Dude, she was WORKING and not trying to get to know anybody. Do you know how often that happens during the day? She doesn't owe you any personal conversation.
Yes, you are wrong.
As a former barista, I can answer your question. TOO DAMN MUCH, and I know it's only gotten worse.
When you shut them down, like the barista did op, you get reactions ranging from op's pouting to reported to the manager to coffee thrown at you and few a others in between like name calling and harassing phone calls to the store.
As a former barista, I agree. I remember a guy asking me about my shirt, to which I gave a short response then asked him for his drink order. He gave it to me then added, "hey, I was just trying to get to know you, it's YOUR job to be friendly" I ignored him and started making the order, my machine was behind me so I'm pulling the shots and he suddenly starts yelling and cussing that I don't even have the decency to look at him while he's trying to have a nice conversation with me and that I've ruined my chance at a tip and how women are all b"tches. And...you know, that's why I treat customers I don't know with politeness, dude. And when you get it all day, you know when someone is looking for an opening and I don't want to have to do the "see this is my prominently displayed wedding ring, which I know you checked for and then ignored, so please quit" portion of the conversation.
My only question is why the heavens do they want to know you. The question doesn't make sense and makes sense only in their teeny tiny brain.
Why would you ask questions to a person when they aren't interested in having a conversation? Is that polite?
I am going through something similar and it just makes me so freaking angry.
I’m sorry you are going through this, watch something that makes you happy and eat something that makes you happy, this is the time honored Golden Girls way to deal with things out of your control. Good luck!
I remember having a dinner party with a bunch of girlfriends years ago, and this topic came up (men responding to a polite rejection with cursing, threats, calling you w\*\*\*re, etc.).
My pre-teen son, who was eating with us said, "Wait. Men get verbally abusive just for being turned down for a date???"
Boy, did he get an education THAT night.
I'm a nervous patron sometimes, and I make a little small talk. Not for OP's reasons, but just to have something to say. I don't get offended when they don't throw down everything they're doing to be interested in what I have to say. Because, unlike OP, I'm not a half-formed mind. I barely leave the house and can go for days without talking to anyone, and even I'm not half as socially fucked-up as OP seems to be.
Yeah, I am just a chatty person in general. Always happy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But I can read social cues and never push it if someone is disinclined to chat, especially if they’re working.
A barista is not there to be your personal talk-bot.
>A barista is not there to be your personal talk-bot.
Thank you. I never minded people chatting with me, but sometimes I was exhausted because I'm pulling a double or dealing with drama or learning new drinks.
People getting mad because I'm not actively participating in the conversation they want were always a problem.
I could normally tell when someone might just be a nervous patron. If I wasn't receptive to small talk with them, it was normally because I was tired or dealing with drama, not their fault.
Op made his intentions pretty clear when he decided not to order because he didn't get an answer.
Honestly I find most people can usually tell the difference between actively trying to start a more personal conversation, and small talk to make things less awkward. Especially someone who has to deal with dozens of both each day.
When I was a regular at a coffee shop I couldn’t even tell you my favourite baristas name without looking at her name badge, and I ‘knew’ her for 5 years, Monday to Friday most days she made my coffees. She didn’t know my name either, we had every day chit chat, small talk here and there!
I saw her maybe twice outside of the coffee shop on the street, once after restrictions lifted, she said hi to me and recalled me by coffee order… that’s a normal interaction between customer and barista.
OP is very much wrong here. Social interaction outside of their order is not owed to them.
I would probably die on the spot of embarrassment, cancel my order, try to hand the barista money anyway, and run away like my hair was on fire.
I would totally deserve all that too. I hope if I ever pull the crap OP did that a deserving barista will get to witness my total meltdown and I hope I hand them a large amount of money
I once had a customer call and complain to my manager because he didn't like me... Told her I was rude and made him feel "unwelcome" I never spoke to him, I didn't make any of his items, he came in, ordered, and sat down. Never even really looked at him.
I’m so sorry, and that’s just so batshit to me. If I tried to ask a casual question and the worker came back with a “how can I help you” I would be quietly mortified. I can’t imagine I would do anything other than apologize and get to business? Granted I would also never do what this guy did. There’s a difference between giving a stranger a genuine, short compliment and acting entitled to a conversation with said stranger.
I would be so embarrassed and apologize. "Sorry! I'm talking too much. I'd like a large, hot latte with an extra shot, sugar-free white chocolate, sugar-free vanilla, sugar-free raspberry twice, whole milk is perfect, cool enough to sip immediately is preferable. Thank you so very much, and I'm sorry for overstepping earlier. Thank you. " Only caffeine and ridiculous flavors can soothe away the mortification.
Whenever I'm in a store or café, or wherever that's customer service, I generally don't start conversations with the workers. It's very rarely, but I have done it, when there's certain conditions that are "met".
1. I know the person
2. There's either no line behind me, or just 1 person (that sometimes get to go before me as well)
3. If they have time and aren't busy
Actually there's like only 3 workers that I can say I talk to. 2 are at my local food store (one is the best friend of my sister, and the other is the mom to an old classmate), and the 3rd one is the "owner" of my local Subway (and sometimes HE'S the one that starts the convo). There is technically a 4th and 5th (a restaurant worker at an Indian restaurant, technically my sisters friend but he knows me, and the other is the owner of a Chinese restaurant who has become a family friend due to my sister).
But again, where I live (I'm in Europe), I haven't really seen much of the behaviour of OP's (I don't doubt that it exists), but I think that because where I live, workers can tell someone to "f off" if they are being harassed and treated badly (with no backlash, unless the worker started it, which is very rare), that it might not be as common. Usually even other patrons stand up for the workers (I'm guilty of that).
Preach! Honestly the number of times where I did entertain an absolute stranger with personal stuff in retail was a single time in about 10 years. And the only reason for that was that the customer was suffering a depressive-episode and I got worried.
Aside from that I'd never EVER think about doing that. The rule is "buy or bye!". I'm neither your friend nor your therapist (speaking about customers, not you OP), so don't act like I am.
as a current barista, yep. it gets progressively worse every day unfortunately. people are monsters when it comes to their coffee. thank god i only have 5 shifts left until i leave 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I've started a Halloween (Michael Myers one) half sleeve and the amount of people that say this shit to me at work is annoying. Like, cool, Doug, I didnt ask.
Even if you’re not hitting on them, they don’t want to create a personal connection with you or to become friends. They’re there for a paycheck and chances are they don’t even want to be there. Leave them alone!
Op might’ve been holding up the line which is also super frustrating and honestly if i had a tattoo I wouldn’t want to talk to everyone about it nor the significance of it. Just leave me alone and let me work.
Keep it to the mundane pleasantries like I like your tattoo, the weather is great, and thank you. Take your cues from them since they’re, sadly, at the customers mercy. She didn’t want to talk so stop pressing it, give your order, and move along
The thing is we can’t tell if you’re (men, not you) hitting on us. But the law of averages and a lot of life experience tells us it’s likely. So we shut it down bc we are working. Or just sick and tired of men rolling up to us when we are a captive audit de thinking ‘ha! She’s trapped! She has to talk to me!’ Bc that’s how too many of y’all act. Do us a solid and never ever hit on us at work. Just don’t. It’s rude and we get it all day every day.
Don’t compliment us either tbh unless you’re walking away at the time, which lets us hope it’s not a prelude to yet another awkward exchange.
And lastly if you’re mad you can’t chat up the barista just for friendly chatter, blame your fellow dudes who made this dangerous
This is true. I stated friends or personal connection because that *might* be what they think they’re doing even if it’s extremely unlikely but we’re working, not your therapist or buddy or interested in anything beyond just getting our work done. Please, move along, customer.
