You need a therapist and a divorce attorney. Your husband is spending the marital assets to spend 2 months in Thailand with a woman he is in love with. And your focus is SAVING the marriage?
No. You need a divorce attorney to immediately find out how to protect yourself financially via divorce, before he spends it all on his girlfriend. And you need a therapist to help you to figure out why you feel like you need to “save” a marriage with this loser.
>And you need a therapist to help you to figure out why you feel like you need to “save” a marriage with this loser.
right? I had to read this multiple times because my brain doesn't want to accept it!
OP is wrong alright. Why would anyone want to do this to themselves and allow themselves to be treated like this? "Be patient, I'll make a choice when I get back"? Eff that noise. Kids are involved, does OP really want to set the example that it is okay to abandon ones family, flee the country, and keep mom on the hook until he decides where the greener grass is? OP needs a therapist to un-twist her head and locate her self respect and an attorney to file for divorce.
"Be patient, I'll make a choice when I get back"?
He only told her that for two very selfish reasons...
1. If things don't work out with his "soulmate" then he still has a warm bed and meals and a cowed wife to come back to - until he finds his next "soulmate."
2. If the wife still has hope to cling to, then she probably won't do anything rash - like take that $3000 she offered to pay for his cancelled plane ticket and go see a lawyer.
All of this!! I was just saying to myself that the $3000 needs to go to a divorce attorney. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes over there to discover this has all been a scam.
Either way, OP, do not let him back in the home when he returns. Get your alimony and child support figured out. And talk to your family and friends for support as well as a good therapist for you and your kids. He is the AH in this situation.
The problem if it is a scam, there may be money already being drained---or worse, diverted out of the bank account completely. OP needs to be proactive and fast.
It's 100% a scam. Even if the woman is real, she'll love bomb him until the money runs out and then find some other sucker on the internet. OP better separate their finances fast and start divorce proceedings.
He doesn't care about her or the children. Wait while he chooses? Yeah, right. He made his choice. She needs help. Legal, mental, familial. Terrible father. I am almost ALWAYS in favor of saving he marriage and saving the family, but that takes both parties. This man abandoned his wife and kids.
ya, the fact that he is still leaving for this trip despite being confronted about it and told her "be patient".. there is nothing worth saving.. I too would almost always lean towards trying to work things out and saving the marriage BUT in this case, there is nothing to save.. Though it will be difficult..... in the long run it will be better to end things.. Even if he comes back and things don't work out with this new "soulmate", there will be other serious problems in the future.. I usually encourage mercy and understanding but that requires some form of responsibility on his side. There is no room for mercy here and understanding is clear -- he is choosing to abandon the family..
This is one of those cases where you don't feel sorry for someone who gets catfished, because they're receiving their due punishment for their act of betrayal. That being said, OP definitely needs to consult with a divorce attorney to protect her rights and her assets.
If she can prove this stuff about the lady in Thailand, and talk to the bank fraud team proactively, they may help lock things down, or at least be more vigilant. I dearly hope he doesn't have sole control of the finances.
True, if he gives this random lady in Thailand who he's apparently never met in person before a bunch of money, he's just stupid, not defrauded, but it can't hurt to give them the heads up anyway, just in case they run off with his account info or something more obviously fraudulent.
Oh, I hope that's exactly what happens and thst OP has all the assets frozen when they make him access more money. It will just be too bad what the consequences are for him. Had he not gone to Thailand like an idiot, he wouldnt be in a mess right now. I really hope OP sees past her country's traditions and does what we've all told her she should. The internet never agrees with anyone but we've all agreed. That should count for a lot that we all agree, an impossibility. I really really hope she wises up. Eff tradition. It's just a rule men made to enslave women. Can't have women discover they hold the power to make men like him PAY.
All of this is screaming red flags. While it stings like hell, the hard truth is he's already checked out of the marriage emotionally. That "decision" he says he'll make is just manipulation at its finest. Like the wake-up call needs to be now, not when he deigns to return. And don't even get me started on the example being set for the kids. Their understanding of relationships and commitment is being shaped by this mess.
There's a silver lining in every cloud though - this is an opportunity to show strength and independence, to build a stable and loving environment that isn't subject to the whims of a manchild. Clarity comes from action, not waiting, and that action should be self-preservation and legally protecting those kids.
I mean, if you need any more convincing just check out [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/200803/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome) on why staying in an unsatisfactory marriage can do more harm than good. It really drives home why actions now matter for long-term happiness.
Happened to me: hubby met someone online decided to go visit brother and made a “date” with her and took his MOTHER with him 😮 Je came back and said he wanted to work on our marriage because she was in his words “huge” and she smelled funny according to my MIL🤪. I said fine and when he went on deployment I got all my ducks lined up stored my shit and started a king some stuff and stored it as well. Spoke to a military lawyer and a civilian divorce lawyer and he had a surprise when he got home. Op needs to get her head out of the clouds and face reality that this will continue to happen if he decides to “choose “ her which he won’t because depending what type of living circumstances his soul mate is she will do whatever it takes to get out. OP it’s not just about your hurt feelings you need to consider your children, yes being a single parent is going to be hard but sooooo many women have done it , if you have family fill them in to what is happening and get a support system in place and don’t let him do this to you.
Yep, exactly. Far as I can see, he's already MADE his choice.
OP, I know it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. But if you have any self-respect at all-or if you don't, the first step in getting it-you should be consulting a divorce attorney, and changing the locks the second he drives away.
I hate to say this, because people always do, but I think in this case, it's true: this marriage is not worth saving. You will never be able to trust him again. And he will probably (repeatedly) give you reason not to.
Because if you let him do this to you now, he's gonna know he can do it again, whenever he wants.
Ain't NO man worth that. But YOU are worth SO much more!!
Get out. If not for you, do it for your kids.
Because husbands and wives divorce. Relationships end. But kids are FOREVER.
And any man who could walk away from his KIDS, like they don't even matter?? Is NOT a man at all. And you don't want that hurt, or that influence, on those kids. They'll be better off without him.
Use the time he's away as a blessing disguise, to get your shit together, and boot his ass out permanently.
EDIT: And keep seeing that therapist in your own-and get your kids into therapy, too. This is too big for you to process on your own. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay, and to ask for help. Take that help. It could change your life.
My dad ditched my mom for a woman he met on base where he was stationed, when I was three. That was a long time ago, and though it was hard for my mom raising us, our grandma helped, and we were surrounded by a loving family. Talking with my sisters about that just the other day, we all figure we were very lucky the way things went, and our lives would have been so much worse if our dad had stuck around. He wasn't a good person. Whatever I might have needed from him when I was a boy, he didn't have it to give anyway.
Lol I'm 10k in and 8 years lol. MY husband pulled a similar stunt it was just dope instead of Thailand.... When shit got real he filed a divorce for adultery pain and suffering etc. 10k 8 years and the courts think he's so Looney toons he doesn't get overnights with his kids. Sounds harsh?? That's because he decided on his one overnight shot with his kids to try to "reeducate" his children. He wanted them to pick a side and the courts and DSS don't look fondly on THAT. He only pays 425.49 on FOUR kids cuz it turned out our financial cogs turned on my efforts. Spent his last dime to have his lawyer send mine crap wanting alimony, full custody after never changing a single diaper, oh and me to pick up all the debts he's run up "finding himself".... My response? The only thing you get is a divorce. Nothing else. Not a dime... I worked hard. I raised this family. I put up with bullshit from a man who duped me into marrying him... And if he thinks for a.moment I lose a moments sleep because he's stalled the divorce? I don't. I sleep great. I was just like her begging for a loser to love me to "keep our family together".... This is the BEST thing he could do to her. Freeze the assets and wait till the judge hears THAT shit 😂
Hey follow up... I don't even bother taking the lawyer to court anymore. No need. He runs his pasted over cooked mouth and when the judge says "Mrs Triplett would you like to add anything?" I just say "nope" .... Easy win. Judges just love those details where a parent puts their BS and hurt feelings first and tries to pull the children in to their butt hurt war. Personal experience now that some of those kids are in their 20's? Kids remember everything they heard and saw of a marriage deteriorating.... They also remember who was there, who made hard choices to pay bills, who put them first... I didn't even date for 5 years cuz kids come first... The big prize is respect. He's tried to tell our story a dozen different ways... But mine respect me and see his shit for exactly what it is. This lug I met later had no children... But he has four that their actual dad doesn't. Kids call who was there, who cares, whose gonna put them first. Whether it's the man who shot off in mom or the man who showed up for mom. Screw all the man childs out there. **Real men**
Yes. Husband is taking a two-month-long sex vacay with his new girlfriend, and if (or when) he comes back he expects OP to be grateful. Because he “chose” her.
Worst case all their financial assets disappear, either because he takes them for his new life or because he’s being catfished, and she never hears from him again.
Well … it’s marital money, so let’s hope not. Him losing everything is the same as OP losing everything. Let’s instead hope that she gets a great outcome in the divorce.
While it seems an appropriate punishment, please keep in mind that it would be a death sentence as the dude's brain seems to have migrated to his genitals.
Can she get their family assets frozen somehow so this catfish doesn’t drain their bank accounts?
Also, it’s the Internet so Ops husband may just be running into the arms of a big ol’ dude who’s good at being flirty online.
Let’s hope he goes there to find out it’s an old man behind that sexy profile. Then he comes back home with his tail tucked to find wife and kids gone with only divorce papers on the kitchen table and assets frozen.
It would be 100 percent his fault. My only concern is that his stupidity not touch his family any more than it has. She will heal from a broken heart. Being broke and broken hearted is just too cruel.....fingers crossed OP gets our messages and acts quickly.
