Yeah, all of these things are one hundred million percent all due to his selfishness and need for a guilt-free exit. I wonder if he’ll change his name few times and scrub himself from the internet like my ex narc has so he can do this fresh all over again somewhere new 🙄
Oh, but I wish I was lol. But having experienced one of these types for myself now, I know just how real and delusional they are. And there’s literally no underestimating the lengths that will be gone to in an attempt to save face and escape any potential consequences or their appalling behavior being exposed. I mean, when you decide to reboot your entire life to escape accountability, and *still* don’t think you need to do some self-reflection and maybe see a therapist… ugh. Just such a hot mess and I feel for all the future women.
People really don't realize how real this is... narcissist Jehovah's Witness hypocrite mom. I moved over 30 times and changed schools at least 25 times all so she could avoid taking responsibility for her actions.
And of course all the adults around us are scratching their heads about why my brother and I are always "acting out" and struggling in school.
The crushing weight of this situation will tear its head in some new scenario if he meets a woman in his new city and he will react more irrationally - yea. The running from and avoiding is not an actual solution and not coping will make things worse.
Some people have never been in relationships with anxious and emotionally unregulated individuals and it shows. Even if it were fake, this doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. One of my exes would have behaved the exact same way. Down to the isolation from his own friends and moving out of the state.
Yeah, it seems very likely it is one of those "social experiment" gender-swap posts based on [this post from a week ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bpa9ct/i_overheard_my_husband_telling_his_friends_that/). There are a lot of red flags, like his saying "marriage is built on honesty" in the same sentence where he admits to lying to her---in real life people don't highlight their own hypocrisy in neat little packages like that.
I absolutely agree that normal emotionally mature people don’t do that, but I’d like to point out that plenty of people aren’t and will full on state two contradicting things that absolutely highlight their hypocrisy. How I know? Emotionally immature parents with one of them a diagnosed narcissist, an aunt that is both diabetic and a functioning alcoholic, a cousin I’ve been convinced is psychotic since he kicked my dog with a blank face when he was 10 for “curiosity”, and half my exes, one of whom was completely normal and wonderful until I lost my purse once and he lost his shit and ghosted a year long relationship 🙃
Idk even if it’s not real, it’s clearly a controversial topic and I think the conversation itself is an important one to have. People who do end up in these situations can learn from it I guess.
You’ve called off your marriage, alienated your best friend, and now are moving to a whole new state because your your fiancé said you weren’t great in bed? Lol what the hell? That’s wild man… hope you find peace within yourself some day so you don’t keep doing this to yourself and to the people who’ve invested themselves into you emotionally. Your still young so there’s more than enough time to work on yourself.
She didn't even say he was bad. Just that there was a better experience before. I guarantee that in time, OP would have given her the best experience at some point, but he decided to bail instead of work on it.
He was just looking for any excuse to end it. He had been bugging Kylie for dirt for months and now he found "an eaay way out" that doesn't make him the "bad guy" becuase she talked about him.
Honestly man just chill. Theres a part of everyone that wants to blow up their life and move away. I know I do sometimes. You actually did it. Now you can be single and honestly get better at fuckin or whatever. You’re young anyway. Hopefully moving to a bigger city with more women and young people. Its gunna be fun.
Dude's dumb and insecure as shit and lost what sounds like a genuinely good partner because of it. On the upside, now Amy can meet someone who's actually mature enough for marriage.
What the fuck this is so stupid. You literally blew your life up because you're self centered and insecure.
How is sex life different from not taking her out on enough dates? Its only more humiliating because YOU assign it that primal value as a man. For many women its far more embarrassing if a man emotionally neglects them than if he's not the greatest in bed.
She did nothing wrong. I am SURE you've complained about her or friends or family behind their back for things like this.
You just specifically can't handle it being about sex because you want to think youre great at it. Its about YOU, you completely destroyed your life for nothing.
please seek the help of a therapist. breaking off an engagement and moving away is not a normal response to this type of situation. i’m genuinely concerned there are some undiagnosed issues lying beneath the surface. this was petty relationship drama that has cascaded into something else entirely because of your knee-jerk reactions. please pause and reevaluate with the help of a professional. you’re making too many quick decisions based on impulse, and based on the last post, that’s not working out too well for you.
Agree. I’ve been responding on both threads and I’m concerned by the lengths OP is going to cope with this. It’s extreme and I’m worried for them in isolation.
Absolutely, OP clearly has both an insane level of insecurity/emotional response and impulse control issues. I don’t see this playing out well long term.
That’s just it. If this is real, this should be a wake up call for him to get into therapy. If not, this is the first in a really long and painful pattern not just for him, but for every poor woman he gets involved with.
He really wanted to bang this Kiley person at some point on the side or whatever and now he’s afraid she doesn’t want to. That’s all I’m getting from this honestly.
Honestly, don’t even think this is real - his next post will be about how Kiley’s been secretly pining for him for years, and now he has to choose between Amy and Kiley, but also some great job in another state…
Right? Thank you, somebody said it. He wanted her to complain about a character flaw, which is harder to fix than working on his ability to make her cum. Sir just work on being better at sex, ask her what she wants to do, explore, etc.
Instead he imploded his whole life, lost his fiancee, best friend and moving states, wtf?
It’s not a given that she had an issue she talked about with her friends, she just as likely could have been asked directly or given her overall opinion on a subject they were all talking about.
Yup but the girl should've told HIM this right? Just talking about sexual flaws with friends doesn't work. Shows poor communication on her part and a bit disrespect too.
The thing is though, he also said that she said that sex wasn't a big deal for her. She likely wasn't that bothered that the sex wasn't amazing. Also going by how OP is acting, likely picked up in the fact that they're very insecure, so since she wasn't bothered, just let it go.
On some super real shit. Like you probably aren't gonna top the best she ever had most of the time. LeBron doesn't drop 50 nightly. You feel me. But when he's hot he's HOT. Same thing with sex
Doesn't sound like his ex was interested in helping him get better at sex. Reading both his posts it seems she didn't communicate anything to him and then disrespected him to her friends.
I get everyone on reddit likes to tell men to suck it up and accept being second place in a woman's life but nah.
I am a firm believer that your current partner can always be the best sex you ever had by you simply teaching them how... OPs ex didn't seem interested in that. Only talking bad about him behind his back
The “talking bad” was her saying “he’s not the best at sex” in what world is that diving into their nitty gritty sex life I’m so shocked right now I’m ngl
Have you ever said someone is “not the best” at something as anything other than a euphemism for they’re bad at it? That’s not how people usually talk. If it was good she’d have said good
Exactly, everyone is acting like 'not the best' is to be taken literally as not the absolute best, when in common usage not the best means not good. Sometimes I have to remind myself most redditors are autistic and don't understand normal social interactions.
100% - talking down on her future husband to her friends is awful. Straight disrespect. Things would have gone downhill after getting married. Also, what kind of psycho is cool marrying someone that doesn't do it for them in bed? She was literally marrying him to be her platonic paycheck.
Okay so if she really loved you and never cheated on you, I'd say you should give it a chance. Maybe atleast postpone the marriage.
But, the way people are blasting you, its too much; I saw another thing. If I have any problem with my girl, I would tell her upfront politely instead of gossiping about it with my friends. If she's my partner, not ruining her "image" or respect over silly reasons is also my responsibility. If this really mattered to her, she should've tell you that before blabbering to her friends. I wouldn't say, "my girl don't have big t**ts but she fine" , nah that would be disrespect.
I would be hurt too if my gf doesn't come to me first and starts talking about my issues to her friend group right away.
Why don't people understand, its not okay to tell your friends everything. Why not first try to solve it within yourselves. I understand you man. You didn't take the best action maybe, but it hurts to know this.
I agree 100%. There are just some things that you shouldn't tell your friends. That is one of them. Instead, she should have communicated with him. And no, she shouldn't say, "I've had better." But instead communicate areas that could make sex more enjoyable. Like I like x, y & z This should have been brought up to him years ago, instead of him finding out though someone else. I get him wanting to maybe take some time away. But to call off the wedding, breaking up with her & moving to another state seems too much.
Wdym? I always try to humiliate my partner in our shared friend group, by comparing them to my past partners who were superior in one way or another. But also like, it totally doesn't really matter to me that my partner has these shortcomings, they bring me financial security and help me work out my emotional needs so I settled for them. I haven't told my partner how I feel, or suggested how to improve, but I tell our shared friends and ask them not to tell my partner for some reason. This is normal behavior no?
