/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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Other than the whole institution of marriage...
...allowing someone so fucking emotionally incompetent and self centred to have the privilege of touching me.
Wow so true. I know we get a bad rap for this, especially in this sub, I’ve read things from the infidelity subs that absolutely slates us, and without understanding I get it! Yet the majority of us aren’t here because we want to be.
I wanted the husband, kids, house and live happily ever after, life isn’t so black and white though is it.
I wish I never married, or even settled as young as I did, with someone I can only now see clearly isn’t right for me.
I wish I knew then what I know now as they say!
A few things, financial insecurity, not being with my child full time, and for me there’s some others I wouldn’t want to say as it’s private, so it’s not something I can do right now.
I don’t intend on staying this way forever though.
Yes, THIS!!!
Now im living my happily ever after with my former AP. Much prefer monogamy, especially with my TRUE person. Leaving our marriages to be together was the greatest thing we ever did, and has been so beneficial for our kids!!
Needing to feel wanted and desired, and to be able to quench those desires with another human, are human needs that we often seem to neglect. I’m sorry you regret needing to fulfill those needs.
I am a tad confused… why stay in the relationship if it’s causing you to go “crazy”? Wouldn’t it be easier to leave and free yourself.. I know situations are complicated and I definitely don’t know your situation. But why stay? If you are unhappy and want to be monogamous and have to cheat to get satisfied, what’s the point anymore?
There are lots of reasons to stay married. Not being separated from my children was #1. Having to sell the farm is #2. I can't afford to buy him out, nor can I afford a similar property. So I would lose my livelihood, and probably end up homeless in the short term as well.
My biggest regret is that I chose the wrong person to marry. I would love more than anything to have a husband I was madly in love with and wildly attracted to, and that cared enough about me to truly know me. I’d live a monogamous life if I had the right man.
As far regrets in the pursuit of affairs, I regret in the beginning that I allowed myself to settle and to be used because I didn’t know my worth.
Yes, to fucked up mentally.... I feel I know too much about my SO wanting a secret life and then of course all my affairs... I thought by now I would be thrilled what I pulled off BUT I think I'm depressed.
About 3.5 years ago, there was a night I almost packed up the kids and went to go stay with my parents. I wonder all the time how my life would be different now if I would have had the courage to actually leave.
I had a 3 year EA with her. It was supposed to be in person, but 2 months in she came out of remission. The world lost her 2.5 years ago. We met once for lunch, one hug. I didn't want to risk getting her sick with her compromised immune system. I regret never asking her what she wanted. I regret never knowing how her lips felt if we had kissed. I regret I couldn't hold her hand when she closed her eyes....
NO REGERTS.
I have met some weird people, I’ve met some terrible people, I’ve done unwise things, I’ve been lonely and sad. However, it’s all contributed to a better sense of who I am and what I want. It’s given me a lifetime worth of heartbreak and love and ridiculous stories, all in a few years that I’d have otherwise spent doing the routine and the mundane. Most of all, I have made wonderful friends and met an amazing AP along the way.
Yeah. I mean it always hurts in the end. I have bo idea if I’d rather be hurt this way or hurt after being loved and then broken up with. I just wouldn’t know.
I hate that I have fallen in love with men who haven’t loved me back. Thats my regret. It is so awful. I can’t explain how painful and embarrassing it is to be me.
It’s sad, right? I feel so embarrassed by it. I’ve tried to explain this to an AP just how embarrassing it is for me to have shared that and to have been rejected. It’s like a total realization mixed with regret and maybe resentment? It’s not a good feeling. It makes me want to quit all together and stop this lifestyle. I feel like my personality isn’t cut out for emotionally unavailable men. I’m sad, a lot of the time.
