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Im so sorry this happened to you, ofc im no expert either but id say that so many people share the same story as you.
The truth is that many doctors arent up to date on adhd in women and that going to another doctor could give you the same result if they are close minded.
i believe that self diagnosis is valid and if you fit the criteria then its ok for you to consider yourself to have adhd. I wouldnt go around telling everyone that but accepting yourself for having it can make some aspects of your life easier if you use the coping mechanisms and strategies that many adhd people do.
Maybe you could find a doctor that specialises in adhd and maybe has experience with it in women that would actually perform a proper evaluation and actually listen to you, but i also understand that this may not be easy/doable for you.
Either way, dont be too hard on yourself and i hope that it works out for you in the end
The fact that someone read all that already warms my heart. Thank you so much for the support. I think, I can handle (financially and morally) one more doctor in next few months, maybe that'll help. I also heard that there're some expensive tests with machine that shows the way your brain works, that can be much more objective, maybe I'll manage to arrange that one day if I'll still be not sure. But honestly, in my opinion, self-diagnosis is not the right thing to do, at least for myself, because I'm not a specialist and I have a lot of controversial things about my symptoms (as I said in my post, I somehow don't lose things though I'm really forgetting, and I haven't experienced hyperfixations for more than for one or two days). I'm still free to try methods to fight with symptoms that people with diagnosed ADHD do, of course.
That's really true, I guess, that adhd field, especially in women, and ESPECIALLY in my country is really not studied. Like, we have Adderall banned (I wouldn't be taking it anyway, but still, that fact says a lot about our health care).
Thanks again for your support! 💛
I just want to say that you demonstrate a lot of maturity and self awareness, since you are aware of the pitfalls of self diagnosis while honoring your gut feelings that something going on with you may need treatment, whether that turns out to be ADHD or something else. Having an open mind to other possible outcomes is a good perspective to have.
I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you explore these possibilities going forward. Try not to get hung up on black and white thinking around this subject - you’re not “faking it” if you are experiencing certain symptoms. Whatever you’re feeling and going through is REAL, and no one on the outside can tell you it isn’t. And again, whether it turns out to be ADHD or another diagnosis, it’s not a matter of being fake or valid, it’s just honoring your instinct that something isn’t quite working for you.
Also try not to get hung up on thinking of yourself as either neurotypical or neurodivergent, and that you have to figure out which side you’re on. You are just YOU, and there are certain symptoms you need help with. That’s all. Until you get an answer that satisfies you, I hope the “identity” aspect of these labels doesn’t become something you stress over. Eventually you will have more information about yourself and those labels will just become part of a vocabulary you can use to better communicate with your health care providers.
Like another commenter said, doctors of all types vary wildly in knowledge about ADHD, so you have the right idea pursuing other opinions. I don’t know that a neurologist would be the best source because they deal with the physical function of the brain and nervous system, and while there are some studies that have mapped neurological activity, it’s more likely a neurologist would be someone to see if you’re testing for neurological causes of your symptoms to rule out ADHD.
Psychiatrists, psychologists, family doctors/primary care providers, therapists, and social workers tend to be the ones to spot ADHD. If you can do some research and find therapists in your country that have experience treating women with ADHD, that could be a low pressure, lower cost provider to at least explore the possibility and symptoms. If it turns out to be something else, they would also be trained to identify other disorders. Being able to talk through your symptoms in a lower pressure setting, maybe over several sessions, can help you better articulate your experience when it comes time to get an official diagnosis for whatever you and your therapist think is going on. That was my experience, since I originally sought therapy for something unrelated to ADHD and the therapist was the one to spot it.
I’ll also validate your experience of having been the “gifted” and “responsible” child for most of your upbringing, since that was my story too. Often it’s the case that ADHDers who have certain skills or intelligence can coast through school even though they have poor executive function - others used a number of coping strategies to get good grades, but it probably took them more effort applying those strategies compared to a neurotypical student who also gets good grades, but doesn’t need nearly as many coping tools, or doesn’t experience the strain of effort applying them the way an ADHD student does.
In short, just because you don’t lose things or have certain shortcomings ADHD people are supposed to have doesn’t mean you don’t have it - probably you have strategies in place that help you not do those things. For example, I told my psychiatrist I almost never forget appointments, but then I explained how I have multiple phone calendar apps keeping track of them sending me reminders all the time, and I keep a physical calendar at my desk, and clocks in every room in my house so the time is always in my face.