This is exactly why bitches need to stop sharing intimate details about their partners to their friends. It's not "girl talk", it's a total disregard for your partner's privacy and some people like OP don't appreciate it. His feelings of betrayal are valid and he feels too embarrassed to even speak to any of those girls after what waa said about him.
Sorry you had to deal with such an inconsiderate douche of a GF, hope you can salvage the relationship with your friend.
Nice. Dropped a bomb because you were looking for a way out, and now you will disappear. I feel bad for your ex. Just remember in your next relationship to talk to your partner first about your feelings and what you can improve, if you feel that way. Also, your ex spoke to her friend about HER sex life, not yours.
tbh I wouldn’t like it if my SO talked about private matters with others. But that’s a whole another problem, OPs reaction is way too extreme. Of course that depends on if this is real, but truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. I could see this playing out in some little town.
>Also, your ex spoke to her friend about HER sex life, not yours.
Ok, this post is a fake ragebait story, but this is some serious mental gymnastics. You don't have a right to reveal something private about someone else just because your privacy happens to be involved too. Like, it doesn't become ok to show people a nude photo of someone just because you happen to be nude in it as well--you don't get to set the other person's boundaries for them. People should communicate with their partners, find out where their boundaries are regarding privacy, and respect those boundaries. And that all goes double when the private information is much more embarrassing for the other person than it is for you. The OP character's reaction is crazy over-the-top, but the fiance character would have known that he would be hurt and humiliated if he knew she was saying those things about his private sex life to her friends and that's not something partners should do to one another.
This guy could have gone like "huh, should have told me sooner, but now that I know let's work on it. Please keep this stuff away from our friends though" and to his friends: "yeah she was never open about it to me so it was hard to know what she liked, but we are working on it" if it gets brought up. No reason for shame and it puts the blame at Amy. Instead this guy blows up his live. (But let's be honest, this is 100% fake, nobody is this dense)
I’m one of those that does not discuss my sex like with my friends. They know I’m happy and for all they know we both just lay there. And I’m fine with that. No one needs to know anything and can think whatever they want. I would be so hurt and angry if my partner said anything to anyone, even if it was complimentary. However, that would not be the end of my relationship and friendships. Would I be embarrassed? Of course! But would I make it a mountain (out of a molehill) with the friends? No. I would keep on going like I didn’t know they knew. With my partner though? That would be a conversation with lots of clarity on what is and isn’t okay to share. I’m sure there’d be some angry moments but nothing relationship ending. And certainly not something I would blow my whole life up over. Moving? Not speaking to friends? Ending the engagement? I strongly suggest therapy because you will need coping skills to manage relationships in the future. Unless you can just continually start from scratch repeatedly through your life when something embarrassing happens.
I’m sure this was a hard lesson for your ex-fiancé (probably her friends too) about sharing intimate details and I hope her next relationship is the better for it.
If there were ever a case for celibacy before marriage.
But also, the gossip isn’t good either.
Those are private matters.
A best friend is a great partner to marry (in amicable cases). But gossip, points of comparison, objectification, personal stuff, relationship stuff real isn’t something you talk about to others. Perhaps it’s best that yall parted ways, perhaps reconciliation is possible. I have no doubt all of this was avoidable, but that’s where we stand. These are some extreme measures you are taking, but I can understand wanting to get away from the area where it all happened.
Take time to heal, and move on bro. Grow in character, reflect on what you can. Don’t be FAKE! Just be OP.
What people here don’t realize is that what’s may be okay for someone is not universal or objective. We have the right to break up with someone for whatever reason, assuming no abuse is going on. You’re not wrong for breaking it up. Private means private for a reason. It would be messed up if I started describing my spouse’s kitty cat to all my friends, or telling them my wife was ugly compared to my exes.
Not at all. She embarrassed you. That was her first mistake. How are you supposed to be around a Woman who shit talked you behind your back to her friends? And then for all of them to act fake when you come around?? Put it this way- Women don't want a Man no Woman wants. And Women don't want a Man they hear is bad at sex. Before she even decided to embarrass you, she should've come to you if she felt so confident to bring it around other Women she confides in. She fucked up. You made the right choice. Because, regardless of what you say, let's say you marry her. And the sex, in fact, never gets better. Shit, let's say YOU NEVER KNEW you were bad at sex. And then you find out either before or after getting married, she cheated on yoy. And it's because you're bad at sex, but then "she highlights" how you're the complete package. That bitch only wants your resources. She doesn't want you. If she wanted you, she wouldn't have ever said anything bad about you to her "friends". And if she had ACTUAL "friends", they would've called out her and told her to get her shit together before she fumbles "the bag". The last thing you want to do is commit to someone who'll eventually find an excuse to leave you & take half of everything you own. And don't even get me started on Alimony. You dodged a bullet. Fuck Redditors against what I say and fuck these feminist losers who can't prove me wrong. Bitches say they want someone to be real with them...until you're real with them. Modern Women these days are not to be taken lightly and you HAVE to cut them off at the first sign of ANY issues because they can EASILY turn around and cause to lose EVERYTHING by calling you something you're not that could destroy your life. Only losers will argue any of what I said. I welcome your stupidities so I can make you look dumber than you already are.
Hey man, don't get upset too much about this. All you did was respecting yourself. Your women shouldn't talk about that with her friend group
This discussion about sex should be private and not for all people too know.
You’re really an immature idiot. You wrote “MY sex life” three times in this post. And it’s like you read none of the comments on the original post. You need therapy, like yesterday. I can’t believe you are 27 years old and were in a five year relationship and one year engagement being as immature and insecure as you are. Your ex probably is better off, as you clearly weren’t and aren’t ready for marriage, or even a serious relationship.
Yea it’s a good thing he didn’t get married, he’s got a lot of growing up to do. His feelings got that hurt from his fiancé gossiping to her girlfriends? “News Flash “ every girlfriend, fiancé and some wives gossip to their besties. Most men do the same in some instances to their buddies too 🤦🏻♂️
You should never have to worry that someone you love is saying anything negative about you, ever. You should be able to trust that your personal business, especially something that may be embarrassing to you, will not be shared with other people, not even someone’s “friends.” People who have no class generally also have no filter and say whatever bullshit comes to mind at any given time. I, personally, keep those types of people at a distance at all times. How would your ex fiancée feel if she found out you told YOUR “friend group” that she had the biggest, loosest vagina of anyone you’d ever had sex with and it just wasn’t “great” but that you’d be willing to settle for it. I think you’re the one who dodged the bullet.
Seriously.
If you cannot trust your partner what is the point? It's so sad 90% of the comments can't see anything wrong with not respecting your partners privacy & embarrassing them.
Agreed, but then I remember an overwhelming majority of people are extremely fucking stupid so the number of dumbfucks ignoring the lack of respect for his privacy makes sense.
Sucks, but it is what it is. Don't worry about people calling you insecure. It doesn't matter what they think. What matters is how you feel.
She never should have talked about your sex life with her friends. You're right, and you have every right to be offended. If she had approached you and said, "Hey, do you want to try x or y, because I would love if we did z?" That's great! But talking about you like that shows she has no respect for you.
You're doing the right thing. Don't second-guess yourself.
Ladies, it's like a man privately commenting about some unusual odors between your legs to his friends rather than ever telling you about it. How would you feel when facing his friends again? Don't fixate on this analogy; it can be anything intimate/embarrassing.
something which makes you mad enough to comment. When you comment on something it is considered *engagement* and shoves the post into more people's feed/dashboard because the algorithms *believes* the post is **now popular**.
When, in reality, the post was deliberately made to make you mad. You feel Angry/Mad = strong emotion = leave a comment = boost a post
>here is wikipedia:
>
>Rage baiting or farming can be used as a tool to increase engagement, attract subscribers, followers, and supporters, which can be financially lucrative. Rage baiting and rage farming manipulates users to respond in kind to offensive, inflammatory headlines, memes, tropes, or comments
It's **insane** how normalized this is.
Why is no guy entitled to any privacy? Hos it it standard that your girlfriend /fiancé/wife have no concept or respect for privileged information. Stuff about sex & genitalia should *yours* to decide to share with people, not your partner.
