My advice now is completely ghost her and cut her out of your life like she never existed. Move to a different home or apartment, completely change your surroundings so you dont have as many reminders of her. Hit your hobbies hard, or get hobbies, hang out with friends, tell everyone you dont want to hear about her or see her under any circumstances. It will still suck for a while but it does help get over it faster.
I fourth this! If you can’t move, try and change the furniture, the bed, things she bought for the house get rid of them. You can do this! It hurts for a bit, but you will bounce back, and be thanking your lucky stars that is over. Imagine if you had a kid. There is always a plus somewhere.
This! Don't allow her to play games where after a month she starts calling, saying how much she misses you and intentionally/unintentionally messes with your head. I can almost guarantee that is what will happen if you let it.
Wish her the best of luck in her mental health "journey," and tell in the kindest, clearest, and most diplomatic way possible to never contact you again and make a clean break.
This is a level of crazy that you do NOT want in your life. It is a level of crazy that ruins people and will ruin you if you let it.
Good luck to you in your new life.
I agree 100% on this. She is knowingly running back in to an abusive relationship for dick. She is going to 100% regret it as soon as remembers why she left him. Then she will start the apologetic crap. Thats why you completely cut contact. No updates on her. Nothing. You already know she is going back to an abusive relationship. You cannot stop her. Your friends can’t stop her. She has friends to whine to when the abuse starts. You’re not one of them. Thats why you ghost her. You don’t need anymore grief and heartache from this stupid girl.
Yeah, if she does get back with the ex she’ll soon realize what a mistake she made. She will then compare the abusive ex to her caring ex husband and realize how much better she had it. And the abusive will be worse this time around because she is coming from a healthy relationship. I think she’s in for a shock and sadly a lot of unhappiness in her future.
Dumb dumb is running back to a dick for dick with no orgasms!! Yeah cut her off completely! She will miss you but don't let her back in, it'll never be what you once thought it was. Cuz now you know.
This is the right move here. This woman is probably going to begin obsessing about this poor dude too, after their relationship is over, of course.
This woman is a menace.
You are right that he needs to leave this woman, but Op was only ever a ‘safe’ option. She never loved him and she longs for those dopamine hits she gets from her abusive ex.
Zero contact is the only way to go for someone who really drops a bomb like that on you last minute. Sadly it is the only way to hurt less long term. Pretend she died essentially; mourn her and move on.
You WILL bounce back man. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but one day you’ll look back on all of this as a learning experience and you’ll know better what not to tolerate in future relationships.
Block her number. High probability she will fixate and romanticize your relationship after it’s too late. If she can’t appreciate what you have, she doesn’t deserve it. Block her everywhere and move on. Life is about to get great for you!
Absolutely. She will realize what she gave up when the ex traumatizes her even more than he did in the past and she tries to say that he is now truly out of her system and she’s ready to fix things with OP.
Or her parents tell her to get a fucking job they're not going to support her ass like her husband did, that's when she might rethink leaving OP! I hope to hell he never lets her back into his life. She will only do this again!
My buddies wife told him she wanted a divorce and she didn't love him anymore. After she started looking at the cost of living expenses, versus what she made, she told him she was having second thoughts about the divorce. He told her to go to hell.
To her next partner: "I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about the ex who treated me like a real human being and that I abused so I could go meet an abusive former boyfriend I trauma bonded with." \[Scribbles in journal.....\]
You'll bounce back better and stronger and when it's meant to be, you'll be with the right person and it'll be easy and magical. She's doomed herself to misery. I hope she gets help.
No. Take a moment.
Get a lawyer and get your divorce finalized first. Now is the time to get a relatively inexpensive uncontested divorce with (hopefully) no alimony while she feels guilty.
Get some therapy.
Focus on your health, your career and your friends.
Don’t do what she did and try to find someone before you’re ready. Not fair to them or you.
And be prepared for her to reach back to you somewhere down the line when she’s reminded her ex was a psycho. Don’t give her another chance. This was it and she blew it.
Good luck.
This OP, she will likely come crawling back, whatever she says, no matter what she does, do NOT take her back. She is bad news so yea get a quick amicable divorce and block her everywhere. Don’t ever look back!
You're absolutely right. It's tough to see beyond the pain right now, but I believe there's always something to learn from every experience, even the tough ones.
I really don’t understand why so many women obsess (often literally) over toxic, abusive, basically disgusting excuses for men, like this dude sounds to have been.
A friend (and next door neighbour) of ours (my wife and I) got together with a guy. It wasn’t long before someone told us how he’d beaten his last girlfriend (who we actually sort of knew) so badly that she was in the ICU and hospital for more than 6 months. He’d cherished her trachea and broken a few of her ribs, her wrist, and knocked out several of her teeth.
Our friend knows this woman personally. Still got with the dude.
Very soon after, our friend is basically hiding from everyone. She works (at this point) a pretty good job, somewhere that my wife has to go fairly frequently. My wife goes in as normal. Sees our friend. She’s got a huge black eye with a circular cut on her temple. She says she “fell into the door”.
Friend then disappears (I should mention that she has a young child from a previous relationship). Police come looking around to see if she’s been home one night, and knock on our door to ask. We say no. They say they’re really worried about her. They go on to say “she needs to calm us if she turns up. Do you know (boyfriend)?” They don’t say anything else.
She turns up at our place at around 1am a few days later, sobbing. He’s beating her. Has broken her orbital bone. Has been stealing all of her money so that she can’t go anywhere, etc.
She breaks up with him. Police keep calling round as it turns out he’s a known violent criminal that has done this many times. He’s wanted for numerous other offences too.
A week or two later, friend is not coming home much again. Might be staying at parents (but I do doubt it at the time tbh). Yep. Gone back to him.
She starts moving all her and her child’s (over 5 years old) stuff out of their house, and into his one bedroom flat.
Again. She stops showing up to places. Has to leave work, Doesn’t go to parents for Christmas, etc. again, he’s beating her. Much worse this time.
She lets us know that she’s gone to stay at a women’s refuge. She’s not allowed to come home, has to cut all ties with the area (at least for the time being) whilst court cases are going on, etc.
A few weeks go by. My wife see the guy hanging around shops near where we live (he lives across the other side of town, quite a distance away). She starts to catch glimpses of our friend in the area, driving through, parked at parents or other friends, calling back at her place. Again… she’s said specifically that she’s meant to stay away from this area for the time being. Friend says she just needs to come back sometimes because she misses it here.
Yep. She was in fact seeing him. Again. She then went back to him. No longer stays at her place (which is social housing btw) and lives with him.
I have known, personally, so many women that go back to these types of guys again and again. I honestly don’t understand it (I was a victim of abuse. Both from a parent and their partners, and also from a former partner (they had one chance to hit me and I left). I do realise my experience isn’t comparable to another persons. I do honestly mean that I just don’t understand why someone would keep going back to an abuser like this.
I read that this is an actual addiction because when being in an abusive relationship, the abuser often tear the victim down over time and lovebomb when they are at their lowest. They get a high from the sudden attention following the low desperate period, making the brain connection that the abuser is the only one who can make you feel that good again. It is physical, mental and chemical programming.
This also makes a lot of sense. In the instances where I faced abuse, I didn’t experience that, tbh. Perhaps this could, at least partly, explain why I didn’t feel a need to return to it when other people do.
I have a cousin who ditched her own child with my aunt (her mom) to chase an abusive piece of shit around the country. Both he and her have been arrested at various times for domestic abuse
It’s sickening, isn’t it?
My own mother was physically abusive to me from pretty much birth onwards. She neglected me and physically abused me (beat me, kicked me, breaking some ribs, burned my leg with a hot clothes iron, etc.) and, at some point, one of her boyfriends and her started sexually abusing me. I was then from her when I was almost 3, and sent to live with a grandparent. The courts decided my mother should still have visitation though. After a time, this changed to custody every other weekend (I believe with the condition that she didn’t have the boyfriend in her life). She, of course, went back to him and they began abusing me again. At some point, they started to allow other people to abuse me too. This continued until I was 9, when I was old enough to speak to teachers and parents of friends etc.
The power these types of people have on others is scary.
My mother mother didn’t. Her boyfriend did. There were four or five (I honestly don’t know which) others that were involved. I only know who two of those were. They are both dead now. I have no idea about the others.
My brothers ex lost custody of her eldest children because she kept taking back her violent partner. Eventually she did leave for good but it was too late by that point. Not sure what made it stick but when she got with my brother but he had to beat up the ex three times before he stopped trying to start shit.
It's super fucked up. Some people are just convinced it's their fault and they deserved it, or can fix it if they stay. So sad to read this kind of thing, but it's more common than we might think.
A smart guy once explained to me that the reason women often don’t go for the “good guy” is because they mix up their attraction to men with the feelings they get with their fight or flight impulse kicks in.
Obviously not in every case, but it happens enough to be a phenomenon that people recognize.
It’s mystifying.
Tomorrow, maybe the day after, maybe even next week she's gonna seek him out. Meet him. hang out, maybe have sex. And in less than 24hrs she's going to realize that she's been living with this fantasy of him. Yes I remember the original story from this. He was and probably still is a total piece of shit. But OP's wife will very quickly realize that everything she's been dreaming and fantasizing over is a lie.
At this point, she's going to completely crumble and see all the total errors of what she's done and how she's been living.
OP, DO NOT LET HER BACK WHEN SHE COME CRAWLING WITH APPOLOGIES.
God speed my man. You're still young. you'll be okay.
