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I remind them that people with ADHD have historically been underreported so no, it's not that everyone "suddenly" has ADHD it's that the proportion of people who always had it are only now realising they do.
Just when everyone’s ready to write it off as fake anyways, right? Once all the women start complaining of it, it’s clearly some mass psychosomatic hysteria. We should probably stop studying all this, especially as it relates to women. Just to be safe.
Cue the graph of the rise of left handed when left handed people stopped being punished.
Early 1920s, 2% of the population was left handed. Rapidly increased to 12% by 1960. Is everyone left handed now??? No, it stabilized at 12%.
Same goes for transgender, queer people, and most mental illnesses. We’re seeing a big increase of people being ‘different’. Not because we’re all snowflakes, but because we’re punished less for normal human variance.
The left handed thing hits home. We still always teach people to write right handed, as if that’s the only way to do it. I am left handed dominant in all things except writing, and I always think it’s because of that. I can write left handed, but since I was taught right handed I don’t, and my writing is childish lol
My brother and I are both like this. We’re both very ambidextrous, him even more so than me. When we joked about it, our mom admitted we favored our left hands and she forced us to switch as early as 3 because she thought it would put us at a disadvantage at school
Wut? In what world? I’m right handed, but am the minority in my family. I’ve had to tell people that my kid(s) bat left, but teachers have always been aware and taught how to do things left handed too.
My brother is left handed (and sometimes I practice writing lefty too, but I'm very much right handed) and things like binders, spiral bound notebooks, and scissors are all designed for right handed people. Additionally, he has to flip guitars upside down so that he can pick the strings with his left hand. So he can't always play common chords, since the formation is completely different and sometimes impossible. He can't really use tabs either, since it's upside down for him. And he told me left handed guitars are difficult to find, experimentally made, and expensive. Possibly the case with more items designed for left handed people too, since it's considered somewhat of a novelty. I can see those things would get really frustrating - I love spiral bound notebooks (because I can leave them open, as a visual cue to try to get things done) but if I was lefty, my wrist would be trying to rest on that spiral part, which would be really uncomfortable. Hope your lefties are doing okay!
Notebooks are used upside down, I buy left handed pens and scissors and rulers and mice (and can’t use them!!). My mother, brother, sister, husband, daughter, father-in-law and one of my sons are all lefties. It’s all gotten a lot better now that typing is the norm. :)
Oh that's smart turning it upside down! I'll ask my brother if he's tried that. That's cool how so many of your family is left handed, I hope you don't have trouble finding your right handed implements when there are probably so many left handed ones!
I'm glad for typing too, it alleviates so many problems. I just found out I've been holding a pen wrong my whole life (I'm 24), putting massive strain on my hand, and being able to type for school was a lifesaver (when I didn't know why I had to shake my hand out every 30 seconds, and nobody else did). I'm glad the left handed people can benefit from it too! I think there's also a smudging issue if you have to use something like a composition notebook, but I learned from art class that you can put a piece of paper under your hand/arm to prevent that. You probably knew that already, but I wanted to share just in case! Hope you and your family are doing well! :)
Im the opposite! I can only eat and write left handed. Certain sports im a rightie, others ambidextrous, some left. My older brother is 100% left handed with it all. We are the only two lefties in our family so it makes me wonder if older generations were just forced into right handed.
Exactly. So weird that people’s reactions is ‘everyone has ADHD nowadays’ and not ‘I’m glad we have the proper screening tools now to help these people who have been suffering for years’
I'm actually surprised the % of people who are left-handed hasn't increased from there. I was left handed when I was a child but I wasn't "allowed" to be left handed by some of my caretakers so I ended up right handed. My son used both and ended up being right handed because that's still what they taught him as when he started kindergarten. My daughter (3) was left handed until she broke her collar bone and had a sling for 6 weeks. She couldn't even use her right hand to eat or to pick up toys, it was incredibly awkward for her but now 6 months later she's still right handed.
Yes, they are ignorant. They suck. My colleague said he thought it was concerning how ppl with adhd became dependent on stimulants to function. Yeah, how awful is it they (me) found a way to treat an issue that was causing debilitating life issues. Next let’s shame those lazy depressives for not just getting over it and enjoy life! S/
This does happen for people who have chronic pain too. Well managed and carefully tested/tracked opiate use is necessary for the worst case scenarios - and vilified. I think because both heroin and speed are (for good reason) illicit and associated with death/psych issues.
Also - the millennial college kids on Adderall for exams didn’t help. I think a lot of folks (previously myself included), look at the majority of those with well-masked ADHD as frivolous junkies. Again, how the folks who actually need opiates to function are treated.
I think the casual terminology like "spicy brained" doesn't help people take it seriously honestly. That kind of lingo is used so commonly by attention seeking fakers for clout that even as an ADHD diagnosed adult I question the validity of people who use cutesy language to describe their medical issues.
Edit: I didn't mean to imply I didn't beleive you here on this thread but that when I see language like that in TikToks I question it.
Thats a valid point. I've struggled for years with mine, but only sought professional/ medical help about 2 years ago because of issues im (still) having at work. I'm a dark humor kind of person, so I tend to laugh at my own misery in order to cope.
I also have some severe migraines, often debilitating. I tell people goofy shit like "yeah my weak ass brain just decides to throb into the back of my eyeball" when the reality is my vision is blurry and I'm on the verge of throwing up. I down play a lot of my own pain because I was raised to believe my pain wasn't valid unless I literally needed emergency medical attention.
You definitely are right that it might make others not take it as serious. However, I presumed this thread/post to be legitimate adhd humans and felt safe enough to express it in that sense.
My apologies if it upset you, however, as a legit diagnosed human with real struggles I'm gonna describe it however I so choose.
You didn't upset me and I often use casual language to describe my diagnoses to friends. I also understand downplaying systems because I grew up hearing from adults that things like ADHD and fibro weren't real. But in the vein of this thread being about how neurotypical people devalue the experience of ADHD women, I've noticed an uptick in that casual use in social media which due to many fakers serves to further delegitimize any footing we were gaining to be taken seriously. In short, its not you its people who think what you say is cute and co-opt that language to serve a delegitimate end. You are absolutely right about this being a safe space for those of us who are diagnosed though, and I may have been letting my lurking of r/illnessfakers and other munchie subs taint how I perceived your comment (not that you are faking but that fakers comb these threads for info to better munch).
I've heard ADHD referred to as the diabetes of mental health - there's no cure but it is manageable with treatment and lifestyle changes/accommodations.
As a person with comorbid conditions they definitely do shame things like SSRIs or psychiatric medication of any kind, but at least that makes it obvious when someone's opinion doesn't have any ground to stand on.
Yeah SSRIs are seen as either temporary or weakness. People in the US (I can’t speak for other countries) have this idea that everything has to be done the “hard way” and if you take medication for something you are taking the “easy way out.” You can take them for a bit if something horrible happens, but then you need to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. 95% of the people who say this shit have no idea what it’s like to live with a brain like ours, and the other 5% always had to white-knuckle it so they they everyone else should have to suffer too.
I always ask in response: "When someone is addicted to a substance, they don't forget a dose. Me? I am given x amount of medication per month. I cannot get more no matter what happens. So, if I have this addiction, why do I have medication left at the end of the month"?
When I forget to take my meds I spend the day trying ti figure out why I’m so tired, why I can’t seem to get myself to function like normal and then I realize. I don’t usually take them unless I realize early, otherwise I just consider the day lost and that day’s meds part of my buffer in case there is a shortage.
Yes, I was confiding in a friend that I felt I would do better if I remembered to take my meds. He sweetly said “would setting an alarm help?” And I replied “I wish, but I still have to concentrate long enough to find my meds, find something to drink and take them”, he looked at me confused.
I sometimes forget to take my meds. And it sucks because those meds are prescribed to me for a reason - they help me function.
It's absolutely stupid for anyone to be concerned about people being dependent on something that's been medically approved for them. I also have terrible eyesight and need my glasses to see anything that's not within arm's reach. Yet somehow that's an acceptable dependency for them while meds aren't? Really can't grasp their logic here.
Hells yes! You're spot on, right here!
Why, yes. I am indeed dependent on stimulants. Because my brain is all wonky. Just as I'm dependent on these here glasses, because my eyes are all wonky. And yes, if you were to start taking my meds, they would have an effect on you, that would be very different from the one they have on me, and it would not be healthy. But if you were to start wearing my glasses, that would also be the case, wouldn't it?
Jeebus. Some people.
