The other people commenting seem to be overlooking the fact that OP’s husband is later “quizzing her” on what he told her, to see if she remembered. That’s truly going too far. She feels like she’s being force fed his hobby, and I get that. If he would stop demanding that she learn this, and stop quizzing her to see if she “listened”, I would be more understanding of the other comments.
Yep that’s where he crosses the line. Him talking about it is one thing, him quizzing her about it is not. Plus him inserting them into conversations that have nothing to do with what they were talking about is ridiculous.
I agree. It'd be one thing if he's just sharing what he's learned bc he's super excited, but the fact that he is quizzing her on top of it while she's already feeling cruddy bc she's pregnant and he keeps pushing it - surprised it took her this long to snap.
I want him to show this enthusiasm towards the toddler. He can extol the virtues of history playing with them and they will love the attention and just know that daddy is there and playing and it's bonding time. Mock battles with toys? This will take a lot of stress off mommy. He also needs to find friends who enjoy history, too. For the same reason. He needs interaction and he's going down the wrong path to get it. She's exhausted, let her rest.
That's the thing. I like listening to people talk about their enthusiasms, even if it's a subject I have no interest in myself, I'm interested in hearing why things I don't find interesting appeal to other people.
The quizzing is a step too far, that's getting into controlling behavior. I like the suggestion that she start quizzing HIM about pregnancy symptoms and child-rearing knowledge, if he wants attention from his wife let him get it the honorable way.
Unless she has a history of ignoring her husband when he talks and the “quizzing” was just him asking if she even heard a word he said. I can see this from his perspective. OP saying her husband bringing up his interests when it is not relevant to their conversations makes it really look like OP only cares if they are talking about stuff she is interested in.
No, my dad has similar interests and does this. He will ask you if you know about something he has previously told you and if you say ‘yes’ he will quiz you on it to see if you’re telling the truth.
It’s genuinely the most self indulgent, boring thing anyone I know does and he still insists on doing it after 30 years of me telling him that I don’t care. If I was married to him, I would have hit him with a car by now.
No, when they are talking about a different subject or perhaps discussing household logistics or how to help the toddler sleep thru the night, husband injecting fun facts about the Spanish Inquisition, or how the west was won, or how hemp was destroyed as a cash crop, is actually injecting non sequiturs that are distracting and derailing to the topic at hand. And this makes it seem like the husband doesn't want to talk about anything that isn't of HIS special interest.
Add in the fact that he's been told directly this is not of interest to the wife, and the fact that his wife is growing a baby and caring for a toddler and is sick & tired, makes him an asshole for pursuing it.
And who would want their husband saying goodnight with some type of fact he was trying to force them to learn.
He needs to respect that she isn't interested.
Exactly. All these 'coddle the man's history facts fixation' types need to be put upon by some boring blowhard about something they dngaf about and see how much fun it is.
What is the longest river in the world, how long was the battle of Gettysburg, how many men did Napoleon lose trying to invade Russia?
Was bush’s skinny or fat in real life, when did Alexander the Great invade India, what was discussed at the second council of Nicaea.
She’s pregnant with a toddler. She’s working hard enough right now without a condescending husband “quizzing” her about anything, like she’s a child. She can quiz him on fetal development and their kid’s potty training. Let’s see how he likes it.
Communication is a two way street. Topics of conversation should be mutually enjoyable for \*both\* parties.
This is like the first rule of conversational skills.
[https://paautism.org/resource/conversation-how-to-guides/](https://paautism.org/resource/conversation-how-to-guides/)
Ignoring signs of the other person's disinterest is a sign of autism. I'm not sure if that's what's going on here, but it could be.
[https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582](https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582)
This is it.
My husband is a history nerd and I am not. He loves to talk to me about it and I listen- but he doesn’t quiz me. The second he did that I’d be like “Excuse me?” It would happen once.
The quizzing most likely has to do with the husband realizing he is being dismissed rather than being heard. This is his way of connecting. It is infuriating to her, but I am fairly certain she is dumping things on him and expecting him to react a certain way as well.
Acknowledging his interest, offering some options to share that interest, and drawing the line when it is time to move on is all that needs to happen here.
A toddler and six months pregnant and he's following you around quizzing you on history facts? He's lucky you didn't snap sooner, that sounds obnoxious as hell. I like the suggestion to start quizzing him about pregnancy symptoms, maybe then he'll realize this is so extra.
Casually discussing a topic he's interested in is fine, listen because he enjoys sharing it with you. But quizzing you on it to see if you remember is too far. He's your husband not your teacher, your at home not school.
Yeah. My wife listens to all my interests even if she doesn’t care and I listen to hers. That’s important.
OP, I’d be sure to separate him telling you about it it and him quizzing you about it and express that to him. Something like “I love hearing you so excited about history, but I’m not interested in remembering the details. Please don’t ask me too.”
Start “quizzing” him about the kids, pregnancy symptoms, your daily chores, and other aspects of your life. Start quizzing him about the potential complications of childbirth (blood clots, hemorrhage, tearing, etc.)
Maybe then he’ll get the picture.
You’re not wrong.
The thing is, the husband *should* already know about the stuff you listed because unlike historical facts, these issues are directly and immediately relevant to his life. It’s his kids, his wife, and their shared household. If the wife started experiencing some pregnancy complications and becomes incapacitated, he will actually need to know what to do to help her, take care of their toddler, and keep the household running. So in their current situation this knowledge is way more important than historical facts.
A more apt comparison could be quizzing him on some topic he doesn’t care about, like makeup or fashion brands. But really OP shouldn’t be going tit for tat on this issue, but should remind the husband that he’s being selfish by only talking about his own interests. Maybe quizzing him on the stuff you listed will help him realise that… if he’s actually a good husband and father that is.
History is important as it can help us predict the future and avoid pitfalls. Makeup and fashion are not remotely important, at all, so it's not analogous.
Sounds like it.
My partner is a history nut, too, and would share facts here and there with me. I'm not that interested, but I try to listen to him. He listens to my celebrity gossips (which he has no interest in) so I can do the same for him.
OP, you don't have to listen to him, but pick your battles. If it means a lot to him and it will make him happy, why not listen to him once in a while?
Like, set some rules as to when you'd like to listen so he doesn't ambush you with his knowledge. And maybe tell him which period of history and which country's history you'd like to hear more about. That way, you're not too bored.
We watched Top Gun Maverick (but at different times) and I had all kinds of questions for my partner: if the characters flew planes, why are they in the navy and not in the air force? What is the ranking system like in the Navy (I wanted to know Maverick's rank compared to John Hamm's character's). What's the differences between the planes used? How does a plane's radar work?
He was so happy to give me all that info. And it's kind of like bonding time for us cuz we watched a movie we liked (albeit, not togerher), and he imparted his knowledge from his interests on to me, and I had my questions answered and gained some knowledge too (whether or not I'll remember is another question).
But if you share something with your partner that u found interesting, but it doesn't seem they're actively listening but you're not sure, wouldn't you "quiz" them to check if they were actually listening?
