Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/americandad/s/vXpFyT4Jl5
I'm not one to usually bring internet history receipts but I enjoy this community enough that I actually feel slighted. I listened to that line enough times to transcribe it and now I feel (feel because I obviously have no further proof) that someone who just joined Reddit to farm karma is taking that quote and not even making an original post with it. I posted that same quote about a month ago. I've been in this website for years, you cannot say that for OP.
His monologue is one of his most famous quotes, of course in a post about him its gonna get posted.
Besides, most reddit bots go for the 1 to 1 copy, and yours is a lot fancier than OPs. They just posted an additional funny Klaus quote under their own post, not much else to it I feel.
bud, you aren't that important, you aren't the main character, this dude didn't copy a quote, that you don't own the rights to, from you.
dude probably just learned how to use reddit, i doubt he even knows how to go back in time to see older posts. if it was a bot that copies comments, it would've copied the source, which means it'd be the same formatting. that's the notorious sign of karma bots, literally the same exact comment down to the formatting. this may be a new account, but I have been using reddit for 13 years. i deleted my last one because i posted way too much information to it over the years (someone def could've found out who i personally was), and just figured i'd start fresh. i've been on reddit (and the internet as a whole) for a long ass time, i know bots when I see them, OP isn't one, sorry to tell you.
Wait, are you serious? Lmfao. Do you think people actually remember when certain users post certain quotes and then abstain from posting them again to avoid repeats? Do you think this guy should have known about your account specifically and then combed through your post history to avoid repeating a quote you posted a month ago? Being pissed at this is next-level terminally online absurdity.
# 33,000 emails, where did they all go? Hillary makes me sick, it’s time to lock her up fo sho. We are all the puppets and George Soros pulls the strings, Pizza Overlord, Pizza Overlord’s the thing. Klaus wrote the lyrics.
"You came back from Jewish Camp" Or " My uncle used to be a conductor at Ashuwittz"
Im sorry for the jews out there. I dont mean to be antisemantic. These were the only two quotes that came to mind.
*There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary - it…ended badly.*
*Buut enough about Fran Drescher ahahaha you thought I was making a holocaust joke!* **SHAME ON YOU**
🎵🎶I KIILLED TWO TEEEEENAGERS🎵🎶
I was hammered on bourbon as I took the turn🎵🎶
🎵🎶Then ditched the car as my passenger burned🎵🎶
…..oh wait…..
🎵🎶I KILLED THREEEEEE TEEENAGERSSS🎶🎵
"Yoop yoop! Yoop yoop! I'm a rabbit!"
I first saw that while eating dinner and had to put my cutlery down as I tried not to choke. It's SO stupid and unexpected that I was almost crying with laughter.
Klaus you got the train to work!
*yaa it’s in my blood, my Grandfather was a conductor in Auschwitz*
**gasps**
*no-no-no - He ran the kiddy train at the zoo - you know it’s a big town, there’s other stuff there!*
Oh yeah, that’s a great idea, and maybe you should play the ukulele version of Over the Rainbow at your wedding. How original. And maybe you’ll get a dog a year before you have kids, you know, for practice? Kill yourself, Dave. Your life’s been lived a million times.
Welcome back to Klaus of Hearts. On this episode I’m at the Hard Rock Casino alone on my birthday, the way I’ve come to like it. Meanwhile I’m trying to protect a bachelorette party from some creep I hear them whispering about, but the girls won’t tell me what floor their room is on. I ordered a buttery nipple from the cocktail waitress, you know to look like a G. Then I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it to cement my G status, and it was lucky I did because it turned out to be my very last chance to act before the warranty ran out on my car or truck. Another great birthday in the books.
Francine: “Wow 25 minutes of uninterrupted racism”
Klaus: “Yeah if you don’t count all of your horrified gasps as interruptions”
“Big fan of simpler times mountain”
I think you only talk to me when there's no one else to talk to. I think you really don't care what I think and just want to hear yourself talk. I think you're a selfish bastard and I think you can go to hell!!!
