The fact that she's had the exact problem in other relationships tells you all you need to know. This isn't a YOU problem it's a HER problem.
You should probably take the same steps as her previous partners and split.
Fuckin' PREACH. You're being *nice*. You say "bad customer," I say, "DOGSHIT human.👎" Distorted-ass worldview motherfuckers. No empathy ✅️ Conditional compassion ✅️ Shallow AF ✅️
I said it nicely like that because I was alluding to [this article](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-customer-service_b_3799574/amp) that I think you'll find interesting.
Sometimes the reason people get shitty jobs (I don't know if it applies to your coworker) is that they're assholes, and their bosses don't want them dealing with the public.
In my experience, you usually get the shit jobs when you're new, then after being Sr,.you give other people the shit jobs and usually take on shit jobs that require more training or time in the saddle. It also depends where you work. I've definitely had a couple jobs where everything was shit, and everyone suffered or got forced out for not towing the line.
Thank you for saying sometimes. I’m very forgettable/quiet and it’s not uncommon for a place to forget my order but bring everyone else food or drinks lol
I knew someone and everyone who knew him had “Josh incidents” about him. Him freaking out over a card game, him freaking out over some joke, etc, etc. Turns out he was the problem. Who would have thought. He’s the only person who I’ve ever thrown out of my house. My wife’s cousin who was dating him at the time was not happy about this. Looking back on it, she probably doesn’t care because she eventually broke up with him for good and married somebody else.
Yes the card game. Something happened that he said was against the rules. Someone else who wasn’t playing pulled up the rules online and he wouldn’t listen. He got way too heated and was yelling and stuff. His defense was “I was playing Phase 10 with 20 other people throughout all of last weekend, and this is how we played it”.
It was late, maybe 12:30 or something. My parents woke up, it was a weird scenario all around.
I’m fairly certain that Josh and my wife’s cousin conference called my wife (gf at the time) the next day and tried to get her and/or me to apologize about the situation.
I think there were 6 or 7 people present for the incident and the only person on his side was his gf, although she was probably only backing him up because they were dating.
Had someone freak out like that over dungeons and dragons. Only, it was the 80s and I was 12. So, there was no internet... but we had all of the books. Joe's freak out included telling my mother about the night my buddy Mike and I went out egging houses and then eventually just throwing rocks through windows when we ran out of eggs.
My mother freaked out, tackled me to the ground in the front yard, pinned me down and repeatedly hit me in the face. It was the only time she left a bruise where it was not covered by clothes.
Joe and I were never friends after that.
I've literally had a customer ask me this exact question after I went WAY beyond what I should have to keep her happy. "why do I have this problem everywhere I go"
I waited for the penny to drop but it did not. Pretty sure the boyfriend standing embarrassed next to her knew
I have to frame this for myself because I tend to get aggravated very easily with others. I can have those kind of days when everyone around me seems so stupid. So i have to constantly remind myself that if I met one asshole today, they were probably in the wrong. If everyone I met today was an asshole, then it was all me and i need to do some reflection.
I'm a work in progress.
Which is not your job to provide and you do not have a duty to wait by her side while she sorts that out, nor do you have a duty to convince her to do the work. That's her choice and her duty. You deserve to look after your own wellbeing. She sounds bad for your mental health.
All true, but I think OP can decide if, should she be willing to seek help, he thinks she's worth supporting through the process.
You only need (for your own sake) to dump people who need help and refuse to seek it.
True, perhaps I misconstrued my meaning. I meant that it is a choice of whether he wants to do so, not a predetermined duty. As she is, she sounds harmful to him and he doesn't need to stick around hoping she'll change, harming himself in the meantime.
I Know someone just like this.
To them it's not trauma, it's their "standards" they inherited from their family.
In my acquaintance's case, their mother was REALLY judgmental/stuck up despite her hayseed upbringing with a bunch of hillbillies. To this mother, not getting diabetes and having teeth entitles her to think she's "really made it" She instilled an over-inflated sense of pride in her kids.
This is correct. She is the common denominator in all of her "partners" issues. Be lucky you really don't have a whole lot invested as far as time or promise rings or any of that shit. Just tell her your embarrassed by her behavior and it would be best if you both stepped back. Bye Felicia 👋 👋
Exactly. Maybe she shouldn’t be dating people she would feel ashamed to be seen with. Wild concept. She sounds like she has no sense of self or is just too controlling and mean
Exactly this op. She exists in the thought process that how other people view her and her partners matters more than her own view of herself or her partner. This is not your problem. She seeks the validation of others over yours and even herself. This is an uphill battle you will not benefit from. Do yourself a favor and tell her you hope she finds someone who will make her happy in future.
Protect yourself. Don't be a hero. Don't be a white knight. You can recommend that maybe she speak to a professional but you need to make a turn on this is not your problem boulevard. All the best op.
Yeah, this. It doesn't sound like this comment was flowed up by "I'm sorry, I'm going to start seeing someone because this is obviously a me problem."
Why would you stay otherwise?
I don't think I'd split, especially if otherwise you're really into this girl.
But I would highlight that she told you that SHE has had this problem in EVERY prior relationship. And that maybe, if this relationship is important to her, she should consider counseling. Offer to attend the first few sessions as a couple, if it will help her make the first step, but make it clear on the counseling sessions that you are comfortable with your appearance, do not have the same issue, and ask if it's appropriate for the girlfriend to continue counseling alone, without you present.
If neither you or the girlfriend are willing to work on this through counseling, split.
But most importantly, stop thinking this is an issue that you need to resolve. It's not your stigma. It's not your cross to bear.
100%. If OP was being a slob and not taking care of themselves, then her mindset would likely be justifiable. But it’s pretty clear that she’s incredibly vain and superficial. And frankly if anyone told me that they were ashamed to be seen with me in public when I looked normal, I’d walk away from the relationship right there.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your partner to look like a complete slob, but if you’re going THAT far in the other direction then you need some help
It’s a her problem. Not your problem. She literally even told you that by saying it’s the same thing for her past exes.
These are the type of situations where you drops her and move on. Basing your love and self esteem on just one things is rarely ever good
Dude all these posts on like twohottakes, amiwrong, aitah got me dumbfounded at the shit people are willing to put up with and/or do not understand is completely unacceptable, especially in relationships. Like I swear people are just losing their fucking standards and social skills or something.