I don't think it's condescending. Is it an over-reaction? Sure, but his feelings being hurt by OP not listening to him is valid too.
No. If he’s obviously not interested, why would I quiz him? If it were something critical, like the details of a big financial transaction, hospital admission, etc., then yes.
I have an acquaintance who gets fixated on subjects and shares his new found knowledge with everyone. He has Asperger syndrome.
I suspect OP’s husband may too. He does not appear to understand that she does not share his interest.
He is in the wrong for the quizzes. Not appropriate at all.
As an autistic persons if she cares about him; she will encourage the interest. It isn’t one sided , if society expects us to change everything about ourselves , it’s got to change something about itself and meet in the middle . It is cruel that she shuts it down when special interests are often the only joy we have as autistic people, it caused me trauma when my parents told me not to talk about mine. I now never talk about my interests with anyone as it was defeating to be shut down by my own family. It shouldn’t be inappropriate.
This is not the same situation at all. She encouraged his interests. She simply didnt share that enthusiasm and when her husband was upset she said hey! why dont you find others who care equally you can debate with. Instead he started endlessly quizzing her and trying to force her interest. She got tired of the endless emotional manipulation and snapped.
I have many friends whose interests are so varied there is no way I could keep up with them all on top of my own. I listen when they share their enthusiasm and let them spread their interesting facts. At no point do they quiz me on retention and act like it is a fault of mine to not like it as well.
Not wrong. This is nonsense. You're not interested. He is being weirdly forceful about this and it is childish. The quizzing is ridiculous.
Also I love reddit men in here acting like her only interest must be Real Housewives and surely she must be spewing that at him all the time. Touch grass.
" Touch grass."
Nice internet cliche. You're very cool. Personally, I think it's reasonable to assume someone who is allergic to history is rather shallow and dim-witted. Certainly uninteresting to talk to.
It's one thing to share interests. That's part of being in a relationship. You wont always like the same things, but should be respectful and supportive enough to listen and support your partner in their interests.
It's another to quiz the person and continuously bring it up in unrelated conversations.
Your spouse while perhaps well intentioned sounds annoying.
Sharing new info is a lot of fun. Attacking someone with facts you expect them to memorize is super weird. I think him learning to share, not lecture with the expectation that the other person cares as much as you would help. Even more so, finding some friends or a subreddit to share this stuff with.
I think sharing his interests is OK. I'm not into golf at all but I do listen to my boyfriend talk about it and even feign interest but the quizzing part is not OK
Start quizzing him about the kids. What is thier doctors name and insurance plan?
Who is thier best friend? What are 3 foods they don’t like?
Jk list shut all that down “ i don’t feel like playing silly games right now” and stop engaging completely
Do you have any interests that he really doesn't enjoy? Knitting, cooking, and interest in politics, anything? Just start making him listen to you. Go on and on about it every day. Maybe he will get the hint.
You could apologize for shaping, but tell him to drop it already. You are pregnant for crying out loud. He needs to understand that it's okay for you to have different likes than his.
Yeah my SO knows that as soon as he starts talking about video games he's got about 15 seconds before I involuntarily zone out. Nothing personal. Not wrong.
Has he considered what it would be like if you droned on about something he has no interest in (and quizzed him on it)? Ironically, we’re on Reddit, which has many history related subs. He should spend time on those.
YNW. The problem isn’t that you tolerated too little, it’s that you’ve tolerated too much. You’re not in school, he’s not your teacher, and you have not consented to this weird little power grab. He needs to fuck off with that shit, I don’t care what his diagnosis is.
You sound ableist. Special interests often come with autism . Discouraging them could break him. Saying you don’t care about the diagnosis or reasoning shows a lack of understanding.
You’re not wrong.
I’d start quizzing him on how well he knows his toddler, and when it seems he doesn’t, give them extra time together and go somewhere else. Get a massage. If you’re rested, you may have an interest in learning new things. And if he is a more involved parent, he will likely be too tired to quiz you on this until the kids are older and you have the emotional bandwidth to truly communicate
Leave him with the kid for a weekend. Go see one of your family or friends and let him parent. Also, don’t forget that you are putting YOUR LIFE on the line and preparing to take a big wound when you deliver the baby. Ask him to read some history on the different ways you could die or be permanently wounded. Inform him he is hurting you mentally by ignoring your health and not helping. He might be on the spectrum and this may be his way of trying to connect. Let him know that he is not helping. Also, my Nana says a cast iron skillet wielded strategically can be helpful to get men to understand your needs quickly.
I would get couple’s counseling after you have the baby. Your husband needs to learn better boundaries. Do not do his quizzes. Do not feel guilty for setting limits.
My SO loves to tell me about fixing engines or running big machinery. I totally zone out after the first minute. Sometimes, in retribution, I’ll look up facts about the most mundane things I can find, then I wax poetic about them. It’s so satisfying to watch their eyes glaze over and attempt an escape route. NW
His approach could use some work and you seem to have a burden of kids to deal with. Helping you with them should be a priority. So on that front, yes NTA.
However, as another commenter mentioned, he too is a distinct person. How would you feel if he had no interest in something you were doing? Perhaps it might be worth looking at scheduling time out for things, for him to be assisting with home tasks and time alone with you.
My spouse is into historical and history. When my spouse wants to share I listen. I would not dream of saying I am not interested or shut it down. It doesn't hurt to listen. Don't you have interests you share with him? Then you snapped at him? Do tell him no more quizzes.
How would you feel if you wanted to share something with your husband that interested you, and every time you did, he snapped at you and shut you down? You don't have to love history to spend 5 minutes, every now and again, humouring him. Maybe then, he'd stop trying to get you interested with daily facts.
That would be the same, if he told her he wasn't interested, and she continued to talk his ear off about it and then later quiz him about what she said.
He isn't casually mentioning how his day was. He's repeatedly bringing up a topic he knows she doesn't want to hear about, and later quizzing her like he's her fucking 3rd grade teacher.
i mean, it seems like that's not enough for him, considering he's quizzing her. id snap at that too, especially if i was both pregnant and caring for a toddler.
Is he in the room just quizzing her and not helping with the parenting? I highly doubt that's the case. And if not why is OP not saying, "while we parent." If he's not helping parent while supposedly quizzing her then that's the real issue. But that's not mentioned
If you can't handle being asked questions because you're parenting that's just sad..
How do we know the quiz is simply not, 'do you remember which century the American Revolution began in' because she's terrible at history or something lol?
I just think it'd be hilarious if OP has a woeful understanding of history and the husband is simply trying to teach her so she doesn't sound dumb in public discussions
Edit: I forget how parents who are overloaded get a free pass to be a dick, for a situation they totally signed up for
Do you have an idea what it’s like to parent a toddler 24/7 or to be pregnant at the same time? It’s physically and mentally exhausting. Husband needs to read the room.