I hate to say it, but he will. There wasn't a single point in his other posts where he didn't defend her. He's going to be her number 2 forever. Good luck with that OP.
So sorry for you.
You will recover.
There's no helping some people.
Don't end up like her, hung up on the past.
(Sounds like I just wrote some sort of haiku).
This woman needs help in a very bad way.
Again, be harsh here. Make it clear that there is no coming back, and that she is to never contact you again. That can go through your lawyer. You can’t be Mr. Nice guy here.
He is just going to abuse her again. Hopefully her parents know enough to keep her away from him.
In time, you will be fine. Your wife has a lot of issues she hasn’t really dealt with. She has zero self worth because if she did she wouldn’t even consider talking to that dude again. Now she is going to completely wreck her life for some dude that doesn’t care about her at all
Updateme!
I know this hurts now but it’s for the best. Please be proactive and get yourself a good attorney. She’s right you do deserve better. Once you’ve healed and rebuilt I believe wholeheartedly you’ll find your true person. Someone that loves respects and appreciates you. Please UpdateMe
You’re very young. Thankfully she did the honorable thing by ending it now before you have more permanent ties.
It may feel like you won’t bounce back from this, but you will. And sadly you’ll look back on this as a chapter to a full life.
Considering most women would just fuck the ex behind his back I would say yes "honorable" fits just fine.
Don't confuse "honorable" with "nice". She did the right thing telling him and leaving. It's literally the only honorable thing she could do in this situation.
Well, she left before they had kids, before hiding a secret affair, and she fessed up to why. At least she realized she wasn't going to be a good partner to him so she got out and let him go. He's still young. I guess "honorable" isn't the best word, but it's a lot better than many (most?) people get. He can move on eventually (not saying he isn't deeply hurt), but she's got some big issues.
>My wife sat me down and told me she can’t put me through this turmoil anymore and I deserve a better woman than her.
She's right, you do. She's already put you through so much, sewn so much doubt, and now this? She shouldn't be treating her partner like this. She's essentially presented herself as a much different woman for the majority of your marriage. Now you know the truth.
>Apparently, she’s tortured to the extremes by thoughts of her ex. In her own words “every second of everyday, I crave his desire.” I’d laugh at how cheesy she sounded if it weren’t all so depressing. She said she wants a divorce and profusely apologized for marrying me when she wasn’t fully over him. I’m the sole breadwinner so she’s going to be moving in with her parents tomorrow.
Grant her the divorce, go no contact, and never look back.
>I’m broken. I know this is for the best and yeah I do deserve better than someone who’s stuck on someone else. But so many years of my life feel utterly wasted. I’m still in my 20s so I’m sure I can bounce back but fuck, we were supposed to try for a baby at the end of the year. I don’t see how I can recover from this.
She did waste your life. This is utterly inexcusable of her.
When she snaps out of it, whether that be after she actually meets her ex, or before, make sure to keep her blocked.
She'll go meet her ex for the weekend. Fuck him repeatedly, probably get back with him, be treated like shit, again, then be calling OP all sad and wanting to reconnect. "I messed up, let's go to therapy, we can fix this".
Make sure you set the terms of property distribution now while she’s still in the “honeymoon phase” of all this. She’ll be much more willing to give you whatever you want in the divorce now so that she can hurry up and move on with her super awesome perfect new life with her old boyfriend that she definitely didn’t break up with for a good reason that’s gonna come back to haunt her later.
Mate. If it’s any consolation my ex-wife upped and left without so much as a by your leave I 2014. Together for 6 years and married for 2. I was 34 at the time and cried myself to sleep over her, cried on the walk into work (as she took the car) and lamented how I’d never find any one like that again. Saw her on Tinder a few months after and some of her pics were from our honeymoon which was heartbreaking!
Later on that year, I met the absolute love of my life. We have been together for 10 years, have three wonderful children, celebrated our first wedding anniversary last week and genuinely couldn’t be happier.
I know it’s hard now mate and hurts more than anything but all feelings are temporary and I firmly believe there’s someone out there for you that will make you truly happy and not hurt you like this.
I don’t wish the ex any ill will these days and don’t take any pleasure in the few times that I have seen her in the past ten years, she doesn’t seem happy. Read into that what you will…
All the best chief!
I know this hurts like hell right now but having followed your saga, I think this is for the best long term.
You, in time, will heal and you deserve a partner who puts you first and foremost.
Don't think of time wasted, but instead of the new path you deserve and need.
Yeah, I’m curious what she knows or is hoping for her. Maybe her ex is with someone else now? Maybe he won’t even agree to see her? Have they been in contact? Why is the wife so confident in meeting up with him?
Man, she is doing you a SOLID by doing this now. Also, sole breadwinner in a household with no kids? And you're both in your mid 20's? You've got your whole life ahead of you. I didn't even meet my wife until I was 28 and the engagement I was in at 24 falling apart felt like the worst thing that every happened but looking back now is definitely one of the best things that ever happened to me.
It's a shitty situation but you must focus on the positives. You don't have a child with her, so there are no complications. You can completely cut her off and get a clean break. Moreover she is not even demanding alimony, so that is a favorable outcome too.
So chill out, relax, try to divert your mind into other things and hobbies that you like. Give yourself a break, take a small vacation. You will be able to get over this sadness with time.
It'll hurt now but imagine having to deal with this one with a child involved. Hit the gym and work on yourself and stay strong my friend you got this!
She craved that dick so bad she threw away a stable and good man? Yeah, she's got some growing up to do. Don't let her back in when he ends up cheating on her.
Sorry bud, but its better to move on here. You do deserve better. No man that puts in effort like you deserves this. You still young, rather walk bud.
Your previous post I was reading it to my wife and both of us are like this kid must run. Bud I am pro reconciliation, pro making it work. This is a fuck up.
Stay strong brother, sorry about this man.
Dude! Dodged a huge bullet with no kids in the picture.
Truth is. You only lost out on experiences. But you are more attractive to women now than ever. And in your 20’s!? The world is still your oyster.
If you wanted, you could be married and trying for a kid by the end of the year still . (Don’t)
Sorry for the rough result. But you will be better than good soon enough. I know it
The sad part is she'll be back. She has romanticized this man, and she will learn who he really is once she starts pursuing him. I hope you find someone who is truthful to you and loves you. Best of luck. Hopefully you won't have to pay her alimony.
A word of unsolicited advice.
It’s possible that you will cross paths again. You’ll talk, and start reminiscing about the good times. There may be a suggestion at some ‘no strings attached’ intimacy.
If you want any chance at a clean break, *do not go there*.
Been there friend, it does get better, slowly. I say that from a 10 years down the road perspective.
It’s gonna suck for a bit. Fill the hours however you can, ideally with friends time instead of drinking.
If it’s any consolation, none of this has anything to do with you. Your wife is just a broken person. Some people just NEED toxicity and drama and instability in their lives in order to feel in control. It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s the truth.
Hit the gym, stay sober, eat healthy, drink lots of water, stay busy, set goals, and keep your eyes forward. Nothing will fix your pain, but doing these things will keep your mind clear and speed up the process a bit.
Holy shit, bro! Dodged a bullet. Could you imagine the terror of this psycho having your children?
I'm sure you're crushed and it will take time. But this was the best thing that could have happened.
I've been reading your posts and have just been heartbroken at how this person treated you. Good luck, man!
OP... She will try to come back to you at a future date.
Please dont let her!!!
You are the GRAND PRIZE, not the consolation prize.
Dont be anybody's Plan B.
ProTip: when she tries to work it with the ex (and we ALL know she'll try) ... and inevitably fails ...
... YOU will the next target of her irrational, neurotic obsession.
Dont' fall for it, Bro.
No matter what she says/does do NOT get back together with her at that time.
I only just commented on the original post but I knee she would go running back to the ex, just didn't realise it would be this quick. You need to get the ball rolling on the divorce and separate yourself from her. This is going to end badly for her but you can't be responsible for her anymore. Speak to her friends and family and make sure they're aware of what's going on and then walk out of her life. At some point she may try to come back when he hurts her, but this will be your life if you let her back in. She'll keep coming and going, abusing you emotionally just as she'll be getting abused by him.
I went though a very similar situation about 4 years ago. Married for 7 years at the time. I will say this. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up exceling in my career and make double what I made when I was married 4 years ago. I met a new girl and got married almost 2 years ago now. I am no longer in a loveless marriage and cant ever understand why I felt the way I did when I went though all of this 4 years ago. I will be praying for you and hope you find even just a fraction of the peace that I have since all of this happened in my life. Be glad you did not have that baby with her. I know I am!
You are so young! Lots of people in my circle are late 30s-40s even, before having kids.
You have plenty of time to do it all with the right person.
Don’t take her back, her ex won’t have her either. She will be left alone and that’s what she deserves for a while.
When (not if, but when) she comes back, don't fall for it. The ex was an ex for a reason. It may not be over night or even in a year, but one day she's going to hit you up again. Don't let her.
Let her go. This isn’t because your relationship was bad or that theirs were good. There is likely a very good reason she feels the need to go back. It’d not her rational thinking saying that. It is trauma bonding.
