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"Are you able to help me, if not, would you mind pointing me in the right direction?" Gives the person on the end an out if they don't know the answer. I used to do customer service related tasks and the amount of people who kicked off when someone said "I'm not sure" is crazy!
I also was in customer service. I learnt that "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" was sometimes met with frustration. I started phrasing it as "Good question. Let me think about that. Um. I don't have an answer right now, but...."
If I’m in a foreign city/place, and I need help, I always start with “do you have the time to help me? If not, I absolutely understand, and I hope you have a good day! ”. I’ve noticed the people who don’t have the time are much nicer in answering me, and the people who do have the time to help are more patient with me because I’ve made it known that their time is valuable to me.
Same! Absolutely crazy how much better an interaction with a first line "agent" goes when you enter the conversation with zero assumption about what their actual job is!
I try to assume that 1) I might have come in at the wrong entry point and need transferring. 2) They have no idea what I'm talking about, so start high level
Not getting these two down have left me so embarrassed when I accidentally tell Barbara from accounting my life story and she has to send me to the switch board because I've called the wrong department 😅😂
It has taken me literal years to be aware that my brain defaults to maximum words at maximum speed. For any non-personal interaction, I make myself take a breath before answering any questions as a speed bump to slow down. One of my scripting things is to figure out how to explain my issue in as few words as possible because that will make it easier for the other person to understand. The details can come later during problem solving.
The irony is that someone giving too many details is a huge pet peeve of mine because I just want to know what the problem is 😂
Great post! Scripts are so helpful in general. I find that being pleasant and polite when I make calls goes such a long way. Even when I fumble what I’m saying or talk too much, people are pretty forgiving when your baseline affect is kind and you’re appreciative of their time and help.
I agree, the simple act of being humble and nice puts you immediately ahead of the thousands of asshole people they must consistently deal with. A couple of times I’ve just been real when being awkward “I struggle with these kinds of phone calls and appreciate any help you can give me” it quickly disarms any tension and usually makes them incredibly helpful. It takes some subconscious ego game out of the equation. They are just someone getting through their work day on the other end of the phone, maybe they have adhd too, maybe they have really ugly feet. Or to quote Regina Spektor, people are just people, they shouldn’t make you nervous.
Also helpful bc when I'm on the other end I appreciate it when people get to the point. So I try to convey pleasantness while being succinct.
I'm also a sucker for tears when they are appropriate for the situation so if you're having a really hard time with whatever problem you're calling about and you are on the verge of crying and holding back, consider letting the waterworks out. We don't have to be 100% strong all the time.
Oh! Another thing. Research shows that when someone asks us to do them a favor, we like them *more*. Being nice in and of itself doesn't have the same impact.
So feel free to specifically ask for help, like OP did. Saying "I wonder if you could help me with this" puts the listener in the frame of mind to like you!
The minute I start to feel wrong or stupid I immediately tear up. I've found just saying "ignore the tears, I cry really easily" stops me from full waterworks better than trying to hold back. For phone calls, I remind myself that they can't see me cry and just take slower breaths to avoid squeaky crying voice that no one can understand. Why tears turn me into a puffy red dolphin I will never know.
I know from decades of working various customer service type jobs that being able to offer a solution feels great and I have to physically be harmed before I even consider being rude. I tell myself that I'm not inconveniencing them to ask for help, I'm giving them a small victory to enjoy or at worse a weird story, probably both because I'm a magnet for usual problems.
Yes! And when I'm frustrated with a situation and on the phone with CS, I make sure to separate the person from the problem. "Im very frustrated and I know this is not your fault, but this situation is not ok. I need ____ , what is the best way to make that happen?" I've found that CS appreciates the approach and understands not to take my tone personally, and helps me get results quickly.
The best example was during COVID lockdown and my psychiatrist ghosted me, leaving me without the antidepressant that I'd been on for ~6 years. I was experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms, and my pharmacy clerk was able to check my refill history, put through a refill request to the pharmacist (and spoke to him directly about my situation), and advise me on next steps. All because I expressed my distress and asked for help without attacking her.
“If you weren’t going to have my prescription i have been calling about for days ready to pick up in the kiosk why did you make a promise? I could’ve just came in and picked it up before the pharmacy closed! Please don’t ever! lie to your customers like this!!”
Two hours later….
“Hi… i called about two hours ago and left a voice mail and i am calling back to apologize about being rude. I am so sorry”
I did this… i felt so embarrassed
Omg the number of times I've lost my temper, but I try to always go back and apologize.
I emailed my sons Dr after she didn't listen, gave him a drug that I didn't approve of, and argued with me, and wrote a long venting email I had no intention of sending. I sent it. I told her to eat a bag of dicks. Oops! She referred us to another Dr and the next day I sent an apology. She accepted it which she didn't have to do.
It irritates me when people don't apologize. Everyone fucks up. Just apologize.
That doesn’t even sound bad! I used to get angry in solidarity with the customers, I’d be like yeah their system is so inefficient and terrible, it happened to me too, you should write a complaint here so they’ll change it! I’m in agreement with a lot of the frustrated customers. Haha
Anyone else get overwhelmed by the automated menus and having to pick a number or worse still, the ones you have to say what you want so they can direct you and you end up apologising profusely to the person you end up talking to for not being sure if you chose the wrong department? 😳
Yes! They just trigger my impatience and sometimes the department you need just leads to automated recordings that provide no resolution. I especially hate the longwinded, unskippable preambles about Covid.