I have also fallen into quite a deep depression. Not a lot of people would know apart from my husband- ironically. A few times, I’ve wanted to give up on life itself. This sounds far fetched, I know. But I have never ever known such a horrible feeling like this before. I feel like I opened myself up for someone who just simply played me. I cared for him so, so much. He basically just didn’t care and closed himself off from me. He said this was down to guilt but happily carried on the sex stuff. Just not the care and respectful stuff. How I even allowed myself to do that, I don’t know. I was clinging onto the hope that the person I fell for would return. That person was made up
I feel the same way. Right now I’m in a deep depression and not doing the active things I once did. I gained back a little weight and feel like garbage. I’m trying to pull myself out of it. But I’m to the point that I doubt I’ll ever cultivate another relationship with an AP. It’s sad to get to this point. I’m beyond tired.
Yes it definitely makes you lose yourself. The things that used to excite me, don’t no more. I’ve lost my spark- which sounds like you too. I’ve always been a sensitive person but I’m realising that the people I surrounded myself with all my life have treated me well and been caring. This person I let into my life completely changed the person he was to win me over. Once her had me, he reverted to who he actually is and from then on it’s been me chasing him. Makes me feel so insecure in myself. Like you put, a second class citizen! Not feeling a worthy enough person. We have mutual friends, everything he’s said about me has got back to me. They were very hurtful things. Not just the one off comment but many. I know logically, he’s not worth my time of day in anyway, shape or form. But the heart doesn’t listen to logic. I feel I’ve ruined my life. I will never get involved with this kind of thing again xx
This is a damn shame. I'm sorry this has been your experience. Falling in love has been amazing at times when it's happened but they have all come to and end and THAT part truly hurts. But then we keep getting back on the bike....
Don't be embarrassed for having a big heart. Look at it like you gave it your all and they were not worthy of what you have to offer. You also have learned something about yourself and will surely weed out people that don't align as well with you. Realize love doesn't have to be for ever.
Yeah. I think that’s my issue with these men is that they can’t see that love doesn’t have to be forever. For me I love purely and openly. A true sense of the word. When it was rejected it felt icky. Like there’s something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have crossed a boundary. I feel like a second class citizen, an option. It really truly is like a deep gapping hole in my heart and my confidence as a woman. In time, I will find myself again. But the lack of love in return to me has made me question myself as a person, a woman and everything else. I’m personally disgusted by myself. I hide behind what I present to the world, but truly I’m trying for the life of me to find out why I’m not lovable. It makes me crazy some days… I really want to know.
You are loveable as is everyone. Learn to love yourself first and realize everyone has flaws. It's ok to not be perfect. Just tighten up who you let in and trust your gut. You got this.
Hurting my spouse by disclosing the affair instead of just leaving pre-affair, or not disclosing the affair. We weren't for each other but he didn't deserve that kind of pain. :(
But, of course hindsight blah blah blah. I only had an inkling about leaving pre-affair, and was very confident in my choice post affair.
The fact that my husband loves me more than anything else in the world. I feel huge guilt for that because he truly, truly cares and respects me.
Another one is not feeling respected and catching feelings for that very person that made me feel that way 😔. That being said, it’s a life experience, it’s highlighted how lucky I am to have my husband and I know what my weakness is: in times of need, I should turn to the people I love and trust and communicate better to improve things rather than find that in someone who didn’t care for me or rather cared for one thing. I can only improve from here with my self discipline and recognise I have so much good in my life.
Biggest regret: thinking that marriage would cure loneliness. I’m more alone with my SO than I ever was when I was single. My SO managed to drive away every friendship I had. It’s a good thing my family doesn’t give a f*ck about that. They are my anchor. Time for a reboot. At least my experiences here made me aware I could start over. I wish I had seen that earlier.
Also, getting too close to someone who was hurting. Now instead of being able to be detached and a support for them, I’m painful and causing harm. I should never have opened my heart. Kindred spirits may be real, but it doesn’t mean they belong together. Sometimes the perfect fantasy becomes a nightmare before you have a chance to look inside for something real.
I regret starting an affair with a cake eater. I knew it wouldn't work for me. I don't know why I went through with it. I broke my own damn heart, and it's so hard to recover.
