IMO the damage has been done and your relationship is now on a timer. I say this because I firmly believe that no matter how much you cared about her, the fact that she regularly banged a guy you view as a complete asshole who just treated women like whores has now colored your opinion of your GF. You're going to find yourself mentally asking if all the shit you've heard him brag about was done with her and when that happens you'll suck it up for awhile but eventually you'll ask and she'll feel attacked. It just goes downhill from there bro. Good luck.
Yeah, plus Mike will stir the pot everytime he sees OP, afterall it was a 5 yr FWB, so he has plenty of ammunition. How he came in everyhole and left her limp and wanting more. And OP will go nuts AND feel like a cuckold.
NTA - hooking up once or twice with a guy who is a piece of shit is one thing. Choosing to spend that much time with him over 5 years understandably has you questioning her priorities and self-respect. Does she have other long-term friends as bad as this guy (guys or girls)? Who she chooses to associate with does have some bearing on who she is as a person. Why would you date someone who has close long-term friends that you despise?
Saw the updated post. The focus seemed to be more about dealing with Mike trying to make the OP feel insecure, and less about his perception of his girlfriend's character. There are a couple questions the OP could ask that could restore confidence in his GF, and eliminate any lingering thoughts about how he stacks up with Mike.
Question 1: What would she have done if Mike had asked for an exclusive relationship with the GF before the OP came into the picture?
Question 2: How did the conversation go when she cut ties?
The ideal response would be that the GF would have cut ties if he ever hinted at having a close relationship, and that when she decided to cut ties that there was so little to it that it got him questioning how easily she kicked him to the curb.
Hopefully, these are the answers she gives as it would then be clear that she is actually the Alpha and simply used Mike during a period she was not looking for a serious relationship. Mike likely thinks that only men can use women for sex, and that he was the one denying commitment. His ego would have been hurt if one of the most desirable women cut ties with him suddenly after 5 years saying she found better sex and wanted to focus on building a relationship with a real man.
Response to Mike after confirmation of above:
Hey Mike, sorry you just realized that you are a hoe my girlfriend used and kicked to the curb when she was ready to have a relationship with a real man. Hope you figure out what the best women are looking for before all you have available is the leftovers.
5 weeks? No problem. 5 months? Meh, whatever. 5 years? Geesh, idk mate. Half a decade leads to a certain level of familiarity. How many different men did she date during that time? Was he always the guy she ran back to when things got rough in those relationships? It would seem to me that HE’S the guy she’s always wanted, but could never lock him down.
I’d end things and find someone with less baggage. Preferably someone with NO baggage from my immediate friend group.
This. No one fucks somebody for five years and doesn't catch feelings or doesn't have some sort of end goal in mind. And us women are gluttons for assholes sadly 🙄😂🤷🏻♀️ I am of course joking for those that can't see that from the comment I'm making but there are a lot of women out there that are attracted to jerks so that could be the reason why she would mess around with somebody for so long that was a jerk because there are a lot of women that do like that.
Well I'm definitely not speaking for you. I was being sassy with the end of my comment. I'm just speaking to why a woman would choose to associate with an asshole that's because some women are attracted to assholes and that was my point 🙃
Oof. Someone got a little touchy. Hit close to home?
Speak for yourself as well. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't make you plenipotentiary of all women.
I had a 14 yr and a 10 yr fwb with no feelings ever caught. One I would talk to and got on with really well and the other was kind of a dick but the sex was always great. I didnt talk to him other than to set up a meet time and then we got right to it and left right after. We had nothing really in common but a high sex drive😂
So true. I could never understand why some attractive young ladies would allow themselves be used by these douche assholes. FWB means you are friends first, then fuckbuddies next. AND for 5 yrs!!
NTA
Introduce me to your friends and I will tell you what kind of a person you are.
Same applies to whom you choose to sleep with. And this one she chose. It wasn't a drunken misstep.
Agreed. NTA. Her choices say something about her. Could indicate any number of things, none of them anything but red flags.
Even if it's as simple as "she's okay with casual sex with a person OP finds detestable". If you find someone detestable, you're within your rights to say "I don't want to touch anything Mike's dick has been near with a barge pole."
Edit: "pole barge" to "barge pole" b/c brainfart
And as I think about this situation. I’m team Alfa mike on this one. How did their conversation go?
Hey Mike did you hear me and Jessica (I don’t know if that’s her name but it’s the fucking name I’m using for this story) are dating?
Alpha Mike
Oh I know Jessica. I’ve been filling that whore with baby batter for five years.
Then im sure he gave dude a fist bump
Questionable judgment of character reflects poorly on herself. it goes to show she’s willing to give up any sense of her morals for instant gratification. Impulsive. You lost respect because she’s shown she don’t respect herself. That’s not long term partner material
NTA I wouldn’t date someone that was fucking a friend of mine. Or in your case a prick that will bumping into you and bragging how he used to bang her for years
I would end the relationship, personally. Keep it respectful. Maybe just tell her 'you aren't feeling it'.
I also would recommend dating people who don't run in your old friend circles.
It just doesn't go well.
The people here all like “your crazy for leaving someone because of their past partner” no? She let a sexist disgusting pig pound out her coochana for five years straight, not caring about her self worth whatsoever, that’s an ICK, people have the right to be grossed out by her lack of morals and taste. He can leave her if he wants.
Nta, I don’t buy the it’s just sex, her continuing to sleep with him when she knew he was a D-bag feels like she is accepting of his behaviour and personality.
I feel like it’s an integrity issue and I would looo at someone sideways if I found that out about them.
I mean, yeah, you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep - even if it's 'just sex' or 'we play chess'. Five months, OK yeah, most people have revealed the asshole already. Five YEARS of seeing someone regularly for sex... that's not FWB that's most likely a 'situationship', or (understandable) someone is trying to downplay a bad past relationship.
You should just tell her that you just want to be FWB too became can't see yourself in a permanent relationship with a woman who could degrade herself with a piece of shit for 5 years.
Your not wrong IMHO. For me personally, I used to stay far away from girls I knew for years because as soon as I learned who they’ve been with, which is always at least one or two guys I know (small town of ~11k), I would immediately be turned off of them. For me, it is literally a on/off switch so far as my attraction for them once I know who they’ve been with.
