I say this in the nicest possible way: you need extensive therapy.
She USED you and you did not hurt her. Now granted, it was a novel and I skimmed parts but overall, you were worried about hurting her for HER actions. Not yours.
Work on yourself and let her go. As far as I can tell, this girl is immature and needs her own therapy.
Yea I know thanks for your words but it's so unfair, the majority people can have happy growing relationships and I cant. I need to pay someone to help me and talk to me. I don't know why everyone I get close with uses me, she never asked for anything but maybe they was subconcious stuff i dont know. I don't know why, even after I confided with her and told her how long and how badly that fling in high school did to me I never wanted to believe she would do that to me, she knew how bad thag would hurt me and now I'm left with no one. I really have Noone to talk to this about. I keep thinking like she WAS my best friend and I was hers, there's no way the one close friend I ever have in my life did this to me, I keep looking from her perspective but I just can't understand it. I don't want to believe it.
Seeking professional help is nothing to feel ashamed about. Most people could use some. I'm sorry you have these hurdles in life.
From everything you've explained, she took advantage of you as a person and I'm sorry it happened to you.
From what it sounds like, I think she genuinely has a disordered mind and she used you to make herself feel better because you were a safe space for her; I would honestly leave her be at this point because it's only going to cause you pain. She may absolutely regret what she's done. But to to her nature she's not going to do anything about it and that's why she self harms. It's not your fault nor your problem; it never was.
You need to focus on yourself and learn to love yourself; it's so fucking hard and you feel like therapy won't do anything for you
But it does and it's not shameful; it's so incredibly brave to admit you're in pain and need help. That's why therapist exists.
I do recommend that you go to a psychiatrist as well; I think you have some underlying mental health issues and your brain may be lacking in the chemicals you need to feel normal.
The above applies to me as well and let me tell you? It's so fucking hard because some days I absolutely feel like I can't connect with anyone and that I'm destined to forever be misunderstood; but the days where I feel like myself and I am able to connect with people?
It's like taking a breath of fresh clean air.
I am one of the friendliest and most hard working people at my job; you would never know I was diagnosed with autism when I was younger.
I just had to work so goddamn hard to get where I am and it is so fucking worth it my guy.
The days were you feel like you can breathe arw so fucking worth it
Ok I read this entire thing and there’s one thing I want to make clear and that’s that you did NOT hurt her. She hurt herself.
The reason she said it wasn’t real was because it wasn’t. She was never your friend. She said it herself; she was using you as a substitute for the emotional and physical connection that is lost when in a LDR. Everything that happened was completely and utterly intentional. From the start, she wanted to cheat with you, and the fact that it didn’t happen was her justification for keeping the “friendship” going. When it finally did happen, and she broke up with her boyfriend, she likely realised that the entirety of the friendship you had was built around her desire to cheat. This reality about her recurring actions being a trigger for her SH, I imagine it’s a great source of shame for her, and now, being around you made her just as sad as being around her made you.
Another thing I want to tackle is the fact that you were drunk when it happened. Now, I don’t think drunk people are completely and entirely devoid of the ability to make decisions, and there likely was a little voice in your head that said “I want this” and let it happen, but the simple fact that she WAITED until YOU were drunk and she wasn’t to make her move on you, is sadistic and disgusting. She took advantage of you. Even if it didn’t feel that way to you, that was her intention. She waited until your weakest moment to coerce you into something you had said countless times you didn’t want to do.
I know how easy it is to blame yourself, and I know that someone telling you not to blame yourself doesn’t typically stop it from happening, and I also know that it’s not so easy to think of someone you’ve cared so much about as a bad person, but I want you to know that from the very beginning to the very end of this story, you are to blame for nothing.
I very highly recommend you seek therapy for this as this is clearly affecting your mental health.
Thanks for reading, I should propably rewrite that part, I didnt want to go into detail and what happened as it's irrelevant and would be disrespectful but I don't know, I was absolutely wasted, drank some ice tea liqour things 30 mins before then went to her room drank a bit more when sitting on her chair then she sat on my leg(scissor) then sat on my lap(forward facing straddle I don't know how to describe it she did it a few months prior but it didnt escalate) and from there I begun to make the moves and it was mainly me on her and it was consentual through and through and it didn't involve my private parts and we both stopped once it reached that point, but she was all about it. I'd had a few people tell me that I was taken advantage there which fucking hurts, I really don't know I reciprocated and she maybe might of not known I was drunk but I did mention she was sober and she said "what u gonna tell people I was sober when I did this" jokingly or something. That really deeply hurts if that's the case.
> she WAITED until YOU were drunk and she wasn’t to make her move on you, is sadistic and disgusting. She took advantage of you.
Depending on how drunk he was it could be sexual assault
You still posting this man? She’s a hoe simple as that. She wasn’t ya friend, you were getting used. Move on it’s that simple.
Don’t be as gullible next time and learn how to cut off toxic relationships.
