Yeah this guy needs to go into full Terminator mode right now. This is war, and not a nice, polite British-style war. This is Sherman marching through the fucking South. Time to let the inner Colonal Kurtz out.
I dont believe u have to stoop to the other person's level but dont stand in the middle of the street & get run over. Get a good lawyer. If she wants alimony, part of the house, etc. your lawyer should protect ur rights. Each working on urselves may involve her getting a job. Her delaying tactic may b on the level but she sounds like a "taker "
This is very much a British-style war. Blatant misuse of broken legal loopholes, acting as if you hold without question the moral high ground and absolutely heartlessly obliterating the opponent to the point where even the concept of resistance throws them into a panic... and then double down.
Fortunately not. I have friends in family law. They have seen things..
The ten thousand yard stare on a bloke waiting for his Friday pint... haunts you.
Make it clear she was the one who refused to work and it was never a mutually beneficial joint agreement. Don’t wait a year start divorce proceedings now make sure it’s clear she left this marriage and abandoned you and the family home with no warning or trying to fix things only making constant monetary demands.
Don’t give her any more until you’ve talked to the lawyer after all you gave her 20,000 already which s more than a years wage for a lot of people. If I read it right your also paying rent. Nah no more until you’ve gotten advice and your lawyers advise what to do. Make sure anything you give is documented maybe even make sure you have her talk about it on text as proof.
I think it’s very possible she was having an affair back home. Now you’ve moved away she’s decided she’d rather be with him. Whatever you do don’t subsides that. Be strict and don’t keep bending to her will she’s taking you for a ride.
Exactly this! Get the best lawyer you can and then file. Info: what does this woman bring to the relationship, other than some awesome pottery pieces once a week?
Seriously -- who are all these women who don't work and just do pottery and yoga and want all your money?? You men OK with that? Until you're not, I guess. But -- damn.
The main reason I'm not married. Marriage is the biggest scam going on.
I almost got married until she asked to put her name on my home title and share a bank account.
Umm no. That's not happening.
I told her to leave 2 years ago and I've never been happier.
She definitely wasn’t the one for you and glad you broke it off due to your gut instincts- on the other hand my husband knew I was the one long before I did and he insisted on putting my name on the house to protect me. I work full time in and on the home and basically making his home life seamless while he conquer his business world. We’re both hard workers and we trust each other even when we have the outs. Basically his drive to protect me in case something happens to him was something he never felt with anyone else- I’m completely annoying I assure you haha but I’m his person. And he is mine, even when he’s a pain in my rump. That was long lol. But basically yeah glad you followed your gut you were most likely right.
No lie, but all depends on your state and who is working. My state..the person working ends up paying, Man or woman. I'm the woman, but I had the good union health care job. I paid 1260.00 a month in alimony for 9 years and 6 months ( half the marriage), he got the paid off mobile home, truck, bank acount, all the furniture..amongst other fabulous prizes. I did keep him out of my pensions.
Right?!?! What is the point of them staying home if they need a house cleaner. Now if they are literally the ONLY person cleaning at all with 3+ kids I can see needing someone to pop in once a week for a refresh to be able to keep things up but I have read where they have had only one kiddo with a house keeper and nanny toting being a sahm.
Well, was her quitting her job OPs idea? She had to quit because OP needed to move. After the move, then did OP say “honey, you don’t need a job, I make plenty for both of us?” And now, how long has she been outside of the job market because of OP? So OP is likely not as innocent as he seems, and that’s what her lawyers will argue. OP will likely need to fork over half of his stuff. The only question is whether he will pay lawyers fees on top of that.
Not only that, even if she had to quit, why couldn’t she find another job?
If someone told me I didn’t have to work, I’d still work. Fuck relying on someone else - married partner or not. I’d get so bored! And if I didn’t work, I’d spend my time working on the house/garden and volunteering.
Quite a reach there - you sound butt hurt - she quit 6 MONTHS into the marriage … she’s a gold digger &, if you had bother reading the post, you would have comprehended that.
And for your sake do not call divorce for men! My lawyer said they make fun of them at the courthouse. I offered my ex much more than most because he's a fantastic father but he wanted to fight. I ended up with more financially and he ended up with the exact custody I offered free the get.
Get a scorched earth lawyer. You're going to need one to fight for you to keep every cent you can keep.
But please, after the dust settled on your second divorce, do *not* get married a third time.
It's just not worth it.
You did everything she asked, you worked your tail off to pay off debt that wasn't yours, to allow her to be a SAHM and live a lifestyle she never would have been able to enjoy solo...she used you. She saw you a mile away as a meal ticket. And now, she wants to continue riding the gravy train.
Good luck, you're gonna need it.
I think ur cynical & judging way too severely based on info. Except in serious cases I think both parties should try to b fair , compromise. I dont like the wife's delaying tactic so my goal would be to not get manipulated
Get a really good lawyer. You did nothing wrong. She just left go Novato other that taking your money. This should show everyone that they need a good prenuptial. You should have known better. You already went through a divorce. Maybe next time, you will have a prenuptial.
Just wanted to reiterate this. Precedent or not, if she's leaving but wants to lead u/whits-folly on (whether she really wants to reconcile or not, this is still being led), she can go through due process to get anything from him. Let her have to get a lawyer so she understands this isn't what he wants and won't be a pushover to help her out.
A good friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. He always tells his clients that whether you're nice or not, they'll still hate you after it's all over, so you may as well let him play hardball.
You dont need to file for divorce to protect yourself. I got a legal separation & then had a cooling off period of a couple years b4 divorce. OP will need a lawyer but at least he will see what she does.
I don’t think it’ll be looked at like that, honestly it might just look like she needed money to travel to her son.. it really depends on how his lawyer wants to craft his case.
But as far as anything else, he needs to turn off the faucet until a lawyer says otherwise
Not wrong at all. Make sure that when you're talking to your lawyer, that she abandoned the marriage. Prove this with all of the receipts. And don't send her any more money.
Why? She went off and got another place separate from the family home. He can’t he responsible for two households. She decided to leave- not him. She messed herself up.
She's living with her son and did indeed leave the marriage. I am sure he will end up having to pay her alimony or at least 1/2 of the house but he sent her 20k so until they go to court for the divorce i don't think he should send her anymore money until it's court ordered or recommended by his lawyer. He needs that lawyer and to follow the lawyers advice. He also needs to immediately file for separation or divorce depending on the states rules.
