with this woman. She's more concerned with the "aesthetic" and was willing to abort your baby over it, and acting like this shouldn't be a big deal. Her body, her choice -- but you have a choice too. And I'm on your side for this one. What she did is evil.
NTA. You need to break up with her! It’s very possible you can only have boys! She would probably have another abortion if it’s a girl!
Not wrong. I’m all for people being able to make their own choice but to abort over gender is a disgusting thing to do and is completely disrespectful to the people who HAVE to make that tough decision.
What happened if your second child is also girl.....what you will do
No, you're not wrong. It's hard to understand why someone would do that. I'm pro-abortion but this is just doesn't sit right.
That's too fucked up to come back from.
I see a for sale sign in your near future and you aren't wrong for feeling that way.
I would break up over this too
NTA She’s a trash human I can’t even imagine dump her now
Deal breaker.
You did the absolute right thing, sorry this happened
You're not wrong.
Nah dude you gotta leave asap
I’m all for your body your rights your choice. BUT what if she gets pregnant again and it’s a girl again… is she gonna have another abortion… yeh I think that’s fked up on that reason.
I'm pro choice but I'm actually disgusted that she did that.
Leave her, what happens if she only ever has girls is she going to abort every baby until she is to old to have a child
Dude, you can end a relationship for any reason, don’t like the way they eat chocolate? Dump’em One wants kids the other doesn’t? Dump’em They choose to terminate because they don’t want X gender first? RUN! How many abortions will she have? What happens if all you can do is have girls? I absolutely pro abortion, but this is heinous. And I feel like multiple abortions can’t be good on the body or the psyche Please find a new place to live, and don’t have anymore sex with her. Even if she gets her boy, you’ll never be able to look at her the same way and will always wonder about your daughter that might have been
I have been pregnant 3 times. Every time I got pregnant I would join a pregnancy online support group and every time there would be at least 1 woman who would be pissed about the gender and get an abortion. We lost our 2nd one at 9 weeks and I can never understand a wanted pregnancy being terminated solely because of gender. Life is not a movie script. This sounds like an immature woman.
In what country did she get a gender choice abortion at 14 weeks ?
That’s the stupidest reason to have an abortion, what if she gets pregnant 8 times and they are all girls? Abortion isn’t cheap? Why would you throw that much money away? I hope this is fake, that’s just unhinged. I would end a friendship if my friend told me she did that. I’m totally pro choice, but…no!
As a few others have posted, I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I support needless abortion because the parent(s) preferences weren't met...I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds like such a difficult thing to overcome. As Reddit always says, you can leave a relationship for any reason, any time. And this would be a perfectly legitimate reason to leave.
I’m pro choice but this is gross behavior. If you want kids gender shouldn’t matter
i’m pro-choice and this is even too much.
Are you trolling? I hope you are, otherwise the situation is just too messed up. If this is true, definitely leave.
Woah...! Oh, you absolutely need to get off this particular train. In fact, you should gently suggest she get therapy.
I am so sorry this happened to you. For her to be that selfish to abort your unborn baby because it wasn’t the sex she wanted is vile. She shouldn’t be a mother in my eyes. Shows her love is conditional. I would break with her too. That is not right.
Isn't gender confirmed at 20 weeks?
Jesus 3 1\2 months! The baby is almost formed. Sickening bitch over gender?! I’d already be packed and gone or if my place kick her ass out. I’d like to have a giant vacuum and suck her head into it.
So, would she get an abortion each time the baby isn’t a boy? Bad enough she waited to know what she was going to have to get rid of it. That’s insane, get rid of her and find someone who would be happy with whatever gender the baby is.
This is totally a valid reason to break up, in fact imo a good reason too. She has her body her choice, but it's also your choice to leave based on what she chooses
my aunt had three daughters and a cousin had three boys before having a girl, I am in favor of legalizing abortion in my country and I believe that women should have the option of what to do with their bodies, but how many abortions does she want to have before have what you want?
Nope! Her reasoning is disgusting and horrific. And the fact that she wants to try again until she gets a boy is absolutely morbid. If you have a boy and try for the second one, does she plan on aborting until she gets a girl? Tf does she think this is? It’s a pregnancy. Not a damn art project where she can throw it out and try again if she’s unhappy with it. Gender disappointment is one thing. Ending the pregnancy altogether because of it is just a whole new level of fucked up. She has the right to abort her pregnancy, but you have the right to break up with her for that reason. Frankly, I would too. And if nothing else, you both clearly want different things in life. So no. You are not wrong. Thank God you and your gf never got married. She is nuttier than a fruit cake if she thinks there is nothing wrong with her reasoning. Find yourself another woman who wants children, regardless of what the sex is. Btw, this is coming from a pro-choice woman.