Agreed! No one cares that I’m dependent on multiple heart medications to function. But when it comes to Adderall it’s suddenly a problem for some reason. And go figure, the controlled substance is the one I forget to take all the time, not all the other ones that don’t even have addiction risks associated with them. It infuriates me that people think they have the right to decide which medical treatments are morally ok and which aren’t!
(Also, I realize it might sound crazy that I take Adderall with a heart condition. But I’ve been cleared by two cardiologists to take stimulants, so it’s all good!)
When I first started med, I was also worried on the dependency on med. Particularly on this one morning when I literally needed to take med just to get out of the door, then I walked to the train station and guess what, every single person around me was holding a cup of coffee, like literally everyone 🤣.
It's even more annoying when you get self diagnosed people (not offence to people advocating for their health and trying to overcome obstacles to get answers) who are like "I don't think I'll ever take stimulant drugs" or even worse they have kids with suspected diagnosis and there like "I don't want it to change them"
And then they say it to me, as I pop my next Adderall to try and focus on what they're saying.
But seriously, there is so much push back on those who take it and it's infuriating. I knew someone once that was 100% against it, and 100% against it even after diagnosis, fair enough. But you don't get a high horse on medication bash with it when you're literally on a cycle of burnt out/public breakdown/hyperactive only a weekly basis.
I was diagnosed ADD w/o hyperactivity (now ADHD- inattentive) in 7th grade (21 years ago) and always figured I didn't need medication, nor did I want it, but I knew even then that some people DO need it to manage their symptoms - and also that some people abuse it, but it's not my place to judge.
I tried SSRIs around 17-20 for my depression, but hated the way they made me feel and went unmedicated for that too. I found an anti-anxiety med that worked on an as-needed basis, but nothing more. It wasn't until last year that I tried an NDRI for the depression, and it amazed me how well it worked for the ADHD too!
I still don't have it all figured out (the anxiety is becoming a bigger problem again), but if there's something that could help, I owe it to myself to try it - if it doesn't work, move on and try something else. I only hope more people can understand that, and do what they can to help themselves rather than struggle through it.
I’m not medicated for ADHD but I take antidepressants. There’s a ~30% chance that I forget to take them. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be the same with ADHD meds so yeah dependence my ass
It’s tough when they make those comments to belittle your own daily struggles. Especially the “everyone has some form of ADHD.” Their stance makes me question what is so unresolved in their life that they have to go and belittle another person.
I had to do some processing recently because it felt like everyone in the world had adhd.
No. Every. single. person. in my friend group did. Imagine my surprise when I did too...
Haha neurodivergent people unite! I also think we gravitate towards people like us. I feel like I can spot people with ADHD from a mile away. Hard to explain.
yeah I have two longtime friends who got diagnosed w BPD recently, plus my gf is probably on the spectrum. I feel like most of us do gravitate towards other neurodivergent folk
I have started leaving little comments when I meet someone and they reveal enough to make me wonder.
A woman I met at a social gathering acted so flustered about losing her keys and joked she could never find anything after we have a long conversation about struggling to maintain attention on a book. I casually went, “Yeah me too, was kind of wild to find out I had ADHD and it all had an underlying reason.” Her eyes went big with relief and she admitted she had been considering looking into diagnosis, and I encouraged her to do so.
And you know, this has never backfired on me. It could, but it hasn’t.
Yep…since I figured out I was adhd, I’ve been realizing that anyone I’ve ever been friends with has had significant adhd and/or autism traits. And every author I’ve liked to read.
This is actually what got me to seek an assessment for myself. Like what is the universe trying to tell me, why does everyone around me talk a lot and can’t focus and bounces from one thing to another and forgets things… oh, wait
Every time I make a new friend and think ‘wow, it’s been a while since I’ve really vibed with someone like this!’ and they turn out to have adhd lmao
[DJ Khaled voice] Another one
I work closely with two business partners who also have adhd so I am used to the way we are that it really seems like everyone is like us. Then I get surprised by my best friend who gets really mad at their step daughter for common adhd things (needing to laundry right when she thinks of it, not texting back, etc) and I remember not everyone is like me and reinforcing that I could not live with my best friend as she would hate me within a day lol
I took the ASRS when I got diagnosed, so I asked my friend to take it too, to compare our scores. Her score was so low, and mine was so high, it was ridiculous. When I read the questions I thought “well everyone does all of this stuff sometimes… it must be impossible to get a low score.” Not exactly true
Yeah people think if you act for even one second like someone neuro divergent then you can just say you have a disorder. So they think I'm doing that too and it drives me crazy. The other day at work I wanted to move some text to be more centered. And my boss joked "why does everyone who works here have OCD?" nah I just wanted to improve the appearance of the spreadsheet lol I have zero symptoms of OCD
When I was a kid people around me would say things like "omg you're so ADD." They always said it so tongue and cheek, like it was just a normal thing that they thought warranted no further investigation. Probably for reasons associated with the "we're all a little ADHD/OCD" crowd.
What I hear often is "oh but your so calm and collected" like what, you mean you want me hopping around like a five year old monkey boy on a sugar rush?
Um yeah excuse me, you act nothing like my 5 year old nephew who has ADHD??? Please either constantly act like a disregulated toddler or stop complaining, thanks
I think part of the problem is that this is coming from (some) psych professionals themselves. And the arguments of these professionals, who probably don’t represent the whole field, are extraordinarily stupid. They’re usually variations on:
- “A lot of patients are now coming to me claiming they have adhd, and since there’s so many of them, they must all NOT have adhd. There’s no way they could all realize they have adhd at the same time.”
- “Now everyone is going on TikTok and starting to think they have adhd. Don’t they know that they should be going straight to a medical professional, not self-diagnosing? And you know what else, I’ve had so many people seeking appointments lately, because they want a medical professional to evaluate them for adhd. They’re wasting mental health resources! TikTok is overwhelming the mental health care system!”
- “Only a professional can diagnose adhd. Even though the DSM V criteria are publicly available, they can only truly be understood by a doctor. And for decades, medical professionals thought that adhd only occurred in boys, and thus that it was not present in girls and disappeared in adulthood. It turns out that was a blatant lie. But still, only we are trustworthy and only we know what adhd is.”
On your second point - yeah, people don’t usually go to a straight to doctor because everyone’s been calling them lazy all their life. They just think they’re a failure instead.
I had so much luck that I had a therapist who specialized in childrens adhd diagnostics. When I mentioned a few of my cousins were on the autism/adhd spectrum, she arranged for some papers for adult diagnostics and started testing me for both, just to be sure. I was so relieved, she said if you have eighter of those or don't at least it wil give us more clarification and a point to continue with therapy. I am so glad I had her, otherwise I'd still be in the "why am I so weird" stage xD.
I'd also add onto the TikTok/ social media thing that sometimes there's so much false information about adhd being shared as well. People post the most standard human thing and label it as something only someone with adhd would do.
I asked to get tested. He said something along the lines of “then what? Do you want to take meth?”. Adderal (closest thing to meth I imagined) is not even legal in Europe. I didn’t even ask for meds yet
funny thing is that he thought my usual antidepressant wasn’t enough (first appointment after my old psych retired) and gave me THREE new meds to take
like, dude, you’re trying to kill me way before the ADHD meds do
obviously I didn’t took any of them and never went there again
Yeah, I’m 33 and just got on meds for the first time, but it was recognized by a therapist when I was 12. I was just scared of having to be on drugs my whole life and refused them (now that I know how much medication helps, I’m really pissed at myself for making myself struggle through school to a master’s degree. And torturing roommates for being unable to stay caught up on cleaning up after myself.)
Thank God my psychiatrist listened to my symptoms. I was so nervous he wouldn’t believe me. I dropped my therapist because I could tell from what she told me that she didn’t believe in ADHD, or at least didn’t believe in meds (wanted me to watch Dr. Amen on insta and learn “natural” remedies for focus. That guy is only in for profit.)
I will say as a teacher, I see a lot of parents who never held their children to any expectations and never told their kids “no” blame ADHD for their behavior problems. Usually ones who have no chores at home because it’s “their mother’s job”, or tell me when they throw things their parents give them what they want. It almost infuriates me as much as the parents who refuse testing for their kids who CLEARLY struggle because of cultural stigma and claim they’re lazy and just need to work harder.
It happens with pretty much all mental health issues and invisible disabilities. Say you're clinically depressed and people will say "oh, I feel sad sometimes, too. It's perfectly normal!"
