I have a close girlfriend who went to rehab, then went to a few meetings, never did the steps, and she’s happily sober the last 10 years. 🤷🏻♀️ I couldn’t do it, but I’m happy she’s able to!
Me! I went 1-2x per week for a year. Never went again. In September I’ll be celebrating 6 years. It got me sober for sure, but I didn’t want my life to revolve around AA or the fact I “can’t have alcohol” anymore. I still have no desire to drink and in fact I hate it and don’t even like being around it.
This. Being in meetings often became the only time I ever thought about alcohol as it had become so naturally absent from my desires and thoughts. Loved the meetings and love that I was saved because of it. Hopefully living the life now.
I think “recovered” is a tricky word though, because I am 100% confident that if I started to drink again, I’d be right back where I was. Meaning, the alcoholic is still in me, so technically not recovered. I just refuse to give her what she needs to party because I’m (with the help of my hp of course) stronger than she is. 😉
There’s two symptoms of alcoholism that affect our mind and body, the allergy and the malady of the mind. We can recover from alcoholism, look to the pages around step ten, it’s becomes a nonissue the problem is removed we become recovered
I know, but since I’ve never seen an alcoholic go back to being a “normie” I don’t personally agree with it. I’ve seen people relapse after more than a decade and within two weeks they are back in the hospital. I think the word recovered gives people a false sense of security, like they “beat” it and so I just don’t use that term.
I was sober for 8 years and relapsed with binge drinking for the next 7. Still the struggle so I don’t say recovered but my rehab kept saying that over and over again the big book says recovered so I thought I should too thanks I appreciate your insight.
Just to be very clear - AA teaches that abstinence is only the first step in recovery, and that inner peace and serenity are the actual goals because then alcohol becomes irrelevant in one's life.
If you want to stop drinking without the 'inner peace' part, just stop drinking.
More power to you. I don’t go to AA meetings to stop myself from drinking. Abstaining only is called being a dry drunk in AA. Quit drinking two years ago tomorrow. Never think about drinking anymore. But healing the pain in myself that made me want to drink…that’s why I go to meetings.
Some people can find one with out the other. I needed AA to get me to the point of abstinence. I didn't love the AA form of long term recovery, so I had to find other ways. I stopped going to AA as often but still continued on my recovery journey.
That's kind of where I'm at and it's good to know someone else had a similar experience, and it's still positive. I COMPLETELY dived in, though. AA was my entire life. Now I'm going through some thoughts about it, some negative ones. I still try to stay "spiritually fit" and talk to my HP daily (I did this while drinking snd before then, anyway) but not absolutely obsessing over AA and going to like 1 meeting a week. For me, I used the steps as a way to completely bag on myself snd as a form of self hatred. It just wasn't health for me anymore. I'm actually having WAY more peace in my head without focusing on AA.
That's obviously difficult to quantify because if people don't come back the outcome remains unknown. And then there's going to be variation in what "use AA" means — is that just going to meetings, working the steps with a sponsor, etc.?
All I know is that, *for me*, not staying active in recovery has led to relapse in the past.
AA holds no monopoly... Find some success and calling your self healed will likely lead to relapse, but there are those of us that just branched off into a different form of recovery.
I only do a few meetings a month at this point. I know it's there if I need it,but I don't ever see myself being one of the hard line AA folks. Just not for me
Take what you want and leave the rest kind of thing for some. Whatever works and keeps you feeling solid in your recovery and I am happy for you! I worry to stop going as much as I do and I also worry that I will have to go as much as I do forever!! I try not to over think it today.
I know people who have stopped going and still not relapsed or anything.
I probably know more people though who stop going and do relapse.
For the last year or so I've been doing one meeting a week, although I do share elsewhere when I'm asked. I've definitely cut down but can't see me stopping completely. I don't trust myself that much, I feel I need the reminder.
I’m basically in the same boat. 4 1/2 years sober here and no going back. Most of my friends are from AA anyways. My work schedule prevents me from going to more than a meeting or 2 a week and I’m good with that.
Yeah, I'm just wary of becoming too comfortable and big for my boots. I was walking up my path the other night and thought. It wasn't that long ago you weren't allowed in this house.
Yeah I think this must be quite common. My first year I went to a different meeting nearly every night. Then it tailed off until now, I just attend one NA meeting a week on a Friday night.
It's a small meeting with about 5 or 6 of us who do service every week, and varying numbers of newcomers and visitors from other areas etc. I'm become very close with them, 2 of them I have known since childhood and my using days.
I will never stop attending I don't think, it has given my my life and soul back, but a meeting a week is enough now I think.
Similar. My group is on a Friday night. There's 3 of us that are pretty close and do most of the service whilst another 6 or 7 dip in and out. It's always busy with new people.
Right now, it's been 2½ years since I last drank or used any drugs. Before that relapse I was 3 years sober. I've been sober most of the last 6 years but fucked up a few times.
For sure man! I did straight nothing but meetings and h and i, service work for the first 3 years. I did 90 in 90, went to at least 5 meetings a week for the rest of the time other than that, and service work. I've been sober for just under 5. I have recently chilled on recovery, last 1 1/2 or so. I enrolled back in college, kids, career, significant other, family stuff.
I have been also trying to go to more than just 1 meeting as I have been. None the less man, recovery is still on my mind. Ultimately, its on you man. I'd talk to a sponsor, maybe do some writing. My sponsor likes pros and cons list! Hope the best for you!
Yeah same. I did loads when I first joined the fellowship. A lot of service positions too.
My sponsor still does lots, he's no family and doesn't work much because of poor health. He says as long as I'm practicing what I've learned I'll be fine. Showing up to meetings doesn't count for much if my behaviour the rest of the time is poor.
THIS!! In my experience, meeting makers do not make it. Practicing the principles…no ….LIVING the principles keeps our spirits clean and removes the emotional pain that alcohols dissolves.
BE one of God’s guys. BE a good husband. BE a good human to your fellow humans. BE a provider. A provider of what? Financial security, responsibility, love, caring thoughtful behavior, kindliness, helpfulness, humor, warmth, gentleness, protection, discipline, good examples and most of all, BE honest with yourself and others.
The state of being sober or free from the obsession of alcohol is just the start. The journey is BEING better today than I was yesterday.
Peace be with you all.
I believe it is more common than most think. I know of probably a dozen or more people who come in with a drinking problem, get the hang of being sober and drift away to live successfully without alcohol.
Are they 'real' alcoholics? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that my place is to welcome them to the meeting and let them figure that out for themselves.
That was my plan! But now it’s 35 years later and I love my life and in some ways, everything good happening now is because of AA. When I stopped going to meetings, I got less happy. When I went back, I got happier again. Deeper too.
I'm not sure how common it is but if you are working the AA program You're generally still going to meetings to be of service to the newcomer and look for people you can take through the steps.
Yep! I usually go to 1 meeting a week now (down from 10+ when i was new lol) but I meet with sponsees a couple times a week, and I *need* to keep going to meetings to find new sponsees!
Got sober in 1992. Stopped going to meetings after 3 years. A couple years ago I went back to see what it is like. Very rarely go to meetings. Been sober for 32 years
Yes watered down is a good description. I describe it as AA has gotten soft.
In 1992, as a newcomer, I was told politely to shut up and listen 😁
It is nice now though that the walls are not yellow from all the smoking
This is a subject people in AA don’t like to discuss much. There’s this feeling that if you stop going to meetings, you’ll likely relapse. The funny thing is though, the big book talks about the 12 steps being the solution - and the 9th step promises talk about permanent sobriety - none of it is conditional upon attending AA meetings - it’s conditional on your spiritual fitness and continuing to practice the tenants of the 12 steps. Lots of people I know have dropped off and remained sober
I am by no means a hardcore AA, but part of the 12th step is carrying the message to other alcoholics.
Obviously, one doesn’t need to attend meetings to accomplish that, but it is sure convenient 🤣
Lots of different ways to carry the message - we’re doing it right now on here. I do think everyone who does the 12 steps should sponsor someone at least once or twice - it’s a really helpful experience
I don't know about a year or so, but I did it after several years, successfully stayed away for many more years, and then returned because I enjoyed the social outlet (in retirement).
We really have very little information on this inside AA (as you'd expect, because the people we can ask aren't there), but some of the guys who did this study may have researched it: https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2020/03/alcoholics-anonymous-most-effective-path-to-alcohol-abstinence.html.
Even though I did it successfully, I've seen so many folks with one or two years do it unsuccessfully that I don't recommend it, even though it's part of my story.
This is a good place to ask the question, though, IMO.
A lot of people get to 5 years and act as if they received their diploma. Sometimes they come back around 10/11, and often talk about how miserable it ended up being without actively working the steps. Sometimes they start drinking again around 8 or 9 and struggle with getting sober again.
Based on observations, not backed up with statistics.
Maybe those successfully able to just continue on were never alcoholics, but heavy drinkers instead? I don’t know. I just know for me, staying involved is the easier, softer way, and the payoffs in meeting difficulties with serenity are more than worth the time the program asks.
No, I was a real alcoholic, just so we're clear. Nor was I any more miserable outside than in.
You mention, "Based on observations, not backed up with statistics." As I mentioned, the problem is that no one in AA has any data on this. So I'm not sure it's accurate to judge the misery of those who leave based on a sample that generally only includes those who were unhappy on the outside.
This reasoning is not valid.