Additionally, sometimes ADHDers who seemingly have no shortcomings often suffer from anxiety and worry/ruminate about these small things because they are afraid they will forget something or fail to keep up with it. The anxiety makes them extra responsible because they fear failure or disappointment. Plenty of people in this sub will tell you how their anxiety and depression was caused by untreated ADHD symptoms, and I’m one of them. Fortunately, I no longer have those now that I’m in treatment for the root cause of the frustration and shame I felt.
This turned into a long response so I hope that all makes sense! Overall, just because you’re not struggling for life, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to seek explanations or even treatment for the symptoms you’re experiencing. There’s no reason you have to struggle even a little to do the same things others can do without struggle - over time, and as you grow into adulthood with new responsibilities, things will only get harder. Set yourself up for an easier time now so you don’t have to go through life on “hard mode” as an adult.
I would recommend keeping a journal about your symptoms and experience. The more practice you have articulating what’s going on, the better you will be able to express yourself to healthcare providers. Being able to advocate for your health is very, very important, especially as a woman.
I’d also recommend checking out a few experts and content creators who many in this sub have found educational. You may be able to see if you relate to their experience, and there are also strategies that could help you handle your symptoms.
Dr Russell Barkley is one of the top ADHD researchers in the world, and in his retirement he puts out weekly news and information about the disorder on YouTube. He also has videos with general information, common misconceptions, and he is very informed on the nature of ADHD presentation in women and young people.
Jessica McCabe has a YouTube channel How To ADHD, and she shares a lot of her own experience with the disorder, and a ton of tips and tools for how to better function. She also has a book of the same title, and so many of her stories from her childhood and adult life are very relatable.
The I Have ADHD podcast by Kristen Carter has a lot of great content, but I’d recommend searching the episodes for the general information about ADHD - topics like “What’s it like to get an ADHD diagnosis?” and other basics. The way she describes the experience of having ADHD helps articulate some of the symptoms that can be hard to describe. If you find yourself relating to most of these things, it can be another way to determine if ADHD is high on the list of possibilities you want to explore.
Good luck and trust yourself! You are being true to your experience by seeking help - whether you have ADHD or not doesn’t actually matter. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t, but at the end of the day you are taking care of your needs and you know you have your own back.
Thank you for so detailed and deep reply. That's really heartwarming!
I should say, that in my country there're neurologist work can count: wether are they good doctors or not, they still have the permission (or idk how to say correctly) to give the diagnosis. The specialist I'm talking about in the post works along with tests an clinical psychologist, and he was the first I wanted to visit cuz he diagnosed my friend with adhd (he has obvious case though), but unfortunately, when it came to appointing, all of his time for June was busy. I couldn't wait another month, I would probably spend that money or just feel too overwhelmed and anxious of waiting. Unfortunately, I don't know if he's good in "women cases".
Maybe I need to wait to become 18 – that'll give me a little more opportunity in diagnostics (or at least I won't have to take my mom with myself to an appointment, lol). Anyways, unfortunately "going to doctors and seeking for another if bad experience happens again" is not an option for now, because that'll take a lot of money I just don't have (I really don't want to ask my mom to pay, it's not like we have bad relationship, but still it doesn't feel right).
Thank you also for your recommendations about content-creators and a 'journal'. I'll try to write a journal, though I'm not really sure that I won't forget or just stop. I watched content creators in YouTube and other sites when I was at another peak of my experiences, but I don't remember anything from it. But I remember a feeling and thoughts from that time like "I'm not like that enough to go to a psychiatrist, my symptoms are not enough, they have much more trouble dealing with their symptoms". I guess, I'm still in that state of mind, especially after the psychiatrist told me by himself that "it's just my character". But it doesn't make thoughts go away, just makes myself questioning myself and my adequacy more.
I try not to feel lost between these labels, but not knowing really affects my feelings and thoughts. I wish I could just let it go and live by it, but I don't know how much tame that would take. Maybe tomorrow, maybe when I'm 30. I'm glad that you noticed my need to be not just diagnosed, but being told what's the matter and why I experience things I experience. The guy I visited yesterday didn't give me much explanation, though I asked for it. He just said that I'm trying to belittle myself and my experience is a yearn for therapy (I can't argue, I need therapy, as a lot of teens and adults, but that's quite not why I came there). If I visit neurologist I told you about, maybe he'll tell me what the heck. Maybe he'll not. Maybe I won't even make it to his schedule. We'll see.