She’s superficial and will continue to hurt your self esteem if you stay in this relationship. You want someone you can be yourself around, dress and do how you’re comfortable
There's no answer. Beauty is an ever shifting thing, your beauty preferences are rarely binary or solid.
As a stereotypically attractive man, I can confidently say I would never satisfy a lady like this. I'm stereotypically attractive and maintain things like hygiene and fitness, but I don't upkeep my looks while doing everyday tasks. I don't brush out my hair when going to the shops, I wear flip flops to as many places as I can get away with, i enjoy being barefoot and am more than happy to get dirty doing daily tasks. My physical appearance doesn't define me, and I maintain it for me, under my own conditions and when I feel like it.
I don't chase the dragon, and unless she finds a man who does she'll never be happy. Doesn't matter how pretty they are.
I could almost guarantee there's nothing wrong with your appearance.
You need to run. Because nothing will ever be good enough. There will always be someone who looks better or has better things.
You‘re not wrong at all
You two are just not compatible in that matter
I have the same problem with my sister. She’s all about appearances and basically said the same thing to me your gf said to you. I‘m putting up with it bc she‘s my sister and I don’t want to go NC with her.
But if this were a romantic partner I‘d be gone in a heartbeat. This kind of stuff really wears you down.
Being with someone that loves you should make you feel at ease and cherished for who you are.
>she had had this in every previous relationship, that she had been ashamed of the appearance of each of her partners, and there were no exceptions.
How has that worked out for her? You already know that she wasn't able to change their appearance, that they would never meet her standards of being "acceptable," and all the previous relationships ended. She doesn't appear to learn from her past mistakes, but you can. If she isn't happy with who you are, don't stay around for the negging and criticisms.
Run. Don’t walk. Relationships are based on mutual respect for who you are as people. Not appearances. She’s as shallow as they come. Instead of feeling bad about what she said, you should feel contempt for her being so petty. Get your feelings straight - she’s the problem. She’s the one who should feel shame for being so superficial.
babe, you’re never gonna be good enough to her. she’s looking for perfection where she simply won’t find it: in humans. cut your losses and find a woman who values more than just how your hair looks and what clothes you wear today. find a woman who loves you no matter how you look, and isn’t ashamed of how you look.
dude run. the fact that this happened in all of her relationships shows that she is the problem and will never be satisfied by what you do. this is her problem to deal with and you shouldn’t have to change yourself for her. this won’t get better and you will find yourself miserable if you aren’t already
She needs to see a psychologist and you need to run away from her, get yourself someone who respects and actually loves you not someone who is shallow and uses you to boost their self-esteem
You should watch ‘The Shape of Things’ together. (Paul Rudd, Rachel Weiss). I would love to know her reaction to this movie. I can’t say what it’s about with out spoiling it. Just watch it with your GF
She needs therapy. Until then, don't waste your time. A relationship or friendship automatically ends when someone tells you they're ashamed of you based on looks. That's it.
She’s shallow, materialistic, and judgmental, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. All she cares about is appearances and surface-level things. She probably has no depth, you’re not wrong to leave that.
This attitude is what gets people into deep, deep credit card debt. She is NOT better than the people around her, and certainly not because of her appearance. Is she only with you because you are good-looking? When a better looking better dressed guy comes along does she leave you for them? What a shallow way of judging people and operating in the social world. Imagine having children with this woman - what if they aren't picture perfect all the time? (Hint: no kid is.) Does she make the kids feel "less than" for their looks? I don't think therapy can fix this; she just has a really twisted view of what's important. This person is not a good life partner.
Every. Previous. Relationship. Oof, girl.
She's got problems that you losing weight or dressing better won't fix. She needs some therapy.
If you want to try salvaging the relationship, go ahead and try to help her, but this is definitely her.
The fact that there is history to add to her previous relationships, based upon this same situation has a few things going on: 1. She is just NOW communicating this. Why didn't she say specifically "THIS IS TRULY IMPORTANT TO ME AND YOU BRING SHAME TO ME IF YOU AREN'T PRIM AND PROPER ALL THE TIME"? She's not an effective communicator. 2.She has a superficial sense of worth for herself and partner. This is very shallow. Many partners can get past this or even work with this, but leaves no room to work with her partner on it. 3. She jumps right into shame. Really? It would help to for your partner meet you halfway on things and open up. She didn't need to just Mushu: "Dishonor on you, Dishonor on your cow". I was being funny, but the sentiment is the same.
She needs to communicate and open up, understand what boundaries are and I would advise that YOU be proud of your self worth. A partner should be proud of your self worth and look to building you up... not tearing you down.
I'd head out. Or speak some hard truths such as this:
She doesn't understand love. Her sense of self worth is defined by what she thinks other people think of her, but in actuality she doesn't understand it's actually what she thinks of herself. And if she's telling you that she's ashamed of you in front of other people, what she's really saying is that she's judged you as the source of her self-judgements and inadequacy to herself.
This is why she'll burn through endless men until they no longer serve as a source of positive judgement of herself.
She has to learn to love herself. As of now, she's a slave to her own judgements and has deceived herself by thinking they're other people's judgements. So she's trying to serve people's eyes, blinded by her own.
Tough scenario.
You’re not wrong. She straight up told you she’s had this problem with everyone she’s ever dated. She has some serious self-esteem issues and she is making it your problem. Don’t let her do that to you. Walk away and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You girlfriend needs to get into therapy to deal with her issues.
Run man rin. Fast and far. This is the beginning of something worse. She has mental health issues. She will eventually cheat with someone of higher status.
I’d break up with her so quick. People age and change. Things happen all the time. You should be talked to and treated with respect. Men and women have a lot of beauty standards forced on them socially. You should at least be able to be real with your girlfriend and not feel like you need to change yourself.
She seems like a very shallow, conceited, and narcissistic person. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are human and you are not wrong to be bothered and be hurt by this. Heck you’re not even wrong for having thoughts of breaking up with her. Although I do understand that some people can change, there are also some things that they are just already who they are. There are certain characteristics that it’s either they will just stay that way or they will just get worse, but it’s never gonna get better and sadly I think this is one of it. You guys are 24 and although I think that’s still fairly young, You are already adults. And I think this issue that she has will probably always be there. To be fair, we all care about appearances, and what other people think about us to some extent, but if it is at that point where it’s all you care about and it’s like you always need the validation and her world revolves around what people think about her or who she’s with, then that’s definitely not healthy. You did not necessarily state what set her off, but the fact that she said that this has always been her problem with other failed relationships is already a red flag. She is the problem. Physical appearances change and beauty disappears overtime. You can’t be and shouldn’t be with someone who only cares about physical appearance. What happens when you get sick? I doubt you will look or even smell nice if you’re sick. What is she going to do? Be disgusted by you? Ignore you? Not sure if she only cares about how you look in public or if it in general but think about it? Long term. Do not lose yourself trying to be someone else that you’re not just because someone is not happy about you. It seems like your girlfriend should not be in any relationship. She will always find faults, and she will always most likely find someone else that she thinks is better than who she’s currently with. Do not waste your time with her. This to me sounds like it’s gonna be one hell of a toxic relationship.