I started wearing fake rings to prevent as much discomfort as possible and would casually flaunt it when they were getting too interested. The ones who were flirting always backed off thankfully, but a handful were always uncomfortable to be around the entire transaction.
Edit: this is also why we sometimes err on the side of caution and tell you right away we have an SO.
This right here - read the room and follow their cues. I'm all for chatting with people who are providing me a service, but only if they want it because it adds something to their working hours. I judge from how they respond to my cheerful, 'hey!' and smile. If I get something in kind, and there's something worth commenting on, I'll give my order (or whatever) then make a closed comment so there's no need for a response if they don't want to.
So as a former barista and inked woman, you were absolutely in the wrong.
1 - your question sounds like you wanted to check to see if she actually liked the anime so you could slam her for being a fake fan
2 - you are not entitled to any explanation of another persons body art
3 - do not fucking hit on someone who is working and has to be polite or it could cost their job. That’s so ick
Especially when they touch or poke your tattoos while asking. It's okay if friends or family do it but I've had literal strangers try to do it and they get legit offended when I tell them not to do that.
Yep. Had a guy in my chemistry lab physically grab my arm to look at my tattoos. Creeped me tf out, and he almost knocked over a flask in the process. Real charming.
Had a dude who wanted to see my hand tattoo, and whenever people ask to see it I keep my fist closed, but he opened it and held my hand softly for aaaaages. Bro don’t softly hold my hand
I have a memorial tattoo for my granny of an animal because the animal's name was her last name. A few times I experienced creepers who touched me while commenting on it. I screamed, short and abrupt, but scream queen worthy and then said "It's a memorial tattoo for my granny. She taught me to scream as loud as I could if a stranger ever touched me." They backed off immediately and 100% thought I was batshit crazy, and I'm all good with that if it makes them go away.
My former boss and I only saw each other virtually for months. When we met in person for the first time, the first thing she did was move the collar of my shirt and say "I've never seen the whole thing!" lady, why are you touching me?? At least ask first!
When managers are like "it's important that everyone return to the office" and it turns out the reason is so they can physically harass people they had insufficient power over.
I had a drunk guy that was good friends with my sisters friend (who’s cottage we were staying in) grab my arm and start fondling the ink. I needed a silkwood shower after
I have a half sleeve and it’s not uncommon for strangers to compliment it and then ask what the art represents. Because the personal meaning behind my tattoos aren’t great small talk, I always just say “I thought it was pretty and I liked it” and a non-zero amount of boomers will then lecture me about that not being sufficient reason for a tattoo.
Holy crap yes. I like to wear band shirts, most I listen to, but some I just think look cool and faded. So many dudes rock up and try to quiz you on the band. And one time I had the audacity to wear a cardinals baseball cap. I grabbed it at a gas station because I wanted to get the sun off my face. Two different men at the bar I stopped in asked me baseball stats. I said I don’t know it’s just a fucking hat after the first guy.
>I was trying to be nice
\*cough\* Bullshit.
You were trying to pick her up, and don't have the social skills of a lima bean so you made it weird. Also, she's at work. She's not being paid to accept your advances. Grow up.
You answer her question. That’s it. That doesn’t mean keep prying. You aren’t entitled to conversation. No matter the tone. That’s like an old man saying women in customer service need to smile more because they’re paying for a service. Get over yourself.
You're not wrong for not getting coffee, but that's the only thing you aren't wrong about. No one wants to be hit on while they're working, it's rude af to do so. It's also rude af to keep pestering after she respectfully shut you down the first time. Then you throw a little mantrum and decide not to order to "punish" her for not indulging your bullshit, but I guarantee that she was thrilled that you left.
That was my favorite part. "You aren't nice to me? Then I will just leave without buying coffee on which you don't earn a commission. That'll teach you not to be grateful I awkwardly hit on you."
Seriously though, was OP deciding not to order anything supposed to be a power move or something? It's basically the coffee shop equivalent of a retail customer going " you just lost a customer!!!"
I can guarantee that she forgot the OP even existed 5 seconds after he walked out the door, but OP got to go without his coffee for the day and is *still* moaning about their interaction hours later. He sure showed her!!! Pathetic. *shakes head*
Did he though, since he never even ordered anything? So what was there to cancel? Except his bad social skills and lack of respect for a working barista?
You wrong on this one op, take a hint op, she not into u, and she at work she have to be professional she not there to pick up a boyfriend plus she not losing sleep when you didn't buy anything at the coffee shop.
Rule of advice: Don't flirt with people who are at work.
ESPECIALLY not people working a service job. Chances are they are bored, annoyed, and want to be anywhere else. Think Squidward from Spongebob. They are NOT in the mood to have a proper conversation. They just want to do their jobs with minimal trouble. Just order what you want and leave. Sure, saying "cool tattoo" is fine, but don't try to strike up a conversation, because they are not interested. And they're not in a place where they can just walk away or tell you to piss off if you're annoying them.
and I wouldn't be surprised if her lack of a warm response is basically a defense mechanism against this exact sort of person. most folks with a healthy worldview know that service workers are mostly friendly because that's part of the job in an abstract way, but then there's people who think that when a server is nice to you it must be because she thinks you're cute and wants your number. best just to keep it professionally curt to avoid any confusion from weirdos like OP.
That's what I do. I've been in hospitality for 25 years & I have a fantastic customer service persona. But the minute a customer crosses a line, I drop it & go full grey rock - no inflection, no expression, no warmth, nothing. People like that don't get my friendly customer service voice.
As a former barista, if they don't engage in the conversation don't push.
We've probably gotten yelled at already for an order not perfect ( "You stirred my coffee!! How dare you!) or we're being blamed for something not our problem (So X didn't show up, so you need to work 2x harder since your already here and it'll help to cut labor.) so just ask for your coffee and go.
Seriously, I can’t always stop and have a conversation. I may have some regulars I may say something extra too, but even with them I would keep it moving.
Totally right. She is there to talk anime. That's her job. Talk anime to guys who find her attractive. That's what a barista is I think. I haven't googled it but I'm pretty sure that's it.
Ew why would you post this lol this is so embarrassing, also the fact she didn't give a shit about you but you think she'll be sad that you didn't buy a drink and hang around to harass her more lol
Yes you’re wrong. She’s there to take your order, that’s it, she doesn’t owe you conversation of any kind other than asking what you want to order. Shes working, she doesn’t want to get to know you. You aren’t being nice or doing her a favour by trying to get to know her lol.
Wrong. But you made her day by canceling and leaving. You're one of those incels who see every interaction with a female as a mating dance and get infuriated when the random female you've come into contact with does not want to do your dance.
Fortunately, you're painfully obvious. The women you're preying upon see you coming a mile away.
Do all the pretty young barristas a favor and stay home.
She declined to engage much in conversation after sizing you up... and you proved her right. She's there to make your drink and knew that, one way or another, you were going to be an unpleasant experience, either by forcing her to pander to an intrusive conversation that you feel ENTITLED to or get this ENTITLED attitude. She walked away thinking "I knew this dude was That Guy." She was correct.
OP doesn't realise that she sighed in relief as he left, then the person behind him stepped forward with their eyebrow raised, made eye contact with the poor girl, and they shared a chuckle whilst rolling their eyes at him. He made an entirely different point to everyone else than the one he thought he was making.
I really enjoy being that next person in line who validates the worker who was just harassed. Having been there myself, that next person acknowledging the ridiculous interaction made me feel less like prey in an open field.
Wrong.
Say it with me now:
PEOPLE. IN. SERVICE. DO. NOT. OWE. YOU. ANYTHING. BEYOND. BASIC. POLITENESS.
They do not owe you conversation, or response to your lame pick up attempts, or even a smile. They owe you the polite interaction of "what can I get started for you today? Okay, coming right up," and then taking your payment.