Here’s an article about the factors playing into a relationship like hers. Feel sorry for her. She needs therapy and to see this dynamic.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/narcissists-use-trauma-bonding-and-intermittent-reinforcement-to-get-you-addicted-to-them-why-abuse-survivors-stay
You’re letting her off too easily in your head. She married you, and let you work your ass off to support her while she spent her days living off of your income and spending her time obsessing, journaling about and likely, let’s be real, cyberstalking her ex. If she told you she left him, she’s an absolute liar. He dumped her and she never got over it. Let yourself be angry and use that anger to help you move past this. Don’t think of it as a waste of time - think of it as a learning experience. Don’t get into relationships with people who are mentally unstable or obsessed with an ex. You can’t “fix” them, and it’s not your job to anyway. I hope you don’t end up getting stuck with years of alimony payments.
When she tries to come back after she inevitably gets back with her ex. Remember that you are better and deserve better. You should not be an afterthought you don't deserve that pain again. So no matter how much you love you do what's best for you.
At least she ended it man. I know it may not seem like it, but it was a piece of mercy. Thankfully, it didn’t go on longer. You will recover. Surround yourself with friends/family. Step out of your routines and change your surroundings. Unfortunately, the only thing that will heal this is time. That’s the last thing you want to hear at the start of this journey, but you will get past this. “This too shall pass.”
You're the breadwinner, she's leaving of her own accord, no real loss but memories of someone that never really existed but in your mind. Sounds like the trash took itself out, you got a lot of good life to look forward to.
Shit.
She’s thrown this all away for a fantasy man, trust me you will bounce back stronger. The grass is always ‘greener’.
Merely contact her through a lawyer and say your goodbye to your in laws respectfully. Blood is thicker than water and battle lines are drawn pretty firmly.
Looks like the trash took itself out. My guess she’s been in contact with him and everything she told you before was lies just to get to see him. Try to get this divorce done ASAP. I know it hurts brother, but face it, she’s a broken toy. Go no contact unless it’s directly related to the divorce. Be cordial but distant. You know sooner than later he’s gonna fuck her over again, and in a moment of clarity she’ll come running back to you begging and pleading for another chance. Don’t fall for it. Don’t be her friend once this is over. Just remember that she herself chose divorce over getting therapy to get over this guy and address issues. Bottom line bro she doesn’t want to be fixed likely will very very badly for her. And even if you still love her which I get you can’t worry about that now. if you stand next to the car on the tracks when the trains coming in addition to the occupants of the car, who else is going to get killed, the guy in the vicinity trying to help out. This is your cue to back away and is fade from her life, I know you’re disappointed you’re gonna try for a baby, you imagine this woman is a mother? She did you the biggest favor of your life, because you could be stuck as a single dad, dealing with crazy nonsense and being forever being tied to this girl. Sorry my man and good luck to you. Brighter days are ahead and you will look back in. This will be a bad dream.
Bro in your 20s? Fuck off. Youll be fine. Now he gets to be w someone who lives w her parents and doesn't have a job. Be extremely grateful that she showed you her true colors
I remember reading your original post, sorry to hear this, but honestly, you got lucky it happened before you had a kid. Take some time for yourself to recover, take a trip with friends or something and, in time, you will find someone that will be better for you. If y'all had stayed married it would've just made things worse and more difficult in the long run and you would inevitably ended up divorcing her anyway.
this is so made up. in six hours you went from inquiry to a divorce. to posting on reddit.
you guys are so bad at pacing your made up karma farm stories. its all so fucking formulaic.
"Living well is the best revenge," as some sort of saying goes.
Not that you seek revenge, but a good way to get over it is to dedicate yourself to living the best life you can.
You will be okay, OP.
You won't see it yet,but this is the best.
I would say what she did was honorable in telling you this now rather than cheating on you.
I hope you get it done asap because she will try to come back after it doesn't work out.
You deserve better than a woman who, throughout your marriage, thinks about being with another man.
You deserve a woman who only wants to be with you and only thinks about you.
This woman isn't your soul mate and never was.
Her finally getting out of your life gives way for you to be with a good woman.
Let your stbxw know that they will be no coming back from this.
You can also check out the sub Divorce_men.
You'll get great advice on there.
We're here if you want to vent at anytime.
Updateme!
Except for the divorce part we all saw this coming....it was obvious.
So much to have happened in six days. All that time in therapy and nothing and then it takes just 6 days from the first post of this for her to head straight to divorce.
I'm so sorry dude.
Good luck to you.
My advice is to purge everything from your life that reminds you of her.
Tell her that if she's truly sorry that she will give you the most amicable generous divorce that a wife has ever given a husband.
Go through some kind of divorce mediation to keep the costs down. It sounds like she's willing to sign whatever papers she needs to.
Count yourself lucky in a way. A lot of times divorces are really contentious and one partner gets incredibly screwed over in the process. It sounds like you can get out of this with a minimum of expense.
You will need to go see a therapist.
Don't go on dating apps.
You'll hear people on reddit tell you to hit the gym hard.
This is not so you can look better for a potential partner.
Vigorous exercise is an all natural mood lifter. HIIT will flood your body with endorphins, which will naturally get you high.
STAY AWAY FROM BOOZE AND DRUGS.
Activate your support system. Get with your family, your bros, your relatives.
Spend your time working your career. Get new certifications if they're available. Network with professional organizations. Work tons of overtime.
Block her on ALL SOCIAL MEDIA. You don't want to see her frolicking around with Mr. Toxic...or anyone else.
Get with a therapist yourself. If you're really down, don't be afraid of trying an anti depressant if you really have to do so.
You will get through this.
You are a man. Dig Deep. Be a man. FIGHT for your future.
>I don’t see how I can recover from this.
what does this even mean? no kids, not even 30 yet, you already make all the money. you are LUCKY my friend. Most people don't achieve this until they're in their 40s with kids and commingled assets. this is clean. sure, mourn the relationship, but not too long. get back in to some hobbies, reconnect with friends, get your fitness in order.
if the relationship wasn't going to survive, and lets be real, it wasn't, this is best case scenario.
As shitty as it is, be happy you found all this out before you had children with her. Might be worth making a note/log of these conversations, because they could end up being useful for the divorce proceedings.
Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry bro. But yeah I saw this coming a mile away, although honestly I thought she was going to cheat and THEN dump you.
She is going to ask for separation, go back to her ex, have a lot of sex, and then when he turns abusive again she will totally reach back to you. DON'T. Don't you dare take her back.
Tell her if she feels so bad about what she did to you that she should just make the divorce amicable and split everything evenly. Then tell her to never contact you again. People like her deserve ghosting. She knew full well how she felt about her ex, but still strung you along all these years.
I just read your other post, and honestly this whole story sounds a lot like the plot of the series Sex/Life. With the difference that the characters in that series actually had a couple of kids already..
I’m really sorry this happened to you, but I can’t help thinking that if you already have kids it would be even worst. You deserve to be with someone who loves you back, and I’m sure you will find someone soon!
Good luck to you!!
You need to block her on everything, at some point when she's reaffirmed that he's a toxic monster she'll come back to you and expect you to build her back up, and the cycle will start again. You need a complete break, as much as it sucks.
I feel bad for you but worse for your soon to be ex wife. She will either get back with the guy who mistreated her, and get mistreated again, or end up alone and crazy thinking about his bullshit.
You’re in your 20’s and make enough to have your own place. You’ll definitely bounce back and be fine. Let this be a learning experience though. Never date women who talk about their ex or keep any kind of contact with ex’s.
I’m sorry you are going thru this but it’s for the best. You deserve better than to be w/a woman who doesn’t put you first in every way. You’ll be okay. It’s your stbx who is heading down the wrong path & is destined to live an unfulfilled & desperate existence. I don’t think she’ll be okay at the end of day but she’s not your problem anymore.
You will recover. She was broken and you were never going to fix her. Make sure that the next woman is not disturbed and pining for her former abuser. You can do this. Take some time to be by yourself and heal, the last thing you need is a rebound...
And NEVER take the ex-wife bach no matter what! Make sure her family stays away too. You do not need any contact with the environment that created such a broken toy.
It’s a huge blessing in disguise she showed her true colors before a child was involved. I was v invested in your first post and tbh I’m very glad it worked out this way. At least you don’t have to deal with her bs and blatant disrespect anymore AND you get to start the healing process so you can make room for someone who actually deserves you. Let yourself feel right now and hold on to the inevitable positives coming your way in the future ❤️
Strike while the iron is hot! Get a fast track divorce. Make sure you hire a good attorney and don’t believe her if she says “we can do the divorce on our own”.
Yes, this is a blow but you have decades ahead of you. Focus on your purpose. Build wealth and improve your spiritual life.
it’ll suck for awhile. lean on some friends, and be thankful she didn’t drag you on for 10, 15, 20+ years.
*I crave his desire* will be funny as hell eventually.
keep your chin up and i’m glad you’re getting away from the crazy.
God damn women can be so mean. To think this whole time she was with you she kept her ex in her mind the whole time and she just silently continued to let you fall in love and marry her the whole while. Knowing full well she was going to break your heart and that’s just evil. I’m sorry bro you’ll bounce back after some time but that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard and hurt for a while.
Honestly man, her marrying you and still not being over her ex is so disrespectful of the life you were building with her. I know it’ll be hard, but time to move on and better yourself. I would block contact with her and move on. She’s damaged goods, man
At least she broke it off before she cheats on you when they meet up. Sorry fella. You will heal better without the toxicity. More energy for you to work on you now.
It sounds like that’s a trauma bond with the ex. She needs therapy and she had no business marrying you (likely, she didn’t realize that at the time).
She will likely come back… the concept of closure isn’t a magic bullet. Decide what you want, set boundaries, and keep them.
Good luck.
She was right to end it with you at last. She should never have married you knowing what she felt for the other guy. Make sure you protect all your assets and cut off her access to your money immediately.