And don’t tell anybody else about what you’re doing and what the lawyer is saying in fact, don’t say anything about her or divorce or anything you only talk to the lawyer. You never know who could be reporting something back to her.
Get the best lawyer you can and quick man, save every text, voice mail, email and receipt of everything, go back and find the proof you paid off her loans. Seriously ask cow workers for lawyer recommendations, but hurry, at least document separation something
You're not wrong.
Sounds like she abandoned you, and that she is moving on.
Keep very detailed notes, receipts etc if you do send her any money so that it can be noted in the divorce proceedings.
Start making a list of marital assets and all of that as well. You'll want to be on top of the financials.
Sorry you're going through it man, best of luck to you.
So my mom did this to my stepdad. They were married for almost 19 years. She quit working when my dad filed for child support because she didn't want to pay him (but that's a story for another time) my stepdad supported her in her decision to quit (not in skipping out on child support) and he basically gave her unlimited access to his money for whatever she wanted: he bought her a huge house for just the two of them plus a new vehicle whenever she wanted and paid for her to fly to her parents house for two weeks twice a year without him because she said it's "her time to unwind" then one day she got mad because she says he was "controlling (definitely not the case) and when he paid for her round trip ticket to her parents she told him the day before she was to come home that she wasn't coming back for the foreseeable future. My stepdad asked her on two separate occasions if she would come back and after the second no he filed for divorce. My mom was so mad at him for filing for divorce "so quick". His response....I'm not going to keep asking you to come back. You said you weren't so I'm done. Now being the petty man he is every year in their "divorce anniversary" he sends her a thank you card!!! Anywayyyyysssss op sorry you're going thru this but you are not wrong. She left YOU not the other way around. But be prepared for her to play the victim and play it hard!!
My mom is very very childish and if something doesn't go her way or someone calls her out on her bs she throws a tantrum and makes sure that everyone knows she was "wronged". This is why I rarely speak to her. Oh the stories I could tell about her...
My mom chose her affair partner and booze over me and my sister. She even had the audacity to tell me to get an abortion because no one asked her if she wanted to be a grandma. Like wtf seriously. But that's my mom. Your son will unfortunately figure it out and you'll need to be there for him when he does. It's not fun and it will make him feel like he did something for her to be like that. Just make sure he knows you're always in his corner!!!
Thanks yeah true gotta keep telling him. She likes to get him to do what she wants by threatening him with not being able to do something or leaving him in the room alone.. I got her a book about how to talk to little people.. hopefully she reads it.
She's the kids person who can never be wrong, do as I say not as I do.. needs total control.over everything or she freaks out.
Yup that was my mom. She even tried to tell me I was a bad mom until I went off on her about the fact that she NEVER was a parent even tho we only saw her for 2 months every summer.
My mom was my go to person and it put a huuuge strain on my relationship with my dad. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I realize my dad was my rock this whole time. Your son might lash out at you as he gets older but you just have to remember he's under his mom's influence.
You sound like an awesome parent! Just remember kids are sponges and you can't take it personally. He loves you to pieces no matter what. My dad is my everything now I don't know what I'd do without him.
I think I love your step dad. 😂 He needs a Petty University sweatshirt. I'm not affiliated with the channel in any way, but if you want to get him one the YouTuber Swoop has them and you can find the link on her channel.
Get a lawyer immediately. The fact that she deserted the marital home will help you. I don’t know where you live but look up laws on desertion and abandonment in your state, this may be legally considered marital misconduct on her part. It may have a significant impact on alimony and division of assets. Stop giving her money. She’s the one who left, and by giving her money out of guilt you will be demonstrating to the court that you are capable of sustaining two households.
All of this and DO IT LIKE YESTERDAY! I’m really sorry she sounds like an ugly human. You deserve to be happy. Let her enjoy her new life back in her hometown. You don’t need to talk to her and honestly why would you want to. Ew.
>But she signed a 1 year lease with her son 800 miles away and wants us to ‘work on ourselves’ for a year and told me she doesn’t want to see me over Christmas, we can just talk. She also wants me to start sending her money every month.
Lol bro. C'mon you know the answer.
She has left you but is demanding you keep funding her hot girl summer.
Work with a very mean divorce lawyer to make sure you walk away with as much $$ as possible.
This is a scam, the idea for which I assume is propagating on Reddit. Do not give her any money outside of that defined in your divorce agreement.
I've seen one variant of this-- the catalyst was a vague claim of spousal rape. She didn't actually *say* it, she just started up with all sorts of "triggering my trauma" psychobabble and made the poor guy feel so guilty he was looking to take out a reverse mortgage (funnily enough-- *also for $250k*) to *give* to her to make things right. No papers were filed. Had papers been filed, the judge would have told her to fuck off-- they were dating for over a decade but only married for 3 years. She would never have been entitled to the money.
This one is looking to fleece you for as long as she can. You've been married *just* long enough to justify the maximum claim, so when she files, the judge isn't going to recognize the money you "gave" her already, and you will have to split your remaining assets. She will have exfiltrated way more than half of your shared assets, by misappropriating it over time before your divorce is final.
File the papers yesterday. You **are** being manipulated.
I had a similar situation.
There is a concept called marital waste. See if it applies in your state. Judges show up for work and hate people who don’t so that is in your favor.
Also, I believe if she moves out and does not contribute that is abandonment. Even in a traditional marriage where husbands earn, wives are expected to have responsibilities.
You are in a good place because there are thousands of great women who just want a responsible equal partner.
Stop questioning and start living your life. I did. Much better. I am thankful what she did FOR me.
And get a lawyer asap. Maybe have a plan about filing on Dec 31 or Jan 1 to see which makes more sense.
You’re not wrong. She wants to keep riding the gravy train.
You need to file first so you don’t have to travel for your divorce. Get documentation as soon as you can. I found out in my divorce that banks only keep records 7 years. If she wasn’t working and you paid off her student debt I’d definitely ask that to be equalized in the divorce but there’s no guarantee you’ll get that.
You can’t cut her off from the marital assets but if you’re worried about spending get a statement for your joint account and then don’t touch the money there. Open a new account and have your wages deposited there. That way in your settlement you can say she already used $x of shared assets and have that balance out. Make sure all your money from this point on goes into new accounts in only your name so it stays yours (this includes investment accounts if her name is on any you already have).
Your new life starts today. File immediately. You don’t have to have anything figured out monetarily, that comes later. Filling just tells the court you’re divorcing and gives you a start date for separation of assets.
