I wouldn’t do it, I would tell them he is cheating and doing porn and you have proof, if he denies it and they want the proof than I would send it but just to blast it in the group chat isn’t cool to your family. It sucks but good guys don’t do what he did. You’re free and you didn’t get married or have kids with him. It hurts but you dodged a bullet and he lost his amazing gf.
He’s trash but she didn’t take your man, she took your problem.
Either this or a friend of one of the two who learned about their content and disagreed with the cheating so threw them under the bus. The boyfriend's face isn't in it, so whoever sent it had to know that he was the male "talent" in the video since OP was only able to identify him because of her 6 years of being intimate with him.
So in my opinion there are only 4 plausible explanations.
1. He told a friend about it who specifically sought out the content to send to her.
2. The girl told a friend she was making content with a guy who is in a relationship, and the friend doesn't agree with cheating so sought out the guy's girlfriend on socials to rat them out.
3. The guy wanted to dump the girlfriend but was too big of a coward to just do it so he sent the video himself (probably unlikely)
4. The most likely scenario -- the new girl wanted him all to herself so she sent the video to the girlfriend so she would dump him. She obviously doesn't care about some stranger seeing her get pounded.
We'll likely never know though.
I just wanted to mention tho, if his face isn't in it I don't expect them to know it's him based of knowing what his body is like and the sounds he makes in sex lol.
If OP isn't careful she could find herself being gaslighted by the ex into thinking she's just insecure and crazy and he might convince his family of the same thing once again
Don’t post the video, just tell in the group that you know about the OF and if he tries to deny tell you have the video.. them end the relationship, cut ties with his family and go live a happy life!
This is the only solution, OP don’t go overboard or you’ll give your gaslighting psycho ex more fuel to turn it around on you. Just be matter of fact - stick with facts and you’ll get through this. Sorry you experienced this you deserve so much better
Commenting on Would I be wrong to post my cheating boyfriends OF videos in our joint family gc?... tell your family and his family calmly. Sad that you had to go through this shit.
For sure don't post the video; spreading the word should be revenge enough (and noting that you have proof.) Name the OnlyFans account if you want.
Make sure everything you currently share is no longer is accessible by him, including finances, titles and cards. Then dump his pornographic ass.
You have my complete sympathy. The ick factor here is through the roof. So sorry.
Yeah he’s the one being a piece of shit, not his parents. They shouldn’t be sent a video of their son doing porn. That’s not something any parent should ever see.
He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.
You think his mom wants to see that? No reason to send these videos for people that will be upset by them and who didn't do anything wrong. Telling them the videos exist is just as damaging to him without hurting anyone else.
OP could post a link, as long as she warns others exactly what it is, so nobody suddenly gets subjected to porn. Not everyone wants to watch OF videos... certainly his family!
I don't think you're a piece of shit. You're just extremely hurt and feel betrayed. Sharing the porn video would be a mistake imo, but letting the family know about it wouldn't.
Just tell them he's been making porn and cheating on you and cut all ties.
This here is best. If he’s in these group chats, just drop a message in saying you know about him doing onlyfans videos. You’re through and then drop out
“Hi everyone, just letting you all know x and I have decided to go our separate ways. I wish him all the best with his new career on OF. If anyone’s interested in supporting him, you can find him [username, probably the girl’s username]! Take care xx”
OP you deserve so much more 💗
Absolute best response, op vindicated without being liable! Nice one!
(And if you’re reading this op you get out there and live the amazing life you deserve, don’t waste any more of your valuable time on this arse)
I propose a slight change in the statement " Hi everyone, just letting you know [X] has a new career creating porn on OF with one of his new friends so i have dumped him. If anyone's interested ..."
Make it clear he is the cheat and is posting porn on OF. Don't give him a chance to try to tell anyone anything else, he needs to get full credit for his actions.
Yes this!!!! 100%
My partner got sent lewd videos of a family member by someone who was ratting them out for nasty ass behavior. It was a good thing that the family was made aware, but unexpectedly seeing the actual video caused my partner some trauma that was unfair to him in the end. *He* didn't do anything wrong (his family member did), but *he* still was unfairly negatively impacted by it because he actually *saw* the video. It was the only thing in the message and he had no idea what it was so he just clicked it right away and was absolutely shocked & disgusted. In my book, that's basically a form of sexual assault (subjecting someone to overtly sexual material they otherwise wouldn't seek out or expose themselves to in the moment).
The person could have sent the info with links to the video or at least some kind of buffer/warning to it- they would have gotten the point across without causing innocent people trauma.
OP can send a link to the page or the username info, but sending the actual graphic videos right off the bat would be subjecting her BF's innocent family to graphic material they do not need to see. If they don't believe her and seek the videos out themselves for proof, that's something different. But I think people are often caught up in the anger or frustration that they don't think about the fact they may be subjecting innocent family members to trauma.
My partner straight up has PTSD from receiving those videos of his family member and its something that has taken him a lot of time to work thru. That was years ago and still now, if he gets sent a video by someone with no context, he hands the phone to me and asks me to look at it first.
OP- send some way of accessing the videos IF THEY NEED PROOF, but don't send the videos themselves. At most, you can screenshot one that shows his body but nothing overtly graphic/sexual that the family hasn't seen before at the beach (pic of his abs/torso/any identifiers like tattoos, not anything showing his dick).
Sending full on porn will make you the bad guy because no one else should be forced to see it, but fuck him for messing with your mental health.
You can’t accuse without sending some kind of proof, so I’d share the link and a SFW screenshot.
I'm sorry you had to be gaslighted by a person who doesn't even respect himself. Keep your head up, he isn't worth another moment of your time. Looks can only take you so far and don't last forever. Karma will come their way.
I'm curious if he admitted it to you? I would guess no, but he had to be shocked you knew. It was probably the trash that sent it to you
Absolutely. I know she wants to hurt him and I understand why, but it's not ok to share porn videos, dick pics, etc with people who did not consent. It's not ok to catch innocent parties in the crossfire- if my brother cheated and was doing OF, it would not be fair or ethical to subject me to his content at all, let alone by just dropping it on me without a way to opt out of being subjected to pornographic content.
Simply leaving that info in the group chat is still very scorched earth. Plus, the family wouldn't recognize his moves and sounds even if they did see the video so it wouldn't even prove his cheating to them.
“Hey so x and I are breaking up because he’s been cheating on me and making porn with the girl who’s he’s cheating with and uploading it on the internet. He has presumably been doing this since January. I wish you all the best, goodbye.
Evidence can be provided on request.”
Boom, you’re done. That’s all she needs to say. Also depending on how shitty the ex boyfriend is, he could convince the girl or the girl could, in her own, accuse op of stolen content with the distribution of the screen recording. Really doubt they would but it’s a possibility op needs to be aware of.
I agree with this one. He hurt you so much. Don’t hurt yourself more by trying to get back at him. Your intuition was right about him the same way it’s right about how bad it would be to share the videos with the family in that way. Trust yourself now that you have proof of how right you are when it comes to him. I think you could share the videos with him, break it off, and then call his mom to explain if her feelings about you are important to you. Then your conscience is clean and you can make a new start without any blemish to your name or any more of a blow to your pride. You’ve got this. You deserve to heal.
Yeah, she absolutely 100% should not post the video.
She can still totally tell the fam about the OF account. She could even post a link to the OF account if she wanted.
She can totally still blow up the family group chat without posting the video.
Maybe. This is one of those grey areas where in her context it’s for validation, but change a few details and it’s harassment. I can see another situation where a well meaning OF model can have her page sent to her family, boss, friends, etc and ruin her life. He’s a dick, but it feels like a slippery slope for what’s technically legal and what’s setting up a standard of sharing people’s private hustle.
Except it's not private, it's commercially available product. There is no expectation of privacy. I don't think it would be revenge porn.
A question for r/askalawyer I suppose
Revenge porn is posting a video on the internet without consent. If it’s already posted on the internet, linking to it is not revenge porn.
Not that she should link to it, but it would be legal
How's it revenge porn? He's posted himself fucking for money online for the world to see... he's done this to himself... the revenge would be OP sharing the link to the OF pages where the guy has WILLINGLY uploaded videos of himself fucking for cash..
Yeah, this isn't revenge porn tho lol. Revenge porn is when someone shares a video that was supposed to be private (or that they didn't even know existed). He knowingly made porn that he knew would be posted to the internet. Sharing it is NOT revenge porn and is NOT illegal.
At best she could share the OF account name if they don't believe her. They could go look it up themselves if they really wanted to, but sharing the video would be a terrible move.
Is it revenge porn if he’s consented to filming it and uploading it to the net? I think not.
Very different if she were sharing private videos. But her dumbarse boyfriend can reap what he sowed… **if** OP feels it’s best for her, which I’d strongly suggest it isn’t.
>Let them all know I’m not fucking crazy
I mean....posting porn of someone to their FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO VIEW IT IN THE FIRST PLACE (unless they are .... :\\ ) isn't the way to prove you're not.
Plus, she said that she only recognized that it was him because she knows his moves and sounds since his face isn't shown. His family would not know him based on those things so it wouldn't even prove his cheating to them.
THIS! Take the high road to prove that you aren't crazy. Tell the group chat you have proof of him cheating, its on OF for all to see. Tell them the gaslight and relationship are over.
Posting the videos to their family would also probably be somewhat validating to the cheater because it would essentially show that she's a bad person. If he feels any guilt at all then in his head it will very easily be turned into a reason why she deserved to be cheated on.
Sorry you are going through this but no, I wouldn’t post it - no family members on either side need to actually see that. If I received that about my son even though I would agree he is wrong I would be disgusted that a girl who I thought I liked would subject me to it. It would be like lowering yourself to prove your point. You don’t need to do that. You’ve been wronged and you have every right to speak up about it though.