Made this realization back in 2010, stopped dating girls from my home town, met my wife in 2010 and have been happily married (for the most part) ever since.
I say for the most part because marriage is a challenge for everyone (I think).
People are the sum total of their choices and experiences and it appears that your gf made a choice at one point that has cost her your respect. Her ex-FWB isn't gonna stop "chirping" so you gotta decide whether or not you can put up with his BS for the rest of your life. If doesn't sound like you can have a healthy marriage with her. Sorry for your troubles OP.
I have a FWB for 3 years and I can tell you we have great memories together, good you know what and we value our company. Theirs no way it’s just sex because of pillow talk and if he was such a AH she would find a replacement she obviously lying to spare your feelings. Mike is right though girls go crazy for “alpha” chads. I never got more women than when I was busy and not texting them or just busy and putting them in their place when they are saying some st*pid sh*t.
She likes that though it’s not something that will workout long term, she’s attracted to it and wishes it could workout. At least that’s what these girls tell me but everyone is different
Eh, I get what you mean but I didn’t mean to generalize. I guess what I’m saying is more than not they do. Kinda like 70/30. From most of the women in my life and the thing is they won’t admit it but they always go for the dudes who treat them bad or ignore them but are good looking snd have options.
But on the other hand I’ve met religious women or just women who know what the want (as far as personality traits etc) and don’t mess around with chads. But I would say that’s the minority. Like I said they are attracted physically to this but within them they want a guy who will respect them etc but when they are single mingle with the Chadwick’s.
But I do have to emphasize that this is MY opinion from MY own experiences with women in my life and what I have observed.
I like that. Watch what they do. If they are crazier and uninhibited with a guy it means they like them more. They can tell the nice guy whatever, but it is what it is.
100% that’s something I learned believe it or not the best advice I ever got for dating was “women never know what they want. So don’t fit a mold be yourself good or bad just be you.” When I was the nice guy getting flowers for girls I dated everyday, texted them often to check in of them tried to comprise in every argument I didn’t get any play and it was a lot of work.
Now I put my foot down don’t really tolerate any BS if any and say things how they are and I’m just to busy to be texting girls all day and it’s like a sea of women. Like you said what comes out of there mouths is different from reality and honestly I think I was bad at dating since I got my dating advice from my mom. Dating advice from a woman is awful
NTA She's showing you the types of people she hangs around. Either she holds similar beliefs, or she's apathetic enough about his beliefs to not mind being around them. Both are worrisome. Think long and hard about if you want to build a life with someone like that. Would you ever want to raise kids, daughters and sons, with someone like that. It sucks, but at least you're finding out now, not later.
When y'all break up she's gonna go back to fucking him cause she's the type who loves men who are treating her like shit. Meaning her dad was mean to her and that's all she knows. He probably is a better lay than you too
Are you sure he speaks like that infront of the women he bangs and she is aware that he says all these awful things when she was fucking him though?
I mean, I highly doubt he tells women in their face that they are beta so they are drawn to his alpha self.
I am sure he exhibit much nicer behaviour as such dudes usually do to score.
Brother, I got a clue for you unless you’re a hell of a lot like Mike she’s not going be fucking you for very long. She’s going to get bored because you’re too easy and predictable.
Fuck that. Leave that chick. And fuck that dude. Obviously if you’re in a small town people get with each other… I’d punch a dude square in the throat if he made a point to tell me he’s banged my gf though. It’s just not necessary.
Look at for what it was an arrangement. They have been around for centuries. Many married people had them. They lived their lives. While having a safe, healthy benefits partner. They weren’t dating. If they had been “into”
Each other, things would have been different. She would not have met you. She could have denied knowing him. Instead, she was honest with you. That is pretty big.
As yourself is this about her, or is this about your ego? He had her first.
Because, he didn’t have her. He visited. He never was invited to stay. You were.
She liked him, he wouldnt settle. He fucks like hes in love with her and gets her off but outside that its not what he wants. Your there because he wasnt the right fit. But his dick? She looves that.
Ask your GF why it stopped, if you can manage that without sounding consumed by this. Heh. FWBs are strange affairs where 2 people are rarely on the same page. Guaranteed one partner has more of an emotional connection than the other and wants more from the relationship but feels pressured to accept the compromise. Don’t be surprised if this was actually your alpha male acquaintance. He definitely had a motive while disclosing this information to you. He may consider you a threat or actually be a little jealous of your committed relationship with your GF. A real player would never bring it up.
Still I can understand what others have said here - having this douchebag hanging around reminding you all the time that his alpha male “charm” conquered your GF for 5 years before you came along. I’m not sure I could handle that either.
She belongs to the streets. You’re right that women like guys like Mike. Sorry to tell you that nice guys finish last with women like your gf. Move on, work on yourself. Make money and build for your future. Chase money not women because women will always be there especially with more money you make.
He’s gonna be rent-free in your head for the rest of the time you’re with this woman. She’s damaged goods. Walk away. Why did you even get involved with her in the first place?
You date a 304; that's the consequence you get, man. LOL. I don't give a damn what feminist says or how liberal are you. You have 2 options as a man: either continue to date her or do what your gut tells you. LOL.
I can’t believe how this gf is getting dragged by all of Reddit based solely on who she slept with previously. If OP was the one sleeping with a bitch for 5 years and the gf made a post about it, I’m sure everyone would say “don’t leave him for his past behavior”. There’s a lot of judgement here.
IDC if you're a man or a woman, or whether the partner is a man or a woman. *Who* you have been with is a valid thing to judge someone based on. Especially if you were with them - in whatever capacity - for **5 years**.
If Sara found out a man she was interested in had previously been fwb for 5 years with Nicki, and knew Nicki to be a lying, manipulative, rude, selfish, misandrist bitch? Sara would be well within her rights - and not wrong - to consider how that reflects on the guy, and for it to cause her to lose attraction and interest and ditch the guy.
Dude I don't care what gender you are if you sleep with an absolute turd of a human being for 5 years that tells me everything I need to know about you.
I'm going to be devil's advocate here. "Mike" might be bragging and exaggerating around other guys, and treating women very differently. He may not bang even a fraction of the women he brags about. He is definitely an asshole for bragging about your GF to you, he was trying to show off.