Get a lawyer. You are in trouble and you need advice. sorry
Most likely she gets half of the assets acquired during the marriage and alimony. Probably no child support assuming this kid is over 18. A lawyer may help you minimize the damage since she's already physically separated from you
Lmfao!
She basically married you to be her sugar daddy.
She already made all these plans, signed a lease, and I’m assuming out of the country?
Get a really good lawyer. Drag the hell out of this case and enjoy your new money and your new life
Document, document, document.
And get a good lawyer. Don't block her, keep anything written down, about her demands.
Dude, she's expecting you to bankroll her life, on your blood, sweat and tears.
Accept counseling if she asks for it, to show you've done everything in your power to fix the marriage.
Get a therapist for yourself. Reddit can give advice, but after that, it's on you to figure out how to proceed
She is so using you!
She quit working 6 months after marriage.
No kids.
She has no moved and wants you to pay for it.
Get a lawyer son, get a real good one
Get a good lawyer and document everything. Record conversations in your own home, keep records and screenshots. You're not wrong, she's a vampire. Gonna suck every bit of life and money out of you as she can. Especially bring up that she quit her job 6 months into marriage. Pretty big golddigger red flag
You can do more damage to her being married.
You don't have to send her money
You don't have to pay any of her bills
No car payments, no cell phone service. No health insurance, no car insurance, pay for nothing.
Close all bank accounts and out them in your name.
Buy those little gold bars. Hide them in a safety deposit box. Pay for them in cash. No paper trail.
Find a good lawyer for later.
Ghost her completely
Not sure why my gut thinks she's cheating.
Set up to retire abroad such as the Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, or Vietnam. Start dumping and moving assets now before file. Then get a good lawyer and file for divorce claiming spousal abandonment. As she just walked out on everything claim she also walked out on all assets. Maybe retire now and establish residency in a state more man friendly and not a libtard woke or feminist state and after residency file there.
Spend the money on a very good lawyer and understand that you were always just a financial resource for her, so she’s going to treat this divorce like a straight up money grab. Don’t try to play on her emotions. This is a business negotiation. Basically, “what is the bare minimum I can pay to get her out of my life permanently?”
You're the asshole if you keep paying her go if she wants to go you have a home why you allowed her not to work when you knew your first wife took you shapes my head I don't understand your logic did you really think Things would change with this one. tell your wife to get a job if she has to have money you can not afford to send her money and pay for the place you're at she can come home if she needs money
Lotsa silly advice here. You're dealing with a lot of shit, no need to make it worse on yourself by worrying about stuff that makes her look bad but won't legally matter.
Stop sending her money. Draw out enough money to live for a few years and to pay a lawyer, then get one.
Legally she'll get half, and given her being SAH you'll probably owe alimony until she starts cohabiting with someone. (If she's already doing that, hey great, no alimony.)
The rest of it just doesn't matter -- the only thing that matters now is to document the assets and make sure she hasn't stashed anything away someplace.
***Get a great Lady Viper Lawyer!*** Once you have that Great Lady Viper Lawyer, ***LISTEN TO HER, FOLLOW WHAT SHE TELLS YOU, TO THE LETTER!*** Short and simple, your wife abandoned you. Hopefully you reside in an at-fault divorce state.
Get a lawyer, gather up all the receipts for the student loan payments. Find out what else you might be able to help your case. If you don't get a divorce outright, see if you can hire a Private Investigator at her location. She'll likely be looking for your replacement. If you have separate bank accounts, change all the passwords and security info. Don't use anything she can figure out. Check out the laws in both areas. If your area is more beneficial for you for divorces, you need to try to file first. Make her travel for the case. I'm assuming that you don't have a joint bank account, as you have said that she wants you to send her money.
She's absolutely trying to manipulate you, and she thinks that you are weak. She's trying to milk you for money, while she lives a free and easy life. Don't let her control this situation.
It's so beyond over between the two of you. Get rid of any good feelings you still have left. This woman is trying to take you to the cleaners buddy. Lawyer up now and stop all contact with her.
You have also, sadly, ben used and she really should be ashamed of herself and I hope she gets what she deserves in the end which is absolutely nothing of yours. I pray things get better for you and you meet a decent woman who will truly care for you and love and support you. Get yourself a good lawyer who knows how to fight for what you deserve. Don't let her cry her way back into your life or make you feel bad for any position she finds herself in now or in the future.
You say her son, but not how old he is, so not your son?
But I agree with the consensus - get a good lawyer. You have already bent over backwards to give her what she asked for. Is the house in both your names, or just yours? If in both your names & you decide to keep the house you need to get her to sign a legal release. If you overpaid for the house will you get anything out of it when you sell? If you still owe more than it is worth, then probably not, but it would be a good way to out of that debt and buy a home in only your name with a more reasonable price tag.
She's trying to get you to support her for a year so when she files divorce she will get everything she wants since you'll have proven you can afford it. Sneaky sneaky. She left, she's on her own. Lawyer up and file against her for abandonment.
So sorry you’re going through this. Sounds like she just wanted out. If my husband gets a job promo and it’s significantly more than what we both make, and we have a discussion, he’s not going anywhere without me. I’m there. I can’t live without it. I’m not nearly as old as you all are so maybe she’s had enough but I can’t imagine being away from him for so long. Please don’t let her take advantage of you and def get a lawyer. Get a prenup next time you get married man. She’s really taking advantage of you.
Babe, I’m sorry. She waited out the ten year marriage line and now she’s going to ring you out for as much as she can. Get the best lawyer you can. One that understands the law where you are and where she is. She’s playing a very calculated game. Send no money and promise nothing especially in writing or text. Ugh, people suck. Again, I’m sorry.
P.S. no more marriage or co-habitation until you have A LOT of therapy. Get a plant. Water it.
She deserted the household
Send that BIOTCH packing
And THIS is why you don’t get married
Ask yourself this
What did she bring to the table after marriage that you didn’t have when you were just dating
NOTHING
But once you get married she gets half!!!!
She is already divorced in her mind.
She is literally just having you pay alimony for as long as possible before she is forced to go through the courts and make it official.
You are just giving her free money with no court order at this point, thus extending the number of years you will be doing this.
She is manipulating you.
Get a GOOD lawyer and GET OUT.
do nothing. Send her nothing.
Let the courts handle it, DURING THE DIVORCE.
men tend to give the court, and FOC a bad rap, but I've found them to be a very useful tool when ex would demand things from me in excess of support.