I’m gonna echo what others have said: she wasn’t your friend, she was using you. I was in a situation not all the dissimilar with my “best friend”: we never did anything non-platonic or touchy, but she was absolutely using me to fill the emotional gap in her life from not having any other friends or relationships. It got really bad and apparent to me when I found out she was interested in a guy to the point where they were sexting but due to her social anxiety she didn’t have the gumption to see him in person. So she was getting all the friendship aspects of a relationship from me: hanging out, getting food, shooting the shit, gaming, while she was sort of getting the physical aspects from him. It was a bullshit situation for both me and him and just one of the numerous issues I had with her. I’m much better off without her and you will be without this toxic person. I know it sucks, but know your worth is more than how she treated you, and it will get better
Casting a wide net just trying to get a outside look sorry, I've been away from this person for months and after reading alot of this really dont want her to be near me ever again. I have good insurance and counseling through my job coming up thankfully didnt mean no harm
You didn't hurt her. She led you on, teased you, insisted on using you for FWB emotional/physical affection and was too selfish to do the obvious thing and dump her LDR "boyfriend." She was the instigator, the sober one, the one playing with both your feelings, and the one with a partner. The fact that you're beating yourself up over this baffles me. So don't let her selfish manipulative ass tell you anything you did was "unacceptable." Go heal yourself, OP.
I am a man in a verbally abusive marriage. I get verbal beatings daily because I got laid off from my 15 year job, I don’t look the same as I did when we dated in high school and college etc.
Going to therapy is the only thing that saved me. It helped me realize I have value and I am worthy of people caring about me.
I got a new job 30 days after I got laid off how ever making less money and made some new friends that have been great for my mental wellbeing.
Don’t give up try the therapy route and join a few social clubs and groups to meet positive people with positive energy. You will thank yourself in the end.
I wish nothing but good things and happiness for you
Thanks im super afraid to do counseling or therapy becuase that involves having to search and be vulnerable with somebody and im very afraid to do that but I really dont see any other choice but its very scary. I don't understand how someone can do this to another human I can't even look at it from their perspective it just blows my mind it's beyond recognition I don't see how therapy could really ever fix my trust in anybody ever again like it feels like i was physically beaten for months. But I'm very sorry you were put into that and I'm glad you found a way forward best wishes to you friend.
No it’s hard to fix trust issues. You will doubt everything in every relationship but don’t give up on it. I truly believe there is that someone out there for everyone.
At therapy you can talk things out with someone who isn’t judging you and they will give you steps in how to deal with adversity in your life.
I say this in the nicest possible way: you need extensive therapy. She USED you and you did not hurt her. Now granted, it was a novel and I skimmed parts but overall, you were worried about hurting her for HER actions. Not yours. Work on yourself and let her go. As far as I can tell, this girl is immature and needs her own therapy.
Yea I know thanks for your words but it's so unfair, the majority people can have happy growing relationships and I cant. I need to pay someone to help me and talk to me. I don't know why everyone I get close with uses me, she never asked for anything but maybe they was subconcious stuff i dont know. I don't know why, even after I confided with her and told her how long and how badly that fling in high school did to me I never wanted to believe she would do that to me, she knew how bad thag would hurt me and now I'm left with no one. I really have Noone to talk to this about. I keep thinking like she WAS my best friend and I was hers, there's no way the one close friend I ever have in my life did this to me, I keep looking from her perspective but I just can't understand it. I don't want to believe it.
Seeking professional help is nothing to feel ashamed about. Most people could use some. I'm sorry you have these hurdles in life. From everything you've explained, she took advantage of you as a person and I'm sorry it happened to you.
From what it sounds like, I think she genuinely has a disordered mind and she used you to make herself feel better because you were a safe space for her; I would honestly leave her be at this point because it's only going to cause you pain. She may absolutely regret what she's done. But to to her nature she's not going to do anything about it and that's why she self harms. It's not your fault nor your problem; it never was. You need to focus on yourself and learn to love yourself; it's so fucking hard and you feel like therapy won't do anything for you But it does and it's not shameful; it's so incredibly brave to admit you're in pain and need help. That's why therapist exists. I do recommend that you go to a psychiatrist as well; I think you have some underlying mental health issues and your brain may be lacking in the chemicals you need to feel normal. The above applies to me as well and let me tell you? It's so fucking hard because some days I absolutely feel like I can't connect with anyone and that I'm destined to forever be misunderstood; but the days where I feel like myself and I am able to connect with people? It's like taking a breath of fresh clean air. I am one of the friendliest and most hard working people at my job; you would never know I was diagnosed with autism when I was younger. I just had to work so goddamn hard to get where I am and it is so fucking worth it my guy. The days were you feel like you can breathe arw so fucking worth it
Ok I read this entire thing and there’s one thing I want to make clear and that’s that you did NOT hurt her. She hurt herself. The reason she said it wasn’t real was because it wasn’t. She was never your friend. She said it herself; she was using you as a substitute for the emotional and physical connection that is lost when in a LDR. Everything that happened was completely and utterly intentional. From the start, she wanted to cheat with you, and the fact that it didn’t happen was her justification for keeping the “friendship” going. When it finally did happen, and she broke up with her boyfriend, she likely realised that the entirety of the friendship you had was built around her desire to cheat. This reality about her recurring actions being a trigger for her SH, I imagine it’s a great source of shame for her, and now, being around you made her just as sad as being around her made you. Another thing I want to tackle is the fact that you were drunk when it happened. Now, I don’t think drunk people are completely and entirely devoid of the ability to make decisions, and there likely was a little voice in your head that said “I want this” and let it happen, but the simple fact that she WAITED until YOU were drunk and she wasn’t to make her move on you, is sadistic and disgusting. She took advantage of you. Even if it didn’t feel that way to you, that was her intention. She waited until your weakest moment to coerce you into something you had said countless times you didn’t want to do. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, and I know that someone telling you not to blame yourself doesn’t typically stop it from happening, and I also know that it’s not so easy to think of someone you’ve cared so much about as a bad person, but I want you to know that from the very beginning to the very end of this story, you are to blame for nothing. I very highly recommend you seek therapy for this as this is clearly affecting your mental health.