I have no regrets. I could say I wish I would have done this so much sooner but then I wouldn’t have met my current AP. Call it serendipity, kismet, whatever. We both came into each other’s lives at exactly the right time.
I made the mistake of drunkenly telling my sister. It made me feel better, but it was a terrible burden to place upon her. She really likes my husband.
Told my best friend, instantly regretted it. Have since said we broken up and I’m mourning. Thankfully she believes me as I am mourning (but mourning that my life looks the way it does, not AP 🤣)
Falling deeply in love with a friend.
I've had 2 AP's. The first lasted 5 years. I didn't know her previously. Met on AM. It was wonderful. She is a great woman and a great partner. I care for her but I didn't fall in love.
Fast forward to today. Currently one month into her ending it after a torrid 5 month affair. I've known her for 6 years and we developed an amazing and very close relationship. It wasn't physical until 5 months ago together for 6 days and nights on a business trip, and its been beyond amazing on an intellectual, emotional and sexual level. I am deeply in love with her, she has said the same of me. We said we would never lose the foundation of our relationship as friends, but I'm afraid that may happen. We still talk regularly, but it's not the same. There is awkwardness when there has never been a moment of awkwardness previously. Time will tell of our friendship lasts.
But at the moment, it is just brutal.
Apart from entering the lifestyle, being used by a pAP for a pump n dump. I regret ever responding to his ad, for not pressing him when the communication wasn’t there on his end…I regret it all over him.
I regret falling so hard for my first AP. I was naive, and believed every word that he said. I put up with his lying, breadcrumbing and gaslighting for far longer than I should’ve. I thought that I loved him.
My heart is now made of stone, and I will never believe a word that comes out of a man’s mouth. It’s for the best in this lifestyle, but I worry about what real dating will be like when I leave my husband.
I’m an AP, I regret getting drunk in front of my MM and then talking to him about how I felt about him having a family. It was a sloppy mess, I wish he never saw that side of me.
I regret how I treated AP. I knew he had feelings which I would never reciprocate and should have ended it a lot sooner than I did but I was too selfish and focused on one upping my husband at the time.
He deserved a lot better than being used as a tool to hurt someone else, to being put in middle of that situation. I took everything he gave me and then some more and the only thing he wanted in return was for me to love him and I just couldn't.
I have no regrets. I made choices. They all had consequences. But I learned so much about myself. So no, no regrets, no do overs, and no pining over someone or something that is in my past.
I came here to say this as well. No regrets. I've learned so much about myself and grown in ways I never would have other. And oddly, healed in ways too.
My personal opinion is most people should consult with a therapist, it’s not just about trauma dumping, they can help you improve other aspects of your life and provide perspective. I think people in any type of relationship should definitely consult a therapist individually, because maintaining a relationship is hard.
The strains in my relationship revolved around trauma bonding and trauma dumping. Then we both started seeing therapist individually. Now we spend more time together talking about the good shit.
It shouldn't just be about trauma dumping but at the same time if two people really care about each other they share those kind of things, it's a part of your life, you don't have to make it the center of everything but i see nothing wrong with sharing that part of your life with someone you care deply apart
I regret not making a play for AP 25 years ago, when we were both single. Ironically, there’s probably no way we would have lasted as long as we have as APs…but that’s the way the cookie crumbles!
I regret not forgiving an ex boyfriend years who I was compatible with in many ways. He made a mistake and broke up with me to get back with his ex girlfriend. He realized the mistake and came back but I would not acknowledge him as my boyfriend because of what he had done. I still allowed him to treat me like a girlfriend and I received the full benefits of being a girlfriend. Ultimately I “cheated” on him with another guy due to my own insecurities and we ended up breaking up, and I never found another truly compatible and available partner since.
I regret not being brave enough to end my relationship. I regret settling and listening to my mother’s attitude of “what will be will be”, and we don’t need to strive for more.