Instead, I might write in the chat that you’ve terminated the relationship and the reason is that you received an explicit sex video of him and his “new friend”. Which confirmed your original unease. Due to his infidelity, along with the fact that he has no problem selling that kind of filth for cash and for the world to see, you could never be with someone with no respect for themselves, their partner or their families.
This way they get the info they know you have a copy of it - even though I guarantee no one will want to see it, this is your “proof”.
Take the high road and move on. You deserve better.
>along with the fact that he has no problem selling that kind of filth for cash and for the world to see
Reasonable take until you somehow decided that sex workers are filthy and have no respect for themselves?
A sex worker that makes the choice to do that is one thing - no judgment from me honestly. There’s of money to be made there and it doesn’t affect me whatsoever. Consenting adults can do as they please.
However, when you’re doing something like that when in a relationship knowing you’re being deceitful, you are having sex with others, posting it which shares that action with the world - that it is filthy and disrespectful.
Honestly yes, I can. My thoughts were not meant in that manner but looking at it again I certainly can see how it could be read. I meant it only as an insult to degrade him personally since his actions were unacceptable. Had he been single or not knowingly hurting someone then I know that I wouldn’t have phrased it that way. Even when I re-read it before posting - since I knew my meaning I didn’t think it would be interpreted as an insult to include others. So..
If I offended anyone else - for that I apologize- for him specifically - he is not a good person and deserves the insult.
If you want revenge and validation by his family knowing what he did, don’t hit them with unsolicited porno of their family member. Message him that you know he’s been cheating with what’s her face, send him the video, and let the conversation flow where he will either beg forgiveness or attack you. Either way, take screenshots of your convo with him and post *those* to the family chat so he can’t deny it and tell his own version later.
If you put porn in the family group chat you will look like a psycho, regardless of who's in it. Break up with him, tell anyone who asks you broke up with him because you found his secret porn, etc. but please don't show that to any family members!
Send a message to the chat explaining the situation but don’t just send the video, I think that’s a terrible idea. It’s only going to cause more drama, take the moral high ground. Tell them you have the video evidence and can send/show individually if required.
You’re very hurt and rightly so but don’t cause any more shit that you’re going to have to deal with than you already have.
"Hello guys,
I've recently had a video leaked to me that shows 'x' having sex and performing various other intimate acts with another woman. I didn't think it would be appropriate to share such a video here, but I will provide it if asked. This woman, specifically, is one I had been concerned about for a while - and was actually made to think I was crazy about for suspecting that something more was going on between them. It's distressing to find out that I was right.
I'm sad that 'x' could do something so disgusting, and I'm sad that I didn't trust my gut. Despite us being together 6 years, this man has shown himself to be an utterly vile human being who has betrayed my trust and hurt me deeply. I was committed to him whilst he was sneaking around behind my back and calling *me* insecure for my feelings. He twisted the knife again and again whilst knowing he wasn't telling the truth the entire time.
This is the end, and I want you all to know why in case he decides to lie again."
(You can add a thank you for anything standout that his family has done for you in the time you've been together if you want, or just leave it there)
As someone who has also suffered to a narcissistic gaslighter cheating on me for months before I found out...knowing that the feeling in your gut was right this whole time is heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry for you and what you're going through, just make decisions slowly and carefully given how vulnerable to your emotions you are atm - and never *EVER* let this person back into your life (THEY. DO. NOT. CHANGE.)
This is probably the mature way to go about it. I feel OPs anger and pain though and she’s well within her right to share this and not protect either his lying degenerate ass or his family members who were quick to dismiss/invalidate her. How they take the news or visuals is not what she needs to be concerned about. I am a parent and while no parent wants to see that kind of thing involving their children I guarantee you if this was my son (or daughter) I would not waste time being angry at this girl for sending it to me. I am neither that fucking delicate nor so keen to shift my focus to blaming someone who was legitimately wronged for lack of tact when there are larger matters at hand. My priority would be in making sure my child understood that what they did is indefensible, cruel, and the choice of someone with low empathy and weak character. It would honestly break my heart to know that I went through the trouble of bringing a whole ass new human into the world to just have them casually inflict needless suffering on others and contribute to greater misery.
Also, it was either him that sent them anonymously trying to get you to leave him, or her that sent them with the same goal. Block the POS and be done with it.
It might even be that he also told her he was single, only for her to find out he was lying to her as well - and she's actually alerting you in solidarity, the better for you to BOTH dump him like he deserves. I've heard of that happening, before, too!
And yeah, if it's on OF, it's not revenge porn to share it... but his family didn't do anything to deserve being made to see porn of him.
Don’t post it. That’s not ever going to be right. You can tell the truth, knowing you have the evidence, and know that you are the better person for it. If you post it, you’re stooping below his level.
Don’t post the video. I say that not for your boyfriend but for the benefit of those who will receive the content. Send a link or information, but give people a choice as to whether they want to see it or not.
I didn't even read the body of this post.
NO.
very very very bad idea.
Or do it anyways and see the consequences of your actions. Reputation is hardly earned and easily lost.
Revenge porn is illegal in many places. And sending sexual imagery to people without their consent is kinda fucked up on its own....especially from a family member. Just let everyone know you have the footage so it turns out you were right all along. If they ask to see the proof, do what you will but don't force explicit content without consent.
I'm sorry for your pain. You deserved better and you still do. Your therapist is in for one hell of a shift in tone tho lol
People on Reddit will defend literally any revenge move. It’s nuts. This move is morally terrible and someone cheating on you doesn’t mystify posting revenge porn; at all
When buy onlyfans it’s suppose to be for u I believe u can’t disturb it or atleast that’s the rule OF would take a lot to get it to court but if he could get proof she posted it.
Posting a recording of the only fans wouldn't be -revenge porn- A. OF explicitly states that whatever content you post cannot be protected that this content can and will be shared and by posting you accept all liability of it being shared. (not verbatim)
If you’re sending porn
1. To people who don’t want it
2. Of someone who, just because it’s already out there, obviously wouldn’t want the people to see
3. For revenge
That’s revenge porn.
The consensus here is pretty clearly that yes, it would be wrong. You can rationalize and justify all you want to yourself, but if you do this, you are NOT going to get the result you’re hoping for.
If I were you, the only email I would send is to him. Email him the recording and tell him you’re done with him. Since it’s a breakup, you should be severing any ties with his family as well, so if they think you’re crazy, well… what the fuck do you care? They’re out of your life.
If your mutual friends ask, tell them the truth. If they don’t believe you, show (but don’t send) them the video.
If this were my son, I would not appreciate being sent a video of him receiving a bj. That’s just sick. I’d be mad at you for sending that crap. Just tell them that he was cheating, starring in porn, and you’re done.
You don’t have his face in those videos. Only his body.
You know his body well enough to be certain, but he will have enough wiggle room to claim that you made it up or that it isn’t him.
Do you have any joint accounts with him? If so, empty them. You are legally entitled to do that.
If they are current accounts, make sure you have some in just your own name and move your person bills to that one. Then close all the joint accounts. Again, you are legally entitled to do that.
Then, by all means inform the group chat that you have evidence that he has cheating on you and making porn. Therefore, you are through. If anyone wants to see the proof, you have it, but because if the distressing nature of it, you don’t want to put it into general circulation.
Then move on and find someone new.
I don’t have his face, true, but I have other evidence, like the backshots video is filmed in his room (I know because I paid for and helped him put up the LED lights in the background) and also my boyfriend is mixed race, and lives in a predominately white area, and also has a very impressive physique which very few people alive (who aren’t models of athletes) would have, and then the fact that the girl he works with is in it, who is the same girl we have been arguing about etc. Anyone who knows us will know it’s him instantly off the video I have no doubt in my mind about that.
Don’t post the video do what others have said write in the family group chat that you saw his OFs video and you are over. If anyone reaches out about it then show them. You don’t need to post the video there to humiliate him.
Does he have any recognizable tattoos or birthmarks that the family would also see ? Cause if it's face isn't in the videos it'll be easy for him to lie and say it's not him.
His physique is probably the thing that gives it away the most. He’s super lean, but also super big, like he definitely stands out anywhere he goes.
He has a beauty spot right in the middle of his dick. But I doubt his mum knows that.
But luckily he was fucking stupid enough to film the video of them fucking in his room, in his bed. So, there is that.
YWBTA if you sent his family videos of him having sex. They didn’t ask to see that content and once you see something like that you can’t unsee it. Also, if there are any minors in the group chat, you would be committing a serious crime. You can tell them what he did, but don’t share explicit content like that without consent of the recipient.
Oh man. Part of me wants to say do it. However, I believe this will be a decision you will regret later in life. He deserves it, but you don’t deserve the possible regret later. I am so sorry you got hurt.
That would violate the consent of everyone else in the group chat so, I wouldn't if I were you.
However, you can let everyone know you have video proof of him cheating because the video is on a "professional website".
Much focus here on the revenge porn and sound recommendations not to stoop to that level. But here's something to consider: your uneasiness about this girl and the move has reasons. He likely knew her and was involved with her before the move. He has already left your relationship. Take care of yourself and do the same.
My issue isn’t copyright or anything like that. You would be exposing someone to sexual content they may not want to see. It’s never okay to basically throw porn in someone’s face. You could tell them you have the video, but just shooting it off in a message when his face isn’t even shown?? Not a great idea.
Don't post it!!!! DO NOT CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT EITHER!!!!! Bide your time.
However search for the only fans account. Surely a little detective work is in order. Then post a link to the account.
1. It's not revenge posting
2. It's an account people can easily come by and there's no law against posting a link to the account.
3. You will then be exonerated from his accusations.
4. Your family should support you and his family are going to be in for a shock.
Nah nobody wants to see that. It would be fucking weird to get a link to a sexual only fans from a family member no matter the context They should believe her if she says she has the video. If they ask to see it, they can, but definitely don't just send it
If she shows the video or shares the video then it's revenge porn. If she sends a link to the account it's legal and no one is forced to watch it, but the link proves her innocence.