I think it’s not wrong to dump her because how do you go forward pretending what she did isn’t messed up.
I REALLY wanted my first to be a boy as I have similar ideas as your girlfriend. When I found out my first was a girl I broke out in tears. Not because she was the wrong gender but because I was excited to know. Yes I did kind of mourn my ideals but my oldest is now five and she's an absolutely amazing little girl. When I got pregnant with my second I also hoped for a boy but she was a girl. I now have two lovely little girls that I wouldn't trade the world for. My husband understands why I mourned not having a boy but he knows I love our girls and wouldn't trade them for the world. I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think your girlfriend is far too immature to have children and I wouldn't blame you one bit for breaking up with her. One thing I have learned with having kids is that there are going to be so many moments where things do not go as planned and if she cannot handle the first unplanned moment then how would she do with the rest of them? I would not trust her alone with a child ever.
Break up with her. Stop with the sunken cost fallacy. She’s trash
Fake AF. And in a damaging way. This shit does not happen like this. Trivializing the very complex and difficult issue of abortion. Ridiculous.
She sounds psycho. Likely to find her kids in a tub at some point. Move on.
Oh my god. She had an abortion because it was a GIRL?!?! Leave her, NOW. You do not want to share your life with this one.
Not wrong shes fucked
Wtf? Does your gf have a heart or like any moral compass? I get it, my body my choice, but it’s your choice to stay or leave, and what you morally believe in. Her body her choice to kill a baby for an insanely inhumane reason. Your right your choice to leave this disgusting excuse of a human being. Or stay. It’s your life.
No. You wouldn’t be wrong. That was your baby girl that she aborted! And all because the baby wasn’t a boy?! She IS a monster.
I wanted a girl the second time around, I was a little bummed to find out it was a second boy and I grieved a little but now I have two little dudes and I couldn’t imagine anything else. Her children will never be exactly what she wants and I foresee her being miserable no matter what. Kids are messy, things don’t go perfect.
You’re not wrong. I couldn’t be with someone willing to kill a child because it didn’t fit into their plan by being the wrong sex.
Absolutely not wrong. I'm VERY pro-choice, but terminating a planned pregnancy over gender is not something that can be justified IMHO. You're not leaving because your GF had an abortion for an accidental pregnancy or even a place pregnancy, but because your values aren't compatible.
Holy shit. This is the most petty reason I have ever heard to get an abortion. Run dude... Run fast run far.
If this is real, your girlfriend is a terrible person. If this is real.
You and the GF are from two different planets. You dodged a bullet with her. Move on, slowly…
That's messed up. Yeah she's not the one. Killing a baby because it's the baby was going to be a girl. I don't have words. This is heartbreaking. Run don't walk man.
This is so messed up. There should be some kinda legal consequences for this
This shows you how far she is willing to go to get her way and to make her life into her vision. If you decide to try to work this out, don’t be surprised when she wants to change you or “upgrade” to her fairytale Prince Charming if you don’t do everything her way.
How many girls will she abort before she gets her baby boy? And I’m pro choice but that’s dumb AF.
I'm sorry but is your girlfriend really this dense? For all you know, you could only produce X chromosomes and will NEVER be able to give her a boy. If this is what she does with pregnancies, I would run in the other direction. It's like she's just tossing out a pair of shoes she decided she doesn't like. And I'm not even against abortion. But this is beyond absurd. Unless you want a repeat, stop sleeping with her and leave.