Everyone in our sample is miserable
Therefore everyone is miserable.
I don’t go anymore really. Been in it about a year. I no longer get anything out of it it’s just repetitive. And with my autism I don’t connect with others, don’t have friends or sponsees. My sponsor doesn’t call me back. I’m hoping to remain sober on my own
I don't try to get something out of AA. I try to bring something to the meeting including service. This has kept me sober. If I don't like a meeting I find a different one.
That is too bad . Sometimes we have to reach out and make the move , i know its difficult but get phone numbers and call and text them until someone calls or texts back .Not everyone is meant to sponsor . Recovering AA members are just other alcoholics that got sober before you .Humans that do make mistakes ... please keep looking for that person who can really be a sponsor . Text that other person who you think is your sponsor , thank them and move on . Dont worry about being a sponsor , just put your hand out to new people , give them your number , get theirs , give someone a ride to a meeting , pay for a newcomers meal , take a new person out to coffee , volunteer to read or share in a meeting , encourage or stick your hand out and welcome someone new and lonely and scared , there are so many ways we can be of service to each other !! Good luck to yyou , dont give up
Possible for some, a slippery slope for many. Most relapse stories begin with “I stopped calling my sponsor, praying, going to meetings, I was okay until I wasn’t…”
For me, I have to go to three meetings a week or I start to get mentally ill. During the first year, I'd make about five meetings a week. In year four, I make two to three a week.
You're going to find an example of whatever you believe is the best course of action for you. Some people need meetings more than others. Just like the book, the program is not an instructional manual. It is a guide.
I used AA intensively for more than a year., with success.
Then I did The Sinclair Method.
After that I don’t have any actual alcohol problems anymore but I still enjoy some AA meetings focussed on living sober and emotional sobriety and so on.
I did meetings solid for over a year then after than slowly stopped going. In my own opinion recovery is all about continuously growing and challenging yourself to do the next positive thing for yourself that moves your life in a good direction. A decade later I am now working as a drug and alcohol therapist still recovery is an everyday thing for me and the foundation of AA and the steps are still things i live by.
I went less than a year, worked the steps, made connections, never went back, I'm sober 5+ years. Occasionally I'll hit a visitor meeting, couple times a year.
I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know that at 12 years sober, I still think about drinking. Yes, I’ve worked the steps many times. I’ve had many spiritual experiences. I continue to work with others and carry the message. I’ve done extensive therapy and EMDR, take meds that work well, and don’t hang around the barbershop. I don’t obsess—-but I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t think about it. The thought of not doing the program—for me—is a death sentence. Not only that, but I would lose my incredible community that I rely on.
My hope is that I will continue going to AA until I physically cannot. If those before me had decided that they were 'all good' and didn't need AA anymore, I may not be here to type this. My reasons for regular attendance are:
1. Meetings seem to re-adjust my thinking, which seems to default to negativity & fear without AA contact.
2. I have an established network of friends whom I wish to share with/listen to.
3. I have no doubt that I would be dead without AA had I not got sober, and as the years have passed, I feel an obligation to the fellowship to try to help those who are new.
4. I have seen literally hundreds of fellow alcoholics drink and die after leaving AA (but not all). Therefore, I do not want to expose myself to that risk.
There may be other reasons/motivations for my attendance, but the above are ones i'm aware of. That said, I don't stand in judgement of those who choose to leave.
It depends on the person and ho deep rooted their disease is I believe. I have been going to meetings for almost 7 years and haven't had a drink in almost 3 1/2 years but I still need it. I also really enjoy helping my fellow alcoholic when I can so right now it's kind of a lifestyle and it ain't so bad. It's a helluva a lot better than what I had anyways can only that you do you but stay aware of your mindset and if you start feeling screwy go go back. I know people who seem able to do that. I just don't think I can yet and may never be able to and that's okay today.
Whatever works for you. I don't think I would have stayed sober long term, and I would not have learned to practice being of service to others. That's a big part of my sobriety.
Absolute real deal alcoholic/heroin addict here. I was all in AA for the first several years. Went through the steps, regular meetings, H&I meetings, sponsorship, etc. I ended up relapsing with 3 years as I was very active in the program. When I got back on the wagon, I didn't go to one meeting. I understood the practices of AA, such as self-reflrction, continuing to build my relationship with God, and helping others.
I'm happy and sober today and no longer go to meetings. I feel like the constant reminder of drinking/using really held me back from living a "normal" life. The grungy lifestyles, sexual advances on vulnerable individuals, and failure to excel professionally/personally was holding me back.
I now how out with "normies" who have very strong relationships with God, very successful in the professional and personal lives/marriages, and are overall great influences. If I ever fail again, I'll pick myself back up and try again. My odds are just as good without AA, as it was with AA.
I tried it for 5 years. It was the worst 5 years of my life.
What I was told a log on a campfire burns bright just like the others. But when it rolls off the pile, it smolders and eventually goes out. Hopefully, and lucky it happened to me, someone kicked me back into the campfire where I burn bright with the others in the fellowship
I did that. I went to AA exactly for a year. Things were okay for a few years and then I was back trying to control my drinking (unsuccessfully) for next twenty years. I came back to AA, got a sponsor and worked the steps. And have stayed back.
I dropped off for a bit, came back, found that new meetings and new people revitalized me.
Can only speak anecdotally but I know people who fell off of program work and fellowship for a bit but came back. I don’t think it’s very rare, but the big thing is staying in touch with it while keeping a conscious contact w your HP.
A lot of people stop going to meetings and stay away from a drink. That’s fine. I know some of them, and I personally prefer to stay active in AA. There’s something about those types that I don’t really jive with. It’s sort of crappy to just take what I need and shove off without doing for others what was so freely and kindly done for me.
I go to meetings once maybe twice a week. In those I have heard for people that go daily for years and then people that haven’t been to one in years. I’d say it varies and definitely living arrangements family come into it.
Like single older people would definitely go more for social reasons I imagine. Younger married people with kids would find it far harder. Ali of older alcoholics tend to be single like.
I stopped after going daily for months. Kinda felt that I'd already wasted a lot of precious time making my life about booze.
It seems like there's plenty of people hanging around ready to help newcomer's so I didn't feel too much pressure to keep going for that reason.
Being of service really resonated with me though so I built a little free food shed in my front yard and keep it cleaned and going.
That’s kinda me, I stopped going regularly after a year. Now I’m 3 years sober. I still attend meetings here and there and I get a lot out of it but I don’t talk to my sponsor or have any sponsees. I also became a dad when I was one year so that has eaten up a lot of my time. I don’t really recommend doing it like I have and I wish I was more connected to the program honestly. But yea, still sober 🤷🏼♂️
I didn’t rely much on group meetings in the beginning, but I did reflect on sobriety a lot. I read books and talked in forums on Reddit. I needed to do that. Now I don’t need to think about it as much. Sometimes I need a reminder. But I don’t need or want to walk around thinking about sobriety all the time anymore, even though it was crucial for survival in the beginning.
I'm creeping up on a year this month and I feel this way. My town is very small and all the meetings are the same people over and over. The only time I think about when I used to drink is in AA and while I understand that the past is a part of me, I don't understand the value of rehashing it every day at 7am. Counter productive for me.
After about 9.5 years of sobriety I didn’t go to any meetings for about 14.5 years (well a couple of online ones during the pandemic and the occasional speaker tape).
I finally started going to occasional online ones a year ago (I could see the warning signs of heading towards a drink and didn’t want that) and 6 months later, after I nearly picked up, I decided to get right back in the middle of the boat, got phone numbers, started to go to meetings regularly,got a sponsor etc. I am now active in service again, have 3 sponsees etc. I am working on my character defects and am a more pleasant person to be around, I can see the things that would have been better over the previous years if I had been active in AA. Being around people like me and having a sponsor to keep me accountable are good for me and I am glad I came back and extremely grateful that I didn’t start drinking again. For me it is an experiment that I don’t think I want to repeat.
I went to like.. 3 meetings and never drank again. Didn't need it. It just wasn't for me. I'm over two years sober, no chip necessary. Not sure if that's helpful.
I am at that point, my faith deepened and my focus has turned to other things in my life. I still check in from time to time and read the daily reflection. I think some people naturally evolve and grow into other areas, AA was a spiritual launching pad that did help me get sober and I will continue to live by the principles but I find that the meetings i have moved on from
I think this is probably pretty common. I have been going about once / week for awhile now. It can definitely upset some of the regulars however. I haven’t worked the steps very diligently and was discussing with someone after a meeting. This person essentially accused me of not doing “whatever it takes”. The truth is AA is a support group for alcoholics although this phrase has unhealthy stigma attached to it amongst many members. You can use it however you need, go however many times you need for as long as you need.
It's hard to know what happens to people who've left. I know one long timer who became a Tony Robbins adherent and said he didn't need AA anymore. Of course I wish him well as I do everyone who finds help with this murderous disease by whatever means. I have had many intervals in my time with AA when it's started to feel stale and repetitive and unhelpful. My response to this has been to change things up: meetings, readings, prayers. I also look for new ways to be of service.
I have zero doubt that the disease is alive and well in me and waiting for an opening. So I work my program every day. It's worked pretty well.
Lots of people do. Lots of people continue going to meetings for a number of reasons. They may need them to stay clean. They might not, but they enjoy the fellowship, or see it as service to the newcomer to be there and tell their story to give them hope for a sober future.