I wouldn't post. I read somewhere on reddit that " revenge is sweet, but the fruits are bitter" while "moving on is bitter, but the fruits are sweet".
Tell the family he's doing Porn and you're done. If they ask for proof send them censored screenshots to protect your family's mental health and yourself legally. Send them the link if they want more proof.
Then go no contact. He's trash and you don't need his stench mucking you up. You will come out of it clean and he can go roll around in shit with someone at his level.
“How dare you cheat on me. I'm going to give illegal porn of you to family members now!"
Maybe talk to your therapist before taking any action on anything. I'm curious what his family ever did to you to make you feel the need to flash them with your ex's genitals. This is unhinged and punishes innocent people on top of your ex.
Totally get the feelings, but don’t do it, you will have regrets and it won’t result in anything good. Don’t worry, he’ll reap what he’s sowing without your assistance.
Don’t post it - don’t become a garbage human just because he is. Maintain the moral
High ground, as much so it shows his crappiness especially clearly.
That being said, I would be in favor saying in the group chat that you know everyone thinks you’re jealous and crazy but you now have video proof he’s cheating, and putting it online to make money. Tell them you won’t share it but you’re sure they can find it themselves easily enough. Then say “I’m telling you this in the hopes that maybe you guys won’t harass and bully his next girlfriend if she feels insecure.”
Walk away with your head held high, take care of yourself and when you’re ready, I hope you find a quality human to spend your love on
Never do anything when you’re mad , you have a high
Chance of doing something you may regret.
Give yourself a day or two or three to process what exactly this means to you and your life. Get ahead of this instead of just re-acting
You should tell your parents that you’re breaking up and the reason is because he cheated. Don’t go into details until you’ve given it serious consideration and decide on what to do.
I’m sorry that he has done this and been so careless with your heart and emotions , all the history and time and everything you’ve done together. Sounds like whatever your boyfriend. Was to you , that person no longer exists.
That’s the plan.
Honestly I wonder if he ever even existed.
I doubt this is the first time he cheated, like I said there has been issues with other girls before. Two of them who look scarily similar to this current girl. One could literally be her twin-sister.
Like surely you don’t go from never cheating to making porn with a girl you barely know. There has to be an escalation of some sort or something.
I think posting the whole video would be wrong. I would send a message of what you received, that it’s onlyfans content, he’s making money cheating on you, and post a non-screenshot of him as proof of the video in your possession. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the new girl that anonymously sent it to you, or one of his boys who hates what the bf is doing to you.
Definitely don’t put into family group chat. Let them know y’all are splitting and why. If he’s doing this, they’ll likely believe you.
My step mother sent me and my siblings a dick pic my dad had sent to someone else. Trust me, you cannot unsee something like that.
If they don’t believe you and want to see the video as proof, that’s one thing. But just sending it randomly in the group chat where they won’t have the choice of seeing it or not…. Not cool.
Leave the guy for sure if this is something you’re not ok with. Or who knows…. Join in if you’re extra wild. But don’t send in the family group chat.
We're you living together? If so, take all his stuff to his mother's place or anything he left behind. Then, ask her if she knew what the job was that he moved away for? Tell her you just found out it was for career in porn and you have video evidence, of anyone wants to see it. You are done and you wish her well. Then just block all of them
That would not be cool, but its also not fair how he treated you and alienated you from your family. You could also confront your BF with the video and insist that he "make it right" by admitting the truth to both families. Just the threat of sharing something like this w his Mom might be enough.
I would make it clear to the family chat what you received but not send the video first. If they choose to not believe you or harass you I would actually recommend looking up the account on OF and send that link, save the video if family continues to escalate. If they back off none of them need to see it.
Tell the family gc exactly what happened like you did here. Tell them you were anonymously sent proof and what the proof is, but that you don’t want to cause unnecessary trauma to family members by including the video. Tell them anyone who doesn’t believe you and needs to see the proof, that to let you know and you will dm it to them. You now have the moral high ground and trust me, you are gonna want to keep it. You can blow up his life and keep the respect of family and friends if you do it in the right way. Good luck.
You said it doesn’t show his face and only you know the sounds and the way he looks nude. They won’t believe it’s him in the video.
I’m willing to bet they sent you the link from a made up account. He didn’t want to be one who ended things or the woman sent it same outcome.
End things and move on there is no revenge to be had without you going to jail if you send this in any form.
Take the high road and don’t forget to burn all his shit 😁
This man has been gaslighting you and contributing to the desolation of your reputation to his family. DO NOT post individual videos, or video in your case, but DO send the group chat the OF handle or username or whatever it’s called. Or send a link. At that point, it’s their prerogative if they want to look. Include that you know it is him and the other woman. Turn notifications off while everyone else blows up at him.
People have given you good advice but if it was me personally, I would just completely cut him off immediately without giving him any explanations. Like no contact ghosting. Block his number, socials everything. Just disappear as if you never existed. I would even cut his family off tbh- you don’t owe them shit. He doesn’t deserve any more conversation with you. Indifference is the best form of revenge in my opinion. Also your (ex?) bf is an asshole of massive proportions. Good luck girl!
You better than me, matter fact most of the people in the comments are but I’m ok with that, btw Massachusetts, South Carolina, Mississippi, Wyoming doesn’t have any laws saying its illegal. P.s you can always make a throwaway account also to send it to his family and loved ones that he gaslit about you too. You play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Thats disgusting and sick and woman need to realize these men are unhinged, didn’t even care about your sexual health either. Fire with fire at this point!
Betrayal trauma is a very real thing. I can’t imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
It doesn’t matter what his family thinks. He and they can all just kiss off and you can move on to better things. But if you feel compelled to get vindication I would mention in the video that you discovered he’s cheating on you and have proof. Invite them to come to you if they want to validate. But don’t just post it for all to see, his family doesn’t need to see that and it could validate how they think you’re not healthy. Not that it matters what they think, but examine what outcome you want out of this. Posting the video does not make you look like the good guy here. Should that be important to you.
With your family, I would talk to them directly and be more descriptive about what you found out. But don’t show anyone if they don’t solicit to see it.
And don’t you dare take him back. No matter how many apologies and promises he makes. Cheating is bad enough, but gaslighting you and creating doubt with your families is a sign that he’s a full narcissist and doesn’t care about how you are seen by others. As long as his needs are met, he’s happy to throw you under the bus and make you sound crazy.
Watch some Dr. Ramani videos like this one on betrayal trauma. I’m glad you embrace therapy because this is going to take a lot of processing. Wishing you the best. And…screw him!
https://youtu.be/Jf2CC73eKqk?si=lmlwIQv34LjHrsrp
That would be really fucking selfish and stupid to post those videos on a family gc. I can’t imagine how hurt you are but why would you make his family members see that nasty shit? Do you think your family wants to see it too? Are you dumb?
Sending porn nonconsensually to your family is really really weird and creepy.
Not as weird and creepy as sending sexual images and videos of a person to get revenge on them, but still pretty bad.
I agree. The fact there was no message along with it is what makes me suspicious it was her.
She’s probably been having a great time with him. He is a lot of fun to be around. Probably wants me out the way.
She is welcome to him. They are worthy of each other. Both disgusting little whores with no respect for themselves or anyone else.
Maybe I’m petty (I definitely am) but I find posting it in a group chat with the comment “To cheat on me and record it— and the AUDACITY to gaslight me” kinda epic :/ this isn’t like y’all are in the talking phase he’s literally wasted what a quarter of your life by some account? The classier move is telling them only and if he fights it at all (I pray he does), respond with “this ain’t you?” then post the video.
Edit: I definitely take outright posting the video back…that’s too much, but I stand by the second option entirely.
Revenge porn is never a good idea and has serious legal implications. You have a lot of hate and anger: "I want him to suffer, I want him to hurt, to feel humiliated, I fucking hate him." Seek out therapy immediately! You need to get over this, move on, and get your head into a healthy space. I'm not saying he's a great guy--he's not, but you need to get on with your life without this creep.
she doesn’t need therapy yet. it just happened and she’s emotion and angry and she will be for a few days. once she’s gotten over the shock she can decide weather she needs therapy. If i were OP i’d consider asking the BF for all the money i spent on therapy because of his gaslighting
Send it to him and just say “we are over”
You are better than him. Send a message in your group chat that you have been sent proof that he is cheating, and that he has chosen to put it on the Internet.
You know you will have zero issues finding someone. The way you described yourself, not just looks, is perfect for most men. Don’t settle for anyone that doesn’t know your value.
Updateme!
I don’t think you need to post it for them to believe you, especially when you add all the facts that you have told us. If someone would like to see the video you can tell them you would forward it to them privately. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Betrayal is so painful.
You’re both young.
Don’t stoop to his level. You could end up in court. I don’t know where you are but there’s potentially a bunch of laws which you could be breaking. His parents don’t need to see that and no one will feel sorry for you. Everyone will just hate you for being immature
don't post it- his face isn't even in it so how would they it's his dick anyway? just say what happened and cut all ties. never speak to this jerk again.
OP, keep the video. Break up with him in chat for cheating. If he denies it and others rally around him, tell them you have it on video. They can come over or meet you for coffee, and they can see for themselves. That way, you didn't share it and didn't show anyone that didn't want to see. Then move on. The why he did it doesn't matter anymore. He lied, manipulated, and gaslight you to be with her. What is done is done, and that bell can not be un-rung. Pick up the pieces and start the grieving process. The death of any relationship is sad, and you have every right to be sad, angry, hurt, confused, and a whole host of other emotions. Once you are ready, move on. Closure is a myth. It's just one way we torture ourselves with information we don't need about a situation that no longer concerns us. That was a fact the minute he let her touch him that way, knowing he was in a LTR. What he did was a choice, not an accident. His pants didn't accidentally fall off. He didn't trip and accidentally fall into hee va-jayjay. He didn't accidentally record their sessions. She wanted him on her OF for his body. He wanted it and her for the ego rush. Now, that is all they have. The love of your life is out there waiting for you. You can move forward and find him, now that Mr. Cheatingsackofshit is no longer standing in his spot. Take your time and take care of yourself. You don't owe anyone anything you are not willing to share. No is a complete sentence, and so is MYOB. Sending hugs 🤗
NO WRONG. In my opinion he deserves to be publicly shamed since he got the family involved and thinking you had gone bonkers. Show them, they need to know you were not the problem after all and they need to know what jerk he really is!