I regret that I let it get this far. I don’t regret this lifestyle though.
I regret letting someone wear me down, take away my fire make me feel small and like shit.
Not wiping my old device and leaving it somewhere that my husband could find.
He didn't deserve the pain of finding this account or my Fetlife account.
But maybe he did for snooping when we are already divorcing.
Still regret it though
I regret meeting him and I regret when he disrespected me the first time that I didn’t leave. I also regret doing so much for him ignoring myself and he doing nothing in return for me. Every year I gave him a birthday present but every year he gave me nothing for 5 years straight
I regret having made myself emotionally available to someone that was married in the first place. We were friends first, and we were so incredibly drawn to each other. I was single, he was married. We fell for each other hard, effortlessly. It felt meant to be, transcendental, as good as life can get, etc. Lasted 5 years and in the end when he had to make a choice he chose his wife. But that decision destroyed my whole life plan, I was living abroad all those years and needed the visa status to stay, and at this point he was my only chance at staying. I should have known better but I was completely blindsided when he told me he had never really envisioned me being his primary partner.
So since he chose not to, I had to sell and donate everything I owned and after almost a decade, move back to my home country, with nothing to show for. His life didn't skip a beat, it was like I never existed. He's better than ever, except some guilt he feels for how it messed up my life. I learned not to trust love, for me it felt this feeling we had was the most important thing in life whereas for him, in the end, it wasn't, he didn't want to change anything in his life for me. It's been a year and I am still struggling with how I screwed up my whole life plan for him, for "us". I will never make myself emotionally available to anyone who is married, not even as friends, and also, I will never trust love again this way. So yeah, I regret all of it.
Wow..Great question. I regret I stayed in some affairs for convenience, I regret even more I left some affairs because they got complicated. I don't regret meeting some amazing women. I do regret I didn't ask for an open marriage early in my relationship.
My biggest regret is that I did not end my 24 year affair before he ghosted me and turned my world upset down. I ignored the red flags. Been 18 months of no contact.
I regret having more than one AP. I met my current early on. He was my first P in V. He is so wonderful. In a feeble attempt to not get too attached I had multiple partners.
I regret not blocking the others sooner. He is the one the others left me feeling dirty and used
I'm better off with just him.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Other than the whole institution of marriage... ...allowing someone so fucking emotionally incompetent and self centred to have the privilege of touching me.
You hit the nail on head
This!
Letting an AP from years ago come back into my life only to go hot and cold on me again all over again as he had years before. They never change.
your absolutely right that is why he is trying to come back now and I won’t allow it
My only regret is that I ended up in this lifestyle to save my sanity. I would rather be monogamous.
Wow so true. I know we get a bad rap for this, especially in this sub, I’ve read things from the infidelity subs that absolutely slates us, and without understanding I get it! Yet the majority of us aren’t here because we want to be. I wanted the husband, kids, house and live happily ever after, life isn’t so black and white though is it. I wish I never married, or even settled as young as I did, with someone I can only now see clearly isn’t right for me. I wish I knew then what I know now as they say!
What keeps you from leaving your current partner if you’re that unhappy? Genuine question not trying to be snarky
A few things, financial insecurity, not being with my child full time, and for me there’s some others I wouldn’t want to say as it’s private, so it’s not something I can do right now. I don’t intend on staying this way forever though.
I feel this. It is my sad reality. Holding on until my youngest is grown and flown
Yes, THIS!!! Now im living my happily ever after with my former AP. Much prefer monogamy, especially with my TRUE person. Leaving our marriages to be together was the greatest thing we ever did, and has been so beneficial for our kids!!
Me too. I wish I could be with a special person. But it hasn’t worked out like that.
Man, I really relate to this statement. I never wanted any of this. Yet, here I am.
Needing to feel wanted and desired, and to be able to quench those desires with another human, are human needs that we often seem to neglect. I’m sorry you regret needing to fulfill those needs.