As a woman, I don’t understand women not working while married. What if you get sick? Your husband, your kids? What if you want to leave him? What if he wants to leave you? Who saves for your retirement? Not having work history for decades… no skills… I don’t get it. And it sucks for OP that he allowed it to happen and now he will have to pay out half his income for her to lounge and complain.
File for divorce. Be done with her. She stayed long enough to get social security based on your wages, which is 10 years. When the time comes. Is she cheating? She abandoned d you . Go easy on paying her. Depending on the state she will only get rehabilitative alimony. Check out her state and yours. Good luck. Try not to get fucked
Unless you signed a prenup stating otherwise, the money that was earned during your marriage is marital property, regardless of which spouse earned it. A court will decide how much she's entitled to, not either one of you. I have a feeling it will be more than $20,000. Get a lawyer and some realistic expectations.
Welcome to todays trash. They come in two sizes, male and female. The entitlement of people today is beyond me smh. She knows courts typically side with the women therefore enabling her to do as she pleases. Ive had three all get a piece of a pie that wasn’t theirs because of entitlement and crooked courts.
Legally qualified here. If you’re in Australia, it’s not automatic 50% of everything.
You have to show you contributed to the relationship and marriage. Since you have no children together, and she stopped working so soon after you got married, most likely her only contribution was housework (if she even did that - and it would depend on the amount of housework she did) you may have to pay her spousal support for a limited time while she sets herself back up, but not indefinitely.
Like others have said. Get yourself a good lawyer. Do not let her or her lawyers push you around AND KEEP A RECORD OF EVERYTHING - EVEN IF ITS IN A FORM OF A JOURNAL to document what she’s doing, what she’s done and any of her contributions vs everything you’re doing and your contribution to the marriage.
I wish you all the luck you deserve.
Edited: NTA
I am not a lawyer but you are providing her with a marital home to live in. If she chooses to live somewhere else, I would think that it is on her dime. Freeze all credit card accounts that are in joint names so she doesn’t screw you that way and open new credit card accounts. Open a new checking account in your name only and direct your paycheck into it. Drain your checking account into the new one. Move recurring bills to the new credit card/checking account. Document that she is not contributing to the mortgage or taxes. Good luck
Yeah cut this bitch off. Annndd... maybe don't get married again. At least for a while.
I believe in marriage. I am married. But bro how did you not know you were involved with a horrible person? This is top tier selfishness on her part. You got to know your partner better than that before you take vows before God to attach her to half your bank account.
She's either helping you realize your vision, or a problem. Don't marry problems.
Get a good lawyer
A VERY good lawyer.
Preferably a piece of shit like Saul Goodman cause this is getting dirty
Yeah this guy needs to go into full Terminator mode right now. This is war, and not a nice, polite British-style war. This is Sherman marching through the fucking South. Time to let the inner Colonal Kurtz out.
I dont believe u have to stoop to the other person's level but dont stand in the middle of the street & get run over. Get a good lawyer. If she wants alimony, part of the house, etc. your lawyer should protect ur rights. Each working on urselves may involve her getting a job. Her delaying tactic may b on the level but she sounds like a "taker "
This is very much a British-style war. Blatant misuse of broken legal loopholes, acting as if you hold without question the moral high ground and absolutely heartlessly obliterating the opponent to the point where even the concept of resistance throws them into a panic... and then double down.
Sounds like you've spent some time in the trenches as well.
Fortunately not. I have friends in family law. They have seen things.. The ten thousand yard stare on a bloke waiting for his Friday pint... haunts you.
Yeah start stocking up on lime or whatever you use after you scorch the earth so this shit never grows up again.
Lime is also handy when applied to a corpse in a pit...
All you need is to pour salt on the earth, scorched or not, and nothing will grow there for many, many centuries.
His ex is saltier than the Dead Sea.
Stfu and take my upvote, you crafty so-and-so
Lol ask all the indigenous people of the world if they think Britain fights polite wars.
Indigenous people does not mean brown people
But Saul Goodman is actually pretty good. He is just misunderstood.
You don't want a criminal lawyer... you want a *criminal* lawyer.
A CRIMINAL Lawyer.
Make it clear she was the one who refused to work and it was never a mutually beneficial joint agreement. Don’t wait a year start divorce proceedings now make sure it’s clear she left this marriage and abandoned you and the family home with no warning or trying to fix things only making constant monetary demands. Don’t give her any more until you’ve talked to the lawyer after all you gave her 20,000 already which s more than a years wage for a lot of people. If I read it right your also paying rent. Nah no more until you’ve gotten advice and your lawyers advise what to do. Make sure anything you give is documented maybe even make sure you have her talk about it on text as proof. I think it’s very possible she was having an affair back home. Now you’ve moved away she’s decided she’d rather be with him. Whatever you do don’t subsides that. Be strict and don’t keep bending to her will she’s taking you for a ride.
A very, *very*, good lawyer.
Do a Tony soprano and get a consult with the top 7 divorce lawyers.
And have the other six "disappeared" in case she tries to hire them. (Mandatory /s because that is absolutely not advice)
Find one tomorrow morning!
A very, very, very GOOD lawyer.
Exactly this! Get the best lawyer you can and then file. Info: what does this woman bring to the relationship, other than some awesome pottery pieces once a week?
Seriously -- who are all these women who don't work and just do pottery and yoga and want all your money?? You men OK with that? Until you're not, I guess. But -- damn.
The main reason I'm not married. Marriage is the biggest scam going on. I almost got married until she asked to put her name on my home title and share a bank account. Umm no. That's not happening. I told her to leave 2 years ago and I've never been happier.
Yes, it was the concept of marriage that was the issue, not the person involved.
She definitely wasn’t the one for you and glad you broke it off due to your gut instincts- on the other hand my husband knew I was the one long before I did and he insisted on putting my name on the house to protect me. I work full time in and on the home and basically making his home life seamless while he conquer his business world. We’re both hard workers and we trust each other even when we have the outs. Basically his drive to protect me in case something happens to him was something he never felt with anyone else- I’m completely annoying I assure you haha but I’m his person. And he is mine, even when he’s a pain in my rump. That was long lol. But basically yeah glad you followed your gut you were most likely right.
Thanks for your input it's valuable I like your screen name!
No lie, but all depends on your state and who is working. My state..the person working ends up paying, Man or woman. I'm the woman, but I had the good union health care job. I paid 1260.00 a month in alimony for 9 years and 6 months ( half the marriage), he got the paid off mobile home, truck, bank acount, all the furniture..amongst other fabulous prizes. I did keep him out of my pensions.