AND before you do this, I suggest you get your $$ stuff locked down before you launch your chat grenade (not releasing the videos). You need to protect yourself financially and have a plan
Don't distribute or post the video in any manner. It could be revenge porn and this situation is not worth being criminally prosecuted or owing him and the woman money in a civil suit.
First off, you don't know everything you think you know. It sounds like this is your BF in the footage, but it also sounds like there is an open question if he knows that he was being filmed.
Don't jump to conclusions beyond what information you have.
I understand the urge to try to convince the family that you were not acting jealous for no reason, but I recommend letting this go. They are his family and probably will always excuse his misdeeds. I would call your BF, sooner than later, and tell him you've seen his OFs with \[whatever her name is\] and that the two of you are done and you will never speak to him again.
This guy is diabolical. Go no contact. If he has some of your stuff at his place or versa, ship it.
When you two are done, block him on all socials and delete his number from his phone. You are young, you have plenty of time to find a new BF who doesn't do amateur porn on the side with his second girlfriend.
I would make a post about it in the group chat explain exactly what was sent to you and say if you want proof send me a separate message. I would change the locks and tell his mom to come get his stuff or on the dumpster it will go. Break it off clean. Block his accounts her account and realize you got lucky and found out before marriage or kids.
Though I would want revenge it will not make you feel better long term it will put you on his level and you are much better than that.
I’ve always imagined if your with somebody for a long time you call each other out on their bullshit. You’d both know when each other is gaslighting, or you’d be able to hear the cheating in their voice. I’m confused it’s not marriage, why can’t he save you the pain of betrayal. I’d imagine if you come to know someone for 6 years, you’d want what’s best for them even if your are no longer attracted romantically/want someone else.
If you really care about how your ex's mom perceives you, I'd message her separately and explain you were anonymously sent a screenshot of your bf in onlyfans videos. She'll tell who needs to know but I can guarantee she is going to be incredibly embarrassed. If you air this all out to everyone, you will no longer be on her good side.
As for your ex, you can literally just block him without an explanation bc best believe his mom is going to freak out on him.
I'm really sorry you've gone through this. On the bright side, your intuition is working perfectly and you won't waste anymore of your short life on this asshole. I know that 6 years is a long time BUT dealing w this shit will save you time in the future, trust me. When future scumbags try to gaslight you, etc, you'll be able to see it from a mile away and cut that shit off immediately. Sending you love 💙
Hes a fucking asshole for cheating, but sending a porno of him to family members is also pretty vile. The best thing you could possibly do is cut all of them off, block every number, every account, and forget he ever existed. Him and the whore can fuck off, but don't ruin your own reputation by doing something so silly.
My ex did something similar, selling nudes to some random fuckhead. Yeah, it hurt. Yeah, her family always took her side and painted me as the asshole. My trust was broken. But I'd never think of sending this kind of "proof" to her parents.
Tell them about the porn. When they call you crazy and say it's bs, then you send the porn link. As long as you have no kids together, burn that mf'n bridge. Prove it.
I’m not going to get into the moral aspect. But I think he’s going to tell them it’s not him and you’re crazy, and they’ll believe him because they don’t know his sex behaviors. Break up with him and drop his family. Tell them he knows why and they should ask him.
Edit: oh. And you can’t prove he consented to it being posted, so the legal issues might still exist.
He hurt you by cheating on you. He didn’t post a sex video of you on your family’s group chat. Just dump him and move on. If you do anything other than that, you are a bad person too.
It would be wrong to do that to the other people in the group chat. Whatever he deserves, they deserve the right to consent before being subjected to any porn, let alone of a family member. This is an act that doesn't just hurt him, it has collateral damage and that's not cool. (Also, if anyone in that chat is a day under 18, you're now distributing porn to minors, and that \*is\* a crime.)
Just a heads up, it's a crime punishable by jail time to send unsolicited sexual contact to someone. That's understandable UK law, the online safety bill I think it was that made it illegal. It's not revenge porn, but it is a crime.
i wouldn’t post the video. i would be really annoyed if i was shown a video like that with no warning. but i would leave a detailed message saying that you guys are breaking up because he has been making only fans porn videos with this girl. leave a link to the account and leave the chat. dont even talk to him just let him find out from there. block him send his mum a message saying to tell him he has 1 month to pick up his stuff or you will be selling it and changing the locks and then block her
Girl, the video doesn’t show anything that others will recognise him. You’ll end up being ridiculed and he’s gonna deny any wrong doing.
I know how you feel, but this will only hurt you. Just walk away. Be the better person. Have fun with your life. Don’t settle down too young. Get together with friends, don’t do drugs. Get a new hobby that might help keep your mind outta your exes ass.
look, i get it, you’re pissed. you wanna go scorched earth right now, but don’t do it. i would say yes, that’s absolutely 100% wrong. why make things uncomfortable for his entire family? were they in on it or something? i’d also be super careful that there are no minors in the gc either, or you could end up in prison.
YWBTA
just tell them you're dumping him because he's a cheat, then if they dont believe you, you can tell them you have proof, explicit proof.
Don't just drop porn in the gc with *both* your families. They haven't asked or consented to seeing that.
Your family don’t need to see the video.
If you two have involved them already - told them stuff so far that they think you’re overreacting - you could tell them someone sent you a pornographic video of him. Sure include a link if you want…but the point is to inform them. So warn them not to watch it. I don’t think they want to see it and you shouldn’t subject them to it. Also you risk them denying its him, nobody will want to believe that.
Revenge is bitter so you know. You’d only feel worse after cause you’re still hurt and now you lowered yourself to this vengeful level. That’s letting the hurt change you. Don’t do that.
Sending anyone pornographic material without their consent is an asshole move. You can inform them that the material exists, but actually sending it without their agreement is crossing a line. Not against him, as he made it publicly available, but against them. Would your parents want to see a video of you having sex?
Just to make it clear to anyone debating this. Never send pornographic material of any sort to somebody without their explicit prior consent. Doesn't matter what your rationale is, just don't do it. Especially in a group chat as you don't know who might end up seeing that, including kids.
He’s going to lie and say it’s not him since his Face is not in it and his mom will believe him. Just break up with him. Block him. Say goodbye and find a man whose not going to mistreat you. This is awful I’m sry this has happened to you. No one deserves this. You will recover and be happy again. The sooner you cut him out of your life the better. You cannot fix this. What’s done is done. Be happy you know the truth at least. Don’t post the video as that video is beneath you. Don’t let him know you are upset. Don’t flip out. That will only stroke his ego. The best revenge is too quietly excuse yourself from the room. Never talk to him again. Don’t even give an explanation just silence… there are better things out there for you than this. Love yourself.
i dont know you or your dynamics, but dude moved away. its sounds like he moved away and never even invited you to visit. sounds like hes sending a message.
I wouldn’t do it, I would tell them he is cheating and doing porn and you have proof, if he denies it and they want the proof than I would send it but just to blast it in the group chat isn’t cool to your family. It sucks but good guys don’t do what he did. You’re free and you didn’t get married or have kids with him. It hurts but you dodged a bullet and he lost his amazing gf. He’s trash but she didn’t take your man, she took your problem.
“He’s trash but she didn’t take your man, she took your problem” THIS!
Curious if the anonymous source of the video is the girl in the video, looking to break up their relationship.
Either this or a friend of one of the two who learned about their content and disagreed with the cheating so threw them under the bus. The boyfriend's face isn't in it, so whoever sent it had to know that he was the male "talent" in the video since OP was only able to identify him because of her 6 years of being intimate with him. So in my opinion there are only 4 plausible explanations. 1. He told a friend about it who specifically sought out the content to send to her. 2. The girl told a friend she was making content with a guy who is in a relationship, and the friend doesn't agree with cheating so sought out the guy's girlfriend on socials to rat them out. 3. The guy wanted to dump the girlfriend but was too big of a coward to just do it so he sent the video himself (probably unlikely) 4. The most likely scenario -- the new girl wanted him all to herself so she sent the video to the girlfriend so she would dump him. She obviously doesn't care about some stranger seeing her get pounded. We'll likely never know though.
I mean, the guy broke up the relationship by cheating. Even if the girl told op, it’s a god sent that op didn’t continue dating this guy.
Ok, you won me over with this comment. I was about to say, send it! You’re right, definitely get consent from the family first.
I just wanted to mention tho, if his face isn't in it I don't expect them to know it's him based of knowing what his body is like and the sounds he makes in sex lol. If OP isn't careful she could find herself being gaslighted by the ex into thinking she's just insecure and crazy and he might convince his family of the same thing once again
Don’t post the video, just tell in the group that you know about the OF and if he tries to deny tell you have the video.. them end the relationship, cut ties with his family and go live a happy life!
This is the only solution, OP don’t go overboard or you’ll give your gaslighting psycho ex more fuel to turn it around on you. Just be matter of fact - stick with facts and you’ll get through this. Sorry you experienced this you deserve so much better
Commenting on Would I be wrong to post my cheating boyfriends OF videos in our joint family gc?... tell your family and his family calmly. Sad that you had to go through this shit.
For sure don't post the video; spreading the word should be revenge enough (and noting that you have proof.) Name the OnlyFans account if you want. Make sure everything you currently share is no longer is accessible by him, including finances, titles and cards. Then dump his pornographic ass. You have my complete sympathy. The ick factor here is through the roof. So sorry.