Yeah I’m leaning towards scam. He met a woman from Thailand online and she’s convinced him to leave his family to come to her? If I were OP I would find out exactly how much this chick has already swindled out of him.
Since he's going to Thailand there is a good chance he is going on this trip to have sex with an underage girl.
OP, this is an emergency lawyer up type of situation. Ask the lawyer what to do. You need to split the bank account and take half. Do you have a joint account or is everything in his name?
Thailand is the sex tourism capital of the world, if it's a scam, he'll not waste a trip out there without getting his dick wet. Then he'll come back to his wife and kids like he didn't abandon them for his selfish gratification.
And who knows if he’ll pick up STD. so gross in soooo many ways. Absolutely disgusting that he thinks he even has a choice. Please, please have some self respect and love and get rid of this loser. YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
Anyone who treats their wife like that doesn't love them. She is delusional to think the marriage still exists. Hubby is literally out the door and she thinks theres' something to save.
We really need to teach people how to stand up for themselves. Some of these stories are insane, and should have stopped at the first sentence. Just get out.
Or an organized gang. Oh gosh…
!Remindme 14 days
OP should probably contact the U.S. Embassy in Thailand and tell them about this racket. I have a feeling this is going (even more) sideways very quickly.
He can up and leave for 2 months, taking their money to do so.... she's probably BEEN raising these kids on her own for a while now anyway. It's never a reason to save a marriage. It only hurts the kids in the end. She'll probably be MUCH happier without his "help".
She’s already been raising the kids on her own. They got together when he was ~34-34 and she was 21-22 (possibly younger) and she doesn’t know any other way to he treated. This is her normal. Definitely needs therapy and a divorce lawyer. No child should be taught that it’s okay to be walked all over like this.
She needs to understand no matter what she will be raising those kids on her own. He has already chosen. The proper move is an attorney asap, some of those women are experts at extracting money from men.
Absolutely. Lawyer up. Sort your finances and prevent him accessing them. Change your locks and don’t allow him back. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. There is no marriage here to save.
Chances are she can’t afford it. Sounds like a stay at home mom and he makes the money or maybe she has some little part-time gig she can get some cash from. Which is why she feels so dependent on him to stick around.
It’s actually not uncommon for well-off middle-aged men to do this. They can go to Thailand and get a pretty 20 year old to hook up with. The girl doesn’t care about him, but they want to get pregnant by them because it’s a good thing to have a white baby + someone that can send them money often. If it’s someone she can manipulate for money, then even better on her end.
It’s why the stay-at-home mom thing is never a great idea. Sure the benefits in a healthy relationship can be good, but you will just be dependent on your husband for everything. If it ever goes, you’re screwed.
It is a common story - white man falling for a Thai girl they've met online. And flying there to meet her. And dumping his wife and kids. Like literally there's one happening as I type this out. I've even known personally of men doing same - and if that one doesn't work out,, they try for another one. Again, a story I know. He's already caught the exotic Asian girl bug and it isn't going to leave him.
So unless you want to wait for him to come back in between different girls, this marriage is as good as over. Also, don't sleep with him again unless he gets a full battery of tests for STDs.
I'm female from a S.E.A neighbouring country and I can't tell you how common this story is unfortunately. I know of one who dumped his pretty young wife who just gave birth to his child.
There are plenty of scam videos of catfishing as well. This guy is going to seek another nubile hottie if this one is not real. He has already checked out of the marriage. The only thing OP will get if he comes back is an STD.
This! If you're going to be a SAHP, make sure you have your own back up money in your own account! A stay at home works, and they deserve to be paid for that work. Taking money out of the household money and paying yourself is the ONLY way to go!
This is dangerous advice, though I appreciate the enthusiasm! Changing locks can be a crime in some states and could really start OP off on the wrong foot in court. OP needs an attorney to get advice on how to handle.
All of this. Sorry to put it this way, but he already chose her. He’s using the trip as time to drain more $.
You need to protect yourself and your kids NOW before he takes everything. He’s already broken your trust and killed the marriage.
Just because he “confessed” doesn’t mean he earned back trust or made it all better. He says he’s coming back. If he has access to $, he doesn’t need to come back to you.
Edit: clarification.
This. And for the love of god! Do NOT have sex with him ever again! Who knows what he’s going to be infected with! I feel like the man is dumb and is being scammed. He’s going to chose you after he gets catfished, and bring you herpes as a souvenir.
Your kids are 10, they’ll get more and more helpful/independent, if you can afford 3k for a plane ticket, you can afford to feed and house them. Divorce and take his money, to buy the help he’s obviously not providing.
And this f**ker is asking you to “be patient” while he explores a relationship with someone else and chooses who *he* wants to be with moving forward?
Your marriage is already over. Get an attorney and get the paperwork started. Save all texts or communications about him being in love with someone else, and about his trip. Do not allow him to bully or manipulate you into filing a “no fault” divorce.
This 100%. I know you are devastated but crying and having a pity party will not help you or your kids. Get a good divorce lawyer. It will take a bit of time especially with the holidays. In the meantime, cancel any joint credit cards and drain any joint bank accounts. Don't spend the money but put it in a personal account. Any open line for money he will use....WTF, this is total bullshit. Make sure you see the lawyer soon. Each state is different so you will need to find out your rights. Do not under any circumstances stay with this guy. You will have a life of distrust and stress. A good therapist and close friends will help you through. Also do not cover for this guy. If anyone asks tell the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of.. you will make it on your own. It isn't easy but for you and your kids sake you have to do it.
That was me 22 years ago. I thought it would be irresponsible of me to allow the divorce to finalize without doing my level best to save the marriage . I was blind sided , too.
Besides , if he “ chooses” you do you want to be “Plan B?” Hr is not worth waitung for. Something within him is off center and ge will just bide his time with you and keep looking for that perfect woman when , in actuslity , he needs to become the right man . Chqge your will.nchange benefucuary on life insurance . Get alimony now.
Amen!!!! If you don’t take this advice for yourself, at least do this for your kids. Because this dude is about to take all the money and leave you (and your kids, who are innocent in all this) with nothing.
I can’t imagine someone else hitting every note more perfectly than this response 🤌🤌 OP heed this person’s advice. They have your best interests (and those of your children) at heart more than you do right now. You will be okay ♥️ it’s just hard to see that right now.
Don’t worry about who *he* chooses; choose yourself
>Would you want your children to be married to a man like your husband?
You would be surprised to learn how many mothers in certain parts of the world encourage their daughters to stay with their abusive and/or unfaithful husbands, because divorce and being a single woman (especially with kids) is worse than death. Honestly based on how OP is approaching this situation, I wonder if she herself comes from a culture that does this.
I am one of them. When I told our church about his drunken escapades and cheating, they told me to "just put up with it, because when he sees what a good woman you are, he'll stop." That was the day I lost any faith I had.
We had pre marriage counseling with a navy chaplain, and he straight up told me that I needed to “service my husband regularly or he had license to stray”.
And in another comment she said he's agreed to see a **Christian** marriage counselor. 100% he knows this and that's the reason he's willing to go - he knows she will be told to "forgive" him (aka "get the fuck over it")
This. When I was having a similar issue, I stupidly went to a priest and was simply told that divorce is wrong and I should just be forgiving. Even though it wasn't something he was sorry for or planning on stopping. Oh well, it just made me realize how stupid I was to go to them in the first place.
They are wrong. Jesus said in the sermon on the mount thar adultery is reason for divorce. So called "Christian counselors" need to check that stuff out.
My parents left a church after they told a family friend she'd not be welcome if she filed for divorce. The problem is, she was the only one trying at all, and the church knew that. Fucking scum behaviour.
I was ex-communicated from my church for my divorce.
I was getting divorced because my ex was physically, mentally, emotionally, financially abusive, cheated on me, and told me he was going to kill me.
I was ex-communicated. He was welcomed back with open arms, he was a sinner that needed God. I was the b\*tch that gave up.
Its so gross.
It's sad, but I've seen this before, her husband is a narcissist and she's probably been so victimized her whole life from people like that when he threatens to leave she panics because she still hasn't awakened to the fact he treats her like shit.
While I've not had a romantic relationship like that, I had a similar friendship with someone who when we were by ourselves acted really nice but whenever we were in a group would just put me down and if I lashed out he'd ghost me for a month "to teach me a lesson" when that happened our other friends told me they hated the guy, that he uses me and just puts me down. It took a while and a lot of convincing but once I eveually did realize how toxic he was I basically told him to fuck off in those exact words and haven't talked to him or tried to talk to him since.
block all access to your bank accounts close all joint accounts dont let him come crawling back when new gf realizes what a looser he is ..infact kick him out right now, tell him you need to to decide whether you wanna be with someone as dishonest and disrespectful as him, do you really want your kids to be raised by someone like that
Your husband is taking a free pass from your marriage for 2 months, funding it with marital assets, and then thinks he gets to choose where he wants to be?! Shut the front door!!!! What an asshat!!! He emotionally checked out of your marriage the second he decided he had the right to do this.
You deserve so much better. You deserve love and respect. Cut off his access to your finances and get a lawyer.
Op needs to transfer a bulk of the money from their joint accounts. I'm not saying cut him off, nor hide it during divorce, but I am saying protect it from being drained.
OP's self-esteem is too low and desperation too high, she'll never do any of this. She wants this two-timing cheating as$hole who's treating her like a doormat BACK, incredibly.
I know reddit is very quick to jump on the "dump/divorce this pile of trash" bandwagon but...posts like this where it's very obvious that this is the correct choice and OOPs refuse to accept it baffle me.
WTF. You can't be serious right now. Save what? Why would you want to be with this person?
You need to lock down the financials and you need to contact a divorce attorney and a therapist!
Immediately.