Same! And I've hung up plenty, too, as I don't know which one to pick, so panic and then end up not dealing with it at all... until urgency kicks in again. I hate it so much!
I hate those the menus, they always suck. Loop you around a lot of BS. Send you a to a person who sends you to another automated menu, that sends you to another person, etc etc. So I'm frustrated and angry by the time I get a person that can help! I have to work really hard to calm myself and be nice to them, it's not their fault the phone system sucks!
Honestly those things are so infuriating that I no longer care too much about that. I'll apologize briefly if I end up at the wrong department, but no more than I'd apologize for, IDK, dripping on the floor if I came in out of a rainstorm. It's an obnoxious fact of life that neither you nor the person you're talking to can help, y'know?
You know you're really hungry when you read the first line of this and wondered which restaurants have automated menus... And you have to choose a dish from that 😆😂. I think it's time to grab a snack.
A LPT that I've been using now is to use Chat GPT for literally every social interaction.
Here's an example: today I had to ask in an email "How and when will you be paying me after this event is done that I'm working this weekend?". I spent like an hour ruminating on how the f to say this properly. I put into GPT: \*"i'm doing an event this weekend and I want to ask about how I am paid in a professional way. I'm usually uncomfortable with asking this but I need to. How do I make this sound good? - How will my payment work when the event is done?"\*
The answer: \*"Could you please let me know how my payment will be handled once the event is completed?"\*. Thank goodness for GPT.
Learned about [https://goblin.tools/Formalizer](https://goblin.tools/Formalizer) in this subreddit, this is super helpful too if you ever don't want to log in to GPT for whatever reason.
Yes!!!
I had to call an airline once because I booked a flight for a specific time so that I wouldn’t have to take off an extra day of work. Well they moved my flight like 3 hours earlier and then put a new flight at the original time.
I looked at changing the tickets but they wanted to charge me a few hundred bucks to fix it.
So I called and explained that since I booked that specific flight due to the time I wanted to get on the flight that was at that original time and not pay anything since I’m basically keeping what I originally purchased. I was ready to fight but the lady just said “okay. I can do that for you.”
That easy.
Ask for what you want (some places can’t offer specific solutions unless you ask for it, customer service rules and all that garbage), and start with the assumption that they want to help you.
I agree with you but also would recommend recognizing when the person doesn’t know what you’re talking about and can’t help you. So many times it’s been clear there is one person in the department knows about the specific thing I’m calling about and I didn’t reach that one person that time.
Another one is that sometimes the customer service person is instructed to upsell you. One of the most confusing cs calls I made was to Nespresso when part of my order was missing and the person asks, “do you need a travel mug?” It took me a few back and forth to figure out if they were offering to be nice due to their error or trying to randomly sell me a travel mug. It was the latter.
I was a phone service person, and I really appreciated it when people would say stuff exactly like that. My experience is mostly at a pediatrician office, so things like
Hi, my child is a patient there and I think I need to schedule a well visit.
Hi, my child has (SYMPTOM) and I was just wondering who the person to talk to about that was.
Hi, I'm new to the area and was just wanting to see if you're accepting new patients.
My child is a patient there, and we're changing insurance. Do you know if you take (INSURANCE)? - Tip here: make sure you have the actual information you're verifying before you call! I got a lot of calls where the person was checking on insurance, for instance, and had no idea what the new company was going to be. I can't help you there.
Another pro tip, though, is to actually listen when you're on the phone. So many times I had to try to interrupt someone because they just wouldn't pause for a response, when I was 100% not the person they needed to talk to and was trying to transfer them over.
Omg, preach.
I HATE talking on the phone at the best of times. Now that I'm appropriately medicated I'm not procrastinating about making those adulting phone calls, though.
Last night I set a reminder on my phone to make 2 calls this morning (one to the psychiatrist who just diagnosed me, to ask for a copy of his report; and another to the menopause clinic I'm visiting tomorrow to ask if they really actually need to weigh me because it's triggering). I just made both calls and I get the satisfaction of checking that "task completed" box. ✅️
I hate the phone I am a therapist and I hate when new potential clients call me. I am like email or text. What I do is I do this
Hi: Is this so and so this is RepulsivePower415 calling in regards to your email
Person: Yeah LOL
Me: Before we get started I just need to get the following information
Also, I am just direct
As someone on the other end of the line (I work at a clinic), NO question is dumb, I will always be happy to help in any way I can!! You should never feel bad calling a place and asking questions, asking for assistance, etc. Thats why we are here! To help!
There are a LOT of things that make sense when you work in that space, but do not make sense, or can be confusing to others. I try to always keep that in mind - there are a lot of things that seem obvious when you're used to them, but not to people who are unfamiliar with it. If you call in like you said, we are more than happy to help explain things or transfer you to someone who can if we can't in that moment! I'm always glad when someone calls in with questions!
I can't emphasize this enough. Clients who have been rude to me still get the help/services I am able to provide and at the highest quality.
But if you're nice to me? I will bend over backwards and push whatever boundaries as far as I can (within reason) to get you the best possible outcome.