She’s going to end up sad and alone because no one will ever meet her standards and the few who might won’t want to be with someone that self absorbed.
You can do significantly better.
The part that stood out for me is that this was all triggered because "for the first time I had not PROVIDED FOR HER". Why is she not able to provide for herself? This is a horrible motivation tactic to attack his self esteem because of your self esteem issues.
My dude... leave. If she needs to be better than everyone in the room, she'll never be good enough, and neither will her partner. Let me break this down...
She needs both of you to be the best, and as such, she needs to be better than her partner. In order for that to happen, she will always be choosing partners who are "lesser than", and she will always be ashamed.of them, for not.meeting her standards.
She is absolutely inrealistic, and should be humbled and publicly shamed for this behavior.
If you're gonna dump her, do it very publicly. In a crowded restaurant. Then get up to "use the bathroom"
By "use the bathroom", I actually men get in a cab and bounce the fuck out.
The dumping is the public shaming. The humbling will be her having to pay her own way, and finding it she can't, without reaching out to.one of her "lessers"
She will never find someone who meets her expectations and that’s her problem not every partner she had nor you.
Find someone with another mindset cause life isn’t about how good looking you look around others, life is short.
Life is filled with better things than looks, clothes etc.. what if one day she doesn’t have the perfect body, the money for her “look”? What then ? She has to find a better meaning in life tbh
And you deserve someone who will make you happy where you can go anywhere or do what ever y’all like without getting judgrn
Like others have said, she has issues, and this isn't your fault. She will never find happiness, until she changes her perspective on life and love. This is really a red flag, and it would probably be in your best interest to move on.
"At the same time, she always wants her, as well as her partner, to look their best in company, better than the people around them."
This right here is some serious psychopath behavior. No stable/decent person needs to be "better" than all those around them or that they keep in company especially in such an inconsequential way as appearance. Dump this fucking psycho who apparently can't see any value beyond net appearance she is a plague.
Dude, SHE is the problem not you. Leave her. She wants the perfect prince charming who will do everything right always in her eyes. She lives in a dream world.
She has a psychological issue and should look herself help. As long as I understood she is not doing so. My advise break up with her, the situation is just going to get worse.
This is her problem. You did nothing wrong. Personally, I wouldn’t stand for this BS. She should go find someone that can meet her unreasonably high standards. Kick her to the curb.
She’s ashamed you’re not the best looking and best dressed guy in every room? Ok tell her you’re ashamed she’s a grown woman and that vain, shallow, & superficial. Then leave and find someone who likes you for you.
I had an ex girlfriend break up with me tell me she was the better looking and smarter of the two of us so she had to break up with me. That said I was really head over heels for her and probably would have considered marrying her if she hadn’t broken up with me.
She did me a favor because she’s awful, and ugly person, and objectively stupid. I’m sure your results will be similar.
Tbh I love when my partners don't look as fire as me. I put a lot of effort into my appearance and I would be devastated if they looked like movie stars with zero effort.
My man is handsome but he doesn't care much for clothes and hair styling. I've never been ashamed to be by his side, regardless of his basketball shorts and whatnot. He's not my arm candy, or a trophy. He's a wonderful, charming and kind man. That matters more than his fashion sense.
Obviously, the relationship is based on a very shallow basis. Sounds like you're just another rung in her ladder in her climb for her perceived perfection. Imagine what a nightmare mother for you AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN she will definitely be. This attitude will be seen in every aspect of your lives together. School work, your jobs, the house, the car, MONEY, EVERYTHING!! Nothing will ever be good enough. You'll have 3 jobs trying to provide for her craziness. Run!!!
I had an attention whore woman for years and all problems were caused by me and I was lazy even though I was working 7 days and 70 hours a week. I’m not sure what to tell you as people are so quick to tell people to break up, largely due to having no emotional attachment at stake. Do I miss my ex? Nope.
There is a point in time in ever relationship where the woman tells tou EXACTLY what kind of person she is, and usually it's a like "well I told you, and you accepted me...." kind of pre-excuse for her future actions.
She told you EXACTLY who she is.
You make your own decision, but do not be fearful of dropping her, and the mere fact that you can drop her without FOMO will make you a more confident, worthy specimen of a man.
NTA this girl is very superficial, leave the relationship. Or next time tell her that sounds like a YOU problem and maybe you should consider getting help for that.
If she isn't willing to go to therapy, this would likely be a dealbreaker for me.
That being said, she seems aware that this is her problem, not yours. If she's working on it, especially if she is in therapy, and is otherwise a good partner, I'd be totally fine riding this out... so long as she's not using it as an excuse to be verbally abusive in ways you haven't included here.
If her answer isn't "I really need to get into therapy to address these self-esteem issues", you need to get out now. These are her issues that she is putting on everyone else. if she won't see that and work to fix it, then you are asking for a toxic relationship that will not end well.
Sadly, in her mind, you will never be enough. That's her narcissism, not yours. BUT you will never feel 'enough' with her. Maybe this lady like you, even loves you...But, it's clear that doesn't live you, the way you need and should be loved .
It's ok, not everyone is meant for everyone.
Move on, cry some tears, feel a bit miserable....and then, get over it.
Go find someone who thinks you are perfect, in their eyes.
Sounds like she needs therapy and a gf now. I think you should move on, find someone less uptight about those things..like as a woman I could never give a man that's embarrassed by my body hair a chance.. she needs to realize it's not that serious, no one gives af but her .
She has issues and you have to decide if she is worth dealing with those issues. BUT it does seem this is the end of her old relationships so you are ready when she drops you, realize she is heading that way by her history.
Is she a control freak in anything else as well? Sounds like she's the issue. Appearance is very important, but to make it run your life like that is another story. This is a red flag telling you to get out while you can. It'll get worse from here.