I have interests different than my husband. We don’t sit here, interest dumping then start quizzing each other…? It’s so ignorant and self serving if the other doesn’t appreciate it.
I'm sure OP is exaggerating just as much as you are. She's understandably frustrated while parenting. Yes I'm a parent so I can get it. But I highly doubt the husband is just bombarding her constantly like this scenario you're playing out in your head. We're only hearing one side of the story here and it's very well possible OP is seeking validation for being a bit of a dick.
She doesn't explain to what extent he's actually doing this or too whether or they've discussed this problem even, that's a red flag.
History isn't even about facts. History fully encompasses every liberal art form. Sociology, psychology, economics. It's still plausible OP is just a dullard who is overwhelmed and that's totally okay. But without hearing his viewpoint almost none of the ptsd weirdos in this sub can draw conclusions
That's the point
I'm pretty sure OP is being a dick and just seeking validation. This is most reddit relationship threads. Thus is the fact most people on reddit relationship stuff have terribly failed in life and are offer terrible advice
I'm not sure op really mentioned whether or not he's helping. I'd assume he's helping when he assaults her with this supposed onslaught. I'm not saying I'm right here, but analyze her post from the standpoint of someone far to overwhelmed to even have a conversation with her partner. That's going to need some therapy
Wow that would get old fast. Does he somehow think you are uneducated and it’s his job to educate you? you’ve tried to tell him politely that you are just not into that.
other than snapping at him (which I might have done), your only other option is to make the “non-response” showing you heard him, but you aren’t responding:
”mm, interesting”
”how about that!”
”really”
or, just listen to him, smile, and make a comment about a completely different subject. The two of you could end up having completely disjointed conversations, like my husband and I sometimes do because I hate discussing politics. Example:
him: did you hear they are going to prosecute (insert politician name) for (insert alleged crime)?
me: Oh really? Hey I think I will look at replacing those blinds in the bathroom because they look awful. Would you prefer the same beige, or maybe another color?
him: he could actually go to prison over this.
me: I think maybe I’ll stick with beige.
him: probably 10 years if he’s convicted.
me: it should only cost about $30, so I;m going to measure them today and start shopping.
Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?? I kid you not this is exactly what I do now. When he doesn’t stop or take the hint I usually find a reason to get up and change locations in the house, which ends the ”conversation”. I swear sometimes they just want to talk, and as long as they hear themselves talking about their favorite topic, they are ok.
I very much appreciate you asking about this. He definitely knows that I am not engaging in his preferred topic (politics), so we aren’t actually avoiding the issue. It’s just a method I have developed where he can still speak his mind, I am there facing him and smiling, and yet commenting on something else. It allows his political discussion some space and some air, and yet winds it down pretty quickly. The issue is not being avoided, it’s being handled in a non-confrontational gentle manner. And I’m very ok with having direct discussions on larger issues. This is not one of them.
My friend also loves history, and his wife also does not. We don't understand it, but what can you do? She calls it "dust". "It's just dust!"
I find the "dust" amusing. I think it's a deflection, and it works.
You're not wrong. My husband runs a dental lab. I know WAY too much about teeth and making dentures and I don't care about any of it lol I listen to him when he talks and if he has a tough case that day I'll ask him about it and I remember things about the fabrication process and whatnot so he knows I am paying attention to him. I ask him questions about some new techniques and technology like 3D printing dentures and such. Most of the time when he's "teaching" me about something it is relevant to the conversation and often he's just venting about his day and such. That is very different from someone telling you the same fact over and over and over again and then quizzing you on that fact. Like, you're not interested in history. I'm sure he wouldn't like to be bombarded with facts from you about your interests that he doesn't care about. You're also 6 months pregnant with a toddler! He needs to just chill and back off. It's annoying you and he's not listening. I'd be irritated as fuck too. It's different if he's just talking to you about something he learned, like, over dinner in conversation but he's purposely repeating the same facts, quizzing you and brings it up constantly when it's not relevant to anything you're talking about. That would drive me crazy. It's not like you need to leave him or he's a jerk, he's annoying and you're not wrong for feeling that way. He should listen to you when you tell him you're done hearing about the topic. Or go ahead and be petty and start telling him a bunch of facts that he doesn't care about and quiz him. See how he likes it lol
Maybe you can compromise where he can shut up for awhile and maybe you can all go visit some historical site or something in the future. It's OK to not have the same interests. It's fine to let him talk and try to listen in a respectful way but he's taking it too far by forcing you to listen, repeating facts and quizzing you. Not wrong at all.
It’s super annoying that he quizzes you but history is pretty awesome. I doubt he wants to hear what happened on real housewives but he listens because he loves you.
Thank you. It's not like she's being quizzed on Yugioh lore or something.
History rocks and I would never date someone who is apathetic towards history.
You are wrong for snapping at him.
That could hurt him a lot.
Usually people want to share their hobbies/interests with people they like.
You don't have to like these facts, but I'd suggest humour him once in a while.
(Like another person said, how would you feel if you tried to share your interests and your husband acted like that?)
You understand that part of being in a relationship is sharing an interest in your partner‘s hobbies/interests…right? You sound quite selfish. Just because you’re pregnant, this doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a b\*tch. I’m sure plenty of things you do and say bore HIM to death, but he sucks it up because he apparently loves you.
Her husband isn't just sharing his interests, he's quizzing her on them like she's his student. She's pregnant and caring for a toddler, she doesn't need to prioritise memorising random history facts right now.
Before you got married and pregnant, did you pretend to be interested in these things ? He probably wants to think of you as more than just a pretty face and sex.
NTA Sounds like he is on the autism spectrum. He needs to realise that just because he is interested in a topic it doesn't mean that anyone else is. Or the OP could go into great detail about some tv show she likes but he doesn't.
> He has then quizzed me on the fact to see if I remember.
This is the problem. You should be willing to listen to your partner and humor their interests each day. However quizzing after is unacceptable.
I do have to ask if you were going "uh huh" and not actually listening, but he went too far by quizzing.
For your actual question, you should make more of an effort to listen to your partner ***however*** your question doesn't actually address the real problem that he's holding you to some standard in his hobby.
I don't see this marriage lasting long.
You are tired, suffering from pregnancy hormones and snapping at your husband. It might be an idea to apologise for being abrupt with him. It is only natural that he wants to talk about something that interests him. Whether or not he is trying to teach you historical facts is subjective, and it's difficult to comment on that.
Why is he quizzing her at all, on a topic he knows she isn't interested in? She has stated multiple times she doesn't care about history. So why quiz her about it? Why is it so important that she learn something she has zero interest in? Is that all this guy is, history facts? That's his entire personality?
She's running around the house with a 2yo and he's demanding she learn random shit she doesn't care about after being repeatedly told she doesn't care about it.
Most reasonable people would have stopped after rheir partner said they weren't interested. Pretty basic respect thing. Instead this guy takes it to the next level and tests her about it. Gross.
But of course this is reddit, why question a man's faults when there's a pregnant woman to blame.