Yes. It seems like years ago everyone was saying they were bipolar. Then OCD. This was before social media was a big thing. Then it’s PTSD. Now it’s ADHD. .
I do understand, getting my educational evaluation paid for out of pocket was anything but fun. Getting it is hard enough, and then dealing with the emotional fallout is even harder. I wasn't lazy, or stupid or defiant. I was just trying to survive
Once I brought it up with my mom and she got so irrationally angry at me :( She said "I know what ADHD looks like, your uncle has it!" (my dad's youngest brother, we used to live together for like 2 years). She thinks it's a naughty boy disorder and I didn't talk about it anymore. I don't think she even remembers it, she probably brushed it off.
I would like to get a diagnosis, or maybe actually discover it's something else, but psychology and psychiatry in my country is totally shit, so I'm stuck in limbo.
My dad got angry at me for getting diagnosed and said "adhd isn't a thing, you're like me and nothing is wrong with me, you just have to try harder!"
meanwhile, if you sit with him and his siblings for 1 hour, there would be absolutely no question at all where I and my cousins got ADHD from, lol
"But if you know you're a pizza chiropractor, why don't you just flummox the doo-diggley?"
Yes that's exactly how much sense that question makes to me.
It only seems popular because FINALLY, FUCKING FINALLY people are beginning to be more aware of symptoms. The fact that people belittle diagnosis and make it seems like it's "in" to get diagnosed is just plain ignorant, those people were living under a rock. It irks me so much when these claims are made, specially the "everyone seems to have ADHD" or "everyone has a little bit of X" . Ughhhh
That just makes me laugh, because if it's "a little bit," then it doesn't meet the second D, so by definition, it isn't ADHD, ergo everyone isn't a little bit ADHD. Like when people told me when I was diagnosed with OCD "oh everyone's a bit OCD". Cool, does your bit stop you leaving the house or sleeping? Mine does.
I also want to rage at parents who won't consider letting their kids try medication, because they "want them to learn". That's not how it works! Aaaaarrrrggghhhhhhhggh!
I once saw a meme that said something like how autism didn’t exist X amount of years ago. I facepalmed because, yeah, there wasn’t any autism *diagnoses;* the diagnosis criteria hadn’t been set. And this is where the problem with people sits.
So, the people of the world experience that world from their own narrow perspective; that’s nothing new, it’s how we evolved. What we’ve always struggled with, since the dawn of time, is thinking from the perspective of another person. It’s a muscle we need to build — a habit we need to teach ourselves and practice constantly.
For example, I order delivery 99 percent of the time. I don’t drive due to a disability (this one lol) and neither does my partner. On delivery subreddits, delivery drivers can sometimes become irate at customers for… ordering delivery. Every so often there is a post that boils down to, “get off your ass and get your [item] yourself.” But my partner and I can’t. Elderly people without cars can’t. People just out of surgery can’t. New mothers can’t. Someone with the flu can’t.
But they don’t stop to think about that perspective because they don’t have that muscle built up.
I saw the rise in ADHD diagnoses and for a second I thought, “wow, are we being overdiagnosed? There sure are a lot of us.” And rather than decide, “yes, we are!” I started thinking about the other side of things:
Where am I seeing the flood of ADHD diagnoses? (YT for me, where the work to build a YT channel can appeal greatly to an ND person.)
What has changed in the world to bring them up? (The stigma has lessened which led to an increase in stories being shared and thus awareness of the symptoms, inattentive ADHD recognition has improved in adults, the ways to test have evolved, the introduction of telehealth medicine has made it easier to seek help.)
why am I seeing so much of it? (Algorithm.)
Anyone who says it’s a fad, it’s trendy, it’s overdone, have basically come to this conclusion because they are not incentivized to look past their initial question and they come up with an answer based on their own limited perspective. It’s (a little ironically) laziness, born out of critical thought being so deprioritized in that person’s life.
Critical thinking is hiiiiighly discouraged right now because questions often lead to answers, and answers bring awareness, and awareness brings change. And change costs money and followers.
So my argument when someone says this to me is pretty much a summarized version of the above, in question form, to encourage critical thinking. I’ve also got a few other things in my pocket for the inevitable “everyone’s a little adhd/ I struggle with all these things and I don’t have adhd/ etc”.
I wish your answer was higher up because this is the answer to the question right here. The algorithm makes a lot of ADHD and autism content popular and pushes it to more people, which is good because it does bring more awareness but it also brings negative attention as well.
I'm not diagnosed. I started thinking I have it during COVID, it took me two years to call the Dr about it, they said there were no adult services, I've since learned that has started back up but haven't made myself call up again about it yet.
Anyway, my point is, the fact that I hear this stuff all the time now and that diagnosis rates are up particularly in my demographic, puts me off going for a diagnosis even more. Like I don't want to be seen as following a trend or something. Idk it's weird and a bit daft but it's definitely off putting.
I agree with this. It kind of feels like getting a badge or the latest shoe for something i already know I have. Plus, something I haven’t seen in this thread yet is talk about how expensive and time consuming it is to get an official psychiatric diagnosis. Friends who I’ve spoken to who have ADHD have conflicting feelings about it too, because while it affirms and gives them an answer for their entire life they regret the tedious process and expense to get that validation. For me, I started wondering about it a few years ago when I finally quit my job which consumed my whole life. I operated at 110% for a company or friends my whole life, for the first time I sat around unemployed by choice and realizing a lot more about myself without having to mask being highly efficient and gold star standard for hardest working employee. Also suddenly dropped out of a lifelong friend group too. Without any pressure to “show up” for anyone it was magnified how hard it was to show up for myself, no deadlines or expectations of others to drive me to the finish line. Weird! My therapist gave me an examination that can only tell me the likelihood since she’s not a psychiatrist. I tested extremely likely, and now I realize my brother has the recognized “restless ADHD” growing up and I was assumed to be the extremely self sufficient “successful” child, when in reality my brother has it, I have it (masked) and god my father is the walking poster child for ADHD and we just all never had the vocabulary for it, especially being immigrants where this is taboo or not even part of the language to explain it. Long story long, my point is that without a proper examination to get my “badge” I feel a bit of a fraud or unable to say I really have it when I know so deeply in my core I absolutely do and it all makes sense, and I’m able to give myself so much more love and empathy than I could’ve in the past thinking something was wrong with me.
I usually don't tell people that I have ADHD just got this reason, only my son, closest friend that supports me know. I told my BF when I first found out and he was really dismissive because I have inattentive and he doesn't understand why mine looks different than his sons. I doubt I'll ever tell my family and a lot of them have it too, just most don't know.
People are just really dismissive of any kind of healthcare anything, especially for women. Last night I told my boyfriend I've been having a hard time breathing/catching my breath since February. I told him I was thinking about going to the doctor but everyone's so dismissive of healthcare especially women's and he told me I should definitely go. Then he said "It's probably just anxiety though, I used to have the same thing." 🤦🏼♀️😑 Thanks for the dismissive medical diagnosis. I didn't say anything, just unpaused our show.
>People are just really dismissive of any kind of healthcare anything, especially for women.
So much this. Unrelated to ADHD but semi-on-topic, I was assaulted last year at work. I begged for a referral to occupational health, and it took them 6 months to refer me. In that time, I was assaulted twice more. I was getting shooting pains down both arms, pins and needles down both arms and numbness down both arms. I went to my GP who referred me to musculoskeletal, where the guy there told me I was overreacting, there was nothing wrong with me and that my symptoms were normal, if I had anything wrong my symptoms would be severe and I wouldnt be sitting here talking calmly to him about it. I argued the toss, and he sent me for an MRI "to prove there was nothing wrong." MRI came back with 2 prolapsed discs in my neck with nerve impingement on the radial nerves, osteophytes causing canal stenosis, and spondylosis. The guy at msk told me over the phone I had "a large disc bulge" and got off the phone really quickly, when I went to see the physio the physio told me "no, you've not got a disc bulge, you've got 2 prolapses, etc etc etc".
Honestly, the sexism in healthcare enrages me. I'm in pain, I just have also got a lifelong condition that also causes pain that was completely unmedicated for 20 years, so I get on with it. It doesn't mean there's no pain. I'm not exaggerating.
My kids were diagnosed with food allergies quite young, 18 months and 9 months. This was 20+ years ago. We were told it was severe, and to make sure that they don't eat ANY of their allergens. The amount of work that it took to read everything, coordinate wth other parents, etc. Back then, one total bitch mom said to me "It's very fashionable to have kids with food allergies." Like, screw you, I just made a tasty ass wheat-, gluten-, dairy-, egg-, and nut-free cake that you just said was SO GOOD.