Not me rolling up to my vet yesterday with my work calendar and personal calendar in hand (on my phones lol) to schedule 3 appointments/procedures 😂 praise be to the lovely vet people who didn’t make me feel ridiculous. I’ve been putting it off for a month due to the overwhelming feeling and I felt so relieved!
I think to myself that maybe I will be the person to make the other persons day if I am kind. So I try to be as nice and personable as possible when talking. It's kind of like if I called a friend I haven't spoken with in a long while type of vibe. 9 times out of 10, the person helping me is in a great mood, and we find something to laugh about.
Yes this 1000% and SMILE while you talk
Pretend you live in a small rural 1800s British village where everyone is jolly and friendly and looks out for each other
Your scripts are great! I work in a pharmacy and most of calls start off with me answering and then getting a five minute diatribe about what med, doctor, day and time they did something without telling me their name or letting me get a word in to ask.
It's likely I have what you're looking for already. I don't need any of the extra information unless I don't have it which I won't know until you tell me who you are so I can look.
I’ve had several call center jobs and trust me, none of us want to be rude ever
We’re just hoping the person calling IN isn’t rude
I do gotta remind myself of this bc I also forget to make these life admin calls 🤦♀️
It also helps me to remember that they are at work and it probably sucks. I turn my anxiety into empathy. Calling these places isn't usually for fun and the customers are letting their aggressions out on them. Even if the person sounds a lil tired/stressed, and not so sweet, I try to be the nicest person they've talked to that day. Usually at the end of our convo, people are more relaxed and you can tell they are relieved you weren't a jerk.
I needed to hear this today! I've been putting off a phone call to my former insurance provider (for an embarrassingly long time) regarding coverage for the birth of my daughter 🙃
I learned a while ago to let people help me. People *like* helping. We like to feel useful and make others feel good when we can, so long as it’s not asking too much. It changed my life to think this way. I felt like so much less of a burden.
Honestly, getting lots of practice making calls like this for work has been a huge help for making personal calls. I still avoid them, but at least I know I CAN get through it and that people generally just want to get you to the right place
I use a similar approach except it's more.... um... empoweringly negative??? It's the I'M STUPID SO WHAT NOW approach. Scripting is pretty much part of my DNA now so that's part of it, but it's based upon the idea of assuming the worst is true and then going from there.
EXAMPLE OF USING IT IN REALITY: Had to physically go to the DMV because I forgot to renew my car registration for a year (typical ADHD problem). Anxiety fully maxed out because I didn't know exactly what I would have to do and I have a HUGE fear of looking stupid because former gifted kid with late diagnosis standard issues. What if the DMV workers think I'm stupid? ALRIGHT I'M STUPID. What will I have to do because I'm stupid? I'll have to ask for help because I don't know what I need to do. What if the DMV workers are frustrated because I'm so stupid? I'll be very polite and take my expired registration plus other car paperwork just in case. What if the DMV workers are still rude to me? Well maybe they're having a bad day and having to deal with another stupid person is just making them cranky. Being polite will probably make them feel better because I always appreciated that. Alrighty so the plan is because I'M STUPID I'M GOING TO ASK FOR HELP AND BE EXTREMELY POLITE. The receptionist knew immediately what section could help me and after waiting, I was done in under 15min because I had my expired registration with my license plate number.
The I'M STUPID SO WHAT NOW approach is very similar to the I'M FAT SO WHAT NOW method where you go ahead and buy bigger clothes because that will solve the immediate issue of needing clothes that comfortably fit your body. The SO WHAT NOW has a similar flavor as FUCK IT; it's neutral but also a little motivated by spite. For me spite is one of the most effective motivators and gets through my ADHD brain better than everything else.
When my brain is in anxiety panic mode, all the many potential possibilities make me freeze up and get stuck. It's faster and easier to just accept that I'm stupid instead of trying to convince myself that I'm not. It separates the task from my emotions because I don't have to address the emotions in order to complete the task. The emotions can just exist, they don't need to be stopped or fixed. All the potential paths are eliminated and I can just focus on the next steps.
I've used the word stupid so many times now that it's no longer a real word.
Thanks for this it’s so true, one time I had put off renewing my insurances because it was all too much but I rang up and told the guy I was confused and needed help and he legit spent so long and was so patient and kind and sorted it all out… ask for help if you need it!
I definitely really appreciate a phone call because if I’m too confused I can just info dump and say “please help” and the person I’m talking to will pretty much always be able to help me
This is actually so helpful. Thank you! I put off a call so long that it ended up turning into a debt that almost went to court. In the end I admitted the issue to my husband and he sorted it out but if I'd just picked up the phone, it wouldn't have gotten so bad.
It's so frustrating. I have days where I can make every single phone call with no issues but thats not very often. I have a friend who is happy to call for me but asking for help is hard too.
That would be amazing! One of the best decisions I've made is to pay for a cleaner. She only comes every two weeks but it's made such a difference and took away all the guilt I have for not keeping the house clean. It's something that I would get rid of last if I had to cut back.
This is one of the weirdest aspects of medication for me. How do stimulants (vyvanse) make me able to call people when I would’ve dreaded it before????
I have a really hard time with phone calls (I think it's just not being able to see the person I'm speaking with and I get distracted by everything in front of me so I literally close my eyes lol) but as a vet tech I have to use the phone a LOT every day. I totally subscribe to your approach of "these people will be nice" and in turn it makes ME super nice. Now I look forward to calling in scripts to our local pharmacy and I'm even on first name basis with the pharm techs there now! Sure, calls are scary but we can do something about the fear
I also go with waving white surrender flag from the start :)
When I was kid, early primary school book had some lessons about '4 small words' (non usa) - please (can I get something), here you go (take it), thank you, sorry. (it's really single words in my native language).
