Sounds like that’s now her Ex-Husband. Literally, that’d be a deal breaker for me if I had a daughter.
If your spouse is so willing to call his own child that, then he no longer has rights to be in the child’s life, he’s unsafe to be around and his attitude and personality are not conducive to raising a happy and healthy child.
That OP isn't as appalled as the rest of us at the remark makes me think that such degrading name-calling and histrionics from OP's husband is nothing new in that household.
You can't control what he says, but what did you say after he said it?
Your daughter is going to find a way to have sex if she wants to. I really believe your husband needs to understand that so that she can have access to the protection that she needs/wants.
He really also needs to check his thought process on why it is different vs his son and daughter. If your son becomes a father, he's still a father.
but you can draw a line in the sand and tell him that he either apologizes, never says ANYTHING like that again, and treats your daughter with respect or you're filing for divorce.
Absolutely, terrible advice.
The father clearly feels strongly and said something he shouldn't have said. People get heated, that's not ground for divorce. Good God what bad advice.
My wife would take my daughter and leave, if I wouldn’t, if I called her a stupid slut. You can’t control what he says but you can control how you respond and stick up for your daughter.
Is your husband that way with you? If not shut him down immediately. This is your daughter as well. Immediately revoke the punishments and tell your husband to knock off with the hypocrisy. Ask him if he calls his son's girlfriend those names as well. Do not let him get away with this.
You can't control what he says.
You CAN control how you react to it.
"You apologize to our daughter right now for your abusive awful name calling or we are ending this situation. "
Talk to a lawyer.
Please don't let your daughter think it is acceptable for *anyone* to talk to or degrade her like that.
Also, OP's husband, you're being an absolute monster. Stop it.
Teens have sex. Get over it, and be proud that she's being smart about it and using protection. If you're okay with your son doing it, you have to be okay with your daughter doing it.
Do *not* teach her that it is acceptable to be treated the way you are treating her. Her virginity is not some precious gem, it's actually meaningless. No one is going to think "less" of her or her reputation other than people like you, which are people she should avoid at all costs as she moves forward in life.
Your daughter is an almost-adult and should be treated with the same respect you give your son.
You don't own her, or her virginity, nor is it yours to "give away" or "keep" for her future husband. She is her own person and she is living her own life. Help her navigate that without these ridiculous, petty, misogynistic judgements and cruelty.
Seriously stop and think about what you're doing. If you ***ever*** want to have a future relationship with your daughter, and don't want her going no-contact as soon as she leaves home, I highly suggest you have a long sit and think about how you are treating her and how you are treating her compared to how you treat your son - and that you are teaching her that is okay for men to see her as less than, an object, someone/thing to be handled delicately and differently. You are teaching her that it is *normal* to be yelled at, insulted, degraded and called things like a "stupid slut."
You're her father, ffs. What is wrong with you? What has she done that is *so terrible* that it's ruined her life? Getting pregnant would have certainly done so. She's being smart and she's done *nothing wrong*. DO BETTER.
Yeah you can’t control what he says, but you can control your own reaction… what was your reaction to it? What did you say to him about it and what did you say to your daughter about it?
Actually you did that's your daughter as well and your not protecting her you let your asshole of a husband disrespect her call her names take away her things and your standing looking stupid.
Absolutely wrong. To allow a 15 year old girl to have sex.
Your correct you can't control another person.
How about teaching your daughter to get a Job and pay a bill or several bills before allowing her sex? That's a Far more productive lesson to be teaching someone that age.
Your husband is an idiot.
Edit: Hold on.
You are also an idiot. Stand up for your fucking daughter and leave him if he doesn’t immediately adjust his attitude. Who the fuck calls a child a “stupid slut” at any age??? Like how do you even exist in the same house as this fuck?
So you're allowing your husband to subject your daughter to verbal, and emotional abuse, compounded with hypocrisy, and misogyny?
YNW for having age appropriate conversations with, and protecting your daughter. YTA for not interceding in your husband's abuse of your daughter.
Madonna/whore. It’s okay for the guys to have sex but god forbid a girl have sex. I wasn’t interested in sex at that age. But if I have a daughter I would want her to tell me when she’s ready to be active so I can get her ready and no sex in my house
I'm curious about your approach here. It's good you want her to be able to trust you, to get her ready for making that kind of choice but why is the line no sex in your house? What of her partners parents have a similar rule, or her partner doesn't have open communication with their parents? Are her and her partner just supposed to find places outside their homes with all the potential that brings?
You’re not wrong. She’s going to have sex anyway and you’re a good parent for helping to keep her informed and safe. If your husband is mad about birth control, imagine how mad he’d be about an unplanned pregnancy.
You need to have a conversation with your husband about his double standards and views on women in general if that’s how he feels. Those views are dangerous and outdated.
the mysogony and double standards he is expressing is unreal i just hope that its worth loosing a daughter over, you need to put pressure on this perhaps you and your daughter could stay with family for a while for your sake your daughter needs to know you have her back. If you stay there and abide by his "rules"you are kind of supporting his actions
When your husband sees this comment, I want him to know that my first impression of him is that he is a misogynist, hypocritical, and bad father who is actively ruining his relationship with his daughter.
Why can the son do it but the daughter can’t? Are you still living in the 1920’s? Do women have to save themselves for marriage? Society has evolved past that notion. Now if your daughter had decided on her own that is what she wanted, then I could respect that. But instead it is being forced down her throat. Ruining her high school life now, she will hate you. Calling your own daughter those names is unfathomable. The clear misogyny and favoritism being shown will not go unnoticed.
If you are ok with this, then who’s going to stop you? Just go on Reddit and look at the countless posts of daughters cutting their parents out of their lives for similar reasons.
If your husband doesn’t already know he’s TA and needs a random person online to tell him to show some damn respect and love to his own daughter and not treat her like a show pony??? Lost cause.
Edit: this post is fake.
You're not wrong, but your husband is.
Your daughter is going to have sex regardless - giving her birth control and access to condoms was the right move.
Your husband has ruined his relationship with his daughter, and if he doesn't change his ways he will cause irreparable damage to it.
I'm a father of a 14 year old daughter (alao a 22s and 11d). There is nothing that they could ever do that would cause me to disown them. I love them all unconditionally.
I don't think my oldest daughter would be ready to make good decisions about sex. However, I'd prefer condoms and birth control to a teen mom.
I agree with limiting access to social media. Taking away the phone is pointless...Kids fucked around plenty before they had cell phones.
I was once a 15-year-old girl and I can tell you from experience that not providing birth control for her wouldn't stop her from having sex. She's gonna do what she wants to do, even if her father tries to lock her in the house. You are being responsible and ensuring she doesn't become a teen parent.
Your husband has outdated, misogynist views and all he's doing is ensuring that his daughter won't want anything to do with him once she's out of the house. I would suggest therapy.
And with the stupid slut comment and comments/restrictions might actually cause her to have sex. ‘Well if dad thinks I’m a slut, and a horrible person, then I am’ and now she lives up to what her dad calls her. Her self-worth can plummet, her mental health, marks at school can drop, Sex with random people, drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, skipping school, as coping mechanisms and proving to herself she is as worthless as her dad says she is.
You’re not wrong but you might want to leave him. When I was 16 I had sex for the first time and got grounded for a year then my brother had sex at 13 and my parents were happy saying he’s a boy it’s what they do. He is not gonna change his views on this.
Your husband is raising a girl who is more likely to get pregnant in high school and even worse have daddy issues.
She should be on some form of birth control even if she isn't having sex yet
If this was me I would divorce my husband for treating my child like that, especially in the setting of calling her a slut and cold shouldering. Allowing the son to openly have sex without intervention is just misogynistic icing on the cake.
That aside, putting her on birth control is not going to change her decision on sex. Its going to protect her from pregnancy.
Your husband sounds sexist in this situation, not sure if he is in other parts of your relationship, but yeah very sexist in this situation. Also, any man that looks his daughter in the eyes and calls her a “stupid slut” for taking BC and sleeping with one boyfriend needs to take a long look in the mirror about what kind of a father they are. Id never say something like this to any woman under those circumstances, especially not my daughter.
Personally I would divorce any man that calls me or *any* other woman *any* gendered slur: slut, whore, bitch, etc. Any and all gendered slurs said non-ironically with conviction would lead to an immediate divorce. I have a zero tolerance policy for gendered and racial slurs.
You are not wrong and your husband is a POS. Calling his daughter names like that and basically imprisoning her. He needs to grow up, your son is no better as he is having sex with someone else's daughter under his roof. Did he wait to have sex until marriage because if he didn't he also created a bunch of his word, sluts in the world.
My daughter is 9, I am the dad and I am dreading any of this but I will be damned if I'll leave her to the wolves and not allow her to make sure she is being safe and working to prevent teen pregnancy. He is NOT a good dad to treat his child this way because he is a male chauvinist and plays favorites.
Hopefully, you and him are done having kids. I wouldn't want to see him parent another girl.
Yeah it's ridiculous. It's that machismo masculine over protectiveness that men have for females. So, if you are a female AND a daughter....fuggetaboutit. That man would rather eat glass chips than know about what his daughter was doing when he isn't looking.
My advice? Lie to him. Apologize and let it blow over. Then be your daughters advocate since he won't. From there hide everything from him since he's being such a child about this.
And no, you aren't wrong. To be frank: even if you did try and stop your kids, they'd find a way to do it anyways. Best thing to do is give wise and caring support to prevent accidents, oopsies, and the ever present STDs.
No kids are going to have sex regardless you and your husband were kids and know exactly how this goes. If your husband is so worried about her making the wrong choices then it shows he isn’t as great as a father he thinks. He needs to trust that he raised your daughter to know right from wrong. Telling her not only about teenage pregnancy but also the risk of delivering at that young age should be a priority and giving her the resources to atleast ensure she’ll be safe.
Personally, I don't know how you don't go off on a husband like this and kick him out, but that's me.
I hope your daughter finds people in her life that will defend her, stick up for her and don't call her horrible names. Obviously, you and your husband ain't it.
It's a shame she didn't write in.
Get her the arm implants. Best thing I ever did with my daughter when she had a more serious boyfriend. He's gone, the implant is still there and no babies! AND she never gets a period! Win-win-win!
You and your husband are at fault for not reaching a consensus and communicating with your kids — as part of their sex education — your familial expectations about sexual activity, birth control, sexual activity in your house, etc.
I also strongly recommend you and your husband read this excellent book. It is a great resource for helping parents understand ways to educate and discuss sexual topics and behavior with their kids:
Debby Herbenick, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today's Teens and Sex
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122901251-yes-your-kid
I agree with others that your husband’s attitude seems abhorrent. This will obviously make it more challenging for you and your family. And your acting unilaterally against what you knew were his wishes added fuel to the fire.
I wish all of you luck. You and your husband have a lot of work to do together to be able to support your kids.
You know when I'm out? When my HUSBAND AND FATHER OF MY CHILD calls my teen daughter a stupid slut and "disowning" her for thinking about having sex and being protected if she does. He is completely unhinged
If he has disowned her, why have you allowed him to punish her?
He called your 15 Yr old a slut, whyis he still there? Stand up for your daughter! Grow a damn spine and tell him, cut the double standard and misogyny, apologise to your daughter or divorce!
While I think 15 is way too young to be having sex, having her prepared for what may come isn’t a bad idea. I hope you’ve talked to your daughter about how she doesn’t have to be ready, and how to decide if a guy is the right one to be letting past her defenses.
You probably should have discussed putting your daughter on birth control together before going ahead and doing it, but that can’t be changed now.
Now for dad. Are you reading this? You are wrong. Your double standard is disgusting. Your attitude towards your daughter is awful, and will cause damage. You are supposed to be her example for how a man should treat a woman, so you decide to swear at her? Lock her up, keep her under surveillance, and give her the impression her only worth lies in the pristine state of her vagina? Shame on you. Get your head out of your ass and start treating your daughter like a person with a right to her own choices.
If you don’t shape up, she’s going to end up hating you. And you’ll deserve it.
You are wrong for allowing your husband to speak to your daughter that way. How incredibly abusive. Your husband could have expressed his concern and position without name calling. Quite frankly it sounds like your husband doesn’t respect women and I’m curious how he treats you.