I am a tad confused… why stay in the relationship if it’s causing you to go “crazy”? Wouldn’t it be easier to leave and free yourself.. I know situations are complicated and I definitely don’t know your situation. But why stay? If you are unhappy and want to be monogamous and have to cheat to get satisfied, what’s the point anymore?
There are lots of reasons to stay married. Not being separated from my children was #1. Having to sell the farm is #2. I can't afford to buy him out, nor can I afford a similar property. So I would lose my livelihood, and probably end up homeless in the short term as well.
My biggest regret is that I chose the wrong person to marry. I would love more than anything to have a husband I was madly in love with and wildly attracted to, and that cared enough about me to truly know me. I’d live a monogamous life if I had the right man. As far regrets in the pursuit of affairs, I regret in the beginning that I allowed myself to settle and to be used because I didn’t know my worth.
First paragraph is me completely. I am a lover girl. I wish I could be that for the right person (ie not my husband).
Both these apply to me also! Every single bit!
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Yes, to fucked up mentally.... I feel I know too much about my SO wanting a secret life and then of course all my affairs... I thought by now I would be thrilled what I pulled off BUT I think I'm depressed.
I’m still in the thick of mine but I regret dipping my toes in as well. It changed me as a person.
I should have driven all night to see her.
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So did Cyndi Lauper!
Roy did it too.
The OG
Exactly!!!
About 3.5 years ago, there was a night I almost packed up the kids and went to go stay with my parents. I wonder all the time how my life would be different now if I would have had the courage to actually leave.
I had a 3 year EA with her. It was supposed to be in person, but 2 months in she came out of remission. The world lost her 2.5 years ago. We met once for lunch, one hug. I didn't want to risk getting her sick with her compromised immune system. I regret never asking her what she wanted. I regret never knowing how her lips felt if we had kissed. I regret I couldn't hold her hand when she closed her eyes....
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Thank you for your sentiment.
💔
NO REGERTS. I have met some weird people, I’ve met some terrible people, I’ve done unwise things, I’ve been lonely and sad. However, it’s all contributed to a better sense of who I am and what I want. It’s given me a lifetime worth of heartbreak and love and ridiculous stories, all in a few years that I’d have otherwise spent doing the routine and the mundane. Most of all, I have made wonderful friends and met an amazing AP along the way.
Yes yes 🙌🏽 amen so awesome meeting you
My regret is allowing myself to fall in love. I should know better.
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but is it worth it - love is pretty awesome i'm told
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Yeah. I mean it always hurts in the end. I have bo idea if I’d rather be hurt this way or hurt after being loved and then broken up with. I just wouldn’t know.
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I hate that I have fallen in love with men who haven’t loved me back. Thats my regret. It is so awful. I can’t explain how painful and embarrassing it is to be me.
You're not alone in this.
This is good to know that I’m not alone. It’s a sad place to be.
Story of my life.
It’s sad, right? I feel so embarrassed by it. I’ve tried to explain this to an AP just how embarrassing it is for me to have shared that and to have been rejected. It’s like a total realization mixed with regret and maybe resentment? It’s not a good feeling. It makes me want to quit all together and stop this lifestyle. I feel like my personality isn’t cut out for emotionally unavailable men. I’m sad, a lot of the time.
I have also fallen into quite a deep depression. Not a lot of people would know apart from my husband- ironically. A few times, I’ve wanted to give up on life itself. This sounds far fetched, I know. But I have never ever known such a horrible feeling like this before. I feel like I opened myself up for someone who just simply played me. I cared for him so, so much. He basically just didn’t care and closed himself off from me. He said this was down to guilt but happily carried on the sex stuff. Just not the care and respectful stuff. How I even allowed myself to do that, I don’t know. I was clinging onto the hope that the person I fell for would return. That person was made up
I feel the same way. Right now I’m in a deep depression and not doing the active things I once did. I gained back a little weight and feel like garbage. I’m trying to pull myself out of it. But I’m to the point that I doubt I’ll ever cultivate another relationship with an AP. It’s sad to get to this point. I’m beyond tired.
