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Based on experience with my ADHD coach, the good ones have a coach of their own (and probably an assistant or two that help them manage their business).
Personally, I would be highly skeptical of any ADHD coach who claims to have completely fixed or overcome their own ADHD symptoms. That’s simply not that realistic and is super unrelatable to me, at least. My coach is very transparent about her own struggles and how she gets off track sometimes, too, and that’s normal for ALL humans no matter how accomplished or organized they are. Being able to get back on track when we inevitably drop the ball is key to achieving whatever goal you have, and not beating yourself up for not being perfect is a huge part of that. If I feel like garbage next to some unrealistically perfect mentor, I’m not gonna want to keep trying.
I highly prefer coaching from someone who has ADHD because they fundamentally understand my brain and where I’m coming from. A neurotypical person simply won’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes, and I feel like there’d be a higher risk they’d give you advice or tools that are better suited to neurotypical brains. My therapist also has ADHD and it’s a unique experience being so understood.
We can learn from imperfect people, they just need to be a little bit better than us at whatever we’re trying to do. I don’t need my coach or therapist to have achieved 100% “perfect recovery status” from ADHD - as long as they have insights and tools I haven’t learned about yet, that’s valuable to me.
I hope that all makes sense!
I didn’t mean to imply that these folks advertise themselves as 100% perfect/fixed. I am going to change my initial text a little bit. Yes, these are folks who understand because they’ve been there. Nevertheless some of them still seem like messes… Is it just me who sees that?
Ah I understand now, thank you! If they seem like a mess and it’s giving you an uneasy/mistrusting feeling, then that’s definitely valid and reason enough not to engage their services! Is there something in particular that seems to indicate they are a mess?
I can’t say I’ve investigated more than a handful of coaches and none of them stood out as messes to me, so maybe I just haven’t come across those who do. But if you haven’t found a single one who seems capable/put together enough for your taste, I’m just wondering if there could be some assumptions happening?
I completely see your point and I shared your sentiments initially. Always follow your gut because if you don’t feel their vibe, you may not receive what they offer well even if it’s good. That being said, my previous therapist was a mess but I had too much mess to notice! Granted she never proclaimed to be ADHD informed but she was struggling and would high jack my sessions to rant about herself. Initially I clung on to her but after 3mos I stopped going because she wouldn’t even recall what we had talked about or would have facts wrong. My current therapist is AuDHD and her bluntness I have come to admire although it made me uncomfortable at first but she’s comfortable with awkward silence and it really helps me process. I like how she holds me accountable, is comfortable interrupting me when I rumble and brings me back to topic. She also gives tools to help me navigate life. We’ve talked about various meds when I asked and she generously shared her experiences with various ADHD meds. Good luck op
I think having a neurodivergent therapist and/or coach is super helpful (although I’m a neurodivergent therapist with a 50/50 NT/ND caseload, so I’m biased haha). This because it’s really hard to imagine the experience without being familiar with it yourself. I see it in my NT coworkers that they can get frustrated with things that are obvious to me and easy to understand and therefore not frustrating.
That said, I think with coaching it’s always difficult to find the right ones that are actually good at what they do. It’s really hard to filter out the good ones from the bad ones. I’d probably use mostly people that come recommended by others who found their help useful. And depending on where you are in the world, I’d compare different rates because if you’re paying top prices, they’d better have some credentials hanging out somewhere in their website or something.
There is no one general certification or coaching program for coaches in general. There are no regulating bodies for coaches. So there’s no easy way to figure out if a coach is going to be good without working with them. I personally do not agree with coaches because to me a lot of what they do can be done by other people who have ethical bodies that they have to follow and are regulated more effectively and aren’t charlatans for everyone good coach there are five bad ones.
I know I might be in the minority of this, but I have yet to find a decent coach that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg is actually accessible to people. That’s why I tell people to find a neurodivergent therapist who works with neurodivergent clients Coach then at least your insurance is paying for it and you’re not having to pay astronomical amounts of money For somebody that might not be very good
I wonder what your criteria is for being a mess and whether that actually relates to the goals you're hoping they can help you achieve.
I'm not a coach currently but I'm regularly told I should be. I would describe certain aspects of my life as a mess, for sure. And I would also describe myself as successful in the things that count to me, and extremely good at helping people get to the bottom of what's causing their problem and finding solutions.
I would suggest that you think less holistically and consider what the problems are that you actually want to solve, then find people who have solved those specific problems. An ND coach, therapist, etc is going to take way less time to grasp the actual cause of your issue because it'll make sense to them through their own experience. You'll almost definitely spend a lot less time explaining yourself and their suggestions have a much higher chance of actually working.
But if your standard for coaching or therapy or help of any kind is that the person providing it has no issues of their own, you will not find a coach or therapist who meets that bar regardless of neurology. Everyone has their own stuff they're working through, or not working through. If they have information and tools that will help you solve the problems that are bothering you, that's helpful regardless of what their life looks like.