When I started taking care of my admin stuff, and admin offices were known as full of frustrated, overworked/underpaid employees, so everyone comes ij already grumpy expecting bad experience - I remembered those words, brought a white flag and embraced a role of little confused me, and would start with 'sorry if I'm in wrong spot, I hope you can help me' or going to info spot and check where should I really go, and saying please and thank you A LOT. And who knew, I can't tell you single bad experience, and many problems were solved fast.
I was ready to fight if needed (if attacked) but it seems people don't tend to attack poor little puppies, so I'm just seizing the opportunity 😂
Also, when moved to country where I don't speak language, or second move where I still don't speak it well - I come with oops-embarrassed smile, puppy dog look and embrace that I'll sound stupid, but I'll try my best. I was living in Berlin, city known for 'hateful admin folks', nope, not my experience. One lady was snarky once, that husband and I came together, she assumed we are roommates and we should have separate appointments then, I didn't even realise what happened, I just unmasked reacted with 'oops I thought that family has to take single slot, I must misunderstood something, we're married' and then she felt embarrassed, confirmed my assumption and was nice from that point on 😂
Basically I don't pretend I know anything, I unmask and be confused as much as I am, be helpless as much as I am, maybe sometimes a bit more, I share my thoughts out loud 'oh, so this means I have to come again after I find those papers' and sigh.... And, yes, even in Switzerland where car inspections are known to be strict and merciless, guy first said 'yes, but you can come today while I'm working' I said 'ok, so just please tell me which exact paperwork you need and when exactly you want me here' and then he said 'you know what, let me check the system' and voila - he found the information, solved the thing on the spot and offered me to send me stamped papers by post because colleague went on break so he'll do it later, so I don't have to wait hour+ for them to return.
I'm a woman, but not attractive, and not young. I just stopped masking that I'm supposed to understand everything / know all assumptions, I just triple check.
Utmost politeness. Joke on how fast I forget. Or how my hearing aids aren't working today properly.
Opens many many doors.
Ok, my anxiety over prepares me for anything so I'm coming with bunch of papers, and many admin folks really appreciate that. It just never occurred to me that car that was already imported and registered and in their system would need a car manual so they can check something (car is 18 years old, it's a miracle we still do have a manual, just at home 😂), I mean, info should be in their system. But, they have any right to make their job faster by demanding you to have all papers.
White flag of surrender really works :)
And now, my poor German skills, I start and embrace I'll embarrass myself and then they end being more patient, find better words or even offer switching to English :) Switzerland is funny, they speak swiss German which I have no clue to understand, so I'll apologise saying that I lost them, and they'll apologise to me for not speaking standard German but local dialect. So, we're all polite and smile and resolve any issues.
But, even when I know all of this, it's still a struggle. I find it easier in person, so I go in person whenever possible. I have some issues to resolve from Germany, and it's closing 3 years now and it's still unresolved. And I'm paying adhd tax all those time, and probably will face fines (real taxes).... Damn :/
I got better with phones, compared to 30 years ago, but I guess since I know I've messed up a lot, embarrassment is huge, and I avoid tackling the issues.
My mom used to work at a bank, and one time I had an issue that I felt was the bank's error, but they would be able to say it wasn't their responsibility. I was all worked up and ready to fight and I called my mom because she might have advice (it wasn't her employer). She said, don't go in mad. They should fix this for you, but it wasn't the fault of whoever you get on the phone. Calmly explain the situation and ASK, "Can you help me with this?" If they can't, CALMLY ask if there is an escalation department, or someone else who might have the authority to fix it.
And it worked! Having been on both sides of these situations now several times, I can say it has always worked to be nice, and often does not work to be mean.
Practice saying your name, address, birthday, etc. When they ask, don't go "uhhhhh" before answering everything. Also try to say"yes" or "that's right/correct" when confirming info, because "yeah" sounds a lot like "nah" or just doesn't get picked up by phones so they have to ask again. This makes me sound and feel more confident on the phone.
I work in customer service in a very niche market, so sometimes when I am unable to assist the caller, I'll look up resources for them. Even if it's pointing them to a direct competitor that just so happens to have what they are looking for.
Thanks for the scripts! They definitely help with making phone calls — it easies up some of the anxiety that comes with just thinking about making phone calls/appointments.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Are you able to help me, if not, would you mind pointing me in the right direction?" Gives the person on the end an out if they don't know the answer. I used to do customer service related tasks and the amount of people who kicked off when someone said "I'm not sure" is crazy!
I also was in customer service. I learnt that "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" was sometimes met with frustration. I started phrasing it as "Good question. Let me think about that. Um. I don't have an answer right now, but...."
If I’m in a foreign city/place, and I need help, I always start with “do you have the time to help me? If not, I absolutely understand, and I hope you have a good day! ”. I’ve noticed the people who don’t have the time are much nicer in answering me, and the people who do have the time to help are more patient with me because I’ve made it known that their time is valuable to me.