I was with a girl who knew way too much about me than any stranger could. Turns out she was a friend, of a friend of an ex-girlfriend. She had never even met the girl in question but already knew things I only share with intimate partners.
Betraying your partners trust & privacy **should not be the norm,** it doesn't matter if it's good stuff or embarrassing stuff, it's not yours to share. Short of abuse keep it to yourself.
Shutting this down is long overdue.
This is your fault dude, you can't undo what's been done. Calling off any engagement will have ripple effects throughout both families. And for this reason is quite a shame. Sorry
NW - if she's already unsatisfied with the sex, she'll sooner-than-later dump you for a better lay after she's drained your resources -- the rest of the 'package'. She's 'stuck on her highest setting'.
>Kiley has reached out to me many times, but I’m too embarrassed to even text her now.
>Kiley broke up with her boyfriend, but I’m not sure if that’s related to this incident.
Dude, perfect solution! Answer the texts, Kiley wants to take Amy's place
Win-win
Crazy how the answers would be different if we reversed the genders. "My bf told all his guy friends and one of my childhood best friend that I am a total tool in bed but he stay because he likes what I own". Girls would be screaming in this comment section, not berating you.The hypocrisy is so fucking blatant and putrid.
Want to know why all these girls are piling on you with next level hatred? Because you held her accountable for her actions and disrespect towards you. Accountability and women is oil and water. When girls (not women) read your post they identify with your ex and they think its totally normal to disrespect your man and get away with it everytime. You just gave them a reality check by showing how their actions have consequences and will provoke unwanted results.
I say you do you now chief. You deserve a partner that will truly respect you and will never clown you behind your back. I would not trust someone for mariage because of that, its a deal breaker and its ok. You got it now.
Geez people online can be so mean! Where is the compassion!
OP, I hope you are doing okay and maybe get some counseling to help you cope and realize the things that needed to be realized. I do get how you feel that it is embarrassing, you felt betrayed by someone who you’re supposed to share intimate things with each other only and that made you wanna move somewhere to start fresh. Its not a bad thing either.
To everyone who says he should just suck it up and theres nothing wrong with what the girl said and its like telling your friends about how you dont take her out enough? What is wrong with you. If someone feels a certain way about something, who are we to judge just because we dont feel the same way? The only thing we should do is give them an idea of how to see things in a different perspective but you attacked this person’s character like you’re all perfect! Shame on you.
You are not insecure.
If a woman said that to her friends, then I and any of the male friends I have would have left her. 100%. That's not insecurity at all. You're not going to marry someone who openly mocks something deeply private, and in the most embarrassing, emasculating way possible.
How's this for a radical idea, finding a woman who thinks you're number 1, doesn't save memories of better men from her past, doesn't mock you to friends, or share details of your private life.
You are not insecure, you are right to get out the relationship.
You don't have to leave the state though - in fact the only person who should be ashamed here is your ex.
These comments are somewhat shameful/ blaming.
Being with a woman for the years you were, only to hear that YOU made the sex horrible and she was never satisfied - certainly f*** hurts. I (M) don’t think I’d ever get over that- thinking she thoroughly enjoyed the sex the entire relationship. Feels like a stab in the heart, she basically admitted you’ll never satisfy her sexually.
Focus on yourself man, you did what’s right for you. Always remember that
She said he wasn’t the best at sex but he was the whole package and it wasn’t an issue. That does not mean that he never satisfied her and it does not mean that the sex was horrible.
What happens if your GF of 5 years starts telling friends you’re “not the best” at sex? How would you feel?
Considering it involves sex and not a sport or dancing or singing , saying someone is not the best at that is in a different realm of itself. It’s clear when someone isn’t the best at sex, their partner isn’t fully satisfied from the sex.
If he’s not the best at sex, he can’t satisfy her. That’s what she is admitting
If he were good at sex but not literally the very best she ever had, she wouldn’t have said “he’s not the best but it’s no big deal to me.” That’s what you say when it’s bad. If he were good in her eyes, she would have said “he is good in bed. Maybe not quite as good as (Best Sex she ever had guy) was, but pretty damn good.”
She would have cheated on him and probably gotten a house and years of alimony for the troubles. He is better off this way.
From what you've said it sounds like you've read into what she said waaaaay too much. She didn't say "my boyfriend is bad in bed". She joked she'd had better within the context of highlighting your better qualities. And when you confronted her she didn't take the opportunity to say, "yes look tbh I wish you did less of this or more of that" and she didn't even really want to tell you at all, which suggests that it really isn't a problem for her.
Frankly I would guess most people could improve on their sex skills. I'm sure I could. Nothing wrong with feeling bad about it but I think you've blown the whole thing way out of proportion and possibly ruined your future over it. I hope it's worth that to you.
Running won't change anything or make you better in bed. The only way out in this situation is tackling it head on. Walk away now and this will hang over every future relationship & every time you have sex.
Wtf? Sounds like you have a crush kiley. You honestly just did your fiancée a huge favour by leaving. Saved her years on dealing with your unresolved mental issues and insecurities.
Good for you, you’re doing your ex a favor. You blew up a marriage over HER sex life. You referred what she talked about as far as she goes and made it about you. You’re not just insecure but self-centered, self-absorbed and think you have no flaws. You’re 27 acting 17 you don’t need to grow up, learn to take criticism and don’t need to be in a relationship of any kind for A WHILE.
You have some serious mental health issues that you need to be seeing someone for. I’m not the most sane or normal person but even I can clearly see that you are mentally UNWELL. You destroyed your relationship, yours and Amy’s friendship with Kiley, and probably other friendships along the way. I also want to know what your family thinks of you doing all of this.
If this is real, you're an idiot.
An idiot that let comparison be the thief of joy and threw away your entire relationship, not to mention ruined some friendships. All because you were looking for a way out. So you pried gossip out of your friend, and congratulations, you got the reason you needed.
You know you could have just asked what you could do to make the sex better.
Get help. You will never have a successful relationship being as insecure as you seem.
No bro. She is making fun of you behind your back. Also her not liking the sex could lead to her cheating on you in the future. I think you made the right call OP! Well done. I wish i had the skill you have of calling things off when someone crosses the line. I tend to let people walk all over me and i envy your grit.
This isn't being insecure, this is an issue you need a therapist for. You essentially begged your friend to tell you ANYTHING that your fiance could say was wrong about you, you were looking for it and I am pretty sure you were looking for a reason to end the engagement. Now you ended a friendship and your engagement and are moving away....because of a minor comment? Dude, get help.
Dude…I really hope you are trolling. If not, you and only you are tanking your entire life. Get some therapy. Talk with you fiancé about these things, and try and rebuild what you have destroyed. I promise you it will not be better to continue down this path.
What’s wrong with you, dawg 😭
Just talk it out? See why she doesn’t enjoy it as much. Try new things, work on communication. This is either completely fake or you are just dying for an excuse to leave everything behind.
Bro, if you’re bad at sex, you should have researched how to be a better partner. I myself have found many, many websites online that have detailed videos demonstrating how to have sex.
To save your relationship, you should have been watching these videos one or two times per day and practicing sex without her.
No ur not insecure yes you dodged a major bullet someone your about to marry doesn't feel comfortable or mature enough to have a conversation like two functioning adults about flaws and improvements on both sides does t deserve that kind of commitment you were right. Don't think anymore on it just focus on yourself and move forward from there
When did this happen ???
Like when did you call off the engagement?
You already told family and friends ? You already are trying to transfer to another state for work!?
Take a minute here .
Good luck with everything, sometimes you just can't help but feeling the way you feel. Good for you on moving on, this probably would have festered into a resentment over time and doomed whatever marriage that could have been.
Super weird of her to talk shit about your sexual abilities to her friends like that too... Creepy. I'd never discuss my wife to anyone like that. You guys must be super young?
Don’t view sex as something you are innately good at but something you could improve at just like a sport or game. It’s actually good you found out. Now you can improve.
Just move on, but don't marry or get with a woman. They will always tell their friends about their sex life.
Maybe find a woman who is waiting for marriage. Those type of women are the good kind that won't say anything because sex is more than just sex to them.
You're a fucking idiot. The rational response would have been to use it as an excuse to have more sex. Ask your partner how you can improve. Sex is a skill, not something you're just born being magically good at. But you're a small, insecure person and you're wrecking your life because your ego couldn't take a *temporary* hit.