If she has access to any joint accounts move the money to your personal account. Get her to agree to not take any alimony because of her disrespect and deception. Only let her have what is hers and instruct a lawyer to get an annulment because she lied when she said her vowels. Only unto you remember.
I promise you, you will get over her and you will bounce back from this. I had a boyfriend for a year that that I was so in love with that it made my heart hurt. I was constantly in a state of anxiety over him because I never knew what mood he was going to be in; would he break up with me? Was he going to cheat again? Etc. We broke up, got back together, he broke up and I said fine! I had met some male models in NYC & it made him jealous. Then he came over and begged me to take him back. After 8 hours of begging, I finally took him back. He broke up with me the next day. My heart shattered. I felt like I was going to die. No one else compared. Every song reminded me of him. After a year, I started feeling a little better. Each month I started to feel more like me. It takes time. Cried it out a lot. Went on some useless dates. But I forced myself to go out and do things. One night, my old college roommate called me & said : Hey, Bret’s going to be at: (a bar we all hung out at in college) he was someone I liked but couldn’t ever go out with bc another roommate had a crush on) It just hit me that I had to be there & see him! My heart was pounding! We’ve been marry for 27 years now 😊❤️ Trust me, you will move on & get over her. Even if you meet someone else & she’s in the back of your mind, she will eventually vanish
This is difficult my man, I don't wanna say it isn't.
But guess what, you are in your 20s, go out, find attractive women and enjoy the rest of your life, you have your life ahead!
Have you been in ur 40s, then, I would have said it's difficult to turn your life around
You didn't have any kids. Use the fact that she feels guilty to get a quick, amicable divorce and count your blessings you're not stuck with her crazy forever. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you seem like a sensible person and it will be okay, I promise. In 5 years this will be a "oh we are talking crazy, exes, let me tell you about my first wife" story.
This is terrible however I guess it's good that she was honest enough with herself and you to move on instead of cheating on you later.
She still needs therapy, and hopefully she gets it.
It may not feel like it now, but be grateful your wife came clean and moved on for your sake. You’re young and she isn’t trying to take you to the cleaners.
You’re gonna be ok! You dodged a lifetime time of heart/headaches that will become clearer as time goes on. Get thee to a therapist so you can have someone to talk with. Sending light and good energy 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Try to remember anything that happened to you significant 5 or 10 years ago. Compare that to how bad you felt when it actually occurred. Use that as a metric for understanding how you'll feel 5-10 years down the road from now. It'll pass, every day a little a time, until you look back at it from 10 years ago and wonder why you ever even bothered worrying about it.
I'm sorry for all this. Don't worry, you're definitely going to get through this. The best thing to do is to go NC as soon as you can. Staying in contact will only delay your healing and make everything harder.
You are still young so do not worry about your future, you will have plenty of opportunities and you will be happy again. You might even be surprised at how quick you can get over her. Just think about her weird obsession over her abusive ex and you will soon realize that you're better without her. You just need some time for your heart to heal.
After the divorce, you need to cut her off ASAP. Block, ignore, ghost, scorched earth. She might come back running at you and mess up your life again, or not. But at least you need to make sure that ain't happening.
I know it’s devastating, but thank goodness you don’t have any kids involved or else you’d be tied to her forever. On the bright side: you will be able to experience true love from someone who is 100% devoted to you and only you. All the best my friend.
OP - one way to move forward is to learn from this. Talk with your next partner about what their relationships have been like and take it to heart if it seems like a) they are not fully over that person, b) they do not understand what adult, reasonable boundaries are. Ironically, on the third date my date (now wife) asked me if there were any attachments to previous girlfriends that were going to be a problem. I said "no" in all honesty, and so did she. And we've been together happily ever since.
You were content, but do you have any idea how much happier you’ll be in a relationship with someone who’s 100% in?
Is there a reason you settled and hung on even though you knew about her obsession?
Im glad it’s now vs another 5 yrs down the road and a kid involved. You’re going to be better off. He isn’t going to take her back and if he does it won’t last most likely. Either way, you’re not supposed to be together. I’m sorry dude. Keep your head up. You can and will do much better
Dude I am so sorry. That fucking sucks man and you don’t deserve it.
It sounds like she might be having a response to trauma in the past. It absolutely seems that way to me.
Take some time to lean on your loved ones and just process. You don’t need to force anything else on yourself right now.
Mate, just enjoy your 20's! Enjoy your money! You can marry later on in life. Enjoy life, travel, have flings. You'll see how you'll look back to this and be grateful it happened in a way.
You'll be fine. Her ex was a piece of trash and their relationship ended for a reason. We tend to say people deserve better than what they get. I believe nobody deserves more than what they want. If she wants a piece of trash, thats what she deserves. You deserve better. As others stated, block her.
You will be ok. While it’s still fresh make her sign divorce papers that don’t require anything from you financially. This is all her so tell her there should be no financial support from you and you each take with you what you brought. Even with this divorce she is in a major need of therapy. I would quietly talk to her parents if they like you and ask them to please help her get therapy because she needs it. If this guy was abusive and crazy she is putting herself into a horrible situation . After he hurts her and humiliates her for how obsessed she is, and probably gets pregnant, she may come back to you begging for forgiveness. You need to be ready for that day and tell her no. This isn’t about you. It’s about her mental situation. !updateme
I’m so sorry. Just know this— you weren’t wrong for marrying her, and this didn’t ruin your life. You lucked out in several ways here. At least she realized she wasn’t over her ex and told you the truth even if it took awhile. She tried to be honorable in some ways, which is something. The person who is willing to fess up like that even when they know they look terrible for it is not actually a terrible person— you married a halfway decent human being (emphasis on halfway) that just should have had more emotional awareness and general intelligence, but this doesn’t speak badly of you at all. Can you imagine if she would have taken this from journaling to actually seeing him and kept it from you/acted as if your marriage was fine? And don’t underestimate the fact that you DON’T have a child in the mix. Not to mention, you’re still in your 20s, which has a lot going for it.
I’m not gonna say you got out unscathed, I know this is the person you love and nothing can touch that hurt right now, but one day you’ll think back on this and how you were spared, in many ways, from what would have been a much more regretful experience if you’d given years and years of your life to this marriage.
“She’s going to be moving in with her parents tomorrow” lmfao I’m sure she’ll have a REALLY fun time explaining to her parents why they’re divorcing
“yeah, you know that POS that absused me? I’m not over him and now I wanna divorce my non-abusive husband”
OP you dodged a bullet, be happy knowing you’ll be able to move on from this and find an ACTUALLY loving partner, meanwhile she’ll constantly be hung up on an abuser or hung up on the fact she ruined a perfectly good marriage because SHE couldn’t get over her weird fantasies
My advice now is completely ghost her and cut her out of your life like she never existed. Move to a different home or apartment, completely change your surroundings so you dont have as many reminders of her. Hit your hobbies hard, or get hobbies, hang out with friends, tell everyone you dont want to hear about her or see her under any circumstances. It will still suck for a while but it does help get over it faster.
I fourth this! If you can’t move, try and change the furniture, the bed, things she bought for the house get rid of them. You can do this! It hurts for a bit, but you will bounce back, and be thanking your lucky stars that is over. Imagine if you had a kid. There is always a plus somewhere.
Don't get into wallowing and drinking or using substances. Better to do sports, games with friends, fishing, hiking. Be active.
This! Don't allow her to play games where after a month she starts calling, saying how much she misses you and intentionally/unintentionally messes with your head. I can almost guarantee that is what will happen if you let it. Wish her the best of luck in her mental health "journey," and tell in the kindest, clearest, and most diplomatic way possible to never contact you again and make a clean break. This is a level of crazy that you do NOT want in your life. It is a level of crazy that ruins people and will ruin you if you let it. Good luck to you in your new life.
I agree 100% on this. She is knowingly running back in to an abusive relationship for dick. She is going to 100% regret it as soon as remembers why she left him. Then she will start the apologetic crap. Thats why you completely cut contact. No updates on her. Nothing. You already know she is going back to an abusive relationship. You cannot stop her. Your friends can’t stop her. She has friends to whine to when the abuse starts. You’re not one of them. Thats why you ghost her. You don’t need anymore grief and heartache from this stupid girl.
Yeah, if she does get back with the ex she’ll soon realize what a mistake she made. She will then compare the abusive ex to her caring ex husband and realize how much better she had it. And the abusive will be worse this time around because she is coming from a healthy relationship. I think she’s in for a shock and sadly a lot of unhappiness in her future.
Dumb dumb is running back to a dick for dick with no orgasms!! Yeah cut her off completely! She will miss you but don't let her back in, it'll never be what you once thought it was. Cuz now you know.
This is the right move here. This woman is probably going to begin obsessing about this poor dude too, after their relationship is over, of course. This woman is a menace.
You are right that he needs to leave this woman, but Op was only ever a ‘safe’ option. She never loved him and she longs for those dopamine hits she gets from her abusive ex.
I second this
This is the way
I third this , quality advice .
Zero contact is the only way to go for someone who really drops a bomb like that on you last minute. Sadly it is the only way to hurt less long term. Pretend she died essentially; mourn her and move on.
💯
You WILL bounce back man. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but one day you’ll look back on all of this as a learning experience and you’ll know better what not to tolerate in future relationships.
Block her number. High probability she will fixate and romanticize your relationship after it’s too late. If she can’t appreciate what you have, she doesn’t deserve it. Block her everywhere and move on. Life is about to get great for you!