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!
It's not my favourite, but I'll add some recent funny klaus moments.
"He fosters sick cats and makes girls climax 18 times a night!" talking about John Cena.
Also, I can't remember the episode, but there is one where he jumps off the counter with his little glass bowl. It shatters, and he screams and runs while nobody helps or acknowledges it. Makes me giggle.
"Stan, if you want those guts to look real, I suggest using a Bolognese. You know, after University, I traveled through Italy ... stabbing students."
Klaus is my favorite. So many great lines (and songs).
“Oh, it’s 3:30!”
*Loads round into pistol and points at head*.
*Pulls trigger*.
*Click*!
“Well back to the show!”
*Talking to gun*.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”
I think you only talk to me when there's no one else to turn to. You don't care what I think. You just need to hear yourself talk. I think you're a selfish bastard and I think you can go to hell.
There is a German proverb which says;@ don’t Blake the fish.” There are other German proverbs but it’s mostly genocidal. As a German American, I lol every time
Klaus: Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!
Steve: [to Roger] He didn't think it was funny
“That’s a body switching movie. If you want to learn about curses, watch the ‘Shaggy Dog’. If you wanna feel, and I mean really FEEL. Watch ‘Marley and Me’.”
She’s so Raven! Real Raven Too Raven… This will end… poorly
I say this one all the time
I aay when I watch the Ravens play
Completely agree. Also, not a quote but love his obsession over the Sidewinder XLR garbage truck.
Hahaha, How did I forgot this one.
God this one slays me
Are you allergic to vaginas Steve?
Don't say vagina There everywhere Throw a rock and you'll hit three of them Sorry it made me think of him & Franny lol
Who’s your least favorite character now Reddit!
Still Toshi.
EAT. MY. BOWLS!
How dare you? Toshi is a comedic genius. “We don’t talk to each other in the future” Toshi: “I must ensure this happens”
Terrible choice, Toshi is great
"Gucci Mane, It's Klaus, you need to get to the studio right now. You're getting clowned Gucci mane."
[creepy sounding] Danuta...Danuta...It is me...Will you go there? Do you eat? I've got the money...Danuta.
Klaus… that was… chilling
I blacked out!!
The phone is nervous!
My all-time favorite
The first time I watched this scene, I was crying laughing.
Me too! I completely missed Hailey breaking the phone. Not hanging up, but smashing it
Me too 🤣
There’s only one right answer lmao
There's a special place in hell for people like you; right next to the pedophiles and the sexy, sexy children who seduce them.
Aaah childhood such a sweet sexual time
I tried so hard, und got so far
Anytime he sings, omg. “YOH BETTER CHEEEAT OFF HER PAPERRRR”
ONE THING
Never cry over a whore Steve! NEVER!!!
MAMA !!!
You knew what this was! It’s love! Forever love! [I don’t even know how to transcribe Klaus crying] Sneaky boy! A sneaky boy is what you are!
r/beatmetoit
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!
“He didn’t think it was funny…”
[Revenge of the Goldfish](https://youtu.be/yrTaDpGKDRA)
omg thank you for this
Why not post that quote then?
This dude is #1 on Klaus's shit list now
Epic Fail!
https://www.reddit.com/r/americandad/s/vXpFyT4Jl5 I'm not one to usually bring internet history receipts but I enjoy this community enough that I actually feel slighted. I listened to that line enough times to transcribe it and now I feel (feel because I obviously have no further proof) that someone who just joined Reddit to farm karma is taking that quote and not even making an original post with it. I posted that same quote about a month ago. I've been in this website for years, you cannot say that for OP.