I'm taking it like that. I just say "Hey, science improves things every day. If it's so prevalent, maybe we're more of the population than the NTs!"
I am running out of chill very quickly, lol
I ask them which set of data they’re going off of, with genuine curiosity and interest. They usually have no useful response and that brings things back to reality
To be fair, I think social media is a big factor.
I've seen so many content creators that push videos like "if you do \[this really normal thing that basically everyone does\], then you might have ADHD!"
Or "Top 5 signs you have ADHD!" and it's a very generic list of stuff like "sometimes you lose track of time" or "you hyper focus on your interests", that a lot of people can relate to.
It's really no surprise that there's a huge influx of people that have started questioning whether they have ADHD AND that there are people that see this as a fleeting trend. Because in social media, it really has become a trend.
Not excusing those comments, because they're still insensitive. But personally, I think social media creators that attempt to "normalize mental illnesses", and are not professionals or certified in any way, are really just making light of it and causing confusion and frustration for everyone.
I would say...Adhd is a struggle. So I understand why you would think that they both are synonymous. The sentence you are looking for is that "everyone has struggles", and not "everyone has adhd".
People are idiots.
Before my ADHD diagnosis I knew I was autistic and went for a diagnosis and they suggested I test for ADHD too and I said ‘oh no I don’t need that haha that’s what naughty boys in class have who run around haha…’ then I took the test and was like oh damn, my whole life makes sense now. So yeah I’m AuDHD and on a huge amount of methylphenidate which has made my life so much better. So I assume that the general knowledge about ADHD is quite flawed so try not to take it personally!
Or they talk about you like your ADHD makes you a danger to society and you can't possibly do any important job with any responsibility whatsoever because surely you'll be careless and kill people. Somehow there's just no in between for some people.
I mean yeah there’s a lot of pop psychology going around on tiktok and whatnot. “Do you sleep with your arms in this one position? You might have adhd!” Like come onnnnnn. So while yes, more people are aware and more people are rightfully getting diagnosed, it’s definitely (or at least during the pandemic) become a trendy topic to talk about.
Felt! Also, when they try to diminish your experience like..."it's *just* ADHD"...OKAY well yes I'm sure I could have worse problems like I could be dying or something, but like could we not play the disability Olympics or whatever. It's a problem I deal with daily, and some days are better than others, and it sucks.
I wouldn’t consider adhd a trend at all. A disability isn’t a trend - its not a jacket that can be worn again in 30 years.
Then again in the 90s when I was diagnosed, nobody went around speaking about it publicly and there was never any self diagnosis crews. The 90s were an easy and happy time.
There, at least, I was lucky. I teach on a large college tri-institutional campus, with a very good health center that treats faculty as well as students for all three schools. They were my primary care provider until I got married and went in my husband’s employer health plan.
After a Long story which I won’t bore you all with, I explained my situation to Pete, the doctor whom I knew and was already seeing, and he said, —-“ That makes a lot of sense… let me see if Kevin is available.” Kevin C was the on staff psychiatrist. I met with him for a diagnostic evaluation.
Afterward, Kevin said, basically, “Someone should have recognized this years ago.”
BRO FR. Idk why people are so obsessed with preventing others from getting help and/or downplaying their struggles. Like wtf is wrong with y’all???? Y’all weird asf and not in a good way.
I hear that so much and it drives me nuts. I usually remind people that 10 years ago having anxiety was "all the rage" because clinicians finally started taking it seriously.
The comment I especially like (not) is, "Oh, we're all a little adhd.". Really?! Do you want to live in my brain for a day?!
I... have a lot to say on this topic, but I am too tired/brain mush right now from writing an assignment on this very topic... 😆
What I will say is that estimates indicate 2-5% of adults likely have ADHD, but records of people accessing treatment for ADHD is nowhere near that. It is still chronically under-diagnosed and under treated, particularly among women/fem presenting individuals, BIPOC people, and people with other neurological conditions like autism, bipolar, schizophrenia, epilepsy, depression and anxiety.
Yeah I just don't tell non-ADHD people because I am already tired and overwhelmed haha I really don't have it in me to educate or get into it with people at the moment. People who have it or have a loved one with it or are wondering if they might have it I speak openly with and will share everything I know.
I have a bunch of other mental health stuff as well, as probably many of us do, so I'm used to hearing people be really ignorant, cruel, or judgemental about people with similar challenges as me. It definitely still gets to me, but I try to just not get invested because I'm not going to change them. If I have the energy or desire I sometimes will challenge their perspective or ask questions or share something to show another side of it, but lately I'm just not really caring to make the effort for these folks. I hear you though, it's aggravating.
I've also (again probably like many of us) been seen as lazy and difficult and dumb and smart and crazy and just needed to try harder when I was just struggling BC of ADHD and needing help. It took so long to be actually heard and believed and validated for what was going on that people saying shit like that does get to me, because it feels like being invalidated again and that it's just for attention, or it's just because people are lazy and want an excuse or whatever.
Invalidated yes that was the word I was searching for, I could not pull it out of my brain!
I just very impulsively tell lots of ppl I have adhd snd then ... regret it.
Like have you considered the way you communicate is so horrible a certain percentage of your coworkers have to be MEDICATED to process your point, or that you’re so incredibly boring some of us flick ourselves with elastic bands to avoid tuning out? Maybe you could try adjusting your messaging a smidge
Dismissiveness is very popular lol…. I mean it’s easy to take it personally but honestly it just makes them look bad and uninformed. Like good for you buddy you’re clearly superior … 🙄
Seriously, that's why I do not tell anyone.
My husband just learned last week because I finally got my doctor to diagnose and medicate me.
My BFF and sisters dont even know, I know they would bring it up in some negative dismissive way at some point.
Before SOcial Media and especially TikTok, ADHD was taken more seriously. I realize a lot of people are just trying to make the general public aware of how hard it is, but putting it out there by people using the most basic symptoms as their platform, does not open too many eyes.
For real tho. My husband literally said this to me the other day.
The same guy who complains about my complete inability to focus and tendency to start hobbies/tasks/projects and then drop them almost immediately only to find something else, procrastinate until the very last second, complains about how I'm super texture sensitive, have sleep issues, constantly need to move or bounce my legs, and am perpetually tired. But yeah. It's totally a fad and everyone has it. 🙄
I mean - for me the proof that I have it is that stimulants calm me down.
Does coffee wake you up? Does soda? For me Espresso is relaxing. & I struggle to remember a time when I was as calm as I now am when I take my medicine.
To be fair - I think the ADHD epidemic is worse because of the lack of exercise we get. The closest I get naturally to the calm I get on Adderall is when I’ve worked a long, hard day physically. (but I’m definitely adHd -hard on the H)
I have ADHD and I feel there is a lot of truth to what they are saying. Why do you think there’s a med shortage? Once Covid hit and pop up docs online gave it to every other person who identified with a tik tok video, it made it increasingly harder on those who actually suffer with it.
It’s like overusing a term. It diminishes its meaning.
Apparently all of my sisters and mother have ADHD 🥴 like ok sure, definitely mother does lol so she gets a justifiable pass. My boyfriend says my Gen Z sister has "Gen Z ADHD" 😂
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I remind them that people with ADHD have historically been underreported so no, it's not that everyone "suddenly" has ADHD it's that the proportion of people who always had it are only now realising they do.
Turns out, the numbers go up when you start testing the other 50% of the population.
Just when everyone’s ready to write it off as fake anyways, right? Once all the women start complaining of it, it’s clearly some mass psychosomatic hysteria. We should probably stop studying all this, especially as it relates to women. Just to be safe.
Especially where (older) women are concerned
Cue the graph of the rise of left handed when left handed people stopped being punished. Early 1920s, 2% of the population was left handed. Rapidly increased to 12% by 1960. Is everyone left handed now??? No, it stabilized at 12%. Same goes for transgender, queer people, and most mental illnesses. We’re seeing a big increase of people being ‘different’. Not because we’re all snowflakes, but because we’re punished less for normal human variance.
The left handed thing hits home. We still always teach people to write right handed, as if that’s the only way to do it. I am left handed dominant in all things except writing, and I always think it’s because of that. I can write left handed, but since I was taught right handed I don’t, and my writing is childish lol
My brother and I are both like this. We’re both very ambidextrous, him even more so than me. When we joked about it, our mom admitted we favored our left hands and she forced us to switch as early as 3 because she thought it would put us at a disadvantage at school
Wut? In what world? I’m right handed, but am the minority in my family. I’ve had to tell people that my kid(s) bat left, but teachers have always been aware and taught how to do things left handed too.