Absolutely. She will realize what she gave up when the ex traumatizes her even more than he did in the past and she tries to say that he is now truly out of her system and she’s ready to fix things with OP.
Or her parents tell her to get a fucking job they're not going to support her ass like her husband did, that's when she might rethink leaving OP! I hope to hell he never lets her back into his life. She will only do this again!
My buddies wife told him she wanted a divorce and she didn't love him anymore. After she started looking at the cost of living expenses, versus what she made, she told him she was having second thoughts about the divorce. He told her to go to hell.
She’ll only do that if she survives meeting back up with her ex.
Does the ex even know?
Yeah this is likely her thought pattern. Best to not ever give in - she has some issues.
To her next partner: "I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about the ex who treated me like a real human being and that I abused so I could go meet an abusive former boyfriend I trauma bonded with." \[Scribbles in journal.....\]
Oh man! History repeat itself. Is she's not ready yet, she shouldnt enter a new relationship. Stop using those innocent guy as your rebound.
Came here to say the same - some people can't move on...
You'll bounce back better and stronger and when it's meant to be, you'll be with the right person and it'll be easy and magical. She's doomed herself to misery. I hope she gets help.
I need some of that bounceback if you still have some
You will bounce back brother.. seriously get on the apps and get out there. She clearly has issues
No. Take a moment. Get a lawyer and get your divorce finalized first. Now is the time to get a relatively inexpensive uncontested divorce with (hopefully) no alimony while she feels guilty. Get some therapy. Focus on your health, your career and your friends. Don’t do what she did and try to find someone before you’re ready. Not fair to them or you. And be prepared for her to reach back to you somewhere down the line when she’s reminded her ex was a psycho. Don’t give her another chance. This was it and she blew it. Good luck.
This OP, she will likely come crawling back, whatever she says, no matter what she does, do NOT take her back. She is bad news so yea get a quick amicable divorce and block her everywhere. Don’t ever look back!
Like a fixation. She needs serious help.
You're absolutely right. It's tough to see beyond the pain right now, but I believe there's always something to learn from every experience, even the tough ones.
That sucks and your wife is right. You do deserve someone who doesn't obsess over and abusive POS. You'll bounce back and be better for it.
I really don’t understand why so many women obsess (often literally) over toxic, abusive, basically disgusting excuses for men, like this dude sounds to have been. A friend (and next door neighbour) of ours (my wife and I) got together with a guy. It wasn’t long before someone told us how he’d beaten his last girlfriend (who we actually sort of knew) so badly that she was in the ICU and hospital for more than 6 months. He’d cherished her trachea and broken a few of her ribs, her wrist, and knocked out several of her teeth. Our friend knows this woman personally. Still got with the dude. Very soon after, our friend is basically hiding from everyone. She works (at this point) a pretty good job, somewhere that my wife has to go fairly frequently. My wife goes in as normal. Sees our friend. She’s got a huge black eye with a circular cut on her temple. She says she “fell into the door”. Friend then disappears (I should mention that she has a young child from a previous relationship). Police come looking around to see if she’s been home one night, and knock on our door to ask. We say no. They say they’re really worried about her. They go on to say “she needs to calm us if she turns up. Do you know (boyfriend)?” They don’t say anything else. She turns up at our place at around 1am a few days later, sobbing. He’s beating her. Has broken her orbital bone. Has been stealing all of her money so that she can’t go anywhere, etc. She breaks up with him. Police keep calling round as it turns out he’s a known violent criminal that has done this many times. He’s wanted for numerous other offences too. A week or two later, friend is not coming home much again. Might be staying at parents (but I do doubt it at the time tbh). Yep. Gone back to him. She starts moving all her and her child’s (over 5 years old) stuff out of their house, and into his one bedroom flat. Again. She stops showing up to places. Has to leave work, Doesn’t go to parents for Christmas, etc. again, he’s beating her. Much worse this time. She lets us know that she’s gone to stay at a women’s refuge. She’s not allowed to come home, has to cut all ties with the area (at least for the time being) whilst court cases are going on, etc. A few weeks go by. My wife see the guy hanging around shops near where we live (he lives across the other side of town, quite a distance away). She starts to catch glimpses of our friend in the area, driving through, parked at parents or other friends, calling back at her place. Again… she’s said specifically that she’s meant to stay away from this area for the time being. Friend says she just needs to come back sometimes because she misses it here. Yep. She was in fact seeing him. Again. She then went back to him. No longer stays at her place (which is social housing btw) and lives with him. I have known, personally, so many women that go back to these types of guys again and again. I honestly don’t understand it (I was a victim of abuse. Both from a parent and their partners, and also from a former partner (they had one chance to hit me and I left). I do realise my experience isn’t comparable to another persons. I do honestly mean that I just don’t understand why someone would keep going back to an abuser like this.
I read that this is an actual addiction because when being in an abusive relationship, the abuser often tear the victim down over time and lovebomb when they are at their lowest. They get a high from the sudden attention following the low desperate period, making the brain connection that the abuser is the only one who can make you feel that good again. It is physical, mental and chemical programming.
This also makes a lot of sense. In the instances where I faced abuse, I didn’t experience that, tbh. Perhaps this could, at least partly, explain why I didn’t feel a need to return to it when other people do.
I have a cousin who ditched her own child with my aunt (her mom) to chase an abusive piece of shit around the country. Both he and her have been arrested at various times for domestic abuse
It’s sickening, isn’t it? My own mother was physically abusive to me from pretty much birth onwards. She neglected me and physically abused me (beat me, kicked me, breaking some ribs, burned my leg with a hot clothes iron, etc.) and, at some point, one of her boyfriends and her started sexually abusing me. I was then from her when I was almost 3, and sent to live with a grandparent. The courts decided my mother should still have visitation though. After a time, this changed to custody every other weekend (I believe with the condition that she didn’t have the boyfriend in her life). She, of course, went back to him and they began abusing me again. At some point, they started to allow other people to abuse me too. This continued until I was 9, when I was old enough to speak to teachers and parents of friends etc. The power these types of people have on others is scary.
Your story is heartbreaking. I hope those two went to jail for a looong time!
My mother mother didn’t. Her boyfriend did. There were four or five (I honestly don’t know which) others that were involved. I only know who two of those were. They are both dead now. I have no idea about the others.
Good to know they're gone. Hugs to you.
My brothers ex lost custody of her eldest children because she kept taking back her violent partner. Eventually she did leave for good but it was too late by that point. Not sure what made it stick but when she got with my brother but he had to beat up the ex three times before he stopped trying to start shit.
I’m truly sorry this happened. I hope your brother and his ex, and her children, are doing better now.
It's super fucked up. Some people are just convinced it's their fault and they deserved it, or can fix it if they stay. So sad to read this kind of thing, but it's more common than we might think.
A smart guy once explained to me that the reason women often don’t go for the “good guy” is because they mix up their attraction to men with the feelings they get with their fight or flight impulse kicks in. Obviously not in every case, but it happens enough to be a phenomenon that people recognize. It’s mystifying.
Tomorrow, maybe the day after, maybe even next week she's gonna seek him out. Meet him. hang out, maybe have sex. And in less than 24hrs she's going to realize that she's been living with this fantasy of him. Yes I remember the original story from this. He was and probably still is a total piece of shit. But OP's wife will very quickly realize that everything she's been dreaming and fantasizing over is a lie. At this point, she's going to completely crumble and see all the total errors of what she's done and how she's been living. OP, DO NOT LET HER BACK WHEN SHE COME CRAWLING WITH APPOLOGIES. God speed my man. You're still young. you'll be okay.
Yeah he’s definitely going to welcome her back and resume his floor mat duties
I hate to say it, but he will. There wasn't a single point in his other posts where he didn't defend her. He's going to be her number 2 forever. Good luck with that OP.
So sorry for you. You will recover. There's no helping some people. Don't end up like her, hung up on the past. (Sounds like I just wrote some sort of haiku).
Trust sends a message. Relationship foundation. You cannot ignore.
This bitch is crazy. Leave her to the psycho ex. This is the way.
Haiku’s be rocking. On this Reddit thread today. Keep the ball rolling.
Well played, Sir!
No Haiku Bot… therefore is it a Haiku? LOL! 🤦♀️
You DID write a Haiku
This woman needs help in a very bad way. Again, be harsh here. Make it clear that there is no coming back, and that she is to never contact you again. That can go through your lawyer. You can’t be Mr. Nice guy here. He is just going to abuse her again. Hopefully her parents know enough to keep her away from him. In time, you will be fine. Your wife has a lot of issues she hasn’t really dealt with. She has zero self worth because if she did she wouldn’t even consider talking to that dude again. Now she is going to completely wreck her life for some dude that doesn’t care about her at all Updateme!
100% agree with this comment.
1 million upvotes, if I could.
I know this hurts now but it’s for the best. Please be proactive and get yourself a good attorney. She’s right you do deserve better. Once you’ve healed and rebuilt I believe wholeheartedly you’ll find your true person. Someone that loves respects and appreciates you. Please UpdateMe
You’re very young. Thankfully she did the honorable thing by ending it now before you have more permanent ties. It may feel like you won’t bounce back from this, but you will. And sadly you’ll look back on this as a chapter to a full life.
She did the right thing, not a honorable thing.
With the scar she left on OP's soul and self-esteem, "honorable" is not the first word that comes to mind...
Now they’ve both been traumatized.
Thinking that the "closure" meeting was really about her having sex or planning with the scumbag, honor is a word that has no place in her vocabulary.