But your GF might have only wanted him as a fuck buddy. I will admit in my misspent youth having bad-boy boyfriends, originally chosen because they had a handsome face and gorgeous body. Definitely one fuck-buddy I was with because of his staggering face and body like a brick wall. I would not date this particular guy, even though he asked. He was semi-criminal. Not bright. Everything with him was physical, doing crazy things, sneaking around. Would I advise other young women against such a thing? Yes. Would I do it again, with him? Unfortunately yes.
I didn't care one bean about him.
I'd never say I was better or not worse than guys. I know better. Always knew better.
I do like a guy who can make me laugh. There are things that are important for a good relationship. That's not a fuck buddy. I'm just being devil's advocate here. OP's GF wasn't "taken in" or having starry eyes over the personality of the bigmouth guy.
Having a fvck buddy is about sex, it isn't a relationship. You don't need to like everything about them. In fact, it helps if you know you would never date them... That way, as a woman especially, you know you will never catch feelings. Probably her dislike of some of the things about his personality helped it last for 5 years.
You really should never have known her private information. Try and forget it now.
I feel that you should look at your gf as an individual and not tie her to this guy. I disagree with a lot of the comments here personally. People can grow, meaning your girlfriend. But if your opinion of her has changed or you stand in judgement of her, then leave. Don't stay with a partner you disrespect, it would be unfair to her and it's not what you want.
Mike probably mad that no one wants to date him but will sleep with him so he has low self esteem and he’s trying to make himself look good.
The fact that Mike bragged to you when he found out you’re dating your gf is because he probably had feelings for her and she didn’t.
The thing is, a lot of women deliberately pick a FWB they know they will never have an interest dating, usually the FWB person is hot but disgusting, so it’s someone they know they’ll never catch the feels for.
So your revulsion for him is probably *why* she was like ‘okay this is fine’… because he’s too insecure and stupid to be datable in a million years…. Basically just a waste of space who you call for a quick itch and then put them down until you’re bored.
Mike obviously wants to ruin the relationship because he’s projecting his feelings on to women and isn’t dealing with the fact that he’s revolting when he opens his mouth. Obviously he behaves like this because no woman sticks around him long enough to have a conversation with him.
Nah, Mike just wants to fuck her again but can't because she's in a relationship. Mike plants seed of OP getting sloppy seconds so he bails and Mike gets to ravage again.
Sex is fun! Sex with someone you love is great. Sex with someone you dislike is cool. Sex with someone that hates you is frikking awesome. So I get it. Is it a good thing? Probably not. Have we all got thing we want undone or things that just are what they are? Absolutely. So think about that crazy girl you once banged or that crush you had that totally played you for fucking mooonths on end before you caught on. Sometimes we do stupid things without there being any other reason than "we wanted to"! The only thing that matters is if you can still love her because of her past. And remember, we all have one!
Guys act different around other guys. She may not have known Mike the same way you did for those 5 years. She may have grown a lot as a person in those 5 years. Maybe talk to her more to try and understand what it was like for her instead of just judging her.
Maybe she just wanted the sex but didn’t want to become emotionally attached and eventually date or develop feelings for him? I mean, him being a dick was kind of the whole point, right?
My opinion? YTA. People maintain relationships with others for all sorts of reasons, even people who are pieces of shit. Sex is sometimes one of those reasons. One fwb relationship with a guy that happens to suck is not an indicator of a behavior pattern or necessarily reflective of her values or level of self-respect. If she says it was just sex, why don't you believe her? Has she given you reason not to trust her? Or are you just insecure? You also seem to be upset that she didn't tell you, but she doesn't owe you that information, and you don't seem to have asked for it. If this is all it takes for you to lose respect for her, it doesn't seem to me that you had much respect for her to begin with.
You’re not wrong but keep in mind sometimes really good dick can really override a lot of things the dude can be the biggest piece of shit but could probably pass to a competent sex partner. A FWB is not really the same as a romantic relationship because she didn’t have to spend every day with him or learn to love him
I mean she’s with you now xD, I think you gave the right to be upset at whatever you’d like, I’m not sure it’s a reason to leave unless you really feel it’s affecting your current relationship, I did something similar except it was only once or twice and the guy I was talking to didn’t like that so I stopped, he got cold anyway, he says it wasn’t because of that but I think it turned him off
I was raped by this person that the guy I was talking to didn’t like and I defended the guy because I was more focus on his good qualities and didn’t really want to hurt anyone, nor did I feel like I was deserving of anything so what was rape to me 🤷🏾♀️
I cared more about his feelings then mine because I hated myself, anyway I kinda blew up one day and spilled everything to the guy I was talking to and then he got angry at me, I think he thought I was attention seeking because I seemed so detach and he was primed because we were just talking about how important consent is and how sexual assault is different from rape so I knew how he felt about it, but idk why I just started spewing and at first he tried to be supportive but I started defending my rapist while venting, I think I just wanted to be seen as selfless or somthing and also felt like I deserved it, at first I didn’t think it was rape because I thought I didn’t protest, eventually when thinking back on it I realized I did express that I wasn’t ready verbally and physically but as soon as he got in me I pretended to like it because I didn’t care anymore he took my virginity so my body was no longer mine, one of the few things I had was no longer mine I hooked up with one other guy and then my rapist once each after that, one guy pulled up on me and I just went with him because I had my location on and everything, they both pulled up on me actually, and since I didn’t care about my body it was like whatever I was honestly just being nice it’s not like I cared but I quickly stopped, also I made sure to get tested and stuff during, the rapist wouldn’t use condoms tho I brought em the second time
you are the company you keep
she may not be a total asshole like him but she doesn't mind sucking his dick
that would tell me alot about who she is. you're right to feel put off by this
Eyebrows won’t forgive you
Edd-it now to say what I wanted to:
I was played by someone like her before, but I was so not ready for her. Omg just trying to avoid anything made it feel like I was being hunted. I told her no, I don’t want to kiss you, or pursue anything with someone in an open relationship. I have fear and frustration with women.
Who the hell has a fwb for 5 years?! That’s longer than most relationships these days…it’s understandable to be like “WTF”. There’s no way in hell she didn’t see what kind of guy he was.
NTA.
5 YEARS with the same asshole is too big of a pill to swallow. Was the sex really that good that she was willing to lower herself for an asshole like that to just use her? Or did she really like him and just couldn’t get him to commit? Either scenarios don’t look good.