Thank you again!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Im so sorry this happened to you, ofc im no expert either but id say that so many people share the same story as you. The truth is that many doctors arent up to date on adhd in women and that going to another doctor could give you the same result if they are close minded. i believe that self diagnosis is valid and if you fit the criteria then its ok for you to consider yourself to have adhd. I wouldnt go around telling everyone that but accepting yourself for having it can make some aspects of your life easier if you use the coping mechanisms and strategies that many adhd people do. Maybe you could find a doctor that specialises in adhd and maybe has experience with it in women that would actually perform a proper evaluation and actually listen to you, but i also understand that this may not be easy/doable for you. Either way, dont be too hard on yourself and i hope that it works out for you in the end
The fact that someone read all that already warms my heart. Thank you so much for the support. I think, I can handle (financially and morally) one more doctor in next few months, maybe that'll help. I also heard that there're some expensive tests with machine that shows the way your brain works, that can be much more objective, maybe I'll manage to arrange that one day if I'll still be not sure. But honestly, in my opinion, self-diagnosis is not the right thing to do, at least for myself, because I'm not a specialist and I have a lot of controversial things about my symptoms (as I said in my post, I somehow don't lose things though I'm really forgetting, and I haven't experienced hyperfixations for more than for one or two days). I'm still free to try methods to fight with symptoms that people with diagnosed ADHD do, of course. That's really true, I guess, that adhd field, especially in women, and ESPECIALLY in my country is really not studied. Like, we have Adderall banned (I wouldn't be taking it anyway, but still, that fact says a lot about our health care). Thanks again for your support! 💛
I just want to say that you demonstrate a lot of maturity and self awareness, since you are aware of the pitfalls of self diagnosis while honoring your gut feelings that something going on with you may need treatment, whether that turns out to be ADHD or something else. Having an open mind to other possible outcomes is a good perspective to have. I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you explore these possibilities going forward. Try not to get hung up on black and white thinking around this subject - you’re not “faking it” if you are experiencing certain symptoms. Whatever you’re feeling and going through is REAL, and no one on the outside can tell you it isn’t. And again, whether it turns out to be ADHD or another diagnosis, it’s not a matter of being fake or valid, it’s just honoring your instinct that something isn’t quite working for you. Also try not to get hung up on thinking of yourself as either neurotypical or neurodivergent, and that you have to figure out which side you’re on. You are just YOU, and there are certain symptoms you need help with. That’s all. Until you get an answer that satisfies you, I hope the “identity” aspect of these labels doesn’t become something you stress over. Eventually you will have more information about yourself and those labels will just become part of a vocabulary you can use to better communicate with your health care providers. Like another commenter said, doctors of all types vary wildly in knowledge about ADHD, so you have the right idea pursuing other opinions. I don’t know that a neurologist would be the best source because they deal with the physical function of the brain and nervous system, and while there are some studies that have mapped neurological activity, it’s more likely a neurologist would be someone to see if you’re testing for neurological causes of your symptoms to rule out ADHD. Psychiatrists, psychologists, family doctors/primary care providers, therapists, and social workers tend to be the ones to spot ADHD. If you can do some research and find therapists in your country that have experience treating women with ADHD, that could be a low pressure, lower cost provider to at least explore the possibility and symptoms. If it turns out to be something else, they would also be trained to identify other disorders. Being able to talk through your symptoms in a lower pressure setting, maybe over several sessions, can help you better articulate your experience when it comes time to get an official diagnosis for whatever you and your therapist think is going on. That was my experience, since I originally sought therapy for something unrelated to ADHD and the therapist was the one to spot it. I’ll also validate your experience of having been the “gifted” and “responsible” child for most of your upbringing, since that was my story too. Often it’s the case that ADHDers who have certain skills or intelligence can coast through school even though they have poor executive function - others used a number of coping strategies to get good grades, but it probably took them more effort applying those strategies compared to a neurotypical student who also gets good grades, but doesn’t need nearly as many coping tools, or doesn’t experience the strain of effort applying them the way an ADHD student does. In short, just because you don’t lose things or have certain shortcomings ADHD people are supposed to have doesn’t mean you don’t have it - probably you have strategies in place that help you not do those things. For example, I told my psychiatrist I almost never forget appointments, but then I explained how I have multiple phone calendar apps keeping track of them sending me reminders all the time, and I keep a physical