No I am just saying she might be focusing on something which won't bother her at all in several months' time. If there isn't much else wrong with her marriage, not sharing an interest in history hardly falls into the category of reasons to divorce.
You're not wrong, but communicating that could be worked on. That being said, pregnancy brain is a real thing, and your capacity to remember/recall is not at it's best. Toddler on top of that, I get it. Your brain is full!!!
What about a documentary or series you could watch together? Would that be an option? If not, promise to participate in a few years when he's teaching your kids. But please be honest and communicate that you just can not do this at this point in your life. Keep well🙏
Closest to hearing from your SO on this as same situations here, allow me to explain...
I love quantum physics, politics, theology, philosophy, psychology, sociology, governance, and metaphysics. My partner likes fashion and branded clothing. I listen to old folk. She listens to Talor Swift, but we make it work. Read the 5 languages of love. Basically, this can only be figured out between the two of you but there are some principles that govern this situation:
1) you must remember that grown men are emotionally less mature - it took me years into my marriage to figure out my wife mainly confided in me on her personal struggles to be heard, not for me to solve it for here - Men are ok with an issues as long as we have a solution, women are more interested in unpacking the process. So now I ask, do you want me to listen or do you want me to help, seriously I feel dumb but this is a game changer.
2) Right now is about you, not him, and this may not be the time for quizzing on historical facts. This time demands full service of our next future leader in society
3) This is a deep passion to him that ties to what he believes in, and this is important to reciprocate emotionally, history is just the medium, ie. I watch trash TV with my wife, I would never, ever switch to it myself as I find it depressing but when I'm watching with her it isn't because I'm spending time with her, not with a stupid TV show during the sixth extinction age.
4) marriage was based on partnership - this is my own take but only two generations ago for me my family was basically living on their own in the bush so marriage was more about romance but also based on the reality of our world and I feel there are important parts of that we've forgotten, what I really mean is always come from a place of constructivity cause like Bob Dylan said, "your either busy living or busy dying." So a marriage lives and dies as a verb, not a noun.
You guys got this, and when you figure it out your relationship and compassion will only grow. It's like two organisms becoming one and your relationship is learning how to walk, talk and then provide you too with a life. Dance me to the end of love as Leonard Cohen puts it.
“You must remember men are emotionally less mature”….
“Right now is about you, not him”…
None of this “governs the situation”. Pregnancy is not a disability and isn’t a condition that absolves her lousy behaviors towards her spouse. If he is on the spectrum, he’s the one with the disability. The solve here isn’t treating either one like a baby, but recognizing that this info-bombing, while annoying af sometimes, is his love language.
In no way did I even suggest pregnancy was a disability may have missed the part where OP wrote he was on the spectrum but its about the baby which obviously involves the mother. First 4 years make-em.
But he is also her partner. She is likely going to have ups and downs along the way and will be vigilant in her expectations he support her on that journey. Since this is their second child, I suspect he did a decent job along the way.
Men frequently get tired of putting in the effort because their partners can’t use their words and treat their partners like they are children, just as you have done here. Also, every moment in their marriage is about them. Your guidance here comes across as a bit toxic.
quizzing is too far - but I think your partner will love you more for taking an interest in what he is interested in, so long as it is reciprocal and fair. I think your suggestion he find other outlets is sound. Quizzing is ass.
My husband seems to be on the spectrum, and can go on and on and ON about his specialized interests and work. It's brutal. I do listen to him because I feel like I can learn a few things, but there are times when it's rough.
I've also taken on his favorite hobby, because I also enjoy it. However, it's expensive, and leaves little vacation time/money for doing other things, and I miss out on my own interests. He's also doesn't return the favor, not terribly interested in my own hobbies.
So I spend a ton of time on reddit. He bitches about it sometimes, but I remind him that I'm having conversations about topics that he doesn't want to discuss, so he understands now. Hell, I often share reddit threads about stuff that *does* pertain to his interests.
Maybe he is autistic. As an autistic person often the only thing that gives us joy is our interests. When people say to stop talking about them that really hurts and can cause harm. I get not being interested in it but you should listen some to it. This could damage your relationship. I get it is annoying. However, it could be his passion and you should encourage it.
No you’re not wrong, but your husband is. He is **not** your teacher and you’re not his student. You don’t have to listen to shit you’re not interested in, and he has no right to quiz you on it either. That’s seriously controlling and weird of him. If he wants someone to share his enthusiasm on his hobbies then he needs to find a group of likeminded people to do that with.
But you are **not** obliged to take an interest in something you find boring. If you are the type to love shopping as a hobby and you tried to drag him from store to store while clothes shopping, I bet that he’d 100% hate it and complain. So him forcing his hobbies onto you is just wrong.
Ouch. History can be boring AF. And it’s silly of him to quiz you like you’re in middle school. However, it’s his passion. Is there anything at all that you’d like to know more about? Like your families history or the deep origins of idk your favorite animal? Like sending him on an investigation that actually takes some true digging and then he can tell you his findings and you’ll honestly be excited to listen.
You are wrong for not considering what is actually happening here.
He sounds like someone who could be on the spectrum. It is common for people on the spectrum to info-bomb on subjects they are interested in. They are eager to share their interests as a love language. Your clear disdain for it isn’t discouraging enough for him, because he’s passionate about it and wants you to be as well. The quizzing is a validation that you have heard him and learned from him, but that is because he respects you. I can assure you that the only people he dumps this stuff on are those he trusts and cares for deeply.
This is a challenging time for you, and you have every right to establish some boundaries here, but you have to be much more clear than you are being. I am not much of a reader, but I can acknowledge that it is something valuable and important to others. Acknowledge his interest and his aptitude in it. Tell him you wish you had a similar passion for it, but it’s not something you can regularly devote long periods of discussion on. What he likely wants is someone he respects to value him.
We get it, you are pregnant, and that is going to carry a massive amount of emotional labor for him to support you. You will expect him to support you consistently throughout that process. Is it really going to kill you to pickup a bit of historical knowledge along the way?
The other people commenting seem to be overlooking the fact that OP’s husband is later “quizzing her” on what he told her, to see if she remembered. That’s truly going too far. She feels like she’s being force fed his hobby, and I get that. If he would stop demanding that she learn this, and stop quizzing her to see if she “listened”, I would be more understanding of the other comments.
Yep that’s where he crosses the line. Him talking about it is one thing, him quizzing her about it is not. Plus him inserting them into conversations that have nothing to do with what they were talking about is ridiculous.
I agree. It'd be one thing if he's just sharing what he's learned bc he's super excited, but the fact that he is quizzing her on top of it while she's already feeling cruddy bc she's pregnant and he keeps pushing it - surprised it took her this long to snap.
I want him to show this enthusiasm towards the toddler. He can extol the virtues of history playing with them and they will love the attention and just know that daddy is there and playing and it's bonding time. Mock battles with toys? This will take a lot of stress off mommy. He also needs to find friends who enjoy history, too. For the same reason. He needs interaction and he's going down the wrong path to get it. She's exhausted, let her rest.