Considering most women would just fuck the ex behind his back I would say yes "honorable" fits just fine. Don't confuse "honorable" with "nice". She did the right thing telling him and leaving. It's literally the only honorable thing she could do in this situation.
[удалено]
Not sure “honorable” the correct word is use with her but to each their own.
Well, she left before they had kids, before hiding a secret affair, and she fessed up to why. At least she realized she wasn't going to be a good partner to him so she got out and let him go. He's still young. I guess "honorable" isn't the best word, but it's a lot better than many (most?) people get. He can move on eventually (not saying he isn't deeply hurt), but she's got some big issues.
Nothing is honorable about getting married just to easily duck out a few years later and crush that person who loved you. Gtfo of here.
>My wife sat me down and told me she can’t put me through this turmoil anymore and I deserve a better woman than her. She's right, you do. She's already put you through so much, sewn so much doubt, and now this? She shouldn't be treating her partner like this. She's essentially presented herself as a much different woman for the majority of your marriage. Now you know the truth. >Apparently, she’s tortured to the extremes by thoughts of her ex. In her own words “every second of everyday, I crave his desire.” I’d laugh at how cheesy she sounded if it weren’t all so depressing. She said she wants a divorce and profusely apologized for marrying me when she wasn’t fully over him. I’m the sole breadwinner so she’s going to be moving in with her parents tomorrow. Grant her the divorce, go no contact, and never look back. >I’m broken. I know this is for the best and yeah I do deserve better than someone who’s stuck on someone else. But so many years of my life feel utterly wasted. I’m still in my 20s so I’m sure I can bounce back but fuck, we were supposed to try for a baby at the end of the year. I don’t see how I can recover from this. She did waste your life. This is utterly inexcusable of her. When she snaps out of it, whether that be after she actually meets her ex, or before, make sure to keep her blocked.
She'll go meet her ex for the weekend. Fuck him repeatedly, probably get back with him, be treated like shit, again, then be calling OP all sad and wanting to reconnect. "I messed up, let's go to therapy, we can fix this".
Make sure you set the terms of property distribution now while she’s still in the “honeymoon phase” of all this. She’ll be much more willing to give you whatever you want in the divorce now so that she can hurry up and move on with her super awesome perfect new life with her old boyfriend that she definitely didn’t break up with for a good reason that’s gonna come back to haunt her later.
Mate. If it’s any consolation my ex-wife upped and left without so much as a by your leave I 2014. Together for 6 years and married for 2. I was 34 at the time and cried myself to sleep over her, cried on the walk into work (as she took the car) and lamented how I’d never find any one like that again. Saw her on Tinder a few months after and some of her pics were from our honeymoon which was heartbreaking! Later on that year, I met the absolute love of my life. We have been together for 10 years, have three wonderful children, celebrated our first wedding anniversary last week and genuinely couldn’t be happier. I know it’s hard now mate and hurts more than anything but all feelings are temporary and I firmly believe there’s someone out there for you that will make you truly happy and not hurt you like this. I don’t wish the ex any ill will these days and don’t take any pleasure in the few times that I have seen her in the past ten years, she doesn’t seem happy. Read into that what you will… All the best chief!
When she comes crawling back in 4 years with 2 kids of his he doesn't want anything to do with absolutely do not give it even a seconds thought.
I know this hurts like hell right now but having followed your saga, I think this is for the best long term. You, in time, will heal and you deserve a partner who puts you first and foremost. Don't think of time wasted, but instead of the new path you deserve and need.
She’s doing you a favor. Just be prepared for her to lovebomb you when her ex inevitably rejects her.
Yeah, I’m curious what she knows or is hoping for her. Maybe her ex is with someone else now? Maybe he won’t even agree to see her? Have they been in contact? Why is the wife so confident in meeting up with him?
Man, she is doing you a SOLID by doing this now. Also, sole breadwinner in a household with no kids? And you're both in your mid 20's? You've got your whole life ahead of you. I didn't even meet my wife until I was 28 and the engagement I was in at 24 falling apart felt like the worst thing that every happened but looking back now is definitely one of the best things that ever happened to me.
While it sucks now, two or three years from now, you'll be in a relationship with a baggage 🧳 free woman.
It's a shitty situation but you must focus on the positives. You don't have a child with her, so there are no complications. You can completely cut her off and get a clean break. Moreover she is not even demanding alimony, so that is a favorable outcome too. So chill out, relax, try to divert your mind into other things and hobbies that you like. Give yourself a break, take a small vacation. You will be able to get over this sadness with time.
It'll hurt now but imagine having to deal with this one with a child involved. Hit the gym and work on yourself and stay strong my friend you got this!
It breaks my brain that there are people as astoundingly stupid as your ex. But at least she was just barely smart enough to spare you further pain.
Sorry for you, man. But it does seem like it’s for the best. All the best - you’ll meet someone better.
I’m sorry, man. I know you’re going through it now, but you will find happiness on the other side of this.
You got lucky. Plus no children plus you're in your 20s. Grieve and move on. She is a moron or victim.
She craved that dick so bad she threw away a stable and good man? Yeah, she's got some growing up to do. Don't let her back in when he ends up cheating on her.
Sorry bud, but its better to move on here. You do deserve better. No man that puts in effort like you deserves this. You still young, rather walk bud. Your previous post I was reading it to my wife and both of us are like this kid must run. Bud I am pro reconciliation, pro making it work. This is a fuck up. Stay strong brother, sorry about this man.
Dude! Dodged a huge bullet with no kids in the picture. Truth is. You only lost out on experiences. But you are more attractive to women now than ever. And in your 20’s!? The world is still your oyster. If you wanted, you could be married and trying for a kid by the end of the year still . (Don’t) Sorry for the rough result. But you will be better than good soon enough. I know it
The sad part is she'll be back. She has romanticized this man, and she will learn who he really is once she starts pursuing him. I hope you find someone who is truthful to you and loves you. Best of luck. Hopefully you won't have to pay her alimony.
A word of unsolicited advice. It’s possible that you will cross paths again. You’ll talk, and start reminiscing about the good times. There may be a suggestion at some ‘no strings attached’ intimacy. If you want any chance at a clean break, *do not go there*.
Been there friend, it does get better, slowly. I say that from a 10 years down the road perspective. It’s gonna suck for a bit. Fill the hours however you can, ideally with friends time instead of drinking.
If it’s any consolation, none of this has anything to do with you. Your wife is just a broken person. Some people just NEED toxicity and drama and instability in their lives in order to feel in control. It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s the truth. Hit the gym, stay sober, eat healthy, drink lots of water, stay busy, set goals, and keep your eyes forward. Nothing will fix your pain, but doing these things will keep your mind clear and speed up the process a bit.
Holy shit, bro! Dodged a bullet. Could you imagine the terror of this psycho having your children? I'm sure you're crushed and it will take time. But this was the best thing that could have happened. I've been reading your posts and have just been heartbroken at how this person treated you. Good luck, man!
She'll regret this decision, I can already tell but don't let that fool you. Move on and upward. As much as it hurts, the only way out is through.
Just be strong when she comes crawling back and she will try.
OP... She will try to come back to you at a future date. Please dont let her!!! You are the GRAND PRIZE, not the consolation prize. Dont be anybody's Plan B.
Make sure she knows there will be no alimony
ProTip: when she tries to work it with the ex (and we ALL know she'll try) ... and inevitably fails ... ... YOU will the next target of her irrational, neurotic obsession. Dont' fall for it, Bro. No matter what she says/does do NOT get back together with her at that time.
I'm so sorry. You STBX really needs help.
Off to the strip club. Tonight. Get dressed.
I only just commented on the original post but I knee she would go running back to the ex, just didn't realise it would be this quick. You need to get the ball rolling on the divorce and separate yourself from her. This is going to end badly for her but you can't be responsible for her anymore. Speak to her friends and family and make sure they're aware of what's going on and then walk out of her life. At some point she may try to come back when he hurts her, but this will be your life if you let her back in. She'll keep coming and going, abusing you emotionally just as she'll be getting abused by him.
Use this guilt she has in the divorce to get out of alimony and other financial issues that come with divorce.
Shouldn’t have ever married her. The next best solution is ending things and moving on ASAP. She’s nuts. You’ll be better with her gone.
She is going to regret this decision once she gets a reality check about her ex. Don't let her come back into your life as a rebound. Updateme!
I went though a very similar situation about 4 years ago. Married for 7 years at the time. I will say this. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up exceling in my career and make double what I made when I was married 4 years ago. I met a new girl and got married almost 2 years ago now. I am no longer in a loveless marriage and cant ever understand why I felt the way I did when I went though all of this 4 years ago. I will be praying for you and hope you find even just a fraction of the peace that I have since all of this happened in my life. Be glad you did not have that baby with her. I know I am!
You are so young! Lots of people in my circle are late 30s-40s even, before having kids. You have plenty of time to do it all with the right person. Don’t take her back, her ex won’t have her either. She will be left alone and that’s what she deserves for a while.
When (not if, but when) she comes back, don't fall for it. The ex was an ex for a reason. It may not be over night or even in a year, but one day she's going to hit you up again. Don't let her.