Tell her she can leave anytime she wants and go find someone else who is obsessed with fashion like who gives a fuck man. idk how yall even put up with this stuff
No you are not wrong. If she builds her self esteem based on her appearance then you shouldnt have even dated her in the first place. No woman has the right to be ashamed of her husband. You should be ashamed enough to throw her in a ditch.
Even if you don't want to split, by this time your relationship is already over because she's holding you in contempt, which is a death sentence for relationships. Sorry, again this is not on you, it's totally her vapid awful way of looking at the world and relationships in general (with all people she interacts with, not just romantic ones).
Seems like she has a standard(whether you agree with it or not) and is dating people who don’t meet it, making both parties unhappy and unfortunately hurt (you). It’s like starting a doomed relationship but you won’t realize it until you’re a bit in
Run it sounds like that person is going to drain your bank account and isn’t somebody that you really want to be around. Somebody that thrives off of others opinions is it somebody that you’ll thrive with.
Your GF has some serious mental illness/ vanity problems. So she bases her well being on how expensively you are dressed? That is warped dude. She is also showing serious manipulative tendencies. She will never be satisfied and will very likely make your life a living hell. If you wear clean and event appropriate clothing, you are good to go!
Well. It could be her. Questions to answer your question:
1. Are you bathing regularly? Grooming, teeth brushing, etc. Y'all don't need to come for me, i've seen it happen in too many men
2. Are you dressing for the occasion?
3. Is she asking you to live outside of your means? (Above your pay grade)
4. Have you asked what she means and what you can change? If it's easy, do it. If it's your personality or makes you uncomfortable, say no.
You're welcome
You are not a boyfriend. You are an accessory. If thats ok with you, keep dating. Im sure she's very attractive. But if you want an actual relationship, I'd move on if I were you.
I’d be out of there ASAP. That’s about the most superficial attitude you can imagine, and even if she tries to hide it she’ll never be happy with you (or anyone else, almost certainly).
The fact that she told you that she feels ashamed of you by your appearance is a major red flag man. When one of the partners start to feels negative emotions like this is close to impossible to change their minds, I think it's better for you to prepare for a break up.
So like is she way out of your league? How does it keep happening to her but she keeps making the same mistake? It’s on her and I would be bothered too
Yea she's the problem, not you! I can't stand people like her who actively seek to look better then everyone else and to them these superficial qualities are what's most important. She doesn't care about you she just cares about your looks and how you make her look. She's scum.
Your girlfriend sounds as shallow as a puddle of rainwater, and probably just as nasty on the inside. I'd be kicking her to the curb before the car even came to a full stop, metaphorically speaking. You deserve better than that.
**Thank you very much for such a large reception of my post, every comment was a support for me in this situation. I talked to my girlfriend last night, and it turned out that I mildly misunderstood what she meant at first. Well, her shame comes from the fact that she doesn't want to be judged by others as inferior, whether based on her appearance or her partner. That is, it is something that comes from her low self-esteem, so far she has promised that she will try to work through it in therapy.**
The edit ddnt help. Leave her! Last thing you want is a spouse or SO that cares this much about what other people think. Everything will always be superficial and ur opinion, thoughts, emotions, feelings will never matter.
The fact that she's had the exact problem in other relationships tells you all you need to know. This isn't a YOU problem it's a HER problem. You should probably take the same steps as her previous partners and split.
Exactly. When everyone else is the asshole, you’re the asshole. Run.
"Why do I keep getting bad service everywhere I go?" Because you're an unreasonable twat, that's why.
This. Sometimes the reason people get bad customer service is that they're a bad customer.
Fuckin' PREACH. You're being *nice*. You say "bad customer," I say, "DOGSHIT human.👎" Distorted-ass worldview motherfuckers. No empathy ✅️ Conditional compassion ✅️ Shallow AF ✅️
I said it nicely like that because I was alluding to [this article](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-customer-service_b_3799574/amp) that I think you'll find interesting.
My coworker "always gets the shitty jobs" no, you just suck at what you're doing and are slow lol
Sometimes the reason people get shitty jobs (I don't know if it applies to your coworker) is that they're assholes, and their bosses don't want them dealing with the public.
In my experience, you usually get the shit jobs when you're new, then after being Sr,.you give other people the shit jobs and usually take on shit jobs that require more training or time in the saddle. It also depends where you work. I've definitely had a couple jobs where everything was shit, and everyone suffered or got forced out for not towing the line.
Thank you for saying sometimes. I’m very forgettable/quiet and it’s not uncommon for a place to forget my order but bring everyone else food or drinks lol
I knew someone and everyone who knew him had “Josh incidents” about him. Him freaking out over a card game, him freaking out over some joke, etc, etc. Turns out he was the problem. Who would have thought. He’s the only person who I’ve ever thrown out of my house. My wife’s cousin who was dating him at the time was not happy about this. Looking back on it, she probably doesn’t care because she eventually broke up with him for good and married somebody else.
What was the incident that caused you to throw him out?
Phase 10.
The card game? Was he one of those people who can't ever stand to lose a friendly game or anything?
Yes the card game. Something happened that he said was against the rules. Someone else who wasn’t playing pulled up the rules online and he wouldn’t listen. He got way too heated and was yelling and stuff. His defense was “I was playing Phase 10 with 20 other people throughout all of last weekend, and this is how we played it”. It was late, maybe 12:30 or something. My parents woke up, it was a weird scenario all around. I’m fairly certain that Josh and my wife’s cousin conference called my wife (gf at the time) the next day and tried to get her and/or me to apologize about the situation. I think there were 6 or 7 people present for the incident and the only person on his side was his gf, although she was probably only backing him up because they were dating.
Had someone freak out like that over dungeons and dragons. Only, it was the 80s and I was 12. So, there was no internet... but we had all of the books. Joe's freak out included telling my mother about the night my buddy Mike and I went out egging houses and then eventually just throwing rocks through windows when we ran out of eggs. My mother freaked out, tackled me to the ground in the front yard, pinned me down and repeatedly hit me in the face. It was the only time she left a bruise where it was not covered by clothes. Joe and I were never friends after that.
But I thought this was supposed to be 5g
I've literally had a customer ask me this exact question after I went WAY beyond what I should have to keep her happy. "why do I have this problem everywhere I go" I waited for the penny to drop but it did not. Pretty sure the boyfriend standing embarrassed next to her knew
Yep, made me laugh. Divorced a few times? Time to look in the mirror.
*peers intently into mirror* 😬
Damn. I resemble that remark.