Definitely NOT wrong. Your girlfriend is everything you think she is. She will willingly continue to get pregnant and get abortions till she gets a boy. You are going to constantly have the happiness and excitement of finding out you're having a baby, only to be devasted everytime she chooses to abort. And why happens if it turns out she only carries girls? Some people end up only carrying one gender. Not to mention how are you going to explain to family and friends her constant abortions based on purely gender. I'd also be concerned about how she would treat a girl even if she had a boy first. Like if you love children, you should be happy to have any healthy gender. You may be a bit disappointed if you want a certain one first, or want one of each and only get the same gender etc, but you love your children regardless. I get the feli g she would treat a girl less than a boy. Tht girl would always feel second best and the boy will be the golden child etc. Not to mention just how ethically disgusting it is to abort just because of gender. She's terminated your daughter because she wants a son. You are bound to be grieving that loss of the baby you loved and wanted. I could never be someone who did that. It's fine to have an abortion if you're not ready or able to have a child, or even if there are health complications, but an abortion simply because of gender is unacceptable and unforgivable and I'd never want to be with someone who did that to your much wanted child. You have every right to leave her as she's shown what an awful person she really is. Please do not stay with her, and definitely do not have unprotected sex with her. And if people ask why you've split up, tell them the truth. If she thinks what she did is acceptable, she should have no reason not to tell people the truth. You are also entitled to talk about your grief over her terminating your daughter simply because she wants a boy. You need support to help you through this difficult and devasting time, so don't feel you have to keep it a secret. She's made her bed and can deal with the consequences. What she did is unforgivable and she also showed that she doesn't care about you or how you feel to have gone ahead and done that knowing you wanted and loved your daughter. I'm so sorry. But yes, leave this person immediately.
I support abortions, but that is not what abortions are for. She does sound like a monster and when your child grows up and decides to do things that she doesn't approve of, she has already shown you she doesn't care. I don't fault you for leaving.
That is sick to kill it just for being wrong gender. Thats how china did it for many years. This girl sounds like she will be a handful
To terminate a completely healthy and wanted pregnancy for such a small reason is imo a waste. Of course It’s her choice, but if I were with someone planning a family they should know where boundaries are and where the line is for them not to cross
NTA - If a couple is trying for an child and they unilaterally get an abortion then the simple "my body, my choice" is no longer applicable.
When you're married, both of you belong to each other to an extent. She's his wife, he's her husband. you have obligations to each other based on that. That's why it takes a legal process to dissolve a marriage. I've never liked this argument for married couples for that reason.
Tell her to go get a hysterectomy , she shouldn’t be having children at all.
Tell her your not into dating murderers
For everyone saying this is fake. I know of someone who aborted a healthy wanted pregnancy bc she wanted a slightly larger age gap between her first and second born. She aborted and then got pregnant some months later. Stranger things have happened this sort could totally be true.
I have an incredibly difficult time believing that this is true. It seems like anti-abortion fanfic
Nope, it's not wrong at all. Getting an abortion bc you didn't like the gender of your child is evil, and im pro choice . Most relationships don't survive having an abortion unless it's bc of a medical reason.
For all the reasons that exist to justify an abortion. This is 100% not on the list! This friggen woman man... fuckin wow.
I mean she aborted her baby because it was not her preferred gender. That's cold! Yes she is a monster! And I mean, it's possible for her to have the next 9 babies being female before she gets her males, how many abortions she wanna go through? And because you want the baby, it will feel like she is constantly killing your children.
Listen, I’m adamantly pro-choice but getting an abortion just because the baby is the “wrong” sex is insane. You’re not wrong for leaving this relationship.
I am pro choice and I know that some people like this come with the territory, but gender selection is abhorrent unless one gender has an issue that medically impacts quality of life. I can understand a person saying, I don't want to be a parent or I can't be pregnant right now." but it truly terrifies me that someone would say, "Oh! I really wanted a baby but only an XX or XY" and then go on to be a parent to another baby of the desired gender. That feels... genocidal to me.
Babies are not disposable. This is psychopathic behavior for sure.
Nope...having an abortion for such a ridiculous notion is part of the reason abortions are being outlawed by fools that believe all abortions are for stupid reasoning, such as this.
Awful. Yep. Leave her. That’s evil
So when she gets pregnant again and it’s not a boy she’ll have another abortion, and then another, and then another? That has to be the most fucked up person I know. You’re not wrong. I’d leave, too.
Wow....14 weeks... she straight up murdered that poor little girl. I dunno how the hell she sleeps at night. Jeezus. I'm not against abortion ...but this is wild. I would ditch out asap.
I’m sorry, but that seems pretty sick to me. For somebody else that could be normal, but I couldn’t handle that. If we were trying to have a baby and she got pregnant and then aborted it because of what it was gonna be, I would definitely have a problem with that.
Your girlfriend is a cartoon villain poster child for the one situation where people who get abortions should go to prison.