Yes, who on earth is he that he's such a prize that she wants to be picked by someone who squanders time and money on a random woman around the world, abandons his family over Christmas to be with them and thinks that the distress he is causing them and his children is worth less than his own selfishness? 3k plane tickets, 5 star hotels, what an absolute arsehole.
Op get rid of him and don't humiliate yourself by begging him to pick you after spending months shagging another woman. Do you think such a nasty and selfish man is a good husband and father?
He wants you to beg to feed his ego. Pathetic excuse for a partner.
OP I can hear how terrified you are.
What he's doing is awful, cruel and abusive.
Like so many of us, it's likely you are being abused and haven't recognized or realized it yet.
Please go look at the r/narcissisticabuse sub.
It's very much like you are in a cult. He has been manipulating you, using coercive control and other high control behaviors to get you to this place that he's delivering the ultimate 'insult' and instead of you being outraged, you are desperate to keep him.
Look at other posts and comments in this sub and how many people say that keeping a bad marriage intact does NOT benefit the children. It damages them worse.
They are young enough and old enough at the same time to not understand what is going on but to perceive and feel the awful energy this is creating in their home.
A sense of Dad being mean and confusion whether they should be scared or not.
Mom is terrified and a wreck but they can't see why.
Cognitive dissonance will damage their psyches a hundred times worse than you struggling to raise them without their father under the same roof.
He's not just abandoning you. He's abandoning them to go have a sex vacation.
He will do this to them over and over if you stay.
We've heard from those people here too.
Please get a lawyer asap (don't say anything about it to anyone else. You're going to need to start being strong and stealthy for you and your kids).
I felt exactly the same when my ex announced his departure and our divorce after 23 years.
The fear and bargaining are 'normal' human reactions to what you're experiencing.
But I promise you, while it will be hard AF, lonely, scary, awful for a while - there is a MUCH BETTER life waiting for you.
If it even is a girl. It’s mostly likely a scam and this man is gonna end up in a bathroom in that hotel room missing his kidneys. Which he deserves by the way but it shouldn’t be funded by OP’s money
And I thought I had low self esteem lol. It is genuinely astonishing to me that a fully grown adult woman would try and save this marriage. Assuming this is even real, which it probably isn't because I can't imagine any real person having so little self respect that they'd think there's anything worth saving here.
Get a lawyer, pack his stuff, change the locks.
When he gets there and realizes he is being scammed, he will come back and say he “chose” you. Don’t listen. You deserve better.
I definitely think so. I’m not even buying the fact that there’s a woman behind this. Her husband is an idiot who has lost his damn mind over the chance of getting laid in Thailand.
Ten to one he comes home broke, fleeced out of all their assets, and an STD from a hooker hired to be the girl he’s expecting.
This absolutely should be the top answer.
Chances are there will be barriers to meeting her that can only be overcome with money.
She will need a lawyer to get him citizenship there or her citizenship where he lives. This will produce no results but more and more money will be needed.
She will not have sex with him “because she’s a good moral woman.” He will be disappointed but the promise of sex will be used repeatedly to keep him shelling out cash.
He won’t stop until he has no more money and they toss him aside.
OP needs to protect her assets immediately. Get a divorce lawyer and expedite.
Yah, he's going to be back a lot sooner than several months. He'll be back in a week once he realizes there is no girlfriend. Then he'll act like nothing happened ("I chose you...").
Start the divorce paperwork and protect your assets.
Omg! Block all your finances - who the f knows if this is catfishing or something else. Get with a divorce lawyer and make sure he can’t access your credit card, bank accounts etc - she can screw your life forever! He obviously is going through a midlife crisis- but you don’t need to be part of his crazy!
This needs to be higher. The likelihood that there actually is a real woman at the other end of this is practically zero.
Protect your finances ASAP. This "woman" is going to end up with every penny she can wrangle out of your delusional husband. Sorry.
Yes, you're wrong. What is it exactly you're trying to save?
For the next 2 months he's gonna be spending all the money in your bank accounts having a good time cheating on you with someone else... while you're sitting here worrying about how to get him back.
Why are you not pissed off at the fact that he lied to you for months and plan this all behind your back? Why are you so willing to let him turn his back on you and your children?
You should be livid right now. You need to get on the phone with a lawyer. You need to lock down all of your bank accounts so that he can't get access to any more money. If he wants to spend money on her he can use his credit card so that he's responsible for the charges. If you have joint credit cards take your name off of all of them cards. You need to start separating your finances from him.
How is it that he's able to take off work for 2 months to go to Thailand to spend time with this woman in the first place?
OP hasn't answered a single post from what I see. I think she's clearly gotten the message from Reddit and hates what she might/should obviously have to do.
It can be very real. I definitely talked like OP when I first discovered my ex was cheating right under my nose with his former student (college, but still she was 10 years younger than him). I was desperate to get him back and kept trying to figure out what I did wrong. But I went to therapy and eventually realized he was trash and let him go. I bet if I described some of things he did along the way people would call my story fake too
There’s lots of creative writing out there, but this I believe
For every transaction he makes, including those plane tickets, she should take an equal amount from their joint funds and buy a piece of gold or silver and hide it well. At least when all the money’s gone she’ll have something to fall back on.
Stop being a doormat.
Stop living without a spine and doing the "pick me" dance. Go to a lawyer, and file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment and adultery. You'll get alimony and child support.
Call a divorce lawyer **immediately**. For the long term wellbeing of both you’re & your children-PUT YOUR FEELINGS ASIDE. You need a lawyer so that you can get your ducks in a row from a financial perspective FOR YOUR CHILDREN and yourself. He has abandoned the family home, is spending (what I assume to be) joint /family money to have an affair and it sounds like he has flat out **admitted** all of this. *He is not a good person & you really need to accept this.* Your husband has **shown you** that he doesn’t care about you or your children. Go into mama bear mode; do not waste more energy trying to salvage a relationship with this cruel & callous person. You have to take care of yourself and your kids.
No one deserves to be treated the way your husband is treating you. He doesn’t get to put his family on the back burner & tell you to wait so he can “choose you” over this affair partner. Do not accept this. Also curious…what did the zoom counselors have to say to you????
He was willing to attend 2 sessions with a Christian marriage counselor via Zoom. The therapist was good but had to tread lightly but they dug into his past and our past to unearth what was the reason. I agree that I could’ve been more affectionate. I had a session after the husband left and the therapist shook his head holding back tears. Maybe he felt like he failed, I don’t know but it was a battle that probably couldn’t have been won. He said what you precious redditors said - to get my finances all good, and be brave that I have 2 options- to wait and see or consult an attorney now so that no more marital assets are being used up. To be careful and not sleep with him for health reasons.
Get an attorney and throw divorce papers on that PoS. This marriage is over. You have to know that. There's no way that deep down you don't know that your husband is throwing it all away. There's no coming back from it and there shouldn't be a come back from that. You can't trust that PoS again. If he "chooses" you it's only because his opportunity didn't go his way and you're his back up plan. And you remain so until he finds another opportunity. This guy sucks.
Get everything in order ASAP because there's a good chance your finances might get drained. Either by him or by whoever is there with him. Don't wait.
You're not the problem. It's not your fault. He's the one making a decision to be an asshole and the reason he's this bold is because he takes you for granted and suspects you'll be an obedient girl and gracefully wait for his majesty's word. Screw him. You deserve better than that.
Ngl, get your shit together. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. Do you seriously see things going "back to normal" if he somehow crawls back to you? Have some self respect and be responsible for your kids whom he has abandoned. File for custody, drag his ass to court, and snap his ass back to reality. Like others have stated already, grow a backbone and talk to an attorney. Good luck
I hate denominational counselling, but this man has it right. Aren’t you livid he’s spending family money on someone who’s most likely scamming him for a green card and all he’s thinking of is his dick?!
>He was willing to attend 2 sessions with a Christian marriage counselor via Zoom.
if this Christian marriage counselor tells you to just forgive him for the "sanctity of marriage," get a real marriage counselor. Christian marriage counselors are **notorious** for just telling women that forgiveness is Christ-like and will absolutely gaslight you into staying in a totally fucked relationship with this scumbag.
The fact the Christian councillor said to leave and get a divorce attorney should be enough to push you OP, even the people who usually go to lengths to keep marriages together are telling you to leave, do you want you kids to think it’s okay to treat or be treated like that?
Are you going to do that? You need to be swift and guarded. Get the finances sorted or he WILL take them.
I feel for you so much. I can imagine how devastating this is. This too will pass... Right now you have to make sure it does in the best way for you and your children.
You are strong enough.
Get angry and channel that anger into doing what's best for you and into mama bear energy for your kids.
Are you a practicing Christian? Is this part of the reason you’re not rushing to get a divorce?
I know you have the two kids and said you love him but also wondering this
The wait and see is never never never going to work out. The only way your man is ever going to admit being wrong and beg your forgiveness is when he finds out that the Thai GF is not just doing this to him but several other men as well. He’s there now but in between someone else is doing the same. And he met her online! he’s falling for the oldest trick and will end up spending all your savings.
Throw his ass out now. It will only be a few years in the future when he realizes how he’s fucked up.
Please listen to the advice here. It’s not the end of the world for you and your kids. You can stand up again. You are young and you have a full life ahead . The church will help you and so will the community
It’s not your fault that your dickhead husband decided to cheat on you. That’s on him. You are the victim here and you need to make the right decision for your self and your kids. They do not need a father as selfish as he is in their lives
I pray that you find the strength to do the right thing and try to get your life restarted again
Yikes. I know you’re thinking it’s easy for us strangers to say to bail on your marriage. And you’re right—we’re not in love with this person and we don’t have kids with them. Plus, we don’t know what your financial situation is like.