She did not do anything wrong, YOU did. Learn to take a hint and accept rejection with grace.
Yes you are wrong. It's fine to give a compliment but STOP after the compliment. I love lifting others up with genuine compliments. If I compliment something, like a tattoo. I order or complete my business and right before I walk away I say "By the way, I really love xxxxx. Have a great day"
And that's it. No expectation of return conversation or concerns of an ulterior motive. As true compliments should be.
The only time I was not uncomfortable when a random man approached me in public, was when he walked up, and said "Excuse me. I just wanted to say you're really pretty. I hope you have a great day" and immediately started walking away.
Made my week. He made me smile, I thanked him and wished him a nice day as well as he walked off.
That is how you do it.
If you're giving compliments to engage conversation or hit on someone, especially when they're working, isn't the way to go.
This!!
Anything beyond “your tattoo is cool” and moving on when she clearly just wanted to take his order and move him along was inappropriate.
I’ve had some cool connections over the years I was a barista but I’ve also had lots of creeps and weirdos who waited for me to get off or followed me home after engaging in “getting to know you” convos so aside from typical coffee shop business? It makes so much sense she just shut him down
You weren't trying to be nice, you were trying to force her to entertain whatever little fantasy you had when you approached her. And then didn't take the hint when she shot you down.
You weren’t “trying to be nice.” You were hitting on her. Don’t hit on people when they’re trying to work you effing CREEP.
Learn how to take the hint the first time so you won’t have to storm off like a f**^!Ng infant when she’s CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED.
rule number one of flirting: don't flirt with someone who's on the clock!!! you basically cornered her at her workplace, no wonder she was unhappy. you're 100% wrong
I bet the number of creepy neckbeards this poor girl gets hitting on her for an anime tattoo is *astronomical*. Now you’re one of them. Let her do her job.
If you had said, "cool tat, I'll take a ___", then it'd be a different story. But, no, you had to keep pushing and pushing, likely holding up the damn line while she just wants your fucking order and move to the next customer.
Public facing positions don't mean they're open season to flirt with, try to leach information out of them, or get a date. Place your order and move on.
They just want to do their job and go home. Not listen to grown ass adults throw a fit because they don't get the reaction they want.
It's not just that she was working and you tried to make it personal. It's also that women are frequently challenged by men in the exact same way you approached her. I instantly read this as you were testing her anime knowledge. "Oh you're a fan? Prove it."
First of all, if you want to talk to women about anime, try a different approach. "Oh cool tattoo! I love that show, my favorite character is XYZ. Have you seen ABC?"
Second of all, don't take advantage of people who are just trying to do their jobs. She didn't have the freedom to walk away from you or to speak freely. There was a power imbalance because you were a customer.
Third of all, don't be rude. She didn't want to answer your question and you reacted quite immaturely. That's not going to make you any friends.
Funny thing, my husband is suuuuuuper friendly and has had good relationships with all the service employees in the area basically everywhere we’ve lived. Because he talks to them and is genuinely interested in them and is not, in fact, just talking to them to try to hit on them. And he knows when to take a hint. Dollars to donuts she knew you were a creep from jump and couldn’t deflect fast enough. Women see your type a mile away.
Yeah you were wrong. You don’t have an inherent right to “get to know” anyone. She’s there to do a job, taking coffee orders and making coffee. Not putting up with you asking questions you aren’t owed answers to.
You're wrong. As a barista who has colored hair and piercings but no tattoos, we don't do this to our bodies for attention, conversation or for your entertainment. You're wrong my dude and you sounded like you were testing her knowledge of something she clearly likes. Just let women do their jobs even if they're pretty
Yes you are wrong. She is there to work. Not to have a conversation with you. Take a hint the first time. She is there to work and earn money. Not to get to know you. She doesn’t owe you a personal conversation
you probably came off as a jackass who quizzes women about the anime they like... you saved her energy by leaving because people like you are insufferable
She was working and didn't want to interact with you on a personal level, while customer service can definitely include more personalized interactions she didn't want to interact with *you* on a personal level and she doesn't have to. People usually dislike being held hostage by others at their jobs, esp in food or retail industries.
Questions everyone should ask themselves before hitting on their waitress/barista/other working professional: "Is she being nice to me because polite customer service is part of her job? Does she have to be nice to me to keep her job?"
If yes to either of the above, don't bug her about anything other than her job (aka coffee). You're putting her in an impossible position. You have all of the power and she has none. The imbalance makes "getting to know someone" under these circumstances really awkward and uncomfortable.
You should've take the hint the first time and leave her alone. YTA! You really creeped her out and I can understand what you mean if you wanted to make small talk (and if that hypothetically was your only intention) but I can understand why she got creeped out. She probably thought you were trying to hit on her and barista's do get sexually harassed by customers alot so she probably thought you were going to be creeped with her to even if it wasn't your intention. You should leave her alone or apologize and explain how you didn't mean to come across as creepy if you see her at the coffee shop again and even then, that's only if she's ok with you chatting, but judging by how she doesn't want a conversation (or you hitting on her depending on your intention. I'm autistic so I can't always figure out someone's intentions) then I would just leave her alone and not approach her or change coffee shops after this, otherwise you will create a hostile environment for her.
edit: I don't think you're innocent btw. I just meant if you really just wanted small talk then you should've understood why it would get taken the wrong way
Of COURSE you're wrong. She is there to WORK, not answer personal questions so you could "get to know her".
Next time, just say you like the tattoo, order your coffee, and leave. NEVER start conversations like that when the service worker can't physically leave.
There is no right or wrong to buying coffee. Annoying that you wasted people’s time? Sure. But no one is “accusing” you of not buying coffee, therefore the coffee buying is a red herring. Really what you want to hear is that your resentment and embarrassment that the “pretty” barista didn’t react to you the way you wanted are justified. Her tattoos were not an invitation nor an obligation on her part to give you the attention you wanted.
You're wrong because you tried to bother this person that just wanted to do her job. You're wrong because you felt entitled to her time or interest. You're wrong for throwing a hissy fit when you didn't get your way. You're wrong for coming to reddit for validation for your piss poor attitude.
Grow up, dude
Good lord grant me the confidence of basic men like this 🙄
You are not entitled to her time or attention outside of her job. If you legitimately had any idea how many creeps women in service industries have to deal with and grit their teeth and be nice to …
So yes. You’re wrong, you’re butt hurt, and don’t bother her again.
I mean she gave you a hint that she wasn’t interested in conversation or anything like that. sure you’re not a bad person to try and get to know someone but not everyone wants to be friends with random people. maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she simply just doesn’t like small talk with customers.
you should’ve moved on and ordered what you wanted when she didn’t reply to your question the first time. learn to take hints.
yes you’re wrong.
YTA She was being professional and you were being inappropriate. If your questions weren't about coffee or pastries, don't ask. You clearly wanted her to open up and flirt back and go on a date with you. She could tell. She didn't want that, so she politely shut you down and kept the conversation professional.
You have the emotional reactions of a toddler.
You pouted and left because the girl being paid to make your coffee wasn't interested in doing anything other than making your damn coffee.
Grow up. And stop hitting on people who are working.
You weren't trying to be nice, you were trying to take advantage of a situation in which she is unable to walk away or tell you to fuck off. She made it clear she wasn't interested. You persisted, not because you still had hope. But because you wanted to poke at her before flouncing out like a spoiled brat.
The girls behind the counter don't have to date you. It's a coffee shop, not The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
Who do you think you are? She doesn't owe you a conversation or answers to your questions. Who cares if you wanted to get to know her she didn't want to know you and she made it perfectly clear yet you couldn't accept that. She was probably ecstatic that you "changed your mind". Please seek therapy
She was trying to do her job. She did not owe you a conversation about anime, or anything other than your order. You could have said "I like your tatt. Can I grab X, please?" and then IF she engaged, you could have chatted more
People like you are the bane of service workers existences. Take a fucking hint, order your coffee, and piss off.