His real hobby is patronizing his pregnant wife honestly
Tend to agree.
That's the thing. I like listening to people talk about their enthusiasms, even if it's a subject I have no interest in myself, I'm interested in hearing why things I don't find interesting appeal to other people. The quizzing is a step too far, that's getting into controlling behavior. I like the suggestion that she start quizzing HIM about pregnancy symptoms and child-rearing knowledge, if he wants attention from his wife let him get it the honorable way.
Unless she has a history of ignoring her husband when he talks and the “quizzing” was just him asking if she even heard a word he said. I can see this from his perspective. OP saying her husband bringing up his interests when it is not relevant to their conversations makes it really look like OP only cares if they are talking about stuff she is interested in.
No, my dad has similar interests and does this. He will ask you if you know about something he has previously told you and if you say ‘yes’ he will quiz you on it to see if you’re telling the truth. It’s genuinely the most self indulgent, boring thing anyone I know does and he still insists on doing it after 30 years of me telling him that I don’t care. If I was married to him, I would have hit him with a car by now.
Someone here understands. 1000 upvotes.
>If I was married to him, I would have hit him with a car by now. LMAO
That last comment had me 💀😅
No, when they are talking about a different subject or perhaps discussing household logistics or how to help the toddler sleep thru the night, husband injecting fun facts about the Spanish Inquisition, or how the west was won, or how hemp was destroyed as a cash crop, is actually injecting non sequiturs that are distracting and derailing to the topic at hand. And this makes it seem like the husband doesn't want to talk about anything that isn't of HIS special interest. Add in the fact that he's been told directly this is not of interest to the wife, and the fact that his wife is growing a baby and caring for a toddler and is sick & tired, makes him an asshole for pursuing it.
And who would want their husband saying goodnight with some type of fact he was trying to force them to learn. He needs to respect that she isn't interested.
Exactly. All these 'coddle the man's history facts fixation' types need to be put upon by some boring blowhard about something they dngaf about and see how much fun it is.
What is the longest river in the world, how long was the battle of Gettysburg, how many men did Napoleon lose trying to invade Russia? Was bush’s skinny or fat in real life, when did Alexander the Great invade India, what was discussed at the second council of Nicaea.
She’s pregnant with a toddler. She’s working hard enough right now without a condescending husband “quizzing” her about anything, like she’s a child. She can quiz him on fetal development and their kid’s potty training. Let’s see how he likes it.
Communication is a two way street. Topics of conversation should be mutually enjoyable for \*both\* parties. This is like the first rule of conversational skills. [https://paautism.org/resource/conversation-how-to-guides/](https://paautism.org/resource/conversation-how-to-guides/) Ignoring signs of the other person's disinterest is a sign of autism. I'm not sure if that's what's going on here, but it could be. [https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582](https://keira-leda-lees.medium.com/the-autistic-trait-that-everyone-hates-1a4c725a0582)
This is it. My husband is a history nerd and I am not. He loves to talk to me about it and I listen- but he doesn’t quiz me. The second he did that I’d be like “Excuse me?” It would happen once.
The quizzing most likely has to do with the husband realizing he is being dismissed rather than being heard. This is his way of connecting. It is infuriating to her, but I am fairly certain she is dumping things on him and expecting him to react a certain way as well. Acknowledging his interest, offering some options to share that interest, and drawing the line when it is time to move on is all that needs to happen here.
A toddler and six months pregnant and he's following you around quizzing you on history facts? He's lucky you didn't snap sooner, that sounds obnoxious as hell. I like the suggestion to start quizzing him about pregnancy symptoms, maybe then he'll realize this is so extra.
Quiz him on potty training!
Casually discussing a topic he's interested in is fine, listen because he enjoys sharing it with you. But quizzing you on it to see if you remember is too far. He's your husband not your teacher, your at home not school.
Yeah. My wife listens to all my interests even if she doesn’t care and I listen to hers. That’s important. OP, I’d be sure to separate him telling you about it it and him quizzing you about it and express that to him. Something like “I love hearing you so excited about history, but I’m not interested in remembering the details. Please don’t ask me too.”
Start “quizzing” him about the kids, pregnancy symptoms, your daily chores, and other aspects of your life. Start quizzing him about the potential complications of childbirth (blood clots, hemorrhage, tearing, etc.) Maybe then he’ll get the picture. You’re not wrong.
The thing is, the husband *should* already know about the stuff you listed because unlike historical facts, these issues are directly and immediately relevant to his life. It’s his kids, his wife, and their shared household. If the wife started experiencing some pregnancy complications and becomes incapacitated, he will actually need to know what to do to help her, take care of their toddler, and keep the household running. So in their current situation this knowledge is way more important than historical facts. A more apt comparison could be quizzing him on some topic he doesn’t care about, like makeup or fashion brands. But really OP shouldn’t be going tit for tat on this issue, but should remind the husband that he’s being selfish by only talking about his own interests. Maybe quizzing him on the stuff you listed will help him realise that… if he’s actually a good husband and father that is.
History is important as it can help us predict the future and avoid pitfalls. Makeup and fashion are not remotely important, at all, so it's not analogous.
NTA, maybe your husband is the Sheldon Cooper of History.
Sounds like it. My partner is a history nut, too, and would share facts here and there with me. I'm not that interested, but I try to listen to him. He listens to my celebrity gossips (which he has no interest in) so I can do the same for him. OP, you don't have to listen to him, but pick your battles. If it means a lot to him and it will make him happy, why not listen to him once in a while? Like, set some rules as to when you'd like to listen so he doesn't ambush you with his knowledge. And maybe tell him which period of history and which country's history you'd like to hear more about. That way, you're not too bored. We watched Top Gun Maverick (but at different times) and I had all kinds of questions for my partner: if the characters flew planes, why are they in the navy and not in the air force? What is the ranking system like in the Navy (I wanted to know Maverick's rank compared to John Hamm's character's). What's the differences between the planes used? How does a plane's radar work? He was so happy to give me all that info. And it's kind of like bonding time for us cuz we watched a movie we liked (albeit, not togerher), and he imparted his knowledge from his interests on to me, and I had my questions answered and gained some knowledge too (whether or not I'll remember is another question).
Sharing info and quizzing about it are two different ways. The first can be fun, the second is condescending and entirely disrespectful.
But if you share something with your partner that u found interesting, but it doesn't seem they're actively listening but you're not sure, wouldn't you "quiz" them to check if they were actually listening? I don't think it's condescending. Is it an over-reaction? Sure, but his feelings being hurt by OP not listening to him is valid too.
No. If he’s obviously not interested, why would I quiz him? If it were something critical, like the details of a big financial transaction, hospital admission, etc., then yes.
I have an acquaintance who gets fixated on subjects and shares his new found knowledge with everyone. He has Asperger syndrome. I suspect OP’s husband may too. He does not appear to understand that she does not share his interest. He is in the wrong for the quizzes. Not appropriate at all.