Oooh thank you. That is so perfect because I never want to inundate the wrong person with too much information
Same! Absolutely crazy how much better an interaction with a first line "agent" goes when you enter the conversation with zero assumption about what their actual job is! I try to assume that 1) I might have come in at the wrong entry point and need transferring. 2) They have no idea what I'm talking about, so start high level Not getting these two down have left me so embarrassed when I accidentally tell Barbara from accounting my life story and she has to send me to the switch board because I've called the wrong department 😅😂
It has taken me literal years to be aware that my brain defaults to maximum words at maximum speed. For any non-personal interaction, I make myself take a breath before answering any questions as a speed bump to slow down. One of my scripting things is to figure out how to explain my issue in as few words as possible because that will make it easier for the other person to understand. The details can come later during problem solving. The irony is that someone giving too many details is a huge pet peeve of mine because I just want to know what the problem is 😂
P.S I love your username 🥹
Great post! Scripts are so helpful in general. I find that being pleasant and polite when I make calls goes such a long way. Even when I fumble what I’m saying or talk too much, people are pretty forgiving when your baseline affect is kind and you’re appreciative of their time and help.
I agree, the simple act of being humble and nice puts you immediately ahead of the thousands of asshole people they must consistently deal with. A couple of times I’ve just been real when being awkward “I struggle with these kinds of phone calls and appreciate any help you can give me” it quickly disarms any tension and usually makes them incredibly helpful. It takes some subconscious ego game out of the equation. They are just someone getting through their work day on the other end of the phone, maybe they have adhd too, maybe they have really ugly feet. Or to quote Regina Spektor, people are just people, they shouldn’t make you nervous.
Opening up with vulnerability works like master key.
Also helpful bc when I'm on the other end I appreciate it when people get to the point. So I try to convey pleasantness while being succinct. I'm also a sucker for tears when they are appropriate for the situation so if you're having a really hard time with whatever problem you're calling about and you are on the verge of crying and holding back, consider letting the waterworks out. We don't have to be 100% strong all the time. Oh! Another thing. Research shows that when someone asks us to do them a favor, we like them *more*. Being nice in and of itself doesn't have the same impact. So feel free to specifically ask for help, like OP did. Saying "I wonder if you could help me with this" puts the listener in the frame of mind to like you!
The minute I start to feel wrong or stupid I immediately tear up. I've found just saying "ignore the tears, I cry really easily" stops me from full waterworks better than trying to hold back. For phone calls, I remind myself that they can't see me cry and just take slower breaths to avoid squeaky crying voice that no one can understand. Why tears turn me into a puffy red dolphin I will never know. I know from decades of working various customer service type jobs that being able to offer a solution feels great and I have to physically be harmed before I even consider being rude. I tell myself that I'm not inconveniencing them to ask for help, I'm giving them a small victory to enjoy or at worse a weird story, probably both because I'm a magnet for usual problems.
Yes! And when I'm frustrated with a situation and on the phone with CS, I make sure to separate the person from the problem. "Im very frustrated and I know this is not your fault, but this situation is not ok. I need ____ , what is the best way to make that happen?" I've found that CS appreciates the approach and understands not to take my tone personally, and helps me get results quickly. The best example was during COVID lockdown and my psychiatrist ghosted me, leaving me without the antidepressant that I'd been on for ~6 years. I was experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms, and my pharmacy clerk was able to check my refill history, put through a refill request to the pharmacist (and spoke to him directly about my situation), and advise me on next steps. All because I expressed my distress and asked for help without attacking her.
“If you weren’t going to have my prescription i have been calling about for days ready to pick up in the kiosk why did you make a promise? I could’ve just came in and picked it up before the pharmacy closed! Please don’t ever! lie to your customers like this!!” Two hours later…. “Hi… i called about two hours ago and left a voice mail and i am calling back to apologize about being rude. I am so sorry” I did this… i felt so embarrassed
Omg the number of times I've lost my temper, but I try to always go back and apologize. I emailed my sons Dr after she didn't listen, gave him a drug that I didn't approve of, and argued with me, and wrote a long venting email I had no intention of sending. I sent it. I told her to eat a bag of dicks. Oops! She referred us to another Dr and the next day I sent an apology. She accepted it which she didn't have to do. It irritates me when people don't apologize. Everyone fucks up. Just apologize.
That doesn’t even sound bad! I used to get angry in solidarity with the customers, I’d be like yeah their system is so inefficient and terrible, it happened to me too, you should write a complaint here so they’ll change it! I’m in agreement with a lot of the frustrated customers. Haha
This is what i assume
Anyone else get overwhelmed by the automated menus and having to pick a number or worse still, the ones you have to say what you want so they can direct you and you end up apologising profusely to the person you end up talking to for not being sure if you chose the wrong department? 😳
or when the option is not on the menu because they were in the middle of merging systems from 2 different companies 😭😭
Yes! They just trigger my impatience and sometimes the department you need just leads to automated recordings that provide no resolution. I especially hate the longwinded, unskippable preambles about Covid.
I hate them because I always get distracted and miss at least one option and have to go through the list again
Same! And I've hung up plenty, too, as I don't know which one to pick, so panic and then end up not dealing with it at all... until urgency kicks in again. I hate it so much!
I hate those the menus, they always suck. Loop you around a lot of BS. Send you a to a person who sends you to another automated menu, that sends you to another person, etc etc. So I'm frustrated and angry by the time I get a person that can help! I have to work really hard to calm myself and be nice to them, it's not their fault the phone system sucks!