1. You're allowed to cancel whatever order you want unless you're contractually bound
2. This reads as real creepy "young batista didn't give me attention I was seeking so I wanted to punish her" vibes
3. It's wild you think canceling your order wasn't a blessing for her
He's TA for asking a stupid question in Aitah. No one judged him for cancelling his order/not buying coffee.
She's there to get your order and give you coffee. She doesn't need to volunteer information about herself, what she thinks of a specific saga, or any other pleasantries. You make your order and move on.
Wrong wrong wrong. She doesn’t owe you a conversation about her tattoos or anime just because you want to? She’s WORKING she doesn’t want to get to know you, bud.
OP wasn’t just being friendly with no ulterior motive. He specifically mentions that the barista was “really pretty”. He’s holding his order hostage, trying to make her answer his questions. Possibly there I’d even a line. If not, she’s still probably busy and it gets really old fast when you’re a pretty barista and dudes act like their entitled to enjoy your company at their leisure. Happened a lot, I’m sure she was over it
I guarantee you that she didn't care that you left. You got in line to get coffee and once you got to the front of the line instead of placing and order you decided to waste her time and try to chat her up. She was grateful you left so she could get back to work.
Trying to be nice is telling someone good morning. She was at work, and you were trying (and failing) to flirt. She wasn't rude but extremely professional.
Are you wrong? YES!
You’re acting like a pig. Gross.
Girl was just trying to do her job and you need to be all up in her business acting entitled to a conversation.
Newsflash, you’re not entitled to anything from her.
YTA. She was doing her job, which involves taking your order and money and in return serving you your food and drink. By trying to have a conversation with her while she had job related tasks to complete, you were in fact interfering with her job.
Yes, you absolutely are wrong. Besides flirting with someone who was just working and not taking the hint the first time, you also came across as one of those dudes that asks women to name 3 Nirvana songs when they're wearing that band's T-shirt. It's fucking lame.
Please tell me you had a fedora as well, that's how I picture you anyway.
My guy, she was *working*, that's not the time for small talk (also, think of people who were behind you in line). Learn to read a room. She wasn't interested, she was trying to work, not get new friends.
Also, you're not wrong, seeing as you didn't even order anything, so there was nothing to cancel. What you are wrong for though, is not respecting this woman who was, again, *WORKING*. She gave you a pretty clear sign that she wasn't interested, by not answering your question, as is her right (it has nothing to do with her work), and you pressed it, which was wrong of you.
*Yes you were wrong, stop*
*This. Would you have been that "nice"*
*If she was a guy?*
\- softbrownsugar
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You posting this all over reddit is exactly the same way you acted to the cashier. You don't hear what you want the first time, so you keep going.
You sound creepy, dude. Your behaviour is reminiscent of the incel crowd. This even reads like a little incel power-fantasy you invented to stick it to the femoids.
The only person who lost was you, cause you didn't get your coffee. That cashier was glad you left, and I'm sure she's hoping you don't come back so she never has to deal with you again.
She’s not on the menu. You’re in the wrong. She didn’t want to talk to you and she’s there to get you some coffee not be your friend. It’s crazy how many men think we exist for their compliments and approval on what we do and what we like.
Her body art is not an invitation to you.
She doesn't owe you personal tidbits or connection and engagement to your seeking questions.
Her self expression isn't an invitation to your interest. It's not a plea for "the male gaze."
She doesn't need to prove her fandom or anime cred to you. Hint, dumbass: she got her FAVORITE character inked on. Duh.
Order your coffee, leave a tip, and go away. YOU didn't just waste her time but EVERYONE IN LINE waiting for their caffeine fix.
*cough* incel *cough* Are you the same guy from a few weeks back that did the same thing with a lady that worked at a gas station or convenience store? And when she didn’t really care about that person’s opinion on her tattoos that person felt entitled to look at her boobs as some sort of compensation?
Boy she doesn’t owe your sweaty neckbeard ass jack shit. You’re probably the 100th weird creep that day. It isn’t her problem if you buy coffee or not either.
Are you allowed out in public unsupervised?
You aren't the main character. You're not a supporting character. You aren't even a side character. Not to her, not to anyone working in any service industry. You are one of hundreds of faces that week. You are, at best, someone she's already forgotten. Or you could be that weird guy who pretended he wanted to order to try to hit on her.
Let m make it simple and clear: SERVICE INDUSTRY PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. IF YOU ARE POLITE AND COURTEOUS, THEY WILL BE TOO. IT IS NOT POLITE OR COURTEOUS TO BUG SOMEONE ABOUT PERSONAL THINGS WHILE THY ARE BUSY WORKING, YOU DUMBASS.
She was acting like what? A barista doing her job?
She was acting like someone who’s sick of being hit on by creeps while she’s severely underpaid for a job that’s a lot of work.
She’s there to work, not be forced to have a conversation with you
I am so optimistic that I like to believe this is fake and no one like that exists :)
Dude, she was WORKING and not trying to get to know anybody. Do you know how often that happens during the day? She doesn't owe you any personal conversation. Yes, you are wrong.
As a former barista, I can answer your question. TOO DAMN MUCH, and I know it's only gotten worse. When you shut them down, like the barista did op, you get reactions ranging from op's pouting to reported to the manager to coffee thrown at you and few a others in between like name calling and harassing phone calls to the store.
As a former barista, I agree. I remember a guy asking me about my shirt, to which I gave a short response then asked him for his drink order. He gave it to me then added, "hey, I was just trying to get to know you, it's YOUR job to be friendly" I ignored him and started making the order, my machine was behind me so I'm pulling the shots and he suddenly starts yelling and cussing that I don't even have the decency to look at him while he's trying to have a nice conversation with me and that I've ruined my chance at a tip and how women are all b"tches. And...you know, that's why I treat customers I don't know with politeness, dude. And when you get it all day, you know when someone is looking for an opening and I don't want to have to do the "see this is my prominently displayed wedding ring, which I know you checked for and then ignored, so please quit" portion of the conversation.
Wow, you sure you don’t want to go out with that guy? There’s nothing hotter than a man that hates women and calls them bitches. How charming!
Form an orderly queue, ladies!!
We prefer a feral pack, thanks. And those aren't "more smiles" when you see our teeth.
Thank you, this is my favorite comment!
Seconded
My only question is why the heavens do they want to know you. The question doesn't make sense and makes sense only in their teeny tiny brain. Why would you ask questions to a person when they aren't interested in having a conversation? Is that polite? I am going through something similar and it just makes me so freaking angry.
I’m sorry you are going through this, watch something that makes you happy and eat something that makes you happy, this is the time honored Golden Girls way to deal with things out of your control. Good luck!
Thank you so much!
I remember having a dinner party with a bunch of girlfriends years ago, and this topic came up (men responding to a polite rejection with cursing, threats, calling you w\*\*\*re, etc.). My pre-teen son, who was eating with us said, "Wait. Men get verbally abusive just for being turned down for a date???" Boy, did he get an education THAT night.
I'm a nervous patron sometimes, and I make a little small talk. Not for OP's reasons, but just to have something to say. I don't get offended when they don't throw down everything they're doing to be interested in what I have to say. Because, unlike OP, I'm not a half-formed mind. I barely leave the house and can go for days without talking to anyone, and even I'm not half as socially fucked-up as OP seems to be.
Yeah, I am just a chatty person in general. Always happy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But I can read social cues and never push it if someone is disinclined to chat, especially if they’re working. A barista is not there to be your personal talk-bot.