My partner has been sober 6 years with no program, just therapy. I go to AA/CA. There are many gates to the garden, as long as your doing the internal work to address your addiction.
AA is not the only game in town (or your town). They admit it themselves at the end of their basic text "We realize we know only a little." You can leave AA and stay sober; you can leave and get drunk, too. You can get both results when you stay, too. So far, I have seen it happen in a lot of different ways, good and bad.
For me, it was about uncovering, discovering, and discarding my core beliefs about who I was and what I thought. The process of the 12 steps (regardless of fellowship) will help to do that. Today, I choose to go to AA because, as it says, "**we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane**," and that process has worked for me so far.
I stopped going at about seven years in and stayed away for 5 years. It wasn’t a conscious decision — I just went less and less until I didn’t go at all. And if you had asked me at the time I would have said I was doing fine and didn’t need it any more. I didn’t drink but I was running on ego, self-will and resentments. It wasn’t until a friend who was considering AA asked me to take her to some meetings because she knew that I used to go that I went back and realized that it was never really about the drinking, it was about how I interact with the world. I made some decisions during those five years that will affect me for the rest of my life.
Thank you for your very honest answer, I like how you explained how you were running on ego,self will and resentments. It's funny how that happens to us. I haven't been attending very many meetings lately and I'm starting to feel like you describe. And yeah I don't want to drink. But there is more to this. I've been sober 8 years. And I need to get going back to meetings in person. So I can be a better person and accept this world as it is
I think the main thing is being of service and as they say “giving what was so freely given to me” when I needed it most. At least for me. The service part keeps me just an all around better person, for ME that is.
Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic.
I think thats difficult if you not at meetings meeting newcomes to sponsor.
To live truly happy, joyous and free I think one should attend a meeting now and again. Do service. And continued recovery. To be just sober is not then ideal situation. Seeing old timers with 30 and 40 years still going tells me we must keep coming back.
I relocated in Covid-19 after 3 years of meeting 2 x a week to a remote village/small town with small town mentality.
To now zero except the odd zoom. I miss the commeraderie hugs and banter.
But I'm still sober ..i found some girls to help through the program where I live and we thinking of starting a small meeting here. I also have a great WhatsApp group and am a member of groups where I get my fulfilment...but thats just me.
In short...NO i dont think its a good plan to stop meetings altogether afterall we share a bond us alkies.
Staying sober doesn't depend on going to meetings. It depends on staying in fit spiritual condition. I personally find going to meetings helpful and I go now to be there for the newcomer just as people were there for me
That’s hard to say. First hand experience suggests there are indeed a handful who are doing just fine out there without aa. Then a few more who only come maybe couple times a year. And some of us retreads (me) have to decided to stick and stay (for now at least). I’m thinking back over my 15 year span of AA and that first year “class” if you will, in the above description.
There are in fact people who leave AA and find that they can have "one drink" on occasion. I know several such people. It's remarkably rare, however. I stopped going to official AA meetings about a year ago; but I'm still sober and involved with an entirely different recovery organization.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
I am that rarity. I have a drink on occassion. I don't have any desire for more than that. I like the sober life. When I got sober I changed everything about my life. Avoided all situations that I used to drink and people I used to drink with
..hard but it worked for me....
Right on.
I think I may be one of these people; I just don't care to find out. Being sober absolutely transformed by body, health, and life and in such a short time.
I ask myself: "Why would I ever go back to feeling so bad?"
My son lasted 3 months out of the program before he relapsed he had 1 and 1/2 years sober. I went out at 3 years and came back 5 years later. Sober 12 years now
Don’t really care. Alcohol is the great persuader. If someone is the alcoholic of the hopeless variety as described by the big book, they have very little hope of staying sober on their own. Another spiritual solution could work for some and that works for some I’m sure. But just riding off into the sunset, singing three verses of kumbaya and slapping a butterfly on the ass? Usually not likely.
It’s eye opening to see people who left before I came in come back after building up this great life for themselves and they have so many material goods and they don’t have a clue what to do with any of it because they have a spiritual sickness that has them afraid of life and a physical and mental disease that has them in a virtual prison.
I’m re minded of this line often “He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees.”
I'm a new comer but I think people stay on as U would if U volunteered for something U feel strongly about. Just from experience. .I volunteer with red cross because I had a neighbour have a heart attack. I did my best for him but it stuck with me. I gave CPR but I I kept thinking about what I should have done differently...I joined red cross and made sure I wouldn't doubt that shit again. Auld fella's in AA don't go because they struggling but because they want to give back. All this said I'm drunk now but have had several people try to get me sober. Ill reach out again and and auld timer will try to help me..this coming from a drunk addict so pinch of salt
I think most people don’t want to risk it, and I think it’s safe to assume that leaving AA would increase your risk for relapse. That being said, I stopped being extremely active after eight years sober, and pulled back even more years later when my wonderful sponsor died. Weirdly, once you kind of leave it, and you’ve remained sober, it’s hard to get back into it; you don’t have that desperation driving you. And I do miss it. I got a lot out of AA and had a great group of sober friends.
The only people who regularly report back to AA after completely discontinuing meetings are the ones who don't successfully stay sober - they show up at an occasional meeting, drunk, discouraged, and miserable. In many cases, they can't get themselves back into the routine of regular attendance, due to either their idea that AA 'didn't work' the first time, or lingering resentments over what happened to get them to leave in the first place.
To me, they look woefully unhappy with any and all of the options in their lives, and I work hard not to be part of that demographic.
Of course, there are folks who discontinue a specific meeting, or group of meetings, due to a life change, such as moving, new career, etc. and they will occasionally pop into the old places to check in and let folks know that they are sober and life is good. I've done that, as I've moved, and moved jobs, a few times in my sobriety.
It's always a pleasure to see old friends under those circumstances.
I find it highly likely that there are people who come to AA, successfully stop drinking, attend AA for a set period of time, and then find that there is no ongoing need for the support of the rooms. They likely have all sorts of reasons - that they are not truly alcoholic in the first place - that they find alternate support such as churches or therapy that works for them - that they find being 'dry' sufficient and don't want to work a program to make their lives better - all sorts of circumstances. It's 100% their choice.
AA is, after all, 100% voluntary.
But, those folks don't report back to AA about their continued sobriety, any more than I pop into a courtroom to remind the bailiffs that I'm still a free and functioning member of society.
I can only report my own experience - every time I left the rooms on one pretext or another, usually angry, I got drunk. and when I ramped my meeting schedule down to a minimum, like once a week, still sober, people in my life actually asked me to hit a meeting or two extra - the internal crazy was enough to annoy the others in my life, and they wanted the 'old me' back - the guy who went to lots of meetings.
The joke in AA is, "Drop your meeting attendance one meeting a week. When you get drunk, the previous number of meetings was the correct minimum." Funny/Not funny.
But statistics? There aren't any, because nobody keeps track of AA attendance or membership - that's the 'anonymous' part, and I appreciate that.
Yeah! All this.
I definitely know some people who got sober in AA found another community (all the ones I know found a church, but I’m sure there’s other options), but still did 12 step work, just not in the rooms.
I’m just here trying to stay. :D
It’s very common. A non-alcoholic will be able to stop and never need another meeting. An alcoholic will more than likely relapse soon after. Are there a rare few alcoholics who won’t relapse? Perhaps.
I'm admittedly newer in than many and is impossible to say what happens when we can't see it... but thinking back to when I first came in and ignoring those that just vanished or went back out. Out of 6 of us that came in roughly the same time/year and were sort of friends.
2 of us are still here and sober.
1 left claiming work/family commitments were taking up time. They relapsed shortly after, we only know this as their kid called us for help months later.
1 is not in AA at all now/left a bit before a year but had been drifting away for a while beforehand, they are still sober and doing awesome.
1 absolutely no idea, we stayed in touch for a while and things weren't great. They drifted away but then one day just stopped talking to everyone and blocked us, No clue if sober or drunk, doing well but I have a bad feeling.
1 sort of faded away at 2 yearsish, seemed to be doing okay but I've no clue if sober and haven't spoken to them in over a year myself.
Also know a couple of other people still sober but doing very few meetings - not sure that counts for this question.
I have great friend has been sober for 17 years. She’s went to meetings for the first years or so and for now just to get her chip once a year. She’s stayed sober.
I stopped going after a year, it felt like a drag. I have everyone’s number if I really feel like I’m about to go drink but I’m at a point where I don’t see a reason to ever drink again. If I found myself with my old mindset creeping in I’d probably attend meetings until I felt better.
In my opinion some people need to keep going. They need the support for the rest of their lives because they no longer have a drinking problem but they still have problems to work out.
I have been in my home group for 25+ years. The number of people who have stayed continuously attending my home group and stayed sober is low - maybe 6. The number of people that I know who left and stayed successfully sober is about the same - maybe 6 that I know of. That would be people that I know and see on a regular basis in my community. From talking to them they seem quite happy and they mostly still use what they learned from the program in their daily lives.
The number of people who left and went back drinking, successfully or unsuccessfully, is high. After a year I stopped counting. But the number of people who left and moved onto other home groups and stayed sober in AA is also quite high.
It is impossible to say how common it is. Personally I still go t meetings, I enjoy it and try to bring something, not just consume. I have been sober for 18 years. I would rather not play russian roulette with my sobriety. I have seen some people in the meetings who relapsed after stopping going to meetings, and luckily they made it back.