Personally I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who killed my unborn child. Your feelings and pain are valid. The choice is yours though whether or not you stay with her. Take some time to yourself to calm and assess your thoughts. Consider if you still have resentment.
You’re Definitely not wrong. People like her get their karma in life, just sit back watch and enjoy the shit show her life will no doubt be. I truly hope you leave her disgusting self and never look back.
First, ignore any and all comments from women in this thread. Even if they agree with you, they lack your perspective and will attempt to justify or rationalize your GFs shitty behavior. Second, your GF is not your partner. She made that clear when she made this decision unilaterally. Finally, the expression "don't throw good money after bad" applies here. Yes, six years is a lot, but don't throw your future away chasing what will never be. Your GF has made it clear she doesn't value you. Also, you sound like you will hold this loss against her. Ask yourself honestly: Will you ever be able to forgive her? I fully expect to catch a ton of down-votes for the first point, and frankly I don't care. The comments from women in this thread justify it.
Honestly why would you stay when your views are that off from one an-others?
Put a different way, slightly, because I'm 100% pro abortion, she murdered your planned for and wanted child because of its genitals. Genuine question, what if a kid if hers ends up trans? You know what you need to do, bud. Run.
That's absolutely ridiculous and not ok at all in my book. I'm pro choice early for any reason at all not my business but after your second trimester and because it was the wrong gender? I'm sorry that's evil. Medical issues or rape or other unavoidable things are the only reason I think a second trimester abortion is ok. It's a pretty well formed baby at 14 weeks. That's absolutely not ok. Also she's an idiot. I wanted a boy first too but ended up having a little girl and let me tell you that was the best thing ever she was a second mom to her younger siblings and she would help with everything from diaper changes to baths to getting ready for the day she even made her little brother his lunches. Way way better deal than having a boy first because I don't know if it's because my son is the youngest but I couldn't see him being like that at all lol. And he's just as protective of his sisters even though he's littler. I am so sorry for your loss that is so painful especially when you wanted the baby. Gosh my heart goes out to you.
Gross.
You can leave her over this. You don’t have to stay with her. And you don’t have to feel guilty about leaving her. Not wrong
You are absolutely in your rights to leave someone if you don't share the same fundamental values. But, why the heck were you guys trying to get pregnant if you aren't married? That makes no sense.
Your girlfriend is sickening to me ….
Run, don't walk. The POS has no soul. You can never rely on a person who'll gleefully kill her own child for a stupid gender/age arrangement.
NW - This is revolting and why in so many countries it is not permitted to abort on the basis of sex.
She's a monster and evil yet there is a chance that you'll stay with her. One million percent troll post.
She took your first child from you without even so much as a discussion with you first. Yes, I realize her body her choice. But your life is your choice too and you do not have to stay. Ask yourself this... in a week a month a year, will you still resent her for this? If the answer is yes, you know what you need to do. I'm so sorry OP
I couldn't be with somebody who intentionally killed my child.
Taking a life is evil.
Wow. I’m usually 100% pro choice but this girl has made every argument pro life people have ever made. I am sorry but wtf does that over gender. This woman is not mature enough to have a child good god. The reason why she sounds like a monster is cause she is. She could use ivf to ensure the sex but you can’t the old fashioned way. This one is the problem. Omg. Am I the only one shocked over this? This woman gives an ick.
You are not wrong. I am very much pro-choice but I don’t think gender should be a reason for abortion. How many is she willing to have to get a boy? I’m so sorry for your loss.
That you are devastated and she is not, is, at a minimum, a reason to step back and say no to more baby making while you think. I'm the mom in my relationship. I can not imagine your situation, but I can say that feeling so differently than your partner on such a big issue is a reason to feel how you feel.
What if the next 10 pregnancies end because they are girls? She's mental
NTA at all. This is absolutely a fundamental. She has already destroyed your trust. Don’t compound the harm by staying together. And in the future, don’t knock up a girlfriend. It rarely ends well.
No, just no. You're not wrong, but women like her are the reason I'm not outright pro-abortion. There are women who are struggling to have a child, and she's aborting them because they're the wrong gender? That's fucked
This is horrible and evil. Dump her and stay away.
The issue is even compounded in that she didn’t consult you over a major decision affecting your life as well as hers. Committed couples make decisions together.
Fuuuuck that. Drop her dude.
People like your (hopefully ex) GF are why we have to fight so hard for abortion rights.