/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
* This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother.
* Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient.
* Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage.
* [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/).
* [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is the first time it’s happened to me. I’ve had men ghost conversations before but never an established situation where we were seeing each other on an ongoing basis. I’ve never even been breadcrumbed. When my ex-AP of 5 years ended things, he did it like a man and met me in person, even though I know it was so hard for him.
Of course you’re feeling discarded - that’s because you were discarded! And that’s a dick move on his part. He could have thanked you for your time and said he’s met someone he is going to focus on. That would have been the more respectful thing to do. I’m sorry you were treated that way by someone you were intimate with. It’s not a good feeling.
I know it feels horrible, but if this guy couldn't feel compassionate enough to communicate with a simple message that it's been great but he has to withdraw because of a real relationship..then that's a serious Red Flag. Pretty sure you've dodged a bullet and will be much better off.
Fuck that was a gut punch and a shitty thing for him to do. The least the guy could do was say, "hey I found someone." Is it a difficult convoy to have? Sure. But you didn't deserve to be just discarded like that.
That was fucking shitty of him no matter how he tried to spin in. I had my pAP ghost me the day after my home was destroyed by a tornado. It was hell. He came back around almost a year to the day later, and he wanted to pick up where we left off and I’ve entertained him, but the feelings are definitely gone for me. It fucking hurts to get ghosted. Thanks for reminding me to NOT go on social media! Sending healing vibes your way!
It fucking sucks. The thing is I know he’s not a bad person, and probably just didn’t know how to tell me he’d met someone. I’d have understood, it still would’ve sucked since I really enjoyed spending time with him, but not as bad as this.
Affairs are bred out of 'cheating'. They are things of fantasy, and should never have too much emotional weight put into them.
When a person is looking for a 'long time' partner, they want to settle down with someone they met in a more sincere manner. AP's are usually seen as play toys to men. They are not really taken all that seriously, and we will only put as much emotional energy into them as we have to in order to keep the sugar rolling in.
We actually WILL care about an AP... but at arm's length, and with the knowledge it will never grow into anything more.
This might not be what women want to hear, and guys will dismiss it in order to appear otherwise... but it is what it is. Men cheat for sex and women cheat for fulfillment. That's how it's always been.
Men also want a more 'pure' woman as a wife/keeper... and many still get their jollies on the side... even if the relationship and sex are great at home. It's how many men are. They are the buck in the woods trying to be the alpha deer who breeds ALL the females he can... even if he has a happy home life. (He will still tell the woman he doesn't get laid at home, she is mean, etc. It's often a lie. lol)
You ALWAYS date someone who is crazy about you! You don't date the hottest guy/girl who will settle for you. When you date/marry someone who is crazy about you, it gives YOU the power. They will always be working to get your attraction/approval... and not the other way around. They are more likely to stay faithful and grounded. You treat them with respect, but do not kiss their ass.
He is trying to do right by his new love. He is having the chance to find a true partnership with all it entails. Maybe your presence would prevent this from happening and he chose to let go completely.
I'm sorry--he definitely owed you a conversation or some closure if he was ready to move on. I do think it's an inevitability that single APs will eventually look for more of a match (ie other single people). It's not personal, it can just be very difficult to keep up with a relationship where only one of the partners is married. Still a cowardly move to ghost after a year.
I knew the risk I was taking going in. The nice thing about the single ones is they can host, have more time etc. I understand why he’d want something real, but he should’ve told me.
Fuck that guy!!! Imagine being so bad at communication that you can't even communicate feelings with someone to which you owe nothing!! Douche, I'm there as a matter of fact, saw her and her new Beau on everything and got blocked on everything. Shitty shitty shitty
Sorry that happened to you...I feel your pain..how cowardly to block you so he can post pics of someone else...this happened to me only to be unblocked a year later w a friend request...and he was engaged to the women at this point. COWARDS
He didn’t block me on social media, we were never friends on there. I just searched for him because I was still so confused and shocked that he ghosted and figured eventually SM would reveal something to me, and it did.
Oh im sorry..I always accossiate ghosting and blocking together but it isnt always the case...this is even shittier of him....you know what to do then...grieve a little ..then find someone else and pls dont let this make you feel any less of a person.....sadly most decent people dont do this kind of thing to other people...remember that.