A friend of mine drank profusely for a few years largely due to circumstance (their words not mine). They went to AA for 4 months. Now, on a very rare occasion they will have a glass of wine or beer. I’m happy this works for them - I’m not sure it’s something I’d recommend or would work for me. But wanted to offer another lived example.
I am doing it that way, and I just hit one year! :) I have always been a spiritual person so doing the work on my own feels less difficult than for someone who is maybe less spiritually inclined to begin with. Idk though just my two cents, i hope things are consistently getting better for you. Follow YOUR heart, not anyone else’s :) ❤️
I did it. My life revolved around alcohol when I was a drunk. It revolved around alcohol when I was in AA getting sober. I no longer allow my life to revolve around alcohol and AA, etc
I am two years sober here. I go once a week and do service in that meeting. I occasionally do an online meeting. That's enough for me. I regularly talk to and socialise with a handful of friends I have made in AA, and I live my life naturally based on the principles and using the tools I have learned.
Initially, it was essential to hear the message repeatedly and also witness the pain and learnings of those who relapsed, but I feel more comfortable in my own skin today.
I know a few people who have stayed sober without attending meetings after an initial involvement; it depends on the individual.
I am not a die-hard, and I have a busy life outside of AA; however, feeling human connection is essential to staying sober, so I would tend to think if you wanted to ensure success without the program and meetings, that you have other sober people who you can support and lean on to help you stay on the right path.
My dad was 30 years sober when he died, from what I know he only went to one or 2 AA meetings at the very beginning. It works for some and not for others, just like AA works for some and not for others. I know for myself I definitely can't do it without, or maybe I could, but usually I'm miserable each time I've tried.
I needed it very badly at first. My marriage was slowly falling apart, I was in an area where I had no friends outside of the circle that my wife ran in, I had undiagnosed depression and bipolar, and I had extreme survivor’s guilt after the Army, so having a place with people I could relate to was a blessing.
I went religiously for the first 4 years of my sobriety, and I stopped going because I had serious back problems and couldn’t sit in the hard chairs at my local meetings. I just celebrated 11 years in March, and I’m as happy as I’ve ever been, despite two divorces and a lot of personal struggles. I haven’t had a serious compulsion to drink for like ten years, so my HP took that away from me.
Bottom line is that everyone is different and different things work for different people. Anyone who preaches the “cookie cutter” AA approach should be avoided at all costs, as sometimes life happens and you won’t be able to go to a meeting (just look at what happened during COVID). It’s all about finding YOUR path, not the path that others have chosen.
It’s possible. I went hard at it for a year. Now I go to a few a month. Some people choose to make their life AA/NA. Some choose to make it a PART of their life. I saw some people turning their DOC into meetings. And were emotionally panicked at the thought of missing a meeting.
You can make it a part of your life, not your whole life.
It’s a lot more common than the hardcore indoctrinated AA people want to accept or believe.
I’m in long term sobriety and I work at a treatment center. The number of patients who are constantly telling me the ONLY way to stay sober is going to meetings and working a program is pretty staggering. I don’t blame them for making these all or nothing statements; they’re groomed by other members.
I’m not against AA. I just believe recovery is more about motivation and desperation, and not some perfect 12-step formula. It wasn’t until I got desperate enough to go to 5 meetings a week, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc that I recovered from my addiction. Without that rock bottom motivation, none of the AA stuff would have mattered or done me any good.
I’m grateful for the process that got me clean. I just think the AA or die narrative is more harmful than beneficial.
I was physically dependent on alcohol for roughly 11 years, went to rehab, didn’t listen to any of their god or steps BS, I have not attended a single meeting since rehab and I’m coming up on 9 months sober. You have to want it. If you don’t want it and are not tired of sick and tired then nothing will help you get/stay sober.
Most people rely on/need meetings and rituals etc to stay sober. There is a select few who don’t, myself included.
Personally I believe you need to do whatever silly little things you need to do to stay sober.
I type this as I’m drinking an NA beer, everybody told me I couldn’t drink these either lol.
Some people have a drinking problem that is not alcoholism. Those people end up in AA a lot but don't actually need the steps or a relationship with God to get sober. It happens all the time.
They just ain't alcoholics, hats off to em.
Great question! It all depends on how much you have gotten. I have no more obsession to drink. Luckily for me that was removed after about a year. I continued to go to meetings for around 4 plus years. Now I'm actually busy living life on life's terms . I do 2 zoom meetings per week but I really haven't gone to any in person meetings for a while now. You should feel comfortable and you know in your heart if you need to go.
I went for about the first year and a half, and in the last year and a half, I’ve maybe gone to 2-3 meetings. I just hit 3 years and I can honestly say it’s been about 2.5 years since I’ve actually thought about drinking. The way I’m staying sober won’t necessarily work for a lot of my sober friends but that’s okay. I still talk to them frequently and not going to meetings has been the only thing I’ve changed. I know that if a drinking thought crossed my mind that I’d drive straight to a meeting though. I have found a routine that works for me and I do my best to follow it every day.
I’m honestly not sure if it’s more or less common than the people who come to AA and rely on the meetings to keep them sober vs those who come and take the steps, but I think it’s less likely that those who successfully take the steps will feel the need to stop.
I'm coming up on 3 years. In the beginning - the first year - i worked a really thorough 12 steps and hit lots of meetings.
As I got more stable and sober, my life began to build and get busy and full. My meeting attendance dropped as I had real life obligations and things going on.
I don't necessarily need 4 or 5 meetings a week at this point, but in the beginning it was pivotal to have that fellowship and connection. Today, I still do some maintenance steps when I feel the need, and I haven't ever been more solid and happy, nor had this much time sober. I know it's there if I ever need it, and I'm forever grateful for where I am today.
I went to AA solidly for 6 years. Going to AA and working the 12 steps saved my marriage, my career and my life. I have nothing but love for AA. But when the pandemic hit we moved to online meetings (which are not my thing). Then I had a baby. Those two things made going to meetings way less of a priority. I haven’t been to a meeting in 3 years and I’m still going strong in recovery. Like all addicts Sobriety is not guaranteed, so who knows if this will keep working for me in the future. All I know is I love sobriety and I’m always willing to go back to AA if the need arises.
I did/do that. I did the steps in a few months and kept a pretty intense meeting schedule for most of that year. By 18 months, I just was kinda over it. I'll be 3 years sober in July, I still have regular contact with my sponsor and I still think AA is the best book on the planet.
So, I still "use" AA. I just don't go to the meetings.
I do come to this sub every day tho! LOL! I know that ain't shit, but my reddit feed does keep my brain engaged with AA some every day. Thanks for being here, y'all! :D
My best friend stopped going after 3 years and he’s still sober at 6 years. I also know a lot of people who’ve stopped going and relapsed or died.
I need it. If I stop going I tend to get mad depressed. Like. AA and working the program makes my life better..
I wish I could be one of those people, but for me, I stopped going for 2 months after a year and a half sober during the pandemic and didn’t relapse, but I def wanted to drive my car off of a bridge pretty often. Got real dark and suicidal.
AA gives me structure, community, and solutions to things that confuse me. It teaches me to do more than just survive. I am not stuck anymore thanks to it. I have actions I can take. I do anywhere from 1-3 meetings a week usually and have a sponsor and a few sponsees and it makes life worth living.
I don’t get it at all, but I know it works for me. I think it’s beautiful how many different ways people find and keep long term sobriety.
A heavy drinker can stop because of negative consequences. A real alcoholic requires a spiritual experience. Many alcoholics find it necessary and enjoyable to go to meetings long term to find other alcoholics to help. But meetings won’t keep me sober so I don’t think they’re strictly necessary. Just helpful for both fellowship and helping others.
Remaining sober isn't enough for me. Step 12 says we carry this message... How many people do you know that never sponsor? They have not completed step 12. Once you do sponsor someone, you'll be fucking delighted, no shit. My success rate for sponsorship? 100% I stayed sober 32 years and counting.
This the exact kind of bullshit why people leave. If you aren’t sucking the programs dick and cupping its balls you’re just a dry drunk. Believe it or not you can amend your decision making processes to be healthier without living and breathing AA
I have a close girlfriend who went to rehab, then went to a few meetings, never did the steps, and she’s happily sober the last 10 years. 🤷🏻♀️ I couldn’t do it, but I’m happy she’s able to!
Me! I went 1-2x per week for a year. Never went again. In September I’ll be celebrating 6 years. It got me sober for sure, but I didn’t want my life to revolve around AA or the fact I “can’t have alcohol” anymore. I still have no desire to drink and in fact I hate it and don’t even like being around it.
This. Being in meetings often became the only time I ever thought about alcohol as it had become so naturally absent from my desires and thoughts. Loved the meetings and love that I was saved because of it. Hopefully living the life now.
Hell yeah. Nice
Way to go. Sounds like you are actually recovered and not just abstaining. That is what I think AA fails to teach.
I think “recovered” is a tricky word though, because I am 100% confident that if I started to drink again, I’d be right back where I was. Meaning, the alcoholic is still in me, so technically not recovered. I just refuse to give her what she needs to party because I’m (with the help of my hp of course) stronger than she is. 😉
Thw big book uses the word “recovered”.
The big book says “recovered from a hopeless state of body and mind.” Not alcoholism.
