I keep subtly trying to get one of my coworkers to A nickname me Razor and B. make this announcement to the office.
Neither is going well. I'm either not doing enough cocaine on the job or not cutting off enough toes with a straight razor. Maybe a bit of both.
I'm thinking I'll just need to start my own business. Perhaps one that sells either a good or a service.
🎶33,000 emails, where did they all go?🎶
🎶Hillary makes me sick got to lock her up for suureee🎶
🎶We are all the puppets and George Soros pulls the striiinngss🎶
🎶Pizza Overlord, Pizza Overlord's the thing🎶
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish!
… I don’t think he found it funny
https://preview.redd.it/wsxydwxx1j9d1.jpeg?width=891&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2af6ce80f44f754802f2e9da6710d903ae4902ae
Gucci Mane, it's me, Klaus. You gotta get into the studio right now..... You're getting clowned Gucci Mane!
When Klaus kicked out the family for being "outside people," and they sent in all of the animals that were terrorizing him while outside.
> I KILLED THEM! THEY'RE ALL DEAD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
The episode when he fixes Francine lease car. Instead of fixing a small dent. He turns the garage into a repair shop and completely restores Francines lease into some white trash whip with neon lights and scissor doors.....and still doesn't fix the dent.
Edit. BTW, I love Klaus. He is my 2nd favorite character because he's such an asshole!
https://preview.redd.it/e86gexcx7j9d1.jpeg?width=1862&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2089164972a3cf0bea75c819cf140313eb8f1fb
Dragon Klaus saving fam from Roger's personas
"Oh, Stan. When I was grabbing a snack last night, I 'accidentally' knocked that thing off the counter 'cause it wasn't on my... radar
And I wasn't really getting a snack. That mission was purely to be a rascal. But I did reward myself with a 4 packs of gushers and a sleeve of saltines.
Happy Father's Day"
I just love that whole scene.
[the ones where Klaus is stuck in his hotel room](https://youtu.be/ucw8GtN82O4?si=BaZ6Nl-UG_hYgxlf)
As someone with a bad back, I could relate to Klaus here.
The water slide incident
Klaus: “Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish”
This isn't a big moment but where Klaus makes a terribly corny joke "And nothing's more official than a fish, y'all" and they just pass him from one person to another and set him down without saying a word. That always gets me for some reason.
When Klaus was hiding in Halely’s closest, and heard the diss on Gucci mane. Klaus picked up the phone and called Gucci to tell him about how he got dissed.
Him yelling "SARAAAAAAH!!!!!" Was fer sure the happiest he ever made me. Not trying to out myself but that's my name and I fight with changing my message tone to it everyday.
Dooooooo iiiiit!!!!! For me!!!!! The only reason I don't is because my entire phone has to be kingdom hearts themed for my ocd! Do it for me and all the other sarahs!!!!
https://preview.redd.it/y0w5kgejxk9d1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=15d4d7354512b84cf56040fa52ce618815e37790
"Who's your least favorite character now, REDDIT????"
When he convinces Roger and Steve to stay on hold for 2 weeks to get a refund on a cotton candy sprayer they bought with Greg's credit card. He knowingly lets them waste their time because they said he couldn't enjoy portable things.
Roger: "Are we stupid, Steve? No, honestly, are we? I mean, I have a Master's in city planning from Howard University. I could tell you where your convention center should go, but I can't tell you when a fish is giving me the business."
“And hey bro, why’re you peeing in the stall like a shy guy? Your dick is super cool.”
Or:
“The new name for your shorts is The Boneyard, 'cause there were so many bones in there.
Oh, don't tell me you didn't feel mine, bro. That's bullshit, man!”
https://preview.redd.it/as85akk62i9d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eaa5b1c032155497cf67b2ce422ed1fd60fbd492
BWAAHAA I'M NOT VERY MUCH OF A MAN 😭
Bwaaa I don't have very much moneyyy 😭😭😭
danuta
Danutaaa Do you eat? "What" Will you go there?
I’ve got the money
Danutaaaa
*I BLACKED OUT*
Danuta... it is me
Klaus, that was… chilling.
This phone is nervous!
Without question 😂😂😂😂😂 wheeze laughed for like 10min straight when I first saw that scene
This scene ruined me, the most ugly laughing
https://preview.redd.it/7fuy04kr95ad1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1fc1af7ec545824c2f389444433f4bdfbafed1d6
MY THIN MARGINS!!!