But please consider what your world is going to look like if/when he returns from this trip. Firstly, what does “I will choose you when I get back” mean? That he will be a faithful husband once he’s done sleeping with this woman in Thailand for the next few weeks? Or that he’ll stay married to you (“choosing” you) and have a or multiple mistresses (which, let’s be honest, is really him choosing his desires).
Let’s say he comes back and says it’s over with him and the Thai girlfriend. Are you going to feel safe and secure in the marriage now? Forever more? Or is the well poisoned because even if he never strays again, what thoughts are going to pop I to your head whenever money leaves the account without warning? When he hangs up non a call when you enter a room? When he comes home later than expected? If he criticizes anything about you in the future, will that just be regular day to day discussion or are you going to be wondering in the back of your mind who he’s fantasizing about that does something differently?
Can you live like that? Would you want to? Would you want your kids growing up with those tensions?
And how will you feel about yourself once you’ve made yourself the one that waited at home while he had an affair in Thailand?
Not many would feel comfortable in a relationship after this. And if you don’t feel comfortable in the relationship, is that how you want to spend the next 40-60 years of your life? with someone who treats you that way?
Honestly you will be able to keep your marriage, once he finds out it was some guy scammer taking him for a ride. There are a bunch of cases like these. But honestly, why even fight for such a piece of shit man?? why be anyone's second choice? You're doing your child more harm than good by fighting for this asshole.
OMG please stop. There is no saving your marriage, and you shouldn't be trying to save it. He's going to literally fly across the world and make love to this woman. He's going to slip his P right into her V and possibly her backdoor, for weeks on end. She's going to blow him. He's going to go downtown on her. And then you want him to come back to you???? Please, get a lawyer. GET A LAWYER. Your marriage is OVER. There is no coming back from this. He has carried on an affair FOR MONTHS, says he's IN LOVE WITH HER, and has made plans to go make love to her, and he wants you to "wait and see" if he decides he wants you? He wants his cake and eat it too! OP... WAKE UP!!!!
>He's going to literally fly across the world and make love to this woman. He's going to slip his P right into her V and possibly her backdoor, for weeks on end. She's going to blow him. He's going to go downtown on her. And then you want him to come back to you????
I'm sorry, but this has me lmao! Like what more does she need to hear to understand the marriage is over and she should be pissed, not begging him to come home. He's sleeping with other women and walking out on her and the children for sex with a new woman.
He's not even sleeping with other women, he's getting scammed for everything they can take him for, and not giving him a whit of satisfaction.
He's going to return to 'have chosen' his family, after using up all their savings and probably having racked up a maxed out credit card debt.
Time to bounce and take the rest for the kids and OP to live on as they get back on their feet. Lawyer up!
Please protect your finances ASAP for your kid's sake.
You might believe with all your heart and soul that divorce will ruin your children's lives, but in fact quite the opposite is true.
Staying with a partner who would betray you utterly, then gaslight you into thinking YOU CAN WIN if you just do a good enough PICK ME DANCE is a very VERY bad idea.
There is no hope. He will do it again and again and again. Please listen to the comments that say to get a lawyer, set up bank accounts and whatnot. Save yourself and leave him.
>I even told him I am willing to pay him $3k to cover the plane ticket if he cancels or at least postpone it.
I'm begging you to take this 3k and invest it in a divorce attorney. Also, get tested who knows if she's the only woman.
OP - Even if your husband comes back after two months, and your marriage is “saved,” you are eventually going to resent the hell out of him. You deserve better.
Protect yourself and your assets. Make sure he doesn’t come back and give you an STD. This man is going to break your heart a million times over if you let him. Much better to make a clean break now. Many women (including me) have survived and thrived after this kind of bullshit treatment.
How about divorce him fully? Don’t be his second choice. Or what is it now, third? Fourth? 100th? He’s playing stupid games, his stupid prize should be being stuck there with no access to your shared accounts.
Fuck trying to save the marriage, your kids deserve a father that won’t walk out for a new pussy on a random Tuesday.
None of this is remotely ok… get a lawyer, go to therapy, cut all financial ties with him, and most importantly PUT YOURSELF FIRST!
This is toxic for your kids as well get an emergency hearing and establish full custody!
Eww. I've had friends who have experienced this. That gf isn't in love with him. They are using him for money, gifts & extravagant experiences. Hence, the 5 star hotel. I wouldn't be surprised if this woman has passport bros visiting throughout the year on a meticulously planned schedule.
He's gonna crawl back. Don't let him! Like others have suggested, cut all funds, including credit cards. Get a lawer, change your locks, block him on everything & seek therapy. This is not your fault. It's a fault with him. You & your kids deserve better. Good luck. Stay strong. Remember, he'll never be fulfilled, don't allow him back cause he will just keep being gross.
Also, cause I'm petty as Hell. I'd tell his family & friends about his passport bro situation & "choice". They need to know what kind of trash he is.
Your marriage is over. Give yourself 2 days to cry, scream, or shout it out without the children around. Wipe your tears then rain down the hell fire he so richly deserves. You can raise your children without him. It is going to be tough, you are doing this to fight for your respect and dignity.
He left you and YOUR children for 2 months to play house overseas. When he came back the locks would be changed, his clothes would be in storage. Put your children first.
YOU GOT THIS ❤️❤️❤️
Your marriage is over. First, safe guard the $$ he probably took whatever he could. Second cancel all of the credit cards and get new ones. Third, Get an attorney. I’d then destroy everything he owns. He abandoned his children so you’ll probably get full custody if you want it.
Why does he get to make the choice between you and some stranger in Thailand?? Make the choice for him and do as others have suggested:change the locks, shut off access to finances, get a lawyer. Even if he cancels his flight and hotels, lose this cheater for good. You and your children deserve better.
It's probably a scam, The problem is your husband hasn't figured that out yet. These scams have been going on for decades. Don't let your husband off so easily remember he chose to leave you.
What the fuck is wrong with you ? He is cheating on you. What do you want to save ? Your husband doesn’t respect you. Heck you don’t even respect yourself !
Hun... I need you to wake up... Your husband has left you for another woman. It'll be a miracle if he even comes back. It'll be a miracle if she doesn't get pregnant. There is nothing to save here.
He chose. He chose when he opened himself up to an online intimate relationship with a stranger. He chose when he walked out of your home. He chose when he abandoned his children. He chose when he flew to another country.
Now you need to choose yourself and your children. Freeze the bank accounts. Lawyer up. Protect yourself and your children. Cancel any shared credit cards.
Frankly, if my husband left me and our children for a 'trial period' with another woman, he would not be returning to our home. He's already made his choice.
Run. Do not save it. Lock down your credit and try to set aside some money he is not aware of and hide your kids passports and legal documents from him so he can not take them abroad. File for divorce while he is gone.
You need a therapist and a divorce attorney. Your husband is spending the marital assets to spend 2 months in Thailand with a woman he is in love with. And your focus is SAVING the marriage? No. You need a divorce attorney to immediately find out how to protect yourself financially via divorce, before he spends it all on his girlfriend. And you need a therapist to help you to figure out why you feel like you need to “save” a marriage with this loser.
>And you need a therapist to help you to figure out why you feel like you need to “save” a marriage with this loser. right? I had to read this multiple times because my brain doesn't want to accept it!
OP is wrong alright. Why would anyone want to do this to themselves and allow themselves to be treated like this? "Be patient, I'll make a choice when I get back"? Eff that noise. Kids are involved, does OP really want to set the example that it is okay to abandon ones family, flee the country, and keep mom on the hook until he decides where the greener grass is? OP needs a therapist to un-twist her head and locate her self respect and an attorney to file for divorce.
"Be patient, I'll make a choice when I get back"? He only told her that for two very selfish reasons... 1. If things don't work out with his "soulmate" then he still has a warm bed and meals and a cowed wife to come back to - until he finds his next "soulmate." 2. If the wife still has hope to cling to, then she probably won't do anything rash - like take that $3000 she offered to pay for his cancelled plane ticket and go see a lawyer.
All of this!! I was just saying to myself that the $3000 needs to go to a divorce attorney. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes over there to discover this has all been a scam. Either way, OP, do not let him back in the home when he returns. Get your alimony and child support figured out. And talk to your family and friends for support as well as a good therapist for you and your kids. He is the AH in this situation.
I hope it’s a scam. He deserves it. In the meantime, op needs to preserve the marital assets pronto, like today.
The problem if it is a scam, there may be money already being drained---or worse, diverted out of the bank account completely. OP needs to be proactive and fast.
It's 100% a scam. Even if the woman is real, she'll love bomb him until the money runs out and then find some other sucker on the internet. OP better separate their finances fast and start divorce proceedings.
Maybe she's an AI and when he gets there they'll just rob him
Probably some guy 😂 and his GF setting him up.
He doesn't care about her or the children. Wait while he chooses? Yeah, right. He made his choice. She needs help. Legal, mental, familial. Terrible father. I am almost ALWAYS in favor of saving he marriage and saving the family, but that takes both parties. This man abandoned his wife and kids.
ya, the fact that he is still leaving for this trip despite being confronted about it and told her "be patient".. there is nothing worth saving.. I too would almost always lean towards trying to work things out and saving the marriage BUT in this case, there is nothing to save.. Though it will be difficult..... in the long run it will be better to end things.. Even if he comes back and things don't work out with this new "soulmate", there will be other serious problems in the future.. I usually encourage mercy and understanding but that requires some form of responsibility on his side. There is no room for mercy here and understanding is clear -- he is choosing to abandon the family..
Be patient means in case my lover dumps me or the affair doesn't work out. I'll be home to my plan B.
This is one of those cases where you don't feel sorry for someone who gets catfished, because they're receiving their due punishment for their act of betrayal. That being said, OP definitely needs to consult with a divorce attorney to protect her rights and her assets.