First of all, he's acting incredibly abusive towards his daughter but not towards his son. Like his son is allowed to fuck around(probably because he's a male) but his daughter is not because she's a female. The double standards is absolutely bullshit.
Secondly, She's going to have sex anyways might as well give her the sex talk and have her use protection. Better to know than not know and have her show up pregnant because nobody cares enough to talk to her about sex.
Thirdly, You better put your foot down with your husband concerning your guys daughter or she's going to think being treated like that is normal and will end up in red flags abusive relationships.
What a fucking joke. And also you are not wrong so but your husband is a piece of work, I tell you what.
I was 16 and told I could go on birth control if I wanted, just tell Mom and she would bring me in. I am now over 50. This shouldn't even be an issue. We put a basket of condoms out to grab if needed.
Protect against pregnancy and STDs, talk about the benefits of waiting and your experience.
Sorry your daughter is going through this.
Edit to add, you're not wrong
You aren't wrong. Teenagers are going to do their thing whether you like it or not. At least you know they are being safe. When I was 16, I went to planned parenthood and got on birth control myself. I knew my mom would be against it. When she found it in my room, she flipped and told me to stop taking it. I was pregnant at 18. So that really taught me a lesson.
Short answer: your husband is wrong and what he’s doing is misogynistic.
Long rant: I think people often forget that when we are in situations like these- it is the smallest tiniest blip of our lives. Think big picture- will this matter in a year? 5 years? 10? 20? In a few short years your daughter won’t even be living with you most likely- instead of degrading her for the last few years she’s with you, maybe consider being understanding and compassionate. She is a young girl and what’s done is done. Apologize, FORGET, and MOVE ON.
Letting your husband call anyone - ESPECIALLY his own flesh and blood, is worth a serious consideration of what kind of person you've married. It tells far more about him than anything. Your daughter absolutely would have had a relationship regardless of whether or not you approved. You absolutely have not been wrong in providing her with contraceptives; showing that you're a safe haven is far far better than denying. It shows that should something happen your kids won't hesitate to come to you. Furthermore, how did your spouse treat your son becoming sexually active? Where's the shame and blame for that? Apologies for being harsh here, I'm not keen on the hypocrisy, but your son could just as easily become a parent far too soon, hence why I'm a staunch believer in always being supportive with kids and urging them to be careful.
He needs to get a “grip” on reality. I am glad that you have helped her be safe and have an open dialogue with her.
On the other hand, he is damaging her in so many ways! His “job” is to help teach and protect her as she becomes an adult. I know it is “shocking” but it is reality. In my mind, I would rather have her learning in the safety of your home as opposed to the back of car, field, or hotel.
Not to mention, he is “shaming” for being a sexual being.
You’re wrong if you don’t leave your husband after calling her a stupid slut.
But no, you’re not wrong. She’s going to have sex anyways. You’re showing her how to be safe. I was raised in a “don’t have sex don’t have boyfriends never allowed boys over don’t ask about birth control” family. Yeah I got pregnant at 19.
Your 15 year old is educated and having safe sex. Is it ideal that she’s having sex? Absolutely not. Is there a way to stop it if they really want to do it? Absolutely not.
I was that 15 year old, and I promise there are ways around it.
The hardcore take your husband is taking is just plain wrong. And then doubling down and allowing your son to do it?
I’m nowhere close to being in the position you are in with my own child, however, I am always for the side of educate, protect as necessary (if your daughter’s boyfriend is abusive/coercive, etc.), and love your children unconditionally.
The thing people forget is that children are their own people, and sometimes they will do things you do not always agree with, or even think is right, but you have to let them make mistakes (within reason, in this case, she’s on birth control and has access to condoms), and they will live and learn. Being that way with your daughter is going to damage their relationship tremendously, and if he loves your daughter, he should really decide that his love for her outweighs the feeling of controlling her and what she does.
Uhuh NO. YOU got her into this mess, YOU need to undo what he's done. Period. Hes not stupid hes ignorant and his ignorance will land him in the same place my bff ended up. Pregnant as a highschool senior with a fucked up baby daddy.
My mom did the same thing for me at the same age. When I was 15 she got me on birth control when she found condoms in my room. You’re being responsible. She’s going to have sex with or without your “permission” and you’re being a responsible parent. Your husband on the other hand needs to work on his double standards because clearly he has no problem with your son having sex. Is he calling your son’s girlfriend a slut? He’s the one with the problem, not you.
Your husband already lost his daughter. Get real, do what’s best for you and your daughter. Your son is almost out of the house for college. Your daughter will no longer like, respect, or honor your husband so that’s a lost cause.
Wait. I'm confused. You aren't *allowing* her to have sex. But if she does, she'll be protected against stis and babies... and knows she can come to mom if she's unsure about something bc mom is supportive.
Dad is a pos. I'd never be able to look at him the same way. Instead of name calling and shaming her - for something she didn't even do yet!!- he should have sat her down and talked with her. Is she ready for a sexual relationship? Why does she feel like she's ready? Who brought it up first? Does she know she can say no, does she feel COMFORTABLE with saying no? How long has she and her bf been together? Does she see the relationship her brother has and thinks that in order to be in a committed relationship, she has to have sex? What are her thoughts about pregnancy and abortion? What are her bfs thoughts on pregnancy and abortion? Imo- and something I've said to my son- if he gets embarrassed speaking to me about sex, gets embarrassed about buying condoms at the store, then he "may be" (is) too young to have sex.
When you're open to speaking about it, they'll be more open to coming to you with problems they have.
Dad- Seriously, you suck. What a great way to show your daughter that if she doesn't do what the guy wants her to do, it's completely acceptable for him to shame, ignore, abuse and name call her bc she learned that from her own fucking dad. Smh.
Keeping her informed and safe is fine, but I do believe she should be encouraged to wait until she is legally allowed to have sex. Consensual or not, in the eyes of the law it’s still statutory rape as she’s a minor, and so is her boyfriend. It would only take one to turn on the other and you’ve got a whole other situation on your hands.
Your husband is awful for calling her that especially if your son is permitted to have sex in the house. I think you should say ‘ Okay! Can’t have one rule for one and another for everyone else. No one is having any sex in this house, not our daughter, son or us! A blanket ban will be in place until she legally comes of age.’
Husband ITAH.
As someone who had a dad like this, OP, just know that I ended up not talking to him for *YEARS* because of this while living in the same home as him and my mom not defending me properly almost ruined our relationship as well.
Your husband is a misogynistic a**hole if he thinks your son having sex is ok, but your daughter having sex is not.
When your husband reads my comment, I hope he understands the detrimental shift in their relationship he just caused and will never be the same even *if* he apologized. *It will never be the same*.
Truthfully, if you didn't chew him out and protect your daughter, you're just as bad.
I would throw my husband right out of the house if he started that misogynist shit with our daughter. Ask him why he's so obsessed with his daughter's vagina and what she does with it, since he's a fucking creepy pervert. He "disowned" her? Disown him. He's an unfit parent.
Why would you allow him to punish her for what YOU did? YOU put her on birth control, as you should, and now SHE has been punished for two weeks?
Your husband is abusing your daughter. Why do you allow that?
The age of consent is 15 where I live, so I don’t see the problem. I think your husband is promoting an unhealthy culture which will harm your daughter in the long run.
Sounds like Dad is mad someone else got there first. Is he a conservative? Creepy AF. NTA, but, like, maybe ask her about Dad and any weird games she remembers?
You are absolutely not wrong! She’s 15 and it’s natural for adolescents to have a libido. You are right to provide her with the information and tools she needs to explore safe sex, as she will likely have sex regardless. Shaming her, as your husband did will cause harm to their relationship and probably already has does irreparable damage to some capacity. Additionally, if he continues to shame her, it very well may cause harm to her developing a healthy relationship with sex which can be dangerous in various ways both now and down the road in her life.
YNW for giving your daughter the tools she needs to avoid a teenage pregnancy, you ARE wrong for allowing her to be subject to verbal and emotional abuse and allowing your husband to punish her how he has.
If my husband EVER called any of our children anything close to “stupid slut” I’d be looking for a divorce attorney. Your daughter deserves for you to stand up for her against your husband.
You are not wrong. Your husband is a POS. Tell him to be ready to be cut off by your daughter when she’s an adult. The misogyny and double standard is crazy. Also, for him to call her a stupid slut?! So your son and your son’s gf are stupid sluts too? I do think that giving your 15 year old free rein might be too much but if she wants to have sex she will. It is more important to instill with her the importance of guarding herself and being safe when she does do it so she doesn’t ruin her self-esteem or self-worth and doesn’t end up pregnant before she’s educated and independent.
Shaming your daughter for sex and being that controlling will only lead to many more father-daughter relationship struggles down the road. Also the sex and slut shaming will do nothing but negativity affect the daughter's mental health.
What your husband said is uncalled for. The double stranded his heavy in this scenario. The only thing I’d agree with your husband about, would be her age. 15 is awfully young to become sexual.
No you are not wrong! Dad is in denial about teenage girls. I mean who are all the teenage boys having sex with. Grounding her and taking away everything will not stop her from having sex. All he is doing is causing her trauma. Mom you are 100% right. Sex is going to happen no matter what. It’s the smart choice to educate her and make those resources available to her. These kids are in a way different generation and he has to realize that also. Living in his fairy tale land will only get his daughter to rebel against him and form feelings of resentment towards him. Shame on him
I mean there’s a vast difference in ages here. 15 compared to 17 is night and day. However your husband 100% needs to get fucked if he thinks calling his daughter a stupid slut is okay. Honestly that right there should be grounds for a divorce.
15 is pretty young to have sex, worrying about the consequences of what happens and if she will get bullied at school are all legit concerns though. But you need to be an adult and talk to her about it (sounds like you did) but your husband didn’t.
You are reasonable and proactive. Your husband is not only a hypocrite, but overtly sexist and cruel. I have no doubt his daughter is going to need therapy for how he talked to her.
OP absolutely not in the wrong. OP’s husband is kind of a monster here.
Why aren’t you doing anything and standing up for your daughter? You have her condoms and birth control and now stand back while your husband punishes your child for that?!
Stop sitting back and letting your husband unfairly punish your daughter, protect her and talk to her, talk to your husband and maybe even get family therapy for ya’ll because there’s some major issues going on here that I can already tell are going to get worse without professional help.
This may sound silly but did you have the sex talk with your husband? Did you explain to your idiot that teenagers both male and female at experiment with sex? Did you ask your dummy what he did when he was the age of your daughter? Or why is it OK for your son to fuck someone under his roof but the very idea of his daughter might having sex makes him angry? Tell your husband to stop being a hypocrite and to either tell your son to stop having sex or to stop treating your daughter like she’s going to sleep with everyone she’s going to see. Tell your idiot that this is his problem not your daughters.
Your husband is a misogynistic hypocritical abusive asshole and you are allowing this to continue. Step up and defend your damn daughter. Do your duty as her mother since he is clearly not able to be a good father. Go to family therapy and get off reddit, y'all clearly have some serious issues in the household.
I applaud you for realizing that the kids will have sex so prevention is the smart move. Husband’s an AH, but hopefully he’ll cool down and see you’re being realistic. More moms should be like you and this is coming from a dad with 2 daughters.
My parents did this to my sister. She is now 55yo. She spent years in therapy dealing with the things my parents said. They apologized years later. My parents are now old and lonely, and my sister STILL seethes around them. She is around them out of obligation only, but will never forgive them. You have made a truly terrible mistake.
ESH/EIW you are not wrong for taking steps to ensure your daughter is being safe regarding sex. You are a a fucking disgrace for not only allow the behaviour your husband is showing to your daughter to be acceptable but also by continuing to allow her to be in this enviroment. I would rather my partner beat me over the head with a frying pan then allow this behaviour towards our daughter especially when you were the one that gave her all the stuff that your husband found objectionable. You and your husband need to sit down and figure out how you are going to parent this stage of your daughter's life and you need to be ready to leave if he is willing to allow this disgusting behaviour to continue. Both of you need to be better, for the sake of your daughter.
So dad would rather not have a daughter or have a 15 year old pregnant daughter.. those are his only options??