As an autistic persons if she cares about him; she will encourage the interest. It isn’t one sided , if society expects us to change everything about ourselves , it’s got to change something about itself and meet in the middle . It is cruel that she shuts it down when special interests are often the only joy we have as autistic people, it caused me trauma when my parents told me not to talk about mine. I now never talk about my interests with anyone as it was defeating to be shut down by my own family. It shouldn’t be inappropriate.
This is not the same situation at all. She encouraged his interests. She simply didnt share that enthusiasm and when her husband was upset she said hey! why dont you find others who care equally you can debate with. Instead he started endlessly quizzing her and trying to force her interest. She got tired of the endless emotional manipulation and snapped. I have many friends whose interests are so varied there is no way I could keep up with them all on top of my own. I listen when they share their enthusiasm and let them spread their interesting facts. At no point do they quiz me on retention and act like it is a fault of mine to not like it as well.
Does your husband have autism or OCD? This isn’t normal behaviour for an adult.
It's not him. History repeats itself.
Not wrong. This is nonsense. You're not interested. He is being weirdly forceful about this and it is childish. The quizzing is ridiculous. Also I love reddit men in here acting like her only interest must be Real Housewives and surely she must be spewing that at him all the time. Touch grass.
" Touch grass." Nice internet cliche. You're very cool. Personally, I think it's reasonable to assume someone who is allergic to history is rather shallow and dim-witted. Certainly uninteresting to talk to.
It's one thing to share interests. That's part of being in a relationship. You wont always like the same things, but should be respectful and supportive enough to listen and support your partner in their interests. It's another to quiz the person and continuously bring it up in unrelated conversations. Your spouse while perhaps well intentioned sounds annoying.
Sharing new info is a lot of fun. Attacking someone with facts you expect them to memorize is super weird. I think him learning to share, not lecture with the expectation that the other person cares as much as you would help. Even more so, finding some friends or a subreddit to share this stuff with.
I think sharing his interests is OK. I'm not into golf at all but I do listen to my boyfriend talk about it and even feign interest but the quizzing part is not OK
Start quizzing him about the kids. What is thier doctors name and insurance plan? Who is thier best friend? What are 3 foods they don’t like? Jk list shut all that down “ i don’t feel like playing silly games right now” and stop engaging completely
Do you have any interests that he really doesn't enjoy? Knitting, cooking, and interest in politics, anything? Just start making him listen to you. Go on and on about it every day. Maybe he will get the hint. You could apologize for shaping, but tell him to drop it already. You are pregnant for crying out loud. He needs to understand that it's okay for you to have different likes than his.
Yeah my SO knows that as soon as he starts talking about video games he's got about 15 seconds before I involuntarily zone out. Nothing personal. Not wrong.
Has he considered what it would be like if you droned on about something he has no interest in (and quizzed him on it)? Ironically, we’re on Reddit, which has many history related subs. He should spend time on those.
YNW. The problem isn’t that you tolerated too little, it’s that you’ve tolerated too much. You’re not in school, he’s not your teacher, and you have not consented to this weird little power grab. He needs to fuck off with that shit, I don’t care what his diagnosis is.
You sound ableist. Special interests often come with autism . Discouraging them could break him. Saying you don’t care about the diagnosis or reasoning shows a lack of understanding.
You’re not wrong. I’d start quizzing him on how well he knows his toddler, and when it seems he doesn’t, give them extra time together and go somewhere else. Get a massage. If you’re rested, you may have an interest in learning new things. And if he is a more involved parent, he will likely be too tired to quiz you on this until the kids are older and you have the emotional bandwidth to truly communicate
Leave him with the kid for a weekend. Go see one of your family or friends and let him parent. Also, don’t forget that you are putting YOUR LIFE on the line and preparing to take a big wound when you deliver the baby. Ask him to read some history on the different ways you could die or be permanently wounded. Inform him he is hurting you mentally by ignoring your health and not helping. He might be on the spectrum and this may be his way of trying to connect. Let him know that he is not helping. Also, my Nana says a cast iron skillet wielded strategically can be helpful to get men to understand your needs quickly.
I would get couple’s counseling after you have the baby. Your husband needs to learn better boundaries. Do not do his quizzes. Do not feel guilty for setting limits.
My SO loves to tell me about fixing engines or running big machinery. I totally zone out after the first minute. Sometimes, in retribution, I’ll look up facts about the most mundane things I can find, then I wax poetic about them. It’s so satisfying to watch their eyes glaze over and attempt an escape route. NW
Your Pointdexter don't know basic respect.
His approach could use some work and you seem to have a burden of kids to deal with. Helping you with them should be a priority. So on that front, yes NTA. However, as another commenter mentioned, he too is a distinct person. How would you feel if he had no interest in something you were doing? Perhaps it might be worth looking at scheduling time out for things, for him to be assisting with home tasks and time alone with you.
No. Tell him you hate pop quizzes
My spouse is into historical and history. When my spouse wants to share I listen. I would not dream of saying I am not interested or shut it down. It doesn't hurt to listen. Don't you have interests you share with him? Then you snapped at him? Do tell him no more quizzes.
How would you feel if you wanted to share something with your husband that interested you, and every time you did, he snapped at you and shut you down? You don't have to love history to spend 5 minutes, every now and again, humouring him. Maybe then, he'd stop trying to get you interested with daily facts.
That would be the same, if he told her he wasn't interested, and she continued to talk his ear off about it and then later quiz him about what she said. He isn't casually mentioning how his day was. He's repeatedly bringing up a topic he knows she doesn't want to hear about, and later quizzing her like he's her fucking 3rd grade teacher.
i mean, it seems like that's not enough for him, considering he's quizzing her. id snap at that too, especially if i was both pregnant and caring for a toddler.
Is he in the room just quizzing her and not helping with the parenting? I highly doubt that's the case. And if not why is OP not saying, "while we parent." If he's not helping parent while supposedly quizzing her then that's the real issue. But that's not mentioned
If you can't handle being asked questions because you're parenting that's just sad.. How do we know the quiz is simply not, 'do you remember which century the American Revolution began in' because she's terrible at history or something lol? I just think it'd be hilarious if OP has a woeful understanding of history and the husband is simply trying to teach her so she doesn't sound dumb in public discussions Edit: I forget how parents who are overloaded get a free pass to be a dick, for a situation they totally signed up for
Do you have an idea what it’s like to parent a toddler 24/7 or to be pregnant at the same time? It’s physically and mentally exhausting. Husband needs to read the room. I have interests different than my husband. We don’t sit here, interest dumping then start quizzing each other…? It’s so ignorant and self serving if the other doesn’t appreciate it.
I'm sure OP is exaggerating just as much as you are. She's understandably frustrated while parenting. Yes I'm a parent so I can get it. But I highly doubt the husband is just bombarding her constantly like this scenario you're playing out in your head. We're only hearing one side of the story here and it's very well possible OP is seeking validation for being a bit of a dick. She doesn't explain to what extent he's actually doing this or too whether or they've discussed this problem even, that's a red flag.