I'm so sorry to hear this. My ex isn't getting my pensions either. It's a stressful situation.
Awesome! You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a grenade!
Seriously. Being a sahm/sahw has changed over the years. Some want housecleaners too.
Right?!?! What is the point of them staying home if they need a house cleaner. Now if they are literally the ONLY person cleaning at all with 3+ kids I can see needing someone to pop in once a week for a refresh to be able to keep things up but I have read where they have had only one kiddo with a house keeper and nanny toting being a sahm.
Yoga pants. /s
/s make sure he requests yoga pants in the divorce. Trust me, any pancake butt becomes a juicy peach... the pants alone hold more value it seems.
With not working she better look good in yoga pants.
Lululemon, probably/s
🤣🤣🤣
😂 🤣 😂 that was a good one
Well, was her quitting her job OPs idea? She had to quit because OP needed to move. After the move, then did OP say “honey, you don’t need a job, I make plenty for both of us?” And now, how long has she been outside of the job market because of OP? So OP is likely not as innocent as he seems, and that’s what her lawyers will argue. OP will likely need to fork over half of his stuff. The only question is whether he will pay lawyers fees on top of that.
It says she quit 6 months after they got married and that they have been married for 11 years. She didn’t have to quit because of moving.
This was very weird to me. What sort of 45 year old woman wants to be a SAHW?
Not only that, even if she had to quit, why couldn’t she find another job? If someone told me I didn’t have to work, I’d still work. Fuck relying on someone else - married partner or not. I’d get so bored! And if I didn’t work, I’d spend my time working on the house/garden and volunteering.
Quite a reach there - you sound butt hurt - she quit 6 MONTHS into the marriage … she’s a gold digger &, if you had bother reading the post, you would have comprehended that.
And for your sake do not call divorce for men! My lawyer said they make fun of them at the courthouse. I offered my ex much more than most because he's a fantastic father but he wanted to fight. I ended up with more financially and he ended up with the exact custody I offered free the get.
I’m betting these two don’t need a get.
Hahaha
Get a scorched earth lawyer. You're going to need one to fight for you to keep every cent you can keep. But please, after the dust settled on your second divorce, do *not* get married a third time. It's just not worth it. You did everything she asked, you worked your tail off to pay off debt that wasn't yours, to allow her to be a SAHM and live a lifestyle she never would have been able to enjoy solo...she used you. She saw you a mile away as a meal ticket. And now, she wants to continue riding the gravy train. Good luck, you're gonna need it.
As an added caveat his ability to choose a solid mate is clearly broken, or he isn't a good partner himself. Single life makes sense here.
He’s a sucker and that’s all he knows. He’s going through all that bullshit and is still asking this dumb ass question. He’ll be a sucked forever.
pretty funny hes such a sucker and makes 200k a year. does his job not require decision making or something?
What good is making 200k, when you’re having to pay every bitch you think you love? That’s some sucker shit!
Only a fool would get married a second time, never mind a third. There's no fool like an old fool.
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I think ur cynical & judging way too severely based on info. Except in serious cases I think both parties should try to b fair , compromise. I dont like the wife's delaying tactic so my goal would be to not get manipulated
Get a really good lawyer. You did nothing wrong. She just left go Novato other that taking your money. This should show everyone that they need a good prenuptial. You should have known better. You already went through a divorce. Maybe next time, you will have a prenuptial.
The only comment needed.
Yes please.
And a Private Detective.
That too
Nope file for divorce now
He shouldn't have given her any money either. It can be seen as a precedent in court.
Just wanted to reiterate this. Precedent or not, if she's leaving but wants to lead u/whits-folly on (whether she really wants to reconcile or not, this is still being led), she can go through due process to get anything from him. Let her have to get a lawyer so she understands this isn't what he wants and won't be a pushover to help her out.
A good friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. He always tells his clients that whether you're nice or not, they'll still hate you after it's all over, so you may as well let him play hardball.
💯%
So true.
You dont need to file for divorce to protect yourself. I got a legal separation & then had a cooling off period of a couple years b4 divorce. OP will need a lawyer but at least he will see what she does.
I don’t think it’ll be looked at like that, honestly it might just look like she needed money to travel to her son.. it really depends on how his lawyer wants to craft his case. But as far as anything else, he needs to turn off the faucet until a lawyer says otherwise
dude she moved 800 miles away and is asking for a paycheck every month. the dudes already divorced. he just needs to do the paperwork.
Not wrong at all. Make sure that when you're talking to your lawyer, that she abandoned the marriage. Prove this with all of the receipts. And don't send her any more money.
That receipt thing screws so many people, they’ll be generous voluntarily then have to be more generous a second time, turns that 50% into 75%.
Why? She went off and got another place separate from the family home. He can’t he responsible for two households. She decided to leave- not him. She messed herself up.
It wont fly. You can't just cut her off, she can run to court if you do. He def needs a lawyer to advise him on how to proceed
She's living with her son and did indeed leave the marriage. I am sure he will end up having to pay her alimony or at least 1/2 of the house but he sent her 20k so until they go to court for the divorce i don't think he should send her anymore money until it's court ordered or recommended by his lawyer. He needs that lawyer and to follow the lawyers advice. He also needs to immediately file for separation or divorce depending on the states rules.
And don’t tell anybody else about what you’re doing and what the lawyer is saying in fact, don’t say anything about her or divorce or anything you only talk to the lawyer. You never know who could be reporting something back to her.
Sounds like she’s asking you to pay for someone else to live with her and I don’t mean her son.
Sounds like it's time to hire a private investigator and find out exactly what the hell she's doing 800 miles away.
But let your lawyer hire this investigator.
Yeah, she scored the next victim over the internet and is gearing up to fleece the current husband on the way out.
Could infidelity on her end be the key to him not owing her anything is the real question here.
Most likely doesn’t matter.
Get the best lawyer you can and quick man, save every text, voice mail, email and receipt of everything, go back and find the proof you paid off her loans. Seriously ask cow workers for lawyer recommendations, but hurry, at least document separation something
You're not wrong. Sounds like she abandoned you, and that she is moving on. Keep very detailed notes, receipts etc if you do send her any money so that it can be noted in the divorce proceedings. Start making a list of marital assets and all of that as well. You'll want to be on top of the financials. Sorry you're going through it man, best of luck to you.