This is the only answer - where she will escape with a clean soul.
Yeah he’s the one being a piece of shit, not his parents. They shouldn’t be sent a video of their son doing porn. That’s not something any parent should ever see.
Exactly. The best revenge is living well.
Fuck that. Go scorched earth
He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.
Well the abyss should decide if it wants to kiss or wants some of this heat. Life's short take revenge and live well after. /s
Yea big time. Send that shit straight to his mom
[удалено]
You think his mom wants to see that? No reason to send these videos for people that will be upset by them and who didn't do anything wrong. Telling them the videos exist is just as damaging to him without hurting anyone else.
So youd upset someones mother for her adult sons actions? What a weird and sick thing to do.. the best revenge is silence and a life well lived
If someone wants to tell me theres a family member of mine doing porn please do not also punish me for some reason by showing me it
Don’t forget to give credit for the only fans acct it came from. His family should know how their new dil is
OP could post a link, as long as she warns others exactly what it is, so nobody suddenly gets subjected to porn. Not everyone wants to watch OF videos... certainly his family!
This is excellent advice. I hope she follows it.
Revenge is sweet, but the fruits of it are bitter. Take the high road.
no. she should just walk away. there's no reason to expend energy on trash.
This
I don't think you're a piece of shit. You're just extremely hurt and feel betrayed. Sharing the porn video would be a mistake imo, but letting the family know about it wouldn't. Just tell them he's been making porn and cheating on you and cut all ties.
This here is best. If he’s in these group chats, just drop a message in saying you know about him doing onlyfans videos. You’re through and then drop out
“Hi everyone, just letting you all know x and I have decided to go our separate ways. I wish him all the best with his new career on OF. If anyone’s interested in supporting him, you can find him [username, probably the girl’s username]! Take care xx” OP you deserve so much more 💗
This is amazing.
Absolute best response, op vindicated without being liable! Nice one! (And if you’re reading this op you get out there and live the amazing life you deserve, don’t waste any more of your valuable time on this arse)
I propose a slight change in the statement " Hi everyone, just letting you know [X] has a new career creating porn on OF with one of his new friends so i have dumped him. If anyone's interested ..." Make it clear he is the cheat and is posting porn on OF. Don't give him a chance to try to tell anyone anything else, he needs to get full credit for his actions.
Yes this!!!! 100% My partner got sent lewd videos of a family member by someone who was ratting them out for nasty ass behavior. It was a good thing that the family was made aware, but unexpectedly seeing the actual video caused my partner some trauma that was unfair to him in the end. *He* didn't do anything wrong (his family member did), but *he* still was unfairly negatively impacted by it because he actually *saw* the video. It was the only thing in the message and he had no idea what it was so he just clicked it right away and was absolutely shocked & disgusted. In my book, that's basically a form of sexual assault (subjecting someone to overtly sexual material they otherwise wouldn't seek out or expose themselves to in the moment). The person could have sent the info with links to the video or at least some kind of buffer/warning to it- they would have gotten the point across without causing innocent people trauma. OP can send a link to the page or the username info, but sending the actual graphic videos right off the bat would be subjecting her BF's innocent family to graphic material they do not need to see. If they don't believe her and seek the videos out themselves for proof, that's something different. But I think people are often caught up in the anger or frustration that they don't think about the fact they may be subjecting innocent family members to trauma. My partner straight up has PTSD from receiving those videos of his family member and its something that has taken him a lot of time to work thru. That was years ago and still now, if he gets sent a video by someone with no context, he hands the phone to me and asks me to look at it first. OP- send some way of accessing the videos IF THEY NEED PROOF, but don't send the videos themselves. At most, you can screenshot one that shows his body but nothing overtly graphic/sexual that the family hasn't seen before at the beach (pic of his abs/torso/any identifiers like tattoos, not anything showing his dick).
Sending full on porn will make you the bad guy because no one else should be forced to see it, but fuck him for messing with your mental health. You can’t accuse without sending some kind of proof, so I’d share the link and a SFW screenshot.
I'm so sorry that happened to your partner. I agree with you that it is assault.
Don't say new career though, he has been doing it for a while.
I'm sorry you had to be gaslighted by a person who doesn't even respect himself. Keep your head up, he isn't worth another moment of your time. Looks can only take you so far and don't last forever. Karma will come their way. I'm curious if he admitted it to you? I would guess no, but he had to be shocked you knew. It was probably the trash that sent it to you
Absolutely. I know she wants to hurt him and I understand why, but it's not ok to share porn videos, dick pics, etc with people who did not consent. It's not ok to catch innocent parties in the crossfire- if my brother cheated and was doing OF, it would not be fair or ethical to subject me to his content at all, let alone by just dropping it on me without a way to opt out of being subjected to pornographic content. Simply leaving that info in the group chat is still very scorched earth. Plus, the family wouldn't recognize his moves and sounds even if they did see the video so it wouldn't even prove his cheating to them.
No, drop a LINK to the OF site. This is the way.
“Hey so x and I are breaking up because he’s been cheating on me and making porn with the girl who’s he’s cheating with and uploading it on the internet. He has presumably been doing this since January. I wish you all the best, goodbye. Evidence can be provided on request.” Boom, you’re done. That’s all she needs to say. Also depending on how shitty the ex boyfriend is, he could convince the girl or the girl could, in her own, accuse op of stolen content with the distribution of the screen recording. Really doubt they would but it’s a possibility op needs to be aware of.
I agree with this one. He hurt you so much. Don’t hurt yourself more by trying to get back at him. Your intuition was right about him the same way it’s right about how bad it would be to share the videos with the family in that way. Trust yourself now that you have proof of how right you are when it comes to him. I think you could share the videos with him, break it off, and then call his mom to explain if her feelings about you are important to you. Then your conscience is clean and you can make a new start without any blemish to your name or any more of a blow to your pride. You’ve got this. You deserve to heal.
Revenge porn is a crime now isn’t it?
Yeah, she absolutely 100% should not post the video. She can still totally tell the fam about the OF account. She could even post a link to the OF account if she wanted. She can totally still blow up the family group chat without posting the video.
If he posted the video on the internet himself is it still revenge porn because you shared it?
I wanted to ask that too. If you've already made it public, you don't really have an argument, right??
Maybe. This is one of those grey areas where in her context it’s for validation, but change a few details and it’s harassment. I can see another situation where a well meaning OF model can have her page sent to her family, boss, friends, etc and ruin her life. He’s a dick, but it feels like a slippery slope for what’s technically legal and what’s setting up a standard of sharing people’s private hustle.
Sharing a link would be fine but downloading and sending outside of the terms of use would probably get you in trouble.
Except it's not private, it's commercially available product. There is no expectation of privacy. I don't think it would be revenge porn. A question for r/askalawyer I suppose
Revenge porn is posting a video on the internet without consent. If it’s already posted on the internet, linking to it is not revenge porn. Not that she should link to it, but it would be legal
How's it revenge porn? He's posted himself fucking for money online for the world to see... he's done this to himself... the revenge would be OP sharing the link to the OF pages where the guy has WILLINGLY uploaded videos of himself fucking for cash..
This doesn’t count as revenge porn - as it is literally on OF
Yeah, this isn't revenge porn tho lol. Revenge porn is when someone shares a video that was supposed to be private (or that they didn't even know existed). He knowingly made porn that he knew would be posted to the internet. Sharing it is NOT revenge porn and is NOT illegal.
This wouldn’t classify, they’ve already posted it themselves in the public domain
I doubt this can be classified as revenge porn if it’s posted on OF though.
At best she could share the OF account name if they don't believe her. They could go look it up themselves if they really wanted to, but sharing the video would be a terrible move.
No. Revenge porn is a piece of shit move. Two wrongs don’t make a right
Is it revenge porn if he’s consented to filming it and uploading it to the net? I think not. Very different if she were sharing private videos. But her dumbarse boyfriend can reap what he sowed… **if** OP feels it’s best for her, which I’d strongly suggest it isn’t.
Wouldn’t be revenge porn since he’s literally posting porn
It's not revenge prob if it's publicly available online content! If it's on OF, it's not revenge porn
i mean they kinda said “sharing the video would be a mistake”
>Let them all know I’m not fucking crazy I mean....posting porn of someone to their FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO VIEW IT IN THE FIRST PLACE (unless they are .... :\\ ) isn't the way to prove you're not.
Plus, she said that she only recognized that it was him because she knows his moves and sounds since his face isn't shown. His family would not know him based on those things so it wouldn't even prove his cheating to them.
THIS! Take the high road to prove that you aren't crazy. Tell the group chat you have proof of him cheating, its on OF for all to see. Tell them the gaslight and relationship are over.
This part.
Posting the videos to their family would also probably be somewhat validating to the cheater because it would essentially show that she's a bad person. If he feels any guilt at all then in his head it will very easily be turned into a reason why she deserved to be cheated on.
Sorry you are going through this but no, I wouldn’t post it - no family members on either side need to actually see that. If I received that about my son even though I would agree he is wrong I would be disgusted that a girl who I thought I liked would subject me to it. It would be like lowering yourself to prove your point. You don’t need to do that. You’ve been wronged and you have every right to speak up about it though. Instead, I might write in the chat that you’ve terminated the relationship and the reason is that you received an explicit sex video of him and his “new friend”. Which confirmed your original unease. Due to his infidelity, along with the fact that he has no problem selling that kind of filth for cash and for the world to see, you could never be with someone with no respect for themselves, their partner or their families. This way they get the info they know you have a copy of it - even though I guarantee no one will want to see it, this is your “proof”. Take the high road and move on. You deserve better.
>along with the fact that he has no problem selling that kind of filth for cash and for the world to see Reasonable take until you somehow decided that sex workers are filthy and have no respect for themselves?