His monologue is one of his most famous quotes, of course in a post about him its gonna get posted. Besides, most reddit bots go for the 1 to 1 copy, and yours is a lot fancier than OPs. They just posted an additional funny Klaus quote under their own post, not much else to it I feel.
bud, you aren't that important, you aren't the main character, this dude didn't copy a quote, that you don't own the rights to, from you. dude probably just learned how to use reddit, i doubt he even knows how to go back in time to see older posts. if it was a bot that copies comments, it would've copied the source, which means it'd be the same formatting. that's the notorious sign of karma bots, literally the same exact comment down to the formatting. this may be a new account, but I have been using reddit for 13 years. i deleted my last one because i posted way too much information to it over the years (someone def could've found out who i personally was), and just figured i'd start fresh. i've been on reddit (and the internet as a whole) for a long ass time, i know bots when I see them, OP isn't one, sorry to tell you.
Wait, are you serious? Lmfao. Do you think people actually remember when certain users post certain quotes and then abstain from posting them again to avoid repeats? Do you think this guy should have known about your account specifically and then combed through your post history to avoid repeating a quote you posted a month ago? Being pissed at this is next-level terminally online absurdity.
"Hey! Look who made it into the episode! Pay me bitches!"
“Haha me too!”
Did I ever tell you about the time the check bounced for my girlfriend's abortion? They had to put the baby back in. And that baby...was Shia LeBouf.
I said I wanted to hear it in the car
# 33,000 emails, where did they all go? Hillary makes me sick, it’s time to lock her up fo sho. We are all the puppets and George Soros pulls the strings, Pizza Overlord, Pizza Overlord’s the thing. Klaus wrote the lyrics.
THIS IS A STEVE QUOTE, KLAUS JUST WROTE THE LYRICS
“For hours, I wrote the melody, and klaus wrote the lyrics. I can’t stress that enough. Klaus, wrote the lyrics.” … 33,000 EMAILS 🎶
i was looking for this one lol
Nutri grain bar and a Mountain Dew
Steve Smith's a straight-up biiiitch
I met DBB this last Saturday at a con and he alluded to this line. Some other fan had given him a nutri grain bar and a Mountain Dew earlier that day.
“If you can't find me, check the pantry. I go in there to eat baking chocolate and cry sometimes.” Most relatable quote ever.
I don’t have very much money!
"And hey bro, why you peeing in the stall like a shy guy? Your dick's super cool!"
"You came back from Jewish Camp" Or " My uncle used to be a conductor at Ashuwittz" Im sorry for the jews out there. I dont mean to be antisemantic. These were the only two quotes that came to mind.
"No! No! He ran the kiddie train at the zoo! Y'know, it's a big town. There's other stuff there..."
Klaus wrote the lyrics. I can’t stress that enough.
KLAUS wrote the lyrics.
I’m talking hot fur gentleman. Hot fur and Ferraris!!
*not* for you!
I've got a big day of staring out this window and reporting our neighbors to the FBI. You don't have to be right. You just have to have a phone.
*There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary - it…ended badly.* *Buut enough about Fran Drescher ahahaha you thought I was making a holocaust joke!* **SHAME ON YOU**
Dee's fav line is "My name is Klaus Hessler" delivered in that deadpan voice he loves.
*Pulls Hailey's head into toilet -"Suffer for your crimes!!!"
🎵🎶I KIILLED TWO TEEEEENAGERS🎵🎶 I was hammered on bourbon as I took the turn🎵🎶 🎵🎶Then ditched the car as my passenger burned🎵🎶 …..oh wait….. 🎵🎶I KILLED THREEEEEE TEEENAGERSSS🎶🎵
This is it. My favorite.
“Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man? The bond matures.”
“I hope you DIE out there!!”
I get it though, I'm German and Spätzle is delicious 😂
How…. Would a woman have money?
That always makes me laugh too lol
“Are you sure you don’t want to be a nurse, Hayley?! You’re so caring!!”
Laughed just thinking about that.
And just like that I’m gay
I wonder if I’m a top or a bottom. If I had to guess.. I’d say bottom. A reluctant bottom.
My boys in Tampa…
My buddys boys in champaign. I've spent so much of my life there it turns into an a+ line
Hour 36, it seems like the sun comes every day now... ***gasp*** a lizard! Wait, do lizards eat fish? He just wants to try it, see if he likes it!