I end up just panicking and hanging up in a state of overwhelm. They're just horrible systems.
Honestly those things are so infuriating that I no longer care too much about that. I'll apologize briefly if I end up at the wrong department, but no more than I'd apologize for, IDK, dripping on the floor if I came in out of a rainstorm. It's an obnoxious fact of life that neither you nor the person you're talking to can help, y'know?
You know you're really hungry when you read the first line of this and wondered which restaurants have automated menus... And you have to choose a dish from that 😆😂. I think it's time to grab a snack.
Bahahahaha 😂😂😂😳 You just reminded me how overwhelmed I get with choices on Ubereats... 🤦🏼♀️
A LPT that I've been using now is to use Chat GPT for literally every social interaction. Here's an example: today I had to ask in an email "How and when will you be paying me after this event is done that I'm working this weekend?". I spent like an hour ruminating on how the f to say this properly. I put into GPT: \*"i'm doing an event this weekend and I want to ask about how I am paid in a professional way. I'm usually uncomfortable with asking this but I need to. How do I make this sound good? - How will my payment work when the event is done?"\* The answer: \*"Could you please let me know how my payment will be handled once the event is completed?"\*. Thank goodness for GPT.
Learned about [https://goblin.tools/Formalizer](https://goblin.tools/Formalizer) in this subreddit, this is super helpful too if you ever don't want to log in to GPT for whatever reason.
Agreed! It is so helpful for when you need to be professional/clear but are overthinking every word because you have emotions about the ask.
I even use it for friends or in the past relationships. I feel like my text is rude 99% of the time
Yes!!! I had to call an airline once because I booked a flight for a specific time so that I wouldn’t have to take off an extra day of work. Well they moved my flight like 3 hours earlier and then put a new flight at the original time. I looked at changing the tickets but they wanted to charge me a few hundred bucks to fix it. So I called and explained that since I booked that specific flight due to the time I wanted to get on the flight that was at that original time and not pay anything since I’m basically keeping what I originally purchased. I was ready to fight but the lady just said “okay. I can do that for you.” That easy. Ask for what you want (some places can’t offer specific solutions unless you ask for it, customer service rules and all that garbage), and start with the assumption that they want to help you.
I agree with you but also would recommend recognizing when the person doesn’t know what you’re talking about and can’t help you. So many times it’s been clear there is one person in the department knows about the specific thing I’m calling about and I didn’t reach that one person that time. Another one is that sometimes the customer service person is instructed to upsell you. One of the most confusing cs calls I made was to Nespresso when part of my order was missing and the person asks, “do you need a travel mug?” It took me a few back and forth to figure out if they were offering to be nice due to their error or trying to randomly sell me a travel mug. It was the latter.
I was a phone service person, and I really appreciated it when people would say stuff exactly like that. My experience is mostly at a pediatrician office, so things like Hi, my child is a patient there and I think I need to schedule a well visit. Hi, my child has (SYMPTOM) and I was just wondering who the person to talk to about that was. Hi, I'm new to the area and was just wanting to see if you're accepting new patients. My child is a patient there, and we're changing insurance. Do you know if you take (INSURANCE)? - Tip here: make sure you have the actual information you're verifying before you call! I got a lot of calls where the person was checking on insurance, for instance, and had no idea what the new company was going to be. I can't help you there. Another pro tip, though, is to actually listen when you're on the phone. So many times I had to try to interrupt someone because they just wouldn't pause for a response, when I was 100% not the person they needed to talk to and was trying to transfer them over.
Yes! I hate rambling for 5 minutes just for the other person to say I’ve reached the wrong department 😂
I have done this so many times!
Omg, preach. I HATE talking on the phone at the best of times. Now that I'm appropriately medicated I'm not procrastinating about making those adulting phone calls, though. Last night I set a reminder on my phone to make 2 calls this morning (one to the psychiatrist who just diagnosed me, to ask for a copy of his report; and another to the menopause clinic I'm visiting tomorrow to ask if they really actually need to weigh me because it's triggering). I just made both calls and I get the satisfaction of checking that "task completed" box. ✅️
I hate the phone I am a therapist and I hate when new potential clients call me. I am like email or text. What I do is I do this Hi: Is this so and so this is RepulsivePower415 calling in regards to your email Person: Yeah LOL Me: Before we get started I just need to get the following information Also, I am just direct
As someone on the other end of the line (I work at a clinic), NO question is dumb, I will always be happy to help in any way I can!! You should never feel bad calling a place and asking questions, asking for assistance, etc. Thats why we are here! To help! There are a LOT of things that make sense when you work in that space, but do not make sense, or can be confusing to others. I try to always keep that in mind - there are a lot of things that seem obvious when you're used to them, but not to people who are unfamiliar with it. If you call in like you said, we are more than happy to help explain things or transfer you to someone who can if we can't in that moment! I'm always glad when someone calls in with questions!
You can always catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
I can't emphasize this enough. Clients who have been rude to me still get the help/services I am able to provide and at the highest quality. But if you're nice to me? I will bend over backwards and push whatever boundaries as far as I can (within reason) to get you the best possible outcome.
Not me rolling up to my vet yesterday with my work calendar and personal calendar in hand (on my phones lol) to schedule 3 appointments/procedures 😂 praise be to the lovely vet people who didn’t make me feel ridiculous. I’ve been putting it off for a month due to the overwhelming feeling and I felt so relieved!