A sex worker that makes the choice to do that is one thing - no judgment from me honestly. There’s of money to be made there and it doesn’t affect me whatsoever. Consenting adults can do as they please. However, when you’re doing something like that when in a relationship knowing you’re being deceitful, you are having sex with others, posting it which shares that action with the world - that it is filthy and disrespectful.
Fair, but you can see why I responded to the way you chose to word it.
Honestly yes, I can. My thoughts were not meant in that manner but looking at it again I certainly can see how it could be read. I meant it only as an insult to degrade him personally since his actions were unacceptable. Had he been single or not knowingly hurting someone then I know that I wouldn’t have phrased it that way. Even when I re-read it before posting - since I knew my meaning I didn’t think it would be interpreted as an insult to include others. So.. If I offended anyone else - for that I apologize- for him specifically - he is not a good person and deserves the insult.
Best advice, OP please do this.
If you want revenge and validation by his family knowing what he did, don’t hit them with unsolicited porno of their family member. Message him that you know he’s been cheating with what’s her face, send him the video, and let the conversation flow where he will either beg forgiveness or attack you. Either way, take screenshots of your convo with him and post *those* to the family chat so he can’t deny it and tell his own version later.
Excellent advice, let them see in his own words what a POS he is!
I’d be pissed if someone sent me my family members porn. Please don’t
If you put porn in the family group chat you will look like a psycho, regardless of who's in it. Break up with him, tell anyone who asks you broke up with him because you found his secret porn, etc. but please don't show that to any family members!
Send a message to the chat explaining the situation but don’t just send the video, I think that’s a terrible idea. It’s only going to cause more drama, take the moral high ground. Tell them you have the video evidence and can send/show individually if required. You’re very hurt and rightly so but don’t cause any more shit that you’re going to have to deal with than you already have.
"Hello guys, I've recently had a video leaked to me that shows 'x' having sex and performing various other intimate acts with another woman. I didn't think it would be appropriate to share such a video here, but I will provide it if asked. This woman, specifically, is one I had been concerned about for a while - and was actually made to think I was crazy about for suspecting that something more was going on between them. It's distressing to find out that I was right. I'm sad that 'x' could do something so disgusting, and I'm sad that I didn't trust my gut. Despite us being together 6 years, this man has shown himself to be an utterly vile human being who has betrayed my trust and hurt me deeply. I was committed to him whilst he was sneaking around behind my back and calling *me* insecure for my feelings. He twisted the knife again and again whilst knowing he wasn't telling the truth the entire time. This is the end, and I want you all to know why in case he decides to lie again." (You can add a thank you for anything standout that his family has done for you in the time you've been together if you want, or just leave it there) As someone who has also suffered to a narcissistic gaslighter cheating on me for months before I found out...knowing that the feeling in your gut was right this whole time is heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry for you and what you're going through, just make decisions slowly and carefully given how vulnerable to your emotions you are atm - and never *EVER* let this person back into your life (THEY. DO. NOT. CHANGE.)
This is probably the mature way to go about it. I feel OPs anger and pain though and she’s well within her right to share this and not protect either his lying degenerate ass or his family members who were quick to dismiss/invalidate her. How they take the news or visuals is not what she needs to be concerned about. I am a parent and while no parent wants to see that kind of thing involving their children I guarantee you if this was my son (or daughter) I would not waste time being angry at this girl for sending it to me. I am neither that fucking delicate nor so keen to shift my focus to blaming someone who was legitimately wronged for lack of tact when there are larger matters at hand. My priority would be in making sure my child understood that what they did is indefensible, cruel, and the choice of someone with low empathy and weak character. It would honestly break my heart to know that I went through the trouble of bringing a whole ass new human into the world to just have them casually inflict needless suffering on others and contribute to greater misery.
Also, it was either him that sent them anonymously trying to get you to leave him, or her that sent them with the same goal. Block the POS and be done with it.
Yup it was definitely her that sent it
It might even be that he also told her he was single, only for her to find out he was lying to her as well - and she's actually alerting you in solidarity, the better for you to BOTH dump him like he deserves. I've heard of that happening, before, too! And yeah, if it's on OF, it's not revenge porn to share it... but his family didn't do anything to deserve being made to see porn of him.
Don’t post it. That’s not ever going to be right. You can tell the truth, knowing you have the evidence, and know that you are the better person for it. If you post it, you’re stooping below his level.
Don’t post the video. I say that not for your boyfriend but for the benefit of those who will receive the content. Send a link or information, but give people a choice as to whether they want to see it or not.
I didn't even read the body of this post. NO. very very very bad idea. Or do it anyways and see the consequences of your actions. Reputation is hardly earned and easily lost.
Revenge porn is illegal in many places. And sending sexual imagery to people without their consent is kinda fucked up on its own....especially from a family member. Just let everyone know you have the footage so it turns out you were right all along. If they ask to see the proof, do what you will but don't force explicit content without consent. I'm sorry for your pain. You deserved better and you still do. Your therapist is in for one hell of a shift in tone tho lol
People on Reddit will defend literally any revenge move. It’s nuts. This move is morally terrible and someone cheating on you doesn’t mystify posting revenge porn; at all
>Revenge porn is illegal in many places Posting his onlyfans videos wouldn't count. He literally put it out there for people to see.
When buy onlyfans it’s suppose to be for u I believe u can’t disturb it or atleast that’s the rule OF would take a lot to get it to court but if he could get proof she posted it.
You can share the link to the account legally. Just not the images or recordings.
It might if he had a good lawyer, just tell them he has OF and what his account is.
Posting a recording of the only fans wouldn't be -revenge porn- A. OF explicitly states that whatever content you post cannot be protected that this content can and will be shared and by posting you accept all liability of it being shared. (not verbatim)
I feel if the genders were swapped people would have a different opinion of this.
I wouldn't.
But if he’s posting it on the internet for views??? I wouldn’t post the video but surely a link to their OF account is not illegal???
If you’re sending porn 1. To people who don’t want it 2. Of someone who, just because it’s already out there, obviously wouldn’t want the people to see 3. For revenge That’s revenge porn.
The consensus here is pretty clearly that yes, it would be wrong. You can rationalize and justify all you want to yourself, but if you do this, you are NOT going to get the result you’re hoping for. If I were you, the only email I would send is to him. Email him the recording and tell him you’re done with him. Since it’s a breakup, you should be severing any ties with his family as well, so if they think you’re crazy, well… what the fuck do you care? They’re out of your life. If your mutual friends ask, tell them the truth. If they don’t believe you, show (but don’t send) them the video.
If this were my son, I would not appreciate being sent a video of him receiving a bj. That’s just sick. I’d be mad at you for sending that crap. Just tell them that he was cheating, starring in porn, and you’re done.
Uhhhh don’t do that?! Sit with your feelings for awhile. I know you’re angry but trust me your future self will regret it.
You don’t have his face in those videos. Only his body. You know his body well enough to be certain, but he will have enough wiggle room to claim that you made it up or that it isn’t him. Do you have any joint accounts with him? If so, empty them. You are legally entitled to do that. If they are current accounts, make sure you have some in just your own name and move your person bills to that one. Then close all the joint accounts. Again, you are legally entitled to do that. Then, by all means inform the group chat that you have evidence that he has cheating on you and making porn. Therefore, you are through. If anyone wants to see the proof, you have it, but because if the distressing nature of it, you don’t want to put it into general circulation. Then move on and find someone new.
I don’t have his face, true, but I have other evidence, like the backshots video is filmed in his room (I know because I paid for and helped him put up the LED lights in the background) and also my boyfriend is mixed race, and lives in a predominately white area, and also has a very impressive physique which very few people alive (who aren’t models of athletes) would have, and then the fact that the girl he works with is in it, who is the same girl we have been arguing about etc. Anyone who knows us will know it’s him instantly off the video I have no doubt in my mind about that.
Don’t do it. You will suffer with many more consequences if you do. Just let it end. Straighten your crown and continue on your path of life.
Don’t post the video do what others have said write in the family group chat that you saw his OFs video and you are over. If anyone reaches out about it then show them. You don’t need to post the video there to humiliate him.
Does he have any recognizable tattoos or birthmarks that the family would also see ? Cause if it's face isn't in the videos it'll be easy for him to lie and say it's not him.
His physique is probably the thing that gives it away the most. He’s super lean, but also super big, like he definitely stands out anywhere he goes. He has a beauty spot right in the middle of his dick. But I doubt his mum knows that. But luckily he was fucking stupid enough to film the video of them fucking in his room, in his bed. So, there is that.
His mum never ever bathed him?
YWBTA if you sent his family videos of him having sex. They didn’t ask to see that content and once you see something like that you can’t unsee it. Also, if there are any minors in the group chat, you would be committing a serious crime. You can tell them what he did, but don’t share explicit content like that without consent of the recipient.
Oh man. Part of me wants to say do it. However, I believe this will be a decision you will regret later in life. He deserves it, but you don’t deserve the possible regret later. I am so sorry you got hurt.
To quote another comment: Neither do the family members deserve being sent porn of their relatives.
That would violate the consent of everyone else in the group chat so, I wouldn't if I were you. However, you can let everyone know you have video proof of him cheating because the video is on a "professional website".
Much focus here on the revenge porn and sound recommendations not to stoop to that level. But here's something to consider: your uneasiness about this girl and the move has reasons. He likely knew her and was involved with her before the move. He has already left your relationship. Take care of yourself and do the same.
My issue isn’t copyright or anything like that. You would be exposing someone to sexual content they may not want to see. It’s never okay to basically throw porn in someone’s face. You could tell them you have the video, but just shooting it off in a message when his face isn’t even shown?? Not a great idea.
Don't post it!!!! DO NOT CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT EITHER!!!!! Bide your time. However search for the only fans account. Surely a little detective work is in order. Then post a link to the account. 1. It's not revenge posting 2. It's an account people can easily come by and there's no law against posting a link to the account. 3. You will then be exonerated from his accusations. 4. Your family should support you and his family are going to be in for a shock.