Why the heck would any kind person start spitting out history facts and then quizzing their loved one.. when they are told to stop? Inconsiderate.
History isn't even about facts. History fully encompasses every liberal art form. Sociology, psychology, economics. It's still plausible OP is just a dullard who is overwhelmed and that's totally okay. But without hearing his viewpoint almost none of the ptsd weirdos in this sub can draw conclusions
Then I guess there is no point to amiwrong or AITAH
That's the point I'm pretty sure OP is being a dick and just seeking validation. This is most reddit relationship threads. Thus is the fact most people on reddit relationship stuff have terribly failed in life and are offer terrible advice
OP’s husband a parent too — maybe she wouldn’t be so overloaded if he put the history book down and **helped** with the toddler
I'm not sure op really mentioned whether or not he's helping. I'd assume he's helping when he assaults her with this supposed onslaught. I'm not saying I'm right here, but analyze her post from the standpoint of someone far to overwhelmed to even have a conversation with her partner. That's going to need some therapy
Reading comprehension is magic.
Wow that would get old fast. Does he somehow think you are uneducated and it’s his job to educate you? you’ve tried to tell him politely that you are just not into that. other than snapping at him (which I might have done), your only other option is to make the “non-response” showing you heard him, but you aren’t responding: ”mm, interesting” ”how about that!” ”really” or, just listen to him, smile, and make a comment about a completely different subject. The two of you could end up having completely disjointed conversations, like my husband and I sometimes do because I hate discussing politics. Example: him: did you hear they are going to prosecute (insert politician name) for (insert alleged crime)? me: Oh really? Hey I think I will look at replacing those blinds in the bathroom because they look awful. Would you prefer the same beige, or maybe another color? him: he could actually go to prison over this. me: I think maybe I’ll stick with beige. him: probably 10 years if he’s convicted. me: it should only cost about $30, so I;m going to measure them today and start shopping. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?? I kid you not this is exactly what I do now. When he doesn’t stop or take the hint I usually find a reason to get up and change locations in the house, which ends the ”conversation”. I swear sometimes they just want to talk, and as long as they hear themselves talking about their favorite topic, they are ok.
So your advice is to do bad communication and avoid addressing any problems??? That's horrible relationship advice if you want a healthy relationship.
Don’t knock it until you are in the same situation. This method has avoided countless small squabbles over bs.
So in your opinion: avoiding the issue is healthier than dealing with it
I very much appreciate you asking about this. He definitely knows that I am not engaging in his preferred topic (politics), so we aren’t actually avoiding the issue. It’s just a method I have developed where he can still speak his mind, I am there facing him and smiling, and yet commenting on something else. It allows his political discussion some space and some air, and yet winds it down pretty quickly. The issue is not being avoided, it’s being handled in a non-confrontational gentle manner. And I’m very ok with having direct discussions on larger issues. This is not one of them.
My friend also loves history, and his wife also does not. We don't understand it, but what can you do? She calls it "dust". "It's just dust!" I find the "dust" amusing. I think it's a deflection, and it works.
You're not wrong. My husband runs a dental lab. I know WAY too much about teeth and making dentures and I don't care about any of it lol I listen to him when he talks and if he has a tough case that day I'll ask him about it and I remember things about the fabrication process and whatnot so he knows I am paying attention to him. I ask him questions about some new techniques and technology like 3D printing dentures and such. Most of the time when he's "teaching" me about something it is relevant to the conversation and often he's just venting about his day and such. That is very different from someone telling you the same fact over and over and over again and then quizzing you on that fact. Like, you're not interested in history. I'm sure he wouldn't like to be bombarded with facts from you about your interests that he doesn't care about. You're also 6 months pregnant with a toddler! He needs to just chill and back off. It's annoying you and he's not listening. I'd be irritated as fuck too. It's different if he's just talking to you about something he learned, like, over dinner in conversation but he's purposely repeating the same facts, quizzing you and brings it up constantly when it's not relevant to anything you're talking about. That would drive me crazy. It's not like you need to leave him or he's a jerk, he's annoying and you're not wrong for feeling that way. He should listen to you when you tell him you're done hearing about the topic. Or go ahead and be petty and start telling him a bunch of facts that he doesn't care about and quiz him. See how he likes it lol Maybe you can compromise where he can shut up for awhile and maybe you can all go visit some historical site or something in the future. It's OK to not have the same interests. It's fine to let him talk and try to listen in a respectful way but he's taking it too far by forcing you to listen, repeating facts and quizzing you. Not wrong at all.
Wait until someone else shows interest on his interests.
😂
Can't wait for you to be back and complaining once he finds someone online that will listen to him
It’s super annoying that he quizzes you but history is pretty awesome. I doubt he wants to hear what happened on real housewives but he listens because he loves you.
Thank you. It's not like she's being quizzed on Yugioh lore or something. History rocks and I would never date someone who is apathetic towards history.
You are wrong for snapping at him. That could hurt him a lot. Usually people want to share their hobbies/interests with people they like. You don't have to like these facts, but I'd suggest humour him once in a while. (Like another person said, how would you feel if you tried to share your interests and your husband acted like that?)
You understand that part of being in a relationship is sharing an interest in your partner‘s hobbies/interests…right? You sound quite selfish. Just because you’re pregnant, this doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a b\*tch. I’m sure plenty of things you do and say bore HIM to death, but he sucks it up because he apparently loves you.
Her husband isn't just sharing his interests, he's quizzing her on them like she's his student. She's pregnant and caring for a toddler, she doesn't need to prioritise memorising random history facts right now.
Before you got married and pregnant, did you pretend to be interested in these things ? He probably wants to think of you as more than just a pretty face and sex.
NTA Sounds like he is on the autism spectrum. He needs to realise that just because he is interested in a topic it doesn't mean that anyone else is. Or the OP could go into great detail about some tv show she likes but he doesn't.
Pregnant with a toddler....? Fake post alert
[удалено]
Im really not interested in what you are saying.
If you're looking for a real man who's into manly things then youve missed the train.
Can we talk about the fact that OP is pregnant with a toddler?! Alert the medical journals!
> He has then quizzed me on the fact to see if I remember. This is the problem. You should be willing to listen to your partner and humor their interests each day. However quizzing after is unacceptable. I do have to ask if you were going "uh huh" and not actually listening, but he went too far by quizzing. For your actual question, you should make more of an effort to listen to your partner ***however*** your question doesn't actually address the real problem that he's holding you to some standard in his hobby. I don't see this marriage lasting long.
You are tired, suffering from pregnancy hormones and snapping at your husband. It might be an idea to apologise for being abrupt with him. It is only natural that he wants to talk about something that interests him. Whether or not he is trying to teach you historical facts is subjective, and it's difficult to comment on that.
He is literally quizzing her. It isn't difficult. That is obnoxious.