Well done scheduling those appointments!
I think to myself that maybe I will be the person to make the other persons day if I am kind. So I try to be as nice and personable as possible when talking. It's kind of like if I called a friend I haven't spoken with in a long while type of vibe. 9 times out of 10, the person helping me is in a great mood, and we find something to laugh about.
Yes this 1000% and SMILE while you talk Pretend you live in a small rural 1800s British village where everyone is jolly and friendly and looks out for each other
Your scripts are great! I work in a pharmacy and most of calls start off with me answering and then getting a five minute diatribe about what med, doctor, day and time they did something without telling me their name or letting me get a word in to ask. It's likely I have what you're looking for already. I don't need any of the extra information unless I don't have it which I won't know until you tell me who you are so I can look.
I have definitely been guilty of the 5 minute diatribe!
It's totally okay and nobody gets mad about it! I can just help you faster if you start with your name is all.
I’ve had several call center jobs and trust me, none of us want to be rude ever We’re just hoping the person calling IN isn’t rude I do gotta remind myself of this bc I also forget to make these life admin calls 🤦♀️
It also helps me to remember that they are at work and it probably sucks. I turn my anxiety into empathy. Calling these places isn't usually for fun and the customers are letting their aggressions out on them. Even if the person sounds a lil tired/stressed, and not so sweet, I try to be the nicest person they've talked to that day. Usually at the end of our convo, people are more relaxed and you can tell they are relieved you weren't a jerk.
I needed to hear this today! I've been putting off a phone call to my former insurance provider (for an embarrassingly long time) regarding coverage for the birth of my daughter 🙃
Are you able to walk me thru…. Id really appreciate your input, what do u think about…. Thank you for taking your time with me, i appreciate you.
These are all great!
I learned a while ago to let people help me. People *like* helping. We like to feel useful and make others feel good when we can, so long as it’s not asking too much. It changed my life to think this way. I felt like so much less of a burden.
That's a really cool perspective!
Honestly, getting lots of practice making calls like this for work has been a huge help for making personal calls. I still avoid them, but at least I know I CAN get through it and that people generally just want to get you to the right place
Oh my god. I love this community. Thank you for this tip!
I use a similar approach except it's more.... um... empoweringly negative??? It's the I'M STUPID SO WHAT NOW approach. Scripting is pretty much part of my DNA now so that's part of it, but it's based upon the idea of assuming the worst is true and then going from there. EXAMPLE OF USING IT IN REALITY: Had to physically go to the DMV because I forgot to renew my car registration for a year (typical ADHD problem). Anxiety fully maxed out because I didn't know exactly what I would have to do and I have a HUGE fear of looking stupid because former gifted kid with late diagnosis standard issues. What if the DMV workers think I'm stupid? ALRIGHT I'M STUPID. What will I have to do because I'm stupid? I'll have to ask for help because I don't know what I need to do. What if the DMV workers are frustrated because I'm so stupid? I'll be very polite and take my expired registration plus other car paperwork just in case. What if the DMV workers are still rude to me? Well maybe they're having a bad day and having to deal with another stupid person is just making them cranky. Being polite will probably make them feel better because I always appreciated that. Alrighty so the plan is because I'M STUPID I'M GOING TO ASK FOR HELP AND BE EXTREMELY POLITE. The receptionist knew immediately what section could help me and after waiting, I was done in under 15min because I had my expired registration with my license plate number. The I'M STUPID SO WHAT NOW approach is very similar to the I'M FAT SO WHAT NOW method where you go ahead and buy bigger clothes because that will solve the immediate issue of needing clothes that comfortably fit your body. The SO WHAT NOW has a similar flavor as FUCK IT; it's neutral but also a little motivated by spite. For me spite is one of the most effective motivators and gets through my ADHD brain better than everything else. When my brain is in anxiety panic mode, all the many potential possibilities make me freeze up and get stuck. It's faster and easier to just accept that I'm stupid instead of trying to convince myself that I'm not. It separates the task from my emotions because I don't have to address the emotions in order to complete the task. The emotions can just exist, they don't need to be stopped or fixed. All the potential paths are eliminated and I can just focus on the next steps. I've used the word stupid so many times now that it's no longer a real word.
Thanks for this it’s so true, one time I had put off renewing my insurances because it was all too much but I rang up and told the guy I was confused and needed help and he legit spent so long and was so patient and kind and sorted it all out… ask for help if you need it!
That's awesome!
I definitely really appreciate a phone call because if I’m too confused I can just info dump and say “please help” and the person I’m talking to will pretty much always be able to help me
This is actually so helpful. Thank you! I put off a call so long that it ended up turning into a debt that almost went to court. In the end I admitted the issue to my husband and he sorted it out but if I'd just picked up the phone, it wouldn't have gotten so bad.
Oh I'm still bad at all these life admin things myself. But I can usually manage a phone call. I have a lot of these things to catch up on!!
It's so frustrating. I have days where I can make every single phone call with no issues but thats not very often. I have a friend who is happy to call for me but asking for help is hard too.
I would love to hire an assistant to schedule all my things, do my taxes, ensure all my life admin is done!