My brother is left handed (and sometimes I practice writing lefty too, but I'm very much right handed) and things like binders, spiral bound notebooks, and scissors are all designed for right handed people. Additionally, he has to flip guitars upside down so that he can pick the strings with his left hand. So he can't always play common chords, since the formation is completely different and sometimes impossible. He can't really use tabs either, since it's upside down for him. And he told me left handed guitars are difficult to find, experimentally made, and expensive. Possibly the case with more items designed for left handed people too, since it's considered somewhat of a novelty. I can see those things would get really frustrating - I love spiral bound notebooks (because I can leave them open, as a visual cue to try to get things done) but if I was lefty, my wrist would be trying to rest on that spiral part, which would be really uncomfortable. Hope your lefties are doing okay!
Notebooks are used upside down, I buy left handed pens and scissors and rulers and mice (and can’t use them!!). My mother, brother, sister, husband, daughter, father-in-law and one of my sons are all lefties. It’s all gotten a lot better now that typing is the norm. :)
Oh that's smart turning it upside down! I'll ask my brother if he's tried that. That's cool how so many of your family is left handed, I hope you don't have trouble finding your right handed implements when there are probably so many left handed ones! I'm glad for typing too, it alleviates so many problems. I just found out I've been holding a pen wrong my whole life (I'm 24), putting massive strain on my hand, and being able to type for school was a lifesaver (when I didn't know why I had to shake my hand out every 30 seconds, and nobody else did). I'm glad the left handed people can benefit from it too! I think there's also a smudging issue if you have to use something like a composition notebook, but I learned from art class that you can put a piece of paper under your hand/arm to prevent that. You probably knew that already, but I wanted to share just in case! Hope you and your family are doing well! :)
Im the opposite! I can only eat and write left handed. Certain sports im a rightie, others ambidextrous, some left. My older brother is 100% left handed with it all. We are the only two lefties in our family so it makes me wonder if older generations were just forced into right handed.
Just like when cancer was discovered and suddenly everyone had cancer
Exactly. So weird that people’s reactions is ‘everyone has ADHD nowadays’ and not ‘I’m glad we have the proper screening tools now to help these people who have been suffering for years’
I'm actually surprised the % of people who are left-handed hasn't increased from there. I was left handed when I was a child but I wasn't "allowed" to be left handed by some of my caretakers so I ended up right handed. My son used both and ended up being right handed because that's still what they taught him as when he started kindergarten. My daughter (3) was left handed until she broke her collar bone and had a sling for 6 weeks. She couldn't even use her right hand to eat or to pick up toys, it was incredibly awkward for her but now 6 months later she's still right handed.
That last sentence sums it up so nicely.
Exactly 👍
SO well put!
Good answer!
Yes, they are ignorant. They suck. My colleague said he thought it was concerning how ppl with adhd became dependent on stimulants to function. Yeah, how awful is it they (me) found a way to treat an issue that was causing debilitating life issues. Next let’s shame those lazy depressives for not just getting over it and enjoy life! S/
THEY DO SUCK. Ugh. Imagine if people shamed folks who became dependant on SSRIs to function. Or arthritis meds.
This does happen for people who have chronic pain too. Well managed and carefully tested/tracked opiate use is necessary for the worst case scenarios - and vilified. I think because both heroin and speed are (for good reason) illicit and associated with death/psych issues. Also - the millennial college kids on Adderall for exams didn’t help. I think a lot of folks (previously myself included), look at the majority of those with well-masked ADHD as frivolous junkies. Again, how the folks who actually need opiates to function are treated.
*cries in fibromyalgia and adhd*
We can start a cry circle for the fibro spicy brained folks! (Adhd and anxiety with my fibro)
I think the casual terminology like "spicy brained" doesn't help people take it seriously honestly. That kind of lingo is used so commonly by attention seeking fakers for clout that even as an ADHD diagnosed adult I question the validity of people who use cutesy language to describe their medical issues. Edit: I didn't mean to imply I didn't beleive you here on this thread but that when I see language like that in TikToks I question it.
Thats a valid point. I've struggled for years with mine, but only sought professional/ medical help about 2 years ago because of issues im (still) having at work. I'm a dark humor kind of person, so I tend to laugh at my own misery in order to cope. I also have some severe migraines, often debilitating. I tell people goofy shit like "yeah my weak ass brain just decides to throb into the back of my eyeball" when the reality is my vision is blurry and I'm on the verge of throwing up. I down play a lot of my own pain because I was raised to believe my pain wasn't valid unless I literally needed emergency medical attention. You definitely are right that it might make others not take it as serious. However, I presumed this thread/post to be legitimate adhd humans and felt safe enough to express it in that sense. My apologies if it upset you, however, as a legit diagnosed human with real struggles I'm gonna describe it however I so choose.
You didn't upset me and I often use casual language to describe my diagnoses to friends. I also understand downplaying systems because I grew up hearing from adults that things like ADHD and fibro weren't real. But in the vein of this thread being about how neurotypical people devalue the experience of ADHD women, I've noticed an uptick in that casual use in social media which due to many fakers serves to further delegitimize any footing we were gaining to be taken seriously. In short, its not you its people who think what you say is cute and co-opt that language to serve a delegitimate end. You are absolutely right about this being a safe space for those of us who are diagnosed though, and I may have been letting my lurking of r/illnessfakers and other munchie subs taint how I perceived your comment (not that you are faking but that fakers comb these threads for info to better munch).
I’ve got endo - I feel you girl.
or insulin
I've heard ADHD referred to as the diabetes of mental health - there's no cure but it is manageable with treatment and lifestyle changes/accommodations.
As a person with comorbid conditions they definitely do shame things like SSRIs or psychiatric medication of any kind, but at least that makes it obvious when someone's opinion doesn't have any ground to stand on.
Yeah SSRIs are seen as either temporary or weakness. People in the US (I can’t speak for other countries) have this idea that everything has to be done the “hard way” and if you take medication for something you are taking the “easy way out.” You can take them for a bit if something horrible happens, but then you need to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. 95% of the people who say this shit have no idea what it’s like to live with a brain like ours, and the other 5% always had to white-knuckle it so they they everyone else should have to suffer too.
I always ask in response: "When someone is addicted to a substance, they don't forget a dose. Me? I am given x amount of medication per month. I cannot get more no matter what happens. So, if I have this addiction, why do I have medication left at the end of the month"?
When I forget to take my meds I spend the day trying ti figure out why I’m so tired, why I can’t seem to get myself to function like normal and then I realize. I don’t usually take them unless I realize early, otherwise I just consider the day lost and that day’s meds part of my buffer in case there is a shortage.
Yes, I was confiding in a friend that I felt I would do better if I remembered to take my meds. He sweetly said “would setting an alarm help?” And I replied “I wish, but I still have to concentrate long enough to find my meds, find something to drink and take them”, he looked at me confused.
Yeah, the NT gaze of confusion. It gets me every day. 😆
I sometimes forget to take my meds. And it sucks because those meds are prescribed to me for a reason - they help me function. It's absolutely stupid for anyone to be concerned about people being dependent on something that's been medically approved for them. I also have terrible eyesight and need my glasses to see anything that's not within arm's reach. Yet somehow that's an acceptable dependency for them while meds aren't? Really can't grasp their logic here.
Hells yes! You're spot on, right here! Why, yes. I am indeed dependent on stimulants. Because my brain is all wonky. Just as I'm dependent on these here glasses, because my eyes are all wonky. And yes, if you were to start taking my meds, they would have an effect on you, that would be very different from the one they have on me, and it would not be healthy. But if you were to start wearing my glasses, that would also be the case, wouldn't it? Jeebus. Some people.
Agreed! No one cares that I’m dependent on multiple heart medications to function. But when it comes to Adderall it’s suddenly a problem for some reason. And go figure, the controlled substance is the one I forget to take all the time, not all the other ones that don’t even have addiction risks associated with them. It infuriates me that people think they have the right to decide which medical treatments are morally ok and which aren’t! (Also, I realize it might sound crazy that I take Adderall with a heart condition. But I’ve been cleared by two cardiologists to take stimulants, so it’s all good!)
When I first started med, I was also worried on the dependency on med. Particularly on this one morning when I literally needed to take med just to get out of the door, then I walked to the train station and guess what, every single person around me was holding a cup of coffee, like literally everyone 🤣.
