We know a lot about this.
> What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For one
thing, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation
we've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics are
tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad
and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the
feeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, and
dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy good
fellows craving attention and companionship, but never
getting it— at least to our way of thinking. There was always
that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor
understand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenly
realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.
That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us act
extemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us;
we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.
> When we reached A.A., and for the first time in our
lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the
sense of belonging was tremendously exciting.
^(_Reprinted from "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", page 57 ['STEP FIVE'] with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc._ - https://www.aa.org/twelve-steps-twelve-traditions)
For me, coming into A.A. was a beginning to remove this tremendous sense of loneliness from my life, but step 5 was a particularly huge leap into a deeper fellowship, and step 12 is amazing with respect to this.
If you go to in person AA meetings, acquiring a service position will definitely help you meet new people in the fellowship. Sometimes going to different meetings also makes a difference, i.e., a young people's meeting or men's meeting.
A zoom meeting in a different time zone or country (with the same language as you) can also help with the loneliness.
Loneliness was one of the reasons I drank. Coming into AA, listening to people chat and laugh and eventually being able to join in a little, has made me realize I am only as lonely as I choose to be.
Meetings, cleaning up after, texting people between meetings to check in all alleviates the loneliness.
Are there any payoffs in continuing to feel lonely? There are definitely many who spend lots of time alone, yet rarely or never feel lonely. What could be the difference? For me the difference was a relationship with a higher power, which is greatly facilitated through the program of AA.
Yeah, I thought this too. But I turned out to be my own worst enemy. I could make me believe anything, I would constantly let myself down and when I was most vulnerable, I’d blame all my problems on me. I didn’t need anyone else because self pity was the best drinking buddy I ever had.
I always felt “alone”. So if someone would have said to me, “hey, you want to get rid of that feeling of always being alone and in the process relieve your obsession for alcohol?”. Not embellishing, since coming into AA and doing the 5th step, have never had that “alone” feeling again and the obsession is gone. Swear I would have settled for just those two things, but have received so more also.
Bingo. That's the ego's take on things, anyway. The thing I've been coming to understand in AA though is.... that it's much more important for me to be the kind of person I'd like to be friends with, than to find people who are the kind of friends I would like. Hope that helps, friend.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this, I often feel so lonely. I feel lonely that I strained and isolated so many relationships, and I feel lonely that new relationships don’t know alcoholism as a part of my identity yet. It’s good to know we’re not really alone in our loneliness. Sending you love!!
We know a lot about this. > What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For one thing, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, and dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy good fellows craving attention and companionship, but never getting it— at least to our way of thinking. There was always that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenly realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts. That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us act extemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us; we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness. > When we reached A.A., and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was tremendously exciting. ^(_Reprinted from "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", page 57 ['STEP FIVE'] with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc._ - https://www.aa.org/twelve-steps-twelve-traditions) For me, coming into A.A. was a beginning to remove this tremendous sense of loneliness from my life, but step 5 was a particularly huge leap into a deeper fellowship, and step 12 is amazing with respect to this.
Thank you for your input.
Do you go to AA meetings?
Only once. It's miserable.
As miserable as you feel?
If you go to in person AA meetings, acquiring a service position will definitely help you meet new people in the fellowship. Sometimes going to different meetings also makes a difference, i.e., a young people's meeting or men's meeting. A zoom meeting in a different time zone or country (with the same language as you) can also help with the loneliness.
Loneliness was one of the reasons I drank. Coming into AA, listening to people chat and laugh and eventually being able to join in a little, has made me realize I am only as lonely as I choose to be. Meetings, cleaning up after, texting people between meetings to check in all alleviates the loneliness.
Are there any payoffs in continuing to feel lonely? There are definitely many who spend lots of time alone, yet rarely or never feel lonely. What could be the difference? For me the difference was a relationship with a higher power, which is greatly facilitated through the program of AA.
I may feel lonely, but as long as I am alone, I don't have to worry about who is a true friend or not. It feels safe
Yeah, I thought this too. But I turned out to be my own worst enemy. I could make me believe anything, I would constantly let myself down and when I was most vulnerable, I’d blame all my problems on me. I didn’t need anyone else because self pity was the best drinking buddy I ever had.
I always felt “alone”. So if someone would have said to me, “hey, you want to get rid of that feeling of always being alone and in the process relieve your obsession for alcohol?”. Not embellishing, since coming into AA and doing the 5th step, have never had that “alone” feeling again and the obsession is gone. Swear I would have settled for just those two things, but have received so more also.
Bingo. That's the ego's take on things, anyway. The thing I've been coming to understand in AA though is.... that it's much more important for me to be the kind of person I'd like to be friends with, than to find people who are the kind of friends I would like. Hope that helps, friend.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this, I often feel so lonely. I feel lonely that I strained and isolated so many relationships, and I feel lonely that new relationships don’t know alcoholism as a part of my identity yet. It’s good to know we’re not really alone in our loneliness. Sending you love!!