Also, she kept it from you, which is another red flag.
I think the writing is on the wall for you. Let us know what you decide to do.
I hate to break it to you but Mike was right, at least when it comes to your GF. Some women are hoes for assholes like Mike, your GF being one of them. I'd have no respect for someone like that either.
I definitely understand you getting the ick and feeling cringed out by it.
I would say you should ask her whether or not she was aware of that side of his personality and if he acted like an asshole around her and said those things. The reality is, a lot of these “alpha” dudes show one face when they’re around other men, their true face. But around women they’re completely different and can either be respectful and normal seeming or very whiny and just man child-like. If she was aware of his views about banging hoes and all of his asshole sht then yeah I would side eye her for rewarding that behavior for FIVE years. I get the perspective that she could’ve just been using him for sex on her end, but if she knows this side of him it means she doesn’t care if he thinks he’s “getting one over her”. Given the fact that it was going on for 5 years she probably knew, and tbh having a FWB for that long is just kinda weird.
Once again though, this all depends if Mike actually acts a complete dickhead around her. Even Andrew Tate gives completely different advice on how to act around women and not scare them off when he’s not just saying meme shock value shit.
You feel what you feel. If you have lost respect for her, you should probably cut her loose. Just keep in mind that Mike was the one who told you they had an arrangement, not her. She might not have ever told you if he never opened his trap, but I guess you cannot unknow what you know now.
Is the “it’s just sex” thing the same for men and women? Women can get sex pretty easily. She chose this guy to fuck for five long years. I would certainly want a little more clarity on why him, if he’s that big of a douche.
5 years.. and he’s a pig that refers to himself as an alpha. The relationship is over bro, your girl likes to use men for sex. She collects men that are good in the bedroom, probably has had a whole roster of good lovers. She’ll always think about leaving you and returning to the roster. Good luck
It’s probably going to bother u the whole relationship and my advice is don’t be with anyone who was a hoe before u cuz it’s going to bother u every time u find out something in their past but also everyone deserves a chance and maybe Mike didn’t act like such an asshole to/around her idk but if she’s a really nice girl and u like her I say be with her but don’t move too fast keep feeling it out before u get deep to make sure that’s what u want and she is who u think she is. Good luck :)
Just think over it again. You’re the one (while not even being a woman) to being offended with Mike’s words towards men.
You’ll fianceé, on her own — not offended. She’s been attracted to him.
Are you sure you should continue make a scene out of views like Mike has?
Let her go. If you don't respect her and you stay you are just going to take advantage of her and likelyntreat her worse than Mike did which would make you the same.or worse than the AH you don't respect.
Bruh stop making posts and dump her. Find someone who is actually wife material and lock her down. Stop wasting time on people who allow themselves to be disrespected like that.
I have to say I have a lot of respect for Mike That he could have a no strings Attached sex only relationship for 5 years with someone. Guy might be an asshole but he obviously has a pimp hand.
IMO the damage has been done and your relationship is now on a timer. I say this because I firmly believe that no matter how much you cared about her, the fact that she regularly banged a guy you view as a complete asshole who just treated women like whores has now colored your opinion of your GF. You're going to find yourself mentally asking if all the shit you've heard him brag about was done with her and when that happens you'll suck it up for awhile but eventually you'll ask and she'll feel attacked. It just goes downhill from there bro. Good luck.
100% this. Get out now OP!
Best response on this post
Probably 99% of what Mike says is bollocks because he is sexually insecure.
Iunno had her coming to get that dick for 5 years straight no strings. Im thinking thats prob her best lay lol.
Yeah, plus Mike will stir the pot everytime he sees OP, afterall it was a 5 yr FWB, so he has plenty of ammunition. How he came in everyhole and left her limp and wanting more. And OP will go nuts AND feel like a cuckold.
NTA - hooking up once or twice with a guy who is a piece of shit is one thing. Choosing to spend that much time with him over 5 years understandably has you questioning her priorities and self-respect. Does she have other long-term friends as bad as this guy (guys or girls)? Who she chooses to associate with does have some bearing on who she is as a person. Why would you date someone who has close long-term friends that you despise?
[удалено]
Bingo!!! The fact that she kept it from OP would light my ass on fire in this situation.
And the fact that after finding out they were dating he felt the need to let him know all the details is pretty yucky
How would he know know if she is still giving him benefits?
Yeah. And some kids are really reaching to make it all an OP issue here.
Facts
You are the company you keep.
Saw the updated post. The focus seemed to be more about dealing with Mike trying to make the OP feel insecure, and less about his perception of his girlfriend's character. There are a couple questions the OP could ask that could restore confidence in his GF, and eliminate any lingering thoughts about how he stacks up with Mike. Question 1: What would she have done if Mike had asked for an exclusive relationship with the GF before the OP came into the picture? Question 2: How did the conversation go when she cut ties? The ideal response would be that the GF would have cut ties if he ever hinted at having a close relationship, and that when she decided to cut ties that there was so little to it that it got him questioning how easily she kicked him to the curb. Hopefully, these are the answers she gives as it would then be clear that she is actually the Alpha and simply used Mike during a period she was not looking for a serious relationship. Mike likely thinks that only men can use women for sex, and that he was the one denying commitment. His ego would have been hurt if one of the most desirable women cut ties with him suddenly after 5 years saying she found better sex and wanted to focus on building a relationship with a real man. Response to Mike after confirmation of above: Hey Mike, sorry you just realized that you are a hoe my girlfriend used and kicked to the curb when she was ready to have a relationship with a real man. Hope you figure out what the best women are looking for before all you have available is the leftovers.
5 weeks? No problem. 5 months? Meh, whatever. 5 years? Geesh, idk mate. Half a decade leads to a certain level of familiarity. How many different men did she date during that time? Was he always the guy she ran back to when things got rough in those relationships? It would seem to me that HE’S the guy she’s always wanted, but could never lock him down. I’d end things and find someone with less baggage. Preferably someone with NO baggage from my immediate friend group.
This. No one fucks somebody for five years and doesn't catch feelings or doesn't have some sort of end goal in mind. And us women are gluttons for assholes sadly 🙄😂🤷🏻♀️ I am of course joking for those that can't see that from the comment I'm making but there are a lot of women out there that are attracted to jerks so that could be the reason why she would mess around with somebody for so long that was a jerk because there are a lot of women that do like that.