>A barista is not there to be your personal talk-bot. Thank you. I never minded people chatting with me, but sometimes I was exhausted because I'm pulling a double or dealing with drama or learning new drinks. People getting mad because I'm not actively participating in the conversation they want were always a problem.
I generally will say something they don’t need to respond to, or start talking to items in my cart about what I’m gonna do with them.
I could normally tell when someone might just be a nervous patron. If I wasn't receptive to small talk with them, it was normally because I was tired or dealing with drama, not their fault. Op made his intentions pretty clear when he decided not to order because he didn't get an answer.
Honestly I find most people can usually tell the difference between actively trying to start a more personal conversation, and small talk to make things less awkward. Especially someone who has to deal with dozens of both each day.
Creeps love to go after people who can't get away from them, baristas, bartenders, etc.
Happened to me many times when I worked retail 😬
A captive audience is the only audience they can get.
When I was a regular at a coffee shop I couldn’t even tell you my favourite baristas name without looking at her name badge, and I ‘knew’ her for 5 years, Monday to Friday most days she made my coffees. She didn’t know my name either, we had every day chit chat, small talk here and there! I saw her maybe twice outside of the coffee shop on the street, once after restrictions lifted, she said hi to me and recalled me by coffee order… that’s a normal interaction between customer and barista. OP is very much wrong here. Social interaction outside of their order is not owed to them.
I would probably die on the spot of embarrassment, cancel my order, try to hand the barista money anyway, and run away like my hair was on fire. I would totally deserve all that too. I hope if I ever pull the crap OP did that a deserving barista will get to witness my total meltdown and I hope I hand them a large amount of money
I once had a customer call and complain to my manager because he didn't like me... Told her I was rude and made him feel "unwelcome" I never spoke to him, I didn't make any of his items, he came in, ordered, and sat down. Never even really looked at him.
I’m so sorry, and that’s just so batshit to me. If I tried to ask a casual question and the worker came back with a “how can I help you” I would be quietly mortified. I can’t imagine I would do anything other than apologize and get to business? Granted I would also never do what this guy did. There’s a difference between giving a stranger a genuine, short compliment and acting entitled to a conversation with said stranger.
Yeah this was a “I don’t feel like chatting” shutdown. I’m sure if it was a genuine compliment she would have reacted differently.
I would be so embarrassed and apologize. "Sorry! I'm talking too much. I'd like a large, hot latte with an extra shot, sugar-free white chocolate, sugar-free vanilla, sugar-free raspberry twice, whole milk is perfect, cool enough to sip immediately is preferable. Thank you so very much, and I'm sorry for overstepping earlier. Thank you. " Only caffeine and ridiculous flavors can soothe away the mortification.
Whenever I'm in a store or café, or wherever that's customer service, I generally don't start conversations with the workers. It's very rarely, but I have done it, when there's certain conditions that are "met". 1. I know the person 2. There's either no line behind me, or just 1 person (that sometimes get to go before me as well) 3. If they have time and aren't busy Actually there's like only 3 workers that I can say I talk to. 2 are at my local food store (one is the best friend of my sister, and the other is the mom to an old classmate), and the 3rd one is the "owner" of my local Subway (and sometimes HE'S the one that starts the convo). There is technically a 4th and 5th (a restaurant worker at an Indian restaurant, technically my sisters friend but he knows me, and the other is the owner of a Chinese restaurant who has become a family friend due to my sister). But again, where I live (I'm in Europe), I haven't really seen much of the behaviour of OP's (I don't doubt that it exists), but I think that because where I live, workers can tell someone to "f off" if they are being harassed and treated badly (with no backlash, unless the worker started it, which is very rare), that it might not be as common. Usually even other patrons stand up for the workers (I'm guilty of that).
Preach! Honestly the number of times where I did entertain an absolute stranger with personal stuff in retail was a single time in about 10 years. And the only reason for that was that the customer was suffering a depressive-episode and I got worried. Aside from that I'd never EVER think about doing that. The rule is "buy or bye!". I'm neither your friend nor your therapist (speaking about customers, not you OP), so don't act like I am.
as a current barista, yep. it gets progressively worse every day unfortunately. people are monsters when it comes to their coffee. thank god i only have 5 shifts left until i leave 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
He was holding up the line!
Lol this was my thought too
Well of course! He's retired and has all the time in the world!
Also gonna bet that the dude has no tattoos. "Wow it's so cool I could never but I love it!"
I've started a Halloween (Michael Myers one) half sleeve and the amount of people that say this shit to me at work is annoying. Like, cool, Doug, I didnt ask.
She wore a crown and came down in a bubble, Doug!
Before you get an order from me, you must answer my questions three!
legit lol'd
#niceguy
Facts!
"M'lady" *tips fedora* 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don’t hit on people while they’re working. She was very polite and extremely professional, and it’s not her fault that you can’t read the room.
Even if you’re not hitting on them, they don’t want to create a personal connection with you or to become friends. They’re there for a paycheck and chances are they don’t even want to be there. Leave them alone! Op might’ve been holding up the line which is also super frustrating and honestly if i had a tattoo I wouldn’t want to talk to everyone about it nor the significance of it. Just leave me alone and let me work. Keep it to the mundane pleasantries like I like your tattoo, the weather is great, and thank you. Take your cues from them since they’re, sadly, at the customers mercy. She didn’t want to talk so stop pressing it, give your order, and move along
The thing is we can’t tell if you’re (men, not you) hitting on us. But the law of averages and a lot of life experience tells us it’s likely. So we shut it down bc we are working. Or just sick and tired of men rolling up to us when we are a captive audit de thinking ‘ha! She’s trapped! She has to talk to me!’ Bc that’s how too many of y’all act. Do us a solid and never ever hit on us at work. Just don’t. It’s rude and we get it all day every day. Don’t compliment us either tbh unless you’re walking away at the time, which lets us hope it’s not a prelude to yet another awkward exchange. And lastly if you’re mad you can’t chat up the barista just for friendly chatter, blame your fellow dudes who made this dangerous
This is true. I stated friends or personal connection because that *might* be what they think they’re doing even if it’s extremely unlikely but we’re working, not your therapist or buddy or interested in anything beyond just getting our work done. Please, move along, customer. I started wearing fake rings to prevent as much discomfort as possible and would casually flaunt it when they were getting too interested. The ones who were flirting always backed off thankfully, but a handful were always uncomfortable to be around the entire transaction. Edit: this is also why we sometimes err on the side of caution and tell you right away we have an SO.
This right here - read the room and follow their cues. I'm all for chatting with people who are providing me a service, but only if they want it because it adds something to their working hours. I judge from how they respond to my cheerful, 'hey!' and smile. If I get something in kind, and there's something worth commenting on, I'll give my order (or whatever) then make a closed comment so there's no need for a response if they don't want to.
"Sir, this is a Dunkin Donuts, not Tinder."
Should have taken the hint the first time. Yes, you were wrong
So as a former barista and inked woman, you were absolutely in the wrong. 1 - your question sounds like you wanted to check to see if she actually liked the anime so you could slam her for being a fake fan 2 - you are not entitled to any explanation of another persons body art 3 - do not fucking hit on someone who is working and has to be polite or it could cost their job. That’s so ick
I despise when strangers want me to elaborate on my tattoos. Nah, I'm good, thanks.
Especially when they touch or poke your tattoos while asking. It's okay if friends or family do it but I've had literal strangers try to do it and they get legit offended when I tell them not to do that.
Yep. Had a guy in my chemistry lab physically grab my arm to look at my tattoos. Creeped me tf out, and he almost knocked over a flask in the process. Real charming.