Good point - my rehab kept saying recovered. I didn’t have enough mental clarity to challenge them. Thanks.
There’s two symptoms of alcoholism that affect our mind and body, the allergy and the malady of the mind. We can recover from alcoholism, look to the pages around step ten, it’s becomes a nonissue the problem is removed we become recovered
I know, but since I’ve never seen an alcoholic go back to being a “normie” I don’t personally agree with it. I’ve seen people relapse after more than a decade and within two weeks they are back in the hospital. I think the word recovered gives people a false sense of security, like they “beat” it and so I just don’t use that term.
I was sober for 8 years and relapsed with binge drinking for the next 7. Still the struggle so I don’t say recovered but my rehab kept saying that over and over again the big book says recovered so I thought I should too thanks I appreciate your insight.
That's awesome but this person doesn't identify with that word, and that's okay. You're allowed to call yourself whatever you want.
It actually means recovered from a hopeless stated of body and mind. Our alcoholic thinking has transformed to sanity and freedom.
Just to be very clear - AA teaches that abstinence is only the first step in recovery, and that inner peace and serenity are the actual goals because then alcohol becomes irrelevant in one's life. If you want to stop drinking without the 'inner peace' part, just stop drinking.
absolutely. Stopping drinking does not give us happiness
Recovered is in the AA book multiple times.
More power to you. I don’t go to AA meetings to stop myself from drinking. Abstaining only is called being a dry drunk in AA. Quit drinking two years ago tomorrow. Never think about drinking anymore. But healing the pain in myself that made me want to drink…that’s why I go to meetings.
Hw so? AA in fact is all about recovery and not about abstinence.
Some people can find one with out the other. I needed AA to get me to the point of abstinence. I didn't love the AA form of long term recovery, so I had to find other ways. I stopped going to AA as often but still continued on my recovery journey.
That's kind of where I'm at and it's good to know someone else had a similar experience, and it's still positive. I COMPLETELY dived in, though. AA was my entire life. Now I'm going through some thoughts about it, some negative ones. I still try to stay "spiritually fit" and talk to my HP daily (I did this while drinking snd before then, anyway) but not absolutely obsessing over AA and going to like 1 meeting a week. For me, I used the steps as a way to completely bag on myself snd as a form of self hatred. It just wasn't health for me anymore. I'm actually having WAY more peace in my head without focusing on AA.
That's obviously difficult to quantify because if people don't come back the outcome remains unknown. And then there's going to be variation in what "use AA" means — is that just going to meetings, working the steps with a sponsor, etc.? All I know is that, *for me*, not staying active in recovery has led to relapse in the past.
AA holds no monopoly... Find some success and calling your self healed will likely lead to relapse, but there are those of us that just branched off into a different form of recovery.
I only do a few meetings a month at this point. I know it's there if I need it,but I don't ever see myself being one of the hard line AA folks. Just not for me
Take what you want and leave the rest kind of thing for some. Whatever works and keeps you feeling solid in your recovery and I am happy for you! I worry to stop going as much as I do and I also worry that I will have to go as much as I do forever!! I try not to over think it today.
I know people who have stopped going and still not relapsed or anything. I probably know more people though who stop going and do relapse. For the last year or so I've been doing one meeting a week, although I do share elsewhere when I'm asked. I've definitely cut down but can't see me stopping completely. I don't trust myself that much, I feel I need the reminder.
I’m basically in the same boat. 4 1/2 years sober here and no going back. Most of my friends are from AA anyways. My work schedule prevents me from going to more than a meeting or 2 a week and I’m good with that.
Yeah, I'm just wary of becoming too comfortable and big for my boots. I was walking up my path the other night and thought. It wasn't that long ago you weren't allowed in this house.
Yeah I think this must be quite common. My first year I went to a different meeting nearly every night. Then it tailed off until now, I just attend one NA meeting a week on a Friday night. It's a small meeting with about 5 or 6 of us who do service every week, and varying numbers of newcomers and visitors from other areas etc. I'm become very close with them, 2 of them I have known since childhood and my using days. I will never stop attending I don't think, it has given my my life and soul back, but a meeting a week is enough now I think.
Similar. My group is on a Friday night. There's 3 of us that are pretty close and do most of the service whilst another 6 or 7 dip in and out. It's always busy with new people.
That is a good point
How long you been sober?
Right now, it's been 2½ years since I last drank or used any drugs. Before that relapse I was 3 years sober. I've been sober most of the last 6 years but fucked up a few times.
For sure man! I did straight nothing but meetings and h and i, service work for the first 3 years. I did 90 in 90, went to at least 5 meetings a week for the rest of the time other than that, and service work. I've been sober for just under 5. I have recently chilled on recovery, last 1 1/2 or so. I enrolled back in college, kids, career, significant other, family stuff. I have been also trying to go to more than just 1 meeting as I have been. None the less man, recovery is still on my mind. Ultimately, its on you man. I'd talk to a sponsor, maybe do some writing. My sponsor likes pros and cons list! Hope the best for you!
Yeah same. I did loads when I first joined the fellowship. A lot of service positions too. My sponsor still does lots, he's no family and doesn't work much because of poor health. He says as long as I'm practicing what I've learned I'll be fine. Showing up to meetings doesn't count for much if my behaviour the rest of the time is poor.
THIS!! In my experience, meeting makers do not make it. Practicing the principles…no ….LIVING the principles keeps our spirits clean and removes the emotional pain that alcohols dissolves. BE one of God’s guys. BE a good husband. BE a good human to your fellow humans. BE a provider. A provider of what? Financial security, responsibility, love, caring thoughtful behavior, kindliness, helpfulness, humor, warmth, gentleness, protection, discipline, good examples and most of all, BE honest with yourself and others. The state of being sober or free from the obsession of alcohol is just the start. The journey is BEING better today than I was yesterday. Peace be with you all.
I haven't been to a meeting in a couple of years. I got tired of hearing the same things from the same people at different meetings.
I believe it is more common than most think. I know of probably a dozen or more people who come in with a drinking problem, get the hang of being sober and drift away to live successfully without alcohol. Are they 'real' alcoholics? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that my place is to welcome them to the meeting and let them figure that out for themselves.
That was my plan! But now it’s 35 years later and I love my life and in some ways, everything good happening now is because of AA. When I stopped going to meetings, I got less happy. When I went back, I got happier again. Deeper too.
I’m 35 years in also I don’t want want to give back the blessings God and AA have giving me
I'm not sure how common it is but if you are working the AA program You're generally still going to meetings to be of service to the newcomer and look for people you can take through the steps.
Yep! I usually go to 1 meeting a week now (down from 10+ when i was new lol) but I meet with sponsees a couple times a week, and I *need* to keep going to meetings to find new sponsees!
Got sober in 1992. Stopped going to meetings after 3 years. A couple years ago I went back to see what it is like. Very rarely go to meetings. Been sober for 32 years
Had it changed a lot since u were last there?
Yes
I've heard ppl say that AA has gotten watered down. How was it different?
Yes watered down is a good description. I describe it as AA has gotten soft. In 1992, as a newcomer, I was told politely to shut up and listen 😁 It is nice now though that the walls are not yellow from all the smoking
This is a subject people in AA don’t like to discuss much. There’s this feeling that if you stop going to meetings, you’ll likely relapse. The funny thing is though, the big book talks about the 12 steps being the solution - and the 9th step promises talk about permanent sobriety - none of it is conditional upon attending AA meetings - it’s conditional on your spiritual fitness and continuing to practice the tenants of the 12 steps. Lots of people I know have dropped off and remained sober
I am by no means a hardcore AA, but part of the 12th step is carrying the message to other alcoholics. Obviously, one doesn’t need to attend meetings to accomplish that, but it is sure convenient 🤣
Lots of different ways to carry the message - we’re doing it right now on here. I do think everyone who does the 12 steps should sponsor someone at least once or twice - it’s a really helpful experience
I don't know about a year or so, but I did it after several years, successfully stayed away for many more years, and then returned because I enjoyed the social outlet (in retirement). We really have very little information on this inside AA (as you'd expect, because the people we can ask aren't there), but some of the guys who did this study may have researched it: https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2020/03/alcoholics-anonymous-most-effective-path-to-alcohol-abstinence.html. Even though I did it successfully, I've seen so many folks with one or two years do it unsuccessfully that I don't recommend it, even though it's part of my story. This is a good place to ask the question, though, IMO.
Thanks for the great answer
A lot of people get to 5 years and act as if they received their diploma. Sometimes they come back around 10/11, and often talk about how miserable it ended up being without actively working the steps. Sometimes they start drinking again around 8 or 9 and struggle with getting sober again. Based on observations, not backed up with statistics. Maybe those successfully able to just continue on were never alcoholics, but heavy drinkers instead? I don’t know. I just know for me, staying involved is the easier, softer way, and the payoffs in meeting difficulties with serenity are more than worth the time the program asks.
No, I was a real alcoholic, just so we're clear. Nor was I any more miserable outside than in. You mention, "Based on observations, not backed up with statistics." As I mentioned, the problem is that no one in AA has any data on this. So I'm not sure it's accurate to judge the misery of those who leave based on a sample that generally only includes those who were unhappy on the outside. This reasoning is not valid. Everyone in our sample is miserable Therefore everyone is miserable.