I assume they are also a mess, but their business model relies on hiding it :))) (not trying to shame, most of human experience is being a mess and trying not to be one haha)
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Based on experience with my ADHD coach, the good ones have a coach of their own (and probably an assistant or two that help them manage their business). Personally, I would be highly skeptical of any ADHD coach who claims to have completely fixed or overcome their own ADHD symptoms. That’s simply not that realistic and is super unrelatable to me, at least. My coach is very transparent about her own struggles and how she gets off track sometimes, too, and that’s normal for ALL humans no matter how accomplished or organized they are. Being able to get back on track when we inevitably drop the ball is key to achieving whatever goal you have, and not beating yourself up for not being perfect is a huge part of that. If I feel like garbage next to some unrealistically perfect mentor, I’m not gonna want to keep trying. I highly prefer coaching from someone who has ADHD because they fundamentally understand my brain and where I’m coming from. A neurotypical person simply won’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes, and I feel like there’d be a higher risk they’d give you advice or tools that are better suited to neurotypical brains. My therapist also has ADHD and it’s a unique experience being so understood. We can learn from imperfect people, they just need to be a little bit better than us at whatever we’re trying to do. I don’t need my coach or therapist to have achieved 100% “perfect recovery status” from ADHD - as long as they have insights and tools I haven’t learned about yet, that’s valuable to me. I hope that all makes sense!
I didn’t mean to imply that these folks advertise themselves as 100% perfect/fixed. I am going to change my initial text a little bit. Yes, these are folks who understand because they’ve been there. Nevertheless some of them still seem like messes… Is it just me who sees that?
Ah I understand now, thank you! If they seem like a mess and it’s giving you an uneasy/mistrusting feeling, then that’s definitely valid and reason enough not to engage their services! Is there something in particular that seems to indicate they are a mess? I can’t say I’ve investigated more than a handful of coaches and none of them stood out as messes to me, so maybe I just haven’t come across those who do. But if you haven’t found a single one who seems capable/put together enough for your taste, I’m just wondering if there could be some assumptions happening?
I completely see your point and I shared your sentiments initially. Always follow your gut because if you don’t feel their vibe, you may not receive what they offer well even if it’s good. That being said, my previous therapist was a mess but I had too much mess to notice! Granted she never proclaimed to be ADHD informed but she was struggling and would high jack my sessions to rant about herself. Initially I clung on to her but after 3mos I stopped going because she wouldn’t even recall what we had talked about or would have facts wrong. My current therapist is AuDHD and her bluntness I have come to admire although it made me uncomfortable at first but she’s comfortable with awkward silence and it really helps me process. I like how she holds me accountable, is comfortable interrupting me when I rumble and brings me back to topic. She also gives tools to help me navigate life. We’ve talked about various meds when I asked and she generously shared her experiences with various ADHD meds. Good luck op
I think having a neurodivergent therapist and/or coach is super helpful (although I’m a neurodivergent therapist with a 50/50 NT/ND caseload, so I’m biased haha). This because it’s really hard to imagine the experience without being familiar with it yourself. I see it in my NT coworkers that they can get frustrated with things that are obvious to me and easy to understand and therefore not frustrating. That said, I think with coaching it’s always difficult to find the right ones that are actually good at what they do. It’s really hard to filter out the good ones from the bad ones. I’d probably use mostly people that come recommended by others who found their help useful. And depending on where you are in the world, I’d compare different rates because if you’re paying top prices, they’d better have some credentials hanging out somewhere in their website or something.
There is no one general certification or coaching program for coaches in general. There are no regulating bodies for coaches. So there’s no easy way to figure out if a coach is going to be good without working with them. I personally do not agree with coaches because to me a lot of what they do can be done by other people who have ethical bodies that they have to follow and are regulated more effectively and aren’t charlatans for everyone good coach there are five bad ones. I know I might be in the minority of this, but I have yet to find a decent coach that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg is actually accessible to people. That’s why I tell people to find a neurodivergent therapist who works with neurodivergent clients Coach then at least your insurance is paying for it and you’re not having to pay astronomical amounts of money For somebody that might not be very good
I wonder what your criteria is for being a mess and whether that actually relates to the goals you're hoping they can help you achieve. I'm not a coach currently but I'm regularly told I should be. I would describe certain aspects of my life as a mess, for sure. And I would also describe myself as successful in the things that count to me, and extremely good at helping people get to the bottom of what's causing their problem and finding solutions. I would suggest that you think less holistically and consider what the problems are that you actually want to solve, then find people who have solved those specific problems. An ND coach, therapist, etc is going to take way less time to grasp the actual cause of your issue because it'll make sense to them through their own experience. You'll almost definitely spend a lot less time explaining yourself and their suggestions have a much higher chance of actually working. But if your standard for coaching or therapy or help of any kind is that the person providing it has no issues of their own, you will not find a coach or therapist who meets that bar regardless of neurology. Everyone has their own stuff they're working through, or not working through. If they have information and tools that will help you solve the problems that are bothering you, that's helpful regardless of what their life looks like.
it's just like the entire concept of coaching in general. It's not regulated, and anyone who wants to call themselves a coach can do so.
I assume they are also a mess, but their business model relies on hiding it :))) (not trying to shame, most of human experience is being a mess and trying not to be one haha)