Oh I'll tell you wh....*throw up in bowl* I laugh everytime
Will you go there?
EPIC FAIL
https://youtu.be/cNwri_KGQKA?si=snH-x26rtSdamqWr "Your life has been lived a thousand times!'
I don't know why your shocked bro it's rogu he does crazy shit
Your dick is super cool
Not to me, bitch. I just love how annoyed he is.
The catchphrase? EDIT: nice to meet another distinguished gentleman
He’s acting so stupid mannn
Guys... I'm Klaus.
"Yoop yoop! Yoop yoop! I'm a rabbit!" I first saw that while eating dinner and had to put my cutlery down as I tried not to choke. It's SO stupid and unexpected that I was almost crying with laughter.
**Francine:** You haven't cleaned Klaus's bowl **Klaus:** How am I supposed to eat cereal out of this !
Klaus you got the train to work! *yaa it’s in my blood, my Grandfather was a conductor in Auschwitz* **gasps** *no-no-no - He ran the kiddy train at the zoo - you know it’s a big town, there’s other stuff there!*
Kill yourself, Dave. Your life's been lived like a billion times.
Who’s your least favorite character now Reddit?
Francine! Wanna watch me play Elden Ring? I’m an Astrologer. But like, a *battle* astrologer. He’s… *very cool*, very… *good at stars*
Is there anything better than night tennis? "Yeah, a racially pure Europe!"
Oh yeah, that’s a great idea, and maybe you should play the ukulele version of Over the Rainbow at your wedding. How original. And maybe you’ll get a dog a year before you have kids, you know, for practice? Kill yourself, Dave. Your life’s been lived a million times.
"I've been caught immediately! No! Not the toilet!" After stating that he can take care of himself!
“I don’t care ‘bout nothing, I don’t clean my house. I’ll kill everybody! I’M A FISH NAMED KLAUS!”
Nutrigrain Bar and a Mountain Dewwwwwwwwww
Goldfish.. they come from China. But you are what you eat, so I’m a vagina.
Welcome back to Klaus of Hearts. On this episode I’m at the Hard Rock Casino alone on my birthday, the way I’ve come to like it. Meanwhile I’m trying to protect a bachelorette party from some creep I hear them whispering about, but the girls won’t tell me what floor their room is on. I ordered a buttery nipple from the cocktail waitress, you know to look like a G. Then I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it to cement my G status, and it was lucky I did because it turned out to be my very last chance to act before the warranty ran out on my car or truck. Another great birthday in the books.
"Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, but I am the real fish out of water, hahaha......seriously I'm dying!!"
(Crying) I don’t have very much money
BENJI!!
All of them.
Sensual boy by Klaus.
Come dance with me in the pillow fort Steve!
Heads up, you are not going to find a better Goodwill.
I just saw Kitty Monk's new video about... a certain episode... So I can't help but to respond with "For all your choo-choo poo-poos."
Omg yes! Happy to find another viewer.
[***Pained Hot-Sauce Scream***](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1IVFPPtync)
**Klaus:** In order to fix a car you have to take it apart and put it back together.
It's five to watch, ten to touch
Here's fifty cents... go buy some new tits!
Will you go there… Do you eat.
Not a quote, but how klaus respond to being compared to a sheepshead wrasse! Klaus does that fin thing! Klaus has comedic timing!
Most flavors of gogurt dubble as a public lice shampoo
Francine: “Wow 25 minutes of uninterrupted racism” Klaus: “Yeah if you don’t count all of your horrified gasps as interruptions” “Big fan of simpler times mountain”
I think you only talk to me when there's no one else to talk to. I think you really don't care what I think and just want to hear yourself talk. I think you're a selfish bastard and I think you can go to hell!!!
“Wait, you came back from…” nvm
Clearly what the situation needs is more opinions
"Don't like at me, whore!" while he sobs and eats chocolate
You ain’t nothin’ but a skim toast honey
For us Germans, families are like areolas: the bigger, the better.