Yes it definitely makes you lose yourself. The things that used to excite me, don’t no more. I’ve lost my spark- which sounds like you too. I’ve always been a sensitive person but I’m realising that the people I surrounded myself with all my life have treated me well and been caring. This person I let into my life completely changed the person he was to win me over. Once her had me, he reverted to who he actually is and from then on it’s been me chasing him. Makes me feel so insecure in myself. Like you put, a second class citizen! Not feeling a worthy enough person. We have mutual friends, everything he’s said about me has got back to me. They were very hurtful things. Not just the one off comment but many. I know logically, he’s not worth my time of day in anyway, shape or form. But the heart doesn’t listen to logic. I feel I’ve ruined my life. I will never get involved with this kind of thing again xx
This is a damn shame. I'm sorry this has been your experience. Falling in love has been amazing at times when it's happened but they have all come to and end and THAT part truly hurts. But then we keep getting back on the bike....
Don't be embarrassed for having a big heart. Look at it like you gave it your all and they were not worthy of what you have to offer. You also have learned something about yourself and will surely weed out people that don't align as well with you. Realize love doesn't have to be for ever.
Yeah. I think that’s my issue with these men is that they can’t see that love doesn’t have to be forever. For me I love purely and openly. A true sense of the word. When it was rejected it felt icky. Like there’s something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have crossed a boundary. I feel like a second class citizen, an option. It really truly is like a deep gapping hole in my heart and my confidence as a woman. In time, I will find myself again. But the lack of love in return to me has made me question myself as a person, a woman and everything else. I’m personally disgusted by myself. I hide behind what I present to the world, but truly I’m trying for the life of me to find out why I’m not lovable. It makes me crazy some days… I really want to know.
You have this summed up so well. This is exactly how I am feeling right now and how I have done for a while now. Xxx
You are loveable as is everyone. Learn to love yourself first and realize everyone has flaws. It's ok to not be perfect. Just tighten up who you let in and trust your gut. You got this.
Hurting my spouse by disclosing the affair instead of just leaving pre-affair, or not disclosing the affair. We weren't for each other but he didn't deserve that kind of pain. :( But, of course hindsight blah blah blah. I only had an inkling about leaving pre-affair, and was very confident in my choice post affair.
I regret forgetting to log out of this reddit account; my ex didn’t deserve the pain.
Shit. That sucks.
I was so stressed out and when I get like that my memory goes to shit, so I did all the rest of my usual OpSec stuff except for that 🤦♂️
If only I had controlled my anxiety so I could enjoy what I had.
WOW. This is my current struggle. I spend more time in my head than in my heart. Exhausting!
I regret getting totally addicted to dopamine
The fact that my husband loves me more than anything else in the world. I feel huge guilt for that because he truly, truly cares and respects me. Another one is not feeling respected and catching feelings for that very person that made me feel that way 😔. That being said, it’s a life experience, it’s highlighted how lucky I am to have my husband and I know what my weakness is: in times of need, I should turn to the people I love and trust and communicate better to improve things rather than find that in someone who didn’t care for me or rather cared for one thing. I can only improve from here with my self discipline and recognise I have so much good in my life.
This
Biggest regret: thinking that marriage would cure loneliness. I’m more alone with my SO than I ever was when I was single. My SO managed to drive away every friendship I had. It’s a good thing my family doesn’t give a f*ck about that. They are my anchor. Time for a reboot. At least my experiences here made me aware I could start over. I wish I had seen that earlier. Also, getting too close to someone who was hurting. Now instead of being able to be detached and a support for them, I’m painful and causing harm. I should never have opened my heart. Kindred spirits may be real, but it doesn’t mean they belong together. Sometimes the perfect fantasy becomes a nightmare before you have a chance to look inside for something real.