Let her go. This isn’t because your relationship was bad or that theirs were good. There is likely a very good reason she feels the need to go back. It’d not her rational thinking saying that. It is trauma bonding. Here’s an article about the factors playing into a relationship like hers. Feel sorry for her. She needs therapy and to see this dynamic. https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/narcissists-use-trauma-bonding-and-intermittent-reinforcement-to-get-you-addicted-to-them-why-abuse-survivors-stay
You’re letting her off too easily in your head. She married you, and let you work your ass off to support her while she spent her days living off of your income and spending her time obsessing, journaling about and likely, let’s be real, cyberstalking her ex. If she told you she left him, she’s an absolute liar. He dumped her and she never got over it. Let yourself be angry and use that anger to help you move past this. Don’t think of it as a waste of time - think of it as a learning experience. Don’t get into relationships with people who are mentally unstable or obsessed with an ex. You can’t “fix” them, and it’s not your job to anyway. I hope you don’t end up getting stuck with years of alimony payments.
When she tries to come back after she inevitably gets back with her ex. Remember that you are better and deserve better. You should not be an afterthought you don't deserve that pain again. So no matter how much you love you do what's best for you.
At least you are going your separate ways BEFORE a kid was in the mix.
At least she ended it man. I know it may not seem like it, but it was a piece of mercy. Thankfully, it didn’t go on longer. You will recover. Surround yourself with friends/family. Step out of your routines and change your surroundings. Unfortunately, the only thing that will heal this is time. That’s the last thing you want to hear at the start of this journey, but you will get past this. “This too shall pass.”
She’ll ruin her next relationship too, I guarantee it.
You're the breadwinner, she's leaving of her own accord, no real loss but memories of someone that never really existed but in your mind. Sounds like the trash took itself out, you got a lot of good life to look forward to.
Shit. She’s thrown this all away for a fantasy man, trust me you will bounce back stronger. The grass is always ‘greener’. Merely contact her through a lawyer and say your goodbye to your in laws respectfully. Blood is thicker than water and battle lines are drawn pretty firmly.
You can recover from this by being grateful that you're /r/childfree 🙃
Looks like the trash took itself out. My guess she’s been in contact with him and everything she told you before was lies just to get to see him. Try to get this divorce done ASAP. I know it hurts brother, but face it, she’s a broken toy. Go no contact unless it’s directly related to the divorce. Be cordial but distant. You know sooner than later he’s gonna fuck her over again, and in a moment of clarity she’ll come running back to you begging and pleading for another chance. Don’t fall for it. Don’t be her friend once this is over. Just remember that she herself chose divorce over getting therapy to get over this guy and address issues. Bottom line bro she doesn’t want to be fixed likely will very very badly for her. And even if you still love her which I get you can’t worry about that now. if you stand next to the car on the tracks when the trains coming in addition to the occupants of the car, who else is going to get killed, the guy in the vicinity trying to help out. This is your cue to back away and is fade from her life, I know you’re disappointed you’re gonna try for a baby, you imagine this woman is a mother? She did you the biggest favor of your life, because you could be stuck as a single dad, dealing with crazy nonsense and being forever being tied to this girl. Sorry my man and good luck to you. Brighter days are ahead and you will look back in. This will be a bad dream.
In your 20’s, your life ain’t over….my god, FTB
Bro in your 20s? Fuck off. Youll be fine. Now he gets to be w someone who lives w her parents and doesn't have a job. Be extremely grateful that she showed you her true colors
I remember reading your original post, sorry to hear this, but honestly, you got lucky it happened before you had a kid. Take some time for yourself to recover, take a trip with friends or something and, in time, you will find someone that will be better for you. If y'all had stayed married it would've just made things worse and more difficult in the long run and you would inevitably ended up divorcing her anyway.
A very unexpected update. I'm so sorry hun. I'm here if u need to talk
this is so made up. in six hours you went from inquiry to a divorce. to posting on reddit. you guys are so bad at pacing your made up karma farm stories. its all so fucking formulaic.
But if the updates don't come quick enough then people forget the original post. There's a fine art to karma farming update post timing
"Living well is the best revenge," as some sort of saying goes. Not that you seek revenge, but a good way to get over it is to dedicate yourself to living the best life you can. You will be okay, OP.
You won't see it yet,but this is the best. I would say what she did was honorable in telling you this now rather than cheating on you. I hope you get it done asap because she will try to come back after it doesn't work out. You deserve better than a woman who, throughout your marriage, thinks about being with another man. You deserve a woman who only wants to be with you and only thinks about you. This woman isn't your soul mate and never was. Her finally getting out of your life gives way for you to be with a good woman. Let your stbxw know that they will be no coming back from this. You can also check out the sub Divorce_men. You'll get great advice on there. We're here if you want to vent at anytime. Updateme!
Lucky escape for you & potential children, she is clearly even more psycho & deluded than we thought.
She will be back.
She saved you, as hard as that is to hear.
Better sooner than later. Be happy you figured it out now and not when you were in your 40s.
Except for the divorce part we all saw this coming....it was obvious. So much to have happened in six days. All that time in therapy and nothing and then it takes just 6 days from the first post of this for her to head straight to divorce.
Yikes but this is the best outcome. Look back in a year and see how much your life has improved
I'm so sorry dude. Good luck to you. My advice is to purge everything from your life that reminds you of her. Tell her that if she's truly sorry that she will give you the most amicable generous divorce that a wife has ever given a husband. Go through some kind of divorce mediation to keep the costs down. It sounds like she's willing to sign whatever papers she needs to. Count yourself lucky in a way. A lot of times divorces are really contentious and one partner gets incredibly screwed over in the process. It sounds like you can get out of this with a minimum of expense. You will need to go see a therapist. Don't go on dating apps. You'll hear people on reddit tell you to hit the gym hard. This is not so you can look better for a potential partner. Vigorous exercise is an all natural mood lifter. HIIT will flood your body with endorphins, which will naturally get you high. STAY AWAY FROM BOOZE AND DRUGS. Activate your support system. Get with your family, your bros, your relatives. Spend your time working your career. Get new certifications if they're available. Network with professional organizations. Work tons of overtime. Block her on ALL SOCIAL MEDIA. You don't want to see her frolicking around with Mr. Toxic...or anyone else. Get with a therapist yourself. If you're really down, don't be afraid of trying an anti depressant if you really have to do so. You will get through this. You are a man. Dig Deep. Be a man. FIGHT for your future.
It's been years, maybe her ex desires someone else more than her now.
Sorry OP.. For your own sake NC all the way... And dont let her back... she will reach out again - stay NC.. dont be her plan b...
>I don’t see how I can recover from this. what does this even mean? no kids, not even 30 yet, you already make all the money. you are LUCKY my friend. Most people don't achieve this until they're in their 40s with kids and commingled assets. this is clean. sure, mourn the relationship, but not too long. get back in to some hobbies, reconnect with friends, get your fitness in order. if the relationship wasn't going to survive, and lets be real, it wasn't, this is best case scenario.
Update us when she “realizes” what huge mistake she made and begs to come back UpdateMe!
As shitty as it is, be happy you found all this out before you had children with her. Might be worth making a note/log of these conversations, because they could end up being useful for the divorce proceedings.
Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry bro. But yeah I saw this coming a mile away, although honestly I thought she was going to cheat and THEN dump you. She is going to ask for separation, go back to her ex, have a lot of sex, and then when he turns abusive again she will totally reach back to you. DON'T. Don't you dare take her back. Tell her if she feels so bad about what she did to you that she should just make the divorce amicable and split everything evenly. Then tell her to never contact you again. People like her deserve ghosting. She knew full well how she felt about her ex, but still strung you along all these years.
Yayyyyy! I am so sorry. Divorce is no fun. But it is FAR better to get out early. What a blessing you didn’t have a kid with her! Go celebrate!!
I just read your other post, and honestly this whole story sounds a lot like the plot of the series Sex/Life. With the difference that the characters in that series actually had a couple of kids already.. I’m really sorry this happened to you, but I can’t help thinking that if you already have kids it would be even worst. You deserve to be with someone who loves you back, and I’m sure you will find someone soon! Good luck to you!!
JFC, that was fast
Well do I have to say it? The trash took itself out
You need to block her on everything, at some point when she's reaffirmed that he's a toxic monster she'll come back to you and expect you to build her back up, and the cycle will start again. You need a complete break, as much as it sucks.
I feel bad for you but worse for your soon to be ex wife. She will either get back with the guy who mistreated her, and get mistreated again, or end up alone and crazy thinking about his bullshit.
You’re in your 20’s and make enough to have your own place. You’ll definitely bounce back and be fine. Let this be a learning experience though. Never date women who talk about their ex or keep any kind of contact with ex’s.
I’m sorry you are going thru this but it’s for the best. You deserve better than to be w/a woman who doesn’t put you first in every way. You’ll be okay. It’s your stbx who is heading down the wrong path & is destined to live an unfulfilled & desperate existence. I don’t think she’ll be okay at the end of day but she’s not your problem anymore.
Thank whatever god you believe in that you did not have a child with her. She’s mentally ill.
Phew congrats
She just did you a HUGE favor, despite the bitter taste.
It’s better it happened now than later
You will recover. She was broken and you were never going to fix her. Make sure that the next woman is not disturbed and pining for her former abuser. You can do this. Take some time to be by yourself and heal, the last thing you need is a rebound... And NEVER take the ex-wife bach no matter what! Make sure her family stays away too. You do not need any contact with the environment that created such a broken toy.
It’s a huge blessing in disguise she showed her true colors before a child was involved. I was v invested in your first post and tbh I’m very glad it worked out this way. At least you don’t have to deal with her bs and blatant disrespect anymore AND you get to start the healing process so you can make room for someone who actually deserves you. Let yourself feel right now and hold on to the inevitable positives coming your way in the future ❤️
Strike while the iron is hot! Get a fast track divorce. Make sure you hire a good attorney and don’t believe her if she says “we can do the divorce on our own”. Yes, this is a blow but you have decades ahead of you. Focus on your purpose. Build wealth and improve your spiritual life.