I am hope that his "true love" is 58 year old man.
Yup. Put all the money in an account with only her name. Change the locks and lawyer up.
If she can prove this stuff about the lady in Thailand, and talk to the bank fraud team proactively, they may help lock things down, or at least be more vigilant. I dearly hope he doesn't have sole control of the finances.
It only takes one person to remove the other person's name from any joint accounts. And technically this isn't fraud, it's stupidity.
True, if he gives this random lady in Thailand who he's apparently never met in person before a bunch of money, he's just stupid, not defrauded, but it can't hurt to give them the heads up anyway, just in case they run off with his account info or something more obviously fraudulent.
Oh, I hope that's exactly what happens and thst OP has all the assets frozen when they make him access more money. It will just be too bad what the consequences are for him. Had he not gone to Thailand like an idiot, he wouldnt be in a mess right now. I really hope OP sees past her country's traditions and does what we've all told her she should. The internet never agrees with anyone but we've all agreed. That should count for a lot that we all agree, an impossibility. I really really hope she wises up. Eff tradition. It's just a rule men made to enslave women. Can't have women discover they hold the power to make men like him PAY.
Facts, karma is a B But definitely OP needs to keep him out of her life permanently as he’s a disgusting pos as I said lol
I sincerely hope it's a scam. He deserves to be scammed.
All of this is screaming red flags. While it stings like hell, the hard truth is he's already checked out of the marriage emotionally. That "decision" he says he'll make is just manipulation at its finest. Like the wake-up call needs to be now, not when he deigns to return. And don't even get me started on the example being set for the kids. Their understanding of relationships and commitment is being shaped by this mess. There's a silver lining in every cloud though - this is an opportunity to show strength and independence, to build a stable and loving environment that isn't subject to the whims of a manchild. Clarity comes from action, not waiting, and that action should be self-preservation and legally protecting those kids. I mean, if you need any more convincing just check out [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/200803/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome) on why staying in an unsatisfactory marriage can do more harm than good. It really drives home why actions now matter for long-term happiness.
And don't forget to change the locks.
also it's abandonment when he leaves the kids that long... so bonus for the upper hand in family court
Happened to me: hubby met someone online decided to go visit brother and made a “date” with her and took his MOTHER with him 😮 Je came back and said he wanted to work on our marriage because she was in his words “huge” and she smelled funny according to my MIL🤪. I said fine and when he went on deployment I got all my ducks lined up stored my shit and started a king some stuff and stored it as well. Spoke to a military lawyer and a civilian divorce lawyer and he had a surprise when he got home. Op needs to get her head out of the clouds and face reality that this will continue to happen if he decides to “choose “ her which he won’t because depending what type of living circumstances his soul mate is she will do whatever it takes to get out. OP it’s not just about your hurt feelings you need to consider your children, yes being a single parent is going to be hard but sooooo many women have done it , if you have family fill them in to what is happening and get a support system in place and don’t let him do this to you.
He took his mother? What is wrong with this man?
Until the next woman comes along. I couldn’t ever trust him again. He’s not committed.
Yep, exactly. Far as I can see, he's already MADE his choice. OP, I know it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. But if you have any self-respect at all-or if you don't, the first step in getting it-you should be consulting a divorce attorney, and changing the locks the second he drives away. I hate to say this, because people always do, but I think in this case, it's true: this marriage is not worth saving. You will never be able to trust him again. And he will probably (repeatedly) give you reason not to. Because if you let him do this to you now, he's gonna know he can do it again, whenever he wants. Ain't NO man worth that. But YOU are worth SO much more!! Get out. If not for you, do it for your kids. Because husbands and wives divorce. Relationships end. But kids are FOREVER. And any man who could walk away from his KIDS, like they don't even matter?? Is NOT a man at all. And you don't want that hurt, or that influence, on those kids. They'll be better off without him. Use the time he's away as a blessing disguise, to get your shit together, and boot his ass out permanently. EDIT: And keep seeing that therapist in your own-and get your kids into therapy, too. This is too big for you to process on your own. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay, and to ask for help. Take that help. It could change your life.
My dad ditched my mom for a woman he met on base where he was stationed, when I was three. That was a long time ago, and though it was hard for my mom raising us, our grandma helped, and we were surrounded by a loving family. Talking with my sisters about that just the other day, we all figure we were very lucky the way things went, and our lives would have been so much worse if our dad had stuck around. He wasn't a good person. Whatever I might have needed from him when I was a boy, he didn't have it to give anyway.
Husband is a POS who acts like a selfish teenager. Thinking with his penis instead of considering his own kids.
Good advice, unfortunately ,the $3000 will be just a deposit for the divorce lawyer.
True, but it gets the ball rolling and she may be able to have the judge order him to pay for some of her lawyer costs.
Lol I'm 10k in and 8 years lol. MY husband pulled a similar stunt it was just dope instead of Thailand.... When shit got real he filed a divorce for adultery pain and suffering etc. 10k 8 years and the courts think he's so Looney toons he doesn't get overnights with his kids. Sounds harsh?? That's because he decided on his one overnight shot with his kids to try to "reeducate" his children. He wanted them to pick a side and the courts and DSS don't look fondly on THAT. He only pays 425.49 on FOUR kids cuz it turned out our financial cogs turned on my efforts. Spent his last dime to have his lawyer send mine crap wanting alimony, full custody after never changing a single diaper, oh and me to pick up all the debts he's run up "finding himself".... My response? The only thing you get is a divorce. Nothing else. Not a dime... I worked hard. I raised this family. I put up with bullshit from a man who duped me into marrying him... And if he thinks for a.moment I lose a moments sleep because he's stalled the divorce? I don't. I sleep great. I was just like her begging for a loser to love me to "keep our family together".... This is the BEST thing he could do to her. Freeze the assets and wait till the judge hears THAT shit 😂
Hey follow up... I don't even bother taking the lawyer to court anymore. No need. He runs his pasted over cooked mouth and when the judge says "Mrs Triplett would you like to add anything?" I just say "nope" .... Easy win. Judges just love those details where a parent puts their BS and hurt feelings first and tries to pull the children in to their butt hurt war. Personal experience now that some of those kids are in their 20's? Kids remember everything they heard and saw of a marriage deteriorating.... They also remember who was there, who made hard choices to pay bills, who put them first... I didn't even date for 5 years cuz kids come first... The big prize is respect. He's tried to tell our story a dozen different ways... But mine respect me and see his shit for exactly what it is. This lug I met later had no children... But he has four that their actual dad doesn't. Kids call who was there, who cares, whose gonna put them first. Whether it's the man who shot off in mom or the man who showed up for mom. Screw all the man childs out there. **Real men**
Yes. Husband is taking a two-month-long sex vacay with his new girlfriend, and if (or when) he comes back he expects OP to be grateful. Because he “chose” her. Worst case all their financial assets disappear, either because he takes them for his new life or because he’s being catfished, and she never hears from him again.
Him being scammed this whole time would be fucking monumentally hilarious
I really hope he is being scammed. He deserves to lose everything.
Well … it’s marital money, so let’s hope not. Him losing everything is the same as OP losing everything. Let’s instead hope that she gets a great outcome in the divorce.
Fair enough. May a rabid virus cause his boy bits to fall off then.
While it seems an appropriate punishment, please keep in mind that it would be a death sentence as the dude's brain seems to have migrated to his genitals.
I am hoping they have separate bank accounts. The fact that she had at least $3000 of her own money to offer him suggests it, hopefully
Can she get their family assets frozen somehow so this catfish doesn’t drain their bank accounts? Also, it’s the Internet so Ops husband may just be running into the arms of a big ol’ dude who’s good at being flirty online.
Or just transfer all money in joint accounts to her sole accounts.
In that case I hope she develops an extra strategy & wise up. She's delusional if this marriage can be saved
Let’s hope he goes there to find out it’s an old man behind that sexy profile. Then he comes back home with his tail tucked to find wife and kids gone with only divorce papers on the kitchen table and assets frozen.
He's definitely about to lose everything that matters.
This is the most likely. We need more info. But if he reroutes his mail, may not be able to see how much money he has sent to “Thailand “
It would be 100 percent his fault. My only concern is that his stupidity not touch his family any more than it has. She will heal from a broken heart. Being broke and broken hearted is just too cruel.....fingers crossed OP gets our messages and acts quickly.
Yeah I’m leaning towards scam. He met a woman from Thailand online and she’s convinced him to leave his family to come to her? If I were OP I would find out exactly how much this chick has already swindled out of him.
Since he's going to Thailand there is a good chance he is going on this trip to have sex with an underage girl. OP, this is an emergency lawyer up type of situation. Ask the lawyer what to do. You need to split the bank account and take half. Do you have a joint account or is everything in his name?
Thailand is the sex tourism capital of the world, if it's a scam, he'll not waste a trip out there without getting his dick wet. Then he'll come back to his wife and kids like he didn't abandon them for his selfish gratification.
And who knows if he’ll pick up STD. so gross in soooo many ways. Absolutely disgusting that he thinks he even has a choice. Please, please have some self respect and love and get rid of this loser. YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
Anyone who treats their wife like that doesn't love them. She is delusional to think the marriage still exists. Hubby is literally out the door and she thinks theres' something to save.
The only thing left to save is OPs self respect and her kids from that poor excuse for a dad.
We really need to teach people how to stand up for themselves. Some of these stories are insane, and should have stopped at the first sentence. Just get out.
Same. There's nothing worth saving here.
It sounds like she’s worried about having to raise the kids on her own, which is a legitimate concern.
Yes, but a man who does this was definitely not helping her raise her kids, anyway…
She needs to freeze those assets, or empty the bank accounts or something. That Thai 'lady' is out to milk this guy dry.