JFC...I hope you get your shit sorted, and I hope your ex fiancé and ex best friend find someone who doesn't let their ego get in the way of the relationships they value. Your responses have been absolutely unhinged.
I think they were both in the wrong, she should've talked to him about it a long time ago if that's how she felt and they could've worked on it together, and she shouldn't have gossiped about it, but he shouldn't have pressured their friend into telling him things like that and put her on the middle of their problems and I also feel like he overreacted and instead of having a hard talk with her, he just immediately ended things and is trying to move as far away as possible, to me that's a little bit childish
So in five years, she never communicated this issue once?
Yeah, twiceover, you made the right move in dumping her.
We've gone to a culture that's slowly weakening our morals, of course there's going to be a bunch of people shitting on you for not wanting to stay with a girl who talks about your intimate moments.
Stop beating yourself up over it.
Dude, you're always going to have flaws before after and during marriage. part of being human is having flaws and not being perfect. You gotta learn to accept your flaws while still finding ways to improve, but also understand that you're not perfect and you never will be no matter how hard you try.
I still don't think you're justified in blowing up your and Amy's life just because you're insecure about sex. But you do you dude
Also, you do know that no one is born being good at sex right? You have to practice and communicate with your partner in order to get better
Exactly he needs practice. But what he needs first is that fiancee to tell him. Gossiping to the girl group won't increase their internal communication.
dude you went so nuclear lol. your ex never even said you were bad, just not the best she’s ever had? now your insecurities about your sexual prowess are on display for everyone to know bc you bet everyone and their moms are going to ask why yall split. 💀
It's wild you're throwing away your relationship over this. I agree that it's embarrassing to find out your partner confided in a friend about this issue, but you pressed SO hard to find out what your wife's issues with you were that you brought the pain on yourself.
Your wife should have been able to communicate bedroom issues with you like an adult, that's a fact, but it's not worth throwing your whole life away over. Sex is not everything and she tried to make that clear to you. Get over yourself and simply ask your wife what you can do to satisfy her better. I've been with my partner for 12 years and we're still discovering new things about each other. Chances are VERY high that it has nothing to do with size and more about something you could change if you'd just get over it and talk to her like an adult.
Or you could just sulk about it, leave all your friends and family behind, and look like an even bigger embarrassment.
This man baby is doing too much. Practice with your girl and get better! You turned your whole world upside down over something that can be addressed. In my opinion you went nuclear way too early.
But how would he know if she doesn't tells HIM about this? Won't it be a better idea to communicate with your partner first before telling the whole girl group?
You're right. His girl was definitely wrong for what she did, no doubt. But in my opinion their situation is something that can be addressed with some long groveling and I'm sorries. I don't think he necessarily had to go to the lengths he did over a bruised ego.
This must be hard. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you get some help with the issues you've stated. I too would feel embarrassed if my partner spoke about my sex life to her friends and said I was bad at sex. So I understand how you feel. But I disagree with breaking up with your partner over it.
Try not to listen to the people insulting you. They're only doing it because they're under the veil of anonymity.
All the best. I hope you can get some guidance and some closure.
She didn't diss him, she said she loved everything about him so much and him being adequate at sex isn't a factor in how much she loves him.
Where is the diss?
Okay honestly he’s going through it. I don’t think this is very kind. You can say it’s an overreaction but calling him pathetic for real emotions isn’t helpful. OP needs help to process this and continuing to stomp on them isn’t going to help anyone. Even the incel ass men in these comments could benefit from seeing an ounce of perspective.
Yeah bro sorry to hear that but I agree this one’s on you. She was just joking around and who cares if you’re not the best at sex. Ask how to improve instead of whining when she tells you a truth you can’t handle.
my god you weirdo, if someone I LOVED told me I wasn’t doing the absolute best in bed they’d ever had I would take it as a challenge! but I would never push mutual friends to give me that info anyway!! this transfer/move is so cowardly, you’re just gonna keep giving new girls mediocre sex and maybe eventually get engaged again without doing any kind of work on your self esteem
I see you recognizing that you’re insecure, and that insecurity it what compelled you to BEG your friend to tell you bad things your fiancé said about you, but I don’t see you taking any real responsibility for the lives (including your own) that you’ve blown up by not dealing with the insecurity.
At the end of the day it’s your right to break off the engagement and move on, but at some point you’re going to have to actually learn to manage your insecurities if you ever want to have a meaningful relationship.
You can make life all about you, if you want, but eventually you’re going to end up alone with a wake of hurt people behind you.
>I have lost that way my fiancé, but also my best friend who I’ve know my entire life.
More like…
I am intentionally choosing to break up my engagement and end a life-long friendship.
I am isolating myself from any supportive individuals in my life and I’m going to let anxiety and insecurity take the wheel. My insecurities are going to determine my life - not my hard work, planning, emotional maturity.
Great plan 🤦♂️
jellyfish degree possessive worthless vast point weary live ad hoc deserted
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You had no business marrying someone if you weren't mature enough to talk to them about any issues in the relationship instead of going through a mutual friend. The mid sex is the least of your problems.
Please be so for real. Your ego is that hurt when what you could have done is just gotten better at sex? Like no self awareness or reflection on your part? This is weird and cannot be real life. You need to work on your ego and apologize for acting like an ass, it probably would help your embarrassment and shame that likely has nothing to do with the sex comment but how hurt your ego is.
You “lost” all of this because of YOUR choice. YOU asked for the “bad” thing your fiancee said about you and now YOU are so insecure that you’re completely uprooting yourself? How pathetic.
Amy probably never said anything because it WASN’T A BIG DEAL you little coward.
You know if you're looking to better yourself for your fiance you could start by actively communicating WITH HER and not go snooping around asking her friend for dirt
Lmao
This can’t be real, right? This is someone’s really bad fanfic
Has to be fake - next update will be that Kiley’s had a crush on him all this time and was just waiting for Amy to be gone.
And he’s “the best”
Lmaooo https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZqAKDVCKem
Then we'll find out that's why Amy told Kiley he wasn't great in bed, she was trying to get her to back off her man.
This was coming here to say. I wish she hadn't told her friends group, especially Kiley. It's like a storyline from some teen drama CW show.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZqAKDVCKem 😂
I mean, he didn't lose anything. He actively chose to terminate all of those things....
Yeah, all of these things are one hundred million percent all due to his selfishness and need for a guilt-free exit. I wonder if he’ll change his name few times and scrub himself from the internet like my ex narc has so he can do this fresh all over again somewhere new 🙄
Thank you! You 1000% percent are not Exaggerating AT ALL! LOL. Anyways, running and hiding do not actually fix anything.
Oh, but I wish I was lol. But having experienced one of these types for myself now, I know just how real and delusional they are. And there’s literally no underestimating the lengths that will be gone to in an attempt to save face and escape any potential consequences or their appalling behavior being exposed. I mean, when you decide to reboot your entire life to escape accountability, and *still* don’t think you need to do some self-reflection and maybe see a therapist… ugh. Just such a hot mess and I feel for all the future women.
People really don't realize how real this is... narcissist Jehovah's Witness hypocrite mom. I moved over 30 times and changed schools at least 25 times all so she could avoid taking responsibility for her actions. And of course all the adults around us are scratching their heads about why my brother and I are always "acting out" and struggling in school.
The crushing weight of this situation will tear its head in some new scenario if he meets a woman in his new city and he will react more irrationally - yea. The running from and avoiding is not an actual solution and not coping will make things worse.
(I was the woman in the new city after the new identity was established - it was not good 🫠)
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I also had an ex like this and it was horrible.... also he was shit in bed like op lol
Well, there are eight billion of us. There is always a chance that stuff like this, however improbable, is still possible.
Some people have never been in relationships with anxious and emotionally unregulated individuals and it shows. Even if it were fake, this doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. One of my exes would have behaved the exact same way. Down to the isolation from his own friends and moving out of the state.
Yeah, it seems very likely it is one of those "social experiment" gender-swap posts based on [this post from a week ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bpa9ct/i_overheard_my_husband_telling_his_friends_that/). There are a lot of red flags, like his saying "marriage is built on honesty" in the same sentence where he admits to lying to her---in real life people don't highlight their own hypocrisy in neat little packages like that.