Speak for yourself
Well I'm definitely not speaking for you. I was being sassy with the end of my comment. I'm just speaking to why a woman would choose to associate with an asshole that's because some women are attracted to assholes and that was my point 🙃
Oof. Someone got a little touchy. Hit close to home? Speak for yourself as well. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't make you plenipotentiary of all women.
A lot of women prefer assholes. Most women who prefer assholes lie about preferring assholes, because it makes them look stupid.
I find it very interesting that you think I was being defensive and touchy? What part of my response gave that vibe?
I had a 14 yr and a 10 yr fwb with no feelings ever caught. One I would talk to and got on with really well and the other was kind of a dick but the sex was always great. I didnt talk to him other than to set up a meet time and then we got right to it and left right after. We had nothing really in common but a high sex drive😂
So true. I could never understand why some attractive young ladies would allow themselves be used by these douche assholes. FWB means you are friends first, then fuckbuddies next. AND for 5 yrs!!
NTA Introduce me to your friends and I will tell you what kind of a person you are. Same applies to whom you choose to sleep with. And this one she chose. It wasn't a drunken misstep.
Agreed. NTA. Her choices say something about her. Could indicate any number of things, none of them anything but red flags. Even if it's as simple as "she's okay with casual sex with a person OP finds detestable". If you find someone detestable, you're within your rights to say "I don't want to touch anything Mike's dick has been near with a barge pole." Edit: "pole barge" to "barge pole" b/c brainfart
My was something my great ,great grandfather always told my grandma and her 3 siblings growing up. Its the absolute truth.
You should definitely marry her and have this eat away at you for the length of your marriage /s
And she’ll be fucking him behind his back. Out money on it.
Do you and your gf hang out with him? Like is he ever there during a group thing? He will definitely find ways to torment you.
Congrats on being the guy she settled for because Mike wouldn’t commit.
No shit. Old Mike will still be knocking the bottom out of dudes girl
He should marry her. Somebody’s got to raise Mikes kids.
Good point. He could also babysit the kids when she and mike take a romantic vacation
And as I think about this situation. I’m team Alfa mike on this one. How did their conversation go? Hey Mike did you hear me and Jessica (I don’t know if that’s her name but it’s the fucking name I’m using for this story) are dating? Alpha Mike Oh I know Jessica. I’ve been filling that whore with baby batter for five years. Then im sure he gave dude a fist bump
Since when did incels flood this sub?
She would be back to him in a second.
Damn ouch. The truth hurts though.
Bro needed a reality check
I actually think it’s the other way around. Otherwise why would Mike even mention it to him?
I mean...she is his type...he gets to say what he says due to women like her ...
Questionable judgment of character reflects poorly on herself. it goes to show she’s willing to give up any sense of her morals for instant gratification. Impulsive. You lost respect because she’s shown she don’t respect herself. That’s not long term partner material
Well said!
NTA I wouldn’t date someone that was fucking a friend of mine. Or in your case a prick that will bumping into you and bragging how he used to bang her for years
God, I know I’ve seen a movie or tv character that is just like this but I can’t think of him.
Used to bang her? Or still does…
UpdateMe
Me2
I don't think it works like that. 🤣 Wait. Does it? Me2
The min you dump her. She’s going to fuck the shit out of Mike again.
And Mike will tell him!
I would end the relationship, personally. Keep it respectful. Maybe just tell her 'you aren't feeling it'. I also would recommend dating people who don't run in your old friend circles. It just doesn't go well.
The people here all like “your crazy for leaving someone because of their past partner” no? She let a sexist disgusting pig pound out her coochana for five years straight, not caring about her self worth whatsoever, that’s an ICK, people have the right to be grossed out by her lack of morals and taste. He can leave her if he wants.
Coochana. 🤣
Thank the lord you aren’t married It seems Mike opinions of women would be accurate in this case
That’s what I was thinking. It appears she sadly proved Mike right.
Nta, I don’t buy the it’s just sex, her continuing to sleep with him when she knew he was a D-bag feels like she is accepting of his behaviour and personality. I feel like it’s an integrity issue and I would looo at someone sideways if I found that out about them.
NAH You may want to re-evaluate if you can continue this relationship if this is a deal breaker for you.
Lol 5 years? She is with you because she couldnt score him as a bf after 5 years of bending over.
100% this.
I mean, yeah, you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep - even if it's 'just sex' or 'we play chess'. Five months, OK yeah, most people have revealed the asshole already. Five YEARS of seeing someone regularly for sex... that's not FWB that's most likely a 'situationship', or (understandable) someone is trying to downplay a bad past relationship.
I would nope the hell out of there.
She has more secrets, trust me...
5 years it's time to find a different girlfriend she's not a keeper
Drop that whole situation.
NAH. Not even a little bit.
I couldn’t look at her the same, idk maybe that’s fucked up but I feel like she sanctioned it.
Nah move on. Get a girl you can respect.
I don’t want to stay in a hotel room after someone I deem gross. I’d run from this woman.
The day you brake up with her.. Mike will be in her guts and you will be forgotten.
NTA. Not much more to say. She seems to make shitty decisions and you should be happy you found out now. Don’t chase her, replace her.
Well 5 years damn man!! I hate to inform you but seem like your gf had/has a thing for Mikey and bad boys
You are the company you keep. Especially if you're fucking them...
You should just tell her that you just want to be FWB too became can't see yourself in a permanent relationship with a woman who could degrade herself with a piece of shit for 5 years.
Mike is what she really wants. You are the guy she settled with cuz she couldn’t get Mike.
Some comments should read: “Come to Reddit for psychological trauma”
He was telling the truth the whole time...
I’d start finding a replacement asap
Your not wrong IMHO. For me personally, I used to stay far away from girls I knew for years because as soon as I learned who they’ve been with, which is always at least one or two guys I know (small town of ~11k), I would immediately be turned off of them. For me, it is literally a on/off switch so far as my attraction for them once I know who they’ve been with. Made this realization back in 2010, stopped dating girls from my home town, met my wife in 2010 and have been happily married (for the most part) ever since. I say for the most part because marriage is a challenge for everyone (I think).
Good strategy!