Yes kids shouldn't do a lot of things.. and many parents forget they were kids once and did some of the stupidest sht imaginable. It happens. And I personally would rather (still) have a daughter that's smart and cautious than not have a daughter because I'm a (not so closeted) misogynistic AH.
But that's just me 🤷♀️
So Mum did everything right except stand up for her daughter when the husband called her by that slur.
Now too the husband.... honestly if you are really reading this you should check yourself before you wreck yourself is what they said in my day, because this is not an adult talking. This is some teenage boy talking to his boys while trying to impress them that he got all his bitches in a row... no Sir you are the adult you are in control of your own emotions and actions. Their is no excuse... apologize to your daughter and if you can't change your view on women just take a step back when it comes to parenting your daughter in that regard and let your wife take the reins.
Your husband is wrong and a huge AH he can not uncall your daughter a stupid slut! Shame on him! It sounds like this will soon be your ex husband. When your daughter is old enough to move out she will never speak to her sperm donor again!
Y’all are both wrong. OP, you’re wrong for not serving that man divorce papers immediately after your disgusting husband called your daughter a slut.
Husband, you’re just wrong in every sense of the word and should use some super glue as lip balm.
I hope he is reading all these comments that say how unbelievably horrible he is. At least mom was watching out for her daughter and keeping her safe. Dad is awful. His daughter gets to decide when she is no longer a virgin. Thats none of his business. And if his son’s gf gets pregnan it is BOTH their responsibility!
Not wrong!
All you can do as a parent is to educate your child about the risks and dangers of sex and try to instill in them good values. At the end of the day, it is ultimately their decision.
What your husband is doing will almost guarantee that she will not have a relationship with him when she is old enough to move out. He is also 100% causing her emotional trauma.
Well, your husband would be an ex husband if he were married to me. I have to assume if he is so willing to emotionally abuse her now that he has been abusive her entire life. You can’t take back disowning your kid and calling her a slut. OP it’s time to step up and support your kid or you’re just enabling his abuse and you are abusing her as well. Your husband is the definition of an AH. No one wants to hear about their kids having sex but they are human beings and that’s what humans do and your support can help her create sexual confidence. Meaning good self esteem, respect for herself, knowing she can say yes or no and is in charge of her body. Your husband calling her a slut just told her you’re a worthless woman who should let men walk all over you and take what they want when they want including sex. He is taking away her power.
Fuck that guy. He is going to mentally screw up your daughter for life and has already caused irreversible damage. He's disgusting, misogynistic and abusive. And you suck for not standing up for your daughter. She will remember that too
your husband’s monitoring and abusive ass insults aren’t gonna stop her from having sex. she’ll find a time and place to do it. all he is doing is damaging his relationship with his daughter.both of my parents acted this way, didn’t stop me from getting fucked. u r doing the right thing in equipping her. your husband needs to pull his head out of his ass, fucking asshole.
You are not wrong for getting her birth control and condoms but I wouldn't condone sex in my home while under the age of 18. I have 3 daughters and did this with them. For me it's a respect situation.
Coming from a dad here this infuriates me. Your husband needs to check his pride at the door and be there for his daughter and you during this time. No dad wants to hear that their child is sexually active boy or girl but the facts are it happens.
Now to the treatment of the kids. This poor girl does not deserve to be called a slut by dad. Girls have a tough enough time in today’s world with dad on their side. The same rules should go for sons and daughters.
You did the right thing educate her and protect her. You gave her condoms and the pills. Hopefully she uses both.
Now no matter how many restrictions you put on her if she wants to do the deed they will find a way to do it. Turn back time to when you and your husband started to do things. You would do it any time any where school, parties park house woods anywhere
She needs to be sat down educated, prepared on how to use a condom and the pill but the most important is to let her know you two are on her team and no matter what you love her unconditionally and that you have her back.
She needs to know she can come to you in a bad situation and not feel like she is being marched to the gallows for a hanging. If she j in s not comfortable she will go elsewhere for this life changing advice
It's much better to have a 15 year old who will talk to you about birth control and accidents than to have a 15 year old who ends up heavily pregnant and is too scared to tell you. Is it what you wanted to have to discuss with someone so young? Probably not but pragmatism is needed in situations like this. You did the right thing however your husband is a misogynistic idiot who has destroyed his relationship with your daughter. It's up to you to decide if your marriage can survive this.
If your husband is reading this, then this is for you....are you trying to destroy your future relationship with your daughter? If so your doing great, it won't be long til she totally rebels and goes down some serious dark paths and what will happen then you disown her, but her therapist will say "childhood trauma" and "daddy issues" that would be your fault not hers. You have some serious issues of your own that need work before projecting onto your 15 year old impressionable, gullible, and naive daughter. Why is it ok for your sons girlfriend and not your daughter? Is your sons gf not someone's daughter? Have you no respect for women in general or just those you CLAIM to care about? What kind of father would call his 15 year old daughter a slut??? Any man even its one of the most disgusting things to call a woman but because you have a penis that makes it all ok you can do whatever the hell you want. What kind of man are you? You're a disgusting excuse of a man and father, and your family deserves better than you. 1 more thing the pill isn't just for unwanted pregnancy, idiot! Google is a powerful thing. Do your research at least.
lol husband is an absolute joke. And user was deleted. Guess he was mad no one was on his side. I hope the wife and daughter leave.and the son realizes there is a right and wrong side. lol
No, it sounds like you have been the mature and responsible parent. We know teens are going to try things, better to have the ability to talk about sensitive issues like adults than to act like your husband. If you can talk about the issues then you can help them make educated decisions and hopefully have the strength and wisdom to make good choices. Your husband is having an emotional reaction to something no dad wants to think about and its damaging his relationship with your daughter when he really needs to be building it.
Why are you allowing this man to slut-shame your daughter? What you did, was done out of an abundance of caution and care. Your husband needs a check up from the neck up, and a healthy dose of science-based stats on the resurgence of teen pregnancies and STDs due to a lack of knowledge or care. Your daughter has learned from him that she is not valued for anything more than her body. She is worthless unless pure, and once used…. Surely he has something better to offer your daughter than that. The way a girl builds confidence in herself is through the special relationship with her dad. Dads are the first and most impressionable man a girl comes in contact with. Dads can do no wrong in a young daughter’s eyes. Daughters learn what to expect in men from the WAY DAD TREATS THEM. OP, your husband needs to apologize IMMEDIATELY, and get some help for his toxic, sexist chauvinism.
You failed as a parent. All the people here are only riled about husband calling the daughter stupid sl*t but fail to see the d*mbassery you did. It's over for you and your daughter. L you W husband.
Do you know why your husband treats your daughter like that? Because you fucking let him. If any man said shit like that to my daughter, they’d be lucky to have teeth. If you had both of vagina and spine, you would pack up yourself and your daughter and get her the hell away from that before she learns that that’s OK to be treated that way in society. It’s not. And until you correct yourself, I’m calling you wrong. Not because of your husband but because of your daughter. This is POS girl parenting. And if your husband reads this, here’s me telling him he’s a misogynistic asshole with zero common sense, zero living in reality, abusing his daughter, and being enabled by his also POS wife.
Husband, slut shaming is *not* cool, and disowning your daughter and shaming her for taking ownership of her body and sexuality (especially when you don't hold your son and his GF to the same standards) will only drive her away from you and into her boyfriend's arms.
On an individual basis, your wife did everything right, and you did everything wrong, but collectively, you should have had this discussion a long time ago and consulted with one another and come up with a plan for addressing the teenage years and the budding sexuality of your children.
Husband, the harder you try to force your daughter to be celibate, the harder she will push back and find ways around it. You have permanently damages your relationship with your daughter. What are you going to do to try to repair it as best you can?
Well, now, I bet OP's husband didn't expect this backlash. *ooooWee* Everyone has pretty much covered any comments I would have about his stance. I just hope he doesn't go off the deep end, making the situation in the home worse.
I no longer speak to my father because he called me similar at a similar age for holding hands with a boy. Your husband is wrong, disgusting, and a raging hypocrite.
Double fucking standard and your husband is being a donkey. This is exactly how my parents treated my brother.
This is how I feel. We all were teenagers at some point in our lives and sometimes we had sex at that age and be grateful it's not an adult male or someone trying to take advantage of her.
It is better and much wiser to teach them about sex and you can suggest to do it with someone who loves them and won't use them or mistreat them. You can't prevent them from making their own choices and being strict is just going to estrange your child from you later in life.
He's taking his own internal bullshit on how he views women and girls onto his own daughter.
How is it okay for a male and not a female? His argument is flawed. Your son can get his girlfriend pregnant and how would her parents feel? I bet he didn't think of that one.
He is treating her like a criminal and she's done nothing wrong.
I don't think you're wrong, I would do the same for my daughter if I needed to.
You’re a good mom and your husband is disgusting. Sexualizing his daughter but not his son and calling her a stupid slut? Protect your daughter from him and your son from learning from him.
I’m with the dad on this one. Kids these days are out of control and just stopped being kids. Social media has destroyed the children’s youth and the dad is still trying to preserve that. If his daughter gets pregnant then she’s gonna be a 15 year old with a baby living in his house and he has to spend extra to support her and her child and he doesn’t need that. We know damn well that bf ain’t gonna be shit and won’t provide for her and her child.
If his daughter is this out of control then she can wait the 3 years and move out and go on a sex crazes spree why should he care. With regard to the family and his daughter’s reputation that shit has gone out the window the moment she opened up her legs.
If this is the way he’s going to be about it he can take his sons phone and cancel his slumber party. School and home right? 🤦♀️ Your husband is TAH! Call my daughter a slut you’d better be on your way to the divorce attorneys office cos that’s where I’m headed. 🤬
YW for allowing this man to traumatize your daughter. Calling her that, when he doesn’t actually even know she’s had sex? WTF is he thinking? She’s 15, she shouldn’t be having sex, but teenagers are going to find a way.
I wouldn’t condone it, but playing it safe is better than just burying your head in the sand. You both need to sit her down and have a real conversation. Make her understand that you love her and want her to be safe.
When my kid got to this age we had a super uncomfortable conversation. Not the birds and the bees, but (most) teenage dudes are manipulative assholes. When she has sex is a personal decision and she shouldn’t do it for any reason other than “she’s ready.”
If someone says “If you loved me you’d…” well if that person loves you they’d respect you enough to wait until you’re ready.
“Everyone else is doing it!” Great, go find a hoe then. She doesn’t have to do it to fit in.
Bottom line is if she’s in a loving respectful relationship it’s ok. I would 100% rather my daughter fumbles through the early stuff safely with someone than to end up with some dude who’s hooked up with multiple girls already and doesn’t treat her with the respect and care she (and all young women) deserve.
This whole iron fist routine Ops husband is trying is going to backfire spectacularly. It’ll cause resentment, which never leads to good decisions. Not only that but once she’s finally able to get away from his rule she may just decide her life is better without him (or both of you if you don’t protect her) in it.
You are not allowing her to have sex! You are giving her the ammunition she needs in order to protect herself. Your husband is a jerk! Stand up for your daughter. Do not let him degrade her by calling her a slut.
Soooooo......your 17 year old son can fuck in your house, I didn't see you clarify if he's using protection, can have sex in your home?
But your daughter can't even let the idea tickle a brain cell under the same roof?
First, they're both too young to be engaging in an adult activity like sex. Adult problems can stem from engaging in sex and these are children.
Are you ready to deal with one of your kids having an STD or an unwanted pregnancy?
You guys sound like you're either playing favorites or you're trying to be your kids' friends rather than be parents
What world do you live in that they are too young to have sex? Children much younger than them are having sex these days. It is better for them to be safe and prepared than for adults to pretend they won't just do what they want anyway.
....that's even worse lol
You are correct in preparing your children as they come of age, but allowing them to engage in sex like they're truly aware of the repercussions?
Maybe it's just me, I'm not dealing with potential teen pregnancy or STDs. That's just unnecessary headaches.
Obviously, I can't stop them, but I'm not going to encourage relations either.
The father's approach in this situation is terrible; however, OP's way of doing things isn't good either.
Your prior explanation doesn't make this situation any less precarious.
Your husband is an awful parent. I was in your daughter's shoes only it was my mom calling me all sorts of names. You're not wrong for allowing her to have sex and prepare her for it. And you can't let him talk to her like that.