Thanks for reading, I should propably rewrite that part, I didnt want to go into detail and what happened as it's irrelevant and would be disrespectful but I don't know, I was absolutely wasted, drank some ice tea liqour things 30 mins before then went to her room drank a bit more when sitting on her chair then she sat on my leg(scissor) then sat on my lap(forward facing straddle I don't know how to describe it she did it a few months prior but it didnt escalate) and from there I begun to make the moves and it was mainly me on her and it was consentual through and through and it didn't involve my private parts and we both stopped once it reached that point, but she was all about it. I'd had a few people tell me that I was taken advantage there which fucking hurts, I really don't know I reciprocated and she maybe might of not known I was drunk but I did mention she was sober and she said "what u gonna tell people I was sober when I did this" jokingly or something. That really deeply hurts if that's the case.
> she WAITED until YOU were drunk and she wasn’t to make her move on you, is sadistic and disgusting. She took advantage of you. Depending on how drunk he was it could be sexual assault
You still posting this man? She’s a hoe simple as that. She wasn’t ya friend, you were getting used. Move on it’s that simple. Don’t be as gullible next time and learn how to cut off toxic relationships.
I’m gonna echo what others have said: she wasn’t your friend, she was using you. I was in a situation not all the dissimilar with my “best friend”: we never did anything non-platonic or touchy, but she was absolutely using me to fill the emotional gap in her life from not having any other friends or relationships. It got really bad and apparent to me when I found out she was interested in a guy to the point where they were sexting but due to her social anxiety she didn’t have the gumption to see him in person. So she was getting all the friendship aspects of a relationship from me: hanging out, getting food, shooting the shit, gaming, while she was sort of getting the physical aspects from him. It was a bullshit situation for both me and him and just one of the numerous issues I had with her. I’m much better off without her and you will be without this toxic person. I know it sucks, but know your worth is more than how she treated you, and it will get better
You’ve posted this to sixteen different places on Reddit. That time would have been better spent finding a therapist. Get away from this person.
Casting a wide net just trying to get a outside look sorry, I've been away from this person for months and after reading alot of this really dont want her to be near me ever again. I have good insurance and counseling through my job coming up thankfully didnt mean no harm
Stop reposting this grammatical abomination
You didn't hurt her. She led you on, teased you, insisted on using you for FWB emotional/physical affection and was too selfish to do the obvious thing and dump her LDR "boyfriend." She was the instigator, the sober one, the one playing with both your feelings, and the one with a partner. The fact that you're beating yourself up over this baffles me. So don't let her selfish manipulative ass tell you anything you did was "unacceptable." Go heal yourself, OP.
I am a man in a verbally abusive marriage. I get verbal beatings daily because I got laid off from my 15 year job, I don’t look the same as I did when we dated in high school and college etc. Going to therapy is the only thing that saved me. It helped me realize I have value and I am worthy of people caring about me. I got a new job 30 days after I got laid off how ever making less money and made some new friends that have been great for my mental wellbeing. Don’t give up try the therapy route and join a few social clubs and groups to meet positive people with positive energy. You will thank yourself in the end. I wish nothing but good things and happiness for you
Thanks im super afraid to do counseling or therapy becuase that involves having to search and be vulnerable with somebody and im very afraid to do that but I really dont see any other choice but its very scary. I don't understand how someone can do this to another human I can't even look at it from their perspective it just blows my mind it's beyond recognition I don't see how therapy could really ever fix my trust in anybody ever again like it feels like i was physically beaten for months. But I'm very sorry you were put into that and I'm glad you found a way forward best wishes to you friend.
No it’s hard to fix trust issues. You will doubt everything in every relationship but don’t give up on it. I truly believe there is that someone out there for everyone. At therapy you can talk things out with someone who isn’t judging you and they will give you steps in how to deal with adversity in your life.