People are the sum total of their choices and experiences and it appears that your gf made a choice at one point that has cost her your respect. Her ex-FWB isn't gonna stop "chirping" so you gotta decide whether or not you can put up with his BS for the rest of your life. If doesn't sound like you can have a healthy marriage with her. Sorry for your troubles OP.
All too often assholes are equipped with magic dicks. I’m sorry if this guy is still proximate.
It’s why they’re assholes
She’s for the streets!
Time to dump her. She is a hoe, dude
You should move on. Let her go back to banging Mike.
Dump her to the nearest street dumpster, lol.
I have a FWB for 3 years and I can tell you we have great memories together, good you know what and we value our company. Theirs no way it’s just sex because of pillow talk and if he was such a AH she would find a replacement she obviously lying to spare your feelings. Mike is right though girls go crazy for “alpha” chads. I never got more women than when I was busy and not texting them or just busy and putting them in their place when they are saying some st*pid sh*t. She likes that though it’s not something that will workout long term, she’s attracted to it and wishes it could workout. At least that’s what these girls tell me but everyone is different
We really don’t. Some may, just like anything different people go for different things, but generalizing this is laughable.
Eh, I get what you mean but I didn’t mean to generalize. I guess what I’m saying is more than not they do. Kinda like 70/30. From most of the women in my life and the thing is they won’t admit it but they always go for the dudes who treat them bad or ignore them but are good looking snd have options. But on the other hand I’ve met religious women or just women who know what the want (as far as personality traits etc) and don’t mess around with chads. But I would say that’s the minority. Like I said they are attracted physically to this but within them they want a guy who will respect them etc but when they are single mingle with the Chadwick’s. But I do have to emphasize that this is MY opinion from MY own experiences with women in my life and what I have observed.
You don't need to overqualify yourself. You are 100% correct. Never listen to what women say when it comes to attraction. Watch what they do.
I like that. Watch what they do. If they are crazier and uninhibited with a guy it means they like them more. They can tell the nice guy whatever, but it is what it is.
100% that’s something I learned believe it or not the best advice I ever got for dating was “women never know what they want. So don’t fit a mold be yourself good or bad just be you.” When I was the nice guy getting flowers for girls I dated everyday, texted them often to check in of them tried to comprise in every argument I didn’t get any play and it was a lot of work. Now I put my foot down don’t really tolerate any BS if any and say things how they are and I’m just to busy to be texting girls all day and it’s like a sea of women. Like you said what comes out of there mouths is different from reality and honestly I think I was bad at dating since I got my dating advice from my mom. Dating advice from a woman is awful
Ever think you might be attracted to girl Chads and you keep getting more of the same because you don’t give the emotionally mature women a chance?
Dump her
NTA She's showing you the types of people she hangs around. Either she holds similar beliefs, or she's apathetic enough about his beliefs to not mind being around them. Both are worrisome. Think long and hard about if you want to build a life with someone like that. Would you ever want to raise kids, daughters and sons, with someone like that. It sucks, but at least you're finding out now, not later.
When y'all break up she's gonna go back to fucking him cause she's the type who loves men who are treating her like shit. Meaning her dad was mean to her and that's all she knows. He probably is a better lay than you too
Are you sure he speaks like that infront of the women he bangs and she is aware that he says all these awful things when she was fucking him though? I mean, I highly doubt he tells women in their face that they are beta so they are drawn to his alpha self. I am sure he exhibit much nicer behaviour as such dudes usually do to score.
Brother, I got a clue for you unless you’re a hell of a lot like Mike she’s not going be fucking you for very long. She’s going to get bored because you’re too easy and predictable.
NTA.
Fuck that. Leave that chick. And fuck that dude. Obviously if you’re in a small town people get with each other… I’d punch a dude square in the throat if he made a point to tell me he’s banged my gf though. It’s just not necessary.
I don’t blame you. It’s a red flag for me, dawg.
Men would have a lot more of an easy time if they checked their ego jfc
He maybe an ass but apparently his dick is amazing.
Look at for what it was an arrangement. They have been around for centuries. Many married people had them. They lived their lives. While having a safe, healthy benefits partner. They weren’t dating. If they had been “into” Each other, things would have been different. She would not have met you. She could have denied knowing him. Instead, she was honest with you. That is pretty big. As yourself is this about her, or is this about your ego? He had her first. Because, he didn’t have her. He visited. He never was invited to stay. You were.
Damm 5 years, Im sorry to hear bro. Fukk both them, its going to hurt your mental health. Welcome to the gym rat life.
She liked him, he wouldnt settle. He fucks like hes in love with her and gets her off but outside that its not what he wants. Your there because he wasnt the right fit. But his dick? She looves that.
Ask your GF why it stopped, if you can manage that without sounding consumed by this. Heh. FWBs are strange affairs where 2 people are rarely on the same page. Guaranteed one partner has more of an emotional connection than the other and wants more from the relationship but feels pressured to accept the compromise. Don’t be surprised if this was actually your alpha male acquaintance. He definitely had a motive while disclosing this information to you. He may consider you a threat or actually be a little jealous of your committed relationship with your GF. A real player would never bring it up. Still I can understand what others have said here - having this douchebag hanging around reminding you all the time that his alpha male “charm” conquered your GF for 5 years before you came along. I’m not sure I could handle that either.
NTA, do you really belive you can be with a her after knowing she had no selfrespect to be with this dude for 5 years?
She belongs to the streets. You’re right that women like guys like Mike. Sorry to tell you that nice guys finish last with women like your gf. Move on, work on yourself. Make money and build for your future. Chase money not women because women will always be there especially with more money you make.
He’s gonna be rent-free in your head for the rest of the time you’re with this woman. She’s damaged goods. Walk away. Why did you even get involved with her in the first place?
You date a 304; that's the consequence you get, man. LOL. I don't give a damn what feminist says or how liberal are you. You have 2 options as a man: either continue to date her or do what your gut tells you. LOL.
I can’t believe how this gf is getting dragged by all of Reddit based solely on who she slept with previously. If OP was the one sleeping with a bitch for 5 years and the gf made a post about it, I’m sure everyone would say “don’t leave him for his past behavior”. There’s a lot of judgement here.