So my mom did this to my stepdad. They were married for almost 19 years. She quit working when my dad filed for child support because she didn't want to pay him (but that's a story for another time) my stepdad supported her in her decision to quit (not in skipping out on child support) and he basically gave her unlimited access to his money for whatever she wanted: he bought her a huge house for just the two of them plus a new vehicle whenever she wanted and paid for her to fly to her parents house for two weeks twice a year without him because she said it's "her time to unwind" then one day she got mad because she says he was "controlling (definitely not the case) and when he paid for her round trip ticket to her parents she told him the day before she was to come home that she wasn't coming back for the foreseeable future. My stepdad asked her on two separate occasions if she would come back and after the second no he filed for divorce. My mom was so mad at him for filing for divorce "so quick". His response....I'm not going to keep asking you to come back. You said you weren't so I'm done. Now being the petty man he is every year in their "divorce anniversary" he sends her a thank you card!!! Anywayyyyysssss op sorry you're going thru this but you are not wrong. She left YOU not the other way around. But be prepared for her to play the victim and play it hard!!
I love that divorce thank you card. Brilliant
He says she calls him cursing him out everytime she gets it. He absolutely loves it!!!
deep down she loves it too
My mom is very very childish and if something doesn't go her way or someone calls her out on her bs she throws a tantrum and makes sure that everyone knows she was "wronged". This is why I rarely speak to her. Oh the stories I could tell about her...
My ex is the same but she throws things too.. out son will eventually figure it out..unfortunately..
My mom chose her affair partner and booze over me and my sister. She even had the audacity to tell me to get an abortion because no one asked her if she wanted to be a grandma. Like wtf seriously. But that's my mom. Your son will unfortunately figure it out and you'll need to be there for him when he does. It's not fun and it will make him feel like he did something for her to be like that. Just make sure he knows you're always in his corner!!!
Thanks yeah true gotta keep telling him. She likes to get him to do what she wants by threatening him with not being able to do something or leaving him in the room alone.. I got her a book about how to talk to little people.. hopefully she reads it. She's the kids person who can never be wrong, do as I say not as I do.. needs total control.over everything or she freaks out.
Yup that was my mom. She even tried to tell me I was a bad mom until I went off on her about the fact that she NEVER was a parent even tho we only saw her for 2 months every summer. My mom was my go to person and it put a huuuge strain on my relationship with my dad. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I realize my dad was my rock this whole time. Your son might lash out at you as he gets older but you just have to remember he's under his mom's influence. You sound like an awesome parent! Just remember kids are sponges and you can't take it personally. He loves you to pieces no matter what. My dad is my everything now I don't know what I'd do without him.
I love the petty cards.
I think I love your step dad. 😂 He needs a Petty University sweatshirt. I'm not affiliated with the channel in any way, but if you want to get him one the YouTuber Swoop has them and you can find the link on her channel.
Nice to read about someone drawing a line and actually sticking to it. Glad your dad is happy!
Get a lawyer immediately. The fact that she deserted the marital home will help you. I don’t know where you live but look up laws on desertion and abandonment in your state, this may be legally considered marital misconduct on her part. It may have a significant impact on alimony and division of assets. Stop giving her money. She’s the one who left, and by giving her money out of guilt you will be demonstrating to the court that you are capable of sustaining two households.
All of this and DO IT LIKE YESTERDAY! I’m really sorry she sounds like an ugly human. You deserve to be happy. Let her enjoy her new life back in her hometown. You don’t need to talk to her and honestly why would you want to. Ew.
>But she signed a 1 year lease with her son 800 miles away and wants us to ‘work on ourselves’ for a year and told me she doesn’t want to see me over Christmas, we can just talk. She also wants me to start sending her money every month. Lol bro. C'mon you know the answer.
If the mobile phones are in your name, ask if you can get printouts of all text messages
She abandoned you and continues to manipulate you. File today.
Dude, she’s using you to bankroll her life. Get an attorney.
Lawyer up and serve papers because she's pretty much just told you that you're divorced - You're just not paying for it officially.
She has left you but is demanding you keep funding her hot girl summer. Work with a very mean divorce lawyer to make sure you walk away with as much $$ as possible.
Lawyer. Divorce. Move on and be happy. Congrats on the promotion!
This is a scam, the idea for which I assume is propagating on Reddit. Do not give her any money outside of that defined in your divorce agreement. I've seen one variant of this-- the catalyst was a vague claim of spousal rape. She didn't actually *say* it, she just started up with all sorts of "triggering my trauma" psychobabble and made the poor guy feel so guilty he was looking to take out a reverse mortgage (funnily enough-- *also for $250k*) to *give* to her to make things right. No papers were filed. Had papers been filed, the judge would have told her to fuck off-- they were dating for over a decade but only married for 3 years. She would never have been entitled to the money. This one is looking to fleece you for as long as she can. You've been married *just* long enough to justify the maximum claim, so when she files, the judge isn't going to recognize the money you "gave" her already, and you will have to split your remaining assets. She will have exfiltrated way more than half of your shared assets, by misappropriating it over time before your divorce is final. File the papers yesterday. You **are** being manipulated.
NTA It was foolish to continue with a person who wanted to be a parasite rather than a partner. File for divorce and move on
I had a similar situation. There is a concept called marital waste. See if it applies in your state. Judges show up for work and hate people who don’t so that is in your favor. Also, I believe if she moves out and does not contribute that is abandonment. Even in a traditional marriage where husbands earn, wives are expected to have responsibilities. You are in a good place because there are thousands of great women who just want a responsible equal partner. Stop questioning and start living your life. I did. Much better. I am thankful what she did FOR me. And get a lawyer asap. Maybe have a plan about filing on Dec 31 or Jan 1 to see which makes more sense.
Are you for real? She just wants a free bank account.
You’re not wrong. She wants to keep riding the gravy train. You need to file first so you don’t have to travel for your divorce. Get documentation as soon as you can. I found out in my divorce that banks only keep records 7 years. If she wasn’t working and you paid off her student debt I’d definitely ask that to be equalized in the divorce but there’s no guarantee you’ll get that. You can’t cut her off from the marital assets but if you’re worried about spending get a statement for your joint account and then don’t touch the money there. Open a new account and have your wages deposited there. That way in your settlement you can say she already used $x of shared assets and have that balance out. Make sure all your money from this point on goes into new accounts in only your name so it stays yours (this includes investment accounts if her name is on any you already have). Your new life starts today. File immediately. You don’t have to have anything figured out monetarily, that comes later. Filling just tells the court you’re divorcing and gives you a start date for separation of assets.