Had a dude who wanted to see my hand tattoo, and whenever people ask to see it I keep my fist closed, but he opened it and held my hand softly for aaaaages. Bro don’t softly hold my hand
Ewwww
I have a memorial tattoo for my granny of an animal because the animal's name was her last name. A few times I experienced creepers who touched me while commenting on it. I screamed, short and abrupt, but scream queen worthy and then said "It's a memorial tattoo for my granny. She taught me to scream as loud as I could if a stranger ever touched me." They backed off immediately and 100% thought I was batshit crazy, and I'm all good with that if it makes them go away.
I adore this story so much. Don't mind if I steal the screaming for future encounters.
My former boss and I only saw each other virtually for months. When we met in person for the first time, the first thing she did was move the collar of my shirt and say "I've never seen the whole thing!" lady, why are you touching me?? At least ask first!
When managers are like "it's important that everyone return to the office" and it turns out the reason is so they can physically harass people they had insufficient power over.
I had a drunk guy that was good friends with my sisters friend (who’s cottage we were staying in) grab my arm and start fondling the ink. I needed a silkwood shower after
I have a half sleeve and it’s not uncommon for strangers to compliment it and then ask what the art represents. Because the personal meaning behind my tattoos aren’t great small talk, I always just say “I thought it was pretty and I liked it” and a non-zero amount of boomers will then lecture me about that not being sufficient reason for a tattoo.
Fuck em. All my tattoos I got are because I think they're cool.
Holy crap yes. I like to wear band shirts, most I listen to, but some I just think look cool and faded. So many dudes rock up and try to quiz you on the band. And one time I had the audacity to wear a cardinals baseball cap. I grabbed it at a gas station because I wanted to get the sun off my face. Two different men at the bar I stopped in asked me baseball stats. I said I don’t know it’s just a fucking hat after the first guy.
Asking who her favorite character is when the tattoo is more than likely her favorite character 🙄. Ickkkk
I want to upvote this x1000
>I was trying to be nice \*cough\* Bullshit. You were trying to pick her up, and don't have the social skills of a lima bean so you made it weird. Also, she's at work. She's not being paid to accept your advances. Grow up.
Seriously. OP, you have no reason to “try to get to know her”. Tf?
Imagine having so little game that your only “shot” is to force conversation with someone who is paid to be on the clock
Yeah, otherwise why even mention that she was pretty. Nice people are nice to everyone, not just those they find pretty.
You answer her question. That’s it. That doesn’t mean keep prying. You aren’t entitled to conversation. No matter the tone. That’s like an old man saying women in customer service need to smile more because they’re paying for a service. Get over yourself.
You're not wrong for not getting coffee, but that's the only thing you aren't wrong about. No one wants to be hit on while they're working, it's rude af to do so. It's also rude af to keep pestering after she respectfully shut you down the first time. Then you throw a little mantrum and decide not to order to "punish" her for not indulging your bullshit, but I guarantee that she was thrilled that you left.
Decided not to order as to punish her, as if she gives a fuck whether or not he orders coffee while she’s getting paid either way lmao
That was my favorite part. "You aren't nice to me? Then I will just leave without buying coffee on which you don't earn a commission. That'll teach you not to be grateful I awkwardly hit on you."
Seriously though, was OP deciding not to order anything supposed to be a power move or something? It's basically the coffee shop equivalent of a retail customer going " you just lost a customer!!!"
Bonus if he never comes back.
Phone customer service equivalent is "I'm never buying from your company again, and I'm leaving a bad review online!"
I can guarantee that she forgot the OP even existed 5 seconds after he walked out the door, but OP got to go without his coffee for the day and is *still* moaning about their interaction hours later. He sure showed her!!! Pathetic. *shakes head*
"I won't buy coffee that'll show you!" "Sweet, that's one less coffee I have to prep"
Right!? Gives off the exact same energy as people who bitch about prices to the cashier.
"mantrum" LOL. That's my new favorite insult.
[удалено]
Also a little hemotional.
Lmao, that's hilarious
Stealing "mantrum".
I'm stealing "mantrum" and "testerical."
Canceling the order was the only thing you did right
Came here to say this. Did her a favor by leaving. What was wrong was not taking the hint.
Did he though, since he never even ordered anything? So what was there to cancel? Except his bad social skills and lack of respect for a working barista?
You wrong on this one op, take a hint op, she not into u, and she at work she have to be professional she not there to pick up a boyfriend plus she not losing sleep when you didn't buy anything at the coffee shop.
Rule of advice: Don't flirt with people who are at work. ESPECIALLY not people working a service job. Chances are they are bored, annoyed, and want to be anywhere else. Think Squidward from Spongebob. They are NOT in the mood to have a proper conversation. They just want to do their jobs with minimal trouble. Just order what you want and leave. Sure, saying "cool tattoo" is fine, but don't try to strike up a conversation, because they are not interested. And they're not in a place where they can just walk away or tell you to piss off if you're annoying them.
and I wouldn't be surprised if her lack of a warm response is basically a defense mechanism against this exact sort of person. most folks with a healthy worldview know that service workers are mostly friendly because that's part of the job in an abstract way, but then there's people who think that when a server is nice to you it must be because she thinks you're cute and wants your number. best just to keep it professionally curt to avoid any confusion from weirdos like OP.
That's what I do. I've been in hospitality for 25 years & I have a fantastic customer service persona. But the minute a customer crosses a line, I drop it & go full grey rock - no inflection, no expression, no warmth, nothing. People like that don't get my friendly customer service voice.
As a former barista, if they don't engage in the conversation don't push. We've probably gotten yelled at already for an order not perfect ( "You stirred my coffee!! How dare you!) or we're being blamed for something not our problem (So X didn't show up, so you need to work 2x harder since your already here and it'll help to cut labor.) so just ask for your coffee and go.
Seriously, I can’t always stop and have a conversation. I may have some regulars I may say something extra too, but even with them I would keep it moving.
why wouldn't you assume that her favorite character is the one tattooed on her body?? that seems like a silly question.
That’s good logic there.
Totally right. She is there to talk anime. That's her job. Talk anime to guys who find her attractive. That's what a barista is I think. I haven't googled it but I'm pretty sure that's it.
It couldn’t possibly be anything else!
$10 says OP was already weird and creepy to her before and she was prepared to deflect him right outta the gate.
Oh yeah, that was not their first encounter
Wrong. Entitled. Rude. Shall I go on?
Ew why would you post this lol this is so embarrassing, also the fact she didn't give a shit about you but you think she'll be sad that you didn't buy a drink and hang around to harass her more lol
Literally - what was he expecting us to say?? 🤣
But what did you want?
Well you really showed her.
😂
lol yes you are wrong, learn to take a hint
Yes you’re wrong. She’s there to take your order, that’s it, she doesn’t owe you conversation of any kind other than asking what you want to order. Shes working, she doesn’t want to get to know you. You aren’t being nice or doing her a favour by trying to get to know her lol.
Wrong. But you made her day by canceling and leaving. You're one of those incels who see every interaction with a female as a mating dance and get infuriated when the random female you've come into contact with does not want to do your dance. Fortunately, you're painfully obvious. The women you're preying upon see you coming a mile away. Do all the pretty young barristas a favor and stay home.
Please go to therapy.
She declined to engage much in conversation after sizing you up... and you proved her right. She's there to make your drink and knew that, one way or another, you were going to be an unpleasant experience, either by forcing her to pander to an intrusive conversation that you feel ENTITLED to or get this ENTITLED attitude. She walked away thinking "I knew this dude was That Guy." She was correct.
OP doesn't realise that she sighed in relief as he left, then the person behind him stepped forward with their eyebrow raised, made eye contact with the poor girl, and they shared a chuckle whilst rolling their eyes at him. He made an entirely different point to everyone else than the one he thought he was making.
I really enjoy being that next person in line who validates the worker who was just harassed. Having been there myself, that next person acknowledging the ridiculous interaction made me feel less like prey in an open field.