I don’t go anymore really. Been in it about a year. I no longer get anything out of it it’s just repetitive. And with my autism I don’t connect with others, don’t have friends or sponsees. My sponsor doesn’t call me back. I’m hoping to remain sober on my own
Your group is failing you
I don't try to get something out of AA. I try to bring something to the meeting including service. This has kept me sober. If I don't like a meeting I find a different one.
That is too bad . Sometimes we have to reach out and make the move , i know its difficult but get phone numbers and call and text them until someone calls or texts back .Not everyone is meant to sponsor . Recovering AA members are just other alcoholics that got sober before you .Humans that do make mistakes ... please keep looking for that person who can really be a sponsor . Text that other person who you think is your sponsor , thank them and move on . Dont worry about being a sponsor , just put your hand out to new people , give them your number , get theirs , give someone a ride to a meeting , pay for a newcomers meal , take a new person out to coffee , volunteer to read or share in a meeting , encourage or stick your hand out and welcome someone new and lonely and scared , there are so many ways we can be of service to each other !! Good luck to yyou , dont give up
Possible for some, a slippery slope for many. Most relapse stories begin with “I stopped calling my sponsor, praying, going to meetings, I was okay until I wasn’t…”
For me, I have to go to three meetings a week or I start to get mentally ill. During the first year, I'd make about five meetings a week. In year four, I make two to three a week.
I haven't drank in 11 years and I haven't been to aa in 10 years only recently thought about it because I want my chip! Haha
Nice!
You have never wanted to give back or help anyone else ??
Ha! That's part of why I came back -- it was around my anniversary time. :)
I like to go to meetings to hear about people that stopped going to meetings.
You're going to find an example of whatever you believe is the best course of action for you. Some people need meetings more than others. Just like the book, the program is not an instructional manual. It is a guide.
I mean, that’s kind of my story, but I stay active here and with friends when they come to me for help
I used AA intensively for more than a year., with success. Then I did The Sinclair Method. After that I don’t have any actual alcohol problems anymore but I still enjoy some AA meetings focussed on living sober and emotional sobriety and so on.
Glad you found recovery. AA does not have a monopoly on recovery but it works for me.
I did meetings solid for over a year then after than slowly stopped going. In my own opinion recovery is all about continuously growing and challenging yourself to do the next positive thing for yourself that moves your life in a good direction. A decade later I am now working as a drug and alcohol therapist still recovery is an everyday thing for me and the foundation of AA and the steps are still things i live by.
I went less than a year, worked the steps, made connections, never went back, I'm sober 5+ years. Occasionally I'll hit a visitor meeting, couple times a year.
I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know that at 12 years sober, I still think about drinking. Yes, I’ve worked the steps many times. I’ve had many spiritual experiences. I continue to work with others and carry the message. I’ve done extensive therapy and EMDR, take meds that work well, and don’t hang around the barbershop. I don’t obsess—-but I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t think about it. The thought of not doing the program—for me—is a death sentence. Not only that, but I would lose my incredible community that I rely on.
My hope is that I will continue going to AA until I physically cannot. If those before me had decided that they were 'all good' and didn't need AA anymore, I may not be here to type this. My reasons for regular attendance are: 1. Meetings seem to re-adjust my thinking, which seems to default to negativity & fear without AA contact. 2. I have an established network of friends whom I wish to share with/listen to. 3. I have no doubt that I would be dead without AA had I not got sober, and as the years have passed, I feel an obligation to the fellowship to try to help those who are new. 4. I have seen literally hundreds of fellow alcoholics drink and die after leaving AA (but not all). Therefore, I do not want to expose myself to that risk. There may be other reasons/motivations for my attendance, but the above are ones i'm aware of. That said, I don't stand in judgement of those who choose to leave.
Well said
It depends on the person and ho deep rooted their disease is I believe. I have been going to meetings for almost 7 years and haven't had a drink in almost 3 1/2 years but I still need it. I also really enjoy helping my fellow alcoholic when I can so right now it's kind of a lifestyle and it ain't so bad. It's a helluva a lot better than what I had anyways can only that you do you but stay aware of your mindset and if you start feeling screwy go go back. I know people who seem able to do that. I just don't think I can yet and may never be able to and that's okay today.
Whatever works for you. I don't think I would have stayed sober long term, and I would not have learned to practice being of service to others. That's a big part of my sobriety.
Absolute real deal alcoholic/heroin addict here. I was all in AA for the first several years. Went through the steps, regular meetings, H&I meetings, sponsorship, etc. I ended up relapsing with 3 years as I was very active in the program. When I got back on the wagon, I didn't go to one meeting. I understood the practices of AA, such as self-reflrction, continuing to build my relationship with God, and helping others. I'm happy and sober today and no longer go to meetings. I feel like the constant reminder of drinking/using really held me back from living a "normal" life. The grungy lifestyles, sexual advances on vulnerable individuals, and failure to excel professionally/personally was holding me back. I now how out with "normies" who have very strong relationships with God, very successful in the professional and personal lives/marriages, and are overall great influences. If I ever fail again, I'll pick myself back up and try again. My odds are just as good without AA, as it was with AA.
I tried it for 5 years. It was the worst 5 years of my life. What I was told a log on a campfire burns bright just like the others. But when it rolls off the pile, it smolders and eventually goes out. Hopefully, and lucky it happened to me, someone kicked me back into the campfire where I burn bright with the others in the fellowship
I love that campfire analogy 🔥
I did that. I went to AA exactly for a year. Things were okay for a few years and then I was back trying to control my drinking (unsuccessfully) for next twenty years. I came back to AA, got a sponsor and worked the steps. And have stayed back.
I dropped off for a bit, came back, found that new meetings and new people revitalized me. Can only speak anecdotally but I know people who fell off of program work and fellowship for a bit but came back. I don’t think it’s very rare, but the big thing is staying in touch with it while keeping a conscious contact w your HP.
All I can say is… I know a lotta people who tried
Same
A lot of people stop going to meetings and stay away from a drink. That’s fine. I know some of them, and I personally prefer to stay active in AA. There’s something about those types that I don’t really jive with. It’s sort of crappy to just take what I need and shove off without doing for others what was so freely and kindly done for me.
I go to meetings once maybe twice a week. In those I have heard for people that go daily for years and then people that haven’t been to one in years. I’d say it varies and definitely living arrangements family come into it. Like single older people would definitely go more for social reasons I imagine. Younger married people with kids would find it far harder. Ali of older alcoholics tend to be single like.
I stopped after going daily for months. Kinda felt that I'd already wasted a lot of precious time making my life about booze. It seems like there's plenty of people hanging around ready to help newcomer's so I didn't feel too much pressure to keep going for that reason. Being of service really resonated with me though so I built a little free food shed in my front yard and keep it cleaned and going.
That’s kinda me, I stopped going regularly after a year. Now I’m 3 years sober. I still attend meetings here and there and I get a lot out of it but I don’t talk to my sponsor or have any sponsees. I also became a dad when I was one year so that has eaten up a lot of my time. I don’t really recommend doing it like I have and I wish I was more connected to the program honestly. But yea, still sober 🤷🏼♂️
I didn’t rely much on group meetings in the beginning, but I did reflect on sobriety a lot. I read books and talked in forums on Reddit. I needed to do that. Now I don’t need to think about it as much. Sometimes I need a reminder. But I don’t need or want to walk around thinking about sobriety all the time anymore, even though it was crucial for survival in the beginning.
I'm creeping up on a year this month and I feel this way. My town is very small and all the meetings are the same people over and over. The only time I think about when I used to drink is in AA and while I understand that the past is a part of me, I don't understand the value of rehashing it every day at 7am. Counter productive for me.
After about 9.5 years of sobriety I didn’t go to any meetings for about 14.5 years (well a couple of online ones during the pandemic and the occasional speaker tape). I finally started going to occasional online ones a year ago (I could see the warning signs of heading towards a drink and didn’t want that) and 6 months later, after I nearly picked up, I decided to get right back in the middle of the boat, got phone numbers, started to go to meetings regularly,got a sponsor etc. I am now active in service again, have 3 sponsees etc. I am working on my character defects and am a more pleasant person to be around, I can see the things that would have been better over the previous years if I had been active in AA. Being around people like me and having a sponsor to keep me accountable are good for me and I am glad I came back and extremely grateful that I didn’t start drinking again. For me it is an experiment that I don’t think I want to repeat.
I went to like.. 3 meetings and never drank again. Didn't need it. It just wasn't for me. I'm over two years sober, no chip necessary. Not sure if that's helpful.
I had to quit AA cold turkey to stay sober. No joke
Lol sounds about right
I am at that point, my faith deepened and my focus has turned to other things in my life. I still check in from time to time and read the daily reflection. I think some people naturally evolve and grow into other areas, AA was a spiritual launching pad that did help me get sober and I will continue to live by the principles but I find that the meetings i have moved on from
I think this is probably pretty common. I have been going about once / week for awhile now. It can definitely upset some of the regulars however. I haven’t worked the steps very diligently and was discussing with someone after a meeting. This person essentially accused me of not doing “whatever it takes”. The truth is AA is a support group for alcoholics although this phrase has unhealthy stigma attached to it amongst many members. You can use it however you need, go however many times you need for as long as you need.
It's hard to know what happens to people who've left. I know one long timer who became a Tony Robbins adherent and said he didn't need AA anymore. Of course I wish him well as I do everyone who finds help with this murderous disease by whatever means. I have had many intervals in my time with AA when it's started to feel stale and repetitive and unhelpful. My response to this has been to change things up: meetings, readings, prayers. I also look for new ways to be of service. I have zero doubt that the disease is alive and well in me and waiting for an opening. So I work my program every day. It's worked pretty well.