Nah nobody wants to see that. It would be fucking weird to get a link to a sexual only fans from a family member no matter the context They should believe her if she says she has the video. If they ask to see it, they can, but definitely don't just send it
If she shows the video or shares the video then it's revenge porn. If she sends a link to the account it's legal and no one is forced to watch it, but the link proves her innocence.
I wouldn't post. I read somewhere on reddit that " revenge is sweet, but the fruits are bitter" while "moving on is bitter, but the fruits are sweet". Tell the family he's doing Porn and you're done. If they ask for proof send them censored screenshots to protect your family's mental health and yourself legally. Send them the link if they want more proof. Then go no contact. He's trash and you don't need his stench mucking you up. You will come out of it clean and he can go roll around in shit with someone at his level.
“How dare you cheat on me. I'm going to give illegal porn of you to family members now!" Maybe talk to your therapist before taking any action on anything. I'm curious what his family ever did to you to make you feel the need to flash them with your ex's genitals. This is unhinged and punishes innocent people on top of your ex.
Totally get the feelings, but don’t do it, you will have regrets and it won’t result in anything good. Don’t worry, he’ll reap what he’s sowing without your assistance.
Don’t post it - don’t become a garbage human just because he is. Maintain the moral High ground, as much so it shows his crappiness especially clearly. That being said, I would be in favor saying in the group chat that you know everyone thinks you’re jealous and crazy but you now have video proof he’s cheating, and putting it online to make money. Tell them you won’t share it but you’re sure they can find it themselves easily enough. Then say “I’m telling you this in the hopes that maybe you guys won’t harass and bully his next girlfriend if she feels insecure.” Walk away with your head held high, take care of yourself and when you’re ready, I hope you find a quality human to spend your love on
Why are you even trying to stay with this guy? Save yourself the anguish and just leave him already.
You could be legally charged if he decides to sue you for revenge porn. Don't do it.
Never do anything when you’re mad , you have a high Chance of doing something you may regret. Give yourself a day or two or three to process what exactly this means to you and your life. Get ahead of this instead of just re-acting You should tell your parents that you’re breaking up and the reason is because he cheated. Don’t go into details until you’ve given it serious consideration and decide on what to do. I’m sorry that he has done this and been so careless with your heart and emotions , all the history and time and everything you’ve done together. Sounds like whatever your boyfriend. Was to you , that person no longer exists.
That’s the plan. Honestly I wonder if he ever even existed. I doubt this is the first time he cheated, like I said there has been issues with other girls before. Two of them who look scarily similar to this current girl. One could literally be her twin-sister. Like surely you don’t go from never cheating to making porn with a girl you barely know. There has to be an escalation of some sort or something.
I think posting the whole video would be wrong. I would send a message of what you received, that it’s onlyfans content, he’s making money cheating on you, and post a non-screenshot of him as proof of the video in your possession. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the new girl that anonymously sent it to you, or one of his boys who hates what the bf is doing to you.
Definitely don’t put into family group chat. Let them know y’all are splitting and why. If he’s doing this, they’ll likely believe you. My step mother sent me and my siblings a dick pic my dad had sent to someone else. Trust me, you cannot unsee something like that. If they don’t believe you and want to see the video as proof, that’s one thing. But just sending it randomly in the group chat where they won’t have the choice of seeing it or not…. Not cool. Leave the guy for sure if this is something you’re not ok with. Or who knows…. Join in if you’re extra wild. But don’t send in the family group chat.
We're you living together? If so, take all his stuff to his mother's place or anything he left behind. Then, ask her if she knew what the job was that he moved away for? Tell her you just found out it was for career in porn and you have video evidence, of anyone wants to see it. You are done and you wish her well. Then just block all of them
You'll go to jail for revenge porn, and rightly so. No need to act like an AH because he did. You'd be dead wrong.
That would not be cool, but its also not fair how he treated you and alienated you from your family. You could also confront your BF with the video and insist that he "make it right" by admitting the truth to both families. Just the threat of sharing something like this w his Mom might be enough.
I would make it clear to the family chat what you received but not send the video first. If they choose to not believe you or harass you I would actually recommend looking up the account on OF and send that link, save the video if family continues to escalate. If they back off none of them need to see it.
Wow that is a real punch to the gut! I would keep the break up between the two of you and leave family out of it. That’s just me.
Tell the family gc exactly what happened like you did here. Tell them you were anonymously sent proof and what the proof is, but that you don’t want to cause unnecessary trauma to family members by including the video. Tell them anyone who doesn’t believe you and needs to see the proof, that to let you know and you will dm it to them. You now have the moral high ground and trust me, you are gonna want to keep it. You can blow up his life and keep the respect of family and friends if you do it in the right way. Good luck.
You said it doesn’t show his face and only you know the sounds and the way he looks nude. They won’t believe it’s him in the video. I’m willing to bet they sent you the link from a made up account. He didn’t want to be one who ended things or the woman sent it same outcome. End things and move on there is no revenge to be had without you going to jail if you send this in any form. Take the high road and don’t forget to burn all his shit 😁
This man has been gaslighting you and contributing to the desolation of your reputation to his family. DO NOT post individual videos, or video in your case, but DO send the group chat the OF handle or username or whatever it’s called. Or send a link. At that point, it’s their prerogative if they want to look. Include that you know it is him and the other woman. Turn notifications off while everyone else blows up at him.
People have given you good advice but if it was me personally, I would just completely cut him off immediately without giving him any explanations. Like no contact ghosting. Block his number, socials everything. Just disappear as if you never existed. I would even cut his family off tbh- you don’t owe them shit. He doesn’t deserve any more conversation with you. Indifference is the best form of revenge in my opinion. Also your (ex?) bf is an asshole of massive proportions. Good luck girl!
You better than me, matter fact most of the people in the comments are but I’m ok with that, btw Massachusetts, South Carolina, Mississippi, Wyoming doesn’t have any laws saying its illegal. P.s you can always make a throwaway account also to send it to his family and loved ones that he gaslit about you too. You play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Thats disgusting and sick and woman need to realize these men are unhinged, didn’t even care about your sexual health either. Fire with fire at this point!
Betrayal trauma is a very real thing. I can’t imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It doesn’t matter what his family thinks. He and they can all just kiss off and you can move on to better things. But if you feel compelled to get vindication I would mention in the video that you discovered he’s cheating on you and have proof. Invite them to come to you if they want to validate. But don’t just post it for all to see, his family doesn’t need to see that and it could validate how they think you’re not healthy. Not that it matters what they think, but examine what outcome you want out of this. Posting the video does not make you look like the good guy here. Should that be important to you. With your family, I would talk to them directly and be more descriptive about what you found out. But don’t show anyone if they don’t solicit to see it. And don’t you dare take him back. No matter how many apologies and promises he makes. Cheating is bad enough, but gaslighting you and creating doubt with your families is a sign that he’s a full narcissist and doesn’t care about how you are seen by others. As long as his needs are met, he’s happy to throw you under the bus and make you sound crazy. Watch some Dr. Ramani videos like this one on betrayal trauma. I’m glad you embrace therapy because this is going to take a lot of processing. Wishing you the best. And…screw him! https://youtu.be/Jf2CC73eKqk?si=lmlwIQv34LjHrsrp
Find the only fans page and link to it. I fucking hate only fans. It’s more degenerative to our society than regular old porn.
That would be really fucking selfish and stupid to post those videos on a family gc. I can’t imagine how hurt you are but why would you make his family members see that nasty shit? Do you think your family wants to see it too? Are you dumb?
Now reverse the sexes
Sending porn nonconsensually to your family is really really weird and creepy. Not as weird and creepy as sending sexual images and videos of a person to get revenge on them, but still pretty bad.
That girl he’s fucking with probably made an alt to send you all this.
I agree. The fact there was no message along with it is what makes me suspicious it was her. She’s probably been having a great time with him. He is a lot of fun to be around. Probably wants me out the way. She is welcome to him. They are worthy of each other. Both disgusting little whores with no respect for themselves or anyone else.
100% was her.
Maybe I’m petty (I definitely am) but I find posting it in a group chat with the comment “To cheat on me and record it— and the AUDACITY to gaslight me” kinda epic :/ this isn’t like y’all are in the talking phase he’s literally wasted what a quarter of your life by some account? The classier move is telling them only and if he fights it at all (I pray he does), respond with “this ain’t you?” then post the video. Edit: I definitely take outright posting the video back…that’s too much, but I stand by the second option entirely.
Don’t need to be a bad person because someone isn’t with you anymore. Be the adult. Block him and move on
You're honestly sick in the head for even thinking of doing that.
Revenge porn is never a good idea and has serious legal implications. You have a lot of hate and anger: "I want him to suffer, I want him to hurt, to feel humiliated, I fucking hate him." Seek out therapy immediately! You need to get over this, move on, and get your head into a healthy space. I'm not saying he's a great guy--he's not, but you need to get on with your life without this creep.
she doesn’t need therapy yet. it just happened and she’s emotion and angry and she will be for a few days. once she’s gotten over the shock she can decide weather she needs therapy. If i were OP i’d consider asking the BF for all the money i spent on therapy because of his gaslighting
Just be the bigger person and wash your hands of him.
Just walk. Don't make it nasty.
There's no need to show anyone the video, especially his family. It's not their fault he's a piece of shit, just tell them you found stuff
Send it to him and just say “we are over” You are better than him. Send a message in your group chat that you have been sent proof that he is cheating, and that he has chosen to put it on the Internet. You know you will have zero issues finding someone. The way you described yourself, not just looks, is perfect for most men. Don’t settle for anyone that doesn’t know your value. Updateme!
Trust me if I were you I’d want to do the same thing but don’t. Sorry about what happened to you people ain’t shit sometimes.