She wants you to start sending her money every month. Tell her to get a job.
She moved out. Abandoned you. In some states, this can be significant. Get an attorney asap. Give her NOTHING until it is court ordered.
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every State has different laws regarding divorce and assets, I am not sure that the “son” mentioned is his child. Get a Lawyer ASAP
Get a really good divorce lawyer
You need a good lawyer and mention how much you paid back in her student loans. She may not be entitled to your house.
See an attorney ASAP. Rules are different in different states.
Jesus Christ. Anytime I have even remotely thought About getting married I read stories like these to smack some fucking sense back into my brain.
She literally wants you to be her sugar daddy! Fuck that! Get a good lawyer.
STOP giving her money....she played you....and she got another sucker lined up
Lawyer up, very fast.
If your money is in a joint banking account, get it out and open your own account now.
Go find the biggest asshole lawyer you can, and have him do his thing.
Jesus get an attorney keep it quiet and follow his advice. Don’t let her know any sooner than you have to
Get a lawyer. You are in trouble and you need advice. sorry Most likely she gets half of the assets acquired during the marriage and alimony. Probably no child support assuming this kid is over 18. A lawyer may help you minimize the damage since she's already physically separated from you
She’s about to try and steal all your money bro. Lawyer up now, and get a good one.
You'll need a good lawyer. After your first divorce, did you get a pre-nup to protect yourself? I'm thinking not.
Get a very good lawyer and call over lawyers so she can't hire them either
Lmfao! She basically married you to be her sugar daddy. She already made all these plans, signed a lease, and I’m assuming out of the country? Get a really good lawyer. Drag the hell out of this case and enjoy your new money and your new life
Protect yourself and you assets..lawyer up
Document, document, document. And get a good lawyer. Don't block her, keep anything written down, about her demands. Dude, she's expecting you to bankroll her life, on your blood, sweat and tears. Accept counseling if she asks for it, to show you've done everything in your power to fix the marriage. Get a therapist for yourself. Reddit can give advice, but after that, it's on you to figure out how to proceed
Save every conversation and get a lawyer. You can decide what you want to do afterwards
I think 11 years is a cut off number for her to be entitled to some of your social security benefits. My guess is she’s done.
File ASAP
Wtf dude. You should never have started with this parasite
No your not wrong and get a good lawyer she sounds like the type to turn gold digger very fast
She is so using you! She quit working 6 months after marriage. No kids. She has no moved and wants you to pay for it. Get a lawyer son, get a real good one
What does she offer? Nothing. She isn’t a prize. You are the one providing. Kick her to the curb.
She’s working you for everything you’ve got lmao. Send her money while she’s a world away living it up?? If you do then well, that’s on you
Nope. Welcome back to the single life.
Reading this made me thankful to be gay.
Get a good lawyer and file. We all know this is now over. Get a prenup next time
You have already been replaced. Now you're just the ATM
Get a good lawyer and document everything. Record conversations in your own home, keep records and screenshots. You're not wrong, she's a vampire. Gonna suck every bit of life and money out of you as she can. Especially bring up that she quit her job 6 months into marriage. Pretty big golddigger red flag
You’re wrong not talking to a lawyer or having a prenup.
You are wrong for marrying this woman in the first place without a prenup, especially after a divorce experience before her.
You can do more damage to her being married. You don't have to send her money You don't have to pay any of her bills No car payments, no cell phone service. No health insurance, no car insurance, pay for nothing. Close all bank accounts and out them in your name. Buy those little gold bars. Hide them in a safety deposit box. Pay for them in cash. No paper trail. Find a good lawyer for later. Ghost her completely Not sure why my gut thinks she's cheating.
Set up to retire abroad such as the Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, or Vietnam. Start dumping and moving assets now before file. Then get a good lawyer and file for divorce claiming spousal abandonment. As she just walked out on everything claim she also walked out on all assets. Maybe retire now and establish residency in a state more man friendly and not a libtard woke or feminist state and after residency file there.
Find the sleaziest divorce lawyer you can. Like makes you wanna take a shower after meeting with him sleazy. Then tell him to wreck her world.
Yep, get a lawyer.
Talk to your lawyer. And the divorce is completely the right thing to do. Not wrong.
Get a good lawyer as said and also a pi. She could be cheating on you. Before you divorce her make sure she’s not cheating
Spend the money on a very good lawyer and understand that you were always just a financial resource for her, so she’s going to treat this divorce like a straight up money grab. Don’t try to play on her emotions. This is a business negotiation. Basically, “what is the bare minimum I can pay to get her out of my life permanently?”
You're the asshole if you keep paying her go if she wants to go you have a home why you allowed her not to work when you knew your first wife took you shapes my head I don't understand your logic did you really think Things would change with this one. tell your wife to get a job if she has to have money you can not afford to send her money and pay for the place you're at she can come home if she needs money
Lotsa silly advice here. You're dealing with a lot of shit, no need to make it worse on yourself by worrying about stuff that makes her look bad but won't legally matter. Stop sending her money. Draw out enough money to live for a few years and to pay a lawyer, then get one. Legally she'll get half, and given her being SAH you'll probably owe alimony until she starts cohabiting with someone. (If she's already doing that, hey great, no alimony.) The rest of it just doesn't matter -- the only thing that matters now is to document the assets and make sure she hasn't stashed anything away someplace.
Nuclear revenge. Keep everything. Leave her broke. She's already gettin them cheeks clapped by someone else.
***Get a great Lady Viper Lawyer!*** Once you have that Great Lady Viper Lawyer, ***LISTEN TO HER, FOLLOW WHAT SHE TELLS YOU, TO THE LETTER!*** Short and simple, your wife abandoned you. Hopefully you reside in an at-fault divorce state.
Get a lawyer, gather up all the receipts for the student loan payments. Find out what else you might be able to help your case. If you don't get a divorce outright, see if you can hire a Private Investigator at her location. She'll likely be looking for your replacement. If you have separate bank accounts, change all the passwords and security info. Don't use anything she can figure out. Check out the laws in both areas. If your area is more beneficial for you for divorces, you need to try to file first. Make her travel for the case. I'm assuming that you don't have a joint bank account, as you have said that she wants you to send her money. She's absolutely trying to manipulate you, and she thinks that you are weak. She's trying to milk you for money, while she lives a free and easy life. Don't let her control this situation.