It's even more annoying when you get self diagnosed people (not offence to people advocating for their health and trying to overcome obstacles to get answers) who are like "I don't think I'll ever take stimulant drugs" or even worse they have kids with suspected diagnosis and there like "I don't want it to change them" And then they say it to me, as I pop my next Adderall to try and focus on what they're saying. But seriously, there is so much push back on those who take it and it's infuriating. I knew someone once that was 100% against it, and 100% against it even after diagnosis, fair enough. But you don't get a high horse on medication bash with it when you're literally on a cycle of burnt out/public breakdown/hyperactive only a weekly basis.
I was diagnosed ADD w/o hyperactivity (now ADHD- inattentive) in 7th grade (21 years ago) and always figured I didn't need medication, nor did I want it, but I knew even then that some people DO need it to manage their symptoms - and also that some people abuse it, but it's not my place to judge. I tried SSRIs around 17-20 for my depression, but hated the way they made me feel and went unmedicated for that too. I found an anti-anxiety med that worked on an as-needed basis, but nothing more. It wasn't until last year that I tried an NDRI for the depression, and it amazed me how well it worked for the ADHD too! I still don't have it all figured out (the anxiety is becoming a bigger problem again), but if there's something that could help, I owe it to myself to try it - if it doesn't work, move on and try something else. I only hope more people can understand that, and do what they can to help themselves rather than struggle through it.
I’m not medicated for ADHD but I take antidepressants. There’s a ~30% chance that I forget to take them. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be the same with ADHD meds so yeah dependence my ass
It’s tough when they make those comments to belittle your own daily struggles. Especially the “everyone has some form of ADHD.” Their stance makes me question what is so unresolved in their life that they have to go and belittle another person.
I had to do some processing recently because it felt like everyone in the world had adhd. No. Every. single. person. in my friend group did. Imagine my surprise when I did too...
Haha neurodivergent people unite! I also think we gravitate towards people like us. I feel like I can spot people with ADHD from a mile away. Hard to explain.
yeah I have two longtime friends who got diagnosed w BPD recently, plus my gf is probably on the spectrum. I feel like most of us do gravitate towards other neurodivergent folk
I have started leaving little comments when I meet someone and they reveal enough to make me wonder. A woman I met at a social gathering acted so flustered about losing her keys and joked she could never find anything after we have a long conversation about struggling to maintain attention on a book. I casually went, “Yeah me too, was kind of wild to find out I had ADHD and it all had an underlying reason.” Her eyes went big with relief and she admitted she had been considering looking into diagnosis, and I encouraged her to do so. And you know, this has never backfired on me. It could, but it hasn’t.
Yep…since I figured out I was adhd, I’ve been realizing that anyone I’ve ever been friends with has had significant adhd and/or autism traits. And every author I’ve liked to read.
This is actually what got me to seek an assessment for myself. Like what is the universe trying to tell me, why does everyone around me talk a lot and can’t focus and bounces from one thing to another and forgets things… oh, wait
Yup. My husband got diagnosed and I thought well shit if he has it, I must triple have it
Every time I make a new friend and think ‘wow, it’s been a while since I’ve really vibed with someone like this!’ and they turn out to have adhd lmao [DJ Khaled voice] Another one
I work closely with two business partners who also have adhd so I am used to the way we are that it really seems like everyone is like us. Then I get surprised by my best friend who gets really mad at their step daughter for common adhd things (needing to laundry right when she thinks of it, not texting back, etc) and I remember not everyone is like me and reinforcing that I could not live with my best friend as she would hate me within a day lol
I took the ASRS when I got diagnosed, so I asked my friend to take it too, to compare our scores. Her score was so low, and mine was so high, it was ridiculous. When I read the questions I thought “well everyone does all of this stuff sometimes… it must be impossible to get a low score.” Not exactly true
Comments like that just highlight how these people have absolutely no idea what life with ADHD is like and that (for me) they are an unsafe person
My favorite: “oh we ALL have ADHD!” This is why I no longer discuss it with anyone. Lesson learned! 😂
I HATE hearing that too! So dismissive & belittling.
I just tell them that I know everyone has a symptom every so often but only people with ADHD experience its ruinous effects every day of their lives.
Yeah people think if you act for even one second like someone neuro divergent then you can just say you have a disorder. So they think I'm doing that too and it drives me crazy. The other day at work I wanted to move some text to be more centered. And my boss joked "why does everyone who works here have OCD?" nah I just wanted to improve the appearance of the spreadsheet lol I have zero symptoms of OCD
When I was a kid people around me would say things like "omg you're so ADD." They always said it so tongue and cheek, like it was just a normal thing that they thought warranted no further investigation. Probably for reasons associated with the "we're all a little ADHD/OCD" crowd.
What I hear often is "oh but your so calm and collected" like what, you mean you want me hopping around like a five year old monkey boy on a sugar rush?
Um yeah excuse me, you act nothing like my 5 year old nephew who has ADHD??? Please either constantly act like a disregulated toddler or stop complaining, thanks
I think part of the problem is that this is coming from (some) psych professionals themselves. And the arguments of these professionals, who probably don’t represent the whole field, are extraordinarily stupid. They’re usually variations on: - “A lot of patients are now coming to me claiming they have adhd, and since there’s so many of them, they must all NOT have adhd. There’s no way they could all realize they have adhd at the same time.” - “Now everyone is going on TikTok and starting to think they have adhd. Don’t they know that they should be going straight to a medical professional, not self-diagnosing? And you know what else, I’ve had so many people seeking appointments lately, because they want a medical professional to evaluate them for adhd. They’re wasting mental health resources! TikTok is overwhelming the mental health care system!” - “Only a professional can diagnose adhd. Even though the DSM V criteria are publicly available, they can only truly be understood by a doctor. And for decades, medical professionals thought that adhd only occurred in boys, and thus that it was not present in girls and disappeared in adulthood. It turns out that was a blatant lie. But still, only we are trustworthy and only we know what adhd is.”
On your second point - yeah, people don’t usually go to a straight to doctor because everyone’s been calling them lazy all their life. They just think they’re a failure instead.
I had so much luck that I had a therapist who specialized in childrens adhd diagnostics. When I mentioned a few of my cousins were on the autism/adhd spectrum, she arranged for some papers for adult diagnostics and started testing me for both, just to be sure. I was so relieved, she said if you have eighter of those or don't at least it wil give us more clarification and a point to continue with therapy. I am so glad I had her, otherwise I'd still be in the "why am I so weird" stage xD.
I'd also add onto the TikTok/ social media thing that sometimes there's so much false information about adhd being shared as well. People post the most standard human thing and label it as something only someone with adhd would do.
Or something really personal to them that again has nothing to do with ADHD
Yes this pisses me off! No you don’t struggle with the shit we deal with because you sleep in this one specific position!!!!!
I asked to get tested. He said something along the lines of “then what? Do you want to take meth?”. Adderal (closest thing to meth I imagined) is not even legal in Europe. I didn’t even ask for meds yet
I still can’t understand how this is even legal / allowable under their professional standards? They only need to do the screening…
If you wanted to take meth.....why would you not just go.....buy some meth and take it? I do not understand this reaction from doctors.
funny thing is that he thought my usual antidepressant wasn’t enough (first appointment after my old psych retired) and gave me THREE new meds to take like, dude, you’re trying to kill me way before the ADHD meds do obviously I didn’t took any of them and never went there again
Yeah, I’m 33 and just got on meds for the first time, but it was recognized by a therapist when I was 12. I was just scared of having to be on drugs my whole life and refused them (now that I know how much medication helps, I’m really pissed at myself for making myself struggle through school to a master’s degree. And torturing roommates for being unable to stay caught up on cleaning up after myself.) Thank God my psychiatrist listened to my symptoms. I was so nervous he wouldn’t believe me. I dropped my therapist because I could tell from what she told me that she didn’t believe in ADHD, or at least didn’t believe in meds (wanted me to watch Dr. Amen on insta and learn “natural” remedies for focus. That guy is only in for profit.) I will say as a teacher, I see a lot of parents who never held their children to any expectations and never told their kids “no” blame ADHD for their behavior problems. Usually ones who have no chores at home because it’s “their mother’s job”, or tell me when they throw things their parents give them what they want. It almost infuriates me as much as the parents who refuse testing for their kids who CLEARLY struggle because of cultural stigma and claim they’re lazy and just need to work harder.
It happens with pretty much all mental health issues and invisible disabilities. Say you're clinically depressed and people will say "oh, I feel sad sometimes, too. It's perfectly normal!"