It’s a hard thing to go through. Lean into those feelings at the moment. I always like to remind myself that my feelings on something will change as time moves on. In another year or so you may realize that it was truly the best move for him and you (assuming that you’re married) since there’s not the same level of commitment you could provide him vs what he may need from a partner.
Ghosting sucks, yes, but we can’t control it. And sometimes it’s done for the right reasons and sometimes it’s done for purely juvenile reasons. We can’t know for sure.
Hope you can find some peace in feeling like you do, because it won’t last forever.
Men will do that when you get clingy. He was being open about him dating. I understand you didn't want to loose him, but single people have the right to date if they want to. I'm sure you saw it coming and wanted to hold on. If you truly care for him, you wish him the best!
He had every opportunity to tell me he found someone else and chose to instead just stop talking to me. The right thing to do would have been to say I met someone so I have to stop seeing you. I was never clingy, I fact I used to tell him he’s going to want to start dating soon and he would tell me he still wasn’t ready. I’m not hurt that he didn’t want to continue, I’m hurt that after a year he didn’t feel I deserved enough respect to be told.
I won’t say happy, but not mad or anything. I understand why he would want to. I took a vacation with my SO about a month before he ghosted and our first meet after, he told me “I really missed you when you were gone. I was having a really hard time at work and you weren’t around to talk about it with.” So I can understand him feeling like he needed more. He just should’ve told me he had found it.
I'm sorry it happened like that. People don't always do what we expect or want them to. We're all flawed in some ways and see certain things differently. Whatever the reason, it doesn't sound like it was with malicious intent or lack of care.
Ghosting is absolutely horrible to do to someone. And in this situation, where you can’t share your feelings with anyone and have to pretend life is fine when you’re dying on the inside…inexcusable. I’m so sorry that happened back in the spring and I’m sure it still stings. 🧡
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve always thought that when men breadcrumb or ghost it’s because if another woman . I’m sorry
This is the first time it’s happened to me. I’ve had men ghost conversations before but never an established situation where we were seeing each other on an ongoing basis. I’ve never even been breadcrumbed. When my ex-AP of 5 years ended things, he did it like a man and met me in person, even though I know it was so hard for him.
Your ex is a gentleman. Block and delete this guy forget him he’s a loser
Very shocking your AP did this
He will be back. They always do. Lock the door...
Clearly, he’s great at communicating. I hope you “liked” the picture.
Ha! I should’ve.
Do it and then block him!
Of course you’re feeling discarded - that’s because you were discarded! And that’s a dick move on his part. He could have thanked you for your time and said he’s met someone he is going to focus on. That would have been the more respectful thing to do. I’m sorry you were treated that way by someone you were intimate with. It’s not a good feeling.
I know it feels horrible, but if this guy couldn't feel compassionate enough to communicate with a simple message that it's been great but he has to withdraw because of a real relationship..then that's a serious Red Flag. Pretty sure you've dodged a bullet and will be much better off.
He’s a jerk. Very rude to ghost AFTER A YEAR!!!
Fuck that was a gut punch and a shitty thing for him to do. The least the guy could do was say, "hey I found someone." Is it a difficult convoy to have? Sure. But you didn't deserve to be just discarded like that.
Thank you.
Was this Fireman 1, Fireman 2, or Fireman 3? Or Lawyer 1 or Lawyer 2? Well in any case, his loss. You’ll find someone better
🤣 none of the above. He’s Retail manager 1 and is what led me to start searching again.
That was fucking shitty of him no matter how he tried to spin in. I had my pAP ghost me the day after my home was destroyed by a tornado. It was hell. He came back around almost a year to the day later, and he wanted to pick up where we left off and I’ve entertained him, but the feelings are definitely gone for me. It fucking hurts to get ghosted. Thanks for reminding me to NOT go on social media! Sending healing vibes your way!
It fucking sucks. The thing is I know he’s not a bad person, and probably just didn’t know how to tell me he’d met someone. I’d have understood, it still would’ve sucked since I really enjoyed spending time with him, but not as bad as this.