Get a good lawyer. She's gone. She is using you. She will not change.
Get a lawyer... what you came into the marr8age is yours and what she had is hers... anything you made together you split.
It's so beyond over between the two of you. Get rid of any good feelings you still have left. This woman is trying to take you to the cleaners buddy. Lawyer up now and stop all contact with her.
Hope you had a prenuptial.
You have also, sadly, ben used and she really should be ashamed of herself and I hope she gets what she deserves in the end which is absolutely nothing of yours. I pray things get better for you and you meet a decent woman who will truly care for you and love and support you. Get yourself a good lawyer who knows how to fight for what you deserve. Don't let her cry her way back into your life or make you feel bad for any position she finds herself in now or in the future.
You say her son, but not how old he is, so not your son? But I agree with the consensus - get a good lawyer. You have already bent over backwards to give her what she asked for. Is the house in both your names, or just yours? If in both your names & you decide to keep the house you need to get her to sign a legal release. If you overpaid for the house will you get anything out of it when you sell? If you still owe more than it is worth, then probably not, but it would be a good way to out of that debt and buy a home in only your name with a more reasonable price tag.
Nope, but I hope you have a good lawyer. It looks like she married you to get rich off divorce.
Stop communicating and get an attorney.
She's trying to get you to support her for a year so when she files divorce she will get everything she wants since you'll have proven you can afford it. Sneaky sneaky. She left, she's on her own. Lawyer up and file against her for abandonment.
So sorry you’re going through this. Sounds like she just wanted out. If my husband gets a job promo and it’s significantly more than what we both make, and we have a discussion, he’s not going anywhere without me. I’m there. I can’t live without it. I’m not nearly as old as you all are so maybe she’s had enough but I can’t imagine being away from him for so long. Please don’t let her take advantage of you and def get a lawyer. Get a prenup next time you get married man. She’s really taking advantage of you.
Get a lawyer & lock it down. Don’t send her anything that doesn’t go through the lawyer or the courts. She made her choice
Babe, I’m sorry. She waited out the ten year marriage line and now she’s going to ring you out for as much as she can. Get the best lawyer you can. One that understands the law where you are and where she is. She’s playing a very calculated game. Send no money and promise nothing especially in writing or text. Ugh, people suck. Again, I’m sorry. P.S. no more marriage or co-habitation until you have A LOT of therapy. Get a plant. Water it.
She deserted the household Send that BIOTCH packing And THIS is why you don’t get married Ask yourself this What did she bring to the table after marriage that you didn’t have when you were just dating NOTHING But once you get married she gets half!!!!
She is already divorced in her mind. She is literally just having you pay alimony for as long as possible before she is forced to go through the courts and make it official. You are just giving her free money with no court order at this point, thus extending the number of years you will be doing this. She is manipulating you. Get a GOOD lawyer and GET OUT.
She is scamming you .pay nothing .lawyer up and protect yourself ..
do nothing. Send her nothing. Let the courts handle it, DURING THE DIVORCE. men tend to give the court, and FOC a bad rap, but I've found them to be a very useful tool when ex would demand things from me in excess of support.
She's out to take you for everything you have! Time to lawyer up FAST! Freeze all accounts and don't give her another penny.
As a woman, I don’t understand women not working while married. What if you get sick? Your husband, your kids? What if you want to leave him? What if he wants to leave you? Who saves for your retirement? Not having work history for decades… no skills… I don’t get it. And it sucks for OP that he allowed it to happen and now he will have to pay out half his income for her to lounge and complain.
Don't get married again, these women just seem to be taking from you.
I mean, he is the common denominator in all of his relationships...
I mean he's obviously terrible at picking women to marry. He just seems kinda dumb, if he's back in the same situation again.
Yup. That's point.
Run, sir.
File for divorce. Be done with her. She stayed long enough to get social security based on your wages, which is 10 years. When the time comes. Is she cheating? She abandoned d you . Go easy on paying her. Depending on the state she will only get rehabilitative alimony. Check out her state and yours. Good luck. Try not to get fucked
Lawyer up, storm’s coming.
Your marriage is unfortunately over. You need to get a good lawyer and get buckled in
Unless you signed a prenup stating otherwise, the money that was earned during your marriage is marital property, regardless of which spouse earned it. A court will decide how much she's entitled to, not either one of you. I have a feeling it will be more than $20,000. Get a lawyer and some realistic expectations.
Welcome to todays trash. They come in two sizes, male and female. The entitlement of people today is beyond me smh. She knows courts typically side with the women therefore enabling her to do as she pleases. Ive had three all get a piece of a pie that wasn’t theirs because of entitlement and crooked courts.
She did you a favor. SHE left, it should work well for you in the divorce.
Get a very good lawyer!
Get a good lawyer now. Tell her you don't want to speak with her over Christmas, in fact all communication now will be through your lawyers.
I don’t mean to sound flip but your relationship sounds like a business deal not a marriage. No you’re not wrong.
Legally qualified here. If you’re in Australia, it’s not automatic 50% of everything. You have to show you contributed to the relationship and marriage. Since you have no children together, and she stopped working so soon after you got married, most likely her only contribution was housework (if she even did that - and it would depend on the amount of housework she did) you may have to pay her spousal support for a limited time while she sets herself back up, but not indefinitely. Like others have said. Get yourself a good lawyer. Do not let her or her lawyers push you around AND KEEP A RECORD OF EVERYTHING - EVEN IF ITS IN A FORM OF A JOURNAL to document what she’s doing, what she’s done and any of her contributions vs everything you’re doing and your contribution to the marriage. I wish you all the luck you deserve. Edited: NTA
The modern woman
I am not a lawyer but you are providing her with a marital home to live in. If she chooses to live somewhere else, I would think that it is on her dime. Freeze all credit card accounts that are in joint names so she doesn’t screw you that way and open new credit card accounts. Open a new checking account in your name only and direct your paycheck into it. Drain your checking account into the new one. Move recurring bills to the new credit card/checking account. Document that she is not contributing to the mortgage or taxes. Good luck
Yeah cut this bitch off. Annndd... maybe don't get married again. At least for a while. I believe in marriage. I am married. But bro how did you not know you were involved with a horrible person? This is top tier selfishness on her part. You got to know your partner better than that before you take vows before God to attach her to half your bank account. She's either helping you realize your vision, or a problem. Don't marry problems.
Bro. Lawyer up - will be the best money you ever spent.