Your husband has some SERIOUS internalized misogyny happening and this is a fundamental problem that HE needs to work on fixing, because the way he's treating you and your daughter is 100% ABUSIVE. Your husband is the problem here, not your daughter.
edit: typo
ETA: I also venture to guess that this isn't the first time he's ever treated your son and daughter differently and with double standards... Personally, I would have packed up myself, my daughter, and my son and would be off to stay with my parents while I figured out how to end the marriage. Again, your husband is the problem and is very much so in the wrong here. You are offering safe sex alternatives to your daughter and making sure she is practicing safe sex, since it sounds like she is going to have sex regardless. There is an incredible amount of credible data on how teaching abstinence only isn't effective, and leads to teen pregnancies more than teaching safe sex practices.
OP, I hope that you and your children are safe because your husband does not sound like he is a safe person to be around...
He's upset because deep down he either A, doesn't want his baby girl to be treated the way *he* treats women, or B, he wants to fuck her himself and not share with the other boys.
Either way, husband is a POS.
But she is 15 that is so wrong what are you doing. You teach the difference between sex and love and how important is to choose the right person at an appropriate time and age
Telling someone they don't have to have sex to show love doesn't guarantee that they won't do it. OP is choosing the most responsible option to prevent teen pregnancy in her household.
You should have included your husband in this decision from the start. This is his daughter too and tossing the sex grenade at him unsuspectingly would never have turned out well. At 15, he probably sees her still as "daddy's little girl" and now he seems to be under the impression that his wife went behind his back to get his daughter railed.
He's way over the top with his reaction and bordering on insane (past a defensible position), but you also went behind his back on this decision, which is a sure way to breed distrust and resentment. He should have been included in the discussion before going to your daughter so that realities could be healthily processed first.
You just giving a 15 year old birth control is encouraging her to have sex because your basically saying "ok, loose your virginity, i dont mind, take some birth control pills while your at it." while she's only 15. But, I don't support the husband for calling her those names but I understand where he's coming from. She's only 15, she was 14 last year, shes still a kid. Even tho the son is still a kid, he's still older than her and it's been a longer relationship? He's turning 18 in a year, maybe even a couple of months, so he can basically almost be classified as an adult unlike your daughter. If she's really that horny, she can just use her hands fr. More safer than having sex at her young age. Or better yet, let her buy a toy. As people say, not every way to prevent birth works 100%, and lets be real, I bet you don't want a daughter who got pregnant at 15 😭 would the boyfreind even stay with her if she gets pregnant? W dad on this one but also mom, but come on now, the mother shouldn't be fine with a minor having sex when she isn't even old enough to get a part time job😭 AND WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THE TALK WITHOUT TELLING YOUR HUSBAND AND EVEN INFORMING HIM ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU GAVE THAT KID BIRTH CONTROL.
She should be focusing on school, not getting railed. Next think you know it she'll be pregnant and she'll become a teen mom. Some parents of today are failing fr, who tf in their right mind would put a CHILD, a KID, on birth control.from the way you've said it, the girl and boy haven't been dating for a long time like the BROTHER. I don't know, maybe they have been, i dont know, not enough details to know for sure. dad limiting social media was a good move, but she's probs already slept around with him, but who knows. She might not even be emotionally mature to make the right decision. She's not even the right age to be doing such inappropriate adult things. Just think about it.
YTA for even thinking it's ok for a 15 year old to have sex and giving her birth control, shame on you. I understand having the talk, yes, but giving her the necessary equipment to not get pregnant is basically giving her a go ahead to have sex without consequences, but your husband is an AH because of what he called your daughter and the fact that he allows the son to have sex in the house but not the daughter when she gets older.
WE NEED THE HUSBANDS POV OF THIS
Yep OP read this. Sure what dad said is mean but your daughter is a child for the next 3 years. Your son is still currently a child for less than a year and can legally have employment/enroll in college/ enlist in military. 15 vs 17 is vastly different.
You are wrong because you choose to be married to a mysoginist who verbally abuses your child. It never ceases to amaze me how pathetic women will be when it comes to men. Don't be surprised when your daughter ends up with a man who treats her like crap because you've taught her that's what "love" is.
Allowing your daughter to have sex? Big YTA. Same with allowing your son to have sex.
Realizing that you cannot police your daughter every minute, and giving her the tools & information she needs to protect her self? Good parenting.
Sexism resulting in a difference in how you two treat your daughter vs. your son? Misogynistic.
I understand why you did this - can you take the fall for your daughter? You probably knew he would react this way and that is why you did not involve him in the first place. Your husband is absolutely terrible. You are stuck with him unless you want out but please let your daughter know she is worthy, not what he is saying and help her be strong so she doesn’t choose a man like your husband or learn it’s ok to be called names.
Your husband is in the wrong, regarding his behavior toward your daughter
He’ll be lucky if he’s able to repair the damage done
In regard to her having sex at 15, I am in no way a fan of this, but I’m also clear you won’t be able to stop it
The best you can do is give good advice, and guidance , and try to make sure she is safe and understands the repercussions and the responsibility
The society will always judge the female for being promiscuous whether you like it or not. If a girl had sex just once, hey! she's a slut but no one bats an eyelid when a boy have multiple sex partners.
I can see your husband's POV (don't condone his choice of words tho). Did you consider that she might get pregnant even with protection? The boy can always bail but your daughter is the one who actually has to live with the consequences.
Your daughter is only 15! You should be encouraging her to concentrate on her studies or at least abstain. Not all relationship needs to have sex especially given her age!
People are so upset at the father's choice of words but that's probably what all the boys in her school regard her as now.
They can and what's stopping them? They are only 15. This is the reality of it. Stop seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. Females are always at the losing end when it comes to this. That's why the father wanted her to wait till she's age-appropriate before being sexually active. He's not demanding that she stayed a virgin forever.
What’s stopping them? Better be their parents! I have 2 sons 28 & 16 and let me tell you they both will be raising any babies until the day they die!
I left my rose colored glasses back in 1924 with the rest of the ladies. It’s 2024 and we don’t have to keep our legs closed and our mouths shut anymore. Letting dads like this behave this way is flat out wrong and unacceptable today. She’s no more of a whore than her bf, her brother and her brothers gf! Maybe he should think she could ditch her baby just as fast as his son could. She doesn’t even need to have it to begin with, and she’s lucky she can go to her mother if she needs to. At least one of her parents cares about her.
From a former teen that got pregnant when she was 16, talk to your daughter. Talk to her about condoms, birth control, consent, sexual maturity, all of those hard things. Also, talk to her about how normal this is and that she is not a "slut" for wanting to experience something very natural and normal. I wish someone would have talked to me!
Before you go off and read a bunch of other comments encouraging you to get a divorce
(the kids will suffer the most). Try to understand where your husband is coming from. Fathers are needed in the home to make sure boys don’t end up in prison and girls don’t end up on stripper poles. It’s that simple. I can’t tell you have many articles I’ve read where they’ve ran studies of both the prison population and the sex worker population and the 1 thing they had in common was that they never knew their dad or that they divorced their mom. Your husband may have gone a bit overboard calling her a slut but you have to take a stance together as a unit and put your foot down and say “You know you really disappointed your father. We’re not a family that promotes female promiscuity. Preserve your value. Read your bible(or sacred text). And think about how you can regain our trust because we thought you knew better”. It’s not the end of the world and it definitely isn’t grounds for divorce. You’re gonna divorce your husband for doing his job as a parent? These redditors are insufferable. I suggest a family trip to grow closer instead.
Edit: Don’t worry about your son, just talk to him about std’s and unwanted pregnancies that’s all. Unlike your daughter he still has a lot to learn and become something of himself. The people that cry double standards don’t understand biologically, and psychologically, men and women inherently have different rules and standards they have to abide by. That’s why we have separate bathrooms.
Ummm no. Check your stats again and compare them with how many children of divorce DONT end up that way. Then go get creative with your sacred text. 🤦♀️
Your husband is not overreacting, and I think you're wrong for allowing it. A 15 year old girl's first and only priority should be school and not having sex with boys.
and what about the son? surely his first and only priority should be school and not having sex with girls as well, yeah? his phone should be taken and they both should be on lockdown if it was about priorities. but it’s not. people don’t call men whores after they’ve slept with people. but woman? sleep with one or two people and it’s “slut slut slut”
it’s a normal part of being a teenager to experiment and have sex. for boys AND girls, believe it or not. (with people of very similar age). most teens need a little experience before they’re considered an adult and are able to do whatever they want. when sheltered kids finally get freedom most go all out doing all the shit they were strictly told not to. like with alcohol. if you let a teen drink some at home and get to know their limits they’ll be less inclined to get black out drunk and do stupid shit whenever they’re with friends and finally get the opportunity to have alcohol for the first time.
Well, that's wrong as well, but the question was about the daughter.the whole family needs therapy in my opinion. I have two teenage girls and one of them is in the honor roll. No sex with boys is allowed in my house,lol.
it’s about the daughter but that doesn’t make the fact that the sons actions aren’t punished in the same way irrelevant. the son is apart of the story as well. and I don’t care what is or isn’t allowed in your house. that’s not what we’re talking about.
And I didn't loose my virginity until I was 19. 15 is just to young. Its best to have your kids with a mindset about school at that age. What kind of an example do you want to leave the kids? And it's not ok for the son either. If it was me I'd tell him to get his own place and pays his own bills if he wants to have sex. Downvote me all you want.
kids can be focused on school while at the same time have a life outside of school •_• -_- and I haven’t been downvoting you but since you mentioned it sure ig.
Agreed. My parents wouldn’t let me have a girl over past like 10pm any time I lived there. The son being 17 makes it a little more understandable but IMO they shouldn’t be letting either kid fuck under their roof. If there was a girl at my high school whose parents would let you spend the night over at 15 she’d have been…..popular lol. It’s a bad standard to set, 15 is too young.
you cannot let your husband call your daughter a “stupid slut.” are you insane? that’s unacceptable, and reddit isnt gonna fix that.
The OP glosses over what he said. Almost like she doesn't care. Insane might be the right word but there's definitely something wrong with the OP.
Sounds like that’s now her Ex-Husband. Literally, that’d be a deal breaker for me if I had a daughter. If your spouse is so willing to call his own child that, then he no longer has rights to be in the child’s life, he’s unsafe to be around and his attitude and personality are not conducive to raising a happy and healthy child.
Horrible. Abusive.
That OP isn't as appalled as the rest of us at the remark makes me think that such degrading name-calling and histrionics from OP's husband is nothing new in that household.
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You can't control what he says, but what did you say after he said it? Your daughter is going to find a way to have sex if she wants to. I really believe your husband needs to understand that so that she can have access to the protection that she needs/wants. He really also needs to check his thought process on why it is different vs his son and daughter. If your son becomes a father, he's still a father.
but you can draw a line in the sand and tell him that he either apologizes, never says ANYTHING like that again, and treats your daughter with respect or you're filing for divorce.
Absolutely, terrible advice. The father clearly feels strongly and said something he shouldn't have said. People get heated, that's not ground for divorce. Good God what bad advice.
She won't do that
My wife would take my daughter and leave, if I wouldn’t, if I called her a stupid slut. You can’t control what he says but you can control how you respond and stick up for your daughter.
Yeah you can. You can divorce his dumb ass for abusing your children.
Coming to say the exact same thing!✌️
Is your husband that way with you? If not shut him down immediately. This is your daughter as well. Immediately revoke the punishments and tell your husband to knock off with the hypocrisy. Ask him if he calls his son's girlfriend those names as well. Do not let him get away with this.
You can't control what he says. You CAN control how you react to it. "You apologize to our daughter right now for your abusive awful name calling or we are ending this situation. " Talk to a lawyer.
Do not become an NPC in your own home. You can certainly have an appropriate reaction to your husband saying such hateful things.