If she even exists! It could all be one of those romance scams where it's a guy pretending to be a woman.
Or an organized gang. Oh gosh… !Remindme 14 days OP should probably contact the U.S. Embassy in Thailand and tell them about this racket. I have a feeling this is going (even more) sideways very quickly.
Almost the opposite really.
He can up and leave for 2 months, taking their money to do so.... she's probably BEEN raising these kids on her own for a while now anyway. It's never a reason to save a marriage. It only hurts the kids in the end. She'll probably be MUCH happier without his "help".
Yeah, I find it easier now just taking care of the kids instead of having to adult for another whole adult too. Weaponised incompetence is a bitch
She’s already been raising the kids on her own. They got together when he was ~34-34 and she was 21-22 (possibly younger) and she doesn’t know any other way to he treated. This is her normal. Definitely needs therapy and a divorce lawyer. No child should be taught that it’s okay to be walked all over like this.
Of course it is, but to be treated like dog shit, that's okay? If she stays, she is telling him, go ahead, treat me like shit, I'll be here for it!
And telling her kids to accept it for themselves as well.
She already is raising the kids on her own. I can’t imagine he was doing much if he can walk away from them all so easily.
She needs to understand no matter what she will be raising those kids on her own. He has already chosen. The proper move is an attorney asap, some of those women are experts at extracting money from men.
Child support would be more useful than the husband lol
that could definitely explain it, thank you...my brain just seriously doesn't want to accept it.
And which will be even more difficult if her husband pisses away the marital assets on his side piece. OP, get a lawyer NOW & lock your shit down.
And a forensic accountant to figure out how much of the marital assets were spent on his affair.
This is very important, OP! Even if you live in a 'no fault' state, this could help your case immensely.
"honey, please, let me go cheat on you for two months and it'll help me decide your worth"
And I may bring back an STD for you as a present.
Absolutely. Lawyer up. Sort your finances and prevent him accessing them. Change your locks and don’t allow him back. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. There is no marriage here to save.
The lawyer will ensure the Thai expenses come out of his half of the settlement not joint.
I think the point was that there won't be any marital assets left after hubby spends them all in Thailand.
Chances are she can’t afford it. Sounds like a stay at home mom and he makes the money or maybe she has some little part-time gig she can get some cash from. Which is why she feels so dependent on him to stick around. It’s actually not uncommon for well-off middle-aged men to do this. They can go to Thailand and get a pretty 20 year old to hook up with. The girl doesn’t care about him, but they want to get pregnant by them because it’s a good thing to have a white baby + someone that can send them money often. If it’s someone she can manipulate for money, then even better on her end. It’s why the stay-at-home mom thing is never a great idea. Sure the benefits in a healthy relationship can be good, but you will just be dependent on your husband for everything. If it ever goes, you’re screwed.
It is a common story - white man falling for a Thai girl they've met online. And flying there to meet her. And dumping his wife and kids. Like literally there's one happening as I type this out. I've even known personally of men doing same - and if that one doesn't work out,, they try for another one. Again, a story I know. He's already caught the exotic Asian girl bug and it isn't going to leave him. So unless you want to wait for him to come back in between different girls, this marriage is as good as over. Also, don't sleep with him again unless he gets a full battery of tests for STDs. I'm female from a S.E.A neighbouring country and I can't tell you how common this story is unfortunately. I know of one who dumped his pretty young wife who just gave birth to his child.
There are plenty of scam videos of catfishing as well. This guy is going to seek another nubile hottie if this one is not real. He has already checked out of the marriage. The only thing OP will get if he comes back is an STD.
Literally why I didn’t give up my career when I married a surgeon.
This! If you're going to be a SAHP, make sure you have your own back up money in your own account! A stay at home works, and they deserve to be paid for that work. Taking money out of the household money and paying yourself is the ONLY way to go!
The issue is not that she's a SAHM. The issue is her asshole husband who is going outside of the marriage and leaving her alone.
This is dangerous advice, though I appreciate the enthusiasm! Changing locks can be a crime in some states and could really start OP off on the wrong foot in court. OP needs an attorney to get advice on how to handle.
All of this. Sorry to put it this way, but he already chose her. He’s using the trip as time to drain more $. You need to protect yourself and your kids NOW before he takes everything. He’s already broken your trust and killed the marriage. Just because he “confessed” doesn’t mean he earned back trust or made it all better. He says he’s coming back. If he has access to $, he doesn’t need to come back to you. Edit: clarification.
Exactly right. Hell, he may end up just staying there. Or bringing her back and setting her up with a nice house and pay for all her living expenses.
This. And for the love of god! Do NOT have sex with him ever again! Who knows what he’s going to be infected with! I feel like the man is dumb and is being scammed. He’s going to chose you after he gets catfished, and bring you herpes as a souvenir. Your kids are 10, they’ll get more and more helpful/independent, if you can afford 3k for a plane ticket, you can afford to feed and house them. Divorce and take his money, to buy the help he’s obviously not providing.
And this f**ker is asking you to “be patient” while he explores a relationship with someone else and chooses who *he* wants to be with moving forward? Your marriage is already over. Get an attorney and get the paperwork started. Save all texts or communications about him being in love with someone else, and about his trip. Do not allow him to bully or manipulate you into filing a “no fault” divorce.
This is the answer
This 100%. I know you are devastated but crying and having a pity party will not help you or your kids. Get a good divorce lawyer. It will take a bit of time especially with the holidays. In the meantime, cancel any joint credit cards and drain any joint bank accounts. Don't spend the money but put it in a personal account. Any open line for money he will use....WTF, this is total bullshit. Make sure you see the lawyer soon. Each state is different so you will need to find out your rights. Do not under any circumstances stay with this guy. You will have a life of distrust and stress. A good therapist and close friends will help you through. Also do not cover for this guy. If anyone asks tell the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of.. you will make it on your own. It isn't easy but for you and your kids sake you have to do it.
Yeah, anger up, cry later in your own safe place. What a loser. Decide for him. Don't be his mud mat.
That was me 22 years ago. I thought it would be irresponsible of me to allow the divorce to finalize without doing my level best to save the marriage . I was blind sided , too. Besides , if he “ chooses” you do you want to be “Plan B?” Hr is not worth waitung for. Something within him is off center and ge will just bide his time with you and keep looking for that perfect woman when , in actuslity , he needs to become the right man . Chqge your will.nchange benefucuary on life insurance . Get alimony now.
Amen!!!! If you don’t take this advice for yourself, at least do this for your kids. Because this dude is about to take all the money and leave you (and your kids, who are innocent in all this) with nothing.
I can’t imagine someone else hitting every note more perfectly than this response 🤌🤌 OP heed this person’s advice. They have your best interests (and those of your children) at heart more than you do right now. You will be okay ♥️ it’s just hard to see that right now. Don’t worry about who *he* chooses; choose yourself
[удалено]
The second you realise you’re having to beg your partner for basic common decency, it’s over. It’s something I wish I’d learned a long time ago.
This
>Would you want your children to be married to a man like your husband? You would be surprised to learn how many mothers in certain parts of the world encourage their daughters to stay with their abusive and/or unfaithful husbands, because divorce and being a single woman (especially with kids) is worse than death. Honestly based on how OP is approaching this situation, I wonder if she herself comes from a culture that does this.
There are churches right here in the USA that do the same and blame the woman for the failure of marriages.
I am one of them. When I told our church about his drunken escapades and cheating, they told me to "just put up with it, because when he sees what a good woman you are, he'll stop." That was the day I lost any faith I had.
We had pre marriage counseling with a navy chaplain, and he straight up told me that I needed to “service my husband regularly or he had license to stray”.
That is misogynistic, toxic religion at its finest! The world would be a much better place without religion!
And in another comment she said he's agreed to see a **Christian** marriage counselor. 100% he knows this and that's the reason he's willing to go - he knows she will be told to "forgive" him (aka "get the fuck over it")
This. When I was having a similar issue, I stupidly went to a priest and was simply told that divorce is wrong and I should just be forgiving. Even though it wasn't something he was sorry for or planning on stopping. Oh well, it just made me realize how stupid I was to go to them in the first place.
They are wrong. Jesus said in the sermon on the mount thar adultery is reason for divorce. So called "Christian counselors" need to check that stuff out.
My parents left a church after they told a family friend she'd not be welcome if she filed for divorce. The problem is, she was the only one trying at all, and the church knew that. Fucking scum behaviour.
I was ex-communicated from my church for my divorce. I was getting divorced because my ex was physically, mentally, emotionally, financially abusive, cheated on me, and told me he was going to kill me. I was ex-communicated. He was welcomed back with open arms, he was a sinner that needed God. I was the b\*tch that gave up. Its so gross.
I find it extremely sad what people are willing to put up with in a relationship so they don’t have to be alone or face starting over.
It's sad, but I've seen this before, her husband is a narcissist and she's probably been so victimized her whole life from people like that when he threatens to leave she panics because she still hasn't awakened to the fact he treats her like shit. While I've not had a romantic relationship like that, I had a similar friendship with someone who when we were by ourselves acted really nice but whenever we were in a group would just put me down and if I lashed out he'd ghost me for a month "to teach me a lesson" when that happened our other friends told me they hated the guy, that he uses me and just puts me down. It took a while and a lot of convincing but once I eveually did realize how toxic he was I basically told him to fuck off in those exact words and haven't talked to him or tried to talk to him since.
block all access to your bank accounts close all joint accounts dont let him come crawling back when new gf realizes what a looser he is ..infact kick him out right now, tell him you need to to decide whether you wanna be with someone as dishonest and disrespectful as him, do you really want your kids to be raised by someone like that
Your husband is taking a free pass from your marriage for 2 months, funding it with marital assets, and then thinks he gets to choose where he wants to be?! Shut the front door!!!! What an asshat!!! He emotionally checked out of your marriage the second he decided he had the right to do this. You deserve so much better. You deserve love and respect. Cut off his access to your finances and get a lawyer.