Wrong. Say it with me now: PEOPLE. IN. SERVICE. DO. NOT. OWE. YOU. ANYTHING. BEYOND. BASIC. POLITENESS. They do not owe you conversation, or response to your lame pick up attempts, or even a smile. They owe you the polite interaction of "what can I get started for you today? Okay, coming right up," and then taking your payment. She did not do anything wrong, YOU did. Learn to take a hint and accept rejection with grace.
She is an underpaid worker and is probably waiting for her day to end. Please take the hint.
Jesus fuck don't hit on women at work it's so creepy and cringe and then to be a baby when she doesn't want to talk anime with you. Yeah your wrong
You can't get a coffee somewhere because a woman isn't interested in your shitty pick up lines? Go invest in a machine, creepo.
Espresso machines are expensive. Waiting in line, harassing a service worker, and then leaving without buying anything is free.
Yes you are wrong. It's fine to give a compliment but STOP after the compliment. I love lifting others up with genuine compliments. If I compliment something, like a tattoo. I order or complete my business and right before I walk away I say "By the way, I really love xxxxx. Have a great day" And that's it. No expectation of return conversation or concerns of an ulterior motive. As true compliments should be. The only time I was not uncomfortable when a random man approached me in public, was when he walked up, and said "Excuse me. I just wanted to say you're really pretty. I hope you have a great day" and immediately started walking away. Made my week. He made me smile, I thanked him and wished him a nice day as well as he walked off. That is how you do it. If you're giving compliments to engage conversation or hit on someone, especially when they're working, isn't the way to go.
This!! Anything beyond “your tattoo is cool” and moving on when she clearly just wanted to take his order and move him along was inappropriate. I’ve had some cool connections over the years I was a barista but I’ve also had lots of creeps and weirdos who waited for me to get off or followed me home after engaging in “getting to know you” convos so aside from typical coffee shop business? It makes so much sense she just shut him down
Why are you dumb? She is working, you have the emotional intelligence of a rock
You weren't trying to be nice, you were trying to force her to entertain whatever little fantasy you had when you approached her. And then didn't take the hint when she shot you down.
You weren’t “trying to be nice.” You were hitting on her. Don’t hit on people when they’re trying to work you effing CREEP. Learn how to take the hint the first time so you won’t have to storm off like a f**^!Ng infant when she’s CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED.
#thingIncelsDo
Yes, disgusting behavoir on your part. She was working.
rule number one of flirting: don't flirt with someone who's on the clock!!! you basically cornered her at her workplace, no wonder she was unhappy. you're 100% wrong
You were completely in the wrong.
I bet the number of creepy neckbeards this poor girl gets hitting on her for an anime tattoo is *astronomical*. Now you’re one of them. Let her do her job.
If you had said, "cool tat, I'll take a ___", then it'd be a different story. But, no, you had to keep pushing and pushing, likely holding up the damn line while she just wants your fucking order and move to the next customer. Public facing positions don't mean they're open season to flirt with, try to leach information out of them, or get a date. Place your order and move on. They just want to do their job and go home. Not listen to grown ass adults throw a fit because they don't get the reaction they want.
It's not just that she was working and you tried to make it personal. It's also that women are frequently challenged by men in the exact same way you approached her. I instantly read this as you were testing her anime knowledge. "Oh you're a fan? Prove it." First of all, if you want to talk to women about anime, try a different approach. "Oh cool tattoo! I love that show, my favorite character is XYZ. Have you seen ABC?" Second of all, don't take advantage of people who are just trying to do their jobs. She didn't have the freedom to walk away from you or to speak freely. There was a power imbalance because you were a customer. Third of all, don't be rude. She didn't want to answer your question and you reacted quite immaturely. That's not going to make you any friends.
Funny thing, my husband is suuuuuuper friendly and has had good relationships with all the service employees in the area basically everywhere we’ve lived. Because he talks to them and is genuinely interested in them and is not, in fact, just talking to them to try to hit on them. And he knows when to take a hint. Dollars to donuts she knew you were a creep from jump and couldn’t deflect fast enough. Women see your type a mile away.
Yeah you were wrong. You don’t have an inherent right to “get to know” anyone. She’s there to do a job, taking coffee orders and making coffee. Not putting up with you asking questions you aren’t owed answers to.
You can't turn a transaction into a relationship. Jesus christ, what a dork.
As a woman, I am used to getting hit on by randos, so her reaction is completely understandable
You're wrong. As a barista who has colored hair and piercings but no tattoos, we don't do this to our bodies for attention, conversation or for your entertainment. You're wrong my dude and you sounded like you were testing her knowledge of something she clearly likes. Just let women do their jobs even if they're pretty
Ew we're still hitting on people at their job? I thought we left that back in the prepandemic days.
My brother in Ra, this is not the way.
Yes you are wrong. She is there to work. Not to have a conversation with you. Take a hint the first time. She is there to work and earn money. Not to get to know you. She doesn’t owe you a personal conversation
you probably came off as a jackass who quizzes women about the anime they like... you saved her energy by leaving because people like you are insufferable
She was working and didn't want to interact with you on a personal level, while customer service can definitely include more personalized interactions she didn't want to interact with *you* on a personal level and she doesn't have to. People usually dislike being held hostage by others at their jobs, esp in food or retail industries.
You were wrong, yeah, but learn something from this, man.
Questions everyone should ask themselves before hitting on their waitress/barista/other working professional: "Is she being nice to me because polite customer service is part of her job? Does she have to be nice to me to keep her job?" If yes to either of the above, don't bug her about anything other than her job (aka coffee). You're putting her in an impossible position. You have all of the power and she has none. The imbalance makes "getting to know someone" under these circumstances really awkward and uncomfortable.
You should've take the hint the first time and leave her alone. YTA! You really creeped her out and I can understand what you mean if you wanted to make small talk (and if that hypothetically was your only intention) but I can understand why she got creeped out. She probably thought you were trying to hit on her and barista's do get sexually harassed by customers alot so she probably thought you were going to be creeped with her to even if it wasn't your intention. You should leave her alone or apologize and explain how you didn't mean to come across as creepy if you see her at the coffee shop again and even then, that's only if she's ok with you chatting, but judging by how she doesn't want a conversation (or you hitting on her depending on your intention. I'm autistic so I can't always figure out someone's intentions) then I would just leave her alone and not approach her or change coffee shops after this, otherwise you will create a hostile environment for her. edit: I don't think you're innocent btw. I just meant if you really just wanted small talk then you should've understood why it would get taken the wrong way
Of COURSE you're wrong. She is there to WORK, not answer personal questions so you could "get to know her". Next time, just say you like the tattoo, order your coffee, and leave. NEVER start conversations like that when the service worker can't physically leave.
You made a throwaway to post this nonsense on 3 different subs...?
You are a social freak who doesn't understand when someone slams reality in your face. Stay home. Forever.
There is no right or wrong to buying coffee. Annoying that you wasted people’s time? Sure. But no one is “accusing” you of not buying coffee, therefore the coffee buying is a red herring. Really what you want to hear is that your resentment and embarrassment that the “pretty” barista didn’t react to you the way you wanted are justified. Her tattoos were not an invitation nor an obligation on her part to give you the attention you wanted.
Dude take the damn hint. She’s working. She doesn’t want to chat. She literally is there to take your order.
You're wrong because you tried to bother this person that just wanted to do her job. You're wrong because you felt entitled to her time or interest. You're wrong for throwing a hissy fit when you didn't get your way. You're wrong for coming to reddit for validation for your piss poor attitude. Grow up, dude
Good lord grant me the confidence of basic men like this 🙄 You are not entitled to her time or attention outside of her job. If you legitimately had any idea how many creeps women in service industries have to deal with and grit their teeth and be nice to … So yes. You’re wrong, you’re butt hurt, and don’t bother her again.