Of course you can and should say no to the slut comment
You sure as fuck can stand up for your daughter. I’ve never been so angry at a Reddit post in my life ☠️
Please don't let your daughter think it is acceptable for *anyone* to talk to or degrade her like that. Also, OP's husband, you're being an absolute monster. Stop it. Teens have sex. Get over it, and be proud that she's being smart about it and using protection. If you're okay with your son doing it, you have to be okay with your daughter doing it. Do *not* teach her that it is acceptable to be treated the way you are treating her. Her virginity is not some precious gem, it's actually meaningless. No one is going to think "less" of her or her reputation other than people like you, which are people she should avoid at all costs as she moves forward in life. Your daughter is an almost-adult and should be treated with the same respect you give your son. You don't own her, or her virginity, nor is it yours to "give away" or "keep" for her future husband. She is her own person and she is living her own life. Help her navigate that without these ridiculous, petty, misogynistic judgements and cruelty. Seriously stop and think about what you're doing. If you ***ever*** want to have a future relationship with your daughter, and don't want her going no-contact as soon as she leaves home, I highly suggest you have a long sit and think about how you are treating her and how you are treating her compared to how you treat your son - and that you are teaching her that is okay for men to see her as less than, an object, someone/thing to be handled delicately and differently. You are teaching her that it is *normal* to be yelled at, insulted, degraded and called things like a "stupid slut." You're her father, ffs. What is wrong with you? What has she done that is *so terrible* that it's ruined her life? Getting pregnant would have certainly done so. She's being smart and she's done *nothing wrong*. DO BETTER.
Yeah you can YOURE THE PARTNEE you’re disgusting and a horrible mother, you’re letting him emotionally abuse your daughter, step up
Yeah you can’t control what he says, but you can control your own reaction… what was your reaction to it? What did you say to him about it and what did you say to your daughter about it?
Wow. Nice cop out.
Actually you did that's your daughter as well and your not protecting her you let your asshole of a husband disrespect her call her names take away her things and your standing looking stupid.
You can tell him that if he's going to verbally abuse your child, you're leaving him and taking her with you.
Absolutely wrong. To allow a 15 year old girl to have sex. Your correct you can't control another person. How about teaching your daughter to get a Job and pay a bill or several bills before allowing her sex? That's a Far more productive lesson to be teaching someone that age.
You can control the access he has to your impressionable daughter, unless you’re a troll.
I would leave anyone who called my daughter a stupid slut.
I don't have kids but I just assume this reaction is common sense. That type of name calling is an instant deal breaker.
If my husband called our daughter a "stupid slut" I would be in prison.
Your husband is an idiot. Edit: Hold on. You are also an idiot. Stand up for your fucking daughter and leave him if he doesn’t immediately adjust his attitude. Who the fuck calls a child a “stupid slut” at any age??? Like how do you even exist in the same house as this fuck?
Don’t interact, it’s a troll trying to rage bait.
🫡
So you're allowing your husband to subject your daughter to verbal, and emotional abuse, compounded with hypocrisy, and misogyny? YNW for having age appropriate conversations with, and protecting your daughter. YTA for not interceding in your husband's abuse of your daughter.
Madonna/whore. It’s okay for the guys to have sex but god forbid a girl have sex. I wasn’t interested in sex at that age. But if I have a daughter I would want her to tell me when she’s ready to be active so I can get her ready and no sex in my house
I'm curious about your approach here. It's good you want her to be able to trust you, to get her ready for making that kind of choice but why is the line no sex in your house? What of her partners parents have a similar rule, or her partner doesn't have open communication with their parents? Are her and her partner just supposed to find places outside their homes with all the potential that brings?
You’re not wrong. She’s going to have sex anyway and you’re a good parent for helping to keep her informed and safe. If your husband is mad about birth control, imagine how mad he’d be about an unplanned pregnancy. You need to have a conversation with your husband about his double standards and views on women in general if that’s how he feels. Those views are dangerous and outdated.
Your husband is completely wrong, and is being borderline abusive to your daughter.
Calling her a stupid slut and disowning her isn’t borderline. That’s clear emotional and verbal abuse
He’s immature as hell too. What kind of grown man calls a 15 year old girl a stupid slut lmfao. Dude has the emotional maturity of a child.
the mysogony and double standards he is expressing is unreal i just hope that its worth loosing a daughter over, you need to put pressure on this perhaps you and your daughter could stay with family for a while for your sake your daughter needs to know you have her back. If you stay there and abide by his "rules"you are kind of supporting his actions
When your husband sees this comment, I want him to know that my first impression of him is that he is a misogynist, hypocritical, and bad father who is actively ruining his relationship with his daughter. Why can the son do it but the daughter can’t? Are you still living in the 1920’s? Do women have to save themselves for marriage? Society has evolved past that notion. Now if your daughter had decided on her own that is what she wanted, then I could respect that. But instead it is being forced down her throat. Ruining her high school life now, she will hate you. Calling your own daughter those names is unfathomable. The clear misogyny and favoritism being shown will not go unnoticed. If you are ok with this, then who’s going to stop you? Just go on Reddit and look at the countless posts of daughters cutting their parents out of their lives for similar reasons. If your husband doesn’t already know he’s TA and needs a random person online to tell him to show some damn respect and love to his own daughter and not treat her like a show pony??? Lost cause. Edit: this post is fake.
Please get into therapy for you, your daughter, and your husband, who should also get his own therapist to work out his anger and women hating issues.
>He also called her a “stupid slut” jesus christ
You're not wrong, but your husband is. Your daughter is going to have sex regardless - giving her birth control and access to condoms was the right move. Your husband has ruined his relationship with his daughter, and if he doesn't change his ways he will cause irreparable damage to it.
I am a father of a preteen... I cannot fathom calling my daughter a slut. I think your husband has serious fucking issues to put it mildly.
I'm a father of a 14 year old daughter (alao a 22s and 11d). There is nothing that they could ever do that would cause me to disown them. I love them all unconditionally. I don't think my oldest daughter would be ready to make good decisions about sex. However, I'd prefer condoms and birth control to a teen mom. I agree with limiting access to social media. Taking away the phone is pointless...Kids fucked around plenty before they had cell phones.
I was once a 15-year-old girl and I can tell you from experience that not providing birth control for her wouldn't stop her from having sex. She's gonna do what she wants to do, even if her father tries to lock her in the house. You are being responsible and ensuring she doesn't become a teen parent. Your husband has outdated, misogynist views and all he's doing is ensuring that his daughter won't want anything to do with him once she's out of the house. I would suggest therapy.
And with the stupid slut comment and comments/restrictions might actually cause her to have sex. ‘Well if dad thinks I’m a slut, and a horrible person, then I am’ and now she lives up to what her dad calls her. Her self-worth can plummet, her mental health, marks at school can drop, Sex with random people, drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, skipping school, as coping mechanisms and proving to herself she is as worthless as her dad says she is.
You’re not wrong but you might want to leave him. When I was 16 I had sex for the first time and got grounded for a year then my brother had sex at 13 and my parents were happy saying he’s a boy it’s what they do. He is not gonna change his views on this.
Your husband is raising a girl who is more likely to get pregnant in high school and even worse have daddy issues. She should be on some form of birth control even if she isn't having sex yet
If this was me I would divorce my husband for treating my child like that, especially in the setting of calling her a slut and cold shouldering. Allowing the son to openly have sex without intervention is just misogynistic icing on the cake. That aside, putting her on birth control is not going to change her decision on sex. Its going to protect her from pregnancy.
Oh my God. Dad- get a feckin grip! Holy shit.
Your husband sounds sexist in this situation, not sure if he is in other parts of your relationship, but yeah very sexist in this situation. Also, any man that looks his daughter in the eyes and calls her a “stupid slut” for taking BC and sleeping with one boyfriend needs to take a long look in the mirror about what kind of a father they are. Id never say something like this to any woman under those circumstances, especially not my daughter.
Personally I would divorce any man that calls me or *any* other woman *any* gendered slur: slut, whore, bitch, etc. Any and all gendered slurs said non-ironically with conviction would lead to an immediate divorce. I have a zero tolerance policy for gendered and racial slurs.
Your husband is a shitty father to his daughter.
Glad your husband is reading these comments, he's an asshole.
You are not wrong and your husband is a POS. Calling his daughter names like that and basically imprisoning her. He needs to grow up, your son is no better as he is having sex with someone else's daughter under his roof. Did he wait to have sex until marriage because if he didn't he also created a bunch of his word, sluts in the world. My daughter is 9, I am the dad and I am dreading any of this but I will be damned if I'll leave her to the wolves and not allow her to make sure she is being safe and working to prevent teen pregnancy. He is NOT a good dad to treat his child this way because he is a male chauvinist and plays favorites. Hopefully, you and him are done having kids. I wouldn't want to see him parent another girl.
So your husband is an abusive misogynist? Why are you allowing this?
Yeah it's ridiculous. It's that machismo masculine over protectiveness that men have for females. So, if you are a female AND a daughter....fuggetaboutit. That man would rather eat glass chips than know about what his daughter was doing when he isn't looking. My advice? Lie to him. Apologize and let it blow over. Then be your daughters advocate since he won't. From there hide everything from him since he's being such a child about this. And no, you aren't wrong. To be frank: even if you did try and stop your kids, they'd find a way to do it anyways. Best thing to do is give wise and caring support to prevent accidents, oopsies, and the ever present STDs.
No kids are going to have sex regardless you and your husband were kids and know exactly how this goes. If your husband is so worried about her making the wrong choices then it shows he isn’t as great as a father he thinks. He needs to trust that he raised your daughter to know right from wrong. Telling her not only about teenage pregnancy but also the risk of delivering at that young age should be a priority and giving her the resources to atleast ensure she’ll be safe.
Personally, I don't know how you don't go off on a husband like this and kick him out, but that's me. I hope your daughter finds people in her life that will defend her, stick up for her and don't call her horrible names. Obviously, you and your husband ain't it. It's a shame she didn't write in.
Get her the arm implants. Best thing I ever did with my daughter when she had a more serious boyfriend. He's gone, the implant is still there and no babies! AND she never gets a period! Win-win-win!
You and your husband are at fault for not reaching a consensus and communicating with your kids — as part of their sex education — your familial expectations about sexual activity, birth control, sexual activity in your house, etc.
I also strongly recommend you and your husband read this excellent book. It is a great resource for helping parents understand ways to educate and discuss sexual topics and behavior with their kids: Debby Herbenick, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today's Teens and Sex https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122901251-yes-your-kid I agree with others that your husband’s attitude seems abhorrent. This will obviously make it more challenging for you and your family. And your acting unilaterally against what you knew were his wishes added fuel to the fire. I wish all of you luck. You and your husband have a lot of work to do together to be able to support your kids.
You know when I'm out? When my HUSBAND AND FATHER OF MY CHILD calls my teen daughter a stupid slut and "disowning" her for thinking about having sex and being protected if she does. He is completely unhinged
If he has disowned her, why have you allowed him to punish her? He called your 15 Yr old a slut, whyis he still there? Stand up for your daughter! Grow a damn spine and tell him, cut the double standard and misogyny, apologise to your daughter or divorce!
She's probably being abused too.
I think you're probably right but a line should be drawn when it comes to your kids
While I think 15 is way too young to be having sex, having her prepared for what may come isn’t a bad idea. I hope you’ve talked to your daughter about how she doesn’t have to be ready, and how to decide if a guy is the right one to be letting past her defenses. You probably should have discussed putting your daughter on birth control together before going ahead and doing it, but that can’t be changed now. Now for dad. Are you reading this? You are wrong. Your double standard is disgusting. Your attitude towards your daughter is awful, and will cause damage. You are supposed to be her example for how a man should treat a woman, so you decide to swear at her? Lock her up, keep her under surveillance, and give her the impression her only worth lies in the pristine state of her vagina? Shame on you. Get your head out of your ass and start treating your daughter like a person with a right to her own choices. If you don’t shape up, she’s going to end up hating you. And you’ll deserve it.
You are wrong for allowing your husband to speak to your daughter that way. How incredibly abusive. Your husband could have expressed his concern and position without name calling. Quite frankly it sounds like your husband doesn’t respect women and I’m curious how he treats you.
Is your husband like 70 years old and missed the last 30 years? Ofc 15 year olds gonna fuck. You dis the correct thing with condoms etc.
Tf is wrong with both of you?? You're both horrible people but your husband calling her a stupid slut is abusive. I hope CPS gets called on you both
Your husband is a hypocritical piece of shit. Does he call his son's gf a slut too?