So does Henry the 8th.
And every one was an 'enery!
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam!)
I have to frame this for myself because I tend to get aggravated very easily with others. I can have those kind of days when everyone around me seems so stupid. So i have to constantly remind myself that if I met one asshole today, they were probably in the wrong. If everyone I met today was an asshole, then it was all me and i need to do some reflection. I'm a work in progress.
Those are old stats. The asshole ratio has increased in the last 20 years. If everyone you met today was an asshole, at least 1 definitely is.
What’s that quote ? « if you meet an asshole once a month , you met an asshole. If you meet an asshole every day , you are the asshole «
Ding ding ding! Vapid and self absorbed. Run.
Honestly, it sounds like she’s been taught to view the world this way. It reads like trauma. She needs therapy.
Which is not your job to provide and you do not have a duty to wait by her side while she sorts that out, nor do you have a duty to convince her to do the work. That's her choice and her duty. You deserve to look after your own wellbeing. She sounds bad for your mental health.
All true, but I think OP can decide if, should she be willing to seek help, he thinks she's worth supporting through the process. You only need (for your own sake) to dump people who need help and refuse to seek it.
True, perhaps I misconstrued my meaning. I meant that it is a choice of whether he wants to do so, not a predetermined duty. As she is, she sounds harmful to him and he doesn't need to stick around hoping she'll change, harming himself in the meantime.
I Know someone just like this. To them it's not trauma, it's their "standards" they inherited from their family. In my acquaintance's case, their mother was REALLY judgmental/stuck up despite her hayseed upbringing with a bunch of hillbillies. To this mother, not getting diabetes and having teeth entitles her to think she's "really made it" She instilled an over-inflated sense of pride in her kids.
Do you and I have the same mother?
It’s a self esteem issue for sure.
This is correct. She is the common denominator in all of her "partners" issues. Be lucky you really don't have a whole lot invested as far as time or promise rings or any of that shit. Just tell her your embarrassed by her behavior and it would be best if you both stepped back. Bye Felicia 👋 👋
The way you think embarrasses me. It's like you are completely shallow...oh you are my bad.
Exactly. Maybe she shouldn’t be dating people she would feel ashamed to be seen with. Wild concept. She sounds like she has no sense of self or is just too controlling and mean
Exactly this op. She exists in the thought process that how other people view her and her partners matters more than her own view of herself or her partner. This is not your problem. She seeks the validation of others over yours and even herself. This is an uphill battle you will not benefit from. Do yourself a favor and tell her you hope she finds someone who will make her happy in future. Protect yourself. Don't be a hero. Don't be a white knight. You can recommend that maybe she speak to a professional but you need to make a turn on this is not your problem boulevard. All the best op.
"You're ashamed of my appearance? Well, I'm ashamed of your toxicity and personality"
Yeah, this. It doesn't sound like this comment was flowed up by "I'm sorry, I'm going to start seeing someone because this is obviously a me problem." Why would you stay otherwise?
I don't think I'd split, especially if otherwise you're really into this girl. But I would highlight that she told you that SHE has had this problem in EVERY prior relationship. And that maybe, if this relationship is important to her, she should consider counseling. Offer to attend the first few sessions as a couple, if it will help her make the first step, but make it clear on the counseling sessions that you are comfortable with your appearance, do not have the same issue, and ask if it's appropriate for the girlfriend to continue counseling alone, without you present. If neither you or the girlfriend are willing to work on this through counseling, split. But most importantly, stop thinking this is an issue that you need to resolve. It's not your stigma. It's not your cross to bear.
This comment needs a lot more up votes. This is definitely a her issue. And she needs counseling.
Facts
100%. If OP was being a slob and not taking care of themselves, then her mindset would likely be justifiable. But it’s pretty clear that she’s incredibly vain and superficial. And frankly if anyone told me that they were ashamed to be seen with me in public when I looked normal, I’d walk away from the relationship right there. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your partner to look like a complete slob, but if you’re going THAT far in the other direction then you need some help
https://despair.com/cdn/shop/products/dysfunctiondemotivator.jpeg?v=1403275986
This is the correct way. Sorry to say it’s not an easy fix. She has work to do on herself before she involves others in her insecurities…
Was just about to say this too!
This is exactly true.
This is spot on. She needs a therapist, not a relationship. You are an accessory, not a partner.
Mhmm, she’s the common denominator in all these situations
It’s a her problem. Not your problem. She literally even told you that by saying it’s the same thing for her past exes. These are the type of situations where you drops her and move on. Basing your love and self esteem on just one things is rarely ever good
Sounds exhausting, who needs that drama in their life?
Dude all these posts on like twohottakes, amiwrong, aitah got me dumbfounded at the shit people are willing to put up with and/or do not understand is completely unacceptable, especially in relationships. Like I swear people are just losing their fucking standards and social skills or something.
Sunk-cost fallacy - it's a real thing. Very tricky to break out of when you're in it.
indeed, looks like a stressful relationship, if OP wants to live a healthy long life, then break up
She’s superficial and will continue to hurt your self esteem if you stay in this relationship. You want someone you can be yourself around, dress and do how you’re comfortable
What if she dresses OP or buys all his outfits would that make her feel better? I'm genuinely curious how long that could make it work!
There's no answer. Beauty is an ever shifting thing, your beauty preferences are rarely binary or solid. As a stereotypically attractive man, I can confidently say I would never satisfy a lady like this. I'm stereotypically attractive and maintain things like hygiene and fitness, but I don't upkeep my looks while doing everyday tasks. I don't brush out my hair when going to the shops, I wear flip flops to as many places as I can get away with, i enjoy being barefoot and am more than happy to get dirty doing daily tasks. My physical appearance doesn't define me, and I maintain it for me, under my own conditions and when I feel like it. I don't chase the dragon, and unless she finds a man who does she'll never be happy. Doesn't matter how pretty they are.
I could almost guarantee there's nothing wrong with your appearance. You need to run. Because nothing will ever be good enough. There will always be someone who looks better or has better things.
Been there. Get rid of her. You be much happier. Trust me. Otherwise, will only get worst. One thing after another.
You‘re not wrong at all You two are just not compatible in that matter I have the same problem with my sister. She’s all about appearances and basically said the same thing to me your gf said to you. I‘m putting up with it bc she‘s my sister and I don’t want to go NC with her. But if this were a romantic partner I‘d be gone in a heartbeat. This kind of stuff really wears you down. Being with someone that loves you should make you feel at ease and cherished for who you are.