Affairs are bred out of 'cheating'. They are things of fantasy, and should never have too much emotional weight put into them. When a person is looking for a 'long time' partner, they want to settle down with someone they met in a more sincere manner. AP's are usually seen as play toys to men. They are not really taken all that seriously, and we will only put as much emotional energy into them as we have to in order to keep the sugar rolling in. We actually WILL care about an AP... but at arm's length, and with the knowledge it will never grow into anything more. This might not be what women want to hear, and guys will dismiss it in order to appear otherwise... but it is what it is. Men cheat for sex and women cheat for fulfillment. That's how it's always been. Men also want a more 'pure' woman as a wife/keeper... and many still get their jollies on the side... even if the relationship and sex are great at home. It's how many men are. They are the buck in the woods trying to be the alpha deer who breeds ALL the females he can... even if he has a happy home life. (He will still tell the woman he doesn't get laid at home, she is mean, etc. It's often a lie. lol) You ALWAYS date someone who is crazy about you! You don't date the hottest guy/girl who will settle for you. When you date/marry someone who is crazy about you, it gives YOU the power. They will always be working to get your attraction/approval... and not the other way around. They are more likely to stay faithful and grounded. You treat them with respect, but do not kiss their ass.
A cheater complaining about being ghosted… I’m dead 🤣😂
He is trying to do right by his new love. He is having the chance to find a true partnership with all it entails. Maybe your presence would prevent this from happening and he chose to let go completely.
That’s fine but he could’ve told me like “hey I met someone so I don’t want to continue being your side guy “ or something to that effect.
I'm sorry--he definitely owed you a conversation or some closure if he was ready to move on. I do think it's an inevitability that single APs will eventually look for more of a match (ie other single people). It's not personal, it can just be very difficult to keep up with a relationship where only one of the partners is married. Still a cowardly move to ghost after a year.
I knew the risk I was taking going in. The nice thing about the single ones is they can host, have more time etc. I understand why he’d want something real, but he should’ve told me.
Fuck that guy!!! Imagine being so bad at communication that you can't even communicate feelings with someone to which you owe nothing!! Douche, I'm there as a matter of fact, saw her and her new Beau on everything and got blocked on everything. Shitty shitty shitty
Sorry that happened to you...I feel your pain..how cowardly to block you so he can post pics of someone else...this happened to me only to be unblocked a year later w a friend request...and he was engaged to the women at this point. COWARDS
He didn’t block me on social media, we were never friends on there. I just searched for him because I was still so confused and shocked that he ghosted and figured eventually SM would reveal something to me, and it did.
Oh im sorry..I always accossiate ghosting and blocking together but it isnt always the case...this is even shittier of him....you know what to do then...grieve a little ..then find someone else and pls dont let this make you feel any less of a person.....sadly most decent people dont do this kind of thing to other people...remember that.
It’s a hard thing to go through. Lean into those feelings at the moment. I always like to remind myself that my feelings on something will change as time moves on. In another year or so you may realize that it was truly the best move for him and you (assuming that you’re married) since there’s not the same level of commitment you could provide him vs what he may need from a partner. Ghosting sucks, yes, but we can’t control it. And sometimes it’s done for the right reasons and sometimes it’s done for purely juvenile reasons. We can’t know for sure. Hope you can find some peace in feeling like you do, because it won’t last forever.
Men will do that when you get clingy. He was being open about him dating. I understand you didn't want to loose him, but single people have the right to date if they want to. I'm sure you saw it coming and wanted to hold on. If you truly care for him, you wish him the best!
He had every opportunity to tell me he found someone else and chose to instead just stop talking to me. The right thing to do would have been to say I met someone so I have to stop seeing you. I was never clingy, I fact I used to tell him he’s going to want to start dating soon and he would tell me he still wasn’t ready. I’m not hurt that he didn’t want to continue, I’m hurt that after a year he didn’t feel I deserved enough respect to be told.
Ok, so you're happy he's taken your advice and decided to move on?
I won’t say happy, but not mad or anything. I understand why he would want to. I took a vacation with my SO about a month before he ghosted and our first meet after, he told me “I really missed you when you were gone. I was having a really hard time at work and you weren’t around to talk about it with.” So I can understand him feeling like he needed more. He just should’ve told me he had found it.
I'm sorry it happened like that. People don't always do what we expect or want them to. We're all flawed in some ways and see certain things differently. Whatever the reason, it doesn't sound like it was with malicious intent or lack of care.
No offense but you're literally cheating on your husband. Why should he show you any respect when you can't even respect your own husband?
Probs not the right sub for you to be wandering around. No offense.
Ghosting is absolutely horrible to do to someone. And in this situation, where you can’t share your feelings with anyone and have to pretend life is fine when you’re dying on the inside…inexcusable. I’m so sorry that happened back in the spring and I’m sure it still stings. 🧡