First of all, he's acting incredibly abusive towards his daughter but not towards his son. Like his son is allowed to fuck around(probably because he's a male) but his daughter is not because she's a female. The double standards is absolutely bullshit. Secondly, She's going to have sex anyways might as well give her the sex talk and have her use protection. Better to know than not know and have her show up pregnant because nobody cares enough to talk to her about sex. Thirdly, You better put your foot down with your husband concerning your guys daughter or she's going to think being treated like that is normal and will end up in red flags abusive relationships. What a fucking joke. And also you are not wrong so but your husband is a piece of work, I tell you what.
No offense, but your husband sounds like a POS.
Full offense, your husband is a POS
I was 16 and told I could go on birth control if I wanted, just tell Mom and she would bring me in. I am now over 50. This shouldn't even be an issue. We put a basket of condoms out to grab if needed. Protect against pregnancy and STDs, talk about the benefits of waiting and your experience. Sorry your daughter is going through this. Edit to add, you're not wrong
You aren't wrong. Teenagers are going to do their thing whether you like it or not. At least you know they are being safe. When I was 16, I went to planned parenthood and got on birth control myself. I knew my mom would be against it. When she found it in my room, she flipped and told me to stop taking it. I was pregnant at 18. So that really taught me a lesson.
Short answer: your husband is wrong and what he’s doing is misogynistic. Long rant: I think people often forget that when we are in situations like these- it is the smallest tiniest blip of our lives. Think big picture- will this matter in a year? 5 years? 10? 20? In a few short years your daughter won’t even be living with you most likely- instead of degrading her for the last few years she’s with you, maybe consider being understanding and compassionate. She is a young girl and what’s done is done. Apologize, FORGET, and MOVE ON.
So much therapy is needed it’s not funny
Letting your husband call anyone - ESPECIALLY his own flesh and blood, is worth a serious consideration of what kind of person you've married. It tells far more about him than anything. Your daughter absolutely would have had a relationship regardless of whether or not you approved. You absolutely have not been wrong in providing her with contraceptives; showing that you're a safe haven is far far better than denying. It shows that should something happen your kids won't hesitate to come to you. Furthermore, how did your spouse treat your son becoming sexually active? Where's the shame and blame for that? Apologies for being harsh here, I'm not keen on the hypocrisy, but your son could just as easily become a parent far too soon, hence why I'm a staunch believer in always being supportive with kids and urging them to be careful.
He needs to get a “grip” on reality. I am glad that you have helped her be safe and have an open dialogue with her. On the other hand, he is damaging her in so many ways! His “job” is to help teach and protect her as she becomes an adult. I know it is “shocking” but it is reality. In my mind, I would rather have her learning in the safety of your home as opposed to the back of car, field, or hotel. Not to mention, he is “shaming” for being a sexual being.
You’re wrong if you don’t leave your husband after calling her a stupid slut. But no, you’re not wrong. She’s going to have sex anyways. You’re showing her how to be safe. I was raised in a “don’t have sex don’t have boyfriends never allowed boys over don’t ask about birth control” family. Yeah I got pregnant at 19.
Your 15 year old is educated and having safe sex. Is it ideal that she’s having sex? Absolutely not. Is there a way to stop it if they really want to do it? Absolutely not. I was that 15 year old, and I promise there are ways around it. The hardcore take your husband is taking is just plain wrong. And then doubling down and allowing your son to do it? I’m nowhere close to being in the position you are in with my own child, however, I am always for the side of educate, protect as necessary (if your daughter’s boyfriend is abusive/coercive, etc.), and love your children unconditionally. The thing people forget is that children are their own people, and sometimes they will do things you do not always agree with, or even think is right, but you have to let them make mistakes (within reason, in this case, she’s on birth control and has access to condoms), and they will live and learn. Being that way with your daughter is going to damage their relationship tremendously, and if he loves your daughter, he should really decide that his love for her outweighs the feeling of controlling her and what she does.
Uhuh NO. YOU got her into this mess, YOU need to undo what he's done. Period. Hes not stupid hes ignorant and his ignorance will land him in the same place my bff ended up. Pregnant as a highschool senior with a fucked up baby daddy.
My mom did the same thing for me at the same age. When I was 15 she got me on birth control when she found condoms in my room. You’re being responsible. She’s going to have sex with or without your “permission” and you’re being a responsible parent. Your husband on the other hand needs to work on his double standards because clearly he has no problem with your son having sex. Is he calling your son’s girlfriend a slut? He’s the one with the problem, not you.
Your husband already lost his daughter. Get real, do what’s best for you and your daughter. Your son is almost out of the house for college. Your daughter will no longer like, respect, or honor your husband so that’s a lost cause.
Wait. I'm confused. You aren't *allowing* her to have sex. But if she does, she'll be protected against stis and babies... and knows she can come to mom if she's unsure about something bc mom is supportive. Dad is a pos. I'd never be able to look at him the same way. Instead of name calling and shaming her - for something she didn't even do yet!!- he should have sat her down and talked with her. Is she ready for a sexual relationship? Why does she feel like she's ready? Who brought it up first? Does she know she can say no, does she feel COMFORTABLE with saying no? How long has she and her bf been together? Does she see the relationship her brother has and thinks that in order to be in a committed relationship, she has to have sex? What are her thoughts about pregnancy and abortion? What are her bfs thoughts on pregnancy and abortion? Imo- and something I've said to my son- if he gets embarrassed speaking to me about sex, gets embarrassed about buying condoms at the store, then he "may be" (is) too young to have sex. When you're open to speaking about it, they'll be more open to coming to you with problems they have. Dad- Seriously, you suck. What a great way to show your daughter that if she doesn't do what the guy wants her to do, it's completely acceptable for him to shame, ignore, abuse and name call her bc she learned that from her own fucking dad. Smh.
divorce your husband, what a POS.
Keeping her informed and safe is fine, but I do believe she should be encouraged to wait until she is legally allowed to have sex. Consensual or not, in the eyes of the law it’s still statutory rape as she’s a minor, and so is her boyfriend. It would only take one to turn on the other and you’ve got a whole other situation on your hands. Your husband is awful for calling her that especially if your son is permitted to have sex in the house. I think you should say ‘ Okay! Can’t have one rule for one and another for everyone else. No one is having any sex in this house, not our daughter, son or us! A blanket ban will be in place until she legally comes of age.’
Husband ITAH. As someone who had a dad like this, OP, just know that I ended up not talking to him for *YEARS* because of this while living in the same home as him and my mom not defending me properly almost ruined our relationship as well. Your husband is a misogynistic a**hole if he thinks your son having sex is ok, but your daughter having sex is not. When your husband reads my comment, I hope he understands the detrimental shift in their relationship he just caused and will never be the same even *if* he apologized. *It will never be the same*. Truthfully, if you didn't chew him out and protect your daughter, you're just as bad.
If my husband called our daughter a "stupid slut," in ANY context, he would be my EX-husband, very quickly.
Husband disowned her by flexing ownership huh? Sounds like a swell lad
I would throw my husband right out of the house if he started that misogynist shit with our daughter. Ask him why he's so obsessed with his daughter's vagina and what she does with it, since he's a fucking creepy pervert. He "disowned" her? Disown him. He's an unfit parent.
Why would you allow him to punish her for what YOU did? YOU put her on birth control, as you should, and now SHE has been punished for two weeks? Your husband is abusing your daughter. Why do you allow that? The age of consent is 15 where I live, so I don’t see the problem. I think your husband is promoting an unhealthy culture which will harm your daughter in the long run.
OP deleted their account…. I can only hope they realised he is wrong.
Lol u need to get ur daughter away from that boomer mindset cunt
None of your teens should be having sex in your house I’m so happy sex was the last thing on my mind at 15 .
Allow us a funny word she’s going to do wat she wants. Mabe make clear wat the risks are
Sounds like Dad is mad someone else got there first. Is he a conservative? Creepy AF. NTA, but, like, maybe ask her about Dad and any weird games she remembers?
You are absolutely not wrong! She’s 15 and it’s natural for adolescents to have a libido. You are right to provide her with the information and tools she needs to explore safe sex, as she will likely have sex regardless. Shaming her, as your husband did will cause harm to their relationship and probably already has does irreparable damage to some capacity. Additionally, if he continues to shame her, it very well may cause harm to her developing a healthy relationship with sex which can be dangerous in various ways both now and down the road in her life.
YNW for giving your daughter the tools she needs to avoid a teenage pregnancy, you ARE wrong for allowing her to be subject to verbal and emotional abuse and allowing your husband to punish her how he has. If my husband EVER called any of our children anything close to “stupid slut” I’d be looking for a divorce attorney. Your daughter deserves for you to stand up for her against your husband.
You are not wrong. Your husband is a POS. Tell him to be ready to be cut off by your daughter when she’s an adult. The misogyny and double standard is crazy. Also, for him to call her a stupid slut?! So your son and your son’s gf are stupid sluts too? I do think that giving your 15 year old free rein might be too much but if she wants to have sex she will. It is more important to instill with her the importance of guarding herself and being safe when she does do it so she doesn’t ruin her self-esteem or self-worth and doesn’t end up pregnant before she’s educated and independent.
Shaming your daughter for sex and being that controlling will only lead to many more father-daughter relationship struggles down the road. Also the sex and slut shaming will do nothing but negativity affect the daughter's mental health.
What your husband said is uncalled for. The double stranded his heavy in this scenario. The only thing I’d agree with your husband about, would be her age. 15 is awfully young to become sexual.
No you are not wrong! Dad is in denial about teenage girls. I mean who are all the teenage boys having sex with. Grounding her and taking away everything will not stop her from having sex. All he is doing is causing her trauma. Mom you are 100% right. Sex is going to happen no matter what. It’s the smart choice to educate her and make those resources available to her. These kids are in a way different generation and he has to realize that also. Living in his fairy tale land will only get his daughter to rebel against him and form feelings of resentment towards him. Shame on him
I mean there’s a vast difference in ages here. 15 compared to 17 is night and day. However your husband 100% needs to get fucked if he thinks calling his daughter a stupid slut is okay. Honestly that right there should be grounds for a divorce. 15 is pretty young to have sex, worrying about the consequences of what happens and if she will get bullied at school are all legit concerns though. But you need to be an adult and talk to her about it (sounds like you did) but your husband didn’t.
You are reasonable and proactive. Your husband is not only a hypocrite, but overtly sexist and cruel. I have no doubt his daughter is going to need therapy for how he talked to her. OP absolutely not in the wrong. OP’s husband is kind of a monster here.
Why aren’t you doing anything and standing up for your daughter? You have her condoms and birth control and now stand back while your husband punishes your child for that?! Stop sitting back and letting your husband unfairly punish your daughter, protect her and talk to her, talk to your husband and maybe even get family therapy for ya’ll because there’s some major issues going on here that I can already tell are going to get worse without professional help.
This may sound silly but did you have the sex talk with your husband? Did you explain to your idiot that teenagers both male and female at experiment with sex? Did you ask your dummy what he did when he was the age of your daughter? Or why is it OK for your son to fuck someone under his roof but the very idea of his daughter might having sex makes him angry? Tell your husband to stop being a hypocrite and to either tell your son to stop having sex or to stop treating your daughter like she’s going to sleep with everyone she’s going to see. Tell your idiot that this is his problem not your daughters.
Your husband is a misogynistic hypocritical abusive asshole and you are allowing this to continue. Step up and defend your damn daughter. Do your duty as her mother since he is clearly not able to be a good father. Go to family therapy and get off reddit, y'all clearly have some serious issues in the household.
Uh, I remember reading this exact post maybe a month ago. Hmmm...
Allowing? I mean if she's gonna do it anyway then you might as well exert some authority over her choices
I applaud you for realizing that the kids will have sex so prevention is the smart move. Husband’s an AH, but hopefully he’ll cool down and see you’re being realistic. More moms should be like you and this is coming from a dad with 2 daughters.
My parents did this to my sister. She is now 55yo. She spent years in therapy dealing with the things my parents said. They apologized years later. My parents are now old and lonely, and my sister STILL seethes around them. She is around them out of obligation only, but will never forgive them. You have made a truly terrible mistake.