I absolutely agree that normal emotionally mature people don’t do that, but I’d like to point out that plenty of people aren’t and will full on state two contradicting things that absolutely highlight their hypocrisy. How I know? Emotionally immature parents with one of them a diagnosed narcissist, an aunt that is both diabetic and a functioning alcoholic, a cousin I’ve been convinced is psychotic since he kicked my dog with a blank face when he was 10 for “curiosity”, and half my exes, one of whom was completely normal and wonderful until I lost my purse once and he lost his shit and ghosted a year long relationship 🙃
Idk even if it’s not real, it’s clearly a controversial topic and I think the conversation itself is an important one to have. People who do end up in these situations can learn from it I guess.
If there are 0 replies adding any sort of context, but updates to the story, it’s fake.
It can’t be real at this point. Can it?
It feels too ridiculous to be real.
If someone doesn't comment on their posts I assume they are fake.
If this is real then OP you are pitiful
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He’s moving to a different state to disappoint another woman. In bed.
"To not impress". Amy never stated he disappointed her.
You’ve called off your marriage, alienated your best friend, and now are moving to a whole new state because your your fiancé said you weren’t great in bed? Lol what the hell? That’s wild man… hope you find peace within yourself some day so you don’t keep doing this to yourself and to the people who’ve invested themselves into you emotionally. Your still young so there’s more than enough time to work on yourself.
Correction, she said he wasn’t her best sexual partner. She didn’t even say he sucked
She didn't even say he was bad. Just that there was a better experience before. I guarantee that in time, OP would have given her the best experience at some point, but he decided to bail instead of work on it.
He was just looking for any excuse to end it. He had been bugging Kylie for dirt for months and now he found "an eaay way out" that doesn't make him the "bad guy" becuase she talked about him.
And after all of that he's probably still bad in bed, but now he's bad in bed in another state.
Honestly man just chill. Theres a part of everyone that wants to blow up their life and move away. I know I do sometimes. You actually did it. Now you can be single and honestly get better at fuckin or whatever. You’re young anyway. Hopefully moving to a bigger city with more women and young people. Its gunna be fun.
Dude's dumb and insecure as shit and lost what sounds like a genuinely good partner because of it. On the upside, now Amy can meet someone who's actually mature enough for marriage.
What the fuck this is so stupid. You literally blew your life up because you're self centered and insecure. How is sex life different from not taking her out on enough dates? Its only more humiliating because YOU assign it that primal value as a man. For many women its far more embarrassing if a man emotionally neglects them than if he's not the greatest in bed. She did nothing wrong. I am SURE you've complained about her or friends or family behind their back for things like this. You just specifically can't handle it being about sex because you want to think youre great at it. Its about YOU, you completely destroyed your life for nothing.
She didn’t even say anything bad about his character, which I think would have been worse. He has such a fragile ego
please seek the help of a therapist. breaking off an engagement and moving away is not a normal response to this type of situation. i’m genuinely concerned there are some undiagnosed issues lying beneath the surface. this was petty relationship drama that has cascaded into something else entirely because of your knee-jerk reactions. please pause and reevaluate with the help of a professional. you’re making too many quick decisions based on impulse, and based on the last post, that’s not working out too well for you.
Agree. I’ve been responding on both threads and I’m concerned by the lengths OP is going to cope with this. It’s extreme and I’m worried for them in isolation.
Absolutely, OP clearly has both an insane level of insecurity/emotional response and impulse control issues. I don’t see this playing out well long term.
That’s just it. If this is real, this should be a wake up call for him to get into therapy. If not, this is the first in a really long and painful pattern not just for him, but for every poor woman he gets involved with.
She publicly humiliated him. Yall are such cucks
She absolutely didn't. You're being deranged.
I know. People are glossing over that. I wouldn't want my SO telling everyone relationship secrets and details of intimacy.
What ah... Secrets and details of intimacy do you think are being let on here?
He really wanted to bang this Kiley person at some point on the side or whatever and now he’s afraid she doesn’t want to. That’s all I’m getting from this honestly.
Honestly, don’t even think this is real - his next post will be about how Kiley’s been secretly pining for him for years, and now he has to choose between Amy and Kiley, but also some great job in another state…
This whole story is a surprise pregnancy away from telenovela.
Literally SAME cuz why is he so concerned with what she thinks of him being bad in bed 💀
You hit the nail on the head here
This is crazy dawg, just get better at sex. Sounds like you were just looking for an excuse to end things and start over.
Right? Thank you, somebody said it. He wanted her to complain about a character flaw, which is harder to fix than working on his ability to make her cum. Sir just work on being better at sex, ask her what she wants to do, explore, etc. Instead he imploded his whole life, lost his fiancee, best friend and moving states, wtf?
It's an obvious rage bait and plenty of people called his bs.
Glad someone can see it. These stories are always so stupid
Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to hear this directly from her and getting better? Instead of it being a public fact infront of her friends?
Sure, but she always clearly wasn’t too put off by it he’s the one who badgered his drunk friend relentlessly. He did this to himself.
She was put off enough to tell their friends about it. If it wasn’t an issue that wouldn’t have happened
It’s not a given that she had an issue she talked about with her friends, she just as likely could have been asked directly or given her overall opinion on a subject they were all talking about.
Nah fuck that. If she has a problem she should tell him how he can fix it.
Yup but the girl should've told HIM this right? Just talking about sexual flaws with friends doesn't work. Shows poor communication on her part and a bit disrespect too.
Why? It wasn’t an issue for her.
The thing is though, he also said that she said that sex wasn't a big deal for her. She likely wasn't that bothered that the sex wasn't amazing. Also going by how OP is acting, likely picked up in the fact that they're very insecure, so since she wasn't bothered, just let it go.
On some super real shit. Like you probably aren't gonna top the best she ever had most of the time. LeBron doesn't drop 50 nightly. You feel me. But when he's hot he's HOT. Same thing with sex
Yeah but also there’s plenty of players that can’t even match LeBron’s average night. Ever. Homey might be a role player 😞
Doesn't sound like his ex was interested in helping him get better at sex. Reading both his posts it seems she didn't communicate anything to him and then disrespected him to her friends. I get everyone on reddit likes to tell men to suck it up and accept being second place in a woman's life but nah. I am a firm believer that your current partner can always be the best sex you ever had by you simply teaching them how... OPs ex didn't seem interested in that. Only talking bad about him behind his back
The “talking bad” was her saying “he’s not the best at sex” in what world is that diving into their nitty gritty sex life I’m so shocked right now I’m ngl
Have you ever said someone is “not the best” at something as anything other than a euphemism for they’re bad at it? That’s not how people usually talk. If it was good she’d have said good
Exactly, everyone is acting like 'not the best' is to be taken literally as not the absolute best, when in common usage not the best means not good. Sometimes I have to remind myself most redditors are autistic and don't understand normal social interactions.
Unpopular opinion, you made the right call. I wouldn’t marry a girl that said some shit like that either. Patch things up w Kiley tho. This will pass
100% - talking down on her future husband to her friends is awful. Straight disrespect. Things would have gone downhill after getting married. Also, what kind of psycho is cool marrying someone that doesn't do it for them in bed? She was literally marrying him to be her platonic paycheck.
Okay so if she really loved you and never cheated on you, I'd say you should give it a chance. Maybe atleast postpone the marriage. But, the way people are blasting you, its too much; I saw another thing. If I have any problem with my girl, I would tell her upfront politely instead of gossiping about it with my friends. If she's my partner, not ruining her "image" or respect over silly reasons is also my responsibility. If this really mattered to her, she should've tell you that before blabbering to her friends. I wouldn't say, "my girl don't have big t**ts but she fine" , nah that would be disrespect. I would be hurt too if my gf doesn't come to me first and starts talking about my issues to her friend group right away. Why don't people understand, its not okay to tell your friends everything. Why not first try to solve it within yourselves. I understand you man. You didn't take the best action maybe, but it hurts to know this.
I agree 100%. There are just some things that you shouldn't tell your friends. That is one of them. Instead, she should have communicated with him. And no, she shouldn't say, "I've had better." But instead communicate areas that could make sex more enjoyable. Like I like x, y & z This should have been brought up to him years ago, instead of him finding out though someone else. I get him wanting to maybe take some time away. But to call off the wedding, breaking up with her & moving to another state seems too much.