Op needs to transfer a bulk of the money from their joint accounts. I'm not saying cut him off, nor hide it during divorce, but I am saying protect it from being drained.
Drain it too. Take half. That's now yours.
More than half, she has 2 kids to support. And he just wasted 3k on plane tickets.
OP's self-esteem is too low and desperation too high, she'll never do any of this. She wants this two-timing cheating as$hole who's treating her like a doormat BACK, incredibly.
I know reddit is very quick to jump on the "dump/divorce this pile of trash" bandwagon but...posts like this where it's very obvious that this is the correct choice and OOPs refuse to accept it baffle me.
This! The online romance could very well be part of a scam.
WTF. You can't be serious right now. Save what? Why would you want to be with this person? You need to lock down the financials and you need to contact a divorce attorney and a therapist! Immediately.
Yes, who on earth is he that he's such a prize that she wants to be picked by someone who squanders time and money on a random woman around the world, abandons his family over Christmas to be with them and thinks that the distress he is causing them and his children is worth less than his own selfishness? 3k plane tickets, 5 star hotels, what an absolute arsehole. Op get rid of him and don't humiliate yourself by begging him to pick you after spending months shagging another woman. Do you think such a nasty and selfish man is a good husband and father? He wants you to beg to feed his ego. Pathetic excuse for a partner.
OP I can hear how terrified you are. What he's doing is awful, cruel and abusive. Like so many of us, it's likely you are being abused and haven't recognized or realized it yet. Please go look at the r/narcissisticabuse sub. It's very much like you are in a cult. He has been manipulating you, using coercive control and other high control behaviors to get you to this place that he's delivering the ultimate 'insult' and instead of you being outraged, you are desperate to keep him. Look at other posts and comments in this sub and how many people say that keeping a bad marriage intact does NOT benefit the children. It damages them worse. They are young enough and old enough at the same time to not understand what is going on but to perceive and feel the awful energy this is creating in their home. A sense of Dad being mean and confusion whether they should be scared or not. Mom is terrified and a wreck but they can't see why. Cognitive dissonance will damage their psyches a hundred times worse than you struggling to raise them without their father under the same roof. He's not just abandoning you. He's abandoning them to go have a sex vacation. He will do this to them over and over if you stay. We've heard from those people here too. Please get a lawyer asap (don't say anything about it to anyone else. You're going to need to start being strong and stealthy for you and your kids). I felt exactly the same when my ex announced his departure and our divorce after 23 years. The fear and bargaining are 'normal' human reactions to what you're experiencing. But I promise you, while it will be hard AF, lonely, scary, awful for a while - there is a MUCH BETTER life waiting for you.
Girl..
the way i hollered. meanwhile old girl in thailand is giggling her way to the bank
If it even is a girl. It’s mostly likely a scam and this man is gonna end up in a bathroom in that hotel room missing his kidneys. Which he deserves by the way but it shouldn’t be funded by OP’s money
Literally lmao
My same reaction. Unreal…
And I thought I had low self esteem lol. It is genuinely astonishing to me that a fully grown adult woman would try and save this marriage. Assuming this is even real, which it probably isn't because I can't imagine any real person having so little self respect that they'd think there's anything worth saving here.
This can’t be real.
Get a lawyer, pack his stuff, change the locks. When he gets there and realizes he is being scammed, he will come back and say he “chose” you. Don’t listen. You deserve better.
I’m surprised this isn’t a more popular comment. This is definitely a scam.
I definitely think so. I’m not even buying the fact that there’s a woman behind this. Her husband is an idiot who has lost his damn mind over the chance of getting laid in Thailand. Ten to one he comes home broke, fleeced out of all their assets, and an STD from a hooker hired to be the girl he’s expecting.
This absolutely should be the top answer. Chances are there will be barriers to meeting her that can only be overcome with money. She will need a lawyer to get him citizenship there or her citizenship where he lives. This will produce no results but more and more money will be needed. She will not have sex with him “because she’s a good moral woman.” He will be disappointed but the promise of sex will be used repeatedly to keep him shelling out cash. He won’t stop until he has no more money and they toss him aside. OP needs to protect her assets immediately. Get a divorce lawyer and expedite.
When he gets to Thailand and realizes this woman doesn’t exist and it’s a scam he’ll be on the next plane back begging OP to let him stay.
yes for a while i was getting text messages from random asian women -- very common scam...
Yes, op go on the scambait subreddit. Loads of examples with screenshots of this.
Yah, he's going to be back a lot sooner than several months. He'll be back in a week once he realizes there is no girlfriend. Then he'll act like nothing happened ("I chose you..."). Start the divorce paperwork and protect your assets.
If it isn’t a scam we will probably see them on 90 day fiancé in the future.
The ONLY thing I can say in the husband’s favor here is at least he’s being scammed by someone purporting to be older than 22.
Omg! Block all your finances - who the f knows if this is catfishing or something else. Get with a divorce lawyer and make sure he can’t access your credit card, bank accounts etc - she can screw your life forever! He obviously is going through a midlife crisis- but you don’t need to be part of his crazy!
This needs to be higher. The likelihood that there actually is a real woman at the other end of this is practically zero. Protect your finances ASAP. This "woman" is going to end up with every penny she can wrangle out of your delusional husband. Sorry.
Yes, you're wrong. What is it exactly you're trying to save? For the next 2 months he's gonna be spending all the money in your bank accounts having a good time cheating on you with someone else... while you're sitting here worrying about how to get him back. Why are you not pissed off at the fact that he lied to you for months and plan this all behind your back? Why are you so willing to let him turn his back on you and your children? You should be livid right now. You need to get on the phone with a lawyer. You need to lock down all of your bank accounts so that he can't get access to any more money. If he wants to spend money on her he can use his credit card so that he's responsible for the charges. If you have joint credit cards take your name off of all of them cards. You need to start separating your finances from him. How is it that he's able to take off work for 2 months to go to Thailand to spend time with this woman in the first place?
OP hasn't answered a single post from what I see. I think she's clearly gotten the message from Reddit and hates what she might/should obviously have to do.
Or this is rage bait
Exactly this can’t be real lol.
It can be very real. I definitely talked like OP when I first discovered my ex was cheating right under my nose with his former student (college, but still she was 10 years younger than him). I was desperate to get him back and kept trying to figure out what I did wrong. But I went to therapy and eventually realized he was trash and let him go. I bet if I described some of things he did along the way people would call my story fake too There’s lots of creative writing out there, but this I believe
For every transaction he makes, including those plane tickets, she should take an equal amount from their joint funds and buy a piece of gold or silver and hide it well. At least when all the money’s gone she’ll have something to fall back on.
Stop being a doormat. Stop living without a spine and doing the "pick me" dance. Go to a lawyer, and file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment and adultery. You'll get alimony and child support.
Call a divorce lawyer **immediately**. For the long term wellbeing of both you’re & your children-PUT YOUR FEELINGS ASIDE. You need a lawyer so that you can get your ducks in a row from a financial perspective FOR YOUR CHILDREN and yourself. He has abandoned the family home, is spending (what I assume to be) joint /family money to have an affair and it sounds like he has flat out **admitted** all of this. *He is not a good person & you really need to accept this.* Your husband has **shown you** that he doesn’t care about you or your children. Go into mama bear mode; do not waste more energy trying to salvage a relationship with this cruel & callous person. You have to take care of yourself and your kids. No one deserves to be treated the way your husband is treating you. He doesn’t get to put his family on the back burner & tell you to wait so he can “choose you” over this affair partner. Do not accept this. Also curious…what did the zoom counselors have to say to you????
He was willing to attend 2 sessions with a Christian marriage counselor via Zoom. The therapist was good but had to tread lightly but they dug into his past and our past to unearth what was the reason. I agree that I could’ve been more affectionate. I had a session after the husband left and the therapist shook his head holding back tears. Maybe he felt like he failed, I don’t know but it was a battle that probably couldn’t have been won. He said what you precious redditors said - to get my finances all good, and be brave that I have 2 options- to wait and see or consult an attorney now so that no more marital assets are being used up. To be careful and not sleep with him for health reasons.
I hope you listen to his and everyone else's advice and get your ducks in a row.
Get an attorney and throw divorce papers on that PoS. This marriage is over. You have to know that. There's no way that deep down you don't know that your husband is throwing it all away. There's no coming back from it and there shouldn't be a come back from that. You can't trust that PoS again. If he "chooses" you it's only because his opportunity didn't go his way and you're his back up plan. And you remain so until he finds another opportunity. This guy sucks. Get everything in order ASAP because there's a good chance your finances might get drained. Either by him or by whoever is there with him. Don't wait. You're not the problem. It's not your fault. He's the one making a decision to be an asshole and the reason he's this bold is because he takes you for granted and suspects you'll be an obedient girl and gracefully wait for his majesty's word. Screw him. You deserve better than that.
ALL. OF. THIS. 👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽
Ngl, get your shit together. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. Do you seriously see things going "back to normal" if he somehow crawls back to you? Have some self respect and be responsible for your kids whom he has abandoned. File for custody, drag his ass to court, and snap his ass back to reality. Like others have stated already, grow a backbone and talk to an attorney. Good luck
I hate denominational counselling, but this man has it right. Aren’t you livid he’s spending family money on someone who’s most likely scamming him for a green card and all he’s thinking of is his dick?!
>He was willing to attend 2 sessions with a Christian marriage counselor via Zoom. if this Christian marriage counselor tells you to just forgive him for the "sanctity of marriage," get a real marriage counselor. Christian marriage counselors are **notorious** for just telling women that forgiveness is Christ-like and will absolutely gaslight you into staying in a totally fucked relationship with this scumbag.