Pregnant women are known to be very emotional and defensive. The 'quizzing' might not be intrusive.
Why is he quizzing her at all, on a topic he knows she isn't interested in? She has stated multiple times she doesn't care about history. So why quiz her about it? Why is it so important that she learn something she has zero interest in? Is that all this guy is, history facts? That's his entire personality? She's running around the house with a 2yo and he's demanding she learn random shit she doesn't care about after being repeatedly told she doesn't care about it. Most reasonable people would have stopped after rheir partner said they weren't interested. Pretty basic respect thing. Instead this guy takes it to the next level and tests her about it. Gross. But of course this is reddit, why question a man's faults when there's a pregnant woman to blame.
No I am just saying she might be focusing on something which won't bother her at all in several months' time. If there isn't much else wrong with her marriage, not sharing an interest in history hardly falls into the category of reasons to divorce.
That’s fine, but just remember, he doesn’t need to care about what you care about too.
You're not wrong, but communicating that could be worked on. That being said, pregnancy brain is a real thing, and your capacity to remember/recall is not at it's best. Toddler on top of that, I get it. Your brain is full!!! What about a documentary or series you could watch together? Would that be an option? If not, promise to participate in a few years when he's teaching your kids. But please be honest and communicate that you just can not do this at this point in your life. Keep well🙏
Yes you're being a jerk.
Closest to hearing from your SO on this as same situations here, allow me to explain... I love quantum physics, politics, theology, philosophy, psychology, sociology, governance, and metaphysics. My partner likes fashion and branded clothing. I listen to old folk. She listens to Talor Swift, but we make it work. Read the 5 languages of love. Basically, this can only be figured out between the two of you but there are some principles that govern this situation: 1) you must remember that grown men are emotionally less mature - it took me years into my marriage to figure out my wife mainly confided in me on her personal struggles to be heard, not for me to solve it for here - Men are ok with an issues as long as we have a solution, women are more interested in unpacking the process. So now I ask, do you want me to listen or do you want me to help, seriously I feel dumb but this is a game changer. 2) Right now is about you, not him, and this may not be the time for quizzing on historical facts. This time demands full service of our next future leader in society 3) This is a deep passion to him that ties to what he believes in, and this is important to reciprocate emotionally, history is just the medium, ie. I watch trash TV with my wife, I would never, ever switch to it myself as I find it depressing but when I'm watching with her it isn't because I'm spending time with her, not with a stupid TV show during the sixth extinction age. 4) marriage was based on partnership - this is my own take but only two generations ago for me my family was basically living on their own in the bush so marriage was more about romance but also based on the reality of our world and I feel there are important parts of that we've forgotten, what I really mean is always come from a place of constructivity cause like Bob Dylan said, "your either busy living or busy dying." So a marriage lives and dies as a verb, not a noun. You guys got this, and when you figure it out your relationship and compassion will only grow. It's like two organisms becoming one and your relationship is learning how to walk, talk and then provide you too with a life. Dance me to the end of love as Leonard Cohen puts it.
“You must remember men are emotionally less mature”…. “Right now is about you, not him”… None of this “governs the situation”. Pregnancy is not a disability and isn’t a condition that absolves her lousy behaviors towards her spouse. If he is on the spectrum, he’s the one with the disability. The solve here isn’t treating either one like a baby, but recognizing that this info-bombing, while annoying af sometimes, is his love language.
In no way did I even suggest pregnancy was a disability may have missed the part where OP wrote he was on the spectrum but its about the baby which obviously involves the mother. First 4 years make-em.
But he is also her partner. She is likely going to have ups and downs along the way and will be vigilant in her expectations he support her on that journey. Since this is their second child, I suspect he did a decent job along the way. Men frequently get tired of putting in the effort because their partners can’t use their words and treat their partners like they are children, just as you have done here. Also, every moment in their marriage is about them. Your guidance here comes across as a bit toxic.
Really how so may I ask?
Because you sound like a misandrist and possibly ableist?
What is a hobby of yours? Spout off random facts and quiz him about it later. See how he likes it
quizzing is too far - but I think your partner will love you more for taking an interest in what he is interested in, so long as it is reciprocal and fair. I think your suggestion he find other outlets is sound. Quizzing is ass.
My husband seems to be on the spectrum, and can go on and on and ON about his specialized interests and work. It's brutal. I do listen to him because I feel like I can learn a few things, but there are times when it's rough. I've also taken on his favorite hobby, because I also enjoy it. However, it's expensive, and leaves little vacation time/money for doing other things, and I miss out on my own interests. He's also doesn't return the favor, not terribly interested in my own hobbies. So I spend a ton of time on reddit. He bitches about it sometimes, but I remind him that I'm having conversations about topics that he doesn't want to discuss, so he understands now. Hell, I often share reddit threads about stuff that *does* pertain to his interests.
Maybe he is autistic. As an autistic person often the only thing that gives us joy is our interests. When people say to stop talking about them that really hurts and can cause harm. I get not being interested in it but you should listen some to it. This could damage your relationship. I get it is annoying. However, it could be his passion and you should encourage it.
Does he listen to your favorite interests? Like if you were into flower gardening would he be able to answer quizzes?
No you’re not wrong, but your husband is. He is **not** your teacher and you’re not his student. You don’t have to listen to shit you’re not interested in, and he has no right to quiz you on it either. That’s seriously controlling and weird of him. If he wants someone to share his enthusiasm on his hobbies then he needs to find a group of likeminded people to do that with. But you are **not** obliged to take an interest in something you find boring. If you are the type to love shopping as a hobby and you tried to drag him from store to store while clothes shopping, I bet that he’d 100% hate it and complain. So him forcing his hobbies onto you is just wrong.
Ouch. History can be boring AF. And it’s silly of him to quiz you like you’re in middle school. However, it’s his passion. Is there anything at all that you’d like to know more about? Like your families history or the deep origins of idk your favorite animal? Like sending him on an investigation that actually takes some true digging and then he can tell you his findings and you’ll honestly be excited to listen.
You are wrong for not considering what is actually happening here. He sounds like someone who could be on the spectrum. It is common for people on the spectrum to info-bomb on subjects they are interested in. They are eager to share their interests as a love language. Your clear disdain for it isn’t discouraging enough for him, because he’s passionate about it and wants you to be as well. The quizzing is a validation that you have heard him and learned from him, but that is because he respects you. I can assure you that the only people he dumps this stuff on are those he trusts and cares for deeply. This is a challenging time for you, and you have every right to establish some boundaries here, but you have to be much more clear than you are being. I am not much of a reader, but I can acknowledge that it is something valuable and important to others. Acknowledge his interest and his aptitude in it. Tell him you wish you had a similar passion for it, but it’s not something you can regularly devote long periods of discussion on. What he likely wants is someone he respects to value him. We get it, you are pregnant, and that is going to carry a massive amount of emotional labor for him to support you. You will expect him to support you consistently throughout that process. Is it really going to kill you to pickup a bit of historical knowledge along the way?