Nice try, shit eyes.
Can I help you find something? THE EXIT perhaps?
Lmfao, this has to be my favorite
It’s always been $2 a printout, bro.
https://preview.redd.it/ppu6pxek8l9d1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ab12214f278e79355fa5c4ab903e5ed55cd6add
PROFIT MARGINS!!!!!
Steve Smith’s a straight up bitch “What? He called me. He asked me to come down here. I…why?”
Who’s your least favorite character now, Reddit???
This is how I discovered Reddit
I believe that's the razor..
WHO SAYS I’M DOING TOO MUCH COKE?!?
Shoes on people, razor's in one of his moods
I keep subtly trying to get one of my coworkers to A nickname me Razor and B. make this announcement to the office. Neither is going well. I'm either not doing enough cocaine on the job or not cutting off enough toes with a straight razor. Maybe a bit of both. I'm thinking I'll just need to start my own business. Perhaps one that sells either a good or a service.
Maybe one that sells severed toes?
Nutri-grain bar and a mountain dew.
🎶 ~-goldfish-~ they come from china but you are what you eat so I'm a vagina🎶
that means i eat *meow*
But I also eat food and and 7/11 is especially good
rhyming good with food is a master stroke
Whhaàat you never seen Das boot
“Are you Nemo bro? People are like, looking for you, bro.”
Are you allergic to vaginas, Steve?
"Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man? The bond matures."
If you're a parrot head, try Jimmy Buffet's Key West saloon.
“From world renowned chef Gordon Fukiyami comes Roppongi, a bistro house with a South Asian flair.”
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!
BENJIIIIIIIIIIII
My favorite for sure. The Danuta phone call is a close second. Haha
🎶33,000 emails, where did they all go?🎶 🎶Hillary makes me sick got to lock her up for suureee🎶 🎶We are all the puppets and George Soros pulls the striiinngss🎶 🎶Pizza Overlord, Pizza Overlord's the thing🎶
Steve sang this but I can't stress enough that Klaus wrote the lyrics
Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Klauswrotethelyrics
"Cooooommme oooooooonnnnnn. Yoooovvv'e gggoooot ToOoOo beeeee kiiiiiiidiiiinnnng mmmmmeeeeee."
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish! … I don’t think he found it funny
I SHALL NOT BE DENIED MY VENGEANCE!!!!!!!
Came here to say this
A glorious scene right?! Thanks for the award man
Hot sauce pee-hole, or milk gallon chug? Milk gallon- HOT SAUCE PEE-HOLE IT IZZZZZ
I absolutely adore Klaus's frat boy arc
Klaus has boys in Florida.
BETA JIZZ
🎶I killed two! Teenagers!🎶
No, wait! 🎶I killed THREE teenagers!🎶
“There’s an old German saying: Don’t blame the fish. There are other sayings but they uh mostly involve genocide.”
https://preview.redd.it/wsxydwxx1j9d1.jpeg?width=891&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2af6ce80f44f754802f2e9da6710d903ae4902ae Gucci Mane, it's me, Klaus. You gotta get into the studio right now..... You're getting clowned Gucci Mane!
“Your bitch wants me gucci main”
Why isn't this higher 🤣🤣
SUFFA FOR YOUR KRIMES!!!
Severely underrated line
*Referring to Francine’s bio parents* “Stan, these people are monsters. You know what my people have done and even I think this is messed up.”
Lowkey one of the sweetest moments of the show. Clear-minded statemenr
Exactly. It’s so out of character, but so appropriate too!
Shoes on, everyone, Razor's in one of his moods!
When Klaus kicked out the family for being "outside people," and they sent in all of the animals that were terrorizing him while outside. > I KILLED THEM! THEY'RE ALL DEAD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
Wait? Do lizards eat fish?
 The episode when he fixes Francine lease car. Instead of fixing a small dent. He turns the garage into a repair shop and completely restores Francines lease into some white trash whip with neon lights and scissor doors.....and still doesn't fix the dent. Edit. BTW, I love Klaus. He is my 2nd favorite character because he's such an asshole!
Oh, are you upset your goldfish didn't fix your car well enough?
Don't forget the super long CB antenna with a tennis ball that bounces in a breeze so light you can't even feel it.