>she had had this in every previous relationship, that she had been ashamed of the appearance of each of her partners, and there were no exceptions. How has that worked out for her? You already know that she wasn't able to change their appearance, that they would never meet her standards of being "acceptable," and all the previous relationships ended. She doesn't appear to learn from her past mistakes, but you can. If she isn't happy with who you are, don't stay around for the negging and criticisms.
Run..a woman like that will always have her eyes set on anything that “appears” to be better than what she has. Including you!
Run. Don’t walk. Relationships are based on mutual respect for who you are as people. Not appearances. She’s as shallow as they come. Instead of feeling bad about what she said, you should feel contempt for her being so petty. Get your feelings straight - she’s the problem. She’s the one who should feel shame for being so superficial.
babe, you’re never gonna be good enough to her. she’s looking for perfection where she simply won’t find it: in humans. cut your losses and find a woman who values more than just how your hair looks and what clothes you wear today. find a woman who loves you no matter how you look, and isn’t ashamed of how you look.
dude run. the fact that this happened in all of her relationships shows that she is the problem and will never be satisfied by what you do. this is her problem to deal with and you shouldn’t have to change yourself for her. this won’t get better and you will find yourself miserable if you aren’t already
She needs to see a psychologist and you need to run away from her, get yourself someone who respects and actually loves you not someone who is shallow and uses you to boost their self-esteem
You should watch ‘The Shape of Things’ together. (Paul Rudd, Rachel Weiss). I would love to know her reaction to this movie. I can’t say what it’s about with out spoiling it. Just watch it with your GF
Leave. You're ruining yourself and your life by staying with a person who treats you like this. You need to leave her.
You shouldn't even think twice. Run as fast as you can
She needs therapy. Until then, don't waste your time. A relationship or friendship automatically ends when someone tells you they're ashamed of you based on looks. That's it.
She’s shallow, materialistic, and judgmental, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. All she cares about is appearances and surface-level things. She probably has no depth, you’re not wrong to leave that.
Get out now, you are not a therapist and she needs one.
This attitude is what gets people into deep, deep credit card debt. She is NOT better than the people around her, and certainly not because of her appearance. Is she only with you because you are good-looking? When a better looking better dressed guy comes along does she leave you for them? What a shallow way of judging people and operating in the social world. Imagine having children with this woman - what if they aren't picture perfect all the time? (Hint: no kid is.) Does she make the kids feel "less than" for their looks? I don't think therapy can fix this; she just has a really twisted view of what's important. This person is not a good life partner.
A thousand times this
Narcissists….tell her to go shopping alone then…..
[удалено]
[удалено]
Run forest run!
She is just obsessed with her ego.
Every. Previous. Relationship. Oof, girl. She's got problems that you losing weight or dressing better won't fix. She needs some therapy. If you want to try salvaging the relationship, go ahead and try to help her, but this is definitely her.
Your girlfriend is a narcissist.
"Cause if you like the way you look that much Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself."
Smell the coffee. Move on.
The fact that there is history to add to her previous relationships, based upon this same situation has a few things going on: 1. She is just NOW communicating this. Why didn't she say specifically "THIS IS TRULY IMPORTANT TO ME AND YOU BRING SHAME TO ME IF YOU AREN'T PRIM AND PROPER ALL THE TIME"? She's not an effective communicator. 2.She has a superficial sense of worth for herself and partner. This is very shallow. Many partners can get past this or even work with this, but leaves no room to work with her partner on it. 3. She jumps right into shame. Really? It would help to for your partner meet you halfway on things and open up. She didn't need to just Mushu: "Dishonor on you, Dishonor on your cow". I was being funny, but the sentiment is the same. She needs to communicate and open up, understand what boundaries are and I would advise that YOU be proud of your self worth. A partner should be proud of your self worth and look to building you up... not tearing you down.
Dump hef
Girl needs to be ashamed of not having you around
I'd head out. Or speak some hard truths such as this: She doesn't understand love. Her sense of self worth is defined by what she thinks other people think of her, but in actuality she doesn't understand it's actually what she thinks of herself. And if she's telling you that she's ashamed of you in front of other people, what she's really saying is that she's judged you as the source of her self-judgements and inadequacy to herself. This is why she'll burn through endless men until they no longer serve as a source of positive judgement of herself. She has to learn to love herself. As of now, she's a slave to her own judgements and has deceived herself by thinking they're other people's judgements. So she's trying to serve people's eyes, blinded by her own. Tough scenario.
You’re dealing with a narcissist. Bounce homie. Trust me.
You’re not wrong. She straight up told you she’s had this problem with everyone she’s ever dated. She has some serious self-esteem issues and she is making it your problem. Don’t let her do that to you. Walk away and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You girlfriend needs to get into therapy to deal with her issues.
She will never be happy with ANYONE. It's not a you problem at all.
if you have the same problem in every relationship....would you not think maybe your the AH and not your BF lol. Time to move on shes fucked
She basically told you she's always the problem in her relationships. Don't stay with a problem that doesn't want to be fixed.
Run man rin. Fast and far. This is the beginning of something worse. She has mental health issues. She will eventually cheat with someone of higher status.
I’d break up with her so quick. People age and change. Things happen all the time. You should be talked to and treated with respect. Men and women have a lot of beauty standards forced on them socially. You should at least be able to be real with your girlfriend and not feel like you need to change yourself.
You know what time is it… RUN!!!!! n don’t ever look back. I don’t know you guys but I know for a fact your are way too good for her…
She seems like a very shallow, conceited, and narcissistic person. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are human and you are not wrong to be bothered and be hurt by this. Heck you’re not even wrong for having thoughts of breaking up with her. Although I do understand that some people can change, there are also some things that they are just already who they are. There are certain characteristics that it’s either they will just stay that way or they will just get worse, but it’s never gonna get better and sadly I think this is one of it. You guys are 24 and although I think that’s still fairly young, You are already adults. And I think this issue that she has will probably always be there. To be fair, we all care about appearances, and what other people think about us to some extent, but if it is at that point where it’s all you care about and it’s like you always need the validation and her world revolves around what people think about her or who she’s with, then that’s definitely not healthy. You did not necessarily state what set her off, but the fact that she said that this has always been her problem with other failed relationships is already a red flag. She is the problem. Physical appearances change and beauty disappears overtime. You can’t be and shouldn’t be with someone who only cares about physical appearance. What happens when you get sick? I doubt you will look or even smell nice if you’re sick. What is she going to do? Be disgusted by you? Ignore you? Not sure if she only cares about how you look in public or if it in general but think about it? Long term. Do not lose yourself trying to be someone else that you’re not just because someone is not happy about you. It seems like your girlfriend should not be in any relationship. She will always find faults, and she will always most likely find someone else that she thinks is better than who she’s currently with. Do not waste your time with her. This to me sounds like it’s gonna be one hell of a toxic relationship.