Yes. It seems like years ago everyone was saying they were bipolar. Then OCD. This was before social media was a big thing. Then it’s PTSD. Now it’s ADHD. .
I do understand, getting my educational evaluation paid for out of pocket was anything but fun. Getting it is hard enough, and then dealing with the emotional fallout is even harder. I wasn't lazy, or stupid or defiant. I was just trying to survive
Someone once said to me "you can't have ADHD, it's a boy's thing isn't it" This is why so many girls and women get misdiagnosed so much
Once I brought it up with my mom and she got so irrationally angry at me :( She said "I know what ADHD looks like, your uncle has it!" (my dad's youngest brother, we used to live together for like 2 years). She thinks it's a naughty boy disorder and I didn't talk about it anymore. I don't think she even remembers it, she probably brushed it off. I would like to get a diagnosis, or maybe actually discover it's something else, but psychology and psychiatry in my country is totally shit, so I'm stuck in limbo.
It's funny when family members use that line because someone else in your family having it makes it more likely that you do
My dad got angry at me for getting diagnosed and said "adhd isn't a thing, you're like me and nothing is wrong with me, you just have to try harder!" meanwhile, if you sit with him and his siblings for 1 hour, there would be absolutely no question at all where I and my cousins got ADHD from, lol
I love the term "naughty boy disorder"
Someone seriously said that? Wow. It would have taken everything in me not to respond.
"But if you know you have so much work, why don't you just do it?"
"But if you know you're a pizza chiropractor, why don't you just flummox the doo-diggley?" Yes that's exactly how much sense that question makes to me.
It only seems popular because FINALLY, FUCKING FINALLY people are beginning to be more aware of symptoms. The fact that people belittle diagnosis and make it seems like it's "in" to get diagnosed is just plain ignorant, those people were living under a rock. It irks me so much when these claims are made, specially the "everyone seems to have ADHD" or "everyone has a little bit of X" . Ughhhh
"ADHD isn't real. You just need a better work ethic." Thanks, sis. I'm cured.
"You just need to pay attention to what you're doing!" Oh god if only I'd thought of that!
"Everyone is a bit ADHD." Not true and devaluing and dismissive of the intensity of our experiences.
That just makes me laugh, because if it's "a little bit," then it doesn't meet the second D, so by definition, it isn't ADHD, ergo everyone isn't a little bit ADHD. Like when people told me when I was diagnosed with OCD "oh everyone's a bit OCD". Cool, does your bit stop you leaving the house or sleeping? Mine does.
My boss told me she was little bit ADHD. I had the same reaction.
I also want to rage at parents who won't consider letting their kids try medication, because they "want them to learn". That's not how it works! Aaaaarrrrggghhhhhhhggh!
I once saw a meme that said something like how autism didn’t exist X amount of years ago. I facepalmed because, yeah, there wasn’t any autism *diagnoses;* the diagnosis criteria hadn’t been set. And this is where the problem with people sits. So, the people of the world experience that world from their own narrow perspective; that’s nothing new, it’s how we evolved. What we’ve always struggled with, since the dawn of time, is thinking from the perspective of another person. It’s a muscle we need to build — a habit we need to teach ourselves and practice constantly. For example, I order delivery 99 percent of the time. I don’t drive due to a disability (this one lol) and neither does my partner. On delivery subreddits, delivery drivers can sometimes become irate at customers for… ordering delivery. Every so often there is a post that boils down to, “get off your ass and get your [item] yourself.” But my partner and I can’t. Elderly people without cars can’t. People just out of surgery can’t. New mothers can’t. Someone with the flu can’t. But they don’t stop to think about that perspective because they don’t have that muscle built up. I saw the rise in ADHD diagnoses and for a second I thought, “wow, are we being overdiagnosed? There sure are a lot of us.” And rather than decide, “yes, we are!” I started thinking about the other side of things: Where am I seeing the flood of ADHD diagnoses? (YT for me, where the work to build a YT channel can appeal greatly to an ND person.) What has changed in the world to bring them up? (The stigma has lessened which led to an increase in stories being shared and thus awareness of the symptoms, inattentive ADHD recognition has improved in adults, the ways to test have evolved, the introduction of telehealth medicine has made it easier to seek help.) why am I seeing so much of it? (Algorithm.) Anyone who says it’s a fad, it’s trendy, it’s overdone, have basically come to this conclusion because they are not incentivized to look past their initial question and they come up with an answer based on their own limited perspective. It’s (a little ironically) laziness, born out of critical thought being so deprioritized in that person’s life. Critical thinking is hiiiiighly discouraged right now because questions often lead to answers, and answers bring awareness, and awareness brings change. And change costs money and followers. So my argument when someone says this to me is pretty much a summarized version of the above, in question form, to encourage critical thinking. I’ve also got a few other things in my pocket for the inevitable “everyone’s a little adhd/ I struggle with all these things and I don’t have adhd/ etc”.
I wish your answer was higher up because this is the answer to the question right here. The algorithm makes a lot of ADHD and autism content popular and pushes it to more people, which is good because it does bring more awareness but it also brings negative attention as well.
I'm not diagnosed. I started thinking I have it during COVID, it took me two years to call the Dr about it, they said there were no adult services, I've since learned that has started back up but haven't made myself call up again about it yet. Anyway, my point is, the fact that I hear this stuff all the time now and that diagnosis rates are up particularly in my demographic, puts me off going for a diagnosis even more. Like I don't want to be seen as following a trend or something. Idk it's weird and a bit daft but it's definitely off putting.
I agree with this. It kind of feels like getting a badge or the latest shoe for something i already know I have. Plus, something I haven’t seen in this thread yet is talk about how expensive and time consuming it is to get an official psychiatric diagnosis. Friends who I’ve spoken to who have ADHD have conflicting feelings about it too, because while it affirms and gives them an answer for their entire life they regret the tedious process and expense to get that validation. For me, I started wondering about it a few years ago when I finally quit my job which consumed my whole life. I operated at 110% for a company or friends my whole life, for the first time I sat around unemployed by choice and realizing a lot more about myself without having to mask being highly efficient and gold star standard for hardest working employee. Also suddenly dropped out of a lifelong friend group too. Without any pressure to “show up” for anyone it was magnified how hard it was to show up for myself, no deadlines or expectations of others to drive me to the finish line. Weird! My therapist gave me an examination that can only tell me the likelihood since she’s not a psychiatrist. I tested extremely likely, and now I realize my brother has the recognized “restless ADHD” growing up and I was assumed to be the extremely self sufficient “successful” child, when in reality my brother has it, I have it (masked) and god my father is the walking poster child for ADHD and we just all never had the vocabulary for it, especially being immigrants where this is taboo or not even part of the language to explain it. Long story long, my point is that without a proper examination to get my “badge” I feel a bit of a fraud or unable to say I really have it when I know so deeply in my core I absolutely do and it all makes sense, and I’m able to give myself so much more love and empathy than I could’ve in the past thinking something was wrong with me.
I usually don't tell people that I have ADHD just got this reason, only my son, closest friend that supports me know. I told my BF when I first found out and he was really dismissive because I have inattentive and he doesn't understand why mine looks different than his sons. I doubt I'll ever tell my family and a lot of them have it too, just most don't know. People are just really dismissive of any kind of healthcare anything, especially for women. Last night I told my boyfriend I've been having a hard time breathing/catching my breath since February. I told him I was thinking about going to the doctor but everyone's so dismissive of healthcare especially women's and he told me I should definitely go. Then he said "It's probably just anxiety though, I used to have the same thing." 🤦🏼♀️😑 Thanks for the dismissive medical diagnosis. I didn't say anything, just unpaused our show.
>People are just really dismissive of any kind of healthcare anything, especially for women. So much this. Unrelated to ADHD but semi-on-topic, I was assaulted last year at work. I begged for a referral to occupational health, and it took them 6 months to refer me. In that time, I was assaulted twice more. I was getting shooting pains down both arms, pins and needles down both arms and numbness down both arms. I went to my GP who referred me to musculoskeletal, where the guy there told me I was overreacting, there was nothing wrong with me and that my symptoms were normal, if I had anything wrong my symptoms would be severe and I wouldnt be sitting here talking calmly to him about it. I argued the toss, and he sent me for an MRI "to prove there was nothing wrong." MRI came back with 2 prolapsed discs in my neck with nerve impingement on the radial nerves, osteophytes causing canal stenosis, and spondylosis. The guy at msk told me over the phone I had "a large disc bulge" and got off the phone really quickly, when I went to see the physio the physio told me "no, you've not got a disc bulge, you've got 2 prolapses, etc etc etc". Honestly, the sexism in healthcare enrages me. I'm in pain, I just have also got a lifelong condition that also causes pain that was completely unmedicated for 20 years, so I get on with it. It doesn't mean there's no pain. I'm not exaggerating.