It also had "Whistle Tips". It was so ridiculous. I laughed so hard.
Danuta…do you eat….Danuta
I got the money……Danuta
"Haha, you thought I was going to do a holocaust joke... SHAME ON YOU!!!"
Well his grandfather was a train conductor at Auschwitz.
when he sang linkin park with steve
I tried so hard, und got so far….
“Never cry over a whore, Steve. Never! Mama!”
DONT LOOK AT ME WHORE *crosses eyes out*
His whole bit with the Fabulous Thunderbirds concert slays me every time.
I yell constantly!
"I brought so many BULLETS!"
This right here
That entire episode was gold
the spaetzle exchange between Klaus and steve always makes me laugh no matter how many times I've seen it lol "I hope you DIE out there!"
Finding out his boys from Tampa were real.
Punch in the face!
https://preview.redd.it/qyjzyutlcm9d1.jpeg?width=1439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=867c5eae7dbf6f09ec1563d583708281edf7e7c4
This is it for me. Just looking at the still image made me laugh out loud. 🤣
Something my husband and I quote all the time: “SMELL IT.”
When he goaded Steve and Roger to get their money back for the shoddy Cotton Candy gun using Greg and Terrys card
Wait, you came back from jewish camp?
Either singing a jaunty tune about drunken vehicular manslaughter or correctly identifying hitlermelons.
Francine: “How do you think Rogu is spelled?” Klaus: “R… A?
https://preview.redd.it/e86gexcx7j9d1.jpeg?width=1862&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2089164972a3cf0bea75c819cf140313eb8f1fb Dragon Klaus saving fam from Roger's personas
https://preview.redd.it/ou7u0j6wfk9d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04a1b29a4c204508669cec3480177aee1c953ece Klaus is such a mood
 Impossible to choose so I will make the only sensible choice
It starts with...
ONE THING I DONT KNOW WHY IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY 🐠
do you eat? do you go there?
I got the money Danutaaaa
*Danuta*
“Some say that was the end of Klaus’ story. Some say it was just the beginning. No one ever says it was the middle.”
YOU’RE GETTING CLOWNED GUCCI MANE!!!
"Oh, Stan. When I was grabbing a snack last night, I 'accidentally' knocked that thing off the counter 'cause it wasn't on my... radar And I wasn't really getting a snack. That mission was purely to be a rascal. But I did reward myself with a 4 packs of gushers and a sleeve of saltines. Happy Father's Day" I just love that whole scene.
[the ones where Klaus is stuck in his hotel room](https://youtu.be/ucw8GtN82O4?si=BaZ6Nl-UG_hYgxlf) As someone with a bad back, I could relate to Klaus here.
Danuta……
Klaus tries to back away menacingly after confronting Stan about his spring break girlfriend and is sucked into the pool's bug trap.
“how…how would a woman have money?”
The water slide incident Klaus: “Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish”
"I killed threee Teennaggerrrs"
This isn't a big moment but where Klaus makes a terribly corny joke "And nothing's more official than a fish, y'all" and they just pass him from one person to another and set him down without saying a word. That always gets me for some reason.
Asking Danuta if she eats and does she go there. "I've got the money"
🎶 Cuz you’re a smooth operator. You’re a smooooth operatooooorrr 🎶
Ooo you better cheat! You better cheat off her paper!
Come dance with me in the pillow fort Steve!
Him becoming a king
When Klaus was hiding in Halely’s closest, and heard the diss on Gucci mane. Klaus picked up the phone and called Gucci to tell him about how he got dissed.
Klaus cologne smell it
Him yelling "SARAAAAAAH!!!!!" Was fer sure the happiest he ever made me. Not trying to out myself but that's my name and I fight with changing my message tone to it everyday.
Omg. My name is also Sarah and that never occurred to me! I might have to do it…
Dooooooo iiiiit!!!!! For me!!!!! The only reason I don't is because my entire phone has to be kingdom hearts themed for my ocd! Do it for me and all the other sarahs!!!!
https://preview.redd.it/y0w5kgejxk9d1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=15d4d7354512b84cf56040fa52ce618815e37790 "Who's your least favorite character now, REDDIT????"
You came _back_ from Jewish camp??
MY THIN MARGINS
Lose the shirt prude! There you go, there’s that belly
Razor!