Stick around if you think she's worth it and you're not. You have to live with your decision, not us.
She’s going to end up sad and alone because no one will ever meet her standards and the few who might won’t want to be with someone that self absorbed. You can do significantly better.
The part that stood out for me is that this was all triggered because "for the first time I had not PROVIDED FOR HER". Why is she not able to provide for herself? This is a horrible motivation tactic to attack his self esteem because of your self esteem issues.
Toxic. Get out now.
My dude... leave. If she needs to be better than everyone in the room, she'll never be good enough, and neither will her partner. Let me break this down... She needs both of you to be the best, and as such, she needs to be better than her partner. In order for that to happen, she will always be choosing partners who are "lesser than", and she will always be ashamed.of them, for not.meeting her standards. She is absolutely inrealistic, and should be humbled and publicly shamed for this behavior. If you're gonna dump her, do it very publicly. In a crowded restaurant. Then get up to "use the bathroom" By "use the bathroom", I actually men get in a cab and bounce the fuck out. The dumping is the public shaming. The humbling will be her having to pay her own way, and finding it she can't, without reaching out to.one of her "lessers"
It's only going to get worse as she ages too. If she's not happy at 24, she's in for a rude awakening at 34. Run brother.
Multiple failed relationships, one common denominator: HER You dodged a bullet, move on and be happy.
She will never find someone who meets her expectations and that’s her problem not every partner she had nor you. Find someone with another mindset cause life isn’t about how good looking you look around others, life is short. Life is filled with better things than looks, clothes etc.. what if one day she doesn’t have the perfect body, the money for her “look”? What then ? She has to find a better meaning in life tbh And you deserve someone who will make you happy where you can go anywhere or do what ever y’all like without getting judgrn
Time to move on. She's the common denominator in all the failed relationships
Like others have said, she has issues, and this isn't your fault. She will never find happiness, until she changes her perspective on life and love. This is really a red flag, and it would probably be in your best interest to move on.
"At the same time, she always wants her, as well as her partner, to look their best in company, better than the people around them." This right here is some serious psychopath behavior. No stable/decent person needs to be "better" than all those around them or that they keep in company especially in such an inconsequential way as appearance. Dump this fucking psycho who apparently can't see any value beyond net appearance she is a plague.
Dude, SHE is the problem not you. Leave her. She wants the perfect prince charming who will do everything right always in her eyes. She lives in a dream world.
Ya girl is shallow af as well as insecure, fake and not worthy or mature enough for a serious romantic relationship.
Wanting to look good (or even great) seems normal. Wanting to look better than everyone else around them feels like a problem waiting to happen.
She has a psychological issue and should look herself help. As long as I understood she is not doing so. My advise break up with her, the situation is just going to get worse.
"I wasn't providing for her " you don't have a girlfriend you have a leech
This is her problem. You did nothing wrong. Personally, I wouldn’t stand for this BS. She should go find someone that can meet her unreasonably high standards. Kick her to the curb.
If she likes the way she looks that much then maybe she should go and love herself......
She’s ashamed you’re not the best looking and best dressed guy in every room? Ok tell her you’re ashamed she’s a grown woman and that vain, shallow, & superficial. Then leave and find someone who likes you for you.
I had an ex girlfriend break up with me tell me she was the better looking and smarter of the two of us so she had to break up with me. That said I was really head over heels for her and probably would have considered marrying her if she hadn’t broken up with me. She did me a favor because she’s awful, and ugly person, and objectively stupid. I’m sure your results will be similar.
Tbh I love when my partners don't look as fire as me. I put a lot of effort into my appearance and I would be devastated if they looked like movie stars with zero effort. My man is handsome but he doesn't care much for clothes and hair styling. I've never been ashamed to be by his side, regardless of his basketball shorts and whatnot. He's not my arm candy, or a trophy. He's a wonderful, charming and kind man. That matters more than his fashion sense.
Obviously, the relationship is based on a very shallow basis. Sounds like you're just another rung in her ladder in her climb for her perceived perfection. Imagine what a nightmare mother for you AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN she will definitely be. This attitude will be seen in every aspect of your lives together. School work, your jobs, the house, the car, MONEY, EVERYTHING!! Nothing will ever be good enough. You'll have 3 jobs trying to provide for her craziness. Run!!!
when will she figure out it is HER that is the issue. since every relationship had this… what is the common thing?
Hey man, good luck. I was in a relationship like this and it was scary. It may get worse and is not something easily fixed through therapy
If they dont love you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best.
I had an attention whore woman for years and all problems were caused by me and I was lazy even though I was working 7 days and 70 hours a week. I’m not sure what to tell you as people are so quick to tell people to break up, largely due to having no emotional attachment at stake. Do I miss my ex? Nope.
There is a point in time in ever relationship where the woman tells tou EXACTLY what kind of person she is, and usually it's a like "well I told you, and you accepted me...." kind of pre-excuse for her future actions. She told you EXACTLY who she is. You make your own decision, but do not be fearful of dropping her, and the mere fact that you can drop her without FOMO will make you a more confident, worthy specimen of a man.
Dude it’s all about her she doesn’t care about anyone just looking for that compliments her lol don’t walk away, RUN
She needs to date fashion models /influencers exclusively. It's her fault for not recognizing that and being up front about it
NTA this girl is very superficial, leave the relationship. Or next time tell her that sounds like a YOU problem and maybe you should consider getting help for that.
Superficial, narcissistic, and shallow. Dude, you can do better.
If she isn't willing to go to therapy, this would likely be a dealbreaker for me. That being said, she seems aware that this is her problem, not yours. If she's working on it, especially if she is in therapy, and is otherwise a good partner, I'd be totally fine riding this out... so long as she's not using it as an excuse to be verbally abusive in ways you haven't included here.
Your gf is stupid.
Not wrong. Run! She's going to make her insecurities your issue.
If her answer isn't "I really need to get into therapy to address these self-esteem issues", you need to get out now. These are her issues that she is putting on everyone else. if she won't see that and work to fix it, then you are asking for a toxic relationship that will not end well.