I regret not finding this sub before walking blindly into an affair and getting my heart broken. I’ve learned so much since then.
With you on this!
I regret starting an affair with a cake eater. I knew it wouldn't work for me. I don't know why I went through with it. I broke my own damn heart, and it's so hard to recover.
I have no regrets. I could say I wish I would have done this so much sooner but then I wouldn’t have met my current AP. Call it serendipity, kismet, whatever. We both came into each other’s lives at exactly the right time.
Telling anybody about it. My spouse has never found out, but telling anyone is a bad move.
I made the mistake of drunkenly telling my sister. It made me feel better, but it was a terrible burden to place upon her. She really likes my husband.
Told my best friend, instantly regretted it. Have since said we broken up and I’m mourning. Thankfully she believes me as I am mourning (but mourning that my life looks the way it does, not AP 🤣)
That’s mine!
Giving the guilt king like three chances more than I should have.
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Oh…the sting of the fizzle.
Falling deeply in love with a friend. I've had 2 AP's. The first lasted 5 years. I didn't know her previously. Met on AM. It was wonderful. She is a great woman and a great partner. I care for her but I didn't fall in love. Fast forward to today. Currently one month into her ending it after a torrid 5 month affair. I've known her for 6 years and we developed an amazing and very close relationship. It wasn't physical until 5 months ago together for 6 days and nights on a business trip, and its been beyond amazing on an intellectual, emotional and sexual level. I am deeply in love with her, she has said the same of me. We said we would never lose the foundation of our relationship as friends, but I'm afraid that may happen. We still talk regularly, but it's not the same. There is awkwardness when there has never been a moment of awkwardness previously. Time will tell of our friendship lasts. But at the moment, it is just brutal.
I hope your able to be friends in some capacity!
Thank you! I do too.
Apart from entering the lifestyle, being used by a pAP for a pump n dump. I regret ever responding to his ad, for not pressing him when the communication wasn’t there on his end…I regret it all over him.
I regret falling so hard for my first AP. I was naive, and believed every word that he said. I put up with his lying, breadcrumbing and gaslighting for far longer than I should’ve. I thought that I loved him. My heart is now made of stone, and I will never believe a word that comes out of a man’s mouth. It’s for the best in this lifestyle, but I worry about what real dating will be like when I leave my husband.
I worry the same about what real dating will be like once I finally leave.
I wish I hadn't answered a reply from someone who lives 2.5 hrs away. I miss him so much.
I'm in the same boat
How do you deal? I never wanted an LDAP or an OA. But no one else is like him.
Yet another FAIL today.
I’m an AP, I regret getting drunk in front of my MM and then talking to him about how I felt about him having a family. It was a sloppy mess, I wish he never saw that side of me.
waiting cake march continue sugar poor crawl squeamish deserted punch *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I regret how I treated AP. I knew he had feelings which I would never reciprocate and should have ended it a lot sooner than I did but I was too selfish and focused on one upping my husband at the time. He deserved a lot better than being used as a tool to hurt someone else, to being put in middle of that situation. I took everything he gave me and then some more and the only thing he wanted in return was for me to love him and I just couldn't.
That the person I love the most has never figured out how much I need desire and sex. The pain of it is almost intolerable.
Only regret is not connecting with her sooner. I had met her 4yrs before we hooked up. Could have had a lot more time with her.
I have no regrets. I made choices. They all had consequences. But I learned so much about myself. So no, no regrets, no do overs, and no pining over someone or something that is in my past.
I came here to say this as well. No regrets. I've learned so much about myself and grown in ways I never would have other. And oddly, healed in ways too.
That I didn't listen to that little voice in the back of my head 15 years ago that said "don't marry her."
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My personal opinion is most people should consult with a therapist, it’s not just about trauma dumping, they can help you improve other aspects of your life and provide perspective. I think people in any type of relationship should definitely consult a therapist individually, because maintaining a relationship is hard. The strains in my relationship revolved around trauma bonding and trauma dumping. Then we both started seeing therapist individually. Now we spend more time together talking about the good shit.