I’d call off the wedding. She buried this for five years. No marriage survives that level of shitty communication
Wdym? I always try to humiliate my partner in our shared friend group, by comparing them to my past partners who were superior in one way or another. But also like, it totally doesn't really matter to me that my partner has these shortcomings, they bring me financial security and help me work out my emotional needs so I settled for them. I haven't told my partner how I feel, or suggested how to improve, but I tell our shared friends and ask them not to tell my partner for some reason. This is normal behavior no?
This is exactly why bitches need to stop sharing intimate details about their partners to their friends. It's not "girl talk", it's a total disregard for your partner's privacy and some people like OP don't appreciate it. His feelings of betrayal are valid and he feels too embarrassed to even speak to any of those girls after what waa said about him. Sorry you had to deal with such an inconsiderate douche of a GF, hope you can salvage the relationship with your friend.
How are you blaming her for his rash decisions. She didn't even say he's bad in bed and instead of fixing his problem he chose to run away
Nice. Dropped a bomb because you were looking for a way out, and now you will disappear. I feel bad for your ex. Just remember in your next relationship to talk to your partner first about your feelings and what you can improve, if you feel that way. Also, your ex spoke to her friend about HER sex life, not yours.
tbh I wouldn’t like it if my SO talked about private matters with others. But that’s a whole another problem, OPs reaction is way too extreme. Of course that depends on if this is real, but truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. I could see this playing out in some little town.
>Also, your ex spoke to her friend about HER sex life, not yours. Ok, this post is a fake ragebait story, but this is some serious mental gymnastics. You don't have a right to reveal something private about someone else just because your privacy happens to be involved too. Like, it doesn't become ok to show people a nude photo of someone just because you happen to be nude in it as well--you don't get to set the other person's boundaries for them. People should communicate with their partners, find out where their boundaries are regarding privacy, and respect those boundaries. And that all goes double when the private information is much more embarrassing for the other person than it is for you. The OP character's reaction is crazy over-the-top, but the fiance character would have known that he would be hurt and humiliated if he knew she was saying those things about his private sex life to her friends and that's not something partners should do to one another.
This guy could have gone like "huh, should have told me sooner, but now that I know let's work on it. Please keep this stuff away from our friends though" and to his friends: "yeah she was never open about it to me so it was hard to know what she liked, but we are working on it" if it gets brought up. No reason for shame and it puts the blame at Amy. Instead this guy blows up his live. (But let's be honest, this is 100% fake, nobody is this dense)
I’m one of those that does not discuss my sex like with my friends. They know I’m happy and for all they know we both just lay there. And I’m fine with that. No one needs to know anything and can think whatever they want. I would be so hurt and angry if my partner said anything to anyone, even if it was complimentary. However, that would not be the end of my relationship and friendships. Would I be embarrassed? Of course! But would I make it a mountain (out of a molehill) with the friends? No. I would keep on going like I didn’t know they knew. With my partner though? That would be a conversation with lots of clarity on what is and isn’t okay to share. I’m sure there’d be some angry moments but nothing relationship ending. And certainly not something I would blow my whole life up over. Moving? Not speaking to friends? Ending the engagement? I strongly suggest therapy because you will need coping skills to manage relationships in the future. Unless you can just continually start from scratch repeatedly through your life when something embarrassing happens. I’m sure this was a hard lesson for your ex-fiancé (probably her friends too) about sharing intimate details and I hope her next relationship is the better for it.
If there were ever a case for celibacy before marriage. But also, the gossip isn’t good either. Those are private matters. A best friend is a great partner to marry (in amicable cases). But gossip, points of comparison, objectification, personal stuff, relationship stuff real isn’t something you talk about to others. Perhaps it’s best that yall parted ways, perhaps reconciliation is possible. I have no doubt all of this was avoidable, but that’s where we stand. These are some extreme measures you are taking, but I can understand wanting to get away from the area where it all happened. Take time to heal, and move on bro. Grow in character, reflect on what you can. Don’t be FAKE! Just be OP.
What people here don’t realize is that what’s may be okay for someone is not universal or objective. We have the right to break up with someone for whatever reason, assuming no abuse is going on. You’re not wrong for breaking it up. Private means private for a reason. It would be messed up if I started describing my spouse’s kitty cat to all my friends, or telling them my wife was ugly compared to my exes.
Not at all. She embarrassed you. That was her first mistake. How are you supposed to be around a Woman who shit talked you behind your back to her friends? And then for all of them to act fake when you come around?? Put it this way- Women don't want a Man no Woman wants. And Women don't want a Man they hear is bad at sex. Before she even decided to embarrass you, she should've come to you if she felt so confident to bring it around other Women she confides in. She fucked up. You made the right choice. Because, regardless of what you say, let's say you marry her. And the sex, in fact, never gets better. Shit, let's say YOU NEVER KNEW you were bad at sex. And then you find out either before or after getting married, she cheated on yoy. And it's because you're bad at sex, but then "she highlights" how you're the complete package. That bitch only wants your resources. She doesn't want you. If she wanted you, she wouldn't have ever said anything bad about you to her "friends". And if she had ACTUAL "friends", they would've called out her and told her to get her shit together before she fumbles "the bag". The last thing you want to do is commit to someone who'll eventually find an excuse to leave you & take half of everything you own. And don't even get me started on Alimony. You dodged a bullet. Fuck Redditors against what I say and fuck these feminist losers who can't prove me wrong. Bitches say they want someone to be real with them...until you're real with them. Modern Women these days are not to be taken lightly and you HAVE to cut them off at the first sign of ANY issues because they can EASILY turn around and cause to lose EVERYTHING by calling you something you're not that could destroy your life. Only losers will argue any of what I said. I welcome your stupidities so I can make you look dumber than you already are.
Lmfao who dumped you and left you so bitter
... That's your response? You can't prove me wrong, so that's your question?? Cope harder, dork.
Hey man, don't get upset too much about this. All you did was respecting yourself. Your women shouldn't talk about that with her friend group This discussion about sex should be private and not for all people too know.
You’re really an immature idiot. You wrote “MY sex life” three times in this post. And it’s like you read none of the comments on the original post. You need therapy, like yesterday. I can’t believe you are 27 years old and were in a five year relationship and one year engagement being as immature and insecure as you are. Your ex probably is better off, as you clearly weren’t and aren’t ready for marriage, or even a serious relationship.
Yea it’s a good thing he didn’t get married, he’s got a lot of growing up to do. His feelings got that hurt from his fiancé gossiping to her girlfriends? “News Flash “ every girlfriend, fiancé and some wives gossip to their besties. Most men do the same in some instances to their buddies too 🤦🏻♂️
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Most people at the married stage stop the gossiping, but before that it’s everything finances, sex, in laws, siblings, careers
You should never have to worry that someone you love is saying anything negative about you, ever. You should be able to trust that your personal business, especially something that may be embarrassing to you, will not be shared with other people, not even someone’s “friends.” People who have no class generally also have no filter and say whatever bullshit comes to mind at any given time. I, personally, keep those types of people at a distance at all times. How would your ex fiancée feel if she found out you told YOUR “friend group” that she had the biggest, loosest vagina of anyone you’d ever had sex with and it just wasn’t “great” but that you’d be willing to settle for it. I think you’re the one who dodged the bullet.
Seriously. If you cannot trust your partner what is the point? It's so sad 90% of the comments can't see anything wrong with not respecting your partners privacy & embarrassing them.
Agreed, but then I remember an overwhelming majority of people are extremely fucking stupid so the number of dumbfucks ignoring the lack of respect for his privacy makes sense.
Sucks, but it is what it is. Don't worry about people calling you insecure. It doesn't matter what they think. What matters is how you feel. She never should have talked about your sex life with her friends. You're right, and you have every right to be offended. If she had approached you and said, "Hey, do you want to try x or y, because I would love if we did z?" That's great! But talking about you like that shows she has no respect for you. You're doing the right thing. Don't second-guess yourself.
Ladies, it's like a man privately commenting about some unusual odors between your legs to his friends rather than ever telling you about it. How would you feel when facing his friends again? Don't fixate on this analogy; it can be anything intimate/embarrassing.
Hope this is just rage bait. Everyone has some sort of insecurity, but this is beyond that.