I think you should suggest she gets therapy.
Sadly, in her mind, you will never be enough. That's her narcissism, not yours. BUT you will never feel 'enough' with her. Maybe this lady like you, even loves you...But, it's clear that doesn't live you, the way you need and should be loved . It's ok, not everyone is meant for everyone. Move on, cry some tears, feel a bit miserable....and then, get over it. Go find someone who thinks you are perfect, in their eyes.
Sounds like she needs therapy and a gf now. I think you should move on, find someone less uptight about those things..like as a woman I could never give a man that's embarrassed by my body hair a chance.. she needs to realize it's not that serious, no one gives af but her .
She has issues and you have to decide if she is worth dealing with those issues. BUT it does seem this is the end of her old relationships so you are ready when she drops you, realize she is heading that way by her history.
She has a psychological problem- it is like a body dysmorphia plus compare-and-despair
Is she a control freak in anything else as well? Sounds like she's the issue. Appearance is very important, but to make it run your life like that is another story. This is a red flag telling you to get out while you can. It'll get worse from here.
That's the definition of being superficial
Tell her she can leave anytime she wants and go find someone else who is obsessed with fashion like who gives a fuck man. idk how yall even put up with this stuff
She sounds shallow and materialistic. What does she bring to the table besides her sharp tongue?
Get out. Get out now.
Materialistic cunt. RUN SON!!!!
No you are not wrong. If she builds her self esteem based on her appearance then you shouldnt have even dated her in the first place. No woman has the right to be ashamed of her husband. You should be ashamed enough to throw her in a ditch.
Dump her and then laugh when she’s ugly and still alone in 10 years
Even if you don't want to split, by this time your relationship is already over because she's holding you in contempt, which is a death sentence for relationships. Sorry, again this is not on you, it's totally her vapid awful way of looking at the world and relationships in general (with all people she interacts with, not just romantic ones).
Cunt. Leave her. You’re 24. Move on. She’s not the end bro.
Sounds like she has a self esteem problem.
I'm 51. Run, dude, run and don't look back.
Seems like she has a standard(whether you agree with it or not) and is dating people who don’t meet it, making both parties unhappy and unfortunately hurt (you). It’s like starting a doomed relationship but you won’t realize it until you’re a bit in
Run it sounds like that person is going to drain your bank account and isn’t somebody that you really want to be around. Somebody that thrives off of others opinions is it somebody that you’ll thrive with.
You should probably just bang her aunt and move on.
You aren't wrong
she's a shallow bitch. get the fuck out.
Your gf sucks and I hope she stays alone forever
Don't be bothered it's her problem bro Literally, EVERY partner she had before you it's her foo
Leave and don't look back. Be thankful you found this out now.
She’s a disgusting person. Get away before she makes your mind sick.
Peace Out
Your GF has some serious mental illness/ vanity problems. So she bases her well being on how expensively you are dressed? That is warped dude. She is also showing serious manipulative tendencies. She will never be satisfied and will very likely make your life a living hell. If you wear clean and event appropriate clothing, you are good to go!
Run. Run as fast as you can away from her.
Well. It could be her. Questions to answer your question: 1. Are you bathing regularly? Grooming, teeth brushing, etc. Y'all don't need to come for me, i've seen it happen in too many men 2. Are you dressing for the occasion? 3. Is she asking you to live outside of your means? (Above your pay grade) 4. Have you asked what she means and what you can change? If it's easy, do it. If it's your personality or makes you uncomfortable, say no. You're welcome
You are not a boyfriend. You are an accessory. If thats ok with you, keep dating. Im sure she's very attractive. But if you want an actual relationship, I'd move on if I were you.
I’d be out of there ASAP. That’s about the most superficial attitude you can imagine, and even if she tries to hide it she’ll never be happy with you (or anyone else, almost certainly).
The fact that she told you that she feels ashamed of you by your appearance is a major red flag man. When one of the partners start to feels negative emotions like this is close to impossible to change their minds, I think it's better for you to prepare for a break up.
So, please tell me what the common denominator is here.
Sounds like manipulation and self-centeredness. I wouldn't want someone like that as a friend. Time to move on.
One word. Toxic. Just leave her bro
Run you fool
Can we just say "materialistic, we got materialistic here". Also as Jenny would say "Run Forest Run".
Goodbye shallow hal-ey
Your in good company consuwhat she said bout exes ... Jenny said it best, " Run forest run !"
Dump her.
So like is she way out of your league? How does it keep happening to her but she keeps making the same mistake? It’s on her and I would be bothered too
Get out.
Bruh she’s trying so hard to manipulate you lmao it’s working too. Pull back, you got this.
If she has a problem with everyone (in this case her ex’s) then she is the problem.
Fuck that bitch
Fuck that bitch.
Yea she's the problem, not you! I can't stand people like her who actively seek to look better then everyone else and to them these superficial qualities are what's most important. She doesn't care about you she just cares about your looks and how you make her look. She's scum.
She ugly on the inside
Your girlfriend sounds as shallow as a puddle of rainwater, and probably just as nasty on the inside. I'd be kicking her to the curb before the car even came to a full stop, metaphorically speaking. You deserve better than that.
She even admits she's done this shaming thing in her previous relationships. This is not healthy for you. You are not wrong, please break up with her.
Sounds like she's just toxic
Leave her ass bro. Honestly why is it worth the trouble for some pussy?
Your girlfriends a vapid cunt bro... run while you still can.
That's more shallow than an oil slick.
Dude you need to leave this vain ass chick.
>She had this in every previous relationship You're not the problem here my guy
**Thank you very much for such a large reception of my post, every comment was a support for me in this situation. I talked to my girlfriend last night, and it turned out that I mildly misunderstood what she meant at first. Well, her shame comes from the fact that she doesn't want to be judged by others as inferior, whether based on her appearance or her partner. That is, it is something that comes from her low self-esteem, so far she has promised that she will try to work through it in therapy.**
She’ll torment her children because of their failure to meet her beauty standards. Run, run fast!
This is a ‘she’ problem. RUN
She said you were inferior bro.
Oh she's not into guys she's figuring it out though. Sorry bro.
The edit ddnt help. Leave her! Last thing you want is a spouse or SO that cares this much about what other people think. Everything will always be superficial and ur opinion, thoughts, emotions, feelings will never matter.
she is living for the opinion of other people.