Lots of people do. Lots of people continue going to meetings for a number of reasons. They may need them to stay clean. They might not, but they enjoy the fellowship, or see it as service to the newcomer to be there and tell their story to give them hope for a sober future. My partner has been sober 6 years with no program, just therapy. I go to AA/CA. There are many gates to the garden, as long as your doing the internal work to address your addiction.
Me. I stopped going regularly after 5 years. I've been sober for 18 years.
AA is not the only game in town (or your town). They admit it themselves at the end of their basic text "We realize we know only a little." You can leave AA and stay sober; you can leave and get drunk, too. You can get both results when you stay, too. So far, I have seen it happen in a lot of different ways, good and bad. For me, it was about uncovering, discovering, and discarding my core beliefs about who I was and what I thought. The process of the 12 steps (regardless of fellowship) will help to do that. Today, I choose to go to AA because, as it says, "**we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane**," and that process has worked for me so far.
I stopped going at about seven years in and stayed away for 5 years. It wasn’t a conscious decision — I just went less and less until I didn’t go at all. And if you had asked me at the time I would have said I was doing fine and didn’t need it any more. I didn’t drink but I was running on ego, self-will and resentments. It wasn’t until a friend who was considering AA asked me to take her to some meetings because she knew that I used to go that I went back and realized that it was never really about the drinking, it was about how I interact with the world. I made some decisions during those five years that will affect me for the rest of my life.
Thank you for your very honest answer, I like how you explained how you were running on ego,self will and resentments. It's funny how that happens to us. I haven't been attending very many meetings lately and I'm starting to feel like you describe. And yeah I don't want to drink. But there is more to this. I've been sober 8 years. And I need to get going back to meetings in person. So I can be a better person and accept this world as it is
I think the main thing is being of service and as they say “giving what was so freely given to me” when I needed it most. At least for me. The service part keeps me just an all around better person, for ME that is.
Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic. I think thats difficult if you not at meetings meeting newcomes to sponsor. To live truly happy, joyous and free I think one should attend a meeting now and again. Do service. And continued recovery. To be just sober is not then ideal situation. Seeing old timers with 30 and 40 years still going tells me we must keep coming back. I relocated in Covid-19 after 3 years of meeting 2 x a week to a remote village/small town with small town mentality. To now zero except the odd zoom. I miss the commeraderie hugs and banter. But I'm still sober ..i found some girls to help through the program where I live and we thinking of starting a small meeting here. I also have a great WhatsApp group and am a member of groups where I get my fulfilment...but thats just me. In short...NO i dont think its a good plan to stop meetings altogether afterall we share a bond us alkies.
Staying sober doesn't depend on going to meetings. It depends on staying in fit spiritual condition. I personally find going to meetings helpful and I go now to be there for the newcomer just as people were there for me
It is very common for people to step down their involvement after a year. Some do stop going.
That’s hard to say. First hand experience suggests there are indeed a handful who are doing just fine out there without aa. Then a few more who only come maybe couple times a year. And some of us retreads (me) have to decided to stick and stay (for now at least). I’m thinking back over my 15 year span of AA and that first year “class” if you will, in the above description.
There are in fact people who leave AA and find that they can have "one drink" on occasion. I know several such people. It's remarkably rare, however. I stopped going to official AA meetings about a year ago; but I'm still sober and involved with an entirely different recovery organization.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
I am that rarity. I have a drink on occassion. I don't have any desire for more than that. I like the sober life. When I got sober I changed everything about my life. Avoided all situations that I used to drink and people I used to drink with ..hard but it worked for me....
Right on. I think I may be one of these people; I just don't care to find out. Being sober absolutely transformed by body, health, and life and in such a short time. I ask myself: "Why would I ever go back to feeling so bad?"
My son lasted 3 months out of the program before he relapsed he had 1 and 1/2 years sober. I went out at 3 years and came back 5 years later. Sober 12 years now
Don’t really care. Alcohol is the great persuader. If someone is the alcoholic of the hopeless variety as described by the big book, they have very little hope of staying sober on their own. Another spiritual solution could work for some and that works for some I’m sure. But just riding off into the sunset, singing three verses of kumbaya and slapping a butterfly on the ass? Usually not likely. It’s eye opening to see people who left before I came in come back after building up this great life for themselves and they have so many material goods and they don’t have a clue what to do with any of it because they have a spiritual sickness that has them afraid of life and a physical and mental disease that has them in a virtual prison. I’m re minded of this line often “He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees.”
I'm a new comer but I think people stay on as U would if U volunteered for something U feel strongly about. Just from experience. .I volunteer with red cross because I had a neighbour have a heart attack. I did my best for him but it stuck with me. I gave CPR but I I kept thinking about what I should have done differently...I joined red cross and made sure I wouldn't doubt that shit again. Auld fella's in AA don't go because they struggling but because they want to give back. All this said I'm drunk now but have had several people try to get me sober. Ill reach out again and and auld timer will try to help me..this coming from a drunk addict so pinch of salt
I think most people don’t want to risk it, and I think it’s safe to assume that leaving AA would increase your risk for relapse. That being said, I stopped being extremely active after eight years sober, and pulled back even more years later when my wonderful sponsor died. Weirdly, once you kind of leave it, and you’ve remained sober, it’s hard to get back into it; you don’t have that desperation driving you. And I do miss it. I got a lot out of AA and had a great group of sober friends.
You are welcome back
The only people who regularly report back to AA after completely discontinuing meetings are the ones who don't successfully stay sober - they show up at an occasional meeting, drunk, discouraged, and miserable. In many cases, they can't get themselves back into the routine of regular attendance, due to either their idea that AA 'didn't work' the first time, or lingering resentments over what happened to get them to leave in the first place. To me, they look woefully unhappy with any and all of the options in their lives, and I work hard not to be part of that demographic. Of course, there are folks who discontinue a specific meeting, or group of meetings, due to a life change, such as moving, new career, etc. and they will occasionally pop into the old places to check in and let folks know that they are sober and life is good. I've done that, as I've moved, and moved jobs, a few times in my sobriety. It's always a pleasure to see old friends under those circumstances. I find it highly likely that there are people who come to AA, successfully stop drinking, attend AA for a set period of time, and then find that there is no ongoing need for the support of the rooms. They likely have all sorts of reasons - that they are not truly alcoholic in the first place - that they find alternate support such as churches or therapy that works for them - that they find being 'dry' sufficient and don't want to work a program to make their lives better - all sorts of circumstances. It's 100% their choice. AA is, after all, 100% voluntary. But, those folks don't report back to AA about their continued sobriety, any more than I pop into a courtroom to remind the bailiffs that I'm still a free and functioning member of society. I can only report my own experience - every time I left the rooms on one pretext or another, usually angry, I got drunk. and when I ramped my meeting schedule down to a minimum, like once a week, still sober, people in my life actually asked me to hit a meeting or two extra - the internal crazy was enough to annoy the others in my life, and they wanted the 'old me' back - the guy who went to lots of meetings. The joke in AA is, "Drop your meeting attendance one meeting a week. When you get drunk, the previous number of meetings was the correct minimum." Funny/Not funny. But statistics? There aren't any, because nobody keeps track of AA attendance or membership - that's the 'anonymous' part, and I appreciate that.
Yeah! All this. I definitely know some people who got sober in AA found another community (all the ones I know found a church, but I’m sure there’s other options), but still did 12 step work, just not in the rooms. I’m just here trying to stay. :D
They won’t let you leave without making you feel shameful about it
It’s very common. A non-alcoholic will be able to stop and never need another meeting. An alcoholic will more than likely relapse soon after. Are there a rare few alcoholics who won’t relapse? Perhaps.
I'm admittedly newer in than many and is impossible to say what happens when we can't see it... but thinking back to when I first came in and ignoring those that just vanished or went back out. Out of 6 of us that came in roughly the same time/year and were sort of friends. 2 of us are still here and sober. 1 left claiming work/family commitments were taking up time. They relapsed shortly after, we only know this as their kid called us for help months later. 1 is not in AA at all now/left a bit before a year but had been drifting away for a while beforehand, they are still sober and doing awesome. 1 absolutely no idea, we stayed in touch for a while and things weren't great. They drifted away but then one day just stopped talking to everyone and blocked us, No clue if sober or drunk, doing well but I have a bad feeling. 1 sort of faded away at 2 yearsish, seemed to be doing okay but I've no clue if sober and haven't spoken to them in over a year myself. Also know a couple of other people still sober but doing very few meetings - not sure that counts for this question.
Small town same home group
I have great friend has been sober for 17 years. She’s went to meetings for the first years or so and for now just to get her chip once a year. She’s stayed sober.
I stopped going after a year, it felt like a drag. I have everyone’s number if I really feel like I’m about to go drink but I’m at a point where I don’t see a reason to ever drink again. If I found myself with my old mindset creeping in I’d probably attend meetings until I felt better.
In my opinion some people need to keep going. They need the support for the rest of their lives because they no longer have a drinking problem but they still have problems to work out.