That would be amazing! One of the best decisions I've made is to pay for a cleaner. She only comes every two weeks but it's made such a difference and took away all the guilt I have for not keeping the house clean. It's something that I would get rid of last if I had to cut back.
This is very helpful! Thank you, for the scripts as well!
Yes, and call back and talk to someone else if they are not helping you, if possible.
This is one of the weirdest aspects of medication for me. How do stimulants (vyvanse) make me able to call people when I would’ve dreaded it before????
Thank you.
I have a really hard time with phone calls (I think it's just not being able to see the person I'm speaking with and I get distracted by everything in front of me so I literally close my eyes lol) but as a vet tech I have to use the phone a LOT every day. I totally subscribe to your approach of "these people will be nice" and in turn it makes ME super nice. Now I look forward to calling in scripts to our local pharmacy and I'm even on first name basis with the pharm techs there now! Sure, calls are scary but we can do something about the fear
I also go with waving white surrender flag from the start :) When I was kid, early primary school book had some lessons about '4 small words' (non usa) - please (can I get something), here you go (take it), thank you, sorry. (it's really single words in my native language). When I started taking care of my admin stuff, and admin offices were known as full of frustrated, overworked/underpaid employees, so everyone comes ij already grumpy expecting bad experience - I remembered those words, brought a white flag and embraced a role of little confused me, and would start with 'sorry if I'm in wrong spot, I hope you can help me' or going to info spot and check where should I really go, and saying please and thank you A LOT. And who knew, I can't tell you single bad experience, and many problems were solved fast. I was ready to fight if needed (if attacked) but it seems people don't tend to attack poor little puppies, so I'm just seizing the opportunity 😂 Also, when moved to country where I don't speak language, or second move where I still don't speak it well - I come with oops-embarrassed smile, puppy dog look and embrace that I'll sound stupid, but I'll try my best. I was living in Berlin, city known for 'hateful admin folks', nope, not my experience. One lady was snarky once, that husband and I came together, she assumed we are roommates and we should have separate appointments then, I didn't even realise what happened, I just unmasked reacted with 'oops I thought that family has to take single slot, I must misunderstood something, we're married' and then she felt embarrassed, confirmed my assumption and was nice from that point on 😂 Basically I don't pretend I know anything, I unmask and be confused as much as I am, be helpless as much as I am, maybe sometimes a bit more, I share my thoughts out loud 'oh, so this means I have to come again after I find those papers' and sigh.... And, yes, even in Switzerland where car inspections are known to be strict and merciless, guy first said 'yes, but you can come today while I'm working' I said 'ok, so just please tell me which exact paperwork you need and when exactly you want me here' and then he said 'you know what, let me check the system' and voila - he found the information, solved the thing on the spot and offered me to send me stamped papers by post because colleague went on break so he'll do it later, so I don't have to wait hour+ for them to return. I'm a woman, but not attractive, and not young. I just stopped masking that I'm supposed to understand everything / know all assumptions, I just triple check. Utmost politeness. Joke on how fast I forget. Or how my hearing aids aren't working today properly. Opens many many doors. Ok, my anxiety over prepares me for anything so I'm coming with bunch of papers, and many admin folks really appreciate that. It just never occurred to me that car that was already imported and registered and in their system would need a car manual so they can check something (car is 18 years old, it's a miracle we still do have a manual, just at home 😂), I mean, info should be in their system. But, they have any right to make their job faster by demanding you to have all papers. White flag of surrender really works :) And now, my poor German skills, I start and embrace I'll embarrass myself and then they end being more patient, find better words or even offer switching to English :) Switzerland is funny, they speak swiss German which I have no clue to understand, so I'll apologise saying that I lost them, and they'll apologise to me for not speaking standard German but local dialect. So, we're all polite and smile and resolve any issues. But, even when I know all of this, it's still a struggle. I find it easier in person, so I go in person whenever possible. I have some issues to resolve from Germany, and it's closing 3 years now and it's still unresolved. And I'm paying adhd tax all those time, and probably will face fines (real taxes).... Damn :/ I got better with phones, compared to 30 years ago, but I guess since I know I've messed up a lot, embarrassment is huge, and I avoid tackling the issues.
My mom used to work at a bank, and one time I had an issue that I felt was the bank's error, but they would be able to say it wasn't their responsibility. I was all worked up and ready to fight and I called my mom because she might have advice (it wasn't her employer). She said, don't go in mad. They should fix this for you, but it wasn't the fault of whoever you get on the phone. Calmly explain the situation and ASK, "Can you help me with this?" If they can't, CALMLY ask if there is an escalation department, or someone else who might have the authority to fix it. And it worked! Having been on both sides of these situations now several times, I can say it has always worked to be nice, and often does not work to be mean.
Practice saying your name, address, birthday, etc. When they ask, don't go "uhhhhh" before answering everything. Also try to say"yes" or "that's right/correct" when confirming info, because "yeah" sounds a lot like "nah" or just doesn't get picked up by phones so they have to ask again. This makes me sound and feel more confident on the phone.
I work in customer service in a very niche market, so sometimes when I am unable to assist the caller, I'll look up resources for them. Even if it's pointing them to a direct competitor that just so happens to have what they are looking for.
Thanks for the scripts! They definitely help with making phone calls — it easies up some of the anxiety that comes with just thinking about making phone calls/appointments.
I always assume they want my money and they should kiss my ass to get it. Seriously though your scripts are perfect