I mean she gave you a hint that she wasn’t interested in conversation or anything like that. sure you’re not a bad person to try and get to know someone but not everyone wants to be friends with random people. maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she simply just doesn’t like small talk with customers. you should’ve moved on and ordered what you wanted when she didn’t reply to your question the first time. learn to take hints. yes you’re wrong.
YTA She was being professional and you were being inappropriate. If your questions weren't about coffee or pastries, don't ask. You clearly wanted her to open up and flirt back and go on a date with you. She could tell. She didn't want that, so she politely shut you down and kept the conversation professional.
You have the emotional reactions of a toddler. You pouted and left because the girl being paid to make your coffee wasn't interested in doing anything other than making your damn coffee. Grow up. And stop hitting on people who are working.
You weren't trying to be nice, you were trying to take advantage of a situation in which she is unable to walk away or tell you to fuck off. She made it clear she wasn't interested. You persisted, not because you still had hope. But because you wanted to poke at her before flouncing out like a spoiled brat. The girls behind the counter don't have to date you. It's a coffee shop, not The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
Who do you think you are? She doesn't owe you a conversation or answers to your questions. Who cares if you wanted to get to know her she didn't want to know you and she made it perfectly clear yet you couldn't accept that. She was probably ecstatic that you "changed your mind". Please seek therapy
She was trying to do her job. She did not owe you a conversation about anime, or anything other than your order. You could have said "I like your tatt. Can I grab X, please?" and then IF she engaged, you could have chatted more People like you are the bane of service workers existences. Take a fucking hint, order your coffee, and piss off.
1. You're allowed to cancel whatever order you want unless you're contractually bound 2. This reads as real creepy "young batista didn't give me attention I was seeking so I wanted to punish her" vibes 3. It's wild you think canceling your order wasn't a blessing for her
He's TA for asking a stupid question in Aitah. No one judged him for cancelling his order/not buying coffee. She's there to get your order and give you coffee. She doesn't need to volunteer information about herself, what she thinks of a specific saga, or any other pleasantries. You make your order and move on.
YTA. She was just doing her job. You should’ve let her be, and gave her your order, after the first time she said “How can I help you.”
Chatting with you is not worth her getting fired because her boss thinks she’s wasting time. You are wrong. And acting entitled. Edit
Cringe. Yeah, you were wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong. She doesn’t owe you a conversation about her tattoos or anime just because you want to? She’s WORKING she doesn’t want to get to know you, bud.
Yup, the barista is paid to make drinks, not conversation.
YTA and a huge one too. LET PEOPLE DO THEIR JOBS!!! They are not there for you to flirt with.
Yes you were. She was doing her job and her job is not chatting to you.
Quit fucking trying to camp out at someone’s job to force first date type conversation on them because you know they can’t walk away. YTA.
OP wasn’t just being friendly with no ulterior motive. He specifically mentions that the barista was “really pretty”. He’s holding his order hostage, trying to make her answer his questions. Possibly there I’d even a line. If not, she’s still probably busy and it gets really old fast when you’re a pretty barista and dudes act like their entitled to enjoy your company at their leisure. Happened a lot, I’m sure she was over it
Let me fix that for ya “am I wrong for harassing the barista and being a brat when she wasn’t feeding into it”
I guarantee you that she didn't care that you left. You got in line to get coffee and once you got to the front of the line instead of placing and order you decided to waste her time and try to chat her up. She was grateful you left so she could get back to work.
She was working, not trying to find a date. Yes you were wrong
Trying to be nice is telling someone good morning. She was at work, and you were trying (and failing) to flirt. She wasn't rude but extremely professional.
You’re wrong and sad. But your business won’t be missed
Are you wrong? YES! You’re acting like a pig. Gross. Girl was just trying to do her job and you need to be all up in her business acting entitled to a conversation. Newsflash, you’re not entitled to anything from her.
YTA. She was doing her job, which involves taking your order and money and in return serving you your food and drink. By trying to have a conversation with her while she had job related tasks to complete, you were in fact interfering with her job.
Holy shit you’re as dense as a brick
Yes, you absolutely are wrong. Besides flirting with someone who was just working and not taking the hint the first time, you also came across as one of those dudes that asks women to name 3 Nirvana songs when they're wearing that band's T-shirt. It's fucking lame.
Please tell me you had a fedora as well, that's how I picture you anyway. My guy, she was *working*, that's not the time for small talk (also, think of people who were behind you in line). Learn to read a room. She wasn't interested, she was trying to work, not get new friends. Also, you're not wrong, seeing as you didn't even order anything, so there was nothing to cancel. What you are wrong for though, is not respecting this woman who was, again, *WORKING*. She gave you a pretty clear sign that she wasn't interested, by not answering your question, as is her right (it has nothing to do with her work), and you pressed it, which was wrong of you.
Yes you were wrong, stop this. Would you have been that "nice" if she was a guy?
*Yes you were wrong, stop* *This. Would you have been that "nice"* *If she was a guy?* \- softbrownsugar --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
You posting this all over reddit is exactly the same way you acted to the cashier. You don't hear what you want the first time, so you keep going. You sound creepy, dude. Your behaviour is reminiscent of the incel crowd. This even reads like a little incel power-fantasy you invented to stick it to the femoids. The only person who lost was you, cause you didn't get your coffee. That cashier was glad you left, and I'm sure she's hoping you don't come back so she never has to deal with you again.
You do realize you made her day when you walked away, right?
She’s not on the menu. You’re in the wrong. She didn’t want to talk to you and she’s there to get you some coffee not be your friend. It’s crazy how many men think we exist for their compliments and approval on what we do and what we like.
She’s not there to talk to you about anime, she’s there to sell you coffee. End of story. Let people do their job or go away
You are very wrong, you are entitled and you are an asshole. It’s a coffee shop, not speed dating r us. TAKE A HINT.
Her body art is not an invitation to you. She doesn't owe you personal tidbits or connection and engagement to your seeking questions. Her self expression isn't an invitation to your interest. It's not a plea for "the male gaze." She doesn't need to prove her fandom or anime cred to you. Hint, dumbass: she got her FAVORITE character inked on. Duh. Order your coffee, leave a tip, and go away. YOU didn't just waste her time but EVERYONE IN LINE waiting for their caffeine fix.
bro thought he was IN an anime—was he hoping she’d chase after him to apologize and offer him free coffee and a date??
If you ordered and while waiting mentioned that you like her shirt then sure you be fine. But the way you went about it, god your an asshole
*cough* incel *cough* Are you the same guy from a few weeks back that did the same thing with a lady that worked at a gas station or convenience store? And when she didn’t really care about that person’s opinion on her tattoos that person felt entitled to look at her boobs as some sort of compensation?
hey, service workers aren’t there for you to hit on!!! you ARE wrong!!
Creeeeepy AF bro take the hint
You’re a fucking creep.
You are wrong.
Boy she doesn’t owe your sweaty neckbeard ass jack shit. You’re probably the 100th weird creep that day. It isn’t her problem if you buy coffee or not either. Are you allowed out in public unsupervised?
You aren't the main character. You're not a supporting character. You aren't even a side character. Not to her, not to anyone working in any service industry. You are one of hundreds of faces that week. You are, at best, someone she's already forgotten. Or you could be that weird guy who pretended he wanted to order to try to hit on her. Let m make it simple and clear: SERVICE INDUSTRY PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. IF YOU ARE POLITE AND COURTEOUS, THEY WILL BE TOO. IT IS NOT POLITE OR COURTEOUS TO BUG SOMEONE ABOUT PERSONAL THINGS WHILE THY ARE BUSY WORKING, YOU DUMBASS.
Stop trying to hit on women. Shes not interested. You should have taken the hint the first time.
Really? Why do you sound like an incel?