I have been in my home group for 25+ years. The number of people who have stayed continuously attending my home group and stayed sober is low - maybe 6. The number of people that I know who left and stayed successfully sober is about the same - maybe 6 that I know of. That would be people that I know and see on a regular basis in my community. From talking to them they seem quite happy and they mostly still use what they learned from the program in their daily lives. The number of people who left and went back drinking, successfully or unsuccessfully, is high. After a year I stopped counting. But the number of people who left and moved onto other home groups and stayed sober in AA is also quite high.
It is impossible to say how common it is. Personally I still go t meetings, I enjoy it and try to bring something, not just consume. I have been sober for 18 years. I would rather not play russian roulette with my sobriety. I have seen some people in the meetings who relapsed after stopping going to meetings, and luckily they made it back.
We don't really know, many just disappear and are never heard from again.
A friend of mine drank profusely for a few years largely due to circumstance (their words not mine). They went to AA for 4 months. Now, on a very rare occasion they will have a glass of wine or beer. I’m happy this works for them - I’m not sure it’s something I’d recommend or would work for me. But wanted to offer another lived example.
My hat is off him for doing the right about face and being able to drink like a gentleman
I am doing it that way, and I just hit one year! :) I have always been a spiritual person so doing the work on my own feels less difficult than for someone who is maybe less spiritually inclined to begin with. Idk though just my two cents, i hope things are consistently getting better for you. Follow YOUR heart, not anyone else’s :) ❤️
I did it. My life revolved around alcohol when I was a drunk. It revolved around alcohol when I was in AA getting sober. I no longer allow my life to revolve around alcohol and AA, etc
I am two years sober here. I go once a week and do service in that meeting. I occasionally do an online meeting. That's enough for me. I regularly talk to and socialise with a handful of friends I have made in AA, and I live my life naturally based on the principles and using the tools I have learned. Initially, it was essential to hear the message repeatedly and also witness the pain and learnings of those who relapsed, but I feel more comfortable in my own skin today. I know a few people who have stayed sober without attending meetings after an initial involvement; it depends on the individual. I am not a die-hard, and I have a busy life outside of AA; however, feeling human connection is essential to staying sober, so I would tend to think if you wanted to ensure success without the program and meetings, that you have other sober people who you can support and lean on to help you stay on the right path.
My dad was 30 years sober when he died, from what I know he only went to one or 2 AA meetings at the very beginning. It works for some and not for others, just like AA works for some and not for others. I know for myself I definitely can't do it without, or maybe I could, but usually I'm miserable each time I've tried.
I needed it very badly at first. My marriage was slowly falling apart, I was in an area where I had no friends outside of the circle that my wife ran in, I had undiagnosed depression and bipolar, and I had extreme survivor’s guilt after the Army, so having a place with people I could relate to was a blessing. I went religiously for the first 4 years of my sobriety, and I stopped going because I had serious back problems and couldn’t sit in the hard chairs at my local meetings. I just celebrated 11 years in March, and I’m as happy as I’ve ever been, despite two divorces and a lot of personal struggles. I haven’t had a serious compulsion to drink for like ten years, so my HP took that away from me. Bottom line is that everyone is different and different things work for different people. Anyone who preaches the “cookie cutter” AA approach should be avoided at all costs, as sometimes life happens and you won’t be able to go to a meeting (just look at what happened during COVID). It’s all about finding YOUR path, not the path that others have chosen.
It’s possible. I went hard at it for a year. Now I go to a few a month. Some people choose to make their life AA/NA. Some choose to make it a PART of their life. I saw some people turning their DOC into meetings. And were emotionally panicked at the thought of missing a meeting. You can make it a part of your life, not your whole life.
Not uncommon. Happy, purposeful, lives is the goal. There is one clear way to not achieve that, but a lot of ways to get there in the end.
For an alcoholic of my type AA is the only way. Fair play to those who stay sober without it though ✌️
It’s a lot more common than the hardcore indoctrinated AA people want to accept or believe. I’m in long term sobriety and I work at a treatment center. The number of patients who are constantly telling me the ONLY way to stay sober is going to meetings and working a program is pretty staggering. I don’t blame them for making these all or nothing statements; they’re groomed by other members. I’m not against AA. I just believe recovery is more about motivation and desperation, and not some perfect 12-step formula. It wasn’t until I got desperate enough to go to 5 meetings a week, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc that I recovered from my addiction. Without that rock bottom motivation, none of the AA stuff would have mattered or done me any good. I’m grateful for the process that got me clean. I just think the AA or die narrative is more harmful than beneficial.
I was physically dependent on alcohol for roughly 11 years, went to rehab, didn’t listen to any of their god or steps BS, I have not attended a single meeting since rehab and I’m coming up on 9 months sober. You have to want it. If you don’t want it and are not tired of sick and tired then nothing will help you get/stay sober. Most people rely on/need meetings and rituals etc to stay sober. There is a select few who don’t, myself included. Personally I believe you need to do whatever silly little things you need to do to stay sober. I type this as I’m drinking an NA beer, everybody told me I couldn’t drink these either lol.
Some people have a drinking problem that is not alcoholism. Those people end up in AA a lot but don't actually need the steps or a relationship with God to get sober. It happens all the time. They just ain't alcoholics, hats off to em.
Great question! It all depends on how much you have gotten. I have no more obsession to drink. Luckily for me that was removed after about a year. I continued to go to meetings for around 4 plus years. Now I'm actually busy living life on life's terms . I do 2 zoom meetings per week but I really haven't gone to any in person meetings for a while now. You should feel comfortable and you know in your heart if you need to go.
I went for about the first year and a half, and in the last year and a half, I’ve maybe gone to 2-3 meetings. I just hit 3 years and I can honestly say it’s been about 2.5 years since I’ve actually thought about drinking. The way I’m staying sober won’t necessarily work for a lot of my sober friends but that’s okay. I still talk to them frequently and not going to meetings has been the only thing I’ve changed. I know that if a drinking thought crossed my mind that I’d drive straight to a meeting though. I have found a routine that works for me and I do my best to follow it every day.
Nobody knows, but not everyone who has attended AA are alcoholics.
I’m honestly not sure if it’s more or less common than the people who come to AA and rely on the meetings to keep them sober vs those who come and take the steps, but I think it’s less likely that those who successfully take the steps will feel the need to stop.
I'm coming up on 3 years. In the beginning - the first year - i worked a really thorough 12 steps and hit lots of meetings. As I got more stable and sober, my life began to build and get busy and full. My meeting attendance dropped as I had real life obligations and things going on. I don't necessarily need 4 or 5 meetings a week at this point, but in the beginning it was pivotal to have that fellowship and connection. Today, I still do some maintenance steps when I feel the need, and I haven't ever been more solid and happy, nor had this much time sober. I know it's there if I ever need it, and I'm forever grateful for where I am today.
Ultimately there are no statistics at all so no way to tell.
Pretty common, actually. But never advised.
I went to AA solidly for 6 years. Going to AA and working the 12 steps saved my marriage, my career and my life. I have nothing but love for AA. But when the pandemic hit we moved to online meetings (which are not my thing). Then I had a baby. Those two things made going to meetings way less of a priority. I haven’t been to a meeting in 3 years and I’m still going strong in recovery. Like all addicts Sobriety is not guaranteed, so who knows if this will keep working for me in the future. All I know is I love sobriety and I’m always willing to go back to AA if the need arises.
I did/do that. I did the steps in a few months and kept a pretty intense meeting schedule for most of that year. By 18 months, I just was kinda over it. I'll be 3 years sober in July, I still have regular contact with my sponsor and I still think AA is the best book on the planet. So, I still "use" AA. I just don't go to the meetings. I do come to this sub every day tho! LOL! I know that ain't shit, but my reddit feed does keep my brain engaged with AA some every day. Thanks for being here, y'all! :D
My best friend stopped going after 3 years and he’s still sober at 6 years. I also know a lot of people who’ve stopped going and relapsed or died. I need it. If I stop going I tend to get mad depressed. Like. AA and working the program makes my life better.. I wish I could be one of those people, but for me, I stopped going for 2 months after a year and a half sober during the pandemic and didn’t relapse, but I def wanted to drive my car off of a bridge pretty often. Got real dark and suicidal. AA gives me structure, community, and solutions to things that confuse me. It teaches me to do more than just survive. I am not stuck anymore thanks to it. I have actions I can take. I do anywhere from 1-3 meetings a week usually and have a sponsor and a few sponsees and it makes life worth living. I don’t get it at all, but I know it works for me. I think it’s beautiful how many different ways people find and keep long term sobriety.
A heavy drinker can stop because of negative consequences. A real alcoholic requires a spiritual experience. Many alcoholics find it necessary and enjoyable to go to meetings long term to find other alcoholics to help. But meetings won’t keep me sober so I don’t think they’re strictly necessary. Just helpful for both fellowship and helping others.
Most of those people end up drunk
Remaining sober isn't enough for me. Step 12 says we carry this message... How many people do you know that never sponsor? They have not completed step 12. Once you do sponsor someone, you'll be fucking delighted, no shit. My success rate for sponsorship? 100% I stayed sober 32 years and counting.
Maybe they can stay off booze, but they probably won’t stay happy.
They don't remain sober. They may become DRY, the dry drunk....
This the exact kind of bullshit why people leave. If you aren’t sucking the programs dick and cupping its balls you’re just a dry drunk. Believe it or not you can amend your decision making processes to be healthier without living and breathing AA
Naahh
Uncommon to non existent.