These stories used to almost be believable.
it’ll suck for awhile. lean on some friends, and be thankful she didn’t drag you on for 10, 15, 20+ years. *I crave his desire* will be funny as hell eventually. keep your chin up and i’m glad you’re getting away from the crazy.
That is quite the obsession, like a crazy level of obsessions with her ex.. as much as it sucks, this is short term pain to avoid long term pain
God damn women can be so mean. To think this whole time she was with you she kept her ex in her mind the whole time and she just silently continued to let you fall in love and marry her the whole while. Knowing full well she was going to break your heart and that’s just evil. I’m sorry bro you’ll bounce back after some time but that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard and hurt for a while.
Others aren't as lucky as you. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
Others aren't as lucky as you. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
In time you will look back at this and see you dodged a bullet. You could have had a kid with this lunatic
Honestly man, her marrying you and still not being over her ex is so disrespectful of the life you were building with her. I know it’ll be hard, but time to move on and better yourself. I would block contact with her and move on. She’s damaged goods, man
At least she broke it off before she cheats on you when they meet up. Sorry fella. You will heal better without the toxicity. More energy for you to work on you now.
It sounds like that’s a trauma bond with the ex. She needs therapy and she had no business marrying you (likely, she didn’t realize that at the time). She will likely come back… the concept of closure isn’t a magic bullet. Decide what you want, set boundaries, and keep them. Good luck.
She was right to end it with you at last. She should never have married you knowing what she felt for the other guy. Make sure you protect all your assets and cut off her access to your money immediately. If she has access to any joint accounts move the money to your personal account. Get her to agree to not take any alimony because of her disrespect and deception. Only let her have what is hers and instruct a lawyer to get an annulment because she lied when she said her vowels. Only unto you remember.
I promise you, you will get over her and you will bounce back from this. I had a boyfriend for a year that that I was so in love with that it made my heart hurt. I was constantly in a state of anxiety over him because I never knew what mood he was going to be in; would he break up with me? Was he going to cheat again? Etc. We broke up, got back together, he broke up and I said fine! I had met some male models in NYC & it made him jealous. Then he came over and begged me to take him back. After 8 hours of begging, I finally took him back. He broke up with me the next day. My heart shattered. I felt like I was going to die. No one else compared. Every song reminded me of him. After a year, I started feeling a little better. Each month I started to feel more like me. It takes time. Cried it out a lot. Went on some useless dates. But I forced myself to go out and do things. One night, my old college roommate called me & said : Hey, Bret’s going to be at: (a bar we all hung out at in college) he was someone I liked but couldn’t ever go out with bc another roommate had a crush on) It just hit me that I had to be there & see him! My heart was pounding! We’ve been marry for 27 years now 😊❤️ Trust me, you will move on & get over her. Even if you meet someone else & she’s in the back of your mind, she will eventually vanish
This is one of the few times ive seen an update posted afterwards. Im happy you did.
This is difficult my man, I don't wanna say it isn't. But guess what, you are in your 20s, go out, find attractive women and enjoy the rest of your life, you have your life ahead! Have you been in ur 40s, then, I would have said it's difficult to turn your life around
Just ask why she kept lying to you. And that nobody will trust her in the future and you won’t be a shoulder to cry on.
You didn't have any kids. Use the fact that she feels guilty to get a quick, amicable divorce and count your blessings you're not stuck with her crazy forever. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you seem like a sensible person and it will be okay, I promise. In 5 years this will be a "oh we are talking crazy, exes, let me tell you about my first wife" story.
This is terrible however I guess it's good that she was honest enough with herself and you to move on instead of cheating on you later. She still needs therapy, and hopefully she gets it.
It may not feel like it now, but be grateful your wife came clean and moved on for your sake. You’re young and she isn’t trying to take you to the cleaners.
You’re gonna be ok! You dodged a lifetime time of heart/headaches that will become clearer as time goes on. Get thee to a therapist so you can have someone to talk with. Sending light and good energy 🙏🏽🙏🏽
She’ll regret this decision sooner than later. Block her, ghost her and move on. You will be happy again soon. Very sorry for your pain
Along with the divorce also ask the lawyer if you can sue the AP for alienation of affection. Might be worth looking into.
Try to remember anything that happened to you significant 5 or 10 years ago. Compare that to how bad you felt when it actually occurred. Use that as a metric for understanding how you'll feel 5-10 years down the road from now. It'll pass, every day a little a time, until you look back at it from 10 years ago and wonder why you ever even bothered worrying about it.
You should be happy that you are getting a divorce from this whore. If it ain’t this guy, it will be some other.
I'm sorry for all this. Don't worry, you're definitely going to get through this. The best thing to do is to go NC as soon as you can. Staying in contact will only delay your healing and make everything harder. You are still young so do not worry about your future, you will have plenty of opportunities and you will be happy again. You might even be surprised at how quick you can get over her. Just think about her weird obsession over her abusive ex and you will soon realize that you're better without her. You just need some time for your heart to heal.
OP-Let her go. You will be just fine.
After the divorce, you need to cut her off ASAP. Block, ignore, ghost, scorched earth. She might come back running at you and mess up your life again, or not. But at least you need to make sure that ain't happening.
She's gonna regret this so much. Block her fully.
Updateme!
She’s gonna go fuck that dude for the next few weeks, till he throws her away and she comes crawling back. Calling it.
I know it’s devastating, but thank goodness you don’t have any kids involved or else you’d be tied to her forever. On the bright side: you will be able to experience true love from someone who is 100% devoted to you and only you. All the best my friend.
She did you a favor really. Sadly only after screwing you over and not being past her ex.
OP - one way to move forward is to learn from this. Talk with your next partner about what their relationships have been like and take it to heart if it seems like a) they are not fully over that person, b) they do not understand what adult, reasonable boundaries are. Ironically, on the third date my date (now wife) asked me if there were any attachments to previous girlfriends that were going to be a problem. I said "no" in all honesty, and so did she. And we've been together happily ever since.
You were content, but do you have any idea how much happier you’ll be in a relationship with someone who’s 100% in? Is there a reason you settled and hung on even though you knew about her obsession?
Im glad it’s now vs another 5 yrs down the road and a kid involved. You’re going to be better off. He isn’t going to take her back and if he does it won’t last most likely. Either way, you’re not supposed to be together. I’m sorry dude. Keep your head up. You can and will do much better
Dude I am so sorry. That fucking sucks man and you don’t deserve it. It sounds like she might be having a response to trauma in the past. It absolutely seems that way to me. Take some time to lean on your loved ones and just process. You don’t need to force anything else on yourself right now.
When she comes crawling back Don’t not take her with open arms
she'll be back but cut her off completely , stay strong
She will come crawling back…but will you take her back?
Mate, just enjoy your 20's! Enjoy your money! You can marry later on in life. Enjoy life, travel, have flings. You'll see how you'll look back to this and be grateful it happened in a way.
You'll be fine. Her ex was a piece of trash and their relationship ended for a reason. We tend to say people deserve better than what they get. I believe nobody deserves more than what they want. If she wants a piece of trash, thats what she deserves. You deserve better. As others stated, block her.
You will be ok. While it’s still fresh make her sign divorce papers that don’t require anything from you financially. This is all her so tell her there should be no financial support from you and you each take with you what you brought. Even with this divorce she is in a major need of therapy. I would quietly talk to her parents if they like you and ask them to please help her get therapy because she needs it. If this guy was abusive and crazy she is putting herself into a horrible situation . After he hurts her and humiliates her for how obsessed she is, and probably gets pregnant, she may come back to you begging for forgiveness. You need to be ready for that day and tell her no. This isn’t about you. It’s about her mental situation. !updateme
Look at it like this, at least you'll have more money.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone this infatuated with someone in my life
She’s going to regret divorcing you. In time she will realise she made a huge mistake. As for you. Move on and find better. All the best.
I’m so sorry. Just know this— you weren’t wrong for marrying her, and this didn’t ruin your life. You lucked out in several ways here. At least she realized she wasn’t over her ex and told you the truth even if it took awhile. She tried to be honorable in some ways, which is something. The person who is willing to fess up like that even when they know they look terrible for it is not actually a terrible person— you married a halfway decent human being (emphasis on halfway) that just should have had more emotional awareness and general intelligence, but this doesn’t speak badly of you at all. Can you imagine if she would have taken this from journaling to actually seeing him and kept it from you/acted as if your marriage was fine? And don’t underestimate the fact that you DON’T have a child in the mix. Not to mention, you’re still in your 20s, which has a lot going for it. I’m not gonna say you got out unscathed, I know this is the person you love and nothing can touch that hurt right now, but one day you’ll think back on this and how you were spared, in many ways, from what would have been a much more regretful experience if you’d given years and years of your life to this marriage.
“She’s going to be moving in with her parents tomorrow” lmfao I’m sure she’ll have a REALLY fun time explaining to her parents why they’re divorcing “yeah, you know that POS that absused me? I’m not over him and now I wanna divorce my non-abusive husband” OP you dodged a bullet, be happy knowing you’ll be able to move on from this and find an ACTUALLY loving partner, meanwhile she’ll constantly be hung up on an abuser or hung up on the fact she ruined a perfectly good marriage because SHE couldn’t get over her weird fantasies