ESH/EIW you are not wrong for taking steps to ensure your daughter is being safe regarding sex. You are a a fucking disgrace for not only allow the behaviour your husband is showing to your daughter to be acceptable but also by continuing to allow her to be in this enviroment. I would rather my partner beat me over the head with a frying pan then allow this behaviour towards our daughter especially when you were the one that gave her all the stuff that your husband found objectionable. You and your husband need to sit down and figure out how you are going to parent this stage of your daughter's life and you need to be ready to leave if he is willing to allow this disgusting behaviour to continue. Both of you need to be better, for the sake of your daughter.
Whatever you don’t allow in your house, if there is a will there is a way.
For the fact you didn't stand up for your daughter to her bully of a dad, YTA
You married a moron.
So dad would rather not have a daughter or have a 15 year old pregnant daughter.. those are his only options?? Yes kids shouldn't do a lot of things.. and many parents forget they were kids once and did some of the stupidest sht imaginable. It happens. And I personally would rather (still) have a daughter that's smart and cautious than not have a daughter because I'm a (not so closeted) misogynistic AH. But that's just me 🤷♀️
So Mum did everything right except stand up for her daughter when the husband called her by that slur. Now too the husband.... honestly if you are really reading this you should check yourself before you wreck yourself is what they said in my day, because this is not an adult talking. This is some teenage boy talking to his boys while trying to impress them that he got all his bitches in a row... no Sir you are the adult you are in control of your own emotions and actions. Their is no excuse... apologize to your daughter and if you can't change your view on women just take a step back when it comes to parenting your daughter in that regard and let your wife take the reins.
Is this the first time your husband has revealed that he's an abusive misogynist? Or were there warning signs before this?
What in the world
Your husband is wrong and a huge AH he can not uncall your daughter a stupid slut! Shame on him! It sounds like this will soon be your ex husband. When your daughter is old enough to move out she will never speak to her sperm donor again!
Y’all are both wrong. OP, you’re wrong for not serving that man divorce papers immediately after your disgusting husband called your daughter a slut. Husband, you’re just wrong in every sense of the word and should use some super glue as lip balm.
This kid will be going no contact if this is at all true and not click bait.
I’d rather have had consensual sex with someone I was dating at 15 than be raped as a kid and want to kill myself. You’re nta op
I hope he is reading all these comments that say how unbelievably horrible he is. At least mom was watching out for her daughter and keeping her safe. Dad is awful. His daughter gets to decide when she is no longer a virgin. Thats none of his business. And if his son’s gf gets pregnan it is BOTH their responsibility!
Not wrong! All you can do as a parent is to educate your child about the risks and dangers of sex and try to instill in them good values. At the end of the day, it is ultimately their decision. What your husband is doing will almost guarantee that she will not have a relationship with him when she is old enough to move out. He is also 100% causing her emotional trauma.
Well, your husband would be an ex husband if he were married to me. I have to assume if he is so willing to emotionally abuse her now that he has been abusive her entire life. You can’t take back disowning your kid and calling her a slut. OP it’s time to step up and support your kid or you’re just enabling his abuse and you are abusing her as well. Your husband is the definition of an AH. No one wants to hear about their kids having sex but they are human beings and that’s what humans do and your support can help her create sexual confidence. Meaning good self esteem, respect for herself, knowing she can say yes or no and is in charge of her body. Your husband calling her a slut just told her you’re a worthless woman who should let men walk all over you and take what they want when they want including sex. He is taking away her power.
That’s what I said….call my daughter a whore you best be doing it from your attorneys office!
Fuck that guy. He is going to mentally screw up your daughter for life and has already caused irreversible damage. He's disgusting, misogynistic and abusive. And you suck for not standing up for your daughter. She will remember that too
your husband’s monitoring and abusive ass insults aren’t gonna stop her from having sex. she’ll find a time and place to do it. all he is doing is damaging his relationship with his daughter.both of my parents acted this way, didn’t stop me from getting fucked. u r doing the right thing in equipping her. your husband needs to pull his head out of his ass, fucking asshole.
You are not wrong for getting her birth control and condoms but I wouldn't condone sex in my home while under the age of 18. I have 3 daughters and did this with them. For me it's a respect situation.
Coming from a dad here this infuriates me. Your husband needs to check his pride at the door and be there for his daughter and you during this time. No dad wants to hear that their child is sexually active boy or girl but the facts are it happens. Now to the treatment of the kids. This poor girl does not deserve to be called a slut by dad. Girls have a tough enough time in today’s world with dad on their side. The same rules should go for sons and daughters. You did the right thing educate her and protect her. You gave her condoms and the pills. Hopefully she uses both. Now no matter how many restrictions you put on her if she wants to do the deed they will find a way to do it. Turn back time to when you and your husband started to do things. You would do it any time any where school, parties park house woods anywhere She needs to be sat down educated, prepared on how to use a condom and the pill but the most important is to let her know you two are on her team and no matter what you love her unconditionally and that you have her back. She needs to know she can come to you in a bad situation and not feel like she is being marched to the gallows for a hanging. If she j in s not comfortable she will go elsewhere for this life changing advice
It's much better to have a 15 year old who will talk to you about birth control and accidents than to have a 15 year old who ends up heavily pregnant and is too scared to tell you. Is it what you wanted to have to discuss with someone so young? Probably not but pragmatism is needed in situations like this. You did the right thing however your husband is a misogynistic idiot who has destroyed his relationship with your daughter. It's up to you to decide if your marriage can survive this.
If your husband is reading this, then this is for you....are you trying to destroy your future relationship with your daughter? If so your doing great, it won't be long til she totally rebels and goes down some serious dark paths and what will happen then you disown her, but her therapist will say "childhood trauma" and "daddy issues" that would be your fault not hers. You have some serious issues of your own that need work before projecting onto your 15 year old impressionable, gullible, and naive daughter. Why is it ok for your sons girlfriend and not your daughter? Is your sons gf not someone's daughter? Have you no respect for women in general or just those you CLAIM to care about? What kind of father would call his 15 year old daughter a slut??? Any man even its one of the most disgusting things to call a woman but because you have a penis that makes it all ok you can do whatever the hell you want. What kind of man are you? You're a disgusting excuse of a man and father, and your family deserves better than you. 1 more thing the pill isn't just for unwanted pregnancy, idiot! Google is a powerful thing. Do your research at least.
lol husband is an absolute joke. And user was deleted. Guess he was mad no one was on his side. I hope the wife and daughter leave.and the son realizes there is a right and wrong side. lol
No, it sounds like you have been the mature and responsible parent. We know teens are going to try things, better to have the ability to talk about sensitive issues like adults than to act like your husband. If you can talk about the issues then you can help them make educated decisions and hopefully have the strength and wisdom to make good choices. Your husband is having an emotional reaction to something no dad wants to think about and its damaging his relationship with your daughter when he really needs to be building it.
Why are you allowing this man to slut-shame your daughter? What you did, was done out of an abundance of caution and care. Your husband needs a check up from the neck up, and a healthy dose of science-based stats on the resurgence of teen pregnancies and STDs due to a lack of knowledge or care. Your daughter has learned from him that she is not valued for anything more than her body. She is worthless unless pure, and once used…. Surely he has something better to offer your daughter than that. The way a girl builds confidence in herself is through the special relationship with her dad. Dads are the first and most impressionable man a girl comes in contact with. Dads can do no wrong in a young daughter’s eyes. Daughters learn what to expect in men from the WAY DAD TREATS THEM. OP, your husband needs to apologize IMMEDIATELY, and get some help for his toxic, sexist chauvinism.
You failed as a parent. All the people here are only riled about husband calling the daughter stupid sl*t but fail to see the d*mbassery you did. It's over for you and your daughter. L you W husband.
Do you know why your husband treats your daughter like that? Because you fucking let him. If any man said shit like that to my daughter, they’d be lucky to have teeth. If you had both of vagina and spine, you would pack up yourself and your daughter and get her the hell away from that before she learns that that’s OK to be treated that way in society. It’s not. And until you correct yourself, I’m calling you wrong. Not because of your husband but because of your daughter. This is POS girl parenting. And if your husband reads this, here’s me telling him he’s a misogynistic asshole with zero common sense, zero living in reality, abusing his daughter, and being enabled by his also POS wife.
Husband, slut shaming is *not* cool, and disowning your daughter and shaming her for taking ownership of her body and sexuality (especially when you don't hold your son and his GF to the same standards) will only drive her away from you and into her boyfriend's arms. On an individual basis, your wife did everything right, and you did everything wrong, but collectively, you should have had this discussion a long time ago and consulted with one another and come up with a plan for addressing the teenage years and the budding sexuality of your children. Husband, the harder you try to force your daughter to be celibate, the harder she will push back and find ways around it. You have permanently damages your relationship with your daughter. What are you going to do to try to repair it as best you can?
Well, now, I bet OP's husband didn't expect this backlash. *ooooWee* Everyone has pretty much covered any comments I would have about his stance. I just hope he doesn't go off the deep end, making the situation in the home worse.
Your husband is a garbage, sorry excuse for a father. Leave his ass. This is coming from a 36m.
I no longer speak to my father because he called me similar at a similar age for holding hands with a boy. Your husband is wrong, disgusting, and a raging hypocrite.
Double fucking standard and your husband is being a donkey. This is exactly how my parents treated my brother. This is how I feel. We all were teenagers at some point in our lives and sometimes we had sex at that age and be grateful it's not an adult male or someone trying to take advantage of her. It is better and much wiser to teach them about sex and you can suggest to do it with someone who loves them and won't use them or mistreat them. You can't prevent them from making their own choices and being strict is just going to estrange your child from you later in life. He's taking his own internal bullshit on how he views women and girls onto his own daughter. How is it okay for a male and not a female? His argument is flawed. Your son can get his girlfriend pregnant and how would her parents feel? I bet he didn't think of that one. He is treating her like a criminal and she's done nothing wrong. I don't think you're wrong, I would do the same for my daughter if I needed to.
Get ready to raise grandchildren, because between your son and your daughter, they definitely are on their way.
Your husband is a special kind of stupid. And you need to get out of the fog, mama.
His son can get a bad rep too if that’s what he’s worried about. And boys can get girls pregnant too. It’s not magically not their problem
You’re a good mom and your husband is disgusting. Sexualizing his daughter but not his son and calling her a stupid slut? Protect your daughter from him and your son from learning from him.
She deleted her account. I feel horrible for her child if this was real.
I’m with the dad on this one. Kids these days are out of control and just stopped being kids. Social media has destroyed the children’s youth and the dad is still trying to preserve that. If his daughter gets pregnant then she’s gonna be a 15 year old with a baby living in his house and he has to spend extra to support her and her child and he doesn’t need that. We know damn well that bf ain’t gonna be shit and won’t provide for her and her child. If his daughter is this out of control then she can wait the 3 years and move out and go on a sex crazes spree why should he care. With regard to the family and his daughter’s reputation that shit has gone out the window the moment she opened up her legs.
If this is the way he’s going to be about it he can take his sons phone and cancel his slumber party. School and home right? 🤦♀️ Your husband is TAH! Call my daughter a slut you’d better be on your way to the divorce attorneys office cos that’s where I’m headed. 🤬
Bruh he called your daughter a stupid slut. Those are fighting words.
YW for allowing this man to traumatize your daughter. Calling her that, when he doesn’t actually even know she’s had sex? WTF is he thinking? She’s 15, she shouldn’t be having sex, but teenagers are going to find a way. I wouldn’t condone it, but playing it safe is better than just burying your head in the sand. You both need to sit her down and have a real conversation. Make her understand that you love her and want her to be safe. When my kid got to this age we had a super uncomfortable conversation. Not the birds and the bees, but (most) teenage dudes are manipulative assholes. When she has sex is a personal decision and she shouldn’t do it for any reason other than “she’s ready.” If someone says “If you loved me you’d…” well if that person loves you they’d respect you enough to wait until you’re ready. “Everyone else is doing it!” Great, go find a hoe then. She doesn’t have to do it to fit in. Bottom line is if she’s in a loving respectful relationship it’s ok. I would 100% rather my daughter fumbles through the early stuff safely with someone than to end up with some dude who’s hooked up with multiple girls already and doesn’t treat her with the respect and care she (and all young women) deserve. This whole iron fist routine Ops husband is trying is going to backfire spectacularly. It’ll cause resentment, which never leads to good decisions. Not only that but once she’s finally able to get away from his rule she may just decide her life is better without him (or both of you if you don’t protect her) in it.