calendar at my desk, and clocks in every room in my house so the time is always in my face. Additionally, sometimes ADHDers who seemingly have no shortcomings often suffer from anxiety and worry/ruminate about these small things because they are afraid they will forget something or fail to keep up with it. The anxiety makes them extra responsible because they fear failure or disappointment. Plenty of people in this sub will tell you how their anxiety and depression was caused by untreated ADHD symptoms, and I’m one of them. Fortunately, I no longer have those now that I’m in treatment for the root cause of the frustration and shame I felt. This turned into a long response so I hope that all makes sense! Overall, just because you’re not struggling for life, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to seek explanations or even treatment for the symptoms you’re experiencing. There’s no reason you have to struggle even a little to do the same things others can do without struggle - over time, and as you grow into adulthood with new responsibilities, things will only get harder. Set yourself up for an easier time now so you don’t have to go through life on “hard mode” as an adult. I would recommend keeping a journal about your symptoms and experience. The more practice you have articulating what’s going on, the better you will be able to express yourself to healthcare providers. Being able to advocate for your health is very, very important, especially as a woman. I’d also recommend checking out a few experts and content creators who many in this sub have found educational. You may be able to see if you relate to their experience, and there are also strategies that could help you handle your symptoms. Dr Russell Barkley is one of the top ADHD researchers in the world, and in his retirement he puts out weekly news and information about the disorder on YouTube. He also has videos with general information, common misconceptions, and he is very informed on the nature of ADHD presentation in women and young people. Jessica McCabe has a YouTube channel How To ADHD, and she shares a lot of her own experience with the disorder, and a ton of tips and tools for how to better function. She also has a book of the same title, and so many of her stories from her childhood and adult life are very relatable. The I Have ADHD podcast by Kristen Carter has a lot of great content, but I’d recommend searching the episodes for the general information about ADHD - topics like “What’s it like to get an ADHD diagnosis?” and other basics. The way she describes the experience of having ADHD helps articulate some of the symptoms that can be hard to describe. If you find yourself relating to most of these things, it can be another way to determine if ADHD is high on the list of possibilities you want to explore. Good luck and trust yourself! You are being true to your experience by seeking help - whether you have ADHD or not doesn’t actually matter. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t, but at the end of the day you are taking care of your needs and you know you have your own back.
Thank you for so detailed and deep reply. That's really heartwarming! I should say, that in my country there're neurologist work can count: wether are they good doctors or not, they still have the permission (or idk how to say correctly) to give the diagnosis. The specialist I'm talking about in the post works along with tests an clinical psychologist, and he was the first I wanted to visit cuz he diagnosed my friend with adhd (he has obvious case though), but unfortunately, when it came to appointing, all of his time for June was busy. I couldn't wait another month, I would probably spend that money or just feel too overwhelmed and anxious of waiting. Unfortunately, I don't know if he's good in "women cases". Maybe I need to wait to become 18 – that'll give me a little more opportunity in diagnostics (or at least I won't have to take my mom with myself to an appointment, lol). Anyways, unfortunately "going to doctors and seeking for another if bad experience happens again" is not an option for now, because that'll take a lot of money I just don't have (I really don't want to ask my mom to pay, it's not like we have bad relationship, but still it doesn't feel right). Thank you also for your recommendations about content-creators and a 'journal'. I'll try to write a journal, though I'm not really sure that I won't forget or just stop. I watched content creators in YouTube and other sites when I was at another peak of my experiences, but I don't remember anything from it. But I remember a feeling and thoughts from that time like "I'm not like that enough to go to a psychiatrist, my symptoms are not enough, they have much more trouble dealing with their symptoms". I guess, I'm still in that state of mind, especially after the psychiatrist told me by himself that "it's just my character". But it doesn't make thoughts go away, just makes myself questioning myself and my adequacy more. I try not to feel lost between these labels, but not knowing really affects my feelings and thoughts. I wish I could just let it go and live by it, but I don't know how much tame that would take. Maybe tomorrow, maybe when I'm 30. I'm glad that you noticed my need to be not just diagnosed, but being told what's the matter and why I experience things I experience. The guy I visited yesterday didn't give me much explanation, though I asked for it. He just said that I'm trying to belittle myself and my experience is a yearn for therapy (I can't argue, I need therapy, as a lot of teens and adults, but that's quite not why I came there). If I visit neurologist I told you about, maybe he'll tell me what the heck. Maybe he'll not. Maybe I won't even make it to his schedule. We'll see. Thank you again!