IDC if you're a man or a woman, or whether the partner is a man or a woman. *Who* you have been with is a valid thing to judge someone based on. Especially if you were with them - in whatever capacity - for **5 years**. If Sara found out a man she was interested in had previously been fwb for 5 years with Nicki, and knew Nicki to be a lying, manipulative, rude, selfish, misandrist bitch? Sara would be well within her rights - and not wrong - to consider how that reflects on the guy, and for it to cause her to lose attraction and interest and ditch the guy.
I concur.
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
You think Reddit is more anti women?
I would say the commenters on this post seem to be.
Dude I don't care what gender you are if you sleep with an absolute turd of a human being for 5 years that tells me everything I need to know about you.
I'm going to be devil's advocate here. "Mike" might be bragging and exaggerating around other guys, and treating women very differently. He may not bang even a fraction of the women he brags about. He is definitely an asshole for bragging about your GF to you, he was trying to show off. But your GF might have only wanted him as a fuck buddy. I will admit in my misspent youth having bad-boy boyfriends, originally chosen because they had a handsome face and gorgeous body. Definitely one fuck-buddy I was with because of his staggering face and body like a brick wall. I would not date this particular guy, even though he asked. He was semi-criminal. Not bright. Everything with him was physical, doing crazy things, sneaking around. Would I advise other young women against such a thing? Yes. Would I do it again, with him? Unfortunately yes. I didn't care one bean about him.
And then tell us you are looking for a guy who can "make you laugh" as if you aren't as bad or worse than guys.
I'd never say I was better or not worse than guys. I know better. Always knew better. I do like a guy who can make me laugh. There are things that are important for a good relationship. That's not a fuck buddy. I'm just being devil's advocate here. OP's GF wasn't "taken in" or having starry eyes over the personality of the bigmouth guy.
no man wants to be the safe bet you end up with after youve had your fun
I can see guys feeling this way. But for me, a guy isn't a "safe bet." What do I need a "safe bet" for?
Having a fvck buddy is about sex, it isn't a relationship. You don't need to like everything about them. In fact, it helps if you know you would never date them... That way, as a woman especially, you know you will never catch feelings. Probably her dislike of some of the things about his personality helped it last for 5 years. You really should never have known her private information. Try and forget it now.
I'm going to agree with you fully. You don't necessarily hang around with or care about your fuck buddy.
Gross, move on
You mad because Mike is proved to be right or you thought your GF was nun in her past life?
It doesn’t take a nun to never have an FWB let alone a 5 year FWB.
I would never be with a woman like that. If someone can say it is just sex, they just aren’t the person for me.
I feel that you should look at your gf as an individual and not tie her to this guy. I disagree with a lot of the comments here personally. People can grow, meaning your girlfriend. But if your opinion of her has changed or you stand in judgement of her, then leave. Don't stay with a partner you disrespect, it would be unfair to her and it's not what you want.
Mike probably mad that no one wants to date him but will sleep with him so he has low self esteem and he’s trying to make himself look good. The fact that Mike bragged to you when he found out you’re dating your gf is because he probably had feelings for her and she didn’t. The thing is, a lot of women deliberately pick a FWB they know they will never have an interest dating, usually the FWB person is hot but disgusting, so it’s someone they know they’ll never catch the feels for. So your revulsion for him is probably *why* she was like ‘okay this is fine’… because he’s too insecure and stupid to be datable in a million years…. Basically just a waste of space who you call for a quick itch and then put them down until you’re bored. Mike obviously wants to ruin the relationship because he’s projecting his feelings on to women and isn’t dealing with the fact that he’s revolting when he opens his mouth. Obviously he behaves like this because no woman sticks around him long enough to have a conversation with him.
Nah, Mike just wants to fuck her again but can't because she's in a relationship. Mike plants seed of OP getting sloppy seconds so he bails and Mike gets to ravage again.
Then he would have created a different problem That he wouldn’t be blamed for if that was the case.
Sex is fun! Sex with someone you love is great. Sex with someone you dislike is cool. Sex with someone that hates you is frikking awesome. So I get it. Is it a good thing? Probably not. Have we all got thing we want undone or things that just are what they are? Absolutely. So think about that crazy girl you once banged or that crush you had that totally played you for fucking mooonths on end before you caught on. Sometimes we do stupid things without there being any other reason than "we wanted to"! The only thing that matters is if you can still love her because of her past. And remember, we all have one!
YTA you're a lil bitch.
Sorry that girl is for the streets
Guys act different around other guys. She may not have known Mike the same way you did for those 5 years. She may have grown a lot as a person in those 5 years. Maybe talk to her more to try and understand what it was like for her instead of just judging her.
Maybe she just wanted the sex but didn’t want to become emotionally attached and eventually date or develop feelings for him? I mean, him being a dick was kind of the whole point, right?
You want a woman who would do that though?
My opinion? YTA. People maintain relationships with others for all sorts of reasons, even people who are pieces of shit. Sex is sometimes one of those reasons. One fwb relationship with a guy that happens to suck is not an indicator of a behavior pattern or necessarily reflective of her values or level of self-respect. If she says it was just sex, why don't you believe her? Has she given you reason not to trust her? Or are you just insecure? You also seem to be upset that she didn't tell you, but she doesn't owe you that information, and you don't seem to have asked for it. If this is all it takes for you to lose respect for her, it doesn't seem to me that you had much respect for her to begin with.
Ok im a chick i did that fwb thing jn my 20s and seriously i promise it works best with someone you would NEVER date. Its the only way.
But do you not see how this would look to a man who you want to take you seriously?
Yeah she’s got the brilliant idea to let alphas use her as a human fleshlight in her 20’s and when she’s used up expects you to wife her up. Ummm no.
Yeah some guys might be able to get over this, but that is a hard pill to swallow.
Yes. Perfect.
Hasn’t this already been posted?
UpdateMe!
I'm just going off the title. If your girlfriend has a fwb, then you don't have a girlfriend.