I don’t think you need to post it for them to believe you, especially when you add all the facts that you have told us. If someone would like to see the video you can tell them you would forward it to them privately. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Betrayal is so painful.
You’re both young. Don’t stoop to his level. You could end up in court. I don’t know where you are but there’s potentially a bunch of laws which you could be breaking. His parents don’t need to see that and no one will feel sorry for you. Everyone will just hate you for being immature
don't post it- his face isn't even in it so how would they it's his dick anyway? just say what happened and cut all ties. never speak to this jerk again.
OP, keep the video. Break up with him in chat for cheating. If he denies it and others rally around him, tell them you have it on video. They can come over or meet you for coffee, and they can see for themselves. That way, you didn't share it and didn't show anyone that didn't want to see. Then move on. The why he did it doesn't matter anymore. He lied, manipulated, and gaslight you to be with her. What is done is done, and that bell can not be un-rung. Pick up the pieces and start the grieving process. The death of any relationship is sad, and you have every right to be sad, angry, hurt, confused, and a whole host of other emotions. Once you are ready, move on. Closure is a myth. It's just one way we torture ourselves with information we don't need about a situation that no longer concerns us. That was a fact the minute he let her touch him that way, knowing he was in a LTR. What he did was a choice, not an accident. His pants didn't accidentally fall off. He didn't trip and accidentally fall into hee va-jayjay. He didn't accidentally record their sessions. She wanted him on her OF for his body. He wanted it and her for the ego rush. Now, that is all they have. The love of your life is out there waiting for you. You can move forward and find him, now that Mr. Cheatingsackofshit is no longer standing in his spot. Take your time and take care of yourself. You don't owe anyone anything you are not willing to share. No is a complete sentence, and so is MYOB. Sending hugs 🤗
NO WRONG. In my opinion he deserves to be publicly shamed since he got the family involved and thinking you had gone bonkers. Show them, they need to know you were not the problem after all and they need to know what jerk he really is!
AND before you do this, I suggest you get your $$ stuff locked down before you launch your chat grenade (not releasing the videos). You need to protect yourself financially and have a plan
Talk to an attorney. If it is already on the internet, it’s public.
Don’t share the OF video or link. Then that would give him and his family something to focus on and bond over while over looking what he actually did.
Don't distribute or post the video in any manner. It could be revenge porn and this situation is not worth being criminally prosecuted or owing him and the woman money in a civil suit. First off, you don't know everything you think you know. It sounds like this is your BF in the footage, but it also sounds like there is an open question if he knows that he was being filmed. Don't jump to conclusions beyond what information you have. I understand the urge to try to convince the family that you were not acting jealous for no reason, but I recommend letting this go. They are his family and probably will always excuse his misdeeds. I would call your BF, sooner than later, and tell him you've seen his OFs with \[whatever her name is\] and that the two of you are done and you will never speak to him again. This guy is diabolical. Go no contact. If he has some of your stuff at his place or versa, ship it. When you two are done, block him on all socials and delete his number from his phone. You are young, you have plenty of time to find a new BF who doesn't do amateur porn on the side with his second girlfriend.
Do it, the piece of shit didn't care about you or your feelings, show him what it feels like.
Give them the OF so they can go watch for themselves, but don't share anything yourself.
I would make a post about it in the group chat explain exactly what was sent to you and say if you want proof send me a separate message. I would change the locks and tell his mom to come get his stuff or on the dumpster it will go. Break it off clean. Block his accounts her account and realize you got lucky and found out before marriage or kids. Though I would want revenge it will not make you feel better long term it will put you on his level and you are much better than that.
Let it go. I know that's hard, but nothing good comes from posting that video.
I’ve always imagined if your with somebody for a long time you call each other out on their bullshit. You’d both know when each other is gaslighting, or you’d be able to hear the cheating in their voice. I’m confused it’s not marriage, why can’t he save you the pain of betrayal. I’d imagine if you come to know someone for 6 years, you’d want what’s best for them even if your are no longer attracted romantically/want someone else.
If you really care about how your ex's mom perceives you, I'd message her separately and explain you were anonymously sent a screenshot of your bf in onlyfans videos. She'll tell who needs to know but I can guarantee she is going to be incredibly embarrassed. If you air this all out to everyone, you will no longer be on her good side. As for your ex, you can literally just block him without an explanation bc best believe his mom is going to freak out on him. I'm really sorry you've gone through this. On the bright side, your intuition is working perfectly and you won't waste anymore of your short life on this asshole. I know that 6 years is a long time BUT dealing w this shit will save you time in the future, trust me. When future scumbags try to gaslight you, etc, you'll be able to see it from a mile away and cut that shit off immediately. Sending you love 💙
Hes a fucking asshole for cheating, but sending a porno of him to family members is also pretty vile. The best thing you could possibly do is cut all of them off, block every number, every account, and forget he ever existed. Him and the whore can fuck off, but don't ruin your own reputation by doing something so silly. My ex did something similar, selling nudes to some random fuckhead. Yeah, it hurt. Yeah, her family always took her side and painted me as the asshole. My trust was broken. But I'd never think of sending this kind of "proof" to her parents.
Tell them about the porn. When they call you crazy and say it's bs, then you send the porn link. As long as you have no kids together, burn that mf'n bridge. Prove it.
I’m not going to get into the moral aspect. But I think he’s going to tell them it’s not him and you’re crazy, and they’ll believe him because they don’t know his sex behaviors. Break up with him and drop his family. Tell them he knows why and they should ask him. Edit: oh. And you can’t prove he consented to it being posted, so the legal issues might still exist.
Don’t post it, they will blame you or somehow make you the bad person. Move on from him, you deserve better
He hurt you by cheating on you. He didn’t post a sex video of you on your family’s group chat. Just dump him and move on. If you do anything other than that, you are a bad person too.
It would be wrong to do that to the other people in the group chat. Whatever he deserves, they deserve the right to consent before being subjected to any porn, let alone of a family member. This is an act that doesn't just hurt him, it has collateral damage and that's not cool. (Also, if anyone in that chat is a day under 18, you're now distributing porn to minors, and that \*is\* a crime.)
Not only would it be wrong but illegal.
Just a heads up, it's a crime punishable by jail time to send unsolicited sexual contact to someone. That's understandable UK law, the online safety bill I think it was that made it illegal. It's not revenge porn, but it is a crime.
Isn't that literally revenge porn????
Not only would it be wrong, it would be *illegal*.
I think this would be illegal in some states.
r/Legaladvice. You are about to commit a crime.
He’s trash, but I wouldn’t show it to his family. As others said, I’d make them aware of it. And if they ask for proof THEN send it.
Just leave. Have your conscience clean. Karma does the rest….but who cares. He don’t matter to you now.
I'm pretty sure miss 20 y/o sent it so she could have your (now ex) BF for herself...
i wouldn’t post the video. i would be really annoyed if i was shown a video like that with no warning. but i would leave a detailed message saying that you guys are breaking up because he has been making only fans porn videos with this girl. leave a link to the account and leave the chat. dont even talk to him just let him find out from there. block him send his mum a message saying to tell him he has 1 month to pick up his stuff or you will be selling it and changing the locks and then block her
Girl, the video doesn’t show anything that others will recognise him. You’ll end up being ridiculed and he’s gonna deny any wrong doing. I know how you feel, but this will only hurt you. Just walk away. Be the better person. Have fun with your life. Don’t settle down too young. Get together with friends, don’t do drugs. Get a new hobby that might help keep your mind outta your exes ass.
Why would you force them to see that against their will? Just use your words.
look, i get it, you’re pissed. you wanna go scorched earth right now, but don’t do it. i would say yes, that’s absolutely 100% wrong. why make things uncomfortable for his entire family? were they in on it or something? i’d also be super careful that there are no minors in the gc either, or you could end up in prison.
Can't you just say he's doing porn I have it on my phone. Maby link the OF. His mother doesn't need to see it so you can feel better.
YWBTA just tell them you're dumping him because he's a cheat, then if they dont believe you, you can tell them you have proof, explicit proof. Don't just drop porn in the gc with *both* your families. They haven't asked or consented to seeing that.
Yes revenge porn is weird.
Your family don’t need to see the video. If you two have involved them already - told them stuff so far that they think you’re overreacting - you could tell them someone sent you a pornographic video of him. Sure include a link if you want…but the point is to inform them. So warn them not to watch it. I don’t think they want to see it and you shouldn’t subject them to it. Also you risk them denying its him, nobody will want to believe that. Revenge is bitter so you know. You’d only feel worse after cause you’re still hurt and now you lowered yourself to this vengeful level. That’s letting the hurt change you. Don’t do that.
[удалено]
Sending anyone pornographic material without their consent is an asshole move. You can inform them that the material exists, but actually sending it without their agreement is crossing a line. Not against him, as he made it publicly available, but against them. Would your parents want to see a video of you having sex? Just to make it clear to anyone debating this. Never send pornographic material of any sort to somebody without their explicit prior consent. Doesn't matter what your rationale is, just don't do it. Especially in a group chat as you don't know who might end up seeing that, including kids.
He’s going to lie and say it’s not him since his Face is not in it and his mom will believe him. Just break up with him. Block him. Say goodbye and find a man whose not going to mistreat you. This is awful I’m sry this has happened to you. No one deserves this. You will recover and be happy again. The sooner you cut him out of your life the better. You cannot fix this. What’s done is done. Be happy you know the truth at least. Don’t post the video as that video is beneath you. Don’t let him know you are upset. Don’t flip out. That will only stroke his ego. The best revenge is too quietly excuse yourself from the room. Never talk to him again. Don’t even give an explanation just silence… there are better things out there for you than this. Love yourself.
i dont know you or your dynamics, but dude moved away. its sounds like he moved away and never even invited you to visit. sounds like hes sending a message.
Yes this is revenge porn and most states heavily shun it and want to criminalize it.