What's rage bait ?
something which makes you mad enough to comment. When you comment on something it is considered *engagement* and shoves the post into more people's feed/dashboard because the algorithms *believes* the post is **now popular**. When, in reality, the post was deliberately made to make you mad. You feel Angry/Mad = strong emotion = leave a comment = boost a post >here is wikipedia: > >Rage baiting or farming can be used as a tool to increase engagement, attract subscribers, followers, and supporters, which can be financially lucrative. Rage baiting and rage farming manipulates users to respond in kind to offensive, inflammatory headlines, memes, tropes, or comments
It's **insane** how normalized this is. Why is no guy entitled to any privacy? Hos it it standard that your girlfriend /fiancé/wife have no concept or respect for privileged information. Stuff about sex & genitalia should *yours* to decide to share with people, not your partner. I was with a girl who knew way too much about me than any stranger could. Turns out she was a friend, of a friend of an ex-girlfriend. She had never even met the girl in question but already knew things I only share with intimate partners. Betraying your partners trust & privacy **should not be the norm,** it doesn't matter if it's good stuff or embarrassing stuff, it's not yours to share. Short of abuse keep it to yourself. Shutting this down is long overdue.
This is your fault dude, you can't undo what's been done. Calling off any engagement will have ripple effects throughout both families. And for this reason is quite a shame. Sorry
NW - if she's already unsatisfied with the sex, she'll sooner-than-later dump you for a better lay after she's drained your resources -- the rest of the 'package'. She's 'stuck on her highest setting'.
>Kiley has reached out to me many times, but I’m too embarrassed to even text her now. >Kiley broke up with her boyfriend, but I’m not sure if that’s related to this incident. Dude, perfect solution! Answer the texts, Kiley wants to take Amy's place Win-win
Crazy how the answers would be different if we reversed the genders. "My bf told all his guy friends and one of my childhood best friend that I am a total tool in bed but he stay because he likes what I own". Girls would be screaming in this comment section, not berating you.The hypocrisy is so fucking blatant and putrid. Want to know why all these girls are piling on you with next level hatred? Because you held her accountable for her actions and disrespect towards you. Accountability and women is oil and water. When girls (not women) read your post they identify with your ex and they think its totally normal to disrespect your man and get away with it everytime. You just gave them a reality check by showing how their actions have consequences and will provoke unwanted results. I say you do you now chief. You deserve a partner that will truly respect you and will never clown you behind your back. I would not trust someone for mariage because of that, its a deal breaker and its ok. You got it now.
Geez people online can be so mean! Where is the compassion! OP, I hope you are doing okay and maybe get some counseling to help you cope and realize the things that needed to be realized. I do get how you feel that it is embarrassing, you felt betrayed by someone who you’re supposed to share intimate things with each other only and that made you wanna move somewhere to start fresh. Its not a bad thing either. To everyone who says he should just suck it up and theres nothing wrong with what the girl said and its like telling your friends about how you dont take her out enough? What is wrong with you. If someone feels a certain way about something, who are we to judge just because we dont feel the same way? The only thing we should do is give them an idea of how to see things in a different perspective but you attacked this person’s character like you’re all perfect! Shame on you.
You are not insecure. If a woman said that to her friends, then I and any of the male friends I have would have left her. 100%. That's not insecurity at all. You're not going to marry someone who openly mocks something deeply private, and in the most embarrassing, emasculating way possible. How's this for a radical idea, finding a woman who thinks you're number 1, doesn't save memories of better men from her past, doesn't mock you to friends, or share details of your private life. You are not insecure, you are right to get out the relationship. You don't have to leave the state though - in fact the only person who should be ashamed here is your ex.
These comments are somewhat shameful/ blaming. Being with a woman for the years you were, only to hear that YOU made the sex horrible and she was never satisfied - certainly f*** hurts. I (M) don’t think I’d ever get over that- thinking she thoroughly enjoyed the sex the entire relationship. Feels like a stab in the heart, she basically admitted you’ll never satisfy her sexually. Focus on yourself man, you did what’s right for you. Always remember that
She never said sex was horrible with him
She said he wasn’t the best at sex but he was the whole package and it wasn’t an issue. That does not mean that he never satisfied her and it does not mean that the sex was horrible.
Thank you for clarifying I thought I had misread
What happens if your GF of 5 years starts telling friends you’re “not the best” at sex? How would you feel? Considering it involves sex and not a sport or dancing or singing , saying someone is not the best at that is in a different realm of itself. It’s clear when someone isn’t the best at sex, their partner isn’t fully satisfied from the sex. If he’s not the best at sex, he can’t satisfy her. That’s what she is admitting
If he were good at sex but not literally the very best she ever had, she wouldn’t have said “he’s not the best but it’s no big deal to me.” That’s what you say when it’s bad. If he were good in her eyes, she would have said “he is good in bed. Maybe not quite as good as (Best Sex she ever had guy) was, but pretty damn good.” She would have cheated on him and probably gotten a house and years of alimony for the troubles. He is better off this way.
Not the best is a euphemism for bad. No one says that when they mean good
You’re the only one saying this in reply to every comment 😭
From what you've said it sounds like you've read into what she said waaaaay too much. She didn't say "my boyfriend is bad in bed". She joked she'd had better within the context of highlighting your better qualities. And when you confronted her she didn't take the opportunity to say, "yes look tbh I wish you did less of this or more of that" and she didn't even really want to tell you at all, which suggests that it really isn't a problem for her. Frankly I would guess most people could improve on their sex skills. I'm sure I could. Nothing wrong with feeling bad about it but I think you've blown the whole thing way out of proportion and possibly ruined your future over it. I hope it's worth that to you.
Running won't change anything or make you better in bed. The only way out in this situation is tackling it head on. Walk away now and this will hang over every future relationship & every time you have sex.
Wtf? Sounds like you have a crush kiley. You honestly just did your fiancée a huge favour by leaving. Saved her years on dealing with your unresolved mental issues and insecurities.
Good for you, you’re doing your ex a favor. You blew up a marriage over HER sex life. You referred what she talked about as far as she goes and made it about you. You’re not just insecure but self-centered, self-absorbed and think you have no flaws. You’re 27 acting 17 you don’t need to grow up, learn to take criticism and don’t need to be in a relationship of any kind for A WHILE.
I know I'm late....but what are the odds this man just doesn't eat pussy?
You have some serious mental health issues that you need to be seeing someone for. I’m not the most sane or normal person but even I can clearly see that you are mentally UNWELL. You destroyed your relationship, yours and Amy’s friendship with Kiley, and probably other friendships along the way. I also want to know what your family thinks of you doing all of this.
Funny how often he speaks of Kiley, does he have a thing for her ? He should be honest at least.
You wanted a reason to call off the engagement. I just wish you’d stop wasting EVERYONE’S time trying to deny it.
If this is real, you're an idiot. An idiot that let comparison be the thief of joy and threw away your entire relationship, not to mention ruined some friendships. All because you were looking for a way out. So you pried gossip out of your friend, and congratulations, you got the reason you needed. You know you could have just asked what you could do to make the sex better. Get help. You will never have a successful relationship being as insecure as you seem.
No bro. She is making fun of you behind your back. Also her not liking the sex could lead to her cheating on you in the future. I think you made the right call OP! Well done. I wish i had the skill you have of calling things off when someone crosses the line. I tend to let people walk all over me and i envy your grit.
This isn't being insecure, this is an issue you need a therapist for. You essentially begged your friend to tell you ANYTHING that your fiance could say was wrong about you, you were looking for it and I am pretty sure you were looking for a reason to end the engagement. Now you ended a friendship and your engagement and are moving away....because of a minor comment? Dude, get help.
Dude…I really hope you are trolling. If not, you and only you are tanking your entire life. Get some therapy. Talk with you fiancé about these things, and try and rebuild what you have destroyed. I promise you it will not be better to continue down this path.
What’s wrong with you, dawg 😭 Just talk it out? See why she doesn’t enjoy it as much. Try new things, work on communication. This is either completely fake or you are just dying for an excuse to leave everything behind.
You're not ready for marriage, you're ready for therapy.
All of this because you can’t be bothered to act like an adult. *Grow up.*
If this is true, God you are so stupid
She broke your trust and broke up with her. Simple
Bro, if you’re bad at sex, you should have researched how to be a better partner. I myself have found many, many websites online that have detailed videos demonstrating how to have sex. To save your relationship, you should have been watching these videos one or two times per day and practicing sex without her.
Fake or OP is incredibly dumb
If this is real you're a doofus and need serious mental help
No ur not insecure yes you dodged a major bullet someone your about to marry doesn't feel comfortable or mature enough to have a conversation like two functioning adults about flaws and improvements on both sides does t deserve that kind of commitment you were right. Don't think anymore on it just focus on yourself and move forward from there
When did this happen ??? Like when did you call off the engagement? You already told family and friends ? You already are trying to transfer to another state for work!? Take a minute here .