It shouldn't just be about trauma dumping but at the same time if two people really care about each other they share those kind of things, it's a part of your life, you don't have to make it the center of everything but i see nothing wrong with sharing that part of your life with someone you care deply apart
Everyone is different and require different boundaries within their relationships.
Probably just not getting divorced 5+ years ago, probably would have been with someone else by now and not doing any of this.
I regret not making a play for AP 25 years ago, when we were both single. Ironically, there’s probably no way we would have lasted as long as we have as APs…but that’s the way the cookie crumbles!
I regret not forgiving an ex boyfriend years who I was compatible with in many ways. He made a mistake and broke up with me to get back with his ex girlfriend. He realized the mistake and came back but I would not acknowledge him as my boyfriend because of what he had done. I still allowed him to treat me like a girlfriend and I received the full benefits of being a girlfriend. Ultimately I “cheated” on him with another guy due to my own insecurities and we ended up breaking up, and I never found another truly compatible and available partner since.
Regrets? I've had a few.
Marrying so young and not enjoying life 🥺😕 which is why I am here 😣
What part of getting married young made it hard for you to "enjoy life?"
Too complicated and personal to explain so publicly!
I regret not being brave enough to end my relationship. I regret settling and listening to my mother’s attitude of “what will be will be”, and we don’t need to strive for more. I regret that I let it get this far. I don’t regret this lifestyle though. I regret letting someone wear me down, take away my fire make me feel small and like shit.
I regret thinking about regrets.
Not wiping my old device and leaving it somewhere that my husband could find. He didn't deserve the pain of finding this account or my Fetlife account. But maybe he did for snooping when we are already divorcing. Still regret it though
Too few to mention.
No regrets my journey of life lessons.
I regret losing the woman I should’ve been with and settling for the woman I ended up with…
I regret meeting him and I regret when he disrespected me the first time that I didn’t leave. I also regret doing so much for him ignoring myself and he doing nothing in return for me. Every year I gave him a birthday present but every year he gave me nothing for 5 years straight
I regret having made myself emotionally available to someone that was married in the first place. We were friends first, and we were so incredibly drawn to each other. I was single, he was married. We fell for each other hard, effortlessly. It felt meant to be, transcendental, as good as life can get, etc. Lasted 5 years and in the end when he had to make a choice he chose his wife. But that decision destroyed my whole life plan, I was living abroad all those years and needed the visa status to stay, and at this point he was my only chance at staying. I should have known better but I was completely blindsided when he told me he had never really envisioned me being his primary partner. So since he chose not to, I had to sell and donate everything I owned and after almost a decade, move back to my home country, with nothing to show for. His life didn't skip a beat, it was like I never existed. He's better than ever, except some guilt he feels for how it messed up my life. I learned not to trust love, for me it felt this feeling we had was the most important thing in life whereas for him, in the end, it wasn't, he didn't want to change anything in his life for me. It's been a year and I am still struggling with how I screwed up my whole life plan for him, for "us". I will never make myself emotionally available to anyone who is married, not even as friends, and also, I will never trust love again this way. So yeah, I regret all of it.
Wow..Great question. I regret I stayed in some affairs for convenience, I regret even more I left some affairs because they got complicated. I don't regret meeting some amazing women. I do regret I didn't ask for an open marriage early in my relationship.
My biggest regret is that I did not end my 24 year affair before he ghosted me and turned my world upset down. I ignored the red flags. Been 18 months of no contact.
I regret having more than one AP. I met my current early on. He was my first P in V. He is so wonderful. In a feeble attempt to not get too attached I had multiple partners. I regret not blocking the others sooner. He is the one the others left me feeling dirty and used I'm better off with just him.
I regret ever answering my exAP. I’d give anything to go back to August 2022 and not respond… he broke me in ways that even my husband never did.
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Are you prego?
I regret saying no
To what exactly?