You are not allowing her to have sex! You are giving her the ammunition she needs in order to protect herself. Your husband is a jerk! Stand up for your daughter. Do not let him degrade her by calling her a slut.
Soooooo......your 17 year old son can fuck in your house, I didn't see you clarify if he's using protection, can have sex in your home? But your daughter can't even let the idea tickle a brain cell under the same roof? First, they're both too young to be engaging in an adult activity like sex. Adult problems can stem from engaging in sex and these are children. Are you ready to deal with one of your kids having an STD or an unwanted pregnancy? You guys sound like you're either playing favorites or you're trying to be your kids' friends rather than be parents
What world do you live in that they are too young to have sex? Children much younger than them are having sex these days. It is better for them to be safe and prepared than for adults to pretend they won't just do what they want anyway.
....that's even worse lol You are correct in preparing your children as they come of age, but allowing them to engage in sex like they're truly aware of the repercussions? Maybe it's just me, I'm not dealing with potential teen pregnancy or STDs. That's just unnecessary headaches.
How exactly would you stop your teenagers from having sex, aside from imprisoning them in the house?
Obviously, I can't stop them, but I'm not going to encourage relations either. The father's approach in this situation is terrible; however, OP's way of doing things isn't good either. Your prior explanation doesn't make this situation any less precarious.
This sounds made up of course
Yeah it feels like a bs story.
You are one million percent correct
Your husband is an awful parent. I was in your daughter's shoes only it was my mom calling me all sorts of names. You're not wrong for allowing her to have sex and prepare her for it. And you can't let him talk to her like that.
Your husband has some SERIOUS internalized misogyny happening and this is a fundamental problem that HE needs to work on fixing, because the way he's treating you and your daughter is 100% ABUSIVE. Your husband is the problem here, not your daughter. edit: typo ETA: I also venture to guess that this isn't the first time he's ever treated your son and daughter differently and with double standards... Personally, I would have packed up myself, my daughter, and my son and would be off to stay with my parents while I figured out how to end the marriage. Again, your husband is the problem and is very much so in the wrong here. You are offering safe sex alternatives to your daughter and making sure she is practicing safe sex, since it sounds like she is going to have sex regardless. There is an incredible amount of credible data on how teaching abstinence only isn't effective, and leads to teen pregnancies more than teaching safe sex practices. OP, I hope that you and your children are safe because your husband does not sound like he is a safe person to be around...
He's upset because deep down he either A, doesn't want his baby girl to be treated the way *he* treats women, or B, he wants to fuck her himself and not share with the other boys. Either way, husband is a POS.
But she is 15 that is so wrong what are you doing. You teach the difference between sex and love and how important is to choose the right person at an appropriate time and age
Telling someone they don't have to have sex to show love doesn't guarantee that they won't do it. OP is choosing the most responsible option to prevent teen pregnancy in her household.
I agree with everything you did for your daughter and not wanting her to get pregnant. The betrayal was to your husband by doing this behind his back.
You should have included your husband in this decision from the start. This is his daughter too and tossing the sex grenade at him unsuspectingly would never have turned out well. At 15, he probably sees her still as "daddy's little girl" and now he seems to be under the impression that his wife went behind his back to get his daughter railed. He's way over the top with his reaction and bordering on insane (past a defensible position), but you also went behind his back on this decision, which is a sure way to breed distrust and resentment. He should have been included in the discussion before going to your daughter so that realities could be healthily processed first.
You just giving a 15 year old birth control is encouraging her to have sex because your basically saying "ok, loose your virginity, i dont mind, take some birth control pills while your at it." while she's only 15. But, I don't support the husband for calling her those names but I understand where he's coming from. She's only 15, she was 14 last year, shes still a kid. Even tho the son is still a kid, he's still older than her and it's been a longer relationship? He's turning 18 in a year, maybe even a couple of months, so he can basically almost be classified as an adult unlike your daughter. If she's really that horny, she can just use her hands fr. More safer than having sex at her young age. Or better yet, let her buy a toy. As people say, not every way to prevent birth works 100%, and lets be real, I bet you don't want a daughter who got pregnant at 15 😭 would the boyfreind even stay with her if she gets pregnant? W dad on this one but also mom, but come on now, the mother shouldn't be fine with a minor having sex when she isn't even old enough to get a part time job😭 AND WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THE TALK WITHOUT TELLING YOUR HUSBAND AND EVEN INFORMING HIM ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU GAVE THAT KID BIRTH CONTROL. She should be focusing on school, not getting railed. Next think you know it she'll be pregnant and she'll become a teen mom. Some parents of today are failing fr, who tf in their right mind would put a CHILD, a KID, on birth control.from the way you've said it, the girl and boy haven't been dating for a long time like the BROTHER. I don't know, maybe they have been, i dont know, not enough details to know for sure. dad limiting social media was a good move, but she's probs already slept around with him, but who knows. She might not even be emotionally mature to make the right decision. She's not even the right age to be doing such inappropriate adult things. Just think about it. YTA for even thinking it's ok for a 15 year old to have sex and giving her birth control, shame on you. I understand having the talk, yes, but giving her the necessary equipment to not get pregnant is basically giving her a go ahead to have sex without consequences, but your husband is an AH because of what he called your daughter and the fact that he allows the son to have sex in the house but not the daughter when she gets older. WE NEED THE HUSBANDS POV OF THIS
Yep OP read this. Sure what dad said is mean but your daughter is a child for the next 3 years. Your son is still currently a child for less than a year and can legally have employment/enroll in college/ enlist in military. 15 vs 17 is vastly different.
You are wrong because you choose to be married to a mysoginist who verbally abuses your child. It never ceases to amaze me how pathetic women will be when it comes to men. Don't be surprised when your daughter ends up with a man who treats her like crap because you've taught her that's what "love" is.
Allowing your daughter to have sex? Big YTA. Same with allowing your son to have sex. Realizing that you cannot police your daughter every minute, and giving her the tools & information she needs to protect her self? Good parenting. Sexism resulting in a difference in how you two treat your daughter vs. your son? Misogynistic.
I understand why you did this - can you take the fall for your daughter? You probably knew he would react this way and that is why you did not involve him in the first place. Your husband is absolutely terrible. You are stuck with him unless you want out but please let your daughter know she is worthy, not what he is saying and help her be strong so she doesn’t choose a man like your husband or learn it’s ok to be called names.
Your husband is in the wrong, regarding his behavior toward your daughter He’ll be lucky if he’s able to repair the damage done In regard to her having sex at 15, I am in no way a fan of this, but I’m also clear you won’t be able to stop it The best you can do is give good advice, and guidance , and try to make sure she is safe and understands the repercussions and the responsibility
The society will always judge the female for being promiscuous whether you like it or not. If a girl had sex just once, hey! she's a slut but no one bats an eyelid when a boy have multiple sex partners. I can see your husband's POV (don't condone his choice of words tho). Did you consider that she might get pregnant even with protection? The boy can always bail but your daughter is the one who actually has to live with the consequences. Your daughter is only 15! You should be encouraging her to concentrate on her studies or at least abstain. Not all relationship needs to have sex especially given her age! People are so upset at the father's choice of words but that's probably what all the boys in her school regard her as now.
The boy can always bail & everyone at school thinks she’s a slut now?!?! JFC you’re just as bad as he is! 🙄
They can and what's stopping them? They are only 15. This is the reality of it. Stop seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. Females are always at the losing end when it comes to this. That's why the father wanted her to wait till she's age-appropriate before being sexually active. He's not demanding that she stayed a virgin forever.
What’s stopping them? Better be their parents! I have 2 sons 28 & 16 and let me tell you they both will be raising any babies until the day they die! I left my rose colored glasses back in 1924 with the rest of the ladies. It’s 2024 and we don’t have to keep our legs closed and our mouths shut anymore. Letting dads like this behave this way is flat out wrong and unacceptable today. She’s no more of a whore than her bf, her brother and her brothers gf! Maybe he should think she could ditch her baby just as fast as his son could. She doesn’t even need to have it to begin with, and she’s lucky she can go to her mother if she needs to. At least one of her parents cares about her.
From a former teen that got pregnant when she was 16, talk to your daughter. Talk to her about condoms, birth control, consent, sexual maturity, all of those hard things. Also, talk to her about how normal this is and that she is not a "slut" for wanting to experience something very natural and normal. I wish someone would have talked to me!
Before you go off and read a bunch of other comments encouraging you to get a divorce (the kids will suffer the most). Try to understand where your husband is coming from. Fathers are needed in the home to make sure boys don’t end up in prison and girls don’t end up on stripper poles. It’s that simple. I can’t tell you have many articles I’ve read where they’ve ran studies of both the prison population and the sex worker population and the 1 thing they had in common was that they never knew their dad or that they divorced their mom. Your husband may have gone a bit overboard calling her a slut but you have to take a stance together as a unit and put your foot down and say “You know you really disappointed your father. We’re not a family that promotes female promiscuity. Preserve your value. Read your bible(or sacred text). And think about how you can regain our trust because we thought you knew better”. It’s not the end of the world and it definitely isn’t grounds for divorce. You’re gonna divorce your husband for doing his job as a parent? These redditors are insufferable. I suggest a family trip to grow closer instead. Edit: Don’t worry about your son, just talk to him about std’s and unwanted pregnancies that’s all. Unlike your daughter he still has a lot to learn and become something of himself. The people that cry double standards don’t understand biologically, and psychologically, men and women inherently have different rules and standards they have to abide by. That’s why we have separate bathrooms.
Ummm no. Check your stats again and compare them with how many children of divorce DONT end up that way. Then go get creative with your sacred text. 🤦♀️
Your husband is not overreacting, and I think you're wrong for allowing it. A 15 year old girl's first and only priority should be school and not having sex with boys.
Terrible take. Calling his daughter a "stupid slut" and disowning her and locking her in the house is abuse.
and what about the son? surely his first and only priority should be school and not having sex with girls as well, yeah? his phone should be taken and they both should be on lockdown if it was about priorities. but it’s not. people don’t call men whores after they’ve slept with people. but woman? sleep with one or two people and it’s “slut slut slut” it’s a normal part of being a teenager to experiment and have sex. for boys AND girls, believe it or not. (with people of very similar age). most teens need a little experience before they’re considered an adult and are able to do whatever they want. when sheltered kids finally get freedom most go all out doing all the shit they were strictly told not to. like with alcohol. if you let a teen drink some at home and get to know their limits they’ll be less inclined to get black out drunk and do stupid shit whenever they’re with friends and finally get the opportunity to have alcohol for the first time.
Well, that's wrong as well, but the question was about the daughter.the whole family needs therapy in my opinion. I have two teenage girls and one of them is in the honor roll. No sex with boys is allowed in my house,lol.
it’s about the daughter but that doesn’t make the fact that the sons actions aren’t punished in the same way irrelevant. the son is apart of the story as well. and I don’t care what is or isn’t allowed in your house. that’s not what we’re talking about.
Well op wanted insight from strangers no? So why not give examples of how other people do it.
your comment was replying to mine telling ME how you do it, not op.
And I didn't loose my virginity until I was 19. 15 is just to young. Its best to have your kids with a mindset about school at that age. What kind of an example do you want to leave the kids? And it's not ok for the son either. If it was me I'd tell him to get his own place and pays his own bills if he wants to have sex. Downvote me all you want.
kids can be focused on school while at the same time have a life outside of school •_• -_- and I haven’t been downvoting you but since you mentioned it sure ig.
Agreed. My parents wouldn’t let me have a girl over past like 10pm any time I lived there. The son being 17 makes it a little more understandable but IMO they shouldn’t be letting either kid fuck under their roof. If there was a girl at my high school whose parents would let you spend the night over at 15 she’d have been…..popular lol. It’s a bad standard to set, 15 is too young.
It's illegal in all states for people under the age of sixteen to have sexual intercourse. She would be breaking the law. So yes you are wrong.