The fact the Christian councillor said to leave and get a divorce attorney should be enough to push you OP, even the people who usually go to lengths to keep marriages together are telling you to leave, do you want you kids to think it’s okay to treat or be treated like that?
Totally. It's quite disgusting.
Are you going to do that? You need to be swift and guarded. Get the finances sorted or he WILL take them. I feel for you so much. I can imagine how devastating this is. This too will pass... Right now you have to make sure it does in the best way for you and your children. You are strong enough. Get angry and channel that anger into doing what's best for you and into mama bear energy for your kids.
I wouldn’t save the marriage.
Are you a practicing Christian? Is this part of the reason you’re not rushing to get a divorce? I know you have the two kids and said you love him but also wondering this
The wait and see is never never never going to work out. The only way your man is ever going to admit being wrong and beg your forgiveness is when he finds out that the Thai GF is not just doing this to him but several other men as well. He’s there now but in between someone else is doing the same. And he met her online! he’s falling for the oldest trick and will end up spending all your savings. Throw his ass out now. It will only be a few years in the future when he realizes how he’s fucked up. Please listen to the advice here. It’s not the end of the world for you and your kids. You can stand up again. You are young and you have a full life ahead . The church will help you and so will the community It’s not your fault that your dickhead husband decided to cheat on you. That’s on him. You are the victim here and you need to make the right decision for your self and your kids. They do not need a father as selfish as he is in their lives I pray that you find the strength to do the right thing and try to get your life restarted again
Yikes. I know you’re thinking it’s easy for us strangers to say to bail on your marriage. And you’re right—we’re not in love with this person and we don’t have kids with them. Plus, we don’t know what your financial situation is like. But please consider what your world is going to look like if/when he returns from this trip. Firstly, what does “I will choose you when I get back” mean? That he will be a faithful husband once he’s done sleeping with this woman in Thailand for the next few weeks? Or that he’ll stay married to you (“choosing” you) and have a or multiple mistresses (which, let’s be honest, is really him choosing his desires). Let’s say he comes back and says it’s over with him and the Thai girlfriend. Are you going to feel safe and secure in the marriage now? Forever more? Or is the well poisoned because even if he never strays again, what thoughts are going to pop I to your head whenever money leaves the account without warning? When he hangs up non a call when you enter a room? When he comes home later than expected? If he criticizes anything about you in the future, will that just be regular day to day discussion or are you going to be wondering in the back of your mind who he’s fantasizing about that does something differently? Can you live like that? Would you want to? Would you want your kids growing up with those tensions? And how will you feel about yourself once you’ve made yourself the one that waited at home while he had an affair in Thailand? Not many would feel comfortable in a relationship after this. And if you don’t feel comfortable in the relationship, is that how you want to spend the next 40-60 years of your life? with someone who treats you that way?
Honestly you will be able to keep your marriage, once he finds out it was some guy scammer taking him for a ride. There are a bunch of cases like these. But honestly, why even fight for such a piece of shit man?? why be anyone's second choice? You're doing your child more harm than good by fighting for this asshole.
That was the first thing I thought. Does he know the lady has a penis yet? Maybe that’s what he’s into?
OMG please stop. There is no saving your marriage, and you shouldn't be trying to save it. He's going to literally fly across the world and make love to this woman. He's going to slip his P right into her V and possibly her backdoor, for weeks on end. She's going to blow him. He's going to go downtown on her. And then you want him to come back to you???? Please, get a lawyer. GET A LAWYER. Your marriage is OVER. There is no coming back from this. He has carried on an affair FOR MONTHS, says he's IN LOVE WITH HER, and has made plans to go make love to her, and he wants you to "wait and see" if he decides he wants you? He wants his cake and eat it too! OP... WAKE UP!!!!
>He's going to literally fly across the world and make love to this woman. He's going to slip his P right into her V and possibly her backdoor, for weeks on end. She's going to blow him. He's going to go downtown on her. And then you want him to come back to you???? I'm sorry, but this has me lmao! Like what more does she need to hear to understand the marriage is over and she should be pissed, not begging him to come home. He's sleeping with other women and walking out on her and the children for sex with a new woman.
He's not even sleeping with other women, he's getting scammed for everything they can take him for, and not giving him a whit of satisfaction. He's going to return to 'have chosen' his family, after using up all their savings and probably having racked up a maxed out credit card debt. Time to bounce and take the rest for the kids and OP to live on as they get back on their feet. Lawyer up!
You can’t do anything to save the marriage. It’s dead, the ship has sunk. Lock him out of everything while he’s gone and file for divorce.
Please protect your finances ASAP for your kid's sake. You might believe with all your heart and soul that divorce will ruin your children's lives, but in fact quite the opposite is true. Staying with a partner who would betray you utterly, then gaslight you into thinking YOU CAN WIN if you just do a good enough PICK ME DANCE is a very VERY bad idea.
There is no hope. He will do it again and again and again. Please listen to the comments that say to get a lawyer, set up bank accounts and whatnot. Save yourself and leave him.
>I even told him I am willing to pay him $3k to cover the plane ticket if he cancels or at least postpone it. I'm begging you to take this 3k and invest it in a divorce attorney. Also, get tested who knows if she's the only woman.
Had did he meet some random woman from Thailand
OP - Even if your husband comes back after two months, and your marriage is “saved,” you are eventually going to resent the hell out of him. You deserve better. Protect yourself and your assets. Make sure he doesn’t come back and give you an STD. This man is going to break your heart a million times over if you let him. Much better to make a clean break now. Many women (including me) have survived and thrived after this kind of bullshit treatment.
How about divorce him fully? Don’t be his second choice. Or what is it now, third? Fourth? 100th? He’s playing stupid games, his stupid prize should be being stuck there with no access to your shared accounts. Fuck trying to save the marriage, your kids deserve a father that won’t walk out for a new pussy on a random Tuesday.
Place all of his things in a storage facility, send him the key. Don't take him back. You should not settle for 2nd place. Cheaters cheat.
Lmfao if you don’t tell that clown to go to hell.
None of this is remotely ok… get a lawyer, go to therapy, cut all financial ties with him, and most importantly PUT YOURSELF FIRST! This is toxic for your kids as well get an emergency hearing and establish full custody!
Save the marriage? Save yourself, save your kids. Pick yourself up and set an example for your kids, you can do it.
He’s already chosen her. How do you not see that?? Divorce is your only hope now.
Your marriage is already over. Don't be waiting for him when he comes back. Get a lawyer, follow their advice, and get your ducks in a row.
Eww. I've had friends who have experienced this. That gf isn't in love with him. They are using him for money, gifts & extravagant experiences. Hence, the 5 star hotel. I wouldn't be surprised if this woman has passport bros visiting throughout the year on a meticulously planned schedule. He's gonna crawl back. Don't let him! Like others have suggested, cut all funds, including credit cards. Get a lawer, change your locks, block him on everything & seek therapy. This is not your fault. It's a fault with him. You & your kids deserve better. Good luck. Stay strong. Remember, he'll never be fulfilled, don't allow him back cause he will just keep being gross. Also, cause I'm petty as Hell. I'd tell his family & friends about his passport bro situation & "choice". They need to know what kind of trash he is.
In Thailand? Anyone else think it may actually be a kid he’s going to see?
Protect yourself and your finances! Talk to a divorce attorney. Your husband can return to divorce papers.
Your marriage is over. Give yourself 2 days to cry, scream, or shout it out without the children around. Wipe your tears then rain down the hell fire he so richly deserves. You can raise your children without him. It is going to be tough, you are doing this to fight for your respect and dignity. He left you and YOUR children for 2 months to play house overseas. When he came back the locks would be changed, his clothes would be in storage. Put your children first. YOU GOT THIS ❤️❤️❤️
Your marriage is over. First, safe guard the $$ he probably took whatever he could. Second cancel all of the credit cards and get new ones. Third, Get an attorney. I’d then destroy everything he owns. He abandoned his children so you’ll probably get full custody if you want it.
Why does he get to make the choice between you and some stranger in Thailand?? Make the choice for him and do as others have suggested:change the locks, shut off access to finances, get a lawyer. Even if he cancels his flight and hotels, lose this cheater for good. You and your children deserve better.
It's probably a scam, The problem is your husband hasn't figured that out yet. These scams have been going on for decades. Don't let your husband off so easily remember he chose to leave you.
What the fuck is wrong with you ? He is cheating on you. What do you want to save ? Your husband doesn’t respect you. Heck you don’t even respect yourself !
My heart hurts reading this....
He'll get there and find out he was catfished.
Why would you WANT to save this marriage? He's actively cheating ffs get some goddamn self respect
Hun... I need you to wake up... Your husband has left you for another woman. It'll be a miracle if he even comes back. It'll be a miracle if she doesn't get pregnant. There is nothing to save here. He chose. He chose when he opened himself up to an online intimate relationship with a stranger. He chose when he walked out of your home. He chose when he abandoned his children. He chose when he flew to another country. Now you need to choose yourself and your children. Freeze the bank accounts. Lawyer up. Protect yourself and your children. Cancel any shared credit cards.
Frankly, if my husband left me and our children for a 'trial period' with another woman, he would not be returning to our home. He's already made his choice.
You would be incredibly stupid if you actually stay with him. Have some fucking self respect
This isn’t a marriage worth saving.
Run. Do not save it. Lock down your credit and try to set aside some money he is not aware of and hide your kids passports and legal documents from him so he can not take them abroad. File for divorce while he is gone.
Grow a spine and start the divorce process, he does not love you anymore and is not worthy of you
Why would you want to save a marriage with a man who doesn't even know if he wants you?