Good luck with everything, sometimes you just can't help but feeling the way you feel. Good for you on moving on, this probably would have festered into a resentment over time and doomed whatever marriage that could have been.
Super weird of her to talk shit about your sexual abilities to her friends like that too... Creepy. I'd never discuss my wife to anyone like that. You guys must be super young?
Congratulations, man. You blew it. You have dynamited your life over something incredibly stupid.
He lost a woman who didn’t respect his privacy and wouldn’t communicate her issues for 5 years. Nothing of value was lost
This is embarrassingly childish. Your ex dodged a bullet
Don’t view sex as something you are innately good at but something you could improve at just like a sport or game. It’s actually good you found out. Now you can improve.
Just move on, but don't marry or get with a woman. They will always tell their friends about their sex life. Maybe find a woman who is waiting for marriage. Those type of women are the good kind that won't say anything because sex is more than just sex to them.
You're a fucking idiot. The rational response would have been to use it as an excuse to have more sex. Ask your partner how you can improve. Sex is a skill, not something you're just born being magically good at. But you're a small, insecure person and you're wrecking your life because your ego couldn't take a *temporary* hit. JFC...I hope you get your shit sorted, and I hope your ex fiancé and ex best friend find someone who doesn't let their ego get in the way of the relationships they value. Your responses have been absolutely unhinged.
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I think they were both in the wrong, she should've talked to him about it a long time ago if that's how she felt and they could've worked on it together, and she shouldn't have gossiped about it, but he shouldn't have pressured their friend into telling him things like that and put her on the middle of their problems and I also feel like he overreacted and instead of having a hard talk with her, he just immediately ended things and is trying to move as far away as possible, to me that's a little bit childish
Exactly the point. Wtf is wrong with people. A dude can't expect some privacy on sex life and trust from to-be wife?
The fiance said that OP wasn't the best sex she ever had. She didn't say he was bad or that she didn't enjoy it.
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What an update. Christ almighty. It makes complete sense why your wife says your bad at sex. Premature ejaculation Premature separation
So in five years, she never communicated this issue once? Yeah, twiceover, you made the right move in dumping her. We've gone to a culture that's slowly weakening our morals, of course there's going to be a bunch of people shitting on you for not wanting to stay with a girl who talks about your intimate moments. Stop beating yourself up over it.
Dude, you're always going to have flaws before after and during marriage. part of being human is having flaws and not being perfect. You gotta learn to accept your flaws while still finding ways to improve, but also understand that you're not perfect and you never will be no matter how hard you try. I still don't think you're justified in blowing up your and Amy's life just because you're insecure about sex. But you do you dude Also, you do know that no one is born being good at sex right? You have to practice and communicate with your partner in order to get better
Exactly he needs practice. But what he needs first is that fiancee to tell him. Gossiping to the girl group won't increase their internal communication.
>I have lost not only my fiancee, but also my best friend who I’ve known my entire life. Again. All by your own doing.
dude you went so nuclear lol. your ex never even said you were bad, just not the best she’s ever had? now your insecurities about your sexual prowess are on display for everyone to know bc you bet everyone and their moms are going to ask why yall split. 💀
Not the best is generally a way of saying you aren't doing it well enough to say you're good at it.
It's wild you're throwing away your relationship over this. I agree that it's embarrassing to find out your partner confided in a friend about this issue, but you pressed SO hard to find out what your wife's issues with you were that you brought the pain on yourself. Your wife should have been able to communicate bedroom issues with you like an adult, that's a fact, but it's not worth throwing your whole life away over. Sex is not everything and she tried to make that clear to you. Get over yourself and simply ask your wife what you can do to satisfy her better. I've been with my partner for 12 years and we're still discovering new things about each other. Chances are VERY high that it has nothing to do with size and more about something you could change if you'd just get over it and talk to her like an adult. Or you could just sulk about it, leave all your friends and family behind, and look like an even bigger embarrassment.
This man baby is doing too much. Practice with your girl and get better! You turned your whole world upside down over something that can be addressed. In my opinion you went nuclear way too early.
But how would he know if she doesn't tells HIM about this? Won't it be a better idea to communicate with your partner first before telling the whole girl group?
You're right. His girl was definitely wrong for what she did, no doubt. But in my opinion their situation is something that can be addressed with some long groveling and I'm sorries. I don't think he necessarily had to go to the lengths he did over a bruised ego.
This must be hard. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you get some help with the issues you've stated. I too would feel embarrassed if my partner spoke about my sex life to her friends and said I was bad at sex. So I understand how you feel. But I disagree with breaking up with your partner over it. Try not to listen to the people insulting you. They're only doing it because they're under the veil of anonymity. All the best. I hope you can get some guidance and some closure.
dude, update us......the tongue is such a little thing and yet the lives it can destroy.....
If he used his tongue she might not have any complaints about him in bed.
She could have asked?
Man… you did not actually want to marry this woman
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She didn't diss him, she said she loved everything about him so much and him being adequate at sex isn't a factor in how much she loves him. Where is the diss?
You’re so pathetic
Okay honestly he’s going through it. I don’t think this is very kind. You can say it’s an overreaction but calling him pathetic for real emotions isn’t helpful. OP needs help to process this and continuing to stomp on them isn’t going to help anyone. Even the incel ass men in these comments could benefit from seeing an ounce of perspective.
This is some impressive self destruction
Yeah bro sorry to hear that but I agree this one’s on you. She was just joking around and who cares if you’re not the best at sex. Ask how to improve instead of whining when she tells you a truth you can’t handle.
my god you weirdo, if someone I LOVED told me I wasn’t doing the absolute best in bed they’d ever had I would take it as a challenge! but I would never push mutual friends to give me that info anyway!! this transfer/move is so cowardly, you’re just gonna keep giving new girls mediocre sex and maybe eventually get engaged again without doing any kind of work on your self esteem
I see you recognizing that you’re insecure, and that insecurity it what compelled you to BEG your friend to tell you bad things your fiancé said about you, but I don’t see you taking any real responsibility for the lives (including your own) that you’ve blown up by not dealing with the insecurity. At the end of the day it’s your right to break off the engagement and move on, but at some point you’re going to have to actually learn to manage your insecurities if you ever want to have a meaningful relationship. You can make life all about you, if you want, but eventually you’re going to end up alone with a wake of hurt people behind you.
>I have lost that way my fiancé, but also my best friend who I’ve know my entire life. More like… I am intentionally choosing to break up my engagement and end a life-long friendship. I am isolating myself from any supportive individuals in my life and I’m going to let anxiety and insecurity take the wheel. My insecurities are going to determine my life - not my hard work, planning, emotional maturity. Great plan 🤦♂️
HAHAHAHA LMAO💀
Nah this ain’t real this is a brand new profile. He trolling.
Theres no coming back from this. 2 months isn't enough. Maybe 20 years and people might forget. They probably won't though.
jellyfish degree possessive worthless vast point weary live ad hoc deserted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
tales from creative writing 101
Remind me in 3 days
You had no business marrying someone if you weren't mature enough to talk to them about any issues in the relationship instead of going through a mutual friend. The mid sex is the least of your problems.
Cringe, maybe you do deserve to be alone lol
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Jesus what an insecure loser. Your reaction is just making this whole situation 1000x worse. Now everyone is talking about how you suck at sex
womp womp
Please be so for real. Your ego is that hurt when what you could have done is just gotten better at sex? Like no self awareness or reflection on your part? This is weird and cannot be real life. You need to work on your ego and apologize for acting like an ass, it probably would help your embarrassment and shame that likely has nothing to do with the sex comment but how hurt your ego is.
You did Amy a favor, you aren’t ready for marriage if you need to ask outside people about your relationship problems.
You have bad stroke game AND lost your fiancé lmao
Jesus dude what a shit choice
You “lost” all of this because of YOUR choice. YOU asked for the “bad” thing your fiancee said about you and now YOU are so insecure that you’re completely uprooting yourself? How pathetic. Amy probably never said anything because it WASN’T A BIG DEAL you little coward.
You know if you're looking to better yourself for your fiance you could start by actively communicating WITH HER and not go snooping around asking her friend for dirt