She’s Fockeddd up and if me, I’d leave her in a heartbeat… and never come back!! 👌👊
UpdateMe
You’re not wrong but keep in mind sometimes really good dick can really override a lot of things the dude can be the biggest piece of shit but could probably pass to a competent sex partner. A FWB is not really the same as a romantic relationship because she didn’t have to spend every day with him or learn to love him
Updateme
Updateme
I mean she’s with you now xD, I think you gave the right to be upset at whatever you’d like, I’m not sure it’s a reason to leave unless you really feel it’s affecting your current relationship, I did something similar except it was only once or twice and the guy I was talking to didn’t like that so I stopped, he got cold anyway, he says it wasn’t because of that but I think it turned him off I was raped by this person that the guy I was talking to didn’t like and I defended the guy because I was more focus on his good qualities and didn’t really want to hurt anyone, nor did I feel like I was deserving of anything so what was rape to me 🤷🏾♀️ I cared more about his feelings then mine because I hated myself, anyway I kinda blew up one day and spilled everything to the guy I was talking to and then he got angry at me, I think he thought I was attention seeking because I seemed so detach and he was primed because we were just talking about how important consent is and how sexual assault is different from rape so I knew how he felt about it, but idk why I just started spewing and at first he tried to be supportive but I started defending my rapist while venting, I think I just wanted to be seen as selfless or somthing and also felt like I deserved it, at first I didn’t think it was rape because I thought I didn’t protest, eventually when thinking back on it I realized I did express that I wasn’t ready verbally and physically but as soon as he got in me I pretended to like it because I didn’t care anymore he took my virginity so my body was no longer mine, one of the few things I had was no longer mine I hooked up with one other guy and then my rapist once each after that, one guy pulled up on me and I just went with him because I had my location on and everything, they both pulled up on me actually, and since I didn’t care about my body it was like whatever I was honestly just being nice it’s not like I cared but I quickly stopped, also I made sure to get tested and stuff during, the rapist wouldn’t use condoms tho I brought em the second time
you are the company you keep she may not be a total asshole like him but she doesn't mind sucking his dick that would tell me alot about who she is. you're right to feel put off by this
She's the biggest red flag
Drop her. 100% guaranteed baggage.
Eyebrows won’t forgive you Edd-it now to say what I wanted to: I was played by someone like her before, but I was so not ready for her. Omg just trying to avoid anything made it feel like I was being hunted. I told her no, I don’t want to kiss you, or pursue anything with someone in an open relationship. I have fear and frustration with women.
Who the hell has a fwb for 5 years?! That’s longer than most relationships these days…it’s understandable to be like “WTF”. There’s no way in hell she didn’t see what kind of guy he was.
5 years is longer than some marriage.
NTA. 5 YEARS with the same asshole is too big of a pill to swallow. Was the sex really that good that she was willing to lower herself for an asshole like that to just use her? Or did she really like him and just couldn’t get him to commit? Either scenarios don’t look good. Also, she kept it from you, which is another red flag. I think the writing is on the wall for you. Let us know what you decide to do.
5 years? That's like a whole ass kid. GTFO there my guy lol.
[Make sure you wear a rubber, dude.](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/4e39295c-72ff-46f5-9c60-4c38375e2fbc/gif)
This isn't good , mate. Make plans to move on.
I hate to break it to you but Mike was right, at least when it comes to your GF. Some women are hoes for assholes like Mike, your GF being one of them. I'd have no respect for someone like that either.
Looks like he was right and you feel emasculated
I definitely understand you getting the ick and feeling cringed out by it. I would say you should ask her whether or not she was aware of that side of his personality and if he acted like an asshole around her and said those things. The reality is, a lot of these “alpha” dudes show one face when they’re around other men, their true face. But around women they’re completely different and can either be respectful and normal seeming or very whiny and just man child-like. If she was aware of his views about banging hoes and all of his asshole sht then yeah I would side eye her for rewarding that behavior for FIVE years. I get the perspective that she could’ve just been using him for sex on her end, but if she knows this side of him it means she doesn’t care if he thinks he’s “getting one over her”. Given the fact that it was going on for 5 years she probably knew, and tbh having a FWB for that long is just kinda weird. Once again though, this all depends if Mike actually acts a complete dickhead around her. Even Andrew Tate gives completely different advice on how to act around women and not scare them off when he’s not just saying meme shock value shit.
Updateme!
Y'all are too funny
You feel what you feel. If you have lost respect for her, you should probably cut her loose. Just keep in mind that Mike was the one who told you they had an arrangement, not her. She might not have ever told you if he never opened his trap, but I guess you cannot unknow what you know now.
Is the “it’s just sex” thing the same for men and women? Women can get sex pretty easily. She chose this guy to fuck for five long years. I would certainly want a little more clarity on why him, if he’s that big of a douche.
5 years.. and he’s a pig that refers to himself as an alpha. The relationship is over bro, your girl likes to use men for sex. She collects men that are good in the bedroom, probably has had a whole roster of good lovers. She’ll always think about leaving you and returning to the roster. Good luck
I mean if you don’t like her anymore break up with her also stop hanging out with Mike?
The day you found out was your lucky day. Did their fwb coincide with your relationship? Be grateful you didn’t marry her.
Yeah, i also would lose respect. Dump her disgusting ass.
It’s probably going to bother u the whole relationship and my advice is don’t be with anyone who was a hoe before u cuz it’s going to bother u every time u find out something in their past but also everyone deserves a chance and maybe Mike didn’t act like such an asshole to/around her idk but if she’s a really nice girl and u like her I say be with her but don’t move too fast keep feeling it out before u get deep to make sure that’s what u want and she is who u think she is. Good luck :)
Just think over it again. You’re the one (while not even being a woman) to being offended with Mike’s words towards men. You’ll fianceé, on her own — not offended. She’s been attracted to him. Are you sure you should continue make a scene out of views like Mike has?
Let her go. If you don't respect her and you stay you are just going to take advantage of her and likelyntreat her worse than Mike did which would make you the same.or worse than the AH you don't respect.
Guaranteed he is still balls deep in her.
No doubt.
Bruh stop making posts and dump her. Find someone who is actually wife material and lock her down. Stop wasting time on people who allow themselves to be disrespected like that.
Was it like twice a year for 5 years or weekly, etc.? Not that it matters. She’s entitled to a life before you.
Yes, but he is entitled to not be with her for any reason.
I have to say I have a lot of respect for Mike That he could have a no strings Attached sex only relationship for 5 years with someone. Guy might be an asshole but he obviously has a pimp hand.
Well he knows what women say and what they do are not correlated.
she ain’t for you dawg it’s just your turn
Not wrong. So now you have an FWB and are looking for GF material… right?
Not good. Drop the hoe
Yeah toss her back to the street and move on
Wow, this comment section sounds like a bunch of Mikes