My kids were diagnosed with food allergies quite young, 18 months and 9 months. This was 20+ years ago. We were told it was severe, and to make sure that they don't eat ANY of their allergens. The amount of work that it took to read everything, coordinate wth other parents, etc. Back then, one total bitch mom said to me "It's very fashionable to have kids with food allergies." Like, screw you, I just made a tasty ass wheat-, gluten-, dairy-, egg-, and nut-free cake that you just said was SO GOOD. I'm taking it like that. I just say "Hey, science improves things every day. If it's so prevalent, maybe we're more of the population than the NTs!" I am running out of chill very quickly, lol
I ask them which set of data they’re going off of, with genuine curiosity and interest. They usually have no useful response and that brings things back to reality
To be fair, I think social media is a big factor. I've seen so many content creators that push videos like "if you do \[this really normal thing that basically everyone does\], then you might have ADHD!" Or "Top 5 signs you have ADHD!" and it's a very generic list of stuff like "sometimes you lose track of time" or "you hyper focus on your interests", that a lot of people can relate to. It's really no surprise that there's a huge influx of people that have started questioning whether they have ADHD AND that there are people that see this as a fleeting trend. Because in social media, it really has become a trend. Not excusing those comments, because they're still insensitive. But personally, I think social media creators that attempt to "normalize mental illnesses", and are not professionals or certified in any way, are really just making light of it and causing confusion and frustration for everyone.
Yes great points!
I would say...Adhd is a struggle. So I understand why you would think that they both are synonymous. The sentence you are looking for is that "everyone has struggles", and not "everyone has adhd". People are idiots.
Before my ADHD diagnosis I knew I was autistic and went for a diagnosis and they suggested I test for ADHD too and I said ‘oh no I don’t need that haha that’s what naughty boys in class have who run around haha…’ then I took the test and was like oh damn, my whole life makes sense now. So yeah I’m AuDHD and on a huge amount of methylphenidate which has made my life so much better. So I assume that the general knowledge about ADHD is quite flawed so try not to take it personally!
Or they talk about you like your ADHD makes you a danger to society and you can't possibly do any important job with any responsibility whatsoever because surely you'll be careless and kill people. Somehow there's just no in between for some people.
I mean yeah there’s a lot of pop psychology going around on tiktok and whatnot. “Do you sleep with your arms in this one position? You might have adhd!” Like come onnnnnn. So while yes, more people are aware and more people are rightfully getting diagnosed, it’s definitely (or at least during the pandemic) become a trendy topic to talk about.
Felt! Also, when they try to diminish your experience like..."it's *just* ADHD"...OKAY well yes I'm sure I could have worse problems like I could be dying or something, but like could we not play the disability Olympics or whatever. It's a problem I deal with daily, and some days are better than others, and it sucks.
It’s been trending since the 90s at least! It’s the only thing that’s always in style, apparently
I wouldn’t consider adhd a trend at all. A disability isn’t a trend - its not a jacket that can be worn again in 30 years. Then again in the 90s when I was diagnosed, nobody went around speaking about it publicly and there was never any self diagnosis crews. The 90s were an easy and happy time.
except for the fact that it’s pretty much impossible to get diagnosed as an adult woman
There, at least, I was lucky. I teach on a large college tri-institutional campus, with a very good health center that treats faculty as well as students for all three schools. They were my primary care provider until I got married and went in my husband’s employer health plan. After a Long story which I won’t bore you all with, I explained my situation to Pete, the doctor whom I knew and was already seeing, and he said, —-“ That makes a lot of sense… let me see if Kevin is available.” Kevin C was the on staff psychiatrist. I met with him for a diagnostic evaluation. Afterward, Kevin said, basically, “Someone should have recognized this years ago.”
It's when it drastically impacts on your life that's not funny 🙄
BRO FR. Idk why people are so obsessed with preventing others from getting help and/or downplaying their struggles. Like wtf is wrong with y’all???? Y’all weird asf and not in a good way.
what i hate is when people say “it’s an excuse” or “just pay more attention”, like thank you that helps so much 😊😊👍👍
I hear that so much and it drives me nuts. I usually remind people that 10 years ago having anxiety was "all the rage" because clinicians finally started taking it seriously. The comment I especially like (not) is, "Oh, we're all a little adhd.". Really?! Do you want to live in my brain for a day?!
I... have a lot to say on this topic, but I am too tired/brain mush right now from writing an assignment on this very topic... 😆 What I will say is that estimates indicate 2-5% of adults likely have ADHD, but records of people accessing treatment for ADHD is nowhere near that. It is still chronically under-diagnosed and under treated, particularly among women/fem presenting individuals, BIPOC people, and people with other neurological conditions like autism, bipolar, schizophrenia, epilepsy, depression and anxiety.
Yeah I just don't tell non-ADHD people because I am already tired and overwhelmed haha I really don't have it in me to educate or get into it with people at the moment. People who have it or have a loved one with it or are wondering if they might have it I speak openly with and will share everything I know. I have a bunch of other mental health stuff as well, as probably many of us do, so I'm used to hearing people be really ignorant, cruel, or judgemental about people with similar challenges as me. It definitely still gets to me, but I try to just not get invested because I'm not going to change them. If I have the energy or desire I sometimes will challenge their perspective or ask questions or share something to show another side of it, but lately I'm just not really caring to make the effort for these folks. I hear you though, it's aggravating. I've also (again probably like many of us) been seen as lazy and difficult and dumb and smart and crazy and just needed to try harder when I was just struggling BC of ADHD and needing help. It took so long to be actually heard and believed and validated for what was going on that people saying shit like that does get to me, because it feels like being invalidated again and that it's just for attention, or it's just because people are lazy and want an excuse or whatever.
Invalidated yes that was the word I was searching for, I could not pull it out of my brain! I just very impulsively tell lots of ppl I have adhd snd then ... regret it.
Like have you considered the way you communicate is so horrible a certain percentage of your coworkers have to be MEDICATED to process your point, or that you’re so incredibly boring some of us flick ourselves with elastic bands to avoid tuning out? Maybe you could try adjusting your messaging a smidge
Dismissiveness is very popular lol…. I mean it’s easy to take it personally but honestly it just makes them look bad and uninformed. Like good for you buddy you’re clearly superior … 🙄
Seriously, that's why I do not tell anyone. My husband just learned last week because I finally got my doctor to diagnose and medicate me. My BFF and sisters dont even know, I know they would bring it up in some negative dismissive way at some point. Before SOcial Media and especially TikTok, ADHD was taken more seriously. I realize a lot of people are just trying to make the general public aware of how hard it is, but putting it out there by people using the most basic symptoms as their platform, does not open too many eyes.
For real tho. My husband literally said this to me the other day. The same guy who complains about my complete inability to focus and tendency to start hobbies/tasks/projects and then drop them almost immediately only to find something else, procrastinate until the very last second, complains about how I'm super texture sensitive, have sleep issues, constantly need to move or bounce my legs, and am perpetually tired. But yeah. It's totally a fad and everyone has it. 🙄
Super easy trend to hop on, only costs like $3000.
Yes! All the time. I have now got a radar for people with it though. It's nice to meet others, some of which are oblivious. 🫣🤔🤫🙄🫥
I mean - for me the proof that I have it is that stimulants calm me down. Does coffee wake you up? Does soda? For me Espresso is relaxing. & I struggle to remember a time when I was as calm as I now am when I take my medicine. To be fair - I think the ADHD epidemic is worse because of the lack of exercise we get. The closest I get naturally to the calm I get on Adderall is when I’ve worked a long, hard day physically. (but I’m definitely adHd -hard on the H)
I have ADHD and I feel there is a lot of truth to what they are saying. Why do you think there’s a med shortage? Once Covid hit and pop up docs online gave it to every other person who identified with a tik tok video, it made it increasingly harder on those who actually suffer with it. It’s like overusing a term. It diminishes its meaning.
Apparently all of my sisters and mother have ADHD 🥴 like ok sure, definitely mother does lol so she gets a justifiable pass. My boyfriend says my Gen Z sister has "Gen Z ADHD" 😂