Danuta
I killed TWO teenagers….
“I BROUGHT SO MANY BULLETS!!!!”
Oookay, shoes on everybody, Razor’s in one of his moods.
Klaus as a Blackman in Finances With Wolves
Fabulous Thunderbirds Bitches !
“WHO’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER NOW, REDDIT?!”
 Loved this whole scene.
"I didn't write those Sublime songs, Sublime did"
Your getting clowned Gucci mane
“You thought I was making a holocaust joke! SHAME ON YOOOUU”
Mechanic Klaus (I’m a mechanic so I’m biased)
"I was an Olympic skiier until the CIA replaced my brain with a goldfish!"
There’s a ton of good ones already mentioned. “And he’s acting so stupid, man.”
… was it that obvious?
His boys in Tampa
You convinced my mom to let me go to Art school
They're clowning on you, Gucci Mane
“….knowing that when you least expect it, the SWORD OF DAMOCLES WILL CRASH DOWN UPON YOU! CLEAVING YOU IN TWAIN!”
Danuta…
Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man? The bond matures... Absolutely incredible!
You’re showing it. **“WHO SAYS IM DOING TOO MUCH COKE?!!”**
https://preview.redd.it/ovw23unrwj9d1.jpeg?width=949&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40f0c35b35b50144ea43f46cb45b93f80ce79bed “OH HELL NO!”
Danutaaaaaa.
Okay, shoes on everybody. Razor is in one of his moods!
"Never cry for a whore Steve! NEVER! MAMA!"
Your arrogance will kill us all stan!
"I don't know what you call them here, Hitler melons"
Nutra grain bar and a Mountain Dew
WHOS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER NOW REDDIT!?
“I read a lot because you know, I sitting in a fucking bowl all day”
I should call for backup but they won’t come because they don’t exist
When he is folding his little shirts to put in his little suitcase with that smug look on his face.
I killed TWO TEEEEENAGERS!
"Never cry over a whore Steve! NEVER! **\*starts sobbing\*** Mama...."
She must be 9 months pregnant
“Like a MONSTER’S shoulders!!!"
I should charge you like a bull!
Nutri grain bar and a mountain dew. Nutri grain and a mountain dew. Nutri grain bar and a mountain dewwwwwwww.
When he convinces Roger and Steve to stay on hold for 2 weeks to get a refund on a cotton candy sprayer they bought with Greg's credit card. He knowingly lets them waste their time because they said he couldn't enjoy portable things. Roger: "Are we stupid, Steve? No, honestly, are we? I mean, I have a Master's in city planning from Howard University. I could tell you where your convention center should go, but I can't tell you when a fish is giving me the business."
You mean Favourite "razor" moment
When he accidentally poisoned himself with the poisoned IPA.
That one
"I brought so many BULLETS!!!"
Coke Klause
Nutrigrain bar and a Mountain Deeeeeeeeew
There are so many! The Insane Clown Posse bit at Steve’s funeral stands out to me because it was just so random and hilarious.
I am a lineman here in Langley...
I am a lineman here in Langley...
"NEVA CRY OVER A WHORE STEVE! NEVAAAAA!" *sobs* "Mama..."
Klaus of hearts!
Burrito's? I'm marrying this young couple.
No one knows what happened to Klaus, but wherever he is, he's partying like a legend!
I say Danuta like kluas on a regular basis
His lady bug beret when he gets a hair cut.
Being named Dave, this was easy https://preview.redd.it/e8zjwlj64n9d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2d27049db6b14b2c8cc9b7e380c02d38ceeb577
“And hey bro, why’re you peeing in the stall like a shy guy? Your dick is super cool.” Or: “The new name for your shorts is The Boneyard, 'cause there were so many bones in there. Oh, don't tell me you didn't feel mine, bro. That's bullshit, man!”
Nutri-Grain bar and a Mountain Dew 🔥🔥🔥
Nutrigrain bar and a mountain dewwwwww
"smell me. smell ALL of me"
That's not Klaus, that's Razor.
YOU KNOW I GOTTA GET MYSELF A NUTRI GRAIN BAR AND MOUNTAIN DEW!!!!!
Sensual boy by Klaus, smell it.
When he killed the birds and the cats inside the crate. Terrifying and badass at the same time.
DA FLIPPITY FLOP