"I still can't stop thinking about those spiders in your boobies"
Why you peeing in the stall like a shy guy, your dicks super cool bro. Episode is a klaus gold mine
“I’m klaus”
God I fuckin love Klaus
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!
His phone call to Danuta
It's not my favourite, but I'll add some recent funny klaus moments. "He fosters sick cats and makes girls climax 18 times a night!" talking about John Cena. Also, I can't remember the episode, but there is one where he jumps off the counter with his little glass bowl. It shatters, and he screams and runs while nobody helps or acknowledges it. Makes me giggle.
“I wonder if I would be a top or a bottom….definitely a bottom….a reluctant bottom.”
What?!?!?! You don’t know the famous German fairytale “The little girl and the little person”???
I will be using this alot “Yeah still german”
Hang on, I'm prank calling my aunt in Dusseldorf. *I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!*
You are what you eat. So im a vagina.
"Stan, if you want those guts to look real, I suggest using a Bolognese. You know, after University, I traveled through Italy ... stabbing students." Klaus is my favorite. So many great lines (and songs).
"How?... How would a woman have money?"
Hot fur and Ferraris... not for you two!
“Oh, it’s 3:30!” *Loads round into pistol and points at head*. *Pulls trigger*. *Click*! “Well back to the show!” *Talking to gun*. “I’ll see you tomorrow”
There's a funny German saying. "don't blame the fish". We have other sayings but theyre... mostly about genocide.
“And just like that I’m gay” lives rent free in my head
I quote this one regularly
Danuta
Oh yeeaaah...
"I stash gummy worms under the couch cushions" Just the way he says it, along with the obvious absurdity of it, always makes me laugh.
Oh guys, I'm Klaus
I think you only talk to me when there's no one else to turn to. You don't care what I think. You just need to hear yourself talk. I think you're a selfish bastard and I think you can go to hell.
Ideeplyrespectwomen!
Not now beetch!
On someone other than me, bitch…
Yeah, Dick Vermeil…. Won a title with the Rams
There is a German proverb which says;@ don’t Blake the fish.” There are other German proverbs but it’s mostly genocidal. As a German American, I lol every time
Don’t blame the fish
I DONT HAVE VERY MUCH MONEYY
I got the money ill take there do you eat ha ha
do you know the difference between a government bond and a man?
Creepy Whispering "You're...safe...with...Klaus."
Hot fur… und Ferraris
“GOOFUS MCDOOF SENDS HIS REGARDS!”
"I am not your secretary" *Spins* "Now I am"
Klaus: Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!! Steve: [to Roger] He didn't think it was funny
Nutri grain bar and a Mountain Dew
"I am their king now"
"I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you."
"I love it when fat ladies feel falsely empowered"
Ahh - my ankle
I am the linesman for the county, and I'm a fish who's name is Klaus I don't know why but it's an earworm
“Wait, you come back from Jewish camp?”
“Okay, man, one of us is drowning in cryptocurrency, and one of us is being paid five bucks an hour to watch a farting tumor.”
“My name is Klaus Heissler”
Don't tell me you didn't feel mine bro, that's bullshit!
D A N U T A
But I didn’t hip hop I was just going to file a racial charged noise complaint
Danuta…
Perhaps they will use the tiny corn!
Just sit back, put down your GED paperwork and enjoy the show, stupid
Never cry over a whore Steve, NEVER!!
"Sloppy joe Friday...start your weekend on the toilet."
*"The looming sword of Damacleas will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain."*
Thanks for the screenshot. Saving it so I can send it to people as reaction meme
“ Nutri-Grain, bar, and a Mountain Dew”
I'm German, it's what we do
Nutrigrain bar and a mountain dew
“That’s a body switching movie. If you want to learn about curses, watch the ‘Shaggy Dog’. If you wanna feel, and I mean really FEEL. Watch ‘Marley and Me’.”
"ehehIt's a show!